May 2, 2024 • 14 mins
Join our candid conversation about breaking free from toxicity and rediscovering the essence of life after a divorce. This episode elaborates on the top 10 positive consequences of divorce that our hosts have personally experienced, leading to self-empowerment, self-discovery, and overall personal growth.
Learn about the importance of self-love, the newfound confidence in embracing financial independence, the liberty to make choices that serve one's interests, the luxury of valuable time to explore new hobbies and passion, and the freedom to lead life according to one's rhythm. Plus, get insights into the massive transformation in relationships and attitude towards life that arises post-divorce, including building healthier relationships, embodying resilience, and adopting a positive outlook towards life.
This conversation is filled with heartwarming insights, encouraging messages, and actionable advice to navigate what may be a difficult phase for many people. The positivity and prominent self-realization in each shared experience ensure listeners will feel empowered and inspired to find their own silver linings amidst the fog of a life-altering event like divorce.
So, whether you've personally experienced a breakup or just need a little pick-me-up, this awe-inspiring conversation will help you appreciate life's ups and downs and the many beautiful opportunities they present. Cheers to life's little wins that accumulate to create the inspirational story of your life!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:29):
Okay ladies so we're going to do a top 10 list yay listeners
we know you all love these so
today we decided also we're sitting on bonnie's
porch and it is so beautiful it is a beautiful day
everything is green and blooming this is the perfect it's the
kind of day that people write poetry about yeah so so we're asking ourselves
(00:50):
what are 10 top the top 10 positive consequences of divorce yes so i have one
okay is the first thing i thought of is that I feel like I have much more specific,
intentional time with my son.
Oh, that's a good one. I really think about how I'm interacting with him,
what we're doing, you know, if I'm spending enough time with him.
(01:11):
Like, I constantly, like, just make sure I'm doing it, that I'm super momming,
you know, as much as I can, given the rest of my life.
Right. You know, so I'm much more intentional about it because our time is more limited.
Well, it is. You have to plan it. Yes. You have to plan how you're spending.
And I feel that with my child because I have one last year of high school with him.
(01:34):
So I'm very intentional about spending time.
I think you're right. That's a good one. That's a good one. All right.
So my number two, I would say that I feel much more confident.
I am actually able to live my life on my own. that I am able to have a home
and pay for my groceries and help my kids out and all of that,
(01:57):
that I am actually to be self-sufficient.
And I really did not know that I was actually going to be able to do that.
So the confidence to live as an independent woman is something that I will never give up.
And that is just a truly a huge blessing that if I'd known sooner, sooner.
I probably would have been divorced. It is a magical feeling. It really is.
(02:20):
But I didn't feel that the first year, but I definitely feel it now.
So my piggybacks on that and my unintended.
Positive consequences, I know exactly where I am financially,
which when I was married, I had,
(02:41):
really not a good feel for
the finances what was in my name what was yeah without transparency with your
person there was no transparency so I had no idea where I would land financially
that makes sense so now I definitely know exactly what you can and cannot do exactly.
(03:03):
I feel like, and I grow in this every day, and I think that we all do,
but I feel very, very self-aware and very comfortable in my own skin.
Like, I feel like I know myself more at this moment in my life than I probably ever have.
And I just had a reunion with some of my friends this last weekend,
and the whole time I thought, I can't remember feeling this authentically myself
(03:24):
as I do in this moment of time.
Like, it's almost impossible to be inauthentic. So that, but I think that that,
it took getting out of all the other constructs to do that. Survival mode.
When you're not in survival mode anymore, you can just be you.
Yep. So that's a great number four. Yeah.
I think number five for me might be that I now know that living on my own without
(03:50):
a partner is perfectly fine for my life. It's just the way I need to be.
And that I have, I will not, no longer settle.
For anything less than a BFF as a live-in partner with me.
And I think that, you know, when you spend those last few years or months or
whatever it was for any of us in marriage, trying to decide,
(04:14):
you know, am I going to take this step, all of that fear?
You know, I went through all of that and I know I will not settle for anything
less than what I really feel like is going to be for a BFF.
That's my number five. Okay. Number six, I will say I have the luxury of time
to explore my interests.
(04:37):
Oh, yes. My true interests of what I like to do in my quote unquote spirit family.
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a big one. Yes.
You were able to have friends over at your house all the time because of that very thing.
I'm able to have an arts studio in my house because of that very thing.
And you can leave all of your your needlepoint everywhere as projects in every
(04:59):
room yes i have two but this is number seven seven seven i'll do the next one
for ten okay i'll do i will,
actually that will be a good wrap-up one so number seven related to what beth
just said i do what i want when i want within the say it again.
(05:22):
Within the within the like boundaries of
what i have to do for my job what i need to do for my child what
i need to do for my partner and my house and my friends and whatever but
i it's my decision if i feel like going out of town i go out of town and you
know or if i can yeah but don't you think if you have if i feel like having
people over for dinner i do but you have a partner who's also your best friend
(05:43):
yeah i think that if we're all with partners who are our best friends we We
never have that hesitation of, ooh,
I don't know that I can do this.
Yeah. Because it might interfere with somebody else. You know what I mean?
It's always just we all love each other and move forward. Yeah.
That is a very good... It's freedom. That kind of freedom is special,
(06:05):
especially within a partnership.
I don't know that it always happens, but I feel very...
Supported, I guess, in my relationship to be able to do what I want to do. Yeah. So.
Well, all right. Number eight, I feel like I can invest, same as you,
my time and my finances where I choose.
(06:26):
So that means that I can have my art spread out all over my house.
I can choose to donate to wherever, you know what I mean?
Like I am truly in control of all of that, which we probably have already said,
but in control of finances and making those choices, good or bad, I am able to do that.
And that is not something that I had in my marriage.
And so I'm very thankful to be able to have that freedom to make my own mistakes.
(06:52):
Okay. This is one that's kind of been a very hard lesson for me, but now I don't.
You're number nine, right? Yeah. I see it as a lesson, but I also see it as
a blessing. saying, I am finally taking time to grant myself grace and to love myself.
Even though this body had a baby at 42 and it's not in the best shape,
(07:15):
I am learning to love how I look,
how I am aging, and like myself.
And I'm kind of dispelling all those negative things that I heard.
Throughout your marriage. Throughout my marriage, about you're letting yourself
go, you look better when you're like, you know, 30 pounds lighter,
(07:40):
blah, blah, blah. I am authentically myself.
And I mean, I have to admit, this body has been really good.
I got to climb up a ladder last weekend and, you know, dangle like a monkey and do a floral spread.
And I mean, I've been very athletic and I've been very blessed to have a very
(08:02):
healthy body this whole time.
I really need to celebrate the fact, you know, I don't have a major disease
process at my age. I'm not diabetic.
I'm a tad, my BMI is a tad over what I'd like it to be.
I really don't have arthritis. I really don't have bone density problems.
I don't have all, I never had cancer. Like I need to celebrate my health,
(08:26):
my body, and actually embrace it.
But you know, also where you are, and I think we all free feel this way.
We're all so, what divorce has given us is that confidence that someone is going
to have to be as good or better than me to add to my life to allow you in.
Okay, I just you're gonna have to be you're gonna have to offer me.
(08:50):
I already offer myself everything I need. I have got financial stability all
that you're gonna have to be able to offer me something that actually makes
me want to include you in my life because I don't need a financial partner.
We can do a whole segment on this because the latest thing that I read was,
if a guy wants to date me, he's not in competition with any other guy.
(09:13):
No, he's in competition with you. He's in competition with me.
And I'm really good to myself. Write that down.
Yes, exactly. Write that down. You're going to have to rise above and you're
going to have to have the confidence to rise above the level that I'm already providing.
Yes, if they cannot provide at least the level that you are loving yourself,
then should they be allowed in your share?
(09:36):
Done. Yeah, I agree. Let's number 10. Number 10.
And it kind of goes back to what you were saying at the beginning about loving yourself.
I was just thinking about the fact that I might cry a little, y'all.
There is just so much love to be had. And I feel loved every day.
I didn't know, like, I have not been, like, I love my partner very much.
(10:01):
I love my child so much. Like, I just feel like all that love has been heightened
since so much hate is out of my life. Negativity.
And then, so what has happened as a result is not only do I feel that in my relationship with,
like my romantic relationship or my relationship with
my child I feel that with my friends and I feel that with strangers
I'm kinder I'm nice I I
(10:24):
like I look at people and go what can
I say right now to make their day better like I I think about those things I
that was not Lauren that has not always been well and I think after after divorce
or a big breakup you shut down y'all just told me that after a wedding I went
to this weekend that y'all feel I've wakened up a little bit But it's just,
you know, it's just, it's more brutal.
(10:45):
But I think if you allow, this is a bad movie quote, but if you allow hope to float up.
I mean, seriously, you have hope.
Yes, yes. When you're down in the middle of divorce, you don't have really that
whole, there's no like shaft of light movie experience saying you're going to be okay.
(11:05):
Hey, you have to go through the crap to get to the part where you realize there
are people out there that love you.
This is not an, doesn't have to stay in a negative situation.
You will not always be in that. And people love you and there is hope out there.
And I think that also that your ability to love, like my ability to love has changed.
(11:26):
Just gotten bit bigger like i
didn't because and part of it is because we tend
to treat people how we are treated i think yes
and when and when no one is being hateful to you or negative to you and you're
like continuing feeling built up you're going to then continue to build other
people up and it's just like i am i would venture to say i mean i already folk
(11:51):
i operate at a pretty high happiness level, I would say.
I mean, I have my moments, but I feel happier regularly more than I ever have in my whole life.
I wake up happy. I find happiness in little things like sitting on my porch
swing, listening to the bird, drinking my coffee in peace.
So we're all more appreciative of all of those moments of joy because they were
(12:14):
sucked out of our life, I think, for so long.
So you notice them and all of that.
And I think that when you're healing from divorce, like
I was making a and not even just divorce that first
breakup after divorce so when you're
going out with somebody and you break up for the first time with that person
after divorce that's really really hard because
(12:35):
that was the first time you allowed yourself this
hope that love existed so I
was making a list just a week or two ago about just
the things that I wanted out of life like what were what
are my values and i struggled to write
love on there it has always been one
of my values and i struggled and i thought now it has to be
(12:56):
there but i understand why i'm struggling to acknowledge it doesn't just have
to be romantic love no that's what i mean it's just love in general it is love
can exist in so many ways with your with your pets yeah with your with your
with your significant other with your children with your co-workers with just that Yeah,
seeing the positive sunny side of things, that,
(13:18):
I believe, is some sort of little basis of coming at everything from love.
You know what I mean? If you're being positive and optimistic,
that means at your core, you want to love. So, yes.
Oh, ladies. Fabulous. That was pretty good. Pretty good.
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. Do you need to break out into song?
(13:40):
Do I see like a Snow White thing coming? No, I was thinking. Sorry.
All right. All right. Well, y'all have a fabulous week, ladies,
and let's see you again next week. That's a lovely champagne split.
Thank y'all for joining us for Champagne Sunday.
(14:00):
See you next week, girls. Cheers. Have a good one.
Music.
Music.
(00:29):
Okay ladies so we're going to do a top 10 list yay listeners
we know you all love these so
today we decided also we're sitting on bonnie's
porch and it is so beautiful it is a beautiful day
everything is green and blooming this is the perfect it's the
kind of day that people write poetry about yeah so so we're asking ourselves
(00:50):
what are 10 top the top 10 positive consequences of divorce yes so i have one
okay is the first thing i thought of is that I feel like I have much more specific,
intentional time with my son.
Oh, that's a good one. I really think about how I'm interacting with him,
what we're doing, you know, if I'm spending enough time with him.
(01:11):
Like, I constantly, like, just make sure I'm doing it, that I'm super momming,
you know, as much as I can, given the rest of my life.
Right. You know, so I'm much more intentional about it because our time is more limited.
Well, it is. You have to plan it. Yes. You have to plan how you're spending.
And I feel that with my child because I have one last year of high school with him.
(01:34):
So I'm very intentional about spending time.
I think you're right. That's a good one. That's a good one. All right.
So my number two, I would say that I feel much more confident.
I am actually able to live my life on my own. that I am able to have a home
and pay for my groceries and help my kids out and all of that,
(01:57):
that I am actually to be self-sufficient.
And I really did not know that I was actually going to be able to do that.
So the confidence to live as an independent woman is something that I will never give up.
And that is just a truly a huge blessing that if I'd known sooner, sooner.
I probably would have been divorced. It is a magical feeling. It really is.
(02:20):
But I didn't feel that the first year, but I definitely feel it now.
So my piggybacks on that and my unintended.
Positive consequences, I know exactly where I am financially,
which when I was married, I had,
(02:41):
really not a good feel for
the finances what was in my name what was yeah without transparency with your
person there was no transparency so I had no idea where I would land financially
that makes sense so now I definitely know exactly what you can and cannot do exactly.
(03:03):
I feel like, and I grow in this every day, and I think that we all do,
but I feel very, very self-aware and very comfortable in my own skin.
Like, I feel like I know myself more at this moment in my life than I probably ever have.
And I just had a reunion with some of my friends this last weekend,
and the whole time I thought, I can't remember feeling this authentically myself
(03:24):
as I do in this moment of time.
Like, it's almost impossible to be inauthentic. So that, but I think that that,
it took getting out of all the other constructs to do that. Survival mode.
When you're not in survival mode anymore, you can just be you.
Yep. So that's a great number four. Yeah.
I think number five for me might be that I now know that living on my own without
(03:50):
a partner is perfectly fine for my life. It's just the way I need to be.
And that I have, I will not, no longer settle.
For anything less than a BFF as a live-in partner with me.
And I think that, you know, when you spend those last few years or months or
whatever it was for any of us in marriage, trying to decide,
(04:14):
you know, am I going to take this step, all of that fear?
You know, I went through all of that and I know I will not settle for anything
less than what I really feel like is going to be for a BFF.
That's my number five. Okay. Number six, I will say I have the luxury of time
to explore my interests.
(04:37):
Oh, yes. My true interests of what I like to do in my quote unquote spirit family.
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a big one. Yes.
You were able to have friends over at your house all the time because of that very thing.
I'm able to have an arts studio in my house because of that very thing.
And you can leave all of your your needlepoint everywhere as projects in every
(04:59):
room yes i have two but this is number seven seven seven i'll do the next one
for ten okay i'll do i will,
actually that will be a good wrap-up one so number seven related to what beth
just said i do what i want when i want within the say it again.
(05:22):
Within the within the like boundaries of
what i have to do for my job what i need to do for my child what
i need to do for my partner and my house and my friends and whatever but
i it's my decision if i feel like going out of town i go out of town and you
know or if i can yeah but don't you think if you have if i feel like having
people over for dinner i do but you have a partner who's also your best friend
(05:43):
yeah i think that if we're all with partners who are our best friends we We
never have that hesitation of, ooh,
I don't know that I can do this.
Yeah. Because it might interfere with somebody else. You know what I mean?
It's always just we all love each other and move forward. Yeah.
That is a very good... It's freedom. That kind of freedom is special,
(06:05):
especially within a partnership.
I don't know that it always happens, but I feel very...
Supported, I guess, in my relationship to be able to do what I want to do. Yeah. So.
Well, all right. Number eight, I feel like I can invest, same as you,
my time and my finances where I choose.
(06:26):
So that means that I can have my art spread out all over my house.
I can choose to donate to wherever, you know what I mean?
Like I am truly in control of all of that, which we probably have already said,
but in control of finances and making those choices, good or bad, I am able to do that.
And that is not something that I had in my marriage.
And so I'm very thankful to be able to have that freedom to make my own mistakes.
(06:52):
Okay. This is one that's kind of been a very hard lesson for me, but now I don't.
You're number nine, right? Yeah. I see it as a lesson, but I also see it as
a blessing. saying, I am finally taking time to grant myself grace and to love myself.
Even though this body had a baby at 42 and it's not in the best shape,
(07:15):
I am learning to love how I look,
how I am aging, and like myself.
And I'm kind of dispelling all those negative things that I heard.
Throughout your marriage. Throughout my marriage, about you're letting yourself
go, you look better when you're like, you know, 30 pounds lighter,
(07:40):
blah, blah, blah. I am authentically myself.
And I mean, I have to admit, this body has been really good.
I got to climb up a ladder last weekend and, you know, dangle like a monkey and do a floral spread.
And I mean, I've been very athletic and I've been very blessed to have a very
(08:02):
healthy body this whole time.
I really need to celebrate the fact, you know, I don't have a major disease
process at my age. I'm not diabetic.
I'm a tad, my BMI is a tad over what I'd like it to be.
I really don't have arthritis. I really don't have bone density problems.
I don't have all, I never had cancer. Like I need to celebrate my health,
(08:26):
my body, and actually embrace it.
But you know, also where you are, and I think we all free feel this way.
We're all so, what divorce has given us is that confidence that someone is going
to have to be as good or better than me to add to my life to allow you in.
Okay, I just you're gonna have to be you're gonna have to offer me.
(08:50):
I already offer myself everything I need. I have got financial stability all
that you're gonna have to be able to offer me something that actually makes
me want to include you in my life because I don't need a financial partner.
We can do a whole segment on this because the latest thing that I read was,
if a guy wants to date me, he's not in competition with any other guy.
(09:13):
No, he's in competition with you. He's in competition with me.
And I'm really good to myself. Write that down.
Yes, exactly. Write that down. You're going to have to rise above and you're
going to have to have the confidence to rise above the level that I'm already providing.
Yes, if they cannot provide at least the level that you are loving yourself,
then should they be allowed in your share?
(09:36):
Done. Yeah, I agree. Let's number 10. Number 10.
And it kind of goes back to what you were saying at the beginning about loving yourself.
I was just thinking about the fact that I might cry a little, y'all.
There is just so much love to be had. And I feel loved every day.
I didn't know, like, I have not been, like, I love my partner very much.
(10:01):
I love my child so much. Like, I just feel like all that love has been heightened
since so much hate is out of my life. Negativity.
And then, so what has happened as a result is not only do I feel that in my relationship with,
like my romantic relationship or my relationship with
my child I feel that with my friends and I feel that with strangers
I'm kinder I'm nice I I
(10:24):
like I look at people and go what can
I say right now to make their day better like I I think about those things I
that was not Lauren that has not always been well and I think after after divorce
or a big breakup you shut down y'all just told me that after a wedding I went
to this weekend that y'all feel I've wakened up a little bit But it's just,
you know, it's just, it's more brutal.
(10:45):
But I think if you allow, this is a bad movie quote, but if you allow hope to float up.
I mean, seriously, you have hope.
Yes, yes. When you're down in the middle of divorce, you don't have really that
whole, there's no like shaft of light movie experience saying you're going to be okay.
(11:05):
Hey, you have to go through the crap to get to the part where you realize there
are people out there that love you.
This is not an, doesn't have to stay in a negative situation.
You will not always be in that. And people love you and there is hope out there.
And I think that also that your ability to love, like my ability to love has changed.
(11:26):
Just gotten bit bigger like i
didn't because and part of it is because we tend
to treat people how we are treated i think yes
and when and when no one is being hateful to you or negative to you and you're
like continuing feeling built up you're going to then continue to build other
people up and it's just like i am i would venture to say i mean i already folk
(11:51):
i operate at a pretty high happiness level, I would say.
I mean, I have my moments, but I feel happier regularly more than I ever have in my whole life.
I wake up happy. I find happiness in little things like sitting on my porch
swing, listening to the bird, drinking my coffee in peace.
So we're all more appreciative of all of those moments of joy because they were
(12:14):
sucked out of our life, I think, for so long.
So you notice them and all of that.
And I think that when you're healing from divorce, like
I was making a and not even just divorce that first
breakup after divorce so when you're
going out with somebody and you break up for the first time with that person
after divorce that's really really hard because
(12:35):
that was the first time you allowed yourself this
hope that love existed so I
was making a list just a week or two ago about just
the things that I wanted out of life like what were what
are my values and i struggled to write
love on there it has always been one
of my values and i struggled and i thought now it has to be
(12:56):
there but i understand why i'm struggling to acknowledge it doesn't just have
to be romantic love no that's what i mean it's just love in general it is love
can exist in so many ways with your with your pets yeah with your with your
with your significant other with your children with your co-workers with just that Yeah,
seeing the positive sunny side of things, that,
(13:18):
I believe, is some sort of little basis of coming at everything from love.
You know what I mean? If you're being positive and optimistic,
that means at your core, you want to love. So, yes.
Oh, ladies. Fabulous. That was pretty good. Pretty good.
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. Do you need to break out into song?
(13:40):
Do I see like a Snow White thing coming? No, I was thinking. Sorry.
All right. All right. Well, y'all have a fabulous week, ladies,
and let's see you again next week. That's a lovely champagne split.
Thank y'all for joining us for Champagne Sunday.
(14:00):
See you next week, girls. Cheers. Have a good one.
Music.
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