Wellington mayor Tory Whanau has opened up about being diagnosed with ADHD and 'significant traits of autism', after seeking therapy for her drinking issues.
Whanau revealed after she went sober, her neurodiverse traits became more obvious.
She says she'd never considered her drinking habits were a symptom of something else until she sought professional help.
"It just meant that everything in my life made sense. I had never, ever considered that I was neurodiverse, ever, until earlier this year. So it's been quite mindblowing, but also a relief."
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to the Sunday Session podcast with Francesca Rudgin
from News Talks edb SO.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
On Friday, Wellington Mayor Tory Farno revealed she had been
diagnosed with ADHD and significant traits of autism. Mental health
organizations and mental Health Minister Matt Doocy appraising Tory for
speaking out, hoping it will reduce stigma around neuridiversity and
mental health. To talk me through the impact of an
adult diagnosis and how it impacts her role as mayor,
Tory Faro joins me, Now, good morning, Tory, thanks for
(00:35):
being with us.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Oh, good morning. Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Look, I know you kind of mentioned this a bit before,
but look taught me through the diagnosis and how it
came about.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Yeah, of course, so, as we all know, last year
I admitted to having a drinking issue and I got
professional help for that, which included, you know, a specialist
in alcohol harm reduction therapy and that sort of thing.
But as I continued, when I got too early of
(01:06):
the the earthly part of this year, it kind of
became a bit obvious that the drinking was a symptom
of something else. And once I had more sessions with
my therapist. We started to explore either autism or ADHD
as that possible cause, so I researched a bit more,
(01:29):
I was signed up to an assessment and then low
and behold, I got the diagnosis, which for me, it
just meant that everything in my life made sense. I
had never ever considered that I was neurodiverse ever until
earlier this year. So it's been quite mind blowing but
(01:52):
also a relief as it explains just sort of quirks
of my personality and the need for me to have
certain things to make work easier. And I'm really lucky
in that it's been mainly a positive experience for me,
because that is not the case a lot of people.
(02:14):
But in terms of having a diagnosis at forty one,
it's quite it's quite mind blowing because you start to
think about, well, what is my real personality and I'm
really going through this kind of gross moment at the
at the moment, and it's been it's been kind of great.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Well, we're seeing a lot of later in life diagnosis
like this a lot of the time and women, and
it can be a bit of a shock, but it's
also this aha momentory, I mean, are you kind of going?
And it takes a little while because there'll be all
these little moments where this is my experience from talking
to people and having your ownbvious people in my family
where by they're all kind of going, oh, hang on
a minute, ye, this makes sense. Oh hang on a minute,
(02:58):
this is why I do this, or this is why
I've always done this.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yes, that's exactly right. And we're lucky in this that actually,
especially our younger generations. So the Gen Z and younger
millennials are very open about this condition themselves, so they
go on TikTok, they make videos and go, you know,
you know you're adhd if you've got this. So I've
been watching a lot of those videos and going, oh
(03:22):
my god, I've found my people here. I was just
thinking I was a bit weird, when actually this is
this is actually very common and it's I've kind of
I'm going through this process where now that weirdness or
equipments about my personality, I'm just going to lean in.
I'm just going to embrace it. And my friends and
(03:43):
family have seen a bit of a shift and they've
seen me much happier, which I think is the overall
important thing about this.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
All alcohol can be a part of ADHD.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Count it, oh, absolutely so, the more so once I
became sober and we started talking it through, like why
do I drink that much much? Why do I do this?
And I never really knew it at the time, but
I thought I was this really outgoing social butterfly party girl.
(04:17):
But actually I drank because I had quite severe social anxiety.
I just didn't want to admit that to myself. And
it was so that I suppose that's the autistic side
of things, And when it came to ADHD, it was
more like that dopamine hit. It's like, oh, I've had
a couple of drinks. Oh, I feel good. I'm just
going to keep chasing that buzz. And now that I
(04:39):
know that about myself, I don't crave alcohol. And if
I'm in a social situation, I'll accept, you know what,
this is going to feel awkward and difficult for me
because socializing is hard work. But now that people know why,
but I'm not going to try and mask it or
try and dull it, or I'm just going to be
(05:00):
honest about why this is difficult.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
And I think, you know, we talk a lot about
social battery in our house, and I think a lot
of people understand that concent really well. It's kind of
like actema batteries just running low. So I just need
to you know, I need a moment and I'll just
let that my social battery kind of build up again
and I'll be ready to go. So what does this
mean for you? Was mayor? How do you manage this
as mere? Does it impact your ability to do the job?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
No, not at all. It just means we have to
shift things around a bit. So, I mean, I saw
work quite long hours, so probably about anything between fifty
to sixty hours a week, but that we need to
front end or front load some big things in the
morning where I'm at my peak. When it gets to
three o'clock, I crash. So then we try to put
(05:46):
something in there that re energizes me. So something that
I know feels my battery is actually speaking at like
women and leadership or talking to our youth or you
know that progressive side of things. It gives me life.
So we try to put as many of those in
the early to late afternoon during my week so that
(06:07):
I can do more stuff that evening. It's quite that
was quite an interesting lesson. We just just make it
work so I can be more effective. I am going
on medication. It takes ages to get it, so we
see these as temporary measures until I can get my medication,
which hopefully will super charge me even more.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
But it's going to blow your mind, Tory, Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
My god, I'm so excited. I won't lie because, like,
the thing that impacts me the most, like is the
fatigue that I feel like that's really my only issue,
and I want to have energy. I want to keep going.
I want to work more because I love my job
so much, and if the medication can help me do that, well,
then you know, give me it.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Well.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
It's really interesting though, because you've talked about changes that
you've made within the workplace about how actually you can
get done what you need to in fifteen minutes with
people instead of spending it out. Actually it's really beneficial
for everybody, you know what I mean. Sometimes it's just
sometimes you stop, how can we work better? Do we
need to do this? Do we need to do that?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Exactly? It's just best practice, And little do we know
there's someone else who's NEARO diverse in that room who
doesn't want to say that, and so you're just making
it easier for other people. I've always been a fan
of short meetings anyway, because I do not think we
need an hour to get to the point, so I
just consider it best practice. Anyway.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Why did you decide to speak out about it? I
mean you could have, you know, just dealt with this privately.
Did you have any sort of concerns about how the
news could be received or portrayed.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
No, so it actually came up by accident, to be honest.
So I was planning on talking about it maybe at
the end of the year, once council had wrapped up,
and it was probably good summer read. But a journalist
did find out because I'd put neurospicy in my top profile,
which is just such a silly thing to do, and
(07:59):
I just didn't think people followed me, so it was
kind of accidentally brought out. But the journalist in question
asked me incredibly spectfully, and he was wonderful during the
entire interview, and I think he did a beautiful write up.
But actually now I'm glad I did because I've had
places like Autism New Zealand reach out mental health organizations
going think you because people feel better about this now.
(08:23):
I had one person email going, my son has autism
and now he thinks he can be mayor like it's
the I am now becoming something of an advocate, i'd say,
and I'm proud to be.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
It is important that people speak out if you're in
a high profile role. Obviously Cooe Swarbrick has spoken out
about it. Yeah, and it was interesting at the time,
and I don't really think anyone's focused on it since.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Yeah. No, And that's what I have a note. So
if I compare this experience to the drinking experience and
the coverage around it last year, so that one was
obviously very difficult, and I think it generated much more
media interests and negativity actually, which indicates there's still a
(09:08):
stigma around things like addiction and alcohol, which is a shame,
but you know, we'll get there one day. This one
has been completely different. It's been really positive. The journalists,
any piece of media coverage I've seen has been so respectful,
and I think that's really important and I'm quite I'm
(09:29):
very heartened by how this has been covered.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I've spoken to a lot of people who've had a
similar diagnosis and They're often very open about talking about
the ADHD, but many were less keen to talk about
being autistic because they feel that there is still not
quite so much understanding around autism. Is more of a
stigma to autism than ADHD.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah, i'd say that too, and I think because I
can only speak from my experience, of course, and you know,
the autism side of things impacts people's personalities in the
way that they're socialized, which I honestly find harder than
the ADHD. So with ADHD, look, I just need to
change the way that I work. In my head, I
(10:12):
have a very clear role about what I'm doing and
every event, everything that I share, everything that I speak at,
so it's actually quite clear for me to know what
I'm doing. In a social sense, I actually find it
physically painful. So I went to a friend's party where
I knew maybe two people last weekend and I just
kind of stood in the corner and I didn't know
(10:33):
how to talk to people because I wasn't drinking I
and I was completely aware of what was going on.
And I found it a real struggle. So that has
been something I've really had to adjust too, because I
used to think I was so social, but I'm naturally
not and perhaps that causes a bit of shame with
some people, and it shouldn't, but I can see why
(10:56):
that it would.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Yeah. Interesting, So look where are you at now? As
you say you've been. You've been doing your therapy for
your drinking, which you opened up about like last year,
you've had this diagnosis, You're having your art moments. What's
life like now?
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I'm really like, I'm really happy because I feel like
I know myself finally. I'm really excited about the future. Again.
I can't wait to get those meds so I can
really perform. And I'm meeting with I've set up meetings
with places like Orders and New Zealand to be like
how can I help? And again, I feel very lucky
(11:32):
that this has been an overwhelmingly positive experience, but I
hope that some of that can rub off onto other
people as well who are probably struggling quite a bit
with's their diagnosis.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
So, Toria, while I've got you a lot of techs
coming in people appreciating you opening up about this, but Michelle,
she'd actually just like to know why they are expensive, inconsistent,
heightened raised crossings, spreading like viruses across it.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Yeah, I know, like I was. There's one street I
think it's right Field that has like ten and look
when that decision was made, I was quite blown by
that as well. So I get it. I get the
speed humps in certain areas that we need to create
lower speeds so that it's safer for walkers and cyclists
and so forth. But I know that they're annoying for some.
(12:20):
What we like to do is review them after six months,
and if are causing too much of a negative impact,
well then we'll tack and look at it.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
No good on your tory. Look, thank you for your
time this morning. I appreciate it. Take care. That was
Wellington med Torri Funo. They're talking us through this diagnosis
and how she's been dealing with it and changing the way.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
She worked for more from the Sunday session with Francesca Rudkin.
Listen live to news Talks there'd be from nine am Sunday,
or follow the podcast on iHeartRadio.
You're listening to the Sunday Session podcast with Francesca Rudgin
from News Talks edb SO.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
On Friday, Wellington Mayor Tory Farno revealed she had been
diagnosed with ADHD and significant traits of autism. Mental health
organizations and mental Health Minister Matt Doocy appraising Tory for
speaking out, hoping it will reduce stigma around neuridiversity and
mental health. To talk me through the impact of an
adult diagnosis and how it impacts her role as mayor,
Tory Faro joins me, Now, good morning, Tory, thanks for
(00:35):
being with us.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Oh, good morning. Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Look, I know you kind of mentioned this a bit before,
but look taught me through the diagnosis and how it
came about.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Yeah, of course, so, as we all know, last year
I admitted to having a drinking issue and I got
professional help for that, which included, you know, a specialist
in alcohol harm reduction therapy and that sort of thing.
But as I continued, when I got too early of
(01:06):
the the earthly part of this year, it kind of
became a bit obvious that the drinking was a symptom
of something else. And once I had more sessions with
my therapist. We started to explore either autism or ADHD
as that possible cause, so I researched a bit more,
(01:29):
I was signed up to an assessment and then low
and behold, I got the diagnosis, which for me, it
just meant that everything in my life made sense. I
had never ever considered that I was neurodiverse ever until
earlier this year. So it's been quite mind blowing but
(01:52):
also a relief as it explains just sort of quirks
of my personality and the need for me to have
certain things to make work easier. And I'm really lucky
in that it's been mainly a positive experience for me,
because that is not the case a lot of people.
(02:14):
But in terms of having a diagnosis at forty one,
it's quite it's quite mind blowing because you start to
think about, well, what is my real personality and I'm
really going through this kind of gross moment at the
at the moment, and it's been it's been kind of great.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Well, we're seeing a lot of later in life diagnosis
like this a lot of the time and women, and
it can be a bit of a shock, but it's
also this aha momentory, I mean, are you kind of going?
And it takes a little while because there'll be all
these little moments where this is my experience from talking
to people and having your ownbvious people in my family
where by they're all kind of going, oh, hang on
a minute, ye, this makes sense. Oh hang on a minute,
(02:58):
this is why I do this, or this is why
I've always done this.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yes, that's exactly right. And we're lucky in this that actually,
especially our younger generations. So the Gen Z and younger
millennials are very open about this condition themselves, so they
go on TikTok, they make videos and go, you know,
you know you're adhd if you've got this. So I've
been watching a lot of those videos and going, oh
(03:22):
my god, I've found my people here. I was just
thinking I was a bit weird, when actually this is
this is actually very common and it's I've kind of
I'm going through this process where now that weirdness or
equipments about my personality, I'm just going to lean in.
I'm just going to embrace it. And my friends and
(03:43):
family have seen a bit of a shift and they've
seen me much happier, which I think is the overall
important thing about this.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
All alcohol can be a part of ADHD.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Count it, oh, absolutely so, the more so once I
became sober and we started talking it through, like why
do I drink that much much? Why do I do this?
And I never really knew it at the time, but
I thought I was this really outgoing social butterfly party girl.
(04:17):
But actually I drank because I had quite severe social anxiety.
I just didn't want to admit that to myself. And
it was so that I suppose that's the autistic side
of things, And when it came to ADHD, it was
more like that dopamine hit. It's like, oh, I've had
a couple of drinks. Oh, I feel good. I'm just
going to keep chasing that buzz. And now that I
(04:39):
know that about myself, I don't crave alcohol. And if
I'm in a social situation, I'll accept, you know what,
this is going to feel awkward and difficult for me
because socializing is hard work. But now that people know why,
but I'm not going to try and mask it or
try and dull it, or I'm just going to be
(05:00):
honest about why this is difficult.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
And I think, you know, we talk a lot about
social battery in our house, and I think a lot
of people understand that concent really well. It's kind of
like actema batteries just running low. So I just need
to you know, I need a moment and I'll just
let that my social battery kind of build up again
and I'll be ready to go. So what does this
mean for you? Was mayor? How do you manage this
as mere? Does it impact your ability to do the job?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
No, not at all. It just means we have to
shift things around a bit. So, I mean, I saw
work quite long hours, so probably about anything between fifty
to sixty hours a week, but that we need to
front end or front load some big things in the
morning where I'm at my peak. When it gets to
three o'clock, I crash. So then we try to put
(05:46):
something in there that re energizes me. So something that
I know feels my battery is actually speaking at like
women and leadership or talking to our youth or you
know that progressive side of things. It gives me life.
So we try to put as many of those in
the early to late afternoon during my week so that
(06:07):
I can do more stuff that evening. It's quite that
was quite an interesting lesson. We just just make it
work so I can be more effective. I am going
on medication. It takes ages to get it, so we
see these as temporary measures until I can get my medication,
which hopefully will super charge me even more.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
But it's going to blow your mind, Tory, Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
My god, I'm so excited. I won't lie because, like,
the thing that impacts me the most, like is the
fatigue that I feel like that's really my only issue,
and I want to have energy. I want to keep going.
I want to work more because I love my job
so much, and if the medication can help me do that, well,
then you know, give me it.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Well.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
It's really interesting though, because you've talked about changes that
you've made within the workplace about how actually you can
get done what you need to in fifteen minutes with
people instead of spending it out. Actually it's really beneficial
for everybody, you know what I mean. Sometimes it's just
sometimes you stop, how can we work better? Do we
need to do this? Do we need to do that?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Exactly? It's just best practice, And little do we know
there's someone else who's NEARO diverse in that room who
doesn't want to say that, and so you're just making
it easier for other people. I've always been a fan
of short meetings anyway, because I do not think we
need an hour to get to the point, so I
just consider it best practice. Anyway.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Why did you decide to speak out about it? I
mean you could have, you know, just dealt with this privately.
Did you have any sort of concerns about how the
news could be received or portrayed.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
No, so it actually came up by accident, to be honest.
So I was planning on talking about it maybe at
the end of the year, once council had wrapped up,
and it was probably good summer read. But a journalist
did find out because I'd put neurospicy in my top profile,
which is just such a silly thing to do, and
(07:59):
I just didn't think people followed me, so it was
kind of accidentally brought out. But the journalist in question
asked me incredibly spectfully, and he was wonderful during the
entire interview, and I think he did a beautiful write up.
But actually now I'm glad I did because I've had
places like Autism New Zealand reach out mental health organizations
going think you because people feel better about this now.
(08:23):
I had one person email going, my son has autism
and now he thinks he can be mayor like it's
the I am now becoming something of an advocate, i'd say,
and I'm proud to be.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
It is important that people speak out if you're in
a high profile role. Obviously Cooe Swarbrick has spoken out
about it. Yeah, and it was interesting at the time,
and I don't really think anyone's focused on it since.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Yeah. No, And that's what I have a note. So
if I compare this experience to the drinking experience and
the coverage around it last year, so that one was
obviously very difficult, and I think it generated much more
media interests and negativity actually, which indicates there's still a
(09:08):
stigma around things like addiction and alcohol, which is a shame,
but you know, we'll get there one day. This one
has been completely different. It's been really positive. The journalists,
any piece of media coverage I've seen has been so respectful,
and I think that's really important and I'm quite I'm
(09:29):
very heartened by how this has been covered.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I've spoken to a lot of people who've had a
similar diagnosis and They're often very open about talking about
the ADHD, but many were less keen to talk about
being autistic because they feel that there is still not
quite so much understanding around autism. Is more of a
stigma to autism than ADHD.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah, i'd say that too, and I think because I
can only speak from my experience, of course, and you know,
the autism side of things impacts people's personalities in the
way that they're socialized, which I honestly find harder than
the ADHD. So with ADHD, look, I just need to
change the way that I work. In my head, I
(10:12):
have a very clear role about what I'm doing and
every event, everything that I share, everything that I speak at,
so it's actually quite clear for me to know what
I'm doing. In a social sense, I actually find it
physically painful. So I went to a friend's party where
I knew maybe two people last weekend and I just
kind of stood in the corner and I didn't know
(10:33):
how to talk to people because I wasn't drinking I
and I was completely aware of what was going on.
And I found it a real struggle. So that has
been something I've really had to adjust too, because I
used to think I was so social, but I'm naturally
not and perhaps that causes a bit of shame with
some people, and it shouldn't, but I can see why
(10:56):
that it would.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Yeah. Interesting, So look where are you at now? As
you say you've been. You've been doing your therapy for
your drinking, which you opened up about like last year,
you've had this diagnosis, You're having your art moments. What's
life like now?
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I'm really like, I'm really happy because I feel like
I know myself finally. I'm really excited about the future. Again.
I can't wait to get those meds so I can
really perform. And I'm meeting with I've set up meetings
with places like Orders and New Zealand to be like
how can I help? And again, I feel very lucky
(11:32):
that this has been an overwhelmingly positive experience, but I
hope that some of that can rub off onto other
people as well who are probably struggling quite a bit
with's their diagnosis.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
So, Toria, while I've got you a lot of techs
coming in people appreciating you opening up about this, but Michelle,
she'd actually just like to know why they are expensive, inconsistent,
heightened raised crossings, spreading like viruses across it.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Yeah, I know, like I was. There's one street I
think it's right Field that has like ten and look
when that decision was made, I was quite blown by
that as well. So I get it. I get the
speed humps in certain areas that we need to create
lower speeds so that it's safer for walkers and cyclists
and so forth. But I know that they're annoying for some.
(12:20):
What we like to do is review them after six months,
and if are causing too much of a negative impact,
well then we'll tack and look at it.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
No good on your tory. Look, thank you for your
time this morning. I appreciate it. Take care. That was
Wellington med Torri Funo. They're talking us through this diagnosis
and how she's been dealing with it and changing the way.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
She worked for more from the Sunday session with Francesca Rudkin.
Listen live to news Talks there'd be from nine am Sunday,
or follow the podcast on iHeartRadio.
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