Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Oh right.
All right,
everybody.
Welcome back to The Seeds of Change Podcast.
I am your host,
Mark a turnip seed and I am so happy to be here.
It is Monday morning and man,
it's feeling good.
We just had such a long crazy weekend this weekend,
(00:22):
it was just like cloudy and stormy and I was just getting back from a vacation with my boys where I had taken them or I had not taken it where I had gone to go visit them and my ex-wives up for Christmas in North Carolina.
And man,
it was so nice up there.
It was nice and sunny and beautiful and I got back down to Florida where for all places where you think you're going to be coming down in the winter time,
(00:46):
a nice,
beautiful place and it was just like a hurricane.
It's been kind of cold and it's just been rainy and grimy and I've been loving it.
I have been loving it,
man.
I thought that I was going to hate it,
but I had been,
I loved it this weekend.
I just hung out.
I went to a movie.
I watched three different movies I went to a movie,
(01:06):
watched three different movies,
did a ton of writing,
came up with a lot of content,
did a lot of organization around my house.
And I got to spend extremely valuable time with my new girlfriend and we've been dating for two months and in those two months coming to know somebody and coming to love somebody has been just the greatest pleasure and the greatest joy that I could ever imagine.
(01:31):
And I hope that it's something that everybody gets to encounter some time in their life.
Now I've,
I've really fallen in love a couple of times in my life.
But what I've started to recognize is that is that,
is that,
that feeling of love is something that happens when it happens,
(01:56):
right?
And it's a feeling that we get to experience.
It's this feeling that comes in and we go,
wow,
this person is making me feel exuberant.
I just feel on top of this world and,
and,
and,
and I begin to get addicted to that feeling and that,
that,
that feeling is so nice.
(02:16):
It's so good.
I want more and more and more of it.
I want to be in the presence of that person so much that,
that I begin to confuse my idea of what love is for my idea of what ownership is.
I don't know if anybody else has run into that,
but I see it in almost every single relationship that I look out into is an ownership.
(02:38):
It's when somebody says this and II,
I was so I was watching this movie,
I was watching this movie called The Holdovers.
And at one point of the movie,
they go to a Christmas party where a woman is,
is introducing the,
the,
the holdover cast to her friends.
And when she's introducing her friend,
she goes,
(02:59):
this is my friend,
Eloise.
This is my friend who's the butcher.
This is my friend.
This is my friend,
my friend.
And in my head,
I started to see this vision of,
of this house with all these people.
And this is mine.
These are mine.
These are my friends.
This is my thing.
This is my house.
This is mine when we tag the word my to anything.
(03:20):
Yeah.
II,
I have to wonder why I have to wonder why a person is led to believe that this is my friend.
I have,
I have,
I have to seriously question,
I have to seriously wonder when somebody says this is my wife.
Is it?
This is my fortune.
This is my car,
(03:40):
this is my house.
This is my property.
Is it now?
What does it mean to actually be mine?
And is that something that I ever want to take in to any sort of relationship in my life?
I've noticed over the past two months of dating,
this gorgeous,
beautiful,
(04:01):
wonderful woman that in essence,
I can slip into that slope.
And I can I can develop an attachment?
And if I develop an attachment with a woman,
I will develop attachments in other areas of my life.
And I've spent the last five years trying to dissolve all of those attachments so that I can live a happy and sober and free life.
(04:23):
Now,
if I bring more attachments into my life,
start thinking well,
now I need this.
Now I need this to be mine.
I need a love to be mine.
I need a,
I need a house to be mine.
I need a job,
Bob to be mine.
I need all this mind,
mind,
mind,
I start collecting all of these things.
What I'm really doing there.
What I'm really doing there is trying to control things that I can't otherwise control.
(04:45):
I can't control love.
I actually can't control my house.
I can't control my property.
I can't control much of all what goes on in this world,
right?
But I can control whether I want to control these people and these things in my life.
I can control that and I can purposefully dissociate from the control aspect of a relationship as it starts to build.
(05:09):
Now,
here's what I've noticed in my history of relationship building and growth is that if I develop an attachment to somebody,
then I'm going to start to react,
I'm gonna start to feel very strong emotions with things that otherwise disturb or uh kind of get in the way of that attachment.
All right.
So that's just basic attachment theory uh back in psycho.
(05:32):
But you know,
the psychological approach to understanding how kids grow,
right?
We start growing and then when something gets in the way of that attachment,
we develop frustrations.
And that's ultimately what attachment theory says is,
that's where your personality is born from.
If your personality is born from there,
y'all,
then then I don't know about you.
But I love this Bible verse when Paul talks about when,
(05:54):
when he goes,
when,
when I was a child,
I thought like a child and I walk and talk like a child.
But when I became a man,
I thought like a man and I talked like a man and I acted like one.
So here's these things that created an attachment style inside of our youth that makes me sometimes avoid it or sometimes,
you know,
(06:14):
like I,
I get real jealous,
right?
If my partner is flirting with a guy over in the,
in the corner and I think that that guy might be better bigger than me.
Right?
And I start to feel a little bit jealous.
That's a,
that's a sign that I've got an attachment issue rising,
right?
It's not quite an issue yet or is it OK?
(06:36):
That's,
that's,
that's where I take things in life.
Right.
Right.
When I start to notice the feeling,
right?
When I start to notice just a little hair of jealousy inside of my life I go.
Is this right?
Or is this going to lead me down a slippery slope?
All right.
That's one of my favorite terms in all of argument is slippery slope.
(06:56):
A slippery slope argument is when you start thinking about it and doing it,
then it's going to start your show is to slide down the argument and the argument is gonna just become about it and it's not really going to be something that's going to add to it.
And it may actually,
in fact,
just end up to a whole bunch of fault cities,
which is ultimately what ends up happening when it,
(07:16):
when,
when I live my life on a slippery slope,
attachments are one of those slippery slopes if you have attachments.
And if,
if I start to go,
this is my house.
These are my friends.
This is my,
this is my,
my,
my then I start to develop anxieties inside of my life.
Anxieties are jealousies,
(07:38):
but anxieties start to develop in my life because I have to control these things.
If in fact,
they are mine.
Do y'all understand the groundbreaking information that I'm sharing with you here?
It's just very simple stuff,
but it is and it is a entry point into Zen,
(08:00):
a Zen lifestyle.
It's an entry point into peace and into being calm and into relaxing over relationships instead of looking at it like my,
I all I want you to do all I want to do for myself too,
is simply just challenge it.
Ok.
So when I start to say inside of my head,
this is my girlfriend.
(08:21):
This is my love.
This is,
this is my,
uh,
you know,
when I start to see her with another guy in the gym or at a party,
if I start to see her with this guy and I start to go,
she wanna have sex with him.
Right.
Right.
Does she want to kiss him?
Oh,
(08:41):
she thinks that he might be better than me?
I think that he might be better than me.
Then here is what's going on there.
My attachment is becoming threatened and then I am going to whether or not I like to or not life is a dance and there's little teeny movements that we do once we have a thought.
So this little fast thought that came in of,
(09:03):
oh,
there they are.
I'm going to act based off of that unless I disrupt the whole pattern of how this works.
Unless I disrupt my whole perception.
And I begin to look at this woman like a blessing and like a gift that God has given me that is his to give.
(09:24):
Not mine to hold on to.
In essence,
I don't ever own the sex,
the kisses,
the hugs,
the,
the,
the,
the,
the looks,
the flirtations.
I don't ever own any of that.
And by not owning any of that,
(09:44):
I have all of my,
I retain all of my power to bring all of my love into that relationship and none of my fucking jealousy.
This is the paradigm shift that I see myself personally going through as it pertains to love and relationships.
(10:06):
And what ends up happening here is my life has over the past few months,
has opened up to being able to love countless amounts of individuals.
I'm beginning to like,
I'm not joking by understanding this philosophy and putting it to the test with my current girlfriend.
I have began to develop friends quicker.
(10:28):
I remember name.
If you have a problem remembering names,
then this actually has helped me to remember names better because when I go into this situation,
it's not about developing a relationship that I will own.
It's about developing a relationship that I can give to,
that I can give to as a,
as a,
(10:48):
as a worship and as a sacrifice to the goodness that God is to the love that is around me.
All right.
So all of you as you listen to,
to my podcast,
I want you to just go ahead and just start eradicating your,
your view of God and just change it to a four letter word every time I use it,
it's just love.
(11:09):
That's all it is in the Bible.
It says God is love.
So I'm just going to just continue to say when love wants me to let go of the love of another person,
it's saying it's saying,
look,
I am here.
You can trust,
you don't have to fear.
You don't have to have jealousy over me and you can never hold on to me because how can you hold on to something that just is,
(11:35):
how can you hold on to something that is everything guys you yourself so very much by thinking that you have to hold on to the things and the people that you love.
you don't,
you don't,
all you have to do with those things is give your love to them.
The more that you hold on,
the less you're able to give your love and ultimately,
(11:58):
the more likely that individual is going to leave you eventually.
Yeah,
it's true.
That's how that thing works.
And I noticed it going on in the first month of my relationship largely because I've noticed it over the past my lifetime happening in every single relationship.
And I like this girl so much.
(12:19):
I like this girl so much y'all that I'm willing to do anything.
And so as I started to feel these jealousies,
now,
these little jealousies,
right?
In my past relationships are things that I think,
I actually think that I need to hold on to so that I can develop a healthy relationship.
I think that I need to hold on to it because I see outside of my life,
(12:40):
I'm conditioned to believe that a man holds on to his woman.
A woman holds on to his men,
they become jealous and they fight for each other's love.
No man use the love between you two to love other people and to love this world and to not hold on to each other,
but rather to burst into growth and life and beauty together.
(13:01):
Oh,
it's so much better.
Come on.
Give it a try with me.
Give it a try.
Come on,
hop on this gravy train.
Add a little bit of seed of change into your love life and start stop looking at people and things and places like this is my city.
This is my girlfriend,
this is my car and let God open you up.
(13:26):
And what will end up happening is He's gonna show you so much more love.
He's gonna show you so many more cars.
He's gonna show you so many more places because that is what love does when we open to it.
When we open to love,
love brings love back when we open to love.
Love,
bring love back when we bring jealousy into love.
(13:47):
When we bring ownership into love,
love,
retracts.
Love holds back because we cannot hold on to the greater thing that is that is love.
Now,
join me,
join me in a real quick meditation where we are going to eradicate our view that we own and that we love our current partners or anything in our life,
(14:15):
including relationships.
We're going to just take a deep breath and we're going to imagine that beautiful person in front of our face.
We're going to imagine that beautiful person in front of our face.
Now just feel that person and while you breathe,
I want you to feel the breath coming up through their lungs.
I want you to recognize that your breath is no different than theirs.
(14:39):
I want you to recognize as,
as you,
as you breathe in,
see their eyes,
see,
see their eyes.
And when you do kind of open your eyes as if as if you're opening your eyes together and then,
and then look into each other's eyes and then look into each other's eyes.
And when you do inside of your mind's eye,
I want you to rec I want you to,
(15:01):
to see that you are an exact concert.
You are a mirror for each other.
You are but a reflection of each other to reflect each other's love.
Not to hold on to it.
Now,
now just look at each other in the eye in this moment,
reflecting each other's love.
(15:23):
And as you feel that reflection come back to you and it touches you and it gets all around you as you're in the presence of this person that you give all your love to and they give all their love to you as you rest in that presence.
Recognize there is no ownership here.
(15:47):
This is the most beautiful experience that is able to exist on this planet.
And with that thought.
Why on earth?
What do you try to bring your bullshit into it?
(16:08):
Everybody,
this has been seeds of change.
I am.
Mark a turnip seed.
I'm happy to be talking with you about love.
Have a wonderful day.