February 6, 2023 • 28 mins
What does seeing your community in films accomplish? For today’s guest Gabby Mejia, the experience galvanized her desire to create visual stories that give voice to her experiences and bring positive societal change. Mejia discusses her background, her emotional response to seeing movies like Black Panther and the possibilities she sees when she collides her interest in film and social justice.
For more information on Mejia's creative work, see her online portfolio and her YouTube channel.
Music by Nelson Walker.
Written and produced by Erika Randall and Tim Grassley.
Episodes recorded at Interplay Recording in Boulder, CO.
Official captions coming soon.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
(film reel whirring)
- [Erika] I imagine Gabby Mejia,
sitting in "Wakanda Forever"for the fourth time,
smiling at new detailsshe hadn't seen before,
and the care with which she knows the team
tended to the untold stories.
She sits beside her mother,
who was watching thefilm for the first time.
As a tear falls down(film reel clicks)
(00:21):
her mother's cheek,
I imagine it doesn't make Gabby sad,
(film reel whirs)
but sparks in her a desire toreimagine worlds in her films,
and watch her films reimagine the world.
(film tape continues whirring)
(background chatter)
I can't imagine Gabbybeing quiet at the table
with faculty, staff, and students,
as they deliberate about candidates
(00:43):
on a dean's search committee.
Gabby doesn't hold backher beliefs about inequity,
and how universities canstrengthen themselves
by honoring difference in community.
I can't imagine a timein which she didn't have
a profound self-awareness of her
intersectional identity,(gentle cello music)
or a desire to see a worlddefined by justice and equity.
(uplifting, gentle cello music)
(01:03):
I can't imagine she stays quiet,
and I know that she won't.
(uplifting cello music)
On "The Ampersand,"
we call this bringingtogether of the impossible,
the alchemy of anding.(bright, uplifting music)
Together, we'll hear stories of humans
who imagine and create bycolliding their interests.
(01:24):
Rather than thinking of "and"as a simple conjunction,
in that "Conjunction Junction" kinda way,
we will hear stories of peoplewho see "and" as a verb,
a way to speak the beautiful
when you intentionally letthe soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
As St. Mary Oliver asks,
"What is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"
(01:44):
Oh, I love this question.
When I'm mothering,creating, and collaborating,
it reminds me to replace a singular idea
of what I think I should become,
with a full sensoryverb about experiencing.
I'm Erika Randall, andthis is Gabby Mejia,
on the "The Ampersand."
(02:07):
- [Gabby] When I was younger,
it was very muchinternalized racism for me.
Like, growing in the US,
I'm a dark-skinned,Mexican plus-size girl,
and like, even in novelas,you see quite the opposite.
You see like, white-passing Latinos,
Mexicans that are very skinny, blue eyes.
And like, my grandpa, he wasthe one always hyping me up.
(02:29):
He's like, "You need tobe proud of who you are."
He's very much like, my dad.
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- [Gabby] So, just because my dad,
like, he left when I was younger.
He didn't have his status,he didn't have papers.
When I was younger, I was like,
"Why don't you have yourpapers? Just get papers."
'Cause I just thought they
were like,- [Erika] Yeah,
just get papers.- [Gabby] I was like,
"They're just regular slips of paper,"
you know, like.- [Erika] Mm.
- [Gabby] And when he left the U.S.-
(02:49):
- [Erika] Oh, that image.
Oh, Gabby,(Gabby chuckles)
hold please, for that film montage
memory moment of you,little, "Just get papers."
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] "Just get papers."
Like, as if they werejust pieces of paper.
Wow, when did you,
when did you unlearn that metaphor,
(03:10):
that simplicity for yourself,
that was probably a hugegift to you as a kid,
but also frustrating?
- [Gabby] Yeah, I think, for me,
it wasn't until high school, to be honest.
Because like, after my dadleft, me and my sister,
I have an older sister,
we would visit him in Mexico,
so, we lived in Mexico most of the summer.
- [Erika] Mm.
- [Gabby] So we would travel around,
and then, there was a point
my mom couldn't afford it anymore,
(03:31):
so we only had the phone calls.
- [Erika] Yeah.- [Gabby] And then,
it was the end of middleschool, start of high school,
that like, 2014 was the lasttime I saw my dad in person.
There was a lot of things going on
in Colima at the time, and you know,
it wasn't in high school until
I realized that he was undocumented.
My grandpa,
you know, he's going throughhis process right now.
- [Erika] Really, now?
- [Gabby] Barely now, yeah.- [Erika] Wow.
(03:52):
- [Gabby] So, like, my grandpatook that place of my dad.
- [Erika] Yes.
- [Gabby] So, like, goingthrough that process is,
like, right now it's kind ofscary, especially politically.
My grandma is barelygetting into politics,
and I think it's kind of funny,
because, (chuckles)(Erika chuckles)
yeah, my family's like,
they are decolonizing themselves.
Like, now, I started myprocess a long time ago,
and I think that started their spark.
(04:13):
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- [Gabby] Like my mom,
she's like, activelydoing activism in her job,
and advocating for-
- [Erika] Feel safe enough.
- [Gabby] Mm-hmm, to feelsafe enough to do it.
And you know, like,
this process of generational healing
is starting within my family,
which is all great, you know, that spark.
But yeah, so like, my grandpa's,
like, my mom is trying to get
our citizenship from Mexico now, too,
(04:36):
but she's also like, trying toget my grandpa's citizenship,
so he stays here.
- [Erika] So, before we startedat the microphone today,
we were standing in thelobby at the studio,
and you said to me,
"That's why I don't 'and'too much," or "so much,"
which could make our listeners think,
then, why is she a guest on this podcast?
(04:56):
But it actually, it'shilarious how much you "and,"
let's just start with that.
You have double major, you have a minor,
your ethnic studies, andfilm, and leadership,
and you just talked about four projects
that you're working on,
and you're talking aboutyou know, saxophone.
Okay, so, first, listeners,
just know that
that's the only thing Gabby lies about,
is that she can't and so much.
But I think it's about the so and the much
(05:17):
that I wanna understand about you.
Right now, your focusis on social justice,
film, memory,
disruption, healing.
I haven't said and yet intentionally,
but that's a lotta anding.
It's a lotta anding.
Talk to me about how theseworlds came together,
and how film became the vehiclefor this representation,
(05:39):
and healing, and transformation for you.
- [Gabby] Yeah, so like wetalked about when I was younger,
that internalized oppressionwas very much there,
and very much present in my life.
And growing up, I wantedto be an actor, actually.
(Erika hums)
So, I was like, "You know what?
If there's nobody outthere looking like me,
let me be the first."
- [Erika] Ah, this is why representation
is so important to you.
(06:00):
- [Gabby] Yes.- [Erika] Okay.
You came in from a body space.
- [Gabby] I came in from a body space,
and it wasn't until like,(inhales) high school,
that I actually started like, reflecting,
and doing the work I wanted to do
on myself first, like.(Erika hums)
My grandpa, he always sent mespeeches on MLK and Malcolm X.
He loves Malcolm X, like,
(06:21):
he's very much, you need tohear both sides, you know, like.
And I was working at thetime at Sweet Cow on Lowell,
32nd and Lowell in Denver.
And every day before work,
I would walk out of high school, you know,
and then, work would belike 30 minutes later,
'cause I wanna givemyself some time to like,
just like, let me do it.
And I would sit in the Jimmy John's,
(06:43):
and I would just listen to thespeeches my grandpa sent me.
And one really like, Ithink changed my idea.
It was Malcolm X speech on roots,
and pretty much, he talks about,
you can't hate the roots of atree, and not hate the tree.
And I was like you know, in my school,
(07:05):
social justice is very much
part of the core.(Erika hums)
So we were, I was reading aletter from a Birmingham jail
my sophomore year of high school.
I was reading works by Caesar Chavez,
you know, and just like,doing all this stuff,
social politics, even at a young age,
is very like, no-no, in my family,
(07:27):
well, just with my grandpa, it was a yes,
because my mom would be, "Ohmy God, come on, already."
Like, my sister would be like, "Really?
Can't you speak about anything else?"
- [Erika] Even as a youngin'?
- [Gabby] Yeah, even asa youngin'. (chuckles)
- [Erika] That's great.
- [Gabby] Yeah, so, like,
I would only have theseconversations with my grandpa,
because like, at that time,
my mom was just worried about work,
you know, providing for me and my sister,
and my sister was worried about,
she was in track, in cross-country,
(07:49):
so she was always tiredat the end of the day.
And that's when I got into acting,
and I was like, looking for screenplays,
like, Latino screenplays thatI could like, monologue from.
Like, I applied to,
I was in workshops
with Denver Center ofPerforming Arts Education
for the summer.
And it wasn't actually until 2018,
when "Black Panther" cameout that I wanted to do film,
(08:12):
because of how my mom reacted.
So, we got into apre-screening a week before
the film came out to thepublic, and I was like,
'cause me and my mom,we love Marvel movies,
even though that's a big no-no in film,
that's like, really what moviesin my family connects us.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Gabby] So, that's why Iwanted to be an actress, like,
"Oh, I'm gonna like, bring heron the red carpets one day."
(08:32):
You know, like,(Erika hums)
just show them that we could do it,
you know, like, mygrandpa, he loves movies.
My grandma, like, it's a family event.
- [Erika] Yeah, it's away to come together,
cross-generation, and all of it.
- [Gabby] Exactly.
So, when we went, I was like,
"Oh, mom, look,
how much you wanna bet they're gonna start
with the backstory of Wakanda first?"
And then, when the film started,
(08:54):
we hear two voices, you know,
it's like, it's they talkabout the Great Mound,
they talk about thelike, history of Wakanda,
and like, I could see my mom transform,
because like, she grew up in Cali,
'cause my grandparents weren'tlike, always there for her.
So, she moved with, aroundthe country with family,
and she mainly was raised in'Cali during high school time,
(09:14):
so it was like, very influential for her,
and I could like, I just saw her in awe.
Like, it might have notbeen our representation,
but it was representation,
and like, it was sucha big movement for her,
and I was like, "I wannado that for my mom.
Like, I wanna, I wanna move her that."
- [Erika] Yes.- [Gabby] 'Cause like,
my mom, she's like, very stoic sometimes.
(09:35):
And so, like, I just wanted to be like,
oh I could do that for my mom, you know.
- [Erika] It's not even 10:00 AM,
and you got me
tearing up, Gabby,(Gabby chuckles)
to see something that'sthat big, and that potent,
and say, I wanna do that.
I wanna do that for her,
and for her becomes for her, and for her,
and for her, and for her, andfor her, and for her, right?
- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] And there is a,there is a power in film.
(09:57):
It's so wild that somethingthat's two-dimensional
is so multi-dimensional.- [Gabby] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] To be able to do that in film,
and share it outward.
I see in your other work,
it seems you're really"anding" a lot with light.
So, I wondered about you as aphotographer or as a painter,
the way that you're using light
to also shape subjectivityin your short films
feels really potent, andI wondered about that,
(10:18):
and I wonder if you could tell me more,
how that becomes anotherinstrument for you,
especially in these worldsthat are really dark,
you're looking to light to do some work.
- [Gabby] Yeah, so when,
I think a perfect exampleof this is, "It's Just Us,"
my film that I made.
I think that's
(10:38):
like, one of my favoritefilms I've ever made,
because I was able to bringall my friends on this.
But I wanted the only,
like, I wanted the filmto be in black and white,
and the only like, coloris the person of color.
- [Erika] Mm-hm.
- [Gabby] 'Cause it's avery much encompassing,
feeling of like,tokenization within college,
and with any school.
And we used like, a red lighton the students of color,
(11:01):
and 'cause sometimes it feels like that,
like we have to be our own lights,
in like, these verypredominant white spaces
that like, sometimes wefind light in our friends,
we find light in like, faculty sometimes,
but like, at sometimes,
at the very like, I think saddest moments,
we are our own light.(Erika hums)
(11:22):
And sometimes, like, wehave to pull ourselves up.
Like, it sucks, but like,that's something we do.
And, like, I wanna,
I feel like, later in film,
I wanna change that light into something
more expressive and joyful,(Erika hums)
instead of so,
just on one person,
you know, like.(Erika hums)
(11:42):
I think light within film,
even like, going backinto the history of film,
light has been used as away of oppressing people.
Like, even in photography,(Erika hums)
like, brown skin tonesare always washed out,
or like when you useflash, we look super dark,
you know, like,
the history of howphotography has been used
to villain-ize brown people,and people of color in general.
(12:06):
I always think aboutthat within my work too.
- [Erika] Yeah.- [Gabby] Like,
how am I softening thisperson, you know, like.
I don't wanna like, harsh lights, I want-
- [Erika] That's so strong in your work.
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] Like,
one of the most salient features for me,
it's really powerful thinkingabout light as an oppressor,
and then, light as an intervention,
and a reclamation of that past oppression,
(12:30):
and flattening that light has,
yeah, that there isn'tjust one story about light,
and that is so, I can, I'm really,
I'm watching films as I'm staring off into
the high left-diagonal.(Gabby chuckles)
I'm watching films in my head,
and thinking about "Gone withthe Wind," in the thirties,
and the light on Vivian Lee, impeccable.
- [Gabby] Yeah.
(12:51):
- [Erika] But then,
the invisibility thathappened with the way
that the light wasn'tbalanced in the other scenes,
even with incredibleblack actors in that film
who, you know-- [Gabby] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] Won due awards.
When you see thecontrast, like, right now,
I can just see it in my head,from a light perspective.
- [Gabby] Yeah.
Yeah, I feel like, it's so funny,
'cause I was reading a paper recently,
(13:12):
by Bell Hooks on like,
oh I can't remember, it'sa gaze, like. (inhales)
So, she pretty much talks about how
people of color had tolook beneath the film,
like, when there was bad representation
to find like, some sort of like-
- [Erika] Yeah, like you have to peel back
what's actually there.- [Gabby] Yeah, peel.
Yeah.- [Erika] To get connection.
- [Gabby] Yeah, so, I wasjust thinking about that,
(13:33):
and how throughout film,
and like, for me,
and like, I'm pretty sure alot of other people of color,
like, they've had to peel back
these stereotypes,these like, caricatures,
and like, oh, this is only happening
because it's
a white writer, right.(Erika hums)
Or white executives,
or they're watering downthe person of color,
(13:55):
just as a relief character, you know.
Like, in a lot of teen movies,you have that tokenism,
you know, just thinking how like,
and when we're in the spaces,
we're able to fully flesh out a character.
- [Erika] And how important that is
to put that flesh in the body,
thinking about what your grandfather said.
Can you say that again,about going to see movies?
(14:17):
- [Gabby] Oh yeah, my grandpa,when we went to see movies,
he would only wanna seemovies with Mexican leads,
and they couldn't die.
And like, they had to bea good, rounded character,
and for some reason,
my grandpa, he loves like, narco movies,
because I don't know if he, (chuckles)
like, maybe for him,
that's what he thinks like, ismore accurate representation,
(14:40):
even though at the expense of
a whole, you know, groupof people, you know.
These cycles that continuewhether we see it,
or don't see it, they're there.
But yeah, he's very much,
"Oh, is there Mexicans in the film?
Then I don't wanna see it."(Erika and Gabby laugh)
- [Erika] "Do they die?I don't wanna see it."
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] But that's,
I mean, what a great giftof an imprint for you.
(15:03):
I want there to beMexicans who are central,
who are in positions of power,and let's not have them die.
- [Gabby] Yeah, 'cause I remember,
not even a week ago, I was talking to him,
and I was like, you know,
"If I, like, if I can get the money,
I would wanna do a film about
a Latino during the Vietnam War,"
because historically, itdoesn't even have to be Latino,
but like, just men of color.
(15:24):
'Cause they were put on the front lines,
and they were ones whowere often dying the most,
compared to their white counterparts.
And I was like,
I think it would be an interesting story,
'cause we see all thesemovies about Vietnam,
and they're always on the white people.
They're always focused on white,
or they have like, ablack friend who dies.
Like, the foremostexample is Forrest Gump.
(15:44):
- [Erika] That's what I'mwatching in my head right now.
Well that's what's also exciting about
putting the camera into your hands,
and taking on the action-
- [Gabby] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] Of shooting and editing.
There's, in my world,I don't shoot or edit.
I collaborate, I'm fortunateto get to collaborate
with some incredible humans,but there is something,
it's like, really setting the menu,
(16:07):
and like, loving the salmon,but not grilling the salmon,
and it was so powerfulwhen I learned how to
grill the salmon.- [Gabby] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] Do you feel that,
getting to hold thetools that are remaking
a world or an industry, doyou get excited by that?
- [Gabby] I get super excited, but for me,
even though I've been infilm school for four years,
I do not know how to fully, (chuckles)
(16:27):
like, I know how to work a camera,
but I don't know how to operate it.
- [Erika] Okay, you're making me
feel better.(Gabby chuckles)
But you still feel likeyou're holding that camera.
- [Gabby] I'm holding the camera.
- [Erika] Yeah.- [Gabby] I'm like,
telling them where toshoot, where to look-
- [Erika] Okay, you just changed my life,
so that I don't(Gabby laughs)
have to do that, right.
I can just keep like,
being bossy over here.- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] I can just keephaving strong vision.
- [Gabby] Just be adirector, exactly. (giggles)
- [Erika] Just be a director.
That's my other T-shirt
(16:48):
I'm getting after this.(Gabby laughs)
"Just be a director," Gabby. (chuckles)
- [Gabby] Yeah, I think,I mean, in all ways,
we're all directing our own lives, right?
And I think a director isa very foretelling thing
of how you like, are as a person.
'Cause I've met a lot of students who,
they're like, oh hi, they look nice,
but when they're directing,they have no like,
(17:09):
they're like, very blindto the hurt they're doing.
As a director,
you're like, working oneverything all at once, right.
But you're setting a tone,
you're setting a tone for theaudience, specifically, too.
And within the cast, if thecast is not feeling right,
if the cast is not happy to be there,
it's gonna like, very muchreflect within the film,
(17:32):
and how it turns out.
And then, it's gonna reflect
how the audience sees it, and like-
- [Erika] Or feels it doesn't-
- [Gabby] Or feels, yeah.
- [Erika] That's the good trouble, right?
- [Gabby] Yeah, it could totally mess up
the essence of a film.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Gabby] And like, it's kind of shocking,
like, for me, when I wasfilming my first narrative,
I had my big set,
like, I've only workedwith two other people,
and this was my first time
working with like, 10people on an actual set.
(17:54):
So, I was very new, I was very nervous,
and I wanted to make sureeveryone realized we're all equal.
(Erika hums)
Because coming from my leadership minor,
like, we learned about this web,
and how everyone is on the same level,
and how like, every partis an important part.
- [Erika] Film set replicating life.
(18:15):
Life replicating film set
for you?- [Gabby] Yeah, for me,
that's how it is.
Like, I don't wanna make-- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Gabby] Yes, I might bedirecting and have the final say,
but I'm also gonna collaborate,it's a collaboration.
I'm gonna collaborate with you with sound,
I'm gonna collaborate with you
with like, videography, cinematography,
and I'm gonna make sure youfeel like you're doing the best,
so we can make the best film possible.
(18:37):
- [Erika] And how does thatshow up in life for you?
Is that, when you'reat a regular gathering,
are you, do you feel like youwanna conduct a space to be,
or is, yeah, I wanna know what that,
how does that flow over intobeing Gabby Mejia in the world?
- [Gabby] Yeah, I thinkfor me, I'm very much,
(19:00):
I like looking first.
I like knowing a vibe of a place.
Like, I trust my gut so muchthat like, at this point,
it has never led me wrongabout certain people,
or certain groups.
Like, I very much know howto catch a vibe of a person,
before we actually havethis, like, meeting,
but I still don't let that,
let me give 'em a chance first-
(19:20):
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- [Gabby] And I'll talk to you.
And I feel like, in a bigger room,
it's kind of harder to do that,
so like, sometimes I'll just be quiet,
you know, I just wannasee a vibe of something,
before I actually like, put my whole,
'cause for me, it's allabout like, my whole body,
like, my whole heart into something.
And like, if I know you're gonna hurt me,
(19:41):
or hurt my peace of mind,I'm okay to be acquaintances,
but I'm not gonna be yourfriend, you know, like.
I need to know thatwe're on the same page,
we have some sort of same values,
or we just have this
same respect, right?- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Gabby] So, like, for me,my first year of film school,
like, you could tellformations were reforming,
(20:02):
and I was like, that's somethingI don't wanna be a part of,
because it's very toxic.
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.- [Gabby] Because,
like, it's also something thatreminded me of high school.
And in high school, like, Iwas very much an odd personnel,
because, like, (chuckles)
I grew up listening, like, jazz,
I liked Frankie Valley. (chuckles)
I liked music from the thirties.
(20:22):
Like, I very much incorporatedmyself with all these musics,
all this, I don't know,
just like, I had no onelistening to Marvin Gaye with me
in high school,(Gabby and Erika laugh)
minus my teachers,
and they're like,(Erika chuckles)
"Oh, Gabby's a good one, let me-"
- [Erika] Old soul.- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] Gabby's a good one.(Gabby chuckles)
Did that, so when I,
(20:43):
we started to talk about it,
and then we got so beautifully distracted.
This idea about, like, I can't over-and.
- [Gabby] I think for me,when I was under like,
at least my understanding of and
is like, and, and, and.- [Erika] Ah.
- [Gabby] And not that like that comma
like, I wouldn't do, I'm afirst-generation student,
and a woman of color,and low-income, you know.
(21:06):
I'm just like a, you know.
It's just commas to me.- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- [Gabby] So, and-- [Erika] What about anding?
- [Gabby] Anding.
- [Erika] Verb.- [Gabby] Verb.
- [Erika] Not just-- [Gabby] Could you
use it in a sentence? (chuckles)
- [Erika] Yeah, oh, I can, and I will.
- [Gabby] Okay.- [Erika] So,
not just yes to the like,the more, more, more,
the and comma, and comma, and comma,
but anding, the combination,
the combining of different sparks.
(21:26):
- [Gabby] Okay, that, okay,
so, when I was thinking of anding,
I was thinking and, and, and.
- [Erika] Yeah, so, let's trynot to think of it that way,
'cause that makes me wanna throw up,
'cause that's so much, right?
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] That's so much,
that's a lot of weight.
But what about connection?So, dancer, filmmaker, poet.
So, I'm verbing together these things,
and like Maya Deren did, andnow we have a new reality.
(21:47):
- [Gabby] So for me,
that brings on the ideaof intersectionality,
"Quinn," by Ms. KimberléCrenshaw, you know.
We love her work.
I don't know, for me,
that's very much like,intersection-alities,
like, these multiple identities
influencing the way I work, so.
- [Erika] So, totally obvious.(Gabby chuckles)
It's just like what I do.(Gabby laughs)
- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] So, you've already done that
six times today?(Gabby laughs)
(22:09):
- [Gabby] I think-
- [Erika] So, did you lie to me earlier,
or you didn't lie,
'cause we didn't have-- [Gabby] I didn't lie.
- [Erika] A shared vocabulary.- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] So now, we have ashared vocabulary, "anding."
You do it a lot.
- [Gabby] Yeah, I think,
I mean, I would stilleven be like, conscious,
like, with those boundaries, at least,
because like, we aregiving parts of us to,
whether it's a cause or a project.
(22:30):
And I think for me, recently I learned is,
we have to be truly who we are,
no matter what, nomatter what people think,
and we have to keep our peace of mind,
because like, with all the stuff
I've been through at CU Boulder,
it's so easy to keep
like, adding these weightson this "anding," right?
Like, yes, I'm a social activist,
(22:52):
and that work influences my film,
and it influences the work Iwanna do outside of film, too.
Like, making sure everything is equitable
within, at least, in someway, the film department.
I don't have to worryabout ethnic studies,
'cause they already have it on,
they already know whatthey're doing. (laughs)
But I think for me, it's like,making sure you are valued,
(23:16):
or you're valuing yourself,
and you're allowingyourself to grow and learn,
and know that it's okay to notlike, be the best right now,
and that I'm only a student,at least for me, you know.
And that, like, it doesn't matter,
what at the end of theday, what my peers think,
it matters what I think.
And, it's just about peace of mind for me,
(23:37):
because like, there's so much,
at least for students of color,
or like, anyone that'son the outside, right?
It's so much work toadvocate for yourself,
and so much to like, educate,
like, we're constanteducators as people of colors,
because we're always havingto stand up for ourself,
or stand up for like, you know.
(23:59):
So, I think for me,
it's just making sure wehave our own peace of mind
and like, where we're setting, you know.
- [Erika] Yeah,
your fifth chakra,(Gabby laughs)
radiant, right?
Your throat chakra, open.
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] Really powerful,
in my experience of you.
And to be able to do thatin both your human body,
(24:20):
and in your filmic body of work,
it just keeps doubling,
and magnifying your beliefs,your truths, your mission,
and your potency in those spaces, Gabby.
It's great to see, it'sso beautiful, yeah.
- [Gabby] Thank you. (giggles)
- [Erika] Can I speed round, okay.
Are you ready?- [Gabby] Yeah.
(24:41):
- [Erika] Okay, I was, I callthis the quick and dirty,
I thought of another one,
it's like, the "Fast and the Furious,"
'cause that was a movie reference,
but you don't have to be furious,
because we've been really
like, ah, this has been a lovely
breakfast talk with you(Gabby laughs)
this morning.
Okay, so, has to be fast though.
- [Gabby] Okay.
- [Erika] Do not get in your own way.
- [Gabby] Oh gosh, okay.
(25:01):
I'm already getting in my own way, okay.
(Erika laughs)
- [Erika] Get outta there,(Gabby chuckles)
get outta there.
Okay, are you ready?
So, okay, I'm gonna give you a topic,
and you're gonna saythe first word or phrase
that has and in it,
ideally either and connector,
or the word and embedded.- [Gabby] And, okay, okay.
- [Erika] Okay, so if I say
the best anding film, you'd say...
(25:22):
- [Gabby] Damn, okay.
"Wakanda Forever" and"Black Panther." (chuckles)
- [Erika] Yeah, both, both. (chuckles)
- [Gabby] I don't know, they're just,
ah, they're amazing.- [Erika] Yup.
I can't wait to see the second one.
I was thinking aboutmy movies this morning,
and I was thinking of
"The Cook, the Thief,his Wife and her Lover."
- [Gabby] Ah.- [Erika] Have you seen
that film?- [Gabby] I have not.
- [Erika] Whoo, in color, I mean, it's-
- [Gabby] No, wait, I haveseen the end of it, which-,
- [Erika] Dark days,
but it's a dance film.
(25:43):
- [Gabby] Oh, it is?
- [Erika] And not really,
but in my brain, because ofthe way color maps out, but-
- [Gabby] Yeah, the color.
- [Erika] Yeah, the color, okay.
Okay, and who gets thecolor, okay we're gonna-
- [Gabby] And the color. (chuckles)
- [Erika] Yeah, and the color.
We're gonna, we're gonna do a,
we're gonna share a glass on that film.
Okay, so, best anding film, got it, okay.
The songs that you need tohear, back to back, blank and?
- [Gabby] Oh, gosh, okay.
(26:05):
"What's Going On," by Marvin Gaye.
And recently, it's "LiftMe Up," by Rihanna.
Those two songs, oh, I love them.
- [Erika] So good, okay,
we're gonna have a podcast playlist.
Look for those songs, back to back.
Tim Grassley, can youget on that? Thank you.
Okay.- [Gabby] Thank you.
- [Erika] A title that you'dconsider for your next film.
- [Gabby] Ooh, I already have it.
(26:25):
I'm working on it right now.It's "Too Loud and Too Brown."
- [Erika] "Too Loud and Too Brown."
(Gabby chuckles)
T-shirt.
- [Gabby] Yeah, that one'sdedicated for my mom.
(Gabby chuckles)
- [Erika] Trying notto talk too soon, okay.
Best anding food combos.
(Gabby inhales)
- [Gabby] Ooh, this isgonna be so controversial.
Pizza and pineapple.
(26:46):
- [Erika] Don't be mad.
Don't be mad,(Gabby chuckles)
pizza and pineapple.
No, we've been having along debate in old Maine
about pizza and pineapple on a thread.
- [Gabby] I'm very much pro. (chuckles)
- [Erika] Pro, okay,your two favorite words.
- [Gabby] Jedi, and Iwanna say responsibility,
and I don't know, I donot know why. (chuckles)
(27:09):
- [Erika] Trust the gut.
- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] Trust the gut.
- [Gabby] Trust the gut.
- [Erika] Okay, on each episode,
we ask our guests whatthey would tell an audience
like, at a commencementceremony going forward.
You know, I have my Irish toast,
and may the road rise to meet you.
So, starting with and,
what would you offer up to anext generation moving forward?
(27:32):
- [Gabby] And I hope youknow that it will be okay.
Everything will work out,(uplifting cello music)
and no matter what,
there will always be someonethere to back you up.
(uplifting, bright music)
- [Erika] That was undergraduatestudent Gabby Mejia,
who studies film, ethnic studies,
(27:54):
and leadership at theUniversity of Colorado, Boulder.
"The Ampersand" is writtenand produced by me,
Erica Randall and Tim Grassley.
If there are folks you'd tohear from on "The Ampersand,"
do please email us at asinfo@colorado.edu.
Our theme music was composedand performed by Nelson Walker.
A CU Boulder alum,
(28:14):
brilliant cellist composer,and a fantastic dancer.
Episodes are recordedat Interplay Studios,
in Boulder, Colorado.
I'm Erica Randall, andthis is "The Ampersand."
(sanguine, bright music continues)
(film reel whirring)
- [Erika] I imagine Gabby Mejia,
sitting in "Wakanda Forever"for the fourth time,
smiling at new detailsshe hadn't seen before,
and the care with which she knows the team
tended to the untold stories.
She sits beside her mother,
who was watching thefilm for the first time.
As a tear falls down(film reel clicks)
(00:21):
her mother's cheek,
I imagine it doesn't make Gabby sad,
(film reel whirs)
but sparks in her a desire toreimagine worlds in her films,
and watch her films reimagine the world.
(film tape continues whirring)
(background chatter)
I can't imagine Gabbybeing quiet at the table
with faculty, staff, and students,
as they deliberate about candidates
(00:43):
on a dean's search committee.
Gabby doesn't hold backher beliefs about inequity,
and how universities canstrengthen themselves
by honoring difference in community.
I can't imagine a timein which she didn't have
a profound self-awareness of her
intersectional identity,(gentle cello music)
or a desire to see a worlddefined by justice and equity.
(uplifting, gentle cello music)
(01:03):
I can't imagine she stays quiet,
and I know that she won't.
(uplifting cello music)
On "The Ampersand,"
we call this bringingtogether of the impossible,
the alchemy of anding.(bright, uplifting music)
Together, we'll hear stories of humans
who imagine and create bycolliding their interests.
(01:24):
Rather than thinking of "and"as a simple conjunction,
in that "Conjunction Junction" kinda way,
we will hear stories of peoplewho see "and" as a verb,
a way to speak the beautiful
when you intentionally letthe soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
As St. Mary Oliver asks,
"What is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"
(01:44):
Oh, I love this question.
When I'm mothering,creating, and collaborating,
it reminds me to replace a singular idea
of what I think I should become,
with a full sensoryverb about experiencing.
I'm Erika Randall, andthis is Gabby Mejia,
on the "The Ampersand."
(02:07):
- [Gabby] When I was younger,
it was very muchinternalized racism for me.
Like, growing in the US,
I'm a dark-skinned,Mexican plus-size girl,
and like, even in novelas,you see quite the opposite.
You see like, white-passing Latinos,
Mexicans that are very skinny, blue eyes.
And like, my grandpa, he wasthe one always hyping me up.
(02:29):
He's like, "You need tobe proud of who you are."
He's very much like, my dad.
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- [Gabby] So, just because my dad,
like, he left when I was younger.
He didn't have his status,he didn't have papers.
When I was younger, I was like,
"Why don't you have yourpapers? Just get papers."
'Cause I just thought they
were like,- [Erika] Yeah,
just get papers.- [Gabby] I was like,
"They're just regular slips of paper,"
you know, like.- [Erika] Mm.
- [Gabby] And when he left the U.S.-
(02:49):
- [Erika] Oh, that image.
Oh, Gabby,(Gabby chuckles)
hold please, for that film montage
memory moment of you,little, "Just get papers."
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] "Just get papers."
Like, as if they werejust pieces of paper.
Wow, when did you,
when did you unlearn that metaphor,
(03:10):
that simplicity for yourself,
that was probably a hugegift to you as a kid,
but also frustrating?
- [Gabby] Yeah, I think, for me,
it wasn't until high school, to be honest.
Because like, after my dadleft, me and my sister,
I have an older sister,
we would visit him in Mexico,
so, we lived in Mexico most of the summer.
- [Erika] Mm.
- [Gabby] So we would travel around,
and then, there was a point
my mom couldn't afford it anymore,
(03:31):
so we only had the phone calls.
- [Erika] Yeah.- [Gabby] And then,
it was the end of middleschool, start of high school,
that like, 2014 was the lasttime I saw my dad in person.
There was a lot of things going on
in Colima at the time, and you know,
it wasn't in high school until
I realized that he was undocumented.
My grandpa,
you know, he's going throughhis process right now.
- [Erika] Really, now?
- [Gabby] Barely now, yeah.- [Erika] Wow.
(03:52):
- [Gabby] So, like, my grandpatook that place of my dad.
- [Erika] Yes.
- [Gabby] So, like, goingthrough that process is,
like, right now it's kind ofscary, especially politically.
My grandma is barelygetting into politics,
and I think it's kind of funny,
because, (chuckles)(Erika chuckles)
yeah, my family's like,
they are decolonizing themselves.
Like, now, I started myprocess a long time ago,
and I think that started their spark.
(04:13):
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- [Gabby] Like my mom,
she's like, activelydoing activism in her job,
and advocating for-
- [Erika] Feel safe enough.
- [Gabby] Mm-hmm, to feelsafe enough to do it.
And you know, like,
this process of generational healing
is starting within my family,
which is all great, you know, that spark.
But yeah, so like, my grandpa's,
like, my mom is trying to get
our citizenship from Mexico now, too,
(04:36):
but she's also like, trying toget my grandpa's citizenship,
so he stays here.
- [Erika] So, before we startedat the microphone today,
we were standing in thelobby at the studio,
and you said to me,
"That's why I don't 'and'too much," or "so much,"
which could make our listeners think,
then, why is she a guest on this podcast?
(04:56):
But it actually, it'shilarious how much you "and,"
let's just start with that.
You have double major, you have a minor,
your ethnic studies, andfilm, and leadership,
and you just talked about four projects
that you're working on,
and you're talking aboutyou know, saxophone.
Okay, so, first, listeners,
just know that
that's the only thing Gabby lies about,
is that she can't and so much.
But I think it's about the so and the much
(05:17):
that I wanna understand about you.
Right now, your focusis on social justice,
film, memory,
disruption, healing.
I haven't said and yet intentionally,
but that's a lotta anding.
It's a lotta anding.
Talk to me about how theseworlds came together,
and how film became the vehiclefor this representation,
(05:39):
and healing, and transformation for you.
- [Gabby] Yeah, so like wetalked about when I was younger,
that internalized oppressionwas very much there,
and very much present in my life.
And growing up, I wantedto be an actor, actually.
(Erika hums)
So, I was like, "You know what?
If there's nobody outthere looking like me,
let me be the first."
- [Erika] Ah, this is why representation
is so important to you.
(06:00):
- [Gabby] Yes.- [Erika] Okay.
You came in from a body space.
- [Gabby] I came in from a body space,
and it wasn't until like,(inhales) high school,
that I actually started like, reflecting,
and doing the work I wanted to do
on myself first, like.(Erika hums)
My grandpa, he always sent mespeeches on MLK and Malcolm X.
He loves Malcolm X, like,
(06:21):
he's very much, you need tohear both sides, you know, like.
And I was working at thetime at Sweet Cow on Lowell,
32nd and Lowell in Denver.
And every day before work,
I would walk out of high school, you know,
and then, work would belike 30 minutes later,
'cause I wanna givemyself some time to like,
just like, let me do it.
And I would sit in the Jimmy John's,
(06:43):
and I would just listen to thespeeches my grandpa sent me.
And one really like, Ithink changed my idea.
It was Malcolm X speech on roots,
and pretty much, he talks about,
you can't hate the roots of atree, and not hate the tree.
And I was like you know, in my school,
(07:05):
social justice is very much
part of the core.(Erika hums)
So we were, I was reading aletter from a Birmingham jail
my sophomore year of high school.
I was reading works by Caesar Chavez,
you know, and just like,doing all this stuff,
social politics, even at a young age,
is very like, no-no, in my family,
(07:27):
well, just with my grandpa, it was a yes,
because my mom would be, "Ohmy God, come on, already."
Like, my sister would be like, "Really?
Can't you speak about anything else?"
- [Erika] Even as a youngin'?
- [Gabby] Yeah, even asa youngin'. (chuckles)
- [Erika] That's great.
- [Gabby] Yeah, so, like,
I would only have theseconversations with my grandpa,
because like, at that time,
my mom was just worried about work,
you know, providing for me and my sister,
and my sister was worried about,
she was in track, in cross-country,
(07:49):
so she was always tiredat the end of the day.
And that's when I got into acting,
and I was like, looking for screenplays,
like, Latino screenplays thatI could like, monologue from.
Like, I applied to,
I was in workshops
with Denver Center ofPerforming Arts Education
for the summer.
And it wasn't actually until 2018,
when "Black Panther" cameout that I wanted to do film,
(08:12):
because of how my mom reacted.
So, we got into apre-screening a week before
the film came out to thepublic, and I was like,
'cause me and my mom,we love Marvel movies,
even though that's a big no-no in film,
that's like, really what moviesin my family connects us.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Gabby] So, that's why Iwanted to be an actress, like,
"Oh, I'm gonna like, bring heron the red carpets one day."
(08:32):
You know, like,(Erika hums)
just show them that we could do it,
you know, like, mygrandpa, he loves movies.
My grandma, like, it's a family event.
- [Erika] Yeah, it's away to come together,
cross-generation, and all of it.
- [Gabby] Exactly.
So, when we went, I was like,
"Oh, mom, look,
how much you wanna bet they're gonna start
with the backstory of Wakanda first?"
And then, when the film started,
(08:54):
we hear two voices, you know,
it's like, it's they talkabout the Great Mound,
they talk about thelike, history of Wakanda,
and like, I could see my mom transform,
because like, she grew up in Cali,
'cause my grandparents weren'tlike, always there for her.
So, she moved with, aroundthe country with family,
and she mainly was raised in'Cali during high school time,
(09:14):
so it was like, very influential for her,
and I could like, I just saw her in awe.
Like, it might have notbeen our representation,
but it was representation,
and like, it was sucha big movement for her,
and I was like, "I wannado that for my mom.
Like, I wanna, I wanna move her that."
- [Erika] Yes.- [Gabby] 'Cause like,
my mom, she's like, very stoic sometimes.
(09:35):
And so, like, I just wanted to be like,
oh I could do that for my mom, you know.
- [Erika] It's not even 10:00 AM,
and you got me
tearing up, Gabby,(Gabby chuckles)
to see something that'sthat big, and that potent,
and say, I wanna do that.
I wanna do that for her,
and for her becomes for her, and for her,
and for her, and for her, andfor her, and for her, right?
- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] And there is a,there is a power in film.
(09:57):
It's so wild that somethingthat's two-dimensional
is so multi-dimensional.- [Gabby] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] To be able to do that in film,
and share it outward.
I see in your other work,
it seems you're really"anding" a lot with light.
So, I wondered about you as aphotographer or as a painter,
the way that you're using light
to also shape subjectivityin your short films
feels really potent, andI wondered about that,
(10:18):
and I wonder if you could tell me more,
how that becomes anotherinstrument for you,
especially in these worldsthat are really dark,
you're looking to light to do some work.
- [Gabby] Yeah, so when,
I think a perfect exampleof this is, "It's Just Us,"
my film that I made.
I think that's
(10:38):
like, one of my favoritefilms I've ever made,
because I was able to bringall my friends on this.
But I wanted the only,
like, I wanted the filmto be in black and white,
and the only like, coloris the person of color.
- [Erika] Mm-hm.
- [Gabby] 'Cause it's avery much encompassing,
feeling of like,tokenization within college,
and with any school.
And we used like, a red lighton the students of color,
(11:01):
and 'cause sometimes it feels like that,
like we have to be our own lights,
in like, these verypredominant white spaces
that like, sometimes wefind light in our friends,
we find light in like, faculty sometimes,
but like, at sometimes,
at the very like, I think saddest moments,
we are our own light.(Erika hums)
(11:22):
And sometimes, like, wehave to pull ourselves up.
Like, it sucks, but like,that's something we do.
And, like, I wanna,
I feel like, later in film,
I wanna change that light into something
more expressive and joyful,(Erika hums)
instead of so,
just on one person,
you know, like.(Erika hums)
(11:42):
I think light within film,
even like, going backinto the history of film,
light has been used as away of oppressing people.
Like, even in photography,(Erika hums)
like, brown skin tonesare always washed out,
or like when you useflash, we look super dark,
you know, like,
the history of howphotography has been used
to villain-ize brown people,and people of color in general.
(12:06):
I always think aboutthat within my work too.
- [Erika] Yeah.- [Gabby] Like,
how am I softening thisperson, you know, like.
I don't wanna like, harsh lights, I want-
- [Erika] That's so strong in your work.
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] Like,
one of the most salient features for me,
it's really powerful thinkingabout light as an oppressor,
and then, light as an intervention,
and a reclamation of that past oppression,
(12:30):
and flattening that light has,
yeah, that there isn'tjust one story about light,
and that is so, I can, I'm really,
I'm watching films as I'm staring off into
the high left-diagonal.(Gabby chuckles)
I'm watching films in my head,
and thinking about "Gone withthe Wind," in the thirties,
and the light on Vivian Lee, impeccable.
- [Gabby] Yeah.
(12:51):
- [Erika] But then,
the invisibility thathappened with the way
that the light wasn'tbalanced in the other scenes,
even with incredibleblack actors in that film
who, you know-- [Gabby] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] Won due awards.
When you see thecontrast, like, right now,
I can just see it in my head,from a light perspective.
- [Gabby] Yeah.
Yeah, I feel like, it's so funny,
'cause I was reading a paper recently,
(13:12):
by Bell Hooks on like,
oh I can't remember, it'sa gaze, like. (inhales)
So, she pretty much talks about how
people of color had tolook beneath the film,
like, when there was bad representation
to find like, some sort of like-
- [Erika] Yeah, like you have to peel back
what's actually there.- [Gabby] Yeah, peel.
Yeah.- [Erika] To get connection.
- [Gabby] Yeah, so, I wasjust thinking about that,
(13:33):
and how throughout film,
and like, for me,
and like, I'm pretty sure alot of other people of color,
like, they've had to peel back
these stereotypes,these like, caricatures,
and like, oh, this is only happening
because it's
a white writer, right.(Erika hums)
Or white executives,
or they're watering downthe person of color,
(13:55):
just as a relief character, you know.
Like, in a lot of teen movies,you have that tokenism,
you know, just thinking how like,
and when we're in the spaces,
we're able to fully flesh out a character.
- [Erika] And how important that is
to put that flesh in the body,
thinking about what your grandfather said.
Can you say that again,about going to see movies?
(14:17):
- [Gabby] Oh yeah, my grandpa,when we went to see movies,
he would only wanna seemovies with Mexican leads,
and they couldn't die.
And like, they had to bea good, rounded character,
and for some reason,
my grandpa, he loves like, narco movies,
because I don't know if he, (chuckles)
like, maybe for him,
that's what he thinks like, ismore accurate representation,
(14:40):
even though at the expense of
a whole, you know, groupof people, you know.
These cycles that continuewhether we see it,
or don't see it, they're there.
But yeah, he's very much,
"Oh, is there Mexicans in the film?
Then I don't wanna see it."(Erika and Gabby laugh)
- [Erika] "Do they die?I don't wanna see it."
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] But that's,
I mean, what a great giftof an imprint for you.
(15:03):
I want there to beMexicans who are central,
who are in positions of power,and let's not have them die.
- [Gabby] Yeah, 'cause I remember,
not even a week ago, I was talking to him,
and I was like, you know,
"If I, like, if I can get the money,
I would wanna do a film about
a Latino during the Vietnam War,"
because historically, itdoesn't even have to be Latino,
but like, just men of color.
(15:24):
'Cause they were put on the front lines,
and they were ones whowere often dying the most,
compared to their white counterparts.
And I was like,
I think it would be an interesting story,
'cause we see all thesemovies about Vietnam,
and they're always on the white people.
They're always focused on white,
or they have like, ablack friend who dies.
Like, the foremostexample is Forrest Gump.
(15:44):
- [Erika] That's what I'mwatching in my head right now.
Well that's what's also exciting about
putting the camera into your hands,
and taking on the action-
- [Gabby] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] Of shooting and editing.
There's, in my world,I don't shoot or edit.
I collaborate, I'm fortunateto get to collaborate
with some incredible humans,but there is something,
it's like, really setting the menu,
(16:07):
and like, loving the salmon,but not grilling the salmon,
and it was so powerfulwhen I learned how to
grill the salmon.- [Gabby] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] Do you feel that,
getting to hold thetools that are remaking
a world or an industry, doyou get excited by that?
- [Gabby] I get super excited, but for me,
even though I've been infilm school for four years,
I do not know how to fully, (chuckles)
(16:27):
like, I know how to work a camera,
but I don't know how to operate it.
- [Erika] Okay, you're making me
feel better.(Gabby chuckles)
But you still feel likeyou're holding that camera.
- [Gabby] I'm holding the camera.
- [Erika] Yeah.- [Gabby] I'm like,
telling them where toshoot, where to look-
- [Erika] Okay, you just changed my life,
so that I don't(Gabby laughs)
have to do that, right.
I can just keep like,
being bossy over here.- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] I can just keephaving strong vision.
- [Gabby] Just be adirector, exactly. (giggles)
- [Erika] Just be a director.
That's my other T-shirt
(16:48):
I'm getting after this.(Gabby laughs)
"Just be a director," Gabby. (chuckles)
- [Gabby] Yeah, I think,I mean, in all ways,
we're all directing our own lives, right?
And I think a director isa very foretelling thing
of how you like, are as a person.
'Cause I've met a lot of students who,
they're like, oh hi, they look nice,
but when they're directing,they have no like,
(17:09):
they're like, very blindto the hurt they're doing.
As a director,
you're like, working oneverything all at once, right.
But you're setting a tone,
you're setting a tone for theaudience, specifically, too.
And within the cast, if thecast is not feeling right,
if the cast is not happy to be there,
it's gonna like, very muchreflect within the film,
(17:32):
and how it turns out.
And then, it's gonna reflect
how the audience sees it, and like-
- [Erika] Or feels it doesn't-
- [Gabby] Or feels, yeah.
- [Erika] That's the good trouble, right?
- [Gabby] Yeah, it could totally mess up
the essence of a film.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Gabby] And like, it's kind of shocking,
like, for me, when I wasfilming my first narrative,
I had my big set,
like, I've only workedwith two other people,
and this was my first time
working with like, 10people on an actual set.
(17:54):
So, I was very new, I was very nervous,
and I wanted to make sureeveryone realized we're all equal.
(Erika hums)
Because coming from my leadership minor,
like, we learned about this web,
and how everyone is on the same level,
and how like, every partis an important part.
- [Erika] Film set replicating life.
(18:15):
Life replicating film set
for you?- [Gabby] Yeah, for me,
that's how it is.
Like, I don't wanna make-- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Gabby] Yes, I might bedirecting and have the final say,
but I'm also gonna collaborate,it's a collaboration.
I'm gonna collaborate with you with sound,
I'm gonna collaborate with you
with like, videography, cinematography,
and I'm gonna make sure youfeel like you're doing the best,
so we can make the best film possible.
(18:37):
- [Erika] And how does thatshow up in life for you?
Is that, when you'reat a regular gathering,
are you, do you feel like youwanna conduct a space to be,
or is, yeah, I wanna know what that,
how does that flow over intobeing Gabby Mejia in the world?
- [Gabby] Yeah, I thinkfor me, I'm very much,
(19:00):
I like looking first.
I like knowing a vibe of a place.
Like, I trust my gut so muchthat like, at this point,
it has never led me wrongabout certain people,
or certain groups.
Like, I very much know howto catch a vibe of a person,
before we actually havethis, like, meeting,
but I still don't let that,
let me give 'em a chance first-
(19:20):
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- [Gabby] And I'll talk to you.
And I feel like, in a bigger room,
it's kind of harder to do that,
so like, sometimes I'll just be quiet,
you know, I just wannasee a vibe of something,
before I actually like, put my whole,
'cause for me, it's allabout like, my whole body,
like, my whole heart into something.
And like, if I know you're gonna hurt me,
(19:41):
or hurt my peace of mind,I'm okay to be acquaintances,
but I'm not gonna be yourfriend, you know, like.
I need to know thatwe're on the same page,
we have some sort of same values,
or we just have this
same respect, right?- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Gabby] So, like, for me,my first year of film school,
like, you could tellformations were reforming,
(20:02):
and I was like, that's somethingI don't wanna be a part of,
because it's very toxic.
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.- [Gabby] Because,
like, it's also something thatreminded me of high school.
And in high school, like, Iwas very much an odd personnel,
because, like, (chuckles)
I grew up listening, like, jazz,
I liked Frankie Valley. (chuckles)
I liked music from the thirties.
(20:22):
Like, I very much incorporatedmyself with all these musics,
all this, I don't know,
just like, I had no onelistening to Marvin Gaye with me
in high school,(Gabby and Erika laugh)
minus my teachers,
and they're like,(Erika chuckles)
"Oh, Gabby's a good one, let me-"
- [Erika] Old soul.- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] Gabby's a good one.(Gabby chuckles)
Did that, so when I,
(20:43):
we started to talk about it,
and then we got so beautifully distracted.
This idea about, like, I can't over-and.
- [Gabby] I think for me,when I was under like,
at least my understanding of and
is like, and, and, and.- [Erika] Ah.
- [Gabby] And not that like that comma
like, I wouldn't do, I'm afirst-generation student,
and a woman of color,and low-income, you know.
(21:06):
I'm just like a, you know.
It's just commas to me.- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- [Gabby] So, and-- [Erika] What about anding?
- [Gabby] Anding.
- [Erika] Verb.- [Gabby] Verb.
- [Erika] Not just-- [Gabby] Could you
use it in a sentence? (chuckles)
- [Erika] Yeah, oh, I can, and I will.
- [Gabby] Okay.- [Erika] So,
not just yes to the like,the more, more, more,
the and comma, and comma, and comma,
but anding, the combination,
the combining of different sparks.
(21:26):
- [Gabby] Okay, that, okay,
so, when I was thinking of anding,
I was thinking and, and, and.
- [Erika] Yeah, so, let's trynot to think of it that way,
'cause that makes me wanna throw up,
'cause that's so much, right?
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] That's so much,
that's a lot of weight.
But what about connection?So, dancer, filmmaker, poet.
So, I'm verbing together these things,
and like Maya Deren did, andnow we have a new reality.
(21:47):
- [Gabby] So for me,
that brings on the ideaof intersectionality,
"Quinn," by Ms. KimberléCrenshaw, you know.
We love her work.
I don't know, for me,
that's very much like,intersection-alities,
like, these multiple identities
influencing the way I work, so.
- [Erika] So, totally obvious.(Gabby chuckles)
It's just like what I do.(Gabby laughs)
- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] So, you've already done that
six times today?(Gabby laughs)
(22:09):
- [Gabby] I think-
- [Erika] So, did you lie to me earlier,
or you didn't lie,
'cause we didn't have-- [Gabby] I didn't lie.
- [Erika] A shared vocabulary.- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] So now, we have ashared vocabulary, "anding."
You do it a lot.
- [Gabby] Yeah, I think,
I mean, I would stilleven be like, conscious,
like, with those boundaries, at least,
because like, we aregiving parts of us to,
whether it's a cause or a project.
(22:30):
And I think for me, recently I learned is,
we have to be truly who we are,
no matter what, nomatter what people think,
and we have to keep our peace of mind,
because like, with all the stuff
I've been through at CU Boulder,
it's so easy to keep
like, adding these weightson this "anding," right?
Like, yes, I'm a social activist,
(22:52):
and that work influences my film,
and it influences the work Iwanna do outside of film, too.
Like, making sure everything is equitable
within, at least, in someway, the film department.
I don't have to worryabout ethnic studies,
'cause they already have it on,
they already know whatthey're doing. (laughs)
But I think for me, it's like,making sure you are valued,
(23:16):
or you're valuing yourself,
and you're allowingyourself to grow and learn,
and know that it's okay to notlike, be the best right now,
and that I'm only a student,at least for me, you know.
And that, like, it doesn't matter,
what at the end of theday, what my peers think,
it matters what I think.
And, it's just about peace of mind for me,
(23:37):
because like, there's so much,
at least for students of color,
or like, anyone that'son the outside, right?
It's so much work toadvocate for yourself,
and so much to like, educate,
like, we're constanteducators as people of colors,
because we're always havingto stand up for ourself,
or stand up for like, you know.
(23:59):
So, I think for me,
it's just making sure wehave our own peace of mind
and like, where we're setting, you know.
- [Erika] Yeah,
your fifth chakra,(Gabby laughs)
radiant, right?
Your throat chakra, open.
- [Gabby] Yeah.- [Erika] Really powerful,
in my experience of you.
And to be able to do thatin both your human body,
(24:20):
and in your filmic body of work,
it just keeps doubling,
and magnifying your beliefs,your truths, your mission,
and your potency in those spaces, Gabby.
It's great to see, it'sso beautiful, yeah.
- [Gabby] Thank you. (giggles)
- [Erika] Can I speed round, okay.
Are you ready?- [Gabby] Yeah.
(24:41):
- [Erika] Okay, I was, I callthis the quick and dirty,
I thought of another one,
it's like, the "Fast and the Furious,"
'cause that was a movie reference,
but you don't have to be furious,
because we've been really
like, ah, this has been a lovely
breakfast talk with you(Gabby laughs)
this morning.
Okay, so, has to be fast though.
- [Gabby] Okay.
- [Erika] Do not get in your own way.
- [Gabby] Oh gosh, okay.
(25:01):
I'm already getting in my own way, okay.
(Erika laughs)
- [Erika] Get outta there,(Gabby chuckles)
get outta there.
Okay, are you ready?
So, okay, I'm gonna give you a topic,
and you're gonna saythe first word or phrase
that has and in it,
ideally either and connector,
or the word and embedded.- [Gabby] And, okay, okay.
- [Erika] Okay, so if I say
the best anding film, you'd say...
(25:22):
- [Gabby] Damn, okay.
"Wakanda Forever" and"Black Panther." (chuckles)
- [Erika] Yeah, both, both. (chuckles)
- [Gabby] I don't know, they're just,
ah, they're amazing.- [Erika] Yup.
I can't wait to see the second one.
I was thinking aboutmy movies this morning,
and I was thinking of
"The Cook, the Thief,his Wife and her Lover."
- [Gabby] Ah.- [Erika] Have you seen
that film?- [Gabby] I have not.
- [Erika] Whoo, in color, I mean, it's-
- [Gabby] No, wait, I haveseen the end of it, which-,
- [Erika] Dark days,
but it's a dance film.
(25:43):
- [Gabby] Oh, it is?
- [Erika] And not really,
but in my brain, because ofthe way color maps out, but-
- [Gabby] Yeah, the color.
- [Erika] Yeah, the color, okay.
Okay, and who gets thecolor, okay we're gonna-
- [Gabby] And the color. (chuckles)
- [Erika] Yeah, and the color.
We're gonna, we're gonna do a,
we're gonna share a glass on that film.
Okay, so, best anding film, got it, okay.
The songs that you need tohear, back to back, blank and?
- [Gabby] Oh, gosh, okay.
(26:05):
"What's Going On," by Marvin Gaye.
And recently, it's "LiftMe Up," by Rihanna.
Those two songs, oh, I love them.
- [Erika] So good, okay,
we're gonna have a podcast playlist.
Look for those songs, back to back.
Tim Grassley, can youget on that? Thank you.
Okay.- [Gabby] Thank you.
- [Erika] A title that you'dconsider for your next film.
- [Gabby] Ooh, I already have it.
(26:25):
I'm working on it right now.It's "Too Loud and Too Brown."
- [Erika] "Too Loud and Too Brown."
(Gabby chuckles)
T-shirt.
- [Gabby] Yeah, that one'sdedicated for my mom.
(Gabby chuckles)
- [Erika] Trying notto talk too soon, okay.
Best anding food combos.
(Gabby inhales)
- [Gabby] Ooh, this isgonna be so controversial.
Pizza and pineapple.
(26:46):
- [Erika] Don't be mad.
Don't be mad,(Gabby chuckles)
pizza and pineapple.
No, we've been having along debate in old Maine
about pizza and pineapple on a thread.
- [Gabby] I'm very much pro. (chuckles)
- [Erika] Pro, okay,your two favorite words.
- [Gabby] Jedi, and Iwanna say responsibility,
and I don't know, I donot know why. (chuckles)
(27:09):
- [Erika] Trust the gut.
- [Gabby] Yeah.
- [Erika] Trust the gut.
- [Gabby] Trust the gut.
- [Erika] Okay, on each episode,
we ask our guests whatthey would tell an audience
like, at a commencementceremony going forward.
You know, I have my Irish toast,
and may the road rise to meet you.
So, starting with and,
what would you offer up to anext generation moving forward?
(27:32):
- [Gabby] And I hope youknow that it will be okay.
Everything will work out,(uplifting cello music)
and no matter what,
there will always be someonethere to back you up.
(uplifting, bright music)
- [Erika] That was undergraduatestudent Gabby Mejia,
who studies film, ethnic studies,
(27:54):
and leadership at theUniversity of Colorado, Boulder.
"The Ampersand" is writtenand produced by me,
Erica Randall and Tim Grassley.
If there are folks you'd tohear from on "The Ampersand,"
do please email us at asinfo@colorado.edu.
Our theme music was composedand performed by Nelson Walker.
A CU Boulder alum,
(28:14):
brilliant cellist composer,and a fantastic dancer.
Episodes are recordedat Interplay Studios,
in Boulder, Colorado.
I'm Erica Randall, andthis is "The Ampersand."
(sanguine, bright music continues)
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