The VOR versus Series: “Reenactment or Reconciliation?”

Do you prefer intimate reenactments of childhood trauma with your lover, or do you prefer reconciling as the new versions of yourselves? “Intimate reenactment versus the Phoenix of authentic intimate reconciliation” Addressing childhood trauma in a relationship can be a complex journey, but one approach is psychologically healthy while the other is a maladaptive, harmful pattern. 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
At some point, I've had to accept the fact that
I'm going to be a blessing into people's life and
I'm going to give them things that they can never
give me. And God sends me into someone's life, it
is to bless them. It is to be an encourager.
It is to be like a positive force in that
person's life. But I have found that most of the

(00:23):
people are not going to reciprocate that. It's not going
to be an equal energy exchanged. Like most of the
people in my life have been very cold towards me.
They have been very dismissive. They have like tried to
belittle me or talk down on me, or judge me whatever.
And I don't treat people like that. I don't treat
people like they are garbage. I don't treat people like

(00:46):
they are nothing. That doesn't mean that I have never
like cut somebody out or gone off on somebody, but
I promise you it was warranted. But the people who
have been disrespectful to me, it was never warranted. The
things that they did to me or said about me
was never warranted. It just came from a place of insecurity.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
And it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
How much love or I gave this person, or how
much light that I embodied in that relationship, It doesn't
matter how much I was giving that person.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
If they wanted to be cold.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Towards me, that's just what they did. And I was
just thinking earlier, like, man, okay, God, I have been
a light to a lot of people. I have given
a lot of love to a lot of people. Like
where's my love? Like, where's like my light? I can't
even get one person that will reciprocate that to me,
like you have called me to be that.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
Ladies and gentlemen, the Voice of Reason has returned to
the scene of the conversation. What in the feast of
sam hell was that lady babbling about no disrespect? Everybody
always planning the victim wrong? You perfect? So you just

(01:57):
do right by everybody and everybody do wrong you. I
don't know, I don't know. We have a special guest
in the building. I didn't even set this up properly yesterday.
All week long, we have beautiful, talented, intelligent sisters coming
on the show to contribute to the Voice of Reason.

(02:21):
Today is no different. We've got a big deal in
the building. Ladies, It is that the can we get
to Organs one more time. The men in the chatter saying, zoh,
fix your camera, Jesus, wipe, wipe the lenses, sir. What

(02:45):
in the world. Yes, Aisha deal, the big deal is
in the house. Get ready, get ready to get ready,
get ready, and she will be contributing to tonight's conversation.
And now, no, but the sister and the clip. Who
was the sister speaking Andy the spiritual baddie baddie and

(03:09):
spirituality going together.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
Lord, Yeah, the sounds like a sob story to me.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
Oh my goodness, here we go. I thought I thought
tonight's topic was going to be. I thought it was
apropos reenactment or reconciliation. Now, most people don't want to
do a reconciliation. When they're done, they done, they move on,

(03:37):
find somebody new. There's always some different fish out there
and to see, you know, but you might as well
do a reconciliation if your next relationship is only going
to be a reenactment. So many clinicians are talking about
how unresolved internal issues get played out in your relationship.

(04:01):
So I asked the question, which would you prefer? Do
you prefer intimate reenactments of your childhood trauma with lover
after lover after lover after lover, or do you prefer
reconciling as the new versions of yourself? Because a reconciliation

(04:24):
can only work if you become something different than what
you were that broke the previous relationship. Tonight's gonna be deep.
I want you to get to your phone lines. You
already know what it is. It's a national discussion. And
before we open up the phone lines, you know the
number one eight hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty. I want

(04:45):
to introduce you to the young lady who's gonna be participating.
Talk to us, miss big deal? What makes you a
big deal? Talk to us? We want to know your
perspective on tonight's topic.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
First of all, I'm a pretty big deal. Just start
start there. Actually, let's say I'm a domestic violence counselor
I'm a healthy relationship Okay, I teach healthy versus unhealthy relationships.
So I do this weekly on the radio, but I
also teach it in schools to middle school, high school,

(05:19):
and college students. I do this every week, and I
think that people, before we jump into the conversation, can
I just just throw my perspective out there, And I
think that people want to do reincarnations, like they want
to start over. But it's a natural habit for them
to just kind of recycle and do it over and

(05:40):
over again. And they're mine they want different, But I
just think that the habit in them, they're just going
to always revert back to what they're used to. But
I don't think that they want to do it. I
just think that it's a familiar space.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
It's familiar.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
Yeah, I think people just naturally go back to what
they're used to. But I think they want different, They
want something there, though.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
They just don't know what different actually looks like or
what it takes. It's hard to get different.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
It's hard. Why it requires too much work. It requires
too much work. It requires too much work.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
I mean, it's so people are intimately lazy. It is
what you're telling me.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
Intimate, you would have to sit with yourself for a
long time, by yourself, come on by yourself, So by yourself.
That means you can't date. That means that you can't
you can't go out with anyone, You can't entertain anyone,
You can't be intimate with anyone, right, you can't get
to know anyone new. In order to break the cycle

(06:37):
of what you used to do and do something different,
in order to have a different result, you have to
be by yourself. How many men and women do you know?
We're going to do it. It's easy to go back
to what you used to because it's familiar. It's familiar discomfort.

Speaker 3 (06:56):
Oh, familiar discomfort. Yeah, you can predict it, which is
in a weird way, is a kind of comfort.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, because you know, you know what it looks like.
You know what to do.

Speaker 3 (07:05):
Wow, you know how to cope.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, you know what's coming next.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
Nine twenty fifteen eighty. She says, she's a big deal.
She's cooking with the rarest grease right now. Every reenactment
is the soul suicide note written in the handwriting of
the nervous system. It repeats not to torment, but to
expose the lie. The healing can occur when remaining divided

(07:36):
against oneself. Listen to that remaining divided against oneself. Clinical
psychology calls it repetition, compulsion, Mysticism calls it karma. Physics
calls it feedback. But at its core, reenactment is a
cosmic diagnostic tool. The universe, replaying your unintegrind itself until

(08:01):
you awaken as its author. You are not attracting toxic partners.
You are magnetizing mirrors potent enough to display your unreconciled
fragments back to yourself. The psyche is mercifully ruthless. Listen
to that mercifully ruth exhausting. It will reproduce your prison

(08:26):
until you recognize that the jailer and the jailed share
the same DNA. Lord, have mercy. The hidden function of reenactment.
People don't understand this. You're replaying a wound, You're replaying
a trauma. You're replaying a toxic situation so that you
can claim it. Uh. In my twenty fifteen book The

(08:51):
Relationship dismount How to stick the landing when exiting a
toxic relationship, we highlighted the concept of claim over blame.
You have to claim the reflections that are coming from
the partner you magnetized into your life. They wouldn't even
be attractive to you if you didn't have something disjointed

(09:13):
within you.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
That's I can I can actually relate to that. Talk
to me, I can really I can relate to that.
I mean because I know for myself personally, there's been
I mean just myself being enjoying what I do. I
can say that there's been times that I've called in
people into my life that I feel needed me, you know,
because I feel like there's something about them that I

(09:37):
felt like I could help, that I could change, not change,
I change them, But it's like if I feel like
they were broken or maybe that they've been abandoned in
their past, Like, you know what, I don't want to
be the one to abandon you, so you know, I
want to be there for you. You know, I know
that other people may have left you, so I'm going
to stay so I feel like I can help, Like
I don't want to do to you what others have
done to you, but to my own detriment.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
I was going to say, is that codependency.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
It can be looked at as codependency, but it could
also be looked at It's like, I don't want to
be the one to fail you because other people have
failed you. But that's also not my job to save everyone, right,
And so sometimes we take on burdens that are not
ours to carry, do you know what I mean? And
so I think a lot of people do that, and
men do that too. It's not just something that women do.
There's a lot of men that come into the lives
of women who feel like there's women who they feel

(10:23):
are in places that Okay, well I can help her,
whether it's financially wallet saviors, wallet saviors, well I can
come in, I can help you out, and things like that.
And for you know what, you're drowning. You know, you're
you're drowning trying to help someone else, and before you
look up, you realize I'm like what, you know, Like
what am I getting out of this? You're exhausting yourself.
So there's a lot of different ways that you can

(10:45):
come into someone's life and you think that you're helping
them by trying to do something that the last guy
didn't do. I want to show you that I'm different.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
So let me ask you, what do you think the
purpose of intimate relationship is for?

Speaker 2 (10:58):
I would say this for partnership, you know, I would
say it's companionship. It's for partnership, it's for growth. It's
to have someone there by your side to go through
life with, to go through challenges with, you know, someone
to just be there with you. But I don't think
that that's what it's become today. I think now it's ownership,
it's possession. It's it's to have dominion over someone else.

(11:20):
You know, it's someone to bully a lot of times,
it's it's someone to take your bad day out on.
I don't I don't see the benefit too much to it. Yeah,
I mean to me, it's it's to me, it's someone
it's not looked at anymore. I don't see the benefit
when they say I can do bad all by myself today,
I really see the benefit of being by yourself because

(11:43):
to me, having right now today, I'm just saying the
culture as it is today, I don't see where having
someone I can see where it's more toxic than to
be by yourself, because it seems like being by yourself
is bringing more peace than having someone else in your life.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Interesting. Interesting response, Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the
VR on KBLA Talk fifteen eighty. We're getting ready to
open up the phone lines for this national discussion. But
we're talking about something very very powerful here, reenactment versus reconciliation.
It's a reconciliation anyway when you go to the new
relationship as the same old person. Right. So I'm listening

(12:26):
to what you're saying here for me, and I've been
teaching this for over thirty years now, nearly thirty nearly
thirty years, not quite thirty, but nearly thirty years. Relationship
has a spiritual component that hasn't gotten the pr no

(12:46):
that the societal portion gets. Yes, relationships are for companionship. Sure, absolutely,
that's what the word means too. Relationships related, We're connected.
But on a deeper level, I think relationships are for
the discovery of self right, self awareness. This is how

(13:07):
you discover yourself as you are. You need to have
that reflection bounce off of someone else so you can understand, Oh,
I made you feel this way, I did this to you,
or I show up this way reflecting how you show
up towards me.

Speaker 4 (13:26):
Right.

Speaker 3 (13:27):
So, I think there's a spiritual component, and it's starting
to get a little traction in today's society slowly, but
surely it doesn't have I would say the steam as
the societal piece, which is how much money do you make?
Where do you work? You know, what school did you

(13:48):
go to, what neighborhood do you live, do you drive,
do you have money, all of that kind of stuff.
But I would say the spiritual stuff is starting to
take root. Now we reenact fragmented lessons from early childhood.
How are they lessons? Well, the coping mechanism you use

(14:10):
to survive your parent is what you have to overcome
when you get with a partner. The partner's gonna reflect
that coping mechanism back to you through conflict. So now
you have to say, oh, let me take this and
rewrite it. Because this person isn't my parent, They're not
responsible for finishing their job. So now I have to

(14:34):
reparent myself right and be an adult in this situation.
When we come forward the voice of reasoning, the big deal?
Are we in here cooking with the rarest olive oil?
Get at me?

Speaker 5 (14:49):
Had I been a faith to disappoint you? Because I
don't want to lose your friendship and I don't want
to lose your friendship. But if I believe that if
I'm authentic, I'm gonna lose jays friendship, that's gonna keep
me in authentic. And you never know me, and even
when you like me, there's still going to be a
fear in me. What if you really knew me, you know,
so it doesn't even work, but we're sort of we're

(15:12):
so afraid of disappointing others.

Speaker 6 (15:14):
And then one day I may feel we have an
authentic friendship. That's exactly notice that you're not being fully yourself,
and then then I can even feel that way. You
can let me down even by trying to be everything
I wanted you to be. That's what I find so
fascinating in life is that you can let someone down
even after becoming everything you thought they wanted you to be.

Speaker 5 (15:36):
Well exactly, Well, go back to an example of coffee.
If I said to you, Jay, I'm sorry I can't
do today, which honors you more. If I believe that
you're so weak and vulnerable that you can't handle or no,
or if I honor you by telling you the truth,

(15:56):
which shows you more respect. Definitely, so that I can
be everything you wanted to be.

Speaker 3 (16:03):
That was Ja Shetty and Gabor Mati. I love gabor
Mati's work. Let me ask you a question, which which
is more abundant in intimate relationship today's intimate relationships? Truth

(16:24):
or lies?

Speaker 2 (16:27):
Lies?

Speaker 3 (16:28):
Why? Why do you say that Gabor Mati was just
explaining like the difficulty of being able to be truthful
and honoring your your your friend with the truth. Why
would you say more lies than truth are prevalent in
today's relationships because.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
I think the lies go down better, it's easier to
digest m It's the same reason why you know, people,
if a man is single and he meets a woman
and they start dating and talking, most of the time,
the woman would want to hear that she's the only

(17:08):
one that he's talking to, even though she knows that
he was single before she met him. Well, we know
that there's other women in the picture, but you still
want him to tell you that you're the only one
that he's talking to. So he's going to tell you
that you're the one he's talking to, and you're gonna be
okay with that because the lie sounds better than the truth.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
Now, some women would disagree. You know what, Andy backer,
he agree. You heard the keys, You heard the organs.
When you hear the organs, that mean Andy agrees. Boy,
Andy said. But let me say this though, if more
lies exist in modern day relationships, maybe not all relationships,

(17:53):
but say modern day relationships, how does one orient their
relationship to the truth.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
Out the gate at hello. The first conversation. You have
to just say what it is from the beginning, and
if they don't like it, then they don't like it.
That's fre gooes for men and women. You have to
say what it is immediately.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
But we live in an insecure world if they don't,
and when people are insecure, they don't want rejection. You know,
the biggest stage show in the world is the dating scene.
The people are performing.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
Then that's not your people. Then you may have less
people you have. Your roster may be a little lighter,
but then you have but you have to tell the truth,
and that means you have two people on your roster.
Then your roster has two people, then you might not
have five.

Speaker 3 (18:35):
Hollo roster talk.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
No, I'm just saying, if you're seeing, we got roster.
If you're a single person and you're and you come
out and you're tell them the truth and you're like, listen,
this is what it is. I'm not in a place
where I'm ready to commit, but you know, I'm open
to making, you know, connections and dating and seeing where
things go, but I'm not ready to commit. If the
person is not okay with it and they're ready to
commit right now, they're looking for a significant other, they

(18:57):
want to get married or have children. And you're saying,
not in that place right now, but you're opening deep
intimate connections. That's not your person. Let them go.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
So this is what we'll do. I want you to
answer this question on the other side, which would you prefer,
prefer a reenactment of childhood wounds acted out in your
intimate relationships, conflict or a reconciliation. When we come forward,
the voice of reason will get the big deals response.

Speaker 7 (19:31):
Judge Katlan in eighteen thirty two went directly from Yale
or from Harvard rather to the Upper Missouri River, and
with this paint brushes and so forth, and he did
a magnificent recording of the Indian tribes there, just you
might say, fifty years before they were knocked to pieces.

(19:56):
He painted portraits of some of these great chiefs. Now,
when you look at her straight on portrait, the eyes
seem to follow you, you know how it is you
go overhere, the eyes are there. So they thought that
he was a magician, that he actually could have done
things that were alive in the eyes. And this gave
him access to a number of inward rituals that no

(20:20):
one else had ever seen, and he has painted pictures
of these among the man dance he records, and in
his letters he describes in detail the rituals of the
initiation of those young men. They're taking you to a
great hut, and nobody has any choice about this. You
can't say no, I'm not a warrior, I'm a peace man.

Speaker 8 (20:43):
You know.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
That was the legendary Joseph Campbell. What I love about
Joseph Campbell's work, you could say cultural anthropologists applied anthropology,
the ritual of the right of passage. He is a
master of. George Lucas was deeply inspired by Joseph Campbell

(21:13):
his Hero's Journey, right where the hero leaves the known,
meets the mentor, meets, challenges, dies, is resurrected, and comes
back to his known, transformed different. You could say that
full circle that Joseph Campbell talks about on the Hero's

(21:37):
Journey represents what reconciliation is supposed to be. Why start
a new relationship with your old self, which is just
a reenactment when you can reconcile with a person you love.
We live in a society today that throws away people

(21:58):
we throw people away, even love, like true connection with people.
Oh that it didn't work out because they did this,
they did that. I didn't like this, so I disconnected
and moved on and started a whole nother situation. That's
a reenactment. The ego, the pride, the shame, the guilt,
the apathy, all of this is in play, right, And

(22:22):
I hear diamond blue in my chest saying, some you
know the rules of our language here, it's some banal always,
I must have hit a nerve, some banal some but
not all right. But I'm pointing this out because I
think people think that if they end a relationship, they

(22:45):
end the reenactment. They think if they start a new relationship, right,
it's a clean slate. No, it's a continuation of what
you have yet to reconcile internally. And that person you
magnetize or tract or call in will be a reflection

(23:08):
of that homework that you're trying to evade your thoughts.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
Yeah, you just bring the frustration from the last one
over to the next one. I mean, because if I
leave one situation, Let's say I'm dealing with someone for
six seven months and it doesn't work out, and like
you say, I disposed and discard of them because I'm
for whatever reason, I don't have the patience, or because
I haven't learned how to deal with issues or conflict.
I don't know, I have no conflict resolution skills or tools,

(23:35):
and I move on to someone else, and now they
do something that upsets me and we get into it.
I have not yet learned how to deal with conflict resolution,
So I'm gonna come against the same thing again, and
then the same frustration that I felt in that last
relationship I'm gonna fill at times too in this one.
So now my reaction in this one is going to

(23:56):
be even worse because now I have the energy for
my life last relationship and that frustration, and now I'm
going to take it out on this one ten times worse.
So this person's like, WHOA, what did I do? Their
issue or whatever they did may not have even been
that big of a deal, but because I didn't resolve
it in my last relationship, this one and my outbursts

(24:18):
or how the way I react to it is even
worse because I didn't even resolve whatever my issues were.
How I deal with things, or I haven't even severed
the ties with the last one. And I think that
that's what we see when we see people just do this.
On to the next energy, you know, I'm done with you,
Onto the next, on to next, onto the next, Like
you're not onto the next. Like all you do is
you have a trail of dead bodies.

Speaker 3 (24:41):
Dead souls, spirits, all of it.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Yes, it's all behind you. I mean, if you look
at it me, it's like, how many dead bodies do
you have behind you? Like you look behind I got
about fifteen, you know what I mean, Like, and they're
just all just attached to you, and you're just dragging
all these bodies behind you into your next relationship. And
that's how I look at it. It's like, how many of
you carrying behind you?

Speaker 3 (24:59):
Is that what the church that means when they say
soul ties.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
That's exactly how many many got attached to you. I mean,
that's how I'm looking at it, because there are all
unresolved issues of people that you just left behind that
you didn't properly bury. You know, you didn't say you're
proper goodbyes. They may have ghosted you. You may have
ghosted them, you know what I mean. So all of
these spears are just open. They're all attached to you, hurt, pain, disappointment, heartbreak, everything,
and you're just moving on to the next person, like

(25:23):
everything's okay, and you're not okay, Like you're not okay,
you're not well, you're sick. And I'm not saying sick
a na and in as demeaning way, but I'm just saying,
you're not well, you're sick, you're hurt, you're broken, You're
in pieces, and now you're coming to me in pieces.
And it's almost like I just took a box of
puzzles and just dumped it on the table and you're like, here,

(25:43):
but love me. Well, what am I going to do
with all these pieces? Are you coming to me in
pieces expecting.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
Me to love you whole? But how they're coming to
you in pieces and expecting you to love them whole? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (25:58):
What am I supposed to do with it? I don't
know what I'm supposed to How I'm I supposed to
love you? Halt and you're in a million pieces?

Speaker 3 (26:04):
This is good. I like it. I like it. When
we come forward, we're gonna go to Mountain View, Hawaii
and talk to my brother Passa John. Passa John is
the first one to crack the code on this national discussion. Hey,
when we come forward, it's about to heat up. Let's
get it. So in nineteen ninety five, I'm the senior

(26:30):
VP of Black Music and R at Maverick Records for Madonna,
Freddy DeMann, and Abby Kanowitch. And this album drops D'Angelo.
That first album, such a cold record, man, And I'm

(26:55):
in my office banging it, boom boom, banging it. And
a friend of mine was like, do you know Di'angelo's manager?
And I was like nah. And then I had messages

(27:17):
from Madonna asking can you connect us? Because she heard DiAngelo?
Can you get us together? Come to find out the
homie was connected to Kedar Massenberg, his manager, and I
had a direct connect to Keydar and that connection never happened.

(27:44):
But I wonder what would have happened if I could
pull off the Madonna DiAngelo right cause you know Madonna
was big on trying to connect with our greats. You know,
she was big. She connected with my acted with Prince.
This was the beginning of neo soul. Keetr Massenberg not

(28:08):
only had D'Angelo, but he was managing Eric Abadu at
the time, and I just when I think about it,
and as a matter of fact, we're listening to this
neo soul and it reminds me of John B and
his group Jack Herrera. That never came out right. Babyface

(28:33):
didn't want to put it out. He didn't want to
put it out because he felt like, you're a solo act.
You're like the white version of me. You know, you
remember when John B was singing like Babyface sounding like.

Speaker 9 (28:48):
Baby Massadena, Right, But John B and his group could
have fit right into this nineteen ninety five neo soul emergence.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
You had Erica, you had di'angelo. Wow, No, Blao wasn't
there yet. This ninety five Billio wasn't there. If I
mean Jack Herrera, if you haven't heard that album. They
just put it out like two years ago. It was
recorded in ninety three, four, five, six, and Babyface shelfed

(29:28):
it because it was too soulful, it's too rich. It's
John BE in a group with two other cats, one
cat from Philly, one cat from Texas, and it was
just an amazing time ninety five. So I just wanted
to take this little interlude, this little moment to just

(29:49):
say this brother, one of a kind. Voice, one of
a kind spirit, just one of a kind, create native soul,
impression on black folks, just on folks, period, on music period.
We want to say rest in peace, brother D'Angelo. Like

(30:14):
Michael liked Prince, your music, your legacy, your kids, you know,
everything is gonna live. It's gonna live on brother. Much
love from the VR Live from fifteen eighty KBLA Talk
fifteen eighty. Man, that just man. I had to say that. Man, anyway,

(30:37):
we're back, the voice of Reason is here. I'm sorry.
I just had a DiAngelo moment. That record just took
me back to ninety five. Man. Ah, we're gonna miss D'Angelo. Man,
that dude. I got a print story too. You know,
Prince didn't really like folks like copying his vibe. He didn't.

(31:01):
Prince was very territorial about it. I'm gonna get back
to the time, that same vibe. When you hear records
like how does it feel or it's called untitled, Yeah,
that's a Prince vibe period, no if answer buts about it.
That's a Prince thing. And uh. Jesse Johnson, who was

(31:22):
the guitarist for the Time, went out on tour with
di'angelo and Jesse is you know, Jesse is telling this
story where Prince called him like, hey man, what are
you doing.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
I don't share my people.

Speaker 3 (31:36):
Right, play a little clip of a little piece of
the untitled. So the untitled is a Prince vibe.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
Oh God, I love that song, like it's.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
Really a Prince vibe. So you know, Jesse goes on
tour with D'Angelo and and and Prince hears about it,
and you know they killing, they cooking. But you gotta
understand di'angelo is in awe of Prince, like, yo, he

(32:05):
loves Prince, right, I think he did. She's always in
my hair like, and you know, Prince was kind of
prickly about certain things, like, hey see, Michael Jackson looked
at music like this, God gives me the records. I
got to write him down. You know. I heard a
recording where Mike says, if I don't wake up after

(32:29):
getting this download from God and write down this song,
he'll give it to Prince. Right. So Prince, on the
other hand, was very territorial about his music, like hey,
hold on, hold on. So not to say that this
is a copy of Prince's music, but it's a copy

(32:51):
of the five you feel me. So Prince is kind
of like, hey, that's a little close to my universe.
So he calls I see Johnson, like, hey man, what's happening? Yeah,
what you doing? You like, hey, you on another team?
All right, this is our sound. So I can recall

(33:11):
being at the House of Blues. Prince had just come
out with the Weird album. You know, he had a
lot of weird.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Album We had a lot.

Speaker 3 (33:24):
Of weird albums. But one of those albums was about
slave ships and it was just different for what Prince
fans are accustomed to. But he had just did a
whole concert at the Kodak Theater. I promise, y'all, we're
gonna get to the phone calls. We're gonna get back
to the topic. This is a D'Angelo moment. We have
to capture it here.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
I think I got that Prince concert.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
So, yes, it was at the Kodak Theater. He does it,
and then the after concert is where it's at. It's
at the House of Blues, right, sunset, I'm there. It's
we're all sardines. They sprayed us with olive oil as
we walked in so we could fit right. I'm telling you,

(34:08):
it was packed. When I tell you, Prince, I think
it was a ninety minute set. But in that ninety
minutes he did a song that was colder than this
song playing right now. It was a song like no,
I'm watching everybody in the audience going, what alpen is

(34:32):
that abound? Everybody's like whispering to each it. What song
is this? What is this? What is going on? Everybody's
doing that? Right? Somebody taps me on my right shoulder.
It's Michael Jackson's brother Randy, and he said, hey, man,
do you know what song this is? I said, I
don't know what this is. But it was a song

(34:53):
like this, but it was just from the vault and
he just ripped it on stage lived y'all.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
Y'all know he had it like like so Prince is.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
Territorial, like, hey man, don't don't don't vibe, don't jack
my vibe kind of thing. So nah, yeah, but he
you know how Prince was. He was just territorial about it,
and he should have been more accommodating, like your Prince,
everybody's gonna be inspired.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
By artists are yeah, protective of their craft.

Speaker 3 (35:28):
I just wanted to take this moment, man, and just
just acknowledge this brother man. We love you D'Angelo, absolutely,
we love you.

Speaker 9 (35:39):
Man.

Speaker 3 (35:39):
Rest in peace when we come forward the voice of
reason and you already know the big deal is up
in here cooking, let's get it.

Speaker 10 (35:50):
It would mean it's something that would have some existence
independently of being known. You're seeing to say. It might
be that we would know it, but it did not.

Speaker 4 (35:58):
Require that we know, oh yeah, in order to exist.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (36:03):
Now, I tried to get some idea of what might
be the process which was implied by the mathematics of
the quantum theory. And this process is what I call enfoldment.
That the mathematics itself suggests the movement in which everything
in which any particular element of space may have a
field which unfolds into the whole, and the whole folds

(36:25):
and enfolds into it. Right, So you have this movement,
and uh, I call this the implicated or enfolded order,
which unfolds into the explicate order where everything is separate.
Now the implicate order, everything is internally related to everything,
everything contains everything, right, everybody has the many experiences of

(36:46):
this implicate order. The most obvious one is ordinary consciousness,
where consciousness unfolds everything that you know or see.

Speaker 6 (36:52):
Right.

Speaker 10 (36:53):
Uh, So you're not acting mechanistically in the sense of
being pushed and pulled by objects in the surroundings there,
according to your consciousness of them, you act. So consciousness
is really our most immediate experience of this implicate order.
And you might think of nets of consciousness that are
finer and finer, or we may think of capturing finer

(37:15):
and finer aspects of the implicate order. I think there's
an intelligence that's it's implicit there. You see it. To
say that a kind of intelligence unfolds, the source of
intelligence is not necessarily in the brain you see, the
ultimate source of but much more enfolded into the hole.

(37:38):
Now the question what do you want to call it God?
That depends on what you mean by the word you see,
because taking it as a personal god might restrict it
in some way.

Speaker 3 (37:49):
Man, listen, y'all don't understand, sir, the voice of reason
being here cooking. They don't even know who they was
listening to.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
I don't know who that was, but it was good.

Speaker 3 (38:03):
Einstein called that man his spiritual godson. That man was
Professor emeritus at Oxford in Princeton, doctor David Baum, theoretical

(38:24):
physicist author of a groundbreaking book called Wholeness and the
Implicate Order. This book talks about what he called back
in the eighties and nineties the hollow movement. Now you
hear people talking about the holographic universe, you hear people

(38:47):
talking about we live in a simulation. Wholeness and the
Implicate Order is the name of the book. He then
gets with philosopher Jidu Christianamurti, and Krishnamurti gives him the
wording that has evaded physicists with regards to how to

(39:12):
define what they're seeing in their experiments. When Krishnamurty says,
the observer is the observed, So when they talk about
the double slit experiment, he's saying, there is an internal
explicate and an external explicate order, right, an internal right

(39:35):
and an explicate right that and what's happening is they
mirror each other and they're flowing in and through each other.
The implicate order and the explicate order is how he
framed it, right, And I'm saying the same thing. You
don't reconcile you You're in a reenactment. Don't matter who

(40:00):
the person is. You can get back, you can reconcile
with your person. If you don't become a new version
of you. That's a reenactment. That's not a reconciliation. A
death has to happen in order to reconcile, do you see?

(40:21):
So if you get back with somebody, you gotta be
somebody new when you get back with them, right when
you spend the block, you gotta be a different being. See,
we think the different being is a new being. No,
it's the same. They got the same script the last

(40:42):
person had, and you gave it to them, and you
co authored the script. Do you see? Absolutely, that's what
this topic is about. I asked a poignant question, which
would you rather have a reenactment? Aisha? Would you rather

(41:04):
have a reenactment or would you have rather have a reconciliation?
Which one do you want?

Speaker 4 (41:11):
No?

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Reenactment is too exhausting.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
But isn't that what everybody is doing?

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Yeah? And I've done it also. I've done it also
in my past. I've done it. And it's I'm telling you,
it's exhausting, right.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
We see, Christian, Is she gonna get a reenactment or reconciliation?

Speaker 2 (41:29):
I think that I'm not sure where she's that in
her journey.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
But I mean, I just based on your eye test,
just based on the eye test, Jerry West walking to
Jimmy God, that boy can't play on the eye test.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
Okay, on the eye test. I think that she's using
one person to cope with the loss of another.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Okay, cool, here we go. Let's keep going. CARDI b
the eye test.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Using one person to cope with the loss of another.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Okay, Let's we keep going. Do you see what I'm saying.
Rilla was just on the radio on TV talking about
cussing f bombs. I don't mess with f nds, and
you know, because they weak men is soft and we'll
dc what are they headed towards reenactments or reconciliations.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
That sounds like the blame game. And I'm gonna go
with that. Sounds like a reenactment.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
So this is why I brought you in here. This
is why I brought you in here because at the
end of the day, there is a narrative about relationships
out in the streets that is fueled by social media
what I call trauma porn. Because we listen, you know

(42:45):
how social media algorithms work.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Absolutely, it's dangerous.

Speaker 3 (42:49):
Whatever toxic mess you into, that's what it's gonna feedback
to you. That's your feedback loop. So my question is
these babies is growing up on the internet, on the iPad,
they got it in the crib. They're growing up looking
at this toxic stuff. So how do relationships become this

(43:09):
sacred spiritual school again where one discovers themselves.

Speaker 2 (43:15):
I'm gonna throw that back to you and say that
it's not just the babies. I want to know why
grown men and women that are in their thirties and
forties are on social media having that same rhetoric put
back into their spirits as grown adults who grew up
without social media. Why are they allowing it to poison them?

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Well, here's the quick answer for you. They're not grown.
So they might be grown, they might be grown chronologically,
but spiritually there's still that inner wounded child.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
So they're stuck in arrested development as well.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Absolutely, people use relationship like they use what's the drugs? No,
what's that what's that toilet tissue brand? With the red
bears that be having a little browny? Wait? No, people
use relationships like Sharman, That's really what it is. I

(44:09):
need it for something important. I need to be wiped.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
Yeah, it's a coping mechanism exactly.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
Relationships are not for that.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
It's not to plug a hole.

Speaker 3 (44:20):
So I'm gonna ask you, let's be honest, you're in
the hot seat.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
I don't know if I want to be.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
When you get into a relationship and somebody sees you
and they trigger something in you, do you lean in
or do you fall back?

Speaker 2 (44:41):
I think it depends. I think it depends on the
person and how much I value where they are in
my life. If it's someone that I value, then I
think that I can either go, like you said, a
reenactment and I can become avoidant, which I think is reenactment, yes,

(45:04):
or I can reincarnate and I can try and talk
it through.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
You know, it's hard to do that.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
It's hard to do it, But it's easier to do
the avoidant.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Because you gotta The avoidant has to die.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
Right, That's what I'm saying. It's it's easy. It's easier
to me to do the avoidant because that's my rein,
that's my that's my reenactment, that's my my my, that's
what my I divert.

Speaker 11 (45:26):
To come on you in here cooking this night, and
somebody come save me. She just set the studio on fire.
She done told the truth tonight. We got callers on
the line. I want to get everybody in here.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
Let's talk. Let's talk. Let's talk.

Speaker 12 (45:40):
John.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
You up in here, man, John from Mountview, Hawaii. What
are your thoughts on tonight's topic?

Speaker 4 (45:48):
Should you you like that?

Speaker 7 (45:51):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (45:52):
John, you like that? Heat?

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Come on in here, John, get in here, Man, Come
in here, John, have a seat.

Speaker 3 (45:59):
Well.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
Greetings and blessings to all. Greetings and blessings to those
in the sound of my voice. Greetings and blessings to you, though,
and Master teacher, in the presence of all of us,
before I get.

Speaker 13 (46:12):
Started passing, John, there's a whole lot of places I
could take this.

Speaker 4 (46:21):
There's a whole lot of places I can take this.
But I'll go here.

Speaker 3 (46:24):
No, you got time, John, you got time. Don't don't.
Don't rush yourself. Brother, Listen, I brought you in for
a reason, sir. Come on, take hey, man, stretch out,
sit down on the couch. Light up your cigar, man,
Come on, you.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
Want to drink, you want a cocktail?

Speaker 4 (46:40):
Well, either of those who had seem fine now that
I'm also not getting. We'll talk about that later, right now,
right now.

Speaker 13 (46:49):
As in the stuff you spoke up earlier, which has
something into boys, the work that has already been done,
you talk of the human being who have went to counseling.
You spoke of the human being who has sat.

Speaker 4 (47:05):
By himself for years. You're talking about someone who was
reconciled with his past. Not only his own inner past,
but his outer pass was other people who disrespected and
dismissed him to the point of they now respect me.

(47:28):
I would like to add this motion because as a
military person, we're always looking for the next goal we
need to achieve so that we could be the greater leader.
Some of us had to go through aerosol school to
be artillery gods. Some of us went to Master Sergeant's
school to understand greater things about our leadership. I'm asking

(47:51):
you out of curiosity, Master Teacher Sarty, first class needs
a new job. Where are you going to lead me to?
What school do I need to go to?

Speaker 2 (48:07):
He sounds like I did earlier when I said this.
Sometimes you just get tired of being the teacher, and
you get tired.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
I mean, Noah, because what no Because you can't get tired.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
I mean that I'm saying. So you sound like I
said earlier, when sometimes you just get you just get tired.
I mean when you've done, when you've done all the work,
you've read all the books, you know, you've taken your journey,
you've sat by yourself, you've learned yourself. You know, you
figured out where you went wrong, You've you've learned all
the lessons, You've done all the things. Now, are you
saying that you're in a place where you're ready to

(48:39):
receive love? You're ready to be Are you in a relationship?
Are you ready to Is that where you're at?

Speaker 4 (48:46):
I like the way this is going, keep going?

Speaker 2 (48:50):
Is that where you're saying? Is that the place where
you're at?

Speaker 7 (48:52):
Are you?

Speaker 2 (48:52):
Are you waiting for it to come?

Speaker 4 (48:53):
You're going, let's go?

Speaker 2 (48:56):
That's Is that where you are?

Speaker 4 (48:59):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Yeah, I mean so, I think I think now you're
in a space where you just have to be ask,
you know, believe, receive type of thing. Now you have
to put yourself out there and figure out where your
person is. But I think the part where it gets
tricky is that you can't you can't, Okay, am I

(49:21):
not privy, privy to a certain conversation.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
You know, Okay, I mean this is my brother. Okay, Okay,
so you know what I'm saying. I'm a fly on
the wall, but I can.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
Talk, Okay, Okay, okay, So okay, this conversation I'm not
privy to. Okay, Okay. Well, this is what I'm going
to say. Okay, I'm going to say. I'm going to
say this is that when you get to the place
where you're at right now, is that this is when
everything that you've learned and all the tests that you've passed,
this is where they come into play. And then now

(49:53):
it gets tricky and you have to make sure that
no one knocks you off your square because now you're
going to be tested in your next relationationship and you're
gonna be tested hard.

Speaker 3 (50:02):
You mean, the next iteration.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
Whatever you want to call it, love, Now you're gonna
be testing trying to.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
Give you the context behind these John is playing John.
Let me tell her, because John, why you come on
the show playing we got we? So what happens is
we have company and then John will to act brand
new in front of company and have me looking crash.
See So so John a couple of weeks ago, lately,

(50:31):
three four weeks ago, five six weeks ago, he had
his ex wife call in and they want the show together, okay,
talking about how they've healed after divorce, and they are
the manifestation of this idea of reconciliation as new beings

(50:57):
coming back together to form a you.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
So he was a husband and I was trying to
be asbe.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
A wusband. Oh hold time, hell nah a worsband?

Speaker 2 (51:12):
What he was a husband and I was trying to
be asbane.

Speaker 3 (51:16):
Sit right there when we come forward, ladies and gentlemen,
the voice of raising, Oh, keep this fire, lad You
don't see the danger.

Speaker 14 (51:28):
Of your conditioning, right? You see the danger of your.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
Of a snake.

Speaker 14 (51:39):
Because of your condition because thousands of generations have said
be careful of snakes. That's dangerous, and thousands of generations
have said the mean is very important. But you don't

(52:06):
see the danger of this conditioning as the me that's important.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
You get it.

Speaker 14 (52:18):
In one cur with in one direction, the condition conditioning
warns you against danger, and another conditioning says, continue though
it is dangerous. Is this clear and simple?

Speaker 3 (52:40):
Do you see it.

Speaker 14 (52:44):
Or do you see it merely as an intellectual theory,
or is the idea to be accepted? Or do you
translate what you see a chre didn't you all fancy
agreeing or disagreeing? Or do you see the actually as

(53:09):
a tremendous stander?

Speaker 3 (53:14):
Do you see your ego in the same way as
you see a poisonous snake? That's what he's asking. We've
been conditioned to see the snake as poison. But do
you see the center the me as a viper? See
you walk into the relationship? Do this?

Speaker 4 (53:35):
Do that?

Speaker 3 (53:36):
My wound says this. My wounds need this. I need
that you show up the way I or otherwise I
devalue you and discard you at some point? Do you
see the ego? Krishnamurti, Man, he don't tell you. Hey,
come on, man, we went Joseph Campbell, doctor David Palm,

(53:58):
Krishna Murty Gabore Mayti like what in the feast of
sam Hayn is going on? We were cooking with the
rarest grease. Because I want y'all to understand, every relationship
is a reenactment. Until you get inside yourself. You need

(54:22):
a self reconciliation. We'll get more on that. John Mountain
View get back in here, give us your thought, man,
this final thought, and then we move to our first
female caller.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
Okay, quickly, I'll say this. Uh, I'm tired of playing,
So let me say it. Reenactment Bird for reconciliation. Yes,
let's take the bad and the good because both of
them are needed in you to be able to find you.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
Okay, so let me ask you this, John, you and
your was wife, You and your was wife, gonna go
ahead and did that reconciliation as new people going. That's
what we pray everybody in the chat. There's there's people

(55:19):
in the chat right now. We all on our hands
and knees praying for that she called in here and
blessed us with that spirit. Everybody praying for this one. Brother.

Speaker 4 (55:30):
We understand all, but God gives the increase.

Speaker 3 (55:35):
I know, I'm just I know you. You you're taking
your time. You ain't gonna rush it, boy, you ain't
gonna rush it. This is an omelet. You gotta be
gentle when you flip this omelet over. Am I right?

Speaker 4 (55:48):
Truly? Absolutely?

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Hey man, we love you John, guess what you just did?

Speaker 4 (55:54):
Love you more, big bro, Mountain views than the house
bless itself yo.

Speaker 3 (55:58):
He brought Mountain View in the building. If you want
to bring your city in the building, all you got
to do is call me at one eight hundred nine
twenty fifteen to eighty. We've got another caller at TALLA
from Houston, Texas. At Talla, what are your thoughts on
tonight's topic and do you have questions for our guests?

Speaker 12 (56:13):
I don't have any questions.

Speaker 3 (56:15):
I know you have questions for me, though, right, I
always got questions if you, if you, if you ready
for some type of are you ready? What what come on?
Get ready to get ready? Ready? Sir? Sir, I feel
like you challenging me. Let's go all right, all right, alright,

(56:37):
I got a question or two for you. Let's see. Huh.
This is going to be interesting because when I think
of this topic, right, all of the topics that we've
done over the past two years have been haymakers. So

(56:57):
the question now is I'm moving in this direction where
I'm seeing reenactments all over the place. I don't see
reconciliations very often, right. I see people getting back with
their exes, but they're still the same people. They're not healed, right,

(57:21):
So to me, that's a reenactment. That's not a reconciliation.
Reconciliation requires resurrection, and in order to get a resurrection,
there must be a death. So I have a question
before we move forward. Is your pursuit of closure simply
an elegant disguise for your addiction to the familiar pain

(57:45):
of the past. When we come forward, Attella from Houston,
Texas will answer this question.

Speaker 15 (57:52):
EML says, I'm struggling to have compassion and forgiveness for
someone who does not care about hurting others, and it's
completely selfish. I have no idea how to be a
okay with it. So your struggle is that you believe
right now you should have compassion. But imagine that there's
a level connected to you that's that's first. Imagine that

(58:12):
there's a bouncer to before your compassion. We're going to
the let's say you're trying to get into the nightclub
of compassion, right, but there's a bouncer there that needs
to be seen first, Right, that is a voice before
you get to the compassion forgiveness for someone, right, Like,
maybe to get in you have to see something in
that bouncer, right, So before you go, I got to

(58:34):
get in there. Maybe we need to hear what the
bouncer says. So maybe there's something that you have in
UML that feels unseen, right, But what I hear is
a belief that the next step and the required should
is that you need to have compassion and forgiveness for
someone who does not care about hurting others. But maybe
there's something in you that's trying to tell you something like,

(58:55):
maybe you're always trying to have compassion for people, but
you need to have it for you first. Maybe there's
a level of compassion for them that'll be wonderful once
you have compassion for something in you. Maybe you're still
hurt and haven't looked at it. Maybe you're really still hurt,
and that would be jumping the gun to find the
compassion for them, and it would be kind of a
foundationless forgiveness. That isn't That isn't okay right, So mL says,

(59:20):
that makes sense. I definitely still feel hurt. Well, let's
imagine that my inner child. Let's make my inner child
a separate child. Let's say Vibby came in saying I'm
hurt because a kid across the street herder. Now, let's
pretend before I even am there for her. I go, well,
we got to find compassion for them. She's sitting here hurting.
Let's say they injured her or something like that, or

(59:42):
did something intentional, put her down, whatever, and I'm not
there for her. I'm immediately trying to ignore her and
find compassion for them. So you're jumping the gun mL
right now. It goes, let's look at you, and maybe
it's trying to show you that you have a pattern
of being there for them first, and you've been there

(01:00:02):
for them to keep the peace as an avoidance of
being there for yourself. And maybe it goes that no
longer works for you. That's the top half of your
glow stick. And weirdly you can't find any compassion at
all from this level because you now have to see
the bottom half of the glow stick, which is the
part of you that's hurt, and go.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
There for hey man, Kyle cease. If Andy approves, I approve,
I can relate to that. Kyle Ceaes is in here cooking.
You don't do the work, you reenact right, how many
great loves have been lost to time because the work

(01:00:46):
wasn't done?

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
Too many?

Speaker 3 (01:00:48):
And you moved on, and yes, you might be with
somebody else that you learned to love. Like you told
me earlier today, something you gonna warm up to people
and learn to love them.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
Some people are slow burner.

Speaker 3 (01:00:59):
Slow burners is what you call it, you know. Yeah,
get reading, get acclimated and get comfortable in this new situation.
Get that other SI, what is the term?

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
The one that got away came from? Those are the
people who didn't do the work right, I mean, the
one that got away are the people who came into
your life at the wrong time. Because if you don't
have time, you don't have anything. So all the people
walking around here who are single right now because the
right person came at the wrong time, they were the

(01:01:31):
one and then they moved on with someone else. The
ones that got away were the ones that came that
were probably loved their lives that they missed out on
because they didn't do the work.

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
Yeah. I don't really believe in the one that got away.

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
Well, there's a lot of people out here that feel
like they have ones that got.

Speaker 3 (01:01:47):
Away and they just have to make it make sense
for their reality how they see the world. But I
don't really believe in that. I think spirit is one vast,
conscious continuum, and spirit doesn't waste anything. Things happen the
way they happen. It's all divinely designed, in my opinion.

(01:02:12):
A teller from Houston, Texas, you're gonna join this discussion.
I asked you a question before we came forward. Yeah,
in your pursuit of closure simply and elegant disguise for
your addiction to the familiar pain of the past. This

(01:02:32):
question is for you, and it's for aisha.

Speaker 8 (01:02:38):
It is.

Speaker 12 (01:02:41):
Because part of yes, because the addiction is the is
trying to get the answer or the knowledge of why
something happened right. But truthfully, that's because we don't observe
ourselves within the relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:02:53):
Wait stop, stop stop, hold wait, hold.

Speaker 12 (01:02:57):
On, I'll be flowd and before.

Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
Wait, our addiction to a familiar pain is the one
that wants closure. That's heavy. You can't just flow that.
You gotta let that. That's like thirteen spices in seasoning.
You you got to list those seasonings. Wait a minute, you.

Speaker 12 (01:03:24):
Know i'd be adding little proprekaunner. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
Damn, So you're saying our addiction to familiar pain is
the source of where the or the source of the
desire for closure.

Speaker 12 (01:03:38):
I believe so, I mean because and I can really
only speak for myself, like that really was what I wanted,
was the answer to the question of why. Right, But
again that's because I was not observing myself in the
dynamic at the time. A lot of times you can
give yourself closure before you even in the relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:03:59):
Heavy stuff, right, this is what This is why men
be like we should just left.

Speaker 12 (01:04:03):
Well, she already he already figured out what you about.
She does you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
Wow? Wow, that's heavy. Are you shure your thoughts?

Speaker 2 (01:04:12):
I think my thoughts on closure has always been the same.
I just I don't believe. I personally don't believe in
it because I don't think that anyone can give me closure,
and I don't think that I can go and ask
for closure. I don't need permission to leave, and you
don't owe me an excuse for why you want to leave.
You leaving is enough closure for me.

Speaker 3 (01:04:35):
Listen, you can't be a thug and a love coach.
I'm gonna need you to pick one.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
Oh, I'm saying, but you, you deciding that you want
out of this relationship is enough closure for me. If
if I'm not enough, or if this isn't enough for
you and you decide you want to go, I don't
have to come and ask you and ask you, well,
why don't you want to be here anymore? Tell me why,
tell me why I'm not enough, tell me why you
want to go. If you wake up tomorrow morning and
decide that you don't want this anymore, that's closer enough
for me.

Speaker 3 (01:05:05):
So you and the passenger seat of my car, we
drive it. You got the strap in your lap, don't you.
I might see that this is one turn it up?

Speaker 7 (01:05:16):
Man?

Speaker 3 (01:05:17):
Come on, yeah, I can't. I can't. I got forty
nine cents in the car with me right now. She
got the strap. Come on, man, what are we doing?
I love it? More questions? If and this is this

(01:05:40):
is for you? And then we're gonna get just this
is It's like Muslim sister's in here, he's just wait.
Stay right when we come for it. I'm gonna keep
asking questions. Let's go.

Speaker 8 (01:05:52):
There is nothing and your total experience as a human
being to which fear cannot be attached. You love your mother,
up comes the fear.

Speaker 3 (01:06:01):
What if you lose her?

Speaker 8 (01:06:02):
You love your body up comes the fear of death, sickness.
You love money, up comes the fear of loss or
of being accused of being greedy. No matter what you
think of, fear can be attached to it. You love
your automobile up comes the fear of an accident. A
fearful person then attaches the fear to everything. So everything
that comes into the mind is coming into an energy

(01:06:26):
field of fear and therefore gets colored with fear, a
fear of life itself. Then, as the song goes, frey
to living, and frey to dying, afraid of living and
frey to dying. In other words, this energy fields now
contaminated everything. So if I am the source of that
energy field, then all of my experience comes into the

(01:06:48):
field of fear, and everything in my life becomes fearful.
The future is fearful, old age getting older. What's going
to happen to the body, What's going to happen to
my finances, What's going to happen to my relationships, What's
going to happen to my family, What's going to happen
to my car, What's going to happen to my bank account,
What's going to happen to my country?

Speaker 3 (01:07:07):
Hey, listen, we put nothing but bangers on today. Goodness gracious,
doctor David R. Hawkings author, you already know, you already
know power versus force, the hidden determinants of human behavior.

(01:07:30):
This man created a consciousness grid from zero or twenty
to one thousand. He used kinesiology as a metric to
gauge truth. When the truth is present, the body is strong.
When lies and falsehood are present, the body is weak.

(01:07:55):
And he talked about how he calibrated human consciousness on
planet Earth at his mark of one hundred, which indicated fear.
Most of us live in fear. That's why relationships become
this haunted house of mirrors. We see the reflection from

(01:08:18):
our partner. We don't want to deal with our partner
because we know I see that reflection. That reflection really
points back to who I am. I've got questions for Houston,
Texas and Ayesha to deal. You already know what it is.
How often do you confuse emotional intensity with emotional intimacy

(01:08:41):
and call it chemistry?

Speaker 11 (01:08:45):
That was?

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
Yes?

Speaker 15 (01:08:49):
Do?

Speaker 12 (01:08:49):
I would say, like in my early relationships all the time,
because that's what my childhood was like, you know, emotionally volatile. Wow,
So the mirror to that is emotionality and.

Speaker 3 (01:09:00):
Relationship deep deep ayesha.

Speaker 2 (01:09:04):
Yeah, one is one is definitely physical and one is
emotional for sure. So I think that the the intensity
a lot of times is physical, you know, and the
physical can feel like emotional when the when the intensity
is strong, you can think that it's love. So you
can think you have a strong connection because there's a
there's that that h So you can think that you're

(01:09:25):
falling in love when it's really just it's just the
intense feelings of a physical connection, which can cloud your
judgment that you think that you have a strong connection
and you fall in love when it's really just lust.
Really absolutely so it's easy to do if you if
you're not, if you're not, if you don't know the
difference between the two.

Speaker 3 (01:09:45):
If trauma repeats until excuse me, if trauma repeats until
it's resolved, h do you secretly crave the cycle because
it feels like home?

Speaker 12 (01:10:07):
I don't think it's a secret at all.

Speaker 3 (01:10:11):
That's first off, that's that's a bar of a question.
If trauma repeats until it's resolved, do you secretly crave
the cycle because it feels like home? Mm hmm.

Speaker 12 (01:10:26):
Yeah, I mean I don't. I wouldn't even say it's
a secret. I think you know what, I'll give you
an example. It's like if you have a homegirl that's
constantly complained about being cheated on, right, Like after four
or five relationships, you start to see the pattern, right,
And so I believe it's possible to be aware of
a pattern but also be in your own way in
terms of stopping it.

Speaker 3 (01:10:45):
Right. That's heavy, that's heavy, ayesha.

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
Yeah, I think. I think there's a lot of people
that do the same thing. When they come across someone
and it's healthy and it's calm, they don't know what
to do with themselves. They feel like it's something's wrong,
so they create chaos, you know what I mean, Like
they don't when it's when it's when it's too good
for them and it's like, okay, something's wrong, so this
is not right, Like okay, they're they're too good to
me sometimes people, so they have to create some type
of chaos because they're comfortable in the chaos.

Speaker 3 (01:11:11):
So so when good comes, good is the villain? Good?

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
Yeah, good often is the villain because.

Speaker 3 (01:11:17):
Something intimacy, love connection.

Speaker 2 (01:11:19):
Uh, so you you have the other shoe has to draw.

Speaker 3 (01:11:23):
Oh, I love that.

Speaker 12 (01:11:23):
I would also add to that too. It's everything is
put on its head because everything that you said, you
said intimcy, intimacy, love, connection, add to that fear of loss,
fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, that's really what that is, or.

Speaker 3 (01:11:36):
Fear of showing up. M m oh, this is deep, Atilla.
You know I love you. Guess what you just did?

Speaker 12 (01:11:44):
Yes, all practice in the building.

Speaker 3 (01:11:46):
Houston, Texas is in the building. I feel another topic coming. No, no, no,
no no, because listen, I love you, but I hurt you.
I don't know the real divine plan behind the hurt

(01:12:07):
I cost you. But what if see I may have
an egoic idea of this hurt right. You know I
was selfish, I was greedy. You know I was inconsiderate.
I was looking out for me. I was just doing
something for me. But the divine higher. See in West

(01:12:27):
African belief, they say you have an ori, which means head.
So when you hear the word arisha, they say, no, no, no,
your ori is ahead of the orisha. S U shango
oshoon ye may oh about dalla. You are the head
orisha because your ori connects you to oludu mare, which

(01:12:50):
is connects you to God. Okay, what if God has
a divine plan for your mess ups in relationship for
your part?

Speaker 2 (01:13:01):
I believe it.

Speaker 3 (01:13:02):
And what if whatever you did is a call to
action for them to stand up for the love y'all had,
which is supposed to be stronger than the infraction. And
I'm not talking about something like violence, abuse, I'm not
talking about that. I'm talking about a lack of indiscretions,

(01:13:27):
a lack of a momentary lack of integrity. Because I
always tell people the hardest thing to be in is
a relationship with a human being, because every human being
is flawed, every human being is fractured, Every human being
is on a spectrum of their own development and.

Speaker 2 (01:13:47):
Growth, and they operated from their own level of understanding.

Speaker 3 (01:13:50):
So talk to me.

Speaker 2 (01:13:51):
Yeah, I mean all I asked is this, Listen God, Like,
I don't want to be just don't use me to
be nobody else's lesson. Okay, Like I don't want to
use somebody else. Okay, I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:13:58):
Want to tell you, yes I can, You're gonna tell
God what.

Speaker 2 (01:14:03):
Use somebody else? I don't want to be used as
nobody's uh, lesson to learn in life. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:14:11):
Man, I need crime waves back in here. Put she
had a new Eric, put crime waves back on.

Speaker 2 (01:14:18):
Come on, I can make requests.

Speaker 3 (01:14:20):
Ladies and gentlemen. You've been listening to magnificent hood relationship
survival tactics. I should a big deal. I don't want
to be nobody's lesson. He understand me, God request listen. God,

(01:14:41):
you got a lot of people counting on you.

Speaker 2 (01:14:44):
God, use them. Use the other says in the world.

Speaker 3 (01:14:47):
You can't use me no more.

Speaker 2 (01:14:49):
But come on the front line, Jesus.

Speaker 3 (01:14:51):
I ain't gonna never be your tool again. You know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:14:55):
I don't I don't put in the work lord.

Speaker 3 (01:14:58):
Ladies and gentlemen, you've been listening to the VR the
Voice of Reason on Complete Fire tonight A I used
you a big deal. Tell them where they can find
you and how they can support your brand. Let's get it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:12):
Absolutely, So. Let's say you can find me on Mondays.
I am on Hot one O three nine, that is
every Monday in the four o'clock hour, or on Tuesdays.
You can find me. I am on in Dallas on
one O five seven. That's smooth R and B. On Fridays,
I am on the Big DM in Charlotte that is
on one O one FM. I have a podcast called
Ish Women Think About and I have a nonprofit. It's

(01:15:35):
called A Space for Grace. That is www dot a
space No. Number four grace dot org. You can support me,
look for me, and my instagram is at I used
to deal.

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
Hey, we appreciate you coming on the vo R. Listen.
I start the conversations. It's up to you to finish them.
You already know what it is. I'll be back tomorrow
with another slapper Duces