March 27, 2024 • 12 mins
are you actually healing or are you falling into one of the many traps that mental illness brings? what are some red flags that we should avoid in order to ACTUALLY make progress on our journeys? in today's episode, we'll discuss 3 things to avoid to ensure that we are actually healing and not just distracting. let's talk about it.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Mental health recovery is a difficult path to walk, not only
because that journey looks different for everybody and it
presents a multitude of mental challenges, but also because it
is a deceiving journey. We engage in things that we
think are helping us. We engage in coping mechanisms
that we believe are making us better, but actually they are
(00:23):
bringing us the opposite direction of recovery.
Sometimes we think we are doing things to improve because they
feel good, but it's only making things worse.
My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to feel your
feelings. If you've ever tried to get
better, if you've ever tried to walk away from the life of
(00:46):
glorifying mental illness and living inside of your own mental
difficulties every single day, you know it is so, so, so, so,
so difficult. It is not an easy journey.
It takes active effort. It takes months and sometimes
years of trying and failing overand over and over.
And I can personally attest to this.
(01:07):
Over the last five or so years of really trying to improve my
mental health, I have found myself striving to get better
and consistently falling back into red flags and traps that
are mental health places for us.So today we need to look at
these certain red flags in mental health that you need to
(01:27):
avoid. They often disguise themselves
as healthy or that they're improving your mental health,
but in reality they're just distractions.
Remember, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a psychiatrist or
professional in the mental health industry whatsoever.
I'm just a normal guy who has felt some big feelings.
But in that journey, I've determined a few of these red
(01:48):
flags to avoid. These traps are so easy to fall
into, and if you're serious about mental health recovery,
you need to be aware of how theyaffect you and your journey.
So let's talk about it Red Flag #1 Avoiding friends, family, or
social situations under the guise of needing alone time or
(02:12):
focusing on yourself? Don't get me wrong, it is
important to prioritize yourself.
You do need to take time for yourself.
Allow yourself to rest, spend time by yourself as you get to
know your feelings, triggers andlearn the insurance and outs of
your mental health. That is super important.
I preach all the time about how you need to spend time with
(02:36):
yourself. You should, you know, practice
some kind of meditation, which just means being alone, allowing
your thoughts to wander, breathing, etcetera, etcetera.
So I sound like a total hypocrite saying this, but this
alone time cannot become a crutch.
Time for ourselves can easily become isolation, and isolation
(02:56):
becomes a dark path of worse mental health.
It festers and feeds depression,anxiety, and other mental
illnesses. There's a fine line to walk
between these two, and it's difficult to make the
distinction. To help figure out if you
actually need alone time or if you're trying to isolate, I'd
recommend doing an active physical and mental check in.
(03:18):
Ask yourself, do I need physicalrest?
Maybe you've had a really long shift at work.
Maybe you play a sport and need to rest.
Then ask Do I need mental rest? Do I need some time to process a
feeling? Do I need to step away?
Ask yourself if the person you're going to see requires
(03:40):
mental energy. I have friends that I can see
when I'm feeling mentally or emotionally drained purely
because they don't require much mental energy.
But other people require much more, and I know I should spend
time alone if I'm having a hard day.
It's important to know those around you and know yourself in
order to make these distinctions.
Rest is important, but isolationwill impede your mental health
(04:04):
recovery. So instead of making a rash in
the moment decision and just canceling all of your plans all
the time, stop and really evaluate how you're feeling.
If you're just feeling a little down that day, maybe push
yourself outside of that comfortzone.
You shouldn't do this all the time, but there needs to be
(04:25):
balance. Isolation destroys your mental
health. It's crucial to spend time with
other people. This is how we grow.
Sharing experiences, talking about the things we're going
through. This is how we improve our
mental health. Humans are naturally social
creatures. Yes, even if you're introverted,
it's important to spend time around other people and that may
(04:47):
look different for you. Maybe it's just sitting in a
room silently. I don't mean you have to go out
and have crazy experiences or have super engaging
conversations. Find people who you can simply
exist with. Find people you can spend time
with, even on bad days. So please do check insurance
with yourself and try to determine if you actually need
(05:08):
to be alone, or if you're used to using isolation as a coping
mechanism. Red flag #2.
Now this one's going to be controversial and I'm sorry if
you don't like what I'm about tosay.
I'm going to sound like a nagging parent or a doctor, but
please hear me out. Another red flag to avoid in
mental health recovery is using drugs or alcohol to cope.
(05:31):
Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and I absolutely find
myself going out to drink or using light recreational drugs
to cope. It's tempting and it's easily
accessible and to be completely honest, it sometimes feels
necessary. Mental illness sucks and drugs
and alcohol are an easy, temporary way out of it.
(05:55):
But that's the thing. It's temporary, and prolonged
use of this coping mechanism will lead to significantly worse
mental health. I guarantee it.
I know I'm not a professional. I know I haven't studied this,
but I've experienced this. As someone who has personally
used light recreational drugs tocope, I know that it made things
(06:19):
worse. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't
going using some crazy hard St. drug.
When I was going through a bad fight with depression, I found
myself smoking weed or taking edibles pretty often.
Several times a day, basically whenever I had a free moment
that allowed my mind to wander. And at first it helped, the
dissociative effects got me out of my head.
(06:40):
I was able to do things, see people engage in activities.
However, I quickly became reliant on it.
I needed it in order to function, and I realized I
wasn't healing like I thought I was.
Not even close. I was becoming a shell that
relied on a substance to function.
I'm not preaching that you should quit every drug or never
(07:03):
drink again. I mean, let's be honest with
ourselves. We're human and it's very
ingrained into our culture to dothese things.
But if you use substances in order to avoid a feeling, that's
where your problem is. I know it sounds boring and it
sounds too adulty or too stereotypical to quit
(07:23):
substances, but if you're serious about improving your
mental health, then you should take this seriously because it
is serious. Substances alter your brain
chemistry and can make your mental illness so much worse.
It can affect your ability to naturally produce dopamine and
serotonin, two of the chemicals that have to be healthily
(07:43):
regulated in order to have mental health improvement.
And over using substances, or for some people, using them at
all, can only make that worse. So do a careful evaluation of
yourself. I spent some time really paying
attention to myself and figuringout whether or not I should quit
(08:04):
cold Turkey. And for a while I did, and I
healed and I I I got a healthy relationship with these things.
And that is crucial. Be aware of yourself and be
aware of the dangers that substances can bring.
I don't want to sound like I'm just preaching, but this really,
really is important for mental health.
(08:25):
Be aware and be kind to your brain when it comes to using
drugs or alcohol, and be aware of the fact that you very well
might be using them as a unhealthy coping mechanism.
Red flag #3 Now, the final red flag I'm going to talk about
today is also a difficult pill to swallow.
(08:46):
We all know how good it can feelto stay up until 3:00 in the
morning just avoiding all responsibility.
There's something so freeing andrewarding about creating that
time for yourself to just ignorereality.
Honestly, doing this got me by for the better part of a year.
Creating this time for myself allowed me to process some
feelings and get to know myself better when nobody else was
(09:09):
awake. However, most of us, myself
included, for most of my mental health journey, don't use that
time for mental health improvement.
We use it to numb and distract from the feelings that we've
been avoiding all day. We spent the whole day
suppressing what we needed to feel and are now faced with
those feelings at 2:00 AM. So we numb and distract.
(09:32):
Let's face it, it's incredibly bad for our mental health to
stay up as late as possible until we literally pass out.
I know this time can feel good. You get to be alone and engage
in coping mechanisms and feel good in the moment.
But this is avoiding the real problem.
You're doing this because the thought of the next day is too
much to bear. You'd rather force yourself to
(09:55):
stay up, then fall asleep and accept the next day as
beginning. You'd rather numb out the
feelings you've been avoiding than face them during the day.
This habit of staying up and numbing leads to both physical
and mental exhaustion, and will only make our mental health
worse. When I was at my worst, I
(10:16):
consistently was staying up pastfour in the morning.
I would avoid ever feeling I slept as late as possible,
dreaded getting out of bed. My grades suffered, my mental
health only got worse, my relationships and friendships
took a decline. And it was all because I was
addicted to the dopamine I got from staying up by myself,
scrolling on my phone and ignoring reality.
(10:39):
And the truth is, if you want toimprove your mental health, you
have to face what you feel. You can't stay up all night
ignoring those emotions. You can't numb them away with
drugs and alcohol. You can't isolate yourself from
friends and family. Nobody said mental health
recovery was going to be easy. In fact, it's quite the
(10:59):
opposite. I can tell you first hand that
making myself recover from mental illness was one of the
hardest things I've ever done, and I'm still working on that
journey. It's still an active fight.
I still keep myself aware of these red flags to avoid every
single day. But it's so worth it.
Wanting to be alive every day isso worth it.
(11:24):
Wanting to do the things you love is so worth it.
So figure out what the red flagsare that you need to avoid.
These three I talked about todayare crucial, but everyone's
journey is different. These are just ones that apply
for me. You may not struggle with any of
these. Or maybe you struggle with all
(11:44):
of them and many more. Whatever it is, take it
seriously. You deserve that.
Your mental health deserves that.
Don't distract. Don't numb.
Feel your feelings. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. Thank you so much for being
here. If you need help feeling your
feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
(12:07):
name of Ethan Jewell. And I almost guarantee it'll
make you cry. I'm actually coming out with a
new album April 19th and I spenta whole year learning how to
sing for this album. So it would mean a lot if you
went over to my Instagram and pre saved it.
My Instagram handle is at Jewel Boy with an I under score.
While you're over there, shoot me a message and let me know
what you thought about today's episode.
(12:28):
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for understanding someof the red flags that you should
try to avoid. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
Mental health recovery is a difficult path to walk, not only
because that journey looks different for everybody and it
presents a multitude of mental challenges, but also because it
is a deceiving journey. We engage in things that we
think are helping us. We engage in coping mechanisms
that we believe are making us better, but actually they are
(00:23):
bringing us the opposite direction of recovery.
Sometimes we think we are doing things to improve because they
feel good, but it's only making things worse.
My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to feel your
feelings. If you've ever tried to get
better, if you've ever tried to walk away from the life of
(00:46):
glorifying mental illness and living inside of your own mental
difficulties every single day, you know it is so, so, so, so,
so difficult. It is not an easy journey.
It takes active effort. It takes months and sometimes
years of trying and failing overand over and over.
And I can personally attest to this.
(01:07):
Over the last five or so years of really trying to improve my
mental health, I have found myself striving to get better
and consistently falling back into red flags and traps that
are mental health places for us.So today we need to look at
these certain red flags in mental health that you need to
(01:27):
avoid. They often disguise themselves
as healthy or that they're improving your mental health,
but in reality they're just distractions.
Remember, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a psychiatrist or
professional in the mental health industry whatsoever.
I'm just a normal guy who has felt some big feelings.
But in that journey, I've determined a few of these red
(01:48):
flags to avoid. These traps are so easy to fall
into, and if you're serious about mental health recovery,
you need to be aware of how theyaffect you and your journey.
So let's talk about it Red Flag #1 Avoiding friends, family, or
social situations under the guise of needing alone time or
(02:12):
focusing on yourself? Don't get me wrong, it is
important to prioritize yourself.
You do need to take time for yourself.
Allow yourself to rest, spend time by yourself as you get to
know your feelings, triggers andlearn the insurance and outs of
your mental health. That is super important.
I preach all the time about how you need to spend time with
(02:36):
yourself. You should, you know, practice
some kind of meditation, which just means being alone, allowing
your thoughts to wander, breathing, etcetera, etcetera.
So I sound like a total hypocrite saying this, but this
alone time cannot become a crutch.
Time for ourselves can easily become isolation, and isolation
(02:56):
becomes a dark path of worse mental health.
It festers and feeds depression,anxiety, and other mental
illnesses. There's a fine line to walk
between these two, and it's difficult to make the
distinction. To help figure out if you
actually need alone time or if you're trying to isolate, I'd
recommend doing an active physical and mental check in.
(03:18):
Ask yourself, do I need physicalrest?
Maybe you've had a really long shift at work.
Maybe you play a sport and need to rest.
Then ask Do I need mental rest? Do I need some time to process a
feeling? Do I need to step away?
Ask yourself if the person you're going to see requires
(03:40):
mental energy. I have friends that I can see
when I'm feeling mentally or emotionally drained purely
because they don't require much mental energy.
But other people require much more, and I know I should spend
time alone if I'm having a hard day.
It's important to know those around you and know yourself in
order to make these distinctions.
Rest is important, but isolationwill impede your mental health
(04:04):
recovery. So instead of making a rash in
the moment decision and just canceling all of your plans all
the time, stop and really evaluate how you're feeling.
If you're just feeling a little down that day, maybe push
yourself outside of that comfortzone.
You shouldn't do this all the time, but there needs to be
(04:25):
balance. Isolation destroys your mental
health. It's crucial to spend time with
other people. This is how we grow.
Sharing experiences, talking about the things we're going
through. This is how we improve our
mental health. Humans are naturally social
creatures. Yes, even if you're introverted,
it's important to spend time around other people and that may
(04:47):
look different for you. Maybe it's just sitting in a
room silently. I don't mean you have to go out
and have crazy experiences or have super engaging
conversations. Find people who you can simply
exist with. Find people you can spend time
with, even on bad days. So please do check insurance
with yourself and try to determine if you actually need
(05:08):
to be alone, or if you're used to using isolation as a coping
mechanism. Red flag #2.
Now this one's going to be controversial and I'm sorry if
you don't like what I'm about tosay.
I'm going to sound like a nagging parent or a doctor, but
please hear me out. Another red flag to avoid in
mental health recovery is using drugs or alcohol to cope.
(05:31):
Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and I absolutely find
myself going out to drink or using light recreational drugs
to cope. It's tempting and it's easily
accessible and to be completely honest, it sometimes feels
necessary. Mental illness sucks and drugs
and alcohol are an easy, temporary way out of it.
(05:55):
But that's the thing. It's temporary, and prolonged
use of this coping mechanism will lead to significantly worse
mental health. I guarantee it.
I know I'm not a professional. I know I haven't studied this,
but I've experienced this. As someone who has personally
used light recreational drugs tocope, I know that it made things
(06:19):
worse. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't
going using some crazy hard St. drug.
When I was going through a bad fight with depression, I found
myself smoking weed or taking edibles pretty often.
Several times a day, basically whenever I had a free moment
that allowed my mind to wander. And at first it helped, the
dissociative effects got me out of my head.
(06:40):
I was able to do things, see people engage in activities.
However, I quickly became reliant on it.
I needed it in order to function, and I realized I
wasn't healing like I thought I was.
Not even close. I was becoming a shell that
relied on a substance to function.
I'm not preaching that you should quit every drug or never
(07:03):
drink again. I mean, let's be honest with
ourselves. We're human and it's very
ingrained into our culture to dothese things.
But if you use substances in order to avoid a feeling, that's
where your problem is. I know it sounds boring and it
sounds too adulty or too stereotypical to quit
(07:23):
substances, but if you're serious about improving your
mental health, then you should take this seriously because it
is serious. Substances alter your brain
chemistry and can make your mental illness so much worse.
It can affect your ability to naturally produce dopamine and
serotonin, two of the chemicals that have to be healthily
(07:43):
regulated in order to have mental health improvement.
And over using substances, or for some people, using them at
all, can only make that worse. So do a careful evaluation of
yourself. I spent some time really paying
attention to myself and figuringout whether or not I should quit
(08:04):
cold Turkey. And for a while I did, and I
healed and I I I got a healthy relationship with these things.
And that is crucial. Be aware of yourself and be
aware of the dangers that substances can bring.
I don't want to sound like I'm just preaching, but this really,
really is important for mental health.
(08:25):
Be aware and be kind to your brain when it comes to using
drugs or alcohol, and be aware of the fact that you very well
might be using them as a unhealthy coping mechanism.
Red flag #3 Now, the final red flag I'm going to talk about
today is also a difficult pill to swallow.
(08:46):
We all know how good it can feelto stay up until 3:00 in the
morning just avoiding all responsibility.
There's something so freeing andrewarding about creating that
time for yourself to just ignorereality.
Honestly, doing this got me by for the better part of a year.
Creating this time for myself allowed me to process some
feelings and get to know myself better when nobody else was
(09:09):
awake. However, most of us, myself
included, for most of my mental health journey, don't use that
time for mental health improvement.
We use it to numb and distract from the feelings that we've
been avoiding all day. We spent the whole day
suppressing what we needed to feel and are now faced with
those feelings at 2:00 AM. So we numb and distract.
(09:32):
Let's face it, it's incredibly bad for our mental health to
stay up as late as possible until we literally pass out.
I know this time can feel good. You get to be alone and engage
in coping mechanisms and feel good in the moment.
But this is avoiding the real problem.
You're doing this because the thought of the next day is too
much to bear. You'd rather force yourself to
(09:55):
stay up, then fall asleep and accept the next day as
beginning. You'd rather numb out the
feelings you've been avoiding than face them during the day.
This habit of staying up and numbing leads to both physical
and mental exhaustion, and will only make our mental health
worse. When I was at my worst, I
(10:16):
consistently was staying up pastfour in the morning.
I would avoid ever feeling I slept as late as possible,
dreaded getting out of bed. My grades suffered, my mental
health only got worse, my relationships and friendships
took a decline. And it was all because I was
addicted to the dopamine I got from staying up by myself,
scrolling on my phone and ignoring reality.
(10:39):
And the truth is, if you want toimprove your mental health, you
have to face what you feel. You can't stay up all night
ignoring those emotions. You can't numb them away with
drugs and alcohol. You can't isolate yourself from
friends and family. Nobody said mental health
recovery was going to be easy. In fact, it's quite the
(10:59):
opposite. I can tell you first hand that
making myself recover from mental illness was one of the
hardest things I've ever done, and I'm still working on that
journey. It's still an active fight.
I still keep myself aware of these red flags to avoid every
single day. But it's so worth it.
Wanting to be alive every day isso worth it.
(11:24):
Wanting to do the things you love is so worth it.
So figure out what the red flagsare that you need to avoid.
These three I talked about todayare crucial, but everyone's
journey is different. These are just ones that apply
for me. You may not struggle with any of
these. Or maybe you struggle with all
(11:44):
of them and many more. Whatever it is, take it
seriously. You deserve that.
Your mental health deserves that.
Don't distract. Don't numb.
Feel your feelings. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. Thank you so much for being
here. If you need help feeling your
feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
(12:07):
name of Ethan Jewell. And I almost guarantee it'll
make you cry. I'm actually coming out with a
new album April 19th and I spenta whole year learning how to
sing for this album. So it would mean a lot if you
went over to my Instagram and pre saved it.
My Instagram handle is at Jewel Boy with an I under score.
While you're over there, shoot me a message and let me know
what you thought about today's episode.
(12:28):
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for understanding someof the red flags that you should
try to avoid. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
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