The Prophylactic Soulmate?

Are Some Folks using their Partner as an Intimate Prophylactic? A fascinating deep dive into the idea of the disposable soul mate?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
No, baby, don't push away the people who are sent
to love you. Then play the victim when nothing answers Backsie.
You can't slam the door on someone's kindness and then
cry at the handle like you forgot who locked and see.
People are not bandages for your wounds that you refuse
to heal. They are not spare batteries you tossed aside
until your spirit is low and you need recharging. They

(00:22):
are not placeholders feeling empty rooms in your heart until
your messiness settles. And love is not a convenience story.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hold on, Andy, No, no, no, no. What we nothinna
do is love? Jones? How we get psycho spiritual love? Jones?
I gotta hear that from the top. What in the world?
I was about to start finger popping. Who is that? Andy?
What's her name? It just sounded like shade butter, incense,

(00:52):
Eric Abadu sleep on the couch. I don't know, but
it was deep. Play it again.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
Now, baby, don't push away the people who are sen
to love you. Then play the victim when nothing answers Backsie.
You can't slam the door on someone's kindness and then
cry at the handle like you forgot who locked and see.
People are not bandages for your wounds that you refuse
to heal. They are not spare batteries you toss aside
until your spirit is low and you need recharging. They

(01:20):
are not placeholders feeling empty rooms in your heart until
your messiness settles. And love is not a convenience store
where you show up broke expecting credit and get mad
when the cashier says, we don't run dabs over here.
You don't get to disrespect loyalty in the middle of
your chaos and then come back for shelter when the
calamity clears. Apologies are not optional. They are the toll

(01:43):
roles to reconciliation, and without them, every bridge burns behind you. See,
people who were meant and sent for a purpose are
not disposed. They remind you of the version of yourself
that you are afraid to see. And when you shatter
that connection, you don't just lose the reflection, my baby,
if you lose a reminder of who you've been, if
you've handled love with care. See, once the door closes,

(02:06):
it doesn't reopen on your convenience access. Then I becomes
the lesson that you weren't ready to learn and the
awareness that you were the cause, and that becomes the
growth that you can't avoid. Don't let your ego make
you homeless in the very house that love tried to
build for you. Don't let pride make you thirsty while
pouring out the water that was meant to save you.

(02:28):
Because once grace get tires, it doesn't leave bread crumbs.
It leaves, and when it's gone, all you have left
is the memory that someone was once sent to love you,
but you chose resistance instead of care, and pride instead
of peace, And now the vacancy lingers when your own
choice is so one of the ones who show up
for you. Cherish the ones who stand through the storm,

(02:51):
and never ever ever mistake their presence as permanent, because
even divine assignments expire. When you mishandle what was meant
to heal and love you, you can be alone. Calamity
that leads people to abandon you.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
In the name of sweet baby raised barbecue sauce, where
are the finger snaps? We lord have mercy?

Speaker 3 (03:20):
That was that was church, that was intense. There were
so many things she cooked. I like, I gotta go
back and bank a couple of those and say them,
I'm s people to line I've got lined up to that.
They need to hear that.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
That was Lisa Marie love it in the event that
you need to go back and it fits the topic
so snug, so succinctly. Are you or your significant other
just romantic scratch paper? People? Forget that you're literally throwing

(04:01):
away souls?

Speaker 3 (04:02):
You are they?

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay? The prophylactic soul? Mad I'm done. We are in the.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
Trash in a not sure it doesn't come back to
haunt me.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Are some folks using their partner as an intimate prophilactic
or scratch paper? It doesn't matter. It's all throwaways. A
fascinating deep dive into the idea of the disposable soul
made how to get what you need in a superficial

(04:41):
way from others without getting too close? Is that? Is
that the way of today? Intimately speaking, ladies and gentlemen,
my god, sister has rejoined the conversation. We have to
bring in another heavy hitter. You already know what it is. Hallelujah,

(05:07):
the word will be given this evening.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yeah, wild wild West.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
I love it, I love it, but can we talk
about it? I mean it's so many. Listen, you're the clinician,
so let's just get right to it.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
I believe personally that because they're way more insecure attachment styles.
It's only four attachment styles, correct, three of them insecure.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
Right, we only got one good.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
One, you only got one regular one.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
The windows this big to make it, y'all. So if
you didn't, it's it's okay.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
And that's regular imperfect. That's not regular perfect, that's regular imperfect.
Secure attachment, then you got locked in. That's it. And
secure attachment isn't even safe. If they get with the
wrong insecurely attached person, they can get pulled insecure. So

(06:09):
I've been looking up the numbers and they're basically trying
to convince me that fifty percent of the population is
securely attached.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
That's probably the fifty percent of the people that actually
take surveys. Do you think about, Yeah, you're listening to
our statistics and these kind of things. You have to
think about, how many times when do you really take
a survey when something terrible has happened?

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Right? So I think the insecure or the insecurely attached
out number the secure. That's that's my thought.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
I think so too, just walking around knowing what I know.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
So with that being said, like this fear of intimacy,
this fear of love because of something that happened you know,
before you even and we're conscious of yourself. Really you
grew up in it. It became your norm, right, gosh out,

(07:11):
we need love? How do we When did love become
the enemy?

Speaker 3 (07:15):
Picoy went out of stuff? Don't hey, don't okay, no,
see we's it's in the music. Ain't nobody talking about
love anymore? So where do we get all of our
ideas from? As much as as securely attached as I am,
I still listen to music. It does influence the way

(07:35):
I think I feel. Clothing, social media, all these things
right there. I don't know of any channels that are
telling us we need love to survive as before.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
So you're saying culture, art, culture, music, culture, everything is
locking us into it.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
Yeah, I definitely think so. Clinician brain off like as personal, Yeah,
just walking THEO she it's like culturally, it's not feeling
to love. Culturally, I feel like we're all surviving. We're
just all one disappointment away from just not going to
right off. We're tight all the time. We're loveless. We're

(08:17):
not sexless.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
We're not. Let me tell you something now, what the
kids ain't having No, that's true, it's true. Numbers are rising.
M hm, they're not having sex as much as they were.

Speaker 5 (08:32):
Hm.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
That's what I've been here, not going out.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
No, no, And I was gonna say, you know what
I think about that teenage population. I'm around where they
were running rampant for a bit. But a lot of
times you just want to be home and on your
phone and scrolling away right next to your partner. People
are rather scroll than talk, right, I was thinking of
another word. Yes, wait, yeah, they were read scroll then

(09:02):
the s c R e W is safe?

Speaker 2 (09:06):
I want to roll. I don't want to scroll. I
want to roll over one to me.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Right, I mean you got to think about that. Yeah,
what are we? What are we watching? What's kicking our
our dopamine up on our phone? You know, you have
to think about all the things that are flashing across
our screens gives us the same kick in high as
the intimate connections with our partners does. That's why so addicting.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
So now I'm cooking really yeah? Yeah, so we're addicted
to the phone. Absolutely, would you say we're addicted to
Are we addicted to being unhealed?

Speaker 3 (09:50):
I don't even think we think of it that way.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (09:53):
When you're speaking from this very intellectual and elevated spirit, right,
and that's not that's something that you have to work
to get to. And when we're talking about the masses.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
You know, give me a fish sandwich in a video.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
Game and that's it. That's it, and we can only
look at it for about five minutes. Right, So there
isn't much depth and patience with what is required to
see a person and be like, no, you actually have
something in you that is for me, whether you challenge
me or not. If you disagree with me, I'm a victim,
and then I have to victimize you because I'm a

(10:34):
victim right of you not agreeing. So all those things
we were talking about, how we you know, all jokes aside,
throw people away, we do because they challenge us. And
that's not something we are even able to do on
our own to be like, oh that's not right.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
This is not a soul mad I feel nude psychologically.

Speaker 3 (10:53):
Speaking, Well, then we have to ask people when you
know it's your soulmate. How do you know?

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Because they're compacted with what I haven't worked on.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
How long does that last? Thirty days?

Speaker 2 (11:05):
However long? But this is it's gonna be fire for
thirty days.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
No one can.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
You ever had hot thirty days? I did hot thirty days.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
I'm you get past ninety days with me. Now we're
going somewhere.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
See, because when the thing slows down, after the stimulation,
after the doing, and then the living and the being
and this real exchange starts to happen, that's when the
triggering happens.

Speaker 3 (11:35):
And that's when you're like, not trying to impress the
person anymore so to speak, right, take your your real
face off, put your real face on, whichever one happens.

Speaker 6 (11:43):
Right.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
I had a woman tell me recently she's one of
y'all clinical psychologist, a scorpio or something. No, I tend
stay away from scorpios.

Speaker 3 (11:55):
Oh so we're your throwaway?

Speaker 2 (11:57):
No no, no, no, you're the run I see y'all
and not be like pire.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
But anyway, you don't want to be seen, It's cool.
I got you.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
No here, we go here. That's why she's on the show.
I love her to death. But no, she recently told me.
She was like, you you aren't into me. I said,
why you say that? She said, because like when we
sat down to have this meeting, she was like, bro,

(12:28):
like you just had on a hoodie and some jeans,
Like you didn't you weren't shaving, none of that.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
She was like, you showed up to a date not
dressed and ready.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
It wasn't a date.

Speaker 3 (12:40):
Oh okay, Oh I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
Confused, wasn't a date at all.

Speaker 3 (12:45):
So she was misinformed about why this is back in April.
I thought you were gonna say, like this was then eighties.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
No, but she she took it like you're not interested
in me because you didn't show up like looking like
you were interested in me, like dressed up, like playing.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
Not the one you have. That's what she was expecting. Okay,
So what did she think it was? Or she thought
you were supposed to come nicer than you were.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
She thought it was just a business meeting. And then
I was like, so what you're doing later on? Oh?

Speaker 3 (13:22):
And she's like, you ain't dressed for that.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
She was like, you ain't even ready for this. You're
trying to apply to a job you not qualified for.

Speaker 3 (13:31):
All right, So what did you take with that information?
Because she she's throwing you away?

Speaker 2 (13:36):
It okay, and she came with me. I mean, I'm mean, it's.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
Freaking How did it all turn out? Did it work
out for it?

Speaker 2 (13:50):
It did not?

Speaker 3 (13:51):
Okay, now we're getting somewhere. No, it didn't work because
of the expectation that you should have shown up. Is
that a mindset that this person had, You know what
I mean? Because you can throw somebody away with something
that simple.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
No, I'll go even deeper if it didn't work because
she wanted me to be her Los Angeles side guy
while she had her other guys where she lived. I understand, okay, Like,
and I was telling her that's in congruence. You can't

(14:28):
be in boys shorts in my kitchen, cooking and doing
all the girly things, wifey girlfriend things while you're here
and then go home and do it from for some
other mystery guy.

Speaker 3 (14:45):
Yeah, I get it, I understand.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
I don't know if I actually threw her away or
she threw me away. We just agreed that we have
two different ways of doing things.

Speaker 6 (14:55):
Correct.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
Sounds like monogamy versus non.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Oh lord, when we come forward, who have you thrown away.
I'm gonna open up the phone, like who threw you away?

Speaker 3 (15:05):
We'll bring your little black books. Everybody, come, let's.

Speaker 7 (15:08):
Get it the ten signs. I'm never coming back as
a severe dismissive avoidance. I have blocked you everywhere.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Hold on, who is that? Andy? Is that that lady
in the mask? This is an intimate terrorist. Oh, she
has a whole YouTube page where like she's just reveling

(15:40):
in her dismissive avoidance.

Speaker 3 (15:42):
She loves it.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
It sounds like, you know.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
You can't beat it, join it. You gotta not like it.

Speaker 2 (15:48):
You know, it's wild. Some of the things she says is.

Speaker 3 (15:51):
Don get up under that mask by marrying it.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
She's wearing a mask.

Speaker 3 (15:55):
It's part of her. She's wearing it. It's not even
all right, I got I'm gonna look her up. Let's
find out what she's out there.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
Doing this dismissable me.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
You know what, I'm a fan of the Minion, so
she's got me.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
That he's on the Minion side of again.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
I can't wait to see him. Watch promise an intimate Minion.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
Okay, let's do it, all right?

Speaker 7 (16:21):
Bring it in confusing to me because I'm like, what's
the question the ten signs I'm never coming back as
a severe dismissive avoidance. I have blocked you everywhere, and
I only feel the need to block you if I
know that you are not going to respect the boundary

(16:42):
of no communication to me when I say that the
relationship is over there? What are we talking about?

Speaker 6 (16:51):
So?

Speaker 7 (16:51):
If I know that you're going to reach out beyond
that conversation, you will be blocked everywhere.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Pause, sorry, just come back.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
I don't block people.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
They always come back, So the whole I blocked you.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
I like to let people just oh, talk in there
and they have to get it out.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
It's research. I think you Levine's book attached. There's research.
They always come back once their fears reduce and then
their feelings rise again. They start to reminisce, and it
fed them that reach out.

Speaker 3 (17:29):
Absolutely with the blockers, I.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
Block you everywhere. That is proof I've never come plight
is go ahead, keep going there?

Speaker 7 (17:42):
What are we talking about?

Speaker 4 (17:43):
So?

Speaker 7 (17:44):
If I know that you're going to reach out beyond
that conversation, you will be blocked everywhere everywhere. I will
not leave any platform that I may have had you
on unturned. I will block you everywhere and that is
your first clue that it is over and I'm not
planning on coming back.

Speaker 3 (17:59):
Pause, she's not planning on.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
It, but she ain't planning, but she leaving clues that
she leaving.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Absolutely, It's like it's.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Classic avoidance, right, it's you can't even say you leaving
clues though.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
It's classic something else. But I'm going to figure out
how to psychologically say that.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
My niece called it Delulu is not the Salulu.

Speaker 3 (18:24):
No, I get it, Like that's classic attention seeking behavior.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
Do you see?

Speaker 7 (18:32):
That is your first clue that it is over and
I'm not planning on coming back. The second sign that
I am no longer coming back is I have returned
your belongings. I am no longer in possession of your belongings.
If you were to leave your possessions with me and

(18:53):
the relationship is over, I'm going to immediately during that
breakup conversation try to get you your things back. That's
going to be like the number one thing that I'm
going to coordinate, because I don't want to have any
of your belongings anymore. If you choose to not to
not make a solid effort to come and get those

(19:13):
belongings in a very timely fashion. I will get rid
of your belongings. I will not hold them for very long.
So if I've returned your belongings or I no longer
have your belongings, these are major red flags that I'm
never coming back. I don't want to see you anymore gifts.
I'm not planning on re engaging with you. I'm going
to avoid mutual spaces anywhere that I think that I

(19:34):
could run into you if you frequent that place, I'm
not going to go there anymore. Nor am I going
to entertain any of your friends or mutual friends that
we had. For me, mutual friends is not really an issue.
I'm not going to go anywhere where I may see
you or see too many people that are attached to
you because I'm moving on. I'm not going to initiate

(19:58):
nor respond to any any contact attempts. Once the relationship
is over. It is over. That doesn't make sense to
me to continue communication with you. You said it was over,
I said it was over. We said that, we agreed.
I don't understand what these these reach outs are for.

(20:19):
I stopped mentioning you all together. Reason number five or
sign number five. I saw mention you all together period point.

Speaker 3 (20:26):
Wait, I don't know.

Speaker 8 (20:26):
What is a dismissive avoidant discard. This is essentially a
reflection of these three things, and it's not very fun.
Number one, dismissive avoidance tend to discard people in relationships
when they haven't been communicating their own needs. What ends
up happening is they go into relationship from infatuation, from
excitement and attraction. But then when they never communicate their
needs and never know how to actually get seen for

(20:47):
what they truly need and what they're truly looking for,
then they can have the most loving, generous, kind partners
who are meeting all sorts of needs, but not the
ones that they actually have because they're not mind readers
at the end of the day. And also, dismissive avoidance
are very unique needs in relationships, and so they have
this build up of not having their needs met and
it causes them to start going into flaw finding, which

(21:08):
means they'll essentially start to look at all the reasons
of relationship might not work. They'll look at all these
reasons that they might feel trapped long term, and we'll
start to number three deactivate as a result, and then boom,
all of a sudden, they've made up their mind without
ever telling you or letting you in on the way
that they're feeling internally because they're not going at being vulnerable,
and all of a sudden they've made up their mind
that like, wait, this isn't going to work for me,

(21:29):
This isn't going to happen, and they run in the
opposite direction, seemingly out of the blue because they haven't
given any feedback first. And a lot of the things
that they could have given feedback about would have actually
been solvable problems had they done so, And all of
a sudden you have the discard, and that often leaves
people feeling confused, frustrated, hurt. And if you want some
real help healing and getting over it, disn miss Wooden

(21:50):
once and for all, and I'll send you a free course.
Then we'll take this thing out of this dynamic and
help you move the needle towards your healing so much faster.

Speaker 4 (21:57):
Now.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
That's Tys Gibson, I know, dad voice, that little Saved
by the Bell character. I mean that's classic Valley Girls sounding.
Uh huh Okay, that's Tye Gibson. And you got people
in the chat listening to this like that sounds like
a narcissist and there's some overlap, but dismissive avoidance aren't narcissists.

(22:21):
They have an avoidant attachment style, and fearful avoidance jump
into some of that too, disorganized the whole. If they
get if they swing avoidant the FA's, they'll do some
of the same things.

Speaker 3 (22:35):
It's like it's how they start. They like start off
dismissing their own needs in order to you know, draw
that person in that attraction, right, because it's like I
want to please. So you have to think about how
the dismissive avoidant became the dismissive avoidant. And that's the
attachment style, which is whoever the guardian was that was
that interaction of love or how you get it, but

(22:57):
you never really know what the other person who was thinking.
You just feel that energy that exchange. So they're good
energy readers, and when people are giving them stuff, they
also expect more from the nonverbal communication, which is why
they don't have it. Wow, they'll take it. They're like, oh,
I love this, this feels great, it's warm, it's fuzzy,

(23:17):
but come on, can't you just read my mind?

Speaker 2 (23:20):
Right?

Speaker 3 (23:21):
And then it's that's where it's like I'll dismiss you
and then avoid having the conversation. That could just be like,
you know what, I really like this, but this is great,
makes me happy, but how about this also?

Speaker 2 (23:33):
Well, tell me more? How does intermit that? How does
intermittent reinforcement play with the dismissive avoidant?

Speaker 3 (23:40):
You know how we were talking the other night. It's
one of those things you have to reh have that
experience in order for the person to believe that it's okay,
Like using your words is okay, it's okay to say
what you feel. You don't have to run away.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
But I don't they feel like it must be a
safe space.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
No, I don't think they truly can because they haven't
had that experience with a safe space would mean they
were able to actually have their words heard. They're brave
enough to express this not thinking the person's going to
run away, And then the person doesn't run away, right,
So it's such a.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
Large If they don't run away, it's like, oh you
really hear Yeah, you're tapped in that means I got
a reciprocate.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
Or if the person doesn't respond exactly the way you
want them to there's a high expectation in there to
where it's almost like a trap. See what I mean.
I'm like, if I give you a chance to let
me down, then you do. But it's like I didn't
do it exactly the way you want it, but I'm
trying to meet you there. It's kind of it's this,
there's no threshold for error, so they'd rather just hold

(24:49):
it because they're so fragile. They're so fragile, just a
little fragile, fragile, and then they throw it away. They
were like, well, back to the drawing board. That's why
they have a thick stack of post its. How big
is your little black book?

Speaker 2 (25:07):
How many scratch paper relationships do you have? How many
people got too close to the vulnerability sun and you've
burned them?

Speaker 3 (25:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Yikes. In an era where self protection masquerades is self awareness,
love has become the most sophisticated form of avoidance. Oh God,
that's ugly. I don't want to say that. That's ugly,
but in a lot of ways it's true. Sorry. The
modern psyche, terrified of being seen yet addicted to visibility

(25:45):
to visibility, now constructs relationships not to connect, but to conceal.
Beneath the choreography of secure attachment lies a nervous system
negotiating survival, not union, commune union, what we call partnership
often function as anesthesia, a tranquilizer for the unbearable ache

(26:09):
of loneliness that true intimacy would demand. We confront Tonight's
inquiry dismantles the myth that distance equals dignity through the
lens of trauma informed psychology, neurobiology, and metaphysics. You know,

(26:31):
I love to throw in a little metaphysics and spirituality.
We have to do it. It reveals that emotional avoidance
is not strength, It is the body's covert. This is terrible,
it's our natural.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
Let's go, come on, give it to the people.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Why who did this to them? A mama and noum done?
Toe this pole, little soul up? And now this pole
little soul is out here tearing people up. Where's that
dismissable me at? Where lady?

Speaker 3 (27:14):
What'd somebody do to you?

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Somebody doesn't that little girl up? Now? She on camera
wearing a mask, She out if I block you everywhere,
I am for real, discreetly, secretly but letting you know
that I ain't coming back.

Speaker 3 (27:36):
I told you that's good. Yeah, there's a lot.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
We got callers on the line. We're gonna get to
them on the other side though, all right. And I
want you guys to ask Doctor P questions because that's
why she's here.

Speaker 3 (27:53):
Yes, And I want to know how big is your
little black book of throwaways. I want to know about
your scratch papers relationships and when you come in here,
when you come forward.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
Oh I've been scratch paper.

Speaker 3 (28:07):
Just say, hey, scratch paper seventy two.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
That's it. We've been a bunch of these. They then
threw me away. Get your tail up out of here.
When we come forward, people are we gonna keep cooking.

Speaker 9 (28:20):
The biggest barrier to capacity It isn't stress. It is
an adversity or even trauma. It's avoidance. Like life doesn't
shrink us, our refusal to face life is what shrinks us.

Speaker 10 (28:32):
That's profound avoidance. It is the biggest barrier to growth.

Speaker 9 (28:36):
If you build your identity around your wounds, your world
views are filtered through your wounds and never really through
the growth that can happen. If it's all about your wounds,
anything that I say to you is gonna be filtered
through pain. It makes it very difficult for you to
hear anything else. And if we think about how we

(28:59):
can develop cognitively, you're already shutting those very things down
because you're more attached to your wounds than you are
to growth.

Speaker 10 (29:08):
Most people, when it comes to change, they overreact, but undercorrect.
I think a little bit of her correction is healthy
because it expands our range.

Speaker 3 (29:18):
Yeah, listen, the old ball and chain is now your wound.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
Let me just tell you this, man, Raquel Hopkins, she
is the type of clinician we need nowadays because I
think sometimes clinicians, you guys are trained to be kind
of you know, gentle you put the gloves on. Listen,
we need big mama clinicians. Bring your narrow tail in

(29:44):
here and sit down. Stop all this foolishness. We need
We need that kind of clinician because she is telling
it like it is. You got people out here who
are recontextualizing what intimacy is based on what the wound.
This same correct. So now the wound is the clinician.
For most of these people. They take the stuff that

(30:06):
they get from therapy and then they use that to
buttress the wounded scaffolding. That's already in place, So now
they're using the terminology to justify being a horrible person.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
Correct, And that's the society, right.

Speaker 2 (30:24):
And what makes you horrible is if you go to
therapy and they say this is what you're dealing with,
and then you work to sustain it.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
Correct.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
I agree, you're supposed to go to therapy and then
then you go.

Speaker 3 (30:35):
And do something. Most people now are going to therapy
and quitting and getting another therapist if you don't.

Speaker 2 (30:42):
Agree with it.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
If you don't agree, so always tell you know, my.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Breaking up.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
So I'm always like, oh, you know, Doc, I'm having
a hard time with this client, and I'm like, you
know what, you should ask them how many therapists have
you had? And then you can stop feeling like it's
your because some people we can walk away like them,
I'm not helping this person. We can be and it's
like this way you have supervision, Like no, go back
and ask them how many therapists have they had? So

(31:11):
we are scratched paper, you know, and you can tell
that energy when people come in. You can ask them, hey,
what worked and what didn't work?

Speaker 11 (31:19):
Well?

Speaker 3 (31:20):
This therapist started telling me or were they wrong? I
didn't like their tone when they said it. Oh, so
they're not wrong. You just don't like their tone.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
But that's how you were traveling with the tone stuff too.
So the tone is a weak little excuse. We already know. Correct,
you guys are not condescending in disrespect anyway. A good
one correct, A good therapist.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
Right, And I can't say everybody's good either, But there
are people that they go going to therapy is good
to just say I'm going to therapy. People just go
just to say they're going. They don't do anything. People
like that that come to me like did you do
what we talked about?

Speaker 2 (31:54):
No?

Speaker 3 (31:55):
I didn't get around to.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
It, you know, but I'm thinking because.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
We're breaking up, I'm breaking up with you.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
No, hold on, don't. I'm not scratch paper. We use
scratch pap exactly. That's you I'm bringing with.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Them before they bring up with me. No time is
like no, but I'm it's it's a now like I
just don't tolerate it, like, don't don't waste my time.
Somebody else really wants to be in this chair actually
doing work. The therapy shoppers like I can weave them
out and it'll be like listen, I'm love executioner. Man,
I'll be in here drinking tears. We're getting somewhere.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
Ira. Is that Ira? Y' all of it? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (32:31):
Loves execution that's right.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
Talking to She told me about that book.

Speaker 3 (32:37):
That's now. If you're not in here crying, you're not
doing the work and I'm not helping you get there.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
Come on this good stuff. Here we go. We got
callers on the line. Let's get him in here quickly.
Marcus from Mirror mar Florida. What up, Marcus? What are
your thoughts? Marcus? This is your first time calling in,
so please do not use profanity whatsoever. We're on terrest
Real Radio in Los Angeles, California. No cursing, Good brother,

(33:04):
Welcome Marcus. What are your thoughts? Welcome?

Speaker 6 (33:08):
It seems to be.

Speaker 12 (33:12):
Like the.

Speaker 6 (33:14):
Pervasive thought of everybody's head now that everybody.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
M m, everybody is well, expendable, expendable. Yeah, let me
ask you this really quickly. Are you on? Are you on?
Are you on bluetooth or speakerphone? Because you're breaking up
just a little bit. If you could just come direct
without the speakerphone and the and he already yes? Are

(33:41):
you ready? Now? You good? Let's go, Marcus finished saying
what you were saying, my friend.

Speaker 6 (33:45):
I'm just saying, you're in a nice city, and I'm
as I mean this one. It's just as toxic. And
for the first time of my life, I went to
Miami Carnival Sunday, right, I took a young lady and
the first time I left got a drink splash in
my face.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Yeah, hey, that's domestic abuse.

Speaker 6 (34:07):
And we're just up like that.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
What you asked.

Speaker 6 (34:12):
And I've been watching it's entertaining. I've been watching you
for a few years, and I say this is the
first time to call, it's the best time to call.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
Well, that's good. Hopefully you've been learning picking up a
few things over the years.

Speaker 6 (34:26):
I would say, So, that's.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
Good, brother, But what happened? We want to know why
did she throw the juice in your face? What did
you say? How did you say it? Were you disrespectful?
Were you condescending? Was she disrespectful which led her to
throw that juice in you? What happened?

Speaker 6 (34:49):
I say, she was disrespectful which caused me to knock
her drink out her hand.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
Here we go, So you was violent, You initiated the violence.
You come on, he knocks. He knocked her drink out
in her hands and then she retaliates.

Speaker 6 (35:10):
Is actually a turn of events because.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
No, no, no whole type, no Marcus hold type. He
got time. He got time because he gotta tell you
know the reason why, the reason why I wanted to break,
because we gonna give him space. But the reason why
I want him to pump his breaks because he said,
been listening to me for the last few years. I
need him to think about the story he needs to say,

(35:38):
because I could tell he wasn't ready for me to ask, like,
what did you do?

Speaker 13 (35:41):
What?

Speaker 2 (35:41):
I'm like, what happened? So listen, are you ready to
tell the truth? You're gonna tell the truth?

Speaker 6 (35:47):
What can to the master teacher?

Speaker 2 (35:49):
So let me ask you, why did you knock her
drink out of her hand? Because really there's no justification
for getting physical with her, right, That's that's a physical move.

Speaker 3 (36:01):
Correct, he said, Correct, he's probably lost his coolbody happened?

Speaker 2 (36:05):
So what made you lose your cool and knock her
drink out your hand or out her hand?

Speaker 6 (36:10):
It would be from that person the other party being
speaking condescendingly and very disrespectfully and not acknowledging what they
did previously to that.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Listen, man name.

Speaker 6 (36:23):
Oh that too?

Speaker 2 (36:24):
She said you was broke? What happened? Let's use the
basic you.

Speaker 6 (36:27):
Know that in Miami. Of course it's going to come out.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
Broke, right, but everybody broke. But let me flip it
this way. Let me flip it as a man who's
lost this.

Speaker 3 (36:38):
Cool blah blah blah. Did she give you like I'm
not saying you're broke, but I'm saying she said you broke.

Speaker 7 (36:46):
That.

Speaker 6 (36:47):
Oh well no, no, you're talking about that case that
didn't come out at that point in time.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Stay right here, don't go nowhere. No, don't go nowhere.
When we when we come for, we're going back to
Florida something. What happened? There's a fly in the ointment. Listen.
When we come forward, we go get the rest of
the story. Let's do it.

Speaker 14 (37:06):
When I do one on ones with people, what I
kind of feel is like I'm shining a flashlight into
their inner child, Like I'm sitting there with a five
year old version of them, and the amount of things
people say to stop me from being with that child.
It's almost like if I had my daughter Vivi here
and someone was like, you know how are you today?

(37:26):
And I just cut them off and I'm just like,
we've already talked about this, or she's going to do this,
or here's her solution. You'd almost be like, what about
what she feels?

Speaker 4 (37:37):
Well?

Speaker 14 (37:38):
Instead of just thinking of a child outside of you,
I want you to think of that same thing going
on inside. If I sit with you and go, what
do you feel? Notice how much your ego wants to
kick in and be like I felt this before, I
should be over this by now. These are sentences you
use to avoid feeling what you're feeling now. Your power

(37:58):
is when you can sit with that feeling. And I
promise you what you don't understand is that feeling will
still come to the light and eventually transcend. When that happens,
you lose the things that we're triggering this like, they
don't work anymore. Life mirrors what's going on inside, right,

(38:19):
And some people hear that in obvious terms like obviously,
if you are triggered, for instance, by a narcissist, if
they can only trigger an unseen thing that's over empathetic
out of a fear of losing them or something right,
But what if you are there for it and don't
need the narcissist to be there for it, and you
sit there, well, eventually they don't have the power to
control you. They don't have the power to hurt you

(38:41):
because you're sitting here. Fine, you're you're the parent of
this inner child, not them.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
Very interesting stuff. You know. We love this guy, Kyle Cees.
What did you think of what he just said?

Speaker 3 (38:56):
I'm like, Kyle, yeah, we do have to sit and
look at what is triggering it and pull it out
like it is like a child. Are our overt reactions
are the inner child?

Speaker 2 (39:09):
And there like?

Speaker 3 (39:10):
No, you didn't, right, But all this lashing out in
our adult allegedly well adjusted, emotionally stable bodies, right, you know,
it comes off looking like we slap them cups out
of people's hands.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Right, yeah, but what happened? That's what we want to know.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
But that's what he's talking about.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
We're about to get It's perfect, We're about to get
right to it.

Speaker 3 (39:30):
Wait what they do to that located in there?

Speaker 2 (39:32):
What did she do to your inner child.

Speaker 3 (39:35):
That is so jumped right out your nose and you
just came into the room.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
Oh this is big, ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to
the Voice of Reason live on KBLA Talk fifteen eighty
The Voice You just heard my godsister back in the building,
Doctor Pucia McAll Rob Robins saying, yeah, she's in the
building right now. We on the line. We're going to
go back to or A, mar Florida. Marcus. What did

(40:05):
she trigger in you that sprung the latch on your
inner jack in.

Speaker 15 (40:11):
The box, That's what was happening, and that one, I think, Yeah,
what happened, bro What happened?

Speaker 6 (40:24):
I don't I don't know what it was that broke
the what?

Speaker 2 (40:27):
What?

Speaker 6 (40:27):
What? What straw brought the camel's back? What it was? It
wasn't a matter of what she said, because I did
hear her saying sticks and stones. I dig that. It
was a matter of like speaking connosectly to somebody. And
I think she was like making a scene and raising
her voice. It really just that really just got me.
You know what I'm saying, because my thing is referring

(40:48):
back to the scratch paper thing. You don't want me
to talk to you like that in a certain manner.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
That's fair.

Speaker 6 (40:54):
I just I just really can't swallow you doing this
in this public environment. You feel me, no, oning better.
It just it just really rubbed me the wrong way.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
I'm not saying I was right, No, I get it.

Speaker 3 (41:08):
So I'm just a voice triggered your inner jack in
a box, interactive box and then comes waving arms. So
an embarrassment, that's that's embarrassing, right, So.

Speaker 6 (41:28):
I don't even know if that's my thing. It's not
even an embarrassment thing. It's more like somebody taking me
for granted.

Speaker 3 (41:34):
Okay, go yeah, all right.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
You're talking to a clinician. Bruh, she's finna peel you
like an onion. All them layers fall loose.

Speaker 3 (41:43):
We don't get to the bottom of this because it's
always the first thing you say is like, you know,
I like the way she's talking to me. Are you
called me this word? But at the end of the
day when we're when you get there, you keep asking
like and what about that? Like what about that? And
it's like, it's not embarrassing, but I don't like the
way you're talking to me, right, but it.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Is embarrassing on that moment, I am embarrassed way you're talking.

Speaker 6 (42:05):
We're not worried about that.

Speaker 3 (42:06):
It was.

Speaker 6 (42:07):
It's more so it's a it's a how can I
put it? You know, it's not an ego thing, it's
a it's a simple you don't want me to do
this to you, so I'd be damned if you do
it to me.

Speaker 3 (42:18):
But doing it to you means what like, she did
this to you, so therefore you she takes you for granted.
That's where we left off at. And if she takes
you for granted, this stranger, what does that mean to
you and your self? Your person? Like this is a stranger,
like somebody could take me for granted. I just walk
out of there, like I gotta go to the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
I'll be right back. And then the flip side of
it is this, who are you? Are you the villain
to face in Batman? One half of your face is
the victim she did this to me, and then the
other the other half is the justified villain. I get
to do this back, do this back? Who are you?

Speaker 3 (42:57):
But those are inner child things like immediately they take.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
Over that fact he said he's the joker.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
I like it.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Let me just say this, Mary Ronald and Mary Holnick,
they got that spiritual University in Santa Monica. The University
in Santa Mona, No accreditation, by the way, but all
the spiritual people went there, yallavan Z and all these
people have gone to that university. But it's no accreditation.

(43:26):
But they have a very interesting book called Loyalty to
Your Soul. Some of the very powerful came out of
that book. And I'm going to apply this to Marcus.
It's not the issue that is your issue, it's how
you respond to the issue that is your issue. Correct,
your response was not appropriate? Why because of what.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
Doctor Peter albert ellis, which is the ABC model. They
stole it activating event, a belief in a consequence. Come on,
we usually think the activating event is what created the consequence, Like, oh, yes,
she started, you know, call me I'm a name. So
the consequence was I slapped the drink out of her hand.
But it's what you believe about the activating events. You

(44:10):
believe she takes you for granted. So that's why you
knocked a drink out of her hand, not because what
she said. It's what you believe about what she said,
and that's on you. I belief comes from my upbringing,
my inner child, like all of those things. It's really
about your mindset about what's happening. And how you're filtering
or taking in these things to take over your mind.

(44:32):
It's what I believe about it.

Speaker 2 (44:34):
Marcus. Do you believe you were wrong for what you did?

Speaker 4 (44:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (44:39):
That's what. Do you believe? She really took you for granted?

Speaker 6 (44:47):
So like you said, anger slab, I'm out, and then
she threw the juice.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
Yes, you didn't do nothing else, did you?

Speaker 7 (44:57):
All?

Speaker 3 (44:57):
I don't want to know, all right, cause no.

Speaker 6 (45:00):
You know?

Speaker 2 (45:01):
But come on, I can stranger.

Speaker 6 (45:04):
Remember, as a black male, I can never be a victim,
so i'd be I'd be totally wrong to do anything
at that point.

Speaker 3 (45:10):
Come on, that's not true.

Speaker 6 (45:11):
But I mean, yeah, I mean I'm being very sarcastic.
Come on, however, but that was my answer to you
saying like that Sh'S done, that she was dead at
that point. Excuse me that that that situation was dead
at that point.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
We almost had a clean call, Marcus.

Speaker 3 (45:30):
He was good. But I thank you for even coming
in here with all of this like that. That's a
real good, hearty story that we all get to go
home and think about. I know we've all had some
belief systems that caused us to do some things.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
But this is a perfect example of relationship as a mirror. Absolutely,
she reflected some work back to him, emotional regulation, regulating
his emotions. Was about to use him.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
As scratch paper, and he was like, no, no.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
No, not dead body, not after this one hundred and
fifty dollars lobster, what you own?

Speaker 3 (46:05):
Scratch paper?

Speaker 7 (46:06):
Ma?

Speaker 2 (46:07):
Do you understand what's but do you understand what's happening here?
Like I'm a guy who's lost his cool right several
times throughout my life. I can walk out this studio
right now and lose my cool and heartbeat.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
That's what I said.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
We owe. It's something I've been working on, Like, don't
joke anybody, get to your car. So I understand what
you own. But bro, that's something you gotta work on you.
You just can't crash out like that. You feel disrespected, bounced.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
I say, work on the belief system about whatever that
energy she was giving that made you be like, hey,
you take me for granted. Now it's personalizing it like
you internally did this. Otherwise you could have been like,
this person doesn't deserve me. She couldn't even see me.
You know, if I was walking in a ray of

(47:02):
light right that that could be a different belief.

Speaker 6 (47:05):
System because the action therefore was I'm done, but it
wasn't the right action, and.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
He felt devalued. Absolutely, But so we have to acknowledged
that that too.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
But how you feel those things that are not facts.
The fact of the matter was she obviously was sleeping
on who you are. If you could have taken that mindset,
I guarantee you and knocked.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
That cup out her hand, he did the shock.

Speaker 3 (47:31):
Don't you don't know greatness when you see it, you
just walk off.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
He went to Sean Connery route. You know, sometimes women
need to be slapped around every now and again, slapped
around and be you know, get him under control. What
are you doing with that drink? Get out of here?

Speaker 3 (47:49):
Right and see? But that's it's a good example because
we all have these creep up belief systems that somebody
can do something and we think like it takes us
into our head about what they mean by what they're
trying to do with it, what it means about me, right,
Whereas if we just deflect and put that back on them,
like oh okay, well it's all right.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
Right, hey, guess what you just did, Marcus, what they do? Okay?
These are the rules when you call into the show.
At the end of the call, I ask you guess
what you just did? Did you say I brought Mirror
mar Florida in the building. No, no, no, no, we can

(48:33):
do it again. Let's hey, Marcus, guess what you just did?

Speaker 4 (48:42):
What?

Speaker 2 (48:43):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (48:44):
It's just like, what's the past?

Speaker 2 (48:46):
Get anybody?

Speaker 3 (48:47):
Get Marcus here.

Speaker 2 (48:48):
Mar he's he brought me or mar Florida in the building.
We love it, we love it, we love it, and
we got more callers. Let's get him in here as
quick as we can. John Mountain View, Hawaii, get in here. Heloha, brother,
John boy, that's town.

Speaker 4 (49:07):
Welcome in. Good Lord.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
Hey, don't John visit you come on? Hold on, John,
slow down. We were working on a whole nother project
with you heard. I know you heard what you heard.
That's my god sister. She's married to my god brother.
Don't listen.

Speaker 4 (49:22):
I am well aware of that, sir.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
He says, bless all of.

Speaker 4 (49:26):
You, greetings and blessings to everyone within the sound of
my voice.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Hols that man put that put that in.

Speaker 4 (49:32):
A master teacher quick question, though, Master teacher quick question.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (49:41):
The scratch paper having some more something to do with
being thrown away right.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
Yeah, you said you need a little bit more context
for what we're talking about.

Speaker 4 (49:56):
Just a little bit. I got you in you got
you speak you speak to an artist about scratch paper
when we got three other message.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
Okay, I got you. The intimate prophylactic i e. Intimate
scratch paper emerges as the unconscious masterpiece of the avoidant self,
a relationship used as a condom for consciousness, preventing the
infection of vulnerability while simulating connection ifs internal family systems

(50:31):
names this architecture well protector parts guarding exiles who once
equated love with danger. My sister knows a lot about this.
EMDR shows how the nervous systems edits memories to preserve
composure over truth. That's ugly. Attachment theory exposes the lie

(50:56):
that safety and closeness can coexist without surrender. That's a
heavy piece. Christiana Murthy would call it choiceless awareness bentov
a pendulum oscillating between desire and dread. Yet even in detachments,

(51:18):
deception lies the divine design. Avoidance reveals the body's primitive
longing to regulate through distance, to survive the touch of
the infinite. What do we mean by the infinite love
has always been seen as danger for these people. It

(51:39):
gets too loving, too intimate, it gets too real. Now
this is intimate scratch paper. I gotta start over it, yes,
because the beginning is better than the real part when
it starts really happening. Do you understand what we're saying.

Speaker 4 (51:53):
Now, sir, that's a deeper version. I definitely didn't want
to wade through.

Speaker 2 (51:59):
But okay, you're there.

Speaker 4 (52:01):
Sounds more like sounds like to me. You you you
got secrets that you're even scared of and you just
won't face.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
No, it's attachment theory, John, You've heard it a thousand times.
We're talking about.

Speaker 4 (52:15):
The avoidant, But you're talking about somebody who tries to
break down what y'all deeply go into and try to
make it simply understandable for me. For now, I'll go
ahead and repurpose. Now, let me repurpose the paper.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
Then we're gonna come on passing, John. We've been waiting
for this man.

Speaker 4 (52:32):
Okay. When when you speak of scratch paper, you're talking
about the not perfect piece of paper that is not
sold with everything else that a copyer or a printer
or goes to a store for sale. But is also
recycled as the first one going into the ink to
recycle everything else, so the rest of the paper looks

(52:53):
the same. You're talking about repurposing. You're talking about the
paper that I could use that is used to sand jewels, pearls, gold, silver,
the like, or the repurposing of a soul, which again

(53:17):
is priceless. Wait wait, hold.

Speaker 2 (53:23):
On, hold on.

Speaker 3 (53:24):
He just said one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
That's what he says. What he said, that's what he said.
But he said it deep as hell. He gonna criticize
my deep then turn around and then MERI on his trench,
me on my show.

Speaker 3 (53:44):
We have to jo with him taking caps today.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Wait a minute, now, I told you there right there, John,
don't go nowhere. When we come forward, We're going back
to Hawaii because I don't appreciate it. Wait, hold on,
hold on, hold on, man, and we get the big
up for the playlist tonight, the playlist being crazy Man,
where the praise break? We need a free yes, yes,

(54:17):
get up. Get The music is moving us, The music
is taking us in one I'm telling you the play
my playlist is my co host. We are here cooking,
kick it off again, handy.

Speaker 11 (54:32):
To you don't appreciate the time I put in dud
this love, man. You don't let you walk around thinking

(54:53):
it's all right.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
Time.

Speaker 3 (55:07):
You can't let people just walk around thinking this is okay.

Speaker 16 (55:12):
Most of us are attached to something or other, may
be a piece of property, a old furniture, or a picture,
or an idea, or a belief or an experience. Watch yours, please,

(55:35):
you know you're attached to something or to a person,
to some experience that one has had. Where there is attachment,
Please listen, Just observe the consequence of attachment. We're not

(55:57):
saying you mustn't be attached. Just observe that fature of attachment,
and then out of that observation comes right action with
regard to attachment. If you're attached to a belief, why

(56:20):
and why? What is the nature of that belief? Who
has created the belief? Yes, you're attached to a religious concept,
a religious image, or to a person. What is implied

(56:43):
in that attachment?

Speaker 2 (56:45):
First, man, listen, that's so we're talking about Christiana Merti.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
So we're talking about you're attached to that belief.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Right, that's what you said.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
What is your belief about what they say did or
did yeah, and that it does remind us of even
if it's consciously or subconsciously. A lot of this stuff
is subconscious reminders because where does our pain and our
trauma live, Like in the body. That's why you have
to fully involve the body right when you're like doing

(57:16):
real trauma work, right, psychosomatic it lives in there, like
when your feelings are hurt, like where does it go?
Where's the wound? Where's the cut? That's why we call
it like this this wound, this wounded person. But like
it's like you cut your arm, like yeah, you put
a little neosmorn on it in a band aid. Heals
right up. But you might still see a scar, but
you know like, oh yeah that was at one time.

(57:38):
You can put some words to it. And that's really
powerful for the mind to be able to put words
to what this scar is because you can see it
and remind it and then it gets away. Correct. But
like emotional ones, where do they go? Like where does
it go? How do we let it out? It comes
out unbeknownst to strangers who say little things to us

(58:00):
that remind us if.

Speaker 2 (58:03):
They glass slapped out of their hands in the hell
who you think you're talking to? Child?

Speaker 3 (58:10):
The only person talk to me like that, my mom.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
Come on now, okay, most that's the thirty seven dollars
skirt steak child.

Speaker 4 (58:17):
You know what.

Speaker 3 (58:20):
Said? I'm not worth it? Like, sir, I don't think
I said any of that, right, but what we hear
it does remind us of our upbringing and who put
that in there? Is like he's saying, like, where did
you get that from? If you ask people that, sometimes
they don't even know. And that's another piece.

Speaker 2 (58:37):
Really quickly, you got ninety seconds, John, to give us
your final summation. Let's go.

Speaker 4 (58:43):
Okay, first and foremost, since you smacked the glass out
of my hand, that's why I threw a drink on
your back. But nonetheless, the repurposing, the repurposing has something
to do with the two individuals that are currently in
the room right now. Y'all are the one to do
to work for us, and we bless you for it.

Speaker 5 (59:03):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (59:04):
Wow, Hey, John, guess what you just did?

Speaker 4 (59:06):
Man, mountain views in the house bless itself.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
The mountain view is in the building. If you want
to bring your city in the building, I got to
do is call me a one eighth and nine, twenty
fifteen eighty. We got Carson, California, Grand Prairie, Texas, and Houston,
Texas still on the clock. When we come forward, we're
going straight to callers. We want to talk to y'all.
We want to get your perspectives. Hang in there when
we come forward, more from our people.

Speaker 12 (59:31):
We've confused that if someone shows up with effort, that
they're desperate. If someone shows up for us with time
and energy, we think they need us. We think that
if someone actually has space for us, then they must
be the loser. We believe that love means chasing someone

(59:53):
who doesn't want to stay, rather than being with someone
who never wants to leave.

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
Nothing else. When you talk about who for the people
in the back who needed to hear.

Speaker 2 (01:00:07):
That, that was J Shatty. Did I say his name right?
He shaded all over it? My goodness?

Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
That concept, yes, But that's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
Listen. Love is the enemy, right, affection is the enemy.
When you're insecurely attached, you have to conquer something within yourself. Now,
I've read everything and they've they've said basic basically, you

(01:00:42):
can rewrite that damn insecure attachment style. Absolutely you can
change it. You can move from whatever insecurity it is
uh f A a p d A. You can move
from that to secure. And many people have identified with it,
like I'm a scorpio and a dismissive affording.

Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
And you have to move and shift around me because
I can't change I can't change that. So I was
made up.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
All right, we got callers, callers, let's get ready to
get ready, to get ready to get ready atalla, Houston, Texas.
What are your thoughts on tonight's topic. This is a
good d I love it. His out to the.

Speaker 3 (01:01:29):
I loves black love all over. Okay, I love it
one girl at a time.

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
Yes, I love it, brother master, go ahead, I'll go ahead,
go ahead.

Speaker 13 (01:01:57):
I have to give her to her just to she
is amazing. I have two questions and I asked one
in the shot already, but I'll just restate it. So
I was asking, like what connections exist between like magical
thinking and I really mean like the lulu or divisional
expectations and avoided.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
See.

Speaker 3 (01:02:16):
And that's what I was trying to piece together with
magical thinking. And so we were talking about that, like
the magical thinking, like the de lulu people think that
like their minds and their thoughts are so powerful, you
know they're making things happen or can prevent things from happening.
So I haven't quite figured out how where you're saying
the avoidant and maybe is it in that part where

(01:02:39):
were talking about the avoidant believes the other person should
read their mind.

Speaker 13 (01:02:43):
Right, Yes, that's exactly, yes, because I have been there.
I have been there, like I've been on both sides,
like y'all talk about throwing people out like paper, tissue
whatever been discarded, discarded people both ways. So yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
And you know what, I'm always up for new classy
ways of putting our psychological terms that are ancient and
need to be discarded. Also in this sense of I
haven't thought of it that way in being an expector
of the magical thinking, right, like I want my mind
to be read sometimes too, because like that quote was saying,

(01:03:19):
like sometimes I feel like why do I have to
tell you why this should be easy? And wherever I
got that message from that? Anything? Love, all this stuff
is supposed to be easy. Everybody says, oh, it's not love,
it shouldn't be this hard, but maybe right because in

(01:03:39):
that love it requires work. It requires to look at myself.
It requires to be able to be disagreed with and
not become unhinged. Right, being stable and healthy like requires work.
So in that sense, it does require that. But me
being a magical thinker of like, if I just say nothing,

(01:03:59):
he's gonna figure it out. That's correct, and then venus
versus mars me and never find like she is finally quiet,
she must be happy.

Speaker 2 (01:04:06):
It's it's mergury retrograde. I'll wait till next week and
we'll talk about this pending bill next week after mercury retro.

Speaker 3 (01:04:15):
Yeah, right, so yeah, I hope that's you know what
when you were asking that, if that's kind of what
we were talking about, how I see it at any way, Yes.

Speaker 13 (01:04:26):
That's exactly it. That's exactly it. And I have one
more question. If I have time to.

Speaker 2 (01:04:30):
You, you do, but you gotta we gotta speed it up,
come on.

Speaker 13 (01:04:34):
Okay. So my second question is in one of the clips,
he was saying that a lot of times we overreact
in and undercorrect. So I'm curious to know is it
the opposite for anxious preoccupied where you're like underreacting but overcorrecting,
like as a way to like maintain safety in a sense.

Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
I think so absolutely, you know, just occupied being the
invert of the dismissive, avoidant approach to things.

Speaker 2 (01:05:01):
Yeah, go ahead and finish it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:03):
No, if they're they're underreacting in order to keep something safe. Right,
So if they fear I don't have to do anything,
or I don't do anything to ruffle feathers, because the
whole thing can come crashing down if I show up
and get.

Speaker 2 (01:05:15):
In here, right. And then conversely, the AP is doing
way too much. No, I love that. I love that question.
Any questions do Hey, guess what you just did? Houston,
Texas is in the building. Let's get it. Hey, we

(01:05:37):
got more callers. Eric from Carson see Arson.

Speaker 6 (01:05:43):
Go to Rows.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
What up? Eric, what are your thoughts on tonight's topic?

Speaker 17 (01:05:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
Here we go, Yeah yeah yeah yeah yet music crime wave,
because that's what's about to happen in this conversation. It's
going to be a crime. Eric, your thoughts?

Speaker 4 (01:06:11):
What's up?

Speaker 7 (01:06:12):
So?

Speaker 5 (01:06:12):
And doctor doctor p Hi, all.

Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
Right, brother, what's happening? Man? What you got for us?

Speaker 5 (01:06:17):
I went back to I got a question for a doctor.
Of course, I'm trying to find out what's the catalyst
between you gotta tell.

Speaker 2 (01:06:29):
Hold on a second, hold on, you got to turn
whatever feedback. Yeah, you got your feedback. Maybe you still
can hear your television.

Speaker 5 (01:06:36):
Or I don't know why that's happening. No, I'm actually
in the market.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Well that's oh, you're in the market.

Speaker 5 (01:06:42):
That makes sense. Let me step out of here.

Speaker 3 (01:06:45):
We'll wait.

Speaker 2 (01:06:46):
He had Trader Joe's I'm walking fast chocolate covered cranberries.

Speaker 3 (01:06:51):
Pick me up some please?

Speaker 2 (01:06:52):
You get the lemon drop chocolate cookie.

Speaker 3 (01:06:55):
Chocolate cover cranberries.

Speaker 2 (01:06:56):
For men anyway?

Speaker 5 (01:07:01):
Okay, can you hear me?

Speaker 2 (01:07:02):
Now? Yeah? What's your question? Brother?

Speaker 5 (01:07:06):
So I'm trying to find out what's the difference between
a friendship with a male versus a friendship with a female.
Here we go, as an adult.

Speaker 3 (01:07:22):
Who's having the friendship, Like, is it okay? You as
a male? The difference between having a friendship with the
male and you having a friendship with a female.

Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
I've noticed there is.

Speaker 3 (01:07:35):
But I just want to make sure I'm answering the
correct question, because that's very wide. In general. I said
that I don't think there's any difference. We believe there's one,
and that's the only difference.

Speaker 5 (01:07:47):
I guess the reason that it's still feedback. I don't
know why I don't hear it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
Now you're good, we hear you clearly, brother, go ahead,
please please finish.

Speaker 5 (01:07:57):
I think it's I think it's a difference because cause
I noticed that communicating with females, not romantically or intimately,
but communicating with females, it's a different experience. And the
reason I think one is that women have a mistro cycle,
they have craps, they go through things that men don't

(01:08:19):
go through. You know, how can I have a communication
with a female friend and have the same experience in
it that I have with a male friend when we
go through different things.

Speaker 4 (01:08:35):
As people can?

Speaker 3 (01:08:36):
I yeah, yeah, yeah, you can. You want me to,
I will later.

Speaker 2 (01:08:43):
You're going to take the leash.

Speaker 6 (01:08:45):
Go on.

Speaker 3 (01:08:46):
I'm belting on the insight and laughing.

Speaker 2 (01:08:50):
Listen, you gon't say it in a clinical snack.

Speaker 3 (01:08:53):
I want to say it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:54):
Go on, This is archaic. Do sound like Captain Caveman.

Speaker 3 (01:09:00):
Was like, what does my menstrual cycle have anything to
do with you? Communication skills? You know, women can't be
no president because they have periods and then they're gonna
they're gonna blow the place up. That sound like I'm like, wow,
so anyways, please tell him. I like I started off
with saying, is I don't believe. There's a difference. There's
a belief about what you believe about it, and you're like, yeah,

(01:09:23):
I believe and that that's if that's the energy you
go into the conversation with of thinking, oh, you're not
gonna understand me because you're probably menstruating. If that cool, great,
because there's a lot of men that are as emotional
and overly as emotional. I have a friend that's a guy.
I'll call him yes, you know why, because that's the

(01:09:44):
name of a birth control pill. He has emotional cycles
worse than me, and he don't have a period. You
call him, yes, I do.

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:09:54):
It's a belief system, it's how it's what you believe
about it. So the conversation may be different, becau because
we are allowed to have different conversations. Women are allowed
and I'm saying socially to be a little more vulnerable
emotional and conversations. Are you talking to black men? Black women?
That could play a role too, because black men, it's

(01:10:16):
not socially acceptable to be like, hey man, you know
what's really going on me? I'm a little upset today.
It'd be like, bru if you don't go somewhere with that.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
It's not because emotions are a little out of whack today.

Speaker 3 (01:10:27):
Bruh, right, bruh, what's up? But women can say that,
So I think that's where the weight comes in about
why the friendships are different. I wouldn't hang my hat
on because of a thirty day cycle.

Speaker 2 (01:10:41):
No, but that belief piece that you talked about, that's
why when women speak, he hears menstruation, the sound of menstruation.
That's what he's here. Correct, Yes, you can.

Speaker 5 (01:10:58):
I hesitated to say that. I'm just I'm just speaking
off the top of my head. I didn't say I
was right. I just know that when I'm dealing with
my female friends there's a difference, and I'm thinking it's
because of our sexiest I don't know, and so I
don't want you know. It wasn't my intention. I've never

(01:11:20):
had administration. I don't know. I just know when women
go through that, they're they're cranky, they're irritable, Like if
I had a toothache, I would be irritable. So I
don't understand.

Speaker 2 (01:11:31):
But let me just let me But that's only one
week out of the month, sir.

Speaker 3 (01:11:38):
And that's if this person's cranky and emotional, because I
don't tend to have this problem.

Speaker 5 (01:11:42):
Right, it depends on the woman, right, Okay, So that
was just a perspective I made.

Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
No, I don't know that too. It's because I don't
think your perspective is is. There's a lot of people
with this perspective. Honestly, it is. It's You're not the
only one who's like, oh, man, you can't talk to women.
Oh or if we get upset, it's like you must
be you must be on your period. Like, no, it's
it's just crazy crazy, You're just being crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
You're not yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:12:11):
I feel like I'm actually my most happiest. If people know,
they leave me alone, bring me flowers. They think I'm
mad here, don't don't explode, don't blow up the world.
Have a new pie.

Speaker 2 (01:12:21):
Oh my god, Eric, we love you, brother. Guess what
you just did? My friend, thank you in the house.
See our sending up in the building. We appreciate the call.
When we come forward, we're gonna get to all of
these callers. Man, We're gonna get to all of these callers.
Let's get it to my daughter.

Speaker 11 (01:12:45):
Is a mess.

Speaker 2 (01:12:46):
I'm just giving me your best luck.

Speaker 1 (01:12:49):
They don't know about I don't know about it.

Speaker 2 (01:12:52):
Sometimes I want know what I did.

Speaker 6 (01:12:59):
Talk.

Speaker 3 (01:13:00):
Don't talk about it, don't try to change your mind
about it.

Speaker 18 (01:13:03):
Don't tell you things you don't want.

Speaker 2 (01:13:04):
Ahead, but we good, don't learry talk about it. They
talked about it.

Speaker 12 (01:13:08):
Just let them know you all ready got it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:10):
Just tell them now. We don't wear Gaddyrica, ladies and gentlemen.
My playlist is my co host, the voice of reason Man.
The playlist has been absolutely bananas. We were featuring all
beautiful women's sisters of R and B tonight and they've
been cooking. The songs have fit what we've been talking about.

(01:13:33):
We got so many callers on the line, I'm gonna
try to get through to everybody. Please make your responses brief.
All right, question brief, response brief so I can get
everybody on. Okay, boom t Victorville, California. What are your
thoughts on tonight's topic?

Speaker 19 (01:13:53):
Yeah, I just wanted to say something about the last
caller who called in.

Speaker 8 (01:13:57):
Eric.

Speaker 2 (01:13:57):
I believe, yes, believe.

Speaker 19 (01:14:00):
It's about masculine and feminine energy, So it doesn't matter
if it's a male or female. It's a masculine and
feminine energy where he can talk to either a male
or a female and get the same response. It depends.
It could be gay or LBGT, whatever, it's the masculine
or feminine energy that he received. There are plenty of

(01:14:22):
masculine women out there that speak the same way as
men do.

Speaker 4 (01:14:28):
But he just keeps.

Speaker 18 (01:14:28):
Running into the feminine energy of female. So he's getting
the hormonal side of the feminine side. And that's what
I That's why I hear him saying, got.

Speaker 2 (01:14:40):
It, tee, you know what, I appreciate you for calling
in you like that. She brought in a whole nother
side of Los Angeles County. Or it ain't even Los
Angeles County, that's Ventura County. My goodness, you brought in
another aspect to southern California. Let me ask you this,

(01:15:04):
Guess what you just did?

Speaker 3 (01:15:06):
Guess what you don't know?

Speaker 2 (01:15:07):
The rule we got to help her. So when I
say guess what you just did, you said I brought
Victorville into the building.

Speaker 3 (01:15:15):
Are you ready? You're ready, You're ready, I'm ready.

Speaker 2 (01:15:18):
Ready t Guess what you just did?

Speaker 6 (01:15:22):
What did I just do?

Speaker 18 (01:15:26):
I brought Victor villa.

Speaker 2 (01:15:27):
Yeah, there we go. Yeah, yeah, t you can call
it anytime. We appreciate it. Bowman, Grand Prairie, Texas. You're
up next. What are your thoughts on tonight's topic?

Speaker 17 (01:15:39):
My thought is love is always going to be them avoidance.
They do want love, but the issue is they don't
want to lose themselves within their relationship because they aren't
going to necessarily give a desired result.

Speaker 2 (01:15:51):
You sound like an avoidant. Are you an avoidant? No?

Speaker 17 (01:15:56):
No, but I've lived very closet.

Speaker 2 (01:15:57):
Let me tell you something, boy, I'm relationship. I show
me your papers.

Speaker 3 (01:16:01):
Where are you secure?

Speaker 2 (01:16:07):
Are you secure? What's happening with you? You explain that
avoiding stuff real, real, real, too, a little bit too good.

Speaker 17 (01:16:16):
Well, sometimes you go through some stuff with people who
are avoidant types. You know that's what it is.

Speaker 2 (01:16:25):
Man. I appreciate you. You know, I don't hear from
you enough. You used to call in all the time.
What happened?

Speaker 17 (01:16:31):
I will come back. I'm going through some stuff, but
I'll come in, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:16:36):
You know, if you're going through something, man, you could
come through here and get a little inspiration or something.
You know.

Speaker 17 (01:16:43):
Most definitely, though, I will.

Speaker 2 (01:16:45):
I promise guess what you just did.

Speaker 17 (01:16:47):
Bowman brought grandparents to the building.

Speaker 2 (01:16:50):
Yes, sir, we appreciate you a sis. This was great.
But my question is where can people find you?

Speaker 3 (01:16:58):
You can find me online. I have a website that
is incite me the letter n s I g h
T dot m E dot com or on I g
at incite me.

Speaker 2 (01:17:12):
And she's I g h T and she is a
real clinician. This is somebody if you're in trouble and
you need help. There are a lot of people who
call my show and I'm I throw your name out.
I throw Joshawna Johnson's name out. I throw doctor Shilander
Crawford's name out, because especially for our community, I believe

(01:17:33):
spiritually inclined while clinically educated Black women that go together,
that go together, that's gonna help. That ain't gonna hurt nothing.
Black woman, spiritually inclined and clinically educated.

Speaker 3 (01:17:54):
Boy, I want to put some objective in there too.
We're not you know, we object you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:59):
Figure deal, that's gonna do something different for you. So
JW need to connect with my sister because JW been
promising to you know, get all. We love y'all anyway,
this is my week. It was a great week of shows.
My sister bookingded it and we love it. We love it,
we love it. When we come forward, it'll be next

(01:18:21):
week and I'll have a whole new slew of slappers.
I'll holler