A Codependent Mind
Are you struggling with Codependency? Trapped in toxic relationships? Learn how one man broke free and found joyful connections. Get practical guidance for healing trauma and forming and maintaining, loving, lasting relationships. An honest first-hand account of descent into and emergence from codependency. Brian and Stephanie share their journey of codependency recovery and understanding. Through first-hand experience, extensive research, and countless hours of discussion with his partner Stephanie, Brian has been able to understand the web of behaviors that formed his ’codependency’ and to heal from the trauma and the shame that was at the root of it.
Episodes
What is codependency? And from where do codependent behaviors emerge? Every 'codependent' has an origin story. This is Brian's.
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
* We have learned a lot as we have done this podcast. One thing Brian realized is that he underestimated the impact his parent's behaviors, particularly his father's, ...
Often codependence behaviors emerge as a response to trauma. What is trauma? How is it different then other stressful, even violent, events? What is it like to live with unhealed trauma? This is Brian's story.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode:
00:00:55 What is trauma? 00:02:38 Working definition...
In this episode, Stephanie and Brian discuss the concept of trauma bonding within codependent relationships, particularly focusing on two of Brian's past romantic relationships characterized by abuse and narcissistic behavior. They highlight the two key ingredients necessary for trauma bonding: a power imbalance and intermittent abuse.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now av...
Narcissists are an especially dangerous and toxic pairing for people with codependent behaviors, due to the way each person’s maladaptive behaviors work together. In this episode we discuss the general characteristics of narcissism and then detail Brian's two, back-to-back, romantic relationships with abusive narcissists.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Am...
What is involved in the concept of 'personal agency'? How is agency or its lack connected to codependent behaviors? We explore Brian's experience with those questions in mind.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode: 00:02:44 Personal agency defined 00:04:51 How it develops/gets interrupted 00:07:41 Lac...
Shame evolved to give us information about the world. But trauma induced shame can be overwhelming and crippling, even life-threatening. Understanding the role shame played in his life and fueled his codependent behaviors, was key to Brian's healing process.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode:
00:...
The process of learning what emotions are and how manage them was interrupted for Brian at a very early age by abuse and trauma. Because of that, he never really learned how to identify his emotions or what to do with them. This amounted to emotional immaturity and made it difficult for him to form healthy, intimate relationships and left him vulnerable to further abuse and trauma.
NOW AVAILABLE - Get your copy of the book today for more guidance on getting started: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1/
This season explores how Brian worked to 're-make' his codependent mind. In this episode we discuss the challenges that Brian faced in getting started on that process and what was needed for him to begin to heal both the trauma and the codependency.
00:01:55 Background on Brian and Stephanie 00:04:11 The need...
In this episode we discuss the steps that Brian took to repair the damage done to his emotional system by abuse and trauma. From capacity building through understanding and now working on mastery, Brian has been able to tame the chaos that has dominated his inner emotional life and learn to trust himself and his emotions.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Am...
Stories are powerful tools to help us understand ourselves and our lives. Unfortunately for Brian, many of the stories he adopted or told did just the opposite - served to further cloud and obfuscate what was happening in his internal and external life. In this episode we discuss how he uncovered the true stories of who he was and what had happened to him.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobo...
Even after largely healing from the trauma that started Brian down the path of codependency, he was still left with the behaviors that formed in response to that trauma. So although the source of the codependency had been removed, the symptoms, the habituated behaviors, lingered and kept showing up in his relationships in the form of a default sense of powerlessness. In this episode, we discuss what he is doing to finally kick the ...
In this episode, we flip the script and Stephanie discusses her experiences loving, and trying to form a relationship with, someone who engages in codependent behaviors.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
00:03:03 Stephanie's past 00:04:35 Jekyll and Hyde 00:08:39 Inauthentic caretaking 00:11:49 Dishonesty 00:14:...
There is a lot of talk about personal boundaries these days - having them, respecting them, enforcing them. But what exactly are personal boundaries? Brian and Stephanie do a deep dive into the concept of boundaries.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
00:04:53 Back to the boundary basics 00:10:22 Boundary violatio...
Codependency is not an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders. What does that mean and does it matter? And what is a diagnosis anyway? How can it help or hurt the healing process?
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Find us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/
People pleasing sounds good. Why wouldn't we want the people in our life to be pleased? In this episode we explore the connect between people pleasing and codependency and discuss the problems people pleasing can create if it becomes a habitual response to others.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
00:02:06 Evolut...
In this episode, we talk about the different kinds of relationships Brian has had in his life - with abusive people, with other 'codependent's, and with 'healthy' people. Stephanie and Brian discuss how they connected even though Brian was still struggling with codependent behaviors, some of the challenges they faced and how they worked through them.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and...
In this episode we take the opportunity to talk more about Brian's 'family of origin' and how it had more of an effect on the development of his codependent behaviors than either of us realized. Brian discusses his father's anger issues, his mother's emotional immaturity, and the impact these had on his childhood and later relationships. He also expresses a newfound understanding and empathy for his parents' limitations and a sense...
If shame is not resolved, it can just build up and up until the pressure of trying to suppress it gets to be too much. Then what do you do with it? One way Brian attempted to relieve the pressure from his pent up shame was 'shame-venting' or over-sharing. We discuss how shame-venting works as well as other, unsuccessful ways that Brian attempted to manage his unresolved shame.
The Serenity Prayer is often said at 12-step meetings like Alcoholic Anonymous and even Codependent Anonymous. But it can challenging to enact, especially if you were caught in codependency's web as Brian was. Now that he has recognized and recovered from a lot of his codependent habits, he has a new understanding of and appreciation for it.
Serenity Prayer - God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the cou...
In this episode, we answer listener questions.
00:00:52 Question 1 00:14:04 Question 2 00:22:43 Question 3
1. Was there ever a time you felt like the investment in helping Brian break through his trauma was too much for you or not healthy for you?
2. How do you take the power back from the other side of a trigger? How do you stand against those negative feelings?
3. What kind of resource did you use/would you recommend?
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