Absurd Truth: Michelle Obama Blames White People Again

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (01:13):
Dana Lashes of surd Truth podcast sponsored by Caltech. It's
his laugh mission to make bad decisions. It's time for
Florida man.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
All right. So a man kidnapped at Florida McDonald's. Police
pursuit across cities leads to five arrests, including minors. This
seems like a pretty involved. Wow. So it was a
kidnapping to police chase a multiple arrests in Florida because

(01:50):
a guy was kidnapped from a McDonald's and that he
was sitting inside of the restaurant. He was approached by
some dudes who took his phone off a table, demanded
he get in the vehicle to get it back, and
after abducting him, they drove him. His name wasn't revealed,
forced him out of the vehicle, beat him up. He
found somebody to call ninety one one report that he
was kidnapped. I mean, it just goes on and on

(02:12):
and on. The police tracked the vehicle. Blah blah blah.
Long story short, they brought these people into custody. The
charges are kidnapping, inflicting bodily. Oh my gosh, there's a lot.
I'm gonna get to other stories. It's a lot. It's bad.
Just so you know, good grief. It's pretty insane. Also,
let's hear this. Who is this? Jamal Bowman, the guy

(02:35):
who broke into a Florida middle school and pulled the
fire alarm in Orlando. He was detained Wednesday of last week.
He entered Meadowbrook Middle School unlawfully. How were you able
to get in there and trigger a fire alarm? That
makes me very nervous, Like what if you go in there,
and what if you're able to get in there and
you're you know, you're a bad dude. You're like the

(02:56):
Parkland guy pull the alarm. Everybody leaves and goes into
the hall, and you know what I'm saying, this is bad.
It's bad that this guy was able to get on there.
Happened at nine am. He went right through apparently the
front entrance of the school. How is this possible? In
twenty twenty five, when an administrator saw that he was
an adult, they questioned why he was at the school.

(03:17):
He passed herby triggered the fire alarm in the lobby
and tried to open the doors leading to the school's courtyard.
They called this the sro And then when he was confronted,
he said, don't touch me. I'm not alone and I'm
not the only one that you have to worry about.
And then when they put him in the patrol vehicle,
he bit the safety cushions covering the prisoner cage. So

(03:38):
he's being charge with a whole bunch of stuff as well. Man,
they better a meadow brook, They better really reconsider their
security there. That's bad.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Worry about it. Let me explain something.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
To white people.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Our hair comes out of our head naturally in a
curly pattern, so when we're straightening it to fill your
beauty standards, we are trapped by the straightness. That's why
so many of us can't swim and we run away
from the water. People won't go to the gym because

(04:13):
we're trying to keep our hair straight.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
For y'all.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
It is exhausting and it's so expensive and it takes
up so much time. Braids are for y'all, so we
can work harder and focus on the work. So why
do we need an act?

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Does she ever, just not bitch everything. Oh my gosh,
all you white people, everything's your fault. Who's making her
straighten her hair? What are you talking about? Who's making her?
Is Beyonce have the same issue? Who's making anybody straighten
their hair? Like we're that's you know what? My hair

(04:53):
is naturally curly. I get a cart in on my
hair every eight weeks. Nons just doesn't change. My hair
texture is like I don't know if you've seen Brave,
that movie, the Little cartoon movie and Merit of the
Little Redhead. That's my hair texture naturally. So I don't
want to hear anybody bitch about it. Shut up. I'm

(05:14):
so tired of this nonsense. Michelle Obama. She was complaining
last week about having a may hair and makeup artist.
Now she's complaining that she had to straight like I
didn't realize that she's being forced by white women to
straighten her hair. Why does she always have to be
a victim? I have never seen such a silver spoon elitist,

(05:35):
a rich kid complain about being victimized as much as
she does. She is constantly, constantly victim. She is the
victim all every day that has to get tiring to
be in that house, doesn't it. Maybe it's why I
never see her husband and kids around her, because all

(05:57):
she does is bitch all the time, Oh my gosh,
every day and trapping black people and hair standards that
harm their capability to do work. Is actually sentence that
she said is that I don't I didn't feel like

(06:17):
I had to be trapped into straightening my hair. I
just it's just easier for me on TV. It's easier
to do, it's easier to upkeep. Actually, I don't get it.
I don't know why. It's always everybody else's problem what
you have to deal with. It's always everybody else's fault.
If you have an issue, if you don't like some
about yourself, you know, if you're mad about having to

(06:38):
do your hair, how is that someone else's fault? My gosh.
You know there are people out there right now that
are really hurting, that would love to have that as
a problem. They'll trade you. There are sets of problems
for yours. Just it never ends. It is a major
beauty industry. That's a major industry. I have friends who

(07:00):
get their hair straightened and then they wear their hair
and braids, or they'll do, they will have locks put
in it. Whatever. I mean, it's been all. I mean.
I've had friends who've changed their hair, you know, six
waists to Sunday throughout a decade. Not an issue. I
don't know why it is for her. I just get
the feeling that she's a deeply unsatisfied person and she

(07:22):
just seems very resentful over what. I'm not quite sure.
She grew up. And she's, by my standard, she's a
rich kid. She's a rich kid who grew up in
a rich part of town with rich parents, and she
had a richy, rich education. And she married another rich
kid who's you know, came from a banking family, and

(07:46):
he went to a rich school and they had everything
handed to them on a silver platter. When I hear
them talk about what they think poor is, I laugh
my head off because that is that's not that's not poor.
It's just crazy. And she always just seems so mean
and resentful and hateful, and I is she just mad

(08:07):
because she was expected to do something. I get Hillary
vibes from her. That's where she and Hillary Clinton share.
They have this common denominator. They're both very unlikable. They're
very unlikable. Because that's the countenances there, that is the
aura that they admit, that's what they put out there.
They're just unlikable people. I've never seen a first lady

(08:29):
complain so much in my life, think about it. I mean,
maybe except for Hillary. But Hillary complained about other people
and politics. Not to say that that's any better. Michelle
Obama just complains constantly about everything related to herself. Everything
comes back to her. You cannot bring up a singular

(08:50):
issue with this woman without her bringing it back to
something that that she is agrieved over with her either
her makeup or her clothes, or her hair, or you know,
what she wanted to do, over what Barack wanted to do.
I mean, my gosh, she just sounds like a deeply aggrieved,
unsatisfied woman. Maybe she's having a menopause fit. I don't know.

(09:14):
Maybe that's why she just seems so cantankerous, but I mean,
it's true, goodness, I don't know, I don't she said
this too. Is this from the same thing? This is
she's saying she will not run for pretlessen to those
Oh boy.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
Well, as we saw in this past election, sadly we
ain't ready. That's why I'm like, don't even look at
me about running because you all are lying you're not
ready for a woman. You are not, so don't waste
my time. You know, we got a lot of.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
Growing up to do.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
And there's still, I'm sadly, a lot of men who
do not feel like they can be led by a woman.
And we saw it.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
Uh, there's a lot of women who don't want to
be led by a and especially some of the women
that have been promoted for this high office. So it
ain't just about men. That's a sexist comment. Some of
us don't want to be led by Nope, which is
either let's be real. And she's like, well, they're not ready,
not ready for you?

Speaker 3 (10:15):
What?

Speaker 1 (10:15):
No, they we're just hard to putting up with you
complaining all the time. Oh my gosh, bring something new
to the table. It's the it's the grievance Olympics with
her every time. It's not that. Look, it's not that
people aren't ready for a woman president. There has not
been a qualified woman to run yet. Oh get mad.

(10:36):
It's true, there hasn't been a qualified woman to run.
Yea Kamala Harris, who had everything handed to her. She's
a NEPO DEI hire Hillary Clinton, who only got where
she was because her her husband, and she foo barred
everything else. Go back and look hout. She foo barred
healthcare during her husband's tenure. Oh my gosh, it was
so bad. All of Congress ran away from her. She
tanked herself. They had to hand her the Senate after that.

(10:58):
And then Barack Obama did head pat by making her
Secretary of State, and then she food barred that up
by backing the Muslim Brotherhood and creating all this destabilization
in Livy after Gaddafi and in Egypt with the Green
Revolution and all of that. There hasn't been a qualified
woman on either side to run. There has not been
a single female that I personally think is qualified on

(11:23):
either side that has thrown their hat in the ring.
Not a one, And I don't see anybody. It's a
rare type of woman. I do not see a Margaret
Thatcher among us. I don't at all. I have high standards.
I don't want to put just any old b in there.
I have high standards, and that is a tough job

(11:45):
to do. How do you have masculine energy to do
the job while retaining your femininity? How are you still?
How are you able to juggle all that? It's tough
women biologically. That's not a temperament that we have. It's
not a temperament that men have to take on that

(12:06):
role that women usually go to. It can be done.
But I haven't seen one yet. Doesn't mean that there's
not one out there or one to come. I just
have not seen one yet. I have not seen it
from any of the women that have thrown their hat
in their ring thus far. Democrats or Republicans, not a one.
Everybody's too sensitive and they have bad instincts, and they're

(12:27):
not eloquent speakers, and they have bad policy ideas, and
they think even some on the Republican side thinks that
having a vagina is enough of a resume bullet point
on a resume, and it's not. You have to be
able to deal with all of the attacks that come
your way without putting it down to you being a woman.

(12:50):
So it's not that people aren't ready. Women aren't ready.
People can take exception to that all they want to.
Doesn't make me any less correct. I haven't seen one yet.
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Speaker 2 (14:21):
And now all of the news you would probably miss,
it's time for Dana's quickfive.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
This is how this stuff all starts. A tiny little
alligator was spotted on a video in Boston's Charles River.
It was found safe. It was a little I love
how they say that's tiny. That's tiny, Kane, did you
see it that man needed two hands. That's not tiny.

(14:49):
That's like hmm. But somebody apparently had it as a
pet illegally and they dumped it and it can't safely
return to the wild. It's totally out of it. So
you know in this movie, I mean, I mean, we
have all seen how this happens. Stop and why would
you dump a little baby gaiter? That's so mean? I mean,
and I know they grew up to be nothing but jaws,
but you know, still. A bear ran onto an airport

(15:10):
tarmac and halted flights. Oh. It was in the Japanese
city of Hanamaki, and it temporarily suspended flights after they
saw this bear wander under the grounds and it halted
flights for more than an hour. And it's adorable because
there's video of it, and I just feel like it
was scared. I didn't know where to go. Poor baby,
look at me, poor baby nature. Oh. Also, a man

(15:36):
fell off a bus on the highway in Maine after
he climbed through the roof hatch. Who does this stuff?
These these numb people do this. This is this is
what it is. He felt fell right off the bus Manchester,
New Hampshire. Was seriously injured. He fell from the roof
of a moving bus. They said. The thirty five year

(15:56):
old man opened the emergency access of the concord coke
lines climbed through the roof while it was moving. Driver
realized what happened, started slowing down, tried to pull over,
but the man fell off the roof to the roadway.
He landed on the shoulder. He had serious injuries, but
not life threatening. He said. He was feeling overheated, and
he opened up the access hatch. And that's why sounds like,

(16:19):
I don't know, drugs maybe like maybe I don't know.
Just I mean, none of this sounds good. Uh just no,
I got a joke here. A distracted driver relieved himself
into what budweiser can while he was driving and he
got pulled over. Now, maybe he was making Budweiser. I

(16:42):
mean really what comes first, but apparently and he crashed.
The fifty three year old was driving a Chebby suburban
on a Missoula roadway and he ran into the rear
of a Volkswagen carrying two passengers. The cop said that
he had a large Budweiser can in his right hand,
which he moved to the center console and then he
handed the beer over. When the cops say, it smell
like you're in and he said, well, that's what I

(17:03):
was doing when I ran into the Yeah, he's going
to jail. Of course, stick with us more in store
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Welcome back to the program. Dana lash with you. We're
at the top of this third hour of this some Monday,
find us over at Substack, chapter and diverse. What do
you do if you're on an airplane? Everybody's been on

(18:29):
planes before, right, yeah, and you are sitting in your seat.
You know how some people they got their iPads or
their laptops or their phones out. Are you ever worried
about people like if I have to work on a plane,
I don't want people to read the editorials that I'm
writing and things like that, So I pick my seats

(18:52):
in a way where I can, you know, have that privacy.
But have you ever been on a flight. I have not,
But have you ever been on a flight where somebody
is starts viewing something that is incredibly inappropriate while you're
on the flight. Has that ever happened to you? Can?

Speaker 2 (19:15):
I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I'm usually
in the aisle too, so that's kind of the easy
way to see that sort of thing.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
Yeah. So, I don't know if you guys heard about
Democrat Rep. Brad Sherman. It's so gross. His face looks
so gross in the photo because of his expression. Apparently
there were photos of him that someone took where he
was sitting on a plane on his giant iPad and

(19:48):
he was looking apparently at some explicit images, and someone
posted it on x It showed the California Democrat, the congressman,
staring at a his iPad with his mouth agape and
he was apparently scrolling through some inappropriate photos, should say,

(20:19):
And they asked, why did California Congressman Brad Sherman feel
it was appropriate to look at porn on his iPad
during a flight today? Now, he denied the allegations, and
they said that the pictures appeared because of his algorithm
on X. Now, I don't Twitter is not like if

(20:45):
you're looking online and you you know how some people
tell on themselves, they'll they'll like post screenshots of something,
and then they're these weird ads on the side, and
it's like, that's from what you that's how that's from
what you surf, that's how that takes it up. X
doesn't necessarily work the same way my for you. By

(21:06):
the way, so my for you tab is like all
progressives and I have no idea why like stuff I
don't agree with and I have to mute all of it.
It's like the for you thing is is like garbage. Now,
maybe that's because I'm in you know, politics, and maybe
I don't know the algorithm is trying to show you
something different from that. I don't know. But his people

(21:27):
were saying that it is the it was the algorithm
that did that. King. Yeah, I don't really think that
that's accurate.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
No, it's not accurate.

Speaker 1 (21:39):
I haven't seen the algorithm like promote pornography stupid people.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
Yes, it's never accidentally popped up in my feed.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
Yeah, so I don't believe that. What do you do
you think that he was just actively looking at that stuff.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, I do. I mean that's what the pictures in video.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Show, he said. He said, these pictures came up on
for you. If you have to fly across the country,
you look at a lot of stuff on your tablet.
He says. If I see a picture of a woman,
might I look at it longer than a sunset? Yeah? Oh,

(22:21):
it doesn't look good because there were several photos of
him taken, and there were multiple images that he was
looking at, and I don't know.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Yeah, there were multiple posts, like and they appeared in
some of those photos to be one right after the other,
In other words, a specific feed he was looking at.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
Oh my gosh, okay, we actually black. But one's getting
ready to show you what he was doing. Like in
one of the photos, you can see he's not even
touching the iPad, but he's just staring at the image
and he's all slack jawed like some old perverseet. Oh,
it's so growth. Why is he like that? I don't know,

(23:01):
why are these people like this? So I tend to
not think that it was just oh my, he was like,
I didn't mean to view these lingerie scantily clad women.
It just is awkward. It's so bad. It's just so
and he there were a multiple like image image, image,
image image at one out right after the other. Uh,

(23:23):
there were three photos of him taken looking at them. Uh,
I don't think. I don't think that it was the algorithm.
I think that he like clicked on something to see personally.
That's what I think. It's just so gross. But he
he was like, no, it's the it's the ex algorithm,
that's what it is. Or just hear me out. You're

(23:46):
a giant pervert looking at this stuff and looking at
this stuff on a plane in the aisle seat. He's
in the aisle seat.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
Yes, he looks the window or next to the one.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
Well, it looks like he's an eye lc from what
I saw. I don't care. But he's on a plane.
Oh my gosh, rh oh, it's so nasty. Oh can
you imagine? I can't. It's a h What would you
do if you were sitting next to him, to him
and then you saw that happen.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
And I knew that he was the congressman, a Democrat
congressman from California, M.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Or just you just period.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
I probably do what this guy did, which is apparently
sneaks and picks.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
So I would totally do that too. Yeah, and then
I would so I didn't have to sit next to
the gross. I'd be like, why are you so nasty?
I would probably ask that publicly, Why are you so nasty?
Why are you looking? Why are you looking to pour
in here? And you're feel violate?

Speaker 2 (24:41):
It's don't they make those screen covers where if you're
just off at an angle, you can't see what's on
the screen sort of thing. Yeah, Like, if he's going
to do stuff like that, i'd recommend him have.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
A friend of mine has it on her phone, and
I ordered the for the iPhone off of h Amazon
because I just noticed when I'm on flights, I find
myself if I'm texting and do you know, I don't
want people like, oh, who's that?

Speaker 3 (25:07):
What is she?

Speaker 1 (25:07):
You know? Not that I'm doing anything. All of my
searches are gonna they're embarrassing. It's all dog stuff. It's dogs, holsters. Oh,
I was looking at heirloom seeds. What else? Uh?

Speaker 2 (25:22):
I mean if I dream I had a tail?

Speaker 1 (25:26):
Oh, and anything aliens I've My algorithm is so spastic,
it's like we don't even know. We're just gonna throw
a bunch of weird stuff at her. I don't know. Yeah,
that's what it. Oh, although Instagram started showing me races
of small, diminutive people with camels on Instagram, I don't

(25:50):
know why just started showing me those videos. I don't
know what I watched, but anyway, that's yeah. So I
just that's just this. I would have said something, it's gross. Okay.
Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's
Absurd Truth podcast.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
If you haven't already, made sure to hit that subscribe
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Absurd Truth: Michelle Obama Blames White People Again

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