May 18, 2024 • 8 mins
In this episode, hosts Tom and Johanna, explore the hidden secrets to picking the right life partner.
Based on their experiences with past relationships, they deduce the key to true happiness lies in choosing the right companion. Tom reveals 4 Secrets that powerfully improve your ability to pick someone who will support you and help you create a life of joy and fulfillment.
(Special note: Experience the Online Courses * "Success Secrets: Confidence and Skills to Handle Toxic People and
* Darkest Secrets of Persuasion and Seduction Masters: How to Protect Yourself and Turn the Power to Good ... when you go to The Tom Marcoux Institute Want Real Success—but you feel held back by real difficulties? Are you looking for powerful methods to enhance your skills and to help you perform at your best in tough situations? Communication Sage/Spoken Word Strategist Tom Marcoux and Johanna E. bring you a lively show, filled with real-world success methods. Learn more at http://GetTheBigYes.com Look inside Tom's 50+ books on Amazon
Hear samples of Tom's 30+ audiobooks on Audible.com © Tom Marcoux
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Succeed Even If. I'm Tom R.
Koo, the communication sage and spoken word strategist. And I'm Johanna.
We're going to talk about secrets so you pick the right life partner.
It's 90% of your happiness. Uh-oh.
Yeah. How was your first husband? Oh, God.
(00:20):
Yeah. It sounds like it didn't go well.
Nope. Okay. Well, let's get right into it.
I've had nine romantic relationships in my
life and these were one after another after
another oh you just couldn't get it right huh yeah until
the ninth one yeah so the thing is I've
learned a lot along the way and what I want to do is save people time I want
(00:43):
to save the misery because miserable people spread misery misery loves company
yeah but it's worse than that misery creates company it creates more miserable
people and it invites guests exists. Yeah.
Anyway, so here's the thought. You need to find someone who fits with you. Fit is our word.
(01:04):
And you might even say that a couple of puzzle pieces fit together.
So fit is our word. And we're talking about F is flexible.
I is improvement and kindness. And T is tells me the truth. Now,
let's start with tells me the truth.
Here's the problem that I've learned is that when people don't tell each other
the truth like I can't stand how you use the toothpaste tube or something like
(01:27):
that basically get two people next to each other on mountains of resentment
you mean mountains of crap well,
Yeah, I guess I do. It's true that a lot of garbage happens.
Even some people have diarrhea of the mouth. When they're full of resentment, it's got to come out.
(01:48):
So here's the thing. If you tell the truth, but you have to be tactful,
often with my sweetheart, my ninth relationship, and this relationship is nearly
25 years of really good relationship,
I'll say, would you consider putting this over there?
It just messes me up or something like that.
I ask what you consider, but I tell the truth and she tells me the truth too.
(02:11):
And we can do something about that. I of fit is improvement and kindness.
I don't know about you, but I've worked with some people who don't care and
there is no improvement and you can't teach them anything.
There's an old idea saying that you can't teach people to be friendly.
You hire friendly people.
And if you want to get someone who is a blessing on your life.
(02:35):
Fit is the idea that's flexible, improvement, and kindness tells me the truth.
And Joanna, I got a question for you. Of these things, flexible,
improvement, and kindness, and tells me the truth, what resonates with you?
Telling the truth. I'd rather hear bad news than no news. At least I know what
to fix. Right. And you know what's going on.
(02:58):
You'll see these old couples, they're eating dinner and they don't talk to each other.
Often you might see one of them mumbling to themselves, like she thinks this
and that, and well, she can go.
What's happening is that all that resentment has built up year after year.
It's unfortunate that people don't realize that kindness is a virtue and it's
(03:20):
a value and something that we have to strive for. and something that we actually
need some mental discipline with.
I've worked in places where people are upside down and then maybe a client will
come in and they'll say, oh, you have such good energy. How do you do that?
Practice. Well, yeah. Lots and lots of practice. That's true.
(03:40):
And well said. And also it's a discipline.
Now, long ago, Beverly Sills said this phrase, and when I first heard it,
maybe 20 years ago, I thought, what's that?
But she said that she was not happy, but she was cheerful.
And I wondered what she was talking about. And I discovered cheerfulness is a discipline.
(04:03):
Fake it till you make it. Well, that's interesting.
I'd like to say, act it and become it.
So act with discipline, act with cheerfulness, learn to shift your thoughts,
learn to shift out of being upset if you can.
And if you are upset, pick a time, like maybe say, hey, you know,
I'm really upside down right now. Can we have a conversation about this in about an hour?
(04:26):
And then maybe go for a walk. Here's something that's very powerful. I learned this.
There was a time when I had a really rough set of things happen in one day.
And there was really an upset situation with a particular relative.
And I felt a new thing in my chest. It felt like there was acid in my chest.
But then what I did was I went out and I walked and I walked among trees,
(04:49):
even though it was a sidewalk.
But I thought to myself, with every step, I'm sending that negativity out of
my body, that stress out of my body, through my feet, into the ground where it dissipates.
And I walked and I looked at the trees and I was in that moment and the acid
feeling in my chest, it was psychological, the feeling, and it dissipated. It went away.
(05:13):
And what it taught me is that you can shift your thoughts and you can shift
your physiology. And this is about improvement.
The I of fit is improvement and kindness.
For me to get back to kindness, I need to be able to shift out of a dark space.
So let's pull this all together to really find someone who's a match,
(05:35):
someone who's going to help you have 90% of your happiness, to have a great life partner.
Pick someone who is fit, flexible.
They're focused on improvement and kindness, and they tell you the truth.
That's flexible, improvement and kindness, and tells me the truth.
That's what makes it happen to live up to
(05:58):
this flexible improvement and kindness tells me
the truth in yourself and find someone
who's willing to do that with you and for you too all the people will think
well i'll meet you halfway no sometimes you got to take over you got to be 130
because the other person's sick or they're upside down they're upset and you
(06:20):
need to be more patient than ever.
In fact, what I've said to many people is patience is like water in the desert.
We can be that water for each other. We can be fit. By the way, Joanna.
What is powerful is to develop your personal skills.
And you can do that when you go to getthebigyes.com forward slash best.
(06:41):
That's where you'll find my online courses. And I can support you to be more
confident, to be able to handle toxic people, to be able to sell if you need
to, so that people will want to say yes to you.
That's all available at getthebigyes.com forward slash best.
And also, if you want to learn how to really be at your best,
(07:05):
there's my book, The Power of Your Money Game.
It's available at Amazon and is also available on Audible, where I have 33 audio
books on audible.com. Jonah, I'm curious.
What are you going to keep from this conversation? The truth.
People need to say what bothers them. Right.
They need to tell each other the truth so that they can both make improvements
(07:28):
or at least express an idea.
That's why I like to say, oh, would you consider this?
Would you consider helping me on this? Or would you consider not putting that
over there? Because I just need that little space.
Would you consider this? But that's telling the truth. And that also is acknowledging
that the other person is an adult.
They will decide if they can accommodate that request.
(07:50):
But at least the truth is there and people don't sit on two piles of shit.
Exactly. Tell the truth, be flexible, improve and be kind.
So Joanna, thanks for being part of this and thank you for listening.
The best to you. Catch you next time.
Welcome to Succeed Even If. I'm Tom R.
Koo, the communication sage and spoken word strategist. And I'm Johanna.
We're going to talk about secrets so you pick the right life partner.
It's 90% of your happiness. Uh-oh.
Yeah. How was your first husband? Oh, God.
(00:20):
Yeah. It sounds like it didn't go well.
Nope. Okay. Well, let's get right into it.
I've had nine romantic relationships in my
life and these were one after another after
another oh you just couldn't get it right huh yeah until
the ninth one yeah so the thing is I've
learned a lot along the way and what I want to do is save people time I want
(00:43):
to save the misery because miserable people spread misery misery loves company
yeah but it's worse than that misery creates company it creates more miserable
people and it invites guests exists. Yeah.
Anyway, so here's the thought. You need to find someone who fits with you. Fit is our word.
(01:04):
And you might even say that a couple of puzzle pieces fit together.
So fit is our word. And we're talking about F is flexible.
I is improvement and kindness. And T is tells me the truth. Now,
let's start with tells me the truth.
Here's the problem that I've learned is that when people don't tell each other
the truth like I can't stand how you use the toothpaste tube or something like
(01:27):
that basically get two people next to each other on mountains of resentment
you mean mountains of crap well,
Yeah, I guess I do. It's true that a lot of garbage happens.
Even some people have diarrhea of the mouth. When they're full of resentment, it's got to come out.
(01:48):
So here's the thing. If you tell the truth, but you have to be tactful,
often with my sweetheart, my ninth relationship, and this relationship is nearly
25 years of really good relationship,
I'll say, would you consider putting this over there?
It just messes me up or something like that.
I ask what you consider, but I tell the truth and she tells me the truth too.
(02:11):
And we can do something about that. I of fit is improvement and kindness.
I don't know about you, but I've worked with some people who don't care and
there is no improvement and you can't teach them anything.
There's an old idea saying that you can't teach people to be friendly.
You hire friendly people.
And if you want to get someone who is a blessing on your life.
(02:35):
Fit is the idea that's flexible, improvement, and kindness tells me the truth.
And Joanna, I got a question for you. Of these things, flexible,
improvement, and kindness, and tells me the truth, what resonates with you?
Telling the truth. I'd rather hear bad news than no news. At least I know what
to fix. Right. And you know what's going on.
(02:58):
You'll see these old couples, they're eating dinner and they don't talk to each other.
Often you might see one of them mumbling to themselves, like she thinks this
and that, and well, she can go.
What's happening is that all that resentment has built up year after year.
It's unfortunate that people don't realize that kindness is a virtue and it's
(03:20):
a value and something that we have to strive for. and something that we actually
need some mental discipline with.
I've worked in places where people are upside down and then maybe a client will
come in and they'll say, oh, you have such good energy. How do you do that?
Practice. Well, yeah. Lots and lots of practice. That's true.
(03:40):
And well said. And also it's a discipline.
Now, long ago, Beverly Sills said this phrase, and when I first heard it,
maybe 20 years ago, I thought, what's that?
But she said that she was not happy, but she was cheerful.
And I wondered what she was talking about. And I discovered cheerfulness is a discipline.
(04:03):
Fake it till you make it. Well, that's interesting.
I'd like to say, act it and become it.
So act with discipline, act with cheerfulness, learn to shift your thoughts,
learn to shift out of being upset if you can.
And if you are upset, pick a time, like maybe say, hey, you know,
I'm really upside down right now. Can we have a conversation about this in about an hour?
(04:26):
And then maybe go for a walk. Here's something that's very powerful. I learned this.
There was a time when I had a really rough set of things happen in one day.
And there was really an upset situation with a particular relative.
And I felt a new thing in my chest. It felt like there was acid in my chest.
But then what I did was I went out and I walked and I walked among trees,
(04:49):
even though it was a sidewalk.
But I thought to myself, with every step, I'm sending that negativity out of
my body, that stress out of my body, through my feet, into the ground where it dissipates.
And I walked and I looked at the trees and I was in that moment and the acid
feeling in my chest, it was psychological, the feeling, and it dissipated. It went away.
(05:13):
And what it taught me is that you can shift your thoughts and you can shift
your physiology. And this is about improvement.
The I of fit is improvement and kindness.
For me to get back to kindness, I need to be able to shift out of a dark space.
So let's pull this all together to really find someone who's a match,
(05:35):
someone who's going to help you have 90% of your happiness, to have a great life partner.
Pick someone who is fit, flexible.
They're focused on improvement and kindness, and they tell you the truth.
That's flexible, improvement and kindness, and tells me the truth.
That's what makes it happen to live up to
(05:58):
this flexible improvement and kindness tells me
the truth in yourself and find someone
who's willing to do that with you and for you too all the people will think
well i'll meet you halfway no sometimes you got to take over you got to be 130
because the other person's sick or they're upside down they're upset and you
(06:20):
need to be more patient than ever.
In fact, what I've said to many people is patience is like water in the desert.
We can be that water for each other. We can be fit. By the way, Joanna.
What is powerful is to develop your personal skills.
And you can do that when you go to getthebigyes.com forward slash best.
(06:41):
That's where you'll find my online courses. And I can support you to be more
confident, to be able to handle toxic people, to be able to sell if you need
to, so that people will want to say yes to you.
That's all available at getthebigyes.com forward slash best.
And also, if you want to learn how to really be at your best,
(07:05):
there's my book, The Power of Your Money Game.
It's available at Amazon and is also available on Audible, where I have 33 audio
books on audible.com. Jonah, I'm curious.
What are you going to keep from this conversation? The truth.
People need to say what bothers them. Right.
They need to tell each other the truth so that they can both make improvements
(07:28):
or at least express an idea.
That's why I like to say, oh, would you consider this?
Would you consider helping me on this? Or would you consider not putting that
over there? Because I just need that little space.
Would you consider this? But that's telling the truth. And that also is acknowledging
that the other person is an adult.
They will decide if they can accommodate that request.
(07:50):
But at least the truth is there and people don't sit on two piles of shit.
Exactly. Tell the truth, be flexible, improve and be kind.
So Joanna, thanks for being part of this and thank you for listening.
The best to you. Catch you next time.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.