February 14, 2023 • 12 mins
Host: Mindy McCulley, Extension Specialist for Instructional Support, University of Kentucky, Family and Consumer Sciences Extension
Guest: Dr. Courtney Luecking, Extension Specialist for Nutrition and Health
Season 5, Episode 25
Family meals can often be a source of stress when children are young, especially if they feel like a battleground between what a child wants to eat and what the parents want the child to eat. On this episode of Talking FACS, Dr. Courtney Luecking breaks down some simple strategies to help families lower the stress level for every during family mealtimes. She recommends using a proven methods that divides responsibility, so that everyone leaves meal feeling successful.
To connect with FCS Extension:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to Talking Facts.
What you need to know about family food finance and fitness.
This nationally recognized award winning podcast is hosted by the University of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program.
Our educators share research knowledge with individuals,
families and communities to improve quality of life.
(00:25):
Hello and welcome to Talking Facts.
What you need to know about family food finance and fitness.
I am your host,
Mindy mcculley Extension Specialist for instructional support with Family and Consumer Sciences Extension at the University of Kentucky.
My guest today is Doctor Courtney Loki who is an extension professor and specialist for maternal and child health.
(00:47):
Welcome,
Courtney.
Thank you,
Mindy.
So we are going to destress family meal times today.
We're gonna be so popular when,
when this show is over,
right?
We'll,
we'll do our best,
no guarantees,
but we,
we've got some tips that might work.
But our topic today is strategies for lower stress,
family meal times.
(01:09):
I know when my Children were young,
sometimes just getting everybody to the table together at the same time was stressful.
And if I was just coming in from work and trying to get that meal on,
on the table before they had to run off to their various activities.
Sometimes it can be quite stress,
(01:30):
stressful.
We're gonna talk about what we can do to make meal times feel just a little bit less stressful.
So what tips do you have for us?
Yes.
So one approach that I wanna focus on and you kind of hinted at this idea of schedule and time and that,
that is a whole other ballgame that come back to in the future.
(01:50):
The one the kind of focus I'd like to take today is about these feelings of power struggles that often occur between adults and Children about whether or not kids are eating what kids are or are not eating.
A lot of adults feel responsible to ensure that Children eat and that they eat so that they can grow and play and be healthy.
(02:13):
But the sadder division of responsibility is an approach that can help make these feelings be a bit more peaceful because this model recognizes that adults and Children have responsibilities during meal times.
Adults are responsible for the structure and routine of feeding and Children are responsible for eating.
(02:36):
That's it.
So and we probably should say that Sater is a name as att er not sad or as ad D er Yes,
yes,
you are correct.
This is a person,
a clinical or I think a social worker,
licensed social worker and dietician.
Ok.
So I I like this idea that meal times can be more peaceful.
(03:00):
Um And I do remember that stress of nobody wanting to eat the same thing or nobody wanting to eat what was in front of them and as a parent feeling very responsible for making sure that my Children were nourished.
Mhm Yes.
So I,
I,
I like this.
So let's talk about first of all,
what is the role of the adult or the caregiver or the parent,
(03:22):
whoever is in charge of,
of planning the meals?
Exactly.
So we say adult,
but you bring up a good point like who is in charge.
So they are in charge of three things.
What when and where food and drinks are served?
Adults need to choose,
prepare and offer a variety of healthy foods at regular times throughout the day because the adult decisions determine what kind of foods Children will be exposed to and therefore be able to learn to like,
(03:57):
ok,
and it's also a time to teach and role model,
what do balanced healthy meals and snacks look like?
Ok,
we as in the adults also need to create a routine for when those meals and snacks are offered.
And this includes the general time of day as well as locations.
So for example,
we could say afternoon snacks happen around three o'clock and they're gonna be in the kitchen or they're gonna be at the table,
(04:22):
meaning like not in front of the television,
not in front of a tablet because this structure can create positive habits for Children now and in the future.
And so once we've done these things,
the what the when and the where our job is essentially done that,
I think that that's important.
So then that means the Children have a job,
(04:42):
right?
So what is the role of the Children?
They are responsible for deciding whether and how much they will eat of what has been provided?
Notice I said of what has been provided so they can um they need to and learn to eat the food provided.
Now,
some people struggle with this approach,
(05:03):
you know,
they really feel compelled or that they need to offer special or different foods.
But that's kind of a unique distinction of this approach of eating is that we sit down and support Children and role model through eating the same foods um and encouraging them to try things.
But more importantly,
honoring their decision about whether or how much because that's where those power struggles oftentimes come from.
(05:28):
We have this idea in our heads of how much Children need to eat when the reality is that it really varies day to day and even throughout the day.
And so it can be hard for adults to let go of some of that control and really let Children take the lead and listening to their body.
And as Children grow,
(05:49):
you know,
toddlers are pretty good about stopping when they're finished.
And it might be that in another hour,
they're hungry again.
And so we have to not get too frustrated by that.
Right.
Right.
And that's where that structure that adults provide comes into play because younger Children do need to eat more frequently.
So we do need to be mindful of scheduling frequent meals and snacks,
(06:11):
particularly for those younger kid.
And then we can kind of adapt those schedules just to your point as Children grow and then they don't need to eat as frequently.
So we,
I guess we have been talking about toddlers and above previously.
So are there different guidelines for babies?
Slightly different adults are still responsible for choosing what infants eat?
(06:36):
So are you going to serve breast milk?
Are you going to serve formula or some combination and then,
you know,
kind of when and what kinds of foods you start to transition to around six months of age,
but infants get a lot more control in terms of when and where in addition to the how much and whether they'll eat,
(06:58):
you know,
because uh a a baby,
a month old,
a three month old baby is going to get hungry when they get hungry.
We don't necessarily want to be feeding them by the clock.
And so whether it's for hunger or fullness,
we need to um be responsive to those cues so that we can feed them when they are starting to show signs of hunger and stop when they start to show us signs that they've had enough.
(07:23):
That's a,
a great tip because especially infants,
I mean,
they know when they,
they've had enough,
they'll stop and,
and when they are ready to,
they'll let you know,
won't they?
They do.
Ok.
So how can we put this division of responsibility into practice?
It will take time and like,
(07:43):
as you said,
practice to get it into the routine,
it might feel uncomfortable or different by only serving Children certain foods,
for example,
like this is what we,
the family are eating.
But um,
small steps and doing it consistently over time can help everyone adapt to those,
(08:05):
to those roles that you're,
you're striving for.
And it's,
it's helpful.
We have a few specific tips on how to make that work.
Ok?
Yeah,
that's,
I think that is beneficial.
Um because we don't always think through that how we eat,
we,
we get more wrapped up in the what we're gonna eat,
don't we?
(08:25):
Exactly.
And the how is has been shown to be just as important as the what?
So a couple little tidbits to help people put this into practice?
OK.
You know,
we,
we talked about those roles,
but really remembering and sticking to the role Ellen Satter,
the person who developed this model once said,
and I quote,
(08:45):
if you are working harder than your child to get food into her,
you are crossing the line.
OK?
That's a good,
good thing to remember because I,
I do remember as a young mother,
that was my greatest concern,
my Children weren't eating and yes.
So if it feels like work,
we've probably,
we've probably,
(09:05):
we are probably going too far and it's time to take a step back and remember our role,
let the Children take the lead.
Yes.
And similarly,
we want to stick to those routines.
Children thrive on routine and structure.
And so having those regular planned opportunities for Children to eat or not give them that comfort and stability that they can eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full.
(09:31):
And it will help eliminate that grazing in between meal times that can make meal time even more challenging because they've already been snacking and grazing and aren't arriving hungry at meals.
Yeah.
And I think that's probably a really big one for parents because they,
there are lots of other things that grab young families attentions.
(09:52):
And so if we can just really have that focused meal time,
those focused times when we know that this is when the child is gonna eat,
that's gonna make their life a whole lot easier.
We can most definitely.
And then two things for the actual meal time is serving food,
family style.
I think at least think that it's easy and we're just trying to like get the food out and plated.
(10:15):
So we plate everyone's but allowing Children to take that responsibility and roll to decide what they get to put on their plate that gives them a little bit more choice in the matter.
Again,
we have done our job of deciding of what is being served and then it's their responsibility to determine whether they would like to go with it.
And then also including familiar or favorite foods.
(10:38):
So,
you know,
some sort of bread is a pretty good staple or fruit or milky and,
and people will know their Children best or the Children that they're caring for the best.
But having some sort of what you might label as a safe food can provide some comfort and stability at those meals as well.
And it does make life less stressful if you don't have to fight over what they're going to eat.
(11:00):
Right.
Yes,
this is what is for dinner tonight.
What would you like out of this?
You know,
but I,
I love these tips and hopefully our parents who are listening are going to find that they are beneficial and useful in making meal times less stressful.
Yeah,
Courtney.
Thank you for joining us and I hope you'll come again.
(11:24):
Yes,
of course.
If you are just tuning in,
you are listening to Talking Facts and we are available on all major podcast providers.
Thank you for listening to Talking Facts.
We deliver programs focusing on nutrition,
health,
resource management,
family development and civic engagement.
(11:44):
If you enjoyed today's podcast,
have a question or a show topic.
Idea.
Leave a like and a comment on Facebook at UK F CS E X T or send us an email at UK F CS E X T at UK Y dot E D U.
Visit us online at F CS dot UK Y dot E D U to learn more about the University of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program or contact your local extension agent for Family and Consumer Sciences.
(12:14):
We build strong families,
we build Kentucky.
It starts with us.
Welcome to Talking Facts.
What you need to know about family food finance and fitness.
This nationally recognized award winning podcast is hosted by the University of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program.
Our educators share research knowledge with individuals,
families and communities to improve quality of life.
(00:25):
Hello and welcome to Talking Facts.
What you need to know about family food finance and fitness.
I am your host,
Mindy mcculley Extension Specialist for instructional support with Family and Consumer Sciences Extension at the University of Kentucky.
My guest today is Doctor Courtney Loki who is an extension professor and specialist for maternal and child health.
(00:47):
Welcome,
Courtney.
Thank you,
Mindy.
So we are going to destress family meal times today.
We're gonna be so popular when,
when this show is over,
right?
We'll,
we'll do our best,
no guarantees,
but we,
we've got some tips that might work.
But our topic today is strategies for lower stress,
family meal times.
(01:09):
I know when my Children were young,
sometimes just getting everybody to the table together at the same time was stressful.
And if I was just coming in from work and trying to get that meal on,
on the table before they had to run off to their various activities.
Sometimes it can be quite stress,
(01:30):
stressful.
We're gonna talk about what we can do to make meal times feel just a little bit less stressful.
So what tips do you have for us?
Yes.
So one approach that I wanna focus on and you kind of hinted at this idea of schedule and time and that,
that is a whole other ballgame that come back to in the future.
(01:50):
The one the kind of focus I'd like to take today is about these feelings of power struggles that often occur between adults and Children about whether or not kids are eating what kids are or are not eating.
A lot of adults feel responsible to ensure that Children eat and that they eat so that they can grow and play and be healthy.
(02:13):
But the sadder division of responsibility is an approach that can help make these feelings be a bit more peaceful because this model recognizes that adults and Children have responsibilities during meal times.
Adults are responsible for the structure and routine of feeding and Children are responsible for eating.
(02:36):
That's it.
So and we probably should say that Sater is a name as att er not sad or as ad D er Yes,
yes,
you are correct.
This is a person,
a clinical or I think a social worker,
licensed social worker and dietician.
Ok.
So I I like this idea that meal times can be more peaceful.
(03:00):
Um And I do remember that stress of nobody wanting to eat the same thing or nobody wanting to eat what was in front of them and as a parent feeling very responsible for making sure that my Children were nourished.
Mhm Yes.
So I,
I,
I like this.
So let's talk about first of all,
what is the role of the adult or the caregiver or the parent,
(03:22):
whoever is in charge of,
of planning the meals?
Exactly.
So we say adult,
but you bring up a good point like who is in charge.
So they are in charge of three things.
What when and where food and drinks are served?
Adults need to choose,
prepare and offer a variety of healthy foods at regular times throughout the day because the adult decisions determine what kind of foods Children will be exposed to and therefore be able to learn to like,
(03:57):
ok,
and it's also a time to teach and role model,
what do balanced healthy meals and snacks look like?
Ok,
we as in the adults also need to create a routine for when those meals and snacks are offered.
And this includes the general time of day as well as locations.
So for example,
we could say afternoon snacks happen around three o'clock and they're gonna be in the kitchen or they're gonna be at the table,
(04:22):
meaning like not in front of the television,
not in front of a tablet because this structure can create positive habits for Children now and in the future.
And so once we've done these things,
the what the when and the where our job is essentially done that,
I think that that's important.
So then that means the Children have a job,
(04:42):
right?
So what is the role of the Children?
They are responsible for deciding whether and how much they will eat of what has been provided?
Notice I said of what has been provided so they can um they need to and learn to eat the food provided.
Now,
some people struggle with this approach,
(05:03):
you know,
they really feel compelled or that they need to offer special or different foods.
But that's kind of a unique distinction of this approach of eating is that we sit down and support Children and role model through eating the same foods um and encouraging them to try things.
But more importantly,
honoring their decision about whether or how much because that's where those power struggles oftentimes come from.
(05:28):
We have this idea in our heads of how much Children need to eat when the reality is that it really varies day to day and even throughout the day.
And so it can be hard for adults to let go of some of that control and really let Children take the lead and listening to their body.
And as Children grow,
(05:49):
you know,
toddlers are pretty good about stopping when they're finished.
And it might be that in another hour,
they're hungry again.
And so we have to not get too frustrated by that.
Right.
Right.
And that's where that structure that adults provide comes into play because younger Children do need to eat more frequently.
So we do need to be mindful of scheduling frequent meals and snacks,
(06:11):
particularly for those younger kid.
And then we can kind of adapt those schedules just to your point as Children grow and then they don't need to eat as frequently.
So we,
I guess we have been talking about toddlers and above previously.
So are there different guidelines for babies?
Slightly different adults are still responsible for choosing what infants eat?
(06:36):
So are you going to serve breast milk?
Are you going to serve formula or some combination and then,
you know,
kind of when and what kinds of foods you start to transition to around six months of age,
but infants get a lot more control in terms of when and where in addition to the how much and whether they'll eat,
(06:58):
you know,
because uh a a baby,
a month old,
a three month old baby is going to get hungry when they get hungry.
We don't necessarily want to be feeding them by the clock.
And so whether it's for hunger or fullness,
we need to um be responsive to those cues so that we can feed them when they are starting to show signs of hunger and stop when they start to show us signs that they've had enough.
(07:23):
That's a,
a great tip because especially infants,
I mean,
they know when they,
they've had enough,
they'll stop and,
and when they are ready to,
they'll let you know,
won't they?
They do.
Ok.
So how can we put this division of responsibility into practice?
It will take time and like,
(07:43):
as you said,
practice to get it into the routine,
it might feel uncomfortable or different by only serving Children certain foods,
for example,
like this is what we,
the family are eating.
But um,
small steps and doing it consistently over time can help everyone adapt to those,
(08:05):
to those roles that you're,
you're striving for.
And it's,
it's helpful.
We have a few specific tips on how to make that work.
Ok?
Yeah,
that's,
I think that is beneficial.
Um because we don't always think through that how we eat,
we,
we get more wrapped up in the what we're gonna eat,
don't we?
(08:25):
Exactly.
And the how is has been shown to be just as important as the what?
So a couple little tidbits to help people put this into practice?
OK.
You know,
we,
we talked about those roles,
but really remembering and sticking to the role Ellen Satter,
the person who developed this model once said,
and I quote,
(08:45):
if you are working harder than your child to get food into her,
you are crossing the line.
OK?
That's a good,
good thing to remember because I,
I do remember as a young mother,
that was my greatest concern,
my Children weren't eating and yes.
So if it feels like work,
we've probably,
we've probably,
(09:05):
we are probably going too far and it's time to take a step back and remember our role,
let the Children take the lead.
Yes.
And similarly,
we want to stick to those routines.
Children thrive on routine and structure.
And so having those regular planned opportunities for Children to eat or not give them that comfort and stability that they can eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full.
(09:31):
And it will help eliminate that grazing in between meal times that can make meal time even more challenging because they've already been snacking and grazing and aren't arriving hungry at meals.
Yeah.
And I think that's probably a really big one for parents because they,
there are lots of other things that grab young families attentions.
(09:52):
And so if we can just really have that focused meal time,
those focused times when we know that this is when the child is gonna eat,
that's gonna make their life a whole lot easier.
We can most definitely.
And then two things for the actual meal time is serving food,
family style.
I think at least think that it's easy and we're just trying to like get the food out and plated.
(10:15):
So we plate everyone's but allowing Children to take that responsibility and roll to decide what they get to put on their plate that gives them a little bit more choice in the matter.
Again,
we have done our job of deciding of what is being served and then it's their responsibility to determine whether they would like to go with it.
And then also including familiar or favorite foods.
(10:38):
So,
you know,
some sort of bread is a pretty good staple or fruit or milky and,
and people will know their Children best or the Children that they're caring for the best.
But having some sort of what you might label as a safe food can provide some comfort and stability at those meals as well.
And it does make life less stressful if you don't have to fight over what they're going to eat.
(11:00):
Right.
Yes,
this is what is for dinner tonight.
What would you like out of this?
You know,
but I,
I love these tips and hopefully our parents who are listening are going to find that they are beneficial and useful in making meal times less stressful.
Yeah,
Courtney.
Thank you for joining us and I hope you'll come again.
(11:24):
Yes,
of course.
If you are just tuning in,
you are listening to Talking Facts and we are available on all major podcast providers.
Thank you for listening to Talking Facts.
We deliver programs focusing on nutrition,
health,
resource management,
family development and civic engagement.
(11:44):
If you enjoyed today's podcast,
have a question or a show topic.
Idea.
Leave a like and a comment on Facebook at UK F CS E X T or send us an email at UK F CS E X T at UK Y dot E D U.
Visit us online at F CS dot UK Y dot E D U to learn more about the University of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program or contact your local extension agent for Family and Consumer Sciences.
(12:14):
We build strong families,
we build Kentucky.
It starts with us.
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