February 13, 2025 • 11 mins
On this episode of Feel Your Feelings, Ethan Jewell discusses some common mistakes made in mental health recovery. We will examine how NOT to heal your mental health by avoiding common traps such as ignoring the root cause of our pain, comparing ourselves to others, not setting boundaries, and over-consuming self help content.
My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Website: www.ethanjewell.com
IG: @jewellboi_
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
There is so much mental health self help advice out there,
enough to last a lifetime. Tuning into all of that and
trying to pay attention to it all and actually apply it to
your life can be incredibly overwhelming.
Today we'll be simplifying it and going over how not to heal
(00:20):
your mental health. Please remember, I'm not a
doctor, not a psychiatrist. I'm not a professional in the
mental health industry. I'm just a guy who, like you,
has felt some very big feelings.And in that process, I've
learned a lot about mental health and I know it helps me.
And I want to start the conversation about mental health
in a casual, relatable way. My name is Ethan Jewell, and
(00:42):
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Now imagine you're trying to solve a puzzle, but instead of
looking at the picture on the box and examining the pieces,
you're just jamming the pieces into spots they don't belong.
The pieces start to get damaged and the puzzle is ruined.
Frustrating, right? Well, sometimes when we're
(01:05):
healing our mental health, we dothe same thing without even
realizing it. We engage in behaviors that may
seem helpful but can actually set us back or create new
challenges. Today, we're going to discuss
how not to heal your mental health.
And 1st, we're going to start with one of the biggest
mistakes, which is treating the symptoms of mental health
(01:26):
struggles while ignoring the root cause.
It's like trying to patch a leaky pipe by mopping the floor.
It might look cleaner for a moment, but the water keeps on
coming. The pipe stays broken.
For example, you might throw yourself into distractions like
work, hobbies, or even excessiveself-care without addressing the
(01:51):
underlying issues. Yes, excessive self-care does
exist. It may feel like you're engaging
in these activities to help yourself.
It may feel like all of the selfimprovement you're doing is
actually helping. But in reality, but it could be
distracting you from the real work you need to do, maybe work
you need to do in therapy or through meditation.
(02:12):
There's only so much that these physical distractions can do.
Now this varies person to personand of course you know yourself
best, but it's something to be aware of.
Healing starts by facing the why, even if it's uncomfortable.
You're not in the wrong for being afraid of diving into
those feelings. I mean, it sucks.
(02:32):
Getting to the root cause is notgoing to be pleasant, and it'll
require weeks, months, or even years of work, learning your
feelings and getting familiar with patterns.
It may take professional help, asolid support system, and some
intense grieving, but the work is worth it.
It's worth it to patch up those holes and move forward with new
(02:53):
knowledge about yourself. Addressing the root of mental
health issues is the route forward to permanent mental
health recovery. You can't just patch these
holes. You can't just paint over the
trauma and pain that you have felt.
Yes, it'll be easier that way, but in the long term it will
only grow more difficult. You have to address the roots of
(03:16):
the pain that you feel. Another harmful thing you can do
during your mental health journey is comparing yourself to
others. Whether it's scrolling through
social media or hearing about someone else's progress, it's
easy to fall into the trap of thinking why aren't I as far
along as they are? Here's the thing, healing is not
(03:37):
a race or a competition. It's deeply personal and no two
people have the same starting point, challenges, or resources.
When you compare your journey tosomeone else's, you're comparing
apples to oranges. And you might see someone
posting about their morning meditation routine, their
therapy breakthroughs, or their new found happiness, but you're
(03:58):
only seeing a highlight reel. You don't see the setbacks, the
struggles in the context behind their progress.
If you compare your own journeysto this highlight reel on social
media or this highlight reel that they may be talking about,
you will only be disappointed and unmotivated by your own
(04:18):
progress. The truth is, healing is dirty
and it is exhausting and it is not perfect.
It's not linear. You will have setbacks.
You will have bad days, bad weeks, bad months, even bad
years. It's difficult and it's a ever
growing process. You have to learn what works for
you and what doesn't. And through that you will fail
(04:38):
over and over and over again. And if you're constantly
comparing yourself to other people in their highlight reels
or you know, maybe just the parts that they want to share.
People don't want to talk about the failures in their mental
health journey. If you compare to that that
perfected and polished narrativeabout their mental health
journey, you will only be disappointed and less motivated.
(05:04):
So how do you avoid this trap? This might sound
oversimplifying, but instead of looking outward you you need to
practice looking inward, reflecting on where you started,
how far you've come, even if thesteps feel small.
I used to hear advice like this about reflecting and being
present with your feelings and all these different things and I
always thought that it was kind of BS.
(05:25):
Like what do you mean? Part of the process is just
sitting down and thinking, but truly it's so important to get
to know yourself, to really sit and reflect and think about how
far you've come. It's a great way to track
progress. Like now I, I often find myself
struggling to really grasp the progress that I've made in
mental health. And I'll think, wow, all of
(05:45):
these years and I'm right back where I started.
But, and I sit and I have some reflection and I think about
how, you know, I used to not be able to get out of bed until
2:00 PM, how it was difficult totake care of myself, how it was
difficult to see friends. And I reflect back on that.
And now, yes, I, I still struggle now, but I'm able to
(06:05):
take care of myself and I'm getting out of bed and I'm
engaging in routines. So in the same way, I encourage
you to reflect as you embark on your healing journey.
Maybe let's think back a year ago, two years ago, five years
ago, where you were have a little bit of pride, acknowledge
the ways that you've improved, maybe the ways that you haven't.
(06:28):
Healing isn't about dramatic changes overnight.
It's about gradual growth. And for that growth, you got to
set realistic goals. Emphasis on realistic.
Maybe the goal is simply gettingup in the morning on restful
days instead of the afternoon. Maybe the goal is to talk to a
friend every day. Small goals like this can have a
realistic impact on your progress and reflecting on them.
(06:50):
Also, be really careful on social media.
Comparison is the thief of joy and social media is the breeding
ground for comparison. Lots of self help content on
social media can actually end upbeing sort of harmful.
Another common way to sabotage your mental health is also by
ignoring or failing to set boundaries.
(07:11):
It's easy to fall into the trap of saying yes to everything,
helping a friend move, working late hours, taking on
responsibilities that leave you burnt out just because you don't
want to disappoint anyone. But here's the thing, constantly
putting others needs ahead of your own doesn't make you strong
or selfless, it makes you exhausted.
(07:31):
Without boundaries, you're essentially telling yourself
that your needs don't matter, which can lead to resentment,
stress, and emotional overwhelm.Setting boundaries It isn't
selfish, it's self preservation.Practice small but firm boundary
setting. If someone asks something of you
and it's too much, try saying I'd love to help but I can't
right now. And remember, protecting your
(07:54):
mental health should always be apriority.
Now I'm not saying you should shut everyone down all the time.
It's it's good to help, it's howwe form community.
But there's a line to walk and only you will know that line.
As you experiment with boundaries, it's important to
protect yourself. Finally, let's address the
elephant in the room, the self help overload.
(08:18):
Now this is coming from someone with this podcast, which is a
self help podcast. It's a mental health podcast.
Now, although self help content seems like it's completely
harmless, I genuinely think there can be a negative from
consuming too much of this content.
Yes, I said it on my self help podcast.
(08:39):
Podcasts, books, YouTube videos,affirmations.
There's so much advice out thereand it can feel overwhelming.
This can lead to analysis paralysis, a state where we
become convinced that we need totake the perfect steps in order
to get anywhere. We have to have a plan locked
down and goals set before even starting.
That's unrealistic for mental health recovery.
(09:02):
You just have to start. Also lots of self help content
is just plain unrealistic. Like sorry I don't want to run a
5K every day to help my mental health.
I'm depressed, I want to just get out of bed once a day.
Some of it is plain unhelpful and almost borderline
disrespectful to those of us that are struggling with mental
(09:25):
health. Avoid the trap of unhelpful self
help content. Sometimes people consume self
help content to the point where it becomes a substitute for
action. It's like reading about an
exercise but never actually hitting the gym.
Action oriented approaches like mindfulness, going to therapy,
(09:46):
reflecting all these kind of things that are actually doing
something, They're far more effective than passively
consuming content. So yes, keep learning, but
balance it with real world steps.
I love that you join me here to feel your feelings every week
and I hope you continue to do so.
But without action, these talks will only do so much for your
(10:07):
mental health. So I challenge you, take what
you learned from these podcasts and apply them to your life.
Do your own research, find what works for you.
Remember, I'm not a professional, so take what I say
with a grain of salt. I've felt these feelings.
I know what it's like to be in your shoes.
I know what it's like to struggle and desperately want to
get better, to wake up every dayhoping for a change.
(10:29):
And I'll tell you right now, theonly change can come from
within. The change can only be started
by you, and you are capable. You are absolutely capable.
So from this episode, I hope youtake the fact that there are
some traps out there when recovering from mental health.
(10:51):
There are things that can feel like they're helping, but
they're actually not. So learn what works for you and
be aware of these things that might actually not be helping
your mental health. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. Thank you so much for being
here. If you need help feeling your
feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
(11:12):
name of Ethan Jewell. I just had a new song come out
and I think you'll really like it.
Also, I have a poetry book that is all about helping you feel
your feelings. It's called I Feel Everything
All the Time and it's available on my website ethanjewell.com.
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for understanding how not to heal your mental health.
And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
(11:34):
I'll see you next time.
There is so much mental health self help advice out there,
enough to last a lifetime. Tuning into all of that and
trying to pay attention to it all and actually apply it to
your life can be incredibly overwhelming.
Today we'll be simplifying it and going over how not to heal
(00:20):
your mental health. Please remember, I'm not a
doctor, not a psychiatrist. I'm not a professional in the
mental health industry. I'm just a guy who, like you,
has felt some very big feelings.And in that process, I've
learned a lot about mental health and I know it helps me.
And I want to start the conversation about mental health
in a casual, relatable way. My name is Ethan Jewell, and
(00:42):
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Now imagine you're trying to solve a puzzle, but instead of
looking at the picture on the box and examining the pieces,
you're just jamming the pieces into spots they don't belong.
The pieces start to get damaged and the puzzle is ruined.
Frustrating, right? Well, sometimes when we're
(01:05):
healing our mental health, we dothe same thing without even
realizing it. We engage in behaviors that may
seem helpful but can actually set us back or create new
challenges. Today, we're going to discuss
how not to heal your mental health.
And 1st, we're going to start with one of the biggest
mistakes, which is treating the symptoms of mental health
(01:26):
struggles while ignoring the root cause.
It's like trying to patch a leaky pipe by mopping the floor.
It might look cleaner for a moment, but the water keeps on
coming. The pipe stays broken.
For example, you might throw yourself into distractions like
work, hobbies, or even excessiveself-care without addressing the
(01:51):
underlying issues. Yes, excessive self-care does
exist. It may feel like you're engaging
in these activities to help yourself.
It may feel like all of the selfimprovement you're doing is
actually helping. But in reality, but it could be
distracting you from the real work you need to do, maybe work
you need to do in therapy or through meditation.
(02:12):
There's only so much that these physical distractions can do.
Now this varies person to personand of course you know yourself
best, but it's something to be aware of.
Healing starts by facing the why, even if it's uncomfortable.
You're not in the wrong for being afraid of diving into
those feelings. I mean, it sucks.
(02:32):
Getting to the root cause is notgoing to be pleasant, and it'll
require weeks, months, or even years of work, learning your
feelings and getting familiar with patterns.
It may take professional help, asolid support system, and some
intense grieving, but the work is worth it.
It's worth it to patch up those holes and move forward with new
(02:53):
knowledge about yourself. Addressing the root of mental
health issues is the route forward to permanent mental
health recovery. You can't just patch these
holes. You can't just paint over the
trauma and pain that you have felt.
Yes, it'll be easier that way, but in the long term it will
only grow more difficult. You have to address the roots of
(03:16):
the pain that you feel. Another harmful thing you can do
during your mental health journey is comparing yourself to
others. Whether it's scrolling through
social media or hearing about someone else's progress, it's
easy to fall into the trap of thinking why aren't I as far
along as they are? Here's the thing, healing is not
(03:37):
a race or a competition. It's deeply personal and no two
people have the same starting point, challenges, or resources.
When you compare your journey tosomeone else's, you're comparing
apples to oranges. And you might see someone
posting about their morning meditation routine, their
therapy breakthroughs, or their new found happiness, but you're
(03:58):
only seeing a highlight reel. You don't see the setbacks, the
struggles in the context behind their progress.
If you compare your own journeysto this highlight reel on social
media or this highlight reel that they may be talking about,
you will only be disappointed and unmotivated by your own
(04:18):
progress. The truth is, healing is dirty
and it is exhausting and it is not perfect.
It's not linear. You will have setbacks.
You will have bad days, bad weeks, bad months, even bad
years. It's difficult and it's a ever
growing process. You have to learn what works for
you and what doesn't. And through that you will fail
(04:38):
over and over and over again. And if you're constantly
comparing yourself to other people in their highlight reels
or you know, maybe just the parts that they want to share.
People don't want to talk about the failures in their mental
health journey. If you compare to that that
perfected and polished narrativeabout their mental health
journey, you will only be disappointed and less motivated.
(05:04):
So how do you avoid this trap? This might sound
oversimplifying, but instead of looking outward you you need to
practice looking inward, reflecting on where you started,
how far you've come, even if thesteps feel small.
I used to hear advice like this about reflecting and being
present with your feelings and all these different things and I
always thought that it was kind of BS.
(05:25):
Like what do you mean? Part of the process is just
sitting down and thinking, but truly it's so important to get
to know yourself, to really sit and reflect and think about how
far you've come. It's a great way to track
progress. Like now I, I often find myself
struggling to really grasp the progress that I've made in
mental health. And I'll think, wow, all of
(05:45):
these years and I'm right back where I started.
But, and I sit and I have some reflection and I think about
how, you know, I used to not be able to get out of bed until
2:00 PM, how it was difficult totake care of myself, how it was
difficult to see friends. And I reflect back on that.
And now, yes, I, I still struggle now, but I'm able to
(06:05):
take care of myself and I'm getting out of bed and I'm
engaging in routines. So in the same way, I encourage
you to reflect as you embark on your healing journey.
Maybe let's think back a year ago, two years ago, five years
ago, where you were have a little bit of pride, acknowledge
the ways that you've improved, maybe the ways that you haven't.
(06:28):
Healing isn't about dramatic changes overnight.
It's about gradual growth. And for that growth, you got to
set realistic goals. Emphasis on realistic.
Maybe the goal is simply gettingup in the morning on restful
days instead of the afternoon. Maybe the goal is to talk to a
friend every day. Small goals like this can have a
realistic impact on your progress and reflecting on them.
(06:50):
Also, be really careful on social media.
Comparison is the thief of joy and social media is the breeding
ground for comparison. Lots of self help content on
social media can actually end upbeing sort of harmful.
Another common way to sabotage your mental health is also by
ignoring or failing to set boundaries.
(07:11):
It's easy to fall into the trap of saying yes to everything,
helping a friend move, working late hours, taking on
responsibilities that leave you burnt out just because you don't
want to disappoint anyone. But here's the thing, constantly
putting others needs ahead of your own doesn't make you strong
or selfless, it makes you exhausted.
(07:31):
Without boundaries, you're essentially telling yourself
that your needs don't matter, which can lead to resentment,
stress, and emotional overwhelm.Setting boundaries It isn't
selfish, it's self preservation.Practice small but firm boundary
setting. If someone asks something of you
and it's too much, try saying I'd love to help but I can't
right now. And remember, protecting your
(07:54):
mental health should always be apriority.
Now I'm not saying you should shut everyone down all the time.
It's it's good to help, it's howwe form community.
But there's a line to walk and only you will know that line.
As you experiment with boundaries, it's important to
protect yourself. Finally, let's address the
elephant in the room, the self help overload.
(08:18):
Now this is coming from someone with this podcast, which is a
self help podcast. It's a mental health podcast.
Now, although self help content seems like it's completely
harmless, I genuinely think there can be a negative from
consuming too much of this content.
Yes, I said it on my self help podcast.
(08:39):
Podcasts, books, YouTube videos,affirmations.
There's so much advice out thereand it can feel overwhelming.
This can lead to analysis paralysis, a state where we
become convinced that we need totake the perfect steps in order
to get anywhere. We have to have a plan locked
down and goals set before even starting.
That's unrealistic for mental health recovery.
(09:02):
You just have to start. Also lots of self help content
is just plain unrealistic. Like sorry I don't want to run a
5K every day to help my mental health.
I'm depressed, I want to just get out of bed once a day.
Some of it is plain unhelpful and almost borderline
disrespectful to those of us that are struggling with mental
(09:25):
health. Avoid the trap of unhelpful self
help content. Sometimes people consume self
help content to the point where it becomes a substitute for
action. It's like reading about an
exercise but never actually hitting the gym.
Action oriented approaches like mindfulness, going to therapy,
(09:46):
reflecting all these kind of things that are actually doing
something, They're far more effective than passively
consuming content. So yes, keep learning, but
balance it with real world steps.
I love that you join me here to feel your feelings every week
and I hope you continue to do so.
But without action, these talks will only do so much for your
(10:07):
mental health. So I challenge you, take what
you learned from these podcasts and apply them to your life.
Do your own research, find what works for you.
Remember, I'm not a professional, so take what I say
with a grain of salt. I've felt these feelings.
I know what it's like to be in your shoes.
I know what it's like to struggle and desperately want to
get better, to wake up every dayhoping for a change.
(10:29):
And I'll tell you right now, theonly change can come from
within. The change can only be started
by you, and you are capable. You are absolutely capable.
So from this episode, I hope youtake the fact that there are
some traps out there when recovering from mental health.
(10:51):
There are things that can feel like they're helping, but
they're actually not. So learn what works for you and
be aware of these things that might actually not be helping
your mental health. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. Thank you so much for being
here. If you need help feeling your
feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
(11:12):
name of Ethan Jewell. I just had a new song come out
and I think you'll really like it.
Also, I have a poetry book that is all about helping you feel
your feelings. It's called I Feel Everything
All the Time and it's available on my website ethanjewell.com.
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for understanding how not to heal your mental health.
And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
(11:34):
I'll see you next time.
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