In this captivating episode of our 'A Slice of Empathy' podcast, we welcome Urmi Hossain, a truly inspirational blogger, YouTuber, self-published author, and social media lead at Women In Leadership for the Victoria Chapter in Canada.
This enlightening conversation provides a fresh perspective on life in your 30s – how one can debunk common misconceptions, embrace this phase, and allow it to spark self-growth. Urmi shares enthralling stories of her life, personal development, and how her outlook transformed after turning 30.
Our talk dives deep into the challenges and misconceptions associated with stepping into the 30s. We explore the mental and physical strength this age gives and how it allows you to understand your unique value. We also discuss how life's beauty and experiences only gain depth with age while breaking away from societal judgments and expectations.
Urmi shares five significant lessons she learned in her 30s, emphasizing the importance of embracing change, nurturing friendships, continual learning, celebrating simple life pleasures, investing in experiences instead of material possessions, and seeing positivity in negativity. Don’t miss this enriching chat on navigating life in your 30s with Urmi Hossain.
We give profound insights into how our perceptions of life, happiness, relationships, and self-identity evolve. We highlight how smaller joys of life, such as being in nature and exploring diverse cultures, can enhance awareness, gratitude, and inner growth. We discuss shifts in our priorities and the quest for happiness beyond high-paying but unfulfilling jobs.
Our conversation reflects on the truth about enduring friendships and how these relationships can change as life progresses. We assure our listeners about overcoming bittersweet challenges, such as maintaining long-distance friendships, by staying true to oneself.
Lastly, our guest discusses her life experiences after relocating and the significance of investing effort in fostering relationships. She emphasizes the need for mutual dedication in maintaining relationships and the courage to let go when required. This heartwarming episode concludes with insights from Urmi’s book and sharing details for staying connected on various social media platforms. Join us to explore the complex, beautiful journey of embracing life in your 30s.
Connect with Urmi and all of her great work here: https://linktr.ee/urmihossain
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Music.
(00:10):
Welcome back to A Slice of Empathy podcast. In today's episode,
we are joined by Ermi Hussain, who brings an exciting conversation about navigating
life in our 30s and debunking popular myths.
She is a blogger, YouTuber, self-published author, and social media lead for
the Victoria chapter in Canada.
(00:30):
Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm super excited to learn a little
bit more about you, kind of diving into life and what that looks like in our 30s.
Yeah it would be my pleasure my name is uh or me
i am based in montreal i work in the financial sector but i also have a lot
of side projects i am a self-published author youtuber blogger speaker mentor
(00:54):
and i'm a very very big advocate of women's empowerment and i,
turned two years ago 30 and i would say it was quite a challenge to be like mentally
to be mentally prepared for the
30s but I can say definitely that 30s
(01:16):
is not that bad as we often think so that's
why I'm here just to share my experience with being 30 and how we can embrace
it rather than just rather than see it as a negative thing yeah I love how you
mentioned that because it's funny I'm actually turning 35 this year it's kind
of the next milestone for 40 I remember before I turned 30, I actually have a friend.
(01:40):
He's a little bit over 10 years older than me. And he's like,
oh, you know, the 30s, like my 30s kind of sucked.
And I'm like, oh, no, I was kind of like that didn't help matters.
But I honestly, like for me personally, I have found 30s to kind of,
for the lack of a better word, to kind of be like, kind of like,
at least for me, like kind of like your 20s, but like a little bit more financially settled.
(02:03):
So I think that's like for me I know like
I know we're chatting a little bit offline about feeling like
more empowered and kind of not really like caring
so much like what people think and I I feel like
I'm kind of starting to kind of get there because I spent so much of my younger
adulthood like late teens 20s like just like hyper focused on pleasing others
(02:28):
and and kind of having that like second and guesting myself and things like that.
So I know a lot of people, especially like our listeners can definitely relate to that.
How did your perspective kind of shift as you kind of got into your 30s?
So I used to ask one of my bosses about, because I had like a boss who was like
(02:51):
five years older than me.
And so I would talk to her about it.
And she told me that, you know, when you reach your 30s, you become unapologetic.
You start to care less about what people will say and think about you.
And that's the type of mindset that I started to basically, basically embrace.
(03:12):
Brace and I remember when
I was much younger so when I was in my 20s I was
like oh my gosh I don't want to turn 30s oh my god that's like
being old and I remember always associating 30s with being old and I would always
tell this to people who are like in their 30s I was like oh my gosh you're 30
you're old and I would never realize that I was like offending them in a way
(03:34):
and then when I I actually turned 30. So I was like, you know what?
It's actually not that bad.
It's really not that bad. I feel like I became a bit more empowered.
I feel like I started to know my worth and I started to do things that I very much enjoy.
Like I know you said like you felt like you were financially stable.
(03:54):
For me, it was just more like knowing what I can do and how I can help other people.
And it was just really just doing
the things that I love. So that's how I embraced it. And one of my...
One of my other friends told me that, you know, being 30, it's like being your best year.
It's like for a woman, apparently it's like the best years of her life.
(04:16):
And that's how I feel about it. I feel like, you know, I feel very bold.
I feel very confident. So it's like a beautiful thing because I think when you
reach 30, you're matured. You're not anymore a girl. You're actually a woman.
So you feel very strong, if I have to describe it in a way, like both mentally,
physically, emotionally. It's a beautiful thing. I love that.
(04:38):
And I can highly, highly relate to that because I honestly feel like,
like, I think there's especially so much expectations, especially when it comes to women.
And I remember years ago telling a friend that I'm like, you know,
I'm probably not going to have kids until I'm in my 30s. And then she was like,
oh, my God, that's too old.
And I'm like, what? And I look back and, you know, not having,
(05:01):
you know, kids yet. And I kind of look back and like, you know,
I can't imagine having kids like honestly any younger. I know for everyone it's different.
But as I kind of look at that now, like it's kind of crazy because I'll probably
be like probably close to 40 by the time that happens.
And I know that there's like people will probably be like, oh,
(05:22):
my God, that's really old.
And I kind of look back on that a little bit because also when I kind of hit
my 30s is when I really started being able, for many reasons,
like being able to travel.
And of course, finances also kind of impacted that.
But I hear a lot of folks will say like, oh, you know, like the 20s is like
(05:44):
the best time to get everything done before you have family and settle down.
And it's funny because I feel like it's kind of.
Working a little bit reverse for me because my
20s I was I don't know pretty broke for a
lot of that time trying to figure out my career and there was
like no way I could like even consider like travel or kids at that time and
(06:05):
so I think it's it's an interesting perspective because I know like a lot of
people it's like either you travel like when in your 20s or you know or you
have to wait until you're retired and so I think for me being able to kind of
also as you mentioned kind.
Of like be like unapologetically yourself kind of
like follow like your own passions and
(06:25):
dreams regardless of whether people are kind of thinking and
I feel like I'm finally kind of landing in that category
to be a little more true to myself and like my wants and people of course are
going to have their opinions but you know this does nothing really you can do
about it yeah yeah and if I could add a little further to that I also feel a
(06:48):
little bit like you in the
sense that I think when you when you're
like closer to your 30s and above I think you start
to live your life because I also feel like
when I was in my 20s I wasn't traveling as much and
I feel like in a way like I was missing out and now that
I'm like in my 30s I'm like you know what I don't want to
wait until I retire to travel and enjoy my life
(07:09):
I want to do all of these things now and I started to think more
about more about the present rather than
just being worried about about the future I think that also changed
a little bit my perspective about like how to
do things why should we wait tomorrow when we can do things right
now so I also like for instance
I travel a bit more now I don't wait for like you know a certain age I don't
(07:33):
wait to retire then I don't wait for like to stop working before I go to travel
I just do them as things come and I do like to think of it like you know YOLO
like you only live once so I like to I like to leave the day like fully each day.
Oh, yeah, 100%. I definitely can relate to that because it's kind of,
at least within the last few years, that's been something that I've been trying to strive for.
(07:57):
And in fact, I've never been to Canada as a whole before.
And Montreal and also Vancouver are like, are on top of my bucket list.
And we're actually trying to plan a road trip over to Vancouver this summer
based out of California.
So a couple days drive. and we were planning like a Buffalo New York trip and
(08:18):
trying to like maybe drive up to Canada but unfortunately that didn't work out
but that's definitely like something that's been on my list and I am definitely
of the mindset of like you know none of us are guaranteed tomorrow unfortunately.
And so like live today and I know like of course not everyone agrees with that
and I know there are a lot of folks be like oh you need to save money and you
(08:42):
know what about when you retire and things like that. And, you know, it's valid.
I can understand why folks say that. But also at the same time,
years ago, I had a cancer scare.
And I think that's it made me really, you know, I was wasn't even 30 yet. I was 28.
And I was just like, I don't like what is life.
(09:02):
And I'm like, I'm too young for this to happen. And so I feel like you just never really know.
No and so it's like live each day to the fullest and so yeah I 100% relate to
that yeah yeah I I also yeah I I believe in that like I like to live my life like that as well yeah.
And I know you mentioned that there were five monumental things that you kind
(09:26):
of learned about when you turned 30. Can you share them with us?
Yes. I mean, there are so many. Actually, there were five of them,
but there are many, many, many of them, honestly.
I think for sure, like living my life fully, like in the present.
Okay. Yes. So yeah, I do want to share some of the five most important things
(09:48):
that happened to me when I reached 30.
First of all, I think when we are in our 20s, we do have like a very big circle of friends, right?
Like we just want to have as many friends as possible. We want to be part of
like, you know, the cool gangs and things like that.
But when you reach 30, I think that circle of friends just shrinks.
And that's when you start to realize the importance of quality over quantity and true friends, true,
(10:15):
the people who are meant to be in your life, they will stay, they will stay there
forever and they will always be cheering for you whereas
those people who are not meant to be they would just go and
i think you have to learn to accept that there are you know people
who are just part of will be part of our life but they are just a few chapters
of our book and there are people who will be there from the beginning to the
end of this uh of the book basically that's how i like to that's how i like
(10:39):
to do the analogy so that's the the first lesson that i learned that I learned,
which is people come and go,
and you care less about those that do not stay.
The second thing that I learned is that when we are in our 20s,
for instance, we are basically still kids in a way.
(11:00):
We are students, we are trying to finish school, trying to get a job,
and basically that's how life is. Then you get married and things like that.
But one thing that I learned is that even though you reach your 30s and you
think that, you know, learning should stop, I think learning doesn't really stop.
And you have to take this approach of being a life long learner.
(11:22):
And that's how I, that's, that's how I like do my thing on my daily life.
I think, you know, people think that you're, you are in your 30s,
why are you still studying?
But honestly, 30 40 or 50s you can study as long as you want and I have met
amazing people even in their 60s and like 90s keep learning and they keep studying
(11:45):
and I think that's the beauty of life is that,
studying or learning doesn't have to stop when once you're out of university
continues and I think it should always be like that the third thing that I learned
is that you have to put with yourself first.
And it goes back to what you just said, which is, I think we are...
(12:06):
We basically, we're brought up in this world in a way that we always have to please people.
And I think this affects us more as women.
Like we are thought that, you know, you just have to please people.
You have to say yes to like whatever you're being asked.
But I think when you reach your
30s, you start to learn that you are also important and that you matter.
(12:28):
So you start to put your priorities before everyone else.
And you start to think a little bit more about yourself. self
and you start to put boundaries saying no
when you know it doesn't align with
your values it doesn't align with your goals and there is nothing bad
with that because I think like we
cannot make everyone happy and I think that if you want to make people happy
(12:53):
you it has to start with yourself first you have to take care of yourself you
have to take care of your mental health first you have to take care of your
needs your wants your wants first and once you're able
to take care of that, then you can spread happiness.
Because I do think that if you're always about, you know, making other people
happy, then you're neglecting yourself and you don't want to do that.
(13:15):
And the fourth lesson that I learned, which is basically what we have just talked
about, which is life is all about building experiences.
And I think it's, this comes from the fact that when we're in our twenties,
we just want to buy like, you know, we want to buy the coolest thing.
We want to be in trend, so we buy expensive things, expensive clothes,
(13:38):
bags, shoes, and things like that because we want to stand out.
But I think you start to realize that really life is about enjoying the moment,
traveling, building experiences, meeting people, seeing different countries,
and that's how basically you become richer.
And it's not the materialistic things. It's really about the experiences that
you build. and the last one is
(14:00):
the last lesson that I have learned is you have to fall in love with life.
Because I think life is really made with, is made of a lot of emotions.
We have periods of happiness. We have periods of sadness.
But really, you just have to be able to see the positivity in the negativity.
And really, I do think that if you take that approach in life where you see
(14:26):
things around you not as bad as you think they are,
I think you can always move forward and be able to,
you know appreciate the little things in your life
and some of the things that very much I enjoy for instance like
you know taking a walk looking at the you
know the birds looking at the trees these are really like nice things to do
and we shouldn't take those things for granted you know so so you start to enjoy
(14:50):
a little bit the little things that that are there around you you start to appreciate
more a little bit more the little things so these are the five things that
for me were very important when I reached my 30.
And I think everyone should take this approach.
I absolutely love that. Thank you so much for sharing those with us.
And I highly relate, especially when it comes to like embracing our surroundings and nature.
(15:18):
And it's funny, I kind of had like an epiphany sort of like somewhat recently
because I know when I was younger, for sure before I was 30,
Even like with it, it was probably within only the last couple of years that
I really kind of grew to appreciate some of the smaller things and.
(15:41):
There was a point in my life, like there was just like, no way I probably would
have been like, well, that's just kind of silly or kind of corny, you know?
And, but I, yeah, like when sometimes like even just going for a walk and just
like feeling the elements of life and just kind of, as you mentioned,
like listening to the sound of birds, hearing the sound of the,
(16:01):
like maybe a waterfall or a rush of water that's coming nearby and just kind
of like taking a minute to kind of be in the moment.
And I think it really helps you feel alive.
It kind of brings that awareness to it and that appreciation that like maybe
we didn't otherwise have before.
And it's interesting, like younger me would have been like, you know,
(16:23):
oh my gosh, like you're just kind of hokey or whatever.
But now like I totally, I totally relate to that.
And I'm always like thinking about, And I think for me, just traveling and wanting
to experience different lifestyles and cultures is just amazing to me.
I come home with this true appreciation for life around the globe and seeing
(16:50):
how different people live and different cuisines.
And it just really, it just brings like a level of awareness that like,
we didn't think like we maybe had before.
And I just, it's just like, I am very much of someone who really loves to have
different experiences to kind of enhance like my view on life for sure.
(17:15):
Because there was a point in time when I was much younger where I was very much
like, I don't know if I want to say a homebody, but kind of.
I didn't have a real huge interest in really traveling or really having different
experiences or that appreciation for nature and the things that...
Are around us. And I think especially as we get older, for sure,
(17:39):
like that is something we come to appreciate more.
And it just kind of feels like sometimes like there's like blinders that maybe
we're honest that have come off.
And if I'm out experiencing like nature,
maybe I'm on a hike or I'm traveling, of course, like I want to capture like,
you know, photos and videos of it, But I also try to kind of be present, so to speak,
(18:05):
and kind of like be in the moment and kind of experience everything that's going around me,
like what I can smell,
what I'm hearing, and just kind of being in that moment. It's just really magical.
And it's funny, I never thought I would come to this level of awareness like
before, but it really like the world is truly a beautiful place.
(18:27):
And so I'm really glad that you mentioned that.
Yeah. Yeah, I agree with everything you said.
Like, I think there are some activities that we enjoy doing when we are a certain age.
Like, a little bit like you, I do very much enjoy hiking, taking pictures of
those things, being fully present. You know, it's like a mindfulness activity.
(18:51):
And I don't think these are some of the things that you learn when you're in
your 20s. I think it goes back to the fact that I think when you're in your
20s, you're basically trying to, you know, catch up other people.
You're basically following the crowd. Like you see people accomplishing things.
You see people completing stuff. So you're like, oh my gosh,
(19:13):
I have to do all of these things because you're following a crowd.
Whereas in your 30s, you're like, you know what? Why did they even do that?
Like, why was I caring so much about, you know, having a high paid job?
Or why was I caring so much about the promotion? Things like that.
I think you really learn who you are in your 30s. And I think you really get
closer to your true self.
(19:34):
And you start to take those steps to be closer to your true self.
And you start to appreciate a little bit more, you know, what you're capable of.
Like, for instance, for me, when I reached my 30s, like, yes,
you want to be financially financially stable for instance that's important for
everyone and that's also important for me but for
(19:54):
instance like would you want to get a
job that pays you a lot but
you're unhappy with it for instance most people
probably will because they're like oh it's paying me a lot of
money but I think when you're in your 30s you start to
think okay is that really what I want to do or would
I prefer to earn a little bit less but be happy with the job that I have for
(20:16):
instance so these were like Like this was an approach that I took when I basically
when I changed job and I turned and it was closer when I it was basically it
basically happened when I when I was turning 30. So, yeah.
Yeah, I definitely relate to that, too, because actually within the last maybe
two years or so, I want to say, I was really stuck on like wanting to climb
(20:38):
the corporate ladder and like not necessarily be like a CEO,
but be like, I don't know.
I do marketing communications and like kind of my nine to five.
And I was so like, yeah, I want to be a director and and do all these things.
And then I think I kind of like there kind of had this sort of aha moment to
(20:58):
where I realized, I mean, I spent so many of my years and I think also partially
it's because of my upbringing, where.
You know, I think parents maybe are very like well-intended when they want to
push their children as far as education.
But I feel like it's very, it can be like one dimensional.
(21:21):
Like for me, it was like, okay, there's absolutely no question you're to go
to college, you're to like basically build your career, be at the top.
There wasn't really like a lot
of focus on like self-preservation and
like experience experiencing the present
and really like enjoying what you do it was very much about you need to make
(21:45):
good money and to to an extent like I like understand but also you know I feel
like there is a sweet a sweet spot now I've always said that like you know if
I can make enough money to where
I can afford to be able to travel and afford my lifestyle, I'm okay.
I don't need to be making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in order to be happy.
(22:09):
Because as you said, if I'm in this really top position and I'm not happy with
that job, or I'm working 70 hours a week and I don't have time to do the things
that really make me happy.
I think that it's not worth it.
And I definitely think it's all about like that balance and,
(22:30):
and from coming from like a world to where I kind of, there's a lot,
even in like my husband's family too, it's very much like very, very career driven.
And that's like the first question. And I think like, even when people are dating
too, it's like, what do you do for a living?
Like, it's like one of the first things and kind of got to a point sometime,
(22:50):
I think in my earlier thirties to where I'm like, Like, why is that?
Like, there's so many other things that define me that aren't just like,
you know, my nine to five, you know, I love to do art or I love to do hiking. I love to travel.
Like, there's so many other things that I feel like that are part of all of
us than just like what we do for a living.
And I think also, I know a lot of our listeners can relate to where...
(23:16):
I think especially on social media, there's a lot of things that we see that
may not be like realistic to like daily life, like especially like influencers
are getting paid to show certain things.
And then I think a lot of folks get stuck feeling like, oh, you know,
like, what am I doing wrong?
Why can't I be like that? And so it can really like it can really get to us.
(23:40):
And I'm sometimes guilty of that as well. sometimes we're like,
you know, why can't I be like this person?
Or why can't I be like that person? They make more money or they're prettier,
all these different things that are kind of going on in our head.
And so I feel like we have to kind of step back and kind of think, okay, now what.
Aside from all of like the outside voices, like what truly makes me happy,
(24:03):
you know, and and, you know, am I okay with making less money?
You know, can I afford to pay my bills and all
of that and like find finding that kind of like
happy medium I think I feel like
is a really key to to really a lot living a life that
we love without making like crazy like sacrifices and so I feel like I'm kind
(24:27):
of at that point where I'm like okay well you know yes it would be nice to make
money but also like if I don't have time to do things that I truly enjoy like it's really worth it.
So I thought you mentioned that. Yeah. And if I could add further to this,
because I had a similar experience.
Like I had a similar goal when I was in my 20s where I was like,
(24:51):
you know what, I'm going to be like a manager, want to have people to manage our work.
I want to eventually become a CEO of a company and blah, blah, blah.
So like I'm still like very much driven and things like that.
But then afterwards, I was like, you know what, I really don't want to do any
of these things because I don't want to be sucked into, you know,
(25:11):
the corporate job and not be able to fulfill my passions.
And like fulfill my goals my other
ambition ambitions that i have in life and
so that's what i started to draw a little bit of a line and put a boundary where
i was like is this really what i want to do and i started to like you know start
(25:33):
to vision myself like being that kind of person but i was like no i don't think
that's what i want to do i think i want to really.
Pursue my passions like yes i do need a full-time job to pay my bills and blah
blah blah but it's It's not like everything.
So for instance, like, you know, you have, we all have our nine to five job,
but then we also have our five to nine.
And that's, for me, that's fundamental. It's like, yes, like my identity,
(25:57):
like I don't want my identity just to be associated with my daytime job.
I want to be associated with these other things that I do in life,
which are very important for me because they align with who I am.
They align with my values. And so you also start to draw basically a line between,
(26:18):
okay, what's really important and what do I want to do?
So I think you also start to reflect a little bit about your life.
And I think it comes with age. I think it comes also with maturity.
And probably it happens when you are closer to your 30s because you somehow
know what you want to do with your life. Yeah.
Yeah. And I think for me, that's kind of what I really started having the realization
(26:42):
of what I want out of life and feeling comfortable in saying that out loud.
Like, you know, I really love my job, but I also really love to travel and this is important to me.
Or I also really love to write and I also want to make time for that too.
So I think that's really important.
And I think for anyone who might be listening to this,
(27:05):
I hope that they can take away the messaging is,
you know, if you are trying to struggle that there is definitely a balance and
there's definitely medium and there's a lot of importance of doing what is true
to yourself and also no matter what other people might think.
But I also want to kind of take it back to a little bit about navigating relationships,
(27:28):
friendships in particular, because this is something that I have been struggling
with like the past couple of years.
I have some really very close friends from high school. We don't see each other very often.
A lot of them, you know, out of town or out of state, you know,
once in a while we'll kind of check in with one another.
And even like a lot of my more local friends and friends that have moved away,
(27:53):
I've often struggled with.
Kind of like kind of maintain like those relationships and what they kind of
like look like as we especially start getting into our 30s.
And maybe like, you know, we have people have kids or they, they have careers
or, you know, different obligations that are, you know, kind of consuming their lives a little bit.
(28:15):
And I think it can be hard because like, I'm even still struggling with this,
like, what does it look like?
You know, what do those friendships look like?
And there's Because admittedly, even like a part of me, like I've had friends,
as you mentioned, who have just, you know, like as kind of life,
the progression naturally does,
(28:35):
like maybe we've kind of drifted apart and I know it like it happens,
but sometimes I find myself kind of like struggling with that.
Like, I feel like I've always been, I've really valued my friends and always
have made a big place for them in my life.
And so kind of like when those friendships sometimes fade over time,
(28:57):
you know, with the different changes in our lives, it's like,
oh, it's just like, sometimes I find myself like, kind of really mourning that a little bit.
It and but also realizing that this is
a part of life and I feel like I think
a lot of people probably can relate to that especially like when you
get even into maybe like your later 20s you're
(29:17):
done with school and you know as life kind of does like
you don't have that like you're not seeing each other all the time and I feel
like there could be some type of balance to that too and I have friends who
live all like over the country and in different continents and we even Even
if we send in a check-in once every several months,
(29:39):
the relationship kind of takes up as if we just saw each other yesterday.
And I think that's just really powerful. And that's kind of like when you know
that friendship is for life, even if you're not communicating regularly.
And I feel like also I am originally from the Bay Area and I moved two and a
(30:04):
half hours away to the Sacramento area about 10 years ago.
And my husband and I, like we were on meetup groups, like different types of
like organizations to try and like make friends because we were like totally new.
We didn't know anyone. And I feel like it was maybe a little bit easier then.
But now, like, my husband's 40, I'm in my mid-30s. It gets really hard to kind
(30:29):
of make those relationships compared to, like, when we were in school or different
things like that where we're seeing folks every day.
And so would you maybe have any words of advice to maybe anyone who might be
struggling with that kind of thing and maybe navigating that? Yeah, I...
I basically agree with everything you said. And I was just talking about this
(30:52):
with one of my colleagues the other day.
I basically told her that with friendship and relationships,
as time goes by, it's really all about making an effort to keep this relationship.
And I was telling her basically all of these things go in place.
(31:14):
This is meaning that, you know, when you're in high school or when you're like
in university, you hang out with the same kind of people and you become closer
to them. But that's because of the circumstances.
And as soon as you're done with university, those relationships,
they don't really stay because you're not in contact with them.
You're not making an effort to see each other.
And the same thing when you start working, you know, like if you go into,
(31:36):
if you go to different companies, you get really close to these people.
And then you change company and no one like texts, like you are not texting
the person you used to talk to before.
And that's normal. And that's part of life.
What I, what I told her is really about making an effort, making an effort of,
(31:59):
you know, checking in with the person, going out to the person,
you know, inviting your friends over, you know, getting together,
maybe, you know, every six months.
Months like it doesn't it doesn't have to be a
thing of every day because everyone gets busy with their
life and especially once you become much older
it becomes much harder to build a relationship but it's
(32:22):
really about making that effort and a little bit like you I have friends all
over continent different continents and I moved from like I moved from one place
to another so I always found myself making new friends and my high school friends
and I'm talking about like 15 years ago,
they are based in Italy and I'm in Montreal, but I talk to them pretty much
(32:43):
every week and it feels like I never left Italy.
So it's really about making an effort, you know, like you have to make time
for this relationship and you cannot just say, oh, I don't have time for this.
Because if you say, I don't have time for this, it just means that you really don't,
want to nurture this relationship you really don't care about this relationship.
(33:04):
So it's really about making the time to like seeing the other person sending
a voice note and I can tell you this because especially like I can tell you
a bit more about this because,
I used to work in university with a bunch of like other people and we were a
group of like 15 people and I'm talking about like 10-15 years ago but I'm the
(33:26):
only person in that group who basically like
does get together every six months or every year so that we can like,
you know, see each other for dinner and like catch up.
Some people show up, some people do not show up. But I was told by one of my
closest friends that I'm the person who I'm sort of like a guru because I keep
together all these people.
Like I'm keeping these relationships alive because I invite people to come to
(33:52):
these events and we try not to lose track. We try not to lose each other because
we are so caught up with our daily lives.
So you have to make time for these relationships to work because it just gets
much harder as you get older.
Absolutely. I 100% agree with that.
(34:12):
And it's always been important to me to try to reach out to different friends,
especially in the Bay Area.
I still have a lot of friends there. and even if it's during the holidays or
different things like that when we'll schedule the meetup, even if it's only for like an hour or two,
it still just makes all of that difference to kind of have that connection even
(34:35):
if we can't see each other all that often.
If you find yourself.
In a position where you're the only person, say, reaching out to that friend,
what kind of advice would you offer?
Now, sometimes I kind of wonder this myself.
If you're the only one who's making the effort, is that relationship worth preserving
(35:00):
or is it kind of something you maybe just kind of accept?
I just kind of want to hear maybe your thoughts on that and kind of navigating that.
Is a relationship worth preserving?
Because I have some that like are kind of like that, but I just absolutely,
(35:21):
I know that different folks have different circumstances to maybe where they
can't travel or different things like that.
So like we're communicating like either over text or over the phone or different
things like that too. But I think a lot of folks can relate to where they feel
like maybe they're the only one making the effort. What would you advise in that situation?
(35:43):
It goes both ways. It's not a one-way street.
It's a two-way street because you don't want to be the only person making an
effort because then it feels like you're forcing the other person to be in the
friendship or whatever.
And I can tell you this, especially because I had a situation where I was the
(36:03):
only person making an effort with this friend of mine.
I would always message her. We would meet up and stuff like that.
I would tell her about my life, what we're doing. We would basically catch up.
And then suddenly one day, she just unfollows me from my social media.
And she never messaged me after I messaged her. And I was like, you know what?
That's when you realize who your true friends are and who's meant to be.
(36:29):
And you start to be a little bit more, I would say, aware about those people.
You also learn about who these people are.
And this friend of mine I used to be very close
to her and suddenly it turns out that she doesn't want
to talk to me anymore she never explained why so it's
really about like it's it's two ways it's two ways this kind of effort like
(36:50):
it cannot be just one-sided because it doesn't work like that for any kind of
relationship so if you find yourself like making too much of an effort and the
other person is not doing anything then it's not worth it honestly it's not
worth wasting your time.
Yeah, I can definitely relate to that too, because I've had some similar experiences where I honestly,
(37:11):
I've kind of struggled with, should I maybe, I'm not a confrontational person
by any means, but I kind of struggled with, I was feeling frustrated.
Like, should I mention it to him? Like, Hey, I really feel like I'm the only
one giving like this effort,
you know, and not really receiving a lot in return versus like,
should I just like let that relationship kind of naturally kind of run its course kind of fade.
(37:36):
I feel like it's really tough because it's like, especially if it's someone
you're like, you're really, really close to.
And it just kind of like happens like out of nowhere.
I had a similar situation where.
Years and years ago. It was when I was still in high school,
but I was working at this job and I had this coworker who I became really, really close to.
(38:00):
And just one day, all of a sudden, she just stopped talking to me.
And I still to this day, don't know why.
And at the time, it was just I just felt
so hurt over it and and looking
back on that now like I realize that those things can happen but yeah I think
(38:23):
it's really hard especially if you feel like like you don't know if like you
did or said something wrong and and so yeah I think that could be like hard
for a lot of people because it's like if there's something I did that upset you like I'd like
to know so we can work on whatever it is or make amends.
And, but yeah, I think, unfortunately, there are just some situations maybe
(38:45):
where there isn't really anything that we can do about it.
And yeah, I had a similar situation.
It was this one where of course this friend of mine, I was super close to her.
And like, even during the pandemic, we made an effort to see each other and
we don't live far away from each other.
And then when she suddenly unfollowed me, You should stop, you know,
(39:08):
talking to me. I was, I was very hurt. I have to tell you this.
I was very hurt because I cared for this relationship.
And as I spoke about this with my coworker, I was like, you know what,
don't take it, like, really don't feel bad about it.
And she told me just to let it go. So that's one of the lessons that I learned, which is to let go.
(39:31):
To really let go because there is nothing that you can do about it.
Just know that you have done your best.
And if this person doesn't want to talk to you, it says more about this person rather than yourself.
And so that's how I see it. Like if something is bad, it's really not about
me, but it's the other person who doesn't want to continue this relationship.
And that's okay. We move on with life and there are, and probably these people
(39:52):
leave because we are, they're making space for better people to come in our
life. So it's, you just let it go.
Yeah, I absolutely agree with that. And that's something that I've,
I'm currently working on myself.
I'm like, you know, sometimes it is, it's just better to let it go to what it
like kind of natural progression of things go.
(40:14):
Because I think also as the years go on, especially as we get older,
there are always more people that kind of come into our life,
whether it's at work or different things that we're involved in,
there's always going to be more people that kind of come in.
And I think also, like, when you get into your 30s and older,
being more intentional about kind of fostering those relationships,
(40:37):
because we kind of have to make that extra effort, especially for not seeing
each other every day, to kind of build that connection, which I think is really, really important.
Yeah, I agree. Is there any other practical tips or advice for listeners that,
you know, who may be approaching or maybe currently navigating their 30s that you might want to add?
(41:02):
Honestly, it's not as bad as you think it is.
Age is just a number. That's definitely how I see it right now.
If you feel young in your heart, that's all that matters.
And honestly, you start also to forget about your age once you reach a certain age.
Like, I forget sometimes when I'm in my 30s. I'm like, you know what?
(41:23):
It's really not that bad.
So honestly, just embrace it and try to see.
Like, especially for women, I do agree that 30s, those are like the beautiful
years because you really learn about yourself. You start to explore a little
bit more about different things.
You start to do different things. You start to pursue more of your passions
(41:43):
and you have to take this kind of approach. And it's like really not that bad.
You don't have to have it figured out by 30s. You know, life is really a journey in other ways.
And at the end, everyone reaches a certain destination, but you're not supposed
to be reaching. Like we're not all supposed to be reaching the same destination.
We're all meant to be doing something different. So just go with the flow.
(42:05):
Oh, absolutely. That's beautifully worded. Couldn't have said it better myself,
especially as we get older, we are always constantly learning and there is no end point to that.
We're always going to evolve and become better, more knowledgeable humans.
So I absolutely love that you said that.
And so yeah, 30s isn't the stop.
(42:28):
We're going to be continuously learning more and more about ourselves as we
get into our forties and fifties and beyond.
I also want to take a moment, if you can maybe share with our listeners where
they can connect with you.
I think you mentioned you had a book published, right?
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I can share with our listeners where they can maybe pick up
(42:50):
your books and follow you.
Yes. So my book is called Discovering Your Identity, A Rebirth from Inspiration Struggle.
It's available on Amazon And it's a book basically about me being a true culture kid.
And I talk about a little bit about my life in Italy, being a South Asian woman.
So there is that available on Amazon. I also have an Instagram account called Urmeho.
(43:13):
I also have my YouTube channel called Urmeho Sign.
And I also have my blog called myways.com. Sorry, myways.ca.
And I also have my LinkedIn account, which is called Urmeho Sign.
So for anyone who wants to connect with me, I'm available in those platforms.
Awesome. I'll make sure I get those listed in the show notes as well.
(43:34):
And also make sure I'm following you.
And yes, I really appreciate you joining us today.
Thank you so much. I absolutely loved our conversation and loved your insight.
Music.
Music.
(00:10):
Welcome back to A Slice of Empathy podcast. In today's episode,
we are joined by Ermi Hussain, who brings an exciting conversation about navigating
life in our 30s and debunking popular myths.
She is a blogger, YouTuber, self-published author, and social media lead for
the Victoria chapter in Canada.
(00:30):
Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm super excited to learn a little
bit more about you, kind of diving into life and what that looks like in our 30s.
Yeah it would be my pleasure my name is uh or me
i am based in montreal i work in the financial sector but i also have a lot
of side projects i am a self-published author youtuber blogger speaker mentor
(00:54):
and i'm a very very big advocate of women's empowerment and i,
turned two years ago 30 and i would say it was quite a challenge to be like mentally
to be mentally prepared for the
30s but I can say definitely that 30s
(01:16):
is not that bad as we often think so that's
why I'm here just to share my experience with being 30 and how we can embrace
it rather than just rather than see it as a negative thing yeah I love how you
mentioned that because it's funny I'm actually turning 35 this year it's kind
of the next milestone for 40 I remember before I turned 30, I actually have a friend.
(01:40):
He's a little bit over 10 years older than me. And he's like,
oh, you know, the 30s, like my 30s kind of sucked.
And I'm like, oh, no, I was kind of like that didn't help matters.
But I honestly, like for me personally, I have found 30s to kind of,
for the lack of a better word, to kind of be like, kind of like,
at least for me, like kind of like your 20s, but like a little bit more financially settled.
(02:03):
So I think that's like for me I know like
I know we're chatting a little bit offline about feeling like
more empowered and kind of not really like caring
so much like what people think and I I feel like
I'm kind of starting to kind of get there because I spent so much of my younger
adulthood like late teens 20s like just like hyper focused on pleasing others
(02:28):
and and kind of having that like second and guesting myself and things like that.
So I know a lot of people, especially like our listeners can definitely relate to that.
How did your perspective kind of shift as you kind of got into your 30s?
So I used to ask one of my bosses about, because I had like a boss who was like
(02:51):
five years older than me.
And so I would talk to her about it.
And she told me that, you know, when you reach your 30s, you become unapologetic.
You start to care less about what people will say and think about you.
And that's the type of mindset that I started to basically, basically embrace.
(03:12):
Brace and I remember when
I was much younger so when I was in my 20s I was
like oh my gosh I don't want to turn 30s oh my god that's like
being old and I remember always associating 30s with being old and I would always
tell this to people who are like in their 30s I was like oh my gosh you're 30
you're old and I would never realize that I was like offending them in a way
(03:34):
and then when I I actually turned 30. So I was like, you know what?
It's actually not that bad.
It's really not that bad. I feel like I became a bit more empowered.
I feel like I started to know my worth and I started to do things that I very much enjoy.
Like I know you said like you felt like you were financially stable.
(03:54):
For me, it was just more like knowing what I can do and how I can help other people.
And it was just really just doing
the things that I love. So that's how I embraced it. And one of my...
One of my other friends told me that, you know, being 30, it's like being your best year.
It's like for a woman, apparently it's like the best years of her life.
(04:16):
And that's how I feel about it. I feel like, you know, I feel very bold.
I feel very confident. So it's like a beautiful thing because I think when you
reach 30, you're matured. You're not anymore a girl. You're actually a woman.
So you feel very strong, if I have to describe it in a way, like both mentally,
physically, emotionally. It's a beautiful thing. I love that.
(04:38):
And I can highly, highly relate to that because I honestly feel like,
like, I think there's especially so much expectations, especially when it comes to women.
And I remember years ago telling a friend that I'm like, you know,
I'm probably not going to have kids until I'm in my 30s. And then she was like,
oh, my God, that's too old.
And I'm like, what? And I look back and, you know, not having,
(05:01):
you know, kids yet. And I kind of look back and like, you know,
I can't imagine having kids like honestly any younger. I know for everyone it's different.
But as I kind of look at that now, like it's kind of crazy because I'll probably
be like probably close to 40 by the time that happens.
And I know that there's like people will probably be like, oh,
(05:22):
my God, that's really old.
And I kind of look back on that a little bit because also when I kind of hit
my 30s is when I really started being able, for many reasons,
like being able to travel.
And of course, finances also kind of impacted that.
But I hear a lot of folks will say like, oh, you know, like the 20s is like
(05:44):
the best time to get everything done before you have family and settle down.
And it's funny because I feel like it's kind of.
Working a little bit reverse for me because my
20s I was I don't know pretty broke for a
lot of that time trying to figure out my career and there was
like no way I could like even consider like travel or kids at that time and
(06:05):
so I think it's it's an interesting perspective because I know like a lot of
people it's like either you travel like when in your 20s or you know or you
have to wait until you're retired and so I think for me being able to kind of
also as you mentioned kind.
Of like be like unapologetically yourself kind of
like follow like your own passions and
(06:25):
dreams regardless of whether people are kind of thinking and
I feel like I'm finally kind of landing in that category
to be a little more true to myself and like my wants and people of course are
going to have their opinions but you know this does nothing really you can do
about it yeah yeah and if I could add a little further to that I also feel a
(06:48):
little bit like you in the
sense that I think when you when you're
like closer to your 30s and above I think you start
to live your life because I also feel like
when I was in my 20s I wasn't traveling as much and
I feel like in a way like I was missing out and now that
I'm like in my 30s I'm like you know what I don't want to
wait until I retire to travel and enjoy my life
(07:09):
I want to do all of these things now and I started to think more
about more about the present rather than
just being worried about about the future I think that also changed
a little bit my perspective about like how to
do things why should we wait tomorrow when we can do things right
now so I also like for instance
I travel a bit more now I don't wait for like you know a certain age I don't
(07:33):
wait to retire then I don't wait for like to stop working before I go to travel
I just do them as things come and I do like to think of it like you know YOLO
like you only live once so I like to I like to leave the day like fully each day.
Oh, yeah, 100%. I definitely can relate to that because it's kind of,
at least within the last few years, that's been something that I've been trying to strive for.
(07:57):
And in fact, I've never been to Canada as a whole before.
And Montreal and also Vancouver are like, are on top of my bucket list.
And we're actually trying to plan a road trip over to Vancouver this summer
based out of California.
So a couple days drive. and we were planning like a Buffalo New York trip and
(08:18):
trying to like maybe drive up to Canada but unfortunately that didn't work out
but that's definitely like something that's been on my list and I am definitely
of the mindset of like you know none of us are guaranteed tomorrow unfortunately.
And so like live today and I know like of course not everyone agrees with that
and I know there are a lot of folks be like oh you need to save money and you
(08:42):
know what about when you retire and things like that. And, you know, it's valid.
I can understand why folks say that. But also at the same time,
years ago, I had a cancer scare.
And I think that's it made me really, you know, I was wasn't even 30 yet. I was 28.
And I was just like, I don't like what is life.
(09:02):
And I'm like, I'm too young for this to happen. And so I feel like you just never really know.
No and so it's like live each day to the fullest and so yeah I 100% relate to
that yeah yeah I I also yeah I I believe in that like I like to live my life like that as well yeah.
And I know you mentioned that there were five monumental things that you kind
(09:26):
of learned about when you turned 30. Can you share them with us?
Yes. I mean, there are so many. Actually, there were five of them,
but there are many, many, many of them, honestly.
I think for sure, like living my life fully, like in the present.
Okay. Yes. So yeah, I do want to share some of the five most important things
(09:48):
that happened to me when I reached 30.
First of all, I think when we are in our 20s, we do have like a very big circle of friends, right?
Like we just want to have as many friends as possible. We want to be part of
like, you know, the cool gangs and things like that.
But when you reach 30, I think that circle of friends just shrinks.
And that's when you start to realize the importance of quality over quantity and true friends, true,
(10:15):
the people who are meant to be in your life, they will stay, they will stay there
forever and they will always be cheering for you whereas
those people who are not meant to be they would just go and
i think you have to learn to accept that there are you know people
who are just part of will be part of our life but they are just a few chapters
of our book and there are people who will be there from the beginning to the
end of this uh of the book basically that's how i like to that's how i like
(10:39):
to do the analogy so that's the the first lesson that i learned that I learned,
which is people come and go,
and you care less about those that do not stay.
The second thing that I learned is that when we are in our 20s,
for instance, we are basically still kids in a way.
(11:00):
We are students, we are trying to finish school, trying to get a job,
and basically that's how life is. Then you get married and things like that.
But one thing that I learned is that even though you reach your 30s and you
think that, you know, learning should stop, I think learning doesn't really stop.
And you have to take this approach of being a life long learner.
(11:22):
And that's how I, that's, that's how I like do my thing on my daily life.
I think, you know, people think that you're, you are in your 30s,
why are you still studying?
But honestly, 30 40 or 50s you can study as long as you want and I have met
amazing people even in their 60s and like 90s keep learning and they keep studying
(11:45):
and I think that's the beauty of life is that,
studying or learning doesn't have to stop when once you're out of university
continues and I think it should always be like that the third thing that I learned
is that you have to put with yourself first.
And it goes back to what you just said, which is, I think we are...
(12:06):
We basically, we're brought up in this world in a way that we always have to please people.
And I think this affects us more as women.
Like we are thought that, you know, you just have to please people.
You have to say yes to like whatever you're being asked.
But I think when you reach your
30s, you start to learn that you are also important and that you matter.
(12:28):
So you start to put your priorities before everyone else.
And you start to think a little bit more about yourself. self
and you start to put boundaries saying no
when you know it doesn't align with
your values it doesn't align with your goals and there is nothing bad
with that because I think like we
cannot make everyone happy and I think that if you want to make people happy
(12:53):
you it has to start with yourself first you have to take care of yourself you
have to take care of your mental health first you have to take care of your
needs your wants your wants first and once you're able
to take care of that, then you can spread happiness.
Because I do think that if you're always about, you know, making other people
happy, then you're neglecting yourself and you don't want to do that.
(13:15):
And the fourth lesson that I learned, which is basically what we have just talked
about, which is life is all about building experiences.
And I think it's, this comes from the fact that when we're in our twenties,
we just want to buy like, you know, we want to buy the coolest thing.
We want to be in trend, so we buy expensive things, expensive clothes,
(13:38):
bags, shoes, and things like that because we want to stand out.
But I think you start to realize that really life is about enjoying the moment,
traveling, building experiences, meeting people, seeing different countries,
and that's how basically you become richer.
And it's not the materialistic things. It's really about the experiences that
you build. and the last one is
(14:00):
the last lesson that I have learned is you have to fall in love with life.
Because I think life is really made with, is made of a lot of emotions.
We have periods of happiness. We have periods of sadness.
But really, you just have to be able to see the positivity in the negativity.
And really, I do think that if you take that approach in life where you see
(14:26):
things around you not as bad as you think they are,
I think you can always move forward and be able to,
you know appreciate the little things in your life
and some of the things that very much I enjoy for instance like
you know taking a walk looking at the you
know the birds looking at the trees these are really like nice things to do
and we shouldn't take those things for granted you know so so you start to enjoy
(14:50):
a little bit the little things that that are there around you you start to appreciate
more a little bit more the little things so these are the five things that
for me were very important when I reached my 30.
And I think everyone should take this approach.
I absolutely love that. Thank you so much for sharing those with us.
And I highly relate, especially when it comes to like embracing our surroundings and nature.
(15:18):
And it's funny, I kind of had like an epiphany sort of like somewhat recently
because I know when I was younger, for sure before I was 30,
Even like with it, it was probably within only the last couple of years that
I really kind of grew to appreciate some of the smaller things and.
(15:41):
There was a point in my life, like there was just like, no way I probably would
have been like, well, that's just kind of silly or kind of corny, you know?
And, but I, yeah, like when sometimes like even just going for a walk and just
like feeling the elements of life and just kind of, as you mentioned,
like listening to the sound of birds, hearing the sound of the,
(16:01):
like maybe a waterfall or a rush of water that's coming nearby and just kind
of like taking a minute to kind of be in the moment.
And I think it really helps you feel alive.
It kind of brings that awareness to it and that appreciation that like maybe
we didn't otherwise have before.
And it's interesting, like younger me would have been like, you know,
(16:23):
oh my gosh, like you're just kind of hokey or whatever.
But now like I totally, I totally relate to that.
And I'm always like thinking about, And I think for me, just traveling and wanting
to experience different lifestyles and cultures is just amazing to me.
I come home with this true appreciation for life around the globe and seeing
(16:50):
how different people live and different cuisines.
And it just really, it just brings like a level of awareness that like,
we didn't think like we maybe had before.
And I just, it's just like, I am very much of someone who really loves to have
different experiences to kind of enhance like my view on life for sure.
(17:15):
Because there was a point in time when I was much younger where I was very much
like, I don't know if I want to say a homebody, but kind of.
I didn't have a real huge interest in really traveling or really having different
experiences or that appreciation for nature and the things that...
Are around us. And I think especially as we get older, for sure,
(17:39):
like that is something we come to appreciate more.
And it just kind of feels like sometimes like there's like blinders that maybe
we're honest that have come off.
And if I'm out experiencing like nature,
maybe I'm on a hike or I'm traveling, of course, like I want to capture like,
you know, photos and videos of it, But I also try to kind of be present, so to speak,
(18:05):
and kind of like be in the moment and kind of experience everything that's going around me,
like what I can smell,
what I'm hearing, and just kind of being in that moment. It's just really magical.
And it's funny, I never thought I would come to this level of awareness like
before, but it really like the world is truly a beautiful place.
(18:27):
And so I'm really glad that you mentioned that.
Yeah. Yeah, I agree with everything you said.
Like, I think there are some activities that we enjoy doing when we are a certain age.
Like, a little bit like you, I do very much enjoy hiking, taking pictures of
those things, being fully present. You know, it's like a mindfulness activity.
(18:51):
And I don't think these are some of the things that you learn when you're in
your 20s. I think it goes back to the fact that I think when you're in your
20s, you're basically trying to, you know, catch up other people.
You're basically following the crowd. Like you see people accomplishing things.
You see people completing stuff. So you're like, oh my gosh,
(19:13):
I have to do all of these things because you're following a crowd.
Whereas in your 30s, you're like, you know what? Why did they even do that?
Like, why was I caring so much about, you know, having a high paid job?
Or why was I caring so much about the promotion? Things like that.
I think you really learn who you are in your 30s. And I think you really get
closer to your true self.
(19:34):
And you start to take those steps to be closer to your true self.
And you start to appreciate a little bit more, you know, what you're capable of.
Like, for instance, for me, when I reached my 30s, like, yes,
you want to be financially financially stable for instance that's important for
everyone and that's also important for me but for
(19:54):
instance like would you want to get a
job that pays you a lot but
you're unhappy with it for instance most people
probably will because they're like oh it's paying me a lot of
money but I think when you're in your 30s you start to
think okay is that really what I want to do or would
I prefer to earn a little bit less but be happy with the job that I have for
(20:16):
instance so these were like Like this was an approach that I took when I basically
when I changed job and I turned and it was closer when I it was basically it
basically happened when I when I was turning 30. So, yeah.
Yeah, I definitely relate to that, too, because actually within the last maybe
two years or so, I want to say, I was really stuck on like wanting to climb
(20:38):
the corporate ladder and like not necessarily be like a CEO,
but be like, I don't know.
I do marketing communications and like kind of my nine to five.
And I was so like, yeah, I want to be a director and and do all these things.
And then I think I kind of like there kind of had this sort of aha moment to
(20:58):
where I realized, I mean, I spent so many of my years and I think also partially
it's because of my upbringing, where.
You know, I think parents maybe are very like well-intended when they want to
push their children as far as education.
But I feel like it's very, it can be like one dimensional.
(21:21):
Like for me, it was like, okay, there's absolutely no question you're to go
to college, you're to like basically build your career, be at the top.
There wasn't really like a lot
of focus on like self-preservation and
like experience experiencing the present
and really like enjoying what you do it was very much about you need to make
(21:45):
good money and to to an extent like I like understand but also you know I feel
like there is a sweet a sweet spot now I've always said that like you know if
I can make enough money to where
I can afford to be able to travel and afford my lifestyle, I'm okay.
I don't need to be making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in order to be happy.
(22:09):
Because as you said, if I'm in this really top position and I'm not happy with
that job, or I'm working 70 hours a week and I don't have time to do the things
that really make me happy.
I think that it's not worth it.
And I definitely think it's all about like that balance and,
(22:30):
and from coming from like a world to where I kind of, there's a lot,
even in like my husband's family too, it's very much like very, very career driven.
And that's like the first question. And I think like, even when people are dating
too, it's like, what do you do for a living?
Like, it's like one of the first things and kind of got to a point sometime,
(22:50):
I think in my earlier thirties to where I'm like, Like, why is that?
Like, there's so many other things that define me that aren't just like,
you know, my nine to five, you know, I love to do art or I love to do hiking. I love to travel.
Like, there's so many other things that I feel like that are part of all of
us than just like what we do for a living.
And I think also, I know a lot of our listeners can relate to where...
(23:16):
I think especially on social media, there's a lot of things that we see that
may not be like realistic to like daily life, like especially like influencers
are getting paid to show certain things.
And then I think a lot of folks get stuck feeling like, oh, you know,
like, what am I doing wrong?
Why can't I be like that? And so it can really like it can really get to us.
(23:40):
And I'm sometimes guilty of that as well. sometimes we're like,
you know, why can't I be like this person?
Or why can't I be like that person? They make more money or they're prettier,
all these different things that are kind of going on in our head.
And so I feel like we have to kind of step back and kind of think, okay, now what.
Aside from all of like the outside voices, like what truly makes me happy,
(24:03):
you know, and and, you know, am I okay with making less money?
You know, can I afford to pay my bills and all
of that and like find finding that kind of like
happy medium I think I feel like
is a really key to to really a lot living a life that
we love without making like crazy like sacrifices and so I feel like I'm kind
(24:27):
of at that point where I'm like okay well you know yes it would be nice to make
money but also like if I don't have time to do things that I truly enjoy like it's really worth it.
So I thought you mentioned that. Yeah. And if I could add further to this,
because I had a similar experience.
Like I had a similar goal when I was in my 20s where I was like,
(24:51):
you know what, I'm going to be like a manager, want to have people to manage our work.
I want to eventually become a CEO of a company and blah, blah, blah.
So like I'm still like very much driven and things like that.
But then afterwards, I was like, you know what, I really don't want to do any
of these things because I don't want to be sucked into, you know,
(25:11):
the corporate job and not be able to fulfill my passions.
And like fulfill my goals my other
ambition ambitions that i have in life and
so that's what i started to draw a little bit of a line and put a boundary where
i was like is this really what i want to do and i started to like you know start
(25:33):
to vision myself like being that kind of person but i was like no i don't think
that's what i want to do i think i want to really.
Pursue my passions like yes i do need a full-time job to pay my bills and blah
blah blah but it's It's not like everything.
So for instance, like, you know, you have, we all have our nine to five job,
but then we also have our five to nine.
And that's, for me, that's fundamental. It's like, yes, like my identity,
(25:57):
like I don't want my identity just to be associated with my daytime job.
I want to be associated with these other things that I do in life,
which are very important for me because they align with who I am.
They align with my values. And so you also start to draw basically a line between,
(26:18):
okay, what's really important and what do I want to do?
So I think you also start to reflect a little bit about your life.
And I think it comes with age. I think it comes also with maturity.
And probably it happens when you are closer to your 30s because you somehow
know what you want to do with your life. Yeah.
Yeah. And I think for me, that's kind of what I really started having the realization
(26:42):
of what I want out of life and feeling comfortable in saying that out loud.
Like, you know, I really love my job, but I also really love to travel and this is important to me.
Or I also really love to write and I also want to make time for that too.
So I think that's really important.
And I think for anyone who might be listening to this,
(27:05):
I hope that they can take away the messaging is,
you know, if you are trying to struggle that there is definitely a balance and
there's definitely medium and there's a lot of importance of doing what is true
to yourself and also no matter what other people might think.
But I also want to kind of take it back to a little bit about navigating relationships,
(27:28):
friendships in particular, because this is something that I have been struggling
with like the past couple of years.
I have some really very close friends from high school. We don't see each other very often.
A lot of them, you know, out of town or out of state, you know,
once in a while we'll kind of check in with one another.
And even like a lot of my more local friends and friends that have moved away,
(27:53):
I've often struggled with.
Kind of like kind of maintain like those relationships and what they kind of
like look like as we especially start getting into our 30s.
And maybe like, you know, we have people have kids or they, they have careers
or, you know, different obligations that are, you know, kind of consuming their lives a little bit.
(28:15):
And I think it can be hard because like, I'm even still struggling with this,
like, what does it look like?
You know, what do those friendships look like?
And there's Because admittedly, even like a part of me, like I've had friends,
as you mentioned, who have just, you know, like as kind of life,
the progression naturally does,
(28:35):
like maybe we've kind of drifted apart and I know it like it happens,
but sometimes I find myself kind of like struggling with that.
Like, I feel like I've always been, I've really valued my friends and always
have made a big place for them in my life.
And so kind of like when those friendships sometimes fade over time,
(28:57):
you know, with the different changes in our lives, it's like,
oh, it's just like, sometimes I find myself like, kind of really mourning that a little bit.
It and but also realizing that this is
a part of life and I feel like I think
a lot of people probably can relate to that especially like when you
get even into maybe like your later 20s you're
(29:17):
done with school and you know as life kind of does like
you don't have that like you're not seeing each other all the time and I feel
like there could be some type of balance to that too and I have friends who
live all like over the country and in different continents and we even Even
if we send in a check-in once every several months,
(29:39):
the relationship kind of takes up as if we just saw each other yesterday.
And I think that's just really powerful. And that's kind of like when you know
that friendship is for life, even if you're not communicating regularly.
And I feel like also I am originally from the Bay Area and I moved two and a
(30:04):
half hours away to the Sacramento area about 10 years ago.
And my husband and I, like we were on meetup groups, like different types of
like organizations to try and like make friends because we were like totally new.
We didn't know anyone. And I feel like it was maybe a little bit easier then.
But now, like, my husband's 40, I'm in my mid-30s. It gets really hard to kind
(30:29):
of make those relationships compared to, like, when we were in school or different
things like that where we're seeing folks every day.
And so would you maybe have any words of advice to maybe anyone who might be
struggling with that kind of thing and maybe navigating that? Yeah, I...
I basically agree with everything you said. And I was just talking about this
(30:52):
with one of my colleagues the other day.
I basically told her that with friendship and relationships,
as time goes by, it's really all about making an effort to keep this relationship.
And I was telling her basically all of these things go in place.
(31:14):
This is meaning that, you know, when you're in high school or when you're like
in university, you hang out with the same kind of people and you become closer
to them. But that's because of the circumstances.
And as soon as you're done with university, those relationships,
they don't really stay because you're not in contact with them.
You're not making an effort to see each other.
And the same thing when you start working, you know, like if you go into,
(31:36):
if you go to different companies, you get really close to these people.
And then you change company and no one like texts, like you are not texting
the person you used to talk to before.
And that's normal. And that's part of life.
What I, what I told her is really about making an effort, making an effort of,
(31:59):
you know, checking in with the person, going out to the person,
you know, inviting your friends over, you know, getting together,
maybe, you know, every six months.
Months like it doesn't it doesn't have to be a
thing of every day because everyone gets busy with their
life and especially once you become much older
it becomes much harder to build a relationship but it's
(32:22):
really about making that effort and a little bit like you I have friends all
over continent different continents and I moved from like I moved from one place
to another so I always found myself making new friends and my high school friends
and I'm talking about like 15 years ago,
they are based in Italy and I'm in Montreal, but I talk to them pretty much
(32:43):
every week and it feels like I never left Italy.
So it's really about making an effort, you know, like you have to make time
for this relationship and you cannot just say, oh, I don't have time for this.
Because if you say, I don't have time for this, it just means that you really don't,
want to nurture this relationship you really don't care about this relationship.
(33:04):
So it's really about making the time to like seeing the other person sending
a voice note and I can tell you this because especially like I can tell you
a bit more about this because,
I used to work in university with a bunch of like other people and we were a
group of like 15 people and I'm talking about like 10-15 years ago but I'm the
(33:26):
only person in that group who basically like
does get together every six months or every year so that we can like,
you know, see each other for dinner and like catch up.
Some people show up, some people do not show up. But I was told by one of my
closest friends that I'm the person who I'm sort of like a guru because I keep
together all these people.
Like I'm keeping these relationships alive because I invite people to come to
(33:52):
these events and we try not to lose track. We try not to lose each other because
we are so caught up with our daily lives.
So you have to make time for these relationships to work because it just gets
much harder as you get older.
Absolutely. I 100% agree with that.
(34:12):
And it's always been important to me to try to reach out to different friends,
especially in the Bay Area.
I still have a lot of friends there. and even if it's during the holidays or
different things like that when we'll schedule the meetup, even if it's only for like an hour or two,
it still just makes all of that difference to kind of have that connection even
(34:35):
if we can't see each other all that often.
If you find yourself.
In a position where you're the only person, say, reaching out to that friend,
what kind of advice would you offer?
Now, sometimes I kind of wonder this myself.
If you're the only one who's making the effort, is that relationship worth preserving
(35:00):
or is it kind of something you maybe just kind of accept?
I just kind of want to hear maybe your thoughts on that and kind of navigating that.
Is a relationship worth preserving?
Because I have some that like are kind of like that, but I just absolutely,
(35:21):
I know that different folks have different circumstances to maybe where they
can't travel or different things like that.
So like we're communicating like either over text or over the phone or different
things like that too. But I think a lot of folks can relate to where they feel
like maybe they're the only one making the effort. What would you advise in that situation?
(35:43):
It goes both ways. It's not a one-way street.
It's a two-way street because you don't want to be the only person making an
effort because then it feels like you're forcing the other person to be in the
friendship or whatever.
And I can tell you this, especially because I had a situation where I was the
(36:03):
only person making an effort with this friend of mine.
I would always message her. We would meet up and stuff like that.
I would tell her about my life, what we're doing. We would basically catch up.
And then suddenly one day, she just unfollows me from my social media.
And she never messaged me after I messaged her. And I was like, you know what?
That's when you realize who your true friends are and who's meant to be.
(36:29):
And you start to be a little bit more, I would say, aware about those people.
You also learn about who these people are.
And this friend of mine I used to be very close
to her and suddenly it turns out that she doesn't want
to talk to me anymore she never explained why so it's
really about like it's it's two ways it's two ways this kind of effort like
(36:50):
it cannot be just one-sided because it doesn't work like that for any kind of
relationship so if you find yourself like making too much of an effort and the
other person is not doing anything then it's not worth it honestly it's not
worth wasting your time.
Yeah, I can definitely relate to that too, because I've had some similar experiences where I honestly,
(37:11):
I've kind of struggled with, should I maybe, I'm not a confrontational person
by any means, but I kind of struggled with, I was feeling frustrated.
Like, should I mention it to him? Like, Hey, I really feel like I'm the only
one giving like this effort,
you know, and not really receiving a lot in return versus like,
should I just like let that relationship kind of naturally kind of run its course kind of fade.
(37:36):
I feel like it's really tough because it's like, especially if it's someone
you're like, you're really, really close to.
And it just kind of like happens like out of nowhere.
I had a similar situation where.
Years and years ago. It was when I was still in high school,
but I was working at this job and I had this coworker who I became really, really close to.
(38:00):
And just one day, all of a sudden, she just stopped talking to me.
And I still to this day, don't know why.
And at the time, it was just I just felt
so hurt over it and and looking
back on that now like I realize that those things can happen but yeah I think
(38:23):
it's really hard especially if you feel like like you don't know if like you
did or said something wrong and and so yeah I think that could be like hard
for a lot of people because it's like if there's something I did that upset you like I'd like
to know so we can work on whatever it is or make amends.
And, but yeah, I think, unfortunately, there are just some situations maybe
(38:45):
where there isn't really anything that we can do about it.
And yeah, I had a similar situation.
It was this one where of course this friend of mine, I was super close to her.
And like, even during the pandemic, we made an effort to see each other and
we don't live far away from each other.
And then when she suddenly unfollowed me, You should stop, you know,
(39:08):
talking to me. I was, I was very hurt. I have to tell you this.
I was very hurt because I cared for this relationship.
And as I spoke about this with my coworker, I was like, you know what,
don't take it, like, really don't feel bad about it.
And she told me just to let it go. So that's one of the lessons that I learned, which is to let go.
(39:31):
To really let go because there is nothing that you can do about it.
Just know that you have done your best.
And if this person doesn't want to talk to you, it says more about this person rather than yourself.
And so that's how I see it. Like if something is bad, it's really not about
me, but it's the other person who doesn't want to continue this relationship.
And that's okay. We move on with life and there are, and probably these people
(39:52):
leave because we are, they're making space for better people to come in our
life. So it's, you just let it go.
Yeah, I absolutely agree with that. And that's something that I've,
I'm currently working on myself.
I'm like, you know, sometimes it is, it's just better to let it go to what it
like kind of natural progression of things go.
(40:14):
Because I think also as the years go on, especially as we get older,
there are always more people that kind of come into our life,
whether it's at work or different things that we're involved in,
there's always going to be more people that kind of come in.
And I think also, like, when you get into your 30s and older,
being more intentional about kind of fostering those relationships,
(40:37):
because we kind of have to make that extra effort, especially for not seeing
each other every day, to kind of build that connection, which I think is really, really important.
Yeah, I agree. Is there any other practical tips or advice for listeners that,
you know, who may be approaching or maybe currently navigating their 30s that you might want to add?
(41:02):
Honestly, it's not as bad as you think it is.
Age is just a number. That's definitely how I see it right now.
If you feel young in your heart, that's all that matters.
And honestly, you start also to forget about your age once you reach a certain age.
Like, I forget sometimes when I'm in my 30s. I'm like, you know what?
(41:23):
It's really not that bad.
So honestly, just embrace it and try to see.
Like, especially for women, I do agree that 30s, those are like the beautiful
years because you really learn about yourself. You start to explore a little
bit more about different things.
You start to do different things. You start to pursue more of your passions
(41:43):
and you have to take this kind of approach. And it's like really not that bad.
You don't have to have it figured out by 30s. You know, life is really a journey in other ways.
And at the end, everyone reaches a certain destination, but you're not supposed
to be reaching. Like we're not all supposed to be reaching the same destination.
We're all meant to be doing something different. So just go with the flow.
(42:05):
Oh, absolutely. That's beautifully worded. Couldn't have said it better myself,
especially as we get older, we are always constantly learning and there is no end point to that.
We're always going to evolve and become better, more knowledgeable humans.
So I absolutely love that you said that.
And so yeah, 30s isn't the stop.
(42:28):
We're going to be continuously learning more and more about ourselves as we
get into our forties and fifties and beyond.
I also want to take a moment, if you can maybe share with our listeners where
they can connect with you.
I think you mentioned you had a book published, right?
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I can share with our listeners where they can maybe pick up
(42:50):
your books and follow you.
Yes. So my book is called Discovering Your Identity, A Rebirth from Inspiration Struggle.
It's available on Amazon And it's a book basically about me being a true culture kid.
And I talk about a little bit about my life in Italy, being a South Asian woman.
So there is that available on Amazon. I also have an Instagram account called Urmeho.
(43:13):
I also have my YouTube channel called Urmeho Sign.
And I also have my blog called myways.com. Sorry, myways.ca.
And I also have my LinkedIn account, which is called Urmeho Sign.
So for anyone who wants to connect with me, I'm available in those platforms.
Awesome. I'll make sure I get those listed in the show notes as well.
(43:34):
And also make sure I'm following you.
And yes, I really appreciate you joining us today.
Thank you so much. I absolutely loved our conversation and loved your insight.
Music.
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