The Toxic - 1173

On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about his weekend, and how toxic people try to pull a fast one on you

 

Intern John's new comedy album, "Chuy Forever: The Album" is out! Proceeds benefit the Warrior Canine Connection. You can order the album HERE

Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a happy Monday friend. Welcome to Thas Shower intern
John is my name. It was a weekend to say
the least, so Friday hockey season officially started. First game
of the year. Boys lost six to four. However, relative
for the first game of the year, not bad be
on the ice since Monday, so they had three practices

(00:25):
I believe total, and so played against a rival. Didn't
go our way, but a lot of good things come
from that exhibition games. That doesn't count anyway in trying
to get the younger kids involved.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
So it was fun.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
I missed it, you know that kind of like that
excitement for the day of like okay, here we go.
You know, you prepare them as Bestie counted them. You
help things go the right way. They didn't this time.
That's okay, it is what it is. Saturday was busy,
busy day in a good way though. Actually I first
saw Saturday, I slept till ten, which that never happens

(01:02):
like that never usually I can wake up or I
mean I can't sleep past like seven. We'll go at ten,
and was like, okay, here we go. Saturday was fun though.
My good buddy Andro Day, who plays in the Legwarmers,
who has played in the comedy Tour of Me.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
He came over.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
He brought his Oculusilver, which is like that VR headset
from Meta Facebook, and I was hooked. He had this
golf game that I was like, okay, And it's cool
because when you put on this headset and you look around,
it's trippy, like really quickly you forget like what way
you're facing, and it kind of like it takes you away.

(01:42):
And so the golf game is cool because you can
buy like an attachment that's like a golf club, and
so I did that and I bought my own. Got
drunk enough, I was like, wonder what I'm gonna get
one of these headsets, and I did. I was playing
yesterday for a little bit. It's very cool. It's very cool.
It does feel like you're on the golf course, which

(02:02):
is dope. Went to the Caps game. We left when
it was too nothing new Jersey, and of course as
we leave Capital side the game up. It is what
it is. It happens the best of us, you know,
so on so forth. Didn't get home until like one,
and then I'm so annoyed. We ordered Uber EAT's thinking
like I timed it right. It's gonna be there right

(02:22):
in time. Uber Eats took an hour for this certain
fast food restaurant a casual text mechs.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Cuisine, and that was annoying.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
So I had to stay up for that and then
I had to eat it obviously, So think at the
bed till like two, and then woke up at seven
just because I couldn't sleep.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
It says cranky and then doesn't work. Stuff. Went to
the bar and there we go.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
Get me a busy week this week going to Nashville.
My nephew is being baptized, so that's gonna be a
lot of fun to do that. As the you know,
godfather of the child, big shoes for that kid to
fill big it has to be exceptional. He's my godson.
He better be above and beyond. Otherwise I'm gonna rescind

(03:07):
my offer. I'll wait for the next kid, you.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
Know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
That's reality of it. It is uh, it is what
it is. But it is that kind of the time
of the year for us too, where it's it's the
crunch man. It's like the real like we're getting into it,
you know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, shingle ball, good to go, let
me hit this for your Monday as well. The ways
toxic people twist your words to make you the problem.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Starting with selective hearing.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
They say, toxic people often has selective hearing, only acknowledging
parts of what you say that can be used against you,
conveniently ignoring the rest, which can leave you feel misrepresented
and misunderstood. I think that this is annoying too, because,
like the toxic person, they make it difficult to have
a conversation with and certainly it's obviously intentional right where

(03:55):
it's like, I can't let you twist my words and
ignore it. I need you go back and like address that.
You know, it's impossible to have a forward moving conversation
with them. Over generalization, it's another tactics over generalization, where
a toxic person takes one thing you said and blows
it out portion. It may assist a single common represents

(04:16):
your tire viewpoint painting you is unreasonable or extreme. I'll
say this too. What most likely they'll also do is
they'll take something that's obviously you say that's sarcastic and
acts as if you're being serious and then act hurt
that way. You know what I mean they'll take that
one small thing. But oh so you do think that
I'm annoying. Oh so I am the victim. And that

(04:39):
again is like how can we have a conversation, you know,
playing the victim? Say, Toxic individuals are masters of playing
the victim, turning any criticism in the confrontation back on you.
They'll twist your words and make it seem like you're
attacking them, even when you're simply expressing your feelings. Yeah,
and again, to me, I just don't want to talk you.

(05:01):
That's like the biggest thing is like how can I
I can't afford to waste that energy when I know
what you're doing.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
And I do think that it becomes it becomes old.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
I think the toxic stuff works at first if you're
a good person, because you wouldn't expect that to happen
to you. I always say this with war the roses
and that kind of stuff. People like, well, how are
they so surprised? I'm like, yeah, but if you are
a good person and you would never cheat on your person,
you wouldn't think they'd do it to you.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
You just wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
And I think that's the case with this, Like you
would never if you know you're a good person and
you never make yourself a victim for a psychological advantage.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
You wouldn't expect somebody else to. I think that's reality.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
Gas lightings next say, it's the favorite tool toxic people
designed to make you doubt your own perceptions when they
twist your words and my assistance. You ever said something
or they meant something else entirely. Yeah, I've had times
before where I've had a call, usually sauce, and be like, hey,
am I going crazy?

Speaker 2 (06:03):
And like have to.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
Replay what was going on, replay conversation, like, hey, here's
a situation.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Am I going crazy?

Speaker 1 (06:14):
Because I do think if somebody is consistent enough and
they can convince other people, it can make you kind
of follow in that trap. But you're self doubting, you're
second guessing if what you said was real, and that's
a scary spot to be it. It is when you
start to question your own reality, like, oh, maybe I
was I being too much?

Speaker 2 (06:35):
You know?

Speaker 1 (06:36):
Word twisting. Yeah, one of the most frustrating tactics is
straightforward ward twisting, where talks to people deliberately misinterpret your statements.
It's my involved taking something said literal was meant to
be figuratively or vice versa. Again, I think that's the Yeah,
I think that's the big one where, like you know,
they will take what you say. I think that's always

(06:56):
to me the signe of a losing argument when you
take something you twist it and focus on that where
it's like it's not the big issue, but you're making
it seem like you're the victim because of.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
One small thing. I would agree with that.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
Shifting the blame toxic people, excel Us, Shifting the blame
off and twisting your words to make it seem like
you're f fault again. And I've preached this so many
times on this podcast. I really think that people don't
understand the power of the apology. If you just say
I'm sorry, it takes away so much power from the
person against you. Like if you make a mistake and

(07:30):
let's just say it's me and Sauce. If I do
something to a noise Sauce and I just say sorry,
it kind of takes away any venom she can have
towards me. I've already apologized, you know what I mean,
I've said sorry. So the blame game, Yeah, that's a
toxic thing because to me, it's like it's about taking responsibility.

(07:51):
Bringing out the past, say, toxic people love to bring
up the past, past mistakes or instance. Is divert attention
from the current issue. I've like had this happen relationships,
And that's the thing too with relationships. And I've never cheated. However,
they always say that if you're gonna take somebody back
after cheating, like you really have to forgive them, Like

(08:12):
that's on you to forgive them. If I'm dating Anna
Kendrick Nice and she cheats on me and I take
her back, it's like it's on me to forgive. If
she asked for the apology, it's on me to uh
forgive and then kind of not bring it up again.
You can't keep bringing out the past, especially in fights.

(08:34):
That to me is like a very frustrating thing. But
it's like again, if it's something that we have put
in the past, something we have addressed and then you know,
put behind us. If you keep bringing it up there,
it's like you weren't truly forgiven, you know, how can
you actually move on? Minimizing your concerns is the last one.

(08:55):
It's another tactic, is minimizing your concerns making me feel
like your words are unimportant or adrade toxic. People might
accuse you of making a big deal on nothing, dismissing your
feelings as trivial. Yeah, and again, to me, that's kind
of gaslighting. That's kind of gaslight. I've told this story
on the air. But we had the event for work
and I was told that I was gonna be co

(09:16):
hosting it. That was me and some other people, but
I would be a part of the hosting, of the
of the process. I was very excited prepared for it.
Get to the event, None that happened. In fact, somebody
else that I was with who did not get the
information they co hosted it, and I was upset. And
this person said to me, well, I'm sorry, your expectations
weren't met. And I said, you're the one that told

(09:39):
me to prepare and expect to be co hosting, That's why.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
And it was.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Funny hearing that coming then them trying to be well,
I'm sorry, your expectations weren't mad, that's what they kept saying, like,
but you you gave me the expectations. So if you
told me to wear a suit because we're going to
a five Star dinner, then we go to McDonald's. It's
not against McDonald's. You told me to expect one thing,
and here we are. Anyway, Hope you have a great Monday.

(10:06):
Appreciate your listening. Stash our