May 9, 2025 • 10 mins
Loneliness is often a part of life and a part of mental illness. Even if we are surrounded by others, we can still feel alone. Today, we will address that feeling - what can cause it, the dangers of feeling this way, and how to move forward in a healthy way. It's okay to be alone... but it can be dangerous to be lonely.
Welcome back to Feel Your Feelings with Ethan Jewell! I'm not a psychologist, a doctor, or a mental health professional. Instead, I guide you through the world of mental health from a casual, relatable lens. I've been there, I've felt that, and I understand where you're coming from. Let's feel some feelings.
Poetry book and more on website: www.ethanjewell.com
IG: @jewellboi_
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I've been in crowded rooms, laughing, talking, smiling, yet
still felt completely alone, like everyone was looking at me
but no one could really see me. Have you ever felt this way?
Like you're surrounded by peoplebut somehow you still feel
(00:20):
invisible? If so, then this episode was
meant for you. My name is Ethan Jewell and
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
You're not the only one. Today we're going to unpack that
feeling, why it happens, what itmeans, and how to begin feeling
(00:40):
a little less alone in a world that doesn't always make space
for your emotions. We live in one of the most
connected times in human history.
Right now, you can pick up your phone and see exactly what's
happening in the world and see what everyone that you know is
doing. At any point.
You could text a friend, scroll for hours, hear the voices of
(01:03):
strangers like me and everythingthat I think, feel, live.
And yet studies show that we aremore isolated, more anxious, and
more lonely than ever before. The US Surgeon General calls
loneliness an epidemic. One study from Harvard in 2021
(01:26):
found that 61% of young adults reported feeling serious
loneliness. That's more than half of all
young people. That's insane.
I know I have personally felt this times where I was
surrounded by people that I'd never felt more alone.
(01:50):
So how can it be that we're morein touch than any generation
before us? We're more synced up, we're more
connected via social media, yet we're more isolated than ever.
Here's an easy way to think about it.
It's like trying to hydrate withsalt water.
You're drinking something, right?
Your mouth is full, your hands are busy, but it doesn't nourish
(02:11):
you, It doesn't satisfy what youactually need, and in the end,
it even makes you thirstier. That's what shallow connection
does. Likes follows surface level how
are used when nobody really wants the truth.
It's water, but it's not clean and it leaves you starving for
(02:32):
something real. Here's the thing about
loneliness. Not only is it uncomfortable,
but it also can be dangerous. Psychologists have found that
loneliness is as harmful to yourhealth as smoking 15 cigarettes
a day. It can increase your risk of
heart disease, depression, anxiety, and even early death.
(02:55):
And yet we don't really talk about it, do we?
We talk about how bad it is to smoke 15 cigarettes a day,
that's for sure. If you were smoking 15
cigarettes a day, anyone in yourlife would be concerned.
But if you isolate, if you don'tsee anyone for weeks, that's
just a part of life. Especially living in a post
(03:15):
pandemic world. Loneliness and isolation became
more normalized than ever. And that is a real problem.
We need connection. Let me say this clearly, feeling
lonely doesn't mean that you're broken.
It means that you're human. We are wired for connection.
Our brains literally release oxytocin, the bonding hormone,
(03:39):
when we feel emotionally close to others.
It's built into our biology. So when you don't feel seen,
heard, or understood, your brainreacts like you're in danger.
That's why loneliness. It can feel like panic, like
something's wrong, but you don'tknow how to fix it.
And it's not always about being alone.
You can be at a party and feel it at school, at work, in a
(04:01):
relationship with your family. Because loneliness isn't about
proximity, It's about connection.
It's about being known, it's about being heard, it's about
being understood. I felt it deeply, especially
throughout college. I was surrounded by people my
age, people who looked happy, who seemed like they had it all
(04:21):
figured out, and there I was, struggling to get out of bed,
struggling to feel like I mattered.
I didn't know how to say it out loud, because what if they
looked at me like I was weak, like I was sick?
What if I made things awkward? What if I told the truth and it
made people leave? So I stayed quiet.
(04:41):
I smiled when I had to, I laughed when it was expected,
and underneath I was drowning. If that sounds familiar, know
that I've been there and you're not alone in your loneliness, in
the presence of company. And it gets better, but not by
(05:03):
pretending it doesn't exist. It gets better when you speak
it. The loneliness when you're
surrounded by other people comesoften from self isolation.
And that's not to place blame onyou or to place blame on myself.
Often, unchecked mental health issues can cause us to feel
(05:26):
isolated in ways that we didn't know were possible.
When I was struggling with depression at my absolute
lowest, it convinced me that I was better off on my own.
It convinced me that I was too sick, that something was wrong
with me, that I shouldn't be around other people.
And that's the problem with mental health issues.
That's the problem with loneliness.
(05:46):
It convinces us that we don't need anyone else, that we
shouldn't be around anyone else,that we're better off on our
own. And that's dangerous.
We need human connection. We need to be able to talk, to
have these conversations, to open up.
We need each other. And so it's important to address
those mental health issues and address this loneliness that can
(06:08):
happen when we're around other people.
So what can we do? How can we start to feel less
alone in a world that doesn't always know how to hold a space
for you? Well, I don't have all the
answers, but here's what helped me.
Sometimes you have to be the onewho goes first.
(06:28):
We all want someone to check in on us.
But hey, what if sometimes we'rethe ones to check in first?
Send the hey I was thinking of you text.
Start the honest conversation. You'd be surprised how many
other people are also craving real connection right now. 2 Be
OK with being awkward. Connection is messy.
(06:50):
Vulnerability feels weird. You might over share, you might
cry, and that's OK. Real relationships are built on
honesty, not Polish. Three, seek out spaces that
welcome emotion therapy, supportgroups, creative communities,
places where emotional expression is not only allowed,
but encouraged. That's why I make music.
(07:13):
That's why I made this podcast. To create a space where we can
all feel heard and seen and not so lonely.
By communicating and by sharing.Because when we share how we
feel, we give others permission to do the same. 4 Connect with
yourself. This one's hard, but maybe the
(07:36):
most important. If you don't feel at home in
your own mind, it's hard to feelat home with others.
Journaling helped me. Sitting with my feelings, naming
them, not judging them, just noticing.
You are your own companion. You are your own best friend.
Always being alone is not alwaysa bad thing.
Loneliness can be, but being alone, getting to know yourself
(08:00):
better, becoming your own best friend, that's a beautiful
thing, taking yourself out on dates.
Sometimes being alone teaches usmore about ourselves.
It allows us to become closer with ourselves, with our
emotions. In turn, that allows us to be
more open towards others, to share, to be OK with expressing,
to connect deeper. Being alone is not an inherently
(08:23):
bad thing, but loneliness can beincredibly dangerous.
Here's the truth. Loneliness doesn't mean that no
one loves you. It doesn't mean you're unworthy.
It means that you need somethingdeeper, something true or
something real. And it starts with honesty, with
(08:46):
saying to yourself, hey, I'm lonely.
And that might be the bravest thing you say all week, but it
could also be the beginning of something beautiful.
So if you're listening right nowand you feel alone in a room
full of people, in a world full of people, know this.
You are not the only one that feels this way.
(09:10):
You are not alone in your loneliness and you are not
broken. You're not invisible, and you
are worthy of connection just asyou are.
You matter. Those feelings of loneliness
matter, don't let them go unattended.
That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
If you need help feeling your feelings, you should check out
(09:30):
my music on all platforms under the name of Ethan Jewell and I
almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
Also, drop me a comment and let me know what you thought about
today's episode. I'm chilling on the couch.
Today I wanted to make it a little bit more relaxed.
Let me know what you thought about this topic.
Let me know how your day's. Going, I want to hear from you.
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for understanding thatbeing alone is not always a bad
(09:52):
thing, but loneliness can be. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
I've been in crowded rooms, laughing, talking, smiling, yet
still felt completely alone, like everyone was looking at me
but no one could really see me. Have you ever felt this way?
Like you're surrounded by peoplebut somehow you still feel
(00:20):
invisible? If so, then this episode was
meant for you. My name is Ethan Jewell and
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
You're not the only one. Today we're going to unpack that
feeling, why it happens, what itmeans, and how to begin feeling
(00:40):
a little less alone in a world that doesn't always make space
for your emotions. We live in one of the most
connected times in human history.
Right now, you can pick up your phone and see exactly what's
happening in the world and see what everyone that you know is
doing. At any point.
You could text a friend, scroll for hours, hear the voices of
(01:03):
strangers like me and everythingthat I think, feel, live.
And yet studies show that we aremore isolated, more anxious, and
more lonely than ever before. The US Surgeon General calls
loneliness an epidemic. One study from Harvard in 2021
(01:26):
found that 61% of young adults reported feeling serious
loneliness. That's more than half of all
young people. That's insane.
I know I have personally felt this times where I was
surrounded by people that I'd never felt more alone.
(01:50):
So how can it be that we're morein touch than any generation
before us? We're more synced up, we're more
connected via social media, yet we're more isolated than ever.
Here's an easy way to think about it.
It's like trying to hydrate withsalt water.
You're drinking something, right?
Your mouth is full, your hands are busy, but it doesn't nourish
(02:11):
you, It doesn't satisfy what youactually need, and in the end,
it even makes you thirstier. That's what shallow connection
does. Likes follows surface level how
are used when nobody really wants the truth.
It's water, but it's not clean and it leaves you starving for
(02:32):
something real. Here's the thing about
loneliness. Not only is it uncomfortable,
but it also can be dangerous. Psychologists have found that
loneliness is as harmful to yourhealth as smoking 15 cigarettes
a day. It can increase your risk of
heart disease, depression, anxiety, and even early death.
(02:55):
And yet we don't really talk about it, do we?
We talk about how bad it is to smoke 15 cigarettes a day,
that's for sure. If you were smoking 15
cigarettes a day, anyone in yourlife would be concerned.
But if you isolate, if you don'tsee anyone for weeks, that's
just a part of life. Especially living in a post
(03:15):
pandemic world. Loneliness and isolation became
more normalized than ever. And that is a real problem.
We need connection. Let me say this clearly, feeling
lonely doesn't mean that you're broken.
It means that you're human. We are wired for connection.
Our brains literally release oxytocin, the bonding hormone,
(03:39):
when we feel emotionally close to others.
It's built into our biology. So when you don't feel seen,
heard, or understood, your brainreacts like you're in danger.
That's why loneliness. It can feel like panic, like
something's wrong, but you don'tknow how to fix it.
And it's not always about being alone.
You can be at a party and feel it at school, at work, in a
(04:01):
relationship with your family. Because loneliness isn't about
proximity, It's about connection.
It's about being known, it's about being heard, it's about
being understood. I felt it deeply, especially
throughout college. I was surrounded by people my
age, people who looked happy, who seemed like they had it all
(04:21):
figured out, and there I was, struggling to get out of bed,
struggling to feel like I mattered.
I didn't know how to say it out loud, because what if they
looked at me like I was weak, like I was sick?
What if I made things awkward? What if I told the truth and it
made people leave? So I stayed quiet.
(04:41):
I smiled when I had to, I laughed when it was expected,
and underneath I was drowning. If that sounds familiar, know
that I've been there and you're not alone in your loneliness, in
the presence of company. And it gets better, but not by
(05:03):
pretending it doesn't exist. It gets better when you speak
it. The loneliness when you're
surrounded by other people comesoften from self isolation.
And that's not to place blame onyou or to place blame on myself.
Often, unchecked mental health issues can cause us to feel
(05:26):
isolated in ways that we didn't know were possible.
When I was struggling with depression at my absolute
lowest, it convinced me that I was better off on my own.
It convinced me that I was too sick, that something was wrong
with me, that I shouldn't be around other people.
And that's the problem with mental health issues.
That's the problem with loneliness.
(05:46):
It convinces us that we don't need anyone else, that we
shouldn't be around anyone else,that we're better off on our
own. And that's dangerous.
We need human connection. We need to be able to talk, to
have these conversations, to open up.
We need each other. And so it's important to address
those mental health issues and address this loneliness that can
(06:08):
happen when we're around other people.
So what can we do? How can we start to feel less
alone in a world that doesn't always know how to hold a space
for you? Well, I don't have all the
answers, but here's what helped me.
Sometimes you have to be the onewho goes first.
(06:28):
We all want someone to check in on us.
But hey, what if sometimes we'rethe ones to check in first?
Send the hey I was thinking of you text.
Start the honest conversation. You'd be surprised how many
other people are also craving real connection right now. 2 Be
OK with being awkward. Connection is messy.
(06:50):
Vulnerability feels weird. You might over share, you might
cry, and that's OK. Real relationships are built on
honesty, not Polish. Three, seek out spaces that
welcome emotion therapy, supportgroups, creative communities,
places where emotional expression is not only allowed,
but encouraged. That's why I make music.
(07:13):
That's why I made this podcast. To create a space where we can
all feel heard and seen and not so lonely.
By communicating and by sharing.Because when we share how we
feel, we give others permission to do the same. 4 Connect with
yourself. This one's hard, but maybe the
(07:36):
most important. If you don't feel at home in
your own mind, it's hard to feelat home with others.
Journaling helped me. Sitting with my feelings, naming
them, not judging them, just noticing.
You are your own companion. You are your own best friend.
Always being alone is not alwaysa bad thing.
Loneliness can be, but being alone, getting to know yourself
(08:00):
better, becoming your own best friend, that's a beautiful
thing, taking yourself out on dates.
Sometimes being alone teaches usmore about ourselves.
It allows us to become closer with ourselves, with our
emotions. In turn, that allows us to be
more open towards others, to share, to be OK with expressing,
to connect deeper. Being alone is not an inherently
(08:23):
bad thing, but loneliness can beincredibly dangerous.
Here's the truth. Loneliness doesn't mean that no
one loves you. It doesn't mean you're unworthy.
It means that you need somethingdeeper, something true or
something real. And it starts with honesty, with
(08:46):
saying to yourself, hey, I'm lonely.
And that might be the bravest thing you say all week, but it
could also be the beginning of something beautiful.
So if you're listening right nowand you feel alone in a room
full of people, in a world full of people, know this.
You are not the only one that feels this way.
(09:10):
You are not alone in your loneliness and you are not
broken. You're not invisible, and you
are worthy of connection just asyou are.
You matter. Those feelings of loneliness
matter, don't let them go unattended.
That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
If you need help feeling your feelings, you should check out
(09:30):
my music on all platforms under the name of Ethan Jewell and I
almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
Also, drop me a comment and let me know what you thought about
today's episode. I'm chilling on the couch.
Today I wanted to make it a little bit more relaxed.
Let me know what you thought about this topic.
Let me know how your day's. Going, I want to hear from you.
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for understanding thatbeing alone is not always a bad
(09:52):
thing, but loneliness can be. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
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