April 17, 2024 • 10 mins
how do we forgive those that have wronged us? is it better to forgive and not forget? i think so. forgiveness is not about forgetting the past, but rather about learning from it and moving forward with a lighter heart. let's discuss forgiveness and how it relates to our mental health. come feel your feelings.
Website: www.ethanjewell.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Growing up, every time someone wronged or hurt me, I would give
myself the advice that we've allgotten forgive and forget.
I would force myself through it,forgive the person that hurt me,
and then push it down as deep asI could and thought that that
was the only way to move on frombeing hurt.
However, after some thought, I've realized forgiving is
(00:22):
important to the process as it allows you to let go of the hurt
you've been given. But often forcing yourself to
forget does a disservice to the emotional wounds you've been
dealt. My name is Ethan Jewell, and
welcome back to feel your feelings.
Most of us have heard the sayingforgive and forget.
(00:44):
When when someone wrongs you or you experience a hurtful
situation, we are told the correct course of action is to
excuse their behavior and push it to the back of our minds.
I know I've always done that. Whether it's in a relationship
of friendship or hurt caused by myself, I try my very best to,
you know, work through the feelings and then just just push
(01:04):
it down. Just move right past it.
However, only half of this equation is the correct thing to
do. I fully believe that forgiveness
is necessary, but forgetting is disrespectful to yourself.
It's disrespectful to your emotions.
It's disrespectful to the feelings that you have felt
because of the situation that you have been put in when you
(01:25):
forget. When you move right past, it
opens up the floor for you to behurt again, and it sends a
message to both yourself and theother person involved that you
are the one who has to take the burden.
You are the one who has to dissolve those feelings
internally and move on, and I think that is wrong and hurtful
to our mental health. Before I go any further, I want
(01:47):
to remind you I am not a doctor.I'm not a psychologist.
I'm not a professional in the mental health industry.
I'm a normal guy who has felt some big feelings and has
forgiven people. And I can tell you, forgetting
is extremely disrespectful to the process of forgiving.
So let's talk about how this canaffect our mental health and how
(02:07):
overall we need to forgive. But a majority of the time we
shouldn't forget. When it comes to the process of
forgiving and then forgetting, it's important to think about
what benefits you and what benefits whoever hurt you in
whatever situation you are in. And the difference between these
two is that forgiveness benefitsyou.
(02:31):
It allows you to work through the complicated feelings of
grief or hurt. It's making peace with the
situation and allowing yourself the freedom to move forward from
it. This is very, very important.
Whether it's a traumatic event, whether it's an argument, a
disagreement, any kind of hurt that has been caused by somebody
(02:51):
else. Forgiving is very, very healthy.
It allows you to work through. However, forgetting benefits the
person that has hurt you. When you push past a painful
situation, stuff it into the past without properly working
through it, you're essentially giving that person a free pass
(03:11):
to hurt you again. When you try to just forget,
you're communicating that it's you, not them.
You are the one who is taking the hit here.
You are taking the hurt they've given you and instead of letting
it go, you're burying it deep and taking the burden upon
yourself. A healthy way to work through
feelings of grief, feelings of hurt, is to process and then let
(03:35):
go externally. So if you forgive process but
then forget, tuck it away deep. You are internalizing these
feelings. So let's talk about the
importance of forgiving without forgetting.
Forgiveness helps us heal emotional wounds.
Let go of anger, resentment, andbitterness that may be weighing
(03:56):
us down. Essentially, you're turning that
hurt into an outward form of expression.
Forgiveness involves looking at the situation you're in,
acknowledging your hurt, workingthrough it, however, is best for
you, and choosing to let go. It's an active choice.
It can often physically include telling the person that they
(04:17):
have hurt you, but you forgive them.
That is, channeling it outward. Very, very important to note
that instead of bringing it inward, you're pushing it away.
By channeling this energy into an outward form of release, you
remove it from your body. You remove it from resting heavy
on your heart. It also allows you the time you
need to properly heal from the emotional damage you've been
(04:40):
dealt. A common mistake that a lot of
people make in the process of trying to forgive and forget
through times of emotional turmoil as they try to rush the
process. And forgetting often forces you
to do that. It forces you to to push things
down and rush through them. But healing takes time, and
rushing this process, rushing forgiveness, can hinder that
(05:01):
healing process. It's so important to give
ourselves the time and space we need to forgive before we can
heal. By taking your time, you enable
yourself to forgive and move forward instead of simply
rushing and forgetting. The goal of forgiveness is
usually to either heal yourself from hurt or heal a relationship
(05:23):
with somebody else. If these feelings go
unacknowledged, it could ruin either your emotional stability
or your relationship with the other person.
Sure, sometimes that connection isn't worth healing if the hurt
is strong enough. However, if that is your goal,
forgiveness is required. This can also restore and
(05:43):
strengthen relationships as it allows us to move past conflicts
and rebuild trust and understanding.
So how do we forgive and not forget?
What does that process look like?
Well, first we must acknowledge our feelings of hurt, anger, or
resentment and allow yourself tofeel these feelings.
(06:05):
Without emotions of judgement orguilt, you may be tempted to
internalize these feelings and try to blame yourself for the
hurt others have caused you. But I warn you, don't fall into
this trap. It's an easy path to go down.
It's one I've gone down many, many times.
Shifting blame away from anotherperson and on to yourself is
(06:25):
easier. It's less painful.
You can just internalize that and go well it it must have been
something I did wrong. If you're hurt in a
relationship, it's so easy to shift blame inwards and say you
weren't providing enough. Same with a friendship.
If somebody has lied or or or ordone something to you, it's so
easy to shift that blame inward.But that is a trap and will lead
(06:46):
to even more emotional wounds for you later on.
You have to acknowledge your hurt and if applicable,
understand that it isn't your fault.
Next, I think that you should practice empathy to everyone
involved. When you've been wronged, often
the last thing you want to do ispractice empathy towards that
person. But sometimes trying to
(07:07):
understand the situation withoutjudgement or I'll intention is
necessary to work towards forgiveness.
Once again, this is not always applicable.
There are some situations where a person doesn't deserve
empathy, but it can be helpful if you deem it to be.
So continue working through the complex feelings that come with
(07:29):
emotional wounds. Then once you get to a place of
acceptance and understanding, you have to find some sort of
physical release. For some, as mentioned earlier,
that's directly talking to the person that's wronged you and
telling them that they've hurt you and you forgive them.
For others, it's engaging in activities, art, or other
(07:50):
outlets. What's important is that you do
something in order to move forward from these feelings.
You can't just let them sit, even if it's just acknowledging
the feelings every time they come up and telling that hurt
within you that it has a place to be and it can exist often.
Feelings of anger, feelings of anxiety, feelings of depression
(08:11):
that have come from emotional wounds just need to be
acknowledged. They just need to be allowed to
exist. But don't forget, and I don't
mean you have to be petty and resentful.
I mean, don't do a disservice toyourself by pushing past the
hurt you've been given. Allow yourself the respect to
(08:32):
remember how you've been wrongedso you can be aware of red flags
in the future. It's cliche, but forgiveness is
a journey, not a destination. It's OK to take your time and
forgive at your own pace. Forgiveness will look different
for everybody. It depends on your situation.
Sometimes forgiveness is nearly impossible, but it's a very,
(08:57):
very healthy thing that we can do in order to work through
hurtful situations. By acknowledging our feelings,
practicing empathy, letting go of resentment, we can embark on
a path towards healing and innerpeace.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting the past, but rather
learning from it and moving forward with a lighter heart.
(09:23):
That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
Thank you so much for being here.
I have a really big announcement.
My new album is coming out this Friday, April 19th.
It might be out right now. While you're listening to this,
I spent a year learning how to sing for this album and I'm
really, really proud of it and it would mean a lot if you
checked it out. It's called I Wouldn't Do It
(09:43):
Again and It's by me, Ethan Jewell, out on all platforms.
Also, shoot me a message on my Instagram at Jewell Boy with an
I under score and let me know what you thought about today's
episode. So thank you so much for being
here. Thank you for understanding that
forgiveness is necessary, but forgetting is not.
And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
(10:06):
I'll see you next time.
Growing up, every time someone wronged or hurt me, I would give
myself the advice that we've allgotten forgive and forget.
I would force myself through it,forgive the person that hurt me,
and then push it down as deep asI could and thought that that
was the only way to move on frombeing hurt.
However, after some thought, I've realized forgiving is
(00:22):
important to the process as it allows you to let go of the hurt
you've been given. But often forcing yourself to
forget does a disservice to the emotional wounds you've been
dealt. My name is Ethan Jewell, and
welcome back to feel your feelings.
Most of us have heard the sayingforgive and forget.
(00:44):
When when someone wrongs you or you experience a hurtful
situation, we are told the correct course of action is to
excuse their behavior and push it to the back of our minds.
I know I've always done that. Whether it's in a relationship
of friendship or hurt caused by myself, I try my very best to,
you know, work through the feelings and then just just push
(01:04):
it down. Just move right past it.
However, only half of this equation is the correct thing to
do. I fully believe that forgiveness
is necessary, but forgetting is disrespectful to yourself.
It's disrespectful to your emotions.
It's disrespectful to the feelings that you have felt
because of the situation that you have been put in when you
(01:25):
forget. When you move right past, it
opens up the floor for you to behurt again, and it sends a
message to both yourself and theother person involved that you
are the one who has to take the burden.
You are the one who has to dissolve those feelings
internally and move on, and I think that is wrong and hurtful
to our mental health. Before I go any further, I want
(01:47):
to remind you I am not a doctor.I'm not a psychologist.
I'm not a professional in the mental health industry.
I'm a normal guy who has felt some big feelings and has
forgiven people. And I can tell you, forgetting
is extremely disrespectful to the process of forgiving.
So let's talk about how this canaffect our mental health and how
(02:07):
overall we need to forgive. But a majority of the time we
shouldn't forget. When it comes to the process of
forgiving and then forgetting, it's important to think about
what benefits you and what benefits whoever hurt you in
whatever situation you are in. And the difference between these
two is that forgiveness benefitsyou.
(02:31):
It allows you to work through the complicated feelings of
grief or hurt. It's making peace with the
situation and allowing yourself the freedom to move forward from
it. This is very, very important.
Whether it's a traumatic event, whether it's an argument, a
disagreement, any kind of hurt that has been caused by somebody
(02:51):
else. Forgiving is very, very healthy.
It allows you to work through. However, forgetting benefits the
person that has hurt you. When you push past a painful
situation, stuff it into the past without properly working
through it, you're essentially giving that person a free pass
(03:11):
to hurt you again. When you try to just forget,
you're communicating that it's you, not them.
You are the one who is taking the hit here.
You are taking the hurt they've given you and instead of letting
it go, you're burying it deep and taking the burden upon
yourself. A healthy way to work through
feelings of grief, feelings of hurt, is to process and then let
(03:35):
go externally. So if you forgive process but
then forget, tuck it away deep. You are internalizing these
feelings. So let's talk about the
importance of forgiving without forgetting.
Forgiveness helps us heal emotional wounds.
Let go of anger, resentment, andbitterness that may be weighing
(03:56):
us down. Essentially, you're turning that
hurt into an outward form of expression.
Forgiveness involves looking at the situation you're in,
acknowledging your hurt, workingthrough it, however, is best for
you, and choosing to let go. It's an active choice.
It can often physically include telling the person that they
(04:17):
have hurt you, but you forgive them.
That is, channeling it outward. Very, very important to note
that instead of bringing it inward, you're pushing it away.
By channeling this energy into an outward form of release, you
remove it from your body. You remove it from resting heavy
on your heart. It also allows you the time you
need to properly heal from the emotional damage you've been
(04:40):
dealt. A common mistake that a lot of
people make in the process of trying to forgive and forget
through times of emotional turmoil as they try to rush the
process. And forgetting often forces you
to do that. It forces you to to push things
down and rush through them. But healing takes time, and
rushing this process, rushing forgiveness, can hinder that
(05:01):
healing process. It's so important to give
ourselves the time and space we need to forgive before we can
heal. By taking your time, you enable
yourself to forgive and move forward instead of simply
rushing and forgetting. The goal of forgiveness is
usually to either heal yourself from hurt or heal a relationship
(05:23):
with somebody else. If these feelings go
unacknowledged, it could ruin either your emotional stability
or your relationship with the other person.
Sure, sometimes that connection isn't worth healing if the hurt
is strong enough. However, if that is your goal,
forgiveness is required. This can also restore and
(05:43):
strengthen relationships as it allows us to move past conflicts
and rebuild trust and understanding.
So how do we forgive and not forget?
What does that process look like?
Well, first we must acknowledge our feelings of hurt, anger, or
resentment and allow yourself tofeel these feelings.
(06:05):
Without emotions of judgement orguilt, you may be tempted to
internalize these feelings and try to blame yourself for the
hurt others have caused you. But I warn you, don't fall into
this trap. It's an easy path to go down.
It's one I've gone down many, many times.
Shifting blame away from anotherperson and on to yourself is
(06:25):
easier. It's less painful.
You can just internalize that and go well it it must have been
something I did wrong. If you're hurt in a
relationship, it's so easy to shift blame inwards and say you
weren't providing enough. Same with a friendship.
If somebody has lied or or or ordone something to you, it's so
easy to shift that blame inward.But that is a trap and will lead
(06:46):
to even more emotional wounds for you later on.
You have to acknowledge your hurt and if applicable,
understand that it isn't your fault.
Next, I think that you should practice empathy to everyone
involved. When you've been wronged, often
the last thing you want to do ispractice empathy towards that
person. But sometimes trying to
(07:07):
understand the situation withoutjudgement or I'll intention is
necessary to work towards forgiveness.
Once again, this is not always applicable.
There are some situations where a person doesn't deserve
empathy, but it can be helpful if you deem it to be.
So continue working through the complex feelings that come with
(07:29):
emotional wounds. Then once you get to a place of
acceptance and understanding, you have to find some sort of
physical release. For some, as mentioned earlier,
that's directly talking to the person that's wronged you and
telling them that they've hurt you and you forgive them.
For others, it's engaging in activities, art, or other
(07:50):
outlets. What's important is that you do
something in order to move forward from these feelings.
You can't just let them sit, even if it's just acknowledging
the feelings every time they come up and telling that hurt
within you that it has a place to be and it can exist often.
Feelings of anger, feelings of anxiety, feelings of depression
(08:11):
that have come from emotional wounds just need to be
acknowledged. They just need to be allowed to
exist. But don't forget, and I don't
mean you have to be petty and resentful.
I mean, don't do a disservice toyourself by pushing past the
hurt you've been given. Allow yourself the respect to
(08:32):
remember how you've been wrongedso you can be aware of red flags
in the future. It's cliche, but forgiveness is
a journey, not a destination. It's OK to take your time and
forgive at your own pace. Forgiveness will look different
for everybody. It depends on your situation.
Sometimes forgiveness is nearly impossible, but it's a very,
(08:57):
very healthy thing that we can do in order to work through
hurtful situations. By acknowledging our feelings,
practicing empathy, letting go of resentment, we can embark on
a path towards healing and innerpeace.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting the past, but rather
learning from it and moving forward with a lighter heart.
(09:23):
That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
Thank you so much for being here.
I have a really big announcement.
My new album is coming out this Friday, April 19th.
It might be out right now. While you're listening to this,
I spent a year learning how to sing for this album and I'm
really, really proud of it and it would mean a lot if you
checked it out. It's called I Wouldn't Do It
(09:43):
Again and It's by me, Ethan Jewell, out on all platforms.
Also, shoot me a message on my Instagram at Jewell Boy with an
I under score and let me know what you thought about today's
episode. So thank you so much for being
here. Thank you for understanding that
forgiveness is necessary, but forgetting is not.
And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
(10:06):
I'll see you next time.
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