September 23, 2025 • 34 mins
Need a refresher on your dating Bill of Rights? Another look at our much-discussed addendum to the GLD's groundbreaking Dating Commandments, the ten changes that will let you find what you want, when you want it, in the way you have always deserved it. Plus - a look back at some very strange societal times!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is pod popular podcast for the people, the Great
Love Debate. It's Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
It's a great love to base. Hi again, everyone's Brian.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
How you welcome to The Great Love Debate, the world's
number one dating or relationship podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Its twenty fifteen. I'm a little under the weather. I'm
playing hurt here.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
So what I wanted to do is I get asked
all the time, like what are the fundamental tenets of
the Great Love Debate? And what should people do and
how should they date? So if you go way back
scroll through this, scroll through the episodes, and there's a
part one and a part two episodes of called the
Dating Commandments and stand by all that. But about four
(00:51):
years ago we added on to that and we did
something called the Dating Amendments.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
And I went and did a.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Look back at that episode because I wanted to say,
to see what the heck were we talking about during
those crazy times of COVID, which I don't think people
look at them enough.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Like they were crazy times. They were crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Times, and I think we need to learn from them
and never do that again.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
But anyway, the Dating Amendments episode, so.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I wanted to pop it to the top of your inbox,
as the kids say, I want to pop it to
the top of your listening box here and revisit it,
reimagine it, See what holds up, see what doesn't. I
stand by it. There's a lot of good information. If
you have heard it before, well listen, you listened to
it four years ago, so it's time for refresher.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
If you have not, it's all relevant. It's all good information.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I think as you move forward towards the end of
this year and into the years ahead. So without further ado,
we are revisiting the dating amendments.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
During this time. People keep bombarding me with questions about
dating during these times and quarantine dating, and if this
will help people get back to old fashioned getting to
know each other because we are forced to have video
chats and video dates and talk on the phone. And
I have getten gotten a ton of media requests to
(02:13):
do interviews about it, and my answer is pretty much no. No.
I think people are bored, and I think they're lonely,
and I think they're killing time. And that's never a
good way to date, because it is dating from a
negative place and not a positive one. And it is
dating because you feel bad, and it is not dating
because you feel good, So that does not help. That
(02:33):
does not work. Dating is dicey enough without having to
add a bunch of zoom and Skype issues to the situation.
My preference during this time. Now again, if we're doing
this for two years, you know, all bets are off.
But for two months or so, worry about something besides
dating or I will get to this in a second.
(02:54):
We have a better way to do it. You know,
like I said, dating is dicey enough without adding in
the tech. I would take every bit of this time
to work on yourself. Don't get fat, get in shape.
I mean, half of prisoners come out of doing their
time in the best shape of their lives and have
come out in absolutely the worst shape of their lives.
(03:14):
And it all depends on probably depends on where you
do your time, but it all depends on how you
use your time. And you should use this time, this strange, confused,
somewhat lonely time to better you. And you know that's
part of what we do in this podcast, besides hopefully
entertaining you and engaging you, is sometimes we enlighten you
(03:37):
in ways that can better you. And on that note,
we unleashed a two part episode called The Dating Commandments,
and these were the ten things that if you did
them that they were indisputable, they were inarguable or inarguable.
And if you did these ten things, it was going
(03:58):
to change your dating life. It was to change your
love future. It was really going to do things for
the better. And we have never gotten more positive feedback
on any show we've ever done, any series we've ever done,
or any idea we've ever had than we did for
the Dating Commandments. That was great love debate like GLD
one thirty three and one thirty four. If you don't,
(04:18):
if you didn't listen, go back and listen. If you
did listen, just to review those ten things are as
I just said. Number one was make a change, do
the work. Number two was get rid of the words
not my type because your answers lie outside of your
comfort zone. Number three was three to two one, which
is a magic formula for changing your dating profile. It's
(04:40):
going to lead to a lot of love. Number four
was he pays, and we get into a little bit
more detail on that. Number five was the importance of
one hundred hours and what one hundred hours means as
a body of time and a body of history between
two people before they can decide which to date. Number
six was you need to define love before you can
(05:02):
find it. What it is, what it means, and what
you want. Number seven was the best dating site is Earth,
and I don't mean quarantined Earth, I mean real Earth.
Number eight was there is magic in maybe, which means
you got to stop looking for red flags and start
looking for green lights, that there's magic in the possibilities.
(05:23):
Number nine was to practice patient, wait, give it time,
hopefully get a little older before you decide to decide
this is the person you want to spend fifty years with,
So practice patients. And number ten was go all in.
At some point you were going to have to put
all your chips on the table and hope that person
met you. So that encompass a lot of things. We
(05:45):
stand by all of those. But just like and Alexander
Hamilton back in the day, and Thomas Jefferson and George
Washington and Ben Franklin and the gang, when they put
together the Constitution, which despite everything that is going on,
still is a pretty sturdy document and is still holding
up pretty well, they had to make some additions. They
(06:06):
had to make some addendums because they did not account
for everything. So over the last two years I have
been taking notes and I have been analyzing things, and
I'm like, what didn't we cover or what was left
out or what changed or or what can we add
to sort of tweak this. And much like the Constitution,
framers came up with the Bill of Rights and added
(06:30):
ten amendments. And there's ten amendments in the Bill of Rights.
Just to go back to your sixth grade history class,
there's ten amendments in the Bill of Rights, and we
came up with our own ten amendments. The dating amendments
sort of reflect what the Bill of Rights was. They
filled in some gaps. And if you've ever gone back
before I did this. I went back and just to
make sure that the Bill of Rights was ten and
(06:52):
there was ten amendments. I wanted to look at it.
And all of the ten amendments in the Bill of Rights.
Our things were very, very familiar with freedom of speech,
freedom of the press. You know, no unreasonable search and seizure, plead,
the fifth everybody knows what the fifth Amendment is, The
right to speedy trial, the god awful Second Amendment that
(07:14):
I know a lot of you love your fucking guns,
but I mean, come on, the second Amendment. Everybody's very
familiar with most probably nine of the ten amendments, the
weird one in there, the strange one, the outlier in
there that is like, wait, what, that's one of the
Bill of Rights, that's one of the ten minutes. Is
the third Amendment? You know what the third Amendment is?
(07:35):
The third Amendment is no soldier in time of peace
shall be quartered in any house without the consent of
the owner, which means somebody from the military cannot knock
on your door and suddenly want to get into your bed.
And I think there's a lot of people who wouldn't
mind that. There's a lot of women who wouldn't mind
a soldier knocking on their door and asking if they
could sleep over. There's a lot of dudes who really
(07:57):
wouldn't mind some military dude. If you ever live in
New York City during fleet week, Fleet week was when
you know, twenty thousand navy guys roll into town and
try and get laid over three days. These are the
most eligible menual ever find. And every single woman in
New York seemingly is hoping to violate the Third Amendment
and to be violated by the third Amendment and hoping
(08:19):
that she can quote quoter in her house with the
consent of the owner. So the third Amendment, just to
give you a little more history, is a very odd one,
So take it or leave it. But we're not here
to talk about us history. We're talking about talk about
dating history and most importantly, dating future. So these as
I'm going to lay out are the ten dating amendments.
(08:42):
And I wish Keiko is here because she could give
us a little fanfare. But da da da, these are
the ten dating amendments that are going to be added
to the dating Commandments. So not that an amendment isn't
as good as a commandment, but it's sort of a
next step from the commandments. And these are your rights,
and these are inalienable rights, and these are the rights
that every single one of you have. So Dating Amendment
(09:06):
number one, you have the right to be afraid. You
have the right to feel fear. You have the right
to show it, you have the right to express it.
The most confident person in the room, in any room
is usually the one that's the most vulnerable. It's the
(09:27):
one who's not shy or reluctant to recognize and to
own whatever their weaknesses, whatever their vulnerability is, and whatever
our fear is. And almost all of our behaviors are
motivated by fear. We're afraid of being rejected, we're afraid
of being hurt, we're afraid of missing out, we're afraid
of being alone. And all of that is absolutely okay.
(09:48):
And you need to recognize that that is okay, and
you have a right to feel that way because it
is absolutely normal. I get asked all the time when
I do presses, what is the one thing that everybody
has in common? For people that I encounter or meet
or who come to our shows. And ninety nine percent
of the people who I meet or come to our
shows or listen to this podcast believe in love and
(10:12):
believe that they hopefully can find a future with one
other person that it laps forever and ever and ever.
That's about ninety nine percent of people hope for that
believe in that want that they're afraid it might not
exist for them, but they believe in it. But the
thing that one hundred percent of the people share without
exception and uh is fear and they're afraid of something,
(10:34):
and they're afraid to be with the wrong person, to
make the wrong move, to do certain things at the
wrong time. And so you're right, as one of these
ten amendments is that you're it's okay to be afraid,
and it's okay to admit that, and it's okay to
embrace that, but most partly, it's okay to question that.
And you want to know why, and you want to
(10:55):
know how that manifests itself into your day to day life,
and you want to know how you can turn that
fear into with strength, and you need to know how
to overcome that. I am very, very aware that I
am afraid of snakes, and rather than just go through
life afraid of snakes, I'm trying to find little ways, slowly, slowly, slowly,
and at a very great distance, to incorporate more snakes
(11:18):
into my world. So I'm not sleeping with them, but
I'm a lot more likely to go to a zoo
or an aquarium, or to research them or to do
things because it's it's not strange that I'm so afraid
of them. It's normal to be afraid of them. But
the thing that would be abnormal about it is to
not recognize that fear and to let the defeat me.
So you have to take that fear and turn it
into your strength. And the first thing to give you
(11:41):
the ability to do that is to recognize it and
understand that you do have the right to feel that way,
and you do have the right to be afraid, and
you do have the right to have fear, and you
do have the right to feel that because everybody does. Okay,
now everybody admits it, everybody owns it, not everybody embraces it.
But as long as you know that you do have
that right as a feeling, sharing, growing, evolving, hopefully loving person,
(12:06):
that being afraid about some things all the time, or
about a few things some of the time is perfectly
normal and perfectly okay. Number two, you have the right
to wear white after Labor Day, and I'm not saying
that is that's the only thing, but because you also
have the right to wear orange on a Tuesday, or
socks with flip flops or shorts in the winter, or
(12:28):
anything you want any time you want. Fashion is about individuality.
You have the right to stand out, you have the
right to be bold, You have the right to find
your brave, and you do not have to go by
any sort of societal or norms or anything. You do
whatever you want. You let your freak flag fly. You
dress the way you want to dress. If you want
to dress for comfort, you dress for comfort. You want
(12:50):
to dress for speed, you dress for speed. You want
to dress to impress, you dress to impress. If you
want to dress in a way that nobody else is dressing,
you do that because that will give you a certain
kind of confidence that nothing else will. We talk all
the time about Halloween and that costume confidence. When you
understand that you have the right to feel the way
you want to feel, look the way you want to look,
(13:10):
dress the way you want to dress, and get people
to react the way you either do or don't care
how they react, good for you, Good for you. You
want to wear white on Christmas Day, good for you.
Once you realize that you have that right, you will
so break out of your comfort level. You will so
expand beyond the boundaries of your normal you be surprised
at how far that can take you in love and
(13:32):
in life, and most importantly, in your dating world. So
number two, you have the right to essentially be you.
Number three you have the right to travel baggage free,
and hopefully, if the airlines ever ramp up again, we're
probably all gonna have to travel baggage free, leave your
baggage behind, clean house. You don't have to clean out
(13:54):
your experiences. You do not have to eliminate your memories.
You do not have to forget everything you've learned. But
you do have the right to travel baggage free. Leave
it home. Everything that happened before it does not mean
it's going to happen again. And you don't have to
travel with your guard up all the time. You don't
have to bring this sort of all encompassing shield from
(14:17):
everything that's happened to you into either your non relationship
or your next relationship. You have the right to let
it go. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not scary
to do that, it's not unhealthy to do that, it's
not dangerous to do that. It's actually liberating and free.
And the more you are liberated and free, the more
your opportunities are going to come to and the more
(14:37):
you're going to learn, and the more you're going to
actually be able to live. So if you understand that
I have the right to move forward and look in
the wind shield instead of in the rear view mirror
all the time. My God, the change that that will
make for you, the change that that will make for
the people around you, and the change that that will
make for the relationships you're trying to develop. I cannot
(14:58):
emphasize that, and not so. Number three, you have the
right to travel without baggage. Number four, you have the
right to say enough, Okay. You need to know when
to fold them we talk. We did a whole podcast
about a year ago and I laid out the law
(15:18):
of twenty percent, and a few people listen to that.
I think you remember it. For those of you who
did not, shame on you go back and find it.
You know, we spent a lot of time trying to
get people into good relationships around here, and last year
we did a fair fair amount of episodes trying to
get people out of bad relationships, because it's just important
of a skill to get out of a bad relationship,
(15:41):
to know when to say enough, to know when to
say this is not working for me, and you have
the right to get the fuck out and say enough.
The law of twenty percent that I laid on that
podcast means that if you are not completely happy or
satisfied more if the times that you are not happy
and not satisfied are more than twenty percent, that's it.
(16:03):
That means that relationship is not working, which means two
days out of seven is twenty eight point six percent
to do a little math there. So if two days
out of a week you're not happy and you're not satisfied,
you have the right to make that change. And the
other half of that twenty percent thing was we said
that when it's time to make that decision, you take
twenty percent of the time that you were in that relationship,
(16:24):
and you look at that as okay, we're going to
start the clock on whether we can either fix things
or get out. So if you were dating somebody for
five months, twenty percent of five months is one month.
So after the five month, if you're like twenty percent
of the time, I'm not happy, you take twenty percent
of the five months and you say, I'm going to
give it one month to try and fix this. If
you've been with somebody for five years, same thing, you
(16:45):
give it one year. Because that's twenty percent of five
one you're gonna say I'm gonna give it one year,
and if I cannot change that, and if we cannot
change this, and if the work we do during that time,
then I'm gonna get out. And that's a very easy
formula to follow, and it's a very easy way to
assess where you are in your relationship and where you
are in your life and where you are in your happiness.
(17:07):
Is the law of twenty percent. And you have the
right to say enough. You have the right to ghost
you do people are such fucking babies and you're like, nah,
I need somebody to call me up and tell me
why they don't like me. No, you don't. That's your curiosity,
that's your need for nice closure. Somebody has the right
to get out. However, they have to get out whenever
they have to get out. Is it cowardly, sure maybe,
(17:30):
but that's their right. And they have the right to
do whatever they need to do to move on and
to be comfortable. A lot of people need to do
whatever they need to do is to move on and
be safe. So if they sense that you are a psycho,
essentially they're leaving the metaphorical keys on the counter and
they're getting the fuck out. So if they ghosted you,
it's over. Who gives a shit. If somebody says I
(17:51):
don't want to do this anymore, that's their right and
they can do that, and that's all of our right.
You have the right to say enough and knowing when
it is time to fold them. As our late friend
Kenny Rogers said, that is such a valuable thing to recognize.
It's such a valuable tool in our belts that we have.
It is a valuable not to mix metaphors here, card
(18:13):
to play is that you have that right to say enough.
Number five, the fifth dating Amendment. You have the right
to be curious, and you need to abc always be curious.
You have the right to ask questions of them. You
have the right to ask questions of yourself. You have
(18:35):
the right to ask questions of your relationship. And asking
questions isn't always an inquisition. Sometimes it's to get to
and most of the time is get to know somebody better.
Is trying to get to understand a situation better. It's
trying to get to levels of learning and knowing and
sharing and growing together. So if you don't understand things
(18:57):
or something doesn't feel the way you want it to feel,
we're in just in case you want to try and
take things to another level. Whether that's in the kitchen
or in the bedroom, or on vacation, or just the
two of you sitting beside by side. You have the
right to do that, and you have the right to
be curious. And you don't have to ever wonder why
am I thinking this way? Or why am I feeling
(19:18):
this way? All of these things are perfectly normal, and
that is your right as a human being, and that
is your right as a dater to wonder, and wondering
is good. Wondering is imagination, Wondering is creativity. Wondering is
what leads you to the places you need to go
and the happily ever after. If you do not wonder,
and if you do not question, and if you are
(19:38):
not curious, you're never going to continue to grow and evolve.
That is what we should be doing, and that is
what you need to be doing constantly, constantly, constantly. We
could not emphasize that on this podcast enough. Is how
curiosity is the number one asset that anybody can have
as a dater, and is probably the number one asset
that everybody can have as a human being. It is
where you find the answers, It is where you find
(20:01):
the progress. It is where you find everything that you
ever wanted to find lies in curiosity. So number five,
you have the right to be curious. Number six, you
have the right to move. Literally, if you are in
an unhappy place in life, or you're not in a
(20:23):
happy relationship, you need to move. I personally believe every
person in America needs to move seven hundred miles every
seven years. That's my personal formula and philosophy. I have
not always practiced that it's time to move, but I
believe if every person moved seven hundred miles at least
every seven years, you'd get the most out of life.
(20:45):
You'd get the most out of love, you get the
most out of yourself, you get the most out of others.
You'd get the most out of your country. Your perspective
would grow. You do not have to stay there just
because you've always stayed there. You do not have to
live there because you grew up there. I'm always shocked
by the statistic of how many people still live within
(21:06):
fifty miles of where they went to high school. That's
shocking to me. That saddens me. That means people are
not moving out of their comfort zone, and your comfort
zone is never where the answers lie. Nobody says you
have to stay there, And don't give me that, Oh well,
my family's here. You can visit your family, and your
family would much rather visit you in a place if
it was a better place and you were happier. You know,
(21:28):
if you're happier, that's a fun person to be around,
and that's always a fun place to visit. I want
to go visit happy. I want to go visit a
happy person. I want to go visit a person who's
exploring new things and can tell me about them. I
want to visit a person and I want to talk
to a person. I want to gauge with a person
who has had new experiences. And some people I don't
understand why they don't believe this is their right, or
(21:48):
I don't believe they can do this, or they think
it's logistically impossible. Bullshit, And don't give me that. You
have kids. Kids move all the time. And one of
the things that is going to come out of this
unfortunate situation is a lot of industries are going.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
To be.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Go through a lot of upheaval, a lot of businesses
are going to be changing, a lot of people are
gonna have career paths that they might have to make
an alteration on, and that is both unfortunate and that
is also really fortunate because it's changed to it. It's
a chance to assess where you are, where you can go,
what you can do, and maybe who you can be
(22:24):
if you take it somewhere else. Pack a bag, hit
the road. You do have the right to move. Nobody
is forcing you there. We're spending this time feeling imprisoned
in our homes. Maybe people understand it. You are not
imprisoned in your town, you are not imprisoned in your community,
and most importantly, you are not imprisoned in your life.
(22:45):
So pack it up, hit the road. I'm doing that.
Be like me. Okay, probably eight years too late, but
I'm doing it. So stop procrastinating. You have the right
to move. Number seven this is a good one. You
have the right not to care. And we talked about
that in a podcast a few episodes ago. People care
(23:07):
about the stupidest shit kids. Remember the one we did
with the kids, like five episodes back. Kids care about
the right things. Kids care about sharing, and kids care
about learning, and kids care about playing, and kids care
about doing the right things. You have the right not
to care, not to give a fuck the I don't
give a fuck about this or that or a situation
or whatever. Stop caring about things that do not matter.
(23:30):
The more you care about things that do not matter,
the more you're going to forget what does matter. You
need to focus on things you should care about. And
if you don't have enough things that you should care about,
you need to figure out a way to find things
that you care about. Me I personally, it's very sad
for me how little this quarantine situation has changed a
(23:52):
lot of my day to day life. I don't engage
with that many people. I don't do that many things
except when I'm you know, traveling around doing the great
love to Bait. I do lead a little bit of
a hermit existence. That's a bad, bad thing. It means
I am not caring about the right things, and I'm
not getting all the experiences that I should. And most importantly,
I'm probably caring about the wrong things. I care too
(24:14):
much about Starbucks hours, I care too much about French fries,
and I gotta stop caring about that. And you have
the right not to care about all of those things
that you believe you need to care about and that's
really really important. So you need to make a list
of things, what do I care about and what don't
I care about? And you need to take off a
(24:36):
lot of things on the list of what you do
care about, and you need to add a same thing
with both lists. You need to add things that you
do not care about and make that list longer. It's
a good thing not to care about things. It's a
liberating thing. It's a healthy thing. Stop caring about the
wrong things, start caring about the right things. And those
lists should change. It shouldn't be the same five things
(24:56):
for fifty years of your life that you care about
or don't care about. They should be fluid, they should
be going because there should be new things, new experiences,
new people, new stimuli always coming in and out of
your world, and you should look at them and think,
I have the right not to care about that. Now,
I have the right not to care about that anymore.
And I have the right to not care about that ever. Again,
(25:17):
it's a really healthy thing. It's going to go a
long way in your life. It's going to go a
long way in dating. On the next note, and these
are related, but they are separate. Number eight, you have
the right to not be your parents. You have the
right to not be your parents. We're always afraid of
being our parents, to turning into our parents. But I'm
(25:39):
shocked at how many people are living the exact same life,
on the exact same path, and a lot of times,
I said earlier in the lots of the same place
as their parents. Good for fucking Prince Harry. You know,
we did foreshadow that very preciently on this podcast two
years ago, that he was not going to be happy
in his relationship and in his marriage with me Megan.
(26:00):
If he followed the path that Charles followed, and he
followed the path that his grandfather Philip followed, and if
he even followed the path that his brother was following,
he had the right to seek a different path. You
have the right to seek a different path. Just because
your parents were Episcopalian, and I'm not to pick on
the Episcopals, but they're the most neutral. My mother was
(26:22):
a Piscopalian. Again, just because my mother was Episcopalian doesn't
mean that I have to be Episcopalian. Just because my
father was Catholic doesn't mean that I have to be Catholic.
Just because my grandmother was Jewish doesn't mean I have Yeah,
and I'm a real mess on this stuff too. Maybe
that's why I don't hold all these kind of stings.
But you don't have to do anything. You don't have
to believe anything that your parents believed. You don't have
(26:43):
to do anything that your parents did. You don't have
to have to live the life that your parents did.
And you don't have to live a life or marry
the person or do whatever is expected just because your
parents did so or say so. The Bachelor of this season,
it was a huge plot line at the end where
it was about whether or not the mother approved or
you know, is the right one for the mother. I'm
(27:05):
one of those people, like, who gives a fuck. You
do what you need to do to be happy. Your
mother does not know how you are ninety five percent
of your existence from the time you left the house
at eighteen years old. She doesn't know you like everybody,
she just doesn't this whole Like your mother knows your
best and your family knows your best. They don't. They
really don't. They don't see a lot of your existence.
(27:27):
They don't understand the way your brain works. They don't
understand what makes you you at thirty five or forty
five or fifty five the way they did it. Five.
My mother thinks because I liked apple sauce when I
was three years old, that I would like it at
forty Like that's insane to me. But you don't have
to like anything the same. You don't have to like
things because your parents did. You don't have to do
(27:47):
things because of their expectations. And most importantly, you do
not have to live the life they did, and you
do not have to do the things they do. You
are you, They are them, They gave birth to you.
That is not a right to control your life, and
that is not a right to tell you how to
live your life. So you need to find your own path.
You need to grow your own thoughts, and you need
to create your own opportunities that are going to make
(28:08):
you happy, whether that is in love, or in your occupation,
or in anything you do. You have the right to
not be your parents. Number nine, You have the right
to do better, and that can be anything that could be.
You could do better in your in your fitness, you
could do better at your job, you could do better
(28:30):
in your house, you could do better in your hobbies,
and you have the right to do better in who
you date and how you date. Just because this is
fine or this has worked out or these are the
kind of people that I liked in the path doesn't
mean anything. Doesn't mean one thing moving forward as we
as we go back into the world, and God knows
what kind of world that's going to be, you can
(28:52):
do better. You can always do better, and you can
always find and I'm saying you can do better than
your your happily loving husband that you're with for twenty years.
It doesn't mean you can do better than him. It
means you can do better with him, or with her,
or from her or from the two of you. You
can constantly improve your status quo. Your status quo is
(29:14):
a snapshot of who you guys are. When you guys
are it's stagnant. You need to look where can we go?
What can we be? And how can we become? Everything
that is possible beyond what we ever thought was possible,
the level of possibilities in who you are and in
your in the two of you, or in the relationship
you want to get. Never stop forgetting that that you
(29:36):
have the right to do better even if you are
as happy as you possibly could be. And I'm a
pretty happy person, and I think I'm happier than most
people because I do think that way. I do think
that I'm always going to get better. I hope. I
do believe I have the right to get better. I
do believe there's opportunities to get better, and I recognize
those all the time. I am getting in better shape
(29:58):
during this quarantine. I am being more thoughtful during this time.
I think a lot of this is good for me
because I look at this as an opportunity, and the
opportunity stems out of the right that we all have.
We have the right to be and do better. And
most importantly, this might seem obvious, but you know, a
lot of things in the Bill of Rights seem obvious,
(30:20):
but maybe they weren't, except for the soldier quartering in
your house. One not obvious. The tenth amendment to your
dating Bill of Rights is you have the right to
be happy and to feel loved, and to be loved
and to love. And all of those seem separate, but
they are all tied together. You be surprised at how
(30:43):
many people do not feel that they have the right
to this, either because they haven't experienced it, or because
they have something from their past that is leading their
brain or their actions or their mindset to think, I
don't deserve this. I don't know what this is. I
don't know if I'm capable of doing this stems into
(31:04):
the fear we talked about stems in the childhood we
talked about and yeah, I think if you go to
therapy like I did, you will understand that you didn't
necessarily do something wrong when you were seven or seventeen
or thirty seven, or the situation wasn't right when you
were eight, at eighteen or twenty eight, but you do
retain the right. That is the inalienable right that never
(31:25):
goes away for anybody, regardless of your life situation, regardless
of your dating situation. You have the right to be happy.
And once you understand you have the right to be happier,
like I deserve this, this is what I'm supposed to have,
then you can say how do I get this? Not that,
where's mine? Where's my check? Where's my happily? Ever After,
(31:49):
once you understand that you have the right to it
and that you own that, and that your entire happiness
and love, life and dating existence is in your control
because it is your right. I would much rather have
that than to believe that, you know, my next fifty
years of my life are out of my control because
of some other reason, because I want to point fingers
(32:11):
or blame somebody or wait along till fate intervenes. Fate
wants you to do the work. You control your own
fate all the time, the decisions you make, the actions
you take, all of it that is about you. What
you're doing, what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and the
changes that you are making. So if you believe you
have the right to be happy, then you need to
(32:32):
figure out how to make that happen. Here you go,
You're right, go ahead, leave doors open, doors open to enter,
and the door's open to exit either one. But it's
your door and you have to go through it. And
you have to recognize that that door is never going
to go away. That is the inalienable right as a
human being is you have the right to be happy.
(32:53):
You have the right to be loved, you have the
right to feel love, and all of us have the
right to love. So to review the ten Dating Amendments
to the ten dating commandments are. Number one, you have
the right to be afraid. Number two you have the
(33:13):
right to be you marring, meaning wear that orange and
fuck you if you say I don't have the right
to wear socks with flip flops, I absolutely do. I'll
consider it. People consider it Asian because it's a little exotic.
I'm gonna wear it. That's my right. Three you have
the right to travel without baggage. Number four you have
the right to say enough. Five you have the right
(33:38):
to be curious. Six you have the right to move
literally or metaphorically. Number seven you have the right not
to care. Number eight you have the right to not
be your parents. Number nine you have the right to
do better. And number ten you have the right to
(34:00):
be happy.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
If you thought we left anything out and we need
to add because remember we're up to I don't know
what are we up to? Twenty five amendments, twenty six amendments,
a lot of amendments. Some very logical ones never get through, uh,
and some very crazy ones do get through. So shoot
us your feedback, great lovedebate at gmail dot com. Let
us know what you think. We believe, as always that
(34:22):
the best dating site is Earth, and we need to
get together again because, as always at the Great Love Debate,
we never stopped making love. See you next time, the
Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great
(34:43):
Love Debate. It's a Great Love debase.
This is pod popular podcast for the people, the Great
Love Debate. It's Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
It's a great love to base. Hi again, everyone's Brian.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
How you welcome to The Great Love Debate, the world's
number one dating or relationship podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Its twenty fifteen. I'm a little under the weather. I'm
playing hurt here.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
So what I wanted to do is I get asked
all the time, like what are the fundamental tenets of
the Great Love Debate? And what should people do and
how should they date? So if you go way back
scroll through this, scroll through the episodes, and there's a
part one and a part two episodes of called the
Dating Commandments and stand by all that. But about four
(00:51):
years ago we added on to that and we did
something called the Dating Amendments.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
And I went and did a.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Look back at that episode because I wanted to say,
to see what the heck were we talking about during
those crazy times of COVID, which I don't think people
look at them enough.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Like they were crazy times. They were crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Times, and I think we need to learn from them
and never do that again.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
But anyway, the Dating Amendments episode, so.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I wanted to pop it to the top of your inbox,
as the kids say, I want to pop it to
the top of your listening box here and revisit it,
reimagine it, See what holds up, see what doesn't. I
stand by it. There's a lot of good information. If
you have heard it before, well listen, you listened to
it four years ago, so it's time for refresher.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
If you have not, it's all relevant. It's all good information.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I think as you move forward towards the end of
this year and into the years ahead. So without further ado,
we are revisiting the dating amendments.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
During this time. People keep bombarding me with questions about
dating during these times and quarantine dating, and if this
will help people get back to old fashioned getting to
know each other because we are forced to have video
chats and video dates and talk on the phone. And
I have getten gotten a ton of media requests to
(02:13):
do interviews about it, and my answer is pretty much no. No.
I think people are bored, and I think they're lonely,
and I think they're killing time. And that's never a
good way to date, because it is dating from a
negative place and not a positive one. And it is
dating because you feel bad, and it is not dating
because you feel good, So that does not help. That
(02:33):
does not work. Dating is dicey enough without having to
add a bunch of zoom and Skype issues to the situation.
My preference during this time. Now again, if we're doing
this for two years, you know, all bets are off.
But for two months or so, worry about something besides
dating or I will get to this in a second.
(02:54):
We have a better way to do it. You know,
like I said, dating is dicey enough without adding in
the tech. I would take every bit of this time
to work on yourself. Don't get fat, get in shape.
I mean, half of prisoners come out of doing their
time in the best shape of their lives and have
come out in absolutely the worst shape of their lives.
(03:14):
And it all depends on probably depends on where you
do your time, but it all depends on how you
use your time. And you should use this time, this strange, confused,
somewhat lonely time to better you. And you know that's
part of what we do in this podcast, besides hopefully
entertaining you and engaging you, is sometimes we enlighten you
(03:37):
in ways that can better you. And on that note,
we unleashed a two part episode called The Dating Commandments,
and these were the ten things that if you did
them that they were indisputable, they were inarguable or inarguable.
And if you did these ten things, it was going
(03:58):
to change your dating life. It was to change your
love future. It was really going to do things for
the better. And we have never gotten more positive feedback
on any show we've ever done, any series we've ever done,
or any idea we've ever had than we did for
the Dating Commandments. That was great love debate like GLD
one thirty three and one thirty four. If you don't,
(04:18):
if you didn't listen, go back and listen. If you
did listen, just to review those ten things are as
I just said. Number one was make a change, do
the work. Number two was get rid of the words
not my type because your answers lie outside of your
comfort zone. Number three was three to two one, which
is a magic formula for changing your dating profile. It's
(04:40):
going to lead to a lot of love. Number four
was he pays, and we get into a little bit
more detail on that. Number five was the importance of
one hundred hours and what one hundred hours means as
a body of time and a body of history between
two people before they can decide which to date. Number
six was you need to define love before you can
(05:02):
find it. What it is, what it means, and what
you want. Number seven was the best dating site is Earth,
and I don't mean quarantined Earth, I mean real Earth.
Number eight was there is magic in maybe, which means
you got to stop looking for red flags and start
looking for green lights, that there's magic in the possibilities.
(05:23):
Number nine was to practice patient, wait, give it time,
hopefully get a little older before you decide to decide
this is the person you want to spend fifty years with,
So practice patients. And number ten was go all in.
At some point you were going to have to put
all your chips on the table and hope that person
met you. So that encompass a lot of things. We
(05:45):
stand by all of those. But just like and Alexander
Hamilton back in the day, and Thomas Jefferson and George
Washington and Ben Franklin and the gang, when they put
together the Constitution, which despite everything that is going on,
still is a pretty sturdy document and is still holding
up pretty well, they had to make some additions. They
(06:06):
had to make some addendums because they did not account
for everything. So over the last two years I have
been taking notes and I have been analyzing things, and
I'm like, what didn't we cover or what was left
out or what changed or or what can we add
to sort of tweak this. And much like the Constitution,
framers came up with the Bill of Rights and added
(06:30):
ten amendments. And there's ten amendments in the Bill of Rights.
Just to go back to your sixth grade history class,
there's ten amendments in the Bill of Rights, and we
came up with our own ten amendments. The dating amendments
sort of reflect what the Bill of Rights was. They
filled in some gaps. And if you've ever gone back
before I did this. I went back and just to
make sure that the Bill of Rights was ten and
(06:52):
there was ten amendments. I wanted to look at it.
And all of the ten amendments in the Bill of Rights.
Our things were very, very familiar with freedom of speech,
freedom of the press. You know, no unreasonable search and seizure, plead,
the fifth everybody knows what the fifth Amendment is, The
right to speedy trial, the god awful Second Amendment that
(07:14):
I know a lot of you love your fucking guns,
but I mean, come on, the second Amendment. Everybody's very
familiar with most probably nine of the ten amendments, the
weird one in there, the strange one, the outlier in
there that is like, wait, what, that's one of the
Bill of Rights, that's one of the ten minutes. Is
the third Amendment? You know what the third Amendment is?
(07:35):
The third Amendment is no soldier in time of peace
shall be quartered in any house without the consent of
the owner, which means somebody from the military cannot knock
on your door and suddenly want to get into your bed.
And I think there's a lot of people who wouldn't
mind that. There's a lot of women who wouldn't mind
a soldier knocking on their door and asking if they
could sleep over. There's a lot of dudes who really
(07:57):
wouldn't mind some military dude. If you ever live in
New York City during fleet week, Fleet week was when
you know, twenty thousand navy guys roll into town and
try and get laid over three days. These are the
most eligible menual ever find. And every single woman in
New York seemingly is hoping to violate the Third Amendment
and to be violated by the third Amendment and hoping
(08:19):
that she can quote quoter in her house with the
consent of the owner. So the third Amendment, just to
give you a little more history, is a very odd one,
So take it or leave it. But we're not here
to talk about us history. We're talking about talk about
dating history and most importantly, dating future. So these as
I'm going to lay out are the ten dating amendments.
(08:42):
And I wish Keiko is here because she could give
us a little fanfare. But da da da, these are
the ten dating amendments that are going to be added
to the dating Commandments. So not that an amendment isn't
as good as a commandment, but it's sort of a
next step from the commandments. And these are your rights,
and these are inalienable rights, and these are the rights
that every single one of you have. So Dating Amendment
(09:06):
number one, you have the right to be afraid. You
have the right to feel fear. You have the right
to show it, you have the right to express it.
The most confident person in the room, in any room
is usually the one that's the most vulnerable. It's the
(09:27):
one who's not shy or reluctant to recognize and to
own whatever their weaknesses, whatever their vulnerability is, and whatever
our fear is. And almost all of our behaviors are
motivated by fear. We're afraid of being rejected, we're afraid
of being hurt, we're afraid of missing out, we're afraid
of being alone. And all of that is absolutely okay.
(09:48):
And you need to recognize that that is okay, and
you have a right to feel that way because it
is absolutely normal. I get asked all the time when
I do presses, what is the one thing that everybody
has in common? For people that I encounter or meet
or who come to our shows. And ninety nine percent
of the people who I meet or come to our
shows or listen to this podcast believe in love and
(10:12):
believe that they hopefully can find a future with one
other person that it laps forever and ever and ever.
That's about ninety nine percent of people hope for that
believe in that want that they're afraid it might not
exist for them, but they believe in it. But the
thing that one hundred percent of the people share without
exception and uh is fear and they're afraid of something,
(10:34):
and they're afraid to be with the wrong person, to
make the wrong move, to do certain things at the
wrong time. And so you're right, as one of these
ten amendments is that you're it's okay to be afraid,
and it's okay to admit that, and it's okay to
embrace that, but most partly, it's okay to question that.
And you want to know why, and you want to
(10:55):
know how that manifests itself into your day to day life,
and you want to know how you can turn that
fear into with strength, and you need to know how
to overcome that. I am very, very aware that I
am afraid of snakes, and rather than just go through
life afraid of snakes, I'm trying to find little ways, slowly, slowly, slowly,
and at a very great distance, to incorporate more snakes
(11:18):
into my world. So I'm not sleeping with them, but
I'm a lot more likely to go to a zoo
or an aquarium, or to research them or to do
things because it's it's not strange that I'm so afraid
of them. It's normal to be afraid of them. But
the thing that would be abnormal about it is to
not recognize that fear and to let the defeat me.
So you have to take that fear and turn it
into your strength. And the first thing to give you
(11:41):
the ability to do that is to recognize it and
understand that you do have the right to feel that way,
and you do have the right to be afraid, and
you do have the right to have fear, and you
do have the right to feel that because everybody does. Okay,
now everybody admits it, everybody owns it, not everybody embraces it.
But as long as you know that you do have
that right as a feeling, sharing, growing, evolving, hopefully loving person,
(12:06):
that being afraid about some things all the time, or
about a few things some of the time is perfectly
normal and perfectly okay. Number two, you have the right
to wear white after Labor Day, and I'm not saying
that is that's the only thing, but because you also
have the right to wear orange on a Tuesday, or
socks with flip flops or shorts in the winter, or
(12:28):
anything you want any time you want. Fashion is about individuality.
You have the right to stand out, you have the
right to be bold, You have the right to find
your brave, and you do not have to go by
any sort of societal or norms or anything. You do
whatever you want. You let your freak flag fly. You
dress the way you want to dress. If you want
to dress for comfort, you dress for comfort. You want
(12:50):
to dress for speed, you dress for speed. You want
to dress to impress, you dress to impress. If you
want to dress in a way that nobody else is dressing,
you do that because that will give you a certain
kind of confidence that nothing else will. We talk all
the time about Halloween and that costume confidence. When you
understand that you have the right to feel the way
you want to feel, look the way you want to look,
(13:10):
dress the way you want to dress, and get people
to react the way you either do or don't care
how they react, good for you, Good for you. You
want to wear white on Christmas Day, good for you.
Once you realize that you have that right, you will
so break out of your comfort level. You will so
expand beyond the boundaries of your normal you be surprised
at how far that can take you in love and
(13:32):
in life, and most importantly, in your dating world. So
number two, you have the right to essentially be you.
Number three you have the right to travel baggage free,
and hopefully, if the airlines ever ramp up again, we're
probably all gonna have to travel baggage free, leave your
baggage behind, clean house. You don't have to clean out
(13:54):
your experiences. You do not have to eliminate your memories.
You do not have to forget everything you've learned. But
you do have the right to travel baggage free. Leave
it home. Everything that happened before it does not mean
it's going to happen again. And you don't have to
travel with your guard up all the time. You don't
have to bring this sort of all encompassing shield from
(14:17):
everything that's happened to you into either your non relationship
or your next relationship. You have the right to let
it go. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not scary
to do that, it's not unhealthy to do that, it's
not dangerous to do that. It's actually liberating and free.
And the more you are liberated and free, the more
your opportunities are going to come to and the more
(14:37):
you're going to learn, and the more you're going to
actually be able to live. So if you understand that
I have the right to move forward and look in
the wind shield instead of in the rear view mirror
all the time. My God, the change that that will
make for you, the change that that will make for
the people around you, and the change that that will
make for the relationships you're trying to develop. I cannot
(14:58):
emphasize that, and not so. Number three, you have the
right to travel without baggage. Number four, you have the
right to say enough, Okay. You need to know when
to fold them we talk. We did a whole podcast
about a year ago and I laid out the law
(15:18):
of twenty percent, and a few people listen to that.
I think you remember it. For those of you who
did not, shame on you go back and find it.
You know, we spent a lot of time trying to
get people into good relationships around here, and last year
we did a fair fair amount of episodes trying to
get people out of bad relationships, because it's just important
of a skill to get out of a bad relationship,
(15:41):
to know when to say enough, to know when to
say this is not working for me, and you have
the right to get the fuck out and say enough.
The law of twenty percent that I laid on that
podcast means that if you are not completely happy or
satisfied more if the times that you are not happy
and not satisfied are more than twenty percent, that's it.
(16:03):
That means that relationship is not working, which means two
days out of seven is twenty eight point six percent
to do a little math there. So if two days
out of a week you're not happy and you're not satisfied,
you have the right to make that change. And the
other half of that twenty percent thing was we said
that when it's time to make that decision, you take
twenty percent of the time that you were in that relationship,
(16:24):
and you look at that as okay, we're going to
start the clock on whether we can either fix things
or get out. So if you were dating somebody for
five months, twenty percent of five months is one month.
So after the five month, if you're like twenty percent
of the time, I'm not happy, you take twenty percent
of the five months and you say, I'm going to
give it one month to try and fix this. If
you've been with somebody for five years, same thing, you
(16:45):
give it one year. Because that's twenty percent of five
one you're gonna say I'm gonna give it one year,
and if I cannot change that, and if we cannot
change this, and if the work we do during that time,
then I'm gonna get out. And that's a very easy
formula to follow, and it's a very easy way to
assess where you are in your relationship and where you
are in your life and where you are in your happiness.
(17:07):
Is the law of twenty percent. And you have the
right to say enough. You have the right to ghost
you do people are such fucking babies and you're like, nah,
I need somebody to call me up and tell me
why they don't like me. No, you don't. That's your curiosity,
that's your need for nice closure. Somebody has the right
to get out. However, they have to get out whenever
they have to get out. Is it cowardly, sure maybe,
(17:30):
but that's their right. And they have the right to
do whatever they need to do to move on and
to be comfortable. A lot of people need to do
whatever they need to do is to move on and
be safe. So if they sense that you are a psycho,
essentially they're leaving the metaphorical keys on the counter and
they're getting the fuck out. So if they ghosted you,
it's over. Who gives a shit. If somebody says I
(17:51):
don't want to do this anymore, that's their right and
they can do that, and that's all of our right.
You have the right to say enough and knowing when
it is time to fold them. As our late friend
Kenny Rogers said, that is such a valuable thing to recognize.
It's such a valuable tool in our belts that we have.
It is a valuable not to mix metaphors here, card
(18:13):
to play is that you have that right to say enough.
Number five, the fifth dating Amendment. You have the right
to be curious, and you need to abc always be curious.
You have the right to ask questions of them. You
have the right to ask questions of yourself. You have
(18:35):
the right to ask questions of your relationship. And asking
questions isn't always an inquisition. Sometimes it's to get to
and most of the time is get to know somebody better.
Is trying to get to understand a situation better. It's
trying to get to levels of learning and knowing and
sharing and growing together. So if you don't understand things
(18:57):
or something doesn't feel the way you want it to feel,
we're in just in case you want to try and
take things to another level. Whether that's in the kitchen
or in the bedroom, or on vacation, or just the
two of you sitting beside by side. You have the
right to do that, and you have the right to
be curious. And you don't have to ever wonder why
am I thinking this way? Or why am I feeling
(19:18):
this way? All of these things are perfectly normal, and
that is your right as a human being, and that
is your right as a dater to wonder, and wondering
is good. Wondering is imagination, Wondering is creativity. Wondering is
what leads you to the places you need to go
and the happily ever after. If you do not wonder,
and if you do not question, and if you are
(19:38):
not curious, you're never going to continue to grow and evolve.
That is what we should be doing, and that is
what you need to be doing constantly, constantly, constantly. We
could not emphasize that on this podcast enough. Is how
curiosity is the number one asset that anybody can have
as a dater, and is probably the number one asset
that everybody can have as a human being. It is
where you find the answers, It is where you find
(20:01):
the progress. It is where you find everything that you
ever wanted to find lies in curiosity. So number five,
you have the right to be curious. Number six, you
have the right to move. Literally, if you are in
an unhappy place in life, or you're not in a
(20:23):
happy relationship, you need to move. I personally believe every
person in America needs to move seven hundred miles every
seven years. That's my personal formula and philosophy. I have
not always practiced that it's time to move, but I
believe if every person moved seven hundred miles at least
every seven years, you'd get the most out of life.
(20:45):
You'd get the most out of love, you get the
most out of yourself, you get the most out of others.
You'd get the most out of your country. Your perspective
would grow. You do not have to stay there just
because you've always stayed there. You do not have to
live there because you grew up there. I'm always shocked
by the statistic of how many people still live within
(21:06):
fifty miles of where they went to high school. That's
shocking to me. That saddens me. That means people are
not moving out of their comfort zone, and your comfort
zone is never where the answers lie. Nobody says you
have to stay there, And don't give me that, Oh well,
my family's here. You can visit your family, and your
family would much rather visit you in a place if
it was a better place and you were happier. You know,
(21:28):
if you're happier, that's a fun person to be around,
and that's always a fun place to visit. I want
to go visit happy. I want to go visit a
happy person. I want to go visit a person who's
exploring new things and can tell me about them. I
want to visit a person and I want to talk
to a person. I want to gauge with a person
who has had new experiences. And some people I don't
understand why they don't believe this is their right, or
(21:48):
I don't believe they can do this, or they think
it's logistically impossible. Bullshit, And don't give me that. You
have kids. Kids move all the time. And one of
the things that is going to come out of this
unfortunate situation is a lot of industries are going.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
To be.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Go through a lot of upheaval, a lot of businesses
are going to be changing, a lot of people are
gonna have career paths that they might have to make
an alteration on, and that is both unfortunate and that
is also really fortunate because it's changed to it. It's
a chance to assess where you are, where you can go,
what you can do, and maybe who you can be
(22:24):
if you take it somewhere else. Pack a bag, hit
the road. You do have the right to move. Nobody
is forcing you there. We're spending this time feeling imprisoned
in our homes. Maybe people understand it. You are not
imprisoned in your town, you are not imprisoned in your community,
and most importantly, you are not imprisoned in your life.
(22:45):
So pack it up, hit the road. I'm doing that.
Be like me. Okay, probably eight years too late, but
I'm doing it. So stop procrastinating. You have the right
to move. Number seven this is a good one. You
have the right not to care. And we talked about
that in a podcast a few episodes ago. People care
(23:07):
about the stupidest shit kids. Remember the one we did
with the kids, like five episodes back. Kids care about
the right things. Kids care about sharing, and kids care
about learning, and kids care about playing, and kids care
about doing the right things. You have the right not
to care, not to give a fuck the I don't
give a fuck about this or that or a situation
or whatever. Stop caring about things that do not matter.
(23:30):
The more you care about things that do not matter,
the more you're going to forget what does matter. You
need to focus on things you should care about. And
if you don't have enough things that you should care about,
you need to figure out a way to find things
that you care about. Me I personally, it's very sad
for me how little this quarantine situation has changed a
(23:52):
lot of my day to day life. I don't engage
with that many people. I don't do that many things
except when I'm you know, traveling around doing the great
love to Bait. I do lead a little bit of
a hermit existence. That's a bad, bad thing. It means
I am not caring about the right things, and I'm
not getting all the experiences that I should. And most importantly,
I'm probably caring about the wrong things. I care too
(24:14):
much about Starbucks hours, I care too much about French fries,
and I gotta stop caring about that. And you have
the right not to care about all of those things
that you believe you need to care about and that's
really really important. So you need to make a list
of things, what do I care about and what don't
I care about? And you need to take off a
(24:36):
lot of things on the list of what you do
care about, and you need to add a same thing
with both lists. You need to add things that you
do not care about and make that list longer. It's
a good thing not to care about things. It's a
liberating thing. It's a healthy thing. Stop caring about the
wrong things, start caring about the right things. And those
lists should change. It shouldn't be the same five things
(24:56):
for fifty years of your life that you care about
or don't care about. They should be fluid, they should
be going because there should be new things, new experiences,
new people, new stimuli always coming in and out of
your world, and you should look at them and think,
I have the right not to care about that. Now,
I have the right not to care about that anymore.
And I have the right to not care about that ever. Again,
(25:17):
it's a really healthy thing. It's going to go a
long way in your life. It's going to go a
long way in dating. On the next note, and these
are related, but they are separate. Number eight, you have
the right to not be your parents. You have the
right to not be your parents. We're always afraid of
being our parents, to turning into our parents. But I'm
(25:39):
shocked at how many people are living the exact same life,
on the exact same path, and a lot of times,
I said earlier in the lots of the same place
as their parents. Good for fucking Prince Harry. You know,
we did foreshadow that very preciently on this podcast two
years ago, that he was not going to be happy
in his relationship and in his marriage with me Megan.
(26:00):
If he followed the path that Charles followed, and he
followed the path that his grandfather Philip followed, and if
he even followed the path that his brother was following,
he had the right to seek a different path. You
have the right to seek a different path. Just because
your parents were Episcopalian, and I'm not to pick on
the Episcopals, but they're the most neutral. My mother was
(26:22):
a Piscopalian. Again, just because my mother was Episcopalian doesn't
mean that I have to be Episcopalian. Just because my
father was Catholic doesn't mean that I have to be Catholic.
Just because my grandmother was Jewish doesn't mean I have Yeah,
and I'm a real mess on this stuff too. Maybe
that's why I don't hold all these kind of stings.
But you don't have to do anything. You don't have
to believe anything that your parents believed. You don't have
(26:43):
to do anything that your parents did. You don't have
to have to live the life that your parents did.
And you don't have to live a life or marry
the person or do whatever is expected just because your
parents did so or say so. The Bachelor of this season,
it was a huge plot line at the end where
it was about whether or not the mother approved or
you know, is the right one for the mother. I'm
(27:05):
one of those people, like, who gives a fuck. You
do what you need to do to be happy. Your
mother does not know how you are ninety five percent
of your existence from the time you left the house
at eighteen years old. She doesn't know you like everybody,
she just doesn't this whole Like your mother knows your
best and your family knows your best. They don't. They
really don't. They don't see a lot of your existence.
(27:27):
They don't understand the way your brain works. They don't
understand what makes you you at thirty five or forty
five or fifty five the way they did it. Five.
My mother thinks because I liked apple sauce when I
was three years old, that I would like it at
forty Like that's insane to me. But you don't have
to like anything the same. You don't have to like
things because your parents did. You don't have to do
(27:47):
things because of their expectations. And most importantly, you do
not have to live the life they did, and you
do not have to do the things they do. You
are you, They are them, They gave birth to you.
That is not a right to control your life, and
that is not a right to tell you how to
live your life. So you need to find your own path.
You need to grow your own thoughts, and you need
to create your own opportunities that are going to make
(28:08):
you happy, whether that is in love, or in your occupation,
or in anything you do. You have the right to
not be your parents. Number nine, You have the right
to do better, and that can be anything that could be.
You could do better in your in your fitness, you
could do better at your job, you could do better
(28:30):
in your house, you could do better in your hobbies,
and you have the right to do better in who
you date and how you date. Just because this is
fine or this has worked out or these are the
kind of people that I liked in the path doesn't
mean anything. Doesn't mean one thing moving forward as we
as we go back into the world, and God knows
what kind of world that's going to be, you can
(28:52):
do better. You can always do better, and you can
always find and I'm saying you can do better than
your your happily loving husband that you're with for twenty years.
It doesn't mean you can do better than him. It
means you can do better with him, or with her,
or from her or from the two of you. You
can constantly improve your status quo. Your status quo is
(29:14):
a snapshot of who you guys are. When you guys
are it's stagnant. You need to look where can we go?
What can we be? And how can we become? Everything
that is possible beyond what we ever thought was possible,
the level of possibilities in who you are and in
your in the two of you, or in the relationship
you want to get. Never stop forgetting that that you
(29:36):
have the right to do better even if you are
as happy as you possibly could be. And I'm a
pretty happy person, and I think I'm happier than most
people because I do think that way. I do think
that I'm always going to get better. I hope. I
do believe I have the right to get better. I
do believe there's opportunities to get better, and I recognize
those all the time. I am getting in better shape
(29:58):
during this quarantine. I am being more thoughtful during this time.
I think a lot of this is good for me
because I look at this as an opportunity, and the
opportunity stems out of the right that we all have.
We have the right to be and do better. And
most importantly, this might seem obvious, but you know, a
lot of things in the Bill of Rights seem obvious,
(30:20):
but maybe they weren't, except for the soldier quartering in
your house. One not obvious. The tenth amendment to your
dating Bill of Rights is you have the right to
be happy and to feel loved, and to be loved
and to love. And all of those seem separate, but
they are all tied together. You be surprised at how
(30:43):
many people do not feel that they have the right
to this, either because they haven't experienced it, or because
they have something from their past that is leading their
brain or their actions or their mindset to think, I
don't deserve this. I don't know what this is. I
don't know if I'm capable of doing this stems into
(31:04):
the fear we talked about stems in the childhood we
talked about and yeah, I think if you go to
therapy like I did, you will understand that you didn't
necessarily do something wrong when you were seven or seventeen
or thirty seven, or the situation wasn't right when you
were eight, at eighteen or twenty eight, but you do
retain the right. That is the inalienable right that never
(31:25):
goes away for anybody, regardless of your life situation, regardless
of your dating situation. You have the right to be happy.
And once you understand you have the right to be happier,
like I deserve this, this is what I'm supposed to have,
then you can say how do I get this? Not that,
where's mine? Where's my check? Where's my happily? Ever After,
(31:49):
once you understand that you have the right to it
and that you own that, and that your entire happiness
and love, life and dating existence is in your control
because it is your right. I would much rather have
that than to believe that, you know, my next fifty
years of my life are out of my control because
of some other reason, because I want to point fingers
(32:11):
or blame somebody or wait along till fate intervenes. Fate
wants you to do the work. You control your own
fate all the time, the decisions you make, the actions
you take, all of it that is about you. What
you're doing, what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and the
changes that you are making. So if you believe you
have the right to be happy, then you need to
(32:32):
figure out how to make that happen. Here you go,
You're right, go ahead, leave doors open, doors open to enter,
and the door's open to exit either one. But it's
your door and you have to go through it. And
you have to recognize that that door is never going
to go away. That is the inalienable right as a
human being is you have the right to be happy.
(32:53):
You have the right to be loved, you have the
right to feel love, and all of us have the
right to love. So to review the ten Dating Amendments
to the ten dating commandments are. Number one, you have
the right to be afraid. Number two you have the
(33:13):
right to be you marring, meaning wear that orange and
fuck you if you say I don't have the right
to wear socks with flip flops, I absolutely do. I'll
consider it. People consider it Asian because it's a little exotic.
I'm gonna wear it. That's my right. Three you have
the right to travel without baggage. Number four you have
the right to say enough. Five you have the right
(33:38):
to be curious. Six you have the right to move
literally or metaphorically. Number seven you have the right not
to care. Number eight you have the right to not
be your parents. Number nine you have the right to
do better. And number ten you have the right to
(34:00):
be happy.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
If you thought we left anything out and we need
to add because remember we're up to I don't know
what are we up to? Twenty five amendments, twenty six amendments,
a lot of amendments. Some very logical ones never get through, uh,
and some very crazy ones do get through. So shoot
us your feedback, great lovedebate at gmail dot com. Let
us know what you think. We believe, as always that
(34:22):
the best dating site is Earth, and we need to
get together again because, as always at the Great Love Debate,
we never stopped making love. See you next time, the
Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great
(34:43):
Love Debate. It's a Great Love debase.
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