January 15, 2024 • 40 mins
Turning 40 in the pulsating heart of New York City was more than a landmark birthday celebration; it sparked a reawakening and shift in my mission toward advocating for victims of abuse. Come along as I discuss the lessons I learned traveling from coast to coast last year. We'll crawl through crowds, give some proper FU's, and dance in the rain. The journey isn't always pretty, but the destination is fan-freakin-tastic.
Thank you so much for listening! I hope you enjoyed this podcast. If so, please leave a rating and review so we can spread the word to the women who need it the most. Below you'll find links to my website, social media, and resources for victims. If you believe you're in danger, please seek help immediately. There are people out there who want to help and who truly care. Myself included! You're worth so much more.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's time to wake up witches.
I'm your host, cat Adams, andI'm here to remind you that no
matter where you're at in life,you're not stuck you.
Welcome back to the show.
(00:29):
I say that as I am speaking tomyself, because it has been a
hot minute since I've recordedYou'll.
Today it is January 13th andI'm behind on podcast episodes
because you know I like to batchrecord.
But Life right, all I've justgotten in the way.
I have been busy, busy, busyand then also just kind of
(00:52):
taking a break, reflecting on medoing the wintering thing.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about, go back to
previous podcast episodes, checkfor the Wintering one.
I forget what it's titled, butI am in my prime wintering and
I'm working on myself.
So that's kind of what I'vebeen up to, besides traveling
(01:14):
and turning the big four.
Oh yes, I am over the hill now,but but I couldn't think of a
Boozier flash your way to do itbecause I spent my 40th birthday
in New York City, eatingItalian food, drinking wine,
(01:37):
overlooking Times Square and Allthe festivities because they
were setting up for New Year'sEve and it was just like it was
amazing.
But more on New York City herein a minute because I'm gonna
get real with y'all about thoseexperiences.
I know I was like, oh my gosh,I want to do this podcast where
(01:58):
it's like let's Work on how wecan fix these New Year's
resolutions because everyone hasthese same New Year's
resolutions right, lose weight,pay off debt, work on a career,
yada, yada, yada.
But then Over my break I'vebeen hit with like a bitch stop
(02:22):
Because I do this I veer offcourse a lot and my niche is
Women empowerment, butespecially, especially for toxic
relationships, and I want tokeep going back to that because
it's what I know and it's whatI'm passionate about and it's
what I feel called to do.
So I'm kind of working on moreof a structure for my podcast
(02:47):
and and what I feel like is mymission in life.
So I'm Kind of hunkering downwhile I'm wintering and figuring
out what that looks like.
So I'm not gonna record apodcast on how to get out of
debt.
You want to.
You don't want to figure outhow to get out of debt.
Do what I do go to Reddit.
They have the answers foreverything.
(03:08):
There's so many books on how toget out of debt.
There's so many books on how tofix your career or how to you
know, accelerate in your career,how to maybe land that next
promotion or get into aleadership position.
There's so many books out therethat can help you, but there is
not, not, not, not enoughpeople talking about how we can
(03:33):
help women escape domestic abuse.
And Especially in the way thatI want to talk about it, like I,
you know, every time I hearstuff about it it's very like
Scientific, it's just dark, it'sjust no one's being like listen
up, bitch.
You know they're not like,they're not being authentic and
(03:55):
this problem needs an authenticvoice.
So I've got some shit to figureout.
I got some shit to figure out.
So I don't know what the nextpodcast episode's gonna be like.
I Did just order the book andI've talked about it so many
times in this podcast.
It's called what is it called?
Brain fart, y'all this early inthe morning.
It's called oh, why does he dothat?
(04:18):
By Matt Lundy, and it is anamazing book and it gets inside
the mind of abusers.
So I just ordered that.
I've read it plenty of timesand I I Think I bought like two
or three times and I go throughthese phases were like, oh, I
don't need this anymore.
I'm going to, you know, give itto the goodwill or whatever Back
(04:41):
when I was married to my abuserand then I had to buy it again,
I.
And then I had to buy it againand then, like the last time, I
bought it, it's just cause Iwanted to refresh my memory on
all this and then I was like, no, I need to get this out of the
house.
I don't want reminders, right?
I don't want triggers, but Ibought it again because I want
to educate the masses, right?
(05:02):
That's what it's all about.
So I think maybe I'll dive intothat.
I don't know.
I am gonna do some work overthis week, cause I only got a
week to do this, to figure outwhat exactly my mission is.
I'm gonna tighten that a littlebit and work on a more
structured how I can deliverthat.
And, of course, I'm still gonnahave the woo woo, which you
(05:24):
should, because I think thatshit's cool as fuck and we need
to awaken our inner, which hegoddesses For real.
So, also, this week, I am goingto be a guest speaker on the
Break the Silence AgainstDomestic Violence podcast.
So I don't know when thatrecording is gonna go out, but I
(05:45):
do record that this week.
So I've got some work to do onthat.
I'm hoping to have like mymission and all that tightened
up before that, cause that wouldbe a disaster if I didn't right
.
I don't wanna go in there likenot know what I'm talking about,
but we're gonna be talkingabout like shifting your energy
from changing your partner orchanging yourself for your
(06:07):
partner to changing you beforeyou step out of an abusive
relationship.
So I will give you moreinformation on that when it
comes along.
Other than that, what I havehappened up to, besides
traveling, wintering, notdrinking, right, this is dry
(06:27):
January and I'm not even playing.
I am counting down the days toFebruary 1st, cause I'm gonna go
get Mexican and margaritas, buthonestly, it really hasn't been
that bad.
I bought some bitters and Ihave bought some club soda and
like tart cherry juice and allkinds of stuff, limes and lemons
, and I'm making mop towels andI've been having fun with it and
(06:49):
honestly, it's been scratchingthat itch.
I don't know like.
I never thought I'd say that,but it's working and I'm still
losing weight.
I did gain a little bit ofweight in New York because I ate
pizza, I ate pasta, but I havegotten all but like half pound
of it off.
And if you remember the weightloss episode, I'm short as shit.
(07:10):
I'm five two.
I got PCOS.
It takes me forever to loseweight.
So the key to my weight losshas been giving up the alcohol.
Ugh, I know I has been sobercurious and I heard people
cringe at that word, which islike sober curious.
I think that's been around fora while, it's not like some new
age trend.
(07:31):
But yeah, I'm sober curious.
Except in dry January I'mcompletely sober and I had told
my husband the other day.
I was like have you noticed?
I haven't been saying I'm tired.
I used to say I'm tired 24,seven.
My husband was like I'm gonnawrite that on your tombstone I'm
(07:51):
tired and I'm like I haven'tsaid that because my sleep
quality has been the bomb.
And it just dawned on me theother day.
I was like damn, I've beensleeping great and you'd think
like when I had, you know, acouple glasses of wine, I'm
knocked the fuck out and myhusband will come to bed and
(08:11):
he's like I couldn't even, youweren't even moving last night.
You were so knocked out, passedout.
I tried, you know, like I knowI must have slept really good.
I slept like a rock, but Ididn't because I was always
tired.
And now I'm truly sleeping likeand it feels amazing because
I'm not tired and I'm goingabout at nine, I get up at five,
(08:33):
I'm getting my shit togetherand I mean honestly, I really do
.
I feel pretty amazing.
So when I do go back todrinking, my whole relationship
with alcohol has changed.
I'm not going to probably sit,I'm probably gonna stick with
not drinking throughout the weekbecause it's just, it just did
not make me feel good and I'mcoping with my stress and
(08:54):
pressure in different ways, likethe low stakes TV shows.
Remember we talking about that?
I was like I'm watching GildenAge, I'm drinking hot cocoa and
it's amazing and it has been.
I also found some more lowstakes shows and the one we're
watching now is called Trying onApple TV and it is like so
(09:18):
funny.
It's about a couple who'strying to have a baby and it's
wholesome.
It's wholesome and it's lowstakes and that has been the key
to giving up alcohol during theweek and for draw January, on
the weekend as well.
Like I fixed myself a hot cocoaor a mocktail.
Lately I've been doing thismocktail with, like, tart cherry
(09:40):
juice.
I got it from the Jaclyn Hillepisode of not the episode, her
reel, and if you don't know whoshe is, she's like a makeup
artist.
She can look her up oneverywhere.
She's everywhere Tart, cherryjuice, cherry, limeade, poppy,
tobocco.
I put some New Orleans stylebitters in there, it's like a
(10:00):
cherry flavor, and then lime andI make garnishments and it's
been great and it's like it'sreplaced my wand.
That and low stake shows it hashelped me manage my stress and
I'm still working out.
So, yeah, your girl's gettingher shit together so I can have
(10:22):
my spring debut in a cutesundress, looking like a 40 year
old hottie with a cocktail inmy hand.
So that's what my winteringlooks like, and let me know if
your wintering looks the same.
I would love to have friendsalong this journey with me.
(10:45):
But back to this episode,because I know I'm like rambling
for forever, because I have nottalked on this podcast for
forever, so I'll try to makethis pretty short, because I
wanna spend my time todaypreparing for this podcast and
structuring my podcast so youcan get all the good stuff in a
more streamlined format.
(11:05):
So today we are talking aboutlessons I learned from travel in
2023.
So last year was a huge yearfor travel for me.
When I was in my abusivemarriage.
I didn't get a travel match.
My husband went to excitingplaces for his work.
(11:28):
He went to Vegas, he went toCalifornia, he went everywhere
and he had the option to takehis family because his other
travel partners and I'm talkingabout men here, because I'm
pretty sure he did travel withhis coworkers he was having
affairs with at times too, buthis coworkers, the men, would
(11:50):
take their families.
Like if they were going toCalifornia, they would take
their families and they wouldmake a family trip out of it
because it's, you know, workpays for a hotel and stuff like
that.
His men never took me and Inever got to see all those sites
and find things and yada, yada,yada.
I traveled to Florida like oncea year with my daughter at the
(12:13):
end, because we took solo tripsjust me and her and left him at
home and it was the best thingever.
But yeah, I never got thoseexperiences and you know he
never took me for severalreasons.
I'm sure you know affairs andhe just go back to the
narcissist on vacations episodesand that'll explain all that.
But I never had the opportunityto travel and you know that
(12:38):
sucks Like.
Some people don't want to dothat.
I'm not some people.
I want to get out, especiallywhen I get out of Tennessee.
So I just I didn't get to do it.
So I have been, ever since mydivorce, traveling and I went to
the West Coast oh, I think itwas three years ago For the
first time.
Well, it wasn't the coast.
I went to Jackson Hole, wyoming, yellowstone, grand Tetons.
(13:03):
All that took a road trip andit blew my freaking mind and
then I was addicted ever since.
So last year, in 2023, we tookthree big trips to the detriment
of our bank accounts, because Iwanted to show my daughter a
good time and I wanted to showher a different side of life
(13:24):
because she had not been to theWest Coast.
So I'm going to go throughthese and the lessons I learned
and the order we did them.
Okay, in traveling opens yourmind.
It opens your world.
I mean, oh my gosh, if you wanta different perspective of life
and how life could be, whethergood or bad, pack your bags and
(13:50):
go somewhere Like oh my gosh.
That's probably going to be oneof my number one, probably in
top five tips of findingyourself and your energy and
blah, blah, blah.
Travel, get out.
And I know not everyone has themeans to do that.
I understand, especially inthis day and age when it's like
$7 for a bag of Doritos, but anyamount of getting out just a
(14:14):
little bit Day trip, weekendtrip always helps.
So on with the show.
My God, I've been talking for15 minutes.
I'm going to make this short.
I don't want to keep ramblingon here.
I'm so sorry.
First trip I went on Last year,spring break Disney World.
We did the Disney, we did andthis is the Disney World in
(14:37):
Orlando.
We did Universal.
We did Harry Potter World.
Oh, my gosh, my favorite.
We went during spring break.
Now, I'm not a fan of crowds,okay, I do not like crowds.
My ideal vacation is a cabin inthe mountains or in the forest,
away from everybody, our beach,just away from people.
(14:58):
And we went during spring breakbecause my daughter cannot miss
school because she's on somespecial whatever, because she's
going to a different countyschool and she can't miss school
, basically.
So we had to go on spring breakand we were so pumped to go, so
pumped to go, and when we went,y'all it was back to back lines
(15:21):
.
It was just like oh, it was alot of stress, it was a lot of
running around.
I drink a lot of butter beer.
They don't have alcohol andbutter beer, unfortunately, but
that was fun and it was just.
It was a hurry up and wait thing.
You know, like you rush, rush,rush to the parks and then you
(15:44):
wait in line and then you rush,rush, rush to the next ride and
then you wait in line anothertwo, three hours.
It cost a shit ton of money.
I think I paid $75 just for oneride to skip the line and I
still think we had to wait like30 minutes for that ride or
something like that, and thatwas already after I'd paid for I
forget what it was called likesome kind of magic service or
(16:07):
something for the day, which waslike $25 per person.
So, yeah, it was like $150 toget on this ride.
Oh my gosh, but guess what?
It was worth it.
So the first lesson I learned inmy travels in 2023 is you got
to have patience for the magic,because, yes, there was a lot of
(16:28):
magic in Disney and Universaland Harry Potter world.
There was a lot of shit too.
There was a lot of shit.
I mean that's a lot of bullshithaving to pay.
I mean, I'm not gonna lie,there was a lot of bullshit
having to pay like that muchmoney to go on one ride, but I
will say that was worth it.
(16:51):
I know $150 is a lot for a ride, right, and that's the only
ride we did that on and it wasthe oh, it was a Star Wars one
and it was super interactive.
And my husband and I think Italked about this on an episode
was a big chicken on a ride inthe rides, but this one he
really wanted to do and to seehim just light up at the Star
(17:14):
Wars ride and enjoy it and tosee my daughter laughing and
smiling was worth it.
And it takes time for the magic.
You know, if you're goingthrough a toxic relationship and
you listened to all my podcastepisodes and you're like I'm
telling you to do this, I'mtelling you to do that, and it's
(17:37):
just it feels like you'rewalking up heel and you keep
going and you keep going, yougotta have patience to get to
the place that is magical, whichis the other side.
I know you all hear me say itall the time the other side, the
other side is pure magic.
It feels amazing.
Yes, you're going to get thefireworks and all these special
(18:00):
effects and like bright, vivid,colored lights.
And I'm not talking about anacid trip.
I'm talking about how it feelsto get out on an abusive
relationship You're going to.
You're gonna feel like that.
You're gonna feel like you're Idon't know on drugs or
something Like good drugs wouldbe good drugs.
Maybe I shouldn't be saying that.
They have like a euphoricfeeling, ecstasy or something,
(18:21):
but without like the legalitiesand bad side effects risk.
I don't know, I've never doneecstasy, but I'm imagining what
people say.
That feels like is like oh myGod, it's euphoric.
That's how you're gonna feelonce you get to the other side,
and it takes patience and itsucks, and sometimes you have to
wait forever and a day to getthere, to get your shit together
(18:44):
, to fall in line with whatyou're supposed to do, to line
things up.
You know, get that go bag ready, secure a divorce lawyer, build
your support system up, buildyour stuff up, most importantly,
and then get the fuck out.
So I learned that in 2023, youhave to have patience for the
(19:10):
magic and I already knew that.
But, man, that sure did playout waitin' in those lines.
So if you need a reminder, goto Disney, wait in line and then
have a blast on one of theirrides.
I highly, highly, highly highlyrecommend Harry Potter World.
(19:30):
What is?
No, it's not even called HarryPotter.
Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
That's a time twister.
Go get you a butter beer.
Go stand in line for Hagrid'smotorbike.
Don't ride, bitch.
Actually ride on the motorbike.
And that's the feeling you'regonna feel when you escape your
douchebag, abusive partner.
(19:52):
You're gonna just feel like youare flat hat, all right, am I
getting a little bit too weirdin this episode?
Are you like cat?
You're off your rocker,probably because I'm not
drinking, just kidding.
That shouldn't mean I must shittogether, all right.
(20:13):
Second place I went last yearwhere I learned a lesson and
that's gonna be the West Coast.
So when we did this trip wewere like, okay, finally we did
the horrible crowds of Disneyfor Spring Break.
Now this is gonna be ourrelaxation trip.
We're gonna go to Oregon.
(20:35):
We're gonna drive to OregonCoast, stay in Oregon a little
bit.
We're gonna go down to Yosemiteand stay at the place we stayed
for me and my husband'shoneymoon previous year, and
then we're gonna go to LakeTahoe and it's gonna be a
relaxing trip, right?
No crowds.
Well, last year was record whatwas it?
Snowfall or something?
So record breaking waterfallsor whatever in Yosemite so you
(20:57):
know where I'm going with thisit was fucking packed.
Yosemite was packed.
We got our bikes stolen, we hadto walk like miles back.
We left early and I know Italked about this on a podcast
episode so I'm not gonna rehashit, but it was terrible.
And Lake Tahoe Lake Tahoe wasterrible.
(21:18):
It was terrible with the crowds.
All right, nature and stuff waslit, but crowds oh my God.
It was so much pressure again.
So I'm not gonna get into allthat.
But Oregon, love Oregon.
And what I learned there istypical Oregon.
You can find joy in the dreary.
(21:41):
If you know Oregon weather, yougot the gloomy, rainy days.
Now, not every day is gloomyand rainy.
Actually, we had it probablymostly sunny days last time.
But I have learned in my timesin Oregon that it's gonna rain
and you're just gonna have todeal with it and have a good
(22:03):
time.
Anyways, you're gonna have tofind your joy in the dreary
because you can't live your lifestaying inside, refusing to do
anything, because the weatheroutside's bad.
You gotta get up and you gottado it and you're gonna learn
that, hey, it's not so bad, likeyou can still find happiness in
(22:28):
some of the darkest moments.
Like it's not a should you,could you.
It's a you have to for yourmental health.
And I'm saying that becauseI've been there.
I talk about all the time I'vebeen on that closet floor and I
(22:49):
was going into a deeper, darkerplace because I had thought I
had no joy in my life and Ididn't even wanna look for it.
I'm like, I'm so miserable, I'mso beaten down, I'm so broken
and now cats telling me, oh, begrateful for something.
Oh, find the joy.
Like, screw you, cat.
(23:10):
You have no idea what you'retalking about.
I do, I do.
And you have to just look forsomething to change your mind,
even if just for a moment, andwork toward and let that be your
joy.
And if you have kids, it'susually gonna be that and I know
(23:31):
you're like, oh, my God, mykids drive me crazy.
But yeah, mine do sometimes.
But my daughter was my joy andthat's what kept me going and
kept me moving forward and keptme from staying inside hiding
from the bad weather.
I had to go out there and makea lie for her.
(23:53):
So, yes, find joy in the dreary.
When we were in Oregon, myfavorite beach in the whole
world is Secret Beach and Iwanted my daughter to go to
Secret Beach because we went theyear before.
And it's kind of a pain in theass to get to Secret Beach
(24:16):
because you have to climb overall these rocks and when we went
it was raining and it was coldand everyone was kind of in a
bad mood but I forced them toget out.
I was like y'all are going,you're going to Secret Beach and
you're gonna freaking like it.
And guess what?
They didn't.
It wasn't just because I toldthem they had to.
(24:36):
It's because we had a lot offun, even though it was rainy
and it was cold and we were likeI don't want to be here and we
were having to climb over rockswith like barnacles and we got
all cut up and stuff.
But those are some of our bestmemories and we had so much fun,
like when we forced ourselvesout there to get up early so we
(24:56):
could go, because you can't golike when the tide's in, so the
tide's got to be out or elseyou're just going to not get to
Secret Beach and we went and,like, we found all these.
I call them starfish, but Ithink on the West Coast people
call them sea stars.
We found those.
We found these weird things I'mnot going to talk about because
(25:18):
it's very crude and I knowyou're like, wait a minute,
cat's not being crude.
Is this a new cat?
No, I just might have somepeople listen to this episode.
So, yeah, we had so much fun.
We found our joy and we justsucked it up by our cup and we
did it, and we trudged throughthe rain and these slippery,
(25:43):
slimy barnacle rocks and wefound treasures.
And that's what you have to doin a toxic relationship and in
life in general.
You know, yeah, your husbandmay be a douchebag, he may be an
asshole, you may be like Idon't even know how to get out
of the situation, but you needto find something to cling to
(26:04):
that gives you hope andhappiness, because you do not
want to believe this shit hesays about oh, you'll never live
without me because I canguarantee you you will.
You can build a life withoutyour abusive, douchebag husband,
boyfriend, whatever controllingpartner, but you got to believe
it.
So find something to fight for,and I hope that's yourself, and
(26:30):
I know I know how hard it is,y'all I know, but that's one of
the steps to getting out,getting on the other side and to
being not stuck.
Find your joy in the dreary, Begrateful, go back to the
gratitude episodes and findsomething to be grateful for,
even if it's and I write aboutthis in my book You're Not Stuck
(26:51):
, which everybody should go pickup a copy.
Even if your gratitude is thestupidest shit ever, I'm glad I,
or I'm grateful for my cup ofcoffee this morning, and that's
about it.
That's fine.
Start there Does not matter,but you really need to.
I know I'm harping on this.
You got to find something tokeep you moving forward and I
(27:14):
can guarantee you you can findone thing in your life, at least
one teeny, tiny thing.
I don't care how little it is.
Maybe it's your houseplant,maybe it's your dog, whatever it
is.
Find it, cling to it, right,but have patience for the magic
and also find joy in the dreary.
(27:36):
And last but not least, let metalk about New York City,
because I went from Coast toCoast y'all.
I went from San Francisco thislast year to New York City and
New York City.
I've got feelings, y'all I'vegot feelings.
You know, everyone wears thoseshirts there.
(27:57):
So I love New York City.
I don't think I love New YorkCity and I feel bad at mending
that, but I don't think I loveNew York City.
New York City was otherworldlyto me.
I mean, we had the crowds atspring break.
We had the crowds at Yosemiteand Lake Tahoe Like we couldn't
(28:19):
even go see that Emerald Lake orwhatever.
At Lake Tahoe there was noparking.
I mean, lake Tahoe was justI'll never go back and it just
did not have a good time.
And then, guess what?
We went to New York City duringthe setup for New Year's Eve.
Between Christmas and NewYear's Eve More crowds.
(28:43):
So yeah, I never got mypeaceful vacation last year.
That's also probably a placeinto why I've been like holding
up and wondering because I needto decompress, especially from
New York City.
Oh my God, I thought springbreak was bad at Disney World.
Hell, no, it was nothingcompared to New York City, where
(29:06):
you have to drive for 40minutes in traffic to go to a
mouse and then pay Uber like$150.
And then go out to eat and adda mediocre, overhyped restaurant
and spend $300.
And then walk literally back toback in crowds where people
just give no fucks and they'reunapologetic and they're I know
(29:33):
it's the stereotype right Rude.
But you know, I once heardsomeone say New Yorkers aren't
rude, they're just efficient.
And I kind of get that.
And I say that now and I'm likeyeah, yeah.
So when we went, like if you'refrom the South or if you've been
to the South, you say pleaseand you say thank you.
A lot of people say yes, ma'amand sir, I don't do that, I
(29:55):
don't go that far, but I do sayplease, thank you.
A lot of people will move outof your way.
Pardon me, excuse me, you gofirst.
And I was leaving in thegrocery store yesterday when it
was a madhouse, because we havea snowstorm coming in tomorrow
and if you live in the South andyou know if you hear someone
whisper snow, everyone goes intoa panic and has to go get bread
(30:16):
and milk to make a milksandwich or something.
So that was happening in thegrocery store yesterday and it
was just like another crowd inthe grocery store, but still
people were like pardon me,excuse me.
And the thing I hate the most iswhen people say sorry, sorry if
they're in my way, it's alwayswomen, it's never men.
You can go back to one of myfirst episodes on, when I'm like
(30:38):
stop saying sorry, stop sayingsorry.
I don't say sorry, but I do sayexcuse me, go ahead, you can
get in front of me in New York.
Fuck, no, they don't do that.
Nope, no, there is no.
Like you, go first.
Nah, new Yorkers push their wayaround and they are
unapologetic about it and theygive zero fucks and I'm like now
(30:58):
that is a life lesson I cangive behind.
It took us not even a whole dayfrom saying excuse me, pardon
me, letting people go in frontof us because we were in the
middle of town of squared tojust like steamroll on everybody
and giving zero fucks and notapologizing for it.
I know that sounds horrible,but you have to, you really have
(31:22):
to.
Y'all should have seen mydaughter.
We went to go get pizza.
We waited in line about 45minutes to an hour probably for
this pizza and we had to walk itback to the hotel and she was
guarding this pizza with herlife and I'm telling you she was
just like elbow in her waythrough the crowds, and when I
say it was crowds, it was worsethan Disney spring break.
(31:43):
It was like you're literallytouching people all around you
because that's how crowded it isto walk down the street,
broadway and wherever we were, Imean we were like seriously in
time square in the middle of it.
You walk down out of our hoteland you can see like the ball
drops and all that and everyonearound you is so close to you
(32:07):
because it's so packed thatyou're touching everyone.
You're elbow to elbow.
You're literally elbow to elbow.
My daughter loved that pizza somuch she guarded it with her
life and she was just like notapologizing whatsoever, just
making her way through the crowd.
She was doing it and she wasjust like I was proud but I was
(32:28):
a little bit scared but we fitright in within like hours of
being there because we were likeoh my gosh, like no one else is
acting like us, like oh, let me, let you get ahead of us.
And I talk a lot of shit aboutthe South in Tennessee, but I
(32:49):
kind of like I like how we'redifferent down here and that we
aren't like that, becausesometimes, like I would go to
Starbucks in New York.
I would go to Starbucks in NewYork and I was like get my drink
and say thank you and they justlook at me like I was from
(33:09):
another planet because I saidthank you.
And down here you go toStarbucks and they're like, yeah
, y'all, stay safe, you'rewelcome, have a good day.
And you go up to New York andthey're just like fuck, you get
out of here and there's a lessonto be learned in there.
Okay, there really is, becauseyou need to adopt that attitude
(33:32):
sometimes not all the time,cause it was a lot of pressure
y'all.
It was so stressful, eventhough I had some magical
moments.
I saw Harry Potter on Broadway,I had my birthday dinner and
there was some magic in there.
Like overall, that was a verystressful experience and I
probably never want to go again.
(33:52):
And we did fun things.
We did Top of the Rock and wedid.
We went to Brooklyn.
Now, that was cool Love to seethe Brooklyn Bridge and all that
.
The slower parts I enjoyed theambience of the Italian
restaurant and slowing down.
I enjoyed.
But the crowds and the pressureand the honking oh my God, if
you honk in Memphis, tennessee,you're gonna get shot, but in
(34:16):
New York, every single Uber cab,whatever we were in, they were
honking and they were like whatthe fuck are you doing?
And it was typical.
We saw so many interactions ofpeople who were like don't fuck
you, don't fuck, you, get out ofhere.
Ba, ba, ba, ba.
I'm like, oh my gosh, this islike a TV show.
It was entertaining.
(34:37):
But what I'm trying to say isthe lesson I learned there is be
unapologetic and gives you yourfacts.
And you don't have to be thatway all the time.
Like I said, we were that wayin New York because we had to be
, and you learn very quicklythat you have to be.
You can't let anybody in frontof you.
You can only let anybody cut infront of you.
You can't.
You know, you gotta push yourway around just like the rest of
(34:58):
them, or you're not gonna getanywhere.
You're not gonna get from pointA to point B.
If you don't do that, you justnot.
So, new York City, you know youare different and it's not in a
bad way.
Sometimes you might have to bewhat some might consider rude
instead of efficient, but I getit Rude and efficient.
(35:19):
Whatever, you gotta do it.
So, when you are sticking upfor yourself, when you are
making these decisions, tobecome unstuck and get out of
shitty situations.
Keep that in mind.
Sometimes you're gonna have tojust be unapologetic and give
zero fucks.
(35:40):
Give zero fucks what anyonethinks about you.
Who gives a shit if this personto the right of you thinks, oh
my gosh, she didn't step asideand let me by, she just pushed
her way through.
Good, because sometimes you haveto do that.
You have to.
You don't have to live yourlife like that.
(36:00):
You can go back to being allsweet and whatever and, by the
way, you know, in Tennessee andthe South we're sweet like that.
We're gonna say, hey, you know,you can go in front of us.
You pardon me, excuse me, butbehind your back we're assholes,
just like they are up in NewYork, except in New York they
wear it as pride on their sleep.
(36:20):
And sometimes you're gonna haveto wear it as pride on your
sleeve too, and that's okay andin fact I encourage it.
Now, of course, don't go outand tell your abusive husband
like fuck you, what the fuck areyou doing?
No, you can't do that, that'sstupid.
If you're gonna adopt thislesson, you need it.
(36:40):
I'm not telling you to doanything like that.
I'm just telling you to.
Yeah, don't do that I guess I'mtelling you to be unapologetic
and give zero fucks.
But come on, use your brain.
I'm saying you have to be.
I'm saying you have to be alittle bit tough to get where
(37:01):
you need to go.
To get from point A to point B,to get from Broadway to Hill,
Brooklyn, I don't know.
I was so lost over there.
We spent so much in Ubersbecause we were too stupid to
know how to take a subway.
I was like I'm gonna get lostin a subway.
I'm not doing that.
(37:21):
So we Ubered everywhere and itwas painful.
But to get from one road to thenext on your journey, sometimes
you have to make your way.
You have to push yourselfaround a little bit, give zero
fucks, be unapologetic about itand just keep going.
(37:42):
Put those blinders on.
Don't give a shit about theperson to your right, don't give
a shit about the person to yourleft.
Go forward, or else you're notgonna get to your destination.
You're not gonna get to themagic, you're not gonna get to
that euphoric, ecstasy feeling.
That's just how it is.
(38:03):
But that's what I learned in mytravels and I hope you've got
something out of this episodeand you can adopt some of these
lessons to your own life and,yeah, pack your bags, go
somewhere in 2024.
I don't know where we're goingthis year, where we're covering
from last year and especiallyafter that New York trip.
(38:27):
I'm just kind of laying low andthinking about something and
I'm gonna tell you it's gonna besomewhere where there's not
gonna be a crowd, but I lookforward to learning more lessons
and expanding my horizons andjust stepping out into the world
and I hope you can also havethose opportunities and if not
(38:47):
now, then you can look forwardto having those opportunities
when you are on the other side.
Thank you so much for listening.
If you love the show, pleaseleave a rating, a review, and if
you know anyone who also mightlove the show or who could
benefit from this information,please be sure to share it and
(39:11):
subscribe.
The more we get this out topeople, the more people we can
help, and I truly believethere's so many women who need
to hear these words, because somany women are filling stock.
Also, if you're looking for me,you can usually find me on the
ground at author Cat Adams, andbe sure to head over to my
website and that'scatadamsadamswithadoubledscom.
(39:33):
Subscribe to my newsletter forthe latest information.
Also, when you subscribe,you're gonna get a free novella.
And just be forewarned, myOronti romcom is as dirty as my
mouth, so if that's your thing,go for it.
It's super hilarious.
But thank you again for tuningin.
Until next time, please staysafe and I'll see you on the
(39:56):
other side.
Also, enjoy the whole videonext week.
Check out our national R&B pageto the summary section below,
and thank you for following Raestadana.
All right, then.
Thank you guys for watching.
See you guys care about work.
(40:18):
Love U, thank U.
Love U.
This issue doesn't live long,love U.
There're some minors on socalled
It's time to wake up witches.
I'm your host, cat Adams, andI'm here to remind you that no
matter where you're at in life,you're not stuck you.
Welcome back to the show.
(00:29):
I say that as I am speaking tomyself, because it has been a
hot minute since I've recordedYou'll.
Today it is January 13th andI'm behind on podcast episodes
because you know I like to batchrecord.
But Life right, all I've justgotten in the way.
I have been busy, busy, busyand then also just kind of
(00:52):
taking a break, reflecting on medoing the wintering thing.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about, go back to
previous podcast episodes, checkfor the Wintering one.
I forget what it's titled, butI am in my prime wintering and
I'm working on myself.
So that's kind of what I'vebeen up to, besides traveling
(01:14):
and turning the big four.
Oh yes, I am over the hill now,but but I couldn't think of a
Boozier flash your way to do itbecause I spent my 40th birthday
in New York City, eatingItalian food, drinking wine,
(01:37):
overlooking Times Square and Allthe festivities because they
were setting up for New Year'sEve and it was just like it was
amazing.
But more on New York City herein a minute because I'm gonna
get real with y'all about thoseexperiences.
I know I was like, oh my gosh,I want to do this podcast where
(01:58):
it's like let's Work on how wecan fix these New Year's
resolutions because everyone hasthese same New Year's
resolutions right, lose weight,pay off debt, work on a career,
yada, yada, yada.
But then Over my break I'vebeen hit with like a bitch stop
(02:22):
Because I do this I veer offcourse a lot and my niche is
Women empowerment, butespecially, especially for toxic
relationships, and I want tokeep going back to that because
it's what I know and it's whatI'm passionate about and it's
what I feel called to do.
So I'm kind of working on moreof a structure for my podcast
(02:47):
and and what I feel like is mymission in life.
So I'm Kind of hunkering downwhile I'm wintering and figuring
out what that looks like.
So I'm not gonna record apodcast on how to get out of
debt.
You want to.
You don't want to figure outhow to get out of debt.
Do what I do go to Reddit.
They have the answers foreverything.
(03:08):
There's so many books on how toget out of debt.
There's so many books on how tofix your career or how to you
know, accelerate in your career,how to maybe land that next
promotion or get into aleadership position.
There's so many books out therethat can help you, but there is
not, not, not, not enoughpeople talking about how we can
(03:33):
help women escape domestic abuse.
And Especially in the way thatI want to talk about it, like I,
you know, every time I hearstuff about it it's very like
Scientific, it's just dark, it'sjust no one's being like listen
up, bitch.
You know they're not like,they're not being authentic and
(03:55):
this problem needs an authenticvoice.
So I've got some shit to figureout.
I got some shit to figure out.
So I don't know what the nextpodcast episode's gonna be like.
I Did just order the book andI've talked about it so many
times in this podcast.
It's called what is it called?
Brain fart, y'all this early inthe morning.
It's called oh, why does he dothat?
(04:18):
By Matt Lundy, and it is anamazing book and it gets inside
the mind of abusers.
So I just ordered that.
I've read it plenty of timesand I I Think I bought like two
or three times and I go throughthese phases were like, oh, I
don't need this anymore.
I'm going to, you know, give itto the goodwill or whatever Back
(04:41):
when I was married to my abuserand then I had to buy it again,
I.
And then I had to buy it againand then, like the last time, I
bought it, it's just cause Iwanted to refresh my memory on
all this and then I was like, no, I need to get this out of the
house.
I don't want reminders, right?
I don't want triggers, but Ibought it again because I want
to educate the masses, right?
(05:02):
That's what it's all about.
So I think maybe I'll dive intothat.
I don't know.
I am gonna do some work overthis week, cause I only got a
week to do this, to figure outwhat exactly my mission is.
I'm gonna tighten that a littlebit and work on a more
structured how I can deliverthat.
And, of course, I'm still gonnahave the woo woo, which you
(05:24):
should, because I think thatshit's cool as fuck and we need
to awaken our inner, which hegoddesses For real.
So, also, this week, I am goingto be a guest speaker on the
Break the Silence AgainstDomestic Violence podcast.
So I don't know when thatrecording is gonna go out, but I
(05:45):
do record that this week.
So I've got some work to do onthat.
I'm hoping to have like mymission and all that tightened
up before that, cause that wouldbe a disaster if I didn't right
.
I don't wanna go in there likenot know what I'm talking about,
but we're gonna be talkingabout like shifting your energy
from changing your partner orchanging yourself for your
(06:07):
partner to changing you beforeyou step out of an abusive
relationship.
So I will give you moreinformation on that when it
comes along.
Other than that, what I havehappened up to, besides
traveling, wintering, notdrinking, right, this is dry
(06:27):
January and I'm not even playing.
I am counting down the days toFebruary 1st, cause I'm gonna go
get Mexican and margaritas, buthonestly, it really hasn't been
that bad.
I bought some bitters and Ihave bought some club soda and
like tart cherry juice and allkinds of stuff, limes and lemons
, and I'm making mop towels andI've been having fun with it and
(06:49):
honestly, it's been scratchingthat itch.
I don't know like.
I never thought I'd say that,but it's working and I'm still
losing weight.
I did gain a little bit ofweight in New York because I ate
pizza, I ate pasta, but I havegotten all but like half pound
of it off.
And if you remember the weightloss episode, I'm short as shit.
(07:10):
I'm five two.
I got PCOS.
It takes me forever to loseweight.
So the key to my weight losshas been giving up the alcohol.
Ugh, I know I has been sobercurious and I heard people
cringe at that word, which islike sober curious.
I think that's been around fora while, it's not like some new
age trend.
(07:31):
But yeah, I'm sober curious.
Except in dry January I'mcompletely sober and I had told
my husband the other day.
I was like have you noticed?
I haven't been saying I'm tired.
I used to say I'm tired 24,seven.
My husband was like I'm gonnawrite that on your tombstone I'm
(07:51):
tired and I'm like I haven'tsaid that because my sleep
quality has been the bomb.
And it just dawned on me theother day.
I was like damn, I've beensleeping great and you'd think
like when I had, you know, acouple glasses of wine, I'm
knocked the fuck out and myhusband will come to bed and
(08:11):
he's like I couldn't even, youweren't even moving last night.
You were so knocked out, passedout.
I tried, you know, like I knowI must have slept really good.
I slept like a rock, but Ididn't because I was always
tired.
And now I'm truly sleeping likeand it feels amazing because
I'm not tired and I'm goingabout at nine, I get up at five,
(08:33):
I'm getting my shit togetherand I mean honestly, I really do
.
I feel pretty amazing.
So when I do go back todrinking, my whole relationship
with alcohol has changed.
I'm not going to probably sit,I'm probably gonna stick with
not drinking throughout the weekbecause it's just, it just did
not make me feel good and I'mcoping with my stress and
(08:54):
pressure in different ways, likethe low stakes TV shows.
Remember we talking about that?
I was like I'm watching GildenAge, I'm drinking hot cocoa and
it's amazing and it has been.
I also found some more lowstakes shows and the one we're
watching now is called Trying onApple TV and it is like so
(09:18):
funny.
It's about a couple who'strying to have a baby and it's
wholesome.
It's wholesome and it's lowstakes and that has been the key
to giving up alcohol during theweek and for draw January, on
the weekend as well.
Like I fixed myself a hot cocoaor a mocktail.
Lately I've been doing thismocktail with, like, tart cherry
(09:40):
juice.
I got it from the Jaclyn Hillepisode of not the episode, her
reel, and if you don't know whoshe is, she's like a makeup
artist.
She can look her up oneverywhere.
She's everywhere Tart, cherryjuice, cherry, limeade, poppy,
tobocco.
I put some New Orleans stylebitters in there, it's like a
(10:00):
cherry flavor, and then lime andI make garnishments and it's
been great and it's like it'sreplaced my wand.
That and low stake shows it hashelped me manage my stress and
I'm still working out.
So, yeah, your girl's gettingher shit together so I can have
(10:22):
my spring debut in a cutesundress, looking like a 40 year
old hottie with a cocktail inmy hand.
So that's what my winteringlooks like, and let me know if
your wintering looks the same.
I would love to have friendsalong this journey with me.
(10:45):
But back to this episode,because I know I'm like rambling
for forever, because I have nottalked on this podcast for
forever, so I'll try to makethis pretty short, because I
wanna spend my time todaypreparing for this podcast and
structuring my podcast so youcan get all the good stuff in a
more streamlined format.
(11:05):
So today we are talking aboutlessons I learned from travel in
2023.
So last year was a huge yearfor travel for me.
When I was in my abusivemarriage.
I didn't get a travel match.
My husband went to excitingplaces for his work.
(11:28):
He went to Vegas, he went toCalifornia, he went everywhere
and he had the option to takehis family because his other
travel partners and I'm talkingabout men here, because I'm
pretty sure he did travel withhis coworkers he was having
affairs with at times too, buthis coworkers, the men, would
(11:50):
take their families.
Like if they were going toCalifornia, they would take
their families and they wouldmake a family trip out of it
because it's, you know, workpays for a hotel and stuff like
that.
His men never took me and Inever got to see all those sites
and find things and yada, yada,yada.
I traveled to Florida like oncea year with my daughter at the
(12:13):
end, because we took solo tripsjust me and her and left him at
home and it was the best thingever.
But yeah, I never got thoseexperiences and you know he
never took me for severalreasons.
I'm sure you know affairs andhe just go back to the
narcissist on vacations episodesand that'll explain all that.
But I never had the opportunityto travel and you know that
(12:38):
sucks Like.
Some people don't want to dothat.
I'm not some people.
I want to get out, especiallywhen I get out of Tennessee.
So I just I didn't get to do it.
So I have been, ever since mydivorce, traveling and I went to
the West Coast oh, I think itwas three years ago For the
first time.
Well, it wasn't the coast.
I went to Jackson Hole, wyoming, yellowstone, grand Tetons.
(13:03):
All that took a road trip andit blew my freaking mind and
then I was addicted ever since.
So last year, in 2023, we tookthree big trips to the detriment
of our bank accounts, because Iwanted to show my daughter a
good time and I wanted to showher a different side of life
(13:24):
because she had not been to theWest Coast.
So I'm going to go throughthese and the lessons I learned
and the order we did them.
Okay, in traveling opens yourmind.
It opens your world.
I mean, oh my gosh, if you wanta different perspective of life
and how life could be, whethergood or bad, pack your bags and
(13:50):
go somewhere Like oh my gosh.
That's probably going to be oneof my number one, probably in
top five tips of findingyourself and your energy and
blah, blah, blah.
Travel, get out.
And I know not everyone has themeans to do that.
I understand, especially inthis day and age when it's like
$7 for a bag of Doritos, but anyamount of getting out just a
(14:14):
little bit Day trip, weekendtrip always helps.
So on with the show.
My God, I've been talking for15 minutes.
I'm going to make this short.
I don't want to keep ramblingon here.
I'm so sorry.
First trip I went on Last year,spring break Disney World.
We did the Disney, we did andthis is the Disney World in
(14:37):
Orlando.
We did Universal.
We did Harry Potter World.
Oh, my gosh, my favorite.
We went during spring break.
Now, I'm not a fan of crowds,okay, I do not like crowds.
My ideal vacation is a cabin inthe mountains or in the forest,
away from everybody, our beach,just away from people.
(14:58):
And we went during spring breakbecause my daughter cannot miss
school because she's on somespecial whatever, because she's
going to a different countyschool and she can't miss school
, basically.
So we had to go on spring breakand we were so pumped to go, so
pumped to go, and when we went,y'all it was back to back lines
(15:21):
.
It was just like oh, it was alot of stress, it was a lot of
running around.
I drink a lot of butter beer.
They don't have alcohol andbutter beer, unfortunately, but
that was fun and it was just.
It was a hurry up and wait thing.
You know, like you rush, rush,rush to the parks and then you
(15:44):
wait in line and then you rush,rush, rush to the next ride and
then you wait in line anothertwo, three hours.
It cost a shit ton of money.
I think I paid $75 just for oneride to skip the line and I
still think we had to wait like30 minutes for that ride or
something like that, and thatwas already after I'd paid for I
forget what it was called likesome kind of magic service or
(16:07):
something for the day, which waslike $25 per person.
So, yeah, it was like $150 toget on this ride.
Oh my gosh, but guess what?
It was worth it.
So the first lesson I learned inmy travels in 2023 is you got
to have patience for the magic,because, yes, there was a lot of
(16:28):
magic in Disney and Universaland Harry Potter world.
There was a lot of shit too.
There was a lot of shit.
I mean that's a lot of bullshithaving to pay.
I mean, I'm not gonna lie,there was a lot of bullshit
having to pay like that muchmoney to go on one ride, but I
will say that was worth it.
(16:51):
I know $150 is a lot for a ride, right, and that's the only
ride we did that on and it wasthe oh, it was a Star Wars one
and it was super interactive.
And my husband and I think Italked about this on an episode
was a big chicken on a ride inthe rides, but this one he
really wanted to do and to seehim just light up at the Star
(17:14):
Wars ride and enjoy it and tosee my daughter laughing and
smiling was worth it.
And it takes time for the magic.
You know, if you're goingthrough a toxic relationship and
you listened to all my podcastepisodes and you're like I'm
telling you to do this, I'mtelling you to do that, and it's
(17:37):
just it feels like you'rewalking up heel and you keep
going and you keep going, yougotta have patience to get to
the place that is magical, whichis the other side.
I know you all hear me say itall the time the other side, the
other side is pure magic.
It feels amazing.
Yes, you're going to get thefireworks and all these special
(18:00):
effects and like bright, vivid,colored lights.
And I'm not talking about anacid trip.
I'm talking about how it feelsto get out on an abusive
relationship You're going to.
You're gonna feel like that.
You're gonna feel like you're Idon't know on drugs or
something Like good drugs wouldbe good drugs.
Maybe I shouldn't be saying that.
They have like a euphoricfeeling, ecstasy or something,
(18:21):
but without like the legalitiesand bad side effects risk.
I don't know, I've never doneecstasy, but I'm imagining what
people say.
That feels like is like oh myGod, it's euphoric.
That's how you're gonna feelonce you get to the other side,
and it takes patience and itsucks, and sometimes you have to
wait forever and a day to getthere, to get your shit together
(18:44):
, to fall in line with whatyou're supposed to do, to line
things up.
You know, get that go bag ready, secure a divorce lawyer, build
your support system up, buildyour stuff up, most importantly,
and then get the fuck out.
So I learned that in 2023, youhave to have patience for the
(19:10):
magic and I already knew that.
But, man, that sure did playout waitin' in those lines.
So if you need a reminder, goto Disney, wait in line and then
have a blast on one of theirrides.
I highly, highly, highly highlyrecommend Harry Potter World.
(19:30):
What is?
No, it's not even called HarryPotter.
Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
That's a time twister.
Go get you a butter beer.
Go stand in line for Hagrid'smotorbike.
Don't ride, bitch.
Actually ride on the motorbike.
And that's the feeling you'regonna feel when you escape your
douchebag, abusive partner.
(19:52):
You're gonna just feel like youare flat hat, all right, am I
getting a little bit too weirdin this episode?
Are you like cat?
You're off your rocker,probably because I'm not
drinking, just kidding.
That shouldn't mean I must shittogether, all right.
(20:13):
Second place I went last yearwhere I learned a lesson and
that's gonna be the West Coast.
So when we did this trip wewere like, okay, finally we did
the horrible crowds of Disneyfor Spring Break.
Now this is gonna be ourrelaxation trip.
We're gonna go to Oregon.
(20:35):
We're gonna drive to OregonCoast, stay in Oregon a little
bit.
We're gonna go down to Yosemiteand stay at the place we stayed
for me and my husband'shoneymoon previous year, and
then we're gonna go to LakeTahoe and it's gonna be a
relaxing trip, right?
No crowds.
Well, last year was record whatwas it?
Snowfall or something?
So record breaking waterfallsor whatever in Yosemite so you
(20:57):
know where I'm going with thisit was fucking packed.
Yosemite was packed.
We got our bikes stolen, we hadto walk like miles back.
We left early and I know Italked about this on a podcast
episode so I'm not gonna rehashit, but it was terrible.
And Lake Tahoe Lake Tahoe wasterrible.
(21:18):
It was terrible with the crowds.
All right, nature and stuff waslit, but crowds oh my God.
It was so much pressure again.
So I'm not gonna get into allthat.
But Oregon, love Oregon.
And what I learned there istypical Oregon.
You can find joy in the dreary.
(21:41):
If you know Oregon weather, yougot the gloomy, rainy days.
Now, not every day is gloomyand rainy.
Actually, we had it probablymostly sunny days last time.
But I have learned in my timesin Oregon that it's gonna rain
and you're just gonna have todeal with it and have a good
(22:03):
time.
Anyways, you're gonna have tofind your joy in the dreary
because you can't live your lifestaying inside, refusing to do
anything, because the weatheroutside's bad.
You gotta get up and you gottado it and you're gonna learn
that, hey, it's not so bad, likeyou can still find happiness in
(22:28):
some of the darkest moments.
Like it's not a should you,could you.
It's a you have to for yourmental health.
And I'm saying that becauseI've been there.
I talk about all the time I'vebeen on that closet floor and I
(22:49):
was going into a deeper, darkerplace because I had thought I
had no joy in my life and Ididn't even wanna look for it.
I'm like, I'm so miserable, I'mso beaten down, I'm so broken
and now cats telling me, oh, begrateful for something.
Oh, find the joy.
Like, screw you, cat.
(23:10):
You have no idea what you'retalking about.
I do, I do.
And you have to just look forsomething to change your mind,
even if just for a moment, andwork toward and let that be your
joy.
And if you have kids, it'susually gonna be that and I know
(23:31):
you're like, oh, my God, mykids drive me crazy.
But yeah, mine do sometimes.
But my daughter was my joy andthat's what kept me going and
kept me moving forward and keptme from staying inside hiding
from the bad weather.
I had to go out there and makea lie for her.
(23:53):
So, yes, find joy in the dreary.
When we were in Oregon, myfavorite beach in the whole
world is Secret Beach and Iwanted my daughter to go to
Secret Beach because we went theyear before.
And it's kind of a pain in theass to get to Secret Beach
(24:16):
because you have to climb overall these rocks and when we went
it was raining and it was coldand everyone was kind of in a
bad mood but I forced them toget out.
I was like y'all are going,you're going to Secret Beach and
you're gonna freaking like it.
And guess what?
They didn't.
It wasn't just because I toldthem they had to.
(24:36):
It's because we had a lot offun, even though it was rainy
and it was cold and we were likeI don't want to be here and we
were having to climb over rockswith like barnacles and we got
all cut up and stuff.
But those are some of our bestmemories and we had so much fun,
like when we forced ourselvesout there to get up early so we
(24:56):
could go, because you can't golike when the tide's in, so the
tide's got to be out or elseyou're just going to not get to
Secret Beach and we went and,like, we found all these.
I call them starfish, but Ithink on the West Coast people
call them sea stars.
We found those.
We found these weird things I'mnot going to talk about because
(25:18):
it's very crude and I knowyou're like, wait a minute,
cat's not being crude.
Is this a new cat?
No, I just might have somepeople listen to this episode.
So, yeah, we had so much fun.
We found our joy and we justsucked it up by our cup and we
did it, and we trudged throughthe rain and these slippery,
(25:43):
slimy barnacle rocks and wefound treasures.
And that's what you have to doin a toxic relationship and in
life in general.
You know, yeah, your husbandmay be a douchebag, he may be an
asshole, you may be like Idon't even know how to get out
of the situation, but you needto find something to cling to
(26:04):
that gives you hope andhappiness, because you do not
want to believe this shit hesays about oh, you'll never live
without me because I canguarantee you you will.
You can build a life withoutyour abusive, douchebag husband,
boyfriend, whatever controllingpartner, but you got to believe
it.
So find something to fight for,and I hope that's yourself, and
(26:30):
I know I know how hard it is,y'all I know, but that's one of
the steps to getting out,getting on the other side and to
being not stuck.
Find your joy in the dreary, Begrateful, go back to the
gratitude episodes and findsomething to be grateful for,
even if it's and I write aboutthis in my book You're Not Stuck
(26:51):
, which everybody should go pickup a copy.
Even if your gratitude is thestupidest shit ever, I'm glad I,
or I'm grateful for my cup ofcoffee this morning, and that's
about it.
That's fine.
Start there Does not matter,but you really need to.
I know I'm harping on this.
You got to find something tokeep you moving forward and I
(27:14):
can guarantee you you can findone thing in your life, at least
one teeny, tiny thing.
I don't care how little it is.
Maybe it's your houseplant,maybe it's your dog, whatever it
is.
Find it, cling to it, right,but have patience for the magic
and also find joy in the dreary.
(27:36):
And last but not least, let metalk about New York City,
because I went from Coast toCoast y'all.
I went from San Francisco thislast year to New York City and
New York City.
I've got feelings, y'all I'vegot feelings.
You know, everyone wears thoseshirts there.
(27:57):
So I love New York City.
I don't think I love New YorkCity and I feel bad at mending
that, but I don't think I loveNew York City.
New York City was otherworldlyto me.
I mean, we had the crowds atspring break.
We had the crowds at Yosemiteand Lake Tahoe Like we couldn't
(28:19):
even go see that Emerald Lake orwhatever.
At Lake Tahoe there was noparking.
I mean, lake Tahoe was justI'll never go back and it just
did not have a good time.
And then, guess what?
We went to New York City duringthe setup for New Year's Eve.
Between Christmas and NewYear's Eve More crowds.
(28:43):
So yeah, I never got mypeaceful vacation last year.
That's also probably a placeinto why I've been like holding
up and wondering because I needto decompress, especially from
New York City.
Oh my God, I thought springbreak was bad at Disney World.
Hell, no, it was nothingcompared to New York City, where
(29:06):
you have to drive for 40minutes in traffic to go to a
mouse and then pay Uber like$150.
And then go out to eat and adda mediocre, overhyped restaurant
and spend $300.
And then walk literally back toback in crowds where people
just give no fucks and they'reunapologetic and they're I know
(29:33):
it's the stereotype right Rude.
But you know, I once heardsomeone say New Yorkers aren't
rude, they're just efficient.
And I kind of get that.
And I say that now and I'm likeyeah, yeah.
So when we went, like if you'refrom the South or if you've been
to the South, you say pleaseand you say thank you.
A lot of people say yes, ma'amand sir, I don't do that, I
(29:55):
don't go that far, but I do sayplease, thank you.
A lot of people will move outof your way.
Pardon me, excuse me, you gofirst.
And I was leaving in thegrocery store yesterday when it
was a madhouse, because we havea snowstorm coming in tomorrow
and if you live in the South andyou know if you hear someone
whisper snow, everyone goes intoa panic and has to go get bread
(30:16):
and milk to make a milksandwich or something.
So that was happening in thegrocery store yesterday and it
was just like another crowd inthe grocery store, but still
people were like pardon me,excuse me.
And the thing I hate the most iswhen people say sorry, sorry if
they're in my way, it's alwayswomen, it's never men.
You can go back to one of myfirst episodes on, when I'm like
(30:38):
stop saying sorry, stop sayingsorry.
I don't say sorry, but I do sayexcuse me, go ahead, you can
get in front of me in New York.
Fuck, no, they don't do that.
Nope, no, there is no.
Like you, go first.
Nah, new Yorkers push their wayaround and they are
unapologetic about it and theygive zero fucks and I'm like now
(30:58):
that is a life lesson I cangive behind.
It took us not even a whole dayfrom saying excuse me, pardon
me, letting people go in frontof us because we were in the
middle of town of squared tojust like steamroll on everybody
and giving zero fucks and notapologizing for it.
I know that sounds horrible,but you have to, you really have
(31:22):
to.
Y'all should have seen mydaughter.
We went to go get pizza.
We waited in line about 45minutes to an hour probably for
this pizza and we had to walk itback to the hotel and she was
guarding this pizza with herlife and I'm telling you she was
just like elbow in her waythrough the crowds, and when I
say it was crowds, it was worsethan Disney spring break.
(31:43):
It was like you're literallytouching people all around you
because that's how crowded it isto walk down the street,
broadway and wherever we were, Imean we were like seriously in
time square in the middle of it.
You walk down out of our hoteland you can see like the ball
drops and all that and everyonearound you is so close to you
(32:07):
because it's so packed thatyou're touching everyone.
You're elbow to elbow.
You're literally elbow to elbow.
My daughter loved that pizza somuch she guarded it with her
life and she was just like notapologizing whatsoever, just
making her way through the crowd.
She was doing it and she wasjust like I was proud but I was
(32:28):
a little bit scared but we fitright in within like hours of
being there because we were likeoh my gosh, like no one else is
acting like us, like oh, let me, let you get ahead of us.
And I talk a lot of shit aboutthe South in Tennessee, but I
(32:49):
kind of like I like how we'redifferent down here and that we
aren't like that, becausesometimes, like I would go to
Starbucks in New York.
I would go to Starbucks in NewYork and I was like get my drink
and say thank you and they justlook at me like I was from
(33:09):
another planet because I saidthank you.
And down here you go toStarbucks and they're like, yeah
, y'all, stay safe, you'rewelcome, have a good day.
And you go up to New York andthey're just like fuck, you get
out of here and there's a lessonto be learned in there.
Okay, there really is, becauseyou need to adopt that attitude
(33:32):
sometimes not all the time,cause it was a lot of pressure
y'all.
It was so stressful, eventhough I had some magical
moments.
I saw Harry Potter on Broadway,I had my birthday dinner and
there was some magic in there.
Like overall, that was a verystressful experience and I
probably never want to go again.
(33:52):
And we did fun things.
We did Top of the Rock and wedid.
We went to Brooklyn.
Now, that was cool Love to seethe Brooklyn Bridge and all that
.
The slower parts I enjoyed theambience of the Italian
restaurant and slowing down.
I enjoyed.
But the crowds and the pressureand the honking oh my God, if
you honk in Memphis, tennessee,you're gonna get shot, but in
(34:16):
New York, every single Uber cab,whatever we were in, they were
honking and they were like whatthe fuck are you doing?
And it was typical.
We saw so many interactions ofpeople who were like don't fuck
you, don't fuck, you, get out ofhere.
Ba, ba, ba, ba.
I'm like, oh my gosh, this islike a TV show.
It was entertaining.
(34:37):
But what I'm trying to say isthe lesson I learned there is be
unapologetic and gives you yourfacts.
And you don't have to be thatway all the time.
Like I said, we were that wayin New York because we had to be
, and you learn very quicklythat you have to be.
You can't let anybody in frontof you.
You can only let anybody cut infront of you.
You can't.
You know, you gotta push yourway around just like the rest of
(34:58):
them, or you're not gonna getanywhere.
You're not gonna get from pointA to point B.
If you don't do that, you justnot.
So, new York City, you know youare different and it's not in a
bad way.
Sometimes you might have to bewhat some might consider rude
instead of efficient, but I getit Rude and efficient.
(35:19):
Whatever, you gotta do it.
So, when you are sticking upfor yourself, when you are
making these decisions, tobecome unstuck and get out of
shitty situations.
Keep that in mind.
Sometimes you're gonna have tojust be unapologetic and give
zero fucks.
(35:40):
Give zero fucks what anyonethinks about you.
Who gives a shit if this personto the right of you thinks, oh
my gosh, she didn't step asideand let me by, she just pushed
her way through.
Good, because sometimes you haveto do that.
You have to.
You don't have to live yourlife like that.
(36:00):
You can go back to being allsweet and whatever and, by the
way, you know, in Tennessee andthe South we're sweet like that.
We're gonna say, hey, you know,you can go in front of us.
You pardon me, excuse me, butbehind your back we're assholes,
just like they are up in NewYork, except in New York they
wear it as pride on their sleep.
(36:20):
And sometimes you're gonna haveto wear it as pride on your
sleeve too, and that's okay andin fact I encourage it.
Now, of course, don't go outand tell your abusive husband
like fuck you, what the fuck areyou doing?
No, you can't do that, that'sstupid.
If you're gonna adopt thislesson, you need it.
(36:40):
I'm not telling you to doanything like that.
I'm just telling you to.
Yeah, don't do that I guess I'mtelling you to be unapologetic
and give zero fucks.
But come on, use your brain.
I'm saying you have to be.
I'm saying you have to be alittle bit tough to get where
(37:01):
you need to go.
To get from point A to point B,to get from Broadway to Hill,
Brooklyn, I don't know.
I was so lost over there.
We spent so much in Ubersbecause we were too stupid to
know how to take a subway.
I was like I'm gonna get lostin a subway.
I'm not doing that.
(37:21):
So we Ubered everywhere and itwas painful.
But to get from one road to thenext on your journey, sometimes
you have to make your way.
You have to push yourselfaround a little bit, give zero
fucks, be unapologetic about itand just keep going.
(37:42):
Put those blinders on.
Don't give a shit about theperson to your right, don't give
a shit about the person to yourleft.
Go forward, or else you're notgonna get to your destination.
You're not gonna get to themagic, you're not gonna get to
that euphoric, ecstasy feeling.
That's just how it is.
(38:03):
But that's what I learned in mytravels and I hope you've got
something out of this episodeand you can adopt some of these
lessons to your own life and,yeah, pack your bags, go
somewhere in 2024.
I don't know where we're goingthis year, where we're covering
from last year and especiallyafter that New York trip.
(38:27):
I'm just kind of laying low andthinking about something and
I'm gonna tell you it's gonna besomewhere where there's not
gonna be a crowd, but I lookforward to learning more lessons
and expanding my horizons andjust stepping out into the world
and I hope you can also havethose opportunities and if not
(38:47):
now, then you can look forwardto having those opportunities
when you are on the other side.
Thank you so much for listening.
If you love the show, pleaseleave a rating, a review, and if
you know anyone who also mightlove the show or who could
benefit from this information,please be sure to share it and
(39:11):
subscribe.
The more we get this out topeople, the more people we can
help, and I truly believethere's so many women who need
to hear these words, because somany women are filling stock.
Also, if you're looking for me,you can usually find me on the
ground at author Cat Adams, andbe sure to head over to my
website and that'scatadamsadamswithadoubledscom.
(39:33):
Subscribe to my newsletter forthe latest information.
Also, when you subscribe,you're gonna get a free novella.
And just be forewarned, myOronti romcom is as dirty as my
mouth, so if that's your thing,go for it.
It's super hilarious.
But thank you again for tuningin.
Until next time, please staysafe and I'll see you on the
(39:56):
other side.
Also, enjoy the whole videonext week.
Check out our national R&B pageto the summary section below,
and thank you for following Raestadana.
All right, then.
Thank you guys for watching.
See you guys care about work.
(40:18):
Love U, thank U.
Love U.
This issue doesn't live long,love U.
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