Sometimes people hurt you, and sometimes you never get an apology. Which can make you feel pretty small.
But you are NOT small.
Just because someone doesn't recognize your brilliance, your worth, and your divinity, doesn't mean you have to start questioning those pieces of you.
It's time to get your mind right and REMEMBER WHO THE F*CK YOU ARE (See Post)
And come back to knowing your worth, your brilliance, and your divinity!
In this week's episode I share my personal struggles with this exact scenario, how I ran into someone from my past that had hurt me, how it stirred up old insecurities and a longing to receive an apology that never came and how I flipped those negative energies around remembered who the F I am, and stood back up with my head held high.
Part of keeping your mind and self worth elevated is practicing those mantras ans affirmations so I want to share my mantra and affirmation music with you that I personally listen to daily to help elevate my mindset, keep my vibes high and remembering my worth.
👉🏻 Grab my personal curated playlist on apple music or spotify here
Sending you all love!
I want to hear your stories of run in's with anyone from your past that you had cut off or haven't spoken to since they betrayed or hurt you.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!❤️
DM me on Facebook or Instagram 💋
#noapologies #knowyourworth #vibehigh #riseabove #raiseyourvibe #selfworth #youarestrong #youaredivine #youareworthy #affirm #rememberwhoyouare #rememberwhothefuckyouare #healingoldwounds #healingjourney #heartaf #theheartafpodcast #podcast #youarenotalone #youareloved #youareworthit #standtall #ownit
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey, what's up guys?
It's Chelsea with The Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
I had a situation happen theother week and I feel like it
deserved to be talked about.
So I ran into somebody from mypast and triggered up all kinds of
feelings and insecurities in me.
This is a person who I had worked with.
(00:30):
Who I trusted.
This person, betrayed my trust, tookadvantage of me, and I ended up cutting
them out completely from my life cuz Irealized how toxic this person was and
just how much it was just eating awayat me, and there was just a lot of pain
there because it was somebody that Ijust really cared an awful lot about,
(00:51):
and I thought that they cared about me.
I thought that they had mybest interest at heart, and it
turned out that they didn't.
And that sucks.
When you figure out that the way youthought about somebody or somebody
that you trust, just breaks that trust.
That you just realized itwas all kind of a facade.
It was fake.
And I don't know how much youguys know about narcissists or
(01:14):
empaths, but I am an empath.
I am somebody who feels deeply, I pickup other people's energies and feelings.
And narcissists are people who don'treally have that level of empathy, and
they tend to only think of themselves.
They're really good at manipulating youand have this way of kind of infiltrating
(01:34):
into your space and like hooking you.
And I think they typically feedon that attention and just knowing
they have power over someone.
And so this was somebody thatdefinitely had power over me.
Again, I thought that they caredabout me and it turned out to all be
bullshit and I got hurt in the end.
And when I finally started to kind of seethe truth, right, because a lot of times
(01:54):
when we're in these relationships withnarcissists, it's really hard to see that
we are kind of under their spell in a way.
Um
it's hard to see the truth because wejust want so much to believe the best in
them, and we just feel like there's allthese good qualities that they're helping
us and there's all these ways that theykind of work and manipulate you, right?
And to be able to separate yourself andactually see from the outside looking
(02:17):
in and starting to see the red flagsand seeing the ways that I had been
manipulated and how I was basicallya victim in the way I was treated.
You know, in the beginning Idefinitely was in that victim role.
I just was so hurt anddevastated, like, how could one,
I let this happen to myself?
And just the pain of just wantingthat apology, like, why couldn't this
(02:39):
person see how badly they hurt me, andwhy didn't they wanna apologize to me?
You know, like I said, I didend up blocking this person and
cutting all form of contact.
A small part of me hoped that theywould find a way to reach out to
me to just apologize, you know?
Um, but that never came, and it's been twoyears since I had seen or spoken to this
person and then randomly ran into them.
(03:01):
And luckily I was with my best friend atthe time, so that helped alleviate that.
But, you know, I remember just kind ofshaking and just, you know, I didn't
make eye contact with the person oranything, but I knew that they were there.
I knew that they knew I was there andjust you know, kept engagement with my
friend that I was with, and you know,we kind of went on around our business
and then when we left the place thatwe were at, where we ran into them,
(03:23):
you know, my heart is pounding andshe's like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
And I'm like, you know, don't worry.
Like it's not your fault.
Like, oh my gosh, I just feel all kinds offeelings, you know, like, did they see me?
And then she's like, yeah,they totally saw you.
Um, in the back of my mind I waslike, maybe they're gonna try to
reach out, now that they saw me.
Maybe they will give me an apology and
they didn't , you know, a couple dayswent by and I heard absolutely nothing.
(03:46):
And what's sad is, you know, I did havethis little sliver of hope that maybe
they cared and would wanna reach out andgive me that apology I've been waiting
for all this time, and they didn't.
And I really had to change mythoughts about this because I
could see myself going back downthat road of feeling inadequate.
Like, what's wrong with me?
(04:06):
Like, why wasn't I worth it enough toat least acknowledge or give an apology?
Like, can't you see that you hurt me?
Like it just makes you feellike this piece of shit.
Like you are nothing.
Right?
Like you didn't matter to this person.
And the thing is, is when people hurt us,when people treat us badly and they do
(04:27):
things and they don't apologize, right?
A similar scenario.
They can't see thatthey've hurt you, right?
Like it's just not eventheir, in their awareness.
So it's nothing personal about you.
There's nothing wrong with you.
And really the way that you can get overthis is just knowing your own self-worth.
And I wrote a post not too long agoabout remember who the fuck you are.
(04:48):
And it's something I had to remind myself.
Um, there's a song I've beensharing on my social media lately.
. Um, I listen to a lot of mantras,like I like to listen to them, to
music cause I find that they're morecatchy and it helps me like say the
affirmations and mantras, you know, inmy head or out loud or with the music.
I like doing it that way.
That's the way that I feel it vibesthe best that I can really feel these
(05:08):
affirmations and feel these mantrasand it really just helps boost me.
And there's this one I came across.
Her name is Shariya Wise and she hasthis song called Sis, you a Bad Bitch.
. I love it.
Um, it just hits the nail righton the head with everything that I
stand for and I believe, and so itwas like I had to like, Tap into
that inner bitch mode of me, right?
(05:29):
Like knowing that I am fucking worth it.
I am a badass bitch.
And these people that wanna try tohurt me, even unknowingly, like to know
that I am strong enough and that I knowmy worth, I know what I deserve and I
don't deserve to be treated that way.
And they just can't see thatthey can't see my worth.
But I see it.
I see my worth.
(05:50):
I know that I deserve more, and I actuallyfeel bad for this person because they
let a badass bitch walk out of their lifewhen I add a lot of shiny brightness . So,
and that's not meant to be said in acocky way at all, but it's just knowing
your worth and knowing that sometimespeople aren't gonna recognize your
brightness, they're not gonna recognizeyour brilliance, they're not gonna
(06:11):
see the divinity that is within you.
But do you see it?
Because that's what you can work on.
You're not gonna be ableto change other people.
You can't make anybody apologize to you.
You can't make people just change.
Right.
But you can change yourself andknowing you're worth it, and
knowing what boundaries you set.
So I did set a boundary with blocking thisperson because I know my worth and I know
(06:33):
I don't deserve to be treated that way.
I know I deserve to be valued, andI know I deserve some respect, and
this person was not giving me that.
And it was time to cut that toxic personoutta my life and had a brief moment where
I was kind of back into that same mindsettwo years ago of feeling inadequate,
of feeling like a piece of shit.
A feeling like I wasn't worthit, that I didn't deserve an
(06:57):
apology, but I do deserve apology.
But that doesn't mean I'm gonna getit, but I can continue to work on
my self worth and knowing that I'mstronger and I don't need his apology.
I can send them off lovingly and justhope that they come to realize their
own divinity and knowing their ownpower, knowing that they don't have
to manipulate other people to providethem power or their own self-worth.
(07:19):
Right.
Like I just have to wish them well.
And um, you know, that's hard to do.
It's really hard to do.
Like of course there's a part of methat wants some kind of like revenge
or wants them to hurt like I hurt.
But the truth is they probably already do.
, they probably already have a lot of painand hurt built up within them and that's
maybe why they are the way they are.
And again, it's not me, it's, it's, it'snot in my power to change that person.
(07:43):
Alls I can do is work on me and know myvalue and, you know, move on from it.
And I think.
. You know, the thing iswe all want closure.
We want closure.
We wanna put things behind us,and sometimes we don't get the
closure we necessarily want, butwe can still get closure by again,
working on our own self-worth.
And there's ways to do that by youknow, getting all these feelings
(08:05):
that you have out in your mind.
Like I had all these thingsgoing on in my mind, right?
Like all these like insecurities andfeelings and I had to get them out.
So luckily I have a best friend, my rideor die that I can tell these things to,
and I was able to tell her all thesethings and just sometimes even getting
them out lets you see like how kind ofidiotic some of it is and like letting
you realize like how like kind of stupidit is that we're having these thoughts.
(08:28):
But it's a way to validate your feelingsand to get them out and then to see
like, okay, . This really isn't about me.
This is about this person.
This person is just a flawed person.
They are still, you know, worthy of lovejust as much as I'm worthy of love, but
it's recognizing that they aren't in thatspace, that they are not a healed person.
(08:49):
They're not a person who isworking on healing themselves
and you know, being better.
And that's, that's fine.
That's their own journey.
That's their own lessonsthat they have to learn.
On one hand, it is a lessonfor me to learn too, right?
And it's a lesson for me to learn aboutmy own self-worth and coming into my
own power and knowing how I can setboundaries so I don't let people take
advantage of me again, and know when todraw boundaries and when to cut people
(09:10):
out, when to be so aware and sure ofmy self worth so that I can set these
boundaries and so that people will treatme the way that I deserve to be treated.
And that starts with knowinghow you deserve to be treated.
It starts with knowing your worth andknowing what you're gonna be okay with
and what you're not gonna be okay with.
People treat you the wayyou let them treat you, and
(09:31):
that's a hard truth to learn.
Um, because so many times we justwanna go straight into this victim
mode where we want people to feelsorry for us, or we kind of just are
like, oh, all these things happen.
I always get treated like shit.
I always do all this stuff.
And it's like, well, what are you doing?
How are you attractingthat into your life?
And what can you do?
What can you change within youto make sure you make it known
that no, I'm, that's not okayfor you to treat me that way.
(09:52):
And you have to speak up for yourself.
You have to be your own advocate.
And the way that you can learn tostand up in that and be strong.
Is again, working on theself-worth piece, getting those
feelings out is one way to do it.
Journaling, writing.
If you don't have a person that youfeel you can confidently talk to,
face-to-face, talk out loud to yourselfor write it in a fucking journal.
(10:13):
Get these feelings out.
It's a way to get them out ofyou and letting 'em go, right?
Like you can't let thesethoughts and fester in your mind
because if you get stuck in yourmind, you're gonna get sucked.
You're gonna get in that low vibrationalstate, you're gonna become that victim.
You're gonna attract more of theselow vibrational energies into your
space, and you don't wanna do that.
You wanna break that.
You wanna change that spiral.
So you start spiraling back upand knowing your fucking worth,
(10:36):
remembering who the fuck you are, right?
Like remembering you're a badassbitch and coming back into that
energy and stepping into thatpower because that's who you are.
You are deserving of love.
You are deserving of joy.
You are deserving of abundance andhappiness, and getting what you want
in your life and being treated how youdeserve to be treated in your life.
Like that is your birthright.
(10:56):
You are fully worthy of everything.
That you could possibly want or need.
Everything you want orneed is already here.
It's just tapping into it and knowingthat you deserve it and then receiving it.
Okay.
I've talked about this in other episodes,but it's just something that I have to
keep repeating because it's so easy toget lost in our mind, to get triggered
(11:16):
by something like this, a situation,something that comes up from your past.
A reminder of a momentwhere you felt unworthy and.
But there's a way out of that, andI'm trying to share that with you.
So again, getting those feelingsout, those insecurities out, and
writing them, voicing them, gettingthem out so they're not staying and
festering inside your body, right?
It's like getting them out of your bodyand getting them out and letting them go.
(11:40):
Like giving them to the light.
Like there's so many different waysthat you can kind of let this stuff go.
And it goes back to, you know,talking about like everyone
else's behavior is not on you.
It, it's not your fault thatpeople are behaving this way.
You did nothing wrong.
Like you have no controlover other people's behavior.
The only behavior you control is yourself.
And we forget that we actually havemore power than we think we do when
(12:03):
we start thinking these thoughts,like we have the power to choose
how we think about something.
And so sometimes even again,writing it out is so helpful
because you can kind of start to see
like outside of yourself.
Cause when you're stuck in your head,it's really hard to see and separate
what is like false information or whatis things that are just not logical
when you get it out on paper and youcan read it or you have that, that
(12:24):
friend that you can tell this stuffand they can like receive it and throw
it back to you and let you know, like,Hey, do you realize what you're saying?
Like this is like this ludicrous.
Like, no, like you don't deserve this.
Like this is not okay.
Like you are a badass bitch.
Remember who you are and you know, riseabove this, like you are better than this.
And you can decide how you wantto, you know, stand up from this.
(12:46):
You can decide to see the truth, whichis that you are a divine being and you
deserve to be treated with respect andlove and just know that about yourself,
and then being able to receive that.
Like that you are worthy andcapable of receiving the love
and respect that you deserve.
And so when you stand in thatpower, , then you're able to
reflect that back in your life.
(13:07):
Like that's what startscoming back to you.
That's the energy you startattracting more into your life.
So I did have a moment, was in that lowvibrational state, was, I mean, I fester
it, sulked, I think for a day, nextday came up, like talked to my friend.
got it all out.
And I think it was in a dream too.
Cause I'm just like, you know, why thefuck am I going down this road again?
Like, I don't wanna be here.
Like, I hate being in thislow vibrational state.
(13:28):
I hate feeling unworthy andlike, I'm a piece of shit.
So like, how do I flip this?
And so I remember kind of askingfor help and just like, you know,
speak, you can say prayer, whatever,but I just, you know, with my
mind, I, I'm asking for help.
I went to bed, I had somereally crazy dreams, next day.
Talked to my friend, wastalking about these feelings.
I'm like, yeah.
Like I really just came to know.
I don't need this.
(13:49):
Like, this is bullshit.
Like I don't need to go back and likebe in that same space I was a couple
years ago when this was first happening.
Like, I'm so much better than this.
Like I deserve so much more.
I like, I need to like not givetwo shits about this and move on.
Cause I have so much to bethankful for in my life.
So I wanna finish this up withagain, remembering who you are
and holding your head high.
(14:09):
Like that is all you need to do is justremembering who you are, remembering
your divinity, remembering what you'recapable of and also how worthy you are
to get everything that you want and to betreated the way you deserve to be treated.
You deserve love and respect.
You do.
That is your birthright.
That is absolutely whatyou deserve no matter what.
And another way to kind of come back andget into that more high vibrational state
(14:35):
is also being grateful and expressinggratitude for all the amazing things
that you have going on in your life.
Sometimes we get so.
Like bogged down with all the negativethings and all the things that, um,
we see that we're missing in ourlife or the things that are going
wrong or these negative feelings.
But if we can start to focuson what we can appreciate
(14:55):
that's going on in our life.
So like for me, I've got threeamazing kids that get to call
me mom, that I get to help
grow into adults.
Like I get to be a part of theirjourney and seeing them grow and
change and learn and that's amazing.
I have a roof over my head.
Like I get to look outside every dayand see just this vastness beauty of
the sky, the clouds, the sun, the stars,like all that stuff is so magical to me.
(15:16):
And when I look outside, just lookingoutside and seeing nature, when I watch
a bird fly by, like it's so beautiful.
Like there's so much to be thankful for.
And when you can get into that headspace where you're being in that
appreciation state, where you'regrateful for the things you have.
Looking at the ways that people do treatyou with love and respect, like that
was the other thing that occurred to me.
It was like, whoa, why am I dwelling onthis one person who has been disrespectful
(15:39):
and has treated me poorly when I have thisamazing friend who has been nothing but
loving to me and showing me that love andrespect and allows me to vent to her and,
um, you know, has this love for me andthat friendship, like, that's so amazing.
Like, I'm so grateful that I have that.
Like, I have a husband who lovesme and I'm like, I don't know why.
Like, you know, like I can be so hardto live with, but he's still there.
(16:01):
He's still shows up and just,there's all these people that
are actually here for me.
Why am I like wasting time on thisone person who doesn't get it?
It's fine.
Like, they don't, they don't have to.
I've got people that do get it.
I've got people that do love me forwho I am, and that's what I need to
focus on and be appreciative for.
So if you find yourself in this situationwhere you're waiting on an apology
(16:22):
that is not gonna come, like you'requestioning your worth and you, you
know, we have insecurities popping up.
Like get those feelings out.
Hold your head up high,journal, write about it.
Get it out one way or another.
Talk about it with somebody you trust.
Focus on, you know, what you canbe grateful for and getting in that
appreciation state, and then really justremembering who the fuck you are, like
(16:44):
remembering your power, remembering yourworthiness, your innate worthiness because
you are so worthy and deserving of love,of joy, happiness, abundance, all of it.
Everyone deserves that.
Everyone.
You don't have to earn that.
And that's a big thing Ialways try to instill is you
don't have to earn your worth.
Like there's nothing you haveto prove to gain worthiness.
(17:05):
Like you are innately worthy of allof the joy and the love that is here.
And there is an abundant flow,like a never ending source of
love and light available to you.
So don't forget that.
I talked about the, themantras that I listened to.
So I have, um, on my website a place whereyou can snag, um, my mantra playlist.
(17:26):
I have it on Spotify or Apple Music.
It's fucking amazing.
It's something I listen to all thetime, and it's just full of all
these really amazing songs that aremantras and affirmations that really
help you shift that mindset andrealize your power and your divinity.
It's awesome.
I'll actually link the page inthe description of this podcast
so you can find that and grabthat playlist for yourself.
(17:48):
Um, I hope you guys are all doing well.
You can find me on Facebook or Instagram@chelsea.vanbuskirk or find me on
my website at chelseavanbuskirk.com
I'll see you guys soon.
Peace.
Hey, what's up guys?
It's Chelsea with The Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
I had a situation happen theother week and I feel like it
deserved to be talked about.
So I ran into somebody from mypast and triggered up all kinds of
feelings and insecurities in me.
This is a person who I had worked with.
(00:30):
Who I trusted.
This person, betrayed my trust, tookadvantage of me, and I ended up cutting
them out completely from my life cuz Irealized how toxic this person was and
just how much it was just eating awayat me, and there was just a lot of pain
there because it was somebody that Ijust really cared an awful lot about,
(00:51):
and I thought that they cared about me.
I thought that they had mybest interest at heart, and it
turned out that they didn't.
And that sucks.
When you figure out that the way youthought about somebody or somebody
that you trust, just breaks that trust.
That you just realized itwas all kind of a facade.
It was fake.
And I don't know how much youguys know about narcissists or
(01:14):
empaths, but I am an empath.
I am somebody who feels deeply, I pickup other people's energies and feelings.
And narcissists are people who don'treally have that level of empathy, and
they tend to only think of themselves.
They're really good at manipulating youand have this way of kind of infiltrating
(01:34):
into your space and like hooking you.
And I think they typically feedon that attention and just knowing
they have power over someone.
And so this was somebody thatdefinitely had power over me.
Again, I thought that they caredabout me and it turned out to all be
bullshit and I got hurt in the end.
And when I finally started to kind of seethe truth, right, because a lot of times
(01:54):
when we're in these relationships withnarcissists, it's really hard to see that
we are kind of under their spell in a way.
Um
it's hard to see the truth because wejust want so much to believe the best in
them, and we just feel like there's allthese good qualities that they're helping
us and there's all these ways that theykind of work and manipulate you, right?
And to be able to separate yourself andactually see from the outside looking
(02:17):
in and starting to see the red flagsand seeing the ways that I had been
manipulated and how I was basicallya victim in the way I was treated.
You know, in the beginning Idefinitely was in that victim role.
I just was so hurt anddevastated, like, how could one,
I let this happen to myself?
And just the pain of just wantingthat apology, like, why couldn't this
(02:39):
person see how badly they hurt me, andwhy didn't they wanna apologize to me?
You know, like I said, I didend up blocking this person and
cutting all form of contact.
A small part of me hoped that theywould find a way to reach out to
me to just apologize, you know?
Um, but that never came, and it's been twoyears since I had seen or spoken to this
person and then randomly ran into them.
(03:01):
And luckily I was with my best friend atthe time, so that helped alleviate that.
But, you know, I remember just kind ofshaking and just, you know, I didn't
make eye contact with the person oranything, but I knew that they were there.
I knew that they knew I was there andjust you know, kept engagement with my
friend that I was with, and you know,we kind of went on around our business
and then when we left the place thatwe were at, where we ran into them,
(03:23):
you know, my heart is pounding andshe's like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
And I'm like, you know, don't worry.
Like it's not your fault.
Like, oh my gosh, I just feel all kinds offeelings, you know, like, did they see me?
And then she's like, yeah,they totally saw you.
Um, in the back of my mind I waslike, maybe they're gonna try to
reach out, now that they saw me.
Maybe they will give me an apology and
they didn't , you know, a couple dayswent by and I heard absolutely nothing.
(03:46):
And what's sad is, you know, I did havethis little sliver of hope that maybe
they cared and would wanna reach out andgive me that apology I've been waiting
for all this time, and they didn't.
And I really had to change mythoughts about this because I
could see myself going back downthat road of feeling inadequate.
Like, what's wrong with me?
(04:06):
Like, why wasn't I worth it enough toat least acknowledge or give an apology?
Like, can't you see that you hurt me?
Like it just makes you feellike this piece of shit.
Like you are nothing.
Right?
Like you didn't matter to this person.
And the thing is, is when people hurt us,when people treat us badly and they do
(04:27):
things and they don't apologize, right?
A similar scenario.
They can't see thatthey've hurt you, right?
Like it's just not eventheir, in their awareness.
So it's nothing personal about you.
There's nothing wrong with you.
And really the way that you can get overthis is just knowing your own self-worth.
And I wrote a post not too long agoabout remember who the fuck you are.
(04:48):
And it's something I had to remind myself.
Um, there's a song I've beensharing on my social media lately.
. Um, I listen to a lot of mantras,like I like to listen to them, to
music cause I find that they're morecatchy and it helps me like say the
affirmations and mantras, you know, inmy head or out loud or with the music.
I like doing it that way.
That's the way that I feel it vibesthe best that I can really feel these
(05:08):
affirmations and feel these mantrasand it really just helps boost me.
And there's this one I came across.
Her name is Shariya Wise and she hasthis song called Sis, you a Bad Bitch.
. I love it.
Um, it just hits the nail righton the head with everything that I
stand for and I believe, and so itwas like I had to like, Tap into
that inner bitch mode of me, right?
(05:29):
Like knowing that I am fucking worth it.
I am a badass bitch.
And these people that wanna try tohurt me, even unknowingly, like to know
that I am strong enough and that I knowmy worth, I know what I deserve and I
don't deserve to be treated that way.
And they just can't see thatthey can't see my worth.
But I see it.
I see my worth.
(05:50):
I know that I deserve more, and I actuallyfeel bad for this person because they
let a badass bitch walk out of their lifewhen I add a lot of shiny brightness . So,
and that's not meant to be said in acocky way at all, but it's just knowing
your worth and knowing that sometimespeople aren't gonna recognize your
brightness, they're not gonna recognizeyour brilliance, they're not gonna
(06:11):
see the divinity that is within you.
But do you see it?
Because that's what you can work on.
You're not gonna be ableto change other people.
You can't make anybody apologize to you.
You can't make people just change.
Right.
But you can change yourself andknowing you're worth it, and
knowing what boundaries you set.
So I did set a boundary with blocking thisperson because I know my worth and I know
(06:33):
I don't deserve to be treated that way.
I know I deserve to be valued, andI know I deserve some respect, and
this person was not giving me that.
And it was time to cut that toxic personoutta my life and had a brief moment where
I was kind of back into that same mindsettwo years ago of feeling inadequate,
of feeling like a piece of shit.
A feeling like I wasn't worthit, that I didn't deserve an
(06:57):
apology, but I do deserve apology.
But that doesn't mean I'm gonna getit, but I can continue to work on
my self worth and knowing that I'mstronger and I don't need his apology.
I can send them off lovingly and justhope that they come to realize their
own divinity and knowing their ownpower, knowing that they don't have
to manipulate other people to providethem power or their own self-worth.
(07:19):
Right.
Like I just have to wish them well.
And um, you know, that's hard to do.
It's really hard to do.
Like of course there's a part of methat wants some kind of like revenge
or wants them to hurt like I hurt.
But the truth is they probably already do.
, they probably already have a lot of painand hurt built up within them and that's
maybe why they are the way they are.
And again, it's not me, it's, it's, it'snot in my power to change that person.
(07:43):
Alls I can do is work on me and know myvalue and, you know, move on from it.
And I think.
. You know, the thing iswe all want closure.
We want closure.
We wanna put things behind us,and sometimes we don't get the
closure we necessarily want, butwe can still get closure by again,
working on our own self-worth.
And there's ways to do that by youknow, getting all these feelings
(08:05):
that you have out in your mind.
Like I had all these thingsgoing on in my mind, right?
Like all these like insecurities andfeelings and I had to get them out.
So luckily I have a best friend, my rideor die that I can tell these things to,
and I was able to tell her all thesethings and just sometimes even getting
them out lets you see like how kind ofidiotic some of it is and like letting
you realize like how like kind of stupidit is that we're having these thoughts.
(08:28):
But it's a way to validate your feelingsand to get them out and then to see
like, okay, . This really isn't about me.
This is about this person.
This person is just a flawed person.
They are still, you know, worthy of lovejust as much as I'm worthy of love, but
it's recognizing that they aren't in thatspace, that they are not a healed person.
(08:49):
They're not a person who isworking on healing themselves
and you know, being better.
And that's, that's fine.
That's their own journey.
That's their own lessonsthat they have to learn.
On one hand, it is a lessonfor me to learn too, right?
And it's a lesson for me to learn aboutmy own self-worth and coming into my
own power and knowing how I can setboundaries so I don't let people take
advantage of me again, and know when todraw boundaries and when to cut people
(09:10):
out, when to be so aware and sure ofmy self worth so that I can set these
boundaries and so that people will treatme the way that I deserve to be treated.
And that starts with knowinghow you deserve to be treated.
It starts with knowing your worth andknowing what you're gonna be okay with
and what you're not gonna be okay with.
People treat you the wayyou let them treat you, and
(09:31):
that's a hard truth to learn.
Um, because so many times we justwanna go straight into this victim
mode where we want people to feelsorry for us, or we kind of just are
like, oh, all these things happen.
I always get treated like shit.
I always do all this stuff.
And it's like, well, what are you doing?
How are you attractingthat into your life?
And what can you do?
What can you change within youto make sure you make it known
that no, I'm, that's not okayfor you to treat me that way.
(09:52):
And you have to speak up for yourself.
You have to be your own advocate.
And the way that you can learn tostand up in that and be strong.
Is again, working on theself-worth piece, getting those
feelings out is one way to do it.
Journaling, writing.
If you don't have a person that youfeel you can confidently talk to,
face-to-face, talk out loud to yourselfor write it in a fucking journal.
(10:13):
Get these feelings out.
It's a way to get them out ofyou and letting 'em go, right?
Like you can't let thesethoughts and fester in your mind
because if you get stuck in yourmind, you're gonna get sucked.
You're gonna get in that low vibrationalstate, you're gonna become that victim.
You're gonna attract more of theselow vibrational energies into your
space, and you don't wanna do that.
You wanna break that.
You wanna change that spiral.
So you start spiraling back upand knowing your fucking worth,
(10:36):
remembering who the fuck you are, right?
Like remembering you're a badassbitch and coming back into that
energy and stepping into thatpower because that's who you are.
You are deserving of love.
You are deserving of joy.
You are deserving of abundance andhappiness, and getting what you want
in your life and being treated how youdeserve to be treated in your life.
Like that is your birthright.
(10:56):
You are fully worthy of everything.
That you could possibly want or need.
Everything you want orneed is already here.
It's just tapping into it and knowingthat you deserve it and then receiving it.
Okay.
I've talked about this in other episodes,but it's just something that I have to
keep repeating because it's so easy toget lost in our mind, to get triggered
(11:16):
by something like this, a situation,something that comes up from your past.
A reminder of a momentwhere you felt unworthy and.
But there's a way out of that, andI'm trying to share that with you.
So again, getting those feelingsout, those insecurities out, and
writing them, voicing them, gettingthem out so they're not staying and
festering inside your body, right?
It's like getting them out of your bodyand getting them out and letting them go.
(11:40):
Like giving them to the light.
Like there's so many different waysthat you can kind of let this stuff go.
And it goes back to, you know,talking about like everyone
else's behavior is not on you.
It, it's not your fault thatpeople are behaving this way.
You did nothing wrong.
Like you have no controlover other people's behavior.
The only behavior you control is yourself.
And we forget that we actually havemore power than we think we do when
(12:03):
we start thinking these thoughts,like we have the power to choose
how we think about something.
And so sometimes even again,writing it out is so helpful
because you can kind of start to see
like outside of yourself.
Cause when you're stuck in your head,it's really hard to see and separate
what is like false information or whatis things that are just not logical
when you get it out on paper and youcan read it or you have that, that
(12:24):
friend that you can tell this stuffand they can like receive it and throw
it back to you and let you know, like,Hey, do you realize what you're saying?
Like this is like this ludicrous.
Like, no, like you don't deserve this.
Like this is not okay.
Like you are a badass bitch.
Remember who you are and you know, riseabove this, like you are better than this.
And you can decide how you wantto, you know, stand up from this.
(12:46):
You can decide to see the truth, whichis that you are a divine being and you
deserve to be treated with respect andlove and just know that about yourself,
and then being able to receive that.
Like that you are worthy andcapable of receiving the love
and respect that you deserve.
And so when you stand in thatpower, , then you're able to
reflect that back in your life.
(13:07):
Like that's what startscoming back to you.
That's the energy you startattracting more into your life.
So I did have a moment, was in that lowvibrational state, was, I mean, I fester
it, sulked, I think for a day, nextday came up, like talked to my friend.
got it all out.
And I think it was in a dream too.
Cause I'm just like, you know, why thefuck am I going down this road again?
Like, I don't wanna be here.
Like, I hate being in thislow vibrational state.
(13:28):
I hate feeling unworthy andlike, I'm a piece of shit.
So like, how do I flip this?
And so I remember kind of askingfor help and just like, you know,
speak, you can say prayer, whatever,but I just, you know, with my
mind, I, I'm asking for help.
I went to bed, I had somereally crazy dreams, next day.
Talked to my friend, wastalking about these feelings.
I'm like, yeah.
Like I really just came to know.
I don't need this.
(13:49):
Like, this is bullshit.
Like I don't need to go back and likebe in that same space I was a couple
years ago when this was first happening.
Like, I'm so much better than this.
Like I deserve so much more.
I like, I need to like not givetwo shits about this and move on.
Cause I have so much to bethankful for in my life.
So I wanna finish this up withagain, remembering who you are
and holding your head high.
(14:09):
Like that is all you need to do is justremembering who you are, remembering
your divinity, remembering what you'recapable of and also how worthy you are
to get everything that you want and to betreated the way you deserve to be treated.
You deserve love and respect.
You do.
That is your birthright.
That is absolutely whatyou deserve no matter what.
And another way to kind of come back andget into that more high vibrational state
(14:35):
is also being grateful and expressinggratitude for all the amazing things
that you have going on in your life.
Sometimes we get so.
Like bogged down with all the negativethings and all the things that, um,
we see that we're missing in ourlife or the things that are going
wrong or these negative feelings.
But if we can start to focuson what we can appreciate
(14:55):
that's going on in our life.
So like for me, I've got threeamazing kids that get to call
me mom, that I get to help
grow into adults.
Like I get to be a part of theirjourney and seeing them grow and
change and learn and that's amazing.
I have a roof over my head.
Like I get to look outside every dayand see just this vastness beauty of
the sky, the clouds, the sun, the stars,like all that stuff is so magical to me.
(15:16):
And when I look outside, just lookingoutside and seeing nature, when I watch
a bird fly by, like it's so beautiful.
Like there's so much to be thankful for.
And when you can get into that headspace where you're being in that
appreciation state, where you'regrateful for the things you have.
Looking at the ways that people do treatyou with love and respect, like that
was the other thing that occurred to me.
It was like, whoa, why am I dwelling onthis one person who has been disrespectful
(15:39):
and has treated me poorly when I have thisamazing friend who has been nothing but
loving to me and showing me that love andrespect and allows me to vent to her and,
um, you know, has this love for me andthat friendship, like, that's so amazing.
Like, I'm so grateful that I have that.
Like, I have a husband who lovesme and I'm like, I don't know why.
Like, you know, like I can be so hardto live with, but he's still there.
(16:01):
He's still shows up and just,there's all these people that
are actually here for me.
Why am I like wasting time on thisone person who doesn't get it?
It's fine.
Like, they don't, they don't have to.
I've got people that do get it.
I've got people that do love me forwho I am, and that's what I need to
focus on and be appreciative for.
So if you find yourself in this situationwhere you're waiting on an apology
(16:22):
that is not gonna come, like you'requestioning your worth and you, you
know, we have insecurities popping up.
Like get those feelings out.
Hold your head up high,journal, write about it.
Get it out one way or another.
Talk about it with somebody you trust.
Focus on, you know, what you canbe grateful for and getting in that
appreciation state, and then really justremembering who the fuck you are, like
(16:44):
remembering your power, remembering yourworthiness, your innate worthiness because
you are so worthy and deserving of love,of joy, happiness, abundance, all of it.
Everyone deserves that.
Everyone.
You don't have to earn that.
And that's a big thing Ialways try to instill is you
don't have to earn your worth.
Like there's nothing you haveto prove to gain worthiness.
(17:05):
Like you are innately worthy of allof the joy and the love that is here.
And there is an abundant flow,like a never ending source of
love and light available to you.
So don't forget that.
I talked about the, themantras that I listened to.
So I have, um, on my website a place whereyou can snag, um, my mantra playlist.
(17:26):
I have it on Spotify or Apple Music.
It's fucking amazing.
It's something I listen to all thetime, and it's just full of all
these really amazing songs that aremantras and affirmations that really
help you shift that mindset andrealize your power and your divinity.
It's awesome.
I'll actually link the page inthe description of this podcast
so you can find that and grabthat playlist for yourself.
(17:48):
Um, I hope you guys are all doing well.
You can find me on Facebook or Instagram@chelsea.vanbuskirk or find me on
my website at chelseavanbuskirk.com
I'll see you guys soon.
Peace.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.