103 | LIVE COACHING: Breaking Up With Perfectionism

Hi beautiful! ♥️ Have you ever found yourself stuck—overthinking every detail, delaying launch, or recycling drafts—simply because it didn’t feel “perfect enough”? You’re not alone. Perfectionism disguises itself as excellence, but really it’s fear wearing a fancy mask. In this week’s live coaching session, we tear off that mask once and for all.

We’ll redefine perfectionism as a coping mechanism (not a standard), compare it side-by-side with true excellence, and surface the “If I’m perfect, then I’m safe” belief that fuels your procrastination, burnout, and self-judgment. Then, we’ll walk through five clear signs you’re trapped in perfectionism—and exactly how to break free by choosing progress over outcome, growth over rigid rules, and courage over control.

So grab your journal and get ready to:

• Spot those fear-driven thoughts that keep you frozen

• Flip your mindset from “perfect or bust” to “done is enough”

• Take immediate steps to replace shame-based self-talk with value-based action

Let’s break up with perfectionism tonight—so you can finally step forward in freedom, confidence, and joy. See you on the inside! Xo, Dani

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Today we got a juicy episode for you regarding perfectionism and how to break up with perfectionism for good.
This is probably not gonna be a type of training that you.
I have heard maybe in the past when it comes to perfectionism, I really do pray that it brings you a new perspective around perfectionism and not like something that is a thing that you aspire to be, nor something that you are so annoyed at yourself with and you're feeling down on yourself because you do have perfectionism tendencies.

(00:40):
This is going to share with you why you experienced perfectionism, what the root.
Actually is and how to attack it at the core.
So if you struggle with perfectionism and it's causing you to delay in action, it's causing you to overthink and overanalyze and making you stuck and stagnant in your life, business, or relationships.

(01:03):
This is gonna be the episode for you and it's pulled straight from my live group coaching training with my sales girls that I train every single week live.
So you're in for a special treat.
Go ahead and grab your, your journal.
This is a note taker for sure. 12 00:01:20,909.663427535 --> 00:01:22,109.663427535 Hey, beautiful. 13 00:01:22,229.663427535 --> 00:01:26,9.663427535 Welcome to the Heal From Toxic Relationships podcast. 14 00:01:26,69.663427535 --> 00:01:50,369.66342754 Are you ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and fully embrace a life filled with confidence, joy, and purpose? Do you find yourself questioning yourself worth and wondering what God's plan for your life is? Or maybe you deeply fear being alone and struggle with the lack of boundaries? Due to your people pleasing tendencies, well sis, you're not alone. 15 00:01:50,399.66342754 --> 00:01:51,539.66342754 I've been there too. 16 00:01:51,659.66342754 --> 00:01:58,889.66342754 Hey, I'm Danny, a Christian life coach wife, recovering people pleaser, and a total girl's girl. 17 00:01:58,979.66342754 --> 00:02:15,689.66342754 For 10 years I was stuck in a cycle of toxic, non-committed relationships and searching for my worth in men, my accomplishments, and the praise of other people until I found out how to heal my past emotional wounds with Christ at the center. 18 00:02:15,849.66342754 --> 00:02:30,969.66342754 In this podcast, you will find faith-based healing tools, confidence building tips, and healthy relationship skills so that you become a God-fearing, confident woman who attracts your husband while walking in your purpose with God. 19 00:02:31,209.66342754 --> 00:02:34,179.66342754 Grab your favorite mocktail and pop in the AirPods. 20 00:02:34,269.66342754 --> 00:02:38,409.66342754 It's time to overshare and overcome these obstacles together. 21 00:02:38,529.66342754 --> 00:02:40,299.66342754 One step at a time. 22 00:02:40,776.82181339 --> 00:02:42,666.82181339 Really quick before we dive into the live training. 23 00:02:42,696.82181339 --> 00:02:51,846.82181339 I was listening to a couple of new podcasts that I found and I was wanting to find them on Instagram and I wanted to see like where I could find them outside of the podcast. 24 00:02:51,846.82181339 --> 00:02:53,826.82181339 And maybe that is you too. 25 00:02:53,826.82181339 --> 00:02:54,216.82181339 I don't know. 26 00:02:54,216.82181339 --> 00:02:58,296.82181339 And I, I just realized I don't have my social medias or anything out there. 27 00:02:58,586.82181339 --> 00:03:08,396.82181339 If you wanna follow me on Instagram, you can find me at Love Danny Jackson and Danny's, DANI, Jackson on Instagram. 28 00:03:08,676.82181339 --> 00:03:13,776.82181339 And I'm working on launching something really exciting and new. 29 00:03:13,776.82181339 --> 00:03:21,456.82181339 Of course, you guys are gonna be the first to know and, but if you wanna follow the journey and how that's gonna look. 30 00:03:21,791.30383801 --> 00:03:24,371.30383801 You can come over and join me over on Instagram. 31 00:03:24,581.30383801 --> 00:03:36,911.30383801 You also can join our free Facebook community for the podcast, ladies, and you can join at B ly slash Heal Toxic Relationships Group. 32 00:03:36,989.69884631 --> 00:03:44,839.69884631 If you wanna be involved with the Heal from Toxic relationships community, so two places to find me and now let's get into the training. 33 00:03:45,338.83909988 --> 00:03:50,258.83909987 Perfectionism is so, it steals everything from you. 34 00:03:50,738.83909988 --> 00:03:52,58.83909988 It steals everything from you. 35 00:03:52,58.83909988 --> 00:04:08,798.83909988 And I used to too flaunt perfectionism as a strength because I believed my perfectionism or thinking of my perfectionism and wanting to be perfect was the reason why I produced great things. 36 00:04:09,308.83909988 --> 00:04:13,28.83909987 But I quickly found that perfectionism was. 37 00:04:13,778.83909988 --> 00:04:17,348.83909988 It, it was a thing that was stealing my ti It stills my time still today. 38 00:04:17,348.83909988 --> 00:04:18,398.83909988 I can fall into it. 39 00:04:19,88.83909988 --> 00:04:20,258.83909988 It stills my time. 40 00:04:20,438.83909988 --> 00:04:26,677.12278138 It stills my peace and it steals my, my pers like what's coming up is my perspective. 41 00:04:26,677.12278138 --> 00:04:32,85.7050426 It's, it stills my perspective to view life in a way where I don't take it as seriously. 42 00:04:32,85.7050426 --> 00:04:40,695.7050426 Like I want to live this life where I, I don't take things so seriously and I don't overthink things and I can just produce and learn as I go. 43 00:04:40,965.7050426 --> 00:04:48,825.7050426 But that desire is fighting with this other desire of wanting to control things and it leads me into overthinking. 44 00:04:49,165.7050426 --> 00:04:51,535.7050426 And so I have to actively. 45 00:04:52,285.7050426 --> 00:04:53,545.7050426 Work and choose. 46 00:04:53,545.7050426 --> 00:05:07,105.7050426 It's a decision I have to actively choose to call myself out when I find myself overthinking, um, or thinking that something has to look a certain way before I take the specific action, call myself out. 47 00:05:07,105.7050426 --> 00:05:10,345.7050426 And then also like, I'm gonna let this go. 48 00:05:10,975.7050426 --> 00:05:13,675.7050426 And I literally talk to myself. 49 00:05:13,675.7050426 --> 00:05:25,594.79772645 I tell myself, and, and this even can show up when you start to think back to an old situation or something that you could have done differently. 50 00:05:26,44.79772645 --> 00:05:34,454.79772645 And when I find myself in these moments, I will even talk, I will talk out loud and say, okay, I'm not thinking about that, or I, I'm letting that go. 51 00:05:34,754.79772645 --> 00:05:43,4.79772645 And those are just ways for me to ground myself in the moment and to get myself out of this cycle that I've developed for years to come. 52 00:05:43,4.79772645 --> 00:05:46,34.79772645 So know that it's still something that I actively have to work on. 53 00:05:46,264.54376022 --> 00:05:47,824.54376022 and once you. 54 00:05:48,349.54376022 --> 00:06:01,750.61726266 Decide to release perfectionism and this idea that perfectionism is the thing that is going to produce you the best results, you feel a sense of freedom from releasing that ideology. 55 00:06:02,226.77164482 --> 00:06:02,616.77164482 Okay. 56 00:06:03,6.77164482 --> 00:06:04,326.77164482 Perfectionism. 57 00:06:04,726.72457957 --> 00:06:13,572.8374695 it, it disguises itself as a form of excellence, when in reality it's actually fear. 58 00:06:14,243.6086335 --> 00:06:30,774.1908594 So the question is, what am I fearful of in this moment? Is it judgment of other people? Is it me looking dumb? What is, what, what is the, the layer, the mask behind this reason for you to move into wanting to be perfect because it's fear attached. 59 00:06:31,53.7680586 --> 00:06:43,714.34850917 especially I see this in women, and I, and knowing this too has given me a sense of like, sometimes when you can understand where things are rooted from, it gives you more compassion for yourself. 60 00:06:43,954.34850917 --> 00:06:52,293.23530953 I mean, I don't know if you guys knew this, but I learned this about our, our past history as women where. 61 00:06:52,818.23530953 --> 00:07:03,468.23530953 Men used to be able to, like men that were married, like say you were a wife of somebody, men used to be able to just divorce their wives if they didn't like something. 62 00:07:03,648.23530953 --> 00:07:16,184.41556819 So if you cooked something that was, that was a sucky meal, or you know, maybe they found another woman more attractive than you, they had the right to just divorce you for any, any of those reasons. 63 00:07:16,184.41556819 --> 00:07:20,764.6677478 They didn't have to have, there was no like, law put in place. 64 00:07:21,157.39564067 --> 00:07:22,87.39564067 And it's very interesting. 65 00:07:22,87.39564067 --> 00:07:31,897.39564067 This was why, um, God actually put laws into place to protect women when it came to tackling this issue of men just divorcing women. 66 00:07:31,927.39564067 --> 00:07:37,562.89658912 And so for generations, women have had this pressure of being. 67 00:07:37,894.37345803 --> 00:07:46,264.37345803 So perfect in the way they look and the way they dress and the way they present themselves and the way they walk and the way they talk in what they're doing. 68 00:07:46,464.06868802 --> 00:07:50,122.24380052 and also in this proving our self energy. 69 00:07:50,182.24380052 --> 00:07:57,892.24380052 And so this idea of, of perfection, if this is something you really struggle with, just understand that is generational. 70 00:07:58,252.24380052 --> 00:08:08,592.13889845 And it may take some time, it will take some time and some in, intention and attention to stripping that off of you. 71 00:08:08,802.13889845 --> 00:08:14,85.33413246 Okay? So know that this isn't just something that you magically start, have struggled with. 72 00:08:14,415.33413246 --> 00:08:24,510.10954906 It has been something that women have struggled with for so long because of things that have happened to us, and how we weren't protected in the past. 73 00:08:24,964.85831981 --> 00:08:37,204.85831981 And so many times, and even from that, we can learn that this idea of being, having to be perfect, we link it to protecting us, right? And it's, it's fear based and it's to protect us. 74 00:08:37,204.85831981 --> 00:08:40,54.85831981 And it actually is the thing that imprisons us. 75 00:08:40,496.87100603 --> 00:09:06,547.39424033 So I want you, as I'm kind of going through this training today, think about where in your life, in any area, personally, your business this, are you constantly overthinking? Are you being hesitant? Are you holding back delaying action because you don't feel ready enough or perfect enough to do the thing? So I want you to kind of think about them. 76 00:09:06,547.39424033 --> 00:09:10,57.39424033 We're gonna have a time of reflection at the end, but this is the question that I want you to think about. 77 00:09:10,57.39424033 --> 00:09:13,207.39424033 What are the areas of your life and anything that comes up for you, just jot it down. 78 00:09:13,237.39424033 --> 00:09:20,190.7570441 Okay? In essence what perfection perfectionism is, it is a coping mechanism. 79 00:09:20,220.7570441 --> 00:09:26,110.22641291 It's how we avoid failure, shame, judgment, rejection. 80 00:09:26,620.22641291 --> 00:09:33,892.41530653 And it is stemming from something you endured in the past as a child, and high expectations. 81 00:09:33,982.41530653 --> 00:09:38,272.41530653 And again, like we've just learned, it's gener, it's generational for women. 82 00:09:38,992.41530653 --> 00:09:41,519.3173933 I'm sure for men as well, Yeah, but we're talking. 83 00:09:41,699.3173933 --> 00:09:43,289.3173933 This is a women community for women. 84 00:09:44,159.3173933 --> 00:09:57,655.8280558 Um, so if you find yourself in this perfectionism state and needing to be perfect, the core belief underneath the perfectionism is, if I am perfect, I will be enough. 85 00:09:58,285.8280558 --> 00:10:00,985.8280558 If I'm perfect, I will be safe. 86 00:10:01,667.97405068 --> 00:10:04,697.97405068 If I'm perfect, I will be accepted. 87 00:10:05,380.38482629 --> 00:10:07,810.38482629 If I'm perfect, I will be successful. 88 00:10:08,890.38482629 --> 00:10:24,820.38482629 Okay, these are the core beliefs underneath perfectionism, where per, where the fear is hiding, right? These beliefs are what's producing perfectionism, right? So it's not just, we don't just tackle perfections and we, we tackle the belief that is causing us to move into perfectionism. 89 00:10:25,108.75161473 --> 00:10:39,642.91414463 So what is it for you underneath? Perfectionism? What is causing you to lean into being perfect or feeling like that is what you need to do in certain situations? And it might be different for certain situations. 90 00:10:39,642.91414463 --> 00:10:42,442.11789268 Like, let me think of like a personal example. 91 00:10:42,760.10631223 --> 00:10:59,330.10631223 I would say there has been, um, times within my marriage where I, I felt like I needed to be perfect when it came to addressing something and starting an open dialogue with my husband around a topic. 92 00:10:59,541.93826612 --> 00:11:06,479.85553396 And I felt like I had to do it in a very perfect way, and it caused me to, just sound like a robot. 93 00:11:06,509.85553396 --> 00:11:17,135.39535499 Kind of like the scriptings, right? You're following a script, right? I, I got scripts from somebody that, an expert on relationships, and you wanna enter into a relationship into this conversation using this script. 94 00:11:17,225.39535499 --> 00:11:20,555.39535499 And I would do that and he'd be like, this is turning me off. 95 00:11:20,555.39535499 --> 00:11:22,805.39535499 Like, just, just be direct and tell me what's up. 96 00:11:23,195.39535499 --> 00:11:30,425.39535499 And so the reason why I was doing that though was because I had a fear of, I had a fear of rejection. 97 00:11:30,995.39535499 --> 00:11:31,985.39535499 I had a fear. 98 00:11:32,312.45421857 --> 00:11:33,870.89122815 Of being rejected by him. 99 00:11:34,230.89122815 --> 00:11:41,490.89122815 I had a fear of conflict of arguments because that's what I saw growing up between my parents. 100 00:11:41,791.19899822 --> 00:11:45,525.76074006 and so that was that core belief that I was holding onto. 101 00:11:45,525.76074006 --> 00:11:49,245.76074006 When that strikes, and then it's something totally, it's, I wouldn't say totally different. 102 00:11:49,275.76074006 --> 00:11:54,915.76074006 It's, it can manifest differently in a different area of life, like business or work. 103 00:11:55,263.80992039 --> 00:11:56,883.80992039 so again, it's says false safety. 104 00:11:57,183.80992039 --> 00:12:08,73.80992039 If I can control everything, Craig, because my mindset going into it, okay? If I, if I, if I say this in this way to him with this tone, then it'll lead to this outcome. 105 00:12:08,673.80992039 --> 00:12:11,673.80992039 Okay? So I'm moving into this because I'm trying to control the outcome. 106 00:12:12,315.19327286 --> 00:12:15,375.19327286 So this, this, it creates this false safety. 107 00:12:15,465.19327286 --> 00:12:19,185.19327286 If I can control everything, I can prevent pain from happening. 108 00:12:19,950.43915105 --> 00:12:27,750.43915105 Truth is though, what happens when you lean into it? And this is what I would, I would jot down, if you haven't taken notes yet, this would be the area to start taking notes. 109 00:12:27,840.43915105 --> 00:12:31,260.43915105 'cause it, this is how you can really practically apply it to your life. 110 00:12:32,147.89457472 --> 00:12:35,537.89457472 But perfectionism leads to procrastination. 111 00:12:36,403.61039325 --> 00:12:37,978.61039325 It leads to burnout. 112 00:12:38,591.41186592 --> 00:12:43,56.8830078 It leads to you never feeling enough, never feeling enough. 113 00:12:43,56.8830078 --> 00:13:01,853.61463266 This is why if you find yourself in a cycle where you continue to, for example, redo your outreach video so many times to where you're picking apart every little piece, you're, and or you're telling yourself, okay, well it's, it's not, it's not good enough yet. 114 00:13:01,853.61463266 --> 00:13:02,843.61463266 It's not good enough yet. 115 00:13:03,342.90867279 --> 00:13:06,402.90867279 It's okay to redo it several times. 116 00:13:06,402.90867279 --> 00:13:11,352.90867279 It's okay, but it, it becomes an issue if you notice yourself picking apart things and like really believing. 117 00:13:11,382.90867279 --> 00:13:11,742.90867279 Okay. 118 00:13:12,45.93210836 --> 00:13:18,345.93210836 when the question, the question becomes, when will it be enough? So perfection leads to you never feeling good enough. 119 00:13:18,855.93210836 --> 00:13:22,785.93210836 It leads to comparison and judgment. 120 00:13:23,258.40458395 --> 00:13:27,488.40458395 Judging yourself, comparing yourself to other women. 121 00:13:28,148.40458395 --> 00:13:29,48.40458395 Huge. 122 00:13:29,918.40458395 --> 00:13:37,622.55948966 It also leads to constant anxiety around being seen or making a mistake. 123 00:13:38,420.80898623 --> 00:13:42,635.63299766 You've got this anxiety around making a mistake, being seen, afraid of pain. 124 00:13:42,855.48260249 --> 00:13:56,475.48260249 I wanna talk about the difference between like this perfectionism, how do you know? 'cause the question is, okay, how do I know that I'm leaning into perfectionism versus an excellence mindset? Because I do believe in everything that we do. 125 00:13:56,595.48260249 --> 00:14:00,165.48260249 Showing up in excellence is a standard. 126 00:14:00,375.48260249 --> 00:14:08,692.12147783 It's a standard that not a lot of people put on themselves, but it's a standard, I believe, from God to do things in excellence. 127 00:14:09,82.12147783 --> 00:14:09,442.12147783 Okay. 128 00:14:09,442.12147783 --> 00:14:18,248.03299307 So if you're writing notes, I would do like a T chart and then on one side label it perfectionism, and on the other side, label it excellence. 129 00:14:18,579.58600078 --> 00:14:23,652.44880625 Under perfectionism, the difference between both perfectionism is fear driven. 130 00:14:24,132.9945412 --> 00:14:31,659.06310822 If you're doing it, if you sense fear, it's fear driven versus being growth driven. 131 00:14:31,659.06310822 --> 00:14:31,689.06310822 I. 132 00:14:32,188.41670713 --> 00:14:33,478.41670713 That's the excellence column. 133 00:14:33,838.41670713 --> 00:14:36,478.41670713 Fear driven versus growth driven. 134 00:14:37,443.67917029 --> 00:14:38,463.67917029 I do need a whiteboard. 135 00:14:38,463.67917029 --> 00:14:42,573.67917029 I need to pull out my, my, my. 136 00:14:42,573.67917029 --> 00:14:43,833.67917029 Remarkable again. 137 00:14:44,943.67917029 --> 00:14:48,896.73478605 The second side is excellence, perfectionism, and excellence. 138 00:14:49,397.44608875 --> 00:14:56,87.44608875 So fear driven under perfectionism, and then growth driven under excellence. 139 00:14:56,542.8259594 --> 00:14:59,392.8259594 And then we've got 5, 1, 2, 3, yeah, five. 140 00:15:00,749.829574 --> 00:15:01,679.829574 Second one. 141 00:15:02,9.829574 --> 00:15:06,329.829574 Perfectionism makes you believe it's all or nothing. 142 00:15:06,965.29269762 --> 00:15:11,705.29269762 versus excellence is progress over time. 143 00:15:12,655.34656876 --> 00:15:14,305.34656876 and all or nothing isn't bad. 144 00:15:14,305.34656876 --> 00:15:20,882.75338111 This all or nothing is in a sense of, have to give this my all for me to even want to do it. 145 00:15:21,512.75338111 --> 00:15:34,771.52342048 And they use it as a cop out, right? And what they're doing is they, they don't have this belief and this perspective that, that x progress, it, it progress over time is the goal, right? Progress over time is the goal. 146 00:15:34,771.52342048 --> 00:15:42,843.64034695 It's like the difference between, believing that there's no failure in success versus success. 147 00:15:43,293.64034695 --> 00:15:46,173.64034695 You get to success by failing multiple times. 148 00:15:46,383.64034695 --> 00:15:52,40.825581 That's like the difference in this, um, either striving or an actual potato. 149 00:15:58,70.825581 --> 00:15:59,15.825581 That is so funny. 150 00:15:59,15.825581 --> 00:16:03,6.20215899 So I would, I would say, progress, not perfection. 151 00:16:03,372.67686835 --> 00:16:13,559.52881305 Say this is what, this is what makes people stop and quit is if they're, if they're not getting their six pack within two weeks then they're gonna quit this. 152 00:16:13,559.52881305 --> 00:16:19,49.52881305 That is this all or nothing type of mindset? If you're in that type, if that's what it's causing you to do. 153 00:16:19,994.52881305 --> 00:16:25,304.52881304 Versus understanding that it's about progression over time to get you to your goals. 154 00:16:25,304.52881304 --> 00:16:28,94.52881305 It's gonna take you six months. 155 00:16:28,94.52881305 --> 00:16:30,614.52881305 It's gonna take, it's gonna take you some time to get there. 156 00:16:30,987.90464253 --> 00:16:32,247.90464253 Okay, moving on. 157 00:16:32,547.90464253 --> 00:16:38,397.90464253 So third one under this perfectionism column is you are outcome obsessed. 158 00:16:38,794.97724514 --> 00:16:46,711.5761729 Your outcome obsessed versus the excellence column of being process engaged. 159 00:16:47,207.3582463 --> 00:16:50,987.3582463 You know the quote, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. 160 00:16:51,47.3582463 --> 00:16:52,967.3582463 The journey is the destination. 161 00:16:53,379.9501121 --> 00:17:00,969.9501121 Because when you're outcome obsessed, again, you're, you're, you're, you're in your mind, you're thinking it has to look a certain way. 162 00:17:00,969.9501121 --> 00:17:09,332.1529105 It has to be this thing to e equate to success versus you just being dedicated to the process. 163 00:17:09,812.1529105 --> 00:17:12,752.1529105 Loving the process, falling in love with the process. 164 00:17:12,832.1529105 --> 00:17:19,558.1973479 Okay, the fourth one, under perfectionism, you'll find yourself having very rigid standards. 165 00:17:19,868.9519709 --> 00:17:27,414.4964495 And I think this optic explained this one too, having rigid standards versus having a flexible, flexible improvement. 166 00:17:27,414.4964495 --> 00:17:36,596.9019641 So focusing on, like for example, like with content, I know you're talking about this, but this is the journey I'm on right now and this is my monster currently. 167 00:17:36,991.8836575 --> 00:17:53,611.0519195 So having flexible improvement on my content V versus feeling like it has to look a certain way and it has to meet X, y, and Z standards for me to just push it out there so that way I can get better. 168 00:17:53,851.0519195 --> 00:18:00,301.0519195 Um, Lelo, Hermo always talks about just taking action and this, this is how you build confidence. 169 00:18:00,301.0519195 --> 00:18:08,650.3618751 Her beliefs is how you build confidence and get to success is just by taking action and not getting stuck in this, like having it to look in a certain way. 170 00:18:08,830.3618751 --> 00:18:16,210.3618751 So rigid standards versus this flexible improvement understanding like, okay, this piece of content, I'm not attached to the outcome. 171 00:18:16,389.2093947 --> 00:18:20,259.2093947 I did my best on this and I'm pushing it out and I'm gonna get better the next time. 172 00:18:20,550.2190685 --> 00:18:37,111.2774755 That's the difference between perfectionism, I, ideology, and then an excellence one Um, and there's gonna be some seasons where it does feel like a daily grind, but yeah, falling in love with the day-to-day process, falling in love with what, whatever that looks like, and also the growth, like who you're becoming in the process. 173 00:18:37,111.2774755 --> 00:18:46,471.2774755 So not even, you don't have to love answering emails and like sending outreach videos and stuff like that, but fall in love with the person that you're becoming over time. 174 00:18:46,737.3660832 --> 00:18:51,267.3660832 the actions that you're taking is causing you to become a certain person and falling in love with that. 175 00:18:51,852.4454593 --> 00:18:52,272.4454593 Okay. 176 00:18:52,272.4454593 --> 00:18:54,582.4454593 The final one is perfectionism. 177 00:18:54,612.4454593 --> 00:18:57,732.4454593 This is where you are shame based. 178 00:18:58,212.4454593 --> 00:18:58,362.4454593 Okay. 179 00:18:58,362.4454593 --> 00:19:04,422.4454593 If you're noticing that you're shame based versus being value-based. 180 00:19:04,892.882263 --> 00:19:10,112.882263 Value-based is where you, you abide by certain principles. 181 00:19:10,112.882263 --> 00:19:20,457.641944 Like all of, all of you guys have core values, like things that you really live by, that are very important to you. 182 00:19:20,907.641944 --> 00:19:25,365.2137019 So it might be like authenticity, it might be, integrity. 183 00:19:25,365.2137019 --> 00:19:27,465.2137019 That's, that's my number one. 184 00:19:27,705.2137019 --> 00:19:29,805.2137019 It might be love, it might be joy. 185 00:19:30,45.2137019 --> 00:19:35,955.2137019 Um, what are your, and you're, you uncover the values and I think I do have a values. 186 00:19:36,645.2088923 --> 00:19:43,665.2088923 Call, um, training that you can totally go to to uncover your core values as a woman. 187 00:19:44,92.7560525 --> 00:19:45,292.7560525 but that is really key. 188 00:19:45,292.7560525 --> 00:19:58,852.7560525 Like any company that doesn't have like a set of core values, they're gonna fall, right? They're, they're teeing, their company is just stuck in this, this doing mode and not knowing the higher purpose behind what they're doing. 189 00:19:58,942.7560525 --> 00:20:00,112.7560525 And so, same for you. 190 00:20:00,112.7560525 --> 00:20:02,992.7560525 Just like a, a good company has core values. 191 00:20:03,262.7560525 --> 00:20:05,302.7560525 You also in your life have core values. 192 00:20:05,332.7560525 --> 00:20:13,552.7560525 And so knowing what those are for you and making sure that you're living them out and you're abiding by them, and this is what is driving you. 193 00:20:13,762.7560525 --> 00:20:16,822.7560525 So for me, my number one is integrity. 194 00:20:16,972.7560525 --> 00:20:23,212.7560525 If there is something that is gonna cause me to move out of integrity with who I am, it's a no for me. 195 00:20:23,797.7560525 --> 00:20:33,637.7560525 If I do say yes to that, then I'm gonna be so conflicted and I'm not moving from, I'm moving over in this, this perfectionism, believe it or not, because guess what? This is shame-based. 196 00:20:33,847.7560525 --> 00:20:38,107.7560525 Oh, I'm afraid to say no to this opportunity because of what this person is gonna think about me. 197 00:20:38,597.7531386 --> 00:20:40,67.7531386 It can manifest in that way. 198 00:20:40,800.6780623 --> 00:20:42,330.6780623 So I hope that makes sense there. 199 00:20:42,969.6597591 --> 00:20:43,569.6597591 Good, Elizabeth. 200 00:20:43,569.6597591 --> 00:20:44,139.6597591 I'm so glad. 201 00:20:44,823.0376076 --> 00:20:53,201.2634022 So essentially what these are saying is perfectionism tells you, makes you believe if I fail, I am bad. 202 00:20:53,766.2867692 --> 00:21:00,222.5892746 That's, that's a shame because the definite what shame is, when you make your fail. 203 00:21:00,222.5892746 --> 00:21:02,892.5892746 Your past failures, your identity. 204 00:21:03,192.5892746 --> 00:21:09,222.5892746 So instead of saying, I did a bad thing, you tell yourself, oh, I am, I. 205 00:21:09,582.5892746 --> 00:21:12,346.1249486 A bad person because I did that bad thing. 206 00:21:12,826.1249486 --> 00:21:14,176.1249486 It becomes your identity. 207 00:21:14,926.1249486 --> 00:21:17,656.1249486 And so that's, that's the root of perfectionism. 208 00:21:17,656.1249486 --> 00:21:19,306.1249486 It says if I fail, I am bad. 209 00:21:19,963.3833096 --> 00:21:25,873.3833096 And excellence says if I fail, I learn and I get better. 210 00:21:26,555.0241447 --> 00:21:26,885.0241447 Yes. 211 00:21:26,885.0241447 --> 00:21:27,155.0241447 Land. 212 00:21:27,160.0241447 --> 00:21:27,400.0241447 Exactly. 213 00:21:27,530.0241447 --> 00:21:28,865.0241447 Guilt is I did bad. 214 00:21:28,865.0241447 --> 00:21:30,95.0241447 Shame is I am bad. 215 00:21:30,605.0241447 --> 00:21:30,995.0241447 Yeah. 216 00:21:31,778.7198698 --> 00:21:40,565.7761148 Okay, so some questions to ask yourself and as I go through, I think I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 questions. 217 00:21:40,565.7761148 --> 00:21:47,105.7761148 And just note to yourself, yes or no to these, and you can tally up how many you said yes to at the end. 218 00:21:47,513.0912745 --> 00:21:58,656.5359691 So first one is, do you overthink before taking action or speaking up second, this is related to you guys. 219 00:21:58,716.5359691 --> 00:22:08,902.5175681 Do you avoid creating your outreach video until it's just right, third, do you beat yourself up when you make a small mistake? Four. 220 00:22:09,292.5175681 --> 00:22:23,332.5175681 Do you keep comparing yourself to others, either in your field at work or other roles? Like if you're a mother, you compare yourself to other mothers? You compare yourself to other wives. 221 00:22:24,262.5175681 --> 00:22:29,89.8741955 Um, you compare yourself to other girls in HLC people on Instagram. 222 00:22:29,179.8741955 --> 00:22:33,300.7051202 Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other people? Um, I know number. 223 00:22:33,300.7051202 --> 00:22:35,250.7051202 We're on 2, 3, 5. 224 00:22:35,715.4786179 --> 00:22:47,969.8098956 do you relate rest with laziness? Do you relate rest with laziness? This is a big one. 225 00:22:49,79.8098956 --> 00:23:01,71.0262198 Like do you have this belief that rest may means you're lazy, taking breaks? And then finally, are you terrified of looking stupid? Oh, yes. 226 00:23:01,71.0262198 --> 00:23:01,401.0262198 Yeah. 227 00:23:01,406.0262198 --> 00:23:08,180.3376952 If you guys wanna share, how many yeses did you guys get out of these? Six? Yeah, joy. 228 00:23:08,270.3376952 --> 00:23:09,170.3376952 It's huge. 229 00:23:09,200.3376952 --> 00:23:11,240.3376952 I'm sure so many women can relate to that. 230 00:23:11,627.8853982 --> 00:23:11,837.8853982 Yeah. 231 00:23:11,837.8853982 --> 00:23:12,737.8853982 So just notice. 232 00:23:12,737.8853982 --> 00:23:16,247.8853982 Notice these like you're not alone and I love that. 233 00:23:16,247.8853982 --> 00:23:19,299.3938429 I'm seeing like, the threes like that is great too. 234 00:23:19,509.3938429 --> 00:23:28,419.3938429 It means that you're on your way to working through some of these things, right? To releasing this perfectionism and moving to excellence. 235 00:23:28,783.4745994 --> 00:23:29,953.4745994 All right, beautiful. 236 00:23:29,953.4745994 --> 00:23:50,593.4745994 I hope that this live training, you are able to apply it to your life and your situation and you to gauge, okay, where am I at right now with those six questions at the end? Am I how? How well do I do in this area of a perfectionism? Maybe it is not a surprise to you, or maybe you did just. 237 00:23:50,883.4745994 --> 00:23:53,253.4745994 Have a deep realization of, oh, snap. 238 00:23:53,493.4745994 --> 00:24:06,813.4745994 I guess I have been living with this perfectionism tendencies, and my prayer is that you do the application that was from this live training to work your way out of that. 239 00:24:07,143.4745994 --> 00:24:09,573.4745994 With God's grace attached to it. 240 00:24:09,573.4745994 --> 00:24:12,63.4745994 So it's not something that you have to do all on your own. 241 00:24:12,273.4745994 --> 00:24:20,673.4745994 Remember, you are a daughter of the king and you can ask Holy Spirit to come in and help get the, these tendencies out of you. 242 00:24:21,3.4745994 --> 00:24:27,273.4745994 And my even special chip tip here for you listeners on the podcast is. 243 00:24:27,553.4745994 --> 00:24:36,133.4745994 For you in that moment where you are, are catching yourself, you are in hardcore, you know, not taking act action. 244 00:24:36,133.4745994 --> 00:24:44,863.4745994 You're procrastinating because you are getting tied up in the details of something and it's causing you to be stagnant in that moment. 245 00:24:44,863.4745994 --> 00:24:45,793.4745994 Release it to God. 246 00:24:46,363.4745994 --> 00:24:47,413.4745994 Move into prayer. 247 00:24:47,893.4745994 --> 00:24:50,263.4745994 Ask God like, Lord, you see me right now. 248 00:24:50,263.4745994 --> 00:24:52,183.4745994 You see me struggling and I need you. 249 00:24:52,183.4745994 --> 00:24:59,563.4745994 I need you to help me release this, surrender it to you, and detach from the outcome so that way I can enjoy the prog, the progress and the journey. 250 00:24:59,893.4745994 --> 00:25:00,613.4745994 And. 251 00:25:00,973.4745994 --> 00:25:05,563.4745994 I just, I view it as practice and let that be your prayer and for him to strengthen you. 252 00:25:05,563.4745994 --> 00:25:10,33.4745994 Because guess what his promise is that he will be strong in our weakness. 253 00:25:10,63.4745994 --> 00:25:15,643.4745994 And so if this is an area of weakness for you, he will be faithful to be strong in it and lift you up. 254 00:25:15,973.4745994 --> 00:25:19,693.4745994 Okay? Go out there and have the best a week because you can. 255 00:25:19,693.4745994 --> 00:25:22,723.4745994 I'll see you back here, same time, same place next week. 256 00:25:22,873.4745994 --> 00:25:23,293.4745994 Bye. 257 00:25:23,634.42122 --> 00:25:24,564.42122 Hey, beautiful. 258 00:25:24,564.42122 --> 00:25:28,164.42122 I hope you loved hanging with me today and enjoyed the episode. 259 00:25:28,434.42122 --> 00:25:42,834.42122 If so, would you take just 30 seconds and share it with someone you love who may also want to heal from past relationships and love themselves again? Also, please scroll down and leave a quick written review for the show on Apple Podcasts. 260 00:25:42,924.42122 --> 00:25:47,994.42122 This is the main way we can get this message out to our girlfriends all around the world. 261 00:25:48,239.42122 --> 00:25:53,639.42122 And it also just really blesses me to know and hear how this podcast is helping you. 262 00:25:53,699.42122 --> 00:25:56,789.42122 Okay, I need to get outta my sweats and get ready for date night. 263 00:25:56,939.42122 --> 00:25:59,999.42122 I'll meet you back here on Monday for another episode. 264 00:26:00,119.42122 --> 00:26:01,739.42122 Sending you all the love. 265 00:26:01,799.42122 --> 00:26:02,939.42122 Until next time.