March 22, 2024 • 45 mins
In this transformative episode, the Slice of Empathy podcast invites Tamara Pflug, an inspirational confidence coach committed to helping individuals lead more fulfilling lives.
Join us as Tamara shares her journey from teaching to life coaching, focusing on the role of self-acceptance, effective communication, and deep connections for true happiness. Her unique insight into the imposter syndrome and the human brain's default for survival over happiness will challenge you to question your automatic beliefs.
Delve into practical techniques to tackle fear of the unknown, cultivate intuitive decision-making, and harness uncomfortable thoughts without letting them direct your actions. Learn how to strategize your way out of feeling stuck, build emotional resilience, and transform even negative emotions into stepping stones towards enhanced self-confidence.
Book a session with Tamara here: https://personal-development-zone.com/
Connect on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/tamaraconfidencecoach/
Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamara.fun.confidence.coach
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:17):
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to a Slice of Empathy podcast.
Today, we have the pleasure of hosting Tamara Flug, a fun and insightful confidence
coach who is dedicated to helping individuals lead more fulfilling lives.
You're ready to be inspired as Tamara shares her wisdom on embracing self-acceptance
and listening to our intuition.
Tamara, thank you so, so much for joining us today. Thank you so much.
(00:38):
No, really, I thank you a lot.
It's super nice. I always love also meeting new people and getting inspired. Me too, for sure. Sure.
Yeah, I'd love to learn a little bit more about your background and to take a peek a little bit.
I'd love to just kind of share with our listeners a little bit about yourself.
And we can go ahead and dive in from there. To be a teacher, and I loved it.
(00:59):
You know, kids are so simple, authentic, you know, they don't take things so
seriously, like up to a certain age.
So I love being a teacher. And at the same time, I realized a little bit that
like adults around me and kids around me, we kind of miss a little bit some
learning, such as building our confidence, I don't know, having our own back when we make decisions,
have better communication, have amazing relationships, deeply connect with other people.
(01:24):
I think those things truly make us happy.
So I started learning a bit of personal development, like listening to podcasts,
and I started really wanting to learn life coaching.
I heard about it, so this is how I graduated for my first coaching certification in 2015.
And since this day, I've been coaching on many topics such as time management,
(01:45):
dating was a very funny one, relationship, weight loss a little bit.
And then I saw that deep down, it comes often to like loving ourselves,
like giving ourselves permission to believe something about ourselves,
that we are worthy, that we are enough.
So this is how I decided to really coach people on confidence and to become
a confidence coach. And I use myself to struggle a lot with confidence,
(02:09):
wanting, you know, validation and approval from other people.
So this is how I said, like, I probably can help people because I get where they are.
But at the same time, I want to be here to, you know, in integrity with my work.
So I got coached a lot on this.
And I, if I could do this, I believe that everybody else can too.
So this is how I came to be a confidence coach.
And then I added the fun tagline because I believe that we take ourselves and
(02:31):
our lives very seriously. And we can all have much more uncomplicated lives. I love that.
Your words really resonate with me because even now, it's always something that
I'm still personally, even though in the past maybe 10 years,
I feel like my confidence has vastly improved.
I feel like it's always something I'm still working on and I think a lot of
our listeners can relate to. So I really appreciate you sharing that with us.
(02:55):
Yeah, I think, you know, we all are like struggling. I mean,
struggling, the word is strong, but it is true that at some point we feel confident
at some point, like we feel insecure.
I think it's not, you know, one kind of people are confident.
Other people are not. I think it's just, you know, an emotion generated by what we're thinking.
So sometimes we do have these thoughts coming up that generate insecurity and
self-doubt. So I totally get you where you're there. Yeah.
(03:19):
And it's funny because I have moments of where I feel really confident and I'm
not hyper-focused on what other people are thinking.
And then there are sometimes those moments of doubt that kind of creep in every now and again. in.
So I'm wondering if you can explain for those of us who may be struggling with
(03:41):
imposter syndrome and dealing with some of those barriers that prevent us from living our best lives,
what would you recommend if there's anything that you'd maybe like to speak on to that?
Or maybe your best words of advice would be to someone who might be going through that.
Yes, absolutely. So this is what I do all day long.
I'm glad to be helping you guys so i believe actually
(04:01):
that our brain's job you know is to keep us
alive and not to make us happy so basically it's
very predisposed like we have all of this amazing part
of our brain that is kind of primitive brain you know from our
brother and sister that were living in caves so it's just always
looking for danger it just always want
to make sure that we'll stay alive so when we
(04:23):
feel this self-imposed syndrome and i you know it's still
coming back to it it's just that i let's listen to
it and I'm gonna tell you more how to do it also it's yeah
it's just our brain literally when we feel this
impersonal syndrome it's probably usually when we do
something new you know the brain likes what is familiar you know
we also like our home we like to travel but it's just
(04:44):
comfortable we are comfortable with what we know which is the
same for our brain so what is happening is
that when we are taking risks or doing
something a bit different a bit of out of of comfort zone
like they like to say our brain is really like freaking
out it thinks that we are going to die so it
thinks it's very very risky kind of back to the old days in the caves risky
(05:06):
so it is going to offer us sorts of like you cannot do this this is really at
stake like you cannot go back something's wrong with you all of these things
that create insecurity or like like his imposter syndrome.
And the way to go, which is,
Very simple, but not easy to do because we are, again, our brain is on automatic,
(05:29):
you know, like we basically, we have all 60,000 thoughts per day.
And I heard recently that 95% of what we think like today, like every day is
what we've been thinking yesterday.
So again, of course we feel imposter syndrome because if we felt it yesterday,
our brain just think, yeah, they feel good like this. It saved them.
So I'm going to offer the same thoughts. So to answer your question,
the way to really do it to less actually feel this insecurity and this self-doubt
(05:56):
and imposter syndrome is to not believe our brain.
We are not our brain. We are not our thoughts.
So it's not because we believe, wow, this is very risky.
Even if it's not exactly the thought we have. It's maybe I may fail doing this presentation.
It doesn't mean anything about us. It doesn't mean anything about the presentation.
Interpretation it's just a thought that we happen like
(06:19):
to believe to be true so the way to go is to just
try to go out of your body and observe what
we are thinking which it's rich little voice you know that is chatting so much
in our head but really just to not believe everything we think we think it's
the reality but actually it's a it's an interpretation of the reality oh that
(06:39):
is so true True. And I definitely can relate to that.
And anytime I do any sort of public speaking, I try to remind myself that.
And generally, some of my thoughts when I find like kind of that anxiety kind
of creeping up and sometimes those moments of self-doubt, I'm like,
you know, what is the worst that can happen?
And I try to really analyze why am I feeling so anxious?
(07:03):
And then so I feel like when I get to the root of that, I'm like,
you know what? There isn't really a reason for me to feel that way.
And, you know, and so that's really, really kind of helped me kind of get over
that, that hurdle, I think.
And especially like when I started podcasting, I feel like that's kind of helped
(07:24):
as well with my speaking skills, because I'm always like, okay,
what if I run over my words? Or what if I do this and that?
And then at the end, I'm like, you know, that wasn't so bad.
I don't know why I was so anxious about that.
Yeah, that's so so good you're sharing this like it's true
it's it's not also you know the idea for example of we have
i'm maybe not good enough it's sometimes just a thought that we have you know
(07:45):
you me i think a lot of people but i like the idea i heard it one day that it's
not because i have to start like i'm maybe not good enough it doesn't mean anything
about how good enough i am it's just a thought you know so you can use it for
any thoughts you have you know that great and sneaky everything.
Exactly. I really love that. And it's funny.
I know, as you mentioned, we're so used to things that are comfortable to us.
(08:09):
And as I mentioned, I'm an avid traveler.
I love traveling, seeing different parts of the world. but when
it comes like to that you know before going on my flight
and i'm in i'm usually like in packing mode i
tend to get kind of anxious i'm like oh my gosh like
do i have everything and yeah i kind of get this
pre-travel anxiety as much as i love to travel i don't love kind of like the
(08:33):
few days kind of stress leading up to it and so i think it has to do with that
that you know making sure like oh i have those things that are comfortable to
me and so So something that I found that works for me as I kind of navigate that is,
you know, of course, I make sure that I take everything that I like,
know I'm going to need, like medicine, things like that.
(08:54):
But I'm like, you know, worst case scenario, if I forget something,
I probably could just buy it there and it's not going to be,
you know, it's going to be okay.
I feel like that's kind of helped me with the pre-travel anxiety because people
will be like, you love to travel so much. And they wouldn't think that I think
a lot of people may tend to go through something similar.
So I think sharing that has kind of helped a lot of people.
(09:16):
I'm like, you know, I'm traveling, but, you know, as a creature of habit,
you know, we're comfortable with the things that are familiar.
And, you know, for me, I know, especially like I get a little uncomfortable
with the fear of the unknown.
So I feel like I can definitely understand that.
Yeah. And I think, you know, it goes after to the idea when you mentioned traveling
and, you know, we talked about how much we both like to travel before jumping on this call.
(09:40):
But it's true that I what we can do also, which I think you've been using it
since you're doing public speaking.
It's also to expect, you know, these thoughts, these uncomfortability to show
up, you know. So every time before we travel, I really join you on this.
I expect I know I'm going to have thoughts like my brain will offer me the same
thoughts in the same situation of before traveling that it is going to be annoying
(10:01):
to pack. You know, like you're going to move to another place.
So I just expect and then I don't think that anything has gone wrong,
you know, and it just makes me kind of laugh.
And, you know, it's all going with the idea of empathy.
I think like just being like, yeah, I get it. It makes sense, brain.
You know, you're just trying, you know, and repeating yourself, you know.
(10:21):
Yeah, 100%. And I think kind of when thinking about that and thinking about our intuition,
can you you share with us how you help your clients kind of tap into that and
kind of learn to trust themselves more in some of their decision-making?
Yeah, so what is interesting, I think, is often, you know, because we have,
(10:42):
like, there is Google, there are so many things as of today,
you know, with AI and everything, there are so many ways that we can get answers
to every question we have.
But I think that the best is to cultivate the answer that comes from within,
because there are often really good answers.
You know, it's like when people give you advice, you're like,
I may try this, you know, it doesn't fit, you know, it's like a puzzle piece,
you know. So to answer your question, to listen to our intuition is really a practice.
(11:06):
It's like a muscle that we have to grow because I think the biggest fear behind
is not to be in touch with intuition is we are afraid that we may be wrong and
then take action or do something that we may fail.
And again, the brain doesn't like negative, uncomfortable emotion because if
it's, for example, around the emotion of fear, the brain literally thinks that
it's a sign that we may be at risk of our life, you know, for our life.
(11:30):
So to answer your question, what we do usually in the coaching sessions is we
look always, you know, for like where people feel this confusion or overwhelm,
where they are kind of situation that like they feel stuck, they want to change something.
So we look at what do they think the answer.
You know, I always like to say I live in the, I work in the business of possibilities.
(11:52):
You know, I believe that everything is possible.
We can have it all. So when we actually look at a specific problem,
like somebody that is feeling stuck in like a situation, we look at what they're
thinking about it. Like, what do they, why do they feel stuck?
Usually it's a bunch of thoughts, you know, that they are sharing.
And then we look at all of them and see if they are true, if it's serving them to sing them.
(12:15):
And then we look at what would be the solution, the strategy to overcome,
like to get unstuck or anything that happened.
It's just easier to look at specific situation in people's life
so this is how we build slowly slowly the intuition and
we go with the idea that my first guest
is my best answer and then we go with it and we practice you know celebrating
(12:37):
if it's working out no matter the situation that we have in our life instead
of looking on the inside for answers we look on the inside and yeah instead
of looking on the outside we look on the inside and we try and worst case I always like to say this,
the worst case that can happen always is an emotion.
So it's rejection, failure.
And then we learn also, you know, the confidence coaching. For me,
(12:59):
it's all about the willingness and the ability to feel any kind of emotion.
This is, I think, where the secret of genuine confidence resides.
So to answer your question, it's a practice.
And yeah, it just works. I'm sure we have all the answers inside of us. I'm convinced of this.
Absolutely. I really love that. And kind of touching on that,
(13:19):
when it comes to kind of decision-making and thinking about our confidence levels.
I know there are so many different voices like outside of us,
could be family members, could be friends, could be people, anyone around us.
And I think when we're in that decision-making process, or maybe we have something
in mind that we've already decided, but then some of the outside feedback kind of comes in.
(13:44):
How would you suggest to any of your clients or maybe some of our listeners
who might be struggling with that? like outside opinions, maybe they feel like
they're being influenced.
And how would you kind of advise someone who might be going through that?
Even if it's maybe the feedback is well intended, but maybe they don't agree
with it, but it causes them maybe to question their own judgment.
(14:06):
How would you advise someone who might be going through that?
Yes, absolutely. So I like to tell people, and I will tell you today also,
that in the world, it's something also that I learned in one of my coaching
certifications, and it's based on on cognitive behavioral therapy.
That our thoughts create our reality.
You know, I mentioned that what we're thinking, this is what basically everything
(14:27):
we have in our life was first created in like what we're thinking.
I don't even think it's that spiritual.
I think it's kind of a low like gravity, you know? So anyway,
so what I was saying is that in the world, so there are two things,
you know, there are circumstances on one side, like there are neutral facts
such as your age, the capital of the country,
the weather, which I'm not sure it's totally like a neutral fact,
(14:48):
but it's a fact that we all agree on in a court of law.
And then what is amazing and where all of our power resides is in what we're
thinking, these thoughts, about the circumstances.
So until today, we usually think automatically, you know, something happened
or there is a circumstance or somebody is telling us something and we have a thought about it.
But actually, our power really resides in choosing intentionally what we want
(15:13):
to think about what this person has told us.
Have has told us told us sorry
it's getting late so the way to go actually is uh
it's such a good question you're asking because we all face it you know people
as you mentioned have really good intention so what
when someone is telling us something like giving us feedback it is a neutral
circumstance until we have a thought about it you know people used to like to
(15:36):
say they hurt my feelings but there's always what the person is saying and right
between how we feel and what what this person, like what this person said,
there is something we're thinking, the way we interpret it, which always,
you know, it's a good example that sometimes in a similar situation,
two people will have a complete different reaction, you know,
because again, it's what they make it mean, like what they're thinking about this feedback.
(15:59):
So to answer your question, the way to go is to really look at it again from
a place of empathy, like compassion and curiosity, and look at this feedback
and first acknowledge that, yeah, it is for sure coming from a good place.
I believe that people, as clumsy as it looks, they always have a good intention
behind, like they want a positive result to anything they're doing.
(16:20):
And so the way to go really is to question yourself, like, okay,
this is what they told me.
It's fine. It's not true until I have a thought. And then to realize,
so, okay, is there some truth into this? Do I want to implement it?
What do I think about it?
Very often we want people to give us like approval, validation,
you know, tell us like, I'm proud of you or like, I believe in you.
(16:43):
So then we ourselves can tell ourselves this,
you know, so this is, I think it's very empowering because when you think about
it, when it comes to confidence and yeah, all of these emotions of like,
yeah, feeling generally good on the inside,
there's never going to be enough people that can tell us something
until we like believe it ourselves in our
bones you know so really to just take the
(17:05):
feedback take the best leave the rest of the feedback and
wonder if we can apply it like implement it in
our life and try to be really curious and look at if like it is true for us
and if we can also just like again leave it alone and not implement it but very
often the best defense is to attack back you know because there is a truth like
(17:26):
a part of it of the feedback that we might.
We consider to be true so it's just always I think people are our best teachers
you know so people can tell us stuff and it's always something we will have
a thought about it and this is where the best personal development journey can,
be you know in what people are telling us because they're just a reflection
of what we're thinking on the inside you know,
(17:47):
That's 100%. I 100% agree with that. And it's something that I've learned somewhere recently.
I think, like people say in different ways, but like, like kind of take some and leave some.
So sometimes like, you know, if it's like maybe from a parent or a family member
or friend, and maybe the advice is well intended, and maybe there's parts of
(18:09):
it, you're like, how's you kind of maybe to think, well, maybe that's true.
But also like maybe there are some things you don't agree
with or that align with your own values so that's kind
of where i think well maybe they're like kind of the take some and leave
some method kind of guys because i think we're all you know we're all humans
with their own unique experiences and you know wants and likes and for example
(18:32):
i have several friends who they don't understand why i like to travel and that
i don't you know it's hard for me to relate to them sometimes because I'm like, I don't understand,
you know, I, I, I can't imagine a world like where I'm not traveling,
but you know, I understand like, you know, their thoughts and feelings are, that's totally valid,
even though I personally can't relate to it. They have a different perspective.
(18:53):
You know, I totally respect that, even though that's not for me.
And maybe they like, you know, like we, sometimes we don't get each other.
And, and that way, I think what it comes down to is, you know,
we respect that maybe we have some differences in and that area.
And so sometimes, like, I try to understand why, like, they're lying to thinking,
you know, like, maybe they like that there are some downsides of traveling and
(19:16):
vice versa, like, for sure.
Like, my mom and I were just talking about it recently,
you know, there are just one of my things that I like to implement when I'm
traveling is kind of expect the unexpected or plan for the unexpected,
because I'm very much a planner, but sometimes things don't always go to of plan.
And sometimes it happens, you kind of have to kind of expect it and kind of
(19:37):
plan for the unplanned, I guess I, I should say.
And, and so I know, for a lot of people that would cause them like a lot of
anxiety, and, you know, frustration.
And so I and that way, what I see like that, like, I can understand that maybe
like, why this may not be for everybody. And I totally, I totally get that.
So I think, you know, as you were mentioning with being, like more intuitive
(20:02):
Intuitive and kind of like thinking about like what your, what your personal
wants and desires are and being more intentional.
I think that's one of the things that I've been working on personally within
the last couple of years is being intentional to my wants and desires,
regardless of maybe what other people might think.
And of course, I know like for the most part, like the advice might be coming
(20:24):
from a very loving place, but maybe there's just areas where we may not agree
on things and that's okay, you know? So I definitely, I love your thoughts on that.
No, it's amazing. I think, you know, it's funny you mentioned this about traveling
because people always tell me, for example, I could not have my own home because
we travel every three months, you know, we are there and we move very, very often.
(20:45):
As much as we do slow travel, so we kind of build our home everywhere we go.
I do understand that there are some, you know, positive and negative in everything
in life. I can, when people used to tell me this, I got a bit offended,
like trying to justify, you know, why I was having this lifestyle and what is
better, not better, but like not trying to convince, but just defend,
you know, my point of view.
But again, it goes down to the idea that when you are at peace with what you
(21:09):
think like is okay for you.
And again, thinking, seeking validation and approval, people,
it's never going to be enough.
You know, people are again, telling us your lifestyle is amazing.
Like it all depends what we believe on the inside. side
I think this is why people are always amazing teachers to just
look at the not where our work is I don't
want to make it sound serious but just something I wonder why
(21:31):
like they're telling me this and why do I feel this way why do I feel so offended
probably maybe I believe it to be true maybe it's a problem just to again just
for fun to look at it from a place of fun and again I said compassion and curiosity
just I wonder why I react like this and I think being curious is everything
It just makes the, instead of beating ourselves up, you know, I think.
But I really can relate with everything you said. It's exactly,
(21:53):
yeah, we're all the same for this, I think.
I love that you kind of said it better. I think it was just amazing how you
said that because I think like, yeah, ultimately,
I think, you know, we have to be true to our own experiences and sometimes people
are going to have, maybe from their own experiences, they're going to have different
thoughts on it and that's okay.
And yeah, so I really, really appreciate your thoughts on that.
(22:16):
Yeah, absolutely. And I just wanted to ask you, actually, I'm curious for the
intuition one, I wanted to ask you, and I forgot, what do you think can help
people build their intuition?
Like, how did you, you said you wanted to live more intentionally?
Is it connected for you together? Or are you just like, wanting to just build your intuition?
Like, what do you have to say about this? I always love, you know,
having, hearing other people's point of view on this. Oh, for sure.
(22:36):
So I think for me, living intentionally is kind of living like to be my most authentic self.
And that's like regardless of maybe outside opinions or thoughts and,
and just kind of like, even if it's like breaking the status quo or something
that's like, if it makes me happy, then that's what matters.
(22:59):
And it's funny, my husband and I were just having like this conversation not too long ago.
And I actually really admire him because he said, you know, he's like,
you know, if it makes us happy, like he's like, I honestly, I really don't care
like what other people think.
And I really admired that about him because like for me, for like so long,
I was like, I would let like outside feedback really kind of get to my mind,
(23:23):
get to my brain and kind of make me question the things that I'm doing.
And I think that within the last couple of years living intentionally for me
means like, you know, doing things that bring me joy, whether,
you know, outside folks may agree with that or not.
And I think just being true to myself and living the life that I want to live,
(23:45):
no matter what people think, I think is like how you can be your most authentic self. Yeah.
Yeah and you know it's so funny i think what it's we are really the
same because without sounding it's so cliche you know i just like
that he's like my partner he's so practical and stuff
so i join you so much on this because he used to say but who cares like why
do you care about their opinion and i was like yeah it's right slowly slowly
(24:07):
you know it doesn't always easy again it's like you know he telling me this
when i have this in the circumstance you know like as he's telling me who cares
my brain straight offers me the sort of but then they won't love you like like this,
you know, of course it's offering me, you know what I'm talking about?
But then he's like, but who cares? What do you care so much?
I'm just mad, you know, like not getting it.
Yeah. I love that you mentioned that because I think that it stems from so many
(24:32):
things like self-love, confidence, and living intentionally,
as you mentioned, like a lot of people, you know, and I think it's a human thing. We want validation.
And when we think about when we don't have that validation, are we losing that person's love?
And I think for me, it's like, it comes to like
reminding myself you know that does it doesn't necessarily mean
that that person loves me or likes me any less even if
(24:54):
we don't agree on something and that's okay
now if this is something that really breaks
our relationship like maybe i should maybe rethink
that relationship right um yeah but um yeah and i i think that's that's can
be really really helpful to kind of remind ourselves that like you know it's
not i think we have these like worst case scenarios is in our mind that can
(25:19):
happen if we deviate from the norm or maybe, you know.
If we exercise our confidence to a level that maybe others are uncomfortable
with, you know, I just kind of think, oh, you know, this person is going to
say that or what are people going to think of me?
And, you know, I think, yeah, there's a lot of truth to that. A hundred percent.
Yeah. And, you know, just to add this, because it goes with the first advice,
(25:40):
you know, I asked me like how to when we feel some impersonal syndrome coming up.
I think the idea of, you know, we want other people to love us.
It's when you get aware of it like when you know that
it's something you're thinking it goes back again to reassuring ourselves
that it's our brain that this little part very little
part but there is a part in our brain that is that wants us to be a part of
the tribe you know so I think back then again if you're alone and not being
(26:03):
loved it means yeah really you literally there are chances you may die so I
think it's a good way like you know to make peace also with like I've been thinking
this I don't want them to to be depending on their love but I think from a place again of of empathy,
compassion, and curiosity towards ourselves and our brain that,
again, its job is just to keep us alive and not make us happy.
(26:24):
It's just kind of relieving to know, ah, I just have a healthy brain.
It's working perfectly. It just wants me to be a part of the tribe.
So it doesn't want me to be loved by anybody. But again, the most important,
as you mentioned, is us to love ourself, I think.
It's the easiest and most efficient way, I believe.
Exactly. And I love that. Yeah. And kind of like leading into my next question,
(26:46):
when we talk about, you know, like the influence of others and opinions of others
and influencing our life and decisions and confidence,
in your experience, can you tell us about how building that confidence can maybe
impact other areas of our lives, such as like maybe our relationships or career
friendships that we might have?
(27:08):
Yes. So actually what is interesting is that often we think that others have
to change, the world has to change, you know, our job has to be different so then we can feel better.
But as we talked about before, the circumstances like things around us are kind
of neutral and we can always, you know, choose to look at it a certain way that
actually makes us feel good. So people are always, you know,
(27:30):
neutral circumstances.
Like basically we try to change the world and we try to change people and our
job, you know, to feel better.
But actually it's always, again, we will have a thought about these neutral
circumstances, like about someone, about our job, about like the world,
and then we can feel good.
But the best way is to do it. The opposite is to feel good first and it will influence our life.
(27:54):
So for example the relationship i believe that
you need just one person to improve any relationship
that you have which means that you don't have to have the
heavy conversation or like i need to
tell her my truth and then she will you know apply
it and our relationship will be better the best is always
to what we think we have problem in our
(28:14):
relationship it's often thoughts that sort error
that we have about this person you know we could talk
hours about this but so the best way to answer the way to
go is really actually to find peace
on the inside to you know find his i
like to say genuine emotional peace and freedom confidence for me it really
goes back to having the willingness again and the ability to feel any kind of
(28:37):
emotion and then basically nothing can touch you like in your life life can
things can happen and a lot of adversity but you know that the worst that can
can happen is an emotion.
And you know that you can handle any kind of emotion. So really,
this confidence deep down again, people are doing things, the world is happening,
and you have this kind of bubble where you feel really, really at peace.
(29:00):
And then you deal with things, but from a completely different energy,
you know, you're not trying to solve problems, you just go through life,
you have negative emotions, and you deal with them. And.
What is amazing is that we want other people to change. We want the world to change, as I mentioned.
But when we change, it's crazy because in our attitude, you know,
(29:20):
we see people sitting down, like
walking down the street, you could almost guess what they're thinking.
So it has such a big influence on our state of mind and of surrounding when we work on ourselves.
And I think it's very simple. The work is just paying attention to what we're
thinking and, yeah, be much more, as you said, intentional with what we're thinking.
(29:40):
I think we should choose our thoughts, like what we're thinking,
as we choose our closest every day. It would be much more efficient.
So this is the biggest impact of feeling genuinely at peace on the inside.
I love that. And I definitely think feeling at peace with our own wants and
desires is crucial to having that confidence and especially having the longevity
(30:02):
of it and having that last.
Steven, sometimes maybe those thoughts kind of might come in every now and then,
the self-doubt thoughts.
So I'm thinking that with that, is there a particular experience or a story
that maybe you could share in maybe one of your coaching sessions,
a success story that you may have worked with someone who's really like kind
(30:27):
of stands on top of your mind that you'd like to maybe share with us?
Yes, thank you for asking. One that I really like is, you know,
we can use this personal development a bit against ourselves,
you know, such as something's wrong with me, something has to be fixed.
I can do better than this. And it goes with the idea of when I'm going to reach
there, when I'm going to get there, then I will be worthy.
(30:48):
See so there is something that i love to
do is of course i like you know coaching my clients i
take what they're telling me very seriously and at the same time i
just want to like for all of us to loosen it
up a bit like to for example decision making his
client came with the idea of like wanting
to be an amazing decision maker but the way
(31:08):
that she was talking about it was really that actually she
like kind of the moment that she
will be able to make good decisions she will feel proud
she will feel you know like confident and around
this idea of making better decision we talked
about first of course what decision making is all about and that
we there's no right or wrong decision there's just a decision we decide to make
(31:30):
right and have our own back like as i mentioned before but what i want to share
with this is from everything that people are your audience is like listening
from your podcast is to not use this work against ourselves to also take it
easy and And the approach.
I think the way we approach thought work will determine our experience of it.
You know, I like to say that our attitude determines our experience.
(31:51):
So all of this, it's also just for fun.
We're not going to get worse here or there because I believe,
you know, we are worse just as we are.
And I like, you know, to give the example of like newborn, you know,
they just basically just were born and everybody's crazier about them.
They are so important, so valuable.
And when you think about it, they did not achieve anything. They did not even
(32:13):
say anything and they almost like cry a lot and everything, but people find
them so valuable, important.
So this is why I want to say that nobody has to do anything to become worthy.
I think we were born like this and then we do it actually just for the fun, you know,
So this is what I would say. I love that.
And I'm so glad you shared that because I think like, you know,
(32:36):
even for me and maybe some of our listeners too, I think when we kind of struggle
with confidence, I think it's partially in because of maybe that fear of making the wrong decision.
And I know, you know, depending on, you know, someone's past,
there might be so many different variables to that.
But I think there is a lot of fear. Oh, I'm going to make the wrong decision.
(32:57):
And I'm going to make the wrong choice.
But I think also there is some liberation in the thought that,
you know, like you said, I love that, you know, there are no wrong decisions. It's just a decision.
I love that you said that because I think that, you know, we need to normalize,
like, you know, if we make a choice and maybe that necessarily we just,
we figure out later that that wasn't the right choice for us,
(33:19):
normalizing that, you know, that's okay. That's, you know, know,
kind of how we learn and discover.
But I think like in the, in this world of like,
kind of like perfectionism, I think folks are worried about making the wrong
choice or maybe making a choice that kind of, you know, is it what they wanted
to do or maybe kind of brings them back from where they were hoping to be.
(33:40):
And so I really love that you touched on that because I think a lot of folks
really struggle with that.
And so I think, I know for me personally, I've made a lot of decisions,
you know, maybe that wasn't the best decision, but, you know,
I probably wouldn't be here today if I hadn't made that learning process.
And that's okay. Like, it's okay to like make decisions and,
(34:01):
you know, and find out, well, maybe that, you know, wasn't the best,
but, you know, here I learned from it and, you know, how else can you learn?
So I love that you mentioned that. No, and you can always make another decision.
I think this is, you know, what I wanted to say. People make it like,
take it so seriously, like decision making. You know what I said before,
it sounds just so heavy that this is one of the moments that I like to share
(34:21):
before is just to make it all so clear.
Not chill and relax, but not taking it so seriously. I think our life is very seriously.
Like, you know, of course, I help people have a better life and feel better.
And at the same time, just to, you know, sometimes relax and just realize that it's worse case.
I think decision, you know, you can always make another one.
But I agree with you. We are all afraid that they will be, you know,
like a bad, that it will be a bad decision.
(34:43):
And I think it's more what we will make it mean, you know, again,
that we're a bad decision maker, that we are a bad person.
I think people do believe this sometimes about themselves, which is normal.
I love that you mentioned that because I think, and even for me personally,
like, I think a lot of folks, they associate with maybe making a bad choice
or a bad decision with, does this, like, make me a bad person?
(35:05):
And I know I've struggled with that in the past. It's like, okay, I'm a bad person.
I made a bad choice. you know and and i think that like it's it's it kind of
humanizes us when we think about that you know and not you know and just kind
of bringing it back to you know this doesn't make me a bad person maybe i made
you know a bad decision or something like that or a bad person.
(35:29):
Yeah it's and it's what you said you know i think it's the idea of not identifying
identifying with our thoughts you know because we believe this about ourselves
we put ourselves like in the a box that, yeah, we are bad at decision making.
You know, people come often with this, like, I did so many bad decisions,
you know, but I think also, you know, there are small decisions we do.
I think there are also something like 60,000 or so decisions we make per day,
(35:50):
a lot unconsciously, you know, like, I'm brushing my teeth and all of this,
but we can be a good decision maker when we look at all the decisions that,
Like that the good decisions we made and we make so many more,
but again, the brain likes to, you know, to repeat the past.
So it is going to offer us negative thoughts about the like negative,
bad quote unquote like decision that we made.
But actually it's again, what you said about being intentional and looking at
(36:14):
all the good decisions we made. Yes.
And I love that you mentioned that. I didn't realize that like we made so many
decisions per day, but it makes sense.
And I think that might be where like the term like decision fatigue kind of
comes in because I've experienced this personally.
Like, it tires me, like, when I figure out, like, oh, I have all these decisions
to make, and I'm just like, oh, they're busted.
(36:37):
No, no, 100%. And I think it's, no, it's exactly, you know, you just said it all.
But it's true, the decision-making, it's very tiring. It's why a lot of people
talk about constraints, you know, just, for example, for closers,
just, you know, to make, to, yeah, have, the brain doesn't like to use energy.
Again, I think it's from the past. He just wants to make sure we save it for
the real risk that can happen. So he hates spending energy. This is why also we get tired.
(37:01):
And I think easily also because it's not made for this, all of these decisions,
you know, in the past, I think it was not that critical, you know,
all of these decisions as of today.
And kind of with that in mind, kind of bringing it home a little bit.
Can you tell us a little bit about how, you know, you are able to maintain your
own sense of confidence and positivity, especially maybe if you are maybe faced
(37:26):
with any setbacks or challenges?
If you maybe could share that with our listeners, how you're able to kind of
remain confident, even if sometimes maybe you might have a setback or some intrusive
thought maybe occurs. Sure.
Yeah. And it's so funny, honestly, Valérie, that you mentioned this because
I just like honestly felt it right doing this podcast recording with you.
The thing is, I think it's like a hammer. You know, you can use it or to build
(37:50):
a house or you can use it to kill someone, which because I love this kind of TV shows and movies.
But I mean, it all depends what we use it for. So like really to give an example,
like I believe we can use everything again against ourselves,
like to beat ourselves up or to love ourselves more.
So what is funny, and I'm going to be transparent here and mention it,
is like you asked me a question and suddenly I had thoughts such as,
you have to say something smart or like, I don't know, my brain offered me something.
(38:14):
I got blank. I forgot what you told me.
And I really liked the first reaction always because I think it is easier to
hate yourself, not hate maybe, but to criticize yourself just because it takes
kind of maybe courage or we think it's a bit arrogant, you know,
to like love ourselves and to be there for ourselves.
Stuff so i saw related thoughts exactly like a
few minutes ago honestly and what i did it's just like
(38:37):
first i'm trying to tell myself like i want to be in integrity with my
work so i want to be a product of my product so you can do
this of course i have a little bit of this but that
being said i put just two hands on my chest like and
i just tell myself like okay again being a
product of my product like it's nothing has gone wrong it's this
kind of little thought like it happens and it
(38:57):
doesn't mean anything about the coach that i am the
conversation that i have like you meeting you i'm trying not to identify myself
like as maybe i'm not as confident coach as i should be there's no should they're
just having a human experience a human life which is honestly my brain will
offer me this kind of stuff because again it wants you and all of your audience to who love me.
(39:20):
I think to just reassure ourselves that it will happen and it's never, it's a moving target.
You know, we want to be confident, but I think like life and also circumstances
will not test us, but it will offer us occasion to kind of shake this confidence.
And as long as we are here for ourselves, again, to use all of these experiences
as a way to love ourselves more, to find empathy, for sure, for us and for ourselves.
(39:43):
And yeah, anyway, I see no upside of beating ourselves up.
So what's the alternative? but it does take practice I think and it goes also
with the idea of like choosing consciously,
intentionally as you talked about to not accept beating
ourselves up so my brain is offering me these thoughts but I am not believing
them I just look at them like train passing in a train station clouds in the
(40:06):
sky and it's a practice but you redirect your brain redirect on what you ask
me and there we go this is how it's a practice but everybody can do it I have no doubt about it.
I absolutely love that you share that because I know I struggle with that, too.
And actually, like, I've had podcast episodes where I'm thinking,
(40:27):
like, you know, I didn't, I don't think I did as well as I could have done.
Yeah. And like, I don't know. And I was, I think, like, I'll be telling my husband
or telling my mom, like, you know, I don't think that was my best work, you know.
And I don't know, maybe I could have been extra tired or something that day,
but I try to give myself kind of that grace, and that it's okay, like...
(40:50):
I'm somewhat of a new podcaster. I also do YouTube.
When I first started out, this can be applied to anything that you start for the first time.
As they say, practice takes perfect. Like, you know, when you,
when you do so many and then you kind of look back and you think about all of
the progress that you made along the way, doesn't, you know,
(41:12):
not to say that like you won't still make mistakes,
but like, how, like kind of see where you've come from and kind of see like,
oh, like, wow, I've really improved since I first started.
Started you know you kind of have to start in order to
to get to like you know from a to z you have to you
have to get started you know you kind of have to to do
to do the work and you're kind of like oh you know maybe that wasn't my my best
(41:33):
but i'm gonna you know vow to continue to to improve and i love that you shared
that because i yeah as i sometimes i'm editing my episodes and like thinking
i'm like i like i say um too much or i say like too much and i gotta edit this
out and And so I think honestly,
that's kind of how I kind of came up with the title of this podcast is just
like, you know, the empathy, like, I think we all can relate in that way.
(41:56):
And I think it's a way that we all can kind of unite and be empathetic with
one another because we're all human and we're all experiencing like these things.
But I think a lot of times it's not really talked about.
So I'm really glad that you shared that with us today.
Yeah. And I think, again, it's never black and white. This is also a cognitive
bias. Yes, you know, the brain cannot reinvent the wheel, so it's doing shortcuts
(42:18):
every day, but it's not black and white.
Like sometimes, exactly what you said, some days we are going to feel really
good about ourselves, sometimes not, but I think it's just part of the bigger
kind of... I believe we are all big messes, but good messes.
I think it's just part of the human nature.
Yeah, being alive and having a lot is an amazing brain, but at the same time,
it's a complex tool, you know?
(42:39):
So I think not to, again, beat ourselves up, but I really agree with you on this. And I think...
No like it's also nice to see i would like
to see other people you know like be themselves be authentic
so this is what i'm trying to embody as myself i
was like this is exactly who i am and we can have a wonderful life like for
sure even if we feel this way you know sometimes it doesn't have to be perfect
(43:00):
i believe 100 and i'm so grateful that you were able to join me today and i
i know it's late over where you are what time is it there it's 11 almost this is why.
I apologize, but I really wanted to talk to you.
Oh, thank you. That makes me like, I'm just so, I'm so honored that you say
that because I was actually, I woke up this morning and like,
(43:22):
you know, if I was still in France, it would be something like about 10 or 11 o'clock right now.
And I'm like, so I can totally understand. And I don't want to keep you,
you know, I want you to go and get some rest.
Thank you so much. Thank you for joining me. And I'm just so honored that,
you know, you took the time and, you know, to join me today.
And I do work at nine to five during the weekend.
(43:43):
So I know it's hard for folks to be able to pop on on the weekend or weeknights and what have you.
So I'm so thankful and I loved our conversation.
And before we hop off, can you tell our listeners where we can connect with
you or maybe where they can book a coaching session?
Yes, of course. Thank you so much for having me. I really had a good time.
(44:04):
So yeah, you can, like folks can find me on my website. So it's personal-zone.com.
And basically, this is a website I started also in 2017, like a blog.
So it's actually also a proof of confidence. You don't have to be ready, just start.
And I'm also on Instagram, you know, Tamaraphon Confidence Coach on Pinterest and a few platforms.
(44:26):
But for sure, you can find me if you write Tamaraphon, which is P-F-L-U-G,
which is like you're sneezing.
Nobody, I cannot even pronounce it. and you can find me on google also like
i have a few articles and some fun stuff in reserve,
awesome perfect yeah i'll make sure we include that in our show notes thank
you so much um so that way everyone can can check you out and yeah thank you
(44:50):
again so much for for joining me.
Music.
Music.
(00:17):
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to a Slice of Empathy podcast.
Today, we have the pleasure of hosting Tamara Flug, a fun and insightful confidence
coach who is dedicated to helping individuals lead more fulfilling lives.
You're ready to be inspired as Tamara shares her wisdom on embracing self-acceptance
and listening to our intuition.
Tamara, thank you so, so much for joining us today. Thank you so much.
(00:38):
No, really, I thank you a lot.
It's super nice. I always love also meeting new people and getting inspired. Me too, for sure. Sure.
Yeah, I'd love to learn a little bit more about your background and to take a peek a little bit.
I'd love to just kind of share with our listeners a little bit about yourself.
And we can go ahead and dive in from there. To be a teacher, and I loved it.
(00:59):
You know, kids are so simple, authentic, you know, they don't take things so
seriously, like up to a certain age.
So I love being a teacher. And at the same time, I realized a little bit that
like adults around me and kids around me, we kind of miss a little bit some
learning, such as building our confidence, I don't know, having our own back when we make decisions,
have better communication, have amazing relationships, deeply connect with other people.
(01:24):
I think those things truly make us happy.
So I started learning a bit of personal development, like listening to podcasts,
and I started really wanting to learn life coaching.
I heard about it, so this is how I graduated for my first coaching certification in 2015.
And since this day, I've been coaching on many topics such as time management,
(01:45):
dating was a very funny one, relationship, weight loss a little bit.
And then I saw that deep down, it comes often to like loving ourselves,
like giving ourselves permission to believe something about ourselves,
that we are worthy, that we are enough.
So this is how I decided to really coach people on confidence and to become
a confidence coach. And I use myself to struggle a lot with confidence,
(02:09):
wanting, you know, validation and approval from other people.
So this is how I said, like, I probably can help people because I get where they are.
But at the same time, I want to be here to, you know, in integrity with my work.
So I got coached a lot on this.
And I, if I could do this, I believe that everybody else can too.
So this is how I came to be a confidence coach.
And then I added the fun tagline because I believe that we take ourselves and
(02:31):
our lives very seriously. And we can all have much more uncomplicated lives. I love that.
Your words really resonate with me because even now, it's always something that
I'm still personally, even though in the past maybe 10 years,
I feel like my confidence has vastly improved.
I feel like it's always something I'm still working on and I think a lot of
our listeners can relate to. So I really appreciate you sharing that with us.
(02:55):
Yeah, I think, you know, we all are like struggling. I mean,
struggling, the word is strong, but it is true that at some point we feel confident
at some point, like we feel insecure.
I think it's not, you know, one kind of people are confident.
Other people are not. I think it's just, you know, an emotion generated by what we're thinking.
So sometimes we do have these thoughts coming up that generate insecurity and
self-doubt. So I totally get you where you're there. Yeah.
(03:19):
And it's funny because I have moments of where I feel really confident and I'm
not hyper-focused on what other people are thinking.
And then there are sometimes those moments of doubt that kind of creep in every now and again. in.
So I'm wondering if you can explain for those of us who may be struggling with
(03:41):
imposter syndrome and dealing with some of those barriers that prevent us from living our best lives,
what would you recommend if there's anything that you'd maybe like to speak on to that?
Or maybe your best words of advice would be to someone who might be going through that.
Yes, absolutely. So this is what I do all day long.
I'm glad to be helping you guys so i believe actually
(04:01):
that our brain's job you know is to keep us
alive and not to make us happy so basically it's
very predisposed like we have all of this amazing part
of our brain that is kind of primitive brain you know from our
brother and sister that were living in caves so it's just always
looking for danger it just always want
to make sure that we'll stay alive so when we
(04:23):
feel this self-imposed syndrome and i you know it's still
coming back to it it's just that i let's listen to
it and I'm gonna tell you more how to do it also it's yeah
it's just our brain literally when we feel this
impersonal syndrome it's probably usually when we do
something new you know the brain likes what is familiar you know
we also like our home we like to travel but it's just
(04:44):
comfortable we are comfortable with what we know which is the
same for our brain so what is happening is
that when we are taking risks or doing
something a bit different a bit of out of of comfort zone
like they like to say our brain is really like freaking
out it thinks that we are going to die so it
thinks it's very very risky kind of back to the old days in the caves risky
(05:06):
so it is going to offer us sorts of like you cannot do this this is really at
stake like you cannot go back something's wrong with you all of these things
that create insecurity or like like his imposter syndrome.
And the way to go, which is,
Very simple, but not easy to do because we are, again, our brain is on automatic,
(05:29):
you know, like we basically, we have all 60,000 thoughts per day.
And I heard recently that 95% of what we think like today, like every day is
what we've been thinking yesterday.
So again, of course we feel imposter syndrome because if we felt it yesterday,
our brain just think, yeah, they feel good like this. It saved them.
So I'm going to offer the same thoughts. So to answer your question,
the way to really do it to less actually feel this insecurity and this self-doubt
(05:56):
and imposter syndrome is to not believe our brain.
We are not our brain. We are not our thoughts.
So it's not because we believe, wow, this is very risky.
Even if it's not exactly the thought we have. It's maybe I may fail doing this presentation.
It doesn't mean anything about us. It doesn't mean anything about the presentation.
Interpretation it's just a thought that we happen like
(06:19):
to believe to be true so the way to go is to just
try to go out of your body and observe what
we are thinking which it's rich little voice you know that is chatting so much
in our head but really just to not believe everything we think we think it's
the reality but actually it's a it's an interpretation of the reality oh that
(06:39):
is so true True. And I definitely can relate to that.
And anytime I do any sort of public speaking, I try to remind myself that.
And generally, some of my thoughts when I find like kind of that anxiety kind
of creeping up and sometimes those moments of self-doubt, I'm like,
you know, what is the worst that can happen?
And I try to really analyze why am I feeling so anxious?
(07:03):
And then so I feel like when I get to the root of that, I'm like,
you know what? There isn't really a reason for me to feel that way.
And, you know, and so that's really, really kind of helped me kind of get over
that, that hurdle, I think.
And especially like when I started podcasting, I feel like that's kind of helped
(07:24):
as well with my speaking skills, because I'm always like, okay,
what if I run over my words? Or what if I do this and that?
And then at the end, I'm like, you know, that wasn't so bad.
I don't know why I was so anxious about that.
Yeah, that's so so good you're sharing this like it's true
it's it's not also you know the idea for example of we have
i'm maybe not good enough it's sometimes just a thought that we have you know
(07:45):
you me i think a lot of people but i like the idea i heard it one day that it's
not because i have to start like i'm maybe not good enough it doesn't mean anything
about how good enough i am it's just a thought you know so you can use it for
any thoughts you have you know that great and sneaky everything.
Exactly. I really love that. And it's funny.
I know, as you mentioned, we're so used to things that are comfortable to us.
(08:09):
And as I mentioned, I'm an avid traveler.
I love traveling, seeing different parts of the world. but when
it comes like to that you know before going on my flight
and i'm in i'm usually like in packing mode i
tend to get kind of anxious i'm like oh my gosh like
do i have everything and yeah i kind of get this
pre-travel anxiety as much as i love to travel i don't love kind of like the
(08:33):
few days kind of stress leading up to it and so i think it has to do with that
that you know making sure like oh i have those things that are comfortable to
me and so So something that I found that works for me as I kind of navigate that is,
you know, of course, I make sure that I take everything that I like,
know I'm going to need, like medicine, things like that.
(08:54):
But I'm like, you know, worst case scenario, if I forget something,
I probably could just buy it there and it's not going to be,
you know, it's going to be okay.
I feel like that's kind of helped me with the pre-travel anxiety because people
will be like, you love to travel so much. And they wouldn't think that I think
a lot of people may tend to go through something similar.
So I think sharing that has kind of helped a lot of people.
(09:16):
I'm like, you know, I'm traveling, but, you know, as a creature of habit,
you know, we're comfortable with the things that are familiar.
And, you know, for me, I know, especially like I get a little uncomfortable
with the fear of the unknown.
So I feel like I can definitely understand that.
Yeah. And I think, you know, it goes after to the idea when you mentioned traveling
and, you know, we talked about how much we both like to travel before jumping on this call.
(09:40):
But it's true that I what we can do also, which I think you've been using it
since you're doing public speaking.
It's also to expect, you know, these thoughts, these uncomfortability to show
up, you know. So every time before we travel, I really join you on this.
I expect I know I'm going to have thoughts like my brain will offer me the same
thoughts in the same situation of before traveling that it is going to be annoying
(10:01):
to pack. You know, like you're going to move to another place.
So I just expect and then I don't think that anything has gone wrong,
you know, and it just makes me kind of laugh.
And, you know, it's all going with the idea of empathy.
I think like just being like, yeah, I get it. It makes sense, brain.
You know, you're just trying, you know, and repeating yourself, you know.
(10:21):
Yeah, 100%. And I think kind of when thinking about that and thinking about our intuition,
can you you share with us how you help your clients kind of tap into that and
kind of learn to trust themselves more in some of their decision-making?
Yeah, so what is interesting, I think, is often, you know, because we have,
(10:42):
like, there is Google, there are so many things as of today,
you know, with AI and everything, there are so many ways that we can get answers
to every question we have.
But I think that the best is to cultivate the answer that comes from within,
because there are often really good answers.
You know, it's like when people give you advice, you're like,
I may try this, you know, it doesn't fit, you know, it's like a puzzle piece,
you know. So to answer your question, to listen to our intuition is really a practice.
(11:06):
It's like a muscle that we have to grow because I think the biggest fear behind
is not to be in touch with intuition is we are afraid that we may be wrong and
then take action or do something that we may fail.
And again, the brain doesn't like negative, uncomfortable emotion because if
it's, for example, around the emotion of fear, the brain literally thinks that
it's a sign that we may be at risk of our life, you know, for our life.
(11:30):
So to answer your question, what we do usually in the coaching sessions is we
look always, you know, for like where people feel this confusion or overwhelm,
where they are kind of situation that like they feel stuck, they want to change something.
So we look at what do they think the answer.
You know, I always like to say I live in the, I work in the business of possibilities.
(11:52):
You know, I believe that everything is possible.
We can have it all. So when we actually look at a specific problem,
like somebody that is feeling stuck in like a situation, we look at what they're
thinking about it. Like, what do they, why do they feel stuck?
Usually it's a bunch of thoughts, you know, that they are sharing.
And then we look at all of them and see if they are true, if it's serving them to sing them.
(12:15):
And then we look at what would be the solution, the strategy to overcome,
like to get unstuck or anything that happened.
It's just easier to look at specific situation in people's life
so this is how we build slowly slowly the intuition and
we go with the idea that my first guest
is my best answer and then we go with it and we practice you know celebrating
(12:37):
if it's working out no matter the situation that we have in our life instead
of looking on the inside for answers we look on the inside and yeah instead
of looking on the outside we look on the inside and we try and worst case I always like to say this,
the worst case that can happen always is an emotion.
So it's rejection, failure.
And then we learn also, you know, the confidence coaching. For me,
(12:59):
it's all about the willingness and the ability to feel any kind of emotion.
This is, I think, where the secret of genuine confidence resides.
So to answer your question, it's a practice.
And yeah, it just works. I'm sure we have all the answers inside of us. I'm convinced of this.
Absolutely. I really love that. And kind of touching on that,
(13:19):
when it comes to kind of decision-making and thinking about our confidence levels.
I know there are so many different voices like outside of us,
could be family members, could be friends, could be people, anyone around us.
And I think when we're in that decision-making process, or maybe we have something
in mind that we've already decided, but then some of the outside feedback kind of comes in.
(13:44):
How would you suggest to any of your clients or maybe some of our listeners
who might be struggling with that? like outside opinions, maybe they feel like
they're being influenced.
And how would you kind of advise someone who might be going through that?
Even if it's maybe the feedback is well intended, but maybe they don't agree
with it, but it causes them maybe to question their own judgment.
(14:06):
How would you advise someone who might be going through that?
Yes, absolutely. So I like to tell people, and I will tell you today also,
that in the world, it's something also that I learned in one of my coaching
certifications, and it's based on on cognitive behavioral therapy.
That our thoughts create our reality.
You know, I mentioned that what we're thinking, this is what basically everything
(14:27):
we have in our life was first created in like what we're thinking.
I don't even think it's that spiritual.
I think it's kind of a low like gravity, you know? So anyway,
so what I was saying is that in the world, so there are two things,
you know, there are circumstances on one side, like there are neutral facts
such as your age, the capital of the country,
the weather, which I'm not sure it's totally like a neutral fact,
(14:48):
but it's a fact that we all agree on in a court of law.
And then what is amazing and where all of our power resides is in what we're
thinking, these thoughts, about the circumstances.
So until today, we usually think automatically, you know, something happened
or there is a circumstance or somebody is telling us something and we have a thought about it.
But actually, our power really resides in choosing intentionally what we want
(15:13):
to think about what this person has told us.
Have has told us told us sorry
it's getting late so the way to go actually is uh
it's such a good question you're asking because we all face it you know people
as you mentioned have really good intention so what
when someone is telling us something like giving us feedback it is a neutral
circumstance until we have a thought about it you know people used to like to
(15:36):
say they hurt my feelings but there's always what the person is saying and right
between how we feel and what what this person, like what this person said,
there is something we're thinking, the way we interpret it, which always,
you know, it's a good example that sometimes in a similar situation,
two people will have a complete different reaction, you know,
because again, it's what they make it mean, like what they're thinking about this feedback.
(15:59):
So to answer your question, the way to go is to really look at it again from
a place of empathy, like compassion and curiosity, and look at this feedback
and first acknowledge that, yeah, it is for sure coming from a good place.
I believe that people, as clumsy as it looks, they always have a good intention
behind, like they want a positive result to anything they're doing.
(16:20):
And so the way to go really is to question yourself, like, okay,
this is what they told me.
It's fine. It's not true until I have a thought. And then to realize,
so, okay, is there some truth into this? Do I want to implement it?
What do I think about it?
Very often we want people to give us like approval, validation,
you know, tell us like, I'm proud of you or like, I believe in you.
(16:43):
So then we ourselves can tell ourselves this,
you know, so this is, I think it's very empowering because when you think about
it, when it comes to confidence and yeah, all of these emotions of like,
yeah, feeling generally good on the inside,
there's never going to be enough people that can tell us something
until we like believe it ourselves in our
bones you know so really to just take the
(17:05):
feedback take the best leave the rest of the feedback and
wonder if we can apply it like implement it in
our life and try to be really curious and look at if like it is true for us
and if we can also just like again leave it alone and not implement it but very
often the best defense is to attack back you know because there is a truth like
(17:26):
a part of it of the feedback that we might.
We consider to be true so it's just always I think people are our best teachers
you know so people can tell us stuff and it's always something we will have
a thought about it and this is where the best personal development journey can,
be you know in what people are telling us because they're just a reflection
of what we're thinking on the inside you know,
(17:47):
That's 100%. I 100% agree with that. And it's something that I've learned somewhere recently.
I think, like people say in different ways, but like, like kind of take some and leave some.
So sometimes like, you know, if it's like maybe from a parent or a family member
or friend, and maybe the advice is well intended, and maybe there's parts of
(18:09):
it, you're like, how's you kind of maybe to think, well, maybe that's true.
But also like maybe there are some things you don't agree
with or that align with your own values so that's kind
of where i think well maybe they're like kind of the take some and leave
some method kind of guys because i think we're all you know we're all humans
with their own unique experiences and you know wants and likes and for example
(18:32):
i have several friends who they don't understand why i like to travel and that
i don't you know it's hard for me to relate to them sometimes because I'm like, I don't understand,
you know, I, I, I can't imagine a world like where I'm not traveling,
but you know, I understand like, you know, their thoughts and feelings are, that's totally valid,
even though I personally can't relate to it. They have a different perspective.
(18:53):
You know, I totally respect that, even though that's not for me.
And maybe they like, you know, like we, sometimes we don't get each other.
And, and that way, I think what it comes down to is, you know,
we respect that maybe we have some differences in and that area.
And so sometimes, like, I try to understand why, like, they're lying to thinking,
you know, like, maybe they like that there are some downsides of traveling and
(19:16):
vice versa, like, for sure.
Like, my mom and I were just talking about it recently,
you know, there are just one of my things that I like to implement when I'm
traveling is kind of expect the unexpected or plan for the unexpected,
because I'm very much a planner, but sometimes things don't always go to of plan.
And sometimes it happens, you kind of have to kind of expect it and kind of
(19:37):
plan for the unplanned, I guess I, I should say.
And, and so I know, for a lot of people that would cause them like a lot of
anxiety, and, you know, frustration.
And so I and that way, what I see like that, like, I can understand that maybe
like, why this may not be for everybody. And I totally, I totally get that.
So I think, you know, as you were mentioning with being, like more intuitive
(20:02):
Intuitive and kind of like thinking about like what your, what your personal
wants and desires are and being more intentional.
I think that's one of the things that I've been working on personally within
the last couple of years is being intentional to my wants and desires,
regardless of maybe what other people might think.
And of course, I know like for the most part, like the advice might be coming
(20:24):
from a very loving place, but maybe there's just areas where we may not agree
on things and that's okay, you know? So I definitely, I love your thoughts on that.
No, it's amazing. I think, you know, it's funny you mentioned this about traveling
because people always tell me, for example, I could not have my own home because
we travel every three months, you know, we are there and we move very, very often.
(20:45):
As much as we do slow travel, so we kind of build our home everywhere we go.
I do understand that there are some, you know, positive and negative in everything
in life. I can, when people used to tell me this, I got a bit offended,
like trying to justify, you know, why I was having this lifestyle and what is
better, not better, but like not trying to convince, but just defend,
you know, my point of view.
But again, it goes down to the idea that when you are at peace with what you
(21:09):
think like is okay for you.
And again, thinking, seeking validation and approval, people,
it's never going to be enough.
You know, people are again, telling us your lifestyle is amazing.
Like it all depends what we believe on the inside. side
I think this is why people are always amazing teachers to just
look at the not where our work is I don't
want to make it sound serious but just something I wonder why
(21:31):
like they're telling me this and why do I feel this way why do I feel so offended
probably maybe I believe it to be true maybe it's a problem just to again just
for fun to look at it from a place of fun and again I said compassion and curiosity
just I wonder why I react like this and I think being curious is everything
It just makes the, instead of beating ourselves up, you know, I think.
But I really can relate with everything you said. It's exactly,
(21:53):
yeah, we're all the same for this, I think.
I love that you kind of said it better. I think it was just amazing how you
said that because I think like, yeah, ultimately,
I think, you know, we have to be true to our own experiences and sometimes people
are going to have, maybe from their own experiences, they're going to have different
thoughts on it and that's okay.
And yeah, so I really, really appreciate your thoughts on that.
(22:16):
Yeah, absolutely. And I just wanted to ask you, actually, I'm curious for the
intuition one, I wanted to ask you, and I forgot, what do you think can help
people build their intuition?
Like, how did you, you said you wanted to live more intentionally?
Is it connected for you together? Or are you just like, wanting to just build your intuition?
Like, what do you have to say about this? I always love, you know,
having, hearing other people's point of view on this. Oh, for sure.
(22:36):
So I think for me, living intentionally is kind of living like to be my most authentic self.
And that's like regardless of maybe outside opinions or thoughts and,
and just kind of like, even if it's like breaking the status quo or something
that's like, if it makes me happy, then that's what matters.
(22:59):
And it's funny, my husband and I were just having like this conversation not too long ago.
And I actually really admire him because he said, you know, he's like,
you know, if it makes us happy, like he's like, I honestly, I really don't care
like what other people think.
And I really admired that about him because like for me, for like so long,
I was like, I would let like outside feedback really kind of get to my mind,
(23:23):
get to my brain and kind of make me question the things that I'm doing.
And I think that within the last couple of years living intentionally for me
means like, you know, doing things that bring me joy, whether,
you know, outside folks may agree with that or not.
And I think just being true to myself and living the life that I want to live,
(23:45):
no matter what people think, I think is like how you can be your most authentic self. Yeah.
Yeah and you know it's so funny i think what it's we are really the
same because without sounding it's so cliche you know i just like
that he's like my partner he's so practical and stuff
so i join you so much on this because he used to say but who cares like why
do you care about their opinion and i was like yeah it's right slowly slowly
(24:07):
you know it doesn't always easy again it's like you know he telling me this
when i have this in the circumstance you know like as he's telling me who cares
my brain straight offers me the sort of but then they won't love you like like this,
you know, of course it's offering me, you know what I'm talking about?
But then he's like, but who cares? What do you care so much?
I'm just mad, you know, like not getting it.
Yeah. I love that you mentioned that because I think that it stems from so many
(24:32):
things like self-love, confidence, and living intentionally,
as you mentioned, like a lot of people, you know, and I think it's a human thing. We want validation.
And when we think about when we don't have that validation, are we losing that person's love?
And I think for me, it's like, it comes to like
reminding myself you know that does it doesn't necessarily mean
that that person loves me or likes me any less even if
(24:54):
we don't agree on something and that's okay
now if this is something that really breaks
our relationship like maybe i should maybe rethink
that relationship right um yeah but um yeah and i i think that's that's can
be really really helpful to kind of remind ourselves that like you know it's
not i think we have these like worst case scenarios is in our mind that can
(25:19):
happen if we deviate from the norm or maybe, you know.
If we exercise our confidence to a level that maybe others are uncomfortable
with, you know, I just kind of think, oh, you know, this person is going to
say that or what are people going to think of me?
And, you know, I think, yeah, there's a lot of truth to that. A hundred percent.
Yeah. And, you know, just to add this, because it goes with the first advice,
(25:40):
you know, I asked me like how to when we feel some impersonal syndrome coming up.
I think the idea of, you know, we want other people to love us.
It's when you get aware of it like when you know that
it's something you're thinking it goes back again to reassuring ourselves
that it's our brain that this little part very little
part but there is a part in our brain that is that wants us to be a part of
the tribe you know so I think back then again if you're alone and not being
(26:03):
loved it means yeah really you literally there are chances you may die so I
think it's a good way like you know to make peace also with like I've been thinking
this I don't want them to to be depending on their love but I think from a place again of of empathy,
compassion, and curiosity towards ourselves and our brain that,
again, its job is just to keep us alive and not make us happy.
(26:24):
It's just kind of relieving to know, ah, I just have a healthy brain.
It's working perfectly. It just wants me to be a part of the tribe.
So it doesn't want me to be loved by anybody. But again, the most important,
as you mentioned, is us to love ourself, I think.
It's the easiest and most efficient way, I believe.
Exactly. And I love that. Yeah. And kind of like leading into my next question,
(26:46):
when we talk about, you know, like the influence of others and opinions of others
and influencing our life and decisions and confidence,
in your experience, can you tell us about how building that confidence can maybe
impact other areas of our lives, such as like maybe our relationships or career
friendships that we might have?
(27:08):
Yes. So actually what is interesting is that often we think that others have
to change, the world has to change, you know, our job has to be different so then we can feel better.
But as we talked about before, the circumstances like things around us are kind
of neutral and we can always, you know, choose to look at it a certain way that
actually makes us feel good. So people are always, you know,
(27:30):
neutral circumstances.
Like basically we try to change the world and we try to change people and our
job, you know, to feel better.
But actually it's always, again, we will have a thought about these neutral
circumstances, like about someone, about our job, about like the world,
and then we can feel good.
But the best way is to do it. The opposite is to feel good first and it will influence our life.
(27:54):
So for example the relationship i believe that
you need just one person to improve any relationship
that you have which means that you don't have to have the
heavy conversation or like i need to
tell her my truth and then she will you know apply
it and our relationship will be better the best is always
to what we think we have problem in our
(28:14):
relationship it's often thoughts that sort error
that we have about this person you know we could talk
hours about this but so the best way to answer the way to
go is really actually to find peace
on the inside to you know find his i
like to say genuine emotional peace and freedom confidence for me it really
goes back to having the willingness again and the ability to feel any kind of
(28:37):
emotion and then basically nothing can touch you like in your life life can
things can happen and a lot of adversity but you know that the worst that can
can happen is an emotion.
And you know that you can handle any kind of emotion. So really,
this confidence deep down again, people are doing things, the world is happening,
and you have this kind of bubble where you feel really, really at peace.
(29:00):
And then you deal with things, but from a completely different energy,
you know, you're not trying to solve problems, you just go through life,
you have negative emotions, and you deal with them. And.
What is amazing is that we want other people to change. We want the world to change, as I mentioned.
But when we change, it's crazy because in our attitude, you know,
(29:20):
we see people sitting down, like
walking down the street, you could almost guess what they're thinking.
So it has such a big influence on our state of mind and of surrounding when we work on ourselves.
And I think it's very simple. The work is just paying attention to what we're
thinking and, yeah, be much more, as you said, intentional with what we're thinking.
(29:40):
I think we should choose our thoughts, like what we're thinking,
as we choose our closest every day. It would be much more efficient.
So this is the biggest impact of feeling genuinely at peace on the inside.
I love that. And I definitely think feeling at peace with our own wants and
desires is crucial to having that confidence and especially having the longevity
(30:02):
of it and having that last.
Steven, sometimes maybe those thoughts kind of might come in every now and then,
the self-doubt thoughts.
So I'm thinking that with that, is there a particular experience or a story
that maybe you could share in maybe one of your coaching sessions,
a success story that you may have worked with someone who's really like kind
(30:27):
of stands on top of your mind that you'd like to maybe share with us?
Yes, thank you for asking. One that I really like is, you know,
we can use this personal development a bit against ourselves,
you know, such as something's wrong with me, something has to be fixed.
I can do better than this. And it goes with the idea of when I'm going to reach
there, when I'm going to get there, then I will be worthy.
(30:48):
See so there is something that i love to
do is of course i like you know coaching my clients i
take what they're telling me very seriously and at the same time i
just want to like for all of us to loosen it
up a bit like to for example decision making his
client came with the idea of like wanting
to be an amazing decision maker but the way
(31:08):
that she was talking about it was really that actually she
like kind of the moment that she
will be able to make good decisions she will feel proud
she will feel you know like confident and around
this idea of making better decision we talked
about first of course what decision making is all about and that
we there's no right or wrong decision there's just a decision we decide to make
(31:30):
right and have our own back like as i mentioned before but what i want to share
with this is from everything that people are your audience is like listening
from your podcast is to not use this work against ourselves to also take it
easy and And the approach.
I think the way we approach thought work will determine our experience of it.
You know, I like to say that our attitude determines our experience.
(31:51):
So all of this, it's also just for fun.
We're not going to get worse here or there because I believe,
you know, we are worse just as we are.
And I like, you know, to give the example of like newborn, you know,
they just basically just were born and everybody's crazier about them.
They are so important, so valuable.
And when you think about it, they did not achieve anything. They did not even
(32:13):
say anything and they almost like cry a lot and everything, but people find
them so valuable, important.
So this is why I want to say that nobody has to do anything to become worthy.
I think we were born like this and then we do it actually just for the fun, you know,
So this is what I would say. I love that.
And I'm so glad you shared that because I think like, you know,
(32:36):
even for me and maybe some of our listeners too, I think when we kind of struggle
with confidence, I think it's partially in because of maybe that fear of making the wrong decision.
And I know, you know, depending on, you know, someone's past,
there might be so many different variables to that.
But I think there is a lot of fear. Oh, I'm going to make the wrong decision.
(32:57):
And I'm going to make the wrong choice.
But I think also there is some liberation in the thought that,
you know, like you said, I love that, you know, there are no wrong decisions. It's just a decision.
I love that you said that because I think that, you know, we need to normalize,
like, you know, if we make a choice and maybe that necessarily we just,
we figure out later that that wasn't the right choice for us,
(33:19):
normalizing that, you know, that's okay. That's, you know, know,
kind of how we learn and discover.
But I think like in the, in this world of like,
kind of like perfectionism, I think folks are worried about making the wrong
choice or maybe making a choice that kind of, you know, is it what they wanted
to do or maybe kind of brings them back from where they were hoping to be.
(33:40):
And so I really love that you touched on that because I think a lot of folks
really struggle with that.
And so I think, I know for me personally, I've made a lot of decisions,
you know, maybe that wasn't the best decision, but, you know,
I probably wouldn't be here today if I hadn't made that learning process.
And that's okay. Like, it's okay to like make decisions and,
(34:01):
you know, and find out, well, maybe that, you know, wasn't the best,
but, you know, here I learned from it and, you know, how else can you learn?
So I love that you mentioned that. No, and you can always make another decision.
I think this is, you know, what I wanted to say. People make it like,
take it so seriously, like decision making. You know what I said before,
it sounds just so heavy that this is one of the moments that I like to share
(34:21):
before is just to make it all so clear.
Not chill and relax, but not taking it so seriously. I think our life is very seriously.
Like, you know, of course, I help people have a better life and feel better.
And at the same time, just to, you know, sometimes relax and just realize that it's worse case.
I think decision, you know, you can always make another one.
But I agree with you. We are all afraid that they will be, you know,
like a bad, that it will be a bad decision.
(34:43):
And I think it's more what we will make it mean, you know, again,
that we're a bad decision maker, that we are a bad person.
I think people do believe this sometimes about themselves, which is normal.
I love that you mentioned that because I think, and even for me personally,
like, I think a lot of folks, they associate with maybe making a bad choice
or a bad decision with, does this, like, make me a bad person?
(35:05):
And I know I've struggled with that in the past. It's like, okay, I'm a bad person.
I made a bad choice. you know and and i think that like it's it's it kind of
humanizes us when we think about that you know and not you know and just kind
of bringing it back to you know this doesn't make me a bad person maybe i made
you know a bad decision or something like that or a bad person.
(35:29):
Yeah it's and it's what you said you know i think it's the idea of not identifying
identifying with our thoughts you know because we believe this about ourselves
we put ourselves like in the a box that, yeah, we are bad at decision making.
You know, people come often with this, like, I did so many bad decisions,
you know, but I think also, you know, there are small decisions we do.
I think there are also something like 60,000 or so decisions we make per day,
(35:50):
a lot unconsciously, you know, like, I'm brushing my teeth and all of this,
but we can be a good decision maker when we look at all the decisions that,
Like that the good decisions we made and we make so many more,
but again, the brain likes to, you know, to repeat the past.
So it is going to offer us negative thoughts about the like negative,
bad quote unquote like decision that we made.
But actually it's again, what you said about being intentional and looking at
(36:14):
all the good decisions we made. Yes.
And I love that you mentioned that. I didn't realize that like we made so many
decisions per day, but it makes sense.
And I think that might be where like the term like decision fatigue kind of
comes in because I've experienced this personally.
Like, it tires me, like, when I figure out, like, oh, I have all these decisions
to make, and I'm just like, oh, they're busted.
(36:37):
No, no, 100%. And I think it's, no, it's exactly, you know, you just said it all.
But it's true, the decision-making, it's very tiring. It's why a lot of people
talk about constraints, you know, just, for example, for closers,
just, you know, to make, to, yeah, have, the brain doesn't like to use energy.
Again, I think it's from the past. He just wants to make sure we save it for
the real risk that can happen. So he hates spending energy. This is why also we get tired.
(37:01):
And I think easily also because it's not made for this, all of these decisions,
you know, in the past, I think it was not that critical, you know,
all of these decisions as of today.
And kind of with that in mind, kind of bringing it home a little bit.
Can you tell us a little bit about how, you know, you are able to maintain your
own sense of confidence and positivity, especially maybe if you are maybe faced
(37:26):
with any setbacks or challenges?
If you maybe could share that with our listeners, how you're able to kind of
remain confident, even if sometimes maybe you might have a setback or some intrusive
thought maybe occurs. Sure.
Yeah. And it's so funny, honestly, Valérie, that you mentioned this because
I just like honestly felt it right doing this podcast recording with you.
The thing is, I think it's like a hammer. You know, you can use it or to build
(37:50):
a house or you can use it to kill someone, which because I love this kind of TV shows and movies.
But I mean, it all depends what we use it for. So like really to give an example,
like I believe we can use everything again against ourselves,
like to beat ourselves up or to love ourselves more.
So what is funny, and I'm going to be transparent here and mention it,
is like you asked me a question and suddenly I had thoughts such as,
you have to say something smart or like, I don't know, my brain offered me something.
(38:14):
I got blank. I forgot what you told me.
And I really liked the first reaction always because I think it is easier to
hate yourself, not hate maybe, but to criticize yourself just because it takes
kind of maybe courage or we think it's a bit arrogant, you know,
to like love ourselves and to be there for ourselves.
Stuff so i saw related thoughts exactly like a
few minutes ago honestly and what i did it's just like
(38:37):
first i'm trying to tell myself like i want to be in integrity with my
work so i want to be a product of my product so you can do
this of course i have a little bit of this but that
being said i put just two hands on my chest like and
i just tell myself like okay again being a
product of my product like it's nothing has gone wrong it's this
kind of little thought like it happens and it
(38:57):
doesn't mean anything about the coach that i am the
conversation that i have like you meeting you i'm trying not to identify myself
like as maybe i'm not as confident coach as i should be there's no should they're
just having a human experience a human life which is honestly my brain will
offer me this kind of stuff because again it wants you and all of your audience to who love me.
(39:20):
I think to just reassure ourselves that it will happen and it's never, it's a moving target.
You know, we want to be confident, but I think like life and also circumstances
will not test us, but it will offer us occasion to kind of shake this confidence.
And as long as we are here for ourselves, again, to use all of these experiences
as a way to love ourselves more, to find empathy, for sure, for us and for ourselves.
(39:43):
And yeah, anyway, I see no upside of beating ourselves up.
So what's the alternative? but it does take practice I think and it goes also
with the idea of like choosing consciously,
intentionally as you talked about to not accept beating
ourselves up so my brain is offering me these thoughts but I am not believing
them I just look at them like train passing in a train station clouds in the
(40:06):
sky and it's a practice but you redirect your brain redirect on what you ask
me and there we go this is how it's a practice but everybody can do it I have no doubt about it.
I absolutely love that you share that because I know I struggle with that, too.
And actually, like, I've had podcast episodes where I'm thinking,
(40:27):
like, you know, I didn't, I don't think I did as well as I could have done.
Yeah. And like, I don't know. And I was, I think, like, I'll be telling my husband
or telling my mom, like, you know, I don't think that was my best work, you know.
And I don't know, maybe I could have been extra tired or something that day,
but I try to give myself kind of that grace, and that it's okay, like...
(40:50):
I'm somewhat of a new podcaster. I also do YouTube.
When I first started out, this can be applied to anything that you start for the first time.
As they say, practice takes perfect. Like, you know, when you,
when you do so many and then you kind of look back and you think about all of
the progress that you made along the way, doesn't, you know,
(41:12):
not to say that like you won't still make mistakes,
but like, how, like kind of see where you've come from and kind of see like,
oh, like, wow, I've really improved since I first started.
Started you know you kind of have to start in order to
to get to like you know from a to z you have to you
have to get started you know you kind of have to to do
to do the work and you're kind of like oh you know maybe that wasn't my my best
(41:33):
but i'm gonna you know vow to continue to to improve and i love that you shared
that because i yeah as i sometimes i'm editing my episodes and like thinking
i'm like i like i say um too much or i say like too much and i gotta edit this
out and And so I think honestly,
that's kind of how I kind of came up with the title of this podcast is just
like, you know, the empathy, like, I think we all can relate in that way.
(41:56):
And I think it's a way that we all can kind of unite and be empathetic with
one another because we're all human and we're all experiencing like these things.
But I think a lot of times it's not really talked about.
So I'm really glad that you shared that with us today.
Yeah. And I think, again, it's never black and white. This is also a cognitive
bias. Yes, you know, the brain cannot reinvent the wheel, so it's doing shortcuts
(42:18):
every day, but it's not black and white.
Like sometimes, exactly what you said, some days we are going to feel really
good about ourselves, sometimes not, but I think it's just part of the bigger
kind of... I believe we are all big messes, but good messes.
I think it's just part of the human nature.
Yeah, being alive and having a lot is an amazing brain, but at the same time,
it's a complex tool, you know?
(42:39):
So I think not to, again, beat ourselves up, but I really agree with you on this. And I think...
No like it's also nice to see i would like
to see other people you know like be themselves be authentic
so this is what i'm trying to embody as myself i
was like this is exactly who i am and we can have a wonderful life like for
sure even if we feel this way you know sometimes it doesn't have to be perfect
(43:00):
i believe 100 and i'm so grateful that you were able to join me today and i
i know it's late over where you are what time is it there it's 11 almost this is why.
I apologize, but I really wanted to talk to you.
Oh, thank you. That makes me like, I'm just so, I'm so honored that you say
that because I was actually, I woke up this morning and like,
(43:22):
you know, if I was still in France, it would be something like about 10 or 11 o'clock right now.
And I'm like, so I can totally understand. And I don't want to keep you,
you know, I want you to go and get some rest.
Thank you so much. Thank you for joining me. And I'm just so honored that,
you know, you took the time and, you know, to join me today.
And I do work at nine to five during the weekend.
(43:43):
So I know it's hard for folks to be able to pop on on the weekend or weeknights and what have you.
So I'm so thankful and I loved our conversation.
And before we hop off, can you tell our listeners where we can connect with
you or maybe where they can book a coaching session?
Yes, of course. Thank you so much for having me. I really had a good time.
(44:04):
So yeah, you can, like folks can find me on my website. So it's personal-zone.com.
And basically, this is a website I started also in 2017, like a blog.
So it's actually also a proof of confidence. You don't have to be ready, just start.
And I'm also on Instagram, you know, Tamaraphon Confidence Coach on Pinterest and a few platforms.
(44:26):
But for sure, you can find me if you write Tamaraphon, which is P-F-L-U-G,
which is like you're sneezing.
Nobody, I cannot even pronounce it. and you can find me on google also like
i have a few articles and some fun stuff in reserve,
awesome perfect yeah i'll make sure we include that in our show notes thank
you so much um so that way everyone can can check you out and yeah thank you
(44:50):
again so much for for joining me.
Music.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.