The Art of Fake Apologies: How to Spot the “I’m Sorry” That Isn’t!!!

“I’m Sorry” as a Weapon of Mass Emotional Evasion In the theatre of human relationships, apology has become the most refined form of manipulation. What once signified penitence has evolved into performance—a semantic sedative designed to tranquilize accountability while preserving egoic power.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I've been thinking about the problem with defensiveness because my

(00:03):
wife pointed out that I can be defensive sometimes, which
is ironic because I try and help other peop will
not be. Defensiveness is basically saying, it's not me, it's you.
It's not me, it's you. How do you relate to someone?
How do you have a relationship with someone if you're
not looking for commonalities instead you're looking for distance between
you and them. The answer is you can't. So if
you're really wanted to get closer to someone, than being

(00:25):
defensive and insecure about things that may not even be
true or what the other person is thinking is certainly
a way to isolate yourself. So instead, maybe you just
need to clarify and just be like, hey, is this
what you think about me? That takes some courage, but
I bet you on the other end of it, you'll
discover that most of your anxieties about how people see
you are just all in your head.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Ah. That was doctor B. C. Anderson and I'm Zoe Williams,
the Voice of Reason. I've returned to the scene of
the conversation, and this is another tough conversation. Man. We're
gonna start the week off with a bang. It's an
important discussion. Listen, I understand why number one, we lie, right,

(01:16):
don't want to be found out because you did something
that was disingenuous or immoral or just plain out wrong
and hurtful to your partner. Right. So then the other side,
I gotta own up to what I've done. I've got
to take accountability for what I've said and done, and

(01:41):
then I have to sincerely apologize for that. And these
are those moments, man, And I think that makes or
breaks a relationship in large part because you can't take
too many of these blows. Right. Doctor B. C. Anderson
articulated it, well, if this is your first time tuning

(02:04):
into the v R the Voice of Reason Live on
k b LA Talk fifteen eighty, trusts me, you are
in for one hell of a ride. It's a national discussion.
I encourage people to get on the phone lines and
let's talk. This is a discussion. I always say that

(02:27):
and not a monologue. And I'd like to think that
it's a non judgmental space. I'm not perfect. Sometimes I
might slip into judgment from time to time, but hey,
let me apologize for my judgmentalism. Am I very judgmental,

(02:48):
call in and let me know the number to die
one eight hundred and nine fifteen eighty. Tonight's topic one
of them ones, The art of the deflection apology. I'm
going to apologize, but I'm going to deflect all of
the stuff that I've actually did. I'm going to give

(03:09):
you a blanket license safe apology. This is an apology
that covers every infraction I've ever done, but it doesn't
offer specificity. The art of the deflection apology. A fascinating
look into the safe apology. The art of fake apologies.

(03:35):
How to spot to spot the I'm sorry that isn't
You're not really sorry, You're just you're This is a
safe apology. This allows you to maintain access to the
person you've hurt. This allows you to sort of kind

(03:57):
of stay in good graces. The deflection apology my god.
On the YouTube channel it's called the buttology files. I'm sorry,
but had you not done what you did, or if

(04:20):
you were the victim or you played the victim in
the meltdown of the relationship, and then you apologize for
some unspecified action that you did to hurt the person
who was believed to have hurt, you just confusing all

(04:43):
the way around. I'm sorry. As a weapon of mass
emotional evasion in the theater of human relationships, apologies have
become the most refined form of manipulation. What once signified

(05:07):
penance has evolved into performance, a semantic sedative designed to
tranquilize accountability while preserving egoic power. Listen to what was
just articulated people. What was once seen as penance has

(05:34):
evolved into performance, a semantic sedative designed to tranquilize accountability
while preserving egoic power. Oh my goodness, welcome to the
art of deflection. Of the deflection apology, a psycho linguistic

(05:57):
in quest in to the counterfeit currency of remorse, where
the words I'm sorry often mean please stop holding up
the mirror, I'm sorry. Can we just get back to
better times? We are trying to perform an emotional and

(06:26):
a psychological autopsy. Right now, We're gonna slice open the
carcass of modern contrition to reveal the moral pathogens right
breeding beneath its polished rhetoric, the safe apology that disarming

(06:47):
phrase coded in compassion, yet hollowed of consequence, is not
a bridge to healing but a laundering system for the conscious.
I feel better because I apologized, But did you mean it?

(07:08):
Did you articulate what you were apologizing for? Did you
take ownership for your actions? The specific actions that brought
harm to another? Did you enumerate them? Ooh, listen, that

(07:29):
enumeration piece is cold. I lied, I cheated, I disrespected you, right,
I said things that can never be taken back. Can
you enumerate the things you've done to hurt someone while apologizing?

(07:52):
Should you? Or is the safe apology better? Right? In
today's relational economy, mercy becomes a public relations strategy, and
closure is the speed drum of avoidance. There's no closure here.

(08:15):
The deflection. Apology is the ego's crisis management department. I'm
sorry you feel that way. Is not remorse. It's emotional
gas lighting.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
Right.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
It might be grammatically correct, but it's it's emotional gas
lighting for sure. Behind each syllable hides a neurotic algorithm
that prioritizes image preservation over integration. From a psychiatric standpoint,

(08:53):
cluster b adaptations, narcissistic, borderline histrionic turn apology into a
opamine ritual, a temporary high of innocence reclaimed, followed by
relapse into repetition. Now from another perspective, from a psychological lens,

(09:14):
guilt no longer functions as moral feedback, but as a
self soothing mechanism, a neurochemical loop that rewards expression while
avoiding transformation. See, the apology has to be rooted in

(09:36):
a commitment, a commitment to what not hurting somebody? Again? Well, yes,
but also a commitment to self observation, self inquiry. Right
where I'm going in to unhook some of the behaviors

(09:57):
or mindsets or belief systems that may have led me
to act a certain way. That's an apology. Your people say,
always change behavior. People don't care how you change your behavior.
They just want the behavior that hurt them changed. Right,

(10:18):
But it's a real process to changing one's behavior self
observation without judgment. Why am I like this? Right?

Speaker 3 (10:31):
Right?

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Empathy used to be the gold standard of human repair,
now serves as a counterfeit token performed not embodied. People
done got hip to empathy? Oh you mean put myself
in your shoes? Well, I don't know how to do that.

(10:53):
But what I do know how to do is recognize
when I need to show as if I'm empathetic. Narcissists
are masters of it. Cognitive empathy. I can tell something
is bothering you, so let me act as if I'm concerned,

(11:14):
as if it bothers me too. Listen to that again.
Empathy wants the gold standard of human repair, now serves
as a counterfeit token performed not embodied remorse. Porn becomes
the theater of emotional exhibitionism. Tears replace change, volume substitutes

(11:39):
for virtue, and the audience mistakes spectacle for sincerity. We
no longer seek truth. We seek to appear emotionally literate.
That's what we want. We want to look like we
are emotionally literate across cultures right time. Imorial apology once

(12:11):
carried weight rituals of penance, restitution, embodied humility. We're not
doing all of this just so people can say, yeah,
because you owe me that, and now I'm a bounce.
This is how people repaired relation. I don't know if
y'all listening. This is how people repaired relational ruptures. They

(12:35):
were doing rituals of penance and restitution and embodied humility
because they understood I'm a human being, I must apologize
for what I've done in order to keep us together. Oh, no,
that doesn't exist anymore. In the modern digital psyche, the

(12:57):
apology has been colonized by capitalism. Efficiency replaces sincerity, optics
replaces offering. The anthropological lens here reveals that apologies have

(13:17):
migrated from the sacred to the transactional, from atonement to
algorithmic branding. Right, as long as the mask is beautiful,
I'm good. Listen, this is the voice of reason. I
want to know. Can you contribute to tonight's conversation. I'm

(13:42):
looking for Eric. Oh, I'm looking for Eric from Carson
for sure. Call in, Call in the number of dollars
one eight hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty. Let's get this
national discussion popping.

Speaker 4 (13:56):
I can't tell you how many times I've heard individuals
say that when they try to discuss differences or have
confrontations with a narcissistic person, they don't get any good
traction whatsoever. It's like trying to pin down a cloud
when when you try to talk with a narcissist about
things that are different between the two of you. And

(14:17):
by the way, that's a normal thing that happens in
any kind of relationship.

Speaker 3 (14:20):
It scares them.

Speaker 4 (14:22):
You see, keep in mind they live with a sense
of alternative reality. They have a very fragile ego, and
so they want to interpret and arrange truth in front
of them in such a way that keeps that fragile
ego propped up. So when you come along and say, well,
I don't agree, or there's something I think you need
to consider, it's like, no, I can't do that. And
so one of the primary things that narcissists do in

(14:45):
the midst of differences with you is they go into
a deflection mode. They'll try and they'll do anything except
focus on the topic at hand, because what that does
is allows them to have an upper hand. And they
also want to make sure that they keep you confused,
or they let you know that your way off base,
anything at all to keep them from having to answer

(15:07):
your questions or to receive input that they don't particularly
want to receive. So today I want to go through
various ways that narcissists will use this deflecting manner of
communication with you, because the more you see it, then
the more readily you'll stay out of their clutches. What
they want to do is they want to keep you
way off your game and take you way off the path,

(15:28):
and we're going to be able to talk at the
very end. How you're going to respond when they do
this deflecting. For example, let's suppose that you have a
difference or a conflict that you need to discuss with
the narcissists. One of the first things they'll do is
they'll deflect by going into the invalidation mode. They want

(15:48):
to make sure that you understand that you're wrong and
your misinformed. For example, they may use deflecting statements like
how can you possibly think that way? Or you so
don't know what you're talking about, or you have no
right to say that, or this is ridiculous, which means.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
Hey, hey man, doctor C, Doctor C, don't be playing man.
He's breaking it down in the coldest way. And this
happens all the time. Let me tell you something. People
that have these overbearing narcissistic tendencies or whatnot, let me explain.
Let me show you when you pull away, they feel

(16:34):
a void. If they don't have, you know, meaningful supply
you're pulling away creates the void. Do you know a
narcissist will apologize in a deflecting apologetic way in order
to look like I've learned, I've grown, I'm different. No, No,

(17:01):
they'll apologize in a superficial, deflecting kind of way. Some
of what he explained will still be in there. Had
you not did what you did, you know I could
have worked it out with you. But it's really about
connectivity to you. It's not really about making you know,

(17:24):
making amends or creating repair out of rupture. Nah, it's
ego driven, it's ego based. I just want to know
if I still got access, and as long as I
don't have access, I can perform the urgency needed to
make you think you need to talk to me. I

(17:47):
need to apologize. It's important that I own up. Let
me tell you something about your body and your nervous system.
You have a built in somatic lie detector. The body
knows the vegus nerve never lies. Polyvagel theory confirms what

(18:13):
mystics always knew. Authentic remorse has a physiological coherence. True
apologies right will lower heart rate variability into synchronicity. False
apologies spikes cortisol and fractures rapport. Let me stop you.

(18:37):
This is the same work I've been telling you about.
I mean, they're packaging it under polyvagel theory, which is
a solid theory. But guess who've been talking about this
for the longest. Using the study of kinesiology, Doctor David R.
Hawkins with his consciousness grid right this piece right here.

(18:57):
Polyvagel theory confirms what mystics always knew. Authentic remorse has
a physiological coherence. True apology lowers heart rate variability into synchronicity.
False apologies spike cortisol and fractures rapport. Doctor David R.
Hawkins said a little bit different. He says, when a

(19:23):
lie is present, the body gets weak. When the truth
is present, the body is strong. And he tested this
theory out hundreds of times, thousands of times using the
same thing. The body recognizes when the apology is manipulative

(19:46):
or fugazy. Do you understand what I'm saying. We've got
callers on the line. Get ready, get ready, get ready,
get ready, get ready, get ready to get ready. The
national discussion is about to take off. Let's go on
this video.

Speaker 5 (20:04):
I'm going to teach you how to communicate with a
partner who deflects. So the first thing you have to
understand is that when someone deflects. They know they're dead wrong,
they know that they're guilty. They're well aware, so they
do not need you to then re emphasize to them
how guilty and how wrong they are. So the first
thing you want to do is hold them accountable, regardless
of the fact that they are upset that they know

(20:25):
they they're wrong. They are not allowed to get out
of this right because then the issue will keep going on. Instead,
you number one want to hold them accountable. Let them know, hey, listen,
you made this mistake. You have to make these changes.
It does not mean that I'm going to leave you,
and not means that.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
Can we normalize broken people not holding other broken people accountable.
We're not good at it. We weaponize when they're wrong,
do we not? We hold it over their head when
they're wrong. I think that's a bad idea. You got

(21:05):
to hold them accountable. First off, Why do I have
to hold you accountable to do something that good people
want to do? Or that's meat Maria, I love the clip,
but you understand what I'm saying, Like holding them accountable
is like eat your veggies. Yeah it's good for a kid,

(21:32):
but for an adult, I'm not saying everybody should be
perfect and whatever. But I'm saying that should be a
red flag too, or at least a pink one. Right,
you should be like you don't want to take accountability.

(21:55):
Oh yeah, I'm uncomfortable, you know, being accountable. And you
know I was ever held to be accountable, So this
is uncomfortable. It's telling you who they are. Okay, finish
the click.

Speaker 5 (22:10):
Oh hey, listen, you made this mistake. You have to
make these changes. It does not mean that I'm going
to leave you. It does not mean that I'm going
to scold you. It does not mean that I'm going
to hold you to this for the rest of your life.
That you made this mistake. But no, this needs to
be held accountable and you have to make these changes.

Speaker 6 (22:27):
The second thing you have to.

Speaker 5 (22:28):
Do is allow them to make those changes. So don't
keep bringing it up. Give them the space to be
able to make those changes that they need to make
because you have held them accountable.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
I don't know the old arm twist. You know, I'm
sitting over here waiting for you to be accountable. You
know what you did. I don't know if that works,
but we've got callers on the line from all over
the country. It's important. Well really from Los Angeles done
showed up big time. Hey today's today. LA is in

(23:12):
the house. Yeah, hey, Los Angeles is in the building.
Let's get all the Los Angelinos up in here real quick.
Here we go, Jim from Los Angeles, California, get in here.
What are your thoughts on tonight's topic.

Speaker 7 (23:33):
Oh my gosh, I am just like baffled because I
was in a relationship with a guy that was ten
years older than me, and I just thought I met
him as a teacher and I just oh, he's so
he's gonna teach me. Oh what he did was exactly that,
and I just couldn't understand it. And I was the
person that was like, oh, always trying to I'm wrong,

(23:57):
and I'm this, and I'm that, and I'm this, and
I'm like, well, I'll do it this way, and I'll
do it that way, and I'll say sorry this way
and that way, until it got to the point to
where I love my soul my shoe said, wait a minute,
he deserved better. Grow If it that way, you deserve better.
And the manipulation that the I he actually told me,

(24:22):
I apologized for not.

Speaker 3 (24:24):
Leaving you sooner that type of stuff.

Speaker 8 (24:29):
After Yeah, Like I was like when when I when
I was out with about with him, he wouldn't introduce
me to the women and with that he was with
and he'd be like.

Speaker 7 (24:41):
You're so jealousy'r's old this year, so that I'm like,
maybe I am to the point, so why I thought
that I was that person? And he'd done landmarks, he
had done self improvement, working like this is a this
is what I was drawn into.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
The spiritual is a cold monster.

Speaker 7 (25:05):
Oh my, oh my gosh. And I was like, yeah,
this is gonna be it. He's gonna help me because
we're connected that way. But it was like the manipulation
all over. The apologies never came this brow never said
sorry for nothing. It was always my fault and I
just didn't understand it. I'm like, there was no empathy,

(25:26):
there was no nothing. It was always my fault. And
I was just like, oh my gosh. And I kept
trying to appease that person. I kept making myself like
you say, don't do this, I'm not gonna do it.
But then there was something else, And then there was
something else. Never said sorry, never under but told the
world and the spiritual aspect. This is what we need

(25:48):
to do. But when we got home, I was like, yo, bro,
and the cat said, you know I gotta do this
all day. You know, I got to be this person
all day. I'm like, so you are Charlotte, Tim charlottean
my bro, you are a fake cat. I don't even know.

Speaker 3 (26:07):
That's what Bro, You deserve better.

Speaker 7 (26:10):
I'm an except the scene. And when I did, I
realized that the teacher was no longer the teacher, but
the student became the teacher, and the teacher became the student.
And to this day, Broke hom.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Let me ask you a questions. Did you put him
on a pedestal?

Speaker 7 (26:27):
I did because he was a teacher and I loved
you know, Dick Sherry, linguistic, anything that's gonna teach me
to learn.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
But narcissists love spirituality and religions because people put them
on a pedestal.

Speaker 7 (26:43):
And I thought that he was good.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
But that's a huge source of validation.

Speaker 7 (26:48):
Yes, yes, and I was feeding that and so is
every other person. And trip this out until COVID came,
and now you normal. Everybody in the house in their
corner and they square. Now you never you can't be
where you are. Now everybody's got to do self work.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
You gotta let me tell you something real quick. I
was talking to a brother about this today. I said,
you have to understand, being highly intellectual and articulate is
easier than being spiritual. Right, Spirituality really, and I'm talking

(27:29):
about that. I'm not talking about what everybody else is
talking about. Spirituality really can't be put into words. It
really can't be comprehended. Now, you can experience spirituality, but
try to pull that back into world. It's really harder
than you think. So what happens with the narcissists the

(27:51):
narcissists Folko, Well, it's easier for me to learn the
words and the practices and the customs and the language,
and then I can sound real deep and charismatic with it,
and that'll draw people in and they'll think that I
have a direct experience with spirituality, not knowing that that
direct experience is just for you. They can't lead you

(28:16):
to your experience of spirituality.

Speaker 7 (28:19):
And he didn't understand that you wanted to dictate the
way that I learned my lessons. It can't be. That's
why I transcended, not like that guy. I'm not saying
I transcend it. I'm just saying that I have evolved
more than that person, because my soul, which we were
talking about earlier, was like uncomfortable. I was scared. I
was fearful. I was like, why.

Speaker 3 (28:42):
Why am I not?

Speaker 7 (28:43):
I don't have butterflies anymore. And it was because of
the constant manipulation, the constant gaslighting, and the constant me
trying to be this woman based on that, and it
was just ridiculous. Still can't say sorry today, And I
felt sorry because you can't say so.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
I mean, but it could be like a little a
little bootleg sorry, like a little lightweight diet. Sorry whatever.
I did not.

Speaker 7 (29:13):
Leaving you when you were cutting me out because you
caught me in the bed with another ball.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Hey, Jim, let me say this. Don't get that man
access again.

Speaker 7 (29:24):
Now, Hey, let me tell you something that bow ain't
never getting access to. Ost of the day, he was like,
I love simple sexual conversation. I'm like, bro a laugh
at you when you were talking to me. The teacher
has become the student.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
I love it. I love it. Hey, Jim, guess what
you just did?

Speaker 3 (29:42):
Sweet hot building.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
Los Angeles is on the board. Listen when we come forward.
We staying in LA for a second. Y'all gotta talk
to us. I want to talk to y'all. The national
discussion has begun.

Speaker 9 (29:58):
To listen and test the spirit with the spirit. If
you if something is making you feel controlled or making
you feel little, that's not a boundary that's controlled.

Speaker 10 (30:09):
You can't forgive someone and still say this behavior isn't okay.
You can't say I forgive you and then still allow
things to still rebe revisited or come over and over
and over. Given example, an example, when you I say
I'm not going to come home late from work, Okay,

(30:31):
we have a discussion or talker or let's do it.

Speaker 9 (30:34):
Hey, babe, I have a problem when you come home
late for work. I need for you to come home
the time you say you're going.

Speaker 10 (30:42):
To Okay, I will make every effort to come home
at the time that I say that.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
You say, okay, thank you so.

Speaker 10 (30:50):
But then a couple of days later, I'm hanging out again.

Speaker 9 (30:54):
Oh, I see what you're saying. So it's not me
telling you, it's you realizing that you're not doing.

Speaker 10 (31:00):
You said that behavior isn't okay. When yeah, I can
forgive you for being late and all those kind of things.
But if I don't change my behavior, it's sending a
conflicting message.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
We got to work on these ideas. But I think
people think science is the truth. It's not the closest
thing we have to the truth. But it's not true.
Science is always working right for another answer. Right to

(31:35):
solidify a theory or a concept, if you understand what
a hypothesis is, and a theory is right, it has
to be replicable as well as refutable. In other words,
I can come in and say no, either this works
or doesn't right. So oftentimes when we hear people talking

(31:56):
about relationships, they're speaking from this absolute this is the truth,
this is the way it is kind of space, and
especially from a psychological space. No, these are theories and
ideas that have shown that they can be replicated and
they should be respected. But if new information comes along,

(32:18):
they will in fact be recontextualized, they will be rewritten.
So we can't just oh, this is the truth when
you and I'm making this point about what rich relationship refuge,
which is the clip you just heard was mentioning, and
that is you know, you got to make this person

(32:40):
change or you got to make hold this person accountable.
We need new ideas. Let's talk about why you're interested
in making them change, so that ain't even on topic.
Yes it is, because you'll put up with some mess
because you're invested. And are you invested from a insecure space?

(33:08):
Are you invested from an unhealed space? People are showing
you who they are all day in America, and you're
the one, even if they apologize correctly, right, you take
them back because of your investment, whether it's time, whether
there's money, where there's energy, whether there's dreams, goals, whatever

(33:32):
y'all thought y'all were gonna build together. You get what
I'm saying, a lot of times, you're the reason why
you're stuck. Let's let's let's let's leave. When people show
you that they are unwilling to transform. I don't want
a person who did something wrong to me to change.

(33:53):
I want them to transform, and I want them to
transform for themselves and not for me, because if it's
for me, chances are it'll be performative, it'll be disingenuous,
and they won't be able to hold that pattern. Change
for you, Transform, evolve. We got callers on the line.

(34:18):
J W South Central, Hey, Hey, how you doing. What's up? Man?
You up against the clock?

Speaker 3 (34:24):
Talk to me, Man, I know, Man, I hate you.
I'm up if you're the clock and I read some
times it's like Eric that getting called in. Eric.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Wait a minute, you can't be comparing yourself. Wait, no,
I got no, no, no, I'm not wasting your time.
I'm about to give you more time.

Speaker 6 (34:45):
J W.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
You see that I'm about to give you more time,
Jay Dub. I want you to be patient. Okay, I'm
gonna start you at the top of the hour instead
of the end of the hour, so you can have
a little bit more time. But what I don't want
you to do, my good brother, is compare yourself to
other callers. You one of our Hall of Fame callers. Man,

(35:10):
you in the Hall of Fame. Other voice of reason,
brother hey Man play his theme music for all that
talk he did.

Speaker 11 (35:40):
Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the video R and
one of our favorite callers, j W just got up.
It started tripping on the host.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
But it's OKAYJ Dove, It's okay, yes, sir. J Dub
brought the South Central out.

Speaker 12 (36:05):
When we come forward, age.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
Myself and JDub will engage in a conversation about tonight's topic,
because I know j W got something serious to talk about.
When we come forward this conversation about this deflection and
the superficial apologies just to save face, we're going to

(36:28):
get j w's take when we come forward.

Speaker 13 (36:33):
Ten ways to ruin your apologies. Number one, throw a
big butt in there. No, not that kind of but
I was talking more about saying something like I'm sorry,
but you do the same thing to me. Number two, Apologize,
but make sure it's negated with some blame. I'm sorry,
but I wouldn't have done that if you would have
just listened to me. Number three. Remind them that they're
being too sensitive. I mean, geez, I'm sorry, but I

(36:55):
didn't know you were offended so easily. Number four shame spiral. Okay,
I'm sorry. I'm such a terrible or sorry. I guess
I can't do anything right. Number five, be really vague
sorry for whatever I did. That'll definitely make them feel better.
Number six, focus on your intent, not your impact. Remember
if it wasn't your intent to hurt them, they shouldn't
feel hurt. Number seven act like them wanting an apology

(37:18):
is crazy can't we just put this in the past. Absolutely?
Why repair when we can just sweep it under the rug.
Number eight invalidate, Hey, i'm sorry, but you're making a
really big deal about nothing. Number nine apologize really quick
without even understanding their perspective. Okay, I'm sorry. Remember you
don't need to show any curiosity or actual remorse. Just

(37:40):
say the words i'm sorry, and then that'll heal everything.
Number ten say, well, that.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
Was Jimmy on relationships, and although I agree with some
of what he said, we take a hard line man
and we don't really think things through the majority of
what he said. I kind of agree with the only
one that I would not really take exception to because

(38:09):
I agree with the angle, But I think it's imbalance.
Hierarchies destroy relationships, even if it's hierarchical pain. Right, If
you got two people who love each other, right, who
really love each other, and one hurts the other, their

(38:30):
pain shouldn't trump their regret for hurting them, shouldn't trump
their remorse for hurting them. This is a shared experience
between the two of us, and for context, right, if
the person's intent was never to hurt you, that should

(38:54):
be taken in to account two. Nah, we gotta say
the pain outweighs the intent. No, they are equal parts
in a situation that broke down. I think sometimes, man,
we unconsciously create villains in relationships because my pain trumps

(39:19):
your intent. I don't have to listen to your intent.
I don't have to accept your intent. I don't have
to consider it. But if you got two people who
love each other that are works in progress, all things
being equal, If we're talking about economy and moving back
to a space of relational equilibrium, all things being equal,

(39:44):
it should count, right, especially if we're trying to get
to repair. So because your pain trumps my intent, you
get to make me feel bad about me saying it
wasn't my intent to hurt you. Do you see how

(40:05):
these little language quirks keep us in conflict. We got
callers on the line. Oh my goodness, we're gonna talk
to our brother J Doub. But J Dove, you can't
act out, JDub. Come on in here and talk to
your brother. Man, what are your thoughts on tonight's topic?

Speaker 3 (40:25):
Yes, yes, sir bruh, our follows not the act out.
But you know I agree with what you just stated
because I recall our conversation, and I speak about people
putting the value system on their pain. And my pain
is one hundred percent in your pains on ten percent,
so my pain is worth more on yours. And therefore

(40:47):
I'm gonna keep on reminding you the whole year accountable.
Or you will say, turn the soul mate into a
cell mate. That's just my perspective. I might be incorrect,
and I'm gonna move forward now. When I really started
paying attention that I was trying to get into the show,
what a cheap government cell phone? And I wasn't even

(41:11):
paying attention. I was trying to get the number. So
I missed a lot of thankful Where I gave a
catch was one of the saws your brother saying, I
apologize a thousand times, oh bah, but this time I'm
telling a bleach the whole truth of how I rephrase it.
And it made me think about when he quite a
long He's supposed to tell the whole truth, the pleach truth,

(41:33):
and nothing but the truth, neither half the truth or
hollow truth or something would I would say, I false
moltive or something else contrary to realize me or you know,
I had an agender, I hope to followed my carnds doll.

(41:54):
Now back to me really trying on. I had to
make you multiple time, Tom, I've been going to something
and I don't want to hear the whole story on
the air, so I might give you a false truth.
I'm not lying. I'm just choosing my point in time.
I want to tell my whole complete story or say

(42:16):
I'm an open book and gives you a complete book,
miss Jack. If I'm not complete yet, I hope I
didn't go in nobody's head, but I just phrase that.
But anyway, what you're talking about, that's narcissistic. Call me.
Do you recall me ever making her comment about and

(42:36):
you got you got to go on and make the trade.
I said, I'm all right, I was all wrong. I
don't know though, but it was a reference to a
narcissistasistic person that never cand when you're wrong. Do you
recall something?

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Let me ask you one one more question, Jag, is
that person you?

Speaker 3 (43:03):
No, it's not.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Do you have a hard time apologizing?

Speaker 3 (43:07):
Jay do? Apparently not? Because I'm always in the open book?
Recall what you always shait about me? No?

Speaker 2 (43:14):
Just because you be sharing with me don't mean you
be acting right with your.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
And how many states this this racial is syndicated to
I'm no, honestly, God's my nature always speaks.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
True you fiery, I understand it.

Speaker 3 (43:33):
But Jay Doug, yes, sir, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
Do you apologize for what you have done? Or do
you try to deflect and just say the words so
you can give them something that will get you out
of an uncomfortable moment. Or do you go head head
first and say I am sorry for a.

Speaker 6 (43:54):
B C D.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Most of the time throughout my whole life, but not
all the time.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
Okay, Okay, I like that.

Speaker 7 (44:12):
I like that.

Speaker 2 (44:14):
Ay, J. You know we love you, J doub Man,
guess what you just did?

Speaker 3 (44:18):
My friend I central into the house. I wish I
had more time to extruction.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
Well that was four minutes, J dub. We love you, brother.
Call in tomorrow, man. It's the top of the week.

Speaker 3 (44:32):
Man.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
We could talk to you all week long. We got
other callers, and I want to get to my nieces
on the line from Houston, Texas. Let's get her thought
before we get to Eric from Carson.

Speaker 6 (44:44):
Me. Hey, let me make huh I'm here, I heard that.
Let me make this click. I think when it comes
to apologies, you gotta have that. The mpathy he excuse
me is huge. It's huge, huge, just huge. Apologizing has
been hard for me in the past due to shame,
but also due to like apologize. How do I say this,

(45:07):
apologizing to someone who has offended me. You know what
I'm saying, We've offended each other, and so obviously, once
in a sense happens, you know, there's a certain level
of detachment, at least for me anyway, right, and so
it makes apologies very difficult. But the one thing I
can say, though, I think the biggest thing is being

(45:29):
able to put yourself in their place and like I said,
really having that compassion and understanding like dang, like if
you did me this way, like I would really feel
some type of way, Like I think that really shifted
things for me. But also not focusing on trying to
be right, but more so just trying to get things
like results. And I'm still working on this.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
Everything you just explained as hard as.

Speaker 6 (45:54):
Hell to do, so obviously still working on it.

Speaker 14 (45:58):
Like look, you make me mad.

Speaker 6 (46:00):
It's gonna be hard for me to apologize later. It's
gonna be hard. I'm not gonna lie to you because
I'm gonna be sitting there thinking about that. I was like, nah,
because you know whatever. And that's where those the justifications
come in because we talk about dflection, but really they're
just justification for your wounds. That's your wounds. Being like, Navice,
do you remember that time when they did this?

Speaker 2 (46:20):
So let me ask you this. Do you think most
apologies are genuine or it's really just performative so they
can get past the negative moment Because just based on
what you described, I would say apologies are so difficult.
People have mastered the performance of them so they don't
have to embody them. What are your thoughts?

Speaker 6 (46:42):
I would agree with that, But also I think it's
performative on both sides, Like even the acceptance of the
apology is performative.

Speaker 11 (46:48):
Oh yeah, because.

Speaker 6 (46:51):
Both parties are like trying to move past, like both
parties are trying to move past it and sitting in
that like discomfort of like oh man, like I really
did like a fitness person, I really did hurt this person. Ooh,
it just h It's hard.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
That's why they bring it back up later on because
they didn't accept it when it.

Speaker 6 (47:08):
Was said guilty, guilty. I have been there or you know,
I'm not gonna lie. I have even like accepted something
like in my mind like logically, and then like later on,
like the emotions kicking and you're like, oh, I'm so
mad right now, I can I believe.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
X, Y and Z.

Speaker 6 (47:23):
I mean it could be something simple will trigger me,
you know. I mean you see someone on TV and
it'll trigger you and be like, oh wow when that happen,
you know what I mean. So I think we really
just have to like deal with ourselves first, first and foremost.
And I like what you said about the intent piece.
I would say, like, if we get better at like
explaining our intent and explaining our thought processes, I think

(47:44):
that would also help in some type of way as.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Well, because don't use it's it's almost like a contradiction
in one sense. You say, I want a real I
want a real apology. Okay, Well, the real apology contains information, right,
not superficial fluff stuff. What are you apologizing for?

Speaker 6 (48:07):
It's laid out.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
So then when you lay out what you apologize for,
I can't believe you did this to me. Well it
wasn't my intention to do this. Well, my pain trumps
your intention so it's like a door is closed or
ten doors are closed, when every door, when every truth
door is open. Do you understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (48:31):
Well, a lot of times you're guilty before you're before
you even start talking. I mean, like you already guilty.
It really don't matter what you said, especially if you're
dealing with somebody who's intuitive right, and they maybe before
you even open your mouth and apologize, they already know
that a transgression has happened. I'm one of those people.
I'll be already peeping it, right, So really, I'm already
a set. I'm gonna keep it a buck. I'm already

(48:52):
mad because I already know you want some bs. I
already know, and whatever it is you're gonna tell me,
I'm gonna be sitting there thinking of a milligon in
one ways, not because I already know what.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Wow, Yes, I love it. I love it Atalla. Guess
what you just did. Alright, Houston, Texas is on board.
Do you want to bring your city in the building.
All you gotta do is call me A one eight
hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty. Listen when we come forward, man,

(49:24):
just put the seatbelts on. Just hey, man, we gotta
we gotta find Eric a theme song instrumental. Right now,
his instrumental will be crime Wave by fifty cent. We
just we're gonna give Eric from Carson. We're gonna give

(49:49):
him crime Wave by fifty cent. Because when he comes through,
he come through like gang Busters. Man, that's how Big
Mama used to talk. Gangbusters. Come in here. I'm making
all that noise. Listen, Eric, I'm sure he has some
pretty deep insights about tonight's topic. When we come forward,

(50:10):
we will get those directly from Eric from Garson.

Speaker 14 (50:14):
Once again, are not mostly intelligent the way that I
know that people are not. I see how people apologize.
The most vulnerable act that you can do as a
human is apologized because when you apologize, yes, that's one
of the most yes. Because in that apology, whenever you
are apologizing right, this means this goes two ways. You

(50:35):
are acknowledging that you have possibly stepped out of your
integrity or your morality and offended somebody. That takes a
great level of vulnerability. In those apologies, most times there
are two emotions and feelings that show up guilt and shame. Yep,
to be able to acknowledge that I feel guilty or
I feel a shame. There's some sort of shame and

(50:56):
I have to sit in this understand it so that
way as I process, I said, I can apologize to
you and actually admit that I have offended you and
give you some type of plan of action to create
some type of resolve. People will scream, oh, I have
a high EI have a high EQ.

Speaker 2 (51:12):
Do you apologize?

Speaker 5 (51:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Who is that sister tonight's conversation? Oh, that's the chocolate sister.
Huh oh ye, that volcano cake. That's a beautiful sister. Right, Yes,

(51:38):
I think they said that's Kit. Her name is Kit.
I'm not sure. Kitty. Yeah, well, the clearly the chat
knows exactly who she is. They're like, that's Kitty, Kitty,
pretty boy. I'm gonna tell you that Kitty is pretty unit. Oh,

(52:00):
I love it when they chocolate and beautiful. Bring me
that Devil's food cake. Man, Hey man, I'm the voice
of reason. Y'all know I'll be cutting up sometimes. It's okay.
One of our callers is on the line that has

(52:22):
run rough shot on the VR phone lines over the
past week or so. I want to introduce you guys
to my friend, Eric, Well, Eric, that is your theme music,

(52:55):
because that's how you come in here. Eric from Carson,
what are your thoughts on tonight's topic? My friend is
he here?

Speaker 3 (53:10):
Where?

Speaker 2 (53:11):
Hey? What's hading?

Speaker 3 (53:12):
Eric?

Speaker 2 (53:12):
What's up? Man?

Speaker 15 (53:14):
What song was that?

Speaker 2 (53:17):
That was fifty crime Wave?

Speaker 12 (53:20):
Now I am a fifty cent fan and my favorite
movie is Get Rich of I Try and So that's
a great song.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Perfect. I just knew it. I just knew it. The
way you act on these on these on these air waves,
I knew it. I said, oh, he need a fifty record.

Speaker 12 (53:39):
Well, I do have an opinion.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
Yes, let's hear it.

Speaker 12 (53:44):
You spoke about changing behavior, and it's interesting that you
brought that topic out today because I've been trying to
change my behavior and I had a test today.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
Ironically, talk to us about the test.

Speaker 12 (54:00):
I have a friend of mine who she has been
treating me in a way that I think is not acceptable.
She reaches out to me when it's convenient for her,
and so two weeks ago I told her, don't call
me randomly. I want to talk to you about something less.

(54:21):
Set a time, and I won't keep you on along.
We'll you know, we'll set we'll talk for thirty minutes
unless you want to go longer. But let's specify when
we're going to have this discussion. I didn't hear from
her for two weeks until today. She called me at
five twenty and I was in the middle of something,

(54:43):
so I texted her and I said I'll be available
at seven PM or anytime after, and she did exactly
what I thought she would do. She responded back after
about twenty minutes and said, I'm not going to be home,
so I'll call you another time. And so I heard

(55:04):
the clip that you played earlier, and the points that
I'm coming from is the behavior won't stop. And if
I don't stop it, what does that say about me?
And the reason that I'm not changing forcing her to
change the behavior is because I'm invested and I'm insecure.

(55:28):
I don't want to lose her friendship, so I don't
want to hold her accountable.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
Wait a minute, we just had a vulnerable moment. You're
invested in, your insecure, and so you tolerate things. Do
you see do you see what you're doing to yourself?

Speaker 12 (55:48):
I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing to myself.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
Listen, if you're tolerating it, right, because you're insecure because
you're invested. Could it be that she does this to
you so you can see that this is what you
do to yourself. You will put what you need off,
you will allow that type of behavior, right. And when

(56:14):
we say aloud, we're not talking about forcing the person
to change. It's you that need to change.

Speaker 12 (56:23):
So I hear your point. And I made a decision
at the beginning of this month that I was going
to change my behavior, even before you came up with
this topic. I said I was going to change my
behavior and stop allowing people to treat me the way
they want to treat me. But when you make that
kind of decision, you have to be willing to lose people, right.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
And you don't really want to lose people because you
need their validation.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
Right.

Speaker 12 (56:55):
No, I don't look at it that way.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
I know you don't, but you just said you did
when you said you're holding on because you're insecure.

Speaker 12 (57:03):
One friendship is what I was referring to.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
It doesn't matter. Yeah, look at you, Eric, you out here, Yeah,
so it come on, Eric, own it, bro.

Speaker 3 (57:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 12 (57:16):
So I don't. I'm not insecure for all friendships, but
I don't particularly want to lose friendships. But what I
come to realize you were speaking in.

Speaker 7 (57:25):
The plural.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
And now you're saying it's singular. See, you're moving the goalpost.
You stay right there, Eric. When we come forward, Eric
and I will continue. Where's this theme song?

Speaker 16 (57:40):
Narcissistic apologies?

Speaker 14 (57:41):
Right?

Speaker 7 (57:42):
So much fun?

Speaker 16 (57:43):
Well, let's think about let's break it down. When you
get an apology from a narcissistic person, is it an
apology or is it actually a defense? So you can
drop this in the comments, your feelings about the narcissistic
apologies you've received, or even what they look like. Are
you things more painful and invalidating to experience than an

(58:04):
apology from a narcissistic person, Right, they don't really. Narcissistic
people don't really apologize. They deflect, They rationalize, they blame shift,
I am sorry you feel that way. An apology, true
apology contains contrition, accountability, and awareness of the harm to
another person.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
Stop right there, Sorry, I'm sorry. This is very important contrition.
An apology contains contrition, gosh, and an awareness that you
hurt somebody else. Why do some people just apologize for
the sake of apologizing? None of that is connected, right,

(58:46):
you got, doctor Romeny. That's the clip that you just heard,
Doctor Romney. I'm gonna go back to doctor Romedey. But
you have people who just say the words. None of
the components that she outlined in the beginning of this
clip do they include in their apology. Man, I was

(59:07):
dating somebody who apologized right recently, and the apologies sounded
like the card they sent me with my birthday gift
before we broke up. When I tell you, the words
on the card read like Hallmark wrote these words like

(59:32):
this isn't a person that I've been dating that knows me,
that understands me. When I tell you, it was the
most generic right note on the card? Let every bite
be sweet like your future like who wrote what? Like

(59:52):
we know each other? And the apology is pretty much
the same. There's no contrition, there's no pinpointing of the
hurt that was caused. There's none of that. It sounded

(01:00:12):
just like the note on the card, which of course
I connected the dots like, oh wow, that's what that is.

Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
Let doctor Romney finish.

Speaker 16 (01:00:24):
Hands contrition, accountability and awareness of the harm to another person.
I'm sorry for what I did. It hurts you and
I take responsibility for my action. Apologies are really about
making amends in an honest way. It's all seems so simple,
right that true apology is all but impossible for a

(01:00:45):
narcissistic person. The thing that they often do, though, is
they turn the apology into a bit of a defense.
So let's take a look at some examples. I might
be things like, Okay, okay, I'm sorry I yelled at you.
Are you happy now? Because I yell because I've never
heard or appreciated. If you could just show me that

(01:01:06):
you care, then I wouldn't be so on edge. So
way in is that an apology or is that merely
them defending themselves personally? I think it's a defense wrapped
up in a gaslighted bow. That's the struggle, right. More

(01:01:27):
often than not, narcissistic apologies basically feel like they're defending themselves.
It's like they're providing an evidence space for the thing
that they're actually supposed to apologize for. Their mouths form
the words i'm sorry, but it ends up being an
entry into a big defensive mess. This comes up a

(01:01:51):
lot in situations involving narcissistic infidelity. They'll say something like Okay,
I get it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
You're mad at me.

Speaker 16 (01:01:58):
I'm sorry. I've been feeling ignored for a while, since
the kids were born, or since you got your new job,
or since your parents moved.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Hey man, Dr Romedy, Man, she does not play? Can
we pronounce her last name? Diversala? Doctor romeny deversala? I
struggle with it. I'm gonna get it down. I love
doctor Romeney, but we've got to call her on the line.
Eric from Carson, And then is that Kirk from Pasadena?

(01:02:29):
We ain't heard from him in a minute, all right,
so Eric, get back in here.

Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
Brother.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
You were telling me about.

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
This lady, right, very good friend.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
Yes, clearly someone that triggered you in a way because
she didn't respond right in the timely fashion.

Speaker 12 (01:02:56):
It's more complicated than that. But okay, and I do
want to preface this was saying I've known her since
I was eighteen and she was twenty one, so this
is a long term friendship. But I thought about something
on the break after listen to that clip, and the
question that I have for you to help me is

(01:03:20):
I can only focus on changing my behavior. I can't
change her behavior. And so the thing that was spiraling
through my mind today was is that you called me
after two weeks when I had asked you I needed
to talk to you about something, and I wanted to
have a scheduled talk, not just you assuming I'm sitting

(01:03:44):
here waiting for your call. She ignored me, and she
did exactly that today. And then when I told her,
I could have took the call, but I was actually
in the middle of something, so I said, I'll just
tell her when I'm going to be available. And when
I did that, instead of her saying I said, I'm
available anytime to night after seven, instead of her saying okay,

(01:04:07):
she said, I won't be at home, so I'll call
you another time.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
So I have a quick question.

Speaker 12 (01:04:13):
You ready, Eric, I'm ready.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
Is this new behavior for her or has she been
doing this every since you guys known each other.

Speaker 12 (01:04:23):
I'm not going to say ever since we've known each other,
but it's definitely been for a long time.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
How long you think.

Speaker 12 (01:04:31):
At least ten years?

Speaker 2 (01:04:35):
You think you can make her change?

Speaker 12 (01:04:38):
As I stated a few minutes ago, I realized that
I can only change my behavior. She's a grown woman,
and she is not my woman.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
So let me come back again. Let me come back.
You do know that these attachment styles they mirror each other.
They are attracted to each other dynamics such as narcissistic
and uh codependent. You know there's an attachment there right

(01:05:12):
where they're attracted to each other. They mirror each other
in a lot of ways. You expect her to show
up in the way you need her to show up, right, No,
so why did you bring her up?

Speaker 12 (01:05:28):
I brought her up because I want her to show
up the way I want her. I can't expect it,
but that's what I want.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
That's the same thing. To stop with the word play man.
You know exactly what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:05:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 12 (01:05:41):
Yeah, So I've made a decision.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
So what's the decision You're gonna pull back?

Speaker 12 (01:05:48):
Well, I already had made the decision before she called today,
but I didn't implement it. And the decision that I
made is is that I'm no longer going to accept
as my father would have said, wouldn't nick people?

Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
So yeah, yeah, because that's the next phase. Are you
doing that to get what you want?

Speaker 12 (01:06:08):
Am I doing?

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
Yeah? Pulling back? You're not accepting willing Wood and Nicols.
Are you doing it for yourself or are you doing
it to get some type of response out of her.

Speaker 12 (01:06:18):
I don't like how I that's not what when I'm
treated that way? Stop, So I'm doing it for myself?

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
Good say that. I just that you're doing it for you.
But if she comes back, are you going to feel
empowered because you did that?

Speaker 12 (01:06:34):
The only way that I think that I can feel
empowered is I have to set a boundary.

Speaker 3 (01:06:41):
And stick to it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
Are you going to stick to it? Clearly, over the
last ten years, you've come to this realization, right, and
you haven't stuck to the boundary Because I'm sure you've
set up a boundary over the last ten years. This
isn't day one of boundaries, right.

Speaker 12 (01:06:58):
Yeah, I almost acted up on it today and I
pull back, and I pulled back with the thought that
maybe I'll get something different. How dumb is that? And
I got the exact same behavior. I'll get back to you.
You're so busy today, you got to call me another listen.

Speaker 2 (01:07:20):
But this is what I want you to understand. This
has nothing to do with her. Really, this has to
do with how you process disappointment or perceive rejection.

Speaker 12 (01:07:31):
What does that have to do with anything?

Speaker 2 (01:07:32):
Do you see like she's not reaching out to you
when you want her to You said, this has been
going on for ten years, right, and then when you
act a certain way? Do you know what they call this?
For anxious, preoccupied protest, they call this protest behaviors. You
know what, it's been ten years, I've had enough. Guess what,

(01:07:56):
I'm setting a boundary. But are you doing it? Because
that was the big question here. Are you doing this
because you want to change? Are you doing this to
get a rise or a change out of her? And
if she does come back and gives you a little something,

(01:08:18):
I guarantee you that boundary is gonna be made of
snowball ice. It's gonna melt, and she made I'm sorry.

Speaker 12 (01:08:28):
You asked a very good question, and I have an
answer to it.

Speaker 3 (01:08:31):
Is here.

Speaker 12 (01:08:31):
It two weeks ago. I asked her to do something
and she didn't do it. So I've been We haven't
spoke in two weeks, so I don't need her communication.
And so now I don't mean that in the way

(01:08:51):
that it sounds. I'm just saying that we communicate on
a regular basis, so not talking for two weeks is huge.
So now what I'm really as today is that what
I have to do now is take action, and the
action means that action means that I can no longer

(01:09:12):
respond to random phone calls.

Speaker 2 (01:09:15):
Hmm, okay, well let's see how I'm very business.

Speaker 12 (01:09:20):
What do you have a suggestion?

Speaker 2 (01:09:24):
My suggestion is how this is my suggestion. Sure you
could feel the way you feel, but I would have
the conversation.

Speaker 12 (01:09:32):
Okay, we had it already, but okay, have another one.

Speaker 5 (01:09:35):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
If you already had the conversation, then you know, do
what you must do, what you think is best for you.
But I would love to hear the outcome of that.

Speaker 12 (01:09:48):
Can I challenge you real quick before you let me go?
Go ahead? I don't like what you just said. I
want you to tell me no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (01:10:03):
This is you investigating how you show up and how
you're gonna create your boundaries. I can't give you the
answers for your experience.

Speaker 12 (01:10:14):
Isn't it true that there's a boundary that is universal?

Speaker 6 (01:10:19):
Sir?

Speaker 2 (01:10:21):
Do what is best for you and then come report back.
Don't you try to flip this on me. Do what's
best for you and then come report back. And I'm
gonna tell you what you should have did, big Eric,

(01:10:41):
hey man, guess what you just did?

Speaker 12 (01:10:43):
Bro I think I just bust the arson to the house.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
See arson is in the building. When we come for
we go into my city, passa Dana. Let's get it.

Speaker 15 (01:10:53):
Simply saying I'm sorry or I apologize does not make
something a complete and authentic and thorough apology. To be
a true apology, that has to contain the following four elements. First,
an acknowledgment of the offense that was committed. Second, a
full acceptance of responsibility for what was done. Third, a

(01:11:16):
sincere expression of remorse and a commitment not to repeat
the same behavior. And fourth, an offer to make someone
whole for the losses that they've suffered or to repair
the damage that's been done.

Speaker 2 (01:11:27):
Yo, we got Kirk from Pasadena. I haven't heard from
Kirk in a long time. Kirk, Hey, how did the
fire treat you?

Speaker 3 (01:11:40):
Brother?

Speaker 7 (01:11:40):
You are right, man, I actually live on outing in
the drive, so my house is go.

Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
Damn it. Yeah, but check.

Speaker 12 (01:11:50):
This is the reason I haven't called for a while.
I wanted to ask you, have you ever considered having
a show about people who.

Speaker 3 (01:11:58):
Don't date at all?

Speaker 6 (01:12:01):
Sure?

Speaker 12 (01:12:01):
I mean, oh okay, because.

Speaker 2 (01:12:03):
I been dated in ten years and I haven't been
so happy.

Speaker 7 (01:12:07):
In my life.

Speaker 12 (01:12:11):
Would you be a guest, Yeah, I would be an expert.
The people you have, I mean, I can't imagine going
through all this manness your your people go through.

Speaker 2 (01:12:23):
I love it. Let's do it, all right, I'll call
you please.

Speaker 12 (01:12:30):
We'll talk about the alternatives.

Speaker 2 (01:12:33):
I'll set it up asap.

Speaker 7 (01:12:36):
Okay, I'll talk to you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:37):
Thank you.

Speaker 7 (01:12:37):
Brother.

Speaker 2 (01:12:40):
Listen, I missed him and I'm glad he's here, lost
his home. Was a caller all the time, and man
for him to call back, that's big. Listen. I start

(01:13:03):
the conversations. It's up to you to finish them. I'll
be back tomorrow with another slapper the v O R.
We up out of here.