August 13, 2024 • 31 mins
Such a fun chat! Amy & Kat have a special guest...Amanda Rieger Green (Amy's psychic cousin!) Conversation starts around today's quote which is from Alissa Boyer: “You can be the nicest, kindest person, and you still may be the villain in someone else’s story. Have you ever had to deal with someone thinking you're a villain when really you just needed to set a boundary? They touch on how to handle this!
Amy reads a special email from a listener named Susan from Austin and she's also written a really cool book that you may need in your life: Art for Your Sanity— How Art Journaling Can Help You Manage Chaos and Unleash Joy (she wrote this book after hearing Ally Fallon on the podcast...which is so special!!)
Do you have good work boundaries? (i.e. not working at certain times or sending emails during work hours) They each share how they've implemented different rules around when they will send work notes to people....and it's stuff that could be a gamechanger for all!
BONUS QUOTE:
“I want AI to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for AI to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.”
– Joanna Maciejewska
Click HERE to see the You Need Therapy merch Amanda and Kat talked about!
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
GUEST:
Amanda Rieger Green // SoulPathology.com // @SoulPatholoy
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat, and we have a special guest joining us today,
my cousin Amanda.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Hi, everybody, it's Amanda Rieger Green.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Host of Soul Sessions podcast, and she is soul Pathology
on Instagram and on The Bobby Bone Show. She's affectionately
known as my psychic cousin. We have just been sitting
here on my back porch having a good old time.
I thought we were going to start recording a while ago,
but we got into a whole conversation about email etiquette,
which may sound really boring, but.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Actually we promised you it's really interesting.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
There's depth to it in like assessing how you send
emails to people at what time, if it's a work
relationship or if you're the consumer. And we'll explain more
about that in a little bit. I want to get
into the quote first, and then I've got an email
to read from a listener named Susan and Austin. So
the quote today is from Alyssa Boyer. You can be
the nicest, kindest person and you still may be the
(01:02):
villain in someone else's story.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
I like that, I mean, I don't like it. But
I like hearing that.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I know where I've shown up as the villain at times,
and I guess there's been amends if there needed to be.
I also know where someone may think I'm the villain,
but I feel comfortable knowing that I'm actually not, and
that's my piece. I have to be like, that's their
version of it, and I have to let them.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Because they might need it to be that way.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
And speaking as a recovering people pleaser, I am a
typical Libra realizing I don't have to be everyone's cup
of tea. But as long as I'm showing up in
integrity and authenticity, it's all about me being okay and
comfortable if I show up the best version. But I'm like,
but everybody doesn't have to like me.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yeah, and I think too, you know, we don't want
to be the villain at all. But this quote just
kind of paints a picture that everybody is in one
way or another, Like, do you think there's around this
planet that has not been a villain in any way,
shape or form. Jesus aside you could argue that though, oh,
because some people did see him as a good villain.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Yeah, Well, and there are people that believe different things
about Jesus, then that's fair to people. I think maybe
not everybody as a villain, but I don't think anybody
is immune to not having everybody around them think the
same things about them that they think about themselves.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yeah, it's not an excuse to just go be a villain.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah, it's not excuse to go be a villain.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
But no matter what you do, somebody is going to
have a story in their head where they need you
to be that way in order for them to keep
their reality what they needed to be.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And like Amanda was saying, as long as you feel
like it's been in alignment with you and you feel
like you were integrity and you stayed on your side
of the street and things, and they can build a
story that may have some truth to it or not.
There's nothing you can do to control how someone else
has built the story or their experience of it.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
But think also about all the Disney characters that are
villains and when they go and do the backstory on
how the villain became the villain because they became that
from their wounding, and then you get invested in, wow,
this is how they used this persona because of their circumstance.
So it's like there's always a backstory to a villain
(03:13):
persona that may have been born from pain or hurt
or somebody being misunderstood.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
I saw this cute little reel or something, and it's
very much in alignment with that. And it was two
girlfriends kind of just like drinking a cocktail and laughing,
and they're like, my friend and I gossip differently now,
anytime we're talking about somebody, it's more so trying to
understand where they were coming from and their past traumas
and why they're behaving the way they are, instead of
(03:39):
judging them for the behavior.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
M Yeah, it's growth.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
That's what I did the other day with you when
I had somebody come at me and was super defensive,
and I recognized she was coming from a place of
hurt and I wasn't taking it personally. Without getting into
that story, I immediately knew she was in a really
painful place and it was project and I mean it
took me aback, for sure. I reacted for a hot minute,
(04:05):
and then I was able to resiliently give her grace
and also speak my truth, but it still was jarring.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
I think you said this a second ago, you said
let them, because a question I would have for anybody
who's going through this is, well, what do you were
trying to accept it?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
What do you do to sit with that?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
Because if I'm not going to be a people pleaser
anymore and I'm not going to go explain myself, how
do I learn how to sit in the discomfort and
let them have that be their truth and know that
that might come from their wounding, but there's nothing I
can do about it.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
So then what do I need to be able to
do that?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Like?
Speaker 4 (04:41):
What have you needed to gain to be able to
sit with that discomfort? Knowing that somebody has a different
idea of who you are than who you think you are?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well, I'll rewind and say again, there have been times
where I've been the villain and amends needed to take place, right,
So that's very different than if a story is being
built and I know in my heart that is not
how it played out or whatever that narrative is. I
have to let them. I think that repeating that it's
(05:09):
surrendering it and knowing like I have to let this
go or that's what's going to keep me up at night,
or that's what's going to keep looping in my head
and just talking with friends that understand if they know
the situation, and getting that assurance of like, you have
to release it. And so there was a time I
had to release something and I wrote it down on
paper and put it in my fireplace and I burnt
(05:31):
it away. And of course that didn't just magically make
it stop, but there was something you release ceremonious about
it that felt like a release.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Absolutely, And for me, what you just said resonates because
what I know today is saying I react to something
or I behave unjustly unkindly so I am the villain,
or I react to someone else's projection. What I know today,
I might be in that discomfort, but who can I
go to that's a healthy space to share that with
(06:02):
versus it turning into perpetuating anger or gossip or behavior.
So it's who are my healthy, safe friends that can
hold me accountable to behaviors or someone else's so I
really process it healthfully and not going and then perpetuating it.
That's my big thing is I'm not going to just
repeat this and make it a story and gossip. So
(06:24):
I'm going to somebody who holds space to hold me
accountable and maybe give me a healthier perspective to process it.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Kat has been that for me, and you are too, Amanda.
But recently with my sister, there was something that came
up and they both responded the same exact way, and
it was would you like my thoughts about this? How
does it make you feel? And I can tell right away.
Both my sister and Kat had very big feelings and
thoughts about it, but they didn't share their thoughts first
(06:55):
because they wanted to see how I felt first, And
then after I shared it was like, okay, and now
do you want my thoughts on it? And yeah, how
does this make you feel?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
That also came from a place of I was trying
to pay attention because you sent me something, so I
need to pay attention to what you need before I
try to get what I need. I needed something after
seeing that, like I needed a release of some sorts.
But you might not have been the person because you
needed my comfort or understanding or ear So that's where
(07:25):
that check in came from. But my knee jerk reaction
was to like, word vomit to you. But I had
to be like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait,
how are you doing?
Speaker 3 (07:33):
What do you need from me?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
And then after that's cleared, Okay, can I offer you
some thoughts?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Are you open?
Speaker 4 (07:38):
And if you would have said no, I would have
been like, okay, cool, and I would have had to
figure that out for myself.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
He has to be like, Okay, let her.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Let her not have my thoughts on this.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
So I will say you, your sister and I have
been doing some freaky, weird things like saying the same
thing at the same time.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
I don't know what that is, but.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Yeah, no, Amanda, it's been very weird. Like I I
take screens of their texts and I send it back forth.
I'm like, y'all just texted the same thing, and it's
on multiple different days and about different things.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, the synchronicity in the energy field right now is
on a high and hearing that makes me smile because
I love that both of you had the same reaction
and response, but you both had the maturity and the
self awareness to pause and say, Okay, here's what I'm feeling.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
And I have a deep thought on this.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
For Amy, and we need to reflect this back. But
hold on, let me ask her if she's okay feeling
this to me, that's like, ugh, we're growing, we're getting healthier,
but we also are holding respectful place for our friendships.
But the synchronicity is really high right now. And I
will say that on the flip side, like where there's
healthy synchronicity, it's also the converse of when you feel
(08:53):
uncomfortable in a group of people or a group of women.
I know for me lately, I've been in groups of
women recently where there's been a lot of synchronicity, but
it has not felt safe to me because I don't
feel like everybody was aware enough, like it was performative, yes,
and also it didn't feel authentic or it came from
(09:15):
a place of wounding And I'm not being judgmental, it
just didn't feel safe to share. And then I'm withholding
and not feeling comfortable. So for me, it's like do
I go back and spend that time with those people,
And again it's I'm changing, so some of my friendships
get to change, and that sometimes is really difficult for
(09:35):
the people pleaser covering people pleaser.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
No. I like that this kind of parlayed into that
topic of being able to listen to yourself and how
you feel around certain people. Like that was situational awareness
where you decided you didn't feel safe opening up about
something and that's okay, and then you get to make
a decision how much you're going to choose to tell
them in the future or how much you're even going
(09:59):
to hang out with them the future. And it doesn't
mean that there's anything wrong with them. It just may
not be a safe.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Space for you.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And I don't know what it is about what makes
you feel safe or not safe, but there is a
certain the energy is there, and you know, I'm sure
there's people that don't necessarily feel safe around me, and
there's people that feel super safe.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
And that doesn't mean that you're not a safe person
because somebody doesn't feel safe around you. We just aren't
safe people for everybody.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
That's such a good point, kat Like, it doesn't denote
somebody being safe or not, but being able to take
our own temperature. That's been really empowering for me to
also recognize safety because that's kind of a core thing
that I know for me, I work on what does
safety and comfort feel like? And I learned so much
(10:42):
through people, but also being able to really be aware
of that and it's not judgments on other people.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
And then to put a bow on it back to
the quote, would be that if you realize you've taken
the temperature on something for yourself and it's not necessarily
a safe space and have this anxiety when you're around them,
and then you maybe don't hang out anymore or have
to set a certain boundary, then you become the villain.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Yes, I've had that in my life recently, where I've
and I'm not villainizing anybody that I'm aware of, but
my fear in creating the boundary is that I become
the villain.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
And I've had to say like, well, then I become
the villain.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
That there's nothing I can do about it, say let them,
let them, Yeah, let them.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Oh, it's so hard, it's.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Very very hard, and your own piece is the most
important thing, because then when you don't have that piece,
it's not fair to anybody. It can't be a comfortable situation.
And who knows the dynamics, and a lot of times
we don't even know how to check our own temperature.
So I'd say that would be the goal is to
kind of get to a place where you can listen
to yourself and when you're around certain people. How am
(11:49):
I feeling right now? Why am I feeling this weird feeling?
Why do I feel like you can't show up as myself?
I got an email from Susan and Austin. She said, Hey,
Amy and Kat, I love the podcast and always look
(12:09):
forward to hearing you too talk and laugh. I also
really enjoyed the episodes with Adeline. This summer, I am
sending Kat a book I wrote on art journaling called
Art for Your Sanity, How art Journaling can help you
manage chaos and unleashed joy because a few years ago
I turned to art journaling when I was super stressed,
and I found that making a mess and just creating
(12:30):
for the sake of creating was an incredible feeling. I
then got really curious as to why, etc. And ended
up researching the whole thing writing a book about my experiences.
And I wrote the book after hearing Ali fallon on
Amy's podcast. So thank you, we shout out Ali.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
That's so fool.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I know. I already sent this email to Ali because
I was like, that's so cool. Anyways, I found Kat's
address for Three Chords Therapy online and I sent a
copy there just wanted to give a heads up that
it's coming. I'm not a serial killer or in a cult.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Thank you for letting me know, although I don't think
you would tell me if you were.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And then she said, Amy therapist, Amy, did you say
that you're going to bring your podcast to Austin? If so,
I'm hoping to attend. Thanks to both of you for
brightening my walks, Susan and Austin. Susan Hensley, And I'm
gonna link her art book in the show notes because Kat,
this sounds like a really good book for you. Because
(13:30):
now you're an artist, you art things all the time
and all the time, and if you're in a place
of maybe unease or chaos or stress because there's some
villain type story, or you're processing something or having to
release some a relationship or let something go and you're
having to let them and it's hard, it's called art
(13:51):
for your sanity.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Well, also, this is weird too, because we were just
talking about before we started recording, how I spent my
morning painting and it was like a self care thing
for me mentally, emotionally in my everyday life and in
my work life. Balance and I have been trying to
think because I've been doing a lot of abstract art,
(14:12):
not like painting landscape, but just like painting blobs, and
it has been so calming, and I want to know
the science of why is it calming to just do this?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I don't have to do the hard work. She sent
me the book It's gonna tell me, Yeah, it says here.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
She ended up researching and writing a whole book about it.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Thank you, thanks to Ali.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's amazing. So I had a spiritual therapist tell me
years ago when we lived in Belize. She said, Amanda,
when you sit down at your desk in the morning,
I suggest you get out a coloring book and actually
buy yourself a box of crayons and start drawing with
your non dominant hand. And I happen to be amidextrious,
(14:49):
but my side note, I'm amodextrius, but it is not
comfortable for me to draw with the right hand. So
I started coloring, and of course with the non dominant hands,
it's imperfect, it's outside of the lines, it's messy. So
I give myself that allowance, that grace that helps me
(15:09):
with grace. But also I started getting into it and
it brings up all this stuff from the subconscious that's abstract,
that it's like it color vomited, and then it became
kind of beautiful, and I felt peaceful and easy before
I started my workday, even though I had done my
journaling in my morning routine. That getting it out for
(15:31):
about five minutes was really soothing neurologically, energetically, emotionally. But
it started bringing up new skill sets, Like I said,
of giving myself grace, creating peace, but through something where
I didn't have an expectation.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
And Kat, you said, you were painting this morning because
you are no longer doing clients. We're recording this on
a Monday. This loads up every Tuesday, and you're not
doing clients on Mondays anymore. And that's what led to
our whole email conversation of when we send and receive emails.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
So I went to a training recently, and it's weird
that this never crossed my mind before, or maybe it's
not weird, but I went to a train recently and
it was about supervising therapists, and that we were talking
about modeling and how to model, how to be a professional,
all that good stuff. And she mentioned, if I don't
want my supervisors to feel pressure, or if I don't
(16:29):
want them to be sending emails late at night at
two am on the weekend, then I can't do it.
And she said, if you are working, if you're working late,
good for you. Do whatever you want. Do not send
that email until a timeframe when you would want them
to respond. So if you're working at two am, schedule
it to be sent at eight am. And I said,
(16:49):
you can schedule an email to be sent later. I've
never done that, but I think so is that common knowledge.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
If you can? And you can do that. But I
also times I'm not, you know, that proactive, So I
just put them in the drafts and I do it.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Oh that's smart. But one I learned you can schedule
in the email to be sent later.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
But this is.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Twenty twenty four. You're listening to this podcast August.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
It's like there's a start. I can like do literally
anything for you. You should be able to schedule an
email a lot. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
We're so yeah, yeah, oh that makes you think of
another quote. It's from Joanna Masajouska. I want AI to
do my laundry and dishes so I can do art
in writing, not for AI to do my art in
writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Wait, right, why aren't we doing that?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah, we haven't figured that out part yet anyway.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
So it was so helpful for me to hear that,
because I think in my head, I'm going to send
this and then say to you, don't worry about it
until if you get this at two am, please don't
respond till nine. Well, that is so rude when we
think about it, because if I'm up late swowing my phone,
or if it's a weekend and I open my email
to I don't know, get a coupon code at a
store I'm shopping at, and I see this email, I'm
(18:01):
going to automatically feel pressure.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
I could feel pressure. I shouldn't say automatically.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
I could feel pressure to be a good worker and
respond right away. I could just well, I want to
get this out of my brain because I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
I could just say, well, I'm gonna forget about it.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
So I might handle it now. And so it's not
fair to just say don't worry about it till later.
And Julia, a girl that works for me, texted me
yesterday on a Sunday and said I'm sending this now,
but don't respond to it until Monday morning. And my
immediate response was, of course, I'm just going to listen
to this now. I want to know what it says.
So I handled it.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
And so even when you mean, well, it's not really fair, right.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
And while y'all were talking about it on a professional level,
as I was listening to you and Amanda talk about
sending work emails and whatnot, I was you don't mean
work as a consumer. Well, I can't fall into this
category because we have work emails coming in twenty four
to seven three am, because some people start working for
the show at three am. Some people are up putting
(19:00):
show together at ten eleven. So I have things that
go out now. I will say Shannon is sitting here
right now and she works with me, and I could
have a better boundary with texting her. She's saying yes, okay,
Because sometimes I'm like, Okay, we don't have to worry
about this right now, but I may forget about it.
This is teaching me something, Okay, Okay, this is good.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
We're all learning something. I do it and I need
to work on it as well. Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
At first, I was just seeing myself as a consumer,
because I also don't see myself as a supervisor. I
just see it as like, oh, I just need to
like send this real quick, but I need to respect.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Because it may feel because it's your every some of
it's your everyday life kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Maybe yes, it can be all kinds of things, but yeah, okay,
so now I'm learning something. At first, I thought I
was listening to y'all and I was being the consumer.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Shannon's just sitting here listening and being like her.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Face right now, She's like, how is this going to
be implemented in the next few weeks?
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Who is going to be here? Too old? Amy accountable? Hey,
I can I evolve?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
I can change. I can Yes, you.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Can have fifth right now is what she's doing.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
But you can evolve and change, and you can say
I'm gonna work on this, and there's gonna be grace
because I'm gonna work on it, but I'm still gonna
mess up.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Okay, So say I need to reach out to someone
and it's not their normal working hours, but maybe I
have an appointment with them during the week, or you know,
a hair person or something, and I may know that
I need to connect with them, and I keep forgetting.
So I send them a note, but I know it's
not the appropriate time, but I'm like, hey, read this
when you're actually working. But to your point, that's like
(20:44):
the supervisor sending it to their employee, like, well, I'm
a client sending it to her, and she might be like, oh, well,
I'm gonna work on it right now because I want
to get you in yeah, And I don't want to
put that pressure on someone. So I need to respectfully
send myself a note to remind myself to do it.
If I'm scared I'm going to forget, I need to
email myself and say, email XYZ about this on working hours.
(21:10):
And so now I need to do the same thing
like email Shannon on Monday.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
We are all works in progress, and this is something
I shared with you all that was brought to my
attention a decade ago by my husband. We are all
works in progress, and this is something I shared with
(21:37):
you all that was brought to my attention a decade
ago by my husband, who really saw that I was
responding to emails at two in the morning work emails
because I had this sense of urgency. I wanted to
get it off my plate, but in no way did
I expect people to respond at that time. But I
was creating an expectation, like an unconscious expectation that I
(21:59):
was a veil four to seven or that I needed
them to be available. And when he brought it to
my attention from a leadership perspective, he said, Amanda, you're
a good leader, but you're not demonstrating that through these actions.
That's the kind of thing that got my attention, and
I was like, oh my gosh, that was not what
I intended. I was trying to be efficient. I was
(22:20):
awake just what you were saying, Kat. And then the
big change for me was going to my employees and
sharing with them, Hey, I recognized I've been doing this.
I want to change this because I want to change
it for me, but also we all need some balance
and a life, so let's do this together and just
(22:40):
have better communication. I'm going to work on it. We
can all work on it. And it got it off
of my chest, but I also shared it with them
and they also had the similar feelings. And we were
in healthcare, so we were working a lot of times
seven days a week, so it was just it was freeing,
but it created personal responsibility for me.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
So y'all know what I'm thinking about right now as
we're saying this, because people are listening to it after
it's already been uploaded to the feed and put all
together by our amazing producer Houston, And he's probably listening
to this right now, and he's like, I get emails
from I mean, I'll speak for myself. I don't know
about you Need Therapy podcast in Soul Sessions.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Podcast, Houston.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I'm smiling over here because Houston knows I practice this
with him, Like, I'm like, Houston, I'm gonna be really
good about this because I don't want you to think
like and then watch him be like Amanda, No, you
overstat boundaries.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Oh, I definitely am like emailing and texting late at night,
but he has two hours behind us, to be fair.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Okay, That's what I always forget because when I'll text
somebo I'm so sorry I'm behind on this.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I'm doing fast as I can.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
Something came up, and then I forget that it's only
like twelve o'clock his time, like he's still at his
other job, which I do think a lot of times
with Houston, if you're listening to this, I.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Wonder how you have to listen to this.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
I just can't in my head wrap around how he
does everything that he does.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Houston, you are amazing, and we tell you this, but
we are really shouting it out.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
But he does.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
And I know he works on the weekends like many
of us do. But I try to just say to him, Hey,
I'm not sure if you're working this weekend, or if
you're working this late, or hey, I might be pushing
a deadline. I'm giving you a heads up, and he
always is like, I appreciate the heads up.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
Maybe we need to ask him if he needs anything special.
This is us asking you, do you need a different
form of communication, because if he is working twenty four
to seven, then like, I guess it's okay.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
I mean that would be great because it was like
you should have worked for all accountable and sometimes I
have better systems than others. I don't know if anybody
listening y'all can relate to this of like you get
in a groove and you feel like you've got something
down and you feel head and then you know that
passes and the next thing you know, you're just chasing,
you can't catch up, but then you get ahead, Like
where's the consistency, Like where's the groove, where's the flow? Hmm.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
What's hard to find consistency with this stuff because sometimes
it's time sensitive. Like from what I understand how we work,
we don't record fifteen episodes and then have a break.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
No, it's based on.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
The guess, it's based on a life event or a
current event. It's based on scheduling around other people, and
I think that's different. And so people can get ahead
of it in certain ways when they do their podcast
just themselves on like a topic.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Or especially if someone has a job on top of
a job, Like you may be listening right now, and
it's like you have your main job, then you have
your home life, your partner, maybe you have kids. You
have all these different layers, and then you have this
other passion that you have, which podcasting for a lot
of people is on top of another job. So maybe
you're an artist on the side I am, and you're
(25:44):
selling your art or you're diversifying your income, which I
think is gaining popularity these days. It's a very wise
thing to do if you're able. But then it's like
streamlining all of that, because like, the main things are
always going to take the priority, and I think for
us it's sometimes scheduling around all those other main things,
like Okay, I got clients this day, Well I've got
the Bobby Bone Show, and then the kids have this
(26:05):
and then. But something Kat and I have implemented for
the fifth thing is we used to always record on
a Saturday or Sunday, and we no longer do that.
We now do mostly Mondays, which is good because it's
right before sometimes Friday if we need to. But I've
been very very proud of us for doing that, and
I'm very thankful that that's something we have been able
to stick with because no matter how I spend it
(26:27):
for the Bobby Bone Show, because we have prep for Monday,
I'm working on a Sunday, but then maybe it's like
a Saturday, I can have a whole try to have
that boundary of not working if possible. But I know
everybody has a lot of different things going on and
it looks different for all. But just do the best
you can, even if it's a you know, like my
friend's a real ortor and that's a twenty four to
seven type thing. Especially if you've got clients that want
(26:49):
to see this, see that they're trying to sell a
house buy a house, and so she has to carve
out certain sections during the week. There's no way she
probably could ever take a full day without looking at
real estate things. But she will take three hours on
a Wednesday and then three hours on a set like
she'll carve out that time where she's not going to
be on her computer.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Oh, that's a hard job.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
It is kind of you get it when it's hot
and you take action to respond or you might miss
the deadline or the deal or the opportunity. And there
are lots of jobs that are that way. But there's
also this ability to really be mindful in carving out
time for administrative task or if you've got something scheduled,
and being consistent. Because the consistency, like you two were
(27:30):
sharing about podcasting on Mondays and eliminating the weekend, it
feels good and there's not an expectation, but that routine
in your schedule where it's built in.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
Well and you know, going back to the email thing,
and it's popped in my head when you were talking,
because I tend to think of this forward and I
said this earlier that it almost feels a little narcissistic
where I need to set the boundary to model to
my employees or to whoever not to do as I say,
not as I do kind of thing, And so I'm
worried about I don't want them to feel pressure to respond,
(28:02):
or I don't want them to create these habits. But
also I don't want them to think I'm always available either,
because then when I do try to create that time,
I can't. Honestly, that has shifted, and us doing the
podcast on Monday, I've changed how I've thought about how
you work too, Like on a Sunday, I wouldn't mind
(28:22):
asking you about a work thing or expecting you to
do this or asking you to look at this.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
But now I know you are not doing that, and
so I take the space to say can this wait? Yes.
So it's changed the way I respect your time.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I think it's also been good for our friendship because
if we get to hang out other times, it's not
about every time we hung out. It was to record
because we were doing it on the weekends. But now
we've been hanging out more. I think we've going out
on the weekends and then we record this week exactly.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
I think that's super help. Love this though, because it's
doing something and then doing it consistently for a while.
It shows how it impacts and shifts behaviors, and then
it frees up up space or time or awareness. Like
it's like I'm just listening to the two of you
and that dynamic and you're like, oh my gosh. Then
we get to really hang out as friends and enjoy
(29:10):
each other, and it's there's not always a work expectation,
and to me, that adds this added pressure and I
already do that enough to myself. Then I add other
people into the mix and it compounds and then I'm
not enjoying it or I'm not you know, creating peace
within me, which just jacks up my nervous system, and
then I'm not as effective and creative. So we're all growing,
(29:33):
and that's.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
When you need to pause and start drawing.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
With the non dominant hand.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
We'll call it the pause and paint.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
That's good, Pause and paint.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Okay, I'll trademarket. Okay, Pause and paint.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
We'll make a shirt.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Speaking of shirts, I wore your sweatshirt cat the other
day to pilates the one that says have the day
you need to have. And you know, it's like middle
of summer, but I'm freezing in the pilates class at first,
and and I was like, that shirt is so great.
And I was like, this is my friend Kadafauda. She
has a podcast, she's a therapist, she knows her stuff.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
That shirt's a good conversation starter.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Half the day you need to have. Okay, Well, thanks, ladies.
It's a fun little chit chat about emails in which
we read an email from our listener, Susan. I think
everybody can probably relate to this.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
I feel like we.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Learned a lot and maybe some people had some awareness
of what happened, like some awha moments, some self reflection.
I know I did with Shannon. So we're working on
that because I know probably over the last three years,
I have probably said this before. And then I think
sometimes boundaries just get blurred because there's a lot happening.
So I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Maybe y'all can have a safe word so if the
boundaries get blurred, Shannon can say something like crayons or
you know, are you I cannot imagine Shannon saying that.
She might think it, but she's not going to say it,
so maybe prayons like what that would be, Shannon, Let's
(31:04):
pray about that.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
She just said, yeah, she said, let's pray about that. Okay,
all right, guys, hope y'all are having the day that
you need to have. And do you have those sweatshirts?
Speaker 3 (31:14):
I do have them.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
They're not the same one, but there's a different version
of that sweatshirt on You Need Therapy podcast dot com.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
I have the special edition, sorry, limited edition, limited edition.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Okay, well, we'll link stuff in the show notes. Make
sure to check out CATS podcast, You Need Therapy and
Amanda's podcast Soul Sessions and see you later. Bye bye
bye
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat, and we have a special guest joining us today,
my cousin Amanda.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Hi, everybody, it's Amanda Rieger Green.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Host of Soul Sessions podcast, and she is soul Pathology
on Instagram and on The Bobby Bone Show. She's affectionately
known as my psychic cousin. We have just been sitting
here on my back porch having a good old time.
I thought we were going to start recording a while ago,
but we got into a whole conversation about email etiquette,
which may sound really boring, but.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Actually we promised you it's really interesting.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
There's depth to it in like assessing how you send
emails to people at what time, if it's a work
relationship or if you're the consumer. And we'll explain more
about that in a little bit. I want to get
into the quote first, and then I've got an email
to read from a listener named Susan and Austin. So
the quote today is from Alyssa Boyer. You can be
the nicest, kindest person and you still may be the
(01:02):
villain in someone else's story.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
I like that, I mean, I don't like it. But
I like hearing that.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I know where I've shown up as the villain at times,
and I guess there's been amends if there needed to be.
I also know where someone may think I'm the villain,
but I feel comfortable knowing that I'm actually not, and
that's my piece. I have to be like, that's their
version of it, and I have to let them.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Because they might need it to be that way.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
And speaking as a recovering people pleaser, I am a
typical Libra realizing I don't have to be everyone's cup
of tea. But as long as I'm showing up in
integrity and authenticity, it's all about me being okay and
comfortable if I show up the best version. But I'm like,
but everybody doesn't have to like me.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yeah, and I think too, you know, we don't want
to be the villain at all. But this quote just
kind of paints a picture that everybody is in one
way or another, Like, do you think there's around this
planet that has not been a villain in any way,
shape or form. Jesus aside you could argue that though, oh,
because some people did see him as a good villain.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Yeah, Well, and there are people that believe different things
about Jesus, then that's fair to people. I think maybe
not everybody as a villain, but I don't think anybody
is immune to not having everybody around them think the
same things about them that they think about themselves.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yeah, it's not an excuse to just go be a villain.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah, it's not excuse to go be a villain.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
But no matter what you do, somebody is going to
have a story in their head where they need you
to be that way in order for them to keep
their reality what they needed to be.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And like Amanda was saying, as long as you feel
like it's been in alignment with you and you feel
like you were integrity and you stayed on your side
of the street and things, and they can build a
story that may have some truth to it or not.
There's nothing you can do to control how someone else
has built the story or their experience of it.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
But think also about all the Disney characters that are
villains and when they go and do the backstory on
how the villain became the villain because they became that
from their wounding, and then you get invested in, wow,
this is how they used this persona because of their circumstance.
So it's like there's always a backstory to a villain
(03:13):
persona that may have been born from pain or hurt
or somebody being misunderstood.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
I saw this cute little reel or something, and it's
very much in alignment with that. And it was two
girlfriends kind of just like drinking a cocktail and laughing,
and they're like, my friend and I gossip differently now,
anytime we're talking about somebody, it's more so trying to
understand where they were coming from and their past traumas
and why they're behaving the way they are, instead of
(03:39):
judging them for the behavior.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
M Yeah, it's growth.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
That's what I did the other day with you when
I had somebody come at me and was super defensive,
and I recognized she was coming from a place of
hurt and I wasn't taking it personally. Without getting into
that story, I immediately knew she was in a really
painful place and it was project and I mean it
took me aback, for sure. I reacted for a hot minute,
(04:05):
and then I was able to resiliently give her grace
and also speak my truth, but it still was jarring.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
I think you said this a second ago, you said
let them, because a question I would have for anybody
who's going through this is, well, what do you were
trying to accept it?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
What do you do to sit with that?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
Because if I'm not going to be a people pleaser
anymore and I'm not going to go explain myself, how
do I learn how to sit in the discomfort and
let them have that be their truth and know that
that might come from their wounding, but there's nothing I
can do about it.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
So then what do I need to be able to
do that?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Like?
Speaker 4 (04:41):
What have you needed to gain to be able to
sit with that discomfort? Knowing that somebody has a different
idea of who you are than who you think you are?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well, I'll rewind and say again, there have been times
where I've been the villain and amends needed to take place, right,
So that's very different than if a story is being
built and I know in my heart that is not
how it played out or whatever that narrative is. I
have to let them. I think that repeating that it's
(05:09):
surrendering it and knowing like I have to let this
go or that's what's going to keep me up at night,
or that's what's going to keep looping in my head
and just talking with friends that understand if they know
the situation, and getting that assurance of like, you have
to release it. And so there was a time I
had to release something and I wrote it down on
paper and put it in my fireplace and I burnt
(05:31):
it away. And of course that didn't just magically make
it stop, but there was something you release ceremonious about
it that felt like a release.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Absolutely, And for me, what you just said resonates because
what I know today is saying I react to something
or I behave unjustly unkindly so I am the villain,
or I react to someone else's projection. What I know today,
I might be in that discomfort, but who can I
go to that's a healthy space to share that with
(06:02):
versus it turning into perpetuating anger or gossip or behavior.
So it's who are my healthy, safe friends that can
hold me accountable to behaviors or someone else's so I
really process it healthfully and not going and then perpetuating it.
That's my big thing is I'm not going to just
repeat this and make it a story and gossip. So
(06:24):
I'm going to somebody who holds space to hold me
accountable and maybe give me a healthier perspective to process it.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Kat has been that for me, and you are too, Amanda.
But recently with my sister, there was something that came
up and they both responded the same exact way, and
it was would you like my thoughts about this? How
does it make you feel? And I can tell right away.
Both my sister and Kat had very big feelings and
thoughts about it, but they didn't share their thoughts first
(06:55):
because they wanted to see how I felt first, And
then after I shared it was like, okay, and now
do you want my thoughts on it? And yeah, how
does this make you feel?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
That also came from a place of I was trying
to pay attention because you sent me something, so I
need to pay attention to what you need before I
try to get what I need. I needed something after
seeing that, like I needed a release of some sorts.
But you might not have been the person because you
needed my comfort or understanding or ear So that's where
(07:25):
that check in came from. But my knee jerk reaction
was to like, word vomit to you. But I had
to be like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait,
how are you doing?
Speaker 3 (07:33):
What do you need from me?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
And then after that's cleared, Okay, can I offer you
some thoughts?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Are you open?
Speaker 4 (07:38):
And if you would have said no, I would have
been like, okay, cool, and I would have had to
figure that out for myself.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
He has to be like, Okay, let her.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Let her not have my thoughts on this.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
So I will say you, your sister and I have
been doing some freaky, weird things like saying the same
thing at the same time.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
I don't know what that is, but.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Yeah, no, Amanda, it's been very weird. Like I I
take screens of their texts and I send it back forth.
I'm like, y'all just texted the same thing, and it's
on multiple different days and about different things.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, the synchronicity in the energy field right now is
on a high and hearing that makes me smile because
I love that both of you had the same reaction
and response, but you both had the maturity and the
self awareness to pause and say, Okay, here's what I'm feeling.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
And I have a deep thought on this.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
For Amy, and we need to reflect this back. But
hold on, let me ask her if she's okay feeling
this to me, that's like, ugh, we're growing, we're getting healthier,
but we also are holding respectful place for our friendships.
But the synchronicity is really high right now. And I
will say that on the flip side, like where there's
healthy synchronicity, it's also the converse of when you feel
(08:53):
uncomfortable in a group of people or a group of women.
I know for me lately, I've been in groups of
women recently where there's been a lot of synchronicity, but
it has not felt safe to me because I don't
feel like everybody was aware enough, like it was performative, yes,
and also it didn't feel authentic or it came from
(09:15):
a place of wounding And I'm not being judgmental, it
just didn't feel safe to share. And then I'm withholding
and not feeling comfortable. So for me, it's like do
I go back and spend that time with those people,
And again it's I'm changing, so some of my friendships
get to change, and that sometimes is really difficult for
(09:35):
the people pleaser covering people pleaser.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
No. I like that this kind of parlayed into that
topic of being able to listen to yourself and how
you feel around certain people. Like that was situational awareness
where you decided you didn't feel safe opening up about
something and that's okay, and then you get to make
a decision how much you're going to choose to tell
them in the future or how much you're even going
(09:59):
to hang out with them the future. And it doesn't
mean that there's anything wrong with them. It just may
not be a safe.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Space for you.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And I don't know what it is about what makes
you feel safe or not safe, but there is a
certain the energy is there, and you know, I'm sure
there's people that don't necessarily feel safe around me, and
there's people that feel super safe.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
And that doesn't mean that you're not a safe person
because somebody doesn't feel safe around you. We just aren't
safe people for everybody.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
That's such a good point, kat Like, it doesn't denote
somebody being safe or not, but being able to take
our own temperature. That's been really empowering for me to
also recognize safety because that's kind of a core thing
that I know for me, I work on what does
safety and comfort feel like? And I learned so much
(10:42):
through people, but also being able to really be aware
of that and it's not judgments on other people.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
And then to put a bow on it back to
the quote, would be that if you realize you've taken
the temperature on something for yourself and it's not necessarily
a safe space and have this anxiety when you're around them,
and then you maybe don't hang out anymore or have
to set a certain boundary, then you become the villain.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Yes, I've had that in my life recently, where I've
and I'm not villainizing anybody that I'm aware of, but
my fear in creating the boundary is that I become
the villain.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
And I've had to say like, well, then I become
the villain.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
That there's nothing I can do about it, say let them,
let them, Yeah, let them.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Oh, it's so hard, it's.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Very very hard, and your own piece is the most
important thing, because then when you don't have that piece,
it's not fair to anybody. It can't be a comfortable situation.
And who knows the dynamics, and a lot of times
we don't even know how to check our own temperature.
So I'd say that would be the goal is to
kind of get to a place where you can listen
to yourself and when you're around certain people. How am
(11:49):
I feeling right now? Why am I feeling this weird feeling?
Why do I feel like you can't show up as myself?
I got an email from Susan and Austin. She said, Hey,
Amy and Kat, I love the podcast and always look
(12:09):
forward to hearing you too talk and laugh. I also
really enjoyed the episodes with Adeline. This summer, I am
sending Kat a book I wrote on art journaling called
Art for Your Sanity, How art Journaling can help you
manage chaos and unleashed joy because a few years ago
I turned to art journaling when I was super stressed,
and I found that making a mess and just creating
(12:30):
for the sake of creating was an incredible feeling. I
then got really curious as to why, etc. And ended
up researching the whole thing writing a book about my experiences.
And I wrote the book after hearing Ali fallon on
Amy's podcast. So thank you, we shout out Ali.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
That's so fool.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I know. I already sent this email to Ali because
I was like, that's so cool. Anyways, I found Kat's
address for Three Chords Therapy online and I sent a
copy there just wanted to give a heads up that
it's coming. I'm not a serial killer or in a cult.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Thank you for letting me know, although I don't think
you would tell me if you were.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And then she said, Amy therapist, Amy, did you say
that you're going to bring your podcast to Austin? If so,
I'm hoping to attend. Thanks to both of you for
brightening my walks, Susan and Austin. Susan Hensley, And I'm
gonna link her art book in the show notes because Kat,
this sounds like a really good book for you. Because
(13:30):
now you're an artist, you art things all the time
and all the time, and if you're in a place
of maybe unease or chaos or stress because there's some
villain type story, or you're processing something or having to
release some a relationship or let something go and you're
having to let them and it's hard, it's called art
(13:51):
for your sanity.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Well, also, this is weird too, because we were just
talking about before we started recording, how I spent my
morning painting and it was like a self care thing
for me mentally, emotionally in my everyday life and in
my work life. Balance and I have been trying to
think because I've been doing a lot of abstract art,
(14:12):
not like painting landscape, but just like painting blobs, and
it has been so calming, and I want to know
the science of why is it calming to just do this?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I don't have to do the hard work. She sent
me the book It's gonna tell me, Yeah, it says here.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
She ended up researching and writing a whole book about it.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Thank you, thanks to Ali.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's amazing. So I had a spiritual therapist tell me
years ago when we lived in Belize. She said, Amanda,
when you sit down at your desk in the morning,
I suggest you get out a coloring book and actually
buy yourself a box of crayons and start drawing with
your non dominant hand. And I happen to be amidextrious,
(14:49):
but my side note, I'm amodextrius, but it is not
comfortable for me to draw with the right hand. So
I started coloring, and of course with the non dominant hands,
it's imperfect, it's outside of the lines, it's messy. So
I give myself that allowance, that grace that helps me
(15:09):
with grace. But also I started getting into it and
it brings up all this stuff from the subconscious that's abstract,
that it's like it color vomited, and then it became
kind of beautiful, and I felt peaceful and easy before
I started my workday, even though I had done my
journaling in my morning routine. That getting it out for
(15:31):
about five minutes was really soothing neurologically, energetically, emotionally. But
it started bringing up new skill sets, Like I said,
of giving myself grace, creating peace, but through something where
I didn't have an expectation.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
And Kat, you said, you were painting this morning because
you are no longer doing clients. We're recording this on
a Monday. This loads up every Tuesday, and you're not
doing clients on Mondays anymore. And that's what led to
our whole email conversation of when we send and receive emails.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
So I went to a training recently, and it's weird
that this never crossed my mind before, or maybe it's
not weird, but I went to a train recently and
it was about supervising therapists, and that we were talking
about modeling and how to model, how to be a professional,
all that good stuff. And she mentioned, if I don't
want my supervisors to feel pressure, or if I don't
(16:29):
want them to be sending emails late at night at
two am on the weekend, then I can't do it.
And she said, if you are working, if you're working late,
good for you. Do whatever you want. Do not send
that email until a timeframe when you would want them
to respond. So if you're working at two am, schedule
it to be sent at eight am. And I said,
(16:49):
you can schedule an email to be sent later. I've
never done that, but I think so is that common knowledge.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
If you can? And you can do that. But I
also times I'm not, you know, that proactive, So I
just put them in the drafts and I do it.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Oh that's smart. But one I learned you can schedule
in the email to be sent later.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
But this is.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Twenty twenty four. You're listening to this podcast August.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
It's like there's a start. I can like do literally
anything for you. You should be able to schedule an
email a lot. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
We're so yeah, yeah, oh that makes you think of
another quote. It's from Joanna Masajouska. I want AI to
do my laundry and dishes so I can do art
in writing, not for AI to do my art in
writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Wait, right, why aren't we doing that?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah, we haven't figured that out part yet anyway.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
So it was so helpful for me to hear that,
because I think in my head, I'm going to send
this and then say to you, don't worry about it
until if you get this at two am, please don't
respond till nine. Well, that is so rude when we
think about it, because if I'm up late swowing my phone,
or if it's a weekend and I open my email
to I don't know, get a coupon code at a
store I'm shopping at, and I see this email, I'm
(18:01):
going to automatically feel pressure.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
I could feel pressure. I shouldn't say automatically.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
I could feel pressure to be a good worker and
respond right away. I could just well, I want to
get this out of my brain because I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
I could just say, well, I'm gonna forget about it.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
So I might handle it now. And so it's not
fair to just say don't worry about it till later.
And Julia, a girl that works for me, texted me
yesterday on a Sunday and said I'm sending this now,
but don't respond to it until Monday morning. And my
immediate response was, of course, I'm just going to listen
to this now. I want to know what it says.
So I handled it.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
And so even when you mean, well, it's not really fair, right.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
And while y'all were talking about it on a professional level,
as I was listening to you and Amanda talk about
sending work emails and whatnot, I was you don't mean
work as a consumer. Well, I can't fall into this
category because we have work emails coming in twenty four
to seven three am, because some people start working for
the show at three am. Some people are up putting
(19:00):
show together at ten eleven. So I have things that
go out now. I will say Shannon is sitting here
right now and she works with me, and I could
have a better boundary with texting her. She's saying yes, okay,
Because sometimes I'm like, Okay, we don't have to worry
about this right now, but I may forget about it.
This is teaching me something, Okay, Okay, this is good.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
We're all learning something. I do it and I need
to work on it as well. Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
At first, I was just seeing myself as a consumer,
because I also don't see myself as a supervisor. I
just see it as like, oh, I just need to
like send this real quick, but I need to respect.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Because it may feel because it's your every some of
it's your everyday life kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Maybe yes, it can be all kinds of things, but yeah, okay,
so now I'm learning something. At first, I thought I
was listening to y'all and I was being the consumer.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Shannon's just sitting here listening and being like her.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Face right now, She's like, how is this going to
be implemented in the next few weeks?
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Who is going to be here? Too old? Amy accountable? Hey,
I can I evolve?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
I can change. I can Yes, you.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Can have fifth right now is what she's doing.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
But you can evolve and change, and you can say
I'm gonna work on this, and there's gonna be grace
because I'm gonna work on it, but I'm still gonna
mess up.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Okay, So say I need to reach out to someone
and it's not their normal working hours, but maybe I
have an appointment with them during the week, or you know,
a hair person or something, and I may know that
I need to connect with them, and I keep forgetting.
So I send them a note, but I know it's
not the appropriate time, but I'm like, hey, read this
when you're actually working. But to your point, that's like
(20:44):
the supervisor sending it to their employee, like, well, I'm
a client sending it to her, and she might be like, oh, well,
I'm gonna work on it right now because I want
to get you in yeah, And I don't want to
put that pressure on someone. So I need to respectfully
send myself a note to remind myself to do it.
If I'm scared I'm going to forget, I need to
email myself and say, email XYZ about this on working hours.
(21:10):
And so now I need to do the same thing
like email Shannon on Monday.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
We are all works in progress, and this is something
I shared with you all that was brought to my
attention a decade ago by my husband. We are all
works in progress, and this is something I shared with
(21:37):
you all that was brought to my attention a decade
ago by my husband, who really saw that I was
responding to emails at two in the morning work emails
because I had this sense of urgency. I wanted to
get it off my plate, but in no way did
I expect people to respond at that time. But I
was creating an expectation, like an unconscious expectation that I
(21:59):
was a veil four to seven or that I needed
them to be available. And when he brought it to
my attention from a leadership perspective, he said, Amanda, you're
a good leader, but you're not demonstrating that through these actions.
That's the kind of thing that got my attention, and
I was like, oh my gosh, that was not what
I intended. I was trying to be efficient. I was
(22:20):
awake just what you were saying, Kat. And then the
big change for me was going to my employees and
sharing with them, Hey, I recognized I've been doing this.
I want to change this because I want to change
it for me, but also we all need some balance
and a life, so let's do this together and just
(22:40):
have better communication. I'm going to work on it. We
can all work on it. And it got it off
of my chest, but I also shared it with them
and they also had the similar feelings. And we were
in healthcare, so we were working a lot of times
seven days a week, so it was just it was freeing,
but it created personal responsibility for me.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
So y'all know what I'm thinking about right now as
we're saying this, because people are listening to it after
it's already been uploaded to the feed and put all
together by our amazing producer Houston, And he's probably listening
to this right now, and he's like, I get emails
from I mean, I'll speak for myself. I don't know
about you Need Therapy podcast in Soul Sessions.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Podcast, Houston.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I'm smiling over here because Houston knows I practice this
with him, Like, I'm like, Houston, I'm gonna be really
good about this because I don't want you to think
like and then watch him be like Amanda, No, you
overstat boundaries.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Oh, I definitely am like emailing and texting late at night,
but he has two hours behind us, to be fair.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Okay, That's what I always forget because when I'll text
somebo I'm so sorry I'm behind on this.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I'm doing fast as I can.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
Something came up, and then I forget that it's only
like twelve o'clock his time, like he's still at his
other job, which I do think a lot of times
with Houston, if you're listening to this, I.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Wonder how you have to listen to this.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
I just can't in my head wrap around how he
does everything that he does.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Houston, you are amazing, and we tell you this, but
we are really shouting it out.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
But he does.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
And I know he works on the weekends like many
of us do. But I try to just say to him, Hey,
I'm not sure if you're working this weekend, or if
you're working this late, or hey, I might be pushing
a deadline. I'm giving you a heads up, and he
always is like, I appreciate the heads up.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
Maybe we need to ask him if he needs anything special.
This is us asking you, do you need a different
form of communication, because if he is working twenty four
to seven, then like, I guess it's okay.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
I mean that would be great because it was like
you should have worked for all accountable and sometimes I
have better systems than others. I don't know if anybody
listening y'all can relate to this of like you get
in a groove and you feel like you've got something
down and you feel head and then you know that
passes and the next thing you know, you're just chasing,
you can't catch up, but then you get ahead, Like
where's the consistency, Like where's the groove, where's the flow? Hmm.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
What's hard to find consistency with this stuff because sometimes
it's time sensitive. Like from what I understand how we work,
we don't record fifteen episodes and then have a break.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
No, it's based on.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
The guess, it's based on a life event or a
current event. It's based on scheduling around other people, and
I think that's different. And so people can get ahead
of it in certain ways when they do their podcast
just themselves on like a topic.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Or especially if someone has a job on top of
a job, Like you may be listening right now, and
it's like you have your main job, then you have
your home life, your partner, maybe you have kids. You
have all these different layers, and then you have this
other passion that you have, which podcasting for a lot
of people is on top of another job. So maybe
you're an artist on the side I am, and you're
(25:44):
selling your art or you're diversifying your income, which I
think is gaining popularity these days. It's a very wise
thing to do if you're able. But then it's like
streamlining all of that, because like, the main things are
always going to take the priority, and I think for
us it's sometimes scheduling around all those other main things,
like Okay, I got clients this day, Well I've got
the Bobby Bone Show, and then the kids have this
(26:05):
and then. But something Kat and I have implemented for
the fifth thing is we used to always record on
a Saturday or Sunday, and we no longer do that.
We now do mostly Mondays, which is good because it's
right before sometimes Friday if we need to. But I've
been very very proud of us for doing that, and
I'm very thankful that that's something we have been able
to stick with because no matter how I spend it
(26:27):
for the Bobby Bone Show, because we have prep for Monday,
I'm working on a Sunday, but then maybe it's like
a Saturday, I can have a whole try to have
that boundary of not working if possible. But I know
everybody has a lot of different things going on and
it looks different for all. But just do the best
you can, even if it's a you know, like my
friend's a real ortor and that's a twenty four to
seven type thing. Especially if you've got clients that want
(26:49):
to see this, see that they're trying to sell a
house buy a house, and so she has to carve
out certain sections during the week. There's no way she
probably could ever take a full day without looking at
real estate things. But she will take three hours on
a Wednesday and then three hours on a set like
she'll carve out that time where she's not going to
be on her computer.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Oh, that's a hard job.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
It is kind of you get it when it's hot
and you take action to respond or you might miss
the deadline or the deal or the opportunity. And there
are lots of jobs that are that way. But there's
also this ability to really be mindful in carving out
time for administrative task or if you've got something scheduled,
and being consistent. Because the consistency, like you two were
(27:30):
sharing about podcasting on Mondays and eliminating the weekend, it
feels good and there's not an expectation, but that routine
in your schedule where it's built in.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
Well and you know, going back to the email thing,
and it's popped in my head when you were talking,
because I tend to think of this forward and I
said this earlier that it almost feels a little narcissistic
where I need to set the boundary to model to
my employees or to whoever not to do as I say,
not as I do kind of thing, And so I'm
worried about I don't want them to feel pressure to respond,
(28:02):
or I don't want them to create these habits. But
also I don't want them to think I'm always available either,
because then when I do try to create that time,
I can't. Honestly, that has shifted, and us doing the
podcast on Monday, I've changed how I've thought about how
you work too, Like on a Sunday, I wouldn't mind
(28:22):
asking you about a work thing or expecting you to
do this or asking you to look at this.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
But now I know you are not doing that, and
so I take the space to say can this wait? Yes.
So it's changed the way I respect your time.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I think it's also been good for our friendship because
if we get to hang out other times, it's not
about every time we hung out. It was to record
because we were doing it on the weekends. But now
we've been hanging out more. I think we've going out
on the weekends and then we record this week exactly.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
I think that's super help. Love this though, because it's
doing something and then doing it consistently for a while.
It shows how it impacts and shifts behaviors, and then
it frees up up space or time or awareness. Like
it's like I'm just listening to the two of you
and that dynamic and you're like, oh my gosh. Then
we get to really hang out as friends and enjoy
(29:10):
each other, and it's there's not always a work expectation,
and to me, that adds this added pressure and I
already do that enough to myself. Then I add other
people into the mix and it compounds and then I'm
not enjoying it or I'm not you know, creating peace
within me, which just jacks up my nervous system, and
then I'm not as effective and creative. So we're all growing,
(29:33):
and that's.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
When you need to pause and start drawing.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
With the non dominant hand.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
We'll call it the pause and paint.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
That's good, Pause and paint.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Okay, I'll trademarket. Okay, Pause and paint.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
We'll make a shirt.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Speaking of shirts, I wore your sweatshirt cat the other
day to pilates the one that says have the day
you need to have. And you know, it's like middle
of summer, but I'm freezing in the pilates class at first,
and and I was like, that shirt is so great.
And I was like, this is my friend Kadafauda. She
has a podcast, she's a therapist, she knows her stuff.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
That shirt's a good conversation starter.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Half the day you need to have. Okay, Well, thanks, ladies.
It's a fun little chit chat about emails in which
we read an email from our listener, Susan. I think
everybody can probably relate to this.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
I feel like we.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Learned a lot and maybe some people had some awareness
of what happened, like some awha moments, some self reflection.
I know I did with Shannon. So we're working on
that because I know probably over the last three years,
I have probably said this before. And then I think
sometimes boundaries just get blurred because there's a lot happening.
So I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Maybe y'all can have a safe word so if the
boundaries get blurred, Shannon can say something like crayons or
you know, are you I cannot imagine Shannon saying that.
She might think it, but she's not going to say it,
so maybe prayons like what that would be, Shannon, Let's
(31:04):
pray about that.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
She just said, yeah, she said, let's pray about that. Okay,
all right, guys, hope y'all are having the day that
you need to have. And do you have those sweatshirts?
Speaker 3 (31:14):
I do have them.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
They're not the same one, but there's a different version
of that sweatshirt on You Need Therapy podcast dot com.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
I have the special edition, sorry, limited edition, limited edition.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Okay, well, we'll link stuff in the show notes. Make
sure to check out CATS podcast, You Need Therapy and
Amanda's podcast Soul Sessions and see you later. Bye bye
bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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