90 | Afraid He'll Cheat Too? How to Trust After Betrayal Without Losing Yourself

Hi beautiful! ♥️

Have you ever found yourself constantly fearing that you’ll be cheated on again? Maybe one betrayal shattered your ability to trust, and now you find yourself questioning every man’s motives, wondering if true loyalty even exists.

I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to carry the weight of heartbreak and try to protect yourself from ever feeling that kind of pain again. But sis, I also know this: healing is possible. And it starts with putting your trust back where it belongs—in God.

In today’s episode, I’m sharing real talk about the process of learning to trust again after infidelity—starting with healing your relationship with yourself, being secure in your identity in Christ, and choosing partners who are actually led by God (not just claiming Him). This episode is raw, real, and full of hope.

So grab your journal, get comfy, and let’s talk about how to finally walk in security, faith, and peace—even after betrayal.

See you on the inside! Xo, Dani

 

JOIN THE COMMUNITY: https://whop.com/thehealingcircle/

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is gonna be a really important message, um, because this one is deeply in my heart and I've lately been hearing a lot of women talk about how they're deathly afraid to be cheated on, and this is a thing that keeps them from experiencing.
A relationship or going to dating, um, or just have this belief that all men are the same and that they only want one thing.

(00:23):
And this fear is literally so paralyzing.
It can make you sabotage relationships.
It can make you.
Um, just question yourself, your sanity.
It makes you question your worth.
You feel like you're moving and no matter who, what type of relationship you're, you have so much insecurity within you, and I personally understand that feeling.

(00:50):
Of deep insecurity because you have no peace and the insecurity will, will typically just flare up whenever you are at this point in a relationship where, okay, it's getting serious.
Now I'm faced with the question of, okay, am I going to commit? Or what's gonna happen here? And it's that step, right? Whenever you have this moment where you're feeling like you're falling, it's the scariest freaking moment ever.

(01:15):
It whenever you do have this deep fear of being betrayed, and if you are, or if you walk with this, if you're living with this deep fear of being cheated on and being, um, and being betrayed and abandoned again like you have in the past, um, it is going to taint the way that you show up in relationships and your ability to receive, and of course also give love.

(01:41):
So this is a really important topic.
If you are a woman who.
Is, is living in this way.
I'm sure that's you because you clicked on this episode. 16 00:01:49,814.16536098 --> 00:01:55,799.04316874 I'm gonna share with you the five things to help you move through this in a wise way. 17 00:01:56,189.04316874 --> 00:01:59,939.04316874 Okay? The, the five things that really helped me, and it was a long battle. 18 00:02:00,94.04316874 --> 00:02:10,714.04316874 Of insecurity and trusting my now husband, um, and even like in the dating world before, like leading up to marriage, like in that courtship time. 19 00:02:11,44.04316874 --> 00:02:23,614.04316874 Whenever this, this, this episode came to me, I was actually in my car and I reached out to my voice memos because my brain will just like start thinking about different ideas and I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna start like actually voicing this, this down. 20 00:02:23,674.04316874 --> 00:02:27,184.04316874 And so in my car I'm like, in, in my mind it was just. 21 00:02:27,319.04316874 --> 00:02:32,239.04316874 A, um, like a carousel that I was gonna post, but it just kind of went on and on and on. 22 00:02:32,239.04316874 --> 00:02:39,439.04316874 I had a lot to say on this topic, so I was like, well, we're gonna bring it to the podcast and the new YouTube channel. 23 00:02:39,439.04316874 --> 00:02:41,359.04316874 Shout out YouTube. 24 00:02:41,708.94329287 --> 00:02:42,278.94329287 but, okay. 25 00:02:42,278.94329287 --> 00:02:44,168.94329287 That's enough teasing the episode. 26 00:02:44,198.94329287 --> 00:02:45,938.94329287 Let's go ahead and dive in. 27 00:02:46,130.25584823 --> 00:02:47,330.25584823 Hey, beautiful. 28 00:02:47,450.25584823 --> 00:02:51,230.25584823 Welcome to the Heal From Toxic Relationships podcast. 29 00:02:51,290.25584823 --> 00:03:15,590.25584823 Are you ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and fully embrace a life filled with confidence, joy, and purpose? Do you find yourself questioning yourself worth and wondering what God's plan for your life is? Or maybe you deeply fear being alone and struggle with the lack of boundaries? Due to your people pleasing tendencies, well sis, you're not alone. 30 00:03:15,620.25584823 --> 00:03:16,760.25584823 I've been there too. 31 00:03:16,880.25584823 --> 00:03:24,110.25584823 Hey, I'm Danny, a Christian life coach wife, recovering people pleaser, and a total girl's girl. 32 00:03:24,200.25584823 --> 00:03:40,910.25584823 For 10 years I was stuck in a cycle of toxic, non-committed relationships and searching for my worth in men, my accomplishments, and the praise of other people until I found out how to heal my past emotional wounds with Christ at the center. 33 00:03:41,70.25584823 --> 00:03:56,190.25584823 In this podcast, you will find faith-based healing tools, confidence building tips, and healthy relationship skills so that you become a God-fearing, confident woman who attracts your husband while walking in your purpose with God. 34 00:03:56,430.25584823 --> 00:03:59,400.25584823 Grab your favorite mocktail and pop in the AirPods. 35 00:03:59,490.25584823 --> 00:04:03,630.25584823 It's time to overshare and overcome these obstacles together. 36 00:04:03,750.25584823 --> 00:04:05,520.25584823 One step at a time. 37 00:04:05,795.08793914 --> 00:04:12,815.08793914 Of course, before we dive into the episode, I want to personally invite you into the Healing Circle free community. 38 00:04:13,55.08793914 --> 00:04:19,745.08793914 This is for those ambitious women who wanna go after their God-sized goals and dreams. 39 00:04:19,955.08793914 --> 00:04:29,945.08793914 Maybe you've buried a dream deep, deepen your heart, and now you're, you're at a point in a season of your life where God is calling it to come forth. 40 00:04:30,5.08793914 --> 00:04:54,97.41812782 And And I'm personally a big believer in healing so you can walk into your calling because whenever you are able to heal from those deep wounds and past trauma relationship wounds, this is when you're able to build the confidence and trust and faith in God to help push you into this growth and confident version of yourself and season of life. 41 00:04:54,452.41812782 --> 00:04:58,712.41812782 And so if this resonates with you, come hang out with us in the Healing Circle. 42 00:04:58,922.41812782 --> 00:05:02,102.41812782 You can join at wp.com/the 43 00:05:02,102.41812782 --> 00:05:02,882.41812782 Healing Circle. 44 00:05:03,92.41812782 --> 00:05:07,502.41812782 That's WP WHO p.com/the 45 00:05:07,502.41812782 --> 00:05:08,342.41812782 Healing Circle. 46 00:05:08,674.09285713 --> 00:05:14,254.09285713 Now, if this is your first time meeting me, then welcome. 47 00:05:14,254.09285713 --> 00:05:17,704.09285713 I really put on Front Street my experience. 48 00:05:18,79.09285713 --> 00:05:28,909.09285713 Um, in the past of being cheated on, this was a huge part of my testimony because I walked in so much pride after I was cheated on. 49 00:05:29,209.09285713 --> 00:05:38,749.09285713 That was something that I used as a barrier to protect my heart, to protect myself, to put off this facade that I was super confident and secure in myself. 50 00:05:39,79.09285713 --> 00:05:42,379.09285713 Yet I fell into. 51 00:05:42,754.09285713 --> 00:05:59,674.09285713 The cycle of hookup culture and non not, not being able to commit or not wanting to commit to a man because I had this deep fear after I was cheated on, and the person that I was cheated on with, it was the first, first boyfriend I ever had. 52 00:05:59,674.09285713 --> 00:06:01,444.09285713 First kissed first everything. 53 00:06:01,919.09285713 --> 00:06:05,129.09285713 And of course now looking back, that was all in like high school. 54 00:06:05,129.09285713 --> 00:06:08,249.09285713 And now looking back, it's like that wasn't, I don't even think I was really in love then. 55 00:06:08,309.09285713 --> 00:06:08,699.09285713 Right. 56 00:06:08,999.09285713 --> 00:06:12,959.09285713 Um, so use that as, as your encouragement, as your hope, right. 57 00:06:12,959.09285713 --> 00:06:19,589.09285713 Because now being able to experience this love with my husband, it's like, it's like night and day difference. 58 00:06:19,589.09285713 --> 00:06:22,919.09285713 And like that wasn't even, I could have, I could have done without that. 59 00:06:23,519.09285713 --> 00:06:27,749.09285713 Um, and I'm sure we all have somebody in our, in our life that we can say that about. 60 00:06:28,354.09285713 --> 00:06:33,304.09285713 But at the time it hurt me so bad because I was so trusting. 61 00:06:33,574.09285713 --> 00:06:41,134.09285713 I did not, I wasn't the girlfriend that was afraid or second guessing that he was gonna ever do anything that step outta the relationship. 62 00:06:41,344.09285713 --> 00:06:43,324.09285713 I trusted him with my full heart. 63 00:06:43,714.09285713 --> 00:06:46,414.09285713 Um, and like this was the first. 64 00:06:46,744.09285713 --> 00:06:50,914.09285713 Time I had ever been betrayed in my life. 65 00:06:51,4.09285713 --> 00:06:51,334.09285713 Okay. 66 00:06:51,334.09285713 --> 00:07:02,194.09285713 And I know that's a blessing, honestly, to say, because I know a lot of us have come from, you know, families where, like a childhood where you have some sort, you're, you've dealt with some sort of abuse and things like that. 67 00:07:02,434.09285713 --> 00:07:06,124.09285713 Um, when it comes to being betrayed by somebody in your family. 68 00:07:06,949.09285713 --> 00:07:10,279.09285713 But this was my first real betrayal. 69 00:07:10,549.09285713 --> 00:07:17,159.09285713 And, um, I carried that with me literally until I got married. 70 00:07:17,699.09285713 --> 00:07:20,729.09285713 So was like a four, four or five year because. 71 00:07:21,254.09285713 --> 00:07:35,714.09285713 Yeah, for a five year period before I met Jamar, where I was just like being the wild, crazy party girl, and that was the facade that I was putting on, um, to mask the pain. 72 00:07:35,714.09285713 --> 00:07:37,784.09285713 I never dealt with the wounds. 73 00:07:37,964.09285713 --> 00:07:41,534.09285713 And so maybe you're at a place where you also. 74 00:07:42,124.09285713 --> 00:07:43,84.09285713 Haven't really dealt with the wounds. 75 00:07:43,84.09285713 --> 00:07:48,454.09285713 You don't know how to deal with the wounds, and now you find yourself, okay, well, I'm maturing in my relationship with God. 76 00:07:48,454.09285713 --> 00:07:53,584.09285713 I'm maturing as a woman, and I deeply crave to trust men again. 77 00:07:53,614.09285713 --> 00:08:03,574.09285713 Like, I wanna fix this because I know this isn't what I, I don't wanna go my entire life having this fear that I'm gonna be cheated on and just expecting that from every single man. 78 00:08:03,904.09285713 --> 00:08:04,384.09285713 Okay. 79 00:08:04,504.09285713 --> 00:08:07,204.09285713 And I, I really, I'm gonna take a different approach here because. 80 00:08:07,574.09285713 --> 00:08:16,244.09285713 What I'm about to share with you is, is very important and it wasn't something that I learned until I had a true man's perspective on this. 81 00:08:16,304.09285713 --> 00:08:18,284.09285713 Okay? So reel it in. 82 00:08:18,344.09285713 --> 00:08:23,84.09285713 It's gonna get a little juicy and some women are not gonna like to hear what I have to say. 83 00:08:23,334.09285713 --> 00:08:30,954.09285713 But we're gonna bring it back to scripture because I am gonna go ahead and tell you it's a hard pill to swallow. 84 00:08:31,554.09285713 --> 00:08:34,344.09285713 It is, and the truth is hard sometimes. 85 00:08:34,344.09285713 --> 00:08:42,264.09285713 And this is why we have scripture to teach us how to become a wife and. 86 00:08:43,144.09285713 --> 00:08:51,754.09285713 And how to care and to protect, um, our home, including our marriage in a way that is biblical. 87 00:08:51,934.09285713 --> 00:08:57,34.09285713 And so I want to first start off by sharing with you this first point. 88 00:08:58,129.09285713 --> 00:09:11,209.09285713 And for you to start to trust men again, the very first thing that you have to realize is that you must put your trust in God and not put your trust in man. 89 00:09:11,749.09285713 --> 00:09:13,939.09285713 Because the reality is, is that. 90 00:09:14,599.09285713 --> 00:09:16,69.09285713 Nobody is perfect. 91 00:09:16,99.09285713 --> 00:09:18,409.09285713 Okay? Your husband's not gonna be perfect. 92 00:09:18,559.09285713 --> 00:09:20,209.09285713 You're never gonna be perfect. 93 00:09:20,389.09285713 --> 00:09:21,679.09285713 Nobody here is perfect. 94 00:09:21,679.09285713 --> 00:09:28,39.09285713 We are all flawed, and we all will be faced with temptation as long as we live on earth. 95 00:09:28,669.09285713 --> 00:09:32,779.09285713 Okay? And so this was actually something that really helped me. 96 00:09:33,139.09285713 --> 00:09:40,849.09285713 In the, in the beginning stages of trying to trust, my husband is trusting God. 97 00:09:41,89.09285713 --> 00:09:48,109.09285713 You know, I had to tell myself, okay, if I don't trust Jamar right now, because it was, it was where I was at. 98 00:09:48,139.09285713 --> 00:09:50,599.09285713 Like I wasn't trying to, to fake it. 99 00:09:50,599.09285713 --> 00:09:51,469.09285713 I wasn't trying to hide. 100 00:09:51,469.09285713 --> 00:09:56,929.09285713 I was like, okay, I don't trust him fully and for me not to go. 101 00:09:57,229.09285713 --> 00:09:58,699.09285713 Crazy and insane. 102 00:09:59,29.09285713 --> 00:10:07,9.09285713 I just directed my trust and my focus to putting that on God and putting that as his burden. 103 00:10:07,99.09285713 --> 00:10:13,939.09285713 Like, okay, God, if I'm trusting the fact that you've put us together and that you are the protector of my heart. 104 00:10:14,959.09285713 --> 00:10:20,809.09285713 And so when you're able to put your heart in God's hands first and not in. 105 00:10:21,169.09285713 --> 00:10:22,549.09285713 The man's hands. 106 00:10:22,909.09285713 --> 00:10:32,149.09285713 This is where you, this is, this is the only way you won't be let down because people are gonna let you down. 107 00:10:32,149.09285713 --> 00:10:35,869.09285713 And I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. 108 00:10:36,749.58499144 --> 00:10:46,829.58499144 If you are wanting to spend forever, okay? In this lifetime with the person that you choose, you have to understand that you guys are gonna go through struggles. 109 00:10:46,889.58499144 --> 00:10:47,609.58499144 I'm not saying. 110 00:10:48,914.58499144 --> 00:10:51,44.58499144 That, that struggle has to be infidelity. 111 00:10:51,134.58499144 --> 00:10:51,764.58499144 Okay. 112 00:10:51,764.58499144 --> 00:11:08,354.58499144 It doesn't, um, it is very popular though, and it can happen when, and with so many different reasons, and I'm not gonna put blame on, on anybody, but a relationship does take two and. 113 00:11:09,153.86417501 --> 00:11:18,273.86417501 I am gonna kind of talk more on that in a little bit, but my point that I wanna drive home here is you have to put your trust in God and not in man. 114 00:11:18,950.76345229 --> 00:11:23,90.76345229 So how do you actually put this into practice? Prayer. 115 00:11:23,150.76345229 --> 00:11:25,400.76345229 Prayer is a beautiful way to put this into practice. 116 00:11:25,490.76345229 --> 00:11:32,540.76345229 Literally be super open and tell God your fears, your vulnerabilities, your um, questions, your doubts. 117 00:11:32,945.76345229 --> 00:11:45,5.76345229 And let him help you through it and speak to you because the last thing that you wanna do is you want to, the last thing that you wanna do is to be in a relationship with a man that God has not appointed for you. 118 00:11:45,455.76345229 --> 00:11:53,585.76345229 Because that is gonna come with, with so much turmoil, it's gonna come with so much pain, and it's gonna come with you not fulfilling. 119 00:11:54,365.76345229 --> 00:11:59,435.76345229 L God's call over your life and purpose over your life because people can get in the way of that. 120 00:11:59,795.76345229 --> 00:12:02,375.76345229 So that's number one. 121 00:12:02,375.76345229 --> 00:12:15,395.76345229 And when you know and you can feel confident that you are seeking God in this area, then it's gonna be easier for you to trust the man because you understand that God is the one that placed you together. 122 00:12:16,143.78578923 --> 00:12:16,533.78578923 Okay. 123 00:12:16,953.78578923 --> 00:12:21,483.78578923 Second point, you have to heal the toxic relationship you have with yourself. 124 00:12:21,963.78578923 --> 00:12:26,133.78578923 Okay, so note that I'm, this is first it's God and now it's you. 125 00:12:26,253.78578923 --> 00:12:30,393.78578923 We haven't even put talked about the other person right now, the man or whatever. 126 00:12:30,393.78578923 --> 00:12:42,873.78578923 What he has to do, this is about God first, and then you, you have to heal the, the toxic relationship you have with yourself because this is the main reason why you keep seeing the toxic cycles happen. 127 00:12:42,873.78578923 --> 00:12:59,255.27635527 Time and time again, is not from you being in a toxic relationship with somebody else, it's you being in a toxic relationship with yourself, which has caused you to be in a relationship that is toxic, okay, with a man that God does not have for you. 128 00:12:59,995.66949477 --> 00:13:21,214.84817201 And the reason you have to heal this relationship with yourself is one, if you, if you can't trust your yourself or you don't have the security first in God, and then within you, you cannot, it's gonna be, it's gonna be a slippery slope because you're now gonna be tying your security and trying to find your security. 129 00:13:21,514.84817201 --> 00:13:26,494.84817201 In a man, in somebody else, in a career, in something outside of you. 130 00:13:26,794.84817201 --> 00:13:48,964.84817201 And this is where you will feel inner turmoil, confusion, um, distance with you and your partner, um, where you're going to lean into being that, that complaining wife or girlfriend, ver nagging wife or girlfriend, versus a woman who can communicate her needs and wants with her partner. 131 00:13:49,376.69082787 --> 00:13:57,746.69082787 If you have not healed, if you haven't forgiven yourself, released the shame, um, stopped, stopped playing victim. 132 00:13:58,46.69082787 --> 00:14:02,696.69082787 This is going to come up and show up in your relationships. 133 00:14:02,906.69082787 --> 00:14:07,526.69082787 And this could actually, this was a little bit of my story, like you not healing from. 134 00:14:07,876.69082787 --> 00:14:13,546.69082787 From the relation, the toxic relationship you have with yourself is going to show up in your relationship with your partner. 135 00:14:13,576.69082787 --> 00:14:15,286.69082787 And it could actually be a healthy partner. 136 00:14:15,286.69082787 --> 00:14:16,426.69082787 This was my case. 137 00:14:16,666.69082787 --> 00:14:29,896.69082787 And then at this point, if it's a healthy partner, he's going to force you in a very gentle, but blunt in a leadership way of, Hey, if these things don't change, this is gonna be the consequence of that. 138 00:14:29,896.69082787 --> 00:14:32,356.69082787 I don't know if we'll be able to be, be together. 139 00:14:32,686.69082787 --> 00:14:35,656.69082787 Um, and this is, he's gonna help you. 140 00:14:35,656.69082787 --> 00:14:36,886.69082787 He's gonna put up that mirror. 141 00:14:37,316.69082787 --> 00:14:43,46.69082787 Um, to yourself and help you then come to a place where you have to make a decision. 142 00:14:43,46.69082787 --> 00:14:58,376.69082787 Okay? Am I going to continue to have my walls up and live in pride because of my, because of my wounds and I haven't healed my my daddy issues? Um, my past relationship that I hadn't healed from, from five years ago. 143 00:14:58,676.69082787 --> 00:15:02,426.69082787 This is where you're gonna be faced with this uncomfortability. 144 00:15:02,771.69082787 --> 00:15:05,291.69082787 And then it's up to you whether you self-sabotage. 145 00:15:05,291.69082787 --> 00:15:06,881.69082787 You say, you know what? Screw you. 146 00:15:06,881.69082787 --> 00:15:09,821.69082787 Like I, there's another guy out there that will like, love me. 147 00:15:09,821.69082787 --> 00:15:10,481.69082787 For me. 148 00:15:10,721.69082787 --> 00:15:13,931.69082787 That was my, my mindset before I was confronted. 149 00:15:13,931.69082787 --> 00:15:17,501.69082787 And so I know where you might be sitting right now. 150 00:15:17,561.69082787 --> 00:15:21,419.56448918 Um, but that's what this healthy partner's gonna do with you. 151 00:15:21,719.56448918 --> 00:15:23,279.56448918 Um, and so. 152 00:15:23,594.56448918 --> 00:15:34,184.56448918 The best thing to do is to really focus in on healing this toxic relationship that you have with yourself that is causing you to fall into these negative habits and cycles. 153 00:15:35,42.79571015 --> 00:15:42,242.79571015 so one of my favorite ways that I've been able to do this is by really leaning on God here. 154 00:15:42,602.79571015 --> 00:16:02,12.79571015 Um, what was so healing for me is to be rooted in a church, be rooted in godly community, in women that can speak life into me, um, and just getting involved with people of faith because they will, they will be the ones to speak truth into you. 155 00:16:02,837.79571015 --> 00:16:04,217.79571015 And that's like the key here. 156 00:16:04,217.79571015 --> 00:16:06,137.79571015 You need truth, spook, spooked. 157 00:16:06,617.79571015 --> 00:16:14,507.79571015 You need truth spoken over you because up until this point, you've been replaying the lies about yourself in your head. 158 00:16:14,507.79571015 --> 00:16:20,537.79571015 And so how you stop, how, how you stop these lies is you have to get truth in your brain. 159 00:16:20,867.79571015 --> 00:16:22,667.79571015 And that comes through the Bible. 160 00:16:22,757.79571015 --> 00:16:29,417.79571015 It comes through prayer when you're, when you're sitting back and waiting to hear from God, and it comes from godly community. 161 00:16:29,422.79571015 --> 00:16:33,232.79571015 People speaking truth over you when you do have these doubts come up. 162 00:16:33,803.9483332 --> 00:16:34,163.9483332 Okay. 163 00:16:34,223.9483332 --> 00:16:35,63.9483332 Point number three. 164 00:16:35,63.9483332 --> 00:16:36,593.9483332 This is where it's gonna get a little. 165 00:16:37,803.9483332 --> 00:16:41,433.9483332 I don't know the word, a little controversial or whatever. 166 00:16:41,853.9483332 --> 00:16:51,422.8264951 Um, Point number three is you have to value full nakedness and vulnerability in the relationship that you have with your partner. 167 00:16:51,923.1883767 --> 00:16:54,233.1883767 You have to understand that a healthy relationship. 168 00:16:54,533.1883767 --> 00:17:00,773.1883767 Is not one where things are always peachy or there's never a disagreement. 169 00:17:00,773.1883767 --> 00:17:02,393.1883767 There's never conflict. 170 00:17:02,663.1883767 --> 00:17:13,613.1883767 Like if you feel like conflict is the cause of like if you saw your parents get a divorce or something, this is probably, you've probably adopted a belief that conflict is bad. 171 00:17:13,703.1883767 --> 00:17:17,933.1883767 Any, anytime there's a disagreement that is a negative thing. 172 00:17:18,203.1883767 --> 00:17:28,373.1883767 But you have to flip that belief and you have to understand that conflict can actually strengthen, and it does strengthen a relationship when it's done in a healthy way. 173 00:17:28,403.1883767 --> 00:17:35,93.1883767 That's not the topic for today, but to go back to being naked, um. 174 00:17:36,993.4832231 --> 00:17:41,823.4832231 and I think I've, I've really, me and Jamar actually have been on a journey of this. 175 00:17:42,153.4832231 --> 00:17:50,763.4832231 Um, and recently we have c come to a even deeper like revelation of how important it is to be fully naked with each other. 176 00:17:51,153.4832231 --> 00:17:55,293.4832231 And we just had conversations with different marriage mentors that we have. 177 00:17:55,683.4832231 --> 00:18:07,803.4832231 And I wanna share with you something that they do because the marriage mentors that we, um, were speaking with, the husband had instances where there was infidelity present. 178 00:18:08,193.4832231 --> 00:18:14,283.4832231 Um, and now what they do, they have in a beautiful marriage, they're in, in marriage ministry. 179 00:18:14,703.4832231 --> 00:18:20,193.4832231 And what they do is they have these different borders up and it's full nakedness. 180 00:18:20,193.4832231 --> 00:18:24,753.4832231 And I'm gonna share with you guys this example so you can actually see what nakedness means. 181 00:18:25,128.4832231 --> 00:18:36,278.4832231 Um, so if they ever, like, if, they're doing something together and the husband finds another woman attractive, he will mention it to his wife. 182 00:18:37,898.4832231 --> 00:18:41,258.4832231 And I know my girls are like Uhuh, he should not be looking. 183 00:18:41,948.4832231 --> 00:18:42,968.4832231 Okay, I get it. 184 00:18:42,998.4832231 --> 00:18:44,168.4832231 Listen, I understand. 185 00:18:44,678.4832231 --> 00:18:46,478.4832231 Um, but he will let her know. 186 00:18:46,658.4832231 --> 00:18:48,848.4832231 And from the Weiss perspective, she. 187 00:18:49,208.4832231 --> 00:18:55,658.4832231 Has to be grateful that he is letting her know that because it is a vulnerable thing for him to do. 188 00:18:55,658.4832231 --> 00:19:00,248.4832231 It's, it's uncomfortable, right? He doesn't want to, he wants to push it down. 189 00:19:00,248.4832231 --> 00:19:00,488.4832231 Right. 190 00:19:00,488.4832231 --> 00:19:01,388.4832231 Try to just like. 191 00:19:01,778.4832231 --> 00:19:02,918.4832231 Ignore it, whatever. 192 00:19:02,918.4832231 --> 00:19:04,358.4832231 Like maybe he, he saw something. 193 00:19:04,358.4832231 --> 00:19:08,888.4832231 You know, we live in a world where girls be like showing everything now. 194 00:19:09,398.4832231 --> 00:19:18,698.4832231 Um, and so his natural, like flesh and really the, this is where the enemy wants you to live, and min to live is just to like, put it in the back of their mind. 195 00:19:18,938.4832231 --> 00:19:27,38.4832231 But how powerful this is, it, it just goes to show because when it's exposed, the enemy does not want him to share that. 196 00:19:27,283.4832231 --> 00:19:30,458.4832231 He, he saw some booty or he saw something and it, it, it. 197 00:19:31,703.4832231 --> 00:19:35,543.4832231 Put, had a feeling in him, but now they are, they are considered one. 198 00:19:35,543.4832231 --> 00:19:40,733.4832231 And this is what's so important to understand what oneness means before you move into marriage. 199 00:19:41,693.4832231 --> 00:19:49,73.4832231 Um, but he, he, he brings her in to those, to those those thoughts that you wanna bury. 200 00:19:49,523.4832231 --> 00:19:53,783.4832231 And now she's, she understands and she knows, and they're both on the same page. 201 00:19:54,263.4832231 --> 00:19:56,153.4832231 So she can be the protector of their marriage. 202 00:19:56,153.4832231 --> 00:20:01,283.4832231 They could, they could both protect the marriage that's always at the forefront of, of your mind. 203 00:20:01,283.4832231 --> 00:20:23,93.4832231 It should be right, is is the marriage this cultivating this oneness? And so not to say that has to be what you and your husband do, future husband, but that is a beautiful example I think that I wanted to share because it shows the vulnerability and nakedness so that that way the enemy doesn't have a, an area to attack. 204 00:20:23,513.4832231 --> 00:20:31,943.4832231 The husband when it's, when it's a late night or in a different, um, later down the later down the line because it's been brought to the light. 205 00:20:33,713.4832231 --> 00:20:34,943.4832231 This is so important. 206 00:20:34,943.4832231 --> 00:20:37,493.4832231 And so on a woman's side, I'm gonna speak to the women. 207 00:20:38,213.4832231 --> 00:20:49,913.4832231 Our initial instinct is to start thinking, what does she have that, that I don't? Why am I not enough? Like, am I not good and bad or whatever? We start to question ourselves, but. 208 00:20:50,333.4832231 --> 00:20:56,3.4832231 We have to detach from that and we, we can't get defensive because that's gonna cause the man to shut down. 209 00:20:56,153.4832231 --> 00:21:05,693.4832231 We have to, to cultivate an environment where the man can be super upfront about his temptations or about his feelings, and of course, vice versa. 210 00:21:05,723.4832231 --> 00:21:06,503.4832231 It has to be both. 211 00:21:06,503.4832231 --> 00:21:16,725.7907923 And, but you have to understand that men really do struggle in this area that I actually heard a Christian, um, Christian husband, he made the statement. 212 00:21:17,250.7907923 --> 00:21:21,600.7907923 That the hardest thing for a man to do is to be faithful to one woman. 213 00:21:22,680.7907923 --> 00:21:26,670.7907923 And I mean, we see this in a lot of the men in the Bible. 214 00:21:27,390.7907923 --> 00:21:29,640.7907923 It's very evident. 215 00:21:30,0.7907923 --> 00:21:32,790.7907923 So I don't think I could live in those times, shout out to those women. 216 00:21:32,790.7907923 --> 00:21:39,870.7907923 I can't wait to have those, the conversation with them in heaven, like how they dealt with that, because then they take strength to a whole new level. 217 00:21:40,350.7907923 --> 00:21:46,620.7907923 Couldn't be me, but we have to, we we can't ignore that fact. 218 00:21:47,640.7907923 --> 00:21:50,610.7907923 We have to just take it as what it is. 219 00:21:50,970.7907923 --> 00:21:54,600.7907923 The Bible tells us that man's eyes are never satisfied. 220 00:21:55,860.7907923 --> 00:21:57,960.7907923 Man's eyes are never satisfied. 221 00:21:57,960.7907923 --> 00:22:03,30.7907923 And I, I, I don't believe that's just with, like with men and lust, it's with us too. 222 00:22:03,30.7907923 --> 00:22:04,380.7907923 It's with worldly things. 223 00:22:04,620.7907923 --> 00:22:10,110.7907923 It's with fulfilling desires of the flesh, which includes sex. 224 00:22:10,110.7907923 --> 00:22:14,610.7907923 It includes, um, yeah, includes sex lust. 225 00:22:15,330.7907923 --> 00:22:15,690.7907923 So. 226 00:22:16,305.7907923 --> 00:22:19,815.7907923 We have to just take the Bible for what it is, the truth for what it is. 227 00:22:20,145.7907923 --> 00:22:23,985.7907923 And this is why, like, I'll share an example with me. 228 00:22:24,45.7907923 --> 00:22:31,695.7907923 I, we walked into a boba place here, and I, I never, I, a big thing with me, I hadn't really dealt with lust. 229 00:22:31,695.7907923 --> 00:22:35,475.7907923 That wasn't one of my temptations that the enemy would, would attack me at. 230 00:22:35,985.7907923 --> 00:22:39,315.7907923 Um, but I, I saw a man. 231 00:22:39,720.7907923 --> 00:22:47,490.7907923 That was taking my order and I found him very attractive and I, my mind started to spiral and it was very weird because I never had these thoughts before. 232 00:22:47,970.7907923 --> 00:22:53,220.7907923 Um, and when we got home I was like, you know what? I wanna tell Jamar this. 233 00:22:53,250.7907923 --> 00:22:55,980.7907923 And so we were able to have open, honest conversation about it. 234 00:22:55,980.7907923 --> 00:22:59,10.7907923 And it was like not heated, didn't turn into yelling match at all. 235 00:22:59,70.7907923 --> 00:23:01,110.7907923 It was just, Hey, I just wanted to let you know this. 236 00:23:01,110.7907923 --> 00:23:09,120.7907923 And it was, it was just very freeing for me, right? Because now he knows if we ever go and that person's there, like he's very aware, right? So. 237 00:23:09,945.7907923 --> 00:23:10,815.7907923 That's enough with that. 238 00:23:10,815.7907923 --> 00:23:19,545.7907923 But I mean, I could go on and on, but I just, this is, this is super important as a future wife for you to know and to already start praying for your husband. 239 00:23:19,575.7907923 --> 00:23:38,655.7907923 Okay, and this actually leads me into the fourth point, which is this is a non-negotiable, okay? You've got, you've got to pick a man who is submitted to God, not just interested in him, not just going to church with you on Sundays because you want to. 240 00:23:39,240.7907923 --> 00:23:59,10.7907923 No, you have got to pick a man who is submitted under God's authority because if you do not, if you do not, it is going to cause so much pain for you because you thinking about the next 50 years, 60 years of your life and you're thinking about your man, you want your man to be a leader. 241 00:24:00,180.7907923 --> 00:24:10,950.7907923 How can you expect him to lead in a way that's going to move you closer to the purpose God has for you to the life that God has for you to the purity that God has for you. 242 00:24:11,160.7907923 --> 00:24:16,920.7907923 If the man is not submitted to God, it's just not gonna work out. 243 00:24:17,70.7907923 --> 00:24:20,748.8834138 So you've gotta, you save yourself a lot of heartache and. 244 00:24:21,550.5471497 --> 00:24:30,520.5471497 Only enter into a partnership or relationship of marriage where the man can actually lead you and is fully submitted to God. 245 00:24:30,550.5471497 --> 00:24:42,130.5471497 Of course, nobody's perfect, but you'll be able to tell somebody who's just interested in Jesus and somebody who is fully submitted, okay, and and really practicing and walking out their faith. 246 00:24:43,38.1887075 --> 00:24:47,628.1887075 And why and why this is gonna help you in trusting, I'm telling bring it. 247 00:24:47,628.1887075 --> 00:24:49,8.1887075 I need to bring it back to the main point. 248 00:24:51,43.1887075 --> 00:25:07,330.2734445 Why is this gonna help you to trust your husband and to trust again and to not be so fearful of cheat of being cheated on is because a man who is led by God is going to be convicted by the Holy Spirit, and that right there is your greatest protection. 249 00:25:07,660.2734445 --> 00:25:17,680.2734445 The Holy Spirit is your helper and your counselor, and you want your husband to have the Holy Spirit to convict him and to lead him to life. 250 00:25:17,727.5143192 --> 00:25:19,17.5143192 making decisions. 251 00:25:19,879.3705036 --> 00:25:41,457.3898746 who, who you choose is going to really help you with your trust level, And if he needs some help identifying, okay, is this a man of God or what is this a wolf in sheep's clothing? Is he a man of his word? Does he take accountability? Does he act in anger or is he slow to anger, pay attention to the fruit that's being produced. 252 00:25:41,487.3898746 --> 00:25:47,237.4212732 Do you see the fruit of the spirit in his life? Don't just pay attention to the words. 253 00:25:47,237.4212732 --> 00:25:55,187.4212732 I know a lot of us, our love language is words of affirmation and men know how to say the right thing to get us to fall. 254 00:25:55,307.4212732 --> 00:25:58,979.8820247 Okay? They do, but don't pay attention just to the words. 255 00:25:58,979.8820247 --> 00:26:07,747.9999331 Pay attention to his fruit, to his actions, and then don't be afraid to confront him when they don't line up and watch his response and reactions to that. 256 00:26:07,747.9999331 --> 00:26:09,847.9999331 And that will be very telling. 257 00:26:10,687.9999331 --> 00:26:17,917.9999331 And if this man is a good fit for you and a man who has the Holy Spirit leading him. 258 00:26:18,624.825005 --> 00:26:25,974.825005 And now the fifth and final point, and I hinted at this earlier, but I think it's so important, like we have to make it its own point. 259 00:26:26,394.825005 --> 00:26:26,754.825005 Okay. 260 00:26:26,754.825005 --> 00:26:29,394.825005 Especially if you're somebody who deals with this insecurity. 261 00:26:29,849.1549139 --> 00:26:41,579.1549139 Point number five, you want to be secure in who you are and not in how he sees you and he not in God in how the man sees you. 262 00:26:42,617.4506133 --> 00:26:46,247.4506133 Your confidence cannot come from a man's attention. 263 00:26:47,245.3691904 --> 00:26:49,0.3691904 Okay? A lot of us walk. 264 00:26:49,240.3691904 --> 00:26:50,320.3691904 We see women walking. 265 00:26:51,365.3691904 --> 00:26:59,380.3691904 I in that, in, in that path, right? Their confidence comes from how much attention they can receive from men. 266 00:27:00,190.3691904 --> 00:27:05,770.3691904 Okay? That, that literally becomes your identity, and it's a very, it's a very easy thing to fall into. 267 00:27:05,770.3691904 --> 00:27:18,10.3691904 If you're not secure in yourself and in your identity in Christ, your identity then comes and, and security and safety then comes from how a man sees you. 268 00:27:18,880.3691904 --> 00:27:19,900.3691904 And this is. 269 00:27:20,245.3691904 --> 00:27:27,595.3691904 You, this is not the path to, to not being fearful of being cheated on again, to not trusting a man again. 270 00:27:28,15.3691904 --> 00:27:31,880.0907522 Okay? Your trust doesn't need to be solely rooted in okay. 271 00:27:31,880.0907522 --> 00:27:36,920.0907522 Watching how he he performs, right? And that is. 272 00:27:37,460.0907522 --> 00:27:43,670.0907522 That takes priority, right? If, if your, if your trust is being built, nothing wrong with this, but this doesn't need to be your number one. 273 00:27:43,880.0907522 --> 00:27:52,10.0907522 If your trust is only being built by you watching how he moves, you know, watching how he treats you, looking out for the red flags. 274 00:27:52,10.0907522 --> 00:28:02,540.0907522 If this is where the foundation, the priority of, of what's helping you build the trust in, in him is coming from, you're gonna be disappointed. 275 00:28:03,260.0907522 --> 00:28:03,680.0907522 Okay. 276 00:28:03,710.0907522 --> 00:28:20,960.0907522 Again, the trust needs to be put in God first, and then you've got to have this internal security within yourself and then out of the security within yourself and the healthy relationship you, you have with yourself, then this, these, you know what to look for actually the, then the, the. 277 00:28:21,5.0907522 --> 00:28:22,235.0907522 The way he's treating you. 278 00:28:22,235.0907522 --> 00:28:43,220.329172 If he's, um, if his words are matching his actions, if he's taking responsibility, if he's, um, staying integrous with his, his values and in helping you walk your path of purity, these are just signals that are, are stemming from your trust and security being in, in God, and within yourself. 279 00:28:43,795.5013429 --> 00:28:59,433.9341264 right? Because if you don't have this, it's gonna be easier for you to settle, for your, for you to overlook red flags, for you to lose yourself because you're afraid of not being enough for you to fall into wifey duties before you're a wife. 280 00:28:59,943.9341264 --> 00:29:07,800.6007931 Okay? Because when you're secure in who God says you are, you won't fall into playing house with him because you know your worth. 281 00:29:08,331.8485615 --> 00:29:11,841.8485615 And all of your actions are flowing out of that place. 282 00:29:11,841.8485615 --> 00:29:21,21.8485615 It's not in trying to be enough and to, um, and to release and let go of your values to keep the man. 283 00:29:21,461.4990675 --> 00:29:30,251.4990675 And one of the best ways for you to really walk this out, like if you feel like, okay, well yeah, Danielle, like I'm very insecure within myself. 284 00:29:30,611.4990675 --> 00:29:40,781.4990675 How you become more secure in yourself is one of the best ways, is really getting around other secure women and women that aren't just like, I think even confident women that. 285 00:29:41,216.4990675 --> 00:29:43,256.4990675 You know, that aren't even believers. 286 00:29:43,256.4990675 --> 00:29:53,786.4990675 I think that is even great because it shows you how they move, how confident women move, um, how, how they lead in their relationships and things like that. 287 00:29:54,266.4990675 --> 00:30:04,16.4990675 But of course, being around confident, godly woman, women is going to give you even a different sense of wow. 288 00:30:04,331.4990675 --> 00:30:10,31.4990675 Their confidence is actually rooted in, in, in God, and everything flows from that place. 289 00:30:10,121.4990675 --> 00:30:13,151.4990675 It's two different types of con confidence women. 290 00:30:13,541.4990675 --> 00:30:20,471.4990675 Um, both are great and you can learn so much from both of those, both of both of those categories. 291 00:30:20,921.4990675 --> 00:30:31,236.4990675 Um, and so I think just being around secure, confident women in general is going to really help you build your own confidence because you start to realize, oh. 292 00:30:32,36.4990675 --> 00:30:36,206.4990675 These women, like, they don't try to, to people please. 293 00:30:36,206.4990675 --> 00:30:39,506.4990675 These women, they're not afraid to have boundaries and to say no. 294 00:30:39,766.4990675 --> 00:30:43,966.4990675 Oh, these women are actually pursuing a dream. 295 00:30:43,966.4990675 --> 00:30:45,736.4990675 They're going after a goal. 296 00:30:46,126.4990675 --> 00:30:48,316.4990675 Um, and they're doing it in faith. 297 00:30:48,316.4990675 --> 00:30:51,526.4990675 Even if there is fear atash like you, you're able to see. 298 00:30:52,36.4990675 --> 00:30:56,836.4990675 People who are actually living out in confidence, like their actions and how they move and speak. 299 00:30:57,286.4990675 --> 00:31:06,976.4990675 So sometimes the best way to learn is not just by listening, but it's, it's, or by hearing somebody, by somebody telling you something, but you just catch it. 300 00:31:06,976.4990675 --> 00:31:19,786.4990675 You pick it up by people just being themselves and you being around that you just, you, you catch it, you, you, you can understand what it actually means to walk out in confidence. 301 00:31:20,318.1954847 --> 00:31:22,208.1954847 So to bring it home, wrap it up. 302 00:31:22,748.1954847 --> 00:31:37,118.1954847 I listen, I, I know from the, from the bottom of my heart, I know how it feels to literally be so deathly afraid to fall in love again because you just, you just know for sure you're gonna get cheated on. 303 00:31:38,798.1954847 --> 00:31:46,628.1954847 But I'm telling you, doing these five things, you are going to, you are going to be more than okay, even if it does happen. 304 00:31:48,923.1954847 --> 00:31:50,903.1954847 And that's, that's what's important here. 305 00:31:50,903.1954847 --> 00:32:02,453.1954847 Even if that does happen, even if you do experience betrayal, Jesus experienced so much betrayal, okay? But because he knew his purpose and what he was called here to do, and he knew spiritual truths. 306 00:32:02,813.1954847 --> 00:32:05,483.1954847 This is, this is what kept him going. 307 00:32:06,173.1954847 --> 00:32:11,393.1954847 And so it's not to say you'll ne I'm, I'm not here to say, oh, well, like, pick the right person. 308 00:32:11,393.1954847 --> 00:32:12,893.1954847 You'll never get cheated on again. 309 00:32:13,223.1954847 --> 00:32:13,913.1954847 Like, no. 310 00:32:14,273.1954847 --> 00:32:22,193.1954847 That's not what it, the most important thing here is to, is not to just avoid being cheated on it's to doing these five things. 311 00:32:22,193.1954847 --> 00:32:27,203.1954847 It's to pursuing your relationship with God, to trusting him first and actually really. 312 00:32:27,713.1954847 --> 00:32:30,113.1954847 Rooting your trust in him because he never fails. 313 00:32:30,383.1954847 --> 00:32:44,813.1954847 It's to heal the relationship that you have with yourself so you can live out this healthy lifestyle and cut off the, the bad negative habits and cycles that you've been carrying with you from the past. 314 00:32:44,813.1954847 --> 00:32:49,727.1969854 Relationships that are, um, bleeding into your current reality. 315 00:32:50,374.9742124 --> 00:32:59,254.9742124 To already creating and having this expectation of being super naked and vulnerable and transparent with yourself and your partner. 316 00:32:59,314.9742124 --> 00:33:02,884.9742124 Because when you cultivate that man, that is like the secret in marriage. 317 00:33:03,244.9742124 --> 00:33:19,84.9742124 When you have that and you really like work on having that, like nothing can come between you guys, especially when you guys, we have you, you are rooted in God, you have a partner where you and, and you both are seeking after the Lord like. 318 00:33:19,144.9742124 --> 00:33:21,214.9742124 Uh, these are the secrets. 319 00:33:21,274.9742124 --> 00:33:33,490.7244745 So when you have those, and then finally you are angering your security in Christ and in not what this, how this man views you or with how anybody views you, you are gonna be okay. 320 00:33:33,490.7244745 --> 00:33:44,50.7244745 You're gonna be more than okay you, no matter what you walk through, no matter what your future story has, okay? You are gonna be more than, okay. 321 00:33:44,648.7712787 --> 00:33:46,478.7712787 And so I just pray that. 322 00:33:47,208.0504768 --> 00:33:52,278.0504768 You just take this message to heart, um, and you go and you seek God. 323 00:33:52,398.0504768 --> 00:34:09,738.0504768 Okay? And that it's not, you're not living with this fear, this lens of fear of, oh, well, I'm so afraid to be cheated on, but it's more of like, I am secure in my relationship with God and myself that I'm ready for, for anything. 324 00:34:10,128.0504768 --> 00:34:13,878.0504768 Like, I know I'll be okay and I'll make it to the other side no matter what happens. 325 00:34:13,878.0504768 --> 00:34:15,738.0504768 And I've done all that I can do. 326 00:34:16,98.0504768 --> 00:34:20,868.0504768 And control my own actions because man, it's, it's dangerous. 327 00:34:20,868.0504768 --> 00:34:29,868.0504768 When you are being overwhelmed with things that are out of your control, that's when the joy and the peace gets stolen from you. 328 00:34:31,638.0504768 --> 00:34:34,158.0504768 And whether you get cheated on or not is totally outta your control. 329 00:34:35,743.0504768 --> 00:34:40,308.0504768 Okay? But you can only, you can only control yourself, and I'm telling you. 330 00:34:41,553.0504768 --> 00:34:43,743.0504768 I think I've said this multiple times, but here we go. 331 00:34:43,743.0504768 --> 00:34:44,403.0504768 I'm wrapping it up. 332 00:34:44,703.0504768 --> 00:34:59,943.0504768 Doing these five things is going to help you just get rid of this, living with this fear, this deep fear of being cheated on and really coming out victorious no matter what comes your way, being that strong woman no matter what. 333 00:34:59,943.0504768 --> 00:35:08,403.0504768 So I pray this, this episode, bless you, and I'll see you back here, same time, same place next week. 334 00:35:08,643.0504768 --> 00:35:09,243.0504768 Love you. 335 00:35:09,423.0504768 --> 00:35:09,843.0504768 Bye. 336 00:35:10,271.4315719 --> 00:35:11,201.4315719 Hey, beautiful. 337 00:35:11,201.4315719 --> 00:35:14,801.4315719 I hope you loved hanging with me today and enjoyed the episode. 338 00:35:15,71.4315719 --> 00:35:29,471.4315719 If so, would you take just 30 seconds and share it with someone you love who may also want to heal from past relationships and love themselves again? Also, please scroll down and leave a quick written review for the show on Apple Podcasts. 339 00:35:29,561.4315719 --> 00:35:34,631.4315719 This is the main way we can get this message out to our girlfriends all around the world. 340 00:35:34,876.4315719 --> 00:35:40,276.4315719 And it also just really blesses me to know and hear how this podcast is helping you. 341 00:35:40,336.4315719 --> 00:35:43,426.4315719 Okay, I need to get outta my sweats and get ready for date night. 342 00:35:43,576.4315719 --> 00:35:46,636.4315719 I'll meet you back here on Monday for another episode. 343 00:35:46,756.4315719 --> 00:35:48,376.4315719 Sending you all the love. 344 00:35:48,436.4315719 --> 00:35:49,576.4315719 Until next time.