June 29, 2024 • 10 mins
grief is a complicated emotion that heavily affects our mental health. often, it can feel complicated and impossible to deal with. in this episode, we will discuss grief and the impact it has on us, why it's important to deal with, and how we can ultimately work through and not around the grief. welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I lost my childhood dog this week.
He was one of my best friends for 16 wonderful years and I've
been grieving this loss every day.
I figured there is no better time to talk about grief and
loss than while I'm actively dealing with it.
So join me and let's discuss thecomplicated journey that is
grief. My name is Ethan Jewell and
(00:22):
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Everyone is going to experience grief at some point.
I don't think it needs to be taboo.
That's why I opened today's episode the way I did because I
want to start the conversation that grief is normal and it
happens to everyone. And likely there are people in
(00:44):
your life that are dealing with grief that you don't know about.
Maybe you are dealing with griefthat nobody else knows about.
I want you to know that it's OK to talk about and feel your
grief, whether it is a loss, whether it's something personal,
maybe, maybe you feel as though you've lost a part of yourself,
(01:04):
you've lost your childhood, maybe a job of person, whatever
it could be, grief is inevitable.
Now, before we start this conversation, I want to remind
you I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a
professional in the mental health industry whatsoever.
I'm just a normal guy who has felt some big feelings and I can
tell you that today's topic is very personal.
(01:28):
It's still a fresh feeling. I'm not making this episode to
self pity or make it about me. No, my goal is to show you that
feelings are a part of the humanexperience.
They don't have to stop everything.
You can live with them and have a healthy relationship with
them. Even with grief, you can feel
deeply and keep moving forward. So join me and let's discuss
grief, what it is, why it's so difficult to deal with, and why
(01:51):
it's important to move through the grief instead of around it.
Let's start this conversation with why grief is so difficult
to deal with and what exactly itis.
And I think most of us know the answer to that second question.
Grief is a highly complex reaction to some kind of loss or
(02:13):
stressor or trauma that has happened in our lives.
It isn't just about sadness. It's a complex mix of emotions.
They include anger, guilt, confusion, maybe even relief.
These feelings can be intense, unpredictable, unexpected.
It makes it hard to manage day-to-day life.
It's important to understand grief, what it does to us.
(02:36):
So let's talk about it. One framework that can help us
understand the complexity of grief is the five stages of
grief. You may have heard of these
These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and
acceptance. It's really important to note
that not everyone goes through all of these stages or goes
through them in a specific order.
Some people may go through them faster than others.
(02:58):
Grief is highly individual and can vary greatly from person to
person. That's one thing that makes it
kind of difficult to talk about and difficult to deal with.
There's no handbook. There's no easy way to figure
out exactly what you're supposedto do.
However, it's nice to use this as a general guideline.
I know I personally have used these many times in my life.
It's helpful to have something some some tangible rulebook to
(03:21):
relate grief to, something to help identify the complicated
feelings that we feel. However, another complication is
that grief doesn't just affect us emotionally, it can also take
a toll on our physical health. Common physical symptoms of
grief include fatigue, changes in appetite, difficulty
sleeping, even physical pain. This mind body connection can
(03:46):
make grief feel even more overwhelming and challenging to
deal with. We physically hold grief and
other feelings in our bodies. Some people feel it in their
chest, a bit in their stomach, maybe a tightness in the throat.
I personally feel a heaviness inmy chest whenever I'm grieving
something. This makes the pain twice as
overwhelming. Not only do you feel like you're
(04:07):
being ripped apart emotionally, but physically you feel just as
exhausted. This feeling is impossibly
heavy. It's a burden to carry and you
may feel tempted to avoid or distract from this feeling, but
unfortunately that only makes things worse.
Unprocessed grief can lead to long term emotional and physical
(04:30):
issues such as chronic anxiety, depression, or even health
problems like heart disease. It can become traumatic and try
to become a part of your identity.
Grief likes to stick around, so you'll feel tempted to avoid it
as long as you can, but it will catch up with you, and it will
be heavier than before. It will grow and faster feeding
(04:54):
on your mental and physical well-being.
Suppressing grief might seem like a way to avoid pain, but it
often prolongs suffering and canlead to more severe mental
health issues down the line. This is why it's so important to
feel those feelings. Processing grief also helps us
find meaning and make sense of our loss.
(05:15):
While the pain of loss may nevercompletely go away for some,
dealing with it can help us integrate the experience into
our lives and find a new sense of purpose or direction.
By properly feeling it, working through it, we can learn and
grow. We can understand where and why
it hurts and move forward. As people, you need to go
(05:36):
through the grief, not around it.
But how do we do that? It may sound silly, but it's
sort of straightforward for the most part.
Of course, grief looks differentfor everybody.
I'm not a professional, but thisis what has helped me.
In my experience, one of the biggest ways to help yourself
(05:58):
heal is to just allow yourself to grieve.
Go head first into it. Hurt.
Be angry, cry, feel lost, feel betrayed, be upset, be confused,
be frustrated. Let these feelings run their
course. Don't run from them.
Don't drink or smoke them away. Don't distract.
(06:20):
Face these feelings head on and let them exist.
This is one of the most difficult things we can do.
We we want to run from these uncomfortable feelings.
Our brains naturally want to avoid discomfort.
We want to stay in our comfort zone and feeling these
complicated, hurtful feelings sucks.
(06:41):
But if you try to suppress or distract any of these feelings,
they will only stay with you andgrow.
They'll become a part of you andone day you won't know what is
left. One day you'll have to pick up
the pieces instead of putting them together right now, when
they're in front of you. You have to allow yourself a
(07:01):
safe space to feel these feelings.
Free from guilt, free from judgement, free from rushing.
Give yourself space to feel deeply.
But of course, this is often exhausting to do and you won't
always have the emotional capacity to deal with these
feelings. So you should also practice self
love and care so you feel ready when these emotions do arise.
(07:26):
Eat well. Try to get enough sleep.
Give yourself space when necessary from other people.
Engage in activities to help work through the physical side
effects of grief. Try to talk to other people.
Establish some kind of social network that you can turn to,
whether it's a family member, a friend, maybe a professional.
I always recommend professional help.
(07:49):
I went to therapy when I was dealing with a lot of
complicated issues and it helpedso, so much.
I know that therapy can often bedifficult, but online therapy is
an awesome resource. So I highly recommend checking
out online-therapy.com. I've gotten you all a discount
code. You can get 20% off your first
month using the code therapy 20 and I've put a link down below
(08:12):
that you can click and get all set up.
It's really easy and you can do it from the comfort of your own
home today. And finally, the last thing that
I suggest you do is give yourself time.
There is no set timeline to feelbetter or be done with grieving.
As I stated in the beginning of this episode, one of the reasons
I'm recording this is because I lost my childhood dog a little
(08:35):
over a week ago. I grew up with him for 16 years
and he went peacefully and surrounded by family.
It's been a long week and every single day I've been feeling
some new emotion about it. But that's the key, I've been
feeling it. Sure, I could distract myself, I
could sit on my phone all day, Icould drink every night to avoid
(08:58):
these feelings. But instead, I'm diving head
first and allowing myself to feel every bit of grief that
comes up. I cry when I need to.
I get angry at the world. I get frustrated.
I think fondly of memories. I move slowly, one day at a
time. I have no timeline for this
grief. I think I'll miss my boy for the
(09:18):
rest of my life. And that's OK.
We can live with our grief as long as we feel and deal with it
when it's right in front of us. As long as we learn and grow,
I'm learning that parts of me need more reassurance and
attention. You may find the same when
dealing with grief. I'll leave you with this.
(09:39):
Grief is a complicated puzzle topiece together, but it's sitting
right in front of you. When you grieve something, you
need to put the pieces together in order to feel whole again.
If you ignore them, you'll slowly lose pieces.
You'll have to find them again. You may never be able to piece
that puzzle together. So please face that grief and go
(10:03):
through it, not around it. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. Thank you so much for being
here. Some of you may know that I
write poetry. I actually released my first
poetry book last month and it's available on my website,
ethanjewel.com. You should check it out.
It's over 100 poems and I think you'll really enjoy it.
(10:25):
Also, I have music out on all platforms under the name of
Ethan Jewell. If you need help feeling your
feelings, just check it out. I almost guarantee it'll make
you cry. So thank you so much for being
here. Thank you for understanding the
difficult process that is grief.And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
I lost my childhood dog this week.
He was one of my best friends for 16 wonderful years and I've
been grieving this loss every day.
I figured there is no better time to talk about grief and
loss than while I'm actively dealing with it.
So join me and let's discuss thecomplicated journey that is
grief. My name is Ethan Jewell and
(00:22):
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Everyone is going to experience grief at some point.
I don't think it needs to be taboo.
That's why I opened today's episode the way I did because I
want to start the conversation that grief is normal and it
happens to everyone. And likely there are people in
(00:44):
your life that are dealing with grief that you don't know about.
Maybe you are dealing with griefthat nobody else knows about.
I want you to know that it's OK to talk about and feel your
grief, whether it is a loss, whether it's something personal,
maybe, maybe you feel as though you've lost a part of yourself,
(01:04):
you've lost your childhood, maybe a job of person, whatever
it could be, grief is inevitable.
Now, before we start this conversation, I want to remind
you I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a
professional in the mental health industry whatsoever.
I'm just a normal guy who has felt some big feelings and I can
tell you that today's topic is very personal.
(01:28):
It's still a fresh feeling. I'm not making this episode to
self pity or make it about me. No, my goal is to show you that
feelings are a part of the humanexperience.
They don't have to stop everything.
You can live with them and have a healthy relationship with
them. Even with grief, you can feel
deeply and keep moving forward. So join me and let's discuss
grief, what it is, why it's so difficult to deal with, and why
(01:51):
it's important to move through the grief instead of around it.
Let's start this conversation with why grief is so difficult
to deal with and what exactly itis.
And I think most of us know the answer to that second question.
Grief is a highly complex reaction to some kind of loss or
(02:13):
stressor or trauma that has happened in our lives.
It isn't just about sadness. It's a complex mix of emotions.
They include anger, guilt, confusion, maybe even relief.
These feelings can be intense, unpredictable, unexpected.
It makes it hard to manage day-to-day life.
It's important to understand grief, what it does to us.
(02:36):
So let's talk about it. One framework that can help us
understand the complexity of grief is the five stages of
grief. You may have heard of these
These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and
acceptance. It's really important to note
that not everyone goes through all of these stages or goes
through them in a specific order.
Some people may go through them faster than others.
(02:58):
Grief is highly individual and can vary greatly from person to
person. That's one thing that makes it
kind of difficult to talk about and difficult to deal with.
There's no handbook. There's no easy way to figure
out exactly what you're supposedto do.
However, it's nice to use this as a general guideline.
I know I personally have used these many times in my life.
It's helpful to have something some some tangible rulebook to
(03:21):
relate grief to, something to help identify the complicated
feelings that we feel. However, another complication is
that grief doesn't just affect us emotionally, it can also take
a toll on our physical health. Common physical symptoms of
grief include fatigue, changes in appetite, difficulty
sleeping, even physical pain. This mind body connection can
(03:46):
make grief feel even more overwhelming and challenging to
deal with. We physically hold grief and
other feelings in our bodies. Some people feel it in their
chest, a bit in their stomach, maybe a tightness in the throat.
I personally feel a heaviness inmy chest whenever I'm grieving
something. This makes the pain twice as
overwhelming. Not only do you feel like you're
(04:07):
being ripped apart emotionally, but physically you feel just as
exhausted. This feeling is impossibly
heavy. It's a burden to carry and you
may feel tempted to avoid or distract from this feeling, but
unfortunately that only makes things worse.
Unprocessed grief can lead to long term emotional and physical
(04:30):
issues such as chronic anxiety, depression, or even health
problems like heart disease. It can become traumatic and try
to become a part of your identity.
Grief likes to stick around, so you'll feel tempted to avoid it
as long as you can, but it will catch up with you, and it will
be heavier than before. It will grow and faster feeding
(04:54):
on your mental and physical well-being.
Suppressing grief might seem like a way to avoid pain, but it
often prolongs suffering and canlead to more severe mental
health issues down the line. This is why it's so important to
feel those feelings. Processing grief also helps us
find meaning and make sense of our loss.
(05:15):
While the pain of loss may nevercompletely go away for some,
dealing with it can help us integrate the experience into
our lives and find a new sense of purpose or direction.
By properly feeling it, working through it, we can learn and
grow. We can understand where and why
it hurts and move forward. As people, you need to go
(05:36):
through the grief, not around it.
But how do we do that? It may sound silly, but it's
sort of straightforward for the most part.
Of course, grief looks differentfor everybody.
I'm not a professional, but thisis what has helped me.
In my experience, one of the biggest ways to help yourself
(05:58):
heal is to just allow yourself to grieve.
Go head first into it. Hurt.
Be angry, cry, feel lost, feel betrayed, be upset, be confused,
be frustrated. Let these feelings run their
course. Don't run from them.
Don't drink or smoke them away. Don't distract.
(06:20):
Face these feelings head on and let them exist.
This is one of the most difficult things we can do.
We we want to run from these uncomfortable feelings.
Our brains naturally want to avoid discomfort.
We want to stay in our comfort zone and feeling these
complicated, hurtful feelings sucks.
(06:41):
But if you try to suppress or distract any of these feelings,
they will only stay with you andgrow.
They'll become a part of you andone day you won't know what is
left. One day you'll have to pick up
the pieces instead of putting them together right now, when
they're in front of you. You have to allow yourself a
(07:01):
safe space to feel these feelings.
Free from guilt, free from judgement, free from rushing.
Give yourself space to feel deeply.
But of course, this is often exhausting to do and you won't
always have the emotional capacity to deal with these
feelings. So you should also practice self
love and care so you feel ready when these emotions do arise.
(07:26):
Eat well. Try to get enough sleep.
Give yourself space when necessary from other people.
Engage in activities to help work through the physical side
effects of grief. Try to talk to other people.
Establish some kind of social network that you can turn to,
whether it's a family member, a friend, maybe a professional.
I always recommend professional help.
(07:49):
I went to therapy when I was dealing with a lot of
complicated issues and it helpedso, so much.
I know that therapy can often bedifficult, but online therapy is
an awesome resource. So I highly recommend checking
out online-therapy.com. I've gotten you all a discount
code. You can get 20% off your first
month using the code therapy 20 and I've put a link down below
(08:12):
that you can click and get all set up.
It's really easy and you can do it from the comfort of your own
home today. And finally, the last thing that
I suggest you do is give yourself time.
There is no set timeline to feelbetter or be done with grieving.
As I stated in the beginning of this episode, one of the reasons
I'm recording this is because I lost my childhood dog a little
(08:35):
over a week ago. I grew up with him for 16 years
and he went peacefully and surrounded by family.
It's been a long week and every single day I've been feeling
some new emotion about it. But that's the key, I've been
feeling it. Sure, I could distract myself, I
could sit on my phone all day, Icould drink every night to avoid
(08:58):
these feelings. But instead, I'm diving head
first and allowing myself to feel every bit of grief that
comes up. I cry when I need to.
I get angry at the world. I get frustrated.
I think fondly of memories. I move slowly, one day at a
time. I have no timeline for this
grief. I think I'll miss my boy for the
(09:18):
rest of my life. And that's OK.
We can live with our grief as long as we feel and deal with it
when it's right in front of us. As long as we learn and grow,
I'm learning that parts of me need more reassurance and
attention. You may find the same when
dealing with grief. I'll leave you with this.
(09:39):
Grief is a complicated puzzle topiece together, but it's sitting
right in front of you. When you grieve something, you
need to put the pieces together in order to feel whole again.
If you ignore them, you'll slowly lose pieces.
You'll have to find them again. You may never be able to piece
that puzzle together. So please face that grief and go
(10:03):
through it, not around it. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. Thank you so much for being
here. Some of you may know that I
write poetry. I actually released my first
poetry book last month and it's available on my website,
ethanjewel.com. You should check it out.
It's over 100 poems and I think you'll really enjoy it.
(10:25):
Also, I have music out on all platforms under the name of
Ethan Jewell. If you need help feeling your
feelings, just check it out. I almost guarantee it'll make
you cry. So thank you so much for being
here. Thank you for understanding the
difficult process that is grief.And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
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