Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 26 - Wacky Wavy Abatable Wands Co. - Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hello, weary traveler.
I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here,
but you have stepped into a realm of my creation,
a sprawling city filled with danger and glory,

(00:22):
and most importantly, lots of gold.
I call it, Ilanumis.
Who am I?
You might ask.
The name is Jarjim, and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
Long story short, this group of idiots,
or as you may call them, heroes, made a bet with me
that they had when it took to make a mass trove of gold,

(00:44):
but left some of the key details blank.
So I filled them in myself.
I sent them to this pocket dimension,
into the city I had created with brand new bodies
they have to attune to.
Can these fools pass my test, or will they
be trapped here forever?
So experience my world of trials and tribulations,

(01:07):
and join alongside this posse of pitiful people,
or as I like to call them, the criminals of Ilanumis.
And welcome back, everybody, to another episode
of Criminals of Ilanumis.
I'm Skylar.
I'm the Game Master, Dungeon Master.
Again, last time we said we haven't had any dungeons yet,

(01:27):
so it's more about Game Master currently.
But with that being said, to my right,
we have Jackson, who is being Diaz.
Yeah, Dez.
He was a fighter and a merman guy.
And now he's a Cancun Ranger.
Yep.
Fun fact about Dez is he's not quite sure how starfish work.

(01:49):
They're weird, man.
They're weird.
They're actually kind of scary sometimes.
He's lived around them his whole life.
He knows that they got suckers and mouths,
but he's seen them eat a whole fish.
And where does that fish go?
Yeah, he doesn't know.
That's the horrors of starfish.
I don't like a mysosaurus.

(02:09):
Yeah.
Throwing those jokes out there next to Dez
is Dave, who is playing Maki.
Well, I'm playing Maki, a Cancun shadow sorcerer.
Nice.
Right on.
That's right.
Yeah, that's right.
I mean, sometimes--
You're in time to do the point.
That's right.

(02:29):
With that being said, we'll move on over to Cameron,
who is playing Rorick.
Hi, I'm Cameron.
You are.
I'm playing Rorick.
You are.
And Rorick was a dwarf.
He was.
No longer.
No longer.
He's a goblin.
He is.
And he's shorter.
He's much--
Somehow, not much.
Not much.
Not much.
Close, actually.

(02:50):
He only went down a couple, like a foot.
Yeah.
Which, I mean, kind of significant.
Kind of.
But when you spend your whole life being the shortest
in the group, it's really not that much.
I don't know.
That box of cereal on the second shelf
is just that much further away.
Don't remind me.
Next to Cameron and continuing on to the fact
that he is our final player for tonight,

(03:12):
because Quinn, aka Little Sauce, is still out.
But again, we will be doing kind of a side adventure, maybe,
assuming he's still alive.
Bum, bum, bum.
We have Fatty Lumpkins, who's playing Keto.
Fatty here playing Keto, the cobalt echonet.

(03:32):
Nice.
And we got to see some of that echo nighting last time.
So with that being said, we will jump--
He's so cool.
He is pretty cool.
With that being said, we will jump into the episode.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
All right, so last time we left off,
you guys went to the Blood Ball Coliseum after you--

(03:55):
Oh, sorry, not Coliseum.
Stadium.
It's a stadium.
Because you guys heard screaming and freaking out of people,
and you went there to discover that one of the three monsters
that you were after in coercion with the Coliseum,
the actual Coliseum, or the hippodrome,
as Hal hippodome likes to refer to it as.

(04:16):
And you guys were able to defeat one of the three monsters
that were there.
With that being said, you put it to sleep,
and then you sold the bulk of this monster, which
was sort of replicating itself in a sense,
to Varys Shadowcaster, who Rorik and Des had run into

(04:37):
previously.
A tiefling was sort of some element of shadow magic
that had, like I said, put himself forth to these two
earlier on and reappeared now, offering to purchase the monster
off of them for, eventually, 3,000 gold pieces,
which is pretty great.
Nice raise.
You guys bumped up the price quite a bit.

(04:59):
We were able to convince him that.
And he obviously thought it was worth it.
And so he took the monster away with him,
leaving you guys with one section, one head snake
creature known as a centrosnake, which
is what comes off of the mitosisaurus that you defeated.
The behind for you to keep.
I'm not 100% sure what you guys are going to do with it,
but you have it.

(05:19):
So there you go.
Starts kissing it.
No, I won't do so much.
And the camera fades in with the intro.
And then it's--
There, there, Maki.
I'm sure we'll meet Shadowcaster again.
And you stop crying.
He's just got such cool shadow powers.
Yeah, that was pretty cool.
Not going to lie.

(05:40):
Anyways, I got this monocle that turns out can do stuff.
It's just in my pocket.
Wait.
This whole time.
Wait, those things do stuff?
I'm with his whistle that just--
Yeah, I have one too.
Fingering into my pocket.
I'll have monocles.
No, I've got a chest piece.
I've got a whistle.

(06:00):
Oh.
Well, see if you got anything other than lint
in your pocket, Dex.
Dez is down.
He starts to pat down himself in his pockets and his cloak.
And random things are falling out of his cloak and stuff.
But he's just shrugs.
Rory's going to flip the chest piece in the air

(06:21):
and see if it does anything.
No.
Does it have a button on it?
No.
Can he look--
Is there a glow?
Is it glowing?
Can you shake it?
In my monocle.
It is glowing in your monocle.
You can see through it because it is glass.
But it would be like a fogged glass.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like that white fogged glass.
It's glowing all right.

(06:42):
Oh, it does.
Dez draws out a little chessboard in the dirt
and has a pseudo chess set set up with random shiny pebbles
he found in the dirt.
I hate gestures.
I put it.
I-- where do I put it?
What kind of chess piece is it?
It says--

(07:04):
Drag glass dragon chess piece that--
nope, doesn't specify.
It just says chess piece is obviously a knife.
Time to roll.
That's what I was--
Time to roll a D6.
Wait, how many pieces are there?
There's Caspy.
2D6.
2D6.
3.
It's a bishop.
Oh.

(07:24):
It's a bishop.
I don't know where this--
I don't even know where this comes.
I don't know.
The enniel had a hand at the decks.
Dez looks at it and he puts it in the pseudo chess--
chessboard where the bishop would be.
And then all of a sudden, it starts to glow.
The whole chessboard you've drawn starts to glow.

(07:48):
No, I'm kidding.
Nothing.
It comes to light.
And it comes to light.
It's a dragon.
Now move it.
You have summoned a chessboard.
Yes.
Yeah, you put it on the ground and it makes your drawing.
And you just like a chessboard.
Oh, that's cool.
It's like, you know what?
Chessboard.
No, nothing happened.
Just start to fill a room with chessboard.
Oh, you already--

(08:08):
You're way too--
A million coins.
I can't believe we thought of the same thing
at the same time.
We opened a store.
A chess--
I'm going to start filling my bag of holding with just
chessboards.
Turn them into weapons.
You just go running around a throwing chess--
it's easy.
Start moving it the way you would move a bishop.
Nothing happens.
Yeah, nothing's happening.
Dang it.
I'll take it back.

(08:29):
Keto grimaces and then takes a look at the item in his pocket
and falls out a mysterious whistle.
See, yours seems more obvious.
Gold and color.
Yeah, and it too seems to exude a magical aura.
It does.
And when Monkey's a big breath in and just blows that
as hard as he can--
[MUSIC PLAYING]

(08:55):
In your mind, you suddenly think of Keto's favorite song.
Oh, what is that song?
Keto's favorite song.
Oh, the Andy--
Lord.
[INAUDIBLE]
[LAUGHTER]
Lord, make up a song.

(09:16):
Maybe we'll say it.
Make up a song.
No, make up a song.
Make up an elvish song.
Come on.
He's not an elf.
He's--
No, you're--
Keto's head.
It's "Wiggle" by Jason.
If you take a real song in actual life and then
swap somebody, Jason Derulo, it's a waste of time.
That's right.
Come on.

(09:37):
It's just Jason Derulo saying, Jason Derulo.
Take either-- you got to take either a celebrity singer
whose name has--
it could--
--larve into it.
Just make up a song name.
I can't--
Like an elvish song.
You were Lord of the Rings fan.
Fine.

(09:57):
We're going to go "The Bridge of Khazadum" by Howard Shore.
OK, so--
OK.
I can't-- obviously, for those listening to the podcast,
I can't use Howard Shore as the bridge of Khazadum.
Why not?
How about you, Skyler, play "The Bridge of Khazadum"
on a still on a record?
No.
And it'll be so bad.

(10:18):
Hover's are kind of agreeing.
It's Hover.
So it's Coca.
But there is going to be a song that'll be underneath this.
And that is the closest thing, I guess,
I could find based on what I have access to.
But whatever the case, what happens
is a small group of imps suddenly puff around you.

(10:39):
And each one has a different instrument.
One has a hand drum.
One has pan pipes.
One has a lute.
And one has a viol, like a violin.
And they all start playing "The Bridge of Khazadum."
Can I join in?
Sure.
With what?
My lute.
Oh, OK.

(11:00):
I've rolled in that one.
You pluck and the string go--
[BELL RINGING]
Leave it to the professionals.
That is--
That's crazy.
--fifty.
I'll be it not useful, but--
I bet they work for free.
We could make some money off of this.
This is the second way I've seen to make a million coins.

(11:22):
I'm going to perform in monkey.
I've got performing imps.
I'm going to blow my chest piece.
What?
Just put it up to your mouth and just what?
Yeah.
Nothing happens.
Oh.
[LAUGHTER]

(11:44):
Maki's going to look around on the ground
for any of those glowing objects he saw in the battle.
He was angry.
Yeah.
Yeah, OK.
OK.
I missed that darn shadow magic.
Tricked those too.
No, you search around.
And as you're searching, you pick up some obscure items

(12:08):
from the ground, like a half-eaten box of popcorn,
a half-eaten hot dog, a half-drink beverage.
But what you do inevitably find that is glowing is a compass.
Oh, compass.
Ah, what do we have here then?
And it seems to be pointing east.

(12:31):
I remember the last time I gave a D&D player a compass.
They disappeared from the campaign.
Not a joke.
This is what happened.
This is what happened.
I walked into my pocket for a future reference.
All right.
And I start pointing my chess piece at stuff
and going like, presto.
Magnifico.
Ta-da.

(12:52):
Oh, you're pulling a Tilby McGuire spider?
Yeah.
What?
Go.
This is just in the background.
Nothing seems to be happening.
Go, Bishop.
Go.
I will take--
I choose you, Bishop.
Rest of my equipment.
And I look at him to see if anything else is glowing.
He's naked in the field.
Yeah.

(13:13):
He set it all down in neat.
We--
Oh, look at the magic.
Tell me what else you're looking at.
Oh, he's got the magic rock.
I mean, wait.
No, that's magic.
Wait.
Did Little Sauce take the rock with him?
He last had it.
Oh, I guess he did.
He's fine, actually.
He's the only one that actually do this.
We don't care about it.
Assuming he's not dead, he probably--

(13:34):
it would serve him best.
Very fair.
We could find him whenever we want,
because as you said, the rock makes a giant tractor beam
that does not near us.
If it's not, but he's part of your group, too.
I am more.
If he's dead--
oh, that's a good way to determine if he's dead.
If it just shows up-- oh, no!
[LAUGHTER]

(13:55):
You guys start just scanning all around you.
Let's see if that or he dropped it.
That's also positive.
If Quinn's session ends with him in trouble
and needing help, he can--
He can toss it to the side.
Dude, I cannot wait to--
That actually-- and then we have to follow the trail
from there to find him.
Actually, that would be really cool.
We'll see what happens.

(14:16):
But now I have a white tile and a Raven icon button
that were my trinkets, other trinkets.
At last they were accidentally supposed to be desses.
Did you get desses and--
I had little sauces.
I don't know why I would have written them on there.
But yes, both of those are three.
Both of those are glowing.

(14:38):
Because he just liked your more, Marky.
You should just give Des one because you feel bad.
I don't want your pity magic.
I'll give you my chest piece that doesn't work.
It's magical.
There's magic in there.
Don't know what it do.
We should get these appraised.
Oh, that's true.
A wizard can tell me what it does.
Let's go to-- well, what time is it?

(15:01):
I feel like it's getting-- we just had two giant--
Yeah, it was pretty late.
Yeah.
But you've been--
Let's go into the--
I'm dying.
Well, there was a Colosseum slide.
And then there was this.
So I'm tired.
I'm peckish.
I want some grub.
I'll tell you what.
If you want some grub, you should come over to our tavern.

(15:22):
Who the heck are you?
The giant satire.
From the munchies.
Oh, you're giving me the munchies.
The misfit munchies team.
That's what they chant.
You ever been--
Munch, munch, munch.
Hey, you guys' fans.
Yeah, ever since I saw the sign.
Oh, well, I got to say, we're big fans of you guys.

(15:44):
Thanks for taking care of that big old monster.
That was causing us trouble.
It was an ablin'.
Oh, it was something--
I was a pretty strong one.
Was it?
Oh, hey.
So what do you say about dinner on us?
Oh, sure.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
That was a tough one, all right.
You guys ever miss a--
Tough of legend.

(16:04):
You guys ever been to Burger Beasts?
Sure.
That's the only tavern that you've actually gone to in E-Night.
We went to a Burger Beasts?
Yeah.
Is that the one that had all the different janks?
That's the one that had all the various drinks?
As you guys are talking to him, the ill-fidd,
the mind flayer approaches, the one that I mentioned before.

(16:28):
And he looks at you guys, and he says, wait a minute.
I remember you.
You guys skipped out on your tab.
Oh, these guys?
Oh, well, this is--
Call us even.
I was just going to say, it sounds like you got your free meal.
Well, we'd invite you down to Burger Beasts,
but maybe this time you actually pay for it.

(16:52):
I did recently come upon some gold.
Sure, why not?
And then bed straight for all of us.
Straight's a bed.
I can understand that.
All right, well, we're headed there now,
because we got to cook up.
We're all staff there, so we got to get to work.
Yeah, we'll follow.
So you guys follow those guys off to--
And I thought--

(17:12):
Follow the mind flare.
Sure.
Hey, do you find it hard to eat food with all those tentacles
and stuff in the way?
He lifts up the tentacles, and there's
like a creepy mouth under there, and he's like, no,
it's not too hard, see?
Yeah, but you have to lift the tentacles every time to eat.
It's sort of an instinct.

(17:33):
They kind of just lift as I bring the food up.
It's-- wait, can you lift them without your hands?
I just did.
Oh, well, the real life Skylete is just a hands--
Sorry.
Yeah, there.
Sorry, it was just me showing it, but yeah, he can--
That is cool.
Thanks.
Can they wave at me?
I mean, I guess they could.

(17:53):
Have you named them?
Usually, I use them to wave at customers
after they pay and leave a restaurant.
Oh, I didn't get to see that before.
You did not.
I don't remember why, though.
Remember our scratch at the top of his head, Dumbled?
I remember performing at your place wasn't too good at it.

(18:14):
It was my first time.
He, and I point at Keto, I say, but he's got a stellar band
he's got, and I will blow my whistle.
And sure enough, the band comes out.
What are they playing this time?
I'll show it.
I'll show it.
Every time.
I'll show it.
They're doing a nice little she shanty.
She shanty.

(18:35):
They're stinking like, you know what I said?
It was a pirate for a long time.
I'd know it in--
Yeah, yeah, I was going to say, sure.
Oh, this one's amazing.
I love this one.
What do you know?
Where do you know?
What do you know?
Where do you know?
They all stop playing, and they all kind of glare at you
angrily.
I stop, and I kind of bashfully look away.
And as you look away, they start to slowly go back

(18:56):
to playing the song again.
And I whisper, what do you know?
I've been saying.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, so yeah, how long do you want that to last?
Forever.
Forever.
Well, at what point--
At the first board.
Oh, they'll get to the first verse.
OK, and then they dissipate.
Yes.
All right.
Yeah, you guys head back to Burger Beasts,

(19:17):
and they make you whatever it is that you want.
I would say, I don't know, like 10 gold.
Like one Burger Beasts, please.
Yep, they make you a Burger Beasts.
Does anybody want a Beast Burger?
I don't know.
It might have bold on it.
It might.
Who knows?
Anyway, whatever it is, it'll fun.
You guys get into your guys' food,
and like I said, 10 gold, probably total for the meal.

(19:39):
And yeah, you're all set.
They're a really chill group.
As you guys are walking to the restaurant, they talk about--
it was-- obviously, they were really confused.
They don't know what the heck happened with the monsters.
You guys mentioned to them the situation at the Coliseum.
They're like, ah, that makes sense.
They talk to you guys about Blood Ball,
how they're hoping that they'll get ahead this year,

(20:00):
because they're hoping they can make it to the major leagues.
So all their members are still alive.
Yes.
Huh, one good friend.
Yeah.
Random question.
Right.
What do we do with the head?
You know, I forgot to ask you that.
That's a good question for you.
I throw it back to you, like a boomerang.
We dragged it with the rough.
I should have said that he left you guys

(20:25):
with a practically dead one, because that would have been
easier to handle.
But I don't know.
Drag it through the street.
It's a CR 1/2.
I'm not too worried that you get--
1/2 or 1/2?
Is it CR 1/2 or 1 1/2?
There is no 1 1/2.
Just 1/2.
They don't do 1 1/2.
It's 1, and then it goes 2, and then it's just whole numbers

(20:45):
from that point forward.
That makes more sense.
But yeah, 1/2.
I don't know.
We could just do one of those--
People are definitely staring at us.
Those harness rope ties and then carried around like a backpack.
Blindfold it.
Oh, yeah.
Gag it.
This is getting weird.
We hire a cab to take us to the--

(21:06):
Ah, there you go.
There you go.
A yellow cab in the middle of this hide fantasy.
It's some dude with a rickshaw.
Cabby.
Cabby's driving it from New York.
I think they, at the very least, they
would ask you to leave it outside of Burger V's.
Sabby?

(21:27):
The monster.
But you guys enjoy your meal.
You come back out.
And I don't think anyone in all of Isla Numes
would dare approach the centra snake.
So it's not like you have to worry about it getting stolen.
So it's waiting there for you when you get back.
Weekly.
Yes.
Just kill me.

(21:49):
This is very upset.
It does not speak a language.
Boo.
And it can't hiss at you because you have its mouth closing.
You're going to have to open up for that.
All right, so do we just go back to Little Sauce's house?
Yeah.
All right.
Let's go back to Little Sauce's house.
You guys head back to the tree house
dragging this monster along with you
or having somebody write it over for you or something.

(22:13):
Whatever the case, you get back to his house.
Are you guys just tying it up outside?
Sure.
It's a weird take on having yourselves a little monster.
You could just slap it in the basement.
You could just slap it in the basement.
So it doesn't wander off in the night
or you just shut the door.
You drive a snake.
He made the town more and more of a sketchy situation

(22:34):
for this centra snake.
You just drive a snake into the grass or ground or whatever.
Like a leash.
Like they do some people's dogs.
You have a little house.
A water--
Whoa, a water dish.
We fashion a spike collar for it.
Calm spike.

(22:55):
You got to get there.
You guys get a full night's rest.
Wake up the next morning feeling refreshed.
Rest?
Long rest?
That's right.
Oh, yeah.
Full rest.
There you go.
Is this a boy snake or a frog?
You're not sure how to tell.
And actually, I would also point out the fact
that how the centra snake--
or sorry, the mitosis or is--

(23:15):
mitosis sizes, it probably doesn't even
have gender or a sex or whatever.
It must have was a myosasaurus.
It was not.
This is a mitosis.
That's very woke.
Yeah, that's very woke of that creature to be like that.
Yeah, that's true.
Good for him.
All right, now what do we do with our day?
We have a full day ahead of us.

(23:38):
Do we just go looking for the other monster
and then sell it off the shadow caster?
Desd and accessory of yours there, Rorick.
What fashion accessory?
That belt of yours that's been buzzing this whole time.
You have a call.
I don't know.
I figured I'd just chop it off at some point.

(24:00):
Oh, well, that's easy.
I don't know if I can chop it off.
I know I can chop the leg off at least.
What's one leg down?
I've always wanted a peg leg.
And it's--
The way--
The torso.
That's a torso?
Yeah, I thought it was on my leg.
Hell, not like a parole.
Oh, tell me about this.
It's a belt.
Oh, that's going to be a little harder to chop off.
I think I need a mid-torso.

(24:20):
Last I checked.
Maybe you better go on a diet.
Shouldn't have had that Biscie Burger.
Oh, man.
Why'd you say this diet is ruined?
Maybe you hadn't even started it yet.
Take the dragon chest piece and stick it next to the belt
and see if that works.
Nothing happened.

(24:41):
Dang it.
I'll find its purpose.
Well, if it's a lighter, open the head and smoke them
if you got them.
Oh, yeah.
What would you guys like to do?
I mean, we could--
So I don't really remember what the deal was.
I don't-- I think we were supposed to bring back
the monsters to the dude alive.
And so I've got one.

(25:03):
I say, no, I point to the basement.
I go, we do have part of that monster alive.
And we're holding up on end of the deal so far.
That fine print checks out.
Are you going to take it to the Coliseum and turn it in?
Fat chance.
Oh.
All right.
So we could go for the next monster.

(25:25):
Or I have another idea.
It's crazier.
You guys can tell me to stop.
But the idea is we go to local government again.
And we tell them about Hal-Hippodome,
let all these monsters outloose onto the city wreaking havoc
and killing people.
And then we throw in the blame on the him
so that when he comes and knocking to me,

(25:47):
we have the authorities with us.
And they arrest him for malpractice.
That's assuming he hasn't already filed a report.
I don't know if I can handle any more red tape.
OK, so if we don't like the red tape idea, that's fine.
Again, I was shooting me down whatever.
I don't know if we have a strong standing with the government

(26:07):
after our--
Let's see.
You had to issue a government office already
and caused a huge disturbance.
I don't know.
We're for license the lawyers.
Very license.
Very license.
He's got a giant book.
I put it in my pocket.
Yeah, it helps me go to sleep at night.
I think it'd be a good idea to maybe actually go to a wizard
and see what some of these magic items do.

(26:30):
That's not a bad idea.
I like it.
And then I'd be for tracking down these monsters.
Like I said before, opportunity may arise.
It's true.
It did seem to bring in quite a bit of an offer.
And by opportunity, you mean you can meet Shadowcaster again.
What?
I mean, maybe we can sell more to him.

(26:51):
I thought of that.
He is my new, new best friend.
So then how do we go about tracking another one
of these monsters?
Honestly, we could just wander the city
and list for more screams.
Do the descriptors that I got have anythings like locations
they might be fond of?
No.
Not at all.
Oh, what do they look like?

(27:11):
The Shadow Hag looks like a frail, female, individual,
wearing black cloaks.
OK.
They have kind of like fragments that come off.
Probably somewhere dark.
And King Fortunus?
King Fortunus?
OK.
He's an arachakra.

(27:33):
He's a falcon.
Trees.
You want a type of arachakra?
He wants the vm trees, guy.
And he's massive.
Like a big boy?
Muscular.
Like a big chungus?
This is the freaking ripped.
Which is odd because you thought these were all
monstrosities or some kind that you were hunting.
But this seems very humanoid.
So it's just a dude.

(27:54):
It's just a dude.
You ever see them dudes who are really
jagged or really big like--
yeah, oh yeah, real big--
They literally have a second person standing behind them.
Yeah.
You're pretty monstrous, man.
That's true.
You're not wrong.
I see people like that.
And I'm like, you're free.
I am not a monster.
I am not.
And then--

(28:16):
All right, let's go to that magic shop first.
Hey, besides, they might have some magic items we could--
Her shop for it.
Wink, wink, wink.
And by that, I mean we steal.
Oh, yes.
I cause a distraction.
Or one of you causes a distraction in, oh,
"bizzle fingers."
As lightning comes, a little lightning

(28:37):
comes out of my fingers.
And does the grabbing.
All right, off to the magic shop.
All right, is it named magic shop and more?
It's just bed, bath, and beyond.
It's just like they underlined the beyond part.
We'll have our local Google guide with us.
So we can just grab a random person.
Oh, is that my best friend, Gavin the Dwarf,

(28:59):
walking down the street?
Gavin.
Roll for Gavin.
Done.
Nat 20.
I'm not even joking.
OK, yeah, sure.
You see-- you see our friend Gavin.
He had like a heavy, like Scottish accent.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
Gavin!
Gavin, I can't believe I actually saw you.
Did you tell him your name was Rourke?

(29:20):
We never-- I never gave him my name.
Oh, little Copeland friend.
Hey, what are you doing there?
You live around there?
These parts?
Yeah.
Yeah, do you?
Yeah, I do.
I do now.
You do.
What-- how did things go yesterday
after the craziness at the Colosseum?

(29:42):
Yeah, I want to apologize.
I didn't know Colosseum rules.
And I saw my friend in dangerous.
That's why I shot an arrow at the monster.
I-- I didn't mean the rule and the fight.
Well, you know now.
I got all fueled up in the-- you know.
Yeah, we all do.
We all do, I suppose.
If you weren't-- if you're new to it, I can forgive you.
It's anyways.
I'm getting punished for it anyhow.
So--

(30:02):
Oh, yeah?
I had to wear this belt.
Oh, that looks--
Comfortable as hell.
Very uncomfortable.
And it vibrates a lot.
You know, you know, there might be some benefits to that.
I don't know.
But if you say it's uncomfortable, then--
Anyways, the reason is because we
got to catch three monsters that got out.
All the monsters?

(30:23):
Do you know them?
You're-- you're a regular to the Colosseum.
Oh, I heard there was a mitosis source.
You're gonna kill that?
That was you guys.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
We're looking for the Shadowhag and King Fartness.
Oh, shit.
Sorry, what was this again?
King Fartness.
Fartness.
Fartness what?
Classic high five.

(30:44):
Classic Gavin.
That's why he's my best friend.
You think about this King Fartness Shadowhag,
you know that it sounds bad.
Any kind of hag is definitely not something
you're enemies with for sure.
Shadowhag or not.
Fartounness.
Fartounness.
Fartounness.
Yeah, you guys are getting Classic Gavin high five.

(31:06):
You got any kind of picture or anything like that?
Yeah, I show them a picture of both of them.
All right, never seen that one in the--
Oh!
Oh!
They got your hunting King Fartounness.
Oh, that's how you say it.
Oh, King Fartounness, he's bad news.
You don't know about King Fartounness.
We honestly just got to town.

(31:27):
Oh, he's a beast.
Do you want to help us catch him?
Absolutely not.
Not fair enough.
That's a death wish right there.
Now we can take him.
See, King Fartounness, he was meant to be the lead
of the beasts.
Who are they?
The beasts are just all the monsters.
You don't know who the beasts are.

(31:48):
The gang?
The beasts?
Gang beasts.
Yeah, the beasts.
They're all bunch of big muscular dudes and ladies
and lads that are trying to outdo each other,
saying that physical strength is the true sign of a leader.
And so they are completely dictated by who can beat each other.
So he's the king of the beasts.

(32:10):
Well, he almost was.
Who is?
Well, the original leader of the beast was Gruggenmaidi.
Gruggenmaidi?
Gruggenmaidi.
He was a lion.
You know what a lion is?
Like a lion man.
Oh, hey.
And gosh, he was massive.

(32:30):
He was a big boy.
What do you mean by was?
Well, some say that the beasts will tell you
that he reached enlightenment, but some say that he died.
They didn't have it either way.
They never found a body.
So it's kind of hard to prove either way.

(32:52):
But the beasts are sure that he reached enlightenment
and moved on to become a higher being.
He was that jacked.
He fought a bald guy in a cape.
And they won.
So king-- so that would then--
If that was the leader.
If King Gruggenmaidi is gone, then that would mean King
Farttutnis would be the leader now, right?

(33:15):
Well, that's the thing.
So he was set to become the leader of the beasts,
but he went insane.
He was taking the substance that they call burst.
It's a drug.
It makes you real strong for a little while,
but then it wears on your noggin.
And needless to say, he went absolutely bonkers.

(33:39):
Ended up trashing a whole chunk of the Atlantic Heights
district, just smashing, killing, everything.
They couldn't even arrest him.
They had a whole--
Is that where he's from?
That's where a lot of the beasts hang out.
That's probably where you went.
Well, that's where the red iron is after all.
That's where the beasts hang out.
Again, we're new here.

(33:59):
What's that?
It's just where the beasts hang out.
Like a bar or something?
It's big enough.
And a bar.
It's kind of like a club.
Fair enough.
Anyway--
It's more like a gym.
That-- that fits.
Shout out.
I think a workout gym.
You ever been there?
I don't.
Just kidding.
Probably just like--
Probably just like a big factory.

(34:20):
It's like a big warehouse.
How does it work?
With workout equipment.
I've got a big fight ring.
These are all what I've heard.
I've never been in there myself.
I'm not a beast.
I mean, you--
I mean, look--
I mean--
I'm not a beast.
I mean, Gavin.
Gavin, give me some credit.
You're a strong man.
I'm a strong man, but I'm not that strong, trust me.
Anyway, try.
Right now, as far as I was aware at least,

(34:41):
Queen Valeria Ravenshild, she was entitled to the beast.
She was-- she was able to prove herself the strongest.
But if you're telling me that King Fortunis is out
and about running around the city,
you know the first place he's going.
Straight to Atlantic Heights District,

(35:02):
right to the Greed Iron.
He's going to pump some iron.
And then he's going to pump his feasts right
into Queen Valeria.
I'll bit my arse on that.
All right, well, thanks for that.
The pool arse is not just half.
That means a lot to me, Gavin.
So, Gavin, do you have any plans for today?
I've got one.
What?
He puts his hand on your shoulder and he says,

(35:23):
don't fight King Fortunis.
No, I didn't ask--
I said plans.
My plan was to deliver this warning.
Thanks.
That he just learned about--
Rodic.
That falcon will kill you.
OK, what about that shadow hag?
I don't know anything about that.
Well, how about you help us go find her?

(35:43):
Oh, I've got plans for today.
Oh, yeah.
First things first, I've got to pick up my dry cleaning.
It's been three days.
I've got nothing to wear, Rourke.
But my closet is--
it's got-- it's just tweed outfit.
I'm sorry, he's dry cleaning all of his clothes?

(36:03):
Once since you've done it.
It saves on time.
I get it.
I do the same thing.
We're in the medieval fantasy.
We've only got so many options.
Have some stand.
I don't have time.
I don't have time to pull out every one of my outfits.
Take my hand and brush it down.

(36:25):
I've got to take it to the guy for that.
He's a busy man.
I'm a busy man.
What do you do, Gavin?
Tell us about yourself.
Give us some interesting--
let's do two facts and a lie.
It's about two--
[LAUGHTER]
Welcome, everybody, to Teacher's--
Let's all play with Triswell.
This sounds like great character in the mouth.
[LAUGHTER]

(36:47):
All right, you're first, Gavin.
I'll go next.
I'm a woodcarver.
More specifically, I design intricate dollhouses.
Lie.
Next.
I look like you play a mean round of golf.
I do not, Tris.
And then the third one is that I'm a freak in the sheets.

(37:13):
I know that that's true.
I mean, look at the guy.
OK, so you're bad at golf.
You're a freak in the sheets.
And you're a woodcarver.
It makes little dollhouses.
All right, which one's the lie?
I feel like it's got to be the dollhouses, right?
Is that what we're all thinking?
I feel like, Gavin, don't tell me it's the freaking sheets.

(37:34):
Oh, no, I'm good.
I'm a freak.
Well, this one's the lie.
Are you great at golf?
I'm great at golf, but gosh, I hate it.
[LAUGHTER]
So that's good.
That's good.
All right, my turn.
All right.
All right.
Can we walk and talk?
Yeah, no, we're walking.
Oh, can we walk us to the nearest magic shop?
I'm going to the dry clean, my friend.

(37:54):
We don't know this town.
All we want to do today was go to a nice magic shop.
Oh!
Could you take us to one?
Well, there's one nearby the dry cleaners.
Oh, perfect.
It's called Wacky Waving Abatable Ones.
Good enough for me.
Anyways, while we lead us there, we'll walk and talk.

(38:15):
So anyways, mine are--
I have seven brothers and three sisters.
Jeez.
I was a pirate for 10 years.
Interesting.
And in a former life, I was a dwarf barbarian.
Who ripped thousands to shreds.

(38:38):
Oh, you know.
War.
Look, Rarick, I don't think lions are strong point.
I mean, they're not the stereotype or nothing.
But coblins have pretty big families.
They're breed like rabbits.
Don't take that offensively.
These are one of these.
I could believe-- what was the second thing?
The pirate for 10 years.

(38:58):
Oh, yeah.
I could see you being a pirate.
You could have come across.
And if you were traveling so much,
that's why you don't know the place too well.
Exactly.
That's how I got you, right?
That makes sense.
All right.
So I just-- I don't know what you're talking about
about previous life.
That's ridiculous.
You're right.
That was the lie.

(39:18):
It was 10,000.
Ah!
That thousand what?
Oh, it was a drows elves.
It was a giant war.
It was dwarves versus the elves.
It was an outbreak.
I fought thousands and thousands of they came in.
Most of them weren't drows and elves.
It was mostly minions they were summoning.

(39:40):
Oh.
I didn't know that we got this detailed about our lies.
But dang, I thought it was--
I broke past the minions to get into the castle.
It's a bit of a long story, but I got to the--
Well, it doesn't look like I got time to--
Well, I got to the castle.
I got to the head of the drows.
I got to the head of the drows.
OK.
He disappears into the dragon.

(40:00):
Well, there was no turn next.
All right, Des, your turn.
Are you going to-- are you just walking around
looking for wacky beatable?
It's probably only a block away, so yeah.
You probably-- oh, he went into the dry clean.
Yeah, he's--
Oh, I want Des to tell me his teacher.
So you can do that, but Gavin is at the dry cleaner.
Oh, OK.
I'm sad now.

(40:21):
Des would like to head towards the magic shop.
All right, sounds good.
You guys start heading towards--
and sure enough, you see it's a magical shop.
And the sign says wacky, wavy, abatable wands.
And then it has a wand.
And it's kind of like those neon lights that move,
you know, where it's like it's one frame, one frame, one frame.

(40:42):
Yeah, it's just like a flaccid wand.
And then it goes to normal solid hardness.
And then it goes back to flaccid.
And then it's hard again.
And then it's flaccid.
And that's the sort of neon magical sign.
A daily cycle.
Yes.
And we're sure this is a magic shop.

(41:02):
This is what Gavin told you.
If you said I want a magic shop and he said go to wacky, wavy,
abatable wands.
Magic pole?
Either way.
Well, might as well go talk to the guy behind the counter,
I guess.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

(41:28):
Is it like a previous in teen covered in zits and stuff?
No, it's an older man.
You walk inside.
Yep.
And there's an older man dressed--
there's an older man in there dressed in full,
like very eccentric, goofy, excessive magical clothing.

(41:48):
He looks literally like Mickey Mouse right out of--
Fantasia.
Fantasia, yes.
Well, no, that's not true because Mickey Mouse was wearing red.
Right?
Is it a red robe?
Yeah.
But he has like a Mickey Mouse wizard hat on,
where it's blue and all the stars.
Yep, with the stars.
And all his clothes match that.
So they're all blue with stars.

(42:09):
And he says, welcome everyone to wacky, wavable abatable--
abit, sorry.
Wacky, wavy, abatable wands.
Wands at a discount.
Wavy and abatable.
How can I help you today?
Are they all wands?
Like everything on display is at a wand?

(42:29):
Oh, of course not.
We have some presents too.
But most people come here for the wands.
And I go find Gavin for a different store.
Do you do magic item appraises here?
Or certainly.
Oh, never mind.
Well, I do like me to take a look at--
I've got this magic item, and I have no idea what it does.
Well, let's me--
let's take a look.

(42:49):
I found it on a voyage.
Give me just a moment to check my pricing seat.
Seat?
Seat?
Seat.
Like a chair?
A pricing chair?
That's it.
Does he sit?
Does he sit in a ponder?
No.
Oh.
What would you say that?
Confused how this pricing seat works.

(43:12):
Oh, it's a seat.
That's what I'm saying.
What do you think I'm hearing?
Is it like a stool?
No, it's a seat, and he holds up a piece of paper.
A seat, a seat.
Give me the item.
Yeah, here, I hand him--
I think we got a couple--
I hand him my chest.
OK.

(43:33):
Mackie, come on in.
All right, let me give them all out.
If you--
I place my three things on the counter, the tile and whatnot.
OK.
Wait, do you give him the eyeglass, too?
All right, I take that off and--
Do you have anything, Keto?
He's a good boy.
But whistle.
I'm going to pull out his whistle and say,
I think I know what this does, and he just

(43:55):
blows the whistle in the middle of the--
Jesus.
Oh, this is terrible.
This is a horrible thing.
So do you have to--
I'd play that one.
These are all simple trinkets, common magical items.
10 gold piece, I'll tell you what they all do.
For all three?

(44:16):
Certainly.
All four, it's both.
And this compass, too.
Oh, yeah.
And if I go--
sorry.
He has his eyes like bulged out of his head.
He has trick classes.
And then they go--
Tracking.
Takes the glasses off.
And then he says-- he looks at it and goes, oh, wait,
that's not what I thought it was.

(44:36):
OK.
Anyways, yes, 10 gold pieces, please.
If you be so kind.
Yeah, 10 gold pieces.
He says, OK, which one would you like me to start with?
Mine, mine, mine.
Then I'll go with the dragon.
We're greedy little cops than you are.
Guilty.
Which one did you push in front of?
The dragon chest.
The chest piece.

(44:57):
Oh, this is a glass chest piece.
[LAUGHTER]
No.
No.
No.
Next thing you do.
Next, please.
[LAUGHTER]
No!
No!

(45:18):
Oh, don't worry.
Devon!
[LAUGHTER]
It's magical.
It's certainly magical.
Now, keep in mind, Mr. Goblin, this is a one-time use item.
Oh, good thing you're aware.
One and done?
Yes, this thing all used for good thing I did next time.
No, recharge it.
Thank goodness it wasn't a blow.
What?

(45:38):
I didn't blow it.
Get it?
Since you guys are new customers,
I gave you a bit of a discount because it's actually uncommon.
Oh, this is uncommon.
This one's uncommon.
What's it do?
Well, you break it.
And then it becomes a--
it becomes a bishop that fights by your side.
Because what?
A bishop.
[LAUGHTER]
A-- a bishop.

(46:00):
A bishop.
Ha ha.
A bishop.
[LAUGHTER]
So is-- is that what your seat told you?
No, that's what my eyes told me.
OK, it turns into a--
A bishop.
A bishop.
What do you not understand it?
By my side.
Does this-- this--
This--
What does--
Does this please you?
How much does it hot for him?

(46:22):
Oh, it can only move diagonally.
But it'll fight for you.
I think I got it.
You can--
How long does it last for?
Um, until it dies.
Wait, really?
Yes.
Which would probably be pretty quickly,
depending on what you're fighting.
I guess.
But if it lives, it just kind of keeps living, doesn't it?

(46:42):
No, no, no, best friend.
You got to be careful on where you go,
because it can only move diagonally.
So--
That's true.
Yeah.
It could be real stuck.
I could turn him.
Oh, you could do that.
That's an excellent idea.
All right, do the compass next.
All right, this compass--
this is not what I thought it was, so it's chill.
What do you think it was?

(47:03):
Uh, oh, a very powerful compass that I've never
seen in my life before, with incredible powers.
Anyways, this one's pretty mundane.
This one will always point you in the direction
of the nearest source of water.
So if you're ever thirsty, follow this compass.
It's called the Mariner's Compass.
Many mariners use it.
I don't know why.

(47:23):
They're usually surrounded by water.
Does it point down?
No, but it just starts spinning if you're in the water.
That makes sense, actually.
Because it's all around you.
I got it.
Yes, I--
Pirate by trade.
Congratulations.
If you like your job, then--
or condolences if you don't.
Which one's the next?
Oh, by the way, if you're ever trying to navigate the sea,

(47:47):
even though it's spinning it, it can be of great use.
While this shop owner is inspecting these items,
I want to try and pocket three ones.
Specifically three?
Specifically three.
OK.
All right.
Can you patch them?
Can you what?
Like, make them into patches on his cloak?
You might be able to sneak them in.

(48:08):
I don't know if you can make patches?
That's a good question.
I'd have to look at the--
this is why I like to imagine it as a cargo cloak.
Right.
Because it's true.
I mean, it does have a limited number of the pockets
that you had on it, right?
Because you had to pay per pocket.
No.
Well, not for the starting.

(48:29):
Like, you got it as is with the starting pockets that it had.
And then he had given you the option
to spend more tickets on more pockets.
Oh, yeah, yes, that's true.
I forgot.
I remember--
which, I mean, in theory, you could continue to add to it.
I will check on the item.
But honestly, that does sound kind of cool.
If you've already withdrawn the item from its patch,

(48:50):
it'd be kind of cool to be able to put something in a pocket.
And then the pocket becomes a new patch.
Should be kind of neat.
Yeah, we can definitely keep that.
Anyway, but for the three magic ones,
do me a stealth check at advantage,
because he is distracted.
Stealth at advantage.
Oh, good.
I'm good at these.

(49:10):
Noice.
26.
Ooh, 26.
OK, yes.
You manage to-- as you're kind of like looking through the aisles,
you manage to pocket three wands that were on display.
You don't know what they do.
They're not-- nothing in here is labeled.
OK.
It's one of those, like, old person shops
where they just assume that if you have questions,

(49:31):
you're going to come ask.
It's not made for the average millennial or younger.
I almost want to bring up a wand and act
like it was in my backpack the whole time and be like,
excuse me, I'm going to tell me how--
oh, this thing looks familiar.
What's the next item on the counter?
The tile.
The tile.
Ooh, this is a fun one right here.

(49:53):
This is a tile that can replace the floor in a 20-foot radius
around it with a specific material of your choosing.
You can change the material, the texture,
and the color of this section.
And it lasts for five minutes.
How does he use it?
Well, jeez, you just said you wanted them identified.

(50:14):
You didn't ask me strategic thought.
No, I mean, like, does he just toss the ground?
Yes, you toss it on the dirt.
You think the material in your mind
of where you want to change it through the color, the material,
the texture.
And then you throw it on the ground,
and it turns the ground into that for five minutes.
You like my chess piece and its one-time use?

(50:36):
That is correct.
It was tatter, afterwards.
Satter, I said.
Tatter?
Tatter.
I think it's tatter?
No, satter.
Satter.
Sir, are you making fun of me?
Are you mocking my voice or something?
I'm going to lean to Maki and whisper.
Did he say Saturn?
No, yeah, it'll shatter.
No, no, he's not mocking your voice.

(50:58):
He's just all--
I'm so sorry.
Your speed has been reduced.
Oh, that makes so much more sense now.
Anyway, what's this last item?
He's got Doomwalk Monocle here.
Oh, yes, this Monocle.
This is fun.
This would-- this, in fact, would be something very useful
in my line of work.

(51:18):
See, you can-- once a day, you have the charge inside of it.
So it's reusable.
And like many of the other items you've shown me so far.
What it allows you to do is you click this piece
right here.
He doesn't click it, but he just points at it.
And it allows you to perceive magical items
as if you had used a detect magic spell.

(51:40):
It lasts for 10 minutes.
Snifty.
And then it just becomes the normal piece of eyewear
until the charges restore the next sunrise.
Still stylish.
Now you--
Yes, and it looks quite stylish.
You could twist it right or left.
Maki twists it all the way to the right.
Does it do anything different if you go the opposite direction?
No, it only goes one way.

(52:03):
Maki just got her first try.
Then I got this button.
There's a button.
Whoa, look at that.
Oh, this can summon a familiar.
Do you like familiars?
Another one?
Would you like a feathery friend?
Yeah, I suppose, yeah.
Oh, well, this will make one for you.
Please, not in my shop, though, if you wouldn't mind.
Is it one-time use as well?

(52:24):
No, this is a familiar that can come back.
It's just probably not going to be the most useful thing
in the world.
Oh.
It's probably just a bird.
New best friend.
Birds on a feather.
It's kind of strange if you're a bird with a pet bird.
It seems wrong.

(52:44):
But hey, I'm just a crazy wizard, man.
Wizard?
I said wizard.
Oh, sorry.
Anyway, what's left?
What's left?
We've got to keep this moving.
I've got other customers on the store.
We're the only ones.
Yes, sir.
Oh, there's got to be other customers.
Excuse me, there's other customers.
Yes, we're here.

(53:06):
We're still shopping.
Please don't call us on us.
Somebody's off in the distance.
I'm going to go off to the distance.
Don't harass my other customers, sir.
Don't make fun of their voices like he's made fun of mine.
And while I'm walking around the other area where he can't see me,
can I just start sliding wands into my bag of holding?

(53:27):
Sliding wands?
Yeah.
Give me-- actually, I probably should take just a couple.
So it's not obvious.
I'll just take four.
Oh, wow.
OK.
Max.
The holding.
The holding.
D4, yeah.
Slide of hand at 15.
OK, you get two of them.
Fair enough.
And then did you have your whistle?

(53:50):
Yes.
Please turn off that racket.
It's horrible.
I don't know how.
Yeah, if you just will it, they'll stop.
He will stop it?
And then placement will be the--
Who is the maker?
See what is love, so--
Go home, my word.
Oh, this is horrible.
This is a terrible thing.
That's the way Zemoi's holding now.

(54:11):
Oh, this is a horrible thing.
No, he doesn't even touch it.
Please keep that away from me.
It's a terrible, terrible thing.
It's cursed.
He pulls out a giant hand.
It's cursed.
It's cursed.
It's cursed.
It's truly cursed.
Those imps that you're summoning,
they can play all thought the music.
It's quite impressive, but beware.
Beware they are very critical.

(54:31):
Try-- do you play any instruments there?
I'm in the distance here.
Yes.
I wasn't asking you.
Hey.
Do you know a good song?
Me?
Yes.
Apparently not.
What is your favorite song?
Don't play it with the imps.

(54:52):
I'm trying to teach you something.
I mean, he's going to want you in-game to sing a song.
Oh, good.
You don't have to do a lot of--
Keto the singer.
You just start singing what is love.
I will start singing what is love.
OK, you start singing what is love.
Do-- do-- roll a D4.
I'm going to slap you.
What?
That's perfect.
All of a sudden, the imps appear,

(55:14):
and they start playing over top of you,
and they all are staring at you just glaring with these eyes
of you suck so bad.
It's basically exactly what they did to Rorik today.
They're all just glaring.
And the more you continue to sing,
they start to bear down on you, getting closer and closer,
and playing their instruments more intensely.

(55:35):
And he says, see the evil, the curse.
The curse, and now you're cursed too.
Cursed with what?
For good time, Rorik tells you.
You'll never be able to perform to their liking.
They'll always glare at you like the disappointed father
we all have had.
Just like my wife.
Well, that's about what I thought it was, so thank you.

(55:55):
So you stop performing.
And as you stop performing, they disappear.
Beware, beware those singing imps.
They're the truest evil, straight from the pits of hell
itself.
Even Hades doesn't want them there.
Hades was driven to madness by those imps,

(56:16):
and that damned whistle.
And that's all the magic items that you guys have, yes?
I mean, Jackson's got a couple new ones, but I've got three
ones, but he can't see them.
Exactly.
Well, if that's the case, you guys all
done it the wacky, wave-able--
wave-able--
No.
Hey, you got any--
looking for some supplies?

(56:38):
What kind of supplies?
Supplies for a sort of ritual.
Oh, making a ritual.
Making a homonculi.
Yeah, so do you have like a virgin and--
You're making a--
A homonculi.
Well, then--
Homonculos.
He looks back and forth, and he says, well, just so you're

(56:58):
aware, usually that's a bit of a darker magic.
I wouldn't go shouting that everywhere.
Well, that's why my voice is lower.
Oh, yes.
Well, admittedly, you came to the right place,
because I could sell you some discount items that you could
potentially use for your creations.
Can I-- can I walk up behind the mocking,

(57:23):
and be like, hey, mocking?
He-- he--
Oh, please.
Are you sure you want to talk about that?
There's apparently another customer in here that I just
can't seem to find.
Oh, it's about to find us away.
I'm sure they can't hear us.
Excuse me.
Have you been hearing us whisper?
Oh, no.
I haven't heard a single thing.

(57:43):
There we are.
OK.
OK, then.
So let me ask you, what ingredients are you looking for?
At what point do you have your-- do you have your mandrake, Ruth?
No, I need a mandrake.
Oh, I do sell discount mandrakes.
They're a little small, a little underdeveloped,
but they'll make it in the pints.

(58:04):
I'm sure what they'll write, or love and care could grow in--
Oh, of course.
They love love and care.
Well, Alvanita, you got any eggs?
No, you'll have to try the grocery store for that.
It's hard to keep them fresh.
The only eggs I usually have is just for my breakfast.
I'm pretty sure Lil Sauce had some in his fridge.

(58:25):
No, I need some viable eggs.
If this was a racist man, he would look at Maki,
and he would look at Dez, and he would say,
well, can't you make him yourself?
[LAUGHTER]
Dez opens his mouth and holds up a finger,

(58:46):
and then says his mouth, and starts to think about it.
Well, I don't have much luck with the ladies.
I need some--
[LAUGHTER]
Actually, yeah, I just need the mandrake.
That'll be good.
Oh, certainly, certainly.
And he goes to the back, and he comes back,
and he brings out-- it's already in a jar.

(59:06):
It's got a lid on it, and then the thing is inside.
And it is a bit shriveled.
It is alive.
You can tell that it's alive, but it does look small,
and frail for a mandrake root.
It's not like a big, healthy, thick mandrake root.
Ethan says, well, this'll be two gold pieces.
Make it one.

(59:28):
Why?
It's weak.
It's shriveled.
It's already discounted.
These will normally go for five.
That's what I do here.
I sell wacky, wave-able, abatable ones,
and I also sell discount magic items.
I don't mind buying it.
I'll buy it.
All right.
I'll throw it in the jar, after all.
Yes, it is in the jar.
You don't want to take it out unless you're ready to use it.

(59:50):
Oh, it's creepy.
You can just use the jar since you're making a creation.
And he winks at you.
Do you need anything else?
Any materials?
Any gemstones, perhaps?
I have fragments.
Do you have any--
any material-- oh, any target materials that could come in handy?

(01:00:11):
Oh, certainly I have all sorts of target materials.
Would anything in particular-- are you looking for anything specific?
You got any X-beak.
Um, let me go check.
One thousand dragon.
You got any--
Oh, no, I don't carry dragon.
This is far too expensive.
Sorry, but X-beak, I might.

(01:00:33):
Let me see.
And you hear him go into the back,
and he's rummaging around in a bunch of his stuff.
And then he returns.
And he says, oh, look at that.
I do, in fact, have an X-beak beak.
He said it perchance what you were looking for.
Yeah.
Well, certainly I could sell to you for one gold piece.
All right, done.
Well, there you go.
Enjoy your X-beak beak.

(01:00:54):
The biggiest of axes.
Or the axiest of beaks.
Pleasure doing business.
Well, say, how did you-- if I may ask you quickly,
how did you find out about such a creation?
Yeah, I read about it.
You found a book that mentions such creations.

(01:01:18):
By chance, where did you find such a book?
Oh, friend of a friend.
A friend of a friend.
I see, I see, I see.
Well, if you're ever interested in sharing notes,
or maybe talking a little bit more,
I'd love to discuss these creations.
All right, well, I'll keep you in mind then.

(01:01:39):
That sounds fantastic.
Well, you all have a wonderful day.
Enjoy your interesting trinkets that you are now
aware of how to use.
What was your name?
Oh, yes, my name is Gareth Stevenson.
Speggolius Spess.
Excuse me, sir, what have I said about making
front of my axe and--

(01:02:00):
Sorry.
All right, Gareth.
Well, nice talk to you.
Oh, it was a wonder talking to you,
and seriously, think about what I said.
Feel free to stop by anytime.
And with that, you guys head out of wacky,
wave-able, abatable, wacky, wavy, abatable wands.
As Keel is crossing the threshold,

(01:02:21):
he toots his whistle once more, and in sync
resounds around the shop and bye, bye, bye, please.
And that is how it will end today's episode.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Thank you so much for listening to "Criminals of Island

(01:02:45):
Numus," a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play
podcast set in a homebrew world created by me, Skyler Gorsett.
If you've been enjoying our show so far,
be sure to like, follow, and subscribe,
wherever it is that you're streaming from,
whether that be Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube,
or anywhere else that podcasts can be streamed.
Or just check us out on our website, sessionzeroheroes.com.

(01:03:06):
Additionally, if you enjoy "Coin,"
you might enjoy some of Session Zero Hero's other shows,
such as our "Benders and Brews" and "Avatar Legends"
actual play, where we jump into the world of "Avatar
the Last Airbender" and "Legend of Korra"
using the Avatar Legends system created by Magpie Games.
Or one of our various one-shots, which we are currently
coming out with, where we use a variety of games and TTRBG

(01:03:27):
systems to tell a variety of fun, exciting,
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We have all sorts of other content
that we highly recommend checking out within the SZH channel,
and more to come in the future.
To find out more about what we do at Session Zero Heroes,
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(01:03:48):
be sure to follow us on social media,
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These are all great ways to get in contact with our team,
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In the meantime, thank you so much for listening,
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stay heroic, until we roll again.
(upbeat music)

(01:04:10):
(upbeat music)
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Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 26 - Wacky Wavy Abatable Wands Co.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 26 - Wacky Wavy Abatable Wands Co.