Consuming and Being Consumed in Social Media

Treats likes, texts, and unread messages as sacramental bread in a techno-church where the real currency is presence, and every notification is a communion wafer that both feeds and drains the soul.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Options don't guarantee choices, but choices guarantee options. I arrived
here because abundance doesn't equal autonomy. You can have one
hundred options, but none of the matter if you don't
know how to choose, And after a deeper look, you'll
recognize that freedom isn't found in what's available.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
It's found in what you're willing to eliminate.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
And unfortunately, because of our human conditioning, most people get
addicted to the feeling of forward and not the reality
of arrival, making discipline the only language of freedom. Because
I'll tell you until you choose, your options on you.
But let me give you perspective. The illusion of freedom
is having options with no understanding of choice. We live
in an age intoxicated off abundance. Every scroll, every screen,

(00:41):
every opportunity presents itself as freedom. Well, we slowly start
to call the abundance of freedom it's really like an
exhaustion of having too much access. Because freedom isn't having
the ability to have everything, is knowing what's worth choosing.
The best way to put this is how religion teaches
freedom of will, but spirituality reveals freedom is options build

(01:01):
the case, but choices render the judgment. Options show potential,
but choices prove intentions. Javron Cross here, don't get weak
on the weekends, go get them.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
Hey, who that boy?

Speaker 3 (01:13):
That boy named Javon? Is that Javon Cross? That boy
cooking with some rarefied grease? Time he laid it down,
he laid it out.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
So you agree with him?

Speaker 4 (01:27):
I do. There's a lot of peaces. I'm like, I'm
gonna have to go back and rewind.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
That and tap in.

Speaker 4 (01:33):
Yeah, lock in on that.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Huh? Are we inundated by choices? And are all of
the choices that we are inundated by the options? Are
they quality options? Minor?

Speaker 4 (01:54):
I got that high quality? H two O options.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
Ladies and gentlemen, My godsister has returned to the scene
of the conversation. Doctor Pincoyama, call Robertson is back in
the building. You already know what it is? You already know?
Are you ready for tonight's conversation?

Speaker 4 (02:13):
You know what I'm never ready, But hey, that's what
we do. Yeah, that's what we do.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah. So I'm doing this topic because I think it's important.
Every topic that I do I believe is important. And yes,
I do cram a lot into this two hours. My
sister was going over the outline and was like, Yo,
this is like fifty seven topics and I was like, yes,

(02:40):
one big tree, it's a canopy and these are branches,
and she was.

Speaker 4 (02:46):
Like, nah, some of that low hangered fruit.

Speaker 5 (02:48):
Y'all.

Speaker 4 (02:48):
It's okay. You don't gotta get your ladder because we
might not be able to reach them. All.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
Listen, we gotta do this work. So we live in
a digital age, and the digital age has had a
profound impact on our intimate relationships, specifically presents so tonight's
topic the Eucharist of attention, consuming and being consumed. In

(03:20):
the digital temple of intimacy known as social media, we
treat likes and texts and unread messages like sacramental bread.
You remember that little wafer, that little piece of toes,
little crackle in that fresh grape juice. You'd come like

(03:44):
sacramental bread in a techno church where the real currency
is presence and every notification is a communion wafer that
both feeds and drains the soul. Listen, where do we

(04:05):
go wrong with relationships? Help us to understand doctor P. Listen,
Doctor P is a real doctor. Ladies and gentlemen, this
is this is not a game, okay, And this is
why I brought her in because I need help. I'm sick.
So where did we go wrong? What are we missing?

(04:26):
What is society preventing us from understanding about the true
purpose of relating.

Speaker 4 (04:34):
Out? So you want to just start off, yeah, fastball
off deep, yeah, okay, going away from what you are
we missing itself. There's nothing in all of our options
right that we are inundated with actually have us to
choose ourselves first.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
So self is missing.

Speaker 4 (04:56):
Self is gone, it's not there. Everything we do is
for someone else, even if it's something we don't like.
So when you're talking about our quality options, maybe they're
not quality. Were us having so many are tending to
render us inactive? So that's we're not active in our relationships.

(05:16):
We're not active with our relationship with our self because
there's so many things we're always constantly grabbing after. Are
there so many more options that when we have a
solid option in front of us, it's like but wait.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
Wait, wait, wait, wait, it's unrecognizable.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
We don't even know what good is anymore.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
Oh my god, this is deep. This, this, this is
getting too far from me. Now hold on, hold on,
So because the self is devoid in our society, when
the self presents itself in a mirrored reflection, this dynamic
of relationship we don't recognize.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
Right, do you even know what it looks like?

Speaker 2 (05:57):
Ooh jeez?

Speaker 4 (05:59):
Who taught us that? How do we know? Because every
option is telling us it's it's not enough. We're never enough.
That's why we have so many options.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
Wow, wow, No, no, no, you're not off the hook.
Hell no, hell no.

Speaker 4 (06:16):
We're still going.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
When the honeymoon high fades, yes, does love become an
unspoken withdrawal process disguised as incompatibility?

Speaker 4 (06:28):
Absolutely? And even in that, even just hearing that, I
think you should read it again, just for the people
to say that again.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Hey, people in the back, and you back there telling
people to stand up, I'm talking to them. Here we go.
When the honeymoon high fades, does love become an unspoken
withdrawal process disguised as incompatibility?

Speaker 4 (06:51):
Absolutely? So you think about, hey, all our newlyweds honeymooners, right,
what happens in that expectation when you become one? Right?
Your unit is it's supposed to be this, it's supposed
to be that it's this constant honey move. As I say,
the honey move, come on, somebody's moving in, somebody's moving out,

(07:13):
could be some pets, some dogs. We're always it's a
constant exchange of these expectations. So when that honeymoon period
ends and it's like, oh okay, so we're at the
well now what now when you're lost self? Right, because
two people moving in together, it's not like, well, you
make me happy or I make you happy, all those exchanges,

(07:35):
there's a lack of self in there. So when there's
nothing that we're expecting anymore, the fireworks of the newness
has worn off. We're left with being like, well, you
don't love me enough or we're just not compatible. And
now that's socially acceptable.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
So no, hold on, let's go back to the top.
So you wait a minute, hold on, Then you can't
be one if all of this is happening, you weren't
one to begin with.

Speaker 4 (08:05):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
So now let's get into it. Can a couple become
one through ceremony alone, or does like a real step
towards individuations have to happen in order to have a
whole relationship with another person.

Speaker 4 (08:23):
I think that individuation must happen first. Woo.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
So everybody who said they one are one by ceremony only.

Speaker 4 (08:32):
Correct, because when you pull that away, then then what's
left nothing right, And that's where it becomes we're incompatible.
Now if we shift and we change, my individuation changes
and so does my partners. Because we're individuals. We know
we could grow apart. We can grow apart, or we
can go to closer, right, but separate is together we

(08:54):
That's why I say keep your your own friends, your
own hobbies, keep your own name. All of these things.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Why closeness and space at the same time, it's very
important in the name of sweet baby raised barbecue sauce.
So number one, recap we are not whole. If we
are only whole by ceremony only, we have to actually

(09:21):
be whole internally or at least working towards the goal
of individuation, or we're just two broken pieces trying to
glue ourselves together.

Speaker 4 (09:30):
Exactly two different puzzles at the dollar tree. Okay, you
got somebody got the pieces mixed up?

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Two different puzzles at the dollar tree. Somebody, Hey, somebody
get my sister. Man. Shit, we got Dollar Tree love out.
Listen man, hold on, hold on, the Voice of Reason
is a complete fire tonight. Already my sister is cutting up. Man.
Please tell the me your website, because people have to
connect with you.

Speaker 4 (09:56):
We do. It's insight me like you know in site
the letter N S I G H T M E
incite me in spring that insite me.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
I love it. What if you're craving for validation is
simply the nervous system mistaking familiarity for safety and attention
for love. What if your nervous system is the bootleg

(10:28):
version of King James mistranslating your spiritual scriptures exactly what's
going on for toxicity familiarity and attention over love, Like
attention is love, familiarity is safety. What if you got
a mistranslation going on.

Speaker 4 (10:49):
Right, because your nervous system is always on high hyper right,
and then when it's calm, when you just meet calm
somebody who recognizes theirself, they don't require much attention, They
don't require anything you need to do for them. Necessarily.
Certain people whose nervous system is always on high and
expecting to be doing something that's really hard for them

(11:11):
to sit with. It's like, well, if it's flat, that
means nothing's happening, and we should be used to nothing happening.
But we're in that constant digital war of stimulation. Constantly,
whether our phones are flipping and swirling and noises and
colors and all of these things, we're constantly an alarm phase.

(11:33):
So when we're in calm phase, we don't even know
what that means.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
Would that be hypervigilance?

Speaker 4 (11:40):
It can be, yes, I'm just as you're always expecting
something or you always need something to be happening in
order to feel like you are existing.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
But isn't the polar opposite of hypervigilance not good too? Like,
shouldn't there be like a middle ground, right? Because some
people would rather have this person that doesn't trigger to
them in any way, so that they can't learn anything
about themselves and they can't be challenged. I mean, I
mean what comes to mind is dismissive avoidant attachment style,

(12:10):
which is conflict avoidant none whatsoever. Right, if there's any conflict,
meaning good conflict, like we have to have a tough conversation,
it's healthy. That's not healthy for.

Speaker 4 (12:21):
Them, No, But there's the pendulum that swings. We always
want to find something in the middle, right, That's what
I'm saying, that too much or nothing at all? Like
how do we take a little bit of here, a
little bit of that? Like Alice in Wonderlands, it's a
little nibblet.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Well, Alice went down the rabbit hole. That's why she
did from nibbling. It was nice.

Speaker 4 (12:45):
She had to have to find a balance at the end.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
Lord have mercy. We all fire tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
If you want to join the conversation, if you want
to talk to my sister, yes, she's my god sister.
Don't get it twisted. Her husband is my god brother.
You don't get it twisted. Man. If y'all want to
talk to her, all you got to do is call
me one eight one hundred and nine twenty fifteen eighty
when we come forward more from the vo R.

Speaker 6 (13:10):
So where do they come from? What is this about?
So instead of beating yourself up and say, oh, I
got to stop this approval seeking, our attention seeking? Why
do I do that? Where does this come from? So
kind of three big things that come out of complex trauma.
So number one, it's parents that weren't attuned to the

(13:35):
child's emotional needs, and so your emotional needs were not
seen and therefore met. So secondly, that's another way of
saying you experience some type of neglect. You did not
receive the attention you should have from your parents. And

(13:56):
it could be their workaholics, It could be they were narcissists,
could be they were very insecure driven, or it could
be not that they did it intentionally, but you were
in a very large family, or they had their own
family business and it demanded all of their time, or
they had chronic health problems or mental health problems and

(14:16):
they just weren't able to be there for you. Another
part of this is every child needs validation. That's one
of our emotional needs. They need to be told you're
good at that, Hey, you are this way, you did
a great job there. That's how a child learns who

(14:37):
they are. That's how a child begins to get a good,
positive self identity. But some parents grew up in an
era where they were told that if you validated your children,
they would get a big head, they would become proud,
they would get a big ego, And so parents purposely

(14:58):
didn't validate their t children, wanting to keep them humble.
But it had the reverse effect, it created shame. So,
based on inaccurate teaching, parents often did not validate their
children sufficiently sufficiently, So what happens for a child whose

(15:21):
need for validation is not met in a consistent way
is they can go in one of two directions so
they can suppress the need for validation. So basically that
means suppress all of my needs. Because if I express

(15:41):
my needs and I should get validation, but I rather
I get rejection, I get punishment. In other words, I
get pain. Therefore, let's become invisible. Let's not need validation.
Let's not have.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
Tim Fletcher cook? Was he cooking?

Speaker 6 (16:02):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (16:03):
How much shame is in modern day relationships today? Unprocessed shame, shame.
Everything else checks out. We got the good job, we
got the nice car, We you know, we got a
little money in the bank.

Speaker 4 (16:17):
A lot of underlying shame. I have a lot of
conversations clinically and not clinically, around just underlying messages. Men
and women have around all kinds of topics, right, most
importantly serial typical ones like what's the correct behavior for

(16:38):
a woman to you know, act like or a man
to be like? How many partners? Is too many partners. Like,
when you get into those things, you can really find
out the lessons that we're taught are not even directly
taught in from childhood and even from your parents, that
are our grandparents lessons and teachings that are passed down.

(16:59):
These things they just don't apply today, right, it's not
the structure of today's time. So those things ideas, you know, religion, expectations,
all that stuff, and the way people move and act,
select jobs, select partners, there's tons of shame in there,
even when they know the partner they're picking isn't for them.

(17:22):
They're shame in that too, because they know I should
be doing what I want for myself, and there's a
piece of guilt and shame there. And then there's that
guilt and shame where you're still not measuring up to
these expectations.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Of So it's not just shame, it's shame and guilt. Right,
usually they coming together. It ain't just shame by itself,
it's guilt too, well, guilt there, Oh lord, So would
you say that intimate relationship is an amplifier of this

(17:59):
shame and guilt.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
Brings it up, sets it on fire, sets it on fire.
We can hide in our intimacy.

Speaker 2 (18:08):
Explain intimacy though.

Speaker 4 (18:10):
Oh, like whether that's one that physical touch. Intimacy is
not necessarily when we always think of it as like
it's an actual sexual encounter.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Right.

Speaker 4 (18:19):
Intimacy is being able to look someone in the.

Speaker 2 (18:21):
Eyes, kindness, connecting, hold.

Speaker 4 (18:23):
Hands, listen, talk, learn, ask questions?

Speaker 2 (18:27):
Right?

Speaker 4 (18:28):
What are your love languages?

Speaker 3 (18:29):
Right?

Speaker 4 (18:29):
How do you receive love? Attention versus how do you
give it? Those are intimate ways of how do you
get to know somebody just sitting down and asking questions
without wanting anything technically in return, but to actually learn.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
We were hungry. Everybody want something, Lord, have mercy. Everybody
wants some So presence would equal intimacy absolutely, because people
need to know that's your body, your mind, you have
to be listening to that's presence. Does your brain interpret
your partner's silence as abandonment or as an invitation to

(19:10):
self regulate? Oh?

Speaker 4 (19:12):
Healthy or unhealthy?

Speaker 5 (19:14):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (19:15):
Yeah, yes, I understand?

Speaker 2 (19:16):
Is it an invite?

Speaker 4 (19:18):
I think we all have that though, Like I can
sometimes if you know somebody's checked out and I'm like
I have to tap in and be like wait, why
am I jumping? Like why am I being like, why
are you so quiet? What's wrong you feel in some
kind of way? But I'm also a scorpio, and you
know we have that intuition, So don't try to play
with us. But sometimes he's a scorpio, but sometimes we do.

(19:43):
It is an opportunity to go inward and say, well,
why am I not okay with this person being quiet
or not responding in the way I want you to respond.
That is that opportunity for growth.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. The national discussion is
about to begin. Once we get on the other side,
you already know what it is, doctor ping here knocking
them out the park. When we come forward, people want
to talk, and I want to listen.

Speaker 7 (20:15):
Be very okay, not giving people more of what they
can't afford or refuse to value personally and professionally.

Speaker 2 (20:22):
Okay.

Speaker 7 (20:22):
I've been saying that a lot recently. But let's talk
about it in the realm of friendship, because that's where
a lot of double standards live and they thrive. I
saw this discourse. I've been seeing discourse recently around friendship
being an inconvenience. Okay, in order to have a friend,
you actually gotta be more okay, And community requires you
to be a participant, not just a recipient. And this

(20:43):
contradicts this narnive that we've been here for a while
where it's like, you know, protect your piece, you have boundaries.
If you want to cancel last minute on somebody, you can.
If you don't want to go somewhere and support these people,
you don't have to. You don't want to respond to messages, yeah,
throw your phone away.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Who cares?

Speaker 7 (20:58):
That's your boundary to protect your piece. And people latch
onto that why because it validates them, It justifies their
behavior and how they're actually treating people. Right, so they
taking it run.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
But we forget the other.

Speaker 7 (21:10):
Side of that. Every action has a reaction, and our
choices do have consequences, for better or for worse. So
if you don't wanna show up for people, yeah, that's okay.
Eventually they'll stop showing it for you, and they will
match the level of effort you output. Alright, And then
I saw this other video recently where they were saying
how we should stop telling people that friendship is an inconvenience, kay,

(21:32):
And the first thought I had was why, Because it's
an inconvenience for people to sit with the discomfort of
their laziness and their selfishness and their emotional immaturity and
how self centered they can be in these relationships. Is
that why we should stop telling people that friendship is
an inconvenience? Good because we're very okay telling other people
how we don't have the time for them and how
they should stay put until we're ready, But to hear,

(21:55):
it's an inconvenience to actually sustain relationship as a problem,
friendship specifically. And then I heard this other video, and
this video sounds like a script that people are passing
around because it all sounds the same, and it goes like,
you should pray for your friends because sometimes they're fighting
battles that you don't know about. And yes, even though
you may be reaching out and acquiring and they're not
responding to you, it's not about you. It's not always

(22:15):
about you. Okay. Yeah, they may be on social media
telling the world that didn't ask, and yes you may
see them out with other people, but you shouldn't take
it as them acting funny. They're just going through things.

Speaker 5 (22:27):
You know what.

Speaker 7 (22:27):
Sometimes it isn't about you.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
This is very much about this Isaiah. That's who that
was now I don't know his last name, but we
just gonna say Isaiah, the Book of Isaiah. Yeah, he
was cooking.

Speaker 4 (22:44):
I like it.

Speaker 2 (22:44):
I loved every bit of what he was saying. Let
me just so, there's a lot of people out right
now on the internet TikTok YouTube, everybody thinks relationship talk
is an easy win. Well, if you talk relationships, everybody

(23:05):
can relate. Everybody's in a relationship. And here's the thing.
You can't invalidate people's experience. So people are speaking from
their experience. But if you don't really know yourself and
you're speaking from your experience, you're only speaking of the

(23:26):
end result. You're not speaking of how it came about,
why it came about within you. It's just this is
how people are. You're actually dangerous to society. Now now
you're you're a menace. No, you remember a long time ago,

(23:47):
they used to say that about self help books. They
would say a lot of self help books are actually dangerous.
They're not linked, you know, locked in psychologically sound. But
it was a big market.

Speaker 4 (24:01):
Yeah, you see, it's a trend now everybody reading self
help books, everybody writing self help books.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
But that's what I'm saying, so, as we started the
conversation earlier, when we were talking about how people are
a bit confused about the actual purpose of why we relate,
I believe the reason we relate has this high spiritual meaning. Now,

(24:29):
Carl Jung made it psychoanalytic. You know, Freud was on
some dreams. You know, Young was a student of Freud.
Freud wasn't even a psychologist.

Speaker 4 (24:44):
How easy it was back then.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
You just want to sit down and talk, okay, talk therapy.
She ain't crazy no more. Look, and he is the
face of it all right. But I'm asking these questions
because you know, the Westerner comes in and makes what
was once spiritual clinical. Right, it has to be refutable,

(25:08):
it has to be.

Speaker 4 (25:08):
Replicable, dollar signable, dollar signable.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
Yes, that's what happens there, right, Whereas in the spirit
realm we're okay with uncertainty. Uncertainty or blockages or actually
blessings sometimes sets you to work through those things exactly.

Speaker 4 (25:27):
You evolve, you grow.

Speaker 2 (25:29):
So, as we're talking about relationships, I'm asking you, now,
how do we get the original spiritual purpose of relationship
back into the mainstream. How do we get people to
connect not just for validation, but to connect for deeper,

(25:53):
deeper meaning. I find it it's metrics over meaning, right,
I was going to.

Speaker 4 (25:59):
Say that that I really I don't know, Like we
got to ask AI how to make want to heal themselves.
But that's the thing of just you know, but it's
not something that we want, like because it's not mainstream.

(26:19):
Like right now, healing is so superficial, like everybody just
loves to say it, but you're not actually doing it.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
You're not healed saying it like.

Speaker 4 (26:28):
I'm healing, Like it's almost like it's catchphrase, like it's
it's a fad, right, it's an excuse to not have
like how long you been healing? Like is there a
time limit?

Speaker 2 (26:40):
Right? Right?

Speaker 4 (26:41):
I could to act like this because I'm healing, Like
at what point do we get to take responsibility for
our lack of healing?

Speaker 2 (26:48):
You know?

Speaker 4 (26:48):
And there I guess you can't say there's this this
time limit on it. But the question of saying how
do we get people to want to do it, Like
I don't know how to tell somebody to want better
for yourself, Like I don't have that answer. Somebody set
with me and is like, well, what am I supposed
to do? And I'm like, well, first of all, you
have to know where you want to go. I as
your therapist or whatever. I'm just serious. You tell me

(27:11):
where you want to go, but you need to know,
and I can give you a couple of routes to
get me there.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Something actionable. How how can I manifest wanting better for
myself in a series of actions?

Speaker 4 (27:24):
Absolutely so that when you're saying how do we get
people to want to do that one? You have to
see first of all, like something about what you're doing
now isn't working. But because we have so many options,
we can bounce from place to place to place and
get these little tiny payoffs bingos.

Speaker 2 (27:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (27:45):
So yeah, that's hard to really say, how do we
get everybody to buy in? Like, just because you can
switch doesn't mean it's it's a good option, it's a
good idea.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
You just pointed out something that I think is the
bane of everybody's existence, even if it's unbeknownst to them,
and that is, if you can win incrementally, you don't
have to correct anything. No, you could just keep bouncing
from situation a situation and extrapolating what little pieces you
want and when you can't get it anymore, you bounce

(28:17):
to another situation exactly. I call it the who is
that guy that played for the Dallas? The Sean Marion effect.
Sean Marion had the ugliest jump shot in the world. However,
it used to go in, so he has no he
has no need to eat, no reason to want to

(28:37):
fix it because it would go in. But if you
go back and you look at that jump shot, it
was hideous the shot. Hey, the Sean Marion effect. If
I can make this sho oh, I made it. I
don't have to fix anything. So if I can get
these incremental wins, there's no need to fix me. It's
everybody else's.

Speaker 4 (28:55):
Fault, so we can't take that away. So that would
how what would that look like in society? Take in
a way, everybody's options for incremental wins in order to
make you go within.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
I think that's the difference between mediocrity and greatness. Whereas
somebody like Bruce Lee or Tiger Woods or Kobe Bryant
would be like, no, the shot is broken, I need
to fix it right, or Michael Jackson, someone that is
the mission is so important that it has to be right.

(29:32):
I take pride and care. I don't think people take
much pride and care in themselves. I think everything they
do is for the end result that comes from the.

Speaker 4 (29:42):
Outside in extra validation.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
That's the validation.

Speaker 4 (29:46):
So I think that's what separates the goods from the greats,
is I think intrinsically that's what they want to do. Right.
You can take athletes, whatever, people when they're great at what,
When they're the greats, right.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
Let's say great at being themselves.

Speaker 4 (30:01):
That's truly themselves. Yes, we may have been born into
a pathway of football, basketball, you know, whatever it is.
But when I internalize it, like, no, this is mine,
I truly love it. I'm not doing it for my mom.
I'm not doing it necessarily for the fame or the greatness.
Those are secondary gains. But the original gain, I think,

(30:22):
is what separates those goods from those greats because it's theirs.
It's like, no, this is my jump shot. This is
how I look while I'm doing it.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
Now watch this. Take it from sport and put it
back into ifs internal family systems. Mama was a codependent,
Daddy was a covert narcissist. Correct inconsistent attunement made my
shot crooked.

Speaker 4 (30:52):
So do we keep blaming our parents.

Speaker 2 (30:54):
At what point do we look itself and go, you.

Speaker 4 (30:57):
Know what, I think I should something about this. But
why we can't is because those incremental winds, like if
nobody is nailing me to the cross and saying this
is wrong, you're wrong, and all of my walls get blocked,
you know, my rock bottom. If that doesn't happen, then
there is no room for me to correct it unless I,

(31:18):
truly me personally find something wrong with it.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the v O R.
I know I got callers. I'm gonna get to my Nie.
She's on the line. Listen if you want to get
in here. I bet you, I bet you, hey, I
bet you. Eric ain't gonna call tonight. We got a
therapist in studio. Where is Carson now? Where you at? Eric?

(31:46):
I got help when we come forward, the voice of
reason gonna keep this fire. Let let's go.

Speaker 8 (31:54):
You know, every man swears that he wants a good
woman until he meets one, and then his wounds will
the side for him. That's what always ruins it, not
her not timing his unhealed story.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
Because a woman with.

Speaker 8 (32:03):
A pure heart doesn't just love you. She reflects you,
not by pointing out your flaws, but by giving you
the kind of love your nervous system doesn't recognize.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
She becomes a mirror.

Speaker 8 (32:09):
And if you grew up believing that love has to
be earned, then her softness won't feel safe, it'll feel foreign.
That's when you see guys sabotaging it. They'll lie withdraw,
judge your purity because it exposes your pain. And it's
not because you don't care, but because you don't know
how to receive care without suspicion. Ask yourself. You get
triggered when she brings up her past. Does body count
make you insecure? Do you feel jealousy when she's vibrant
in a room you can't control. That's not her, that's

(32:30):
your unhealed masculine And if you don't learn to self regulate,
you'll make her do it for you. You'll force her to
carry both your pain and her love. That's when she
starts dimming, not because she lost interest, but because she's
exhausted trying to be both woman and warrior. She wasn't
asking you to be perfect.

Speaker 4 (32:45):
Robert was cute, Holy smokes, Robert ouch Man heavy.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
He mentioned the mirror piece in there too. It's heavy,
and he's he's he's kind of right, but he's also
kind of wrong.

Speaker 4 (33:01):
Let's do it. There's a lot of stuff in there.

Speaker 2 (33:04):
There's a lot of stuff in there. You can't use
the mirror piece though, because the mirror piece says you
get what you are. She can't be wonder woman and
he be just a regular dude on the street causing
all of this stuff to her. There's this bi directional
canal of foolishness that brings the two of them together. Correct,

(33:27):
and you, like the narcissists, who loves the like that
was just about to go there, You, as the clinician,
know the narcissist loves the codependent. The avoidant is drawn
to the anxious person, and vice versa. This is Christiana
Murty's concept of the mirror of relationship. And this is
the type of information that I'm saying is out there.

(33:49):
It sounds good, it's articulate. Just because it's articulate doesn't
mean it's intelligent. Right, So it sounded good, and then
it was like, wait a minute, you're elevating the woman
in this scenario by saying the man is this and
a lot of the things he was saying is correct,
But there is a cycle. There's a diad here. It

(34:12):
isn't just say there is no one victim and one villain.
There are two sides of both coins in both arenas.

Speaker 4 (34:21):
Go ahead, right, No, I'm listening. I'm like, yes, when
we listen to those things, and why we can jump
on them so quickly is it taps into our superficiality,
like when we're superficial in conversations and relationships, in the
information we want to take in the first things about

(34:41):
that sound great and a pilling like yeah, I get it. Shoot,
there's a whole bunch of means out here trying to
do this. But then we have to think about, well,
how are you doing this? Why are you perpetuating this?
That's where you get to sit back and reflect, how well,
how did I get here and become superwoman? And how
much of me becoming superwoman is the platform I want

(35:04):
to be standing on. Where would I be without my
my soapbox?

Speaker 2 (35:08):
So you saying I co created the soapbox, I.

Speaker 4 (35:11):
Think I co create everything. But that's the way I
I'm responsible for all the things that happen, good or bad.
But that's the way you know, I process those things,
but hearing that it can be like yeah, no, yeah,
I get it. I get it because it taps into
those mm hmm, right arguments that are out here every
day of whose fault is it, you know, the independent

(35:34):
woman versus this man, and this is why the man
doesn't do it anymore because well, if you want to
do it, so I'm gonna let you do it. All
of these tug awards when we're not talking on a
deeper level about that entire conversation, which is, well, how
did we both get here? Because we're talking about independence?

Speaker 2 (35:51):
You know, it's really ugly. I'm gonna say something and
it might be offensive, and I don't want it to
be offensive, but it might be taken as offensive.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
I'm ready.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
The unintelligent speaks straight. The intelligent speaks double sided. The
more intelligent you are, the more double sided you speak,
because you're speaking for everything, like the possibility could be
this or that. You don't speak in absolutes, correct, so

(36:21):
the keep it reals of the world and tell me
straight like it is. That is the most unintelligent speak
there is because nothing is straight. Everything is nuanced, right,
and a lot of people don't like that. So again,
if we're in a car, if we're in a relationship

(36:43):
and I can't express my emotions because I'm one of
those keep it real, just tell me what it is type,
And you don't understand that, Oh that's a dismissive avoidant.
They don't actually do well articulating their feelings, like you're
going to push them away by doing that.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
If I do keep it do you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
So again, we live in a society that kind of
elevates the just keep it real and speak facts. But
facts are not as clear as you think they are.

Speaker 4 (37:16):
Right, that's someone's observation, that's from their POV right, right,
without being able to branch out and say, well, this
is just for me. It's not absolute. This is just
my experience of what it's like to be superwoman in
my house. But when I got the soapbox kicked from
under me, I now I have to fall into my
soft girl error.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
Oh lord, here we go. When we come for we
go into the phone lines. I promise you better get
in here and talk to my sister, doctor p You
already know who it is, doctor Procoya McCall Robinson. Yes, sir, why.

Speaker 4 (37:51):
Are people scared?

Speaker 9 (37:52):
Yeah, what comes to my mind is that lack of validation.
If I don't get validation for who I am, ego,
if EGO doesn't get validation for who EGO is, it
goes out of its way to look for separation. This
is why people want more money, more accolades. And when
they don't have that validation of who they are, they

(38:15):
really don't feel like they have purpose, which means that
they don't have meaning, and underneath that they tend to
feel unwanted, unloved, and unacknowledged. So they typically put on
a mask to make sure that they can show up
in the world and receive the love that they desire.
But becoming nobody means that they don't get to perform anymore.

(38:38):
And most people just don't know who they are outside
of performance, and they are unsure that they'll be loved
if they don't perform the way that they have their
entire lives. Essentially, they're afraid that love will be taken away.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
So, but ladies and gentlemen, that was Women of Tomorrow
with care and dilove, and she was cooking. She was cooking.
I loved everything she had to say. And we have
callers on the line, and I want to get to them.
But if you're just tuning in to the second hour,

(39:17):
we're having a real conversation about dopamine disciples, Disciples of dopamine.
Dopamine disciples love it, worshiping at the altar of instant gratification.

Speaker 4 (39:34):
Give it to me, my God.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
Relationships are not just about your satisfaction.

Speaker 4 (39:41):
No, no, satisfaction guaranteed doesn't come with the stake.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
Relationships are about your Would you say that Carl Jung
modeled individuation off of what the Hindu might call mo
Shah or nirvana.

Speaker 4 (40:02):
Yeah, you know, we got all that.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
You know, they just recontextualized it for European consumption.

Speaker 4 (40:08):
That's right, Yes, that's it. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
So, relationship is an extension or tool of self actualization.
Are we using it for that? Related? Listen, Relationships for
most people is beakram yoga. We're in a hot box sweating.
We're not levitating, we're not We're just in a hot

(40:33):
box sweating on Los Angeles. This was wonderful time.

Speaker 4 (40:41):
Sweated.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
That's swated it out. Yeah, we're gonna go have brunch.
That's what relationship is. That's so when I when people
are talking, you know, a man is supposed to and
then a woman bolder, and then I just be like, yo,
you have no idea what kind of damage you're doing

(41:04):
if you don't understand the spiritual aspects of relationships. This
craving for validation. Where do we get to? Where do where?
Where does it come from?

Speaker 4 (41:14):
It's instant, it's on Instagram or something home.

Speaker 2 (41:19):
Did the first person to not fulfill us? Was it
our primary caregiver?

Speaker 4 (41:26):
That's what that's what.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
Uh, you know, that's what.

Speaker 4 (41:28):
That's what.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
That's what them folks say.

Speaker 4 (41:30):
That's what they say.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
Them folks be saying. We don't want to say who
the folks is.

Speaker 4 (41:34):
That's what they say. The people people that we follow,
that is what they say.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
You know, the Bowbies of the world, the Ainsworths of
the world. That's what they say.

Speaker 4 (41:44):
Right. But they're also teaching again it's it's not a
spiritual sense. We always bring that in here about what
did we actually come in here with you?

Speaker 2 (41:55):
Yes? Right? Why go ahead?

Speaker 4 (41:59):
Am I here?

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Right? Yes?

Speaker 4 (42:01):
So we're not taught that. So those lessons in those
teachings in those books. The Western way is the crutch,
you know, which always I think actually leads you to
remain broken because the dollar sign, you know, there's nothing,
there's no monetary value in the in the heel and healthy.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
I have to diact, I have to diagnose something correct
in order to prescribe something that's right.

Speaker 4 (42:26):
And you're still a hot mess and lords tap into
your your true self without all of that, and not
to say there aren't you know, true chemical imbalances and
people need mental health and medicine and things like that,
but in that sense of there's a missing piece where
you know there is balance. And I don't think anybody

(42:47):
can fully like entertain another person in a relationship without
their own spirituality, not necessarily saying it has to be
this God or something, but they're to be something rooting you.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
Wait, how do we tell our ego and its strategies
that we've learned from childhood? You know, we strategize from
childhood to get what we want, to get what we
didn't get. So how do we tell ourselves, Hey, this
is our ego doing this, and this is not our soul,
our presence, the truth of who we really are. This

(43:24):
is not that all.

Speaker 4 (43:25):
Right, that's your ID is out here acting up.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
Your ID is wilent. How do we differentiate?

Speaker 4 (43:32):
I think that's what that practice it's a it's a
spiritual practice. It is sitting in that quiet. It is
sitting in that nothingness where those answers are revealed to you.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
All right, here we go. Modern intimacy has become a
biological liturgy. We kneel before our screens, refresh the feed
and called the flicker of novelty connection the dopamine surge.
Once a biological whisper guiding us towards survival, has been
recoded into a doctrine of distraction. Doctor Bessel vander Clark

(44:10):
reminds us that trauma leaves the body chasing regulation through stimulus.
Every notification mimics the promise of maternal return. Mama, Mama
likes equal hugs. Lord, It is a digital hug. I

(44:31):
didn't the hugs unturned, digital Lord. Our likes are lullabies
to a limbic system terrified of stillness. Christ Namurti might
call this the act the addiction to becoming, a refusal
to simply be. Nietzsche warned that man would rather will

(44:54):
nothingness than not will. That's ugly. In digital l romance,
the will to scroll replaces the will to introspect. This
keeps me, This keeps me going.

Speaker 4 (45:10):
It does, it does.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
The philosopher's mirror becomes a touch screen, reflecting only the
ego's echo chamber. But that rothschild. Her trauma informed grounding
offers a path out, orient to the present before seeking pleasure.
Remember my peace. Remember how we said peace and quiet.

(45:36):
So really my quiet is pleasurable. But quiet is an
extension of avoidance. It is not truly peace, which can
be in chaos. The avoidance technically can't be in chaos,
do you see? And life is chaotic at times. Oh

(46:03):
my goodness, we got calls on the line. Are you
ready to talk to these folks always in the oh,
here we go, in the name of sweet baby raised
barbecue sauce. Let's get this conversation going to national discussion begins.
Reverend L from Dallas, Texas is on the line. What
are your thoughts on tonight's conversation? My friend?

Speaker 10 (46:26):
What's going on?

Speaker 2 (46:27):
Brother? Man? I'm alive and well what's happening with you? Pumped?

Speaker 10 (46:32):
Man? Doing all right?

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Man? Doing all right?

Speaker 10 (46:34):
I want to say welcome to the gift.

Speaker 8 (46:37):
Also, I want to be.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
Rude, doctor Pie, Thank you how you doing.

Speaker 4 (46:43):
I'm very well, thank you.

Speaker 10 (46:45):
Yeah, one thing stuck out some real quick though.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Yes, well you didn't.

Speaker 10 (46:50):
Want to offend anybody when you made a statement, you know,
I'm all for that.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
Yeah, I know when.

Speaker 10 (46:56):
You say you said just tell you know, uh, it's
like we said, no intelligence, We just tell them, just
tell me straight up to And I understand where you're
coming from, because a lot of these people are slow
to listen and quick to speak. They just want to
go ahead and get it out there and like, just
tell me, just tell them to tell me. It's like

(47:16):
you just want to hear the situation. You don't want
to hear how we got there, and sometimes how we
get to certain places. You can understand how we got there,
So understanding a lot of patients. A lot of people
don't want patients in these relationships. They want instant relationship.
Everything got to be just completely one hundred. You know,

(47:39):
when you date somebody or whatnot, you might not have
everything in common, but you start working together and if
you like that person enough, you can kind of compromise
little things. Understand how this person became who they are.
That's to be really genuine. But you got to know
yourself first. If you don't know yourself first, you're gonna
be out here lost and helping other people lose.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
Helping other people lose themselves. Let's get lost together.

Speaker 4 (48:06):
I'm a helper of helping you get lost.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
Follow me, Reverend ell Man, I love it when you
come in. Man, you've been cooking with that hot fish grease. Brother.
Guess what you just did, my friend?

Speaker 10 (48:18):
They brought Dallas from the building.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Dallas, Texas is on the board. Texas is in the building.
Deep right now, are you ready for the the next
major city in Texas? I tell her from Houston, Texas
is on the board. I tell her, what are your
thoughts on tonight's time? She's like Texas on doctor?

Speaker 5 (48:45):
Oh my god, so excited. I love her so much.
She's also thank you first of all. Yes, I just
want to correct Houston is the best city in Texas.

Speaker 2 (48:55):
WHOA Okay, all right.

Speaker 5 (48:57):
Okay, the sorry y'all saying. But no other than that, though,
I do have some question, okay, and so my first
question to y'all is is presence a function of isness appreciation?
And in what way can the lack of presence be
considered a rejection of what is in the hopes that

(49:19):
the desired outcome is a chief.

Speaker 4 (49:24):
I mean, jeez, okay, that's it.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
We took off iss and I'll reject isness in order
to get what i want. Is that what you said?

Speaker 4 (49:36):
Yeah, so we're rejecting in order to get what we want.
Because that's a lot. That was a lot, like a
mouthful of stuff. I have like a billion thoughts.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
I see what you's on, though I see exactly what
you're on. I'm listening. So when you say isness the
truth who you say a person actually is you're aware
of or a or a situation. You know what it is,
they know what it is. You reject that in order

(50:10):
to get what you want. Maybe the situation isn't giving
you what you want. So you say, well, I'm a
rejected even though I know what it is. And it's
probably something that's familiar to me that I'm attracted to
that I might want to participate in.

Speaker 4 (50:26):
Like being blinded by the one the monster.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Exactly, or it could be the other way. I know
what this is, and I know, like I had a
sister tell me a few months ago. She said, after
she met me, this feels like my world is going
to be turned upside down. Just from the conversations we had,

(50:51):
she said, this feels like my world is going to
be turned upside down, and it was. She knew it.
And I think what happens with a lot of people.
You might be attracted to your ideal, but you might
not be ready for your ideal. M D you see
I do so you can call in that I want this,

(51:14):
I want this, I want that, and then when it
shows up, it may trigger all of the work you
need to do to catch up.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
So you reject that. Then you reject that, you block
your blessing. You reject your blessing and say you not
for me.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
It showed up you ain't for I thought you was
for me. Why but you really not for me? Streets?
I am ready for the streets now I thought I
wasn't the streets, but I'm fun of streets.

Speaker 5 (51:48):
Oh no, the streets is treacherous out here. Let's not
play these games.

Speaker 8 (51:51):
No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
Right to this treacher doctor doctor P can you elaborate.

Speaker 4 (52:01):
And rejecting? I think we did it, but let's see
what else can I don't know if I can say
more about that that would.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
Add to why do we reject what could actually jump
start the healing process.

Speaker 4 (52:17):
In us, like other than we're just not ready or
we don't even.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
Know is we're not ready a thing?

Speaker 4 (52:24):
It is a thing. But I think not being ready,
I believe, is a true thing. And especially if you're
not aware, you cannot be ready for something you're not
aware of like that, And if you choose to not
be aware because you don't believe it, like if I'm
the freshest thing out like I'm, nobody can change my
mind about that. And with all my options, keep on

(52:45):
telling me that I am there's no reason to shift
or change. I can't see I actually have a problem.

Speaker 2 (52:51):
But this is getting deep, and I'm gonna tell you why.
If I'm listening to cosmologists doctor Neil de Grass what's
his name is that his name Neil de Grass Tyson,
If I'm listening to him, and he says, hey, man,
we live in a simulation, so free will is an illusion.

(53:14):
If I'm listening to Einstein and all of Einstein's universal constants,
and we get down to this understanding that the universe
is divinely fine tuned, well, scientists wouldn't say definely. They
don't do the god thing. They would just say fine tuned. Right,
if everything is fine tuned, so there's an economy to

(53:34):
the universe. The universe doesn't waste any movements. So I
don't believe the timing thing. It happens whether you're ready
for it or not.

Speaker 4 (53:47):
It's our perception of.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
It's our perception of being ready. But it happens when
it's supposed to happen. Hold tight, when we come forward,
the voice of reason gonna keep this thing cooking.

Speaker 11 (53:58):
Let's go to give all your mind, your heart, your
nerves to completely give attention. H do you find that
there is a center from which you are attending, So

(54:19):
in that attention there is not your thinking and speaker thinking.
There is only a quality of a total attention. Right,
don't look so mystified. It's really quite simple. You see.

(55:00):
Our thinking, ordinary every day thinking is with regard to
a certain subject, to a certain action, to a certain problem,
thinking about something right. Right, That thinking is from an experience,

(55:28):
from a memory, from a knowledge. Therefore it's your experience
opposed to another experience. So there is always division, right.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
My experience versus your experience.

Speaker 11 (55:50):
Please follow this, Please follow I love him, You have
your opinion and another has his opinion on oh, and
the two divisive opinions. Dividing opinions can never come together.
If you believe in something or other believe in something

(56:15):
else strongly, then there's wide cleavage. The cleavage to that
way of thinking. We are accustomed, right.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
Hey, man, I love Christiana Murty man and he's always
cooking with the rarest, grease and finest.

Speaker 5 (56:45):
You know.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
Christiana Murty was big on attentiveness.

Speaker 5 (56:48):
He was.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
What's happening is when Krishnamurti started, it was he was
born in eighteen ninety five, died in nineteen eighty six,
he was ninety or something like that. So when Krishnamurti started,
his philosophy centered on something that is now translating into
the clinical side, the mindfulness piece. And Krishnamurty his view

(57:17):
of meditation was something that isn't forced, right. He was like,
this is an effortless attentiveness. And so when you look
at it from the clinical side, it was the parent
that didn't tune in, that wasn't emotionally attentive to the

(57:40):
child that created the breach in the child. So as
an adult we grow up, we have this breach we've
learned coping mechanisms and survival strategies, and we think that's
who we are, and we take that into adult relationships
and we use these tax picks on the people we

(58:02):
attract into our lives. Now, the question becomes, how do
I get to where Krishna Murty is when he pushes
this concept of choiceless awareness where I'm not allowing my
broken past to make decisions on who I'm supposed to

(58:25):
be with or who I'm supposed to deal with based
off of this deficiency that happened way back. When how
do we break that cycle from a clinical perspective, and
then we'll bring Attala back in.

Speaker 4 (58:39):
Clinically. The only way to shift or have any change,
say we have any kind of trauma, it's to relive
that sort of experience and have a different outcome, Like
you have to it's a redo. You have to do
it again and see a different outcome for you to
believe like, oh, this is the only way. This isn't

(59:02):
how it is. There's other ways for it to be.
Even though we have a million examples of other people
and their parents and skills and all these things, and
maybe we even have someone directly telling us, like, you
know that's that's not the correct way.

Speaker 2 (59:15):
Right, right, But the redo is scary.

Speaker 4 (59:18):
So so we talked about fear right like, so if.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
We if we recognize we're redoing right a reenactment, right.

Speaker 4 (59:27):
Kind of have a different outcome.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
So what do we do? You get in there and
do it, but what do we do normally?

Speaker 4 (59:32):
Oh, you don't do it.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
You avoid it, You avoid it and you start it
over again.

Speaker 4 (59:37):
Yes, until but the question is, how would would you
redo that? How do we have a different outcome? How
do we stop blaming our you know, initial parents, guardians,
whoever it was that caused that initial disruption or that breach,
whatever it is, it has to be redone. And when

(59:59):
people were having partners right that are coming into our life.
This could even be with friends, not even necessarily lack
our Roman graduations. Even in our friendships. We can be
bouncing through friends or having an inability to make and
keep friends because we don't know how, we don't find
value in it. Maybe they trigger us. Maybe they're not
playing into our our story, like maybe they're not getting

(01:00:21):
in that loop with us, right, so we'll switch it
could be their fault.

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
No, this is big you don't.

Speaker 4 (01:00:29):
Are you listening to you? So you cook it sitting
in here.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
So again this reenactment piece, you're saying, you're forced to
get in there and reenact it. Yeah, but you're not
bound to the end of the story that molded you. Correct,
So you have to be someone different you. It's the same.

Speaker 4 (01:00:54):
Script, but you have to do it differently.

Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
You gotta do it differently.

Speaker 4 (01:00:59):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
Nah. But most you know what most people.

Speaker 4 (01:01:01):
Do stay the same.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
They walk off set and then they go to another set.

Speaker 4 (01:01:07):
And they're staying the same. They're not changing. So you're like, oh,
nothing's changing for me, like you haven't yet, you know, clinically.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
Speaking, ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the v R.
It's complete fire.

Speaker 12 (01:01:27):
I am completely mind blown. My sister has given me
so much to think about.

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
It's good to know. When we come fullard, I will
pull my knees. I'll tell Phillips back into the My goodness,
this was good. Hey, will we come forward. We're going
back to Houston, Texas, let's get it.

Speaker 13 (01:01:53):
One of the things that makes us feel inferior in
dating is this feeling that we don't not chop to
what we see out there. So we go into a
date and we feel not good enough. We look at
someone and we think they're intimidating because of the way
they look, or their style, or what they've achieved in
their life, or the speed of their wit, and we think, God,
I can't match up to this person. But if we
see them as being on a level playing field with us,

(01:02:15):
where we're different but equal, we can simply celebrate those
aspects of them. The same is true in a relationship.
Someone else's success in a relationship doesn't diminish our worth.
We can be with someone who is incredibly impressive in
all sorts of ways and simply celebrate them, knowing it
takes nothing away from our inherent value.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
Ladies and gentlemen. The voice of reason about the land
Is plane. That was Matthew Halsey. Hey, he always cooking
with the rarest grease. We love featuring these clips. The
clips have been amazing. Tonight, my sister, My God, sister,
doctor Pee Macau. I don't want to say Macaul. I

(01:03:02):
just want to say Robinson. I know you don't, but
it's all good here. It's all up, all of us,
everybody up in here. Man. She been on fire tonight,
My niece is on the line. I want to get
her in here to get her final thoughts on this.
I tell her from Houston, Texas give it to us.

Speaker 5 (01:03:18):
Yeah. So ultimately, I think what the centers around is
our perception of worth and value. So if I don't
believe I'm worthy, I'm not going to value that which
like authentically values me.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
That she told us, She said, she told us, Attela,
guess what you just did. N Houston, Texas is in
the building. Man, hold on, man, do we have to
do this? Let's we're gonna shout out Eric. Apparently it's

(01:03:53):
Eric's birthday today. Eric from Carson. Hey, this is Eric's
theme song right now? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, come on,
happy birthday. Brother. We appreciate you. I don't know about
the contributor.

Speaker 4 (01:04:13):
Piece all the things, but we bring forward.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
Yeah, all the things you bring forward? How about that
when you call in? We appreciate the cause, brother, But
to be honest with you, you should have called in on
your birthday to talk to my sister because I've been
asking you. Have you gone to deal with a therapist?

(01:04:39):
I said, you need to see a therapist. My sister
is here. You shouldn't be out on the date. I'm
here to tell you right now.

Speaker 4 (01:04:48):
You brotherfit No.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
I love the brother, like the man said, listen, I
love the brother, but he need to be on this hey,
he need to If he had del Taco in the
drive through, he needs to get out to drive through,
put a car reverse and go get a payphone and
call in right now.

Speaker 7 (01:05:08):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:05:09):
I'm just telling Druth.

Speaker 4 (01:05:10):
Now to your nearest payphone.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
Listen. Oh he got a cell phone. Okay, call in Eric,
because you need this work. Brother. Listen. And what I
love about this platform a lot of brothers from all
over the country call in love it so it lets
me know that brothers actually engage in this type of
discussion and want to progress further. And Eric is one

(01:05:36):
of those brothers. But Eric is he ain't easy work.

Speaker 4 (01:05:43):
Happy birthday, cheers to another trip around the sun, my man.
You know we got work to do.

Speaker 2 (01:05:48):
He's like Enu's boots in there with Canelos sparring like
oh this boy, good, this boy, good, good doc. Where
can these people find you? How do they connect with you?

Speaker 4 (01:06:00):
On Instagram? At incite to me that's the letter in
s I G H T M E or incite me
dot com That's where I'm at.

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
I love it.

Speaker 4 (01:06:10):
In your Instagram, incite me, Okay in s I g
h t emmy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:17):
Okay, she's married. I'm just gonna say it again. Yeah,
this is my god sister, she's married.

Speaker 4 (01:06:27):
I'm just you know, sput it out there because say,
don't here the first time. I mean, I like it,
I appreciate it. Somebody got a root for marriages out here.

Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
I mean one thing I love. I love. Yeah, it's healing. No,
because you know this ain't no easy walk this. This
is about healing every day, every day. If we miss
the day of healing, this thing could go sideways the Titanic.
Do you understand what I'm saying. I'm trying to tell folks,
this is soo you not married. I ain't gotta be

(01:06:57):
married to know that. Right. If daily healing ain't happening,
this go sideways fast. I have another question for you.
If dopamine sustains romantic fantasy, can equanimity ever feel erotic? Yeah?

(01:07:29):
You know I like doing and.

Speaker 4 (01:07:33):
Say it again, go I got more, I got more past?

Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
How might how might our tolerance for uncertainty reveal the
maturity of our nervous system more than the depth of
our affection.

Speaker 4 (01:07:51):
Woo's filling this up. Come to this front over it.
That's what I told you. This is not a one
night show. It is loss of cups. Oh, it's the
low hanging for I'm sorry, I'm trying to reach from
the top.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
How might our tolerance for uncertainty reveal the maturity of
our nervous system more than the depth of our affection?
I might I reveal that? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (01:08:16):
And you know most people can't deal with uncertainty like
it's a scary place.

Speaker 2 (01:08:21):
That's your relationship isn't real if there's no uncertainty in it.

Speaker 4 (01:08:26):
Well, but we like to tell ourselves if there is
uncertainty in it, it's not certain, and that's what makes
people scary and start looking for the other options.

Speaker 2 (01:08:35):
Why does it have to be certain all the time.

Speaker 4 (01:08:40):
Because that's what we have been programmed to believe.

Speaker 2 (01:08:42):
So is the relationship a lie? It can be if
you think if you think it has to be certain
all the time, does that make a relationship?

Speaker 4 (01:08:51):
No, you're just lying, like I'm the liarrow.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Up as the liar. You done contaminated the relationship environment.

Speaker 4 (01:08:59):
That's absolutely, But again, that mindset is important, and these
are the questions you should be asking people on dates
instead of what's your zodiac side?

Speaker 2 (01:09:07):
Now if you ask these questions on a day.

Speaker 4 (01:09:11):
Date, but then you know, stop wasting your time. But
we should be able to have those are the kind
of conversations we're talking about we should be able to have,
or we should be having. If we're saying we want
healthy relationships, if we know if we're ready enough to
be in one, are independence, we can be challenged, we

(01:09:31):
can have intimate conversations like such to be able to
really tell how is this thing gonna unfold? Because our
true selves is always gonna come up. Let's just say,
in my mind, if I'm never asked a are you
actually uncertain in relationships?

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
Are you?

Speaker 4 (01:09:48):
Do? You feel usually pretty secure? If somebody really asked
me that, and I'm like, you know what, I'm actually
pretty insecure. This person has two options stay or leave.

Speaker 5 (01:09:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:09:59):
Yeah, that's very telling, and most.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
People will leave because most people don't have the capacity
to deal with someone who's insecure. So most people don't
know how to be in a relationship with a human being.
There you go.

Speaker 4 (01:10:14):
We're all pretty.

Speaker 2 (01:10:14):
Uh straight lies, we're liars. I have to say it
for what it really is. We're ladies and gentlemen. We
started the conversation, is up to you to finish it.
That two hours flew by quick. All week long, I
meant to announce this at the beginning. All week long,
all of my guests are female, women, women, women, women, women, women,

(01:10:38):
and women time. They're all here. It's gonna be amazing,
it's gonna be powerful. We started the conversation, is up
to you to finish it. I'll be back tomorrow with
another slap Produces