The Intimate Drop Out

A Deeply Riveting look into the emergent phenomenon of intimate dropouts? When the university of U becomes so overwhelming, you can’t help but drop the course!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're not healing, You're just performing a softer version of
denial and calling it alignment. Ain't that a kick in
the subconscious? You think you're doing shadow work because you
saged your apartment and cried during a breath work video. Yeah,
real shadow work is confronting the version of you that manipulates, avoids, punishes, pleases,
or lies, and then realizing that version is you. Young

(00:22):
didn't write The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious in nineteen
fifty nine so you could repost trauma memes and feel
spiritually superior while ghosting people. You're not triggered because they're toxic.
You're triggered because they touch the wound you pretend doesn't exist.
We don't hate people for who they are, We hate
them for who they remind us we've disowned. That's why
your ex still lives rent free in your nervous system

(00:43):
and your boss makes you feel seven years old. Shadow
work isn't trendy. It's trench work, digging through your own
with curiosity not judgment. Ask yourself, if I met someone
who treated others like I do when I feel scared
or unseen, would I admire them? Integration isn't forgiveness. It's ownership,
compassion without delusion, accountability without shame, and the courage to

(01:04):
admit you're not broken, You're just fragmented.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
Okay, fine, fine, okay. People been asking, people have been asking,
who is that? That's Lenny l I n Nie Lenny
on Ig And it's literally a cartoon. I call him
dog Man. Dog Man come in here barking from time
to time, dropping Jules. The purpose of tonight's show, this

(01:33):
is very important. My friend Carl, no Kirk, his name
is Kirk, Kirk from Altadena lost his home. Kirk used
to call in all the time. Right when the sister
who has the sweet spot? What's the name of her show?

(01:56):
What's the sister? Angelique? She Angelique Francis. She had an
amazing event at the Miracle Theater. I met Carl there.
He gave me his book. Man Carl disappears. Of course,
he disappears. His house was burnt down in Alta. Dina.

(02:20):
I got on the radio. I said, man, I hope
you know Kirk is good. I hope Kirk is good.
Kirk got a call in. Well, one day he called in.
I think it's Carl. I want to say Carl, but
I feel Kirk. But either way, I was concerned about

(02:41):
him because he always called in. He always had some
good insight. He calls in a couple of weeks ago.
He said, now I'm good. Everything is all right with me,
you know, but I lost my house in the fire.
I'm like, oh man. But then he said something that
sparked tonight's conversation. He said, Man, I be listening to

(03:03):
the show, and I wonder, I really wonder, Like, with
all of the nuance and all of the stuff you
break down, why would anybody even get in a relationship?
Why do we eat with all of the mess that
you done uncovered? Lord, have mercy, You ain't no stone

(03:26):
left unturned, you done turned over everything. Why right would
anybody even want to consider a relationship. I was talking
to a young lady a few weeks back, and you know,
they always go to this space when I get to talking.

(03:48):
First off, they like what I say. They be like, yo,
I ain't never thought of it that way. That was deep, yo. Whoa,
that's a cold whoa. Then it turns into it ain't
gotta beat that deep?

Speaker 3 (04:00):
Why is this so deep?

Speaker 2 (04:02):
And I'm just I'm talking at this level why gotta
be all see and now, and therein lies the problem.

Speaker 4 (04:11):
Right.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
We've turned the relationship, which is a spiritual university, into
a damn carnival the fair grounds. I know, yes, yeah,
we've turned it into the fair grounds. We gotta get

(04:35):
cotton candy, we gotta get popcorn, we gotta win stuffed animals,
we gotta do all of these things. That is what
takes precedent for many people. See for me, it's presence
over performance. For me, it's presence over performance. Do you

(04:59):
understand for society in general, I would say it's metrics
over meaning what am I getting? I signed up for
something and you causing me to look at my wounds
is not what I signed up for? What do you this? Listen?

(05:26):
For all you people out there getting in relationship with folk,
new folks or whatever, ask the question what? Just ask?
Just ask question, what is the purpose of relationship? You're
going to hear the most benign problem based answers. Well,
it's for connection, right, you know, you got a bond.

(05:51):
You see, it's just teamwork. You understand, you know. And
I'm not saying it's bad listen either or not bad,
but you know we you know everybody got somebody. You
know I'm looking for my somebody. You understand, you see,
you know what I'm saying. You get to a time.
There comes a time in a man's life. You know

(06:16):
you want to find somebody. Do you see what I'm saying?
You have no idea what it's for. That leads to
tonight's topic, The intimate dropout. Wow, a deeply riveting look
into the emergent phenomenon of intimate dropouts when the university

(06:40):
of you becomes so overwhelming you can't help but drop
the course. Ugh, ugh, do you want me to read
the topic again? Y'all want that topic one more time?
The intimate dropout. You've been trained to be an intimate quitter.
You date, you, marry you, You get with people to

(07:03):
the level of your unhealed wound. Anything. We can be
in this area right here, this is my shallow end
right here. We can stay in this area right here.
But if we move past this area into the area
of my unprocessed wound, then a you're a problem. This
is an issue. This is an issue. The intimate dropout

(07:30):
A deeply riveting look into the emergent phenomena of intimate
dropouts when the university of you becomes so overwhelming you
can't help but drop the course, the mirror university. When
relationships become the curriculum of self. When relationships become the

(07:55):
curriculum of self, that's what they are. And we don't
tea this, right, The clinicians don't teach this because it's
too spiritual, it's too woo woo. They are about thirty
five years from this point. D you see projection, here's
your clinical and psychological insight. Here, projection and transference dominate

(08:21):
intimate relationships. Each partner mirrors disowned aspects of the others unconscious.
This process, though destabilizing, facilitates what Carl Jung called individuation
by revealing the psyche, wait, by revealing what the psyche

(08:46):
refuses to acknowledge. See, you got to give them the
clinical piece of They say, oh, that's clinically backed. So
I guess, I guess it's the truth. Right, This is
what relationships are. Yes, it's fun to take pictures of
your food. This is fun. That chutney, boy, that was

(09:12):
one ele of a chutney. Remember that night I got
I still got a picture of that chutney. You understand,
Remember that salmon, that black and salmon with that chutney
on the girl. And listen, man, that was our first day.
You remember that. I still got a picture of the chutney.
Oh lord, hey, I'm in here telling you the truth tonight.

(09:37):
The clinical insight one more time. Projection and transference dominate
intimate relationships. Each partner mirrors disowned aspects of the others unconscious.
This process, though destabilizing, facilitates individuation. You mean to tell
me intimate relationship is an individuation machine. Hell yeah, Oh,

(10:01):
individuation is not easy. Individuation can hurt. Hey, listen, I'm
not here for a long time. I'm here for a
good time, not a long time. You understand. I want
to take pictures of my pasta. Can we get a

(10:22):
picture next to the lava lamp? I love that lava
lamp in this club. As Krishnamurti implied, relationship is a
mirror in which the self is seen as it is.
The discomfort of intimacy arises not from the other, but

(10:44):
from being forced to encounter our own illusions without anesthesia.
Your clinical psychiatric insight, the mirror dynamic often activates unresolved
attachment schemas according to Bowlby and Ainsworth, when mirrored too accurately,

(11:11):
the fragile ego interprets intimacy as a psychic threat, triggering defense, disassociation,
or devaluation. What is relationship for? It's to strip your
tail nude for you, not for your partner, for you.

(11:37):
And we choose partners that keep us clothed ooo, that
keep us robed in the finest illusory garments. We choose
partners that keep us swaddled like a babe. Do you
understand me? So what you're gonna do knowing this information?

(12:02):
My brother asked me, why would I even get in
a relationship if it's this problematic? You're not a man
if you don't face yourself. You think you're more of
a man when you face other men. Maybe you facing
other men is your preferred escape from self. Ooh, hyper masculinity.

(12:30):
I'm gonna show you. You ain't gonna punk me, but
you've been punking yourself the whole time. See, a real
man has one on the battlefield of his own soul,
of his own psyche. That's a real man. And if

(12:54):
you don't do it, you're gonna attract Here we go
an artist official woman to mirror that back to you. Huh,
what what are we ready for this work tonight? What

(13:20):
is relationship for? And how many of you still got
a few more credits to get a particular degree or
certificate in the in the in the university of you.
I'm interested to know. Here's your cultural anthropological insight. Across

(13:46):
collectivist societies, relationships are viewed as communal classrooms where selfhood
is co authored through ritual not rebellion. Western hyper individual
dualism distorts this, reducing relational feedback to ego injury. Your

(14:11):
spiritual insight, Every partner is an emissary of your own soul,
an aspect of divine consciousness seeking reintegration. The mirror becomes
sacred when judgment dissolves into curiosity your Empirical and clinical insight.

(14:37):
Studies on emotionally focused therapy EFT demonstrate that recognizing relational
triggers as mirrors of inner wounds improves emotional regulation and
long term satisfaction. According to Johnson twenty nineteen, who wants
this work? Why would you ever be an intimate dropout?

(14:59):
When come forward, we are opening the phone lines to
get this discussion cracking.

Speaker 5 (15:10):
Did you know that being Stuck requires you to tell
a lie. Stuck is defined as being unable to move.
Go ahead and save this because I'm about to teach something.
Calling yourself stuck requires deceit. It also requires an intentional
level of dishonesty. Now, am I calling you a liar?

Speaker 2 (15:26):
Nope?

Speaker 5 (15:27):
Am I saying that you're lying to yourself? Go ahead
like this before you get mad at me. But being
unable to move is different than unwilling, So stuck is
really unable versus unwilling. Unwilling is not eager or ready
to or prepare to do something reluctant to And you say, well,
I'm stuck because I'm not prepared to do something. But

(15:49):
you're also not doing the preparation work to do the thing.
Because if you were doing the preparation work to do
the thing that gets you unstuck, you wouldn't be stuck.
He'll be preparing.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
Huh.

Speaker 5 (16:00):
You see how that's a level of intentional dishonesty.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
Huh.

Speaker 5 (16:04):
So here's what you need to do. I want you
to ask yourself this question so we can figure out
if it's unable or unwilling. Here's the question, what are
the I'm unwilling to things that unstuck me and create
a path for forward progress that I haven't taken. If
you can sit down and ask this question and answer

(16:25):
it one, two, three, guess what.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Listen, Valerie Johnson. Listen. She took off from the other
to the opposing team's bench. She took off from there
and went through the legs three times, double pump, doubled pump,
three sixty two hand reverse dump. She out here cooking,
That was Valerie Johnson. Are you unable or are you unwilling?

(16:57):
See tonight's topic, the intimate dropout. Oh, I just don't
have the capacity. You see that wonderful sister that's out
here taking social media by storm. She had been doing
her work for a long time, Raquel Hopkins. Then all
of a sudden she drops a video and goes viral.

(17:17):
Now everybody is seeing her work. She's teaching capacity. Somebody
told you was supposed to be easy. Somebody told you
that love is easy. It is not. No one will
ever love you if you don't love yourself. And that's
the hardest love to cultivate, is the love of self.

(17:37):
I'm not talking about the love of ego. I'm talking
about the love of all of you, not just pieces
and fragments. You will go on and get married to
a fragment thinking it won't cut you, thinking your fragments
won't cut them, Thinking that the fragment of them and
the fragment of you are puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. No,

(18:02):
that's not how it works. The intimate dropout the University
of self. Homeboy said, why would you ever get in
a relationship if it's gonna be difficult? Every relationship is
a university. I wrote that in twenty fifteen in my

(18:22):
book The Relationship Dismount, How to Stick the Landing. Every
relationship is a university. Every argument a mid term, every
heartbreak a dissertation on attachment and avoidance. Each partner is
both professor and pupil, assigning lessons we didn't consent to

(18:46):
but desperately need. This is the university of self, where
the curriculum is consciousness and the feedback is emotional pain.
Some graduate with compassion, and others quietly drop out. In
The Relationship Dismount in twenty fifteen, I argued that exiting

(19:08):
a toxic relationship requires the same precision and awareness as
a gymnast sticking the landing. You must dismount consciously, not
collapse unconsciously. Yet, what happens when the entire generation begins
dismounting from love itself? Love ain't enough, Love don't really

(19:33):
mean nothing no more? When quiet quitting relationships become an
epidemic of spiritual truancy. When I come forward the Voice
of Reason, we're gonna take this conversation national. Let's get
these people on the lines, ladies and gentle the vo

(19:54):
R and his playlist back in the building would take
this time to unwind and chill because the heavy hitting
blows of this conversation will continue shortly. Take about twenty
seconds of this vibe. Friends, when shop machine.

Speaker 6 (20:19):
Take nows w from something.

Speaker 7 (20:31):
Just because there's free will does not mean your will
is free. Humans have this obsessive need for something to
be wrong in order to justify seeking something that feels right.
You can't claim free will if every win is divine
and every loss is demanded. You praise God when life
goes right and blame the devil.

Speaker 8 (20:48):
When it doesn't.

Speaker 7 (20:49):
That is contradiction, and sin means to miss the mark,
and that means that we were brought into the world purposeless.
There's currently nothing to aim at so to cultivate this
idea that Satan has anything to do with that would
be to deny the idea that God is all things.
And by the way, do you all know that satan
Lucifer actually means light bringer. Lucifer the morning star rises

(21:11):
before the sun. They are of the same archetype. It's
the part of us that awakens before full illumination. So
we rise, but we are not yet in alignment. Lucifer's
life comes first, because that's how consciousness unfolds. Awareness precedes wisdom.
The mind wakes up before the soul matures. But let
me give you perspective. Sin isn't rebellion, it's the cost

(21:32):
of embodiment. To be born human is to wake up
inside the forgetting and spend a lifetime tracing your way
back to truth. Every lifetime is the soul trying to
translate infinity through something temporary, and free will is just
the language that it uses. Once your free will gets
traded for instruction, your consciousness becomes confinement, which is why
if you pay attention, faith divides by doctrine and unites

(21:56):
by fear. All of these religions serve different gods, but
they all have the same devil.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
Ay, Hey, listen, listen. Javon Cross, boy, Hey, he took off.
Don't be mad, don't shoot the messenger. Ay, that was
Vince Carter mixed with Zach Levine all in one player. Man,

(22:26):
Oh my goodness, Javon Cross, he cooked on that. I'm
not here to disagree. I'm not here to agree. What
did you think of what he said? Join the National Discussion?
The number of dollars one eight hundred nine twenty fifteen eight.
We got callers on the line. Tonight's topic. Are you
an intimate dropout? Have you flunked the University of You?

(22:48):
Did you get an ELF an F in individuation class?
Do you run from intimacy and you don't know? Why?
Are you going to re enroll? Fifteen eighty? This is good, good,
good good, This is good, good, good good. Everybody got

(23:11):
a different name for God, but the devil is the same. Ooh,
who's ready for this work? Let's get it, let's get it.
Come on. Eric from c Arson, Eric from Carson, what
are your thoughts on tonight's topic?

Speaker 9 (23:28):
What's up on?

Speaker 2 (23:29):
Or what's up?

Speaker 4 (23:30):
Sir?

Speaker 2 (23:31):
You got to turn your whole living room down, man,
because we could hear the.

Speaker 9 (23:34):
Feed, I just turn it down, all right. So I
just said it all right.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
What are your thoughts on this topic, sir?

Speaker 9 (23:42):
On the topic of intimate dropouts? Yeah, I met a
female about a month ago and we've only been on
three dates that she selected and I we've only just
went out for drinks a bar that she picked places

(24:03):
I would never go. But the point is is that
she told me that she doesn't she's had sex, but
that's not something that she's abstaining right now and she's
not going there. But she said that I'll give you
a kiss, and she has did that.

Speaker 4 (24:25):
And so.

Speaker 9 (24:28):
My question to you, instead of me always giving dissertations,
my question is do you think that she is an
intimate dropout?

Speaker 2 (24:39):
What you? Hey? Eric, you gotta stop, Hey Eric. You
know I love your calls, brother, But why is it
that you have this amazing skill to take my topic
and instead of apply it to yourself, you always flip

(25:03):
it and pointed at somebody else. This topic is about you.
How is it that the skill is amazing, like it's
the skill of doctor Strange as a surgeon. I don't
understand is she an intimate drop out? First off, let

(25:24):
me ask you this question just to shut it all
the way down. Did you want her to choose those places?

Speaker 9 (25:34):
Or did you I want her to choose those places?

Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yeah, the places you went to go out, the places
you went to dine. Did you want to do that?

Speaker 9 (25:45):
You change your question.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
I'm asking did you want her to choose those places?

Speaker 3 (25:50):
On?

Speaker 9 (25:50):
A better statement would be I allowed her to Nah.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
We're not playing Koto games. That's not what we plan.

Speaker 9 (25:56):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
Did you want her to choose those places? Did you
want that to happen?

Speaker 10 (26:05):
No?

Speaker 2 (26:06):
All right, then why did you allow it? Because you're
a manipulator. You gave her because you gave her power.
You gave her, Yes, you gave her power because you
wanted to get something back from it. Tell the truth
to shame the devil man. Because you playing games, and

(26:30):
I'm not gonna allow you to play games. You gotta
be straight up real.

Speaker 9 (26:35):
You gotta be.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
Real, be real.

Speaker 9 (26:38):
I'm trying to be.

Speaker 2 (26:39):
So you gave her the power. You didn't want to
give her the power. You was about to recontextualize it
as I allowed her, which is a power statement. And
then you start talking about sex and kissing and then
gonna flip it and say, is she the intimate drop out?

(27:00):
Do you see the games you playing?

Speaker 9 (27:05):
I'm okay, Can I start over with you?

Speaker 2 (27:07):
Now? You won't start over? Now, now you won't start over. See,
you're not talking to Winnie to pool over here. You're
not talking to thinny wuo yaw See. I see straight
through your goofyness, and I'm gonna call it. Man, I gotstu.

Speaker 9 (27:21):
Now I'm trying to be you know, I'm trying to
be straight with you, all right, be straight. I wanted
to go out with her, and so it really didn't
matter where we went or what we did, but it
was a great excursion.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
Now, I don't know, no stand on what you was on.
Don't try to see it ain't no cleanup. After I
catch you with your hand in the cookie jar, you
can't say, well, that wasn't a real cookie jar. That
was that was a prop cookie jar. See, ain't no
cookies in here? This is no sir. Stand Yeah, why.

Speaker 9 (28:02):
This this is? This is funny to me because you're
doing exactly what all of my associates and friends do
to me. And I have my theory why it happens,
but it's the exact same thing.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
Common denominator he don't want to take a common denominator
he don't want.

Speaker 9 (28:26):
To ever take.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
But you got to.

Speaker 9 (28:28):
I wanted to talk about intimate dropouts.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
But you're not talking about you.

Speaker 9 (28:35):
I don't think I'm an intimate dropout.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Oh you think based on your participant on the superficial level.

Speaker 9 (28:42):
Well, I listened to.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
Going to the bar trying to get a kiss, you know,
giving the girl a little power, so maybe she'll open
up a little more to you. Is that what you want? Well?

Speaker 9 (28:54):
Can I ask you a question? VR sure? If I
go out on a date on a first, second, or
third day and the conversation that's brought to me is
I don't want to have sex, not that night, but period.

(29:15):
And so that was what she introduced to me. I
don't know of her. I don't know nothing about her.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Let me start, So, is this your first date?

Speaker 10 (29:23):
No?

Speaker 9 (29:24):
This we went We went on three, but it's only
been a month since I've known her, so we've only went.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Are you ready for some loving? You want some cuddling?

Speaker 9 (29:35):
That's not what I was looking for at all.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
What I'm saying, it's a process. You wait. A woman
has to feel safe. Do you think do you think
they're safe around you.

Speaker 4 (29:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
Id you told me that you had a through line
of women, multiple women saying you were controlled. Now you're
telling me that women feel safe around you.

Speaker 9 (30:07):
Is this a trap?

Speaker 2 (30:09):
Listen, you ain't gonna be able to outreason me, sir.
I'm the voice. I know the reason, and I'm listening
to what you say, how you backpedal, how you let
it slip then try to pull it back. I'm trying
to help you, Eric. This topic is about you. It's

(30:31):
not about somebody you went out on a date with.
Christianna Murthy is the one who said relationships are mirrors
in which you see yourself as you are. Do you
see yourself as you are? Eric?

Speaker 11 (30:46):
Yeah?

Speaker 9 (30:46):
I listened to when you opened the show you played
Lenny and you said it was on ig and he
talked about the ghost the power of ghosting, and so
I really listened to the intro today, and so I
don't think that I am I definitely don't think that

(31:07):
I am unaware.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
So can you name three things about yourself that make
you undatable and unrelatable? This is one of the first
calls you had, And that was the first question I
asked you when you called in for the first time.
A few months ago, I said, can you name you struggled?
You struggled, you stumbled. Now you've had time to hear

(31:32):
you got to say. Now let me ask you. Can
you can you name three things that make you undatable
and unrelatable that would contribute to the thought process of
the women saying you're controlling? Can you do it?

Speaker 9 (31:45):
I won't do it?

Speaker 2 (31:47):
Why not?

Speaker 9 (31:47):
Because I'm not. I don't think that I'm unrelatable or undatable, even.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
Though they gave you the data, Even though they gave
you the data. Are they cousins? Do they have something
against you? Are they friends? How did they arrive at
the same conclusion, sir?

Speaker 9 (32:02):
Because the what the action is similar people and hear
me out here, the people who I have associated with,
the females that I've associated with, I believe identify my
behavior as a form of control. But that's not what

(32:26):
it is.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
Okay, all right? They and they, all three of them,
misunderstood you in the same way.

Speaker 9 (32:36):
Well, I don't think they were saying it even they
weren't even saying it in a negative sense, even though
you know, controlling sounds negative. It was just a if
I'm taking the lead on something. If I'm if I'm paying,
if I'm the aggressor, as the male in the in
the sit relationship, then you might perceive if I'm driving

(32:57):
my car to pick you up and pay my money
to take you out, and I'm pursuing you, and that's
gonna proceed to be controlling.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah, man, we do a lot. Hey, we do a
lot of these topics. Brother, Hey man, let me just say, man,
I love it when you call it's radio goal for me.
You know why, because I love the back and forth.
But the compassionate side of me says, hey man, how
can I help this brother? This brother really needs some help? Now,

(33:33):
would you allow me to help you?

Speaker 9 (33:37):
I don't need help, but I will always listen to
guide it.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
All right, Guess what you just did, brother Eric. Guess
but my brother Eric just did.

Speaker 9 (33:46):
Come on, Tell me Eric just bought Carson to the house.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
See. Arson is in the building because of Eric. Listen,
if you want to bring your city in the building.
And I got to do is call me a one
eight hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty when we come forward
more from this national discussion.

Speaker 12 (34:01):
We love to say, sit with your emotions, and I
don't think most people actually know what that means, because
sitting with your emotions isn't just feeling them, it's facing
them without rushing to fix, justify, or turn them into
some lesson. And that's where people get it wrong. Instead
of actually sitting with emotions, we either suppress them or

(34:25):
we obsess over them. And that obsession it shows up
when you start overanalyzing every emotion like it's a puzzle
that you have to saw.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
You think, why do I feel this way?

Speaker 12 (34:35):
What does this mean?

Speaker 2 (34:36):
What childhood wound?

Speaker 12 (34:38):
Is it triggering? What's the deeper issue in Before you
know what, you're spiraling not feeling the emotion because thinking
about it so much that you're completely disconnected from the
actual experience. And then there's this other side where you
are trying to fix the emotion. The moment that it
shows up, you feel sad, so you immediately start making
a gratitude list. You feel anxious, so you grab a

(35:00):
journal and start writing affirmations. You feel uncomfortable, so you decide,
I just need to set a boundary. But that's not
emotional processing. That's emotional management. That's trying to control what
you feel instead of learning how to feel it without
running from it. Sitting with your emotions means let it.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
Hey, listen Roquel Hopkins, she's one of my favorite clinicians
out there. Yeah, you always gotta do something. She's saying,
be in the discomfort of the emotion. Stop managing the
emotion by doing something. Be in it. Don't judge it.
You gotta do it. Oh, we got callers on the line.

(35:40):
Let's get him in here. Is that is that? Who
I think it is? I you shit from the OC? Hey,
that's iius you to deal? Who was just on the
show last week?

Speaker 6 (35:52):
Hey?

Speaker 2 (35:52):
What up? What up? What up? What up? Oh? This
this topic must have triggered you. What is the deal? Well,
come on.

Speaker 7 (36:03):
The deal?

Speaker 13 (36:05):
So there are your two cents?

Speaker 9 (36:06):
So I got it?

Speaker 2 (36:08):
What are your two cents on tonight's topic? Let's hear it.

Speaker 13 (36:12):
I mean, which which part are we talking about? We're
talking about the emotional dropouts, the runners. Which part?

Speaker 2 (36:19):
It's all one through line here. Tonight's topic is talking
about why we become the emotional dropout, the intimate dropout.
I think it's because relationship is a mirror where one
sees themselves as they are, and I think a lot
of people don't want to see themselves as they are.

(36:41):
Talk to me.

Speaker 13 (36:43):
I don't know, Okay, I might push up from that
a little bit. And I'm only going to say this
because sometimes I think it's okay to quit.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
I think talk to me, Talk to me. I want
to hear this. Talk to me.

Speaker 13 (36:54):
I mean because okay, because you've never no one's ever
been in school and taken on too many classes, are
taken on the load that was too heavy. Maybe register
for too many classes and realize that the low is
too much and decided to drop a couple of classes. Right,
isn't that why they have a whole period?

Speaker 2 (37:10):
So talking about a gap year like a gap year?

Speaker 13 (37:13):
No? No, no, where you actually register for classes? Like
don't they allow you time where you can actually drop classes?

Speaker 2 (37:18):
Yes?

Speaker 13 (37:19):
They do, look in the first semester.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 13 (37:22):
Isn't the same way in a relationship, like where you
maybe take on a relationship and you realize, like this
might be too much. It may be too much for me,
it may be too much for you. Maybe this doesn't work.
Maybe maybe maybe the emotional load this person brings on
into my life is too much for me to carry
and I gotta drop it. Does that make me a runner.
Does that mean that maybe what you're bringing it to

(37:43):
my life it's too heavy for me to hold, and
I got to drop this? I mean, am I the
bad guy because maybe where you're bringing it too heavy
for me to carry? Does that make me the runner?

Speaker 2 (37:52):
Woo, stay right there, don't go nowhere. I shift from now.
Oh c she up in there cooking. We love it.
We love if we love it? Can we come forward
more of this national discussion.

Speaker 10 (38:05):
Some people should accept them for who they are without
accepting the consequences of their character. Some people want you
to accept them for who they are and tell who
they are compromises their access to you. Let's remember that
grace without accountability is just simply enabling and to accept
the person. It's not the same thing as tolerating. Then

(38:29):
people like doing bad things without being labeled as bad people.
It's that's information.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
Who was that somebody came in cooking? Whoever that was,
I'm sure my niece will tell us who it is.
We want you to join this discussion. This is our
number two. You're listening to the VR live on KBLA
Talk fifteen eighty. This is the most revolutionary, radical, psychologically, counterintuitive,

(38:58):
spiritually informed to physically inform, psychologically philosophically informed relationship talk
show in the world. Nobody's doing what we're doing here,
and we have the people calling in to discuss to
prove it. Aisha had a great point. Oh that was

(39:23):
Isaiah Frizzelly on Instagram Isaiah Frizzelli. But Aisha called in
from the OC, and we're gonna go back to her.
She had a great point. She was saying, what if
it's within the time, you know, being an intimate dropout,
using the school analogy, the college analogy. What if you're overwhelmed,

(39:48):
life is happening, life is lifing, and it's within that
timeframe where you can actually drop a course. She brought
up a great point. I'd love to bring her back
in so she could continue expounding on that very point.
Asia from the OC, the deal get up in here,
finish your thought.

Speaker 3 (40:09):
My only point is, I know you're you're mentioning, you
know you're using the university and you know things like that.
I'm just saying for me personally, I know there's been
times that I have definitely shown up for class. My
pencils have been sharpened, my backpack has been on and
I've been.

Speaker 13 (40:24):
Ready to study to learn someone you know, to be extentive,
and maybe perhaps they weren't prepared and they didn't do
their own self homework. What can I do with that?
I mean, I'm only one half of the equations. So
if this was a group project and I did my homework,
if you didn't do yours, then what am I supposed

(40:45):
to do with that? Then we're gonna fail? Anyway? Am
I wrong for it? At that point? Am I wrong
for saying, you know what, my partner in this project
didn't do their work. It's not my fault that this
didn't succeeded, that we didn't pass, so that you know
this was a failing greater that? Am I wrong for
walking away? I don't think so. I think that a
lot of times the runner gets the bad rap, but

(41:08):
everyone doesn't run because they're not evolved. Some people just
know when to try harder and when to walk away.
And I don't think that just because you put on
your sneakers and laced up and said or and walked away,
some people could be emotionally violent and ghosts. I don't
encourage that, But I think that some people just know
when to pull that terachute and jump, and I don't
think that they're always the bad guy for walking away

(41:30):
because someone else didn't do their homework and make sure
that they didn't show up ready for their classifignment.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
I love it. I love the different perspective. I love it,
But I think you're speaking of a small group of
people who are conscientious in that way. The majority of
people have avoidant tendencies. If we start getting into attachment
styles and we start talking about the avoidant attachment styles,

(41:58):
there's four attach a style is only three. Only one
of them is secure, the other three are insecure. You
have anxious preoccupied, you have dismissive avoidant, and you have
fearful avoidant, which is a combination of the other two.
So with that being said, I don't think we can
take your anecdotal perspective and put it as a blanket

(42:20):
license for everybody. I think when intimacy shows up, for
most people who have an avoidant tinge right, they run
from intimacy because they were never prepared to deal with
intimacy from childhood. I think that's where it comes from.
So although I agree with some aspects of your thought

(42:41):
on this, the reality of it is if we look
at relationship from its spiritual perspective, which is we are
all mirrors of each other. You asked a question that
was very, very interesting in your breakdown. You said, what
if I'm ready? I showed up for class, I got
my backpack, I got my pencil sharp, and everything is here.

(43:02):
I'm ready to go, but they aren't. Well, if we're
going from a spiritual perspective and not just a not
just a societal linear perspective, then we have to say
what disorganized, unready aspect of them is mirroring you?

Speaker 13 (43:23):
Now, I don't think anybody's ready out here.

Speaker 2 (43:25):
I think everybody wait, hold on, I'm gonna come back.
I'm gonna come back to you because you cooking, and
I love it. I love it. But if we're going
with Kristi na Murti, relationships are mirrors in which one
sees yourself as you are. If you're telling me we're
mirroring each other, there's you you project as unready. How

(43:47):
did they even magnetize somebody who was ready unless they
were only ready in appearance? Right?

Speaker 13 (43:56):
Do you think everybody thinks they're ready? I think I
think everyone thinks they're ready. I think if you act,
if you line up one hundred people and asking if
they're ready. They're going to say they're ready. And I
guarantee you that if I were you, or you were
to get a relationship or to start to get to
know each one of them, I guarantee you none of
them are ready. Everyone's going to say they're ready to

(44:17):
get under the hood, and I guarantee you.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
Until they're under the hood, I love it.

Speaker 13 (44:21):
Come on, I mean, my question is going to be
my question is closed to the world. Which attachment style
can you live with? And that's the question? What one
than you live with?

Speaker 5 (44:32):
Come on?

Speaker 13 (44:32):
Everyone has an attachment style. Which one are you prepared
to live with? And which one can you afford? Because
you do what you could afford?

Speaker 2 (44:40):
Can you do? Stay right there? That's good. Let's unpack that.
That's so good. That's so good, stay with can you
live with? Listen? First off, back to the mirror. The
mirror analogy, be avoidant and the anxious. They mirror each other,

(45:04):
just like the narcissists and the codependent. They mirror each other.
So if they're mirroring each other, what are they mirroring
each other for?

Speaker 13 (45:15):
Mmm?

Speaker 2 (45:19):
Do you know? Come on?

Speaker 13 (45:21):
Cooking, it's a pretty painful mirror.

Speaker 3 (45:25):
I mean I don't think.

Speaker 13 (45:26):
I mean you're showing it back and forth to each other.
Both of them are pretty excruciating to be mirrored back
and forth.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
Yes, So what do people do? What do they do
when it's excruciating mirror? Oh, we're mirroring each other's pain?
What happens? What one or two things?

Speaker 13 (45:43):
Walk away? Because those two childs don't like to be
mirrored in particular, that's right, that's right.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
So they were they were called to come together so
they could see each other as they are, so they
could claim their mess, right because because because guess what
do you know? These insecure attachment styles can be rewritten, right,
They're not forever once you discover you have an insecure

(46:10):
attachment style. You do know a f A, a fearful avoidant,
can become secure, a d A, a dismissive avoidant can
become secure, an AP can become secure. And do you
know that all three of them can pull a secure
person into what their insecurity is? Did you know that?

Speaker 13 (46:32):
Yeah? But the depth of pain that you have to
go to, the depth of pain, that that that that
knowing that you have to find that knowing in has
to be there, you are in you are at rock
bottom down here, the tears that you have to shed
to find that lightning.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
But isn't that the cost if we're dealing with economy,
isn't that the opportunity cost of growing up, of evolving?
If we're gonna go economics, that's the opportunity cost. You
gotta pay pain.

Speaker 13 (47:01):
That's my thing. You can you do what you could afford.
That's gonna cost the level of knowing that you're talking about.
You could only find that in the depth of pain
and sorrow and brokenness. And most people don't want.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
To get but they gotta go there if they want
to grow up. They gotta go there. If they want
to grow up.

Speaker 13 (47:23):
It only takes loss.

Speaker 2 (47:26):
Listen, guess what you just did, Ayisha? Do you know.

Speaker 13 (47:34):
That's the only way you're gonna get Lise back.

Speaker 2 (47:36):
Up, Aisha. This is when I say, guess what you
just did? You say, oh, I brought the O C
in the building. That's guess what you just did? Ayisha?
Are you ready? Issue?

Speaker 13 (47:53):
I'm sorry?

Speaker 2 (47:53):
All right, Let's do it again one more time, Aisha,
Guess what you just did?

Speaker 3 (48:00):
What's that? What did I just do?

Speaker 2 (48:02):
You you're supposed to say, I brought the O C
in the build.

Speaker 13 (48:06):
I bought I bought South O C in the building.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
All right, no, no, no, we gotta do it right. We
gotta do it right. Aisha, guess what you just did.

Speaker 13 (48:16):
I bought the South O C in the building.

Speaker 2 (48:19):
Woo woo. We appreciate the call from Aisha. She came
in here, she cooked, she cooked, she saw she cooked.
You conquered. We love that. We love it. We love it,
we love it. If you want to bring your city
in the building, no, you got to do is call
us at one eight hundred nine, twenty fifteen eighty Bowman,
Grand Prairie, Texas is up next. Good brother, what are

(48:41):
your thoughts on tonight's topic?

Speaker 4 (48:46):
It all, it all stuckles around God ultimately. So that's
the reason why we go into these relationships. That's the
typical answer. Now when it comes to the reason why
people are giving up on relationships, I want to tell
the cause of this. Don't let your consciousness get trapped

(49:07):
within that algorithm. Too many of us are taking information
from people who don't know about life, and we are
refusing to let others in our lives because of what
they believe and not what we believe about ourselves and
who we should be sharing ourselves with.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
Hmmm, say more. I'm interested.

Speaker 4 (49:33):
I hear all the time. We we always talk about
the mirroring, right, But I don't want to I don't
want somebody to mirror me. I want a transfusion.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
You want trans Are you saying you want communion where
you guys come together.

Speaker 4 (49:50):
Or no, I'm not transfusing. I'm not transfusion, but fusion.
I want somebody to fuse with me, not mirror me.
Let me just say that.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
You mean like emotion, you enmeshment. That's not healthy.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
No, totally, totally be one with one another, not mirror though.

Speaker 2 (50:07):
No, no, no, no, But there needs to be some
kind of distance. So it's closeness and distance in a
healthy relationship, right, Why should the distance is? Listen, I
am me as an individual as a person, and you
are you, and I respect you as you are, and
I'm not here to infringe upon any boundaries you set

(50:32):
for yourself. That's what healthy relationships do, right, It's not
we turn into one thing when like group think, we
think the same, we eat the same, we move that
that's again, in order to have harmony. There must be differences, right.
It takes different notes to create harmony. Everybody can't sing

(50:56):
the same note. There has to be high, mid, low, right, alto, soprano,
right baritone. It has to be right, differences right, and
those difference.

Speaker 4 (51:09):
Doesn't love cancel that out.

Speaker 2 (51:12):
No, Love actually revels in the difference. Love is freedom, sir.
That's that's what love is. Freedom, freedom to be you,
freedom to be me, and loving this interaction between the two.

Speaker 4 (51:34):
But if I love somebody, I'm technically submitting and I'm saying, hey,
I'm not going to get in the way of what
you're doing.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
When you say you're submitting, what are you submitting to?
What part of you is submitting? What's doing the submitting?
Is your ego doing the submitting? What's happening?

Speaker 4 (51:52):
No, Like, it's just like love makes it a flow.
It makes things slow.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
Like what part of you is no, no, no, no,
See you said something and now you have to make
it make sense. You can't just flow into love is
a flow? What part of you is bending the knee? Man?

Speaker 4 (52:12):
It is not. It's just when I say submit, I'm
just saying an agreement. There's an agreement. Okay, So it
makes things slow.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
Right, So if we're going to agree, right, what are
we agreeing to.

Speaker 4 (52:28):
Exactly?

Speaker 2 (52:28):
No? No, no, I'm asking you what are we agreeing?

Speaker 4 (52:31):
Okay? So when I'm saying okay, so if you said
that a person has to be their own person, like,
you can't get in away with that A way of
that right, right? There has to be some freedom. That's
what I'm saying. When you submit, you automatically agree, like, hey,
I want you to be successful. Your success is my success.

(52:52):
And when you really love a person, you automatically submit
to the idea that whatever you two is you both
you you all gain? Who told you?

Speaker 2 (53:03):
Who told you to use the word submit? Are you
using it in context? Who told you to use that?
Who told you to submit?

Speaker 4 (53:20):
I'm not saying been the knee, I'm saying agreed.

Speaker 2 (53:23):
So I understand the power of submission. Right. Typically when
we talk submission, we're talking about submitting from an egoic space.
I don't have to be in control, I don't have
to be right, I don't have to micromanage or that's
what we're talking about in submission, and submission in a
lot of ways is associated with acceptance. I accept you

(53:46):
as you are. That's a difficult thing to do because
you have to first accept yourself as you are. If
you if you haven't accepted the whole you as you are,
as you show up good, bad, or indifferent, it's going
to be exceedingly difficult for you to be able to
do that for others. So when you talk about submission,

(54:06):
it's also associated with acceptance, accepting your partner as they are.
Many of us are controllers, and I'm talking about men.
Many of us are controllers. You heard Eric off rip,
Eric said my money, I'm spending my money on this food.

(54:31):
We gotta discuss at Lisa kiss, like what the kiss on?

Speaker 4 (54:37):
What the kiss going?

Speaker 2 (54:38):
For so many of the But do you see what
I'm saying and I'm saying to you right when we
get in these relationships with women, men love to blame
women for the mess that they are without actually looking

(54:59):
inside themselves and saying what mess within me? Have I overlooked? Right?
You can't be a ball of unprocessed wounds and expect
her to come in and bring peace. You're not at peace.
You'll be like I just wanted to come in, be quiet.

(55:22):
I need a little sex every now and again. I
love this one girl, make a hell of an omelet.
She come in, cook up the omelet and just be
quiet and leave and don't talk too much. That's not
how this works. No, the mess you are is the
mess you will get. That's why when the sister Aisha

(55:44):
just said, oh, what if you know I come ready
and they're not ready, the universe don't play games like that.
They're not ready and you are attracted to them because
there's something in you that isn't ready. That's just like
when we explain the dismissive avoidant. Internally, yes, oh I
want intimacy. I want intimacy, but externally I don't. Internally

(56:08):
the anxious preoccupied. Oh, I'm chasing after this person, but
if somebody chase them, they shut down. I don't want that.
When we come forward, don't go nowhere bombing, we cooking.

Speaker 8 (56:22):
I think people who say love is not enough don't
know how to give love unconditionally, because to say love
is not enough it is almost like a mockery to God.
God is love and God is always enough. God said,
love is patient, love is kind. He said, Love does
not envy, nor does love bothst Love does not dishonor

(56:46):
nor is love self seeking. Love is not easily angered.
Nor does love keep a record of wrong. That's one
of the biggest challenges in relationships, is you keep a record.
God also said that as far as the East is
from the west, that he has removed our sins, he

(57:08):
has removed our transgressions, he has removed our wrongs, and
he does not remember them. God said love does not
delight in evil, but it rejoices in truth. God said,
love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always preserves.
God said, love never fails. This type of love is

(57:32):
an unconditional love, and this type of love is always enough.
And so for those people.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
Not your average minister, that's his name, not your average minister.
He talking about it, and then you get people get
into the linguistic maps. Well, he talking about a gopy. See,
I'm talking about a little arrows. You know what I'm saying,
little physicallyed little slap and tickle on a dig. I

(58:06):
ain't talking about a guppy. Love again, relationship is school,
the school of you. And as I issue the deal,
I love it. We got to bring her back, man,
We got to bring her on the show again. Do
you think Andy, you think, yeah? We gotta bring her

(58:27):
back on the show again. I issue the deal pointed out,
which you know was good. I guess you can drop
out at a certain point, but you still got to
go back and take that class if you ever plan
on finishing. So, sure, you can drop the class, but
if you need the class, if the class is a prerequisite,

(58:49):
you're gonna have to go back and do it. Right.
My daughter even talked about it. I'm gonna take a
gap year. Okay, I guess you could do that too, sure, right,
sometimes we do get overwhelmed when we're at school. How

(59:09):
about it. I'm one hundred percent with taking a little time,
but you still gotta finish the course, right, huh. Bowman
from Grand Prairie, stay right there, good brother. We're gonna
go forward one more time and then I'm gonna allow

(59:32):
you to continue because I really like what Bowman was
saying as well. Right, Bowman was laying down some things.
And listen, people think I have to agree with everybody.
I don't have to agree with you, but I'm gonna
let you say what you need to say. I'm gonna
let you lay it flat. Maybe not, Eric, Eric, Eric,

(59:57):
come back in here, Eric, come in tomorrow. Eric, we
gotta go back to work.

Speaker 4 (01:00:03):
Eric.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
I'm trying to help my brother Eric out. Eric is
the only one on the show that got his own
theme song.

Speaker 14 (01:00:14):
Man.

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
Listen, when we come forward, we're gonna continue this national discussion.
We're gonna go back to Grand Prairie, Texas. Let's get it.

Speaker 15 (01:00:22):
One of the most pernicious emotional responses in relationship is
the defensiveness to avoidance and a lack of repair pathway.
What I mean is if you get into a conflict
and you go defensive, and then you eject, and you
become avoidant for a period of time, and then you
don't come back and resolve the conflict. You just kind
of ride it out and never address it again. That's abusive.

(01:00:47):
We are gonna have conflicts in relationship. We have to
learn how to resolve them. The avoidance and denial pathway
is the worst habit that a person can have. I'm
not talking about this, We're not going to address this.
I'm moving on. That speaks to a lack of capacity, humility,
and the ability to actually say, let's look at this,

(01:01:09):
what happened?

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
What can we do better with?

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
And I get it.

Speaker 15 (01:01:14):
Most of these men and women that do this have
shame HM, but learning how to work with shame in
such a way where you don't have to respond to it.
You can just go Man, I feel ashamed that we
did this again. But let's try. Let's try to fix this.
That's the path.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
Max Trumbly out here cooking. Nobody is saying, gosh, first off,
radios theater is my job to put on this theatrical
performance to move you to the edge of your seat.

(01:01:49):
Nobody is saying when you're overwhelmed, you can't take space.
But what's happening in it. What's happening is it is
becoming an epidemic. People are starting to just move away
from relationship because a they don't understand relationships, spiritual purpose,

(01:02:10):
the university of you. They don't understand it. People are
being hurt, people are being ghosted right, people are interacting
at a superficial level and not really showing up. As
I stated at the beginning of the show, I prefer
presence over pretense, meaning over metrics. Do you understand there

(01:02:38):
are aspects of my life I don't want to just
share with anybody. How about that? How do you allow
mister or missus random to share one of the most
meaningful moments of your life to create bonds with meaningful

(01:02:58):
people within your life because of their relationship with you. Right,
it's presence over pretense, do you understand? And oftentimes when
you seek presence in relationship, it's very difficult to get

(01:03:22):
presence from someone who is internally conflicted. Do I want intimacy?
Do I want to enroll in the University of you?
And when I show up? Am I gonna drop this
course because looking at my reflections and another person is

(01:03:43):
too overwhelming. I'm not talking about the person who says,
you know what, just right now is too much? Let
me I'm a duck off for a minute, But I
am gonna come back and I am gonna finish this course.
I'm not talking about those people. Yes, we make room
for those people, But what about the people who discard

(01:04:04):
the lesson They just they only show up for recess,
They only show up for snack and nutrition, for food.
Then when it's time to go back in the classroom,
Hell no, I ain't going in there. Those are the
people I'm talking about. You show up for recess. Can

(01:04:31):
you imagine the kids showing up to school just for recess.
I'm double dutchon, I got next on the basketball court.
Let me get on the monkey bars. We only got
twenty minutes out here. That's what people are opting to
do nowadays. All right, let me get Bowman back in here. Bowman,

(01:04:53):
give me your final thoughts.

Speaker 4 (01:04:55):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (01:04:56):
The last segment was the dude was talking about love
is what that? Love is not enough? Right?

Speaker 2 (01:05:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:05:05):
The reason why we.

Speaker 2 (01:05:06):
Say that, well, he was saying love is more than enough,
he said, but there are people out there saying love
is not enough.

Speaker 4 (01:05:13):
The reason why people say love is not a love.
I dare you to be in a relationship until your
girl that love will pay for that life, bill.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
I dare you, man.

Speaker 4 (01:05:25):
You have to be pro active.

Speaker 2 (01:05:29):
Let me let me, let me flip it, Let me
flip it another way. I'm gonna give you the same
exact analogy, just in reverse. Did Ryan Cooler's wife pay
with love when she said, hey, man, I see your talent.
I'm gonna buy it his software so you can write

(01:05:49):
this movie. Love paid for that, right, Love and money,
but love paid for that right. Denzel's wife says, you
know what, Bro, you talented, but them teeth busted. Let
me get the teeth game together. Denzel's wife did that. Yeah,

(01:06:16):
that's that's the story. Denzel's wife took care of the
tooth the tooth ist. Huh so reverse it, reverse it right?

Speaker 4 (01:06:31):
Would you?

Speaker 2 (01:06:32):
Would you give your last to help the love of
your life reach their potential?

Speaker 4 (01:06:41):
That's why we can't be conditional with these relations.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
No, no, no, no no, I ask you no, no, no no no.
I asked the question because you tried to come in
here on some more. Is love gonna pay the light bill?
You're talking about a capitalist society. Dog, No, love is
not gonna pay the light bill. Love is not supposed
to pay the light bill. But love makes the darkness
that you might have to go through if you miss

(01:07:04):
paying the light built more bearable. At least I'm here
with you. We live to fight another day. How about that?

Speaker 4 (01:07:14):
Those women saw the vision and purpose in those men's life.
That's what they saw, and the potential too. Are there
you go?

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
That's what you're getting at. Already know where you're going.
You know you're gonna be something. Let me let me
pour into you.

Speaker 4 (01:07:34):
Now, there you go?

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
So you are you saying they want Are you saying
that they were transactional? Is that what you're saying. You're
saying there, authentic. What are you doing? What do you
do when women love them?

Speaker 4 (01:07:47):
But they knew that they that these men really had
a vision and they had the potential, and they knew
what they wanted, and those women wanted to be a
part of them and have nothing wrong with them.

Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
You ain't is ish, Bowman, I see you moment. You
ain't in but I see you moowment is like, Hey,
they knew what they was doing. Come on, bowman. He
guess what though, Man, I guess what you just did? Brother.
I appreciate you, man, but guess what you just did.

Speaker 4 (01:08:17):
Brought into the building.

Speaker 2 (01:08:19):
Grand Prairie, Texas is in the house. When we come forward,
we're gonna stay in Texas. We going to Houston, Texas.
Let's get it.

Speaker 11 (01:08:28):
At first, when people were trading money, every single dollar
had gold backing it. If everybody went to cash in
their money at the same time, they would be able
to count it all and it would have an actual
value because it had the finite material of gold backing it.
Back then, money was real and it had a foundation. Then,
in nineteen seventy one, Nixon took the dollar off the
gold standard and just started printing money without any gold

(01:08:50):
backing it, and they've been doing it exponentially more and
more since. So now money really is just a bunch
of IOUs. It's foundationless. It's not real in the exact
same way. Same with our fears, our stories, our obsession
with the pass in future. There's nothing really backing it.
It's foundationless. You just have these flimsy fears that we're
not investigating and looking. At any point you can cash

(01:09:12):
in those fears. You can get present and look at
them and see it that they're foundationless. You're yield your fear.

Speaker 9 (01:09:18):
If you go deeper, you.

Speaker 11 (01:09:19):
Will find there's no real truth to it. So cash
in your fears and watch the old story of the
ego collapse into the real you.

Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
Kyle Cease Man never ceases too amazes me. Man, Kyle
Cees is cooking with the rares grease and we appreciate it.
My niece is on the line right now, let's get
her up in here. Atola from Houston, Texas, what are
your thoughts on tonight's topic.

Speaker 14 (01:09:44):
Well, I'm just gonna be brief, and I know we
only got like five minutes, but I think no one's
pointing out the obvious. The only reason why you don't
want to take the courses because you feel like you're
going to fail.

Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
Come on, that's the reason.

Speaker 14 (01:09:58):
If you were in a class that you knew automatically
you were going to pass, you'd have no problem taking it.
But let's be real. If you're going to have real love,
that means real risk, right right, that's all I got
to say.

Speaker 2 (01:10:12):
No, let me ask why do you think people think
they're going to fail.

Speaker 14 (01:10:22):
I could tell you why I would think that I
was going to fail, and that's because of previous scenarios,
especially if it's something that matches my current if it's
too similar, right then obviously right right. But also I
think it's just a lack of belief in my own capabilities.

Speaker 2 (01:10:45):
Oh and tapped In said or you might have to
put in some work in order to pass. Maybe people
realize maybe it's too much work to put in it
to pass if I'm a pass this test.

Speaker 14 (01:10:59):
But again, but that's immature though even if because I mean,
like every class you're in is going to require word
I mean, if you want to use the analogy of
classes in school, especially college, every class you take is
taking you to the next step. So it should be hard. Like,
that's that's an expectancy, and I think we get into
relationships having the opposite expectancy that it should be easier.

(01:11:20):
But you're not going backwards, you're going forward. So unless
you want to be stuck in remedial for the rest
of your life, you know, hustle up.

Speaker 2 (01:11:28):
Remedial love is ugly. Ugly it's you're a remedial lover.
That's horrible right there. But here's the thing. Wouldn't we
be remedial if we refuse to look inward?

Speaker 14 (01:11:48):
If that's why you don't want the class Like, imagine
coming into class and the first thing you see on
your desk is a mirror.

Speaker 2 (01:11:57):
You would be like, yeah, what we about to deal
with you today? Come on?

Speaker 14 (01:12:03):
Are we painting?

Speaker 2 (01:12:04):
Are we drawing? No?

Speaker 14 (01:12:05):
Like, you look in that mirror and the mirror speaks back.
That's what people don't like. We want silent mirrors with
pleasure only.

Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
Silent mirrors that produce pleasure only. Ah, that's heavy, But
do most people smash the mirror image before they even
read the reflection of themselves?

Speaker 3 (01:12:33):
Oh?

Speaker 14 (01:12:34):
I definitely have. I can only speak for myself, but
I know, I know I have I think like you
talked the other day about you know, being so quick
to throw people away. I mean I've done that in
friendships for sure. Like it, I feel like I'm dealing
with that lesson currently, where essentially you're having to learn
to make room for people in a real, authentic way,

(01:12:55):
not in a way that's just convenient for you, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:12:58):
So, yeah, we are talking about spiritual truancy. Are you
an intimate dropout? And my knees cooked with the rare's grease?
Guess what you just did, young lady.

Speaker 5 (01:13:12):
Houston, Texas is on the board.

Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
If you want to bring your city into the building,
it might be too late. Listen, I'm gonna land the plane. Man, Krishnamurti,
you know I love them. I love these shows, man.
These shows are so intricate, man, and they're so nuanced.
And I love Tavis's adjective for them. They're they're rich.

(01:13:41):
I love it all right. Krishnamurti once said, relationships are
a mirror in which you see yourself as you are.
Most people smash the mirror before they read the reflection.
We mistake discomfort for danger, accountability for attack. If you notice,
I'll go even forth, the reflection becomes too raw, too revealing,

(01:14:05):
and so we retreat into what looks like independence but
often disguises avoidance. Right we call it healing, sometimes it's
just hiding. From a psychological perspective, as Babet Rothschild teaches,

(01:14:26):
disengagement often signals a nervous system overwhelmed by unresolved attachment wounds.
From a philosophical perspective or lens, as Krishnamurti warned, the
avoidance of relationship is the avoidance of self. This is
what I've been getting to the whole night. The avoidance

(01:14:50):
of relationship is the avoidance of self. For those who
want the caveat, Yes you can take time off, you
could take a gap year, Yes you can drop a class,
but you you're still gonna itk The avoidance of relationship
is the avoidance of self. Because the other is the

(01:15:10):
mirror through which we awaken. Listen. The other is the
mirror through which we awaken From a spiritual vantage point.
Doctor David R. Hawkings would say love calibrates out of frequency.

(01:15:31):
Many are simply too unregulated to sustain or obtain. From
an anthropological lens. The communal scaffolds that once stabilized intimacy,
which is ritual accountability tribe have eroded, leaving individuals to

(01:15:53):
process cosmic curriculum alone. In this sense, the intimate drop
out is not a villain, but a symptom of an
overwhelmed student in the school of becoming. They withdraw not
from love, but from the unbearable syllabus of self awareness

(01:16:16):
that love assigns. Yet withdrawal comes with tuition. Unresolved patterns
merely unenroll us in future semesters with different faces. As
Bentoff's holographic model implies, every encounter contains the whole. Every

(01:16:39):
breakup echoes through the morphic field until the lesson is integrated. Still,
not all dropouts are failures. Some leave to restudy solitude.
Some pause to reset their nervous system, which was implied

(01:17:00):
by Aisha Right. Some simply refuse to keep earning credit
in courses that only teach survival. The key distinction lies
in why we exit. Are we dismounting, as I wrote
years ago in conscious alignment with truth? Or are we

(01:17:22):
collapsing into spiritual exhaustion? Listen, as always I started the conversation,
It's up to you to finish it. The voice of reason.
We on it again. Let's keep it popping a holler
tomorrow