December 9, 2024 • 24 mins
Hi beautiful! ♥️
Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a cycle of unhealthy relationships, carrying insecurities that you just can’t seem to shake? Or maybe deep down, you know you’ve got some “pick me” energy, seeking validation from men, settling for less, and wondering if you’re even worthy of the love you desire?
Listen, I get it—been there, done that. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to stay in that place. In today’s episode, we’re unpacking what it really takes to go from insecure in relationships to becoming the confident wife God wants you to be.
So, grab your journal and let’s dive in. This is where we're tackling the ROOT of the issue, not the symptoms so you can actually start healing and stepping into the identity of the secure, confident woman God created you to be.
See you on the inside!
Xo, Dani
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
.6429339519Hello, beautiful. 2 00:00:01,721.6429339519 --> 00:00:04,351.6429339519 We're going to be talking about juicy stuff today. 3 00:00:04,521.6429339519 --> 00:00:04,771.6429339519 Okay. 4 00:00:04,771.6429339519 --> 00:00:36,952.249799622 If you can't tell by the title, there was a point in time where I was this insecure girlfriend and it felt like such a long path to becoming a confident wife, and maybe right now, you might feel stuck in this insecure pick me cycle, saying yes to any guy who shows interest in you, craving this male attention subconsciously, or just continuing to settle for less than because deep down, you doubt your worth. 5 00:00:37,607.249799622 --> 00:00:43,377.249799622 Or maybe you're on the end where you are in a relationship and you just don't feel secure in it. 6 00:00:43,597.249799622 --> 00:01:00,211.097996741 You have these bursts of insecurity and it's really hard for you to come to terms and be honest with the fact that, okay, I have some deep wounds that is making me insecure and now how do I overcome this? Wherever you are right now, I see you because I was you. 7 00:01:00,571.097996741 --> 00:01:09,451.096996741 And today we're going to be unpacking what it takes to move past the insecurity and step into the secure, confident mindset that you want to have. 8 00:01:09,818.324104753 --> 00:01:21,549.997833229 Are you ready to leave this pick me energy behind and become a confident wife even before physically become a wife? If so, grab your journal and let's dive in. 9 00:01:21,766.518241392 --> 00:01:26,806.518241392 Hey beautiful! Welcome to the Heal from Toxic Relationships podcast. 10 00:01:26,926.518241392 --> 00:01:49,626.51824139 Are you ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and fully embrace a life filled with confidence, joy, and purpose? Do you find yourself questioning your self worth and wondering what God's plan for your life is? Or maybe you deeply fear being alone and struggle with the lack of boundaries due to your people pleasing tendencies. 11 00:01:49,676.51724139 --> 00:01:51,216.51724139 Well, sis, you're not alone. 12 00:01:51,286.51824139 --> 00:01:52,416.51824139 I've been there, too. 13 00:01:52,526.51824139 --> 00:01:59,696.51824139 Hey, I'm Dani, a Christian life coach, wife, recovering people pleaser, And a total girl's girl. 14 00:01:59,816.51824139 --> 00:02:10,956.51824139 For 10 years, I was stuck in a cycle of toxic, non committed relationships, and searching for my worth in men, my accomplishments, and the praise of other people. 15 00:02:10,996.51824139 --> 00:02:16,526.51824139 Until I found out how to heal my past emotional wounds with Christ at the center. 16 00:02:16,691.51824139 --> 00:02:31,871.51824139 In this podcast, you will find faith based healing tools, confidence building tips, and healthy relationship skills so that you become a God fearing, confident woman who attracts your husband while walking in your purpose with God. 17 00:02:32,11.51724139 --> 00:02:34,981.51824139 Grab your favorite mocktail and pop in the AirPods. 18 00:02:35,111.51824139 --> 00:02:41,131.51824139 It's time to overshare and overcome these obstacles together, one step at a time. 19 00:02:41,449.3817201 --> 00:02:54,139.3817201 Now, if you've ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of unhealthy relationships or feeling like no matter what you do, you just can't seem to heal from the past, it's weighing heavy on you. 20 00:02:54,649.3807201 --> 00:02:57,359.3817201 I want you to know that there is a way forward. 21 00:02:57,649.3807201 --> 00:03:07,589.3817201 My unstuck relationship coaching session is a one time personalized coaching experience designed to help you one heal from the emotional wounds of past relationships. 22 00:03:07,934.3817201 --> 00:03:13,254.3817201 Two, build confidence that's rooted in your worth as a daughter of the most high king. 23 00:03:13,494.3817201 --> 00:03:22,524.3817201 And three, set boundaries that protect your peace and allow you to thrive, not just in relationships, but in your personal life as well. 24 00:03:23,179.3817201 --> 00:03:35,839.3807201 This isn't just another quick fix or piece of generic advice, okay? It's a guided session tailored specifically to you, your struggles, your situation, your goals, and your journey. 25 00:03:36,459.3817201 --> 00:03:44,589.3817201 If you're ready to take that first step toward healing and growing with God, book your session today at lovedanny. 26 00:03:44,629.3817201 --> 00:03:47,329.3817201 org forward slash unstuck session. 27 00:03:47,559.3817201 --> 00:03:50,519.3817201 That's lovedanny, D A N N Y, lovedanny. 28 00:03:50,519.3817201 --> 00:03:50,528.69548695 org. 29 00:03:50,528.69548695 --> 00:04:01,863.35321303 Alright, now listen, if there was any sign above my head during my college years that I wore, it was pick me. 30 00:04:02,583.35321303 --> 00:04:11,229.80780313 I had this hole within myself that I needed external validation to fill that hole. 31 00:04:11,339.80880313 --> 00:04:14,59.80780313 Or so I thought that's what could fill it. 32 00:04:14,526.87291883 --> 00:04:22,211.87191883 and because I was walking around with this deep insecurity that I actually wasn't ready to to face yet. 33 00:04:22,741.87191883 --> 00:04:46,621.87091883 It left me in this cycle of just meaningless hookups and relationships that went absolutely nowhere and it was weird because in my mind I felt like I was a valuable and strong woman but deep within me subconsciously I didn't believe that and looking back I know I didn't because of my actions. 34 00:04:47,278.15122213 --> 00:04:54,405.7010975 And so if you need a little help being a little honest with yourself, just take a look at what it is that you're actually producing. 35 00:04:54,505.7010975 --> 00:04:59,915.7000975 What are you doing? And that can give you insight into a deep belief that you actually hold within you. 36 00:05:00,288.37698429 --> 00:05:17,368.37698429 And so at the time, what I didn't realize is that I was desperately seeking this validation, acceptance, and love from men, even though I told myself and other people that I hated them, that they were pigs, that I was forever going to be single, and I didn't care. 37 00:05:17,678.37698429 --> 00:06:10,933.76229058 So, it was very contradicting, And It wasn't until my husband called out the mask that I had on okay He called out the mask of the hard shell And at that point I it was the first time where I was like, oh, wow, I didn't have to keep on my barriers But this breaking down of my walls immediately Invited in insecurity to a place where I had to actually face it because now I was in love Okay, and i'm sure as a woman, you know when you're in love with a man the jealousy can skyrocket and you start questioning If you're beautiful enough for him, you start questioning if he wants other women like we've all been there and i'm gonna be so real It's not that I don't ever battle with insecurity ever in my life Like even being married for three years now. 38 00:06:11,163.76229058 --> 00:06:31,796.50951163 I still have these insecurity flare ups But now I know how to actually ground myself when the insecurity Does come up And I really want to share the foundation of that with you to answer the question How can I be a secure woman? Who then becomes a confident wife. 39 00:06:32,270.0730959 --> 00:06:33,800.0730959 So first step. 40 00:06:34,320.0730959 --> 00:06:37,40.0730959 You want to confront your pride. 41 00:06:37,315.99325974 --> 00:06:45,745.99325974 And you may be like, Daniel, like, how can I have pride when I'm dealing with insecurity? Like, I think I'm humble. 42 00:06:45,755.99225974 --> 00:06:49,925.99325974 Like I, I, I'm, I'm struggling with this insecurity. 43 00:06:49,925.99325974 --> 00:06:51,265.99325974 Like I need more confidence. 44 00:06:52,350.99325974 --> 00:07:06,642.30896134 Let me just let me just give you some examples and some evidence of pride being present in your heart Okay, because pride isn't What you think it is? Comparison is actually evidence of pride. 45 00:07:06,798.36924028 --> 00:07:13,698.36924028 And this one really struck a chord with me because I never thought of comparison being linked to pride. 46 00:07:14,468.36924028 --> 00:07:29,993.36924028 But at the core, pride is this excessive preoccupation with yourself and comparison stems from measuring yourself against others to determine your value, your worth, or your significance. 47 00:07:30,273.36824028 --> 00:07:34,183.36924028 And so at the core, it's rooted in self focus. 48 00:07:34,568.31639795 --> 00:07:46,119.80589673 When you're comparing yourself to someone else, that question that you're asking yourself is, how do I measure up? And then it starts to make you think about your achievements, your appearance, your status, which is all. 49 00:07:46,474.80589673 --> 00:07:56,359.97880951 pride because the focus is on you and not on God another one, making your problems more important and putting them higher than others. 50 00:07:56,624.11451351 --> 00:08:06,534.11451351 Thinking that you're right or better And even when you are offended and there's evidence of offense in your heart, this is linked to pride. 51 00:08:06,884.11451351 --> 00:08:15,249.32284684 When you are seeking to control things, when that's like a need in you, you need, you have this need to control, this is pride. 52 00:08:15,457.85039043 --> 00:08:19,147.85039043 Also You make life all about you. 53 00:08:19,557.85039043 --> 00:08:21,57.84939043 That it's about striving. 54 00:08:21,289.14600996 --> 00:08:25,674.17598941 That you think about yourself being above everybody else in your life.. 55 00:08:26,230.98803849 --> 00:08:32,250.98803849 And so when you have pride in your life, It robs you of having this intimate relationship with God. 56 00:08:32,452.40264136 --> 00:08:50,442.40264136 and when you don't have that intimate relationship with God, it's impossible To know who you really are Therefore you are wobbling around comparing yourself and trying to look like or be like other women who seem like they have it all together or are stunning on the outside. 57 00:08:50,781.68837986 --> 00:08:58,991.97549135 Which you can see this linking to insecurity and it's going to be stealing your identity as a confident wife. 58 00:08:59,328.52364711 --> 00:09:05,208.52264711 And this can lead you to masking these insecurities, not letting anybody in because of the pride. 59 00:09:05,496.90968586 --> 00:09:17,360.47337156 and ultimately all of this, what does it do? It's going to cause you to live inauthentically and being afraid of being exposed because when anytime we're hiding something or we're not being fully genuine. 60 00:09:18,94.10719574 --> 00:09:20,934.10719574 our soul knows we're being inauthentic. 61 00:09:21,184.10719574 --> 00:09:34,248.34415403 It's hard for us to fully be ourselves, which means we're not living in integrity, which will ultimately affect our confidence and security because we feel like we have to be someone else versus in who we truly are. 62 00:09:34,630.23091327 --> 00:09:40,740.23091327 And so how do we fix this? How do we turn our foundation? That's that's rooted in and built on sand. 63 00:09:41,505.57476621 --> 00:09:52,205.57476621 On other people validating us for, for us to feel worthy to building it on the rock who already tells us we are worthy, not for anything that we've done, but because of who God is. 64 00:09:52,528.00275077 --> 00:10:05,616.56255448 How do we get there? is I want you to ask yourself, where do I need to go all in with God and surrender and give him control? What am I hiding? Ask yourself that. 65 00:10:06,406.56255448 --> 00:10:14,536.56155448 And then pray for the Holy Spirit to show you where you need to this, to embrace this humility and dependence on Him. 66 00:10:15,378.05968762 --> 00:10:28,538.05968762 Let God into this so He can gently break those walls down and show you more of Him, which in turn will help you learn yourself and become this confident wife you want to be. 67 00:10:28,998.29367218 --> 00:10:31,77.69130453 We've got to purge the pride. 68 00:10:31,401.62278699 --> 00:10:43,493.31257447 And I know this step has a lot of depth to it alone in itself, it could be a whole episode, but let's continue building on this, step two, you want to forgive the men who did you wrong. 69 00:10:43,890.8248672 --> 00:10:57,618.18255016 And again, you might be asking, how the heck is this related to building confidence, having a confident wife? So glad you asked Why this step is important is because when you hold on to this unforgiveness. 70 00:10:58,263.18255016 --> 00:11:19,266.86235256 It is going to taint every single experience and relationship that you have Especially with men Unforgiveness is going to keep you from receiving the healing from god Which is exactly what your heart needs to move on From this insecure and pick me energy. 71 00:11:19,603.75910227 --> 00:11:34,257.53338367 when you forgive, you're going to go from waiting around for a man to fill the hole in your heart and repair those wounds from that happened from your past relationships to invite the Lord in and heal that hole instead. 72 00:11:34,782.05728918 --> 00:11:38,722.05728918 That's the difference between living in with unforgiveness and then living forgiven. 73 00:11:39,146.68617508 --> 00:11:49,186.68517508 You know what's pretty crazy? A man can sense when you're actually operating from a place of hurt and insecurity versus a confident and secure place. 74 00:11:49,776.68517508 --> 00:11:58,736.68617508 And I don't have to tell you, but of course they do believe confident women are more attractive than insecure women. 75 00:11:59,6.68517508 --> 00:12:12,486.68617508 And there's so many factors into that because insecurity can make you be more needy, it can make you, um, question their integrity, it can make you disrespect them, it can make you say things that you don't really mean. 76 00:12:12,846.68617508 --> 00:12:15,476.68617508 Like, it just, there's so much to that. 77 00:12:15,963.52120691 --> 00:12:25,443.52020691 but I do want to make sure I differentiate secure and confident because you don't have to be confident to be secure. 78 00:12:26,293.52120691 --> 00:12:39,833.52120691 These are two different things in my personal opinion and I want to make sure I differentiate this because being confident can feel like so far down the line, like it can feel not tangible. 79 00:12:40,383.52120691 --> 00:12:50,573.52120691 But I want to let you know that first comes security, you being secure in yourself, and then the confidence will grow. 80 00:12:51,218.52120691 --> 00:12:53,768.52120691 So let me just give you the breakdown of the pathway. 81 00:12:53,768.52120691 --> 00:13:04,68.52120691 Okay? so you gain security by knowing how much you are loved by God and how divinely created you are by him. 82 00:13:04,728.52020691 --> 00:13:48,404.52870674 And when you know that you come into agreement with that truth, you'll not only feel secure in who you are and in your identity, But you'll be able to spot the men who are not for you And not think twice about a man not being interested in you because your eyes are on the lord And you know what he says about you and who he's created you to be so these men who don't See that you won't be fazed by them Because it's unimportant to you It's a shift it's a perspective shift it's it's a It's a life shift, it's a worldview shift and it's necessary because whenever you do that, you continue to practice that, that's when your confidence is going to grow. 83 00:13:48,404.52870674 --> 00:13:49,474.52770674 It's going to follow. 84 00:13:49,956.50262838 --> 00:13:56,626.50262838 And so how you actually do this, right? I don't want you to think that forgiving is forgetting what happened to you. 85 00:13:56,846.50262838 --> 00:13:59,376.50262838 Or having to reconcile with the person. 86 00:13:59,736.50162838 --> 00:14:02,964.92335988 It's just choosing to release them to the Lord. 87 00:14:03,234.92335988 --> 00:14:05,694.92235988 Release your abuser to the Lord. 88 00:14:05,714.92335988 --> 00:14:08,114.92335988 Release whoever hurt you to the Lord. 89 00:14:08,134.92335988 --> 00:14:09,164.92335988 Maybe it was a parent. 90 00:14:09,534.92335988 --> 00:14:10,344.92335988 Whoever it is. 91 00:14:10,541.68347223 --> 00:14:11,781.68347223 And it's just a decision. 92 00:14:11,791.68347223 --> 00:14:13,711.68347223 Many times we think forgiveness has to be a feeling. 93 00:14:13,711.68347223 --> 00:14:14,311.68347223 It's not. 94 00:14:14,351.68347223 --> 00:14:15,611.68347223 It's just a decision. 95 00:14:15,611.78347223 --> 00:14:15,781.58347223 Mm. 96 00:14:16,351.68347223 --> 00:14:19,321.68347223 And you can invite and have God's help with this. 97 00:14:19,321.78347223 --> 00:14:21,151.68347223 If this was really hard for you. 98 00:14:21,499.58279408 --> 00:14:23,809.58379408 and this, this was something that really freed me. 99 00:14:24,123.94754294 --> 00:14:26,563.94754294 Forgiveness is a daily choice. 100 00:14:26,963.94754294 --> 00:14:40,709.09378344 So if you have something flare up, you have, um, hate or start to flare up or anger or whatever, someone did you wrong, you just make the decision to forgive and you, however many times you have to do that. 101 00:14:41,103.66820313 --> 00:14:43,263.66820313 You make that decision that many times. 102 00:14:43,515.73424086 --> 00:14:57,390.82601456 And so putting this step into action, what I really believe will help you is by truly meditating on what Jesus did for you on the cross, that he wiped away all your sins, he washed you clean, made you white as snow. 103 00:14:57,875.82601456 --> 00:15:06,348.35045218 Because when you can meditate and you have this deep revelation of what Jesus has done for you, this will allow you to forgive others. 104 00:15:06,727.10542701 --> 00:15:11,497.10542701 And God tells us for us to be forgiven, we must forgive others. 105 00:15:11,977.10542701 --> 00:15:14,157.10542701 And you can so tell a difference. 106 00:15:14,582.10542701 --> 00:15:26,451.92630329 When somebody is walking with no grudges, they're walking in true peace and freedom because they've chosen to forgive versus someone who is bounded by unforgiveness and it's haunting them. 107 00:15:26,725.24662023 --> 00:15:27,905.24662023 They're chained to that. 108 00:15:28,284.07574523 --> 00:15:32,374.07574523 They're giving power to the person that they are holding the unforgiveness towards. 109 00:15:32,733.16404261 --> 00:15:36,503.16404261 This is an essential step to being that confident wife that you want to be. 110 00:15:37,19.87033724 --> 00:15:47,851.04421741 Now to wrap this up, In the third step, you will want to detach your identity from your abuser, your accomplishments, and your possessions. 111 00:15:48,572.38684833 --> 00:15:53,182.38684833 I know this is, this is a very, this is a very intense training and episode. 112 00:15:53,182.38784833 --> 00:15:55,862.38784833 So if you do these steps, I'm going to be so proud of you. 113 00:15:55,922.38784833 --> 00:15:59,422.38784833 This, this, this is an easy stuff and it's a process. 114 00:15:59,672.38784833 --> 00:15:59,872.38784833 Okay. 115 00:15:59,872.38784833 --> 00:16:04,632.38784833 You may not be free from all this today, but you will be free from this in Jesus name. 116 00:16:04,885.68207856 --> 00:16:06,355.68207856 As you continue to practice this. 117 00:16:06,557.63302188 --> 00:16:16,467.63202188 And so how do you actually attach your identity from these things? So first I think you really need to understand all forms of abuse. 118 00:16:16,747.63202188 --> 00:16:23,194.29868855 Okay? So that way you can identify, Oh, this is a type of abuse that I'm actually still holding onto and it's affecting my identity. 119 00:16:23,619.29868855 --> 00:16:25,79.29868855 Um, and then you can be free from it. 120 00:16:25,419.29868855 --> 00:16:28,689.29868855 So, when I say abuse, I'm not just talking about physical abuse. 121 00:16:28,729.29868855 --> 00:16:37,529.29868855 I'm speaking for the six types of abuse, which is physical, verbal, emotional, abandonment, sexual, and spiritual abuse. 122 00:16:38,38.94311371 --> 00:16:48,318.9441137 So, anytime that you've had any sort of like intimidating touch, including pushing, grabbing, shoving, I'll That is abuse, my friends. 123 00:16:48,328.9441137 --> 00:16:53,198.9441137 I used to not deem that as abuse when my ex used to do that to me because he didn't hit me. 124 00:16:53,728.9441137 --> 00:16:54,838.9441137 But it is abuse. 125 00:16:55,238.9441137 --> 00:17:20,637.200627 Okay? Other forms of abuse is if you've had to live in an ongoing environment where the purpose of it was to control you or for the abuser to be in control, okay? Being undermined, devalued by words, by looks even, disgusted looks at you, this is under the category of abuse. 126 00:17:21,145.0326185 --> 00:17:34,215.0316185 Experiencing betrayal, broken trust, unkept promises, or any type of manipulation from a leader, a guardian, or any authority figure, like, in the church that's under that spiritual abuse. 127 00:17:34,795.0316185 --> 00:17:42,349.7987497 So, why this is an important step is because abuse is the thing that makes us question our value. 128 00:17:42,769.7987497 --> 00:17:58,153.2435592 So, when we've gone through these painful experiences, this can truly hinder us from having the ability to see our value because we've been devalued by people, people that have probably were closest to us. 129 00:17:58,735.5752556 --> 00:18:06,345.5752556 and it also hinders us from accepting God's love for us because now we have a tainted idea of love. 130 00:18:06,355.5752556 --> 00:18:09,755.5752556 We, it's hard for us to receive God's perfect love. 131 00:18:10,252.5045053 --> 00:18:18,982.5045053 And this is the exact thing that causes us to look for ways to mask that pain because we don't know how to deal with it or we just don't want to deal with it. 132 00:18:19,602.5035053 --> 00:18:31,726.563637 And we mask it through drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, different relationships, which this is going to lead you to having this deep, subconscious insecurity. 133 00:18:32,160.0285456 --> 00:18:41,60.0285456 and this is going to actually worsen your insecurity because you're not addressing the root of the issue. 134 00:18:41,900.0275456 --> 00:18:50,766.8487335 You're going towards other things that is not aligned with who you are and your identity, which then in turn is going to hinder your confidence. 135 00:18:50,934.6402907 --> 00:19:02,187.5367167 So this is so important because you must, again, receive God's healing and his truth to fully detach your identity from your abuser, accomplishments, and possessions. 136 00:19:02,527.5367167 --> 00:19:07,522.8963331 Okay? So, how you do this? Well, again, it's a decision. 137 00:19:07,812.8963331 --> 00:19:11,292.8963331 You choose not to identify with the one who hurt you. 138 00:19:11,597.8963331 --> 00:19:14,127.8963331 but with the one who heals you with God. 139 00:19:14,477.8963331 --> 00:19:18,171.2843678 So I want to put this down into sub steps. 140 00:19:18,591.2843678 --> 00:19:19,111.2843678 Okay. 141 00:19:19,191.2843678 --> 00:19:21,451.2843678 So there's three sub steps to this. 142 00:19:21,886.128815 --> 00:19:28,676.128815 That first sub step is you want to write down the lies you've believed about yourself because of the harsh words and events of the past. 143 00:19:28,906.128815 --> 00:19:32,406.128815 So maybe it was broken trust or abandonment. 144 00:19:32,566.127815 --> 00:19:42,46.128815 You want to write down what was said to you, what promises were broken, um, that are showing up in your belief system today. 145 00:19:42,496.191315 --> 00:19:43,956.191315 Okay, write down these lies. 146 00:19:44,266.191315 --> 00:19:50,456.191315 The second step in this is you want to write down the areas that you need to receive God's healing in. 147 00:19:50,690.9733021 --> 00:19:54,500.9743021 And speak truth over it? Like I am enough. 148 00:19:54,802.6494149 --> 00:19:56,62.6494149 I am anointed. 149 00:19:56,282.6494149 --> 00:19:58,462.6494149 I am blessed beyond measure. 150 00:19:58,948.4900885 --> 00:20:01,948.4900885 I am appointed by God himself. 151 00:20:02,141.1010659 --> 00:20:06,831.1000659 and the speaking truth is so underrated because it's easy to do, but it's easy not to do. 152 00:20:07,244.0701037 --> 00:20:12,574.0701037 But this is the thing that's going to change your mindset and your belief system. 153 00:20:12,873.1731385 --> 00:20:16,243.1731385 So speak truth over yourself to combat the lies. 154 00:20:16,722.1531366 --> 00:20:26,337.8196145 And the final sub step in this third step is you want to release the abusers to God Make a decision like hey, I don't want the weight weight of this. 155 00:20:26,687.8206145 --> 00:20:46,919.8006413 I can't be God over this I can't protect myself from them and I don't want to I don't have to because I have a God who is my protector and My provider and my healer and guess what? God can forgive them and he's going to deal with them and they are going to reap the harvest of the seeds that they've sown. 156 00:20:47,7.7181738 --> 00:20:50,112.6186738 Just like you will. 157 00:20:50,112.6186738 --> 00:20:54,968.9427988 So, put it into God's hands because he can handle it better than any of us can. 158 00:20:56,70.593109 --> 00:21:07,480.593109 And when you do this, When you complete this, Your identity, You are going to uproot the lies, And you are going to have truth Ruminating in your heart. 159 00:21:07,810.593109 --> 00:21:11,760.593109 And when you have truth in you, Whatever is in you, That's what you're going to produce. 160 00:21:11,760.693109 --> 00:21:18,957.1966556 Okay? Do these three steps and you are going to see yourself feeling more secure and confident in who you are in God. 161 00:21:22,203.8528322 --> 00:21:23,773.8528322 to do with being a confident wife. 162 00:21:24,248.8528322 --> 00:21:27,348.8528322 But let me tell you this has everything to do with being a confident wife. 163 00:21:27,598.8528322 --> 00:21:40,191.9935068 You've got to go through the process of healing and letting go and forgiving to actually be free from these past hurts, which are the things that are hindering your confidence because you've attached your identity to them. 164 00:21:40,520.6688917 --> 00:21:50,360.6688917 So I promise you going through each of these steps is truly what's going to allow you to become the confident wife that you deeply desire to be even before you become the wife. 165 00:21:50,880.435581 --> 00:21:54,989.7747844 So going through those again, first up, confront your pride. 166 00:21:55,197.5276735 --> 00:22:03,747.5266735 Ask yourself, where do I need to go all in with God and give him control? What am I hiding? Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you in this exercise. 167 00:22:04,107.5276735 --> 00:22:06,967.5276735 Number two, forgive the men who did you wrong. 168 00:22:06,967.6276735 --> 00:22:16,437.5276735 If you need help with this, just meditate on what Jesus has done for you, and this will allow you to be more open and ready. 169 00:22:16,632.963498 --> 00:22:28,232.6086191 To forgive And then thirdly, detach your identity from your abuser, your accomplishments and possessions, and re root your identity in the truth of what God says about you. 170 00:22:28,424.8129032 --> 00:22:30,734.8129032 Because that's actually who you really are. 171 00:22:31,644.8139032 --> 00:22:37,244.8139032 The gap in between believing it and acting as if is just coming to agreement and saying yes. 172 00:22:37,729.8139032 --> 00:22:39,109.8139032 To what he's already said about you. 173 00:22:39,455.0572199 --> 00:22:48,135.0582199 Now again, if this is something that you feel like you need some extra support in, you need more of like a one on one, like girl, let's get deep down into this. 174 00:22:48,165.0582199 --> 00:22:49,655.0582199 I don't want to do this by myself. 175 00:22:49,965.0582199 --> 00:22:53,435.0582199 Go ahead and book that unstuck relationship coaching session with me. 176 00:22:53,690.2833452 --> 00:22:55,590.2833452 You can do that at lovedanny. 177 00:22:55,620.2833452 --> 00:22:58,40.2833452 org forward slash unstuck session. 178 00:22:58,266.5094304 --> 00:23:00,526.5094304 I'd love to work through the nitty gritty of this with you. 179 00:23:00,526.5094304 --> 00:23:03,736.5094304 So that way you can step into your confident wife era. 180 00:23:03,918.1650908 --> 00:23:07,125.2926261 My prayer is that this episode blesses you. 181 00:23:07,322.9011167 --> 00:23:11,938.8619142 You go through it as many times as you need to stick to the process and trust it. 182 00:23:12,272.2221883 --> 00:23:16,12.2221883 And may God's hand be over your life and heal your heart. 183 00:23:16,235.7601969 --> 00:23:18,955.7601969 I'll see you same time, same place next week. 184 00:23:19,645.7601969 --> 00:23:20,175.7601969 Bye. 185 00:23:20,476.9113646 --> 00:23:21,366.9113646 Hey, beautiful. 186 00:23:21,406.9113646 --> 00:23:24,976.9113646 I hope you loved hanging with me today and enjoyed the episode. 187 00:23:25,276.9113646 --> 00:23:39,406.9113646 If so, would you take just 30 seconds and share it with someone you love who may also want to heal from past relationships and love themselves again? Also, please scroll down and leave a quick written review for the show on Apple podcasts. 188 00:23:39,406.9113646 --> 00:23:44,806.9113646 This is the main way we can get this message out to our girlfriends all around the world. 189 00:23:45,81.9113646 --> 00:23:50,461.9113646 And it also just really blesses me to know and hear how this podcast is helping you. 190 00:23:50,531.9113646 --> 00:23:50,951.9113646 Okay. 191 00:23:51,51.9113646 --> 00:23:53,621.9113646 I need to get out of my sleds and get ready for date night. 192 00:23:53,781.9113646 --> 00:23:59,751.9113646 I'll meet you back here on Monday for another episode, sending you all the love until next time.
.6429339519Hello, beautiful. 2 00:00:01,721.6429339519 --> 00:00:04,351.6429339519 We're going to be talking about juicy stuff today. 3 00:00:04,521.6429339519 --> 00:00:04,771.6429339519 Okay. 4 00:00:04,771.6429339519 --> 00:00:36,952.249799622 If you can't tell by the title, there was a point in time where I was this insecure girlfriend and it felt like such a long path to becoming a confident wife, and maybe right now, you might feel stuck in this insecure pick me cycle, saying yes to any guy who shows interest in you, craving this male attention subconsciously, or just continuing to settle for less than because deep down, you doubt your worth. 5 00:00:37,607.249799622 --> 00:00:43,377.249799622 Or maybe you're on the end where you are in a relationship and you just don't feel secure in it. 6 00:00:43,597.249799622 --> 00:01:00,211.097996741 You have these bursts of insecurity and it's really hard for you to come to terms and be honest with the fact that, okay, I have some deep wounds that is making me insecure and now how do I overcome this? Wherever you are right now, I see you because I was you. 7 00:01:00,571.097996741 --> 00:01:09,451.096996741 And today we're going to be unpacking what it takes to move past the insecurity and step into the secure, confident mindset that you want to have. 8 00:01:09,818.324104753 --> 00:01:21,549.997833229 Are you ready to leave this pick me energy behind and become a confident wife even before physically become a wife? If so, grab your journal and let's dive in. 9 00:01:21,766.518241392 --> 00:01:26,806.518241392 Hey beautiful! Welcome to the Heal from Toxic Relationships podcast. 10 00:01:26,926.518241392 --> 00:01:49,626.51824139 Are you ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and fully embrace a life filled with confidence, joy, and purpose? Do you find yourself questioning your self worth and wondering what God's plan for your life is? Or maybe you deeply fear being alone and struggle with the lack of boundaries due to your people pleasing tendencies. 11 00:01:49,676.51724139 --> 00:01:51,216.51724139 Well, sis, you're not alone. 12 00:01:51,286.51824139 --> 00:01:52,416.51824139 I've been there, too. 13 00:01:52,526.51824139 --> 00:01:59,696.51824139 Hey, I'm Dani, a Christian life coach, wife, recovering people pleaser, And a total girl's girl. 14 00:01:59,816.51824139 --> 00:02:10,956.51824139 For 10 years, I was stuck in a cycle of toxic, non committed relationships, and searching for my worth in men, my accomplishments, and the praise of other people. 15 00:02:10,996.51824139 --> 00:02:16,526.51824139 Until I found out how to heal my past emotional wounds with Christ at the center. 16 00:02:16,691.51824139 --> 00:02:31,871.51824139 In this podcast, you will find faith based healing tools, confidence building tips, and healthy relationship skills so that you become a God fearing, confident woman who attracts your husband while walking in your purpose with God. 17 00:02:32,11.51724139 --> 00:02:34,981.51824139 Grab your favorite mocktail and pop in the AirPods. 18 00:02:35,111.51824139 --> 00:02:41,131.51824139 It's time to overshare and overcome these obstacles together, one step at a time. 19 00:02:41,449.3817201 --> 00:02:54,139.3817201 Now, if you've ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of unhealthy relationships or feeling like no matter what you do, you just can't seem to heal from the past, it's weighing heavy on you. 20 00:02:54,649.3807201 --> 00:02:57,359.3817201 I want you to know that there is a way forward. 21 00:02:57,649.3807201 --> 00:03:07,589.3817201 My unstuck relationship coaching session is a one time personalized coaching experience designed to help you one heal from the emotional wounds of past relationships. 22 00:03:07,934.3817201 --> 00:03:13,254.3817201 Two, build confidence that's rooted in your worth as a daughter of the most high king. 23 00:03:13,494.3817201 --> 00:03:22,524.3817201 And three, set boundaries that protect your peace and allow you to thrive, not just in relationships, but in your personal life as well. 24 00:03:23,179.3817201 --> 00:03:35,839.3807201 This isn't just another quick fix or piece of generic advice, okay? It's a guided session tailored specifically to you, your struggles, your situation, your goals, and your journey. 25 00:03:36,459.3817201 --> 00:03:44,589.3817201 If you're ready to take that first step toward healing and growing with God, book your session today at lovedanny. 26 00:03:44,629.3817201 --> 00:03:47,329.3817201 org forward slash unstuck session. 27 00:03:47,559.3817201 --> 00:03:50,519.3817201 That's lovedanny, D A N N Y, lovedanny. 28 00:03:50,519.3817201 --> 00:03:50,528.69548695 org. 29 00:03:50,528.69548695 --> 00:04:01,863.35321303 Alright, now listen, if there was any sign above my head during my college years that I wore, it was pick me. 30 00:04:02,583.35321303 --> 00:04:11,229.80780313 I had this hole within myself that I needed external validation to fill that hole. 31 00:04:11,339.80880313 --> 00:04:14,59.80780313 Or so I thought that's what could fill it. 32 00:04:14,526.87291883 --> 00:04:22,211.87191883 and because I was walking around with this deep insecurity that I actually wasn't ready to to face yet. 33 00:04:22,741.87191883 --> 00:04:46,621.87091883 It left me in this cycle of just meaningless hookups and relationships that went absolutely nowhere and it was weird because in my mind I felt like I was a valuable and strong woman but deep within me subconsciously I didn't believe that and looking back I know I didn't because of my actions. 34 00:04:47,278.15122213 --> 00:04:54,405.7010975 And so if you need a little help being a little honest with yourself, just take a look at what it is that you're actually producing. 35 00:04:54,505.7010975 --> 00:04:59,915.7000975 What are you doing? And that can give you insight into a deep belief that you actually hold within you. 36 00:05:00,288.37698429 --> 00:05:17,368.37698429 And so at the time, what I didn't realize is that I was desperately seeking this validation, acceptance, and love from men, even though I told myself and other people that I hated them, that they were pigs, that I was forever going to be single, and I didn't care. 37 00:05:17,678.37698429 --> 00:06:10,933.76229058 So, it was very contradicting, And It wasn't until my husband called out the mask that I had on okay He called out the mask of the hard shell And at that point I it was the first time where I was like, oh, wow, I didn't have to keep on my barriers But this breaking down of my walls immediately Invited in insecurity to a place where I had to actually face it because now I was in love Okay, and i'm sure as a woman, you know when you're in love with a man the jealousy can skyrocket and you start questioning If you're beautiful enough for him, you start questioning if he wants other women like we've all been there and i'm gonna be so real It's not that I don't ever battle with insecurity ever in my life Like even being married for three years now. 38 00:06:11,163.76229058 --> 00:06:31,796.50951163 I still have these insecurity flare ups But now I know how to actually ground myself when the insecurity Does come up And I really want to share the foundation of that with you to answer the question How can I be a secure woman? Who then becomes a confident wife. 39 00:06:32,270.0730959 --> 00:06:33,800.0730959 So first step. 40 00:06:34,320.0730959 --> 00:06:37,40.0730959 You want to confront your pride. 41 00:06:37,315.99325974 --> 00:06:45,745.99325974 And you may be like, Daniel, like, how can I have pride when I'm dealing with insecurity? Like, I think I'm humble. 42 00:06:45,755.99225974 --> 00:06:49,925.99325974 Like I, I, I'm, I'm struggling with this insecurity. 43 00:06:49,925.99325974 --> 00:06:51,265.99325974 Like I need more confidence. 44 00:06:52,350.99325974 --> 00:07:06,642.30896134 Let me just let me just give you some examples and some evidence of pride being present in your heart Okay, because pride isn't What you think it is? Comparison is actually evidence of pride. 45 00:07:06,798.36924028 --> 00:07:13,698.36924028 And this one really struck a chord with me because I never thought of comparison being linked to pride. 46 00:07:14,468.36924028 --> 00:07:29,993.36924028 But at the core, pride is this excessive preoccupation with yourself and comparison stems from measuring yourself against others to determine your value, your worth, or your significance. 47 00:07:30,273.36824028 --> 00:07:34,183.36924028 And so at the core, it's rooted in self focus. 48 00:07:34,568.31639795 --> 00:07:46,119.80589673 When you're comparing yourself to someone else, that question that you're asking yourself is, how do I measure up? And then it starts to make you think about your achievements, your appearance, your status, which is all. 49 00:07:46,474.80589673 --> 00:07:56,359.97880951 pride because the focus is on you and not on God another one, making your problems more important and putting them higher than others. 50 00:07:56,624.11451351 --> 00:08:06,534.11451351 Thinking that you're right or better And even when you are offended and there's evidence of offense in your heart, this is linked to pride. 51 00:08:06,884.11451351 --> 00:08:15,249.32284684 When you are seeking to control things, when that's like a need in you, you need, you have this need to control, this is pride. 52 00:08:15,457.85039043 --> 00:08:19,147.85039043 Also You make life all about you. 53 00:08:19,557.85039043 --> 00:08:21,57.84939043 That it's about striving. 54 00:08:21,289.14600996 --> 00:08:25,674.17598941 That you think about yourself being above everybody else in your life.. 55 00:08:26,230.98803849 --> 00:08:32,250.98803849 And so when you have pride in your life, It robs you of having this intimate relationship with God. 56 00:08:32,452.40264136 --> 00:08:50,442.40264136 and when you don't have that intimate relationship with God, it's impossible To know who you really are Therefore you are wobbling around comparing yourself and trying to look like or be like other women who seem like they have it all together or are stunning on the outside. 57 00:08:50,781.68837986 --> 00:08:58,991.97549135 Which you can see this linking to insecurity and it's going to be stealing your identity as a confident wife. 58 00:08:59,328.52364711 --> 00:09:05,208.52264711 And this can lead you to masking these insecurities, not letting anybody in because of the pride. 59 00:09:05,496.90968586 --> 00:09:17,360.47337156 and ultimately all of this, what does it do? It's going to cause you to live inauthentically and being afraid of being exposed because when anytime we're hiding something or we're not being fully genuine. 60 00:09:18,94.10719574 --> 00:09:20,934.10719574 our soul knows we're being inauthentic. 61 00:09:21,184.10719574 --> 00:09:34,248.34415403 It's hard for us to fully be ourselves, which means we're not living in integrity, which will ultimately affect our confidence and security because we feel like we have to be someone else versus in who we truly are. 62 00:09:34,630.23091327 --> 00:09:40,740.23091327 And so how do we fix this? How do we turn our foundation? That's that's rooted in and built on sand. 63 00:09:41,505.57476621 --> 00:09:52,205.57476621 On other people validating us for, for us to feel worthy to building it on the rock who already tells us we are worthy, not for anything that we've done, but because of who God is. 64 00:09:52,528.00275077 --> 00:10:05,616.56255448 How do we get there? is I want you to ask yourself, where do I need to go all in with God and surrender and give him control? What am I hiding? Ask yourself that. 65 00:10:06,406.56255448 --> 00:10:14,536.56155448 And then pray for the Holy Spirit to show you where you need to this, to embrace this humility and dependence on Him. 66 00:10:15,378.05968762 --> 00:10:28,538.05968762 Let God into this so He can gently break those walls down and show you more of Him, which in turn will help you learn yourself and become this confident wife you want to be. 67 00:10:28,998.29367218 --> 00:10:31,77.69130453 We've got to purge the pride. 68 00:10:31,401.62278699 --> 00:10:43,493.31257447 And I know this step has a lot of depth to it alone in itself, it could be a whole episode, but let's continue building on this, step two, you want to forgive the men who did you wrong. 69 00:10:43,890.8248672 --> 00:10:57,618.18255016 And again, you might be asking, how the heck is this related to building confidence, having a confident wife? So glad you asked Why this step is important is because when you hold on to this unforgiveness. 70 00:10:58,263.18255016 --> 00:11:19,266.86235256 It is going to taint every single experience and relationship that you have Especially with men Unforgiveness is going to keep you from receiving the healing from god Which is exactly what your heart needs to move on From this insecure and pick me energy. 71 00:11:19,603.75910227 --> 00:11:34,257.53338367 when you forgive, you're going to go from waiting around for a man to fill the hole in your heart and repair those wounds from that happened from your past relationships to invite the Lord in and heal that hole instead. 72 00:11:34,782.05728918 --> 00:11:38,722.05728918 That's the difference between living in with unforgiveness and then living forgiven. 73 00:11:39,146.68617508 --> 00:11:49,186.68517508 You know what's pretty crazy? A man can sense when you're actually operating from a place of hurt and insecurity versus a confident and secure place. 74 00:11:49,776.68517508 --> 00:11:58,736.68617508 And I don't have to tell you, but of course they do believe confident women are more attractive than insecure women. 75 00:11:59,6.68517508 --> 00:12:12,486.68617508 And there's so many factors into that because insecurity can make you be more needy, it can make you, um, question their integrity, it can make you disrespect them, it can make you say things that you don't really mean. 76 00:12:12,846.68617508 --> 00:12:15,476.68617508 Like, it just, there's so much to that. 77 00:12:15,963.52120691 --> 00:12:25,443.52020691 but I do want to make sure I differentiate secure and confident because you don't have to be confident to be secure. 78 00:12:26,293.52120691 --> 00:12:39,833.52120691 These are two different things in my personal opinion and I want to make sure I differentiate this because being confident can feel like so far down the line, like it can feel not tangible. 79 00:12:40,383.52120691 --> 00:12:50,573.52120691 But I want to let you know that first comes security, you being secure in yourself, and then the confidence will grow. 80 00:12:51,218.52120691 --> 00:12:53,768.52120691 So let me just give you the breakdown of the pathway. 81 00:12:53,768.52120691 --> 00:13:04,68.52120691 Okay? so you gain security by knowing how much you are loved by God and how divinely created you are by him. 82 00:13:04,728.52020691 --> 00:13:48,404.52870674 And when you know that you come into agreement with that truth, you'll not only feel secure in who you are and in your identity, But you'll be able to spot the men who are not for you And not think twice about a man not being interested in you because your eyes are on the lord And you know what he says about you and who he's created you to be so these men who don't See that you won't be fazed by them Because it's unimportant to you It's a shift it's a perspective shift it's it's a It's a life shift, it's a worldview shift and it's necessary because whenever you do that, you continue to practice that, that's when your confidence is going to grow. 83 00:13:48,404.52870674 --> 00:13:49,474.52770674 It's going to follow. 84 00:13:49,956.50262838 --> 00:13:56,626.50262838 And so how you actually do this, right? I don't want you to think that forgiving is forgetting what happened to you. 85 00:13:56,846.50262838 --> 00:13:59,376.50262838 Or having to reconcile with the person. 86 00:13:59,736.50162838 --> 00:14:02,964.92335988 It's just choosing to release them to the Lord. 87 00:14:03,234.92335988 --> 00:14:05,694.92235988 Release your abuser to the Lord. 88 00:14:05,714.92335988 --> 00:14:08,114.92335988 Release whoever hurt you to the Lord. 89 00:14:08,134.92335988 --> 00:14:09,164.92335988 Maybe it was a parent. 90 00:14:09,534.92335988 --> 00:14:10,344.92335988 Whoever it is. 91 00:14:10,541.68347223 --> 00:14:11,781.68347223 And it's just a decision. 92 00:14:11,791.68347223 --> 00:14:13,711.68347223 Many times we think forgiveness has to be a feeling. 93 00:14:13,711.68347223 --> 00:14:14,311.68347223 It's not. 94 00:14:14,351.68347223 --> 00:14:15,611.68347223 It's just a decision. 95 00:14:15,611.78347223 --> 00:14:15,781.58347223 Mm. 96 00:14:16,351.68347223 --> 00:14:19,321.68347223 And you can invite and have God's help with this. 97 00:14:19,321.78347223 --> 00:14:21,151.68347223 If this was really hard for you. 98 00:14:21,499.58279408 --> 00:14:23,809.58379408 and this, this was something that really freed me. 99 00:14:24,123.94754294 --> 00:14:26,563.94754294 Forgiveness is a daily choice. 100 00:14:26,963.94754294 --> 00:14:40,709.09378344 So if you have something flare up, you have, um, hate or start to flare up or anger or whatever, someone did you wrong, you just make the decision to forgive and you, however many times you have to do that. 101 00:14:41,103.66820313 --> 00:14:43,263.66820313 You make that decision that many times. 102 00:14:43,515.73424086 --> 00:14:57,390.82601456 And so putting this step into action, what I really believe will help you is by truly meditating on what Jesus did for you on the cross, that he wiped away all your sins, he washed you clean, made you white as snow. 103 00:14:57,875.82601456 --> 00:15:06,348.35045218 Because when you can meditate and you have this deep revelation of what Jesus has done for you, this will allow you to forgive others. 104 00:15:06,727.10542701 --> 00:15:11,497.10542701 And God tells us for us to be forgiven, we must forgive others. 105 00:15:11,977.10542701 --> 00:15:14,157.10542701 And you can so tell a difference. 106 00:15:14,582.10542701 --> 00:15:26,451.92630329 When somebody is walking with no grudges, they're walking in true peace and freedom because they've chosen to forgive versus someone who is bounded by unforgiveness and it's haunting them. 107 00:15:26,725.24662023 --> 00:15:27,905.24662023 They're chained to that. 108 00:15:28,284.07574523 --> 00:15:32,374.07574523 They're giving power to the person that they are holding the unforgiveness towards. 109 00:15:32,733.16404261 --> 00:15:36,503.16404261 This is an essential step to being that confident wife that you want to be. 110 00:15:37,19.87033724 --> 00:15:47,851.04421741 Now to wrap this up, In the third step, you will want to detach your identity from your abuser, your accomplishments, and your possessions. 111 00:15:48,572.38684833 --> 00:15:53,182.38684833 I know this is, this is a very, this is a very intense training and episode. 112 00:15:53,182.38784833 --> 00:15:55,862.38784833 So if you do these steps, I'm going to be so proud of you. 113 00:15:55,922.38784833 --> 00:15:59,422.38784833 This, this, this is an easy stuff and it's a process. 114 00:15:59,672.38784833 --> 00:15:59,872.38784833 Okay. 115 00:15:59,872.38784833 --> 00:16:04,632.38784833 You may not be free from all this today, but you will be free from this in Jesus name. 116 00:16:04,885.68207856 --> 00:16:06,355.68207856 As you continue to practice this. 117 00:16:06,557.63302188 --> 00:16:16,467.63202188 And so how do you actually attach your identity from these things? So first I think you really need to understand all forms of abuse. 118 00:16:16,747.63202188 --> 00:16:23,194.29868855 Okay? So that way you can identify, Oh, this is a type of abuse that I'm actually still holding onto and it's affecting my identity. 119 00:16:23,619.29868855 --> 00:16:25,79.29868855 Um, and then you can be free from it. 120 00:16:25,419.29868855 --> 00:16:28,689.29868855 So, when I say abuse, I'm not just talking about physical abuse. 121 00:16:28,729.29868855 --> 00:16:37,529.29868855 I'm speaking for the six types of abuse, which is physical, verbal, emotional, abandonment, sexual, and spiritual abuse. 122 00:16:38,38.94311371 --> 00:16:48,318.9441137 So, anytime that you've had any sort of like intimidating touch, including pushing, grabbing, shoving, I'll That is abuse, my friends. 123 00:16:48,328.9441137 --> 00:16:53,198.9441137 I used to not deem that as abuse when my ex used to do that to me because he didn't hit me. 124 00:16:53,728.9441137 --> 00:16:54,838.9441137 But it is abuse. 125 00:16:55,238.9441137 --> 00:17:20,637.200627 Okay? Other forms of abuse is if you've had to live in an ongoing environment where the purpose of it was to control you or for the abuser to be in control, okay? Being undermined, devalued by words, by looks even, disgusted looks at you, this is under the category of abuse. 126 00:17:21,145.0326185 --> 00:17:34,215.0316185 Experiencing betrayal, broken trust, unkept promises, or any type of manipulation from a leader, a guardian, or any authority figure, like, in the church that's under that spiritual abuse. 127 00:17:34,795.0316185 --> 00:17:42,349.7987497 So, why this is an important step is because abuse is the thing that makes us question our value. 128 00:17:42,769.7987497 --> 00:17:58,153.2435592 So, when we've gone through these painful experiences, this can truly hinder us from having the ability to see our value because we've been devalued by people, people that have probably were closest to us. 129 00:17:58,735.5752556 --> 00:18:06,345.5752556 and it also hinders us from accepting God's love for us because now we have a tainted idea of love. 130 00:18:06,355.5752556 --> 00:18:09,755.5752556 We, it's hard for us to receive God's perfect love. 131 00:18:10,252.5045053 --> 00:18:18,982.5045053 And this is the exact thing that causes us to look for ways to mask that pain because we don't know how to deal with it or we just don't want to deal with it. 132 00:18:19,602.5035053 --> 00:18:31,726.563637 And we mask it through drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, different relationships, which this is going to lead you to having this deep, subconscious insecurity. 133 00:18:32,160.0285456 --> 00:18:41,60.0285456 and this is going to actually worsen your insecurity because you're not addressing the root of the issue. 134 00:18:41,900.0275456 --> 00:18:50,766.8487335 You're going towards other things that is not aligned with who you are and your identity, which then in turn is going to hinder your confidence. 135 00:18:50,934.6402907 --> 00:19:02,187.5367167 So this is so important because you must, again, receive God's healing and his truth to fully detach your identity from your abuser, accomplishments, and possessions. 136 00:19:02,527.5367167 --> 00:19:07,522.8963331 Okay? So, how you do this? Well, again, it's a decision. 137 00:19:07,812.8963331 --> 00:19:11,292.8963331 You choose not to identify with the one who hurt you. 138 00:19:11,597.8963331 --> 00:19:14,127.8963331 but with the one who heals you with God. 139 00:19:14,477.8963331 --> 00:19:18,171.2843678 So I want to put this down into sub steps. 140 00:19:18,591.2843678 --> 00:19:19,111.2843678 Okay. 141 00:19:19,191.2843678 --> 00:19:21,451.2843678 So there's three sub steps to this. 142 00:19:21,886.128815 --> 00:19:28,676.128815 That first sub step is you want to write down the lies you've believed about yourself because of the harsh words and events of the past. 143 00:19:28,906.128815 --> 00:19:32,406.128815 So maybe it was broken trust or abandonment. 144 00:19:32,566.127815 --> 00:19:42,46.128815 You want to write down what was said to you, what promises were broken, um, that are showing up in your belief system today. 145 00:19:42,496.191315 --> 00:19:43,956.191315 Okay, write down these lies. 146 00:19:44,266.191315 --> 00:19:50,456.191315 The second step in this is you want to write down the areas that you need to receive God's healing in. 147 00:19:50,690.9733021 --> 00:19:54,500.9743021 And speak truth over it? Like I am enough. 148 00:19:54,802.6494149 --> 00:19:56,62.6494149 I am anointed. 149 00:19:56,282.6494149 --> 00:19:58,462.6494149 I am blessed beyond measure. 150 00:19:58,948.4900885 --> 00:20:01,948.4900885 I am appointed by God himself. 151 00:20:02,141.1010659 --> 00:20:06,831.1000659 and the speaking truth is so underrated because it's easy to do, but it's easy not to do. 152 00:20:07,244.0701037 --> 00:20:12,574.0701037 But this is the thing that's going to change your mindset and your belief system. 153 00:20:12,873.1731385 --> 00:20:16,243.1731385 So speak truth over yourself to combat the lies. 154 00:20:16,722.1531366 --> 00:20:26,337.8196145 And the final sub step in this third step is you want to release the abusers to God Make a decision like hey, I don't want the weight weight of this. 155 00:20:26,687.8206145 --> 00:20:46,919.8006413 I can't be God over this I can't protect myself from them and I don't want to I don't have to because I have a God who is my protector and My provider and my healer and guess what? God can forgive them and he's going to deal with them and they are going to reap the harvest of the seeds that they've sown. 156 00:20:47,7.7181738 --> 00:20:50,112.6186738 Just like you will. 157 00:20:50,112.6186738 --> 00:20:54,968.9427988 So, put it into God's hands because he can handle it better than any of us can. 158 00:20:56,70.593109 --> 00:21:07,480.593109 And when you do this, When you complete this, Your identity, You are going to uproot the lies, And you are going to have truth Ruminating in your heart. 159 00:21:07,810.593109 --> 00:21:11,760.593109 And when you have truth in you, Whatever is in you, That's what you're going to produce. 160 00:21:11,760.693109 --> 00:21:18,957.1966556 Okay? Do these three steps and you are going to see yourself feeling more secure and confident in who you are in God. 161 00:21:22,203.8528322 --> 00:21:23,773.8528322 to do with being a confident wife. 162 00:21:24,248.8528322 --> 00:21:27,348.8528322 But let me tell you this has everything to do with being a confident wife. 163 00:21:27,598.8528322 --> 00:21:40,191.9935068 You've got to go through the process of healing and letting go and forgiving to actually be free from these past hurts, which are the things that are hindering your confidence because you've attached your identity to them. 164 00:21:40,520.6688917 --> 00:21:50,360.6688917 So I promise you going through each of these steps is truly what's going to allow you to become the confident wife that you deeply desire to be even before you become the wife. 165 00:21:50,880.435581 --> 00:21:54,989.7747844 So going through those again, first up, confront your pride. 166 00:21:55,197.5276735 --> 00:22:03,747.5266735 Ask yourself, where do I need to go all in with God and give him control? What am I hiding? Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you in this exercise. 167 00:22:04,107.5276735 --> 00:22:06,967.5276735 Number two, forgive the men who did you wrong. 168 00:22:06,967.6276735 --> 00:22:16,437.5276735 If you need help with this, just meditate on what Jesus has done for you, and this will allow you to be more open and ready. 169 00:22:16,632.963498 --> 00:22:28,232.6086191 To forgive And then thirdly, detach your identity from your abuser, your accomplishments and possessions, and re root your identity in the truth of what God says about you. 170 00:22:28,424.8129032 --> 00:22:30,734.8129032 Because that's actually who you really are. 171 00:22:31,644.8139032 --> 00:22:37,244.8139032 The gap in between believing it and acting as if is just coming to agreement and saying yes. 172 00:22:37,729.8139032 --> 00:22:39,109.8139032 To what he's already said about you. 173 00:22:39,455.0572199 --> 00:22:48,135.0582199 Now again, if this is something that you feel like you need some extra support in, you need more of like a one on one, like girl, let's get deep down into this. 174 00:22:48,165.0582199 --> 00:22:49,655.0582199 I don't want to do this by myself. 175 00:22:49,965.0582199 --> 00:22:53,435.0582199 Go ahead and book that unstuck relationship coaching session with me. 176 00:22:53,690.2833452 --> 00:22:55,590.2833452 You can do that at lovedanny. 177 00:22:55,620.2833452 --> 00:22:58,40.2833452 org forward slash unstuck session. 178 00:22:58,266.5094304 --> 00:23:00,526.5094304 I'd love to work through the nitty gritty of this with you. 179 00:23:00,526.5094304 --> 00:23:03,736.5094304 So that way you can step into your confident wife era. 180 00:23:03,918.1650908 --> 00:23:07,125.2926261 My prayer is that this episode blesses you. 181 00:23:07,322.9011167 --> 00:23:11,938.8619142 You go through it as many times as you need to stick to the process and trust it. 182 00:23:12,272.2221883 --> 00:23:16,12.2221883 And may God's hand be over your life and heal your heart. 183 00:23:16,235.7601969 --> 00:23:18,955.7601969 I'll see you same time, same place next week. 184 00:23:19,645.7601969 --> 00:23:20,175.7601969 Bye. 185 00:23:20,476.9113646 --> 00:23:21,366.9113646 Hey, beautiful. 186 00:23:21,406.9113646 --> 00:23:24,976.9113646 I hope you loved hanging with me today and enjoyed the episode. 187 00:23:25,276.9113646 --> 00:23:39,406.9113646 If so, would you take just 30 seconds and share it with someone you love who may also want to heal from past relationships and love themselves again? Also, please scroll down and leave a quick written review for the show on Apple podcasts. 188 00:23:39,406.9113646 --> 00:23:44,806.9113646 This is the main way we can get this message out to our girlfriends all around the world. 189 00:23:45,81.9113646 --> 00:23:50,461.9113646 And it also just really blesses me to know and hear how this podcast is helping you. 190 00:23:50,531.9113646 --> 00:23:50,951.9113646 Okay. 191 00:23:51,51.9113646 --> 00:23:53,621.9113646 I need to get out of my sleds and get ready for date night. 192 00:23:53,781.9113646 --> 00:23:59,751.9113646 I'll meet you back here on Monday for another episode, sending you all the love until next time.
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