Don't you have to criticize your kids and spouse to motivate them? The answer is "No". Learn a different strategy that will help you kick the criticism habit.
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Show notes:
Amelia’s experience with her new ponies
Strength-based motivation contrasted with “criticism motivation”
Creates defensivenesses
Need to disrupt negative strategies
Criticism is a habit of mind
“Something’s wrong here”
Strength-based motivation is good for relationships and for personal resilience
Definition of Strength-based motivation
Example of child cleaning the kitchen poorly
“Nothing I do is ever good enough”
Laissez-faire parenting ends up in blow-ups and recriminations
Cooperate to assist in cleaning
Volunteer to be the servant and boss
Make the process relational as you include instruction
Example 2: Being on time
Find an instance that they are already mastering
Validate the person’s strength
Invite them to apply strengths to the new situation
Find and acknowledge places that people are successful
Criticism generates defensiveness
Express faith and offer a support system
Shaping behavior as a factor in strength based motivation
Definition of shaping behavior
Freshman psychology class shaping behavior of professors
Don’t wait for perfection to reinforce behavior
Amelia’s example of her daughter’s attitude
Have conversation with daughter when she’s not upset
A reminder cue
Solution-focused approach
What can you keep doing that created the good results
Most of us use criticism 90% of time
Strength-based motivation could be 90% of motivation
This strategy can be used in all relationships regather than shaming and failure
Gossiping and complaining
Say 3 nice things about that person or situation instead
When children are whining or complaining ask
What’s right about this situation?
Then process what needs to change.
Teach and train before the negative behavior occurs.
Intentionally teach beforehand rather than just catching a child in a bad situation.
This strengthens the attachment relationship
After a difficult situation you can ask your child to find 3 good things about the difficult situation
This helps your family culture to be more positive
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