August 19, 2025 • 38 mins
Today’s returning guest is Paul Silva, aka the Creative Alchemist. He is a guide, coach, and collaborator that blends intuition, creativity, and spiritual insight to help multi-passionate entrepreneurs and creatives break through barriers and create meaningful lives and businesses. Through his work, he helps people clarify their ideas, navigate creative blocks, and move from stuck to in-motion with curiosity, discipline, and presence.
When he’s not coaching, Paul is exploring the world through photography, video, writing, and storytelling, bringing a keen eye for detail and a deep appreciation for the messy, rewarding process of creating. In this conversation, we talk about embracing change and life chapters from a place of leadership, lessons from Paul’s sobriety, and the ever-evolving journey of a creative.
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Episode Transcript
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Robert Kuang (00:04):
Welcome to side by side, a podcast where I, Robert
Kuang take you insideconversations with artists,
creatives, healers and warriorstaking their charge in their
transformational story. Today'sreturning guest is Paul Silva,
aka the creative Alchemist. He'sa guide, coach and collaborator
(00:27):
that blends intuition,creativity and spiritual insight
to help multi passionateentrepreneurs and creatives
break through barriers andcreate meaningful lives and
businesses. Through his work, hehelps people clarify their
ideas, navigate creative blocksand move from stuck to emotion
with curiosity, discipline andpresence when he's not coaching,
(00:51):
Paul is exploring the worldthrough photography, video,
writing and storytelling,bringing a key eye for detail
and a deep appreciation for themessy, rewarding process of
creating. In this conversation,we talk about embracing change
and life, chapters from a placeof leadership, lessons from
(01:13):
Paul's sobriety and the everevolving journey of a creative
you can find more side by sideepisodes at side by side
podcast.podbean.com and if you'dlike to connect with me about my
services, please visit www dot.Robert Kuang home.com, okay, so
(01:37):
this is a returning guest I'm sohappy to be bringing back and
inviting Paul Silva back, we hadconnected randomly,
spontaneously when I reached outto you after finding your online
presence, as we've sort of beenin each of this orbit ever
since. And I know a lot of lifeand time has has happened since
we last connected, so it's greatto have you back. Paul,
Paul Silva (01:58):
yeah, thank you, Robert. It's always a delight
just being in your energy, it'ssuch a such a cozy place, and it
just feels so expansive. Sothank you. You know,
Robert Kuang (02:05):
we were just catching up a little bit before
we started recording, and onething that sort of organically
changed since we last spoke isI'm now in your territory,
because last time I spoke, I wasin New York. You know, you're
from Toronto, and now I'm basedin Vancouver, starting this new
chapter. And so I that was on mymind today when I was like, oh,
(02:26):
yeah, last time I spoke withPaul, we were on we were sort of
had, like, greater distance,although it's still very far
away. But now things are alittle bit different. I'm
talking to quote, unquote,fellow Canadian to me in some
licensed spirit. Yeah, that'ssort of what I'm present to but
how's life been for you?
Paul Silva (02:43):
Oh, it's, you know, well, first of all, welcome,
thank you. This is, this is atariff free conversation. It has
been bit of a ride, and a goodone, you know, it's been
challenging, like I was sharingbefore we recorded, stepping
into another level of asking andanswering the question,
(03:04):
exploring the question, like,who am I not, where am I to be,
but how am I to be, and allowingthat. So what had come to me is
I was forcing and pushing thingson the external, what should I
be doing, and how should I bedoing it, and et cetera. And
it's funny because I had done ashamanic journey a while but I
do them regularly, and the imagethat they gave me is like you're
(03:24):
asking the wrong questions. It'sit's not what should you be
doing is, how are you to be? Andlet that inform what it is that
you're doing. So instead ofgoing from the outside in,
remember to go from the insideout, because it's your energy
that you're putting out into theuniverse, and that is and then
the universe is going to respondin kind, and that is going to
(03:47):
inform who enters your orbit.And they will ask you, you know,
how can you help me? Likethey're just guided to you. And
I think that that's for for manyof us, when we struggle, what
should I be doing and all thisstuff, whether it's
relationships or jobs oranything like that, it's, it
(04:08):
always comes down to thequestion like, how are you with
you right now? And so that is,that's the essence of how I've
been doing is just reallyexploring that and opening that
up and and allowing myself tostep into whatever path the
universe is also co creatingwith me.
Robert Kuang (04:23):
It's so nice to be in conversation with someone so
intuitive. Sometimes I feel likeI have very like intellectual
conversations, but the way youdescribe life, I automatically
sink into it without any sort ofexpectations or the way we
usually assess people. That'spretty unusual of an experience,
because we're still as weintroduce ourselves to each
other, and then we're catchingup with people. There's still an
(04:44):
air of airs of pretense,perhaps, but you're just not
someone who seems to be likethat. And you've been kind of a
content creator, and you've beensharing your world and your
lived experiences online forquite some time now. And like
one thing, I was. Talking to youabout is you seem very good
about like, Hey, I'm going to dothis little project. I'm going
(05:05):
to explore this littlecontainer. And at some point,
you seem to have this way ofknowing when it's this is
complete for now, or maybe it'stime to explore something else.
And I've seen you sort ofiterate in this way. Now, my
sense, as someone who's multipassion as well, is that that
can, that can create a lot ofstrife and struggle. But I have
(05:25):
it in my head that you'reactually pretty good at doing
that, because that can bedifficult. Think of the people
who stay at the job they hatefor an extra 15 years, right?
Like, I'm just curious for youto unpack some of that, and how
have you learned to do that foryourself?
Paul Silva (05:39):
Oh, that's so great. It has been a big struggle and
thinking of how we're supposedto show up we're in this society
that is very much about the onething, a singularity, a single
focus. You take a subject inschool, get a job in that space,
and you become that for the next30 years of your life, until you
retire. And that is a sweaterthat's always been very itchy
(06:03):
for me to wear, and likely,likewise with you, as you've
shared, especially when you'reyou know, in a creative and
artistic and artistic iscreative, but not all creativity
is artistic, right? We know ithas been a challenge, because I
always kept thinking, what'swrong with me. I keep jumping
around. What is wrong with me?Why can't I stay on one thing,
(06:23):
I'm not formally diagnosed withADHD, but I'm ADHD adjacent. I
have lots of friends with ADHDwho have asked me if I'm one of
them. You sure you're not one ofus, right? And so I jump around,
and part of me loves that, butthen there's the other part that
when I look at sort of I seeeveryone else just really
staying in that one place. I'mlike again, questioning myself
(06:46):
rather than celebrating that.And now I've come to a place
where I do celebrate that, andI've had people come to me
saying, I wish I could be likethat. I wish I could do that. I
love watching you jump from onecontainer to another and explore
it and have fun with it and getmessy with it, and then move on.
And to your question, a lot ofthat, a lot of the times, like,
(07:06):
I was a chef for 25 years, and Ijust woke up one day said, I
don't want to do this anymore.One day I woke up, I said, I
want to start running. And Iended up running marathons and
stuff. And then I kind of letthat go. I'm back into it again.
But I find that it's, I run it,I step into something. It's
like, I'm called to it. There'ssomething in me just goes, you
(07:28):
need to do this now. And so I'llstep into it, and then I'll mine
it for as much as I need to. Andthen I get a little tug on my
shirt, saying, Okay, you're goodfor now. And I pull out. And
I've never really questioned it.
Robert Kuang (07:39):
I mean, I don't want to downplay that, because
I'm somewhat similar in thatway. You know, when I wanted to
create a podcast, you wind uplike, learning a bunch of
tangential skills, right, thatyou never would have approached
or even thought about otherwise.And I've seen you because you do
share, I would say, more openlyand vulnerably than than a lot
of people. You take peoplethrough, like, your journey of
(08:01):
learning how to video edit andcome up with discussion topics
and engaging with your audienceand starting a new like, social
presence. In any case, I thinkthat for me, that's been a lot
of the joy as well. Like as muchas I want to see things like
perform well, you want to haveacknowledgement or validation or
success, I have immense joy fromlearning how to do something and
(08:22):
then being able to do it. Iwonder if that you've had that
experience
Paul Silva (08:26):
as well. Oh, absolutely, 100% like, as you're
talking, I'm like, Yep, I'mlearning. So I'm doing a lot of
photography now because I'mwriting a book, yep, that is
also going to incorporatephotography. So I've been really
stepping into photography, and Ilove it. I did it in college,
and videos and video editing.And I love, like you said, these
these skills that naturally comeup, because if you want to
produce a video, you need tolearn how to color correct and
(08:46):
all this. And I love that.That's the nerdy tech, tech side
I enjoy, yeah, because someoneasked me recently, I've had it
all, why don't you do that forother people? I'm like, No, that
would be the death of me if Iwere to have to be a video
editor or do web design oranything, that would just suck
the living joy out of me. Ienjoy it because I enjoy it
because it's helping me, and I'mlearning something. And then
(09:07):
once I have enough informationto do what I need to do, I move
on. I have certain skills, andit's like I'm putting all of
this into a toolbox, andeventually this will start to
come out at different times. Andthat's one of the great things
about being multi passionate ormulti potential light is that
you get to synthesize all ofthis, and you get to use problem
(09:28):
solving in one area andtranspose it into another. So
you're coming at things from adifferent perspective. And so I
can use some of that tech,nerdy, it kind of things I know,
and move it into maybe more of acreative space, or maybe some of
the spiritual work, and movethat into an artist space, and
you're just this sort of danceof these cross pollenizations of
(09:52):
skills and abilities and spacesthat we create for each other. I
think that's the magical partthat is the fun about. Not being
a multi potential light, andthat's something that someone
who has harnessed everythinginto one narrow focus, I feel
like they may miss out on, and
Robert Kuang (10:08):
also very complimentary. To be honest. I
think people work differently,and people with wildly different
approaches and philosophies cancollaborate because they have
different things to offer. Soyou talk about that cross
pollination, I think was it? LizGilbert, it was like the
hummingbird or the jackhammer orsomething like that. She did a
talk once, and I was like, somepeople are jackhammers. When
they take us interest, they willbe the jackhammer, but other
(10:31):
people are more like crosspollinators, and that's kind of
how they're meant to operate,because people are different.
But yeah, there certainly can bea lot of challenges with being
multi passionate and trying toconstantly hold that truth, I
guess. Can you give an examplefrom your experiences of like
one part of your lifetranslating or being relevant in
a completely different area ofyour life, or like something
(10:53):
from your past life, maybebecoming relevant again in a
completely different way now?
Paul Silva (10:59):
Yeah, great question. I you know, what comes
up for me is, you know, being achef, a culinary leader, and
learning in all of those years,learning leadership and self
leadership. And so I've beenable to take a lot of those
skills and abilities and ways ofseeing into the present in in
terms of coaching. You know, Istill, I still have some people
(11:21):
that are coming to me forcoaching around leadership, you
know, and CEO level, etc. And Ibring that experience, even
though, you know, it was workingin kitchens and hotels and et
cetera. I can bring it, but thenI also transpose that into self
leadership. And how does that soI'm not talking about a team
that you're running, like, howabout for you as a self leader
(11:42):
and using a lot of those skills,another example is addiction
recovery, yeah, and so, youknow, for me, I'm, I'm 14 years
sober now, and a lot of the thelessons I learned then I can are
transposed easily into differentsituations. Now, it could be it
(12:03):
could be mindset. Could haveemotional work. It can be a
shadow work. It can be acreativity. Anytime I'm working
with someone, and whether it's afriend or a colleague or
whatever, I bring in a lot ofI've noticed I bring in a lot of
that area of my life, becausethat really did help me recreate
(12:24):
who I was, because I had torecreate who I was. What do you
mean by that? I always said Idrank to wash the me off of me,
right? There was a part of methat just I just did not.
There's a lot of self loathingand sure and self destruction
and drinking. They say is, youknow, suicide by installment
plan. It's just this erosion ofyourself, because you just, you
(12:44):
can't stand being with yourself.There's so many things that are
just just jabbing at you, and sothe drinking helps to relieve
that. But of course, it bringsits own problems, and so part of
you know getting sober andgetting in recovery is
recreating who I was. I had torelease so much of these
stories, release a lot of thatvictimhood, release a lot of
that self loathing, and start tonot only not hate myself, but to
(13:09):
actually start to like myself,and then start to love myself.
And I had to recreate who I wasand how I saw myself so that
drinking was no longer anoption. It didn't seem it
wasn't, it wasn't alluringanymore. So it's not like white
knuckling. I'm just gonna use mywillpower. Willpower is limited.
Robert Kuang (13:30):
You mean when it comes to sobriety,
Paul Silva (13:32):
yeah, and but this can again, see I can transpose
this. This can be being in arelationship, being in a job,
you hate being like any of thosethings, yeah, where you want to
give up, maybe it's a habit thatyou want to release. Yeah. And
so it's like, Who am I that Idon't need this habit anymore?
Who am I that I don't need theattention from men? Who am I
(13:53):
that I don't need etc, etc,validation? And so you're
recreating yourself in a waythat those things no longer hold
appeal, because they're not partof who you are anymore. They
don't. They're not part of yourself image.
Robert Kuang (14:07):
I think that process of reinvention is so
vulnerable, and it takes, like,a tremendous amount of courage.
At the same time, there's a lotabout being yourself, especially
if you see yourself in acomplicated fish out of water,
multi passionate outside of thebox. Way, a lot of the
narratives around that is veryseductive, right? It can be very
negative and discouraging andall of that. And then we get
(14:29):
into patterns like what you'retalking about, taking outside of
the judgment and emotions. Ittakes a lot of courage to get
out of that. It's not easy, andit does make me think about, I
guess, connections andrelationships as we're going
through our transformation andthe different iterations of
ourselves, I'm curious like,have there been like anchor
relationships for you, even inthese past lives? And if so,
(14:51):
why, right? And what are somerelationships or people you know
personally, or even an author orsomething like that, that. Has
really impacted
Paul Silva (15:01):
you. Connection and relationship are so important.
My my natural inclination,inclination is to go the
relationship, connection tomyself first and foremost,
right? Anchoring that, or tospirit source. You know,
anything greater outside ofmyself? You know, if anyone
thinks along those same lines,has a perspective that there's
something greater thanthemselves, and that's that's
part of that surrender. And so Ithose are the first most
(15:24):
important relationships for me,is connection to self and
connection to Source. Now,outside of that, I've had
family, my wife, just just, theyhave been anchors. It's, you've
just had me thinking, becausemost of the other folks maybe
back then I have very, verylittle or no connection to
because they were connected toanother version of me. Now, I do
(15:47):
have family and friends who haveseen me move through my
iterations and the struggles andall that. And of course, they're
there, and they've beenbeautiful to have, and, you
know, anchoring and solidifyingand nourishing in many ways,
they were there when I felt likeI didn't I didn't I didn't have
myself, I didn't have connectionto Source that it was, it was a
void. They were like that, thesales on the mass, just kind of
(16:08):
keeping me afloat and guided insome way. So in return, you
know, I've been able to giveback to them and what they need,
and just really making thisreally strong relationship. Now,
as as as we all develop and stepinto our next version of
ourselves, we will naturallyattract other people, people who
are maybe on the similarvibration, similar wavelength,
(16:30):
people that you would not havenormally have run into because
you were at different places.One of the things I recognize
that I know that I've kind ofstepped into a new space, is
that I'm, I'm attractingdifferent people, and you are
attracted to other people aswell. And you said, you know,
authors and stuff, the oneperson that I just, I really
resonate with and I really love,is Rick Rubin,
Robert Kuang (16:52):
you know, oh, yeah, do you on the creative
act? Right? Creative,
Paul Silva (16:56):
yeah, it's just, it's, it's like, it's like,
almost like a philosophy book,like you can go in any time
read. The chapters are veryshort, but it's just almost like
philosophy. And I just love howhe is more of just a guiding
presence. He is like a hub ofinspiration. He is, it's not so
much as technical. He doesn'tknow how to work a board, a
(17:16):
sound board. He doesn't reallyplay instruments, but people
work with him because it's him,and he knows what he likes, and
he's able to push them, and ableto be that container for them.
And so that is something that Iaspire to be, that that sort of
guide I've never he was out ofmy orb for off my radar forever.
(17:37):
I read the book. I'm like, Thisis amazing book and all. But
it's only recently, as I'vestepped more into this space
that I'm like, I feel like akinship to him.
Robert Kuang (17:44):
Yeah, I think that book really brought a lot of
people into his orbit, even ifthey've heard of him and how
prolific he is. You know, it'ssometimes with these people,
it's hard to, um, high achievingpeople, it's hard to get inside
their lived experience, right?And that was such a I love that
book. I have it here somewhere.But creativity is really, really
important to the both of us. Iwonder if that's been like an
(18:07):
anchor in some ways, as you'repracticing sobriety and working
on yourself and learning selflove, was that like a factor for
you, that to make sure youcontinue to be seen? Because,
quite frankly, I think a lot, Iknow a lot of people who kind of
like, go into hiding for like,six months to a year, whenever
something like this comes up,and then they come back, and
(18:29):
you're like, you know, you knowsomething's happened, but you're
not sure what, right? But you'rea little more of like, no, come
on this journey with me.
Paul Silva (18:35):
I used to write a lot. I still do. Yeah, near the
end of my drinking career, ifyou will. I had stopped writing.
I stopped writing. There was nospace for it. I had given it no
more space. And when I got soberfor the first year, I was just
focusing on myself and justtrying to sort myself, because
that first year is very toughfor someone coming off of the
(18:57):
kind of career I had there. Butthen I started to get that itch
to write. And it wasn't until Istarted a blog, a recovery blog
on like WordPress, that startedto kind of get the ball rolling
in terms of expressing myselfagain. And I was very anonymous.
I didn't put my name oranything. It was just very I was
very timid. It was very, verytender at the at the moment,
(19:17):
because it was also starting tobe vulnerable. This is really
where I started to be open andhonest. Because everything with
with, you know, active addictionis about secrecy, right? When I
started to blog, I could startto open up and and it's been
like that. You've mentioned afew times, taking people on my
journey. That's where itstarted. That's where that sort
of notion of being open startedwas, hey, you know what? I'm
(19:38):
struggling here come along. AndI learned, though, and to this
day I practice is I don't, Idon't just share the problem, I
also share the process and thesolution. So it's not like I'm
just vomiting, you know, deardiary stuff, and then just
walking away and having peopleto clean it up. It's this one
I'm struggling with, but this iskind of what I'm thinking of
(19:59):
doing. Doing, or this is whatI've done, and kind of relating
it to the reader or the viewer.And eventually that became a
book, and then I started apodcast, and then it just
started opening up from thereand to this day, like it's just
constant ideas and allowingmyself to be that guide, that's
where I feel most comfortable.
Robert Kuang (20:19):
You know, the reason why I asked that question
about creativity is that I thinkfor a lot of people, unfiltered
and freedom to express yourselfis a big part of recovery. So
thank you for talking about whyit was important for you to be
that vulnerable and to doalongside your professional
development as well, people feelvery either or with presentation
(20:40):
versus honoring their identity.But I think for people in
recovery and people who dealwith sobriety, it's like this
has been an ongoing journeyalready beyond just work or any
one relationship, right? So
Paul Silva (20:54):
yeah, yeah, you're spot on. And I believe it's
because those who have movedthrough addiction have been
through hell and back, and theyrealize it kind of reprioritizes
what you focus on. And peoplewho have gone through that
there's an there's an opennessabout them that you just
recognize almost immediately,because they, or I can only
(21:16):
speak for myself, but I knowthat there's there's there's,
there's no value in secrecy.There's no value in trying to
Candy Coat things like I presenta certain way. Of course,
there's some self containment,right? Like, we're not just
bleeding all over the keyboard.There's a certain level of self
containment, still, andboundaries, energetic
boundaries, but to me, beingopen just feels very
Robert Kuang (21:40):
natural. You've always been that way. Were you
like, kind of, I almost pictureyou being like, rather than
being quiet. Maybe you were moreof the class clown or something
like that. Oh, no, I was
Paul Silva (21:50):
No. I was quite serious. I was like, this a plus
student. I got bullied a lot,and I think that really, that
really brought me to my knees inmany ways, and has echoes to
this day of, you know, with thebullying, but in a way, it's
been a gift, because it's reallyhad allowed me to work on myself
and finding that true self.Because in the past, what I
learned was being myself meantpain, and so I hid, and drinking
(22:14):
was part of hiding. But now I'mon the other side, where I can
still, I can still feel, I canstill play small Absolutely. I
can still hold back because I'mafraid of getting hurt, but it's
less and less. It's still there,but it's less and less and and
so it's just stepping into like,I'm not gonna get hurt. You can
be yourself. Paul,
Robert Kuang (22:33):
yeah, I thank you for staying on this topic of
recovery and sobriety. It's noteveryone's cup of tea, but I
feel, you know, we for the pastfew years, I think there's been
a lot of focus on this, on thisroad for lots of people, and
there's still a lot of judgment,prejudice, shame around this
topic. Like, you know, one thingyou talk about is, like, my
(22:54):
relationship to myself is reallyimportant, particularly for your
recovery, to heal some of yourwounds and everything. How has
that impacted? Like, parenting,I can tell this is a big part of
your life. How do you show upand how do you make sense of
yourself as a parent now thatyou're on this journey,
Paul Silva (23:11):
I'm smiling now because it's been very
challenging lately. But I alsoknow I've got two teen boys, and
there's been some realchallenges as of late. And part
there's times where I'm like, Idon't know if I don't know if I
can I'm cut out for this. Like,I don't know if I can do this.
What I've I've come to learn,and even my my guides, my spirit
guides, have said to me,everything that you have
learned, everything that youhave gone through, is for them.
(23:34):
It's for me. It's for me, ofcourse, but now I'm able to give
to them what they need, becauseI'm in a position that I can do
that, and I think at any othertime, I would have crumbled, or
I would have shied away, or Iwould have tried to hide. But
everything that you know, I hada therapist say that you know,
when you have kids, you have youhave your second childhood, like
(23:55):
it's it triggers so many things,and there's so many things that
I have that have reallytriggered me as of late, but
it's because I recognize myselfin, you know, my my kids in
different ways and and so it'shelping me actually heal even
more. And at the same time, I'mable to give to them what they
(24:17):
need in terms of just havingthat presence, having that
guidance, having something upagainst, for them to kind of
butt up against and not get lostin myself, and being worried and
afraid and all these things.It's, it's been immeasurable for
me, because now, as we'restarting to get on the other
side of some challenges, I'mreally happy with how I've been
(24:37):
able to to be there and to also,it's like we're, you know, we're
kind of healing at the same likethey're growing and I'm healing
at the same time. And so we'reon these parallel journeys that
are just, they're lovely,they're painful at times. Yeah,
I'm just really happy that I'mable to be present for them. And
in the past, I wouldn't havebeen able
Robert Kuang (24:59):
to raising two. Boys I can imagine is
interesting right now, becausethe boy culture and navigating
boy culture, online culture,male culture, masculine culture
is just, you know, we've beendiscussing this for forever. It
seems I can imagine you probablyhave had some thoughts and
experiences about around this.So I'm not a parent. I'm not
(25:20):
raising boys. I'm really curiousto ask people who are
responsible for raising boys,your your thoughts around that,
and how you've been navigatingmaking sure you have a sense of
your your children, even thoughthey're about to go out into
this world that's fraught withall of this.
Paul Silva (25:38):
Yeah, yeah. It's, it's, an ongoing discussion, you
know, right now, you know, whatyou do see is, I can't remember
the term, you know this, wherethere's a lot of that angry,
disenfranchised, sort of, notquite in cell, but just a lot of
that, that unhealthy masculinediscourse out there, and that's
(26:00):
helping to create anothergeneration of men, young men who
are not able to expressthemselves in healthy ways, who
treat women in ways that areunhealthy. It's creating this,
this new and yet old way of amasculinity that is not in any
way useful or healthy. You know,I'm not here to blame social
(26:24):
media, and I use social media.It just, it's like anything else
is a tool, but it's like, whatare they exposed to? Because I'm
the male presence in the house,it's important that I let them
know every we've had since theywere young. You know, talks
about consent, talks about whatit's like to be a man, what it
isn't, you know, publicperception. It's wonderful
(26:44):
having, you know, my boys justunderstanding that, and I can
see how they are with others andthat they they don't. There's,
there's not a sense of bravado,or they have to prove anything
that they can be comfortable inthemselves and still be strong
and still be you know, there'syou know, the distorted view,
the unhealthy, the wounded.Masculine is the bully and the
(27:06):
blowhard and the misogynist andetc, etc. And you can be a
strong male presence and stillbe open and vulnerable and kind.
There's some a great book, Ithink we may have talked about
it, no more, Mr. Nice guy, andthat's a book that I've used
many times when I've worked withmen, and I have worked on it
myself, and the differencebetween a nice guy and a good
(27:26):
man, and really understandingwhat those mean and sharing
that. And so that's somethingthat is just we've been talking
about for years with the boys,and will continue as they go out
and and they're on their own,and what kind of decisions. And
again, it comes down to whatkind of person, what's your self
image? What's your self image?Who are you? And especially in a
culture where society doesn'talways allow men to express
(27:50):
themselves freely and becausethey hold them to just a
standard that once we step awayfrom that, people question our
manly like, you know, there's alot that can be unpacked for,
you know, for hours we can talkabout that, but it's really
just, again, a sense of self, astrong sense of self as a
(28:10):
person, as a man, and testingthe waters and being that good
man. And I had to learn to dothat much later in life, you
know, like I had to learn to dothat much later in life, because
it wasn't taught to me. Itwasn't something that was
modeled necessarily. My dad iswonderful. I didn't have a lot
of other male role models, sonow I'm able to give that to
(28:33):
them. I hope
Robert Kuang (28:34):
you don't have to go there if you don't want to.
But, you know, I always, I oftenthink about, you know, whether a
moment is particularly someonewho's been on a recovery
journey. The barriers aroundyour heart just kind of the dam
sort of broke, so to speak. Andfor me, I think my preoccupation
around my like self loathing andshame around that really broke
(28:55):
open after my grandmotherpassed. You know, my last living
grandparent, and me trying toprocess that and perhaps find
healing. You know, from thegrief of that really did
something to me, like the way Iframed life and safety and
comfort and courage. I thinkeverything just kind of shifted
(29:16):
a little bit for me. Thatexperience was powerful.
Obviously, there was grief. ButI always think back to like,
there were moments where I itwas actually possible for me to
step out beyond myself and justlet the barriers come down. So I
share all that to be like, doyou have moments like that? And
you know, we've probably allhad, like, multiple and what
(29:37):
that was like,
Paul Silva (29:38):
Yeah, well, I love that example you gave, and just
how that opened things up foryou. Grief was there, but then
there was like this crackingopen of something that there
Robert Kuang (29:47):
was a lot of conflict and fights that just
didn't matter anymore, right? Mygrandmother is still gone,
right? And I think that didsomething for me or to me,
right?
Paul Silva (29:56):
Yeah, I'm just casting my mind back. I feel
that. Recovery. Yes, gettingsober was a huge part for me
because, again, it reframed likeyou with your grandmother. It
reframed the importance andpriorities of my life having
children as well. That doeschange things up. And I think
(30:17):
there's, there's there's smallermoments along the line. I think
you mentioned something like,doesn't have to
Robert Kuang (30:21):
necessarily be a big yes, and it doesn't have to
be grief centered either. Like,for example, finding out you're
going to be a father for sure,right? Yeah, is a moment like
that. Yeah. I
Paul Silva (30:31):
can't pinpoint exactly, but there have been
times where something has beenrevealed, whether someone said
something, an offhand comment oran observation, it'll have me
thinking like, oh my gosh, whyam I doing it like this? Or I am
a little bit like this, orwhatever it is, or maybe
something at work triggerssomething. I remember someone
telling me once I was a verystraightforward guy and like,
(30:53):
I've never been calledstraightforward in my life.
Really, I was always duplicitousand very Machiavellian and
manipulative.
Robert Kuang (30:59):
So when someone saw something in you that you
didn't really even register
Paul Silva (31:03):
No, and I said, I'm straight for you kidding. I used
to like twist words intopretzels and try to Will my way
through life. But I think theworking with men's stuff, the
men's stuff, had come up in thelast couple of years, and to the
point where I realized I was Ihad feared men. I feared my own
masculinity, which is why Ijoined the men's group. Like it
(31:23):
was for a year, I worked with amen's coach, and really started
to step into that masculinespace. And recently I was
telling you offline, you know,getting into the physical now,
and into my body, and whetherit's exercise or breath work or,
like, really realizing that thebody is also part of this whole
experience. And I haven't beentaking care of this body, like
(31:43):
even the drinking like, I mean,that was abusing my body. And
although I helped to spirituallyand emotionally and mentally the
body still, I still had aresentment towards it. And so
now I'm feeling like that is nowpart of in releasing weight and
really seeing myself in adifferent way. Yeah, that has
been really monumental as well.So along the way, I'm just, I
think, just have these ahamoments like, wow, I should
(32:05):
really, what am I withholding?What? What's a part? And I
always knew that with the momentI started taking care of my
body, everything else, wouldalso expand my spirituality, my
and it has. It's true.
Robert Kuang (32:17):
Yeah, I want to just briefly check on time. Do
you have a hard stop in fourminutes. Or are you okay? No,
no, because I didn't want to,you know, say goodbye in this
conversation without you talkingabout the book that you're
working on writing, right? Youhave brought that up earlier.
How did that begin? And is thereanything that you want to share
about that experience?
Paul Silva (32:36):
It was one of those things that just dropped in my
lap energetically, just I wasthinking about, I knew I I've
written one book before, and itwas about spirituality and
recovery. It's 2017 I wrote thatI was like, I know I have more.
And I was trying to think, whatis it that I want to do? What is
it I want to and again, this isthe idea, like mentally trying
to force something. I'm like,I'm trying to think of
(32:56):
something, rather than allowingsomething to come into me. And
as an artist, you, as you know,like, sometimes it's just when
you try to think your way intosomething, it just you're
throwing up barriers, as opposedto what, what invigorates me,
right? What? And one thing I'vebeen, I've been doing online,
was I would take photos and Iwould do like, a little, whether
it's a little inspirationalthing, a mindset piece, a little
(33:18):
spiritual piece, whatever it isbased on that photograph. And
it's funny, I had lots ofpeople, including published
authors, saying, so you're goingto write a book on this, right?
I'm like, Yeah. And I dismissedit, like I but they planted a
seed. And eventually I startedthinking, like, actually, you
know, I really, I have reallywanted to step more into
photography. And I said, whatif? What would I love to see?
(33:40):
And what came up for me, andI've just, I have fleshed it
out, is almost like a dailyreader where there's, there is a
photograph that will all bemine, and then just have
something connected to it. Now Ido have it organized in cycles.
In there is a thematic structureto it, so it's not just random,
you know, tying in a bit oflike, maybe some shamanic energy
(34:01):
or some spiritual work mindset.Like, it could be a little bit
of everything. I'm going to toywith it, but the more I've
shared it, like, the more itjust feels like, okay, that's
the one. And it's one of thosethings where you can turn
doesn't have to be the exactdate. You can just turn at any
page and you'll find an imageand something short, it could be
a few words, could be a fewparagraphs, and that is just
that will connect. So it's justme kind of a way of just putting
(34:24):
out there insights that I'vehad, any wisdom, any any things
I want to share. Plus it's, Iget to be creative. I get to
have fun with it. It's just alittle bit different, you know,
I don't it's funny because I waslooking stuff up. I'm like, I
wonder if there's any examplesthis. I haven't found any.
Really. There's a lot ofdevotionals, I guess, if you
would, or just kind of things. Ihave one by Mark Nepo. It's
(34:44):
fantastic, but nothing with withvisuals and and so that's what
I'm working I'm very excited,and I have about a year's worth
of photos now because theirseasonality may play into it, I
think so. So I can really nowstart to filter them out and.
And, you know, I think inAugust, this August, I'm gonna
actually sit down and write it.Write it.
Robert Kuang (35:05):
Yeah? That sounds like such a fun Yeah, process,
as opposed to the traditionalimagery of someone browse furled
in front of their laptop forlike, eight hours a day or
something like that, right? Idon't write like that either.
When if I'm not in the mood, Idon't force myself to write per
se, but, but also introducinganother element, like you were
saying, both from the intuitiveplace and also the photography
(35:27):
place. It's so interesting toput these things together. And
you probably wouldn't have donethat if you hadn't had all these
past lives,
Paul Silva (35:34):
you know, going full circle to that whole multi
potentiality. It's right. It's alot of fun, you know. And you
know, the last podcast that Ijust wrapped up, it was, it was
about bringing in my chefstories and chef and really
weaving it into other things.And I think that's the key, is
just, just to pull littlethreads from here, from there,
and knitting something, or just,you know, putting something
(35:58):
together that that capturesparts of your, your past lives,
into something that's new andsomething that is indicative of
you, is an expression of your,your lived experience, into
something tangible or somethingthat you can look upon later on,
or you can pass down to someone,or you can share with the world.
(36:19):
Yeah, even if you don't write orcreate in that way, even just
how you create your life and howyou interact with people, how
you interact with nature, howyou animals and fat, like
whatever it is like, just howyou create your life and express
it, that too can be verypowerful.
Robert Kuang (36:35):
My printer just decided to go off, but I was so
locked in on what you weresaying, on how powerful it was.
So thank you. It turned on themachinery around me. Yeah, thank
you for sharing that. And again,just the way that you kind of
show up as you are. Many peopletalk about being able to do
that, because there's a sense offreedom, right? But to be
honest, without doing the workof who are you, it's kind of
(36:59):
hard to actually be that, right?So thank you for being that.
Hopefully we can catch up nexttime about your the next chapter
of your book, journey, whereverit takes you and everything. So
if people want to connect withyou, find you online. What are
some ways to do that?
Paul Silva (37:13):
I am on Instagram and Tiktok at the real Paul
Silva and the real paulsilva.comdoing little videos, doing my
stuff. I'm going to be redoing,rebranding everything, and on
YouTube, you are gumbo, but I'mgoing to rebrand that as well.
But you'll find me. It'sscattered around the the
digiverse,
Robert Kuang (37:32):
gumbo. I haven't gumbo in a long time. Do you
make gumbo? Do you know how tomake gumbo? I
Paul Silva (37:36):
know how to make it I haven't made it
Robert Kuang (37:38):
forever. I don't know how, what, how Canadians
feel about gumbo, but it's abrings much comfort. Yeah, it's
Paul Silva (37:45):
great. You know, I There's so much I love a lot of
the food in the southern US.Yeah, and you just don't get
that here. It's, it's hard tofind even the ingredients you
can probably find now, it's alot better now, yeah, but you
don't find many places that thatcook that style of food. I'm
like, oh, but it's so good.
Robert Kuang (38:01):
I haven't had much exposure, but it's also fairly
regional, where, like, peoplehave their own take and it's so
fun to explore food in that way.But anyway, it's really fun to
see you exploring life as wellthrough that. So look forward to
whatever comes next for you.Paul, thank you for your time
today. Thanks
Paul Silva (38:18):
for your kind attention. Roberts, it's always
a pleasure. You.
Welcome to side by side, a podcast where I, Robert
Kuang take you insideconversations with artists,
creatives, healers and warriorstaking their charge in their
transformational story. Today'sreturning guest is Paul Silva,
aka the creative Alchemist. He'sa guide, coach and collaborator
(00:27):
that blends intuition,creativity and spiritual insight
to help multi passionateentrepreneurs and creatives
break through barriers andcreate meaningful lives and
businesses. Through his work, hehelps people clarify their
ideas, navigate creative blocksand move from stuck to emotion
with curiosity, discipline andpresence when he's not coaching,
(00:51):
Paul is exploring the worldthrough photography, video,
writing and storytelling,bringing a key eye for detail
and a deep appreciation for themessy, rewarding process of
creating. In this conversation,we talk about embracing change
and life, chapters from a placeof leadership, lessons from
(01:13):
Paul's sobriety and the everevolving journey of a creative
you can find more side by sideepisodes at side by side
podcast.podbean.com and if you'dlike to connect with me about my
services, please visit www dot.Robert Kuang home.com, okay, so
(01:37):
this is a returning guest I'm sohappy to be bringing back and
inviting Paul Silva back, we hadconnected randomly,
spontaneously when I reached outto you after finding your online
presence, as we've sort of beenin each of this orbit ever
since. And I know a lot of lifeand time has has happened since
we last connected, so it's greatto have you back. Paul,
Paul Silva (01:58):
yeah, thank you, Robert. It's always a delight
just being in your energy, it'ssuch a such a cozy place, and it
just feels so expansive. Sothank you. You know,
Robert Kuang (02:05):
we were just catching up a little bit before
we started recording, and onething that sort of organically
changed since we last spoke isI'm now in your territory,
because last time I spoke, I wasin New York. You know, you're
from Toronto, and now I'm basedin Vancouver, starting this new
chapter. And so I that was on mymind today when I was like, oh,
(02:26):
yeah, last time I spoke withPaul, we were on we were sort of
had, like, greater distance,although it's still very far
away. But now things are alittle bit different. I'm
talking to quote, unquote,fellow Canadian to me in some
licensed spirit. Yeah, that'ssort of what I'm present to but
how's life been for you?
Paul Silva (02:43):
Oh, it's, you know, well, first of all, welcome,
thank you. This is, this is atariff free conversation. It has
been bit of a ride, and a goodone, you know, it's been
challenging, like I was sharingbefore we recorded, stepping
into another level of asking andanswering the question,
(03:04):
exploring the question, like,who am I not, where am I to be,
but how am I to be, and allowingthat. So what had come to me is
I was forcing and pushing thingson the external, what should I
be doing, and how should I bedoing it, and et cetera. And
it's funny because I had done ashamanic journey a while but I
do them regularly, and the imagethat they gave me is like you're
(03:24):
asking the wrong questions. It'sit's not what should you be
doing is, how are you to be? Andlet that inform what it is that
you're doing. So instead ofgoing from the outside in,
remember to go from the insideout, because it's your energy
that you're putting out into theuniverse, and that is and then
the universe is going to respondin kind, and that is going to
(03:47):
inform who enters your orbit.And they will ask you, you know,
how can you help me? Likethey're just guided to you. And
I think that that's for for manyof us, when we struggle, what
should I be doing and all thisstuff, whether it's
relationships or jobs oranything like that, it's, it
(04:08):
always comes down to thequestion like, how are you with
you right now? And so that is,that's the essence of how I've
been doing is just reallyexploring that and opening that
up and and allowing myself tostep into whatever path the
universe is also co creatingwith me.
Robert Kuang (04:23):
It's so nice to be in conversation with someone so
intuitive. Sometimes I feel likeI have very like intellectual
conversations, but the way youdescribe life, I automatically
sink into it without any sort ofexpectations or the way we
usually assess people. That'spretty unusual of an experience,
because we're still as weintroduce ourselves to each
other, and then we're catchingup with people. There's still an
(04:44):
air of airs of pretense,perhaps, but you're just not
someone who seems to be likethat. And you've been kind of a
content creator, and you've beensharing your world and your
lived experiences online forquite some time now. And like
one thing, I was. Talking to youabout is you seem very good
about like, Hey, I'm going to dothis little project. I'm going
(05:05):
to explore this littlecontainer. And at some point,
you seem to have this way ofknowing when it's this is
complete for now, or maybe it'stime to explore something else.
And I've seen you sort ofiterate in this way. Now, my
sense, as someone who's multipassion as well, is that that
can, that can create a lot ofstrife and struggle. But I have
(05:25):
it in my head that you'reactually pretty good at doing
that, because that can bedifficult. Think of the people
who stay at the job they hatefor an extra 15 years, right?
Like, I'm just curious for youto unpack some of that, and how
have you learned to do that foryourself?
Paul Silva (05:39):
Oh, that's so great. It has been a big struggle and
thinking of how we're supposedto show up we're in this society
that is very much about the onething, a singularity, a single
focus. You take a subject inschool, get a job in that space,
and you become that for the next30 years of your life, until you
retire. And that is a sweaterthat's always been very itchy
(06:03):
for me to wear, and likely,likewise with you, as you've
shared, especially when you'reyou know, in a creative and
artistic and artistic iscreative, but not all creativity
is artistic, right? We know ithas been a challenge, because I
always kept thinking, what'swrong with me. I keep jumping
around. What is wrong with me?Why can't I stay on one thing,
(06:23):
I'm not formally diagnosed withADHD, but I'm ADHD adjacent. I
have lots of friends with ADHDwho have asked me if I'm one of
them. You sure you're not one ofus, right? And so I jump around,
and part of me loves that, butthen there's the other part that
when I look at sort of I seeeveryone else just really
staying in that one place. I'mlike again, questioning myself
(06:46):
rather than celebrating that.And now I've come to a place
where I do celebrate that, andI've had people come to me
saying, I wish I could be likethat. I wish I could do that. I
love watching you jump from onecontainer to another and explore
it and have fun with it and getmessy with it, and then move on.
And to your question, a lot ofthat, a lot of the times, like,
(07:06):
I was a chef for 25 years, and Ijust woke up one day said, I
don't want to do this anymore.One day I woke up, I said, I
want to start running. And Iended up running marathons and
stuff. And then I kind of letthat go. I'm back into it again.
But I find that it's, I run it,I step into something. It's
like, I'm called to it. There'ssomething in me just goes, you
(07:28):
need to do this now. And so I'llstep into it, and then I'll mine
it for as much as I need to. Andthen I get a little tug on my
shirt, saying, Okay, you're goodfor now. And I pull out. And
I've never really questioned it.
Robert Kuang (07:39):
I mean, I don't want to downplay that, because
I'm somewhat similar in thatway. You know, when I wanted to
create a podcast, you wind uplike, learning a bunch of
tangential skills, right, thatyou never would have approached
or even thought about otherwise.And I've seen you because you do
share, I would say, more openlyand vulnerably than than a lot
of people. You take peoplethrough, like, your journey of
(08:01):
learning how to video edit andcome up with discussion topics
and engaging with your audienceand starting a new like, social
presence. In any case, I thinkthat for me, that's been a lot
of the joy as well. Like as muchas I want to see things like
perform well, you want to haveacknowledgement or validation or
success, I have immense joy fromlearning how to do something and
(08:22):
then being able to do it. Iwonder if that you've had that
experience
Paul Silva (08:26):
as well. Oh, absolutely, 100% like, as you're
talking, I'm like, Yep, I'mlearning. So I'm doing a lot of
photography now because I'mwriting a book, yep, that is
also going to incorporatephotography. So I've been really
stepping into photography, and Ilove it. I did it in college,
and videos and video editing.And I love, like you said, these
these skills that naturally comeup, because if you want to
produce a video, you need tolearn how to color correct and
(08:46):
all this. And I love that.That's the nerdy tech, tech side
I enjoy, yeah, because someoneasked me recently, I've had it
all, why don't you do that forother people? I'm like, No, that
would be the death of me if Iwere to have to be a video
editor or do web design oranything, that would just suck
the living joy out of me. Ienjoy it because I enjoy it
because it's helping me, and I'mlearning something. And then
(09:07):
once I have enough informationto do what I need to do, I move
on. I have certain skills, andit's like I'm putting all of
this into a toolbox, andeventually this will start to
come out at different times. Andthat's one of the great things
about being multi passionate ormulti potential light is that
you get to synthesize all ofthis, and you get to use problem
(09:28):
solving in one area andtranspose it into another. So
you're coming at things from adifferent perspective. And so I
can use some of that tech,nerdy, it kind of things I know,
and move it into maybe more of acreative space, or maybe some of
the spiritual work, and movethat into an artist space, and
you're just this sort of danceof these cross pollenizations of
(09:52):
skills and abilities and spacesthat we create for each other. I
think that's the magical partthat is the fun about. Not being
a multi potential light, andthat's something that someone
who has harnessed everythinginto one narrow focus, I feel
like they may miss out on, and
Robert Kuang (10:08):
also very complimentary. To be honest. I
think people work differently,and people with wildly different
approaches and philosophies cancollaborate because they have
different things to offer. Soyou talk about that cross
pollination, I think was it? LizGilbert, it was like the
hummingbird or the jackhammer orsomething like that. She did a
talk once, and I was like, somepeople are jackhammers. When
they take us interest, they willbe the jackhammer, but other
(10:31):
people are more like crosspollinators, and that's kind of
how they're meant to operate,because people are different.
But yeah, there certainly can bea lot of challenges with being
multi passionate and trying toconstantly hold that truth, I
guess. Can you give an examplefrom your experiences of like
one part of your lifetranslating or being relevant in
a completely different area ofyour life, or like something
(10:53):
from your past life, maybebecoming relevant again in a
completely different way now?
Paul Silva (10:59):
Yeah, great question. I you know, what comes
up for me is, you know, being achef, a culinary leader, and
learning in all of those years,learning leadership and self
leadership. And so I've beenable to take a lot of those
skills and abilities and ways ofseeing into the present in in
terms of coaching. You know, Istill, I still have some people
(11:21):
that are coming to me forcoaching around leadership, you
know, and CEO level, etc. And Ibring that experience, even
though, you know, it was workingin kitchens and hotels and et
cetera. I can bring it, but thenI also transpose that into self
leadership. And how does that soI'm not talking about a team
that you're running, like, howabout for you as a self leader
(11:42):
and using a lot of those skills,another example is addiction
recovery, yeah, and so, youknow, for me, I'm, I'm 14 years
sober now, and a lot of the thelessons I learned then I can are
transposed easily into differentsituations. Now, it could be it
(12:03):
could be mindset. Could haveemotional work. It can be a
shadow work. It can be acreativity. Anytime I'm working
with someone, and whether it's afriend or a colleague or
whatever, I bring in a lot ofI've noticed I bring in a lot of
that area of my life, becausethat really did help me recreate
(12:24):
who I was, because I had torecreate who I was. What do you
mean by that? I always said Idrank to wash the me off of me,
right? There was a part of methat just I just did not.
There's a lot of self loathingand sure and self destruction
and drinking. They say is, youknow, suicide by installment
plan. It's just this erosion ofyourself, because you just, you
(12:44):
can't stand being with yourself.There's so many things that are
just just jabbing at you, and sothe drinking helps to relieve
that. But of course, it bringsits own problems, and so part of
you know getting sober andgetting in recovery is
recreating who I was. I had torelease so much of these
stories, release a lot of thatvictimhood, release a lot of
that self loathing, and start tonot only not hate myself, but to
(13:09):
actually start to like myself,and then start to love myself.
And I had to recreate who I wasand how I saw myself so that
drinking was no longer anoption. It didn't seem it
wasn't, it wasn't alluringanymore. So it's not like white
knuckling. I'm just gonna use mywillpower. Willpower is limited.
Robert Kuang (13:30):
You mean when it comes to sobriety,
Paul Silva (13:32):
yeah, and but this can again, see I can transpose
this. This can be being in arelationship, being in a job,
you hate being like any of thosethings, yeah, where you want to
give up, maybe it's a habit thatyou want to release. Yeah. And
so it's like, Who am I that Idon't need this habit anymore?
Who am I that I don't need theattention from men? Who am I
(13:53):
that I don't need etc, etc,validation? And so you're
recreating yourself in a waythat those things no longer hold
appeal, because they're not partof who you are anymore. They
don't. They're not part of yourself image.
Robert Kuang (14:07):
I think that process of reinvention is so
vulnerable, and it takes, like,a tremendous amount of courage.
At the same time, there's a lotabout being yourself, especially
if you see yourself in acomplicated fish out of water,
multi passionate outside of thebox. Way, a lot of the
narratives around that is veryseductive, right? It can be very
negative and discouraging andall of that. And then we get
(14:29):
into patterns like what you'retalking about, taking outside of
the judgment and emotions. Ittakes a lot of courage to get
out of that. It's not easy, andit does make me think about, I
guess, connections andrelationships as we're going
through our transformation andthe different iterations of
ourselves, I'm curious like,have there been like anchor
relationships for you, even inthese past lives? And if so,
(14:51):
why, right? And what are somerelationships or people you know
personally, or even an author orsomething like that, that. Has
really impacted
Paul Silva (15:01):
you. Connection and relationship are so important.
My my natural inclination,inclination is to go the
relationship, connection tomyself first and foremost,
right? Anchoring that, or tospirit source. You know,
anything greater outside ofmyself? You know, if anyone
thinks along those same lines,has a perspective that there's
something greater thanthemselves, and that's that's
part of that surrender. And so Ithose are the first most
(15:24):
important relationships for me,is connection to self and
connection to Source. Now,outside of that, I've had
family, my wife, just just, theyhave been anchors. It's, you've
just had me thinking, becausemost of the other folks maybe
back then I have very, verylittle or no connection to
because they were connected toanother version of me. Now, I do
(15:47):
have family and friends who haveseen me move through my
iterations and the struggles andall that. And of course, they're
there, and they've beenbeautiful to have, and, you
know, anchoring and solidifyingand nourishing in many ways,
they were there when I felt likeI didn't I didn't I didn't have
myself, I didn't have connectionto Source that it was, it was a
void. They were like that, thesales on the mass, just kind of
(16:08):
keeping me afloat and guided insome way. So in return, you
know, I've been able to giveback to them and what they need,
and just really making thisreally strong relationship. Now,
as as as we all develop and stepinto our next version of
ourselves, we will naturallyattract other people, people who
are maybe on the similarvibration, similar wavelength,
(16:30):
people that you would not havenormally have run into because
you were at different places.One of the things I recognize
that I know that I've kind ofstepped into a new space, is
that I'm, I'm attractingdifferent people, and you are
attracted to other people aswell. And you said, you know,
authors and stuff, the oneperson that I just, I really
resonate with and I really love,is Rick Rubin,
Robert Kuang (16:52):
you know, oh, yeah, do you on the creative
act? Right? Creative,
Paul Silva (16:56):
yeah, it's just, it's, it's like, it's like,
almost like a philosophy book,like you can go in any time
read. The chapters are veryshort, but it's just almost like
philosophy. And I just love howhe is more of just a guiding
presence. He is like a hub ofinspiration. He is, it's not so
much as technical. He doesn'tknow how to work a board, a
(17:16):
sound board. He doesn't reallyplay instruments, but people
work with him because it's him,and he knows what he likes, and
he's able to push them, and ableto be that container for them.
And so that is something that Iaspire to be, that that sort of
guide I've never he was out ofmy orb for off my radar forever.
(17:37):
I read the book. I'm like, Thisis amazing book and all. But
it's only recently, as I'vestepped more into this space
that I'm like, I feel like akinship to him.
Robert Kuang (17:44):
Yeah, I think that book really brought a lot of
people into his orbit, even ifthey've heard of him and how
prolific he is. You know, it'ssometimes with these people,
it's hard to, um, high achievingpeople, it's hard to get inside
their lived experience, right?And that was such a I love that
book. I have it here somewhere.But creativity is really, really
important to the both of us. Iwonder if that's been like an
(18:07):
anchor in some ways, as you'repracticing sobriety and working
on yourself and learning selflove, was that like a factor for
you, that to make sure youcontinue to be seen? Because,
quite frankly, I think a lot, Iknow a lot of people who kind of
like, go into hiding for like,six months to a year, whenever
something like this comes up,and then they come back, and
(18:29):
you're like, you know, you knowsomething's happened, but you're
not sure what, right? But you'rea little more of like, no, come
on this journey with me.
Paul Silva (18:35):
I used to write a lot. I still do. Yeah, near the
end of my drinking career, ifyou will. I had stopped writing.
I stopped writing. There was nospace for it. I had given it no
more space. And when I got soberfor the first year, I was just
focusing on myself and justtrying to sort myself, because
that first year is very toughfor someone coming off of the
(18:57):
kind of career I had there. Butthen I started to get that itch
to write. And it wasn't until Istarted a blog, a recovery blog
on like WordPress, that startedto kind of get the ball rolling
in terms of expressing myselfagain. And I was very anonymous.
I didn't put my name oranything. It was just very I was
very timid. It was very, verytender at the at the moment,
(19:17):
because it was also starting tobe vulnerable. This is really
where I started to be open andhonest. Because everything with
with, you know, active addictionis about secrecy, right? When I
started to blog, I could startto open up and and it's been
like that. You've mentioned afew times, taking people on my
journey. That's where itstarted. That's where that sort
of notion of being open startedwas, hey, you know what? I'm
(19:38):
struggling here come along. AndI learned, though, and to this
day I practice is I don't, Idon't just share the problem, I
also share the process and thesolution. So it's not like I'm
just vomiting, you know, deardiary stuff, and then just
walking away and having peopleto clean it up. It's this one
I'm struggling with, but this iskind of what I'm thinking of
(19:59):
doing. Doing, or this is whatI've done, and kind of relating
it to the reader or the viewer.And eventually that became a
book, and then I started apodcast, and then it just
started opening up from thereand to this day, like it's just
constant ideas and allowingmyself to be that guide, that's
where I feel most comfortable.
Robert Kuang (20:19):
You know, the reason why I asked that question
about creativity is that I thinkfor a lot of people, unfiltered
and freedom to express yourselfis a big part of recovery. So
thank you for talking about whyit was important for you to be
that vulnerable and to doalongside your professional
development as well, people feelvery either or with presentation
(20:40):
versus honoring their identity.But I think for people in
recovery and people who dealwith sobriety, it's like this
has been an ongoing journeyalready beyond just work or any
one relationship, right? So
Paul Silva (20:54):
yeah, yeah, you're spot on. And I believe it's
because those who have movedthrough addiction have been
through hell and back, and theyrealize it kind of reprioritizes
what you focus on. And peoplewho have gone through that
there's an there's an opennessabout them that you just
recognize almost immediately,because they, or I can only
(21:16):
speak for myself, but I knowthat there's there's there's,
there's no value in secrecy.There's no value in trying to
Candy Coat things like I presenta certain way. Of course,
there's some self containment,right? Like, we're not just
bleeding all over the keyboard.There's a certain level of self
containment, still, andboundaries, energetic
boundaries, but to me, beingopen just feels very
Robert Kuang (21:40):
natural. You've always been that way. Were you
like, kind of, I almost pictureyou being like, rather than
being quiet. Maybe you were moreof the class clown or something
like that. Oh, no, I was
Paul Silva (21:50):
No. I was quite serious. I was like, this a plus
student. I got bullied a lot,and I think that really, that
really brought me to my knees inmany ways, and has echoes to
this day of, you know, with thebullying, but in a way, it's
been a gift, because it's reallyhad allowed me to work on myself
and finding that true self.Because in the past, what I
learned was being myself meantpain, and so I hid, and drinking
(22:14):
was part of hiding. But now I'mon the other side, where I can
still, I can still feel, I canstill play small Absolutely. I
can still hold back because I'mafraid of getting hurt, but it's
less and less. It's still there,but it's less and less and and
so it's just stepping into like,I'm not gonna get hurt. You can
be yourself. Paul,
Robert Kuang (22:33):
yeah, I thank you for staying on this topic of
recovery and sobriety. It's noteveryone's cup of tea, but I
feel, you know, we for the pastfew years, I think there's been
a lot of focus on this, on thisroad for lots of people, and
there's still a lot of judgment,prejudice, shame around this
topic. Like, you know, one thingyou talk about is, like, my
(22:54):
relationship to myself is reallyimportant, particularly for your
recovery, to heal some of yourwounds and everything. How has
that impacted? Like, parenting,I can tell this is a big part of
your life. How do you show upand how do you make sense of
yourself as a parent now thatyou're on this journey,
Paul Silva (23:11):
I'm smiling now because it's been very
challenging lately. But I alsoknow I've got two teen boys, and
there's been some realchallenges as of late. And part
there's times where I'm like, Idon't know if I don't know if I
can I'm cut out for this. Like,I don't know if I can do this.
What I've I've come to learn,and even my my guides, my spirit
guides, have said to me,everything that you have
learned, everything that youhave gone through, is for them.
(23:34):
It's for me. It's for me, ofcourse, but now I'm able to give
to them what they need, becauseI'm in a position that I can do
that, and I think at any othertime, I would have crumbled, or
I would have shied away, or Iwould have tried to hide. But
everything that you know, I hada therapist say that you know,
when you have kids, you have youhave your second childhood, like
(23:55):
it's it triggers so many things,and there's so many things that
I have that have reallytriggered me as of late, but
it's because I recognize myselfin, you know, my my kids in
different ways and and so it'shelping me actually heal even
more. And at the same time, I'mable to give to them what they
(24:17):
need in terms of just havingthat presence, having that
guidance, having something upagainst, for them to kind of
butt up against and not get lostin myself, and being worried and
afraid and all these things.It's, it's been immeasurable for
me, because now, as we'restarting to get on the other
side of some challenges, I'mreally happy with how I've been
(24:37):
able to to be there and to also,it's like we're, you know, we're
kind of healing at the same likethey're growing and I'm healing
at the same time. And so we'reon these parallel journeys that
are just, they're lovely,they're painful at times. Yeah,
I'm just really happy that I'mable to be present for them. And
in the past, I wouldn't havebeen able
Robert Kuang (24:59):
to raising two. Boys I can imagine is
interesting right now, becausethe boy culture and navigating
boy culture, online culture,male culture, masculine culture
is just, you know, we've beendiscussing this for forever. It
seems I can imagine you probablyhave had some thoughts and
experiences about around this.So I'm not a parent. I'm not
(25:20):
raising boys. I'm really curiousto ask people who are
responsible for raising boys,your your thoughts around that,
and how you've been navigatingmaking sure you have a sense of
your your children, even thoughthey're about to go out into
this world that's fraught withall of this.
Paul Silva (25:38):
Yeah, yeah. It's, it's, an ongoing discussion, you
know, right now, you know, whatyou do see is, I can't remember
the term, you know this, wherethere's a lot of that angry,
disenfranchised, sort of, notquite in cell, but just a lot of
that, that unhealthy masculinediscourse out there, and that's
(26:00):
helping to create anothergeneration of men, young men who
are not able to expressthemselves in healthy ways, who
treat women in ways that areunhealthy. It's creating this,
this new and yet old way of amasculinity that is not in any
way useful or healthy. You know,I'm not here to blame social
(26:24):
media, and I use social media.It just, it's like anything else
is a tool, but it's like, whatare they exposed to? Because I'm
the male presence in the house,it's important that I let them
know every we've had since theywere young. You know, talks
about consent, talks about whatit's like to be a man, what it
isn't, you know, publicperception. It's wonderful
(26:44):
having, you know, my boys justunderstanding that, and I can
see how they are with others andthat they they don't. There's,
there's not a sense of bravado,or they have to prove anything
that they can be comfortable inthemselves and still be strong
and still be you know, there'syou know, the distorted view,
the unhealthy, the wounded.Masculine is the bully and the
(27:06):
blowhard and the misogynist andetc, etc. And you can be a
strong male presence and stillbe open and vulnerable and kind.
There's some a great book, Ithink we may have talked about
it, no more, Mr. Nice guy, andthat's a book that I've used
many times when I've worked withmen, and I have worked on it
myself, and the differencebetween a nice guy and a good
(27:26):
man, and really understandingwhat those mean and sharing
that. And so that's somethingthat is just we've been talking
about for years with the boys,and will continue as they go out
and and they're on their own,and what kind of decisions. And
again, it comes down to whatkind of person, what's your self
image? What's your self image?Who are you? And especially in a
culture where society doesn'talways allow men to express
(27:50):
themselves freely and becausethey hold them to just a
standard that once we step awayfrom that, people question our
manly like, you know, there's alot that can be unpacked for,
you know, for hours we can talkabout that, but it's really
just, again, a sense of self, astrong sense of self as a
(28:10):
person, as a man, and testingthe waters and being that good
man. And I had to learn to dothat much later in life, you
know, like I had to learn to dothat much later in life, because
it wasn't taught to me. Itwasn't something that was
modeled necessarily. My dad iswonderful. I didn't have a lot
of other male role models, sonow I'm able to give that to
(28:33):
them. I hope
Robert Kuang (28:34):
you don't have to go there if you don't want to.
But, you know, I always, I oftenthink about, you know, whether a
moment is particularly someonewho's been on a recovery
journey. The barriers aroundyour heart just kind of the dam
sort of broke, so to speak. Andfor me, I think my preoccupation
around my like self loathing andshame around that really broke
(28:55):
open after my grandmotherpassed. You know, my last living
grandparent, and me trying toprocess that and perhaps find
healing. You know, from thegrief of that really did
something to me, like the way Iframed life and safety and
comfort and courage. I thinkeverything just kind of shifted
(29:16):
a little bit for me. Thatexperience was powerful.
Obviously, there was grief. ButI always think back to like,
there were moments where I itwas actually possible for me to
step out beyond myself and justlet the barriers come down. So I
share all that to be like, doyou have moments like that? And
you know, we've probably allhad, like, multiple and what
(29:37):
that was like,
Paul Silva (29:38):
Yeah, well, I love that example you gave, and just
how that opened things up foryou. Grief was there, but then
there was like this crackingopen of something that there
Robert Kuang (29:47):
was a lot of conflict and fights that just
didn't matter anymore, right? Mygrandmother is still gone,
right? And I think that didsomething for me or to me,
right?
Paul Silva (29:56):
Yeah, I'm just casting my mind back. I feel
that. Recovery. Yes, gettingsober was a huge part for me
because, again, it reframed likeyou with your grandmother. It
reframed the importance andpriorities of my life having
children as well. That doeschange things up. And I think
(30:17):
there's, there's there's smallermoments along the line. I think
you mentioned something like,doesn't have to
Robert Kuang (30:21):
necessarily be a big yes, and it doesn't have to
be grief centered either. Like,for example, finding out you're
going to be a father for sure,right? Yeah, is a moment like
that. Yeah. I
Paul Silva (30:31):
can't pinpoint exactly, but there have been
times where something has beenrevealed, whether someone said
something, an offhand comment oran observation, it'll have me
thinking like, oh my gosh, whyam I doing it like this? Or I am
a little bit like this, orwhatever it is, or maybe
something at work triggerssomething. I remember someone
telling me once I was a verystraightforward guy and like,
(30:53):
I've never been calledstraightforward in my life.
Really, I was always duplicitousand very Machiavellian and
manipulative.
Robert Kuang (30:59):
So when someone saw something in you that you
didn't really even register
Paul Silva (31:03):
No, and I said, I'm straight for you kidding. I used
to like twist words intopretzels and try to Will my way
through life. But I think theworking with men's stuff, the
men's stuff, had come up in thelast couple of years, and to the
point where I realized I was Ihad feared men. I feared my own
masculinity, which is why Ijoined the men's group. Like it
(31:23):
was for a year, I worked with amen's coach, and really started
to step into that masculinespace. And recently I was
telling you offline, you know,getting into the physical now,
and into my body, and whetherit's exercise or breath work or,
like, really realizing that thebody is also part of this whole
experience. And I haven't beentaking care of this body, like
(31:43):
even the drinking like, I mean,that was abusing my body. And
although I helped to spirituallyand emotionally and mentally the
body still, I still had aresentment towards it. And so
now I'm feeling like that is nowpart of in releasing weight and
really seeing myself in adifferent way. Yeah, that has
been really monumental as well.So along the way, I'm just, I
think, just have these ahamoments like, wow, I should
(32:05):
really, what am I withholding?What? What's a part? And I
always knew that with the momentI started taking care of my
body, everything else, wouldalso expand my spirituality, my
and it has. It's true.
Robert Kuang (32:17):
Yeah, I want to just briefly check on time. Do
you have a hard stop in fourminutes. Or are you okay? No,
no, because I didn't want to,you know, say goodbye in this
conversation without you talkingabout the book that you're
working on writing, right? Youhave brought that up earlier.
How did that begin? And is thereanything that you want to share
about that experience?
Paul Silva (32:36):
It was one of those things that just dropped in my
lap energetically, just I wasthinking about, I knew I I've
written one book before, and itwas about spirituality and
recovery. It's 2017 I wrote thatI was like, I know I have more.
And I was trying to think, whatis it that I want to do? What is
it I want to and again, this isthe idea, like mentally trying
to force something. I'm like,I'm trying to think of
(32:56):
something, rather than allowingsomething to come into me. And
as an artist, you, as you know,like, sometimes it's just when
you try to think your way intosomething, it just you're
throwing up barriers, as opposedto what, what invigorates me,
right? What? And one thing I'vebeen, I've been doing online,
was I would take photos and Iwould do like, a little, whether
it's a little inspirationalthing, a mindset piece, a little
(33:18):
spiritual piece, whatever it isbased on that photograph. And
it's funny, I had lots ofpeople, including published
authors, saying, so you're goingto write a book on this, right?
I'm like, Yeah. And I dismissedit, like I but they planted a
seed. And eventually I startedthinking, like, actually, you
know, I really, I have reallywanted to step more into
photography. And I said, whatif? What would I love to see?
(33:40):
And what came up for me, andI've just, I have fleshed it
out, is almost like a dailyreader where there's, there is a
photograph that will all bemine, and then just have
something connected to it. Now Ido have it organized in cycles.
In there is a thematic structureto it, so it's not just random,
you know, tying in a bit oflike, maybe some shamanic energy
(34:01):
or some spiritual work mindset.Like, it could be a little bit
of everything. I'm going to toywith it, but the more I've
shared it, like, the more itjust feels like, okay, that's
the one. And it's one of thosethings where you can turn
doesn't have to be the exactdate. You can just turn at any
page and you'll find an imageand something short, it could be
a few words, could be a fewparagraphs, and that is just
that will connect. So it's justme kind of a way of just putting
(34:24):
out there insights that I'vehad, any wisdom, any any things
I want to share. Plus it's, Iget to be creative. I get to
have fun with it. It's just alittle bit different, you know,
I don't it's funny because I waslooking stuff up. I'm like, I
wonder if there's any examplesthis. I haven't found any.
Really. There's a lot ofdevotionals, I guess, if you
would, or just kind of things. Ihave one by Mark Nepo. It's
(34:44):
fantastic, but nothing with withvisuals and and so that's what
I'm working I'm very excited,and I have about a year's worth
of photos now because theirseasonality may play into it, I
think so. So I can really nowstart to filter them out and.
And, you know, I think inAugust, this August, I'm gonna
actually sit down and write it.Write it.
Robert Kuang (35:05):
Yeah? That sounds like such a fun Yeah, process,
as opposed to the traditionalimagery of someone browse furled
in front of their laptop forlike, eight hours a day or
something like that, right? Idon't write like that either.
When if I'm not in the mood, Idon't force myself to write per
se, but, but also introducinganother element, like you were
saying, both from the intuitiveplace and also the photography
(35:27):
place. It's so interesting toput these things together. And
you probably wouldn't have donethat if you hadn't had all these
past lives,
Paul Silva (35:34):
you know, going full circle to that whole multi
potentiality. It's right. It's alot of fun, you know. And you
know, the last podcast that Ijust wrapped up, it was, it was
about bringing in my chefstories and chef and really
weaving it into other things.And I think that's the key, is
just, just to pull littlethreads from here, from there,
and knitting something, or just,you know, putting something
(35:58):
together that that capturesparts of your, your past lives,
into something that's new andsomething that is indicative of
you, is an expression of your,your lived experience, into
something tangible or somethingthat you can look upon later on,
or you can pass down to someone,or you can share with the world.
(36:19):
Yeah, even if you don't write orcreate in that way, even just
how you create your life and howyou interact with people, how
you interact with nature, howyou animals and fat, like
whatever it is like, just howyou create your life and express
it, that too can be verypowerful.
Robert Kuang (36:35):
My printer just decided to go off, but I was so
locked in on what you weresaying, on how powerful it was.
So thank you. It turned on themachinery around me. Yeah, thank
you for sharing that. And again,just the way that you kind of
show up as you are. Many peopletalk about being able to do
that, because there's a sense offreedom, right? But to be
honest, without doing the workof who are you, it's kind of
(36:59):
hard to actually be that, right?So thank you for being that.
Hopefully we can catch up nexttime about your the next chapter
of your book, journey, whereverit takes you and everything. So
if people want to connect withyou, find you online. What are
some ways to do that?
Paul Silva (37:13):
I am on Instagram and Tiktok at the real Paul
Silva and the real paulsilva.comdoing little videos, doing my
stuff. I'm going to be redoing,rebranding everything, and on
YouTube, you are gumbo, but I'mgoing to rebrand that as well.
But you'll find me. It'sscattered around the the
digiverse,
Robert Kuang (37:32):
gumbo. I haven't gumbo in a long time. Do you
make gumbo? Do you know how tomake gumbo? I
Paul Silva (37:36):
know how to make it I haven't made it
Robert Kuang (37:38):
forever. I don't know how, what, how Canadians
feel about gumbo, but it's abrings much comfort. Yeah, it's
Paul Silva (37:45):
great. You know, I There's so much I love a lot of
the food in the southern US.Yeah, and you just don't get
that here. It's, it's hard tofind even the ingredients you
can probably find now, it's alot better now, yeah, but you
don't find many places that thatcook that style of food. I'm
like, oh, but it's so good.
Robert Kuang (38:01):
I haven't had much exposure, but it's also fairly
regional, where, like, peoplehave their own take and it's so
fun to explore food in that way.But anyway, it's really fun to
see you exploring life as wellthrough that. So look forward to
whatever comes next for you.Paul, thank you for your time
today. Thanks
Paul Silva (38:18):
for your kind attention. Roberts, it's always
a pleasure. You.
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