Slightly Messy Show: College?

On this weeks episode of the Slightly Messy Show Meaghan completely puts her foot in her mouth multiple times and starts crying because she's laughing so hard. She's an idiot and wants to tell Mike that she's sorry she's so dumb. 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Sure, are you ready? I'mready, but you're not. Never am
spit your gum out. First off, this is all I hear. First
Off, you're not wrong. Ican't hear that. I did. I

(00:22):
have a problem, Michael, andI am so sorry that you faced part
of it. There is one joyof being single with no kids, and
it's I have no real responsibilities.This is the Slightly Messy Show with Mike
and Megan. Slate means messy show, messy Mike and Megan. It's a

(00:47):
slightly messy show with Mike and Megan. Bam bam, bam bam bam.
M m. I'm leaving that inat the beginning of the podcast because everybody
thinks that I'm the ass to you. Why, because I was like,
I can hear it. You're like, get to you, you get and

(01:11):
I'm it comes both ways. People. Yeah, yeah, no, that's
fine, Okay. It is theSlightly Messy Show. My name is Mike,
along with Megan, and if you'renew to this, welcome. This
is a podcast we do as botha part of it started as a part
of Mojo in the Morning, andthen now it's like it's like just two

(01:34):
friends kind of hanging out and doinga podcast and talking about our different stages
of life and our boss doesn't knowthe name of it still Still, which
is kind of strange. It's great. I appreciate it. Yeah, it
was. It was truly a waytoo, because I'm a I think we
both are kind of radio nerds,and I like to practice. I like

(01:56):
to practice and get better and doit with somebody who who is also passionate
about the craft and all right,well, yeah, ruin the facade of
not giving a fuck. Something elsethat I just learned about you before we
started this podcast is that you havenever whoop? What does happened there?

(02:22):
My phone just literally fell off thetripod here. We haven't had a technical
issue in a few weeks. Wewere We're due for it. You have
never okay, answer this, you'venever tried boxed wine or you never purchased
box wine home way, I haveslapped the bag before. Okay, come
on, But I do feel likeI've stooped too. I don't know if

(02:44):
this is a low in my lifeor just a new phase. I'm not
really sure what's going on. ButI was doing this thing where I live
in downtown Detroit, and if youdon't know. Everything's more expensive because it's
in downtown Detroit. Oh, forsure. I hate going to the grocery.
I hate doing all that. SoI do a lot of my shopping
downtown, which I spend ten timesas much money on stuff. And so

(03:06):
like a cheap bottle of wine downtownis like a thirty dollars bottle of wine,
and it's it's the stuff that setthe Kroger's for twelve dollars, right
right, There's no reason so Ikept buying these bottles of wine. But
like, if you know me,you know I'm not really a big drinker.
And I love me a good glassa Peano noir. I love a
goog lass a Pina. Can youname that show? Uh no, not

(03:30):
even a little bit. I haveno idea what you're referencing, no idea
what you're talking about in the comments. Please name that show so I feel
better about my Internet references because nobody'sgotten any of mine lately and is killing
me. But I will tell youin about thirty seconds if nobody guesses in
the comments. Mic. But I'ma big fan of Peen no War,
But I hate opening up a thirtydollars bottle of wine and then like,

(03:51):
I don't drink it over the courseof a couple of days and you have
to throw the wine away. Howlong does wine last? It's you can
tell I don't drink a lot ofwine. How long does wine? So
a bottle of red should only lastlike a couple of days once it's opened,
and then you have to refrigerate it, and it's not great refrigerated.
But I decided that instead of doingthat, I was going to channel my

(04:15):
inner seventy year old alcoholic and Ibut a box of wine because it said
does not need to be refrigerated lastup to six weeks on the shelf after
opening. Oh my god, sixweeks And I said, this is for
me. What kind of so that'sthe box wine? What kind of box

(04:36):
wine was it? So have youheard of black box wine? Okay?
I only saw it on the shelvesof Croker And it has this big thing
on it that's like what all theseawards and apparently it goes to like wine
shows and they compete against really expensivewines and it sometimes wins. But you
get three bottles of wine for thirtybucks and lasts for six weeks. The

(05:00):
only box I see it now?It popped I just google box wine.
It's the first thing that pops up. But the only one that I've ever
heard of is is it Frenzia friends, Franzia been a white zinz. I
feel like every boomer alcoholic drinks aFransia white Zin. Yeah. I've seen
it at people's houses. I thinkI've given it as gifts before. It's

(05:25):
like a like a joke gift.But uh is it? So? Does
box wine? Does it get youmore obviously last longer? Does it get
you more drunk? Like, what'sthe reason. No, I purely did
it because I was throwing away bottlesof wine because I don't drink enough.
Oh oh oh, I thought itjust I thought it would get you drunker
because I don't know if it's ina box, maybe more drunk. Well,

(05:47):
I'm gonna be really honest with you. Well, first of all,
for all the people who are irritatedthat pean one was from Unbreakable Kimmi Schmidt,
did you ever watch that Netflix?I know what it is, Yes,
I know what it is. Yeah, there's a character that used to
sing quite for that he needed aglass of pean. That's the one where
she's trapped in the or she wastrapped in a like a cult thing or

(06:08):
whatever, and in a bumper.Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah yeah. Okay, Iknow what you're talking about. So here's
the thing about this box of wine. I realized that I drink more wine
because of one thing, and it'sbecause it has a fun spout. It
is like a little like a littlelike turn nozzle right, and it opens

(06:30):
up and sprays it out. Thisone is extra fancy. It just has
like a little button on the sidethat you have to push and it just
goes like it's seriously like Niagara falls. It shoots out of this bag of
wine like it is determined to getinto my body as quick as possible.
And on the first time I usedthe box of wine, it was like
up on my shelf that I wasgoing to store it on because I'm a

(06:50):
classy bitch, And I opened upthe cabinet, I was like, pour,
are yourself a glass and wine?And I think because of like gravity.
Oh, let's just say that itshot out of the thing so hard.
In my glass of mind that it'ssprayed out of the it's about time
to start my alcoholism. Okay,So it is uh, it's draft week

(07:14):
right right now? What would beyour if you had to do a draft
pick of the top alcoholic drinks?First round draft pick? Is it box
or no, let's let's let's narrowit down a little bit more cheap cheap
alcoholic drinks. Would it be boxwine? Oh no, no, no,

(07:38):
no, we gotta go like ashitty shitty G and T Ooh yeah,
but like something And I say thisas a big Tanga Ray fan,
but like, like Tanga Ray that'sa little sketchy. It reminds me of
the you ever see the tequila Idon't know what with the sketchy tangraas,

(08:01):
but the tequila with the red hat, Like it's like the bottle has a
red hat and it's super cheap,like it'll it'll, it'll, it will
last you six weeks, but itwill fuck you up every single time.
Yeah. No, I'm doing it. Like if I'm going drinks, I'm
going my favorite drink has like anextra dirty gin Martini, okay. And
then we're going G and T's Baby, okay because you can pound them stay

(08:24):
hydrated and we love that. Thenand then I'm probably going Pano no War
like those are are really where I'mgonna hit. Are you a a with
the amazing incredible weight loss? Areyou a cheap date now when it comes
to drinking? Oh my god,I always have been and I will always
be. Oh really yeah. Buthere's the thing I I pound it.

(08:50):
I had Okay, I didn't havea great week last week, Mike,
and I wasn't supposed to go homeuntil Saturday. And I called my dad
my brother on Friday and was like, can we want to dinner please?
And they were all like, yeah, of course I'm going. I called
my brothers, I'm seeing the nightand you're driving to dinner. I'm drinking
and he was like okay. SoI got to dinner and I got one

(09:13):
tall draft, so not like anormal size draft, slightly larger than normal
size draft. Sure, I drankthat bad boy in about two and a
half minutes. I took it tothe face. I was like, we're
forgetting the week and I my foodcame out maybe five minutes later, and
I was like, these are themost delicious wings I've ever had my whole
life. Yes, there's something abouteven shitty wings with beer is still good.

(09:37):
Yes, they're still really good.I was sitting there with my very
sober father and brother while I waspretty intoxicated quickly by myself somemasic wings trying
not to cry at the dinner table. Do you think they know, like,
because I'm maybe this is the firsttime, but maybe it's not the
first time this has happened? Doyou think they know? And they're just
like, okay, all right,yeah, you just do you? We

(09:58):
all knew I was slurring my words. I was straight up slurring at the
table, legitimately trying not to crywhile trying to make myself laugh by telling
the most depressing jokes, and everybodyjust had this air of like slightly concerned.
But she doesn't do this often,so we're just gonna let her have
this moment. If I had topick first round draft pick for the shittiest

(10:28):
beer or shittiest drinks that I wouldstill drink, it would probably be a
draft beer. I would drink likea draft even let's go real shitty.
I don't even know if they havedrafts of this, but even like a
natty, I would drink a natty. Yep, I would, I absolutely
would. But if I want todo it quick, Oh, those tequilas

(10:50):
with their little hat on them,they really do. If I'm not looking
to sip on a drink or toenjoy the beverage at all, and I'm
my sole purpose is to get drunkfrom it, it's gonna be a shot
every time, every single time.Okay, I don't do shots a lot,
but every single time. Before wemove on to shots, we got
to stick with the beers. Mh. I need your favorite shitty beer,

(11:11):
your favorite go to beer, likenormal beer, and then your favorite
bougie beer. Oh okay, I'llstart with bougie bougie is uh? Since
I live in Beer City? Isa is founder? I know? I
know? Uh uh is probably Ireally like breakfast out from Founders, like

(11:33):
really like. But that's if I'mthat's the only beer I'm gonna have.
I'm gonna have a beer and it'sgoing to I'm gonna enjoy the taste,
and I'm gonna buy something from Founderslike meal Wise that pairs well with it.
And that's if I'm getting boogie bougiemy every day could have it if
I wanted. I like corona.I don't mind a corona just like yeah,

(11:56):
yeah, yeah, it's the Light. You know something fun? Uh
grow, but I would still drinkit is probably I don't know bud Light.
Like, I don't think bud Light'sthe greatest of beers. It just
is. But it's not bad either, you know what I mean? Okay,
Okay, what about seasonal? Ooh? I like probably an Oberon probably

(12:24):
you know Oberon. I like ablue Moon too, but Oberon that I
like it with fruit. What aboutyou? Well, I don't know if
you know this, Mike, butyou're the only city in the world that
has a brewery, so it's reallyhard for me to come by beer.
My favorite goch beer is Corona.I'm gonna read Corona all day every day.
It goes with everything. It's theperfect beer. My favorite bougie beer
is probably a Stella. I don'tknow if you would call that bougie.

(12:46):
I feel like it's kind of normalnow maybe high end normal, but like
I'm probably going with like Estella.My favorite shitty beer. I love Labet
Blue. I am a hockey girl, okay, A raised by Detroiters who've
spent their summers in Canada. Ilove a good Labab Blue. To clarify,

(13:07):
Grand Rapids, it's just that's allwe're known for. Ye. No,
you're known for breweries, which isamazing because you actually have amazing breweries.
I don't mean to brag, butToledo is the glass capital of the
world. So your wecome for yourhome security and windshields. I will say.

(13:28):
My favorite seasonal beer, though,has to be Mommy Bay Blitzen,
which is their Christmas ale and it'sincredibly, incredibly phenomenal. I would love
to try. What about Okay,Seltzer's. You had to pick your bougie
Do you like Seltzers or no?They're not my go tos Like I,
I'll drink one, but they're notmy go tos. If I'm going to

(13:50):
drink one, it's going to bea white Claw Okay, so bougie regular
and disgusting, but you still drinkit's white claw regular. I would say,
yeah, okay, that's like themid okay, and then the bougies
are like, oh, I don'tknow what, Oh, I don't know.
I just think they're all kind ofregular. They're all kind of the

(14:11):
same. Neutral is neutral is whatI've been drinking more. But high noons
maybe, Oh, I like agood high noon. I like a high
noon. Yeah. Yeah, thegross I'm trying to think of a really
really gross one that I had theother day. The ones where you're not
really sure what the name says onit, you're not really quite sure what
it is. Yeah, they're Ican't think of one off the top of

(14:33):
my head. Those are not good. Okay, we're taking shots. Yes,
we're out, we're out to party. What round are you buying?
Let's see here, this isn't theJeopardy theme, So like my go to

(14:54):
you're talking about go to shot andbuying for everybody would probably be and we're
going to get fucked up rye threewise men. Oh yeah, at he's
what I want. That's what Iwant. Well, we'll all take one
and we'll be done. I withfour horsemen. Well, we're not doing
shots. I'd rather go I honestlythat I know what your response immediately is

(15:22):
going to be. I don't mindgoing out and having drinks and not getting
super fucked up. I like havingdrinks and and and just enjoy. I've
hit a point in my life goahead and say it, go ahead and
so old. Yeah, so I'vehit that point in my life where we're
like I'm okay, not getting suckedup. I'm okay and not doing shots
every single time. I'll do shotsstill, but yeah, yeah, yeah,

(15:45):
But I'm more of a either amixed drink or a or a beer
drinker. What's your go to shots? So if I'm buying around, there's
one of two shots that I'm buying. Either it's going to be a breakfast
shot or it's going to be chilledpatrone. Oh, I like the chilled
patrone. What's the breakfast shot?Oh? I think it's like butterscotch liquor.

(16:10):
No, there's no cream in it. There's the core of cream.
Well, there's butterscotch in it,and then whiskey. That's literally it.
It's like half whiskey half butterscotch liquor. And then you follow it with the
chaser of orange juice. And I'mnot kidding you, Mike, I'm not
kidding you. It tastes like waffleswith syrup and then you shoot it back
with orange juice. It's so good, so good. You drink your shots

(16:33):
and they taste good. Breakfast shotsare very very delicious. I've never in
my and that might be me doingit wrong. I've never taken a shot
in my entire life that I've said, oh that was good. No,
no, no, Then we'll goout and we'll get breakfast shots because they
are genuinely You're gonna be like,why was that sweet? Yeah, I'm

(16:55):
in so good. But the oneshot I will vomit at every single time
and it's every girl's go to aregreen tea shots. What's in those?
I feel like I've heard of thoseand is it actual like tea? No,
I don't even know what's in it, but every time I have one,
I have this viscoveral react. Andthey're supposed to be the easiest shot

(17:15):
to take. It's supposed to tastelike Arizona green teahav a drink in the
entire world. Is Arizona Green tea? Probably didn't know that about me.
I didn't know that. I usedto go through cases a week, cases
of them. I love them soincredibly. My brother would buy me them,
buy the gallon for all holidays.My stocking stuff for one year at
Christmas was a gallon of Arizona Greentea. I love it. These shots

(17:36):
make me vomit every single time.Jamison peach snops and sour mix Ooh,
none of that sounds good, youknow what. Like my shot experience and
it was really mostly through college wasJaeger bombs. So I don't have a
good track record with with shots.I don't because those you would take them
and you'd go, oh, likeblack list, but it fucks you up.

(18:03):
So I'm a psychopath. I hadmy first yager bomb on my thirtieth
birthday because I thought it was gonnamake me vomit. And I took it
and my brother looked at me weird, and he was like, you like
it? And I was like,I love black black Crush. I love
black Lickrish. I had no ideait was black liquorsh And I was like,
oh my god, I could havebeen so much more fucked up in
college. Oh yes, because allyou need is too two of them.

(18:25):
Oh they're terrible. I guess.Okay, if you like black black Crish,
and I know that you like redBull, right, you would,
Oh yeah, that's your jam,Then that's your speed. I cannot I
can't even the smell love it,love it. But if you give me
a car bomb, I will vomitwithin the half hour. Okay, next
question, then, what's the onealcohol on your draft list? That you

(18:49):
will never that you could never evertouch ever again. And then I want
to hear the story why oh carbombs, I will and I hate that
name in that drink. We reallyas a society need to rename that drink.
It is, oh yeah, soinappropriate, but yay. It would
be like going to learn or Irelandand then ordering the nine to eleven.
Like it's like, people don't knowhow horrific of a name that is for

(19:14):
a drink. Just learn that.I seriously just learned that probably three years
ago. Maybe such an inappropriate name, But every every single time I've had
one. I remember the year theSaint Patrick's Stay, the year after I
turned twenty one, I had myfirst car bomb, and I have never
had a Saint Patrick's Day with acar because that's the only day of the

(19:34):
year you drink one. Yeah,I've never had a Saint Patrick's Day where
I had a car bomb and didn'tpuke. But every Saint Patrick's Day where
I didn't have a car bomb,I didn't puke and I was just as
drunk at the end of the day. Yeah. Well, it's the the
way that it mixes together when whenyou because don't you put a cup down,
you put Gennison in something else,and then you drop the shot in.

(19:56):
Yeah, yes, that's what itis. You drop it in.
Yes, it curdles and you cansee it. It's like a lava lamp
and you're like, why am Igoing to drink this? And then you're
supposed to drink it fast. Yeah. My favorite part is people drink it
faster that it doesn't curdle. Butthat's not the case. It just curdles
inside of your store. It's justyou can't see it. It's still happening.

(20:18):
Yeah, you ever had Southern Comfort. It's the first thing I ever
got drunk off of. Yeah,wait, are we being honest? Yeah?
I definitely wasn't sixteen. No,of course, not Southern Comfort.
Mountain dew, baby, That's whatI was just gonna say, Never a
fucking gain will I tauch Southern Comfortabout dew? Because there was always that

(20:41):
party you went to where and thisis now thinking about it, I would
never do this where you'd pass arounda bottle of Mountain Dew and a bottle
of Southern Comfort to the person next, and you do like a circle,
like a Boonz Farm circle, andyou'd pass around this this fifth of Southern
comfort. And again, it's oneof those alcohols that just smell like if
I smell it, I'm a puke. I'm gonna puke. Oh my god.

(21:04):
First time I ever Oh my god. That was the second time I
ever got drunk. First time Iever got drunk. I was fifteen.
I was surprised me in a weddingand I got drunk off of pineapple upside
down shots and wine, which whogives wine to a fifteen year old and
a nice dress? You assholes?Right? And then we ended the night

(21:26):
with I had one cousin. Heis so bougie. Now it's hysterical how
bougie is, But when we wereteens, he was just the epitome of
trash. And I think it's absolutelyhysterical. And every night would end with
so co mountain dude, and ugh, it's such a this. I mean,
it's one of those alcohols that Ihave really, really bad memories of

(21:48):
and I probably could never drink again. But I also have great stories from
that. That and what's the onewith the little gold flakes in it?
Gold gold? Yeah, never hadit. Oh, it's ter it's peppermint.
So it's like a peppermint. Uh, so you might like it.
You might. You might put thatwe should create a shots list and when
when we get together and have theavailable time in in in schedule too,

(22:15):
we should do shots. Adam,who works here at the in the building
as well, just commented, hesaid, can never drink Burnetts again.
Good thing. I'm an adult nowand don't have to. I don't know.
I might go back. I mightgo back to and drink some of
those, isn't it. I trulyam not a drinker. See, I
like when I was in college,they all did vodka kranz or they did

(22:40):
vodka sodaes it is okay, Yeah, I hate vodka. All of my
bad experiences are on vodka and rottenbecause that's what girls drink in college.
I love. I love a goodvodka, though not like a five o'clock
or or what's another one I don'tremember. I can't think of the names,
but five yeah, yeah, thoseare okay. I don't mind a
gray goose. Gray goose is okay. I don't mind Tito's either. Tato's

(23:03):
is not necessarily the most expensive,but Tito's you could I always mix it
either. I did on the rocksfor a minute, because again it's trying
to stay hydrated. But but incollege, I want to say it was
it was a cran or it wasa red Bull vodka. Red Bull was
was what I drank A lot,a lot, a lot of lot.
Oh my god, what were youa girl? Because you have your period?

(23:32):
Literally more because it were you?The four Loco generation h briefly,
so we got it because it wasa brief. It was a brief moment
right like it was. It washere and then people got fucked up and
then they got rid of it.Yeah, you want to know, sound
crazy. I've never had a realfour logo real Oh they were bad,

(23:53):
like like so I was I forgetI want to say, I don't remember
what you they came out, soI don't know how old I was,
but it wasn't something I could handle. Even at whatever age I was,
I drank. I remember sitting bya bonfire. I had one, Megan,
because that's all you could handle.I don't know. I couldn't tell
you what was in it, butit was a mixture of it felt like

(24:15):
energy, drinks and alcohol and butway too much of all of it.
It was like some guy mixed youa party drink and said here, you
go drink this, you'll be fine, and you're like, I don't know
if I should, but it's gota really cool can logo on it and
it's a bunch of different colors,so sure, And then you drank it
and you were passed out by afire in the middle of the day and
you're like, why is there afire in the middle of the fucking day.

(24:41):
Don't know what it was. There'salways a poor logo and about byre
Oh, yeah, I get someguy. Even today, there's a spirit
of a canvas around twenty four RheesMiller says Rumpel for the go to shot
Rumplements. That's another one. Mhmm. Makes me go, did you

(25:04):
this sounds bad? I should knowthis. I know we've talked about this.
Did you go to college? Sorry? If there was a draft list
for the the rudest things Megan saidto me in the podcast, that would
be fourth round at least fourth roundpick on that list was do you read

(25:27):
I'm sorry, have I ever askedyou this? But do you read?
Followed by third round? You're anidiot, but you're my favorite idiot.
That one today I don't have anumber one yet because we're still going What
was the question again? Oh?Yes, yes, Where should you go

(25:52):
to college? Is how I shouldhave asked that. Hey, dumb,
dumb, Hey, hey, youbig stupid idiot. Were you ever educated?
I did go to a couple ofdifferent I went to two community colleges,
Grand Rapids Community College and Montcom CommunityCollege, and then I uh started

(26:18):
radio and no, I don't wantto do that. Yeah, yeah,
remember, okay, GRC is whatyou've always said, right, yes,
yeah, that's okay, all right, all right, all right, you
little bitch number one? All right, you little bitch? Added to the
list. Maybe did you do thejungle juice in college? Yes? Yeah.

(26:44):
What I find interesting about that isthat we were all warned about roofies
and we still showed up to frathouses and said, yes, I would
like to dip this cup in thisdirty bucket full of random alcohols that I've
not seen anybody pour into here.But I'm sure it'll be fine. Yeah.
The adult version into that is theuh is the giant watermelon, where
they mix a bunch of shit ina giant watermelon but put a spout on

(27:07):
it, and you're like, yeah, sure I'll drink that stranger who I
don't know, but I'm at GusMacker, a Gus Macker party. Sure
I'll go. I'll definitely drink thatbecause you made it in a garage or
graduation party. Absolutely, why wouldn'tI drink that? Like, just because
you saw it on the reels doesn'tmean that you have to make it slightly

(27:29):
miss absolutely pathetic. Love the show. You guys are doing a great job
with Mike and Megan. Although Idid see something, I did see something
on reels. It definitely fucking madeit the other day, not Booze.
It was this is lame, butI made it was popcord. But you
melt. You melted. You meltedher chocolate bar and then poured it on

(27:52):
top of the popcorn and then ithardens and you eat the popcorn. Wow.
You. I never ever would havethought of putting chocolate on popcorn before
reels. I still feel bad aboutasking did you before I go to sleep
for weeks. I want to takethat clip, So I'm gonna take this

(28:18):
video just that clip, because thethe way you pause, the way I
said nothing of it, Let itprocess, Let it process. You probably
thought as I'm processing it well clearlynow, aw long he's take him to
answer this fucking question. You lookat this dummy trying to process this question
right now. Of course you don'tgo to college. And I was like,

(28:40):
we've talked about Cola so many times. You know, he's on a
college. We got in a wegot in a like a deep conversation about
our love for psychology, because Iwas like, oh, I went to
college, and I did really wellin psychology, and I only took like
that's the only thing I did reallywell in in psychology. I've said it
many times that I stopped going tocollege so that I could go into radio.

(29:03):
He's fucking moron. Did you goto college? Oh, I'm gonna
say it. I'm gonna say itevery time I retell that story. It's
gonna be fucking worse. It's gonnabe way worse. Hey, you lose.
Oh my god, I'm crying.Oh my god, I don't even
remember what we were gonna talk about, right, we talk about you going

(29:25):
on vacation. But oh my,oh yeah, I'm literally I love you
so much. I love you,you know. Hold on. Let me
let me also go back and sayjust because you said I love you.
Doesn't mean you can say a bunchof mean ship and I'm not gonna continue.
No, No, I want youto, absolutely want you to.
But I just wanted to remind youdandy. Dandy says Megan. Did your

(29:48):
parents homeschool? Mike? It shows, dude, have you ever met a
normal homeschool kid? Though homeschoolers andonly children are all the weirdest people.
You know, none of those thingsI did begging low key sneak dissent.

(30:11):
Uh No, that one was blatant. Does she low key yes? But
that one was blatant? What aboutthe homeschoolers, even normal homeschooled kid?
No, No, I think she'ssaying. Uh, they're saying I have
an associates in psychology and I'm dyingover here. Literally, somebody just said

(30:33):
that my chat you guys need tosee about anyone else in the show knows
I Mike, I would be sobad if you know, man, I'll
be if like every time I doa topic or every time I say anything,
somebody was like, hey, question, do you know what college like?
Doesn't make any sense? It's justfucking ass didn't meet it in the
way of like first of all,I knew you were. I should have

(30:56):
said more college should you go to? That was so stupid to me.
I was talking about like like specificcollege drinking stuff, not like you're so
stupid. Do you have an education? Uh? Just says oh my god,
I love you, my blah blahblah. But the bad words,
I don't get to hear them inthe am. I know it, I

(31:18):
know it. We got to beclean. I know it sucks. I
really can't believe that law hasn't changedyet. It's got at some point,
at some point, I would imagine, Yeah, at some point, you
like, it's not I don't know. It's so stupid to me that you
have to pay for a radio servicein order to hear curse words, because
like, why should you have topay for the radio when you can get
it for free, And and likeyou're swearing more around your kids than we

(31:44):
would probably swear on the air,absolutely guaranteed, I don't know. I
love to throw out a good seawordevery what we met. I bet even
if it was legal to curse onthe air, our boss would still have
lines like we wouldn't be able tosay the sea word. I don't even
say it on this podcast. You'veheard me say it a million times.
I love the word. But doyou think there are any other words that
would be like off? Any likeslurs obviously would be oh yeah, yeah,

(32:07):
that's a given. The sea wordis a really really good one.
I don't know that there's a wordthat really hits as hard as that one
other than like slurs. Yeah.Well, well yes, no, no,
no, yeah, I'm just sayingyeah, yeah, I just want
to make sure we're all on thesame page. Obviously in our hypothetical radio.

(32:29):
So today you've called me an idiot, racist, all in one,
all in one, all in once, all in one podcast, all in
one podcast. You didn't bring upthe text for earlier. I didn't understand
that at first either. I waslike what I the way you responded,
I was like, he didn't getthe joke. No, not at first.

(32:52):
She's on a roll that don't encourageher. First off, I didn't
need to be encouraged. I wasgoing to keep going the P word.
I don't think that would be Idon't know. Somebody else said that.
I don't know. Um, Ifeel like our show would say it,
but some shows wouldn't. Yeah,I don't think it would get used in
a scientific way, though, saidpregnancy p the other day. Yeah,

(33:16):
yeah, see, I think that'show it would get you. Well,
okay, I guess that's the I'dhave a full lecture with him today about
how he couldn't say clam jam onthe air, and he's like, but
we said cock block and I waslike, no, we said c block
and then played a rooster noise andhe was like, oh yeah, I
loved I laughed at clamjam like Ilaughed. We are all losing our jobs

(33:39):
because keV refuses to listen to me, all right, so vac oh yeah,
yeah, yeah, sorry, I'ma big idiot that didn't go to
college. I forgot what we weretalking about. I just pulled myself together.
I have a question, are yousure you do educated? You fucking

(34:02):
more? And of course you havea question. Of course you have a
question. Uh And I ask youthis question for this is twofold, honestly,
Well, now three because of theeducation thing, but the first two
is really just because you just wenton a cruise and because I feel like

(34:24):
you know more about this lifestyle thanI do, not because you've experienced it.
But maybe well, okay, Okay, so my wife, uh has
a friend who I've met a coupleof times, but like we're not like
she's way more closer or way closerthan I am than she is. I
didn't say anything, Yeah, butI see the look on your face.

(34:45):
I see already the wheels turning.Uh. And she said we were invited
on a a couple's cruise. Andfirst off, I didn't know couples went
on cruises together. That. Ididn't know that was a thing unless you're
like, hey, I got afriend and the two of us, like
four of us are going to goon a cruise like that to me seems

(35:07):
like a like your best friend.But this is like, hey, we're
inviting a bunch of couples and wewant to get an idea of who all
wants to go. Are you guysinterested? My initial thought, and maybe
this is this is a me thing, was oh, this is a swingers
cruise. This is a upside downpineapple, uh, swapping wives swingers cruise.

(35:29):
Jess says, I didn't know couplescruises were a thing. So I
know gay cruises everything, and Iknow singles cruises are a thing. What
can you share one cruise? Line. You don't have to. I don't
know. I don't know. Wewere just asked if we wanted to go,
because I could probably tell you ifit's a swingers cruise or not based
on the line. I have tofind out. I have to find it.

(35:49):
Hold on, let me miss,I'll message Ali literally while we're doing
this. Okay, all right,Why is there a specific one? Oh?
Yeah, oh yeah, you sayit. Well, I don't want
to sway what you're going to say, so I figure it out. It's
the Disney Cruise line. If youhave Mickey ears on, you're definitely swaving

(36:12):
spouses. That was probably the weirdestpart about going on a cruise with saying
all of the swinger stuff just soopen. Oh it's it's on every cruise.
I went on the Swingers cruise line. You did? You did?
Yes? Why did you never talkabout that? Well? I don't know
why, but I definitely did.I didn't pick the cruise line. I

(36:36):
would say, well, I kindof just outed them. We'll talk about
it in a little bit. Ithink some people know which one I took,
but there's one that's maybe a littlebit more affordable that people tend to
take when they're okay swinging. Okay, well you got you gotta swing on
a budget. It's just there's lesslaws on those ships. There's less rules,

(36:59):
there's just everything. Yeah, thisdestination come into play with swinging.
I wonder like, can you swingin certain areas and you can't live like
it is Miami, like where yougo swing, but like not Fort Lauderdale.
No. Fort Lauderdale's all the oldpeople. That's where the swingers are.
Oh, you're probably right. Thevillages I have not No, do

(37:21):
you know about the villages in theKeys. It's the largest retirement area in
America. And they all drive aroundin golf carts. The roads are built
for golf carts and not for cars. And the color Lufa that hangs off
of their golf cart shows what they'relooking for or what they're interested in doing.
If I ever see this, nowI have to know what's the what
color loofa means swinging? Oh,it's it's like looking for men, looking

(37:45):
for women, looking for like buttstuff, looking for by the groups.
Yeah. Yeah, there's like awhole directory. You gotta flip through the
roll of decks figure out what you'relooking for. Lisa says my in law
is living the villages, Lisa,I would love to hear stories about the
villages. Uh, you're in law'sfuck your father in law has a viagra

(38:13):
prescription. Can you imagine she goesto visits too? I would love at
least if you want to call itsix one six seven seven, I wait
one before, but could you imagineshe goes over and she's just like there
to visit on vacation and just isdriving the golf car and she's like,
oh, look at this loof She'sjust playing with it. That know it?
That know it? What an interestingdecoration? Yeah, she said,

(38:35):
I took a picture of a loofof car a couple of weeks ago.
He does have a loofah? Whatcolor is it? I'm not gonna look
up with the loof of goulrain?Yeah, I have to. It's got
to be done. I can't waitfor Elie to text you back on this
one. So you've never been ona cruise before? No, I haven't.
Uh. I know the idea ofit, obviously, but I'm educated

(38:57):
enough to know the idea of whata loofah or a cruise is. But
I don't know if there are specificones you go on like if you're a
couples, if you're single, ifyou're just going with friends, or if
you're just going to have vacation,like you're just going to get away or
whatever, he said. She said, Pink and teal there are two of
them. Oh, Pink is softswap people who like to do it with

(39:17):
others in the room, and tealis bisectual for those who want to increase
their dating chances. White is fornovices and beginners. Purple is for voyagers
or people who like to watch.Blue is the lowest level of full swap,
those who can play well with others. No. Yellow is mid level
swap, and black is full swap. So they're into soft. So somebody's

(39:39):
sitting in the room, that's interesting. I don't know that I could do
that. I think I would getstaged, right, don't say that this
program isn't education. Arn, we'velearned a lot, like it's like our
own college. Better. Then she'sat work right now, so I don't
know when she will answer. Idon't know if you want to tell me

(40:00):
and then I'll tell you, orI'll just screenshot it, but I don't
I don't know when she's going toanswer this, so here is let me
google it to make sure. First, here's my take on cruises. Okay,
some people love them, some peoplethat is their thing. I would

(40:22):
not say I am one of thosepeople because of the crowds, because of
the what happens on cruises. Ithink it was mostly And again, it
all depends on the line that youtake, and the line that we took
was mostly old retirees. Let's justsay I went to a comedy show and

(40:44):
was uncomfortable to stay on the boatfor the rest of the show or the
rest of the trip because of howpeople reacted to the comedian. And I
said, oh, oh, thesethese people don't like me, Like,
oh really, yes, I waslike, okay, okay, this is
kind of scary. But I thinkthat it's mostly really really drunk people.

(41:07):
And I'm not a huge drinker.Yeah yeah, and you can't take weed
with you, so like, Iwould love to go on a cruise and
be high the whole time while otherpeople are drunk. But I'm just like
slowly drinking warm beers because it's eightthousand degrees outside. Yeah, and I'm
like not into this vibe with awhole bunch of sixty plus year old people

(41:27):
who all uh just are there toget absolutely blitzed. And then you will
see like sixty five to seventy fiveyear old men falling in the hallway drunk
at like eight pm, and it'skind of sad, like it takes the
fun away. I do know I'dhave to see it at least once.
There's a lot of kids. Which, again, if you're going on like
a Disney cruise line, you expectthat I should have gone on like a

(41:51):
Virgin cruise. I made my ownmistakes, sure, but like, I
just don't think it was my kindof crowd and my kind of vibe.
And my ship was docked two weeksafter we took it for like two years
for renovation, so it was ahunk of junk on the water. I
felt super safe out in the middleof nowhere, seeing all the rough spots
and holes everywhere. I was like, this is fun. See And that's

(42:15):
where I don't want to, Like, I would like to go on a
cruise, but what I don't wantto happen is to be put in a
situation where, hey, we didn'tcome on this cruise for that, but
now that that's what everybody else knowsthat that's what we signed up for,
and so they're all like, oh, they're the lame couple that isn't rock
and loofas all over. It isalso weirdly expensive. Everybody sells it to

(42:36):
you as like the affordable vacation,and everything adds up and it's a buffet
food Like I think I could havespent the money that I spent on the
cruise and had like a nice vacationin Mexico on the resort. Yeah,
I would much rather do that.I'll have to. I know for sure,
I'm gonna have to try once,just to go on a cruise once.

(42:57):
But I definitely don't want the firsttime to be with like a swinging
cruise, Like that's not what I'mlooking for. Yeah that I don't know
that I wanted to be the kidsone either. I want to. I
might just be Ali and I.But I don't know how to ask that
question of like, hey, what'sthe what's the vibe here? What I
mean, what's the crowd? LikeI think if the vibe truly is Ali's

(43:20):
girlfriends and the husbands and all thatwant to go on a vacation together,
it is couples it's not swinging.Go on a virgin cruise, you have
to be twenty one hour over.I don't think there's like anybody over the
age of fifty on them. Andthey're party cruises, so they're like chill
during the day, and then atnight they're just like club club, another
club, bar, pool party.And then one night a cruise they do

(43:45):
a red night where you dress inall red and the whole ship is red
and they have like fire breathers atthese parties inside. Like it's it's cool,
okay, but it's I like that. I say, I like that,
and I don't know. Yeah,I know, I liked I like
that. It sounds it sounds allright. I don't mind. I'd like
to do the Kid one eventually,but I don't want to do one where

(44:07):
it's just a bunch of people swinging. If you're going to do a Kid's
one, do the Disney Cruise.The Disney Cruise truly is phenomenal. If
you want to do a bougie familyone that's not like Kid Kid, I
would go in Norwegian, Okay.I did a lot of research on all
this. Royal Caribbean too. RoyalCaribbean is good for like family vacations that
are bougie. What did you alreadytell me what the one was? That

(44:28):
swinger Carnival cruises Okay, okay,con Cruise, don't want o the seas?
If she says because I'm waiting again, I'm waiting to see what she
says. If she says Carnival conCruz is the other sea, I'm gonna
have to say no. I'm gonnahave to say no. I don't know.

(44:49):
Yeah, I would love to takeanother cruise that I planned. I
thought you did plan it. Iplanned it with a big group of people
who made the decision to go.Oh, I made the best because if
I would have picked a line,I wouldn't have picked Carnival. No,

(45:09):
That's what I'm afraida, because thepart of me is like, you know
what we it's been a minute sincewe've just gotten away for like a week
with friends. You know this couldbe, you know, a chance to
I don't want to get put ona boat with a bunch of people who
have one thing in mind and onething in mind only and they just be
like the dude, like the buzzkillof the fucking group. Because I'm like,

(45:31):
nah, guys, sorry, youcan't have my wife, and I
don't want to have your wife either. I'm not searing. Yeah, we're
gonna go we're gonna go play blackjackor something, but uh, pats the
other really sad thing what all theninety year olds on a cruise sit in
the casino the whole time, uhhuh, and they're just like, I'm

(45:52):
so sick of people talking about iPadkids when we should talk about like touchscreen
slot machine Grandma's because you all say, there for thirty hours, just spending
all of that social security looking ata screen, tapping over and over and
over again, not doing anything,try to win money. Yeah, it's
not. At first, it's funnybecause it's so crazy looking, and then

(46:12):
you'll like go to a bar andget a drink and walk by and be
like oh. And then the nextday you walk by and it's still like
that same group of people and you'relike oh. And then you go buy
at night and you're like, ohmy god, and it's like not fun,
it's sad, so excait I kindof want to see it. I
kind of want to see it.Nine year old at a slot machine is

(46:36):
sometimes my speed. Sometimes cut thescreen and tell me war stories, Grandpa.
Yeah, I don't care that you'restill smoking inside, even though nobody
does it anymore, and you're asopposed to there's no ash trays, there's
no ash trays. Did you peeyour pants or did you spill? I
don't know, It doesn't matter.You're you're enjoying your life. Do you

(46:59):
be in the pool? Yeah,hey, you don't pee in the pool?
No, I absolutely in the pool. Oh do you think I was
gonna say no? I was gonnatry to deny it. No, everybody
piece in the pool. It's disgustingif you really, really truly think about
it, because we're all floating ateach other's pee. Do you pee in
a hot tub? Yeah, inevery bit of water, ounce of water,

(47:19):
every ounce of water you have everever been in, Because the second
I hit that water, I go, I gotta pee, even if I
didn't have to pee or just youknow, I just peed. Yeah,
I'll pee right then. Lakes,rivers, ponds, oceans, pools,
all acceptable. Hot dubs off thetable. Where's it? What am I

(47:43):
gonna do? Oh? She answeredme celebrity reflection. That so yeah,
that sounds like her belt hold on. I don't even know that it's a
real thing. Oh wow, it'sits own line. I imagine you get

(48:07):
group rates if you go the swingerrate. Look at that. Look at
that? Why, I have noidea. It looks nice and the carnival,
so yeah, no, it looksnicer than the cruise I went on.
I'm not kidding you. My cruisewas Does it look like a place

(48:28):
that people swing? It could goeither way? Really, it really could
go either way. It might justbe couples getting away. Then I don't
know. Maybe i'll look war intoit. Oh, I found the casino.
I'll send you pictures. Okay.Danny says he's a baby hits the

(48:51):
water in pease, Meggot, say, is not the hot tub. If
you're in a hot tub, theprobability that you're either on the deck of
a house that has a toilet nearbyis high, or a pool nearby.
Get back in the pool and pee. We're talking about ratios here, and
the ratio of hot water to bodiesis not high enough for pea. I

(49:13):
believe though, Yeah, you arecorrect, But I believe also that the
heat and the chemicals are in asmaller space and it's way hotter, and
that burns the pea, and itjust it's like cooking food. It's like
burning the germs off. And tome, it makes more sense to actually

(49:36):
paying a hot tub than what apool other than the size of it.
Other than the size of it,I'll give you that. But the heat,
I see how you're looking. Theheat and the amount of chemicals that
they put in that stuff. Anyways, it's gone. A second comes out
of your pee hole. Here's thething. If I got stung by a
jellyfish, and I don't know ifthis is actually accurate or not, but
I'm gonna ask seventy to pee onme, and I'm not going to be

(49:57):
grossed out by it. Yeah,and bull who survived for long periods of
night. They have to drink yourown pea. What's wrong with sitting in
water with pea? Which, bythe way, if you're swimming in lakes
or oceans, there's something grosser outthere. Oh that's peeing in it.
The dead bodies, dead body yeahpeople, yes, that and in animals

(50:20):
pooping it sterile, more sterile thana dead body. Yeah. Uh.
Jamie says, any cruise can bea swinger cruise if you believe that's true.
It is very true. People oncruises will put upside pineapples on the
door to know their swingers. RoyalCaribbean and own celebrity cruise. Royal is

(50:44):
great and they have a lot ofamenities, golden showers. I've heard about
what working what you search on Craigslist. I did not know that. I've
never looked at up on chriislis nowit was a joke on Horrible Bosses.
Uh huh sure, sure have youever seen the movie Horrible? I have

(51:06):
seen the movie yet. I watchedHorrible Losses to the other day. A
good movie, there is a solidmovie. Yeah, oh, my child
does a good movie. Oh yeah, so you got you know, I
got a Well, if it's justyou guys, you don't need to find
this. But if you ever takeyour kids on a cruise, make sure

(51:28):
you take them to one with agood kids area so you can just shove
them off in a room and notsee them until dinner. In my head,
there's only pools. It's just abunch of pools and there's nothing else
to do. Is there more thingsto do? Let me tell you.
On my cruise there was thank god, one hot tub in like an adults
only section that was really nice.Let me tell you. I camped out
there the whole trip, Yeah,which was funny because they put it right

(51:52):
below the kid's water slides, andI was like, yes, relaxing,
peaceful children are ten feet above me. But there was like a hot time
down there and its own private bar, which was nice. But my cruise,
I thought it was going to bepool after pool after or or giant
pool. There was one smaller thana pool you would find in somebody's backyard

(52:14):
pool. And it's in like inground right, like it's in the in
the floor. Yeah, but it'sonly like three feet deep. Like they
know that kids aren't coming here toswim, adults are coming here to drink,
and it's too hot to be outside, so we'll put some some weede
water for you. Nobody's drowning.None of the kids went and swam,

(52:35):
swam, swimming, swamm. Ididn't say anything. College, I didn't
say anything. I'm not the badguy. I didn't say anything. This
podcast needs to be just called collegequestion mark. Well, when you write
that outside don't hurder college question,I should just put collage or college.

(53:01):
There was like a kid swimming areathat most of the kids were out with
like water slides and stuff. Ohsee that's nice, Yeah, that is
nice. No, no, butyou gotta find one that has the kids
club that you can shove them inall day. What's the kids club where
like the kids can go do likeour activities or go to the pool with
like they're like, it's a daycamp. Camp counselors. Do you go

(53:22):
on vacation with your family but youdon't actually have to be with your I
kind of love it. I meanat least for a couple of hours.
And you guys are out number bythe kids. That's scary around water,
Yeah, genuinely terrifying. It islittle. Yeah, and that's why we
we Cecily can swim, Milot wethey we both each kid was taught to

(53:45):
swim very early because the goal isto someday live really really close to water.
And we are buy water right now. Anyways, can you swap?
Really? Shannon can't swim? Lotsof adults can't swim. Yes, I
can. Is there anything a sickelse you would like to ask me?
What was it? Can you read? Do you? Can? You?

(54:07):
Do you you in college? You? Uh? Yeah, you're not a
spell? Do you have you everyou ever breathed? Okay, okay,
I don't think makes fair. EverybodyI know who says I taught my kids
to swimp really right, usually didn'tknow how to swim. Do you know
how to chew on food? Ordo you drink out of a straw?

(54:29):
Does somebody have to baby bird?You mean it like that? You were
tire shoes? Shoes? Should thetitle B? Did you go to college?
Do you know how to swim?Yes? Yes, I know how
to swim swim? Read question marktire shoe? Do you uh? You

(54:52):
like malcro or slipper? What's yourwhat's your aesthetic? Like? Not?
Actually? Do? To be fair, if they made adult light up shoes,
I might wear those. Okay,look, okay do you walk?
Are you that? How dare you? Roseman? I literally don't know how

(55:15):
to swim and I'm almost starty?Thank you. Lots of people don't know
how to swim? Okay? Wait? How many American adults don't know how
to swim? How many? Idon't know. I didn't go to school,
so I don't. I don't fuckingknow. I don't know. That's
statistic, it's it's the style atwhich you asked the question the same way

(55:36):
you asked the question about college,the same way you asked the question about
how I read. You looked atme almost down, almost with your head
tilted down, as tom as to. I'm standing above you. Hey,
hey, you tiny little man,little peasants man? Have you ever read
a book that was they like toread? I never ever said can you

(56:06):
read? He said, do youlike to read? No, I think
you said do you read? Doyou even read? Mic? I think
was the question. It's estimated thatseventeen percent. I'm just ignoring you.
I'm estimating it's estimated that seventeen percentof Americans don't know how to swim.
That's a pretty significant portion of thepopulation. What was the percentage? I
was on seventeen? Like one offive people. Okay, there's a lot

(56:27):
of people. Oh oh, Ijust screeped my nose on someone who's dirty
microphone cover. You're probably going tostart breaking out love that. For me,
microphone covers are so gross. Ohyeah, so not having one is
even grosser. Though not having acover, I can disinfect metal that Okay,

(56:52):
So if you don't know this randomtangent, he and I just went
on, there are microphone covers thatsome people use and some people don't use
in our industry, And I'm ina studio that I did not put this
microphone. This is not mine,So it means it's caked in somebody else's
bit. But at least when youdon't have a cover, you can disinfect
it. Yeah, yeah, butyours is covered and makeup, and that's

(57:13):
absolutely just who's resting their face ontheir microphone. I would say it's me,
but I don't wear makeup, soit's clearly it's clearly not me.
You put your face on your microphone? No, I don't. I mean
it touches it. Sometimes it doestouch it, but this one's broken,
so I have to like grab ita lot, and it touches my face.
But outside of that, it's notlike a rub it out my face

(57:34):
or anything. Danny says Mike.Mike's wife reads to them, so it
still counts. Do you hey,do you do you know what to add?
Do you know math? Do youit was very Do you you know
how to swim? I know yourkids know how to swim, but do

(57:55):
you do you you? Jesus christy, all right, I'm done with that.
You know what I deserve, eventhough how to push buttons me follow
the Slightly Messy Show on i gat Slightly Messy Show