May 9, 2024 • 43 mins
Amy starts off with '4 Things Gratitude' sharing with you 4 things she's currently thankful for & hopefully through her gratitude you'll learn about some things to check out & then she shares some words of wisdom from Ally Fallon that will lead living life with more purpose & confidence.
FIRST THING: She's selling her house & here's the YouTube video she references "Declutter Your Home: The Ultimate Guide to Selling Fast | How to Get Rid of Your Stuff." (this is helpful for anyone...not just if you're selling your home!)
SECOND THING: Amy changed the energy of her home to an 8. What does that mean?? Well, read this Address Numerology blog that Amanda wrote and listen to this episode where Amanda told Amy about why she needs to change her home from a 2 to an 8 and it will all make more sense!
THIRD THING: Amy has felt so pulled together lately thanks to her new Yellow Rose by Kendra Scott jewelry. All of the pieces are so cute, cowgirl vibes & ranch inspired because 'country is cool again!' Girls trip to Austin anytime soon? Go by the Yellow Rose store hat bar and get custom hats to always remember the trip....so fun!
FOURTH THING: Ally Fallon's book launch party was on Tuesday night, so Write Your Story: A Simple Framework to Understand Yourself, Your Story, and Your Purpose in the World is officially out in the world and ready for people to read. Donald Miller read his forward for the book at the party and I loved his opening lines: "Years ago, I met a psychologist who gave me some advice about choosing friends. She said this: 'choose people who have a story to tell, rather than those who tell stories.'" Such a good quote. Ally feels strongly that writing our stories helps us understand ourselves so we can live with more purpose and confidence.
FUN FACT: Ally's Write Your Story Podcast is on Amy's network, so she's highlighting an episode that Ally put up last month that further dives into why writing our stories is so helpful....even if we never plan on anyone else reading it. This is such a good listen If you feel like you’re telling the same story over and over again....like the details may change (new boss, new partner, new hometown) but the cycle of the story keepings repeating itself.
HOST: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Okay, cast up thing little food for yourself life.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh it's pretty bad.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Hey, it's pretty beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Thing beautiful for that for a little more exciting because
said he, You're kicking with four thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Happy Thursday. Four Things Amy here, and I'm going to
start off with four things gratitude, sharing with you four
things that I am currently thankful for this week. And
the first thing is that I've shared recently that I'm
selling my house. I held on to it for about
a year after my divorce, and I feel like it's
(00:53):
it's time. I feel like it's a really smart move.
I feel like the kids are going to be good
with it. They've acclimated to going to their dads every
other week, and they both shared with me that they're
fine with me moving. So something that I'm thankful for
is a video that I found on YouTube called Declutter
your Home The Ultimate Guide to Selling Fast and how
to get rid of your stuff. Now, I'll link the
(01:15):
YouTube video in the show notes, but that's the title
in case you want to search it up. But this
video is good for anyone. There's some gold in here.
Even if you're not moving. I think that you could
benefit from decluttering your home, getting rid of stuff, saying
goodbye to things, whatever the reason. And my house is
almost ready to go on the market, which is crazy
(01:36):
because it kind of all started when I saw a
cardinal at this open house that I went to, but
that was my mom. I feel like sending me a
message of peace, like it's okay to sell your home,
because I was really holding on to it, like I
didn't want to sell it when last year it probably
would have been the best thing for me, but sometimes
you just have to wait until you have peace about it.
(01:57):
I still have a little more organizing and some donating
that needs to be done, but as of today, my
house feels very much in order because I've dedicated the
last two weeks to getting it ready. My realitor actually
photographed the house this week, so I'm thankful those picks
are done and the house is looking good and it's
feeling good, which leads to the second thing that I'm
(02:20):
thankful for.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
It's kind of in the same vein.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
I'm thankful for the new energy that I gave my
house this week by making it an eight. If you
listen to a recent episode that I did with my cousin,
she told me on Tuesday, May seven, to make my
house an eight.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Now.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
I have no idea if this is legit or not,
but I don't care. I do know the energy is real,
So I'll roll with the very weird thing that I
did this week, which was put a post it note
with a six on it in my mailbox to make
my house an eight.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Now.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Address numerology is what my cousin called it, and I'll
link that episode in the show notes and her blow
post about it if you want to learn more. If
you don't, well skip over that part. But in a nutshell,
my home address is naturally a two and there's an
easy way you add everything up to figure that out.
And Amanda told me that I needed to make my
(03:13):
home an eight because that represents abundance, and since I'm
putting my house on the market, I want to sell
it with ease and for the best about possible. So
I did it on Tuesday. I put the sixth post
it note in my mailbox. And again, I'm not even
sure how I feel about this, but hey, it can't hurt.
The third thing that I'm thankful for this week is
(03:35):
Yellow Rose by Kendri Scott Jewelry. I got some while
I was in Austin last weekend for iHeart Country Fest,
and I have been wearing it every day since then.
I wore it all weekend at the festival and felt
perfect with my outfit, and I just thought every piece
was so cute. But I've been wearing it to work
all week too. And I just pulled up her website
(03:56):
to see how she describes her Yellow Rose line, and
it says yellow Rose is Kendra's ranch inspired collection, born
out of love for her family's Texas ranch and the
connection tranquility and adventure it brings. So if you're in Austin,
you definitely need to go buy her new Yellow Rose
store on Congress. There's awesome jewelry, but something else that's
(04:19):
part of this line that's not a part of her
original there's clothes like I got these Wrangler jeans from
her in a Wrangler denim jacket, and I wore a
hat to Country Fest and she has boots there everything.
I mean, if you're looking for a Western vibe, this
is the place. And there's a hat bar where you
can customize what your hat will look like. And I
(04:40):
just felt like that was something that would be fun
to do if you had a girl's trip in Austin,
or you live in Austin. You're all looking for something
to go do. Let go buy the hat bar and
design your hat and they'll even brand it with your
initials or cute little symbols or something. So I'm just
thankful for the time that I had at the store
and all the stuff I got to pick out and
the thing I got to wear. And I'm not being
(05:01):
paid to say this in any way, shape or form.
It's just truly like the cutest stuff. And I mean,
but even if I am getting paid to say something,
I want y'all to know that I genuinely like it.
I'm not gonna talk about something that I don't like
or I wouldn't recommend. And this is just something that
has helped me feel really pulled together this week because
I don't always have my jewelry like good to go,
(05:23):
but I've just had on awesome earrings and awesome rings
and bracelets and that can just really pull together an
outfit and a feel. And then finally, the fourth thing
that I am thankful for this week is Ali Fallon's
book launch that I went to on Tuesday night, her
book Write Your Story, released on Tuesday, So we all
went to Ladybird Taco, which, by the way, is such
(05:44):
a good taco place if you're ever in Nashville, but
they're in Austin, and then I think Birmingham too, But anyway,
Ali had a party there and it was so fun
celebrating her book. It's like the birth of a child
for her. And Donald Miller, who is an all speaker,
the CEO of Story Brand. He's been on the podcast before.
He wrote the ford for the book, and Ali asked
(06:08):
him to stand up and read it for everyone at
the party, and I always enjoy hearing what he has
to say. And the first two lines of his forward
are so good they stuck with me. He said. Years ago,
I met a psychologist who gave me some advice about
choosing friends. She said this, choose people who have a
story to tell, rather than those who tell stories.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
I love that quote.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Love Ali. I love her Write Your Story podcast and
now her Write Your Story book. The tagline of the
book is a simple framework to understand yourself, your story,
and your purpose in the world. And Ali is so
passionate about us writing our stories because once we understand
ourselves and our lives, then we can live with more
(06:56):
purpose and confidence and fun. Fact, Ali's Write Your Story
podcast is on my network, So something special that I
want to do now is highlight an episode that she
put up last month that further dives into why writing
our stories is so helpful, even if we plan on
being the only people that see it, Like nobody else
(07:17):
is going to read this story. Like some people write
their story and they know they're going to publish it
and they want others to read it, and Ali helps
people do that, But she also wrote this book to
help people just process their own story. Again, you may
be the only person that ever sees the story that
you write, and that is okay. And I feel like
this is going to be such a good listen for
(07:38):
you if you feel like you're telling the same story
over and over again, Like the details may change. There
may be a new spouse or boyfriend, girlfriend, a new hometown,
a new job, new boss, but the cycle of the
story keeps repeating itself. You're about to hear Ali share
what to do when you're stuck in the same frustrating
(08:00):
story on repeat. She shares her own experience with finding
herself in this rut, and she talks about how to
move when you're ready to finally make an edit, so
you get to edit your own life. This episode is
titled telling the same story again and again, and here
it is pick up.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
The pieces of your life, pull them back together with
the word you write, all the beauty and piece and
the magic that you'll start too fun. When you write
your story, you get the words and said, don't you
think it's time to let them out and write them
down and cover what it's all about and write, Write
(08:44):
your story, Write you write your Story.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Hi, and welcome back to the Write Your Story Podcast.
Speaker 5 (08:51):
I'm Ali Fallon, I'm your host, and on today's episode,
I want to talk about how to write a news story. Essentially,
what I mean by this is sometimes we can write
the first draft of a story and we think that's
really the story that we're trying to tell, and there
is an element of truth to that. I'll share a
few examples from my life today during this episode. But
there's some element of truth to the fact that this
first draft of our story is the truth of the story.
(09:13):
And sometimes it can even feel like the truthiest truth,
you know, like the most true thing I could possibly
say about this. I had to dig deep. I had
to be vulnerable, I had to say the thing that
I was scared to say, and there is some element
of truth to that. It can be helpful to tell
the grittiest part of the story, or to pull back
the layers and tell the most vulnerable part. And also
(09:35):
there's often a second evolution of the story, or a
third evolution of the story, or even a fourth evolution
of the story. That is a higher truth. It's a
more all encompassing truth. It's actually a truthier truth when
you boil it down. So how do you know if
the story you've written is the most true version of
the story or if there are other versions of the
story that are to be told. Hopefully you will be
(09:57):
able to answer that question for yourself and for your
story by the end of this episode. This episode is
not really for everybody. Not everybody is ready to go
to the second evolution of their story. But I'll tell
you how you know you're ready to go to the
second evolution or third or fourth. How you know you're
ready to go to the second evolution of your story
or the next evolution of your story is if you
have been telling a story for a long time that
(10:17):
feels like maybe different details, but the same story that
you've been telling for years and years and years, and
maybe you catch yourself telling the story and you're just like, geez,
I'm sick of this story. I don't want to be
telling this story anymore. I'm over it. I'm ready to
move on to a new story, a different story. So
maybe you've been in a variety of romantic relationships. For example,
this was true for me before I met my now husband.
(10:41):
Pretty Much every relationship that I had been in, even
though they were all with different partners, had all had
the same kind of quality to them. So they all
had this really codependent nature. They were all really kind
of fiery and passionate in the beginning, and then would
fade quickly after the early stage, after the honeymoon phase
(11:01):
were off, they all were pretty toxic. It would be
big fights, slamming doors, leaving the house, just not really
fighting fair, not having great boundaries, same kinds of dynamics
would happen over and over and over again. And also
another pattern that I saw take place in my romantic
partnerships was in fidelity. That was something that happened in
(11:21):
virtually every romantic relationship that I experienced leading up until
I met Matt, And this is one of the reasons
why when I went through my divorce and I sat
down to write about that experience, which I've talked about
many times before but I'll talk about again on today's episode.
It's one of the reasons why that period of time
in my life stood out to me because as I
(11:43):
was writing about what had taken place in my marriage,
I realized, oh, my gosh, I've told this story a
thousand times before. This is the same story that I've
been telling for my entire life. So I would catch
myself saying phrases or making statements about the relationship and realized, like,
you could literally remove his name and add another name,
wouldn't matter. It's the same dynamic in some ways. The
(12:04):
dynamic inside of the marriage was amplified. In many ways,
it was amplified. So it was like if the volume
had been turned up to four in my dating relationships,
it was turned up to ten inside of my marriage.
But you know, that's one of the things I learned
from the experience, too, is that a lot of times
that's what happens, is that the dynamics that are present
even when we're dating our partner, then when you increase
the level of commitment or intimacy, that dynamic stays but
(12:28):
just gets amplified. So that's exactly what happened in my marriage.
It was like same dynamics as always in dating, and
then when we got married and moved in together, then
the stakes were higher, and so the intensity got bigger
as well. And so when I sat down to write
about the story of what had happened inside of the
marriage and some of the things that had taken place
(12:48):
that were really traumatizing for me and very dramatic, I
was reading back these stories to myself and just going like,
oh my gosh, like this is the same story that
I've been telling for as long as I can remember.
I'm sick of this. I don't want to tell this
story anymore. And it prompted me to write the next
evolution of a story, to upgrade the story, to try
to tell it in a different way. And I've talked
a lot about this. I don't want to beat a
(13:09):
dead horse here, because if you've listened to all of
these episodes, you've heard me tell this story a thousand
times before. But just for the sake of context, I
do want to give a brief overview of what this
looked like. You've heard me say before that one of
the main things I did during this time is I
put myself in the position of the hero of the story.
I realized the same story I was telling over and
(13:29):
over again, although there was a lot of truth to it,
as in, the details to the story were true. This happened,
and then that happened, and then this happened, and then
that happened. Those details I'm telling are true, and so
in some ways you could go like, well, I have
to tell the truth, this is really what happened, or
you could go like, I'm being vulnerable. I'm telling you
what really happened. But the fact of the matter was
(13:50):
I wasn't really being vulnerable because inside of the story,
I wasn't putting myself in the position of someone who
had a lot of choices. I was telling the story
as if I didn't have much of a decision to
make about who I dated, who I married, how that
person treated me. And I guess if you would have
asked me at the time, I probably would have said
I didn't feel like I did have much of a choice.
(14:11):
But what happened as I began to put myself into
the position of the hero is, I realized, Oh, I
have a lot more agency than I thought I did.
I actually am able to set boundaries. I'm able to
initiate the arc of the story. I'm allowed to choose
where I want this story to go. I'm the main
character of the story. This is about my transformation, and
(14:31):
so the arc of the story is set around how
I'm going to change. So I had to start asking
myself questions like that, like how do I want to
evolve as a person? Who do I want to become?
How do I want to change? Who do I want
to be at the end of this story? And the
other piece is I started thinking about my story from
a more objective perspective. So this can be a really
(14:52):
helpful tool for anyone who's engaged in the activity of
writing about their life. It's easy when you're living your
life to be very subjective about everything that happens because
it's happening to you and you have strong feelings about
everything that's taking place. It can feel like you're inside
of your story, and, for lack of a better analogy,
(15:13):
like you're trying to read a label from the inside
of the bottle, you just can't see very clearly. You're
reading upside down and backwards. And so one practice that
can be really helpful is to remove yourself from the
story and almost pretend like you're watching this story unfold
on a movie screen. You can ask yourself questions like
what would I want the main character in this story
to do next, Like how would I want her to act?
(15:35):
And it can give you some clarity about how you
actually want.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
To act or react.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
So, for example, with my abusive, toxic marriage, when I'm
inside of it, I feel like I don't have a choice,
feels like the right thing to do is to stay
married and to work on this and have compassion for him,
and have grace for him, and have grace for our
dynamic and keep going to therapy and continue working on this.
And if I think about watching that take place on
(16:02):
a movie screen, even from who I was at the
beginning of a story, so even if you rewind to
like twenty twelve and meet the version of me that
I was in twenty twelve, I would still tell you
that if I'm watching a woman be physically abused on
a movie screen, I'm really wanting her to give that
abuse the middle finger. I'm not necessarily her partner in
(16:24):
like a mean or aggressive way, but I really am
wanting her to say, Nope, no more. I'm closing the
door on this. I refuse to be treated like this.
I'm setting a new standard for myself. I'm raising the bar.
I'm moving on from this relationship. I'm unwilling to continue
engaging in this dynamic that we have together. So, as
the viewer of the story, sometimes you can have a
little bit more clarity or objectivity about how you would
(16:46):
want the hero to act or react or move forward
in the story to shape that narrative arc. So these
are the kinds of things that were taking place during
that time when I was sitting down to write about
what was taking place in my life. Of course, it's
absolutely vital that I write the story the truest way
that I possibly can. So you know, I'm not going
(17:07):
to remember every detail perfectly, but yes, do tell the
details the way that you remember them. Do tell the
truth as it relates to how you felt about those
things in the moment. And you reach a point in
the process of writing your story where you realize that
you're ready to tell a new story that the old
details to the story, the old way that you would
(17:27):
have told it, they're just not taking you where you
want to go, and you're ready to upgrade your perspective.
So I want to tell you a story about how
this happened to me in literal, real time this week,
and I'm going to share with you some really vulnerable
details from my life that I've not talked about here
on the podcast or on Instagram or anywhere publicly. And
I just want to share with you how this all
(17:50):
unfolded because I think it will be a really helpful
tool for you, despite you know it does. It reveals
information about my life that feels really personal and vulne.
But I'm sharing not because of that. I'm sharing because
I really believe that this will be a helpful tool
for you as you think about how to take your
story from the level that it's at to the next level,
(18:11):
from draft one to draft two, or draft two to
draft three, wherever you're at in the writing of your story.
The draft that's on paper usually has an upgrade, an
upgraded option, And if you're feeling that way, if you're
feeling like man, I've been living the same story on repeat,
over and over again. I've been in the same job
with the same boss, even though it's ten different workplaces.
(18:33):
It's like the same job, same boss, over and over again,
same feelings of being unappreciated, same feelings of not getting
paid enough, same feelings of working my ass off and
never being recognized.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
If you feel like you've been.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
Living that same story over and over again, maybe it's
time for an upgrade to your story. And I hope
that my sharing this personal experience will help you to
access that upgrade that you're looking for. Okay, I'm actually
(19:05):
going to tell you the story exactly how it unfolded,
and then what I'm going to do is read you
my draft one of the story that I wrote, and
then my draft too, and have a couple of these
that I'm going to read to you. Basically, what happened
is last week I saw that there was a trend
happening on Instagram where people were sharing personal details from
their life that you wouldn't typically share on Instagram. So
(19:25):
you may have seen this trend, but essentially in the
first slide it would say something like Instagram isn't real
or social media isn't real. Here are some things that
I've never shared here before, or here are some details
from my life that I've never shared on social media before,
something like that, And then you would swipe through and
there would be several slides of details or information from
this influencer's life, this person's life that they would be
(19:48):
unlikely to share on Instagram because it's not kind of
glitzy or glammy details that we like to share about
our lives on social media. So I saw this trend,
I was instantly dr in by it. I thought, like,
how cool this is really in alignment with what I
teach with write your story, that there's power in telling
all of the details of the story. Of the details,
(20:10):
in particular, the details that we tend to hold back
or hide are oftentimes the most powerful details of our story.
They're usually the most interesting to the audience, they're the
most relatable, they have the most leverage inside of the story.
And so the minute that I saw this trend, I thought,
this is so cool. I'm going to sit down and
do this. So I sat down to write my list
(20:32):
of things that I would share on Instagram if I
wasn't trying to hold anything back, and it just flowed
out of me actually quite easily. There were like eight
or ten things that I wrote down that were really
vulnerable and personal details that I've never shared on social
media before, about things that have been going on in
my life for the last couple of years, and it
felt really good to write them down, which it does.
It feels really really good to tell the truth about
(20:55):
your life. You may have had this experience, you may
have sat down to write about something and it just
just so cathartic to just tell it the way that
it is, without any edits or adjustments or any kind
of like positive thinking or rainbow washing coming into it. Like,
just tell it exactly the way that it is, the
most honest way that you can communicate it in the moment,
(21:17):
and it feels really really good to do that.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
So that's what I did.
Speaker 5 (21:20):
I sat down to write those details from my life
and I was going to share them on Instagram later
that day. Well, when my husband got home, I said, Hey,
there's this trend happening on Instagram. It's sharing details from
your life that are really vulnerable and personal. I wrote
my own list of details that I would love to share,
but I really would like for you to read them first,
(21:40):
because many of them include you talks about us in
our relationship, and I was like, I just really would
like for you to take a look at these first,
just so that you don't feel like I'm sharing these
without asking your permission. Well, my husband is a little
more private than I am, and so maybe that's one
of the reasons why I felt prompted to ask him.
I just wanted to make sure that he felt really
respectus in the way that I shared the story, and
(22:01):
that it didn't feel like I was throwing him under
the bus at any point. So he sat down to
read what I had written, and he said to me,
you know you're welcome to share these on Instagram. That's fine,
he said, I don't feel disrespected by any of this.
You know, it's your information to share, your sharing from
your perspective, and you're more than welcome to He was like,
it's very, very vulnerable, and you're giving people access to
a lot of information that's really personal. So that's up
(22:24):
to you if you want to do that. But he said,
I don't have any issue with it. Well, his hesitancy
kind of got in my head because I started to
feel really kind of like, oh, I don't know. I'm
not one hundred percent on board with posting this yet,
so I'm just going to sit on it for twenty
four hours and think about it. So I gave myself
a day to sit on it, which is a practice
that I use regularly, and by the time the next
(22:44):
day came around, I was still just not one hundred
percent on board with posting it. And I have a
rule for myself that I have to feel in a one
hundred percent alignment with doing a thing before I actually
do it. I don't always abide by that rule, but
I like to try to abide by it, and in
this case, I didnt fee one hundredercent aligned with posting it.
So I just kept sitting on this and meditating on
it and thinking about it and just asking myself, like,
(23:06):
what do I really want? Do I want to share
this information on Instagram? Does it feel too vulnerable to share?
And the more that I thought about it, the more
I realized it doesn't feel too vulnerable to share. But
what's happening for me is and part of my own
hesitancy that popped up when I talked with not about it,
is that I'm feeling ready for an upgrade. In other words,
(23:27):
the things that I had written, which I will share
with you here on this episode. The things that I
had written, the ten things I wrote or nine things
or whatever it was, were true. Like they're true, and
I don't feel embarrassed to share them with anybody. And
there's a higher truth, a bigger truth, a more all
inclusive truth, another angle in which to see the thing
(23:49):
that is also true. That is the second draft of
the story. And I'm just ready for an upgrade. And
so that's what I realized as I meditated on this.
It's like, it's not that I'm embarrassed to share this
on Instagram. It's that I don't know that I want
to put this out into the world, and not even
the world of Instagram, but like just the world energetically.
Like I don't want this to be the same story
(24:12):
that I'm still telling, because these are stories that I
could have told from ten years ago. And you'll see
when I read them to you, like they encompass every
aspect of my life, Like I talk about money, I
talk about being a mother, I talk about friendships, I
talk about my relationship to Matt, everything, And they're all
old stories, every single one of them, and so I
(24:35):
took myself through an exercise where I sat down and
rewrote the story. I just gave it a second draft.
And it's not every time that the second draft of
the story is more true. Sometimes it's just another angle
of the same truth. Like you've heard the phrase there's
two sides to every story, there's actually one hundred sides
(24:55):
to every story. There's infinite sides to every story, and
it's just a matter of which direction and you're looking
at the thing. In fact, my therapist when I was
going through my divorce used to always say, there's a
thousand ways in which to see a thing. Make sure
you're looking at it from more than one angle. And
so a second draft of the story isn't necessarily more true.
In other words, you could just tell a story, the
divorce story, for example, from my side of things, and
(25:18):
my ex husband could also tell the story from his
side of things, which would be another truth that isn't
necessarily more or less true. But then there's this other
higher truth, like a more all encompassing truth, a truth
that feels better to tell, even better than the original
kind of gritty truth, because it's just a more loving
way in general to see the entire situation. So what
(25:41):
I want to do is I want to read to
you what the first draft of my story was, and
then I want to read to you the new story
that I wrote. And these are all works in progress,
like this is happening in real time. I literally just
sat down right before I recorded this episode and wrote
the new versions of these stories. So I'm not standing
by these new verses as if this is the ultimate
version of the story. But what I want you to
(26:04):
see from witnessing this experience happen for me is I
want you to see that there are many different ways
you can tell a story, and that you get to
choose when you'd like to upgrade your story, or when
you'd like to edit it, or when you'd like to
adjust it, or when you'd like to tell it a
different way. At literally any point in your life, you
can make that decision. It's only your decision to make.
And it doesn't mean that the first draft of the
(26:26):
story was a worst draft of the story, or that
it was a less true draft of the story.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
It doesn't mean that at all.
Speaker 5 (26:33):
In fact, the first draft of each of these stories
that I'm about to tell you needed to exist, or
I would have never gotten to the second draft. And
the second draft needs to exist, or I would never
get to the third draft, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
And the same is true for your story, whatever story
you're telling from your life, the first draft of the story,
that's the bitter, resentful, angry. I don't know whatever yours is.
I'm talking about. You know, my divorce story. That was
(26:55):
the first draft of my story. That version of the
story has to exist. It's the only way that we
get to the next version. And if you see your
story as fixed, like once you tell it one way,
there's no way to rewrite it, or to edit it,
or to see it with a little bit of a
different light. If you see it as fixed, then you
see your life is fixed, and you see yourself as fixed,
(27:15):
and you aren't able to witness yourself evolve and transform
into someone new. But if you're able to see that,
every story can be upgraded, Every story can be rewritten,
every story can be edited, every story can be seen
in a different light, every story can be told in
a different way. Then you become infinitely powerful because you
can always change your perspective and you can always change
the way that you see your life. The same exact
(27:36):
details can be seen through a different light and they
look different. So that's what I want you to see
from this experience. From what I'm about to read to you,
I want you to see how you can edit and
upgrade your story. So what I'm going to read to
(27:57):
you right now is the old story and the new story.
The old story is each of those little slides that
I wrote for the Instagram Isn't Real Post, and then
I rewrote each one of those or edited them or
upgraded them, and that's the new story. So I'm going
to go back and forth between old story and new story,
and you'll get to see in real time how I
upgraded each of these pieces of my story. So for
(28:20):
the Instagram Isn't Real Post, I wrote the first slide
says the past five years have been some of the
most financially stressful years of my life. Between COVID and
Matt's new business venture that we've invested in. I've felt
afraid at times for our financial security and wondered what
would happen if we lost everything. That is true, I
haven't wondered that at many points. The new story I
wrote is the past five years have been a massive
(28:42):
and unprecedented expansion for me. I've had to face fears
that have been with me my whole life, including fears
about running out of money, and despite spending six figures
a few times over to learn this lesson, I've never
once gone without. Okay, the old story, my two kids
came into the world back to back, and while they're
perfect in every way and I have overwhelming love for them,
I've really struggled with transitioning into this new role in
(29:04):
my life. I've felt overwhelmed and overstimulated at points, and
just generally not up for the massive task that is
being a mom. That's the old story, and it's true.
The new story says, my two kids came into this
world back to back as co creators and collaborators and
conspirators in my expansion. They never once expected me to
be a perfect mom or to come into a life
(29:25):
with perfect conditions. They just wanted my presence and my love,
which they are getting more and more of each day.
What a gift it is to share this experience with them,
the old story says, despite desperately wanting to give my
kids the best of myself. I haven't been the best
of myself for much of these past few years. The
new story, my overwhelm with the task of being a
mother is mostly irrelevant. It reflects both cultural standards of
(29:47):
motherhood that don't align with my values and also a
nervous system set point that is ready for an upgrade.
My capacity is growing every day. The old story, I'm
an introvert and I like spending much of my time alone,
but being alone with young kids has felt much more
lonely to me than I expected. I've often wondered where
the villages that's supposed to help me raise my kids,
and if I'm the only one who feels isolated in
(30:08):
this role. The new story being a mom has shown
me the places inside of myself where I've relied too
heavily on others to make me feel good, and where
I've judged myself for doing things my own way. And
this time of isolation has prepared me to enter or
re enter relationships in a new way, with more security
and sturdiness, more of myself to offer. I'm grateful the
(30:29):
old story Matt and I have an overall peaceful and
loving relationship, but it's my experience that couples tend to
have the same conflict over and over, and ours in
the past four years has been about money. Matt wants
to conserve resources. I want to give our kids and
myself the best life possible. Coming to harmony on that
has taken a ton of challenging, honest, humble work, and
we're still doing that work even today. The new story,
(30:52):
I'm so proud of the way that Matt and I
have navigated the difficult conversations about money that our life
has brought to the surface in the past few years. Most,
or at least my many couples go their entire relationship
without coming into alignment on these topics, and that would
have certainly been us if the flow of resources hadn't
shifted in twenty twenty. But I'm proud of us for
taking this opportunity to move with love and grace toward
more alignment around finances in the past several years. We're
(31:14):
reaping the benefits of that in our ever more loving
and sturdy partnership. The old story, Matt and I both
grew up evangelical, and our faiths have evolved significantly in
the past decade. While I've never felt more alive in
my faith. Sometimes it feels lonely or even confusing to
be outside of the predictable structures of church life and
Christian ritual. We're finding a way forward and leaning into
the mystery of life and God, but sometimes I miss
(31:36):
the feeling of certainty I had back then the New story.
I've never felt more alive in my faith than I
do now. I'm finding new rituals, routines, teachers, friends, collaborators
and communities that enrich me and contribute to my expansion.
Life and God are a mystery to me, and it
feels good to admit that to myself, rather than to
grab onto a false clarity for a temporary feeling of stability.
(31:58):
I actually feel quite stable, knowing there's still so much
I don't know the old story. Life changes have meant
friendships in my life have had to shift and change.
Sometimes I wonder if I've been a bad friend since
I haven't been able to keep up with so many
people I love the New story. Life is always shifting
and changing. I can feel sad sometimes to let go
of something that brought so much joy and enlightened to
(32:18):
my life, But as my circumstances have shifted, so have
my relationships. I feel immense joy and appreciation for every
person who has come into my life, and I wish
them nothing but happiness as they go their way.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
I am a good friend. The old story.
Speaker 5 (32:31):
I'm learning to let go of the predictable patterns I
call my personality to discover more of the truth of myself.
This is an invigorating process, but also terrifying. I am
less certain of anything than I have been before, and
I hold very loosely to the things that I love
the most. I had no idea life could feel this
tender and exquisite. The new story. I had no idea
life could feel this tender and exquisite. Each day I
(32:52):
have more reasons for gratitude and joy. Life is getting
better and better, and the better it gets, the better
it gets. The old story. I teach writers to write
what's calling to them without worrying about how perform in
the marketplace. But I still worry every time I release
the book about how it will do.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Even worse.
Speaker 5 (33:08):
I feel like I have to pretend I don't care
so I don't look like a hypocrite. The news story.
It's normal to wonder about how your art will do
in the marketplace. But at the end of the day,
I know it doesn't matter what others say about the
things I make. What matter is the joy I feel
while I'm making it. And when I release my tight
grip on the things I make, they're able to find
their way to those who need them with very little
effort on my part. What I hope you're able to
(33:30):
see as I read these and as you think about
them and reflect on them, is how one or the
other story, the old story or the new story, are
not correct. There's not one story that's correct and the
other one that's not correct. It's two versions of the
same story, and you get the opportunity to choose which
one you would like to put your focus on. If
you think of it like a pie chart, like the
(33:53):
entire pie is one hundred percent of the pie. You
can either focus on one small sliver of the pie,
or a different small sliver of the pie, or a
different small sliver of the pie, or one bigger sliver
of the pie that's over on the other side of
the pie. You get to choose which part of the
story you want to focus on, and by placing your
focus on that part of the story, you're actually rewriting
(34:14):
the story or rewriting your experience of the story. Another
thing I wanted to address is that upgrading your story
is not about spiritually bypassing what has actually happened. And
it's not about rainbow washing or deleting aspects of the
story that are uncomfortable or hiding them.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Brushing them under the rug, that sort of thing.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
There's a very different energy that comes when you're hiding
parts of your story because you're afraid to share it,
versus when you're just ready for an upgrade. And that's
why I sat on this Instagram Isn't Real post for
so long before deciding to post it, because I really
wanted to know is this happening because I'm afraid to
share these details of my story? Am I afraid what
(34:56):
people are going to think of me? Maybe there's some
shred of that. Afraid of what other people might say,
or what they might make up, or the story they
might tell themselves. Maybe there's some shred of that. But genuinely,
at the end of the day, the reason that I
didn't want to post just the original story that I
had written is because I felt really ready for an upgrade.
I was reading back on the story I had written,
(35:18):
and just kept thinking, Oh, my gosh, I've been telling
this story for decades, particularly the story about money, but
so many of the other pieces too. I was like, Wow,
I've been telling the same old story forever and ever,
and I can only imagine that for each of us,
there's one aspect of our life where we feel that way.
Maybe one aspect of your life feels that way the most.
(35:39):
For me, it would probably be my money story, where
I feel like, Wow, I've been telling the same story
over and over and over again. I'm sick of this story.
No matter what circumstance I'm put in, this is the
same story that I have chosen to tell. I'm really
ready to upgrade the story to something new. And it's
not about hiding the story or denying details or rainbow
(35:59):
wash or covering it up or spiritually bypassing the story.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
It's really about a.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
Readiness to begin to see the story from a different angle.
You are the only one who can decide which one
you're doing, and I want you to, as much as
you are able, remove yourself from the idea that there's
a writer or wrong way to do this. You could
even practice with upgrading your story. And if you don't
feel ready to go there yet, if you still feel
(36:26):
like there's actually more of these gritty details to my
story that I need to tell, I just need to
get it out in the most honest way possible and
kind of sit on that or meditate in that for
a minute until I feel ready to upgrade it. Then
trust that and go with that. Like I said, maybe
you practice with it for a minute and then and
you go like, no, I'm not ready to do that.
I'm ready to sit with the details as they stand
(36:47):
and really meditate on them. But maybe as you're listening
to this, you realize, oh, yeah, there's an aspect of
my life. There's a story that I've been telling in
the same old way for a long, long long time,
and it's just the same old stinking story over and
over and over again, and I'm really ready to upgrade
the story. Then I would challenge you to see if
you can look at the story from a different angle
(37:08):
and upgrade the story in the way that I did
with each of these pieces of my story today. See
if you can see the story in the way someone
else would see it. See if you can see yourself
as the hero of the story. See if you can
see the story as if you were watching it unfold
on a movie screen. What would you be hoping the
hero would do in the story. How would you be
(37:28):
hoping the hero would react or respond? What sort of
perspective would you hope the hero would have if you
were watching this unfold in someone else's life. Let's imagine
that whatever you're going through, it's actually your best friend
that's going through. What would you hope that she would do?
How would you hope she would react? How would you
hope that she would move the plot forward? Maybe the
different perspective that you're needing inside of your story is
(37:51):
not another human perspective. But maybe you want to zoom
out from the story and see it from a thirty
thousand foot view. Maybe you want to look at the
story from the perspective of God, whoever or however you
understand God to be, from the perspective of the part
of you that has not always been just this physical
being here on earth. Maybe you want to kind of
(38:11):
zoom out and think about this from your broader perspective,
and maybe thinking about it from that point of view
will help you to write the story in a little
bit of a different way. Whichever you decide to do,
Know that tiny, tiny shifts to your story can make
a massive impact. Like little little shifts. Notice how some
(38:31):
of the lines in my new story were repeated from
my old story, because the old story is not total crap.
It's not like ooh, the old story was this lower
base or part of me, and now I'm so enlightened,
and so I write this new story. No, some of
the lines are literally repeated from the old story. Like
in my old faith story, I write, I've never felt
(38:52):
more alive in my faith, and that's the first thing
I say in the new story, I've never felt more
alive in my faith than I do now. So what
you see happen from the old story to the new
story is I put more attention and focus on that
positive aspect. Instead of waiting until the middle of the
story to tell that part. I start with it, I
open with it. I use it as the hook I've
never felt more alive in my faith than I do now.
(39:13):
I hope you find this useful. I again am sharing
these details from my life, not as a way to
linger on them and stand by them, and specifically not
as a way to get sympathy. I actually think I'll
say this small tangent and then I'll sign off. But
I think a lot of the reasons why we avoid
(39:33):
putting the real story or the juicy story, or the
gritty story or whatever on Instagram is because we actually
don't Most of us don't really want the inevitable sympathy
slash advice giving that comes when we tell a really
difficult story in a platform like that with relative strangers.
(39:54):
So if I'm to tell a story about how I'm
struggling financially or struggling with money or whatever, the inevitable
response I'm going to get is like, oh, I'm so sorry,
I feel so bad for you. But the fact of
the matter is like, the true part of me doesn't
need that sympathy. The true part of me knows that
I'm writing the story and that I have all of
the power and agency to rewrite the story in whatever
(40:15):
way I choose, And so I think we avoid oftentimes
telling the gritty details of the story in a setting
where strangers are going to read it. Sometimes maybe because
we're scared of what people will say or how they'll
judge us. But I think a lot of times it's
more about really knowing deep down that we don't need
other people's advice, We don't need anyone else. That input
(40:37):
is actually one hundred percent unhelpful to our situation, the
input from outside people, even if those people love us.
But the fact of the matter is on Instagram, most
of those people are strangers. So I think that's a
lot of the reasons why we avoid sharing these stories
in that context. The emphasis I want to leave you
on is that rewriting your story is not about why
(40:59):
watching your story about rainbow watching your story. It's not
about skipping over the more difficult parts. It's not about
deleting the more difficult parts from our story because we're
embarrassed of them. It's actually about just being willing to
see our stories from a different perspective. And you have
the power to do this. You have the agency to
do it one hundred percent of the time. If you
feel ready to do this, today is a great time
to do it. You could do a similar version of
(41:21):
what I just did. You could write like, here's ten
things that I probably wouldn't share on Instagram, or that
I'd be really scared to share on Instagram, And then
here's the new story. Here's the new version of the
story that I would prefer to tell. You could also
do this with just one thing in your life. You
don't have to do it with ten. That's just the
way that it happened for me in this particular circumstance.
But actually the way that it happened for me when
(41:43):
I was going through the divorce was I wrote one
story about one thing that was happening in my life.
And then when the first version of the story was
written and I felt like I'd gotten it all out
and that energy had been expended and expelled from my body,
then I felt ready to leave that old story behind
and to up it into something new. And that's when
I started to think of myself as the hero of
(42:04):
my story and think about the kind of transformation that
I wanted to achieve, and for the most part, remove
this person who I had called the villain in my story,
more or less remove him from the story unless there
were pieces where it was necessary to talk about him.
So I hope you find this very additive. I hope
you find this really cathartic and healing. This is the
(42:25):
crux of why I teach people to write their story,
because it is truly a powerful It will change the
way that you experience your life. It will change the
way that you feel about being in your own body
every day. It will change the way that you feel
about your relationships, about your finances, about every single thing
that happens to you. When you learn to write your
story as honestly as possible, and then upgrade it little
by little, bit by bit until it feels better and
(42:47):
better and better to be you. I'll see you next
week Write your Story podcast. Until then, happy writing.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
He
Okay, cast up thing little food for yourself life.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh it's pretty bad.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Hey, it's pretty beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Thing beautiful for that for a little more exciting because
said he, You're kicking with four thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Happy Thursday. Four Things Amy here, and I'm going to
start off with four things gratitude, sharing with you four
things that I am currently thankful for this week. And
the first thing is that I've shared recently that I'm
selling my house. I held on to it for about
a year after my divorce, and I feel like it's
(00:53):
it's time. I feel like it's a really smart move.
I feel like the kids are going to be good
with it. They've acclimated to going to their dads every
other week, and they both shared with me that they're
fine with me moving. So something that I'm thankful for
is a video that I found on YouTube called Declutter
your Home The Ultimate Guide to Selling Fast and how
to get rid of your stuff. Now, I'll link the
(01:15):
YouTube video in the show notes, but that's the title
in case you want to search it up. But this
video is good for anyone. There's some gold in here.
Even if you're not moving. I think that you could
benefit from decluttering your home, getting rid of stuff, saying
goodbye to things, whatever the reason. And my house is
almost ready to go on the market, which is crazy
(01:36):
because it kind of all started when I saw a
cardinal at this open house that I went to, but
that was my mom. I feel like sending me a
message of peace, like it's okay to sell your home,
because I was really holding on to it, like I
didn't want to sell it when last year it probably
would have been the best thing for me, but sometimes
you just have to wait until you have peace about it.
(01:57):
I still have a little more organizing and some donating
that needs to be done, but as of today, my
house feels very much in order because I've dedicated the
last two weeks to getting it ready. My realitor actually
photographed the house this week, so I'm thankful those picks
are done and the house is looking good and it's
feeling good, which leads to the second thing that I'm
(02:20):
thankful for.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
It's kind of in the same vein.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
I'm thankful for the new energy that I gave my
house this week by making it an eight. If you
listen to a recent episode that I did with my cousin,
she told me on Tuesday, May seven, to make my
house an eight.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Now.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
I have no idea if this is legit or not,
but I don't care. I do know the energy is real,
So I'll roll with the very weird thing that I
did this week, which was put a post it note
with a six on it in my mailbox to make
my house an eight.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Now.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Address numerology is what my cousin called it, and I'll
link that episode in the show notes and her blow
post about it if you want to learn more. If
you don't, well skip over that part. But in a nutshell,
my home address is naturally a two and there's an
easy way you add everything up to figure that out.
And Amanda told me that I needed to make my
(03:13):
home an eight because that represents abundance, and since I'm
putting my house on the market, I want to sell
it with ease and for the best about possible. So
I did it on Tuesday. I put the sixth post
it note in my mailbox. And again, I'm not even
sure how I feel about this, but hey, it can't hurt.
The third thing that I'm thankful for this week is
(03:35):
Yellow Rose by Kendri Scott Jewelry. I got some while
I was in Austin last weekend for iHeart Country Fest,
and I have been wearing it every day since then.
I wore it all weekend at the festival and felt
perfect with my outfit, and I just thought every piece
was so cute. But I've been wearing it to work
all week too. And I just pulled up her website
(03:56):
to see how she describes her Yellow Rose line, and
it says yellow Rose is Kendra's ranch inspired collection, born
out of love for her family's Texas ranch and the
connection tranquility and adventure it brings. So if you're in Austin,
you definitely need to go buy her new Yellow Rose
store on Congress. There's awesome jewelry, but something else that's
(04:19):
part of this line that's not a part of her
original there's clothes like I got these Wrangler jeans from
her in a Wrangler denim jacket, and I wore a
hat to Country Fest and she has boots there everything.
I mean, if you're looking for a Western vibe, this
is the place. And there's a hat bar where you
can customize what your hat will look like. And I
(04:40):
just felt like that was something that would be fun
to do if you had a girl's trip in Austin,
or you live in Austin. You're all looking for something
to go do. Let go buy the hat bar and
design your hat and they'll even brand it with your
initials or cute little symbols or something. So I'm just
thankful for the time that I had at the store
and all the stuff I got to pick out and
the thing I got to wear. And I'm not being
(05:01):
paid to say this in any way, shape or form.
It's just truly like the cutest stuff. And I mean,
but even if I am getting paid to say something,
I want y'all to know that I genuinely like it.
I'm not gonna talk about something that I don't like
or I wouldn't recommend. And this is just something that
has helped me feel really pulled together this week because
I don't always have my jewelry like good to go,
(05:23):
but I've just had on awesome earrings and awesome rings
and bracelets and that can just really pull together an
outfit and a feel. And then finally, the fourth thing
that I am thankful for this week is Ali Fallon's
book launch that I went to on Tuesday night, her
book Write Your Story, released on Tuesday, So we all
went to Ladybird Taco, which, by the way, is such
(05:44):
a good taco place if you're ever in Nashville, but
they're in Austin, and then I think Birmingham too, But anyway,
Ali had a party there and it was so fun
celebrating her book. It's like the birth of a child
for her. And Donald Miller, who is an all speaker,
the CEO of Story Brand. He's been on the podcast before.
He wrote the ford for the book, and Ali asked
(06:08):
him to stand up and read it for everyone at
the party, and I always enjoy hearing what he has
to say. And the first two lines of his forward
are so good they stuck with me. He said. Years ago,
I met a psychologist who gave me some advice about
choosing friends. She said this, choose people who have a
story to tell, rather than those who tell stories.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
I love that quote.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Love Ali. I love her Write Your Story podcast and
now her Write Your Story book. The tagline of the
book is a simple framework to understand yourself, your story,
and your purpose in the world. And Ali is so
passionate about us writing our stories because once we understand
ourselves and our lives, then we can live with more
(06:56):
purpose and confidence and fun. Fact, Ali's Write Your Story
podcast is on my network, So something special that I
want to do now is highlight an episode that she
put up last month that further dives into why writing
our stories is so helpful, even if we plan on
being the only people that see it, Like nobody else
(07:17):
is going to read this story. Like some people write
their story and they know they're going to publish it
and they want others to read it, and Ali helps
people do that, But she also wrote this book to
help people just process their own story. Again, you may
be the only person that ever sees the story that
you write, and that is okay. And I feel like
this is going to be such a good listen for
(07:38):
you if you feel like you're telling the same story
over and over again, Like the details may change. There
may be a new spouse or boyfriend, girlfriend, a new hometown,
a new job, new boss, but the cycle of the
story keeps repeating itself. You're about to hear Ali share
what to do when you're stuck in the same frustrating
(08:00):
story on repeat. She shares her own experience with finding
herself in this rut, and she talks about how to
move when you're ready to finally make an edit, so
you get to edit your own life. This episode is
titled telling the same story again and again, and here
it is pick up.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
The pieces of your life, pull them back together with
the word you write, all the beauty and piece and
the magic that you'll start too fun. When you write
your story, you get the words and said, don't you
think it's time to let them out and write them
down and cover what it's all about and write, Write
(08:44):
your story, Write you write your Story.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Hi, and welcome back to the Write Your Story Podcast.
Speaker 5 (08:51):
I'm Ali Fallon, I'm your host, and on today's episode,
I want to talk about how to write a news story. Essentially,
what I mean by this is sometimes we can write
the first draft of a story and we think that's
really the story that we're trying to tell, and there
is an element of truth to that. I'll share a
few examples from my life today during this episode. But
there's some element of truth to the fact that this
first draft of our story is the truth of the story.
(09:13):
And sometimes it can even feel like the truthiest truth,
you know, like the most true thing I could possibly
say about this. I had to dig deep. I had
to be vulnerable, I had to say the thing that
I was scared to say, and there is some element
of truth to that. It can be helpful to tell
the grittiest part of the story, or to pull back
the layers and tell the most vulnerable part. And also
(09:35):
there's often a second evolution of the story, or a
third evolution of the story, or even a fourth evolution
of the story. That is a higher truth. It's a
more all encompassing truth. It's actually a truthier truth when
you boil it down. So how do you know if
the story you've written is the most true version of
the story or if there are other versions of the
story that are to be told. Hopefully you will be
(09:57):
able to answer that question for yourself and for your
story by the end of this episode. This episode is
not really for everybody. Not everybody is ready to go
to the second evolution of their story. But I'll tell
you how you know you're ready to go to the
second evolution or third or fourth. How you know you're
ready to go to the second evolution of your story
or the next evolution of your story is if you
have been telling a story for a long time that
(10:17):
feels like maybe different details, but the same story that
you've been telling for years and years and years, and
maybe you catch yourself telling the story and you're just like, geez,
I'm sick of this story. I don't want to be
telling this story anymore. I'm over it. I'm ready to
move on to a new story, a different story. So
maybe you've been in a variety of romantic relationships. For example,
this was true for me before I met my now husband.
(10:41):
Pretty Much every relationship that I had been in, even
though they were all with different partners, had all had
the same kind of quality to them. So they all
had this really codependent nature. They were all really kind
of fiery and passionate in the beginning, and then would
fade quickly after the early stage, after the honeymoon phase
(11:01):
were off, they all were pretty toxic. It would be
big fights, slamming doors, leaving the house, just not really
fighting fair, not having great boundaries, same kinds of dynamics
would happen over and over and over again. And also
another pattern that I saw take place in my romantic
partnerships was in fidelity. That was something that happened in
(11:21):
virtually every romantic relationship that I experienced leading up until
I met Matt, And this is one of the reasons
why when I went through my divorce and I sat
down to write about that experience, which I've talked about
many times before but I'll talk about again on today's episode.
It's one of the reasons why that period of time
in my life stood out to me because as I
(11:43):
was writing about what had taken place in my marriage,
I realized, oh, my gosh, I've told this story a
thousand times before. This is the same story that I've
been telling for my entire life. So I would catch
myself saying phrases or making statements about the relationship and realized, like,
you could literally remove his name and add another name,
wouldn't matter. It's the same dynamic in some ways. The
(12:04):
dynamic inside of the marriage was amplified. In many ways,
it was amplified. So it was like if the volume
had been turned up to four in my dating relationships,
it was turned up to ten inside of my marriage.
But you know, that's one of the things I learned
from the experience, too, is that a lot of times
that's what happens, is that the dynamics that are present
even when we're dating our partner, then when you increase
the level of commitment or intimacy, that dynamic stays but
(12:28):
just gets amplified. So that's exactly what happened in my marriage.
It was like same dynamics as always in dating, and
then when we got married and moved in together, then
the stakes were higher, and so the intensity got bigger
as well. And so when I sat down to write
about the story of what had happened inside of the
marriage and some of the things that had taken place
(12:48):
that were really traumatizing for me and very dramatic, I
was reading back these stories to myself and just going like,
oh my gosh, like this is the same story that
I've been telling for as long as I can remember.
I'm sick of this. I don't want to tell this
story anymore. And it prompted me to write the next
evolution of a story, to upgrade the story, to try
to tell it in a different way. And I've talked
a lot about this. I don't want to beat a
(13:09):
dead horse here, because if you've listened to all of
these episodes, you've heard me tell this story a thousand
times before. But just for the sake of context, I
do want to give a brief overview of what this
looked like. You've heard me say before that one of
the main things I did during this time is I
put myself in the position of the hero of the story.
I realized the same story I was telling over and
(13:29):
over again, although there was a lot of truth to it,
as in, the details to the story were true. This happened,
and then that happened, and then this happened, and then
that happened. Those details I'm telling are true, and so
in some ways you could go like, well, I have
to tell the truth, this is really what happened, or
you could go like, I'm being vulnerable. I'm telling you
what really happened. But the fact of the matter was
(13:50):
I wasn't really being vulnerable because inside of the story,
I wasn't putting myself in the position of someone who
had a lot of choices. I was telling the story
as if I didn't have much of a decision to
make about who I dated, who I married, how that
person treated me. And I guess if you would have
asked me at the time, I probably would have said
I didn't feel like I did have much of a choice.
(14:11):
But what happened as I began to put myself into
the position of the hero is, I realized, Oh, I
have a lot more agency than I thought I did.
I actually am able to set boundaries. I'm able to
initiate the arc of the story. I'm allowed to choose
where I want this story to go. I'm the main
character of the story. This is about my transformation, and
(14:31):
so the arc of the story is set around how
I'm going to change. So I had to start asking
myself questions like that, like how do I want to
evolve as a person? Who do I want to become?
How do I want to change? Who do I want
to be at the end of this story? And the
other piece is I started thinking about my story from
a more objective perspective. So this can be a really
(14:52):
helpful tool for anyone who's engaged in the activity of
writing about their life. It's easy when you're living your
life to be very subjective about everything that happens because
it's happening to you and you have strong feelings about
everything that's taking place. It can feel like you're inside
of your story, and, for lack of a better analogy,
(15:13):
like you're trying to read a label from the inside
of the bottle, you just can't see very clearly. You're
reading upside down and backwards. And so one practice that
can be really helpful is to remove yourself from the
story and almost pretend like you're watching this story unfold
on a movie screen. You can ask yourself questions like
what would I want the main character in this story
to do next, Like how would I want her to act?
(15:35):
And it can give you some clarity about how you
actually want.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
To act or react.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
So, for example, with my abusive, toxic marriage, when I'm
inside of it, I feel like I don't have a choice,
feels like the right thing to do is to stay
married and to work on this and have compassion for him,
and have grace for him, and have grace for our
dynamic and keep going to therapy and continue working on this.
And if I think about watching that take place on
(16:02):
a movie screen, even from who I was at the
beginning of a story, so even if you rewind to
like twenty twelve and meet the version of me that
I was in twenty twelve, I would still tell you
that if I'm watching a woman be physically abused on
a movie screen, I'm really wanting her to give that
abuse the middle finger. I'm not necessarily her partner in
(16:24):
like a mean or aggressive way, but I really am
wanting her to say, Nope, no more. I'm closing the
door on this. I refuse to be treated like this.
I'm setting a new standard for myself. I'm raising the bar.
I'm moving on from this relationship. I'm unwilling to continue
engaging in this dynamic that we have together. So, as
the viewer of the story, sometimes you can have a
little bit more clarity or objectivity about how you would
(16:46):
want the hero to act or react or move forward
in the story to shape that narrative arc. So these
are the kinds of things that were taking place during
that time when I was sitting down to write about
what was taking place in my life. Of course, it's
absolutely vital that I write the story the truest way
that I possibly can. So you know, I'm not going
(17:07):
to remember every detail perfectly, but yes, do tell the
details the way that you remember them. Do tell the
truth as it relates to how you felt about those
things in the moment. And you reach a point in
the process of writing your story where you realize that
you're ready to tell a new story that the old
details to the story, the old way that you would
(17:27):
have told it, they're just not taking you where you
want to go, and you're ready to upgrade your perspective.
So I want to tell you a story about how
this happened to me in literal, real time this week,
and I'm going to share with you some really vulnerable
details from my life that I've not talked about here
on the podcast or on Instagram or anywhere publicly. And
I just want to share with you how this all
(17:50):
unfolded because I think it will be a really helpful
tool for you, despite you know it does. It reveals
information about my life that feels really personal and vulne.
But I'm sharing not because of that. I'm sharing because
I really believe that this will be a helpful tool
for you as you think about how to take your
story from the level that it's at to the next level,
(18:11):
from draft one to draft two, or draft two to
draft three, wherever you're at in the writing of your story.
The draft that's on paper usually has an upgrade, an
upgraded option, And if you're feeling that way, if you're
feeling like man, I've been living the same story on repeat,
over and over again. I've been in the same job
with the same boss, even though it's ten different workplaces.
(18:33):
It's like the same job, same boss, over and over again,
same feelings of being unappreciated, same feelings of not getting
paid enough, same feelings of working my ass off and
never being recognized.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
If you feel like you've been.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
Living that same story over and over again, maybe it's
time for an upgrade to your story. And I hope
that my sharing this personal experience will help you to
access that upgrade that you're looking for. Okay, I'm actually
(19:05):
going to tell you the story exactly how it unfolded,
and then what I'm going to do is read you
my draft one of the story that I wrote, and
then my draft too, and have a couple of these
that I'm going to read to you. Basically, what happened
is last week I saw that there was a trend
happening on Instagram where people were sharing personal details from
their life that you wouldn't typically share on Instagram. So
(19:25):
you may have seen this trend, but essentially in the
first slide it would say something like Instagram isn't real
or social media isn't real. Here are some things that
I've never shared here before, or here are some details
from my life that I've never shared on social media before,
something like that, And then you would swipe through and
there would be several slides of details or information from
this influencer's life, this person's life that they would be
(19:48):
unlikely to share on Instagram because it's not kind of
glitzy or glammy details that we like to share about
our lives on social media. So I saw this trend,
I was instantly dr in by it. I thought, like,
how cool this is really in alignment with what I
teach with write your story, that there's power in telling
all of the details of the story. Of the details,
(20:10):
in particular, the details that we tend to hold back
or hide are oftentimes the most powerful details of our story.
They're usually the most interesting to the audience, they're the
most relatable, they have the most leverage inside of the story.
And so the minute that I saw this trend, I thought,
this is so cool. I'm going to sit down and
do this. So I sat down to write my list
(20:32):
of things that I would share on Instagram if I
wasn't trying to hold anything back, and it just flowed
out of me actually quite easily. There were like eight
or ten things that I wrote down that were really
vulnerable and personal details that I've never shared on social
media before, about things that have been going on in
my life for the last couple of years, and it
felt really good to write them down, which it does.
It feels really really good to tell the truth about
(20:55):
your life. You may have had this experience, you may
have sat down to write about something and it just
just so cathartic to just tell it the way that
it is, without any edits or adjustments or any kind
of like positive thinking or rainbow washing coming into it. Like,
just tell it exactly the way that it is, the
most honest way that you can communicate it in the moment,
(21:17):
and it feels really really good to do that.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
So that's what I did.
Speaker 5 (21:20):
I sat down to write those details from my life
and I was going to share them on Instagram later
that day. Well, when my husband got home, I said, Hey,
there's this trend happening on Instagram. It's sharing details from
your life that are really vulnerable and personal. I wrote
my own list of details that I would love to share,
but I really would like for you to read them first,
(21:40):
because many of them include you talks about us in
our relationship, and I was like, I just really would
like for you to take a look at these first,
just so that you don't feel like I'm sharing these
without asking your permission. Well, my husband is a little
more private than I am, and so maybe that's one
of the reasons why I felt prompted to ask him.
I just wanted to make sure that he felt really
respectus in the way that I shared the story, and
(22:01):
that it didn't feel like I was throwing him under
the bus at any point. So he sat down to
read what I had written, and he said to me,
you know you're welcome to share these on Instagram. That's fine,
he said, I don't feel disrespected by any of this.
You know, it's your information to share, your sharing from
your perspective, and you're more than welcome to He was like,
it's very, very vulnerable, and you're giving people access to
a lot of information that's really personal. So that's up
(22:24):
to you if you want to do that. But he said,
I don't have any issue with it. Well, his hesitancy
kind of got in my head because I started to
feel really kind of like, oh, I don't know. I'm
not one hundred percent on board with posting this yet,
so I'm just going to sit on it for twenty
four hours and think about it. So I gave myself
a day to sit on it, which is a practice
that I use regularly, and by the time the next
(22:44):
day came around, I was still just not one hundred
percent on board with posting it. And I have a
rule for myself that I have to feel in a one
hundred percent alignment with doing a thing before I actually
do it. I don't always abide by that rule, but
I like to try to abide by it, and in
this case, I didnt fee one hundredercent aligned with posting it.
So I just kept sitting on this and meditating on
it and thinking about it and just asking myself, like,
(23:06):
what do I really want? Do I want to share
this information on Instagram? Does it feel too vulnerable to share?
And the more that I thought about it, the more
I realized it doesn't feel too vulnerable to share. But
what's happening for me is and part of my own
hesitancy that popped up when I talked with not about it,
is that I'm feeling ready for an upgrade. In other words,
(23:27):
the things that I had written, which I will share
with you here on this episode. The things that I
had written, the ten things I wrote or nine things
or whatever it was, were true. Like they're true, and
I don't feel embarrassed to share them with anybody. And
there's a higher truth, a bigger truth, a more all
inclusive truth, another angle in which to see the thing
(23:49):
that is also true. That is the second draft of
the story. And I'm just ready for an upgrade. And
so that's what I realized as I meditated on this.
It's like, it's not that I'm embarrassed to share this
on Instagram. It's that I don't know that I want
to put this out into the world, and not even
the world of Instagram, but like just the world energetically.
Like I don't want this to be the same story
(24:12):
that I'm still telling, because these are stories that I
could have told from ten years ago. And you'll see
when I read them to you, like they encompass every
aspect of my life, Like I talk about money, I
talk about being a mother, I talk about friendships, I
talk about my relationship to Matt, everything, And they're all
old stories, every single one of them, and so I
(24:35):
took myself through an exercise where I sat down and
rewrote the story. I just gave it a second draft.
And it's not every time that the second draft of
the story is more true. Sometimes it's just another angle
of the same truth. Like you've heard the phrase there's
two sides to every story, there's actually one hundred sides
(24:55):
to every story. There's infinite sides to every story, and
it's just a matter of which direction and you're looking
at the thing. In fact, my therapist when I was
going through my divorce used to always say, there's a
thousand ways in which to see a thing. Make sure
you're looking at it from more than one angle. And
so a second draft of the story isn't necessarily more true.
In other words, you could just tell a story, the
divorce story, for example, from my side of things, and
(25:18):
my ex husband could also tell the story from his
side of things, which would be another truth that isn't
necessarily more or less true. But then there's this other
higher truth, like a more all encompassing truth, a truth
that feels better to tell, even better than the original
kind of gritty truth, because it's just a more loving
way in general to see the entire situation. So what
(25:41):
I want to do is I want to read to
you what the first draft of my story was, and
then I want to read to you the new story
that I wrote. And these are all works in progress,
like this is happening in real time. I literally just
sat down right before I recorded this episode and wrote
the new versions of these stories. So I'm not standing
by these new verses as if this is the ultimate
version of the story. But what I want you to
(26:04):
see from witnessing this experience happen for me is I
want you to see that there are many different ways
you can tell a story, and that you get to
choose when you'd like to upgrade your story, or when
you'd like to edit it, or when you'd like to
adjust it, or when you'd like to tell it a
different way. At literally any point in your life, you
can make that decision. It's only your decision to make.
And it doesn't mean that the first draft of the
(26:26):
story was a worst draft of the story, or that
it was a less true draft of the story.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
It doesn't mean that at all.
Speaker 5 (26:33):
In fact, the first draft of each of these stories
that I'm about to tell you needed to exist, or
I would have never gotten to the second draft. And
the second draft needs to exist, or I would never
get to the third draft, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
And the same is true for your story, whatever story
you're telling from your life, the first draft of the story,
that's the bitter, resentful, angry. I don't know whatever yours is.
I'm talking about. You know, my divorce story. That was
(26:55):
the first draft of my story. That version of the
story has to exist. It's the only way that we
get to the next version. And if you see your
story as fixed, like once you tell it one way,
there's no way to rewrite it, or to edit it,
or to see it with a little bit of a
different light. If you see it as fixed, then you
see your life is fixed, and you see yourself as fixed,
(27:15):
and you aren't able to witness yourself evolve and transform
into someone new. But if you're able to see that,
every story can be upgraded, Every story can be rewritten,
every story can be edited, every story can be seen
in a different light, every story can be told in
a different way. Then you become infinitely powerful because you
can always change your perspective and you can always change
the way that you see your life. The same exact
(27:36):
details can be seen through a different light and they
look different. So that's what I want you to see
from this experience. From what I'm about to read to you,
I want you to see how you can edit and
upgrade your story. So what I'm going to read to
(27:57):
you right now is the old story and the new story.
The old story is each of those little slides that
I wrote for the Instagram Isn't Real Post, and then
I rewrote each one of those or edited them or
upgraded them, and that's the new story. So I'm going
to go back and forth between old story and new story,
and you'll get to see in real time how I
upgraded each of these pieces of my story. So for
(28:20):
the Instagram Isn't Real Post, I wrote the first slide
says the past five years have been some of the
most financially stressful years of my life. Between COVID and
Matt's new business venture that we've invested in. I've felt
afraid at times for our financial security and wondered what
would happen if we lost everything. That is true, I
haven't wondered that at many points. The new story I
wrote is the past five years have been a massive
(28:42):
and unprecedented expansion for me. I've had to face fears
that have been with me my whole life, including fears
about running out of money, and despite spending six figures
a few times over to learn this lesson, I've never
once gone without. Okay, the old story, my two kids
came into the world back to back, and while they're
perfect in every way and I have overwhelming love for them,
I've really struggled with transitioning into this new role in
(29:04):
my life. I've felt overwhelmed and overstimulated at points, and
just generally not up for the massive task that is
being a mom. That's the old story, and it's true.
The new story says, my two kids came into this
world back to back as co creators and collaborators and
conspirators in my expansion. They never once expected me to
be a perfect mom or to come into a life
(29:25):
with perfect conditions. They just wanted my presence and my love,
which they are getting more and more of each day.
What a gift it is to share this experience with them,
the old story says, despite desperately wanting to give my
kids the best of myself. I haven't been the best
of myself for much of these past few years. The
new story, my overwhelm with the task of being a
mother is mostly irrelevant. It reflects both cultural standards of
(29:47):
motherhood that don't align with my values and also a
nervous system set point that is ready for an upgrade.
My capacity is growing every day. The old story, I'm
an introvert and I like spending much of my time alone,
but being alone with young kids has felt much more
lonely to me than I expected. I've often wondered where
the villages that's supposed to help me raise my kids,
and if I'm the only one who feels isolated in
(30:08):
this role. The new story being a mom has shown
me the places inside of myself where I've relied too
heavily on others to make me feel good, and where
I've judged myself for doing things my own way. And
this time of isolation has prepared me to enter or
re enter relationships in a new way, with more security
and sturdiness, more of myself to offer. I'm grateful the
(30:29):
old story Matt and I have an overall peaceful and
loving relationship, but it's my experience that couples tend to
have the same conflict over and over, and ours in
the past four years has been about money. Matt wants
to conserve resources. I want to give our kids and
myself the best life possible. Coming to harmony on that
has taken a ton of challenging, honest, humble work, and
we're still doing that work even today. The new story,
(30:52):
I'm so proud of the way that Matt and I
have navigated the difficult conversations about money that our life
has brought to the surface in the past few years. Most,
or at least my many couples go their entire relationship
without coming into alignment on these topics, and that would
have certainly been us if the flow of resources hadn't
shifted in twenty twenty. But I'm proud of us for
taking this opportunity to move with love and grace toward
more alignment around finances in the past several years. We're
(31:14):
reaping the benefits of that in our ever more loving
and sturdy partnership. The old story, Matt and I both
grew up evangelical, and our faiths have evolved significantly in
the past decade. While I've never felt more alive in
my faith. Sometimes it feels lonely or even confusing to
be outside of the predictable structures of church life and
Christian ritual. We're finding a way forward and leaning into
the mystery of life and God, but sometimes I miss
(31:36):
the feeling of certainty I had back then the New story.
I've never felt more alive in my faith than I
do now. I'm finding new rituals, routines, teachers, friends, collaborators
and communities that enrich me and contribute to my expansion.
Life and God are a mystery to me, and it
feels good to admit that to myself, rather than to
grab onto a false clarity for a temporary feeling of stability.
(31:58):
I actually feel quite stable, knowing there's still so much
I don't know the old story. Life changes have meant
friendships in my life have had to shift and change.
Sometimes I wonder if I've been a bad friend since
I haven't been able to keep up with so many
people I love the New story. Life is always shifting
and changing. I can feel sad sometimes to let go
of something that brought so much joy and enlightened to
(32:18):
my life, But as my circumstances have shifted, so have
my relationships. I feel immense joy and appreciation for every
person who has come into my life, and I wish
them nothing but happiness as they go their way.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
I am a good friend. The old story.
Speaker 5 (32:31):
I'm learning to let go of the predictable patterns I
call my personality to discover more of the truth of myself.
This is an invigorating process, but also terrifying. I am
less certain of anything than I have been before, and
I hold very loosely to the things that I love
the most. I had no idea life could feel this
tender and exquisite. The new story. I had no idea
life could feel this tender and exquisite. Each day I
(32:52):
have more reasons for gratitude and joy. Life is getting
better and better, and the better it gets, the better
it gets. The old story. I teach writers to write
what's calling to them without worrying about how perform in
the marketplace. But I still worry every time I release
the book about how it will do.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Even worse.
Speaker 5 (33:08):
I feel like I have to pretend I don't care
so I don't look like a hypocrite. The news story.
It's normal to wonder about how your art will do
in the marketplace. But at the end of the day,
I know it doesn't matter what others say about the
things I make. What matter is the joy I feel
while I'm making it. And when I release my tight
grip on the things I make, they're able to find
their way to those who need them with very little
effort on my part. What I hope you're able to
(33:30):
see as I read these and as you think about
them and reflect on them, is how one or the
other story, the old story or the new story, are
not correct. There's not one story that's correct and the
other one that's not correct. It's two versions of the
same story, and you get the opportunity to choose which
one you would like to put your focus on. If
you think of it like a pie chart, like the
(33:53):
entire pie is one hundred percent of the pie. You
can either focus on one small sliver of the pie,
or a different small sliver of the pie, or a
different small sliver of the pie, or one bigger sliver
of the pie that's over on the other side of
the pie. You get to choose which part of the
story you want to focus on, and by placing your
focus on that part of the story, you're actually rewriting
(34:14):
the story or rewriting your experience of the story. Another
thing I wanted to address is that upgrading your story
is not about spiritually bypassing what has actually happened. And
it's not about rainbow washing or deleting aspects of the
story that are uncomfortable or hiding them.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Brushing them under the rug, that sort of thing.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
There's a very different energy that comes when you're hiding
parts of your story because you're afraid to share it,
versus when you're just ready for an upgrade. And that's
why I sat on this Instagram Isn't Real post for
so long before deciding to post it, because I really
wanted to know is this happening because I'm afraid to
share these details of my story? Am I afraid what
(34:56):
people are going to think of me? Maybe there's some
shred of that. Afraid of what other people might say,
or what they might make up, or the story they
might tell themselves. Maybe there's some shred of that. But genuinely,
at the end of the day, the reason that I
didn't want to post just the original story that I
had written is because I felt really ready for an upgrade.
I was reading back on the story I had written,
(35:18):
and just kept thinking, Oh, my gosh, I've been telling
this story for decades, particularly the story about money, but
so many of the other pieces too. I was like, Wow,
I've been telling the same old story forever and ever,
and I can only imagine that for each of us,
there's one aspect of our life where we feel that way.
Maybe one aspect of your life feels that way the most.
(35:39):
For me, it would probably be my money story, where
I feel like, Wow, I've been telling the same story
over and over and over again. I'm sick of this story.
No matter what circumstance I'm put in, this is the
same story that I have chosen to tell. I'm really
ready to upgrade the story to something new. And it's
not about hiding the story or denying details or rainbow
(35:59):
wash or covering it up or spiritually bypassing the story.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
It's really about a.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
Readiness to begin to see the story from a different angle.
You are the only one who can decide which one
you're doing, and I want you to, as much as
you are able, remove yourself from the idea that there's
a writer or wrong way to do this. You could
even practice with upgrading your story. And if you don't
feel ready to go there yet, if you still feel
(36:26):
like there's actually more of these gritty details to my
story that I need to tell, I just need to
get it out in the most honest way possible and
kind of sit on that or meditate in that for
a minute until I feel ready to upgrade it. Then
trust that and go with that. Like I said, maybe
you practice with it for a minute and then and
you go like, no, I'm not ready to do that.
I'm ready to sit with the details as they stand
(36:47):
and really meditate on them. But maybe as you're listening
to this, you realize, oh, yeah, there's an aspect of
my life. There's a story that I've been telling in
the same old way for a long, long long time,
and it's just the same old stinking story over and
over and over again, and I'm really ready to upgrade
the story. Then I would challenge you to see if
you can look at the story from a different angle
(37:08):
and upgrade the story in the way that I did
with each of these pieces of my story today. See
if you can see the story in the way someone
else would see it. See if you can see yourself
as the hero of the story. See if you can
see the story as if you were watching it unfold
on a movie screen. What would you be hoping the
hero would do in the story. How would you be
(37:28):
hoping the hero would react or respond? What sort of
perspective would you hope the hero would have if you
were watching this unfold in someone else's life. Let's imagine
that whatever you're going through, it's actually your best friend
that's going through. What would you hope that she would do?
How would you hope she would react? How would you
hope that she would move the plot forward? Maybe the
different perspective that you're needing inside of your story is
(37:51):
not another human perspective. But maybe you want to zoom
out from the story and see it from a thirty
thousand foot view. Maybe you want to look at the
story from the perspective of God, whoever or however you
understand God to be, from the perspective of the part
of you that has not always been just this physical
being here on earth. Maybe you want to kind of
(38:11):
zoom out and think about this from your broader perspective,
and maybe thinking about it from that point of view
will help you to write the story in a little
bit of a different way. Whichever you decide to do,
Know that tiny, tiny shifts to your story can make
a massive impact. Like little little shifts. Notice how some
(38:31):
of the lines in my new story were repeated from
my old story, because the old story is not total crap.
It's not like ooh, the old story was this lower
base or part of me, and now I'm so enlightened,
and so I write this new story. No, some of
the lines are literally repeated from the old story. Like
in my old faith story, I write, I've never felt
(38:52):
more alive in my faith, and that's the first thing
I say in the new story, I've never felt more
alive in my faith than I do now. So what
you see happen from the old story to the new
story is I put more attention and focus on that
positive aspect. Instead of waiting until the middle of the
story to tell that part. I start with it, I
open with it. I use it as the hook I've
never felt more alive in my faith than I do now.
(39:13):
I hope you find this useful. I again am sharing
these details from my life, not as a way to
linger on them and stand by them, and specifically not
as a way to get sympathy. I actually think I'll
say this small tangent and then I'll sign off. But
I think a lot of the reasons why we avoid
(39:33):
putting the real story or the juicy story, or the
gritty story or whatever on Instagram is because we actually
don't Most of us don't really want the inevitable sympathy
slash advice giving that comes when we tell a really
difficult story in a platform like that with relative strangers.
(39:54):
So if I'm to tell a story about how I'm
struggling financially or struggling with money or whatever, the inevitable
response I'm going to get is like, oh, I'm so sorry,
I feel so bad for you. But the fact of
the matter is like, the true part of me doesn't
need that sympathy. The true part of me knows that
I'm writing the story and that I have all of
the power and agency to rewrite the story in whatever
(40:15):
way I choose, And so I think we avoid oftentimes
telling the gritty details of the story in a setting
where strangers are going to read it. Sometimes maybe because
we're scared of what people will say or how they'll
judge us. But I think a lot of times it's
more about really knowing deep down that we don't need
other people's advice, We don't need anyone else. That input
(40:37):
is actually one hundred percent unhelpful to our situation, the
input from outside people, even if those people love us.
But the fact of the matter is on Instagram, most
of those people are strangers. So I think that's a
lot of the reasons why we avoid sharing these stories
in that context. The emphasis I want to leave you
on is that rewriting your story is not about why
(40:59):
watching your story about rainbow watching your story. It's not
about skipping over the more difficult parts. It's not about
deleting the more difficult parts from our story because we're
embarrassed of them. It's actually about just being willing to
see our stories from a different perspective. And you have
the power to do this. You have the agency to
do it one hundred percent of the time. If you
feel ready to do this, today is a great time
to do it. You could do a similar version of
(41:21):
what I just did. You could write like, here's ten
things that I probably wouldn't share on Instagram, or that
I'd be really scared to share on Instagram, And then
here's the new story. Here's the new version of the
story that I would prefer to tell. You could also
do this with just one thing in your life. You
don't have to do it with ten. That's just the
way that it happened for me in this particular circumstance.
But actually the way that it happened for me when
(41:43):
I was going through the divorce was I wrote one
story about one thing that was happening in my life.
And then when the first version of the story was
written and I felt like I'd gotten it all out
and that energy had been expended and expelled from my body,
then I felt ready to leave that old story behind
and to up it into something new. And that's when
I started to think of myself as the hero of
(42:04):
my story and think about the kind of transformation that
I wanted to achieve, and for the most part, remove
this person who I had called the villain in my story,
more or less remove him from the story unless there
were pieces where it was necessary to talk about him.
So I hope you find this very additive. I hope
you find this really cathartic and healing. This is the
(42:25):
crux of why I teach people to write their story,
because it is truly a powerful It will change the
way that you experience your life. It will change the
way that you feel about being in your own body
every day. It will change the way that you feel
about your relationships, about your finances, about every single thing
that happens to you. When you learn to write your
story as honestly as possible, and then upgrade it little
by little, bit by bit until it feels better and
(42:47):
better and better to be you. I'll see you next
week Write your Story podcast. Until then, happy writing.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
He
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