November 30, 2022 • 18 mins
The Holidays can be super stressful and emotional.
We can feel lonely and there can be a lot of grief we may carry.
This week's episode dives into making it through the season and the signs we can receive to remind us we aren't alone.
I share some unbelievable signs I recently received and what mind blowing lesson my middle daughter taught me about grief.
Let me know if you ask for a sign or when you have received a sign from your loved one! Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram @chelsea.vanbuskirk
Find me on my website www.chelseavanbuskirk.com
To watch my video for some quick tips to Help you while you are grieving this holiday season go here: YouTube
#grief #griefshare #youaresupported #youarenotalone #youareheld #youvegotthis #wegotyou #onelove #heartaf #innerstrength #weareallone #beyou #youareworthy #youareenough #spiritualgrowth #selfgrowth #spirituality #selfawareness #letitbe #justbe #bestillandknow #pain #griefcloud #feelitall #spiritualhealing #healinggrief #signsfromspirit #signs #mediumship #connection #spirit #divinetiming #journeyofsouls #signsfromabove #signsfromlovedones #riseup #shinebright #shineon #beyou #speakyourtruth #liveyourtruth #doyou #loveoverfear
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea VanBuskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
The holiday season is upon us andit's a time for, you know, getting
together with friends and family andloved ones and enjoying time together.
And you know, it'ssupposed to be this happy.
time of celebration.
(00:28):
But at the same time, it canalso come with a lot of emotional
heaviness, especially if you'resomeone who has lost a loved one.
The holidays just tend to br bethis magnifying glass that brings
to your awareness the fact thatyour loved one's no longer here.
Right?
It's just a, a reminder that yourloved one's not gonna be here to.
(00:51):
This moment with you, and so youcan feel sad and heavy and not
really feel like you're able toenjoy yourself during this time.
Right?
And sometimes it can take away from thepresent moment and being able to enjoy
the loved ones that you do have here.
And I just think it'simportant to acknowledge that.
And the first thing, , it's okay.
(01:13):
It's okay to have these feelings.
It's okay to be sad, and it's okayto still be grieving your loved one.
There's nothing wrong with you,and I don't think it's something
you should try to hide or ignore.
I think the best way to getthrough it is to allow yourself
to feel these feelings and.
I actually created a, um, YouTubevideo that I'll post a link to in the
description of this podcast, to just helpyou get through and to know how to help
(01:37):
alleviate some of that grief and how towork through that, especially during the
holiday season as it can be hard, and howto handle these emotions, especially in.
The healthiest way, right?
Because I know sometimes in my past,my go-to is just to numb myself.
Numb myself with food,numb myself with alcohol.
(01:58):
Whatever it is, it's negative, right?
And like I was a chain closet smoker,and I can talk about that on a different
episode about overcoming that, but,There was a point in time where I was
using negative ways to cope, right?
Like, and it was, it wasnegative in that one.
It wasn't healthy for me, but it wasa way that I was numbing myself, not
allowing myself to feel the pain.
(02:19):
Like I didn't wanna go there.
I did not want to get intothat space where I was feeling
uncomfortable feelings.
And really the only way to overcome grief.
Is to go through it.
There's no easy way around grief.
You just have to experience it.
And I don't even know if overcome isthe right word, because I don't think
grief is something you just get over.
(02:40):
It's a journey, right?
It's a process.
It's something that willalways be a part of you.
It's just.
Learning how to allow yourself to feel thefeelings you need to feel and to like let
them go through you and not sit inside youand then fester and affect you negatively.
Sometimes I feel like it's likethis double edged sword where we
(03:01):
don't really wanna bring it up causewe don't wanna feel the pain, but
at the same time, we don't wantit to be like they never existed.
Like we don't wanna just cut themout, like they just never were here.
So it's important I think, toacknowledge our loved ones and.
Like share memories about themand keep their memory alive and
and just honor them in that way.
And yeah, sometimes when you're doingthat, you will feel uncomfortable.
(03:23):
You will feel sad, and that's okay.
It's okay to let that out.
So I think that's the biggest thing,is just giving yourself permission.
To feel your feelings and to grievein whatever way you need to, even if
it is during the holidays, you know,I get into some of these things and,
uh, the video I was talking about.
But the other thing is also allowingyourself to still enjoy the present moment
with your loved ones that you have here.
(03:43):
Because the last thing you wannado is miss out on opportunities to
create memories with your familythat you can be present with now.
Right?
Sometimes we get so lost in the grief.
We aren't even present and enjoying themoments and opportunities we have with
our loved ones that are here now becausethere will be a time when more and more
of our loved ones aren't physically here.
(04:03):
And so it is important to make sure youdo let yourself, you know, process your
feelings and let them out so that youcan be present and experience time with
your loved ones that are here now and,and staying in that present moment and
allowing yourself to still enjoy yourselfbecause, You are still allowed to laugh
(04:26):
and define joy, even if you're sad.
Like even if you still had this painor you miss your loved one, doesn't
mean that you don't miss them.
When you take the time tofocus on joyful times, right?
Like just because you're laughing andhaving a good time with loved ones
here in the physical space does notmean you're turning your back or.
(04:48):
You know, not missing your lovedone, like it doesn't mean you miss
them any less, or that the painisn't still there from their loss.
It's allowing you to still just enjoylife for what it is here and now.
And the other thing I want you toremember is that even though your loved
ones are not physically here with you,they are still with you in spirit.
And it's so important to acknowledge that,that they are still connected to you.
(05:12):
The love you share with yourloved ones like that never dies,
like the essence of the person.
never dies.
That is still here.
That love is still here and itstill connects you even when
you are in different spaces.
And like I explained on the signs episode,like you can always ask for a sign from
them and get like, let yourself getthat validation and that sign from them.
(05:35):
It really is comforting.
I actually wanted to share a storywith you about the signs because
as I said, the holidays are comingup and you know, you tend to think
of your loved ones and so I've beenthinking a lot more about my dad.
I usually think about him every dayanyway, but it's just, I've been feeling
extra sad lately because I am, I'mremembering, you know, he loved Christmas
(05:55):
and he loved to decorate, and we'restarting to decorate our own house.
And so I'm, I'm going through a lot ofthe decorations I inherited from him.
So it's just all these memories andit's just a lot, it's a lot of sadness.
You know, I've, I've talked aboutmy dad before, like if you, if you
wanna know more about, you know, meand my dad and our story and like
the, the amazing relationship we had.
How much our relationship was to meand just a little bit of his story.
(06:19):
You can always listen to the episode.
Everything happens for reason.
Part one, I talk a lot about his, youknow, journey through life and some of
the things that he dealt with and justhow intertwined our relationship was and
just how we really helped save each otherin a lot of ways through his life here.
A couple weeks ago I was, youknow, feeling sad missing him and
(06:39):
I had parked in the Starbucks.
I go to a lot and I'm walking inthe parking lot and right there
in my face on the license platein the car, I'm walking right by.
It says CPT are the letters in thelicense plate, CPT where my dad's in
or initials, um, Corey Patrick Tolle.
It always makes me laugh cuz his initialswere pretty significant because when
(07:00):
I was growing up, all of us were ct.
Um, my.
CT Corey Tolle.
I was Chelsea Tolle.
So ct, my grandma who livedwith us, who raised me, her name
was Carol Tolle, so she was ct.
And so the way we differentiatedus was with our middle
initials, and my dad was c P t.
And so we would always joke,you know, that he's the captain
of, you know, the family.
(07:20):
Um, so it was always just kindof this funny joke and so to see.
That I was like, oh my gosh.
Like, dad, is that, is thata sign like you're here?
Like, is that, is that reallyyou, you know, like, oh my gosh.
Like is it him?
Is that a sign?
I don't know.
You know, I'm self doubt.
You know, your logical brain wants to likedismiss it, but I get my coffee and then I
head to go pick up one of my kids and I'mgetting into the right lane and there's a
(07:45):
car in front of me who's also making theright turn that I'm gonna make new car
license plate c p t right in front of me.
And I'm like, whoa.
Okay.
Okay dad.
Okay.
I get it.
Like, that's you.
Thank you.
And I just remember like, you know,kind of tearing up like, oh my gosh.
Thank you.
You know, my mind was blown here.
I was like questioning that first sign.
So my dad's like, Nope, I'mgonna, I'm gonna show you it's me.
(08:07):
And here it is again,right in front of you.
Like what are the chances?
Completely different car, completelydifferent area right in front of me.
So, um, to.
Super cool.
And um, so again, I wanna invite youask for sign from your loved ones.
And I really wanna know, letme know what sign you get, what
happens with your interaction withgetting a sign from a loved one.
Cause it's so cool and it bringsme to this other story I wanna
(08:29):
acknowledge is, you know, I wastalking to my daughter the other day.
We were gonna go shopping and Iwas on my way to go pick her up.
I just got done working and um, theother two kids were still at school,
so I told her I would take her shoppingand so I was on my way to go get her.
And she had messaged me through likeFacebook kids' Messenger and, um, she
was like, mom, I can't stop crying.
(08:49):
Like, I'm so sad.
And I'm like, okay, like, are you okay?
Like, You know, normally when she'smessaging me that she's sad and
upset, it's usually because shegot in a fight with her sister.
And I knew that wasn't the casecuz her sister is at school.
So, you know, I, I called heron the Facebook app and I'm
like, Hey, I'm on my way home.
Like, are you okay?
Like, do we need topostpone our shopping trip?
Like, what's going on?
And she just like, couldn't stop crying.
(09:09):
And then so I said, okay,well I'm almost home.
If you're still good go shopping.
We can talk about it when I get there.
Um, so she gets in the car and she'sstill just kind of sobbing and, you
know, I'm like, what's going on?
And she was like, There's this songI was listening to and it reminded me
of Papa, and I just can't stop crying.
I just, I'm so sad.
Like I miss Papa so much,and, and Papa is my dad.
(09:32):
And in that moment I kind of got thisrealization where I never really have
talked to her much, you know, about herfeelings of losing her grandpa, my dad.
Like, I just, I've been so consumedwith my own feelings and my own
grief, like I really have not.
and really gotten to talk tomy kids about their grief.
(09:52):
And that was a, a really big wake upcall for me to really know, like, I
really need to talk to 'em about this.
I, I just, it's kind of the samething what I was talking about
earlier in this episode where youdon't wanna upset other people.
So sometimes you stay quiet and don'tshare your feelings and, um, like,
wow, I really need to be more openand talking, like, talk more about
this with my kids and really get toknow like what their feelings are.
(10:15):
Like what.
Dealing with like, what's their grieflike, because they're grieving also.
Um, and they've got stuff thatthey're probably holding onto.
I really need to address this.
So I, I ask her questions, you know,like, do you think about papa a lot?
And she says, yeah.
And, um, and I'm just,I'm just really sad.
And so I just was asking her abouther feelings and she was like,
(10:38):
you know, I just miss him so much.
And I just feel like I nevergot to say goodbye and I.
You know, I remember the joy on hisface when we would come and see him.
You know, he was always just aloneand he just loved us so much and he
was so happy when we would come to seehim and, you know, I was holding back
tears and she's just sobbing and youknow, cuz that last year he was living
(11:00):
completely alone and, you know, um, heloved his grandkids so much and, you
know, we would talk to him every day.
And, um, I.
because his passing was unexpectedand we were visiting him at
the time when he had passed.
And I don't know if Layton wastrying to express to me if she felt
some sense of guilt because shelikes to hang out with her cousins
(11:23):
and, um, some of the neighborhoodkids when she's visiting my dad.
And so I don't know if she felt guiltythat she didn't spend enough time with
him, you know, during that visit anyway,we just, we just, you know, kind of cried
and I hugged her and I told her I let her.
That, you know, even though he'snot physically here, he's still,
he's still watching over us.
He's still a part of our lives.
And now he gets to be evenmore involved in our lives.
He gets to see us more often and,um, you know, that he's still
(11:46):
here just in a different way.
And I, I told her how I write lettersto my dad and this journal that my
cousin had given me after my dad passed.
And that's one way, like if shewould like to talk with him, she
can write in a journal and writeletters to him if she wants.
And, And then I told her aboutthe signs that I just got.
I said, you know, I've been feelingreally sad and missing papa lately too.
And he showed me that he was here.
(12:08):
Like, can you believe this?
Like, I had two license plates, likeright in the, in 10 minutes of each other.
You know, one was at this when Iwas stopped here, and the other
one was right in front of meand it was his initials C P T.
Like how crazy is that?
Like you can totally ask him for asign to and he will give it to you.
I know he will, because he will want youto know that he's still with you and.
So we kind of pulled ourselves together.
(12:29):
I told her that story.
We went into the store, we did ourshopping, and we're driving and we
come to this red light and I look.
And I shit you not right in front of us.
License plate, C P T.
And I hit Layton and I like took apicture of it and I'm like, Layton,
oh my gosh, look right there.
And she was like, Ugh, you know?
And she starts like crying and shewas like, thank you papa, thank you.
(12:50):
Like, and she was like,I asked them for a sign.
And um, so it just like,what are the chances?
Like how.
Magical is that it's so amazingand it's so comforting and
really gives you that validation.
Like, holy shit, they are still here.
Like that love that connects youand your loved ones, it never dies.
Like they are there.
Like you just have to like ask forthat sign and to be open and just
(13:13):
like, you know, pay attention.
Right.
And I just can't believe that we got that.
Like it just was.
Amazing.
And I couldn't wait to share thatstory with you because like I
explained in the other episode, youknow, it can come in different ways.
We're not expecting, right?
Because I think our logical brains,like we're always full of self doubt
and we're trying to rationalize thingsand, and so not only to see that
sign once, but then twice within 10minutes, and then the third time with
(13:35):
my daughter, after having that momentwith her talking about him and asking
for that together, it just was crazy.
So I know I invite you.
To go out there and ask for asign from your loved one, um,
and see what comes up for you.
And I wanna hear about it, like pleaselet me know, like send me a DM on
social media, on Instagram or Facebook.
(13:57):
Um, you can find me there.
Uh, my handle is at Chelsea dot VanBus Kirk, so please find me and send
me a message and let me know if you'vereceived a sign and what you asked
for and how it came through for you.
Cuz as I love hearing thosestories, it's amazing.
So yeah, I want you to.
Give yourself some gracethis holiday season.
Know that it's okay to feel sad.
(14:20):
It's okay to allow yourselfto feel those feelings.
Like you don't have to hidethat and you can journal and
take a time out if you need to.
And then don't.
Don't miss out on experiencing somejoy and laughter during this season.
Also likes, and reallylike take time to just.
(14:40):
Be in that space where you'reremembering your loved one and
sharing stories and maybe cryingand laughing about funny things.
But then also just taking in thecurrent present moment with your loved
ones that are still physically here.
Share the sign with them.
Like go out there and get, geta sign that you can share, or
ha tell your family members thatthey can ask for their own signs.
(15:01):
You know, like, and I think that'sthe other thing that I came to
realize is that even though.
Might be stuck or still processing ourown grief is that there's other people
in our circle that are grieving too.
And that was something that reallyI became awakened to having that
conversation with my daughter isbeing like, wow, I have three kids
(15:23):
and a husband and other family membersthat also experienced this loss.
Like my dad was a very significantperson and more than just my life and.
I think it was an important lesson forme to learn that, you know, there's more
people that are grieving him than just me.
Like even though in my world he waslike one of the biggest pieces of
it, he was also a piece in otherpeople's lives and their worlds too,
(15:45):
and that was a loss for them as well.
So, um, I think it's importantto acknowledge that too, and then
letting yourself know that youcan kind of share that with them.
Like, I think it was superawesome to be able to have that
conversation with my daughter and.
Our grief together.
Like her being able to open up to meand share the emotions and letting
her like SOB and just hugging herwas, I think, helpful for her.
(16:06):
But it was also helpfuland healing for me too.
So I think that is a great message thatwe can take away from this episode, is
that if you are experiencing grief tosome degree this holiday season, you
know, To maybe share with your loved onesthat might also have some feelings too.
And to really just use that as a momentto bond and remember and allow yourself
(16:30):
to get those emotions out and feel yourfeelings and let yourself kind of heal
and process because you know, at theend of the day, that's what we need to
do to kind of quote unquote, move on.
Um, and, and, you know, it'snot really moving on or like
pretending like these people did.
Have such a significant role in ourlives, but it's knowing that life
does go on and that we do have to bean active participant in, in life and
(16:53):
enjoying the present moment with thepeople we have currently physically here.
And that again, the ones that are nolonger physically here, they are still
here in a different format, right?
In a different way, but they are stillhere and still a part of our lives.
And just because we're you.
Still living doesn't meanwe're leaving them behind.
(17:15):
And it doesn't mean that welove them or miss them any less.
It's just giving us that, youknow, permission that hey, they
are still here and they wouldwant for us to keep enjoying life.
And it's okay to miss them.
And it's okay to feel sad, but it'salso okay to laugh and find joy
and to just enjoy yourself with.
Friends and family and loved ones,you know, here in this present moment.
(17:36):
So I hope you takesomething away from that.
Again, please let me know.
I wanna know about your signs, likeplease send me that DM and let me know
if you requested for a sign, how youasked for it, and what you got in return.
I wanna know, um, and don't forgetto check out my video on YouTube
with this video will give you all of.
Tips to help get yourself through throughthe holidays or while you're grieving.
(17:59):
I've got a lot of great stuff comingup for you in upcoming episodes to help
us navigate the holidays and some ofthe things that we might be dealing
with to just help keep us in that highvibe state, to keep us in a state of
joy and just having a good time thisholiday season amongst all the crazy
hustle and bustle and sometimes.
And emotions and things that come up.
(18:19):
So yeah.
Um, that's, that's it.
And I'll see you guys next week.
Peace.
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea VanBuskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
The holiday season is upon us andit's a time for, you know, getting
together with friends and family andloved ones and enjoying time together.
And you know, it'ssupposed to be this happy.
time of celebration.
(00:28):
But at the same time, it canalso come with a lot of emotional
heaviness, especially if you'resomeone who has lost a loved one.
The holidays just tend to br bethis magnifying glass that brings
to your awareness the fact thatyour loved one's no longer here.
Right?
It's just a, a reminder that yourloved one's not gonna be here to.
(00:51):
This moment with you, and so youcan feel sad and heavy and not
really feel like you're able toenjoy yourself during this time.
Right?
And sometimes it can take away from thepresent moment and being able to enjoy
the loved ones that you do have here.
And I just think it'simportant to acknowledge that.
And the first thing, , it's okay.
(01:13):
It's okay to have these feelings.
It's okay to be sad, and it's okayto still be grieving your loved one.
There's nothing wrong with you,and I don't think it's something
you should try to hide or ignore.
I think the best way to getthrough it is to allow yourself
to feel these feelings and.
I actually created a, um, YouTubevideo that I'll post a link to in the
description of this podcast, to just helpyou get through and to know how to help
(01:37):
alleviate some of that grief and how towork through that, especially during the
holiday season as it can be hard, and howto handle these emotions, especially in.
The healthiest way, right?
Because I know sometimes in my past,my go-to is just to numb myself.
Numb myself with food,numb myself with alcohol.
(01:58):
Whatever it is, it's negative, right?
And like I was a chain closet smoker,and I can talk about that on a different
episode about overcoming that, but,There was a point in time where I was
using negative ways to cope, right?
Like, and it was, it wasnegative in that one.
It wasn't healthy for me, but it wasa way that I was numbing myself, not
allowing myself to feel the pain.
(02:19):
Like I didn't wanna go there.
I did not want to get intothat space where I was feeling
uncomfortable feelings.
And really the only way to overcome grief.
Is to go through it.
There's no easy way around grief.
You just have to experience it.
And I don't even know if overcome isthe right word, because I don't think
grief is something you just get over.
(02:40):
It's a journey, right?
It's a process.
It's something that willalways be a part of you.
It's just.
Learning how to allow yourself to feel thefeelings you need to feel and to like let
them go through you and not sit inside youand then fester and affect you negatively.
Sometimes I feel like it's likethis double edged sword where we
(03:01):
don't really wanna bring it up causewe don't wanna feel the pain, but
at the same time, we don't wantit to be like they never existed.
Like we don't wanna just cut themout, like they just never were here.
So it's important I think, toacknowledge our loved ones and.
Like share memories about themand keep their memory alive and
and just honor them in that way.
And yeah, sometimes when you're doingthat, you will feel uncomfortable.
(03:23):
You will feel sad, and that's okay.
It's okay to let that out.
So I think that's the biggest thing,is just giving yourself permission.
To feel your feelings and to grievein whatever way you need to, even if
it is during the holidays, you know,I get into some of these things and,
uh, the video I was talking about.
But the other thing is also allowingyourself to still enjoy the present moment
with your loved ones that you have here.
(03:43):
Because the last thing you wannado is miss out on opportunities to
create memories with your familythat you can be present with now.
Right?
Sometimes we get so lost in the grief.
We aren't even present and enjoying themoments and opportunities we have with
our loved ones that are here now becausethere will be a time when more and more
of our loved ones aren't physically here.
(04:03):
And so it is important to make sure youdo let yourself, you know, process your
feelings and let them out so that youcan be present and experience time with
your loved ones that are here now and,and staying in that present moment and
allowing yourself to still enjoy yourselfbecause, You are still allowed to laugh
(04:26):
and define joy, even if you're sad.
Like even if you still had this painor you miss your loved one, doesn't
mean that you don't miss them.
When you take the time tofocus on joyful times, right?
Like just because you're laughing andhaving a good time with loved ones
here in the physical space does notmean you're turning your back or.
(04:48):
You know, not missing your lovedone, like it doesn't mean you miss
them any less, or that the painisn't still there from their loss.
It's allowing you to still just enjoylife for what it is here and now.
And the other thing I want you toremember is that even though your loved
ones are not physically here with you,they are still with you in spirit.
And it's so important to acknowledge that,that they are still connected to you.
(05:12):
The love you share with yourloved ones like that never dies,
like the essence of the person.
never dies.
That is still here.
That love is still here and itstill connects you even when
you are in different spaces.
And like I explained on the signs episode,like you can always ask for a sign from
them and get like, let yourself getthat validation and that sign from them.
(05:35):
It really is comforting.
I actually wanted to share a storywith you about the signs because
as I said, the holidays are comingup and you know, you tend to think
of your loved ones and so I've beenthinking a lot more about my dad.
I usually think about him every dayanyway, but it's just, I've been feeling
extra sad lately because I am, I'mremembering, you know, he loved Christmas
(05:55):
and he loved to decorate, and we'restarting to decorate our own house.
And so I'm, I'm going through a lot ofthe decorations I inherited from him.
So it's just all these memories andit's just a lot, it's a lot of sadness.
You know, I've, I've talked aboutmy dad before, like if you, if you
wanna know more about, you know, meand my dad and our story and like
the, the amazing relationship we had.
How much our relationship was to meand just a little bit of his story.
(06:19):
You can always listen to the episode.
Everything happens for reason.
Part one, I talk a lot about his, youknow, journey through life and some of
the things that he dealt with and justhow intertwined our relationship was and
just how we really helped save each otherin a lot of ways through his life here.
A couple weeks ago I was, youknow, feeling sad missing him and
(06:39):
I had parked in the Starbucks.
I go to a lot and I'm walking inthe parking lot and right there
in my face on the license platein the car, I'm walking right by.
It says CPT are the letters in thelicense plate, CPT where my dad's in
or initials, um, Corey Patrick Tolle.
It always makes me laugh cuz his initialswere pretty significant because when
(07:00):
I was growing up, all of us were ct.
Um, my.
CT Corey Tolle.
I was Chelsea Tolle.
So ct, my grandma who livedwith us, who raised me, her name
was Carol Tolle, so she was ct.
And so the way we differentiatedus was with our middle
initials, and my dad was c P t.
And so we would always joke,you know, that he's the captain
of, you know, the family.
(07:20):
Um, so it was always just kindof this funny joke and so to see.
That I was like, oh my gosh.
Like, dad, is that, is thata sign like you're here?
Like, is that, is that reallyyou, you know, like, oh my gosh.
Like is it him?
Is that a sign?
I don't know.
You know, I'm self doubt.
You know, your logical brain wants to likedismiss it, but I get my coffee and then I
head to go pick up one of my kids and I'mgetting into the right lane and there's a
(07:45):
car in front of me who's also making theright turn that I'm gonna make new car
license plate c p t right in front of me.
And I'm like, whoa.
Okay.
Okay dad.
Okay.
I get it.
Like, that's you.
Thank you.
And I just remember like, you know,kind of tearing up like, oh my gosh.
Thank you.
You know, my mind was blown here.
I was like questioning that first sign.
So my dad's like, Nope, I'mgonna, I'm gonna show you it's me.
(08:07):
And here it is again,right in front of you.
Like what are the chances?
Completely different car, completelydifferent area right in front of me.
So, um, to.
Super cool.
And um, so again, I wanna invite youask for sign from your loved ones.
And I really wanna know, letme know what sign you get, what
happens with your interaction withgetting a sign from a loved one.
Cause it's so cool and it bringsme to this other story I wanna
(08:29):
acknowledge is, you know, I wastalking to my daughter the other day.
We were gonna go shopping and Iwas on my way to go pick her up.
I just got done working and um, theother two kids were still at school,
so I told her I would take her shoppingand so I was on my way to go get her.
And she had messaged me through likeFacebook kids' Messenger and, um, she
was like, mom, I can't stop crying.
(08:49):
Like, I'm so sad.
And I'm like, okay, like, are you okay?
Like, You know, normally when she'smessaging me that she's sad and
upset, it's usually because shegot in a fight with her sister.
And I knew that wasn't the casecuz her sister is at school.
So, you know, I, I called heron the Facebook app and I'm
like, Hey, I'm on my way home.
Like, are you okay?
Like, do we need topostpone our shopping trip?
Like, what's going on?
And she just like, couldn't stop crying.
(09:09):
And then so I said, okay,well I'm almost home.
If you're still good go shopping.
We can talk about it when I get there.
Um, so she gets in the car and she'sstill just kind of sobbing and, you
know, I'm like, what's going on?
And she was like, There's this songI was listening to and it reminded me
of Papa, and I just can't stop crying.
I just, I'm so sad.
Like I miss Papa so much,and, and Papa is my dad.
(09:32):
And in that moment I kind of got thisrealization where I never really have
talked to her much, you know, about herfeelings of losing her grandpa, my dad.
Like, I just, I've been so consumedwith my own feelings and my own
grief, like I really have not.
and really gotten to talk tomy kids about their grief.
(09:52):
And that was a, a really big wake upcall for me to really know, like, I
really need to talk to 'em about this.
I, I just, it's kind of the samething what I was talking about
earlier in this episode where youdon't wanna upset other people.
So sometimes you stay quiet and don'tshare your feelings and, um, like,
wow, I really need to be more openand talking, like, talk more about
this with my kids and really get toknow like what their feelings are.
(10:15):
Like what.
Dealing with like, what's their grieflike, because they're grieving also.
Um, and they've got stuff thatthey're probably holding onto.
I really need to address this.
So I, I ask her questions, you know,like, do you think about papa a lot?
And she says, yeah.
And, um, and I'm just,I'm just really sad.
And so I just was asking her abouther feelings and she was like,
(10:38):
you know, I just miss him so much.
And I just feel like I nevergot to say goodbye and I.
You know, I remember the joy on hisface when we would come and see him.
You know, he was always just aloneand he just loved us so much and he
was so happy when we would come to seehim and, you know, I was holding back
tears and she's just sobbing and youknow, cuz that last year he was living
(11:00):
completely alone and, you know, um, heloved his grandkids so much and, you
know, we would talk to him every day.
And, um, I.
because his passing was unexpectedand we were visiting him at
the time when he had passed.
And I don't know if Layton wastrying to express to me if she felt
some sense of guilt because shelikes to hang out with her cousins
(11:23):
and, um, some of the neighborhoodkids when she's visiting my dad.
And so I don't know if she felt guiltythat she didn't spend enough time with
him, you know, during that visit anyway,we just, we just, you know, kind of cried
and I hugged her and I told her I let her.
That, you know, even though he'snot physically here, he's still,
he's still watching over us.
He's still a part of our lives.
And now he gets to be evenmore involved in our lives.
He gets to see us more often and,um, you know, that he's still
(11:46):
here just in a different way.
And I, I told her how I write lettersto my dad and this journal that my
cousin had given me after my dad passed.
And that's one way, like if shewould like to talk with him, she
can write in a journal and writeletters to him if she wants.
And, And then I told her aboutthe signs that I just got.
I said, you know, I've been feelingreally sad and missing papa lately too.
And he showed me that he was here.
(12:08):
Like, can you believe this?
Like, I had two license plates, likeright in the, in 10 minutes of each other.
You know, one was at this when Iwas stopped here, and the other
one was right in front of meand it was his initials C P T.
Like how crazy is that?
Like you can totally ask him for asign to and he will give it to you.
I know he will, because he will want youto know that he's still with you and.
So we kind of pulled ourselves together.
(12:29):
I told her that story.
We went into the store, we did ourshopping, and we're driving and we
come to this red light and I look.
And I shit you not right in front of us.
License plate, C P T.
And I hit Layton and I like took apicture of it and I'm like, Layton,
oh my gosh, look right there.
And she was like, Ugh, you know?
And she starts like crying and shewas like, thank you papa, thank you.
(12:50):
Like, and she was like,I asked them for a sign.
And um, so it just like,what are the chances?
Like how.
Magical is that it's so amazingand it's so comforting and
really gives you that validation.
Like, holy shit, they are still here.
Like that love that connects youand your loved ones, it never dies.
Like they are there.
Like you just have to like ask forthat sign and to be open and just
(13:13):
like, you know, pay attention.
Right.
And I just can't believe that we got that.
Like it just was.
Amazing.
And I couldn't wait to share thatstory with you because like I
explained in the other episode, youknow, it can come in different ways.
We're not expecting, right?
Because I think our logical brains,like we're always full of self doubt
and we're trying to rationalize thingsand, and so not only to see that
sign once, but then twice within 10minutes, and then the third time with
(13:35):
my daughter, after having that momentwith her talking about him and asking
for that together, it just was crazy.
So I know I invite you.
To go out there and ask for asign from your loved one, um,
and see what comes up for you.
And I wanna hear about it, like pleaselet me know, like send me a DM on
social media, on Instagram or Facebook.
(13:57):
Um, you can find me there.
Uh, my handle is at Chelsea dot VanBus Kirk, so please find me and send
me a message and let me know if you'vereceived a sign and what you asked
for and how it came through for you.
Cuz as I love hearing thosestories, it's amazing.
So yeah, I want you to.
Give yourself some gracethis holiday season.
Know that it's okay to feel sad.
(14:20):
It's okay to allow yourselfto feel those feelings.
Like you don't have to hidethat and you can journal and
take a time out if you need to.
And then don't.
Don't miss out on experiencing somejoy and laughter during this season.
Also likes, and reallylike take time to just.
(14:40):
Be in that space where you'reremembering your loved one and
sharing stories and maybe cryingand laughing about funny things.
But then also just taking in thecurrent present moment with your loved
ones that are still physically here.
Share the sign with them.
Like go out there and get, geta sign that you can share, or
ha tell your family members thatthey can ask for their own signs.
(15:01):
You know, like, and I think that'sthe other thing that I came to
realize is that even though.
Might be stuck or still processing ourown grief is that there's other people
in our circle that are grieving too.
And that was something that reallyI became awakened to having that
conversation with my daughter isbeing like, wow, I have three kids
(15:23):
and a husband and other family membersthat also experienced this loss.
Like my dad was a very significantperson and more than just my life and.
I think it was an important lesson forme to learn that, you know, there's more
people that are grieving him than just me.
Like even though in my world he waslike one of the biggest pieces of
it, he was also a piece in otherpeople's lives and their worlds too,
(15:45):
and that was a loss for them as well.
So, um, I think it's importantto acknowledge that too, and then
letting yourself know that youcan kind of share that with them.
Like, I think it was superawesome to be able to have that
conversation with my daughter and.
Our grief together.
Like her being able to open up to meand share the emotions and letting
her like SOB and just hugging herwas, I think, helpful for her.
(16:06):
But it was also helpfuland healing for me too.
So I think that is a great message thatwe can take away from this episode, is
that if you are experiencing grief tosome degree this holiday season, you
know, To maybe share with your loved onesthat might also have some feelings too.
And to really just use that as a momentto bond and remember and allow yourself
(16:30):
to get those emotions out and feel yourfeelings and let yourself kind of heal
and process because you know, at theend of the day, that's what we need to
do to kind of quote unquote, move on.
Um, and, and, you know, it'snot really moving on or like
pretending like these people did.
Have such a significant role in ourlives, but it's knowing that life
does go on and that we do have to bean active participant in, in life and
(16:53):
enjoying the present moment with thepeople we have currently physically here.
And that again, the ones that are nolonger physically here, they are still
here in a different format, right?
In a different way, but they are stillhere and still a part of our lives.
And just because we're you.
Still living doesn't meanwe're leaving them behind.
(17:15):
And it doesn't mean that welove them or miss them any less.
It's just giving us that, youknow, permission that hey, they
are still here and they wouldwant for us to keep enjoying life.
And it's okay to miss them.
And it's okay to feel sad, but it'salso okay to laugh and find joy
and to just enjoy yourself with.
Friends and family and loved ones,you know, here in this present moment.
(17:36):
So I hope you takesomething away from that.
Again, please let me know.
I wanna know about your signs, likeplease send me that DM and let me know
if you requested for a sign, how youasked for it, and what you got in return.
I wanna know, um, and don't forgetto check out my video on YouTube
with this video will give you all of.
Tips to help get yourself through throughthe holidays or while you're grieving.
(17:59):
I've got a lot of great stuff comingup for you in upcoming episodes to help
us navigate the holidays and some ofthe things that we might be dealing
with to just help keep us in that highvibe state, to keep us in a state of
joy and just having a good time thisholiday season amongst all the crazy
hustle and bustle and sometimes.
And emotions and things that come up.
(18:19):
So yeah.
Um, that's, that's it.
And I'll see you guys next week.
Peace.
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