November 20, 2023 • 28 mins
On The Ampersand, we love to highlight stories of people who bring together their widest interests, research and making. In most cases, these disparate facets of being shine from our brightest sides—but how can we find compassion for our darker corners? Today’s guest, Lauren Lewis, walks listeners through her journey navigating an eating disorder while learning to cook from the heart as a nutritionist and chef, guiding others to healing as a yogi, feeling at home in her body through dance and wake surfing, and how she seeks out love and self-compassion.
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Take Lauren’s online yoga classes.
Lauren’s website dedicated to nutrition: The Pure Gourmet.
Music by Nelson Walker.
Episodes recorded at Interplay Recording in Boulder, CO.
Written and produced by Erika Randall and Tim Grassley.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
ERIKA RANDALL (00:04):
A and S.
LAUREN LEWIS (00:13):
Hey everyone.
Thanks for practicingwith me today.
We're going to doa approachable,
but progressive sequence,designed to get us toward--
ERIKA RANDALL (00:21):
I imagine Lauren Lewis on her yoga
mat, her child and dog runningin front of her camera,
as she teaches free,online yoga classes
to build community acrossthe distances of COVID-19.
In lieu of the hands onadjustments we all crave,
Lauren welcomes us individually,looking us each in the eyes
through the Zoom screen.
I can imagine thisbecause it happened.
(00:43):
It's a palpableand healing memory,
through which Laurentaught me so many lessons
about showing up.
Lauren lives with deepcompassion and a tenderness
that belies a firm, innerstrength and adventurous
spirit.
Lauren just shows up.
LAUREN LEWIS (00:58):
Take notice.
How is your body today?
How's your heart?
ERIKA RANDALL (01:31):
I can't imagine a more diverse playlist
than Lauren's trailrunning soundtrack.
She's fueled by Ani DiFrancoand Rage Against the Machine
to get through her workoutin the hills of motherhood.
But, still, this woman isable to get to her goal,
take time to stop,center, and breathe
in Boulder's dramatic vistas.
As you will discoveron today's episode,
(01:51):
Lauren has an unendingcapacity to show up
as a teacher and a student.
She is a yoga guru,although she'd
hate that I said that, a chef,a mama, community builder,
wakeboarder, runner, and dancelike no one's watching mover.
She's so much good,you want to be
around the light of her smile.
(02:14):
On the Ampersand, we callthis bringing together
of the impossible,the alchemy of anding.
Together, we'll hear stories ofhumans who imagine and create,
by colliding their interests.
Rather than thinking ofand as a simple conjunction
and that ConjunctionJunction kind of way,
we will hear stories ofpeople who see and as a verb,
a way to speak the beautiful,when you intentionally
(02:35):
let the soft animal of yourbody love what it loves.
As Saint Mary Oliverasks, what is it you
plan to do with your onewild and precious life?
I love this question.
When I'm mothering,creating, and collaborating,
it reminds me toreplace a singular
idea of what I thinkI should become,
with a full sensoryverb about experiencing.
(02:57):
I'm Erika Randall.
This is Lauren Lewison the Ampersand.
LAUREN LEWIS (03:10):
I think any act of inauthenticity, in the past,
were the ways that I foundmyself in the deepest trouble.
And so I've almostclung to just realness,
as a lifeline, for makingsure things stay healthy.
I grew up in Pennsylvania.
(03:31):
Before that,Indianapolis, Maryland.
My dad traveled a ton.
My mom was the person.
She is amazing.
She's still integralto my daily life.
And my big brother was hard.
(03:54):
Hard.
He took up a lot of space.
And I learned, really young,to take care of my mom,
through being easy.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:07):
I know that story.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:08):
Yeah.
And that easiness was,and still is, really,
a big part of how I operate.
I don't need that much help.
I'll figure it out.
I feel steady, internally.
There was a lotof gifts to that.
But one of the--
maybe it was still agift, but the challenges,
was that I internalizeda lot of my pain, which
(04:32):
led me toward so manyself-destructive patterns,
young.
And including vicious bulimia.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:44):
As a young human.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:46):
At 13.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:47):
Oh.
Even before we've gottenall the messages about how
we're supposed to show up.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:50):
They were there.
The messages were therebefore that, I think.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:53):
But also a desire to take up less space.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:55):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:56):
Yeah.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:57):
And so I would say that experience,
for 15 plus years, that requireda deep dive into healing
from within, was the foundationof everything that I do.
ERIKA RANDALL (05:16):
Not knowing that story, I know the foundation,
and it's rock solid.
That it is, everything you do isbased on healing and supporting
healing for others.
LAUREN LEWIS (05:28):
Thank you.
ERIKA RANDALL (05:29):
Which is so incredible,
when you've come from somethingthat, particularly, it's
hard to let go.
We hold it in our body,right, these old stories.
And so how is anadult, human person,
do you navigate this new kindof [INAUDIBLE],, this new groove
you're trying toshape for yourself.
Do you still feel old,Lauren, or young, Lauren?
LAUREN LEWIS (05:52):
Just a few months ago, I
signed up for a Yin Yogateacher training in Carbondale.
And the teacher had her wholetraining founded in IFS,
or internal family systems.
And, essentially,it asks us to look
(06:12):
at the aspects or parts ofourselves, how we're made up.
The belief in IFS is thatwe all have many parts.
There are no bad parts.
No bad parts.
Sometimes, our partsexpress actions
that we need to look at,and the actions of the parts
(06:33):
aren't healthy.
But the part that's creating theaction only needs compassion.
And what it reallystruck, for me,
was the idea that through allmy years of healing bulimia,
never did I look atthe part of myself that
(06:55):
was leading this bingeand purge cycle and say,
I'm here for you.
I understand whyyou're doing that.
And I love you.
I often say topeople, like a lot
of people that are in my lifethat give me reflections,
(07:16):
you're so hard on yourself.
And I always think, if youonly knew where I came from.
I've come so far.
And so, yes, I stillhave that in me,
that self-berating, judgmentalcritic, but I think we all do.
ERIKA RANDALL (07:36):
Definitely.
LAUREN LEWIS (07:37):
And I really, really
feel that the continuous, likeone foot in front of the other,
not linear, but constantseeking of self-compassion
as a foundation for helpingother people find that,
is something thatI am committed to.
ERIKA RANDALL (08:02):
Yeah, you are.
And did it come first,was it embodied?
Was it yoga?
Or was it a new relationshipto food, and so chefing?
Or was it-- Yeah, or was it awhole other different ending
that is you?
LAUREN LEWIS (08:18):
They were all so coinciding.
ERIKA RANDALL (08:20):
Really?
All of this justcame, mushroomed up?
LAUREN LEWIS (08:24):
Yeah, kind of.
It's interesting.
I think yoga first.
When I was 17, I walkedinto a yoga studio at 24
Hour Fitness, and theteacher, didn't even
know really what yoga was.
The teacher, this older woman,I sometimes think I made her up,
led a class.
There were people ofall different body
(08:44):
types in the class.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I remember the outfit I waswearing, which is so weird.
I never think ofclothes, really.
Yeah I just remembereverything about my body.
And I remember doing FishPose or this heart opener
and tears just startingto pour from my eyes.
And it was the firsttime that I thought
that our bodies hold emotion.
(09:07):
I mean, I didn't even know that.
You
ERIKA RANDALL (09:09):
Experienced.
LAUREN LEWIS (09:10):
Yeah.
And I was, like, what was that?
What was that earthquake throughmy heart, sternum, and then
chakras.
And then the eight limb path.
ERIKA RANDALL (09:19):
Yeah.
So you went right into it.
LAUREN LEWIS (09:22):
That was the beginning
of like a daily practice for me.
I was still in college.
ERIKA RANDALL (09:29):
You were studying nutrition at CU.
LAUREN LEWIS (09:31):
No, I was studying sociology.
ERIKA RANDALL: Sociology at CU, OK. (09:32):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (09:34):
I did go to nutrition school
after CU and culinary school.
So when I got intothis yoga realm.
I started to think about howwe take care of our bodies
actually impacts ourvitality, our life force.
And I knew that food wasa huge part of my life,
from an Italianand Russian family.
(09:55):
And after college I was,like, what am I going to do?
And I thought the only thingthat really interests me
is cooking.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:03):
Really?
LAUREN LEWIS (10:04):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:05):
So you love cooking,
even though you were dealingwith eating disorders.
LAUREN LEWIS (10:07):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:08):
You still love the time in the kitchen.
LAUREN LEWIS (10:09):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:10):
Can you navigate that for me,
because as someone who alsosuffered with abuse with food,
I was absolutelyanti the kitchen.
I was just, like,muffins in the purse.
I was not someone who thoughtthere was any possible healing
in the kitchen.
How did you find that?
Was it a connection yourlineage, your family?
LAUREN LEWIS (10:28):
I think your experience
is really common and understand,totally understandable.
And what happened, Ithink, in reflection,
was I understoodthat food really
meant love, from a young age.
Because we'd gather.
We'd have hugefamily gatherings.
We'd eat, we'd cook,my grandmothers.
And so when I determinedthat I was maybe unlovable.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:52):
You rejected that love.
LAUREN LEWIS (10:53):
Yeah.
And so the reclamationof my self-worth
came through learning how tofeed, first, others, and then
myself, with healing food.
ERIKA RANDALL (11:09):
So cooking is a love practice.
LAUREN LEWIS (11:11):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (11:12):
Yeah.
And as a meditation?
LAUREN LEWIS (11:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (11:15):
So maybe I'm just a terrible meditator, not
a terrible cook.
LAUREN LEWIS (11:18):
No.
No.
You just got to--also, as a form
of creativity, which is likeyour wheelhouse to the max.
One of my culinarymentors said learning
to cook from the heart,or without recipes,
(11:40):
but really using your intuitionas a form of creativity
and creative expression,is a form of healing.
And so when we can get inthere and smell the basil
and look at what'sgrowing locally
or like the vibrance of abutternut and kind of approach
it from art, ittakes away the pain
(12:03):
of the language that we'velearned around restriction and.
ERIKA RANDALL (12:09):
Portion.
LAUREN LEWIS (12:10):
Yeah.
And a perfect dice, you know.
Who cares?
ERIKA RANDALL (12:13):
Oh, my God, a perfect dice.
I have so much dice shame.
Really.
I'm like, nope.
Nope.
LAUREN LEWIS (12:20):
You're not alone there.
ERIKA RANDALL: OK, I'm not alone. (12:22):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (12:22):
Everyone that comes to the kitchen
is like, I'm sorry.
This is going to be terrible.
I'm like, it's the journey.
It's the journeyand the infusion
of intention of the food.
It's not the dice.
ERIKA RANDALL (12:34):
But it gave that love back to you
and it changed your relationshipwith eating, your body,
while also weavingasana yoga practice in.
And then the other eight limbs,what's your favorite limb?
LAUREN LEWIS (12:49):
That's a big question.
I mean, I study the [INAUDIBLE]and niyamas, the first two
limbs, a lot.
But samadhi, theeighth, its translation
is absorption in the moment.
Many people think of it aslike Nirvana or achievement
of total bliss state.
But I've come to learn thatit's achievable in any moment.
ERIKA RANDALL: Even while dicing. (13:15):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (13:17):
Dicing, podcasting, dancing, for sure.
ERIKA RANDALL (13:21):
For sure.
That one I get.
LAUREN LEWIS (13:23):
It's pure presence.
And that's it.
That's the lastpiece of the journey,
is how much can we engagein the present moment,
with our full integrity,while maintaining fluidity
to navigate the terrain?
And I think all of thepractices, cooking, dancing,
(13:46):
yoga.
ERIKA RANDALL (13:46):
Parenting.
LAUREN LEWIS (13:47):
Parenting.
ERIKA RANDALL (13:48):
With an eye roll, they both say.
LAUREN LEWIS (13:51):
That's the hardest one.
ERIKA RANDALL (13:53):
Yeah.
Yeah, how to hold thatpresence while parenting.
Why is it so hard you?
And I both haveboys, who are extra.
LAUREN LEWIS (14:00):
Extra.
ERIKA RANDALL (14:01):
Extra.
How do we hold thatsense that I thought
I had more patience, more grace,more understanding, until I
became a mama.
And then I was like,you mean there's more?
And there's so much more.
(14:22):
Are you working with yoga?
Are you working with somebody?
Are you working with meditation?
Are you're working with--
What is your primary?
Because I think I leaninto improvisation a lot.
And I have to gointo improvisation.
And don't think, Randall.
Yeah, if you wantto become a wolf
and start growling, and make himgo rrrr and stop in his tracks.
Like what is it thatyou access in momming?
LAUREN LEWIS (14:43):
It's so funny that you
say that because justyesterday, I tried on just--
Robin and I do alot of role playing.
It just helps him when he'sbrooding or just thinking
negative thoughts.
ADHD really has a tendencyto pull the brain, there.
ERIKA RANDALL (15:02):
Yes.
And that's a beautifulway to say it, actually.
I ask Ezra what it feels, likehaving ADHD as a diagnosis.
He's, like, well,my doctor tells me
that I got I gotto tell the joke.
He'll laugh that Isaid the joke badly.
He does stand up bits.
That's how he pullsaway from the darkness.
He's, like, my doctor tellsme I have HD, 80 of them.
LAUREN LEWIS (15:23):
Yeah, exactly.
ERIKA RANDALL (15:24):
But he talks about it pulling him to things.
So say that again,that ADHD, it really
has a way of pullingto the darkness?
LAUREN LEWIS (15:32):
Yeah.
I've been studying thebrain and ADHD, recently,
in this book called ADHD 2.0,that's really blowing my mind.
There's kind of twostates of the brain
that most neurotypicalpeople have.
One is active flow state,where you're engaged in a task,
(15:52):
and then one is morecreative state, where you
can sit and think and create.
And it goes dark becauseof the experiences
that they've hadtheir tendency is
to think of thelikelihood of messing up
or challenge or inabilityto execute a task
and it gets them intoa more depressive state
(16:12):
than typical brains.
And so any switch, any quickpush up, a jumping Jack,
a dance party, role playing.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:24):
Yes anything that just can, quick,
turn the track.
LAUREN LEWIS (16:27):
Yeah.
Language doesn't turn the track.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:29):
No.
Talking them out of it.
LAUREN LEWIS (16:31):
Right.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:31):
Nope.
Nope.
There's no negotiationto turn the track.
And so yesterday--
LAUREN LEWIS (16:37):
Yeah, I was just like-- he was like--
I pretended like I wasbeing, I don't know,
I was pretending tobe someone I'm not.
And he was like, oh,you're a mean mom.
Can you act likea mean mom today?
And I was totallyrole playing that.
What does that meanmom sound like?
I can't imagine,now you go outside,
and you stay outsideuntil you behave.
And he was, like.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:57):
A yes day with a mean mom voice.
LAUREN LEWIS (16:59):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:59):
I love thinking of Lauren as mean mom.
Yeah, I remember whenI started growling at
and how it just then, hestarted growling back.
And it just helped us shifta really hard moment that
was turning to that dark side.
LAUREN LEWIS (17:11):
Improv.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:12):
Yeah, improv is everything.
As a Yogi, as a chef,do you improvise?
LAUREN LEWIS (17:16):
Oh, yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:17):
You do?
LAUREN LEWIS (17:18):
Well, with cooking, 100%.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:19):
You do.
So not baking, but cooking.
LAUREN LEWIS (17:22):
Baking too.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:23):
Yeah.
OK, because I thoughtthat was like chemistry,
and things could explode.
LAUREN LEWIS (17:28):
It is chemistry, and there's
a lot of wiggle room.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:31):
OK.
LAUREN LEWIS (17:32):
A huge part of both yoga,
and probably dance, and cookingis freedom from foundation.
So when you learn why I saystack your knee over your ankle
or why I say oil the vegetablebefore you put it on the grill,
then when you startto understand, I mean,
(17:55):
the way that the ingredients,for example, function,
there's freedom togenerate an outcome.
And the energetics of it allare a driving force for me.
What does this pose feel like?
What is its representation,energetically?
And what does thisdish feel like?
(18:16):
And the culinaryschool that I went to
is mind blowingly amazing andjust so outside of the box,
but a huge partof the foundation
is from traditionalChinese medicine
and macrobioticprinciples of energetics.
We eat this atthis time of year.
I choose this cooking methodbecause I know that you
need grounding right now.
ERIKA RANDALL: That's incredible, (18:37):
undefined
to me, when you really thinkabout the time of food,
not just time of day.
And it has a deep,somatic change
in the body, whenyou work that way.
LAUREN LEWIS (18:47):
Yes.
ERIKA RANDALL (18:48):
So I am a creature of habit
and I want the samething every morning.
And then I've never thoughtof my food in cycles like that
because I'm not someonewho goes to a garden.
And then I feel guiltybecause I live in Boulder,
and I'm, like, wow,I eat more frozen,
at least it's vegetarianfood, than maybe humans
should or would want tosee the boxes in my office.
(19:10):
But I don't think of them ascyclical, in the same way.
How do you how do you get peoplestarted in that conversation?
Do we have to befarmers to do it?
Do we have to stand underthe waxing waning moon
and just be one with thecarrots and under the Earth?
How do we have to do it?
LAUREN LEWIS (19:24):
No, we don't have to go.
ERIKA RANDALL (19:26):
Do we have to go that far back?
LAUREN LEWIS (19:26):
No.
You know, it's so funny, becausebefore Robin, before my son,
I had these like ideal,idyllic principles around food.
ERIKA RANDALL: And cloth diapers. (19:34):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (19:36):
Yeah, exactly.
ERIKA RANDALL (19:36):
You probably did that, though.
LAUREN LEWIS (19:37):
No, I didn't.
Maybe for one day.
ERIKA RANDALL (19:39):
One day.
I did one day ofthe cloth diaper.
LAUREN LEWIS (19:42):
This is not going to work out.
But more power to those that do.
Now, I believe that do whateveryou can do, like wherever.
And I think it doesn't--there there's so many elements
to energetic alignment,that it doesn't have to be
the ingredient.
It could be the mindset.
(20:02):
It could be the music youlisten to when you cook.
There's six-- I don'tknow if I'll remember them
all right now, sixkind of aspects
to really paying attentionwhen you cook, and the senses.
So like taste and smell,just paying attention
and listening to the sizzle.
(20:23):
All the ways we candrop our attention in.
The inter and interpersonal iswhat I was just thinking about.
Who am I cooking for?
If even just that.
I'm cooking for mychild right now.
Can I think oftheir healing when
I'm making a bowl of cereal?
It doesn't even have tobe this grand gesture.
There's power to that.
I
ERIKA RANDALL (20:43):
Started putting a little coffee heart
swirl in my own cup.
LAUREN LEWIS (20:47):
That's awesome.
ERIKA RANDALL (20:48):
In the morning.
Because when Megan would makemy coffee, she would do that.
And then I thought,why don't you
do it for yourself, Randall?
And so I started doing that.
Or when I put the peanut butteron the sandwich for Ezra,
I do put little notes.
I write in the peanut butter.
LAUREN LEWIS (21:01):
Oh, my gosh.
That's so precious.
ERIKA RANDALL (21:03):
OK, so that's it that's good cooking.
So I'm an excellent chef.
LAUREN LEWIS (21:06):
You are excellent.
ERIKA RANDALL (21:08):
And a perfect mother.
We are both perfect mothers.
How do you how do you stopall this anding sometimes?
I know that you go to the Res.
Is it called-- did Isay the right word?
Is it wakeboarding?
LAUREN LEWIS (21:19):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (21:20):
Do you do that?
LAUREN LEWIS (21:20):
I do.
ERIKA RANDALL: You walk on water? (21:21):
undefined
I mean, Lauren Lewis, youdo literally walk on water.
What is that?
I see people doing it.
I'm, like, what?
That is like someserious sainthood sport.
LAUREN LEWIS (21:32):
It's so fun.
And wakeboarding is what Iused to do when I was younger,
and now I wake surf, whichis for people that are older
because you go half the speed.
ERIKA RANDALL (21:42):
OK.
But that seems harder,because it's, like, slow mo.
How do you do it?
LAUREN LEWIS: There's a flow to it. (21:48):
undefined
ERIKA RANDALL (21:49):
There's a flow, of course.
There's a flow.
LAUREN LEWIS (21:52):
Board sports are part of my life.
I moved to Coloradoto snowboard,
and I think thatfoundation provided me
the ability to learnhow to do it with water.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:01):
But it's play, for you.
LAUREN LEWIS (22:02):
Yeah.
Dance is reallyplay for me, too.
Even though I amno great dancer,
I would say that's my likemost church-like experience.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:15):
Like house party dancing
or do you go to classes?
LAUREN LEWIS (22:18):
I go to a couple different--
ERIKA RANDALL (22:19):
You do?
LAUREN LEWIS (22:20):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:20):
Oh, my gosh.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
And so you just sweat, andyou just move and you be.
And are you with presence?
Are you invisible?
What does it feellike, in your body,
that feels like it's freedom?
LAUREN LEWIS (22:34):
I think when I'm dancing
it's the one place that Ireally, really like my body.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:41):
Wow.
That's a differentstory from my story.
I love hearing that.
LAUREN LEWIS (22:46):
What's your story?
ERIKA RANDALL (22:47):
Well, just when dancing was the place
I stopped liking my body.
LAUREN LEWIS (22:51):
Wow.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:52):
Because of mirrors and meanies.
Now I feel more,but that just, like.
Because yoga is the placeI go where I like my body.
LAUREN LEWIS (23:02):
Good.
ERIKA RANDALL (23:03):
Yeah.
LAUREN LEWIS (23:04):
I'm glad to hear that.
I
ERIKA RANDALL (23:05):
Like how I feel when I'm dancing,
but dancing has been the hard--
I call her like the evil twin,that person in the mirror.
Where when I feel her whenI'm dancing, one thing,
but when I'm watching her orwhen I'm receiving critique
from what I'm supposedto look like as a dancer,
as a taller, curvy,all the things.
(23:27):
Yeah, and just having heardthe story of the perfect body
for dance for so long.
You didn't grow upwith that story.
LAUREN LEWIS (23:33):
Right.
I
ERIKA RANDALL (23:33):
Didn't.
So when did dance come to you?
Like when did it help asa liberation practice?
LAUREN LEWIS (23:38):
I think five rhythms dance.
I think the first time I went toa five rhythms dance experience
with Melissa Michaels,who's here in Boulder.
Her language, thewelcoming of sensation
as a way to dischargeemotion, was new to me.
(24:04):
Even though yoga heldthat, not to the degree.
And that was a big experience.
I still can't reallydance without crying.
And our bodies hold it all.
And we've got to set them free.
And so it all, it's alllayers of the same process.
ERIKA RANDALL: That's so beautiful. (24:29):
undefined
You're an incrediblehuman person.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:32):
Oh, my gosh.
So are you.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:33):
OK, this is the time
we get to do something fun.
OK, and you don't have to win.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:40):
OK.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:40):
This is just fun.
All right?
So we're going to dothe quick and dirty.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:43):
Oh, my gosh.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:44):
OK, I know.
What are you most worried about,being quick or being dirty?
You don't have to be dirty, butwe do like to try to be quick
and just see what comes up.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:51):
I'm just not quick.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:52):
No, that's OK.
You can be quickon your time zone.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:56):
OK, good.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:57):
OK.
So I know that you love music.
I know that that's been a bigpart, also, of your teaching.
Give me some songs on youryoga/cooking/dance playlist
that you would have to havethis and this and this and this?
LAUREN LEWIS (25:11):
Can I do more like the songs that I run to?
ERIKA RANDALL (25:14):
Yeah.
Yeah, because also, you run.
LAUREN LEWIS (25:18):
Because they're just way more diverse.
ERIKA RANDALL (25:22):
OK.
We're going to put theseon the Ampersand playlist.
LAUREN LEWIS (25:26):
Trevor Hall, and Ani DiFranco,
and Rage Against theMachine, and Papa Ghandi.
And Rancid, and your podcast.
ERIKA RANDALL (25:39):
I love this.
I love Papa Gandhi next toRage Against the Machine.
So good.
OK, I love it.
What are some kind ofUnreal and unexpected food
combos, that no one wouldthink to put together,
that you love to mash.
LAUREN LEWIS: That's interesting. (25:56):
undefined
I'm trying to thinkof a good dish.
ERIKA RANDALL (25:58):
I can see you in your kitchen.
OK, good, eyes just lit up.
LAUREN LEWIS (26:02):
My favorite thing is pine nuts and chocolate.
But like umeboshi pine nuts.
ERIKA RANDALL: Specific, of course. (26:10):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (26:11):
Salty, vinegary.
ERIKA RANDALL (26:12):
OK.
With chocolate.
LAUREN LEWIS (26:14):
Yeah.
Sweet and salty.
ERIKA RANDALL (26:17):
OK, sweet and salty.
OK, perfect.
That would be like--
those are the rules,sweet and salty.
OK.
You're in your yoga clothes.
You're running, you're momming,so it's like the yoga uniform.
What do you do to dress it up?
Yoga pants and?
LAUREN LEWIS (26:35):
Yoga pants and Doc Martens and earrings,
and a shawl.
ERIKA RANDALL (26:41):
Yes to the shawl.
Yes to the shawl.
You host retreats foreating and moving.
Favorite landing spot for aretreat, that has and in it,
so it might have to be to two.
LAUREN LEWIS (26:57):
Costa Rica and Montana.
ERIKA RANDALL (26:59):
Yeah.
Those are on your usual cycle.
That's amazing.
What was my-- OK.
This is one that Ijust want you to know.
When you get up inthe morning, if there
are two things you coulddo before parenting,
what would they be?
LAUREN LEWIS (27:16):
Coffee and a hike by yourself.
ERIKA RANDALL (27:22):
Yes.
Absolutely. , OK and then oneof our favorite things that
happens, and you've listenedto the podcast, so you know,
is that we ask our amazingguests to give advice,
as if they were sendingoff a beloved on a trip
or a graduation or a moment.
And it starts with and.
So what would youoffer as your and?
LAUREN LEWIS (27:43):
And may you believe in your capacity
to hold all that you'reasked to hold and find
joy along the way.
ERIKA RANDALL (27:55):
That with chef, Yogi, mama, and healer,
Lauren Lewis, on the Ampersand.
The Ampersand is aproduction of the College
of Arts and Sciences at theUniversity of Colorado Boulder.
It is written and producedby me, Erica Randall,
and Tim Grassley.
If there are peopleyou'd like us
to interview on theAmpersand, do please email
(28:17):
us, at asinfo@colorodo.edu.
Our theme music was composedand performed by Nelson Walker,
and the episodes are recordedat interplay Recording
in Boulder, Colorado.
I'm Erika Randall, andthis is the Ampersand.
ERIKA RANDALL (00:04):
A and S.
LAUREN LEWIS (00:13):
Hey everyone.
Thanks for practicingwith me today.
We're going to doa approachable,
but progressive sequence,designed to get us toward--
ERIKA RANDALL (00:21):
I imagine Lauren Lewis on her yoga
mat, her child and dog runningin front of her camera,
as she teaches free,online yoga classes
to build community acrossthe distances of COVID-19.
In lieu of the hands onadjustments we all crave,
Lauren welcomes us individually,looking us each in the eyes
through the Zoom screen.
I can imagine thisbecause it happened.
(00:43):
It's a palpableand healing memory,
through which Laurentaught me so many lessons
about showing up.
Lauren lives with deepcompassion and a tenderness
that belies a firm, innerstrength and adventurous
spirit.
Lauren just shows up.
LAUREN LEWIS (00:58):
Take notice.
How is your body today?
How's your heart?
ERIKA RANDALL (01:31):
I can't imagine a more diverse playlist
than Lauren's trailrunning soundtrack.
She's fueled by Ani DiFrancoand Rage Against the Machine
to get through her workoutin the hills of motherhood.
But, still, this woman isable to get to her goal,
take time to stop,center, and breathe
in Boulder's dramatic vistas.
As you will discoveron today's episode,
(01:51):
Lauren has an unendingcapacity to show up
as a teacher and a student.
She is a yoga guru,although she'd
hate that I said that, a chef,a mama, community builder,
wakeboarder, runner, and dancelike no one's watching mover.
She's so much good,you want to be
around the light of her smile.
(02:14):
On the Ampersand, we callthis bringing together
of the impossible,the alchemy of anding.
Together, we'll hear stories ofhumans who imagine and create,
by colliding their interests.
Rather than thinking ofand as a simple conjunction
and that ConjunctionJunction kind of way,
we will hear stories ofpeople who see and as a verb,
a way to speak the beautiful,when you intentionally
(02:35):
let the soft animal of yourbody love what it loves.
As Saint Mary Oliverasks, what is it you
plan to do with your onewild and precious life?
I love this question.
When I'm mothering,creating, and collaborating,
it reminds me toreplace a singular
idea of what I thinkI should become,
with a full sensoryverb about experiencing.
(02:57):
I'm Erika Randall.
This is Lauren Lewison the Ampersand.
LAUREN LEWIS (03:10):
I think any act of inauthenticity, in the past,
were the ways that I foundmyself in the deepest trouble.
And so I've almostclung to just realness,
as a lifeline, for makingsure things stay healthy.
I grew up in Pennsylvania.
(03:31):
Before that,Indianapolis, Maryland.
My dad traveled a ton.
My mom was the person.
She is amazing.
She's still integralto my daily life.
And my big brother was hard.
(03:54):
Hard.
He took up a lot of space.
And I learned, really young,to take care of my mom,
through being easy.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:07):
I know that story.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:08):
Yeah.
And that easiness was,and still is, really,
a big part of how I operate.
I don't need that much help.
I'll figure it out.
I feel steady, internally.
There was a lotof gifts to that.
But one of the--
maybe it was still agift, but the challenges,
was that I internalizeda lot of my pain, which
(04:32):
led me toward so manyself-destructive patterns,
young.
And including vicious bulimia.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:44):
As a young human.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:46):
At 13.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:47):
Oh.
Even before we've gottenall the messages about how
we're supposed to show up.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:50):
They were there.
The messages were therebefore that, I think.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:53):
But also a desire to take up less space.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:55):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (04:56):
Yeah.
LAUREN LEWIS (04:57):
And so I would say that experience,
for 15 plus years, that requireda deep dive into healing
from within, was the foundationof everything that I do.
ERIKA RANDALL (05:16):
Not knowing that story, I know the foundation,
and it's rock solid.
That it is, everything you do isbased on healing and supporting
healing for others.
LAUREN LEWIS (05:28):
Thank you.
ERIKA RANDALL (05:29):
Which is so incredible,
when you've come from somethingthat, particularly, it's
hard to let go.
We hold it in our body,right, these old stories.
And so how is anadult, human person,
do you navigate this new kindof [INAUDIBLE],, this new groove
you're trying toshape for yourself.
Do you still feel old,Lauren, or young, Lauren?
LAUREN LEWIS (05:52):
Just a few months ago, I
signed up for a Yin Yogateacher training in Carbondale.
And the teacher had her wholetraining founded in IFS,
or internal family systems.
And, essentially,it asks us to look
(06:12):
at the aspects or parts ofourselves, how we're made up.
The belief in IFS is thatwe all have many parts.
There are no bad parts.
No bad parts.
Sometimes, our partsexpress actions
that we need to look at,and the actions of the parts
(06:33):
aren't healthy.
But the part that's creating theaction only needs compassion.
And what it reallystruck, for me,
was the idea that through allmy years of healing bulimia,
never did I look atthe part of myself that
(06:55):
was leading this bingeand purge cycle and say,
I'm here for you.
I understand whyyou're doing that.
And I love you.
I often say topeople, like a lot
of people that are in my lifethat give me reflections,
(07:16):
you're so hard on yourself.
And I always think, if youonly knew where I came from.
I've come so far.
And so, yes, I stillhave that in me,
that self-berating, judgmentalcritic, but I think we all do.
ERIKA RANDALL (07:36):
Definitely.
LAUREN LEWIS (07:37):
And I really, really
feel that the continuous, likeone foot in front of the other,
not linear, but constantseeking of self-compassion
as a foundation for helpingother people find that,
is something thatI am committed to.
ERIKA RANDALL (08:02):
Yeah, you are.
And did it come first,was it embodied?
Was it yoga?
Or was it a new relationshipto food, and so chefing?
Or was it-- Yeah, or was it awhole other different ending
that is you?
LAUREN LEWIS (08:18):
They were all so coinciding.
ERIKA RANDALL (08:20):
Really?
All of this justcame, mushroomed up?
LAUREN LEWIS (08:24):
Yeah, kind of.
It's interesting.
I think yoga first.
When I was 17, I walkedinto a yoga studio at 24
Hour Fitness, and theteacher, didn't even
know really what yoga was.
The teacher, this older woman,I sometimes think I made her up,
led a class.
There were people ofall different body
(08:44):
types in the class.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I remember the outfit I waswearing, which is so weird.
I never think ofclothes, really.
Yeah I just remembereverything about my body.
And I remember doing FishPose or this heart opener
and tears just startingto pour from my eyes.
And it was the firsttime that I thought
that our bodies hold emotion.
(09:07):
I mean, I didn't even know that.
You
ERIKA RANDALL (09:09):
Experienced.
LAUREN LEWIS (09:10):
Yeah.
And I was, like, what was that?
What was that earthquake throughmy heart, sternum, and then
chakras.
And then the eight limb path.
ERIKA RANDALL (09:19):
Yeah.
So you went right into it.
LAUREN LEWIS (09:22):
That was the beginning
of like a daily practice for me.
I was still in college.
ERIKA RANDALL (09:29):
You were studying nutrition at CU.
LAUREN LEWIS (09:31):
No, I was studying sociology.
ERIKA RANDALL: Sociology at CU, OK. (09:32):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (09:34):
I did go to nutrition school
after CU and culinary school.
So when I got intothis yoga realm.
I started to think about howwe take care of our bodies
actually impacts ourvitality, our life force.
And I knew that food wasa huge part of my life,
from an Italianand Russian family.
(09:55):
And after college I was,like, what am I going to do?
And I thought the only thingthat really interests me
is cooking.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:03):
Really?
LAUREN LEWIS (10:04):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:05):
So you love cooking,
even though you were dealingwith eating disorders.
LAUREN LEWIS (10:07):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:08):
You still love the time in the kitchen.
LAUREN LEWIS (10:09):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:10):
Can you navigate that for me,
because as someone who alsosuffered with abuse with food,
I was absolutelyanti the kitchen.
I was just, like,muffins in the purse.
I was not someone who thoughtthere was any possible healing
in the kitchen.
How did you find that?
Was it a connection yourlineage, your family?
LAUREN LEWIS (10:28):
I think your experience
is really common and understand,totally understandable.
And what happened, Ithink, in reflection,
was I understoodthat food really
meant love, from a young age.
Because we'd gather.
We'd have hugefamily gatherings.
We'd eat, we'd cook,my grandmothers.
And so when I determinedthat I was maybe unlovable.
ERIKA RANDALL (10:52):
You rejected that love.
LAUREN LEWIS (10:53):
Yeah.
And so the reclamationof my self-worth
came through learning how tofeed, first, others, and then
myself, with healing food.
ERIKA RANDALL (11:09):
So cooking is a love practice.
LAUREN LEWIS (11:11):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (11:12):
Yeah.
And as a meditation?
LAUREN LEWIS (11:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (11:15):
So maybe I'm just a terrible meditator, not
a terrible cook.
LAUREN LEWIS (11:18):
No.
No.
You just got to--also, as a form
of creativity, which is likeyour wheelhouse to the max.
One of my culinarymentors said learning
to cook from the heart,or without recipes,
(11:40):
but really using your intuitionas a form of creativity
and creative expression,is a form of healing.
And so when we can get inthere and smell the basil
and look at what'sgrowing locally
or like the vibrance of abutternut and kind of approach
it from art, ittakes away the pain
(12:03):
of the language that we'velearned around restriction and.
ERIKA RANDALL (12:09):
Portion.
LAUREN LEWIS (12:10):
Yeah.
And a perfect dice, you know.
Who cares?
ERIKA RANDALL (12:13):
Oh, my God, a perfect dice.
I have so much dice shame.
Really.
I'm like, nope.
Nope.
LAUREN LEWIS (12:20):
You're not alone there.
ERIKA RANDALL: OK, I'm not alone. (12:22):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (12:22):
Everyone that comes to the kitchen
is like, I'm sorry.
This is going to be terrible.
I'm like, it's the journey.
It's the journeyand the infusion
of intention of the food.
It's not the dice.
ERIKA RANDALL (12:34):
But it gave that love back to you
and it changed your relationshipwith eating, your body,
while also weavingasana yoga practice in.
And then the other eight limbs,what's your favorite limb?
LAUREN LEWIS (12:49):
That's a big question.
I mean, I study the [INAUDIBLE]and niyamas, the first two
limbs, a lot.
But samadhi, theeighth, its translation
is absorption in the moment.
Many people think of it aslike Nirvana or achievement
of total bliss state.
But I've come to learn thatit's achievable in any moment.
ERIKA RANDALL: Even while dicing. (13:15):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (13:17):
Dicing, podcasting, dancing, for sure.
ERIKA RANDALL (13:21):
For sure.
That one I get.
LAUREN LEWIS (13:23):
It's pure presence.
And that's it.
That's the lastpiece of the journey,
is how much can we engagein the present moment,
with our full integrity,while maintaining fluidity
to navigate the terrain?
And I think all of thepractices, cooking, dancing,
(13:46):
yoga.
ERIKA RANDALL (13:46):
Parenting.
LAUREN LEWIS (13:47):
Parenting.
ERIKA RANDALL (13:48):
With an eye roll, they both say.
LAUREN LEWIS (13:51):
That's the hardest one.
ERIKA RANDALL (13:53):
Yeah.
Yeah, how to hold thatpresence while parenting.
Why is it so hard you?
And I both haveboys, who are extra.
LAUREN LEWIS (14:00):
Extra.
ERIKA RANDALL (14:01):
Extra.
How do we hold thatsense that I thought
I had more patience, more grace,more understanding, until I
became a mama.
And then I was like,you mean there's more?
And there's so much more.
(14:22):
Are you working with yoga?
Are you working with somebody?
Are you working with meditation?
Are you're working with--
What is your primary?
Because I think I leaninto improvisation a lot.
And I have to gointo improvisation.
And don't think, Randall.
Yeah, if you wantto become a wolf
and start growling, and make himgo rrrr and stop in his tracks.
Like what is it thatyou access in momming?
LAUREN LEWIS (14:43):
It's so funny that you
say that because justyesterday, I tried on just--
Robin and I do alot of role playing.
It just helps him when he'sbrooding or just thinking
negative thoughts.
ADHD really has a tendencyto pull the brain, there.
ERIKA RANDALL (15:02):
Yes.
And that's a beautifulway to say it, actually.
I ask Ezra what it feels, likehaving ADHD as a diagnosis.
He's, like, well,my doctor tells me
that I got I gotto tell the joke.
He'll laugh that Isaid the joke badly.
He does stand up bits.
That's how he pullsaway from the darkness.
He's, like, my doctor tellsme I have HD, 80 of them.
LAUREN LEWIS (15:23):
Yeah, exactly.
ERIKA RANDALL (15:24):
But he talks about it pulling him to things.
So say that again,that ADHD, it really
has a way of pullingto the darkness?
LAUREN LEWIS (15:32):
Yeah.
I've been studying thebrain and ADHD, recently,
in this book called ADHD 2.0,that's really blowing my mind.
There's kind of twostates of the brain
that most neurotypicalpeople have.
One is active flow state,where you're engaged in a task,
(15:52):
and then one is morecreative state, where you
can sit and think and create.
And it goes dark becauseof the experiences
that they've hadtheir tendency is
to think of thelikelihood of messing up
or challenge or inabilityto execute a task
and it gets them intoa more depressive state
(16:12):
than typical brains.
And so any switch, any quickpush up, a jumping Jack,
a dance party, role playing.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:24):
Yes anything that just can, quick,
turn the track.
LAUREN LEWIS (16:27):
Yeah.
Language doesn't turn the track.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:29):
No.
Talking them out of it.
LAUREN LEWIS (16:31):
Right.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:31):
Nope.
Nope.
There's no negotiationto turn the track.
And so yesterday--
LAUREN LEWIS (16:37):
Yeah, I was just like-- he was like--
I pretended like I wasbeing, I don't know,
I was pretending tobe someone I'm not.
And he was like, oh,you're a mean mom.
Can you act likea mean mom today?
And I was totallyrole playing that.
What does that meanmom sound like?
I can't imagine,now you go outside,
and you stay outsideuntil you behave.
And he was, like.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:57):
A yes day with a mean mom voice.
LAUREN LEWIS (16:59):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (16:59):
I love thinking of Lauren as mean mom.
Yeah, I remember whenI started growling at
and how it just then, hestarted growling back.
And it just helped us shifta really hard moment that
was turning to that dark side.
LAUREN LEWIS (17:11):
Improv.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:12):
Yeah, improv is everything.
As a Yogi, as a chef,do you improvise?
LAUREN LEWIS (17:16):
Oh, yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:17):
You do?
LAUREN LEWIS (17:18):
Well, with cooking, 100%.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:19):
You do.
So not baking, but cooking.
LAUREN LEWIS (17:22):
Baking too.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:23):
Yeah.
OK, because I thoughtthat was like chemistry,
and things could explode.
LAUREN LEWIS (17:28):
It is chemistry, and there's
a lot of wiggle room.
ERIKA RANDALL (17:31):
OK.
LAUREN LEWIS (17:32):
A huge part of both yoga,
and probably dance, and cookingis freedom from foundation.
So when you learn why I saystack your knee over your ankle
or why I say oil the vegetablebefore you put it on the grill,
then when you startto understand, I mean,
(17:55):
the way that the ingredients,for example, function,
there's freedom togenerate an outcome.
And the energetics of it allare a driving force for me.
What does this pose feel like?
What is its representation,energetically?
And what does thisdish feel like?
(18:16):
And the culinaryschool that I went to
is mind blowingly amazing andjust so outside of the box,
but a huge partof the foundation
is from traditionalChinese medicine
and macrobioticprinciples of energetics.
We eat this atthis time of year.
I choose this cooking methodbecause I know that you
need grounding right now.
ERIKA RANDALL: That's incredible, (18:37):
undefined
to me, when you really thinkabout the time of food,
not just time of day.
And it has a deep,somatic change
in the body, whenyou work that way.
LAUREN LEWIS (18:47):
Yes.
ERIKA RANDALL (18:48):
So I am a creature of habit
and I want the samething every morning.
And then I've never thoughtof my food in cycles like that
because I'm not someonewho goes to a garden.
And then I feel guiltybecause I live in Boulder,
and I'm, like, wow,I eat more frozen,
at least it's vegetarianfood, than maybe humans
should or would want tosee the boxes in my office.
(19:10):
But I don't think of them ascyclical, in the same way.
How do you how do you get peoplestarted in that conversation?
Do we have to befarmers to do it?
Do we have to stand underthe waxing waning moon
and just be one with thecarrots and under the Earth?
How do we have to do it?
LAUREN LEWIS (19:24):
No, we don't have to go.
ERIKA RANDALL (19:26):
Do we have to go that far back?
LAUREN LEWIS (19:26):
No.
You know, it's so funny, becausebefore Robin, before my son,
I had these like ideal,idyllic principles around food.
ERIKA RANDALL: And cloth diapers. (19:34):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (19:36):
Yeah, exactly.
ERIKA RANDALL (19:36):
You probably did that, though.
LAUREN LEWIS (19:37):
No, I didn't.
Maybe for one day.
ERIKA RANDALL (19:39):
One day.
I did one day ofthe cloth diaper.
LAUREN LEWIS (19:42):
This is not going to work out.
But more power to those that do.
Now, I believe that do whateveryou can do, like wherever.
And I think it doesn't--there there's so many elements
to energetic alignment,that it doesn't have to be
the ingredient.
It could be the mindset.
(20:02):
It could be the music youlisten to when you cook.
There's six-- I don'tknow if I'll remember them
all right now, sixkind of aspects
to really paying attentionwhen you cook, and the senses.
So like taste and smell,just paying attention
and listening to the sizzle.
(20:23):
All the ways we candrop our attention in.
The inter and interpersonal iswhat I was just thinking about.
Who am I cooking for?
If even just that.
I'm cooking for mychild right now.
Can I think oftheir healing when
I'm making a bowl of cereal?
It doesn't even have tobe this grand gesture.
There's power to that.
I
ERIKA RANDALL (20:43):
Started putting a little coffee heart
swirl in my own cup.
LAUREN LEWIS (20:47):
That's awesome.
ERIKA RANDALL (20:48):
In the morning.
Because when Megan would makemy coffee, she would do that.
And then I thought,why don't you
do it for yourself, Randall?
And so I started doing that.
Or when I put the peanut butteron the sandwich for Ezra,
I do put little notes.
I write in the peanut butter.
LAUREN LEWIS (21:01):
Oh, my gosh.
That's so precious.
ERIKA RANDALL (21:03):
OK, so that's it that's good cooking.
So I'm an excellent chef.
LAUREN LEWIS (21:06):
You are excellent.
ERIKA RANDALL (21:08):
And a perfect mother.
We are both perfect mothers.
How do you how do you stopall this anding sometimes?
I know that you go to the Res.
Is it called-- did Isay the right word?
Is it wakeboarding?
LAUREN LEWIS (21:19):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (21:20):
Do you do that?
LAUREN LEWIS (21:20):
I do.
ERIKA RANDALL: You walk on water? (21:21):
undefined
I mean, Lauren Lewis, youdo literally walk on water.
What is that?
I see people doing it.
I'm, like, what?
That is like someserious sainthood sport.
LAUREN LEWIS (21:32):
It's so fun.
And wakeboarding is what Iused to do when I was younger,
and now I wake surf, whichis for people that are older
because you go half the speed.
ERIKA RANDALL (21:42):
OK.
But that seems harder,because it's, like, slow mo.
How do you do it?
LAUREN LEWIS: There's a flow to it. (21:48):
undefined
ERIKA RANDALL (21:49):
There's a flow, of course.
There's a flow.
LAUREN LEWIS (21:52):
Board sports are part of my life.
I moved to Coloradoto snowboard,
and I think thatfoundation provided me
the ability to learnhow to do it with water.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:01):
But it's play, for you.
LAUREN LEWIS (22:02):
Yeah.
Dance is reallyplay for me, too.
Even though I amno great dancer,
I would say that's my likemost church-like experience.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:15):
Like house party dancing
or do you go to classes?
LAUREN LEWIS (22:18):
I go to a couple different--
ERIKA RANDALL (22:19):
You do?
LAUREN LEWIS (22:20):
Yeah.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:20):
Oh, my gosh.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
And so you just sweat, andyou just move and you be.
And are you with presence?
Are you invisible?
What does it feellike, in your body,
that feels like it's freedom?
LAUREN LEWIS (22:34):
I think when I'm dancing
it's the one place that Ireally, really like my body.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:41):
Wow.
That's a differentstory from my story.
I love hearing that.
LAUREN LEWIS (22:46):
What's your story?
ERIKA RANDALL (22:47):
Well, just when dancing was the place
I stopped liking my body.
LAUREN LEWIS (22:51):
Wow.
ERIKA RANDALL (22:52):
Because of mirrors and meanies.
Now I feel more,but that just, like.
Because yoga is the placeI go where I like my body.
LAUREN LEWIS (23:02):
Good.
ERIKA RANDALL (23:03):
Yeah.
LAUREN LEWIS (23:04):
I'm glad to hear that.
I
ERIKA RANDALL (23:05):
Like how I feel when I'm dancing,
but dancing has been the hard--
I call her like the evil twin,that person in the mirror.
Where when I feel her whenI'm dancing, one thing,
but when I'm watching her orwhen I'm receiving critique
from what I'm supposedto look like as a dancer,
as a taller, curvy,all the things.
(23:27):
Yeah, and just having heardthe story of the perfect body
for dance for so long.
You didn't grow upwith that story.
LAUREN LEWIS (23:33):
Right.
I
ERIKA RANDALL (23:33):
Didn't.
So when did dance come to you?
Like when did it help asa liberation practice?
LAUREN LEWIS (23:38):
I think five rhythms dance.
I think the first time I went toa five rhythms dance experience
with Melissa Michaels,who's here in Boulder.
Her language, thewelcoming of sensation
as a way to dischargeemotion, was new to me.
(24:04):
Even though yoga heldthat, not to the degree.
And that was a big experience.
I still can't reallydance without crying.
And our bodies hold it all.
And we've got to set them free.
And so it all, it's alllayers of the same process.
ERIKA RANDALL: That's so beautiful. (24:29):
undefined
You're an incrediblehuman person.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:32):
Oh, my gosh.
So are you.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:33):
OK, this is the time
we get to do something fun.
OK, and you don't have to win.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:40):
OK.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:40):
This is just fun.
All right?
So we're going to dothe quick and dirty.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:43):
Oh, my gosh.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:44):
OK, I know.
What are you most worried about,being quick or being dirty?
You don't have to be dirty, butwe do like to try to be quick
and just see what comes up.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:51):
I'm just not quick.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:52):
No, that's OK.
You can be quickon your time zone.
LAUREN LEWIS (24:56):
OK, good.
ERIKA RANDALL (24:57):
OK.
So I know that you love music.
I know that that's been a bigpart, also, of your teaching.
Give me some songs on youryoga/cooking/dance playlist
that you would have to havethis and this and this and this?
LAUREN LEWIS (25:11):
Can I do more like the songs that I run to?
ERIKA RANDALL (25:14):
Yeah.
Yeah, because also, you run.
LAUREN LEWIS (25:18):
Because they're just way more diverse.
ERIKA RANDALL (25:22):
OK.
We're going to put theseon the Ampersand playlist.
LAUREN LEWIS (25:26):
Trevor Hall, and Ani DiFranco,
and Rage Against theMachine, and Papa Ghandi.
And Rancid, and your podcast.
ERIKA RANDALL (25:39):
I love this.
I love Papa Gandhi next toRage Against the Machine.
So good.
OK, I love it.
What are some kind ofUnreal and unexpected food
combos, that no one wouldthink to put together,
that you love to mash.
LAUREN LEWIS: That's interesting. (25:56):
undefined
I'm trying to thinkof a good dish.
ERIKA RANDALL (25:58):
I can see you in your kitchen.
OK, good, eyes just lit up.
LAUREN LEWIS (26:02):
My favorite thing is pine nuts and chocolate.
But like umeboshi pine nuts.
ERIKA RANDALL: Specific, of course. (26:10):
undefined
LAUREN LEWIS (26:11):
Salty, vinegary.
ERIKA RANDALL (26:12):
OK.
With chocolate.
LAUREN LEWIS (26:14):
Yeah.
Sweet and salty.
ERIKA RANDALL (26:17):
OK, sweet and salty.
OK, perfect.
That would be like--
those are the rules,sweet and salty.
OK.
You're in your yoga clothes.
You're running, you're momming,so it's like the yoga uniform.
What do you do to dress it up?
Yoga pants and?
LAUREN LEWIS (26:35):
Yoga pants and Doc Martens and earrings,
and a shawl.
ERIKA RANDALL (26:41):
Yes to the shawl.
Yes to the shawl.
You host retreats foreating and moving.
Favorite landing spot for aretreat, that has and in it,
so it might have to be to two.
LAUREN LEWIS (26:57):
Costa Rica and Montana.
ERIKA RANDALL (26:59):
Yeah.
Those are on your usual cycle.
That's amazing.
What was my-- OK.
This is one that Ijust want you to know.
When you get up inthe morning, if there
are two things you coulddo before parenting,
what would they be?
LAUREN LEWIS (27:16):
Coffee and a hike by yourself.
ERIKA RANDALL (27:22):
Yes.
Absolutely. , OK and then oneof our favorite things that
happens, and you've listenedto the podcast, so you know,
is that we ask our amazingguests to give advice,
as if they were sendingoff a beloved on a trip
or a graduation or a moment.
And it starts with and.
So what would youoffer as your and?
LAUREN LEWIS (27:43):
And may you believe in your capacity
to hold all that you'reasked to hold and find
joy along the way.
ERIKA RANDALL (27:55):
That with chef, Yogi, mama, and healer,
Lauren Lewis, on the Ampersand.
The Ampersand is aproduction of the College
of Arts and Sciences at theUniversity of Colorado Boulder.
It is written and producedby me, Erica Randall,
and Tim Grassley.
If there are peopleyou'd like us
to interview on theAmpersand, do please email
(28:17):
us, at asinfo@colorodo.edu.
Our theme music was composedand performed by Nelson Walker,
and the episodes are recordedat interplay Recording
in Boulder, Colorado.
I'm Erika Randall, andthis is the Ampersand.
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