101 | Tired of Feeling “Less Than”? Crush Comparison and Own Your Worth

Hi beautiful! ♥️

Ever find yourself comparing your beauty, your gifts, or even your marriage to other women and wondering if your husband secretly thinks she’s more attractive than you? Girl, you’re not alone. Comparison isn’t a sign you’re broken... It’s a leftover wound from past betrayals, and it shows up in our quiet moments when we feel most vulnerable.

In today’s episode, I’m getting real about the comparison trap I’ve been stuck in and how Saturdays (my rest days) became an emotional minefield, what my fiercely confident mom taught me about owning my value, and the simple truths that have helped me fight back. Plus, I’ll share the heart-to-heart convo every couple needs to keep comparison from stealing your relationship security.

Grab your journal and let’s break free from the “less than” lie so you can walk into any room completely secure in who God made you to be.

See you on the inside!

Xo,
 Dani

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Can I just be so real with you today? We are gonna be so freaking real on this episode, and I'm gonna bring you into what I am currently dealing with because I think it is something that's not talked about enough and not.
Uh, almost every single woman can admit that they have struggled with either currently or in the past, or wills at some point in the future because of a life circumstance happening.

(00:30):
So lately I have been consumed now more than honestly, in any other time in my life, which is really hard to admit with comparison, and I find myself.
Comparing myself to other beautiful women that I see, talented women that I see, confident women that I see.

(00:53):
And if we're just laying it all out and being super vulnerable today, the thoughts that go on in my mind are, I wonder if Jamar finds this woman attractive, or What are his thoughts about her? And I find myself when sometimes I'm in rooms with other women or we're in rooms with other women.

(01:16):
I start to think about those things, my mind goes to that place.
And if you find yourself here, first off, know that you are not alone. 9 00:01:25,153.352005301 --> 00:01:27,833.218104976 And also don't feel shame around this. 10 00:01:28,43.218104976 --> 00:01:34,643.218104976 I felt like I had to suffer in silence because I didn't wanna be the insecure one or the insecure wife. 11 00:01:34,928.218104976 --> 00:01:50,138.21810498 You know, I had wanted to feel confident no matter what room that I walk into, and know without any doubt that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to the, the, the relationship that I have with my partner and with myself. 12 00:01:50,888.21810498 --> 00:01:56,918.21810498 But I want you to know that if you find yourself here, there is nothing wrong with you. 13 00:01:57,968.21810498 --> 00:01:59,228.21810498 You are not broken. 14 00:02:00,53.21810498 --> 00:02:06,863.21810498 You've just been betrayed in the past and it is manifesting in this way in your life today. 15 00:02:07,853.21810498 --> 00:02:15,383.21810498 And so here are some real things that I wanna share with you that I'm doing to help me in these moments. 16 00:02:15,383.21810498 --> 00:02:20,93.21810498 It's not something that will just magically stop happening, although that I wish it would. 17 00:02:20,978.21810498 --> 00:02:41,328.21810498 But I, I really wanna give you some support in the types of conversations to have with your partner if you are in a relationship currently, if this is coming up for you and just some real tactical things that I'm doing to help root me back in truth, and practical things to do on a daily basis or when these things pop up. 18 00:02:41,478.21810498 --> 00:02:42,828.21810498 Okay? So get ready. 19 00:02:42,828.21810498 --> 00:02:46,548.21810498 I'm really excited for this one and I hope you find a lot of value in it. 20 00:02:47,205.64921382 --> 00:02:48,405.64921382 Hey, beautiful. 21 00:02:48,525.64921382 --> 00:02:52,305.64921382 Welcome to the Heal From Toxic Relationships podcast. 22 00:02:52,365.64921382 --> 00:03:16,665.64921382 Are you ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and fully embrace a life filled with confidence, joy, and purpose? Do you find yourself questioning yourself worth and wondering what God's plan for your life is? Or maybe you deeply fear being alone and struggle with the lack of boundaries? Due to your people pleasing tendencies, well sis, you're not alone. 23 00:03:16,695.64921382 --> 00:03:17,835.64921382 I've been there too. 24 00:03:17,955.64921382 --> 00:03:25,185.64921382 Hey, I'm Danny, a Christian life coach wife, recovering people pleaser, and a total girl's girl. 25 00:03:25,275.64921382 --> 00:03:41,985.64921382 For 10 years I was stuck in a cycle of toxic, non-committed relationships and searching for my worth in men, my accomplishments, and the praise of other people until I found out how to heal my past emotional wounds with Christ at the center. 26 00:03:42,145.64921382 --> 00:03:57,265.64921382 In this podcast, you will find faith-based healing tools, confidence building tips, and healthy relationship skills so that you become a God-fearing, confident woman who attracts your husband while walking in your purpose with God. 27 00:03:57,505.64921382 --> 00:04:00,475.64921382 Grab your favorite mocktail and pop in the AirPods. 28 00:04:00,565.64921382 --> 00:04:04,705.64921382 It's time to overshare and overcome these obstacles together. 29 00:04:04,825.64921382 --> 00:04:06,595.64921382 One step at a time. 30 00:04:07,327.91625005 --> 00:04:21,67.91625005 So this past Sunday, I have felt this heaviness and I, I found myself, I was in my head and I've been in my head a lot lately, which, if you guys know the quote, you stay in your head and you're dead. 31 00:04:21,187.91625005 --> 00:04:24,127.91625005 I think that's from like Tony Robbins or something. 32 00:04:24,847.91625005 --> 00:04:36,457.91625005 But as I was like, in this process on Saturday, I, I was thinking to myself, I was like, oh my gosh, every single Saturday for the last three Saturdays I've been so emotional. 33 00:04:37,117.91625005 --> 00:04:43,567.91625005 Over these last three weekends and it just hit me because Saturdays are my rest days. 34 00:04:43,777.91625005 --> 00:04:49,867.91625005 You know, it's my only day where I don't have things scheduled, where I'm not doing, doing, doing a bunch of things. 35 00:04:49,867.91625005 --> 00:04:51,787.91625005 It's my Sabbath, it's my rest day. 36 00:04:52,687.91625005 --> 00:05:03,37.91625005 And so it's just, and in addition to that, and because of that, it's a day where it's just me and my thoughts. 37 00:05:04,12.91625005 --> 00:05:08,182.91625005 I am out of the busyness and it's the one day that I'm forced to be still. 38 00:05:08,482.91625005 --> 00:05:21,352.91625005 And with that stillness comes the wave of emotions that I had been too busy to sit in and I ended up calling my mom. 39 00:05:22,357.91625005 --> 00:05:34,147.91625005 And I thought about my mom because she's honestly one of the most confident, and not just confident, but consistently confident women that I know, like she's the most confident woman that I know. 40 00:05:34,357.91625005 --> 00:05:35,977.91625005 She's so sure of herself. 41 00:05:36,67.91625005 --> 00:05:38,47.91625005 She's so unique, she's so different. 42 00:05:38,47.91625005 --> 00:05:51,487.91625005 If you've ever met her, you either love her or you hate her, but no matter what you think about her, she's gonna show up fully as herself and she's going to stick to what she believes in, and she's gonna speak it with so much conviction. 43 00:05:52,867.91625005 --> 00:05:55,747.91625005 And, you know, I was like, I just wanna talk to my mom. 44 00:05:55,747.91625005 --> 00:06:16,507.91625005 I, I wanna ask her how is it, like, how does she stay so confident in a room of other beautiful women? And I wanna share with you what she shared with me and what I thought was so simple, yet held so much wisdom that I needed to be reminded of and hear in that moment. 45 00:06:16,507.91625005 --> 00:06:20,527.91625005 And I believe these are the things in addition to some other things that I'm adding to it. 46 00:06:20,527.91625005 --> 00:06:22,627.91625005 But these are the things that you need to hear too. 47 00:06:23,707.91625005 --> 00:06:31,207.91625005 So the very first one that she told me, she said, Danielle, I just, I, I know my value and I know what I bring to the table. 48 00:06:32,137.91625005 --> 00:06:36,877.91625005 So for you, you have to know your value and what you bring to the table. 49 00:06:37,27.91625005 --> 00:06:44,347.91625005 Understand that you have unique gifts, experiences, and strengths that no one else does. 50 00:06:44,797.91625005 --> 00:06:49,27.91625005 And I was thinking about this too in the car earlier today. 51 00:06:49,987.91625005 --> 00:07:13,957.91625005 That when you find yourself comparing, right, you see a a woman and there's something within her that you believe that you lack, and that is the reason why you're comparing yourself to her because what you deem as beautiful or attractive in her, you're comparing yourself with that because you believe that's a quality or a characteristic trait that you lack. 52 00:07:15,622.91625005 --> 00:07:16,522.91625005 That's big. 53 00:07:16,702.91625005 --> 00:07:18,952.91625005 Rewind and re-listen to that if you need to. 54 00:07:19,402.91625005 --> 00:07:25,132.91625005 But the truth in this, right, the enemy wants that to be the narrative in your mind. 55 00:07:25,702.91625005 --> 00:07:27,502.91625005 That is the false narrative. 56 00:07:27,502.91625005 --> 00:07:28,402.91625005 That's the lie. 57 00:07:28,402.91625005 --> 00:07:33,202.91625005 That is the angle that he is taking to get you into a Downworld spiral. 58 00:07:33,322.91625005 --> 00:07:39,892.91625005 So that way you continue to compare yourself and you don't focus on what you bring to the table. 59 00:07:39,892.91625005 --> 00:07:47,662.91625005 What is your unique edge and value? He is going to use comparison every single time. 60 00:07:47,662.91625005 --> 00:07:51,382.91625005 And comparison only wins when you forget your own worth. 61 00:07:51,562.91625005 --> 00:07:59,482.91625005 When you, your focus is on what you lack versus what you innately have within you, how God has uniquely designed you. 62 00:08:01,342.91625005 --> 00:08:06,532.91625005 And another shift that helps here is knowing that. 63 00:08:06,967.91625005 --> 00:08:07,417.91625005 Okay. 64 00:08:07,417.91625005 --> 00:08:13,717.91625005 If I see this characteristic in this woman that I admire, it's just a mirror. 65 00:08:13,717.91625005 --> 00:08:16,477.91625005 She's acting as a mirror into you. 66 00:08:16,477.91625005 --> 00:08:29,137.91625005 And so instead of using it as something that you lack, see it as something to like identify what it is about her that makes you like, that makes her radiate in your eyes. 67 00:08:29,227.91625005 --> 00:08:29,527.91625005 And. 68 00:08:30,532.91625005 --> 00:08:32,722.91625005 Understand and tell yourself. 69 00:08:32,752.91625005 --> 00:08:34,282.91625005 You have to tell yourself in these moments. 70 00:08:34,612.91625005 --> 00:08:44,482.91625005 You know, I admire the way she communicates so clearly, and the reason why I can identify, and I admire that in her. 71 00:08:44,482.91625005 --> 00:08:46,492.91625005 I can see that quality in her. 72 00:08:46,792.91625005 --> 00:08:53,92.91625005 It's evidence that I have the ability to grow that quality within myself. 73 00:08:53,92.91625005 --> 00:08:54,382.91625005 I already have it in me. 74 00:08:54,652.91625005 --> 00:08:59,2.91625005 It's just something that I just have to choose to water. 75 00:08:59,992.91625005 --> 00:09:00,742.91625005 To grow. 76 00:09:01,852.91625005 --> 00:09:06,22.91625005 And so don't look at it as as, oh my gosh, she has X, Y, Z that I don't have. 77 00:09:06,232.91625005 --> 00:09:09,802.91625005 Look at it as something that inspire. 78 00:09:09,862.91625005 --> 00:09:18,202.91625005 Look at it as something that is a mirror into your heart, and also focus on what you do Bring. 79 00:09:18,682.91625005 --> 00:09:19,222.91625005 The table. 80 00:09:19,222.91625005 --> 00:09:36,712.91625005 So maybe she's super extroverted and that is something that is not who you are, like you're more introverted, but instead of using it as your downfall or something that makes you unattractive, think about what, what about that makes you attractive? Maybe you're more introspective, maybe you're a peace maker. 81 00:09:37,837.91625005 --> 00:09:52,507.91625005 Maybe you are that friend that anybody can rely on, and you have a huge heart for people, and you have this gift of listening to people when they speak the words behind or the meaning behind their words. 82 00:09:54,67.91625005 --> 00:10:03,607.91625005 Those are beautiful strengths that not everybody has, and everybody carries a set of characteristics that are specific to them for a specific purpose. 83 00:10:04,702.91625005 --> 00:10:08,992.91625005 So what I want you to do is I want you to identify those strengths within yourself. 84 00:10:09,22.91625005 --> 00:10:11,62.91625005 I had to do this within myself. 85 00:10:11,992.91625005 --> 00:10:14,962.91625005 I've heard, actually, God tell me that I'm a peacemaker. 86 00:10:15,22.91625005 --> 00:10:16,762.91625005 He's labeled that as me. 87 00:10:17,152.91625005 --> 00:10:24,892.91625005 So me being a peacemaker, I am not gonna be as loud and extroverted as other women. 88 00:10:25,12.91625005 --> 00:10:29,332.91625005 I mean, there could be peacemakers that are that, but that is just not my combo. 89 00:10:30,607.91625005 --> 00:10:31,897.91625005 And that's okay. 90 00:10:31,957.91625005 --> 00:10:34,417.91625005 I am who God created me to be. 91 00:10:34,447.91625005 --> 00:10:36,847.91625005 And you are that as well. 92 00:10:36,847.91625005 --> 00:10:38,317.91625005 You are his masterpiece. 93 00:10:38,677.91625005 --> 00:10:42,337.91625005 So list your top three strengths or gifts that you have. 94 00:10:42,697.91625005 --> 00:10:44,587.91625005 It's faith, empathy. 95 00:10:44,767.91625005 --> 00:10:48,877.91625005 Maybe you are, have a lot of, of, maybe you have great humor. 96 00:10:50,167.91625005 --> 00:10:57,907.91625005 Maybe you can sing, maybe you can, um, really identify people's characteristics or their giftings. 97 00:10:59,47.91625005 --> 00:11:12,397.91625005 Whatever it is, identify those three strengths and write them down and give God thanks for that, and ask him to show you how to use those giftings more and being even more appreciative of it. 98 00:11:13,147.91625005 --> 00:11:23,557.91625005 Okay, now second thing my mom told me is she reminded me that, and we've heard this so many times, but it was just another good reminder. 99 00:11:23,557.91625005 --> 00:11:25,267.91625005 I think we need to hear it more often. 100 00:11:26,152.91625005 --> 00:11:34,312.91625005 But it's that internal beauty triumphs, external beauty every single time. 101 00:11:36,142.91625005 --> 00:11:39,952.91625005 If you have, if you take the most beautiful woman in the world. 102 00:11:40,672.91625005 --> 00:11:45,952.91625005 And she has just an ugly heart, or she hates people. 103 00:11:45,952.91625005 --> 00:11:47,152.91625005 She tears people down. 104 00:11:47,152.91625005 --> 00:11:58,822.91625005 She doesn't have a heart for the Lord or a heart to serve or inspire people, and she just has this ugly personality that is going to hinder her external beauty. 105 00:11:58,972.91625005 --> 00:12:07,642.91625005 And any man, maybe it's your man or any man that that wants a wife that wants a high value woman. 106 00:12:08,332.91625005 --> 00:12:12,562.91625005 They're not gonna be attracted to just a beautiful woman with a hollow heart. 107 00:12:13,222.91625005 --> 00:12:17,872.91625005 Okay? So that is just evidence and not just a man, but even us humans in general. 108 00:12:18,142.91625005 --> 00:12:21,82.91625005 We don't love nasty and ugly people. 109 00:12:22,432.91625005 --> 00:12:27,472.91625005 Nasty and ugly on the inside really makes them nasty and ugly on the outside. 110 00:12:28,72.91625005 --> 00:12:33,202.91625005 Okay, so we can all agree that internal beauty always triumphs external beauty every single time. 111 00:12:35,512.91625005 --> 00:12:41,362.91625005 And I mean, God's word talks about how looks are what fade. 112 00:12:41,722.91625005 --> 00:12:46,522.91625005 But your heart and your spirit is, is going to always outshine. 113 00:12:46,582.91625005 --> 00:12:53,212.91625005 It is how is how you treat other people? It is that internal beauty that shines. 114 00:12:53,362.91625005 --> 00:12:55,672.91625005 And so just holding onto that truth. 115 00:12:56,332.91625005 --> 00:13:02,842.91625005 And so what you can do here to really lean into this and to practice this is to. 116 00:13:03,502.91625005 --> 00:13:08,62.91625005 And to, it's to think about one inward habit that you wanna do. 117 00:13:09,7.91625005 --> 00:13:11,227.91625005 Every day a small thing. 118 00:13:11,227.91625005 --> 00:13:21,127.91625005 Whether that is extending compassion to somebody that you meet or a small kind gesture, active generosity. 119 00:13:21,457.91625005 --> 00:13:28,87.91625005 Um, maybe it is just making a really encouraging post on your social media or hyping up somebody else on social media. 120 00:13:28,92.91625005 --> 00:13:31,27.91625005 Something small that you can do every day. 121 00:13:31,207.91625005 --> 00:13:36,637.91625005 Maybe it is you go, you telling yourself that you're gonna go to the gym and you go to the gym. 122 00:13:36,992.91625005 --> 00:13:45,722.91625005 That is crafting your internal character, because that is a mind game that is making your mental toughness stronger. 123 00:13:46,652.91625005 --> 00:13:55,202.91625005 So practice, choose one thing that you can do every single day that is going to enhance your inward man. 124 00:13:56,147.91625005 --> 00:13:56,437.91625005 Okay. 125 00:13:58,132.91625005 --> 00:14:04,192.91625005 The third thing she reminded me of was, and she's so cute, I love her for this conversation. 126 00:14:04,672.91625005 --> 00:14:07,12.91625005 Um, she started a quick backstory. 127 00:14:07,12.91625005 --> 00:14:14,182.91625005 She started her walk with Christ just recently after, um, I gave my life to Christ and then after my sister, and then she did. 128 00:14:14,182.91625005 --> 00:14:25,72.91625005 And it's been so cool watching her just grow with the Lord and um, be kind of like a little girl again, like in this learning phase and just a sponge and it's just been. 129 00:14:25,507.91625005 --> 00:14:27,637.91625005 It's been so, so cool to watch that. 130 00:14:27,637.91625005 --> 00:14:38,677.91625005 So if you're waiting for your mom or a family member to come to Christ, uh, just know that, stand on the scripture that says, because you give your life to Christ, your entire household will be saved. 131 00:14:38,737.91625005 --> 00:14:40,597.91625005 And just stand on that promise. 132 00:14:41,437.91625005 --> 00:14:47,857.91625005 Okay? So third, third thing she told me was having Jesus is what matters the most. 133 00:14:47,857.91625005 --> 00:14:52,507.91625005 She said, you have Jesus, and if you have Jesus, that's all you need. 134 00:14:53,167.91625005 --> 00:14:58,57.91625005 That just reminds me of like a little girl telling me, oh, you, you, you have Jesus. 135 00:14:58,207.91625005 --> 00:14:59,377.91625005 And that's all you need. 136 00:14:59,377.91625005 --> 00:15:02,257.91625005 And that's what makes you beautiful and that's what makes life great. 137 00:15:02,827.91625005 --> 00:15:06,817.91625005 Jesus is your ultimate beauty and he is your anchor. 138 00:15:06,847.91625005 --> 00:15:08,407.91625005 He is everything. 139 00:15:09,337.91625005 --> 00:15:15,667.91625005 And so know and remind yourself that you have Christ within you. 140 00:15:15,697.91625005 --> 00:15:18,127.91625005 He lives within you, he walks with you. 141 00:15:18,127.91625005 --> 00:15:20,557.91625005 And what greater joy. 142 00:15:21,832.91625005 --> 00:15:28,342.91625005 Can you have in this world you already possess the deepest beauty and security that you ever could have. 143 00:15:28,372.91625005 --> 00:15:33,472.91625005 It is our living good, perfect God that lives on the inside of us. 144 00:15:33,472.91625005 --> 00:15:35,32.91625005 And I'm just so grateful. 145 00:15:35,482.91625005 --> 00:15:36,412.91625005 Thank you, Jesus. 146 00:15:36,922.91625005 --> 00:15:37,882.91625005 Because I need you. 147 00:15:38,212.91625005 --> 00:15:40,762.91625005 I need you, especially in these moments like I have you. 148 00:15:41,2.91625005 --> 00:15:46,342.91625005 And so it's just whispering in those moments whenever you have this comparison spark up. 149 00:15:46,672.91625005 --> 00:15:50,92.91625005 It's just reminding yourself, God, you made me uni uniquely me. 150 00:15:50,632.91625005 --> 00:15:54,172.91625005 Help me in this moment re renew my mind. 151 00:15:54,442.91625005 --> 00:15:58,582.91625005 Help me see her and the li the way that you do help me see me. 152 00:15:58,582.91625005 --> 00:15:59,662.91625005 And the way that you see me. 153 00:16:00,622.91625005 --> 00:16:11,932.91625005 Understand his love will never, ever waver even when human, human, um, dues and human, um, expectations. 154 00:16:11,932.91625005 --> 00:16:15,322.91625005 Human promises always will fail you. 155 00:16:15,862.91625005 --> 00:16:17,542.91625005 He never fails you. 156 00:16:19,102.91625005 --> 00:16:28,642.91625005 And so standing on his scripture, girl like us, I'm talking to myself too in Ephesians, in, in, in Psalms talking about how you're fearfully and wonderfully made that you are his masterpiece. 157 00:16:29,722.91625005 --> 00:16:31,732.91625005 A masterpiece. 158 00:16:31,972.91625005 --> 00:16:33,382.91625005 You are not an afterthought. 159 00:16:33,382.91625005 --> 00:16:35,2.91625005 You are a masterpiece. 160 00:16:36,892.91625005 --> 00:16:41,842.91625 And if we took this is, think about all the freaking snowflakes. 161 00:16:42,292.91625 --> 00:16:44,962.91625 Can you believe that Every single freaking snowflake. 162 00:16:45,757.91625 --> 00:16:49,657.91625 Is uniquely designed, not one, two, not two. 163 00:16:49,657.91625 --> 00:17:01,447.91625 Snowflakes are the same, but would you say that one snowflake is uglier than the, than than the another one? No, they're all freaking beautiful. 164 00:17:02,152.91625 --> 00:17:02,962.91625 They're all beautiful. 165 00:17:02,962.91625 --> 00:17:07,12.91625 They're all uniquely designed because they were made by his hand. 166 00:17:07,132.91625 --> 00:17:15,832.91625 And so how much more valuable are we? Are you being his masterpiece, his children? You reflect him. 167 00:17:16,72.91625 --> 00:17:21,682.91625 You are an image bearer of Christ, and these are promises that you just have to. 168 00:17:22,77.91625 --> 00:17:47,472.91625 Tell yourself, girl, I'm telling myself these things in the deepness of this healing process, in the deepness of healing from this betrayal, trauma, and giving myself compassion and grace as these things flare up, because it is naturally going to happen when you are overcoming something that has just hit your confidence and your trust and your security. 169 00:17:48,117.91625 --> 00:17:50,217.91625 Okay? Remind yourself of these truths. 170 00:17:50,277.91625 --> 00:17:51,507.91625 It is so important. 171 00:17:52,282.91625 --> 00:17:54,922.91625 And that does lead me into the fourth thing she was telling me. 172 00:17:54,922.91625 --> 00:17:57,682.91625 She was like, we need to go in a prayer because you are being attacked. 173 00:17:59,2.91625 --> 00:18:00,112.91625 Just like plain and simple. 174 00:18:00,112.91625 --> 00:18:01,12.91625 It made it so simple. 175 00:18:01,12.91625 --> 00:18:08,962.91625 So the fourth point is know that it is an attack from the enemy and you have to fight him with prayer. 176 00:18:09,412.91625 --> 00:18:19,912.91625 You have to, the war that we fight, the battle is not in flesh or blood, but it is in the spiritual principalities and authorities of this world. 177 00:18:20,92.91625 --> 00:18:21,352.91625 And he is smart. 178 00:18:21,352.91625 --> 00:18:22,492.91625 He's not dumb. 179 00:18:22,552.91625 --> 00:18:25,72.91625 He's keen and he studies you. 180 00:18:25,102.91625 --> 00:18:28,912.91625 He studies when to attack and where to attack you. 181 00:18:29,272.91625 --> 00:18:32,92.91625 So if you're being attacked here, know that it is coming. 182 00:18:32,362.91625 --> 00:18:34,762.91625 That is him coming for your identity with. 183 00:18:34,762.91625 --> 00:18:40,297.91625 Within this specific situation for a reason with between you and this girl for a reason. 184 00:18:40,507.91625 --> 00:18:48,37.91625 He wants to kill still and destroy you and he's going to use whatever he knows that he can come in and get you at. 185 00:18:48,307.91625 --> 00:18:49,627.91625 That's what he's gonna attack you. 186 00:18:49,927.91625 --> 00:18:54,787.91625 So her telling me that gave me some relief and knowing like, okay, yeah, you're right. 187 00:18:54,787.91625 --> 00:18:55,657.91625 This isn't an attack. 188 00:18:55,657.91625 --> 00:18:58,777.91625 Like this isn't just something that has that I have to deal with. 189 00:18:59,47.91625 --> 00:19:01,27.91625 It is him attacking me. 190 00:19:01,27.91625 --> 00:19:02,347.91625 So it is him attacking you. 191 00:19:02,812.91625 --> 00:19:08,302.91625 Comparison is a weapon that the enemy is using to steal your joy and your identity, girl. 192 00:19:08,512.91625 --> 00:19:21,112.91625 Okay? So what you do is once you see it as an attack, you reclaim that authority over your mind because guess what? God has already given you the power and the authority to take captive those thoughts. 193 00:19:21,832.91625 --> 00:19:28,702.91625 So literally what I said in in point number three, when you're feeling these thoughts come up, what I'm gonna be doing. 194 00:19:29,527.91625 --> 00:19:31,747.91625 And like I had to do it today while I was in church. 195 00:19:32,17.91625 --> 00:19:42,907.91625 I had to just remind myself who I was and also getting, I got reassurance from my husband, and this is gonna be the last point, but that is something that has also helped me. 196 00:19:42,907.91625 --> 00:19:49,477.91625 It's like I am beautiful in my own way, and a beauty of another woman does not take away my beauty. 197 00:19:49,477.91625 --> 00:19:50,887.91625 Just like the snowflakes. 198 00:19:51,547.91625 --> 00:19:51,847.91625 Right. 199 00:19:51,847.91625 --> 00:20:06,67.91625 If you saw a, a bunch of beautiful children, do you, do you, does one child's beauty take away another child's beauty? And also how I, I loved whenever I was served in the kids, like you just understand all the different personalities. 200 00:20:06,127.91625 --> 00:20:14,827.91625 And I loved the, I, I loved the, the super outgoing girls that were just like, you know, to making friends with everybody. 201 00:20:14,887.91625 --> 00:20:17,887.91625 And then also, I adored the sweet girls that were more. 202 00:20:17,897.91625 --> 00:20:35,27.91625 Quiet and just so sweet and kind hearted and would like just tap me and, and, and just ask me like with such a whisper, like I adored both types of personalities and one personality wasn't, um, a greater one than, than another. 203 00:20:35,387.91625 --> 00:20:41,27.91625 They're both beautiful in their own way because God created them to be specifically in that way. 204 00:20:41,807.91625 --> 00:20:42,227.91625 Same for you. 205 00:20:43,687.91625 --> 00:20:46,27.91625 So pray, get into prayer. 206 00:20:46,27.91625 --> 00:20:56,377.91625 Pray about this comparison seed, um, about whatever it is that you're insecure of, whether it is your beauty, whether it's your personality, how you show up. 207 00:20:56,377.91625 --> 00:20:59,437.91625 Whatever it is, make that your prayer point this week. 208 00:21:00,97.91625 --> 00:21:04,837.91625 Okay? And then the fourth, not the fourth, the fifth and final point. 209 00:21:05,47.91625 --> 00:21:06,997.91625 If you are in a relationship. 210 00:21:07,672.91625 --> 00:21:11,122.91625 It is important to talk through this with your partner. 211 00:21:11,692.91625 --> 00:21:14,272.91625 Ask for what you need from them. 212 00:21:14,902.91625 --> 00:21:20,422.91625 And so like I, me and Jamar have had multiple conversations about this. 213 00:21:20,572.91625 --> 00:21:20,902.91625 Okay. 214 00:21:20,932.91625 --> 00:21:21,712.91625 Multiple. 215 00:21:21,712.91625 --> 00:21:28,222.91625 And so I know sometimes I can hesitate on because I don't wanna be repetitive, or it's like, oh my gosh, we've already talked to you about this. 216 00:21:28,222.91625 --> 00:21:33,622.91625 Why am I still dealing with this? And you can start to create this inward shame conversation with yourself. 217 00:21:34,162.91625 --> 00:21:34,252.91625 But. 218 00:21:34,807.91625 --> 00:21:37,117.91625 They're, they're your partner for a reason. 219 00:21:37,447.91625 --> 00:21:41,77.91625 You wouldn't want your partner to sit and suffer in silence. 220 00:21:41,77.91625 --> 00:21:48,367.91625 You would want them, you would want him to let you know what's going on in your mind, what you're dealing with, and so do that. 221 00:21:48,577.91625 --> 00:21:53,917.91625 Allow, allow him to come in and be at your support system. 222 00:21:54,772.91625 --> 00:22:00,892.91625 Let him know what you're dealing with, what you're going through, what these thoughts are, these intrusive thoughts, so that way he knows how to pray for you. 223 00:22:00,982.91625 --> 00:22:05,272.91625 And also he, he knows, okay, this is the area that I need to reassure her in. 224 00:22:06,67.91625 --> 00:22:13,837.91625 So let him give you the reassurance that you need when you feel uncomfortable, when these thoughts arise, and let him know what you need in those moments to feel secure and safe. 225 00:22:13,837.91625 --> 00:22:15,367.91625 Maybe you guys have to try different things. 226 00:22:15,367.91625 --> 00:22:19,957.91625 Maybe it's like holding your hand in public places, maybe. 227 00:22:20,317.91625 --> 00:22:25,147.91625 Um, it's having certain boundaries about where you guys go. 228 00:22:25,327.91625 --> 00:22:29,47.91625 You know, there are places out there where women wear more revealing things. 229 00:22:29,377.91625 --> 00:22:29,947.91625 Um. 230 00:22:30,427.91625 --> 00:22:31,387.91625 Know, I don't know. 231 00:22:31,417.91625 --> 00:22:47,557.91625 What is it gonna, what's gonna be the thing that works for you guys, for you to heal and for you to feel secure and safe? And as I'm saying this, I also want to remind you that all of your safety cannot ride a hundred percent on him. 232 00:22:47,797.91625 --> 00:22:50,822.91625 Okay? He can do only so much. 233 00:22:51,712.91625 --> 00:22:52,252.91625 Okay. 234 00:22:52,282.91625 --> 00:23:01,852.91625 He can be your, your support, a part of your support system and help you as you heal, give you reassurance as you're healing. 235 00:23:02,32.91625 --> 00:23:05,632.91625 But he can't be the one that does the healing for you. 236 00:23:05,662.91625 --> 00:23:09,772.91625 He can't be your, um, your, your cripple. 237 00:23:09,802.91625 --> 00:23:14,602.91625 What's that like? Your, Your way out to not actually do the deep work and heal. 238 00:23:14,752.91625 --> 00:23:18,592.91625 Okay? He can't be your temporary, um, safety net. 239 00:23:19,102.91625 --> 00:23:19,522.91625 Okay. 240 00:23:19,582.91625 --> 00:23:25,822.91625 It's, it's you choosing to heal and him also supporting you as you do your healing process. 241 00:23:26,392.91625 --> 00:23:30,832.91625 Okay? So he can help you as your partner in those moments while you're healing. 242 00:23:31,252.91625 --> 00:23:36,682.91625 Um, that is the goal of, of bringing him in into it. 243 00:23:38,227.91625 --> 00:23:45,637.91625 So I've noticed that in my own marriage, like vulnerability has been one so necessary for us, like on both ends. 244 00:23:45,877.91625 --> 00:23:55,537.91625 So practically, we've started to do a weekly heart to heart meeting, and so this is on both of our calendars and sometimes we miss it, like we missed it. 245 00:23:55,537.91625 --> 00:23:58,237.91625 Yesterday, but we ended up doing it today. 246 00:23:58,507.91625 --> 00:24:34,477.91625 So every single week we have a heart to heart where we ask the other person, okay, what have, what have I done that you have loved? Like, where have you felt supported by me? What have you loved? How have you felt loved by me? And then we also ask the question, okay, where, um, did you not feel support this past week? Or what did you need more of? Um, what, what is bothering you that you wanna give off your chest? And just having this like really vulnerable, um, conversation, it has helped us so much, um, in just having that connection point and being really honest and real with each other and also. 247 00:24:35,407.91625 --> 00:24:41,137.91625 I can go on a whole other training on this, but it's also allowed us not to just be so nitpicky. 248 00:24:41,437.91625 --> 00:24:44,557.91625 I mean, he's not nitpicky at me like really ever. 249 00:24:44,557.91625 --> 00:24:49,87.91625 I'm, I've, I've, I found myself being more nit ni nitpicky towards him. 250 00:24:49,627.91625 --> 00:25:00,757.91625 Um, but it's helped me and us not be so, like, it gives us a space to express and. 251 00:25:01,282.91625 --> 00:25:08,332.91625 At the end of every week, versus feeling like everything needs to be expressed in that moment, which I'm that type of personality. 252 00:25:08,332.91625 --> 00:25:10,672.91625 I like to resolve things in and there and nip it in the butt. 253 00:25:11,92.91625 --> 00:25:19,42.91625 Um, but I, we found, and some things to do, like, I'm not saying like suppress everything and let it all out that one day, but just at, you know, use discernment in that. 254 00:25:19,102.91625 --> 00:25:27,112.91625 But it, it gives us, it gives me a peace of mind to know, okay, well this might not be the time to talk about this now, and I can, I can hold off and I can wait and I can bring this up. 255 00:25:27,412.91625 --> 00:25:28,642.91625 Come Saturday. 256 00:25:29,257.91625 --> 00:25:31,747.91625 If it's off my mind method, then okay, cool. 257 00:25:31,747.91625 --> 00:25:33,97.91625 We, it's, it's cool. 258 00:25:33,397.91625 --> 00:25:42,337.91625 Um, but if I know it's something important, I'll write it down just to make sure that I bring it up so that way, you know, we do nip it in the, but and it doesn't continue to fester and grow resentment later. 259 00:25:43,677.91625 --> 00:25:44,127.91625 okay. 260 00:25:44,367.91625 --> 00:25:47,397.91625 But yeah, lemme recap 'cause that was a lot of points. 261 00:25:47,457.91625 --> 00:25:47,757.91625 Um. 262 00:25:48,597.91625 --> 00:25:51,267.91625 But I'm hoping that you really, really enjoyed this. 263 00:25:51,267.91625 --> 00:25:53,817.91625 I know as I'm kind of going through this, like this is so meaty. 264 00:25:53,817.91625 --> 00:25:56,187.91625 This is such a good episode. 265 00:25:56,187.91625 --> 00:25:58,377.91625 I, I really think this is gonna help a lot of people. 266 00:25:58,377.91625 --> 00:26:04,557.91625 So if you wanna share it with a friend that you know that's married, I think that would be super helpful. 267 00:26:04,557.91625 --> 00:26:11,367.91625 Or a friend that, you know, that maybe struggles with confidence or maybe they're launching a business or, or transitioning in career. 268 00:26:11,602.979478 --> 00:26:13,192.979478 Shoot this episode over to them. 269 00:26:13,192.979478 --> 00:26:14,32.979478 Share the love. 270 00:26:14,392.979478 --> 00:26:24,232.979478 Now recapping number one, you want to, what you want to value yourself, know what you bring to the table, and name three strengths. 271 00:26:24,997.979478 --> 00:26:25,537.979478 Okay. 272 00:26:25,987.979478 --> 00:26:28,747.979478 Number two, you wanna cultivate the inner beauty. 273 00:26:28,747.979478 --> 00:26:33,517.979478 Understand that inward beauty will always triumph external beauty. 274 00:26:33,847.979478 --> 00:26:37,237.979478 And so yes, you are externally beautiful. 275 00:26:37,417.979478 --> 00:26:39,457.979478 Yes, you, you are beautiful. 276 00:26:40,177.979478 --> 00:26:48,697.979478 But it's not just the external beauty that it doesn't even hold that much weight, especially when it comes to your internal beauty. 277 00:26:48,697.979478 --> 00:26:56,17.979478 So practice one inward habit that is gonna make you more beautiful inwardly, your heart, your soul, your spirit, your mind. 278 00:26:56,647.979478 --> 00:26:57,427.979478 Number three. 279 00:26:58,417.979478 --> 00:27:04,147.979478 Understand that Jesus is is the gift, like he is the anchor. 280 00:27:04,207.979478 --> 00:27:08,377.979478 He is where real, he is the definer of your beauty. 281 00:27:08,467.979478 --> 00:27:11,437.979478 And when you have Jesus, it is all you need. 282 00:27:11,437.979478 --> 00:27:14,77.979478 He's your ultimate beauty and your ultimate anchor. 283 00:27:14,227.979478 --> 00:27:22,717.979478 And so when you start to be boggled down with these negative thoughts, speak the truth that he has already written about you to those thoughts, number four. 284 00:27:23,782.979478 --> 00:27:24,172.979478 Oh my gosh. 285 00:27:24,172.979478 --> 00:27:25,162.979478 I guess it was five. 286 00:27:25,432.979478 --> 00:27:26,482.979478 Well, yeah, I saw that before. 287 00:27:26,662.979478 --> 00:27:29,662.979478 Okay, number four, you wanna identify the attack. 288 00:27:29,692.979478 --> 00:27:33,172.979478 Understand that this is the enemy attacking you in this area. 289 00:27:33,172.979478 --> 00:27:36,742.979478 It's not your brain just randomly going and thinking those these things. 290 00:27:36,922.979478 --> 00:27:42,472.979478 It is him strategically attacking you in this area because he knows how to get to you. 291 00:27:42,802.979478 --> 00:27:48,172.979478 So you want to identify that it is an attack and use prayer as your defense. 292 00:27:48,502.979478 --> 00:27:51,382.979478 And then finally, you want to share. 293 00:27:51,892.979478 --> 00:27:54,832.979478 With your partner, if you have a partner, engage with him. 294 00:27:54,832.979478 --> 00:27:56,392.979478 Ask him for support. 295 00:27:56,392.979478 --> 00:28:10,942.979478 Let him know what's going on, be very vulnerable, and just invite him into, um, tell me you appreciate him, and invite him into just to, to letting him know that you wanted him to be aware of your thoughts as you were working on your self and healing this area. 296 00:28:11,512.979478 --> 00:28:20,602.979478 Comparison is, is always gonna be the thing that the enemy is going to use to get us women off track and to get us in this competitive mindset with one another. 297 00:28:20,982.979478 --> 00:28:22,122.979478 Don't let him win. 298 00:28:22,212.979478 --> 00:28:26,502.979478 We are in this fight two freaking together, and I just believe in you. 299 00:28:26,832.979478 --> 00:28:28,152.979478 You have your battle plan. 300 00:28:28,252.979478 --> 00:28:32,632.979478 And we're gonna get through this and we're gonna triumph to the top to gather. 301 00:28:33,22.979478 --> 00:28:38,872.979478 I love you and I will see you back here same day, same time next week. 302 00:28:39,112.979478 --> 00:28:39,562.979478 Bye all. 303 00:28:39,924.488099 --> 00:28:40,854.488099 Hey, beautiful. 304 00:28:40,854.488099 --> 00:28:44,454.488099 I hope you loved hanging with me today and enjoyed the episode. 305 00:28:44,724.488099 --> 00:28:59,124.488099 If so, would you take just 30 seconds and share it with someone you love who may also want to heal from past relationships and love themselves again? Also, please scroll down and leave a quick written review for the show on Apple Podcasts. 306 00:28:59,214.488099 --> 00:29:04,284.488099 This is the main way we can get this message out to our girlfriends all around the world. 307 00:29:04,529.488099 --> 00:29:09,929.488099 And it also just really blesses me to know and hear how this podcast is helping you. 308 00:29:09,989.488099 --> 00:29:13,79.488099 Okay, I need to get outta my sweats and get ready for date night. 309 00:29:13,229.488099 --> 00:29:16,289.488099 I'll meet you back here on Monday for another episode. 310 00:29:16,409.488099 --> 00:29:18,29.488099 Sending you all the love. 311 00:29:18,89.488099 --> 00:29:19,229.488099 Until next time.