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March 29, 2025 16 mins

In 2007, Amanda Knox was arrested for the brutal murder of her flatmate while studying in Italy - and it was a case that captured international attention.

Amanda was found guilty, convicted of the murder and spent four years in an Italian prison - but she was later found to be wrongly convicted.

10 years after she was officially exonerated of the crime, she's told her story in her new memoir Free: My Search for Meaning.

"I was immersed in a very restrictive environment...it was really important, for my sanity, to develop a sense of place and purpose."

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Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to the Sunday Session podcast with Francesca Rudkin
from News Talks atb.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
In two thousand and seven, twenty year old Amanda Knox
became a global headline when she was arrested for the
brutal murder of her British flatmate, Meredith Kirscher. Amanda was
found guilty, convicted of the murder, and spent four years
in an Italian prison, but as we know now, she
was wrongly convicted. It's been ten years since Amanda was
officially exonerated of the crime, and now she's telling her story.

(00:33):
Amanda has written a memoir. It's called Free. It tells
of being wrongly convicted, surviving those years in prison, and
adapting back to life on the outside. Amanda Knox joins
me now to share her story. Good morning, Amanda, good morning.
Tell me about life in prison. It was obviously incredibly
hard at first, but you found a way to be useful.

Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yeah, in the same way that I think poets find
limitations and constraints to be really conducive to creativity. When
you don't have many options, you end up being able
to see clearly what you have to offer to your community.
And I saw very clearly that I was very different
than a lot of the women that I was imprisoned with.

(01:15):
I was educated, I was healthy, I had this familial support,
and so eventually I realized, Wow, instead of just being
in constant contest for scarce resources with my fellow prisoners,
I could be a resource myself. And I developed my
own little prison hustle which involved a.

Speaker 4 (01:37):
Lot of translating.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
There were a lot of foreigners in the prison, so
I was translating between English and Italian, but also random
languages that I was just using the dictionary for.

Speaker 4 (01:47):
I also was a scribe.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
I had really good handwriting, so people wanted me to
write their letters for them so that they would be
pretty for the person who received them. And I gave
quite a few back massages.

Speaker 4 (01:58):
Not gonna lie.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
So how important was that purpose.

Speaker 4 (02:04):
It was?

Speaker 3 (02:04):
I think it was really important, especially for that sense
of community. Right Like, I was facing a twenty six
year sentence and I had to ask myself, how do
I make this day worth living?

Speaker 4 (02:17):
And part of.

Speaker 3 (02:18):
It was continuing to, you know, have relationships with people
on the outside and have a good relationship and intellectual
and emotional relationship with myself. But Ultimately, I was immersed
in a very restrictive environment, and I think it was
really important for my sanity to develop a sense of

(02:38):
place and purpose, which made it all the more strange
to realize like this. It was much harder for me
to find place and purpose once I got out of prison.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yeah, and we'll get to that. What impact does prison
have on you mentally and physically?

Speaker 4 (02:58):
Well, it's really not good.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
I know I sort of am painting a slightly rosy picture, but.

Speaker 4 (03:08):
It was horrible. It was horrible.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
I was very much I had no privacy I had
it was there was very little health support, both physically
and mentally. If you were dealing with any kind of issue,
you got the very barest of treatment. The food was terrible,
just like it is a toll on your body and soul.

(03:32):
And I spent the entire time that I was in
prison very sad. That was sort of my emotional baseline,
and I really I only realized this afterwards. I became
numb to so many other emotions that would have rendered
me very vulnerable.

Speaker 4 (03:47):
In prison, Like anger.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
Anger was an emotion that I wasn't I didn't really
have the luxury of entertaining in a prison environment where
I constantly had to be on my toes, I constantly
had to be looking over my shoulder and take you know,
taking care of myself. So in a survival like you're
in a survival mode. I just the only emotion that
I was really able to experience was just a deep,

(04:13):
constant sadness.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
You had a few sort of techniques that helped you survived,
and one of them was having conversations with your youngest self.
Tell me about that.

Speaker 4 (04:26):
Well, it's nice to call it a technique.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
At the time, I thought I was just going absolutely insane.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
But it was my polite way of putting it.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
Yeah, your light way to say you're unraveling, and it's useful. Yeah.
I mean that's the really key thing is like your
brain and your heart and you and your body will
find ways to adapt to really, really difficult environments. And
one of the ways that my mind adapted to this
sense of loneliness and also to this sense of like,
I don't know how to deal with this.

Speaker 4 (04:57):
I don't know was I.

Speaker 3 (05:00):
Imagined a younger version of myself who had not yet
gone through this experience, and I sort of baby like
baby sat her through it. I was I was explaining
to her what was going to happen to her and
how she was going to survive and what was really
hard about that. That's a chapter in the book that
could to this day makes me cry. Is like the

(05:21):
fact that I was telling myself I was going to
be okay, even though I didn't actually know for sure.
I wish that, you know, thirty seven year old me
today could have been the one talking to twenty two
year old Amanda, but unfortunately that person didn't exist yet,
And it's really the person I am today is in
large part due to twenty two year old Amanda and

(05:44):
her conversations with her younger self.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Absolutely, your mother was always optimistic. She always felt that
there was light at the end of the tunnel, but
you didn't see it that way, especially after being convicted.
Was it Why was it important to you to just
accept that this was your life?

Speaker 3 (06:01):
M Well, I feel like that's really the key to
life ultimately, because that being able to just see reality
for what it is and not sort of torture yourself
with wishing reality was otherwise was a really important way
for me to encounter the prison environment. Like I couldn't

(06:22):
open that door right I had a barred door and
I could not open it, and I was only going
to make myself suffer even more if I fixated on
the fact that I couldn't open the door. So instead
I embraced what I could control, which was very little
but ultimately important to me, and stuff.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
That I could have value in.

Speaker 3 (06:42):
And it really looked like expanding that metaphor of this
is a locked closed door to everything about my life,
like this is my life, this is it? How do
I make this life worth living? And you know, I
definitely buttoned heads with my mom about this because she
was in a very different emotional and mental space than me.

(07:03):
She was in save my daughter, Save Amanda, and she
couldn't accept that this was my life and that this
was my fate, and she didn't want me to be
trying to imagine my best life in prison. She wanted
me to be with her in the getting Amanda out
of prison idea. And I think I understand that now

(07:26):
as a mom, because I really do feel that what
my mom was going through was even worse than what
I was going through. She would have traded places with
me in an instant if she could, but she couldn't,
And so I think that it's led to a really
interesting divide in our philosophical paths. And I do think

(07:49):
that like my sort of ability to just like sit
with reality as it is and be okay, whatever is
happening externally is ultimately the right path for an individual.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
But try telling that to a mom. Just try telling
it to a mom. It's not going to.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
Work, Amanda. Returning home was just so overwhelming. Can you
remember those first few days and weeks?

Speaker 3 (08:15):
Oh God, the first few days and weeks were insane.
I barely ate for the first week, and I barely slept,
just because I was constantly overstimulated, like I had spent
four years where I did not have access to the
people I loved except for an hour at a time,

(08:37):
like hour to time, you know, once a week. I
only had one ten minute phone call, and I only
had access to the very limited amount of things that
were in my room.

Speaker 4 (08:49):
And suddenly I was just inundated with.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
Choices and people and I got completely overwhelmed. Not to mention,
I was being chased by paparazzi and helicopters and I
couldn't leave my own house without being stocked.

Speaker 4 (09:04):
It was very very.

Speaker 3 (09:08):
It was it was very very disappointing, because I felt
like I had been waiting four years to get my
life back, and then I realized very quickly that the
life that I had been sort of fantasying or fantasizing
about returning to no longer existed, and I was plunged
into what felt like a new kind of prison where

(09:30):
but one where I didn't really have a place in
the world, that I didn't really have a purpose because
I was constantly being I was still on trial for
one thing, but other than that, I was sort of
experiencing like survivor's guilt by proxy, where people were sort
of they had in their minds my identity had become

(09:50):
inexpricably linked with my friend's death, and so any like
anything about me was just a reminder of my friend's death,
and everything that I did was an offense to her memory,
and it felt like the only thing that I could
do was to just disappear off the face of the earth.
I think that it was just because a horrible.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
As the years go by, you kind of realize that
no matter what you do, people will continue to invade
your privacy, and it's impossible to fight the slender against you.
I mean, that is very defeating, isn't.

Speaker 4 (10:24):
It It is?

Speaker 3 (10:25):
And there was a there was a period there where
I was very lost, I was very desperate. I was
making mistakes because I was trying to cling to some
sense of normalcy and to cling to people who I
felt like I could trust. And I ultimately trusted some
people that I absolutely should not have trusted, and I
went through experiences that put me in real danger. And

(10:49):
I think that is how my story really actually is
very universal, because people who go through traumatic experiences, they
suffer from PTSD afterwards, and they're trying to make sense
of this horrible thing that happened to them, and they
end like it's very very common for people who are
survivors of rape or natural you know, natural tragedies, like

(11:14):
you know, they are discombobulated, and their sense of like
what they can even you know, rest their faith on
and put their trust in is completely.

Speaker 4 (11:25):
Thrown up into the air, and so they end up
making mistakes. And I was one example of that.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
How did you feel about people caching in on your story?
You know, you've sold magazines and newspapers and books for people,
films and TVs.

Speaker 4 (11:41):
I think my biggest regret So.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
What I will say is I do think that what
happened to me and what happened to my roommate Meredith
is in the public interest in a way. It is
a story that belongs to everyone. What I regret about
how the story has been consumed and packaged by the
broader public is that, very very very quickly, the truth

(12:07):
about what happened to my friend.

Speaker 4 (12:10):
Was utterly lost.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
The truth about the person who actually raped and murdered
her was disappeared, and you know, to the point that,
like to this day people asked me, well, who really
killed your roommate? Then, like, it's just utterly absurd that
after over ten years of coverage there are some people
out there who have no idea that the actual murderer

(12:33):
was found. But then, of course, the story that sort
of took over, the like that replaced the truth of
what happened to my friend, was a story that was
based on a horrible, misogynistic myth that like women ultimately
hate all other women, they're constantly in sexual competition with

(12:54):
each other, they're constantly judging each other. Like that was
the story that was packaged by the prosecution and the
media and sold for years and made international headlines Foxy
Oxy murders her you know beautiful roommate in a death orgy,
and that beautiful roommate happens to be, you know, an uptight,

(13:16):
judgmental British girl. It's like, it was just so absurd
how we were just turned into these these like wildly
unrealistic ideas about young women at opposite sides of the
binary and instead of realizing that we were just very
similar girls who were studying abroad and discovering ourselves and

(13:39):
trying to find our way in the world and had
the whole world ahead of us. I think that that's
one of my biggest, you know, sadnesses about the case,
is that the truth about what happened to Meredith was
lost and instead people latched onto this this horribly misogynistic
narrative that was untrue to the both of us.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
Amanda. It's it's meant that throughout your life you've been
unable to celebrate the milestone that many of us love
to celebrate, things like, you know, your wedding. The tabloids
chrished your wedding. When you got pregnant, you kept it
hidden because of course, the minute people saw you living
your life they immediately would make a reference to the

(14:20):
fact that you know, Meredith is not living her life.
So do you feel now that you are free and
that you are seen as more than just the girl
accused of murder?

Speaker 3 (14:33):
Well, those are two different questions, because because you know,
I am still seen as the girl accused of murder,
because I am I was, I was the girl accused
of murder. I of two young women who went to
go study abroad in Perusia, Italy.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
Fate flipped a coin.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
One of them did not get to go home, and
one of them did not get to go home the
same and I am forever branded with being associated with
my friend's dad. But I feel free in the sense
that I do not not feel utterly and only defined
by this worst experience of my life. I've really learned

(15:13):
to step outside of that box that people have tried
to trap me in, and I've learned to stand on
top of it and use it as a platform to
tell my own story and share my own message and
the insights that I've gained along the way.

Speaker 4 (15:29):
In the same way that like someone.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
Who has you know, has survived cancer, who will go
on to probably talk about like you know, do lots
of cancer research and advocacy and support.

Speaker 4 (15:42):
I feel like.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
I'm trying to make good and pay forward the things
that I have learned from surviving my ordeal.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
Amanda Knox, it's been a pleasure to talk to you
this morning. Thank you so much for your time.

Speaker 4 (15:56):
Thank you so much for your time. It's been such
a pleasure.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
Free is in stores now, and don't forget that Ribika
Gibney is with me after I Live in this morning.

Speaker 1 (16:05):
For more from the Sunday session with Francesca Rudkin, listen
live to us Talks at B from nine am Sunday,
or follow the podcast on iHeartRadio
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