November 4, 2025 • 27 mins
Is it true that if you don't use it...you'll lose it? "Dr. Sex Fairy" Kanwal Bawa returns to talk about our societal loss of libido, common sexual issues, why the juice is worth the squeeze, how to keep your engine charged, looking for kink clubs, and much, much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is pod Popular Podcast for the People.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
The Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's
a great love ba Hi and everyone. It's Brian how
We welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number
one dating a relationship podcast since twenty and fifteen. I'm
back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular
Podcasts for the People. I have the one in Boca Ratone, Florida.
(00:31):
It is lovely. If you have the means, get to
Boca Raton, Florida. I don't quite have as much energy
as I normally do. I the the surgery I told
you guys about that I might have. I had and
it hurts. So I'm playing a little bit hurt. But
I have a guest in here today. She's been on
(00:53):
here many times, but she has not been in here sometimes.
I have a very specific and very important topic that
I wanted to talk to her about. Figured I need
to pro for this because I have questions, but I
don't necessarily have answers. She is the host of the
Doctor sex Fairy podcast Doctor sex Fairy herself, Doctor Kanwall Baba,
(01:13):
how are you.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I am doing well? Thank you. It's lovely to be
back on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
So you walked in the studio today and you said,
what are we going to talk about today? And I said,
the concept of use it or lose it? And I
think that people of all ages right now are not
using it, so to speak, and that manifests itself societally
in a lot of different ways. But I have read
a statistic the other day that seventy two percent of
men under thirty have not had a date in a year,
(01:42):
and that alarmed me.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I believe it because they are having less sex, they
are less communicative. Overall, they are less social, and I
think all the social media is making us anti social.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
I think you're right. I think you can get your
stimuli a lot of different ways. You know, when at
least I was younger. I'm not going to age you
too much, we had like four TV stations, you know,
I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
We didn't have, you know, Netflix and hundreds of cable
outlets and TikTok and YouTube and anything that you could
entertain yourself on a Friday or Saturday night and get
a certain amount of stimuli without going out of the house.
It trickles down to even this though I have business
and I hire or try to hire a lot of
young men and women under under thirty. And I remember
(02:28):
when I got out of college and I was in
my twenties and I lived in the New York City
and the New York City area. I was competing with
some Wall Street guys for girls. If I wanted to
get girl to go out with me, if I wanted
to get laid, I needed to make some money. That
was the motivating factory. It was like, what do you
need money for? I needed money so the girls would
(02:49):
like me. It wasn't like, oh, I'm saving to buy
a house or anything. It was literally that commodity because
they don't care as much about that now. They you
guys under thirty, thirty five or whatever. Yeah, work is hard.
They don't care about that. They live at home, They
video games, They bipot in it. So that motivating drive
trickles into the workforce and it kills me well.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I often talk about this white mentality on my podcast,
and I find it very disturbing because we are not
putting the effort into relationships like we used to. I
think the options are endless because now you can seat
your fine ass on the couch and you don't even
have to brush your teeth, fix your hair and go
out anymore. Forget about trying to be social at a bar.
(03:30):
You can have AI sex now. When I first heard
about it, I thought I was being punked, and then
I realized there is such a thing. They put on
their virtual reality headsets and it can seem awfully real
from what I've.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Been told, Oh, she's gonna she either is gonna like
that I said this, or not that I like that
I said this. But my producer of this podcast, the
two time Emmy Wordmating, Keko, she is very AI. She
asked a lot of questions, a lot of business questions,
a lot of stuff on air, and her AI friend
knows Sir, her preferences, roots for the Dodgers. With her,
(04:04):
it's like a relationship. And I can see the benefit
of that, you know, because a lot of people don't
want to date, they don't want to connect, they don't
want to interact because they don't want the downside. They
don't believe the juice is worth the squeeze. They don't
want the rejection, they don't want the costs, they don't
want the time, they don't want the same not not
so if you're like, okay, I can get relatively some
stimulus here, have somebody tell me I'm awesome and pretty,
(04:27):
even if it's not real. It's kind of the same.
And I've said this bor on the podcast. It's kind
of the same relationship we develop with our pets.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yes, and I think that it was crazy enough with
sex dolls, but now the damn things talk to you
and stimulate you in other ways. They have robots now,
sex robots.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
They do, and you could say it's not as good.
Well as a generation of people who don't know it's
not as good. And there's another generation people who got
out of a relationship with a real, live person who
made them feel awful. I mean, And so I get
that this is not just people in their thirties' people
in their forties and fifties and sixties got divorced, had
some bad experience dating, and they're like, you know what,
(05:05):
I don't need this. I can get a certain amount
of pleasure, stimuli, interaction, engagement, mental and otherwise without leaving
my couch. And you know what COVID did to a
lot of people is give them a little bit of
an opportunity to figure out what they could do from
home that made them feel at least entertained and somewhat engaged.
And a lot of people never came out of that hole.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
COVID did us a lot of damage as a society
and as human beings overall, because not only did we
become antisocial and never leave our homes. Well, in Florida
it wasn't so bad, but certainly other parts of the
country were far worse, and certain countries were far worse.
And I feel that not only did we become more antisocial,
(05:46):
we normalize that kind of nonsense. And now even today
you see people with masks and everything hiding behind them. Yeah,
and I find that deeply disturbing.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
And to be became an introverts dream.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yeah. And then I think the other thing. People realizes
that with COVID came its own set of erectile problems.
So when I started talking about it, people thought, at.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Last, you mean from the virus. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah, people thought I'd lost my mind. And then the
University of Miami did some studies about it, and sure
enough I wasn't as crazy as I sounded initially. So
people who had COVID developed erectile dysfunction more than the
average population because it caused endothelial damage and the blood vessels,
which basically means that screwed up the blood vessels. Things
(06:31):
weren't flowing the way they should. And that did two things. One, well,
it did more than two things, but two things physically.
One it caused people to not get as hard, and secondly,
penises shrank in size. They did, yes, sir, because if
you don't have good blood flow, your penis is going
to shrivel up, you know, use it or lose it.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
And COVID. So people are focusing on the sniffles and
the cough and everything.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Yeah, and meanwhile their penis is going to hell. Huh
So not only that. Now, imagine a young guy who,
in any case, at baseline with somewhat anti social. Now
he's properly anti social, not going out for months, maybe
even a year. Now he's a total germophobe. And finally
he allows himself to be in an intimate situation and
have sex. Now he's not performing because he's not actually
(07:14):
had sex in a while. Right, he hasn't trained his
penis very much at all. And if you're not having sex,
your penis kind of forgets how to.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
So it's not that just he can only last two seconds.
It might not even get involved at all.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah, and especially if he's had COVID. Now imagine his
lack of confidence. And you know that cycle perpetuates itself.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Right, People not only you know, decided that they wanted
to work from home, they want to date from home,
they want to be entertained from home. A lot of
people never came out of there. They did. The only
interaction they get was this, like the uber eats guy,
deliver it and even.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
That sometimes just leave it at my door, don't even
ring my beat.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I know there's a lot of that too. Use it
or lose it. If you do not, Male and female,
if you do not use it, does it not just
men plane Emotionally it goes away, but physically doesn't need
practices like a muscle pretty much.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
And you need blood flow, you need that, you need that.
You know, we were made the way we are for
a reason. We are meant to be sexual beings. Yet
we are having less and less sex. And the interesting
thing is that the younger generations are having far less
sex than our generations dead. So I think that a
lot of it is like I said, social media, just
(08:25):
the dating apps, all of that, Well.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
They're not as motivated to date, they're mount as motivated
to breed. You know, I saw that. It's not scary
for me. I'm like, the population needs to dwindle. But
supposedly like fifty years, Like it's no longer like a
club like one in, one out, it's like one out,
a half in.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
We're not making enough babies.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
We're not making enough babies in this country and the
population and you know, it goes back to that old
Idiocracy movie. The ones that are making babies are the
ones who probably shouldn't be making And that's the thing.
But if it starts early, if you are not motivated
to engage or talk to somebody of the opposite sex,
you're probably not going to date them. You're probably gonna
have sex with them, You're probably not going to marry them,
(09:05):
You're probably not gonna babies with them. There's a whole
thing where if you're you know, fifteen years old now
and you are living the time of your life playing
video games, and you can, you know, pull up any
nudity you want online, and you know, I don't necessarily
blame these these young guys. I'm not saying my way
was better. When I had to make a bunch of
money to get girls in the twenties. It didn't make
(09:27):
me a better person, but it was just like a
motivating thing, like what else are we going to do
except try and chase women? You know?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And I moved to America and I heard about starter marriages.
It was a few years after i'd moved here when
I heard about starter marriages. I thought that was insane
that we go into a thinking that this is just
a dry run for something better. I mean, why are
we always looking for that something better? Is there necessarily
always something better? Or are we just dissatisfied and unfulfilled.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Well, that's a good point I want to pick up
on that. I take a quick break because we have
to pay for dissatisfied relationships with her. I'm with doctor
sex Ferry herself. We will be back right after this,
and we are back. You're Indian. Yes, Arranged marriages, which
(10:15):
is part of that culture, tend to work out or
tend to have some degree of satisfaction because they're not starter.
They're not let's try this out. They're not let people
figure out a way to make it work right.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yes, And I think arranged marriages are very misunderstood. My
parents were married for several decades. My dad passed away.
He was the love of my mother's life. She will
not date again. That kind of love came from an
arranged marriage. But they were not made to marry. They
were not told this is the person you'll marry. They
(10:50):
were just introduced. So in my opinion, it's the month.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Two families get together and they say.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
You the mom and dad and auntie dating system. You know,
like you havemkers who actually know that these two people
will get along or that makes sense together if for instance,
you know, people say, oh, it's you know, the rich
for the rich, or it's all about who has how
much money. But seriously, though, if you marry somebody who
thinks that buying a Revlan lipstick is too much money,
(11:19):
well maybe you like airmes versus, how's that going to work?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I know it's a silly thing I'm mentioning, but it's
small things. It's big things. They tend to marry within
the same religion because you take that nonsense out of it. Also,
so you tend to marry within the same education level
as well, because Again, if you have a doctorate in
something and the other guy failed high school, you're probably
going to have an intellectual mismatch. And so much of
sex begins in the brain, right.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
That's true In an arranged marriage society, if somebody passes away,
do they have to get rearranged or then they free
to do their own thing.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I think they're pretty much free at that point to
do their own thing. But I think you always are though.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I mean, yeah, I suppose you are. But a lot
of people, you know, I've talked to a lot of
people from different cultures who've been down that not only
do they say it's not what you think. They say
that little things that would be picked break people up,
or the ability to compromise, or the ability to be like,
we're in this together, let's make this work. That goes
a long long way.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It does. And I think it's the attitude that I
find very hard to understand sometimes. I mean, I've lived
in America now longer than I lived in India, where
I was born and raised, so I live within, you know,
I live with one foot in each world, so to speak.
And I still don't understand how Americans can behave a
(12:37):
certain way when it comes to relationships, I think it's
just too casual. Now again, I am doctor sex fairy,
so I speak to people of all you know, like
they have this proclivity you have another. I get it,
you are allowed to be different. But swingers, for instance,
they're very, very common, and God bless them, they have
(12:57):
a right to do what they want. I just don't
understand how the jealousy wouldn't kill you.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
And well, I think if you have two partners, it
means you don't have one because if you had one,
you probably wouldn't need a second one.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Well, that's true, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And if you wonder if if you have two people
and you wonder which one you like better, you like
the second one better because if you like the first
one enough, you wouldn't have the second one.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I agree, But.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
You know that is part of the motivating factor. And
this is where the women's side of it come in.
If you're you know a lot of women in their
twenties and thirties, it goes back to need. If you're
just feel like I don't need a man to for
the goals I have in life with your career oriented
or even possibly having a kid on my own. That
really does diminish your desire to think I need some
(13:45):
sort of even at the baseline companionship. You know, a
lot of times as we get older, sixty seventies or whatever,
you do want that partner. You don't want to be alone,
you don't want dialogue, kids, if we run off, whatever.
But in your twenty thirties and forties, you're like, I
have a circle of friends, I have people I work with,
I have a million shows. I can walk and watch
twenty years of Gray's Anatomy if I want, and I
(14:05):
don't need to, like hope some guy calls me back
that I met at the bar on Tuesday night. I
don't need the stress, I don't need the angst. And
I do get that. And you're in your forties, you know,
you might feel differently now. If you were in your twenties,
you might be the same thing. One of those women
med school ambitious. You're like, I dating can wait till
(14:26):
I'm fifty.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's an unfortunate turn of events, I think, because we
are losing that connection, we are losing that companionship, and
too many people are dying alone. And most people who
are dying alone aren't okay. With it. At that point
it may seem more glamorous than it is when you're
younger and have options. Yeah, and then when you're old
and all the good people are taken and your kids
(14:49):
are away, if you even had them, well, then it's lonely. Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I know I get that too, that all the good
people are taken, they'll be back. Get people tolf of them,
we'll be back. It's not a game of musical chairs,
and you won't run out of seats. You will have
a seat, but you have to want to have a seat.
And that is why you know a lot of the
desire now is gone in their twenties. It's gone in
their thirties. Because we hear all the time there's not
of good people. Forties. You probably got out of a
(15:14):
marriage or a relationship and you're like, ugh, last thing
I want to do is get back into that fifties
where we are in South Florida, fifties sixties, the men
tend to poop out. The women have more energy. That
excus it. You go out to a wine bar, there's
four hundred women there and there's six guys there. Like,
every decade has its challenges, but every decade's challenges are
(15:38):
root in the fact that somebody's not trying hard enough. Great,
and that's both sides of it.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
You know, yes, and also when you're not having sex,
as we were discussing earlier, your tissue goes to hell.
Basically there's atrophy, which literally means your tissue is dying.
And women, for instance, as their menopausal, that estrogen goes away.
But people don't realize is that women also need a testostroone.
(16:03):
And when that estrogen and testosterone is going away, and
it's going away quickly, your tissue is drying up. Sex
becomes painful. You don't even want to have sex, your
libido's gone. How exactly are you supposed to Then at
that point get into a relationship. The guy shows up,
he's ready, he's in it to win it, he wants
to have sex. Maybe he's one of my patients and
(16:24):
he can actually get hard and last. But you are
dry and crusty down there. What happens?
Speaker 1 (16:29):
What women naturally have testosterone? Yes, and it's at like
what one third of the level of estrogen, Like what
is mans breaking?
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Some people are saying that it's four times the amount
of estrogen they have. Some people are saying, no, it's
not that much. So they argue back and forth about
how much. But I can tell you it's a good
bit of testosterone that a woman should have too. In fact,
my supplements, the doctor sex very supplements, are unisex and
one of them is a testosterone booster. And women get
uncomfortable with that. Con They say, but that's a testosterone.
(17:02):
They don't want to grow a beard. But I explained
to them that it's not the kind of testosterone that's
going to make them grow a beard. It's just enough
to give them a little kick, a little step up,
get them feeling frisky again, get them more stimulated again.
Those things matter. So once you start using your parts,
that blood starts flowing. And then a lot of these
(17:22):
women come to me and then they get treatments that
give them a new lease on life. And I'm not
saying this that as advertising for my medical practice. I'm
telling you that women need to realize that it's not
game over. Men need to realize it's not game over,
that there's life beyond viagrancialist because they are just band aids.
They're never fixing the problem.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
But they have to want to fix the product to one.
That's the thing you have to care. You have to
be like, I need stuff to work because I want
to be out in the world, engaged with real life people.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
But again, Brian, isn't that also a problem because you
don't have the confidence in your ability to perform, So
you tell yourself, I don't really want that because you
don't want to be in that position. Way you're shriveled
up in front of a woman just unable to get hard,
or you get hard and then you can't last long
enough and you're like, Okay, do most.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
People who come to you have a mental problem or
a physical problem?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
I think most people have at least some element of
a physical problem. And I think also most people have
some element of a mental issue because and that doesn't
mean they're crazy. It just means that confidence has suffered.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
So if you fix the physical problem, they'll get more confidence.
And sometimes if you fix the confidence, the physical problem
goes away.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
So you have to be a little bit of a
problem doesn't go away, but it makes you probably more
likely to fix the physical problem because blockages are blockages.
Those aren't going to go away if you're more confident,
So those need to be fixed.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And that's good. So it's good for business for you
if people want to get laid.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I think it's wonderful for business.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
But on the flip side of your thing with the
women have testerone, men have estrogen, men do What does
that do for us? Well, when we do, we lose
it the same way that the women lose the testosterone.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Women I start to lose to stostro one at about
age thirty, about one to two percent a year. Women
have a more drastic drop in their hormones later in life,
but they too are losing it earlier than they realize.
Because people think about menopause as being the end of
the road, right, but there is perimenopause. That's a whole
decade before you actually stop menstruating, before your period stops.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
And that's when the crazy happens.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
That's when the crazy starts.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
We do that, I mean in the podcasting ecosystem. Now,
menopause is all the rage before trying to deal with it,
not to solve with it, and a lot of it
is well, how does it affect people in our lives
and how to affect the men are? Men have no idea?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Men have no idea.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
You know, it's just she's a little moody. But we
don't know if it's chemical, if it's like logical, if
it's physical, if it's any of these things. And we
didn't I don't think anybody's talking about perimenopause ten years ago.
They're talking about but we didn't know, Like it could
be forty one and suddenly she.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Should be in the thirties, really, because not every woman
is having menopause in her fifty Depending on which country,
which culture, how you are genetically, menopause could technically happen
in your forties.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Is it more likely to happen in America because the
food we eat, or that doesn't because you know, we
supposedly mature faster because we eat crappy food.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
You have all that genetically modified crap that we eat.
And women, i mean girls, young girls are menstruating way
earlier than we used to back in the day, and
I think that's just not right and that is messing
us up. But I think overall, though, the fact that
people are starting to talk about menopause and perimenopause, that's
(20:33):
a great thing.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
But the well lets us off the hook. It's like, oh,
it's not me, it's her.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Well, it's not a fair fight. It's not. It's not.
It never was. But now at least we're starting to
acknowledge that it's not a fair fight, right, that the
crazy with women starts way earlier than we think it does.
And I know some women will be very mad at
me for saying this.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I'm a woman. I ideal they don't.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
They don't like the term crazy, but we do, as women,
act a little crazy. But then again, the other thing
we're not acknowledging enough is andropause manopause as I call it.
We are all fucked up, excuse my friends, and so
we are just screwed up differently, that's all. I mean.
Men have their own version of menopause, and nobody even
(21:15):
talks about that. We say that we don't talk about
Perry menopause, and well, hell, nobody's talking about menopause.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Are men to desensitize because of porn? Do you want
anything that?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
I don't think porn is the enemy. And I've said
this before, and I don't have any shares in porn
hub or anything. I have no skin in the game.
I don't think porn is the enemy because I think
we have to see it as adult entertainment and leave
it at that. The problem comes with porn. If you
are watching so much porn that you are unable to
function in life, that you are unable to have a
(21:48):
relationship with a person. That kind of thing. Okay, porn
may be the enemy, but for the average person.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Which I don't understand that at all, but I hear
that a lot.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
But I hear it too.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah, they need something freaky that cannot happen in real life.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
It freaky, and they need it weird or it doesn't work.
But then again, there are king communities. Maybe you just
need a kinky partner and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
And you know, you can say that's tough to find,
but you only need one.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Not that hard.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
I know you only need one. And there's ways to
connect with people all over the world who are the
same Oh yeah freak that you are.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I think is huge. Yeah, and you just need to
find your own kind of freak and that's okay. But
if you want to find a more mundane, more normal
quote unquote relationship, that might be a bit of an issue.
So I don't think born is necessarily the enemy. And
people are very shocked that I say this as a
good little Indian girl with my British accent. People don't
(22:39):
get that, they say, but shouldn't you be talking, you know,
speaking out against born as a bit Porne never did
anything to me. I mean, why am I against a
whole bunch.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Of people that find your own kind of freak?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Find your own kind of freak. The problem becomes when
you are not connecting, which brings us back to the
user or lose it. If you're not connecting with your partner,
if you can't function in life only, then has pawned
really a problem? In my opinion, I think are problems
with online what do you call it? Virtual reality stuff
that's a much bigger problem in my opinion.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
I think you're right, and you talk about use it
or lose it. We're not just talking about genitalia here.
We're talking about your heart. We're talking about your brain.
We're talking about your chemistry. We're talking about the things
that you have that are there for you to connect
with another person. And if you're not using any of
those things, and you're really just using your thumbs on
(23:33):
a keyboard of sometimes or a mouse or something, you're
using a fraction of things that you were given that
are designed to have you connect.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
You know, you were talking about being at the bar
and trying to get the hot girl at the bar, or.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Not even the hot girl at the bar, just a
girl a girl.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
The trill you get from getting that hot girl's phone number. Yeah,
like WHOA you high five in yourself? You don't get
that off a VR headset. That that's true.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
That's true. There's no real I don't understand how there's
a sense of accomplishment. But I've said that and people say,
you don't play video games, so you don't understand. And
this gamifying of porn where there's different levels and I
can get this. They've sort of tricked themselves and that's
the way to do it.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
And I think the less you have real sex, unless
you have real relationships, the less able you are to
have them.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
And it's not always about the sex, about the intimacy.
Don't you want to hold somebody's hand?
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Mm?
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Don't you want to feel the way they feel? Don't
you want skin to skin touch? Don't you want to hug?
Don't you want to share bed? Some people are just
like no, fine, take yourselves out of the dating pool
and then leave the people who are in the pool
better and find ways to figure it out. And if
you have mental, psychological, physical challenges, you can listen to
this podcast. But more importantly, you can fire up doctor
(24:53):
sex Fairy in.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Chel that's right now. You talked about hugging and kissing.
Do you know that couples nowadays aren't hugging and kissing enough?
In fact, I did an episode about the twenty second
hug and the six second kiss. To me, it sounds
insane that you should have to tell people to kiss
a little longer and to hug a little longer, but
(25:15):
they just don't. It's a very perfunctory, very.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Like quick, Oh, here's a hug, here's.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
A kug, here's a kiss. Me if you actually count
it out, yeah, one, two, three, four, five, six, I
mean I almost panic counting out. I'm like, oh my god,
this podcast will get boring. But think about that. Yeah,
a kiss that last six seconds, that's not necessarily a
(25:41):
very long, passionate kiss.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
No, no, it's not. That's not like Staremaster time where
you're doing hard time either. That's good. A twenty second
hug that sounds nice. Yeah, that sounds like it's beyond
hello goodbye. That sounds like we're connecting, we're engaging, we're
literally embracing, we're sharing. Yeah, that's important.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I like that, And those kinds of interactions certainly heat
things up in the bedroom too.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
How can they not all right?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
How can everybody find you? I always like this is
always educational for me, no idea. How could I not
know that men needed estrogen and women need testoster. I've
been doing this long time.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Learn so that's why you have me. So people can
find my podcast Doctor sex Fairy anywhere podcasts are found.
They can also learn more about what I do at
Doctorsexfaery dot com and they can always call my practice
Barba Medical as well.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
The most common challenge is the most common thing that
you get.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Is what erectile dysfunction?
Speaker 1 (26:32):
So it's mostly it's men. You get men more than women.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I get men more than women. But I am trying
to encourage women to come out of their shell because
there's plenty of vaginal dysfunction out there, and women just
don't realize that it's not normal to be on yourself
after a certain age. It's not normal to be dry
and not want sex. It's not normal to have pain.
None of that is normal and all of it can
(26:56):
be fixed.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
None of it is permanent.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
None of it is permanent.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
All right, Uh, this is fun as far as us like, share, follow,
Please review, not just Doctor sex Ferry, but this podcast.
After five hundred and I don't know forty shows, your
podcasts still mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Your
podcast your reviews mean a lot of the podcasting ecosystem.
Shoot us an email, Great Love Debate at gmail dot com.
If you've got questions, thoughts you want us to hook
(27:19):
you up with the good doctor, here, go to Great
Love Debate dot com. There may may possibly now that
had surgery be a live show or two. I'm thinking
about it getting lured back if my health permits, because,
as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stop
making love. See you next time.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
The Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
It's the Great Love Debate, a great love debate.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
It's a Great Love Debate.
This is pod Popular Podcast for the People.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
The Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's
a great love ba Hi and everyone. It's Brian how
We welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number
one dating a relationship podcast since twenty and fifteen. I'm
back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular
Podcasts for the People. I have the one in Boca Ratone, Florida.
(00:31):
It is lovely. If you have the means, get to
Boca Raton, Florida. I don't quite have as much energy
as I normally do. I the the surgery I told
you guys about that I might have. I had and
it hurts. So I'm playing a little bit hurt. But
I have a guest in here today. She's been on
(00:53):
here many times, but she has not been in here sometimes.
I have a very specific and very important topic that
I wanted to talk to her about. Figured I need
to pro for this because I have questions, but I
don't necessarily have answers. She is the host of the
Doctor sex Fairy podcast Doctor sex Fairy herself, Doctor Kanwall Baba,
(01:13):
how are you.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I am doing well? Thank you. It's lovely to be
back on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
So you walked in the studio today and you said,
what are we going to talk about today? And I said,
the concept of use it or lose it? And I
think that people of all ages right now are not
using it, so to speak, and that manifests itself societally
in a lot of different ways. But I have read
a statistic the other day that seventy two percent of
men under thirty have not had a date in a year,
(01:42):
and that alarmed me.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I believe it because they are having less sex, they
are less communicative. Overall, they are less social, and I
think all the social media is making us anti social.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
I think you're right. I think you can get your
stimuli a lot of different ways. You know, when at
least I was younger. I'm not going to age you
too much, we had like four TV stations, you know,
I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
We didn't have, you know, Netflix and hundreds of cable
outlets and TikTok and YouTube and anything that you could
entertain yourself on a Friday or Saturday night and get
a certain amount of stimuli without going out of the house.
It trickles down to even this though I have business
and I hire or try to hire a lot of
young men and women under under thirty. And I remember
(02:28):
when I got out of college and I was in
my twenties and I lived in the New York City
and the New York City area. I was competing with
some Wall Street guys for girls. If I wanted to
get girl to go out with me, if I wanted
to get laid, I needed to make some money. That
was the motivating factory. It was like, what do you
need money for? I needed money so the girls would
(02:49):
like me. It wasn't like, oh, I'm saving to buy
a house or anything. It was literally that commodity because
they don't care as much about that now. They you
guys under thirty, thirty five or whatever. Yeah, work is hard.
They don't care about that. They live at home, They
video games, They bipot in it. So that motivating drive
trickles into the workforce and it kills me well.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I often talk about this white mentality on my podcast,
and I find it very disturbing because we are not
putting the effort into relationships like we used to. I
think the options are endless because now you can seat
your fine ass on the couch and you don't even
have to brush your teeth, fix your hair and go
out anymore. Forget about trying to be social at a bar.
(03:30):
You can have AI sex now. When I first heard
about it, I thought I was being punked, and then
I realized there is such a thing. They put on
their virtual reality headsets and it can seem awfully real
from what I've.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Been told, Oh, she's gonna she either is gonna like
that I said this, or not that I like that
I said this. But my producer of this podcast, the
two time Emmy Wordmating, Keko, she is very AI. She
asked a lot of questions, a lot of business questions,
a lot of stuff on air, and her AI friend
knows Sir, her preferences, roots for the Dodgers. With her,
(04:04):
it's like a relationship. And I can see the benefit
of that, you know, because a lot of people don't
want to date, they don't want to connect, they don't
want to interact because they don't want the downside. They
don't believe the juice is worth the squeeze. They don't
want the rejection, they don't want the costs, they don't
want the time, they don't want the same not not
so if you're like, okay, I can get relatively some
stimulus here, have somebody tell me I'm awesome and pretty,
(04:27):
even if it's not real. It's kind of the same.
And I've said this bor on the podcast. It's kind
of the same relationship we develop with our pets.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yes, and I think that it was crazy enough with
sex dolls, but now the damn things talk to you
and stimulate you in other ways. They have robots now,
sex robots.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
They do, and you could say it's not as good.
Well as a generation of people who don't know it's
not as good. And there's another generation people who got
out of a relationship with a real, live person who
made them feel awful. I mean, And so I get
that this is not just people in their thirties' people
in their forties and fifties and sixties got divorced, had
some bad experience dating, and they're like, you know what,
(05:05):
I don't need this. I can get a certain amount
of pleasure, stimuli, interaction, engagement, mental and otherwise without leaving
my couch. And you know what COVID did to a
lot of people is give them a little bit of
an opportunity to figure out what they could do from
home that made them feel at least entertained and somewhat engaged.
And a lot of people never came out of that hole.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
COVID did us a lot of damage as a society
and as human beings overall, because not only did we
become antisocial and never leave our homes. Well, in Florida
it wasn't so bad, but certainly other parts of the
country were far worse, and certain countries were far worse.
And I feel that not only did we become more antisocial,
(05:46):
we normalize that kind of nonsense. And now even today
you see people with masks and everything hiding behind them. Yeah,
and I find that deeply disturbing.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
And to be became an introverts dream.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yeah. And then I think the other thing. People realizes
that with COVID came its own set of erectile problems.
So when I started talking about it, people thought, at.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Last, you mean from the virus. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah, people thought I'd lost my mind. And then the
University of Miami did some studies about it, and sure
enough I wasn't as crazy as I sounded initially. So
people who had COVID developed erectile dysfunction more than the
average population because it caused endothelial damage and the blood vessels,
which basically means that screwed up the blood vessels. Things
(06:31):
weren't flowing the way they should. And that did two things. One, well,
it did more than two things, but two things physically.
One it caused people to not get as hard, and secondly,
penises shrank in size. They did, yes, sir, because if
you don't have good blood flow, your penis is going
to shrivel up, you know, use it or lose it.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
And COVID. So people are focusing on the sniffles and
the cough and everything.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Yeah, and meanwhile their penis is going to hell. Huh
So not only that. Now, imagine a young guy who,
in any case, at baseline with somewhat anti social. Now
he's properly anti social, not going out for months, maybe
even a year. Now he's a total germophobe. And finally
he allows himself to be in an intimate situation and
have sex. Now he's not performing because he's not actually
(07:14):
had sex in a while. Right, he hasn't trained his
penis very much at all. And if you're not having sex,
your penis kind of forgets how to.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
So it's not that just he can only last two seconds.
It might not even get involved at all.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah, and especially if he's had COVID. Now imagine his
lack of confidence. And you know that cycle perpetuates itself.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Right, People not only you know, decided that they wanted
to work from home, they want to date from home,
they want to be entertained from home. A lot of
people never came out of there. They did. The only
interaction they get was this, like the uber eats guy,
deliver it and even.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
That sometimes just leave it at my door, don't even
ring my beat.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I know there's a lot of that too. Use it
or lose it. If you do not, Male and female,
if you do not use it, does it not just
men plane Emotionally it goes away, but physically doesn't need
practices like a muscle pretty much.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
And you need blood flow, you need that, you need that.
You know, we were made the way we are for
a reason. We are meant to be sexual beings. Yet
we are having less and less sex. And the interesting
thing is that the younger generations are having far less
sex than our generations dead. So I think that a
lot of it is like I said, social media, just
(08:25):
the dating apps, all of that, Well.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
They're not as motivated to date, they're mount as motivated
to breed. You know, I saw that. It's not scary
for me. I'm like, the population needs to dwindle. But
supposedly like fifty years, Like it's no longer like a
club like one in, one out, it's like one out,
a half in.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
We're not making enough babies.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
We're not making enough babies in this country and the
population and you know, it goes back to that old
Idiocracy movie. The ones that are making babies are the
ones who probably shouldn't be making And that's the thing.
But if it starts early, if you are not motivated
to engage or talk to somebody of the opposite sex,
you're probably not going to date them. You're probably gonna
have sex with them, You're probably not going to marry them,
(09:05):
You're probably not gonna babies with them. There's a whole
thing where if you're you know, fifteen years old now
and you are living the time of your life playing
video games, and you can, you know, pull up any
nudity you want online, and you know, I don't necessarily
blame these these young guys. I'm not saying my way
was better. When I had to make a bunch of
money to get girls in the twenties. It didn't make
(09:27):
me a better person, but it was just like a
motivating thing, like what else are we going to do
except try and chase women? You know?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And I moved to America and I heard about starter marriages.
It was a few years after i'd moved here when
I heard about starter marriages. I thought that was insane
that we go into a thinking that this is just
a dry run for something better. I mean, why are
we always looking for that something better? Is there necessarily
always something better? Or are we just dissatisfied and unfulfilled.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Well, that's a good point I want to pick up
on that. I take a quick break because we have
to pay for dissatisfied relationships with her. I'm with doctor
sex Ferry herself. We will be back right after this,
and we are back. You're Indian. Yes, Arranged marriages, which
(10:15):
is part of that culture, tend to work out or
tend to have some degree of satisfaction because they're not starter.
They're not let's try this out. They're not let people
figure out a way to make it work right.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yes, And I think arranged marriages are very misunderstood. My
parents were married for several decades. My dad passed away.
He was the love of my mother's life. She will
not date again. That kind of love came from an
arranged marriage. But they were not made to marry. They
were not told this is the person you'll marry. They
(10:50):
were just introduced. So in my opinion, it's the month.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Two families get together and they say.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
You the mom and dad and auntie dating system. You know,
like you havemkers who actually know that these two people
will get along or that makes sense together if for instance,
you know, people say, oh, it's you know, the rich
for the rich, or it's all about who has how
much money. But seriously, though, if you marry somebody who
thinks that buying a Revlan lipstick is too much money,
(11:19):
well maybe you like airmes versus, how's that going to work?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I know it's a silly thing I'm mentioning, but it's
small things. It's big things. They tend to marry within
the same religion because you take that nonsense out of it. Also,
so you tend to marry within the same education level
as well, because Again, if you have a doctorate in
something and the other guy failed high school, you're probably
going to have an intellectual mismatch. And so much of
sex begins in the brain, right.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
That's true In an arranged marriage society, if somebody passes away,
do they have to get rearranged or then they free
to do their own thing.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I think they're pretty much free at that point to
do their own thing. But I think you always are though.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I mean, yeah, I suppose you are. But a lot
of people, you know, I've talked to a lot of
people from different cultures who've been down that not only
do they say it's not what you think. They say
that little things that would be picked break people up,
or the ability to compromise, or the ability to be like,
we're in this together, let's make this work. That goes
a long long way.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It does. And I think it's the attitude that I
find very hard to understand sometimes. I mean, I've lived
in America now longer than I lived in India, where
I was born and raised, so I live within, you know,
I live with one foot in each world, so to speak.
And I still don't understand how Americans can behave a
(12:37):
certain way when it comes to relationships, I think it's
just too casual. Now again, I am doctor sex fairy,
so I speak to people of all you know, like
they have this proclivity you have another. I get it,
you are allowed to be different. But swingers, for instance,
they're very, very common, and God bless them, they have
(12:57):
a right to do what they want. I just don't
understand how the jealousy wouldn't kill you.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
And well, I think if you have two partners, it
means you don't have one because if you had one,
you probably wouldn't need a second one.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Well, that's true, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And if you wonder if if you have two people
and you wonder which one you like better, you like
the second one better because if you like the first
one enough, you wouldn't have the second one.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I agree, But.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
You know that is part of the motivating factor. And
this is where the women's side of it come in.
If you're you know a lot of women in their
twenties and thirties, it goes back to need. If you're
just feel like I don't need a man to for
the goals I have in life with your career oriented
or even possibly having a kid on my own. That
really does diminish your desire to think I need some
(13:45):
sort of even at the baseline companionship. You know, a
lot of times as we get older, sixty seventies or whatever,
you do want that partner. You don't want to be alone,
you don't want dialogue, kids, if we run off, whatever.
But in your twenty thirties and forties, you're like, I
have a circle of friends, I have people I work with,
I have a million shows. I can walk and watch
twenty years of Gray's Anatomy if I want, and I
(14:05):
don't need to, like hope some guy calls me back
that I met at the bar on Tuesday night. I
don't need the stress, I don't need the angst. And
I do get that. And you're in your forties, you know,
you might feel differently now. If you were in your twenties,
you might be the same thing. One of those women
med school ambitious. You're like, I dating can wait till
(14:26):
I'm fifty.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's an unfortunate turn of events, I think, because we
are losing that connection, we are losing that companionship, and
too many people are dying alone. And most people who
are dying alone aren't okay. With it. At that point
it may seem more glamorous than it is when you're
younger and have options. Yeah, and then when you're old
and all the good people are taken and your kids
(14:49):
are away, if you even had them, well, then it's lonely. Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I know I get that too, that all the good
people are taken, they'll be back. Get people tolf of them,
we'll be back. It's not a game of musical chairs,
and you won't run out of seats. You will have
a seat, but you have to want to have a seat.
And that is why you know a lot of the
desire now is gone in their twenties. It's gone in
their thirties. Because we hear all the time there's not
of good people. Forties. You probably got out of a
(15:14):
marriage or a relationship and you're like, ugh, last thing
I want to do is get back into that fifties
where we are in South Florida, fifties sixties, the men
tend to poop out. The women have more energy. That
excus it. You go out to a wine bar, there's
four hundred women there and there's six guys there. Like,
every decade has its challenges, but every decade's challenges are
(15:38):
root in the fact that somebody's not trying hard enough. Great,
and that's both sides of it.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
You know, yes, and also when you're not having sex,
as we were discussing earlier, your tissue goes to hell.
Basically there's atrophy, which literally means your tissue is dying.
And women, for instance, as their menopausal, that estrogen goes away.
But people don't realize is that women also need a testostroone.
(16:03):
And when that estrogen and testosterone is going away, and
it's going away quickly, your tissue is drying up. Sex
becomes painful. You don't even want to have sex, your
libido's gone. How exactly are you supposed to Then at
that point get into a relationship. The guy shows up,
he's ready, he's in it to win it, he wants
to have sex. Maybe he's one of my patients and
(16:24):
he can actually get hard and last. But you are
dry and crusty down there. What happens?
Speaker 1 (16:29):
What women naturally have testosterone? Yes, and it's at like
what one third of the level of estrogen, Like what
is mans breaking?
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Some people are saying that it's four times the amount
of estrogen they have. Some people are saying, no, it's
not that much. So they argue back and forth about
how much. But I can tell you it's a good
bit of testosterone that a woman should have too. In fact,
my supplements, the doctor sex very supplements, are unisex and
one of them is a testosterone booster. And women get
uncomfortable with that. Con They say, but that's a testosterone.
(17:02):
They don't want to grow a beard. But I explained
to them that it's not the kind of testosterone that's
going to make them grow a beard. It's just enough
to give them a little kick, a little step up,
get them feeling frisky again, get them more stimulated again.
Those things matter. So once you start using your parts,
that blood starts flowing. And then a lot of these
(17:22):
women come to me and then they get treatments that
give them a new lease on life. And I'm not
saying this that as advertising for my medical practice. I'm
telling you that women need to realize that it's not
game over. Men need to realize it's not game over,
that there's life beyond viagrancialist because they are just band aids.
They're never fixing the problem.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
But they have to want to fix the product to one.
That's the thing you have to care. You have to
be like, I need stuff to work because I want
to be out in the world, engaged with real life people.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
But again, Brian, isn't that also a problem because you
don't have the confidence in your ability to perform, So
you tell yourself, I don't really want that because you
don't want to be in that position. Way you're shriveled
up in front of a woman just unable to get hard,
or you get hard and then you can't last long
enough and you're like, Okay, do most.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
People who come to you have a mental problem or
a physical problem?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
I think most people have at least some element of
a physical problem. And I think also most people have
some element of a mental issue because and that doesn't
mean they're crazy. It just means that confidence has suffered.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
So if you fix the physical problem, they'll get more confidence.
And sometimes if you fix the confidence, the physical problem
goes away.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
So you have to be a little bit of a
problem doesn't go away, but it makes you probably more
likely to fix the physical problem because blockages are blockages.
Those aren't going to go away if you're more confident,
So those need to be fixed.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And that's good. So it's good for business for you
if people want to get laid.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I think it's wonderful for business.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
But on the flip side of your thing with the
women have testerone, men have estrogen, men do What does
that do for us? Well, when we do, we lose
it the same way that the women lose the testosterone.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Women I start to lose to stostro one at about
age thirty, about one to two percent a year. Women
have a more drastic drop in their hormones later in life,
but they too are losing it earlier than they realize.
Because people think about menopause as being the end of
the road, right, but there is perimenopause. That's a whole
decade before you actually stop menstruating, before your period stops.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
And that's when the crazy happens.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
That's when the crazy starts.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
We do that, I mean in the podcasting ecosystem. Now,
menopause is all the rage before trying to deal with it,
not to solve with it, and a lot of it
is well, how does it affect people in our lives
and how to affect the men are? Men have no idea?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Men have no idea.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
You know, it's just she's a little moody. But we
don't know if it's chemical, if it's like logical, if
it's physical, if it's any of these things. And we
didn't I don't think anybody's talking about perimenopause ten years ago.
They're talking about but we didn't know, Like it could
be forty one and suddenly she.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Should be in the thirties, really, because not every woman
is having menopause in her fifty Depending on which country,
which culture, how you are genetically, menopause could technically happen
in your forties.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Is it more likely to happen in America because the
food we eat, or that doesn't because you know, we
supposedly mature faster because we eat crappy food.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
You have all that genetically modified crap that we eat.
And women, i mean girls, young girls are menstruating way
earlier than we used to back in the day, and
I think that's just not right and that is messing
us up. But I think overall, though, the fact that
people are starting to talk about menopause and perimenopause, that's
(20:33):
a great thing.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
But the well lets us off the hook. It's like, oh,
it's not me, it's her.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Well, it's not a fair fight. It's not. It's not.
It never was. But now at least we're starting to
acknowledge that it's not a fair fight, right, that the
crazy with women starts way earlier than we think it does.
And I know some women will be very mad at
me for saying this.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I'm a woman. I ideal they don't.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
They don't like the term crazy, but we do, as women,
act a little crazy. But then again, the other thing
we're not acknowledging enough is andropause manopause as I call it.
We are all fucked up, excuse my friends, and so
we are just screwed up differently, that's all. I mean.
Men have their own version of menopause, and nobody even
(21:15):
talks about that. We say that we don't talk about
Perry menopause, and well, hell, nobody's talking about menopause.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Are men to desensitize because of porn? Do you want
anything that?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
I don't think porn is the enemy. And I've said
this before, and I don't have any shares in porn
hub or anything. I have no skin in the game.
I don't think porn is the enemy because I think
we have to see it as adult entertainment and leave
it at that. The problem comes with porn. If you
are watching so much porn that you are unable to
function in life, that you are unable to have a
(21:48):
relationship with a person. That kind of thing. Okay, porn
may be the enemy, but for the average person.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Which I don't understand that at all, but I hear
that a lot.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
But I hear it too.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah, they need something freaky that cannot happen in real life.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
It freaky, and they need it weird or it doesn't work.
But then again, there are king communities. Maybe you just
need a kinky partner and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
And you know, you can say that's tough to find,
but you only need one.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Not that hard.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
I know you only need one. And there's ways to
connect with people all over the world who are the
same Oh yeah freak that you are.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I think is huge. Yeah, and you just need to
find your own kind of freak and that's okay. But
if you want to find a more mundane, more normal
quote unquote relationship, that might be a bit of an issue.
So I don't think born is necessarily the enemy. And
people are very shocked that I say this as a
good little Indian girl with my British accent. People don't
(22:39):
get that, they say, but shouldn't you be talking, you know,
speaking out against born as a bit Porne never did
anything to me. I mean, why am I against a
whole bunch.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Of people that find your own kind of freak?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Find your own kind of freak. The problem becomes when
you are not connecting, which brings us back to the
user or lose it. If you're not connecting with your partner,
if you can't function in life only, then has pawned
really a problem? In my opinion, I think are problems
with online what do you call it? Virtual reality stuff
that's a much bigger problem in my opinion.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
I think you're right, and you talk about use it
or lose it. We're not just talking about genitalia here.
We're talking about your heart. We're talking about your brain.
We're talking about your chemistry. We're talking about the things
that you have that are there for you to connect
with another person. And if you're not using any of
those things, and you're really just using your thumbs on
(23:33):
a keyboard of sometimes or a mouse or something, you're
using a fraction of things that you were given that
are designed to have you connect.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
You know, you were talking about being at the bar
and trying to get the hot girl at the bar, or.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Not even the hot girl at the bar, just a
girl a girl.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
The trill you get from getting that hot girl's phone number. Yeah,
like WHOA you high five in yourself? You don't get
that off a VR headset. That that's true.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
That's true. There's no real I don't understand how there's
a sense of accomplishment. But I've said that and people say,
you don't play video games, so you don't understand. And
this gamifying of porn where there's different levels and I
can get this. They've sort of tricked themselves and that's
the way to do it.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
And I think the less you have real sex, unless
you have real relationships, the less able you are to
have them.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
And it's not always about the sex, about the intimacy.
Don't you want to hold somebody's hand?
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Mm?
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Don't you want to feel the way they feel? Don't
you want skin to skin touch? Don't you want to hug?
Don't you want to share bed? Some people are just
like no, fine, take yourselves out of the dating pool
and then leave the people who are in the pool
better and find ways to figure it out. And if
you have mental, psychological, physical challenges, you can listen to
this podcast. But more importantly, you can fire up doctor
(24:53):
sex Fairy in.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Chel that's right now. You talked about hugging and kissing.
Do you know that couples nowadays aren't hugging and kissing enough?
In fact, I did an episode about the twenty second
hug and the six second kiss. To me, it sounds
insane that you should have to tell people to kiss
a little longer and to hug a little longer, but
(25:15):
they just don't. It's a very perfunctory, very.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Like quick, Oh, here's a hug, here's.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
A kug, here's a kiss. Me if you actually count
it out, yeah, one, two, three, four, five, six, I
mean I almost panic counting out. I'm like, oh my god,
this podcast will get boring. But think about that. Yeah,
a kiss that last six seconds, that's not necessarily a
(25:41):
very long, passionate kiss.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
No, no, it's not. That's not like Staremaster time where
you're doing hard time either. That's good. A twenty second
hug that sounds nice. Yeah, that sounds like it's beyond
hello goodbye. That sounds like we're connecting, we're engaging, we're
literally embracing, we're sharing. Yeah, that's important.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I like that, And those kinds of interactions certainly heat
things up in the bedroom too.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
How can they not all right?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
How can everybody find you? I always like this is
always educational for me, no idea. How could I not
know that men needed estrogen and women need testoster. I've
been doing this long time.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Learn so that's why you have me. So people can
find my podcast Doctor sex Fairy anywhere podcasts are found.
They can also learn more about what I do at
Doctorsexfaery dot com and they can always call my practice
Barba Medical as well.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
The most common challenge is the most common thing that
you get.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Is what erectile dysfunction?
Speaker 1 (26:32):
So it's mostly it's men. You get men more than women.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I get men more than women. But I am trying
to encourage women to come out of their shell because
there's plenty of vaginal dysfunction out there, and women just
don't realize that it's not normal to be on yourself
after a certain age. It's not normal to be dry
and not want sex. It's not normal to have pain.
None of that is normal and all of it can
(26:56):
be fixed.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
None of it is permanent.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
None of it is permanent.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
All right, Uh, this is fun as far as us like, share, follow,
Please review, not just Doctor sex Ferry, but this podcast.
After five hundred and I don't know forty shows, your
podcasts still mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Your
podcast your reviews mean a lot of the podcasting ecosystem.
Shoot us an email, Great Love Debate at gmail dot com.
If you've got questions, thoughts you want us to hook
(27:19):
you up with the good doctor, here, go to Great
Love Debate dot com. There may may possibly now that
had surgery be a live show or two. I'm thinking
about it getting lured back if my health permits, because,
as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stop
making love. See you next time.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
The Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
It's the Great Love Debate, a great love debate.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
It's a Great Love Debate.
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