Episode Transcript
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This week's Life Note, when we put ourselves out there to reconnect a connection.
Music.
Welcome to Life Notes from Chair 17, a podcast dedicated to sharing life stories,
wisdoms, and inspirations as we navigate life's journey.
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Host CH aims to share thoughtful perspectives and insights from her own life
journey, as as well as those of special guests and contributors.
Tune in for thoughtful conversations about lessons learned, wisdoms gained,
experiences had, and inspirations shared.
Find us where you get your podcasts and be sure to hit follow or subscribe so
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you never miss an episode.
Now enjoy this week's episode.
All righty, welcome back in, friends, to another episode of Life Notes from Chair 17.
I'm your host, CH, and I thank you once again, as always, for finding me in
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this corner of the podcast universe.
And as returning C-17ers know, I always like to start off each episode by thanking
you for your continued support and tuning in each week.
This does include our returning C-17 international listeners.
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I thank you so much for tuning in all around the globe, which is kind of,
it's a very special thing to think, you know, you're starting this little podcast
in your corner of the world and it's reaching other corners of the world.
So I do really like I get like seeing when there's a new country that pops up
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on the where are people tuning in from stats that I see.
So thank you very much to those of you who are internationally continuing to
come back and check us out.
However, if you are just tuning in for the first time, maybe you have just found
us on one of the major podcast platforms platforms, or via our website out on
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Live Notes from chair17podcast.com.
A warm welcome in to you.
Thank you for wanting to check us out. We hope you like what you hear,
and you will want to continue to tune in.
So I will start this episode with a small sidebar. At the time that I am recording
it, we are in the middle of yet another...
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Never happens, but always seems to happen now, heat wave here in the Pacific
Northwest, particularly in the Seattle area.
And I will say it's very funny to me at times how much we continue to refer
to these moments as this doesn't happen very often,
and yet it seems to be happening at least once a year now or more than once a year.
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And it's particularly notable for us in a climate that hasn't necessarily been
exposed, let's say, to really hot weather.
We don't have a lot of construction here, older construction that was built with air conditioning.
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So Pacific Northwest here in the United States has been generally known for
having mild summer climates. Sometimes some of the nicest summer weather in
all of the states, very pleasant.
But even in the last decade or
so since I've lived here, I remember moving here and people saying to me,
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oh, don't worry about it, we never really get above very high into the upper
80s or lower 90s, which for our international listeners,
I believe that would be high 20s Celsius for you, low 30s Celsius for you.
And that was a rarity, right? But it's becoming less of a rarity now and more
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of a familiar thing that we see in some of our weather forecasts.
Not, of course, like our friends in some of the hottest parts of our country
or even the world where heat is a regular occurrence.
So our friends in Phoenix, Arizona or Dallas, Texas, us who are used to that
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high of temperature, or that sometimes is your low temperature,
it probably might make you laugh.
But for those of us who actually came from a warmer climate,
so I was born in Southern California, so we were used to warm summers,
of course, but we had air conditioning. Right.
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And not having AC makes facing heat waves, however temporary or however small
in comparison to some of the other heat waves going on in different locales,
can make it a lot more challenging.
And it can affect different parts of our population up here because as you get
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older, sometimes you don't tolerate the heat as much.
And you've got to seek out different places in which to wait out the heat.
So in a city cooling center or something like that.
So we are currently in the middle of this.
And as I record this, it feels like I'm sweating a lot, but that's probably TMI for everyone.
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But at least there is some comical relief.
And by all means, listeners who are listening in from very warm climate,
please feel free to laugh at
us for complaining about what might be considered still mild heat waves.
Seattle also gets a bad rap for complaining about
its winter weather so I don't think
I've ever paid more attention to weather since
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moving up here and those who I
have seen also move up here from different climates we all laugh and agree that
weather is sort of this thing to follow in this particular city for comical
reasons but also for what the heck is going on reasons so So anyway,
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that is my very small sidebar rant. Hopefully it might make some of you laugh.
Wish us well in getting through the heat wave and getting back to more of our
mild summer climate that we seem to be missing a lot more these days than maybe in the old days.
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But I digress, of course.
So what are we really talking about in this episode? What the heck is putting ourselves out there?
To reconnect. Well, I'm calling it the reconnection episode or the friend reconnection,
but don't confuse that with the French connection.
Feel free to laugh at that if you'd like. What do I really mean by this, though?
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So I was thinking recently, and this has happened to me, but I've also observed
it happening around me lately.
Have you ever had that friend or close colleague or peer or something that was
a real presence in your life, a solid presence in your life?
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Maybe was your BFF, best friend forever. daily
weekly someone who
you really could lean
into and lean on who saw you go
through a ton of challenge was potentially
what we've talked about previously in our
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walk through the fire episode we call them fire walkers here on the podcast
these are the people that are undeterred and are are willing to not just meet
us on the other side of some of those challenging life fires that we go through,
but are actually willing to walk through the fire with us and hold our hand
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with us as we move through the difficult times.
And you have this person and they are regular in your life and then they just
suddenly or maybe slowly aren't in the picture anymore.
And they don't ghost us, meaning they don't deliberately avoid all forms of
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contact or communication,
but it feels as if there has been a fade of this connection or an,
let's call it an abrupt unplugging of the connection if it happens to be on the abrupt side.
And it could be caused by a number of factors.
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And these factors are life factors, right? Life starts to shift or to change.
Maybe social circles start to look different between us and them, right?
Maybe some combination of life and social starts to change.
Maybe there is a move involved where we were once in the same city and now we're
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further away from each other.
Maybe there's a job change of some sort, and there just isn't the same amount
of time there was to get together.
Maybe there was a disagreement of some kind, ideological or otherwise,
and although each person was able to have their say and make their peace,
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it ultimately left the connection not what it once was, very different,
and it slowly fades into the background or just stops or unplugs, as we'll say.
Whatever the case may be, as this time passes, we just aren't connected to that person anymore.
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And yet, there is this imprint that they have left on us and of which still remains.
And we can, from time to time, find ourselves thinking about them in a positive way.
And we might even have that moment where we think out loud to ourselves,
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you know, I wonder how so-and-so is doing.
I actually really miss them. Or there's some memory that is recalled that has them in it.
And it makes you wonder how they are getting on.
And you might even have the inkling to want to reach out to them to see.
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So here's what I say to that. Do it.
And reach out. Because you just never know when you may not be able to do that.
That old adage that we're not promised tomorrow and that anything can really
happen at any moment in life to potentially change our ability to reach back out to that person.
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I'm obviously thinking about a time last year when we lost our colleague Trudy
and we never thought we wouldn't be able to reach out and talk to her again
or that she would get so suddenly ill and be taken from us in a very short period of time.
That's obviously one of the more tragic and sad instances in which something
can change and you're not able to reach out to that person.
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But there are other, let's say, less tragic moments or shifts that might prevent
us from following through on that reach out.
And I often feel that if we don't listen to that little voice that pops up and
goes, hey, maybe I should reach out.
It can sometimes weigh on us much more heavier if we don't do it than if we did.
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And I find as I get older, this becomes increasingly more important to do,
like almost critically.
And I also find that I do have less patience and time for what I will call cat
and mouse games of contact and connection, like should I, shouldn't I?
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Well, I'm going to wait for them. Well, I'm not going to wait for them.
Well, maybe they'll do it. Well, maybe I should do it. No, it's too soon.
Like, really, just reach out and connect.
I've always been a huge believer in just.
Tell the person, say to the person, communicate to the person.
Again, because we just don't know.
Maybe you thought you would have all this time to do it, and you didn't. And then you regret it.
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And I realize that in saying this, I'm oversimplifying. And there's going to
be some situations where this is not going to be easy to do.
Because there's conflict involved, right?
And there are weird vibes involved. You may still have the positive recall memory
of the time that you were doing something with this person and it really brought a smile to your face.
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But then you remember that the break of the connection was framed around something not good.
And it wasn't an equal sharing of people saying their piece and sort of a mutual parting of the ways.
It was a weird vibe, let's call it, or a conflicted vibe. And that does make
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for a caveat of this exercise of trying to reconnect, and we have to acknowledge that.
Because if the last time that we connected with this person was indeed framed
by this conflict, and that conflict is unresolved,
we have to gauge if we are potentially ready to revisit it, given we may not be sure of the outcome.
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So is it going to be a mea culpa moment?
Is it going to go the way of simply acknowledging that it's been a minute and
in that minute when we last left it off, it wasn't necessarily a good chat or a good last minute?
Is it going to require us to lean into the positive memories of the previous
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connection and maybe use that to reframe having the discussion that could lead to a reset?
All of these things are super valid questions to consider.
And even if we consider them all and lead with the best of intentions,
we still could reach out and nothing comes back. back, right? It's radio silence.
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It's the void, or in the words of Avril Lavigne, so much for my happy ending.
And that's a bummer. And it hurts and it stings and it doesn't necessarily feel good.
And then we might just go, why in the world did I even bother to put myself through that?
And what I've had to kind of learn through a couple of these moments is it just
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just ultimately confirms that the chapter is closed on that connection,
and that I have to accept that it is.
That I did the best that I could, I put myself out there, I tried,
but it just wasn't what it once was, and it's not going back to that.
And I ultimately have to be okay with that, and I ultimately have to be okay
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with the closure that that brings.
However difficult it might be to accept, I have to accept that.
But there's the flip side to that coin, which is, if and when we do reach out
and put ourselves out there to reach out, it leads actually to reconnection.
That the response that comes back is one of mutual interest.
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And it's that enough time has maybe passed, and in that it has changed both sides of our life.
Their life maybe has begun to usher in a new or a different perspective.
And while we are fully in our moment of having missed them and wanting to engage
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and reconnect, it's also that they have missed us,
that they also have wondered how we are doing, that they also would like to
find a place back in our present life.
And all it took was a first step, a small text, maybe a call,
maybe an email, maybe just a DM, something to just regenerate the connection
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and following through on that little voice of saying,
hey, I wonder how they're doing. Maybe I should reach out.
I sometimes find that I am the person who does this meaning that I am the person
that takes the initiative to reach out,
And I don't know that I've ever regretted it, although I will say sometimes
it comes back not the way I think it should.
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I, again, have to accept that.
But I have also been on the receiving end of when it has been done for me or to me.
And when it has been done and the feeling is a good one, here is that moment
where I'm like, wow, that was really nice to hear from them.
Now, again, I can't say this is perfect or that all reach-outs to reconnect
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go the way of what I like to call sunsets and rainbows and happy endings. They don't. They don't.
Like I said, there have been a few where I've tried and nothing comes back or
very little comes back, even though I really wanted it to.
But again, I've had to learn that this is somewhat of a confirmed sign that
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I need to let it go and that some connections are just not going to reconnect, and that is okay.
But some can, and some do, and some should.
And perhaps it only takes that very little first step to fire it up again and start reconnecting.
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And it is, of course, just my
opinion, but that as long as we are ready to face both sides of that coin.
So on the one side it works out and we're reconnected, but on the other side
it's closure and it's moving to next,
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having made the effort is the most important key to that moment.
So there you have it
a small weather related rant
as it is very warm here right now recording this
but also the importance potentially
of following through on that little voice putting yourself
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out there and trying to reconnect because you
just never know if it's It's going to come back to you with a brand new and
improved 2.0 or version 2.0 connection with that once very important and very
close person that you missed.
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And with that, as always, I ask you to be kind to yourself.
Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time. And I will see you next time.
Music.
Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Life Notes from Chair17.
Remember to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. We'll see you next time.
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Music.