Ep 52 | Defying The Odds: My Unexpected Path to Motherhood feat. Steph Bennett

Today, we'll dive deep into the unexpected path that our guest, Steph, took to become a mother. We'll be exploring the emotions Steph felt when faced with the news that having children might not be possible, and how they navigated the world of fertility treatments, dating, and self-discovery. We'll also be discussing the importance of finding support, the impact of societal pressures, and the incredible power of trusting your instincts.

I hope you are encouraged and motivated to pursue your dreams regardless of if you can follow the traditional route or create your own.

Follow us on Instagram: @EveryLPodcast for exclusive content

More about Steph:

Solo mama, marketing and social media consultant, and host of For the Love of Kids podcast.

Stephanie is a marketing and social media consultant with twenty years of experience and has worked for some incredible brands during that time including Nespresso, Lavazza, Pernod Ricard, Google, Gatwick Airport, RSPCC, Harrods, Hotels.com, and Great Ormond Street Hospital. 

Now a freelance consultant she provides marketing and social media services, website development, produces podcasts, is a mentor, trainer and business development strategist.   She’s also launched a parenting podcast, 'For the Love of Kids' to share her experiences and those of others; a passion project inspired by her pursuit of becoming a solo parent and raising a toddler. 

Steph is never one to shy away from following her instincts, Steph believes in never settling for anything less than butterflies and has found real purpose in working on the things that really matter to her in life.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I'd just lost my stepsister to breast cancerat 36, six months before I got my diagnosis.
I was about to go through Christmas with myfamily and I couldn't tell them because I didn't
want them to know because at that stage I didn'tknow if it was benign or malignant. For me,
that first year of being diagnosed was painfulbecause I couldn't share it with a lot of people.

(00:22):
I just had my immediate universe. I couldn'ttell my family. I couldn't understand it fully.
I did not know what. how it was going to shapemy future or if I had a future.

(00:44):
Welcome ladies and gentlemen, I'm your hostMatt Brown and you're listening to the EveryL
Podcast. Each episode we'll have a differentguest come on and talk about when life hangs
you in L, is it really a loss or is it somethingelse? Because not every L is a loss. So sit
back, relax or do what every guy do to get comfortableas we get into this. Let's go!

(01:17):
Hello and welcome to another episode of EveryoPodcast, where we have different guests come
on and talk about situations in their life whereat the time they're stacking things up and
it was meant to go one way, and instead it didn'tgo that way at all. It went a different way.
How did they deal with it? How did they overcomeit? What emotions did they feel? What support
was available to them? Did they respond in anegative or positive way? We're gonna find

(01:40):
out, because I'm sure each and every one ofus have been in situations. where we plan things
to go a certain way and for whatever reasonit didn't happen. And then where they're left
with a decision to make in terms of how we react.When you're in the midst of a situation like
that, it's very easy to not understand the long-termramifications of such situation. But through

(02:01):
hearing the stories of different individuals,hopefully it will paint a better picture of
what your reality could look like if you juststayed the course and kept going rather than
giving up. These guests are gonna talk abouttheir lived experiences because they're kind
enough to come on and share them. I cannot stresshow much I am grateful for each and every one

(02:22):
of my guests for coming and sharing what theydo because it's a very sensitive and intimate
conversation we'll be having. But it's all inhope that it will give people hope, inspiration,
let them feel less alone and acknowledge thattheir situation isn't favorable, but it doesn't
mean that they're right now is there forever.I'm gonna say something that's always cliche,

(02:43):
but I stand by it, it's fine. I stand by it.I have a fantastic guest. Her name is Steph.
Steph I've known, which feels like a lifetimeago now, but she is a fantastic, fantastic
individual. What she doesn't know, mainly, Idon't think she knows this. I met her shortly,

(03:04):
no, I think I met her during my massive boutof depression and anxiety. which I don't think
I was able to necessarily articulate in sucha way, but we were vlogging and she helped
host this VEDA vlog every day in April or August,depending on which month you're in. And she

(03:24):
was just such an accommodating individual. Shewas nice, she got together a nice little community
and she would be responsive, just a really pleasantperson. And it was something I didn't know
I needed, especially since I was entering intoa space that I hadn't entered in before. I'd
watch YouTube, but I'd never got involved init. I never had the time to, I was always in

(03:45):
work. And when work went left instead of right,and I had time on my side because I was depressed
and had anxiety, I kind of faked it. I wantedto let people think I was okay. So I would
say I was okay, but my face wasn't matching.So then I started doing videos, I started doing
little things like that. And eventually I gotinto VEDA, because it didn't push me to edit

(04:05):
things in a quicker pace and be more creative.And that's when I stumbled across Steph. Steph
from a distance watching what she's done, whatshe's achieved, she's nothing short of amazing.
Very dedicated career woman at the time in termsof what she did, how high she climbed the ladder,
what she sustained doing, which I think is importantbecause many of us can achieve certain things,

(04:25):
but can we sustain it? Different conversationaltogether. But she's always come across as
authentic and selfless in what she does. I havea soft spot for her for the reasons where whether
she knew it or not, she helped me in a massiveway just by allowing that space to be created
for me to enter in and to occupy. But now we'retalking, oh my gosh, life is very different.

(04:50):
Things are very different from where she wasto where she is now. However, I'm so grateful
for her to come on, to share her story and tolet us know a little bit more about what her
journey looked like from where she was to whereshe is. Anyway, I think that was a very long
intro. I do apologize. Steph, how are you doing?Matt, I am good. Thank you. Thank you so much

(05:11):
for having me on as your guest. And I am sopleased that what I did with Vader and the
vlogging helped you at that time, because it'sincredible, the power of community. And that's
why social media kind of lifted me out of bitof down space as well and social media in general.

(05:32):
And then vlogging was that next level for me.And it professionally, like connecting with
people. I've met some lifelong friends throughthat community, one of them being yourself
as well. And I think this is why I'm so excitedabout the podcast space as well, because we're
getting to see each other. We can see each other,you guys can hear us. But we get to interact

(05:58):
again. And we're not hiding behind the walls,which in the state of depression and anxiety,
you are confined within the walls of your ownmind. And until you step out of that, and until
you have those moments where you just talk,it doesn't matter what you're saying, but just
that act, that physical act of talking really,really takes your mind somewhere else and allows

(06:24):
you to kind of get through into a space andyou can go, I didn't think about that for a
second. Okay, I'm all right. Everything's gonnabe okay. And you can move forward. So I'm really
pleased I helped you. And I didn't know that.It's fine, it's fine. You wanted to know, I
wasn't in the rights head space and I was justtrying to get through. And yeah, as I said,

(06:44):
you facilitated and I greatly appreciate it.So do you mind sharing an introduction of yourself
that you feel comfortable sharing before wego on into your first L? Absolutely. So I am
Steph or Stephanie, depending on who you speakto and where you find me on social media. I
am a mom of a two-year-old. But more importantly,I'm a solo mom, solo by choice. I have my daughter

(07:12):
through fertility treatment and that is a bigpart of who I am now and the very different
part of who I was when I met you, Matt. So priorto that, and still currently, I am a marketing
consultant. I work in social media. I do a bitof yoga where I can, but I used to be a teacher

(07:32):
as well on the side of running an agency. Solife was very, very full with many, many things
until about two years ago. And now it's very,very full with two things, my daughter and
my cat. Um, actually probably three, cause mywork does come into play as well. It is a very
different type of full now with your daughter.Yeah, exactly. Completely different job, a

(07:58):
completely different hierarchy of prioritize,prioritize priorities. See, that's the whole
point. Right. Folks. And you probably identifyparents struggle with their vocabulary now
because we can't use words with too many syllablesaround youngsters. You have to simplify. So
when it, when it sort of caps beyond three syllables,you're like, ah, let's, how do I shorten this?
I did, uh, you know, I'm not ready for adultconversations right now, but it is. I am the,

(08:25):
the worst at kind of getting my daughter tosay worse, to see if she can say them. Um,
helicopter was fun for a while, but now it's,uh, come on Bumba. is a cucumber. Wow. Wow,
that's interesting. To be fair, I'm super lazyand people can come at me for it if they want
to. You choose my friend for stuff like that.Miss Rachel is just there for that. I just

(08:48):
have to correct the one. It's not Z, Zed. AndI don't care if you're listening to America
or Canada or wherever you're at and you sayZed, that's over there. Over here we say Zed.
Oh, yeah, I utilize the resource they have availableto me to help me. educate my children to the
standard they need to be. I am very much prowatching TV in YouTube and doing all those

(09:13):
things with my child because I need anotherperson to be able to help me do this. But also
I'm learning on the job, the amount of thingsin kids TV and movies these days, which are
actually targeted at adults is fascinating.And I remember reading Malcolm Gladwell's book
years ago around the creation of Sesame Street.and how that evolved over time. And he talks

(09:37):
about how it was creative for kids, but theparents weren't paying attention to the kids.
And so the kids were getting bored. And so theystarted kind of putting more things in that
would help the audience connect. And so thatthe families could then sit down together and
watch the show. And I loved hearing the factthat they don't even consider all of that.
And now watching things like Bing or what elseis there? I can't even think now. Another problem

(10:03):
with being a parent. too many TV shows thatare on that you can't remember. But so many
of them, I sit there and go, wow, this is amazing.I'm learning something from this. Yeah, like
in Cantor, like you learn about how it startedoff with a, sorry, spoiler alert, if anyone
watched it, but you hear how the grandma startedoff with the right intentions, but over time,
how she conducted herself trying to maintainthat, the people that potentially hurt during

(10:28):
that time. And it's just a way of us sort ofsay, oh, maybe I should stop and just check
and see. how other people have been about what'sbeing said and done and how I might make them
feel if they're not center stage sort of thing.Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so many, so many good
storylines in the encounter. I love it. My daughter'sfavorite, 100%. And good music too. Brilliant

(10:50):
music. Right, so the first L you said you'dlike to discuss, and I say first because it
is a second one. We just don't know if it'sgonna be on this episode or another, you'll
have to wait and see. The loss of the possibilityof being a mother. Now, reading that sounds
a bit challenging because me not being a womanwas never really a thought for me, if I'm honest,

(11:14):
because I just assumed that if I wanted a child,I'd be able to have a child. As I got older,
I realized life isn't like that. You gotta makesure, but there's a lot of factors to take
into consideration that you may not have beenprivy to when you was growing up. But as a
woman, I would like to assume, and I say like,because I like to think I've understood it,
there is this... unspoken expectation of youthat you will one day bear a child. And then

(11:38):
that becomes embedded into your being that Ihave a timer, I must give birth to an offspring
at some point. And that is all like the maincatalyst of it all. But how you get there,
oh, that's a different ball game altogether.So when I saw that, oh, yeah, you're super

(12:00):
career driven. So what happened there? So yeah,if you don't mind, start at the top where you
feel it's appropriate and yeah, share what happened.Yeah, absolutely. So you're absolutely right.
It is definitely, there is a pressure cookerof time that kind of goes against every single
woman who wants a child. And I expressly saywants because not everybody does and that is

(12:25):
okay. Yeah, correct. You know, I see so manystories about, there's one this morning reading
about Kim Cattrall. and how she hates the termchildless at 66 because she chose not to have
one. She's not childless. She's just a woman.But for me, that wasn't my narrative. There

(12:45):
was always a little voice in my head saying,you're going to be a mom. You're going to be
a mom. And even in my mid-20s, I knew that that'ssomething I wanted. But as you say, career,
big part of my life as well, but also I waseternally single. Like I'm just, I've dated
here and there, but I am just not, unfortunately,for whatever reason, I am not the person that

(13:08):
people choose to be with, or, and I have notfound somebody that I want to be with either.
But yeah, I guess basically getting into mylate 20s, like I was like, well, you know,
maybe, you know, I need to start looking, Ineed to start working a bit harder at this
dating game and all the rest of it. But thenI had a massive spanner in the works when I
was 29. And I got diagnosed with, I'm goingto caveat with, I'm fine. I promise you I'm

(13:34):
fine. A brain tumor. It's low grade and it'sbenign, but it was not something I was expecting
to find. It was completely by accident thatI found it. I had some blood tests to kind
of check some hormone levels because I was feelinga bit off and they spotted some white mass
in my left temporal lobe, is the way they describedit to me, which obviously as a 29 year old,

(13:57):
you're like, Uh-huh. I don't know what thatmeans. And brain tumour wasn't really something
that I had been privy to kind of knowing anybodywho'd had one before either. But that didn't,
that wasn't the stopper yet. So basically fromthat point onwards, I was scanned regularly
just to check and see if it would change orgrow. And it never has, which is good. So I'm

(14:22):
now 43. So several years later. It's still prettysteady, but they did say to me, were you to
experience any symptoms of change, those couldpresent themselves in the form of seizures.
And it got to about, I was about 34, so aboutfive years later, I experienced my first seizure.

(14:46):
I woke up in the morning, I was really disorientated,I knew something had happened. I kind of told
my housemate, I was like, don't feel quite right,I think I might have had a seizure. She was
like, Oh, are you okay? I was like, yeah, Igot a bit of a headache. She went, okay, we're
going to Westfield. Do you want to come? I went,she's going to have a shower first. When I
had a shower and walked around Westfield, Ihad a couple of neurofans and I just didn't

(15:07):
know what to do. And then I was like, do youthink I should call my GP? And she's like,
yeah, maybe. And so I did. And I spoke to himand he was like, right. Okay. Why didn't you
call anybody? But you just, you're in a stateof confusion as well. So. I was like, Oh, does
this mean I'm epileptic? He said, no. He said,but if you have another one within six months,
then yes, technically you're medically epileptic.Lo and behold, almost to the day I had two

(15:32):
on the same day. I woke up and then fell asleepand woke up again. And I woke up second time
to paramedics in my, in my bedroom. So all veryscary, quite disorientating. I remember phoning
my boss at the time. while I was in the backof the ambulance going, I'm gonna be in a minute.
I'm just gonna go and get checked out and thenI'll be in as soon as I can. I'm really sorry.

(15:52):
Like my friend was like, taking your phone away.We're just gonna put that here. We're gonna
get you sorted. And I was in hospital for acouple of days while they just kind of kept
an eye on me and made sure I was okay. Set meup with medication and things like that. And
since then I've been on very low dose of epilepsymedication every day. I've never had a seizure

(16:13):
since. But shortly after that, you start talkingto people about what the next steps, what do
you do? What do you need to look out for? BecauseI've got the brain tumor and it wasn't just
a straight seizure, let's go down the epilepsyroute. I was referred to neuro-oncology and
the team there, the doctor turned around andsaid, are you thinking of having children?

(16:39):
And I was like, well, one day, yeah. And hewas like, well, I'd advise against that. I
wouldn't do that at all. If you have a pregnancy,you're probably going to miscarry. And if you
don't miscarry, you'll probably have a seizureand die. And that could kill you and the baby.
Take a deep breath. Wow. Yeah. So, like I say,I'm sitting there a couple of months prior

(17:03):
going, Oh, no, maybe I should think about dating.Then suddenly I get this massive curve ball
from somebody who is very high ranking in themedical chain telling me. don't even think
about it. And I had to walk away somehow processeverything that was going on and essentially

(17:25):
started to grieve for motherhood because I wasjust like, well, that's, that's just not an
option for me because I'd an authority had toldme so. And so that's where my L began.
Okay, folks, you understand now why I said shewas kind of like a workaholic. My girl is getting

(17:49):
treated as that, oh, I'll be in a bit, I'llbe in a bit, no, no. You ain't go nowhere.
Get yourself sorted out first. Can I ask, whenyou got told that you potentially wasn't able
to have a child because you would maybe miscarriage,or have a seizure and you both pass. What was

(18:15):
that like? And what support did you have atthe time? Because if wanting to be a parent
was something that was important to you, itwas kind of like, it wasn't like, it's a, I
don't know, okay, correct me if I'm wrong. Wasit a burning desire to be a parent at that
point? It was definitely a desire. It wasn'tlike I have to do it tomorrow, but it was definitely
something that I wanted to do. So it was somethingthat was on your to-do list effectively. But

(18:37):
then to suddenly say, yeah, that, That taskright there, that's not gonna be achieved ever.
How did you process that? And who was thereto help you process that information? So, I
don't think I did really process it straighton. So, like much like you were saying at the
beginning, when we're dealing with like bigissues, you tend to kind of throw yourself

(18:58):
into something else. And so, I had to kind oflike tell people because that's how I process
things. I was like, oh yeah, that's what theysaid. But again, my peers weren't necessarily
at that stage all thinking about becoming parentsthemselves. They were still only in their late
20s and it was like, oh, right. Okay. Well,you don't have to worry about that yet because
you're not with anyone anyway. That was kindof the vibe I was getting. And so you just,

(19:21):
it's like someone saying to me, one day youcould be a millionaire and the next day going,
oh, you couldn't. And so I was like, well, ifit's, it is possible, but now it's just off
the table. Maybe I just have to accept thatthat's the way it is. But equally in my back
of my head, I was like, I need to have a planB. So I was like, it's fine. When the time
comes to it, I'll just adopt or something. AndI'll just kind of like, I'll leave it down

(19:44):
to whatever the situation is. Or I might meetsomeone who's already got a kid or, you know,
you start to kind of like think about otherways in which you could manifest that child
in your life. But just not the way you saw it.But you know, the other point you touched on
there is, you know, you could die. And I'd alreadyhad that, you know, a year or so. five years

(20:05):
or so prior with the brain tumor because the,you know when a doctor says to you, please
don't Google this when you go home. No, it'sgonna be bad. Yeah. It's like Pandora's box,
you gotta open it. Like there's nothing that'sgonna stop you doing it. I've got a smartphone
in my hand, like really. Did I, was 2009 smartphonetime? I can't remember. Yeah, we would have

(20:31):
had smartphones there too. We would have hadsmartphones. I remember, yeah, we had, we had
cut off, we had WAP in like 2001. So by 2009,we would have had smartphones. Yeah, mine's
probably would have been a 3G or something.We would have had smartphones, just don't think
WebMD would have been there. Yeah, no, well,if you Google what I've got, it will tell you

(20:51):
you've got 10 years. So like, I was like, I'dalready have that. And then, then this one
on top. And so I just basically went on this,right? If I'm not going to be around tomorrow.
What do I want to get done? And I'd alreadystarted that a little bit with my kind of like
the brain tumor diagnosis. So I started travelingand kind of doing things, but all your kind

(21:15):
of, your fears just kind of get thrown out thewindow a little bit. So I'd go and zip line
in Costa Rica or I dangle down in Crevasse inAlaska, or I went face to face with a silverback
in Rwanda because I was just like, I don't knowif I'm going to be here tomorrow, but I may
as well just get stuff done while I'm here.

(21:45):
face to face. Was it that plexiglass betweenyou and them? No, I literally we went to the
Varunga mountains and we hiked for about fourhours. And you get to this conclusion and you're
allowed to spend up to like an hour in the spacethey when you when I say we hiked four hours,
you could be hiking for five minutes or theeight hours you're just trying to track where

(22:08):
they are. So you went to stumble across themthey're like great, you can have an hour with
these guys but then we need to go because we'rein their space. but we basically, we were kind
of stood in this kind of area and we were watchingsome of the others there and all of a sudden
he just walks out, like walking on all fours,but massive. So probably his back came up to

(22:30):
like my chest height and he just came throughand there's a video with me, I'll send it to
you later. Literally he kind of walks past andI am backing into some bamboo and he goes straight
past and then. all of his little kind of clan,his family, all follow them in age rank all
the way to the end. And then you've got a littlebaby one on the back of the last mama. It's

(22:50):
super cute. But I was literally inches away.It's like, Oh my God, this is a silverback.
But had I never had my diagnosis, I would havenever even thought about doing that. So when
it comes to like, things that shift and shapethe way that your future goes. Both being diagnosed

(23:14):
with the tumour and the epilepsy threw me intospaces that have literally made me who I am
today and I'm so, so grateful for them as kindof like twisted as that sounds. And to have
people around me that were kind of like thereto support me. I was living in a house here
with four other girls and they were around.I have some really good mates, which was lovely,

(23:35):
but nobody knew, really knew what to do andI didn't really know what I needed. Um, and
so it was literally just fly by the seat ofmy pants. Let's do some blogging. Let's do
loads of cool stuff at work. Let's make surethat I'm doing stuff that makes me happy. All
the very cliche things to be doing, especiallyas a Londoner, just kind of get you to see

(23:57):
suck in and crack on. It sounds like you hadthe, and I don't want to say classic case because
that would be rude of me to say it and makeit sound so blasé, but when people are. told
or had big life changing news shared to them,their perspective shifts and it becomes, I

(24:20):
would like to believe this to be the case, Iguess once you get over that grief curve, I
did speak about a grief curve on a previousepisode, if people wanna check that out, please
do. But a grief curve is basically the seriesof emotions you go through when something happens
and you're grieving over someone and that includesdepression, acceptance, integration, frustration,

(24:42):
a whole bunch of emotions, but definitely checkout the grief curve, which is very similar
to the change curve. But when you do that, Iguess you're of the mentality potentially when
you're about to integrate and accept what yournew reality could be, is live full, die empty.
You don't wanna leave anything behind whereyou feel, I could've, I should've, but I didn't

(25:06):
when I could. And that was pretty much my, itwas like, just do it. Like I remember seeing
a tweet when I was doing fundraising for theBrain Tumor Charity and it said, do anybody
want a place in the marathon? We've got onein Brighton. It's in six weeks. And I called
my dad and said, and we've got reading nextweek. Do you want to do Brighton in six weeks

(25:29):
time? And he went, yeah, all right. And I went,oh, by the way, it's a marathon, not half.
And we did it. and I ended up doing three. Idid London, Brighton and Paris, but all because
again, like you just live full. So that wasall good until I got a message through and
then it said, you've got an appointment withyour epilepsy specialist. And I went, oh, that's

(25:54):
interesting. Didn't know I had an epilepsy specialist.So I went along to an appointment there and
he did all the kind of routine. How are youfeeling? Have you had any seizures, any symptoms,
blah, all the kind of normal jazz. And I musthave parked it to the back of my mind a little
bit, but subconsciously, when he turned aroundand said, is there anything else you want to

(26:14):
ask me? I went, yeah, actually, I'm sure it'sgoing to, you're going to give me the same
answer, but, um, I was told not to have childrenbecause I have epilepsy. I was like, I'm sure
there are epileptics that do have children,but I'm guessing, you know, obviously my case
is more complicated. And he went, no. So I don'tknow who told you that. So you have got as

(26:39):
much chance as anybody of having a very healthypregnancy, you're in the lowest dosage for
medication. There is no risk to you or the childthat I can see because you've had no seizures
whatsoever since you've been medicated. So Idon't know who told you that, but they're absolutely
wrong. That sounds conflicting because you gotsomeone who was, like you said, quite high

(26:59):
up in the hierarchy. Yeah. And now you've gotsomeone else who you respect, who's a specialist.
in their field. And one says absolutely no.Yeah, the other one say, I know who you've
been talking to. That's a straight 50 split.What do you do with that then? You take the
good one. Fair enough. Fair enough. I was like,there's something like through all the kind

(27:23):
of gazillion appointments I've had over thelast decade or so that the one thing I have
kind of learned, whether it's your GP or youknow, whoever the more generalist their knowledge,
the more kind of sure they are to tell you notto do something because they don't know if
they tell you that you can, that they'll getit wrong. So if they prevent you from doing

(27:48):
something, the risk to them is minimal, eventhough the devastation might be bigger for
you. And so when this guy gave me hope, thefirst thing I did was like, right, how old
am I? Okay, I'm 37 now. Right. And I still havekids. Um, because it was just one of those
things. It's like, you just, you parked it forso long. I was like, Oh my God, I better get

(28:11):
decked. So I actually had a fertility MOT. Iwent and did loads of kind of like tests on
your, on your body to kind of see. What youregg count might be like, or like if you're
kind of like fallopian tubes work properly andall those kinds of jazzy things, and I sat
down with this woman afterwards and kind ofhad a little debrief on what she thought the
results kind of like told me. And she was basicallyshe's like, you've got a womb of a 25 year

(28:35):
old. And I was like, Yeah, get in. She's like,you know what, if it was me, I'd just go out
on Friday, Saturday night, see what you know,chances are like, this is so unprofessional.
And also, you're a very expensive clinic. Soyou can make a lot of money.
But again, I kind of took that as a, all right,okay, green light. That's fine. Q Matthew McConaughey

(28:59):
reference. If you haven't read that book orlistened to it, recommend. But yeah, green
light for me. So I was like, okay, that's okay.I can just park that for now. Okay, well, maybe
let's start working towards that. So again,it was kind of like, you know, do I look on
the dating scene? Do I kind of look out otheroptions with this clinic to see down the fertility
route? And then life took me off in anotherdifferent direction. I started because I was
like, okay, I'm going to go to the hospital.I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going
to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to thehospital. I'm going to go to the hospital.
I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going togo to the hospital. I'm going to go to the

(29:19):
hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. doingyoga teacher training and I started teaching
yoga after work. And so my life was gettingmore and more full. And, and then I was kind
of like, I just feel like something's missingand I couldn't quite put my finger on it with
life. And I went to a yoga class with a greatteacher called Marielle. And I really liked

(29:41):
her style. So I followed her on Instagram becausethat's what I do. I work in social. And she
started talking about life coaching and I waslike, Oh, this is really interesting. Maybe
I should explore that a little bit. So I metup with her a few times. We went through some
bits and pieces and she asked me to do a visionboard. You done a vision board, Matt? Nope,
not yet, personally. Okay, do you know whatone is? Oh yeah, it's where you plan out your

(30:05):
life but you put it in a visual way and youtry and achieve said things. Exactly, so she
said to me, just do it subconsciously. Justlike, just cut and paste and stick whatever
you want on this piece of paper. Here's a bunchof magazines, go. So it wasn't even like a
planned manifestation. This was literally justto kind of unpick because I was so stuck, I
didn't know where to start. And it's reallyfunny because there's like, there's one bit

(30:30):
on there and it's got text and it just sayshot Spanish guy. I
don't know where I got that from. There's otherbits in there, which were all yoga and travel
and everything that you would expect from me.And then there's this massive baby head sat
right in the middle. And she went, talk to meabout that one. And I just booked on to do

(30:51):
this other yoga teacher training, which waslike the next level up. And the teacher sent
an email out and I was like, oh, it's anotherupdate online. She wants more money from me
because that's the next installment or whatever.And she went, I'm so sorry. I've got pregnant
and I can't travel anymore. So I can't run theteaching. So if you want to pull out, I totally
understand. I'll give you a full refund. I went,okay, yes, please cancel my course. And I literally

(31:17):
picked up the phone the next day. I went, I'dlike to come in and have a consultation about
doing fertility treatment. And that literallyjust switched. It was like something in my
head went, this is, this is the universe tellingyou, don't do that, do this. And so, and then
my facility journey kind of then began likeeverything else just kind of went out the window

(31:37):
then I was like, just got focused, got to get,got to get into the right headspace. What do
I need to do? How do I need to be well? Andall the rest of it. And I had one failed attempt
at one clinic that wasn't so nice and out ofrespect, professional respect for the clinic,
I'm not going to go into details about thatbecause it would be quite damning. But I got

(32:01):
recommended another clinic down in Woking andthey were amazing. They came highly recommended.
Several people I know have had success throughthem. And I had two and a half attempts further.
Because the third one I had to abandon halfway.Yeah, the third one I was like, if this doesn't

(32:23):
go to plan, it's okay. Cause I'd spent the summerresearching adoption and going on Zoom calls
with people and like learning about what theycame into it. So I was like, I've got, again,
I've got my plan B, I've got my solid foundation.And if it doesn't work, I'm okay with that
because I've given it a go. Five days later.You're not supposed to check if you're pregnant

(32:47):
until, I think it's day 16. Five days later,I literally, I'm sitting at home working, put
my stuff down, ran to Waitrose, bought a redonion, a baguette and some cheese, chopped
them up and just ate this raw red onion in abaguette. And then I went, I think I might
be pregnant. Let's hope so. I was. It was theweirdest feeling. I was just like, I'm sure

(33:17):
pregnancy cravings aren't supposed to startthat soon, are they? I was just like, what
is going on? But yeah, I just really wantedthis red onion. And that was it. And life just
completely changed again. Wow. So can I ask,you don't have to go into too much detail,
but when you said you had that first failedattempt at that clinic, if it was a really

(33:40):
bad experience? How do you navigate that tonot just sort of go, well, okay, that's not
for me. We're gonna go down an adoption route.Yeah, so I think there were lots of things
that were going on there. They say to you, don'tput all your eggs in one basket, quite a literal

(34:00):
phrase in the fertility world. But I think Iput all my hopes on that one first bet. I was
like, yeah, of course, it's gonna happen tome. Cause the universe said that yoga course
wasn't for me. I should totally do this here.And I was so set and so focused on it that
the drop was really hard. And I remember theway that they told me, because you have to,

(34:23):
you have to kind of like have a blood test afterwards,you know, even if you do get your first period,
like, you know, like physically, you know, theystill have to test because you can have bleeding
and things afterwards and it doesn't necessarilymean that you're not pregnant. And I remember
getting a phone call and they were just, I waslike, right. Okay. Well, they're going to tell
me no anyway. So. prepare myself for that. SoI was like, hi. They're like, yeah, just so
you know, pregnancy test was no, so you're notpregnant. All right. Thanks. I just stood there

(34:50):
and was like, what? There's like, I know I'mnot pregnant, but you telling me like that
just kicked me right in the nuts and I don'teven have nuts. So yeah, it was pretty harsh.
So I was just, I was very emotional for a goodfew days afterwards. And then I kind of like

(35:11):
settled into it a little bit and I was like,okay, we'll just, let's just take a breath
too. We wanna keep doing this. What's next?How do we kind of navigate this? And then I
went on a couple of dating apps just to seewhat would happen there because I was just
like, well, you know, like, nothing's gonnahurt me as much as that did. So if my date
doesn't show up on a date, it's not gonna bea problem. And again, just trying to kind of
like shift focus, trying to find different thingsand different ways to be in order to not kind

(35:38):
of like think too much about it. And then Ithink it was just talking to friends who'd
gone through similar experiences, whether itwas kind of like naturally trying to get pregnant
or otherwise. just to kind of remind myselfthat actually these things take time. And you
know, you, if my friend said to me at work,he said, Steph, if, if it's not for you, it

(36:02):
won't go by you. Like, so like trying to rememberthat actually it will, if it's going to happen,
it will happen for you, but only if it's rightfor you. Um, and it was what I needed to kind
of like settle myself. and just kind of regroup,take a little bit of time out. And so about

(36:23):
six months on from that, I went on a solo trip,went traveling again, but a lot of the trips
that I did were in groups, like group tours,because I travel on my own a lot of the time,
so I'd meet people and friends through those.And this one, I was like, no, you have to do
this on your own. And I actually went out toCalifornia for three weeks and I traveled from

(36:43):
San Fran down to San Diego and back up to LA.and a couple of places in the middle, but I
have two friends out there who have both gonethrough different fertility journeys as solo
parents. And so I spent some time with themand their kids and kind of like got to learn
a little bit more about the trials and tribulations.One of them had twins, first attempts. The

(37:04):
other one had nine rounds of treatment and Ionly got pregnant the last one. So very different
experiences, but I was just like, everybody'sjourney is different, Steph. Like you have
to remember that. So even though, if I lookat it straight up facts, I went in, I did a
treatment, it didn't work. I had to start again.That's the baseline. The whole experience with

(37:28):
the clinic is just wrong and I would not recommendthem at all. But the next people that I saw,
like honestly just so welcoming and warm andcomforting and supportive. and just everything
that I needed to feel safe. And I was, again,dark twist of fate. I was blessed with a global

(37:54):
pandemic. And I say that because it meant Icould bring my stress levels down. I could
be at home. I killed my commute, which was sometimestake three hours out of my day. My life was
much simpler. And so I was able to... get mybody and my mind into a relaxed state enough
to be able to feel welcoming as a host for achild. There are so many things in life that

(38:23):
seem and are terrible that happen to us or happenaround us, but actually they create different
scenarios that make you, and I'm going to quotea children's movie here, pivot. I don't know
if you've seen on Apple TV? No, I haven't. Ohmy God, it's really good. But they talk about

(38:45):
how bad luck in life, it attracts more bad luck.Like it's one of those things that kind of
sticks and then you get into this mindset ofit, you know, well, that's just me, I just
am a bad luck person. And actually if I hada life of good luck, then everything would
be perfect. But actually you need that bad luckto enable you to pivot, to see better things.

(39:08):
And they have this thing in the movie calleda lucky shot, like a basketball hoop, you kind
of like throw it in, you've got all these kindof like little creatures down in bad luck that
are throwing them in and getting it every timebecause they've got some good luck behind the
machine. They take the good luck out and thisbasketball goes through the hoop, like by pass
the hoop, sorry, through a flame, lands on thefloor, melts and solidifies into a frisbee.

(39:34):
And they'll go, frisbee golf anyone? And theyjust throw it. And you're like, yes, that is
literally how I live my life. It's kind of a,ain't nothing I can do about that. So what
should we do about it? Yeah, yeah. You kindof roll with the punches effectively. Exactly,
exactly. When you was going through all thatstuff, was it a taboo topic or a bit of a stigma

(39:58):
that not many people wanted to talk to you about?Because would you still live with your four
other friends? So no, at that point I was livingon my own. I do a lot of things on my own.
Solo parenting. Yes, I was living on my own.I would talk to a lot of my work colleagues
around it because I've been in the company forso long, a lot of people, my mates, we'd kind

(40:22):
of grown up together in the agency. I'm a talker,so it helped me to be able to talk. Whether
people wanted to listen to me or not, differentstory, but equally there was a fascination
with what I was doing and so people did havequestions. And I always take that as an invitation
to talk more. And that's good. I asked the questionbecause I know that the topic itself and some

(40:48):
topics that we're going through, not everyone'swelcoming to offer support or support in the
right way. And where you had done so many thingsby yourself, fine when you're 80% plus as a
person, but if you're a little bit less thanthat, want companionship, just want an ear,

(41:09):
just want someone. In some instances, it's notwelcome a conversation. I don't wanna talk
about it, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Idon't wanna talk about that because it makes
me feel uncomfortable. But I feel uncomfortable,who's gonna comfort me? Yeah. And I'm grateful
that you was able to have people around youwhom you could talk to and see things and be

(41:30):
able to go out and have those conversationsbecause if they weren't forthcoming with information,
the people in America you went and saw, I'msure the transition would have been harder
to wrap your head around or to understand thepros, the cons, because it wasn't something
you could touch, hold, feel. It wasn't tangible.It was just an idea. It was on your vision

(41:53):
board. It was just a distant dream that you'rehoping will sometimes come to fruition. But
once it's there, it's like, add what is thisand how do I do this? And oh my gosh, I can't
go to the shop ever again. Oh, this is difficult.Thank God for delivery services, hey. Oh mate,
I'm telling you, I'm telling you. No, but itis, and interestingly though, like I say about

(42:15):
talking a lot around things, the longer my journeywent on with the fertility stuff, the fewer
people I would tell. I'd be much more choosyabout who I tell because the risks were somewhat
higher because I knew it was kind of comingto the end of my journey. And just to kind
of throw a spanner in the works. further, Idon't think I mentioned this earlier, but my,

(42:37):
you do one of the tests you do at the beginning,they let you know if you're still fertile and
they can't count the number of eggs in yoursystem, but they can kind of get an indicator
on what the time is that you have left. Andso my percentage rates, there's a scale of
zero to 30 on this scale. 30, you are lockedand loaded, can get pregnant whenever you want.

(43:01):
Zero, you're over, done. My chance of gettingpregnant on that scale, I was 0.3.

(43:23):
Wow. So yeah, my little girl wanted to be inthis world. So when did you find that out?
Was it at the first time of trying or was thisduring the second clinic? The first? Yeah.
And the second clinic confirmed this as well?Yeah, they've got I think it gone down by the
time I've gone to the second one, which is onlywhat to 0.2. Like, I can't remember now, but

(43:48):
I remember the 0.3 being the kind of like thekey figure. But you still back to yourself,
you still tried. Yeah. And don't ask for figures,but I'm taking it wasn't cheap. So IVF is not
cheap. IUI, which is a natural version of IVF.So IUI is basically an insemination. Like that's

(44:12):
literally all it is. And so it's just a caseof you monitoring your own body, managing that
when you're ovulating, letting them know, theydo the deed and away you go. like being in
a relationship, you know, completely naturalin that sense. So it's much, much cheaper.
IVF was off the table for me because my eggcount was so low, because they were like, we

(44:34):
could do this and you could have none. So youessentially could trigger early menopause because
that's the end of your line. So they were like,it's much easier for you to try and do it this
way. Um, and also from a whole other perspective,it's much kinder on your body because you're
not having to kind of go through so much pressure.in that perspective and obviously, bandwidth

(44:55):
financially was obviously like helpful to beable to do it. So yeah, it was much cheaper
than I'd envisage it to be. And that's why Iwas able to do it so many times as well. With
the figure being so low, the percentage beingso low to the point where it wasn't even a
full percentage, it was like a fraction. Whatmade you feel it was worth the attempts? Something

(45:21):
in me knew I was meant to be a mum. And whetherthat was me as a natural mum or otherwise,
I just knew I had to try. I just knew it. AndI'm so, so incredibly grateful for the fact
that it came to be because my daughter is, asevery parent will say, my daughter is my world.

(45:51):
She allows me to see the world. through differenteyes again. She allows me to share the world
with somebody and kind of, you know, I'm soexcited to tell her about the silverbacks and
the, you know, all those other things and goon journeys and stuff with her. But yeah, I
think sometimes you have to trust your gut.And even recently, just from the opposite perspective,

(46:15):
there have been things that have come, opportunitiesthat have come my way. And I've turned them
down because my gut has said no. And peoplego, why have you done that? And I'm just like,
I can't tell you 100%. It just makes me feelreally uncomfortable. And so I'm not gonna
do it. And I think there's always gonna be thingsthat you have to do because you've got to survive

(46:39):
and you've got to live. But when you get toa certain point in life, you know that the
decisions you make have consequences. And ifconsequences are not gonna serve you well,
and there are other things you can do, thenyou should do the other things. Because there's
no point of putting yourself through torture,that I could have gone in pursuit of an epilepsy

(47:02):
specialist way earlier, had I've been knowledgeableenough, or had I been given the advice to,
you might want to check with an epilepsy specialistto get a second opinion, but my opinion is
X. My life could have been very different, butit was meant to be the way it's meant to be.
And even through the failings of the first clinicthat I went to, I was able to give feedback

(47:28):
to the extent that training was given to staffin that clinic to help them better manage their
patients. You know, there's a situation I'mgoing through my personal life at the moment
where there was some negative stuff that happened,but I know through what I'm doing, something
else positive is gonna come from this for otherpeople. And so... whether I'm like that vehicle,

(47:50):
even for you, Matt, if I'm that vehicle thathelps somebody, whether it's myself or you
or anybody along the way, then my life has purpose.I feel fulfilled. I feel like I've given back
in some way. And I'm not trying to be some kindof evangelical figure here in that sentence,
but I think each of us have our own purposeand our own reason for being, our own reasons

(48:14):
why life happens to us. I know in some religionsthey talk about the fact that you're only given
as much as you can bear. I'm not religious,but I've always said to myself, even from a
very, very young age, and I don't want to causeoffence to anybody when I say this, but I went
to Sunday school and I remember sitting theregoing, I don't understand why people are praying

(48:39):
to somebody that might exist, but they're notsure, but they're just saying, can you help
me, mate? hoping that he's going to make a difference.I couldn't get my head around that. And I was
like, if there's anything that I can do to makea difference, it's to act. And then at least
I know, I've tried and I can see that it's happened.Funnily enough, I remember chatting to a guy

(49:02):
on a dating app just a few years ago. And hewas like, I told him the exact same story.
And he went, that's from the Bible. He justtalks about having faith in himself. And then
I was like, Something went in when I was little,clearly. I took it upon myself. So I'm, I like
to say, I'm not trying to be evangelical aboutit, but I know that the, if you don't try,

(49:24):
you just don't know. And if it's not meant tobe for you, it's not meant to be for you, but
it could be for somebody else or you might behelping someone else along the way. I get that.
But I guess at the time, not everyone felt thatway. And did you feel that way at the time?
In what respect? In the first, like all thenegative stuff, the tumor. the fertility treatment
that wasn't successful, did you feel like thisis gonna benefit other people? Oh no, absolutely

(49:49):
not. It's, I guess, it's part of the resiliencethat you build up because of all those things.
And when you get hit with the hard stuff, sometimesthe other things that other people experience
that are hard do not feel like they've eventouched the surface, so you just glide. Yeah.

(50:11):
And, you know, I remember Brené Brown talkingabout the fact that the misuse of things like,
yeah, but people are starving in Africa, soyou should be like counting your blessings.
And she talks about how your, your sadness,your kind of angst, your anxieties, everything
that you're feeling is valid. It should notbe comparable to anybody else's in any different

(50:37):
context. So whether it's like, I can't believeit. I paid £2 for those pair of socks, I've
lost one, I've only got a pound's worth of socksleft, this is really unfair, and somebody getting
upset about it. That's important to them. Whetherit's rational or whether it feels like the
world is coming to end or not and that's okay,it's completely up to that person. It's just

(51:00):
what that person is feeling in the moment. Andso I think, like I say, for me now, I just
look at people and I go, okay, you're havinga tough time. That's fine. It's your tough
time. easy, but I'm not going to put that inyour face. And it's true. It's a bit like,
and I'm sure everyone can identify this at themoment, unfortunately, that cost of living,
not just in the UK, but everywhere in the worldto some people, the price of increasing grocery

(51:25):
shopping is going to be a lot more than it willbe for someone else. So it's all relative,
depending on what your dynamics are and whatyou're working with. And, and that's part of
the reason why I enjoy the podcast because it'severyone telling their own stories and just
saying, it's okay to feel what you felt andhow you dealt with it, it's just talking about
it. And I appreciate everyone that does jumpon and I keep repeating myself, but I cannot

(51:46):
stress that enough because these are personalstories. When was your lowest point throughout
what you've just shared from the diagnosis ofthe brain tumor, the epilepsy, the failed infertility
trials, when was the lowest point for you? It'sa really good question. I think there is...

(52:10):
I'm going to say there are two points becausethey're quite different. One was that elongated
and that was my diagnosis with the brain tumor,because I did not know how to process. Just
to add to the kind of color of the situationat the time, I'd just lost my stepsister to
breast cancer at 36, six months before I gotmy diagnosis. And I was about to go through

(52:32):
Christmas with my family and I couldn't tellthem because I didn't want them to know. Cause
they didn't, at that stage, I didn't know ifit was benign or malignant. So for me, that
first year of kind of being diagnosed was painfulbecause I couldn't share it with a lot of people.
I just had my kind of immediate universe. Icouldn't tell my family. I couldn't understand

(52:53):
it fully. I did not know what, how it was goingto shake my future or if I had a future. So
that was pretty intense but prolonged. And thesecond one was not getting pregnant that first
time because it was literally like falling offa cliff. It was going from like Oh, this is
really exciting. I'm going to do this. Thisis, I've got to put myself through all this.

(53:13):
It's like doing the marathon training and thenkind of like someone go, yeah, you're going
to have your feet amputated tomorrow. That'show it felt. And so, yeah, those were my two
lowest points for sure. So I'll answer thisquestion. You go back in time, everything you've
got right now and what will happen to you inthe future remains intact, but you go back

(53:35):
in time. You can go back to each of those points.What would you say to the younger version of
yourself to help push through and not give up?I would tell myself that linear is not a path
that everybody is on. There are so many differentways that your life will go and so many different

(54:01):
things that you will not plan to happen, butthey will all play a part in shaping who you
will become. And you say that at both instances?Absolutely. Would you listen to yourself? I
don't know if I would listen to myself. That'spart of the problem of me being doing everything
by myself because quite often my ideas are nottraditional and so people go, okay, she's doing

(54:27):
a stiff. And whether that be choosing the rightoptions at... you know, for my GCSEs through
to kind of going to university when everyonetold me I shouldn't go to university because
it was too expensive or it doesn't matter. I'vealways kind of gone with my gut a little bit
against the grain and a little bit, well peopledon't do it that way, Steph. And I go, why?

(54:52):
Valid coin. Um, and so, and so that's why Iam still single. I'm solo parenting where I'm
now freelancing solo. they doing all these things,not because I can't get on with people. It's
like you've already paid a pitch yourself. That'sfine.

(55:12):
No, but it's just it's just been the path that'sbeen right for me. I do find that interesting
because you saying that and you might have heardit on previous episodes. I asked that question
because I know if I went back in time and Ispoke to myself as eloquently as I can now,
I wouldn't listen. I would need to be pulledaside. where you have to play some type of

(55:32):
game, do bowling, something, and just give methat one-on-one time that I wasn't afforded
by my parents all the time, because mum raisedme as a single parent, my dad wasn't necessarily
on the scene all the time. And I know I'd haveto probably use a few analogies or show me
what, I'm married, that isn't something I wasable to see in my immediate facility. So I

(55:54):
would have to see it and go, right, look atthese people, you see that? You're just seeing
it at this, all this compromise has taken placeprior to it and will happen after it. Just
to give me that understanding. So I'd have tobreak it down. But if you can say that lovely
little speech and you just get it, hats offto you. You're a better person than me. I guess

(56:17):
women are meant to be more mature than guys,I guess. No, I think it is difficult to listen
to anything at different points in your life,because unless you hear something, it's who
says it, what... what their kind of backgroundis and what their influence over you is in
life. I talk about my granddad a lot with mycareer in the sense that I was choosing between

(56:41):
art and languages at school. And he was like,no, you're really smart. You need to go into
Europe. You need to do languages. You're goingto be amazing. You're doing all this. And he
came from Santolina and he traveled like threeweeks on a boat to get here. And I was like,
I had him on this massive pedestal. So I listenedto him and I took languages and I'm really
pleased that I did. But there are very few otherpeople in my life that I've listened to. Like,

(57:06):
I think I literally, I think he's probably theonly one. Wow. That's interesting. Yeah. So
if you were saying that was an L at the time,would you still call it an L? And if not, what
would you call it? I wouldn't say it was a loss.It was more of, okay, I'm going to say it is
an L. Okay. controversial, because that luck,whether it was good or bad, made me pivot.

(57:36):
And through pivoting, I have become the personI am. Very eloquently said. Thank you Apple
TV. You're getting your money's worth. That'swhat that is, right? It's the best movie and
it's got a black cat in it like mine as well.It's like, yeah, Jane Fonda, the river dragon,

(57:56):
Whoopi Goldberg's a little captain. It's wicked.I might have to go check that out then. I'll
check that out. No, I appreciate that. WhatI'll ask you to do for the next two minutes,
selfishly plug anything, anything you've gotgoing on where people can find you. Yeah, go
for it. So I am also a podcast host. I hostFor the Love of Kids, which is a podcast all

(58:22):
about parenting, but from all sides of the coin.So by that, I mean, you can be a parent, you
can be a non-parent, you can be a don't wannabe a parent, but trying to get perspectives
of how becoming a parent or your friends becominga parent impact who you are, who you become.

(58:43):
I know from my perspective that my life haschanged, the language has changed, I use, the
way I live has changed, my social life has changed,my priorities have changed. And yet, in my
head, much like you were saying about marriageearlier, I didn't know what it looked like
on the other side. You can only imagine thingsuntil they happen to you. And so whether that

(59:08):
might be a friend of mine who suddenly seesme in a different light and does or doesn't
want to be there now, or people that have beenattracted into my life because I've become
parent, the trials and tribulations, everythingthat goes into it, that's all about that. So
it's called Other than that, me, I'm Steph,I'm a marketing consultant. I'm there for all

(59:31):
your social media and marketing needs. Indeed.And yeah, that's where I kind of get a kick
out of life. I like to be able to help peopledo big, bigger and better things, but more
things that matter. So making sure that theyare valuable and purposeful. I might try and
help you sell your trainers, but it's not reallymy bag, much rather help people do. things

(59:55):
that are for the greater good. There we go.Hit her up. Details will be in the show notes.
There's a lot of things I felt like I may haveknown about you. A lot of things I definitely
didn't know about you, but I appreciate yousharing and just showcasing what people sometimes
go through, because what I said at the beginning,I stand by, because that is what I think of

(01:00:17):
you and what I'm grateful for you. However,I was not aware of all of what I said about
you, having that under the surface. And I thinka lot of people in general, we see what we
see on the surface level and assume that's everythingthat person is and that everything was lucky
prior to that, that got them there. They didn'tknow there was some bad luck in there and other

(01:00:37):
things in there. And these conversations justpulls the veil back and lets people see behind
the curtains and say, wow, you've got all thisgoing on. Yep. And you're still showing up.
Yep. How? I don't know. I'm just putting onefoot in front of the other. into our cart anymore.
And that's what I'm grateful for because a lotof us, I don't promote it and I don't think

(01:01:01):
I ever would. I would never encourage a personto sit and watch the BBC News or Sky News or
whatever, CNN, whatever, because that will justcause you to pick up a sharp blade and do something
to yourself. Not worth it. You kind of needto watch your diet, not just what you eat,
but what you consume on social and on TV becauseit can change your mindset. And hopefully if
you consume conversations like this podcast,your podcast, and other people that like that.

(01:01:25):
it will change your mindset to a positive onewhere you're more aware of the people in your
social circle and the impact your actions oryour inactions are actually causing. But hopefully
you'll see that in this instance, this verychallenging, very hard wearing journey that
Steph has been on through so many ups and downsand all around, she was able to find something

(01:01:48):
where she's happy with the place that she'sat and who she's got in her life, which. may
not seem like a reality at one point. And toyou listening, I don't know what's going on
in your life, what you've been through, whatyou're going through, but who's to say that
what you're going through won't lead you tothe version of yourself that you want to be,
who you need to be, and will have more thanwhat you ever thought you could have. And it

(01:02:09):
kind of goes back to what I always say, whichis there's nothing about a caterpillar. I'll
tell you, it's gonna be a butterfly. I hopeyou have a great day, great night, great, whatever
you're doing at this time, and I'll catch youin the next one.

(01:02:38):
Real.