When It Rains It Storms

.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Yo, and wake up, Wakeit up, Wake up, wake it
up, Wake it up. Hi. Everybody happy Wednesday? How's everybody feeling
pretty good? How are you feeling? I feel like I used to hear

(00:31):
people say, I want to readyou guys this text message verbatim. I
feel like I used to hear peoplesay this this saying like when it rains,
it pours. And I never feltlike I had a time where I've
of course had little things, andlike I look back on things that I've
gone through and I'm like, damn, Maybe in that moment you think they're
awful, but there's there could beworse things to come, you know.

(00:53):
And obviously just losing one of mygood friends on Sunday, this pregnancy,
everything, I just I definitely dofeel overwhelmed. And I got this text
message last night from the hospice nursewho had sent this to our family because
a lot of people have been askingme, you know, there's still this

(01:15):
weighing feeling of my grandmother. Yea, with everything else that's happening, what's
gonna happen with Nana? And whenis that call coming? We got this
last night. It said Maria justvisited mom and saw multiple wounds and bruises,
and given her ultra frail, skinnynature is suggesting Mom now be bed
bound for the remainder. There willbe a hospital bed being brought into her

(01:38):
room. She's gonna start her onmorphine. She's very weak, she can't
get up herself anymore. Hospice carewill now be up to five times per
week for the first time. Nowher breathing is irregular. So I just
I'm literally having one of those momentsin my life where I'm like, how
much more can I take? Howmany more things can happen at once.

(02:02):
It's it's just so crazy to methat all this is happening at one singular
time. I feel like heavy,I feel very just. I just want
to be able to take a breatherand take a break. But I got
that going on. I'm pricking myselffor a time to day, trying to
make sure my sugar levels are okay, but in all reality, I just

(02:22):
want to cry and sleep. It'sjust a lot. Yeah, there was
so many things, and I keeptrying to tell myself, I'm sure there
are people going through the exact samething, or maybe even worse than what
I'm going through, But I justfeel like I keep I keep outwardly being
like I just need a break,a break, I just need a break.
Stuff the U to look forward andsay things will get better at some

(02:44):
point, just because you're in thethick of it. Yeah enough, I'm
being really honest with everybody. I'mreally stressed out about the fact that,
you know, we're supposed to goto Disney literally on Sunday for a couple
of days, just to get awayand go and I don't know when the
services are going to be for myfriend, and that trip's all the way

(03:05):
paid for, and I don't knowwhat next week is going to look like.
I don't know if none is goingto be here next week. From
the thought that, you know,reading that text message doesn't make me feel
good about that either. I can'tbe for places at once. You know,
I have a huge family wedding I'msupposed to be going to next week
too. My mind is like alegitimate hamster wheel, and that this is

(03:28):
just me being very honest with everybody. That's how I feel right now.
It's just constant thought and there's nothingI can do. Whenever the services are
they are, whenever Nana I knowand when none of goes it's none OF's
time and there's nothing I can do. But it's like, I, I
this is, this is what's happeningto me. But it is a lot
because all the stuff. We've beentalking about this for a while, but
there is a lot going on inyour life. Yeah, yeah, And

(03:51):
like it's tough for me because Ialways try to give like some sort of
advice, but I've never seen somebodyor dealt with anything like this, So
I don't even know what to say. Yeah, I know, I know,
but I and I know that's thetruth that it's out of my control
and there's really nothing I can do. But I just keep every time my
phone goes off from one of myfriends or family members, I'm like,
it's something bad. It's always somethingbad now and I can understand why.

(04:15):
Yeah, And I'm not really likethat like in general, but I am
now. I am now. Yeah, I'm usually pretty well, I'm type
A like I like things to beplanned out and all those things, but
this has been just a new levelof like, and I feel like it's
draining me in a sense of I'mtired a lot, not sleeping well if
at all, Like I woke upat two thirty this morning and just stare

(04:36):
at the ceiling until my alarm wentoff, just like going through all of
these things. But you know,I keep telling myself, like this year
is just terrible. But then I'mgonna get a baby, yeah, and
that's gonna happen. So there arethings, but I'm down. I'm down.

(04:58):
I'm gonna cry talk about like allthe time, being in the thick
of it right now. I can'tsee outside of it. I can't.
I can't think of anything but this, because this is what's like. Anytime
I'm silent or I'm not saying anything, that's what I'm thinking of. It's
constant. Well, I can tellyou as your friend in here, like
every day you're holding it together.Well, especially this type of job,

(05:19):
this type of job, when you'regoing through stuff personally, is not an
easy thing to do. Holding ittogether. Well yeah, well, anyways,
someone say a joke. Well,I was gonna say, what might
make you feel better is the bellyrubs? Something that right over here put
it in my head. It wasa weird