February 26, 2025 • 11 mins
Grief is heavy, uncomfortable, and sometimes terrifying—but avoiding it only makes it worse. In this episode, we talk about why saying yes to grief is so important for healing. Instead of pushing it away, we explore how to sit with it, learn from it, and ultimately grow through it. Because even though grief hurts, it’s also a sign of love, of life, and of being human.
My name is Ethan Jewell, and welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Website: www.ethanjewell.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Grief is one of those feelings that most of us would rather
avoid. It's heavy, overwhelming, and
sometimes it feels like it mightjust swallow us whole.
When we lose someone we love, experience a major life change,
or let go of an old version of ourselves, grief shows up
uninvited. And what's the first thing we
(00:21):
usually want to do? Push it away.
We tell ourselves. I'll deal with this later, or I
just need to stay busy. But here's the thing, grief
doesn't just disappear because we ignore it.
In fact, the more we push it down, the more power it has over
us. And it's about time that we
start saying yes to grief. My name is Ethan Jewell and
(00:45):
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Today we're talking about the importance of saying yes to
grief, allowing ourselves to feel it fully, to move through
it and not around it. It's one of the most important
things we can do for our healing.
It's uncomfortable, yes. It's scary, absolutely, but in
(01:09):
the long run, it's the only way to move forward.
I want to remind you, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a professional
in the mental health industry. I'm a normal guy who, like you,
has felt some big feelings and wants to start the conversation
about mental health awareness. So thank you for being here.
Thank you for opening yourself up to feel your feelings with
(01:30):
me, and I hope you find something from this episode.
Let's talk about why grief matters, why avoiding it does
more harm than good, and how we can learn to embrace it in a way
that helps us heal. Grief isn't just about losing a
loved one. It shows up in many aspects of
life. A lot of people, I feel like,
have this very cut and dry way of thinking of grief, like it
(01:54):
always has to come from some sort of loss, some massive,
massive, dramatic event. But the fact is, grief can
happen for a multitude of reasons, and it can happen from
seemingly small or less important things.
It can come from a breakup, losing a job, moving away from a
place you loved. It can come from outgrowing
(02:14):
friendships, simply changing, growing, or dealing with
unresolved feelings. Sometimes we may grieve things
that never even happened. Dreams we had for our lives that
didn't come true. People who never came into our
lives that we wanted change, that we never faced because we
were afraid of that grief. And yet, society often tells us
(02:36):
that grief is something that we need to get over as quickly as
possible. There's this unspoken pressure
to be strong, to put on a brave face, and to move forward like
nothing happened. But here's the thing.
Grief, it's not a sign of weakness.
It's a sign that you loved, thatyou cared, that something or
(02:57):
someone mattered to you. Psychologist Doctor Alan
Wolfelt, a leading expert on grief, says that mourning is the
outward expression of grief, meaning that feeling and
expressing grief is actually a necessary process, not something
to be skipped. When we say yes to grief, we're
saying yes to honoring what was lost, to acknowledging the
(03:18):
impact that it had on us. We're acknowledging what
happened. We're acknowledging what didn't
happen. We are acknowledging the
feelings within us. We are opening ourselves up to
the vulnerable act of self discovery.
We're acknowledging what needs to be felt.
We're acknowledging what action we might have to take to help
(03:39):
with this grief. We're facing uncomfortable, not
pleasant feelings head on for the sake of growing and healing.
And that is an ultimate act of love for yourself.
Some of us may think of grief assomething to be avoided because
going through it is cruel to us.You know, we think of all these
uncomfortable feelings, the mourning and everything that
(04:01):
comes with grief, everything that comes with feeling those
feelings and acknowledging what's been lurking under the
surface. We think of it as a bad thing.
But in reality, opening yourselfup to that, facing those
feelings, allowing yourself to mourn, saying yes, letting
yourself have bad days, letting yourself feel uncomfortable
(04:22):
feelings, that is a way to love yourself.
That is a way to grow and to heal.
Even though it feels like the opposite.
When grief is banging on our door, it's loud and it's
uncomfortable. But sometimes the best way to
deal with that is to open the door.
It's to invite grief inside. Maybe have a cup of coffee with
(04:46):
it. Understand it.
Grief is necessary, even though it's painful.
So what happens when we push that grief away?
When we leave the door closed? At first, it might seem like
it's working. Maybe you distract yourself with
work, social events, or keeping busy in any way possible.
(05:07):
You tell yourself you're fine. But grief doesn't just
disappear, it waits. Unprocessed grief can show up in
ways we don't expect, like sudden bursts of anger or
irritability over small things, feeling emotionally numb, like
you're just going through the motions.
Anxiety, depression, feelings ofdeep loneliness even when
(05:28):
surrounded by people, even physical symptoms like
exhaustion, headaches, chronic pain.
There's actually research to back this up.
Studies from the American Psychological Association show
that suppressed grief and emotions are linked to higher
levels of stress. It's linked to higher levels of
depression and anxiety. It's linked to physical
(05:48):
symptoms. Avoiding grief doesn't protect
us. It hurts us more in the long
run, in a literal physical way. Unresolved grief also plagues us
beneath the surface. It can make us just feel off for
seemingly no reason. I feel like many of us have this
idea that grief is always a veryactive and obvious experience.
(06:10):
Like, you know we're going to know when there's grief to be
felt, but sometimes it's as simple as feeling like something
is wrong. It just pokes at us and lets us
know it's there, just below the surface, waiting for us to face
it. The longer we put off facing
that grief, opening ourselves upand saying yes to those
complicated feelings, the deeperrooted within us it can become.
The grief gets comfortable, it becomes our normal and facing it
(06:34):
is so important. I want to reiterate, grief
should not be treated as a bad thing that needs to be pushed
away. It's a way to learn.
It's a way to deal with complicated, difficult
situations. It's a way to grow.
It's something that we have to go through, not go around.
And the way it shows up and the way that it harms us when we're
not dealing with it, it displaysitself in many different ways.
(06:59):
Now, if you spent a long time avoiding grief, the idea of
facing it can feel terrifying. So where do you even start?
How do you say yes to grief wheneverything in you wants to say
no? Well, here's a few simple ways.
I want to remind you again, I'm not a doctor, so recommendations
like this should honestly be taken with a grain of salt.
(07:20):
But this is what has worked for me.
This is what seems to work for other people.
And I would recommend you do your own research and you
experiment and you actually try these things in your life and
see what works for you. Mental health is not about
finding a perfect solution from the get go.
It's about experimenting and finding what works for you.
So first, give yourself permission to feel.
(07:42):
I preach this all the time because it's a very, very simple
concept that a lot of people overlook because it just seems
too easy. One of the hardest parts of
grief is feeling like you shouldn't be as sad as you are.
But there's no right way to grief.
There's no timeline. So let yourself cry.
Let yourself feel the waves whenthey come, you know?
Don't push it away. Grief is messy, and that's OK.
(08:07):
Next, createspace for that grief, which again sounds very
anecdotal and not realistic, butyou really have to like set
aside time to sit with that grief instead of just like
waiting for it to hit you at random moments.
Maybe that means something like journaling, listening to music
that helps you process, visitingsomewhere that reminds you of
(08:27):
what you're grieving. Maybe it's just laying in bed
and and just sitting with that feeling.
It's so simple that we overlook that just allowing ourselves the
time and the space to sit with that grief.
Another thing we can do is talk about it.
You know, instead of keeping that grief locked inside and
letting it get heavier, we can talk to a friend, a therapist,
(08:48):
professionals are there for a reason.
Or even, you know, just saying things out loud to yourself can
help lighten the load. I've, I've done this personally.
I literally will talk to myself about the feelings that I'm
feeling. And there's something freeing
about stating out loud, I am grieving this.
I feel bad because of this. You're taking this not physical
(09:09):
thing, this emotion within you and you're making it physical by
speaking it into existence. And there's something empowering
about that. That's another reason that
journaling actually works is, you know, riding out what we're
feeling is a way of out really expressing, which is a very
powerful tool when dealing with complicated feelings.
Finally, just be patient with yourself.
(09:30):
Grief doesn't move in a straightline.
Some days we'll feel OK, and others will feel unbearable.
And remind yourself that that's normal.
Healing doesn't mean never feeling sad.
It means learning to carry the loss in a way that allows you to
keep living. Grief is not the enemy.
(09:51):
It's not something to be fixed or erased.
It's a part of love, it's a partof life, and it's a part of
healing. Saying yes to grief doesn't mean
you'll hurt forever. It means you're giving yourself
permission to move through it ina way that leads to real
healing. So if you're grieving right now,
(10:11):
I want you to know this. Your grief is valid, your
feelings are allowed to exist. You don't have to rush to be OK
again. Take your time, let yourself
feel. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. If this message resonated with
you, consider sharing it with someone who might need to hear
it. As always, keep feeling, keep
(10:33):
healing, and be gentle with yourself.
If you need help feeling these feelings, you should check out
my music on all platforms under the name Ethan Jewell.
I almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for understanding thatsaying yes to grief is often the
best choice to make. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
Grief is one of those feelings that most of us would rather
avoid. It's heavy, overwhelming, and
sometimes it feels like it mightjust swallow us whole.
When we lose someone we love, experience a major life change,
or let go of an old version of ourselves, grief shows up
uninvited. And what's the first thing we
(00:21):
usually want to do? Push it away.
We tell ourselves. I'll deal with this later, or I
just need to stay busy. But here's the thing, grief
doesn't just disappear because we ignore it.
In fact, the more we push it down, the more power it has over
us. And it's about time that we
start saying yes to grief. My name is Ethan Jewell and
(00:45):
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Today we're talking about the importance of saying yes to
grief, allowing ourselves to feel it fully, to move through
it and not around it. It's one of the most important
things we can do for our healing.
It's uncomfortable, yes. It's scary, absolutely, but in
(01:09):
the long run, it's the only way to move forward.
I want to remind you, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a professional
in the mental health industry. I'm a normal guy who, like you,
has felt some big feelings and wants to start the conversation
about mental health awareness. So thank you for being here.
Thank you for opening yourself up to feel your feelings with
(01:30):
me, and I hope you find something from this episode.
Let's talk about why grief matters, why avoiding it does
more harm than good, and how we can learn to embrace it in a way
that helps us heal. Grief isn't just about losing a
loved one. It shows up in many aspects of
life. A lot of people, I feel like,
have this very cut and dry way of thinking of grief, like it
(01:54):
always has to come from some sort of loss, some massive,
massive, dramatic event. But the fact is, grief can
happen for a multitude of reasons, and it can happen from
seemingly small or less important things.
It can come from a breakup, losing a job, moving away from a
place you loved. It can come from outgrowing
(02:14):
friendships, simply changing, growing, or dealing with
unresolved feelings. Sometimes we may grieve things
that never even happened. Dreams we had for our lives that
didn't come true. People who never came into our
lives that we wanted change, that we never faced because we
were afraid of that grief. And yet, society often tells us
(02:36):
that grief is something that we need to get over as quickly as
possible. There's this unspoken pressure
to be strong, to put on a brave face, and to move forward like
nothing happened. But here's the thing.
Grief, it's not a sign of weakness.
It's a sign that you loved, thatyou cared, that something or
(02:57):
someone mattered to you. Psychologist Doctor Alan
Wolfelt, a leading expert on grief, says that mourning is the
outward expression of grief, meaning that feeling and
expressing grief is actually a necessary process, not something
to be skipped. When we say yes to grief, we're
saying yes to honoring what was lost, to acknowledging the
(03:18):
impact that it had on us. We're acknowledging what
happened. We're acknowledging what didn't
happen. We are acknowledging the
feelings within us. We are opening ourselves up to
the vulnerable act of self discovery.
We're acknowledging what needs to be felt.
We're acknowledging what action we might have to take to help
(03:39):
with this grief. We're facing uncomfortable, not
pleasant feelings head on for the sake of growing and healing.
And that is an ultimate act of love for yourself.
Some of us may think of grief assomething to be avoided because
going through it is cruel to us.You know, we think of all these
uncomfortable feelings, the mourning and everything that
(04:01):
comes with grief, everything that comes with feeling those
feelings and acknowledging what's been lurking under the
surface. We think of it as a bad thing.
But in reality, opening yourselfup to that, facing those
feelings, allowing yourself to mourn, saying yes, letting
yourself have bad days, letting yourself feel uncomfortable
(04:22):
feelings, that is a way to love yourself.
That is a way to grow and to heal.
Even though it feels like the opposite.
When grief is banging on our door, it's loud and it's
uncomfortable. But sometimes the best way to
deal with that is to open the door.
It's to invite grief inside. Maybe have a cup of coffee with
(04:46):
it. Understand it.
Grief is necessary, even though it's painful.
So what happens when we push that grief away?
When we leave the door closed? At first, it might seem like
it's working. Maybe you distract yourself with
work, social events, or keeping busy in any way possible.
(05:07):
You tell yourself you're fine. But grief doesn't just
disappear, it waits. Unprocessed grief can show up in
ways we don't expect, like sudden bursts of anger or
irritability over small things, feeling emotionally numb, like
you're just going through the motions.
Anxiety, depression, feelings ofdeep loneliness even when
(05:28):
surrounded by people, even physical symptoms like
exhaustion, headaches, chronic pain.
There's actually research to back this up.
Studies from the American Psychological Association show
that suppressed grief and emotions are linked to higher
levels of stress. It's linked to higher levels of
depression and anxiety. It's linked to physical
(05:48):
symptoms. Avoiding grief doesn't protect
us. It hurts us more in the long
run, in a literal physical way. Unresolved grief also plagues us
beneath the surface. It can make us just feel off for
seemingly no reason. I feel like many of us have this
idea that grief is always a veryactive and obvious experience.
(06:10):
Like, you know we're going to know when there's grief to be
felt, but sometimes it's as simple as feeling like something
is wrong. It just pokes at us and lets us
know it's there, just below the surface, waiting for us to face
it. The longer we put off facing
that grief, opening ourselves upand saying yes to those
complicated feelings, the deeperrooted within us it can become.
The grief gets comfortable, it becomes our normal and facing it
(06:34):
is so important. I want to reiterate, grief
should not be treated as a bad thing that needs to be pushed
away. It's a way to learn.
It's a way to deal with complicated, difficult
situations. It's a way to grow.
It's something that we have to go through, not go around.
And the way it shows up and the way that it harms us when we're
not dealing with it, it displaysitself in many different ways.
(06:59):
Now, if you spent a long time avoiding grief, the idea of
facing it can feel terrifying. So where do you even start?
How do you say yes to grief wheneverything in you wants to say
no? Well, here's a few simple ways.
I want to remind you again, I'm not a doctor, so recommendations
like this should honestly be taken with a grain of salt.
(07:20):
But this is what has worked for me.
This is what seems to work for other people.
And I would recommend you do your own research and you
experiment and you actually try these things in your life and
see what works for you. Mental health is not about
finding a perfect solution from the get go.
It's about experimenting and finding what works for you.
So first, give yourself permission to feel.
(07:42):
I preach this all the time because it's a very, very simple
concept that a lot of people overlook because it just seems
too easy. One of the hardest parts of
grief is feeling like you shouldn't be as sad as you are.
But there's no right way to grief.
There's no timeline. So let yourself cry.
Let yourself feel the waves whenthey come, you know?
Don't push it away. Grief is messy, and that's OK.
(08:07):
Next, createspace for that grief, which again sounds very
anecdotal and not realistic, butyou really have to like set
aside time to sit with that grief instead of just like
waiting for it to hit you at random moments.
Maybe that means something like journaling, listening to music
that helps you process, visitingsomewhere that reminds you of
(08:27):
what you're grieving. Maybe it's just laying in bed
and and just sitting with that feeling.
It's so simple that we overlook that just allowing ourselves the
time and the space to sit with that grief.
Another thing we can do is talk about it.
You know, instead of keeping that grief locked inside and
letting it get heavier, we can talk to a friend, a therapist,
(08:48):
professionals are there for a reason.
Or even, you know, just saying things out loud to yourself can
help lighten the load. I've, I've done this personally.
I literally will talk to myself about the feelings that I'm
feeling. And there's something freeing
about stating out loud, I am grieving this.
I feel bad because of this. You're taking this not physical
(09:09):
thing, this emotion within you and you're making it physical by
speaking it into existence. And there's something empowering
about that. That's another reason that
journaling actually works is, you know, riding out what we're
feeling is a way of out really expressing, which is a very
powerful tool when dealing with complicated feelings.
Finally, just be patient with yourself.
(09:30):
Grief doesn't move in a straightline.
Some days we'll feel OK, and others will feel unbearable.
And remind yourself that that's normal.
Healing doesn't mean never feeling sad.
It means learning to carry the loss in a way that allows you to
keep living. Grief is not the enemy.
(09:51):
It's not something to be fixed or erased.
It's a part of love, it's a partof life, and it's a part of
healing. Saying yes to grief doesn't mean
you'll hurt forever. It means you're giving yourself
permission to move through it ina way that leads to real
healing. So if you're grieving right now,
(10:11):
I want you to know this. Your grief is valid, your
feelings are allowed to exist. You don't have to rush to be OK
again. Take your time, let yourself
feel. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. If this message resonated with
you, consider sharing it with someone who might need to hear
it. As always, keep feeling, keep
(10:33):
healing, and be gentle with yourself.
If you need help feeling these feelings, you should check out
my music on all platforms under the name Ethan Jewell.
I almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for understanding thatsaying yes to grief is often the
best choice to make. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
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