July 7, 2023 • 19 mins
32. In this episode I talk about how going through life looking through the lens of fear heightens our insecurities and negatively affects our lives by increasing our personal suffering.
BUT, we do have the power and ability to change our perspective, and in this episode I share some tips on how to get back to looking at life through the lens of love. When we go through those hard painful moments it can be very difficult to pull ourselves up and out. But there is hope! It's not always easy, but it can be done. You are not alone, and YOU CAN DO IT.
Mentioned in this episode is my best friend @steflaytonyoga who has a great tool to help you scrub out those insecurities with her monthly newsletter that has new affirmations each month that you can print and use, you can sign up to get monthly affirmations in your inbox here: Monthly Affirmations
I also mention this life changing book that you can should definitely check out here: A Return to Love It's one book I return to over and over again when I am going through a really hard time in my life, and highly recommend it!
Find me on Facebook or Instagram and Let me know what you think about this episode!
xo, Chelsea
#selfgrowth #selflove #hardtimes #life
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Hey everyone.
What's up?
It's Chelsea Van Buskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
I know I'm doing so much betterthan, quite a few weeks ago.
Definitely in a better head space.
Like I've told you before, that's what Ineeded to take some time off, take a step
back, recalibrate, and just get back into
a good enough head space to beable to at least speak, uh, clearly
(00:28):
and get some new episodes out.
So I'm excited to be back.
So, last time I was talkingabout, when we go through these
moments, of being broken down.
And how that's needed, in somany ways to come out stronger.
And so I'm going to , dive moreinto that, and expand on it a
(00:48):
little bit more in some ways.
I think about it as if you've evertried to, um, gain strength or
start a new workout program, right?
Like your muscles getsore as you work them.
And what's happening actually is asyou are working out whatever muscle
group, you know, you're actually tearinglittle pieces of the muscle, right?
Like you're tearing these musclefibers so that they can then break
(01:12):
down and regrow bigger and stronger.
And that's how we build up our strength.
That's how we like, you know, cancarve these new physiques by building
these muscle fibers and engagingthat muscle and growing them.
But they have to be broken down tothen regrow, stronger and bigger.
And so, I think that's a really goodanalogy for exactly what we're doing
(01:33):
personally, when we go through thesemoments where we're being broken down in
whatever way that is, and a lot of timeswe're being broken down, um, you know,
mentally, sometimes even physically,In a myriad of different circumstances
when we're broken down to, to be ableto build ourselves up and build that
strong foundation like I was talkingabout in the last episode, um, so that
(01:54):
we can come out stronger and better.
So that we can get more in alignment.
So that we are growing and we're learningand we're just expanding our possibilities
for having a more joyful life, forfiguring out how we wanna live our life.
Right?
They always say when one doorcloses, another one opens.
Like that same mindset, right?
(02:16):
When things get broken down whenwe're, you know, maybe cutting
toxic people out of our life.
Maybe we've experienced some kind ofloss of, um, a job or a role that we
were playing, or, a relationship role.
When things are shifted or thingschange, It can be heartbreaking.
It can be hard.
It can be painful, but at the sametime, it could be a jumping off point
(02:36):
for you to have something better.
Better than you could have ever imagined.
And I think that's like the hope, right,is you have to do the work to get over
that hump , and through that next space.
And, and it's hard going through it.
And I'm, I'm a testament of that.
Like, this last experience was somethingthat really knocked me on my knees, right?
Like it really brought me downto that space that is very
(02:57):
uncomfortable, very painful.
And when we're going through thesehard times, like when you are in the
midst of something that's challenging,that's testing you, uh, we tend to get
sucked into a lot of our insecurities.
Maybe old wounds are coming up, right?
Maybe we're seeing where some old woundsmaybe we thought we were healed from,
(03:18):
or maybe we thought we had gotten over,
maybe those are re-exposed.
And the problem with that is when weare focused on these insecurities,
it becomes this lens in whichwe see different situations.
It becomes a lens for howwe're living our life.
And when we're living our life throughthis lens of fear, based through our
insecurities, whatever they may be, webecome, you know, paranoid, uh, we become
(03:39):
like paralyzed by these different fears.
It's like you become a different person,your behavior starts changing, and I'm not
gonna lie, I was there, I had some momentswhere I was so hyperfocused on my fears.
That fear can really take us over and wereally have to be able to rise above that.
And the thing is, sometimes wecan start to manifest stuff for
(04:00):
us when we're in that space.
Like I've talked about it before,like what you focus on expands.
So if you're sitting here worryingabout all the worst things that could
happen or what are the things thatwould cause you the most pain, if
you're hyperfocused on that, then.
You're probably manifesting forthat stuff to come true, right?
Like, you can create that.
And the other thing that happens is ifyou're stuck in this fear of like all
(04:22):
the things that can go wrong, like you'reliterally making yourself suffer, you're
worrying, you're in that space whereyou know you're not living at peace.
Like you're literally creatingyour own suffering, right?
Like, and I think that's a big wake upcall is coming to terms of the reality
and realizing that we actually are theresponsible parties in our own suffering,
like how much responsibility we'reactually contributing in our suffering.
(04:44):
Right.
Like even if somebody else hascaused you pain, in what ways is your
mind, making that pain worse, right?
Like keeping it suck.
It's your thoughts, it's your mind.
You kind of keep circling it andyou keep spinning your own stories
to how things went down, right?
Like , we tend to always thinkof the worst case scenario.
It's just naturally what we wanna do iswe naturally wanna go back to like, what's
(05:06):
gonna be the most painful situation.
And we hyperfocus on that and,and then the result of that is
we end up hurting ourselves when.
The reality could be, it's not evenas bad as we think it is, right?
But we're creating these storiesbecause there's something that makes
it easier for us to go to that space.
It's easier to condemn ourselves thanit is to see the positive side or
to see things in a different light.
(05:28):
Through that lens of love,it's very hard to go there.
And that is why I think faith is soimportant, or having a higher power is
so important because it helps bring usback to that unconditional love, that
that space, that spiritual power that'swithin us that we need to call upon to
help us remember, to bring us back tothat, to that love and that oneness and
(05:48):
to the reality of what's really there.
And I think, in takingresponsibility for that.
It's coming to terms and actually workingon overcoming these insecurities that
we have and these insecurities, youknow, they come from, childhood traumas,
things that we're afraid of, right?
Like, we're afraid of failing.
We're afraid of, being left alone, beingabandoned, being hurt, feeling pain, like
(06:08):
if you have ever felt pain and rejection?
Like you usually fight likehell to not feel like that again.
And sometimes we can turn to othernegative emotions like anger and all
these other things, to try to combat that.
Like, you know, I read a post oncethat said something like that anger was
really just, , like a mask for sadness.
, and I think that's so very true.
Like it's like a hurt orsadness that comes out in anger.
(06:30):
So me and my husband took a trip, out toMaui where we have, um, the bulk of our
short-term vacation rental properties.
And so we had gone out there topaint two of our condos because
they were in pretty rough shape asfar as the reviews we were getting.
And we knew we needed to just clean it up.
You know, there's marks on thewalls and marks on the walls
(06:51):
just makes the space look dirty.
I had gotten quotes over the phone.
From a couple different paintingcompanies to have the place painted.
And the quotes we got were justastronomical, like just made no
sense for as small as the spaces thatthey were, what they were charging.
And so we decided we would go down thereand do the work ourselves and, So going
there, I started, you know, cleaningthe walls, you know, scrubbing 'em.
(07:13):
And I was using a Magic Eraser andit turned out the magic eraser was
actually getting rid of most of thosescuff marks that were on the wall.
So we actually saved ourselves a lot of.
Wall painting and mainly focusedjust on painting baseboards and doors
and then just scrubbing the walls.
Um, I think there was really onlytwo or three walls we actually
had to paint that were that bad.
But everything else, I was able toscrub out with that magic eraser.
(07:33):
And it's not like it's easy, it's notlike it just wipes away aimlessly.
You go, you really have to.
Scrub it and work with it.
And, you know, I went througha lot of magic erasers.
It was a lot of work to scrub itout and maybe it could have been
easier just to paint over it, butsometimes too, when you paint over
marks, they bleed through anyway.
So it was work, but the marksthat I was able to get out made
(07:54):
the wall look brand new, made itlook clean, and it, it was great.
Right?
It just really lifted the place up and,It's kind of a similar thing, right?
We wanna use this magic eraser tohelp scrub out these insecurities.
We have to scrub out thesenegative thought patterns, right?
It's hard for me to really fully expressand give you the full details of my
(08:14):
own personal experience because it'sstill so raw and they're still people
involved that I don't want to, um, bringto light at this point in time yet.
But for me, I was very insecureand being in this insecure space,
my mind was hyper-focused on
the worst case scenario, right?
Like it's like basically seeing the worstcase scenario and being hyper-focused on
(08:37):
that, and then acting as if the worst casescenario was actively gonna be happening.
Like being like this paranoid space.
Like you kind of just get workedup and then you're judgy and
jumpy and, and you're living inthis tense fight or flight mode.
Ready to like just hit somebody.
You know what I mean?
Like you're in this , likedefense mode, right?
Like you become defensive in like,everything and you're basically in
(08:59):
this head space where you're assumingthat people are out to get you.
You're assuming thatpeople wanna hurt you.
You're assuming theworst in everyone else.
Because you felt this pain, becauseyou're insecure and you're hyper focused
on these negative feelings, you'renow assuming that everybody's guilty.
Everybody's out to get you.
Everybody wants to hurt you.
You start building up these walls,you start living your life in this
(09:22):
pessimistic, like angry, space.
And it's, it's not agood place to be, right?
You're missing out, you'remissing the mark because at the
heart of it, we all have this.
Pure, unconditional love within usthat comes from this higher source.
And again, this is where I think thisfaith piece comes in because it helps
(09:43):
our ego, our human minds soften alittle bit like when we can surrender
and know that one, we are alwaysloved and accepted for who we are.
Like we're love and accepted, and.
We are deserving of love and we aredeserving of being happy and being
treated well, then it's easier for usto look through that lens of love and
(10:04):
then see the possibilities that, Hey,maybe these people actually care for me.
Maybe I can assume the bestout of my surroundings.
Maybe I can assume that thingsaren't the way that I'm thinking.
Maybe I can assume.
That I am loved, maybe I can assume thatthese people don't really wanna hurt me.
(10:26):
Right?
Like it's like it's flipping thisswitch and you're scrubbing out
like you're doing the work to reallychange your thinking and change your
mind to, to view things through thislove lens and to flip the script and
being able to see the possibilities.
And I had one coach a long timeago talk about flipping the script.
(10:46):
I've actually heard this frommultiple coaches and multiple
different healers about.
If you can assume the very worst,then you need to be able to also
assume the very best because both,both are possibilities, right?
Both are possibilities.
And again, whatever we focuson, whatever we're hyper focused
on and and can believe, that'swhat's gonna expand, that's what's
(11:07):
gonna come into our awareness.
So that manifesting that mindset,all of this is so tied together.
Um, and so for me, I had to reallysurrender and really scrub out
this insecurity and just let itgo and just accept that whatever
was gonna happen was gonna happen.
But I'm gonna assume thateverything's gonna be okay.
I'm gonna go into it with.
(11:28):
Assuming that I am loved, that I ama strong woman, that I am deserving
of love, I'm deserving of being lovedand treated well, and that people
aren't out to get me or to hurt me.
and getting into that space justreally helps bring you peace, right?
Like instead of living life in this kindof panic, this, paranoid place, right?
(11:52):
Like you can kind of relax and just trust.
And again, coming back to that faith andbeing able to just surrender and know
that you're taken care of no matter what.
And when we talk about surrenderingand of letting go, it's not saying
we're just like gonna twiddle our thumbsand daydream our life to be better.
That's not what that's about.
It's about, doing whateverwork you need to do.
(12:14):
Like using that magic eraser andscrubbing those insecurities out.
That's work.
It takes work to build that up andways that you can build up that
confidence and self-love with yourselfand and self-worth are affirmations.
It's journaling.
It's maybe even writing out all thenegative things and just getting it
out, like regurgitating all thesenegative thoughts and feelings you have.
Getting it out on a piece ofpaper and then maybe burning it.
(12:34):
Or tearing it up or throwing itaway, like a way to get it out.
Right.
Or I think I might have talked aboutthis before in a previous episode, but
even journaling, like the best casescenario and then focusing on that, right?
Like that becomes an affirmation, likewriting out the best case scenario,
writing out the affirmations of, Iam worthy of love and writing out
things that you're grateful for.
Like, when we get into that spaceof gratitude and all the things we
(12:56):
actually do have to be thankful for.
Like, that's a great way to flip yourmind from a negative to a positive, right?
Because you do have so manythings to be thankful for.
There's always something youcan write in that little box.
So those are big things.
And even just getting quiet, right?
Be still and know., that's a bigthing, whether you are taking a time
out for prayer or just to silenceyour mind and meditate and just have a
(13:17):
moment of just quiet time of release.
Um, the practice of yoga is areally great place for that too.
Yoga is more of a work-in than a workout.
Um, yoga is meant to focus onyour breath and movements of your
body in these different poses thatreally help you connect and it's,
it's definitely something thatis a mind body, soul experience.
It's a way to calm your mind.
(13:38):
It's a way to get into the presentmoment because so many times our
minds are running a mile a minuteand we're worried about the future.
We're worried about what happened inthe past and we're not present and in
our bodies, and yoga's a great practice.
To help you get into that space.
It's one of the only ways thatI can really, you know, quiet
my mind and it's work, right?
(13:58):
Like, even when I meditate too, that'swork because when I get quiet I al
always my mind wants to go and I haveto really work hard at focusing and
letting things go and really coming intomy body and being, you know, present
and really, doing like a body scan andactually seeing like, how am I feeling?
Like what is going on inside me?
Like what am I actually feelinglike taking those moments.
It's hard.
(14:18):
And so that's why surrenderingor, you know, letting things go.
It doesn't mean you're doing nothing.
Like you still have to do work.
Like, you still have to work on changingyour mindset and, building up your
self-confidence, your self-worth,and you can do that through some
of these things I've talked about.
I've talked about mygood friend Stef Layton.
We partnered on a few things and she'sa wonderful yoga teacher and she puts
(14:40):
out, monthly affirmations that shesends out on her email list and I'll
link her here cuz those are so great.
Like, even every month if you just geta new set of affirmations that you're
either journaling or saying to yourself,those are great ways to really just get
into a better head space of, Rubbing outthose insecurities that we have or, that
exercise of like flipping the script.
(15:00):
So even if you wanna write out the worstcase scenario that you're thinking of and
then you take that and then write out thevery best outcome that there could be too.
Cuz again, you know, , bothways are possible.
Right.
and it's just really having that faithand keeping that, positive outlook.
And , not like a toxic positivity whereyou're just head in the clouds, like
(15:21):
just not aware and not prepared but it'sabout having the confidence and the self
love to know that you'reworth the very best outcome.
And sometimes that best outcome maynot look like the, what we might have
planned or what we thought it wasgonna be, but it's always gonna be
what's best for us and our higher self.
And, I think that's important to realize.
So I'll end this week's episodehere, but I really want you guys
(15:42):
to focus on, knowing that it'sokay for things to break down.
That's how we rebuild and becomebetter and stronger and, really
taking that reflection on whatinsecurities might be clouding my
vision, where I am in a negativefear-based lens, perceiving the world.
Um, and maybe how you can shift thatinto looking through that love lens on
(16:06):
your outlook on your world, and seeinglike the hope and the possibility
instead of, everybody's out to get me.
Like saying like, oh, there'sactually people out here to love
and support me and lift me up.
Right?
Like, sometimes we get so focused onbeing hurt or the things that people
have done to hurt us, that we startto assume everybody's out to hurt us.
You know, that's whathappens is hurt people.
(16:27):
Hurt people, right?
Like it's hard to overcomethat and rise above.
But you can.
It's hard, but you can, and,and that's really the overall
message here is you can rise up.
You can overcome whatever comes your way.
You know, it's really justallowing yourself that space to,
to do that and, coming to know
your faith, that you can ask forhelp, that you can ask for support
(16:49):
and that it's there for you.
And when you boil it all down, likereally all there is is love, right?
Love is all there is.
Like, that is really the answerto, to most everything is,
um, you know, love over fear.
I'm gonna share this book with you guys.
Um, I have actually a couple copiesof it because it's freaking amazing,
but it's called A Return to Loveand it's by Maryanne Williamson,
(17:09):
and it's a phenomenal book.
It, um, oh look, it even saysPhenomenal on the cover, the
phenomenal number one bestseller.
So I have multiple copies.
This one was actually given to me froma friend when I was going through a
very dark, hard time in my life in 2015.
Um, and , I still have it and I'veboughten multiple copies for other people.
(17:31):
But, it's a great perspectiveon, a course in miracles.
And, A course, in miracles, um, ifyou've never heard of it, is a spiritual
text that is, it's long, it's amazing.
But.
If you're not ready to gothere, this is a great start.
Um, and this book's called Returnto Love, and it's really about
(17:51):
returning to that love lens, right?
Like, coming in to know that lovereally is all there is, right?
I talked about this on that episodewith, um, Erica Marie too, right?
Like love is more than it's,it's more than I love you.
It's more than the love youhave for your kids or your
friends or your spouse, whatever.
Like love is like, is God.
(18:13):
God is love.
Like, love is a powerful, action, right?
Like it's more than just afeeling, it is a healing power.
Like love is a, a power.
But.
I really wanna recommend this book.
Every time I've gone through a traumaticexperience in my life, it's the one text
(18:34):
I always come back to that really helpsgive me the foundation to stand on and,
and it really reinvigorates my faith.
And, , I hope that I cando that for you as well.
Um, So, if you have a chance to graba copy of this book, I'll link it
in the description of the podcast.
I guarantee it'll change your life orat least open your eyes to some greater
(18:55):
perspectives, , to help you get throughwhatever you go through in life, really.
So anyway.
Take responsibility in your life.
It really is up to you on how you wannalive and, um, how you wanna create
things and, I wanna acknowledge that.
Yes, sometimes life is hard.
Like, trust me, I've been there.
I have, I have struggled.
(19:15):
I have felt that pain, I have criedout, screamed and hurt and, you know,
I've done all those things, so I get it.
And, um, know that you're not alone andthat you are strong and that you can
get through this and you're not alone.
You are so not alone.
Um, you are supported and you are loved.
(19:38):
So I wanna leave you guys with thatand I'll see you guys next time.
Um, you can find me on Facebookor instagram @chelsea.Vanbuskirk
and I'll see you soon.
Peace.
Hey everyone.
What's up?
It's Chelsea Van Buskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
I know I'm doing so much betterthan, quite a few weeks ago.
Definitely in a better head space.
Like I've told you before, that's what Ineeded to take some time off, take a step
back, recalibrate, and just get back into
a good enough head space to beable to at least speak, uh, clearly
(00:28):
and get some new episodes out.
So I'm excited to be back.
So, last time I was talkingabout, when we go through these
moments, of being broken down.
And how that's needed, in somany ways to come out stronger.
And so I'm going to , dive moreinto that, and expand on it a
(00:48):
little bit more in some ways.
I think about it as if you've evertried to, um, gain strength or
start a new workout program, right?
Like your muscles getsore as you work them.
And what's happening actually is asyou are working out whatever muscle
group, you know, you're actually tearinglittle pieces of the muscle, right?
Like you're tearing these musclefibers so that they can then break
(01:12):
down and regrow bigger and stronger.
And that's how we build up our strength.
That's how we like, you know, cancarve these new physiques by building
these muscle fibers and engagingthat muscle and growing them.
But they have to be broken down tothen regrow, stronger and bigger.
And so, I think that's a really goodanalogy for exactly what we're doing
(01:33):
personally, when we go through thesemoments where we're being broken down in
whatever way that is, and a lot of timeswe're being broken down, um, you know,
mentally, sometimes even physically,In a myriad of different circumstances
when we're broken down to, to be ableto build ourselves up and build that
strong foundation like I was talkingabout in the last episode, um, so that
(01:54):
we can come out stronger and better.
So that we can get more in alignment.
So that we are growing and we're learningand we're just expanding our possibilities
for having a more joyful life, forfiguring out how we wanna live our life.
Right?
They always say when one doorcloses, another one opens.
Like that same mindset, right?
(02:16):
When things get broken down whenwe're, you know, maybe cutting
toxic people out of our life.
Maybe we've experienced some kind ofloss of, um, a job or a role that we
were playing, or, a relationship role.
When things are shifted or thingschange, It can be heartbreaking.
It can be hard.
It can be painful, but at the sametime, it could be a jumping off point
(02:36):
for you to have something better.
Better than you could have ever imagined.
And I think that's like the hope, right,is you have to do the work to get over
that hump , and through that next space.
And, and it's hard going through it.
And I'm, I'm a testament of that.
Like, this last experience was somethingthat really knocked me on my knees, right?
Like it really brought me downto that space that is very
(02:57):
uncomfortable, very painful.
And when we're going through thesehard times, like when you are in the
midst of something that's challenging,that's testing you, uh, we tend to get
sucked into a lot of our insecurities.
Maybe old wounds are coming up, right?
Maybe we're seeing where some old woundsmaybe we thought we were healed from,
(03:18):
or maybe we thought we had gotten over,
maybe those are re-exposed.
And the problem with that is when weare focused on these insecurities,
it becomes this lens in whichwe see different situations.
It becomes a lens for howwe're living our life.
And when we're living our life throughthis lens of fear, based through our
insecurities, whatever they may be, webecome, you know, paranoid, uh, we become
(03:39):
like paralyzed by these different fears.
It's like you become a different person,your behavior starts changing, and I'm not
gonna lie, I was there, I had some momentswhere I was so hyperfocused on my fears.
That fear can really take us over and wereally have to be able to rise above that.
And the thing is, sometimes wecan start to manifest stuff for
(04:00):
us when we're in that space.
Like I've talked about it before,like what you focus on expands.
So if you're sitting here worryingabout all the worst things that could
happen or what are the things thatwould cause you the most pain, if
you're hyperfocused on that, then.
You're probably manifesting forthat stuff to come true, right?
Like, you can create that.
And the other thing that happens is ifyou're stuck in this fear of like all
(04:22):
the things that can go wrong, like you'reliterally making yourself suffer, you're
worrying, you're in that space whereyou know you're not living at peace.
Like you're literally creatingyour own suffering, right?
Like, and I think that's a big wake upcall is coming to terms of the reality
and realizing that we actually are theresponsible parties in our own suffering,
like how much responsibility we'reactually contributing in our suffering.
(04:44):
Right.
Like even if somebody else hascaused you pain, in what ways is your
mind, making that pain worse, right?
Like keeping it suck.
It's your thoughts, it's your mind.
You kind of keep circling it andyou keep spinning your own stories
to how things went down, right?
Like , we tend to always thinkof the worst case scenario.
It's just naturally what we wanna do iswe naturally wanna go back to like, what's
(05:06):
gonna be the most painful situation.
And we hyperfocus on that and,and then the result of that is
we end up hurting ourselves when.
The reality could be, it's not evenas bad as we think it is, right?
But we're creating these storiesbecause there's something that makes
it easier for us to go to that space.
It's easier to condemn ourselves thanit is to see the positive side or
to see things in a different light.
(05:28):
Through that lens of love,it's very hard to go there.
And that is why I think faith is soimportant, or having a higher power is
so important because it helps bring usback to that unconditional love, that
that space, that spiritual power that'swithin us that we need to call upon to
help us remember, to bring us back tothat, to that love and that oneness and
(05:48):
to the reality of what's really there.
And I think, in takingresponsibility for that.
It's coming to terms and actually workingon overcoming these insecurities that
we have and these insecurities, youknow, they come from, childhood traumas,
things that we're afraid of, right?
Like, we're afraid of failing.
We're afraid of, being left alone, beingabandoned, being hurt, feeling pain, like
(06:08):
if you have ever felt pain and rejection?
Like you usually fight likehell to not feel like that again.
And sometimes we can turn to othernegative emotions like anger and all
these other things, to try to combat that.
Like, you know, I read a post oncethat said something like that anger was
really just, , like a mask for sadness.
, and I think that's so very true.
Like it's like a hurt orsadness that comes out in anger.
(06:30):
So me and my husband took a trip, out toMaui where we have, um, the bulk of our
short-term vacation rental properties.
And so we had gone out there topaint two of our condos because
they were in pretty rough shape asfar as the reviews we were getting.
And we knew we needed to just clean it up.
You know, there's marks on thewalls and marks on the walls
(06:51):
just makes the space look dirty.
I had gotten quotes over the phone.
From a couple different paintingcompanies to have the place painted.
And the quotes we got were justastronomical, like just made no
sense for as small as the spaces thatthey were, what they were charging.
And so we decided we would go down thereand do the work ourselves and, So going
there, I started, you know, cleaningthe walls, you know, scrubbing 'em.
(07:13):
And I was using a Magic Eraser andit turned out the magic eraser was
actually getting rid of most of thosescuff marks that were on the wall.
So we actually saved ourselves a lot of.
Wall painting and mainly focusedjust on painting baseboards and doors
and then just scrubbing the walls.
Um, I think there was really onlytwo or three walls we actually
had to paint that were that bad.
But everything else, I was able toscrub out with that magic eraser.
(07:33):
And it's not like it's easy, it's notlike it just wipes away aimlessly.
You go, you really have to.
Scrub it and work with it.
And, you know, I went througha lot of magic erasers.
It was a lot of work to scrub itout and maybe it could have been
easier just to paint over it, butsometimes too, when you paint over
marks, they bleed through anyway.
So it was work, but the marksthat I was able to get out made
(07:54):
the wall look brand new, made itlook clean, and it, it was great.
Right?
It just really lifted the place up and,It's kind of a similar thing, right?
We wanna use this magic eraser tohelp scrub out these insecurities.
We have to scrub out thesenegative thought patterns, right?
It's hard for me to really fully expressand give you the full details of my
(08:14):
own personal experience because it'sstill so raw and they're still people
involved that I don't want to, um, bringto light at this point in time yet.
But for me, I was very insecureand being in this insecure space,
my mind was hyper-focused on
the worst case scenario, right?
Like it's like basically seeing the worstcase scenario and being hyper-focused on
(08:37):
that, and then acting as if the worst casescenario was actively gonna be happening.
Like being like this paranoid space.
Like you kind of just get workedup and then you're judgy and
jumpy and, and you're living inthis tense fight or flight mode.
Ready to like just hit somebody.
You know what I mean?
Like you're in this , likedefense mode, right?
Like you become defensive in like,everything and you're basically in
(08:59):
this head space where you're assumingthat people are out to get you.
You're assuming thatpeople wanna hurt you.
You're assuming theworst in everyone else.
Because you felt this pain, becauseyou're insecure and you're hyper focused
on these negative feelings, you'renow assuming that everybody's guilty.
Everybody's out to get you.
Everybody wants to hurt you.
You start building up these walls,you start living your life in this
(09:22):
pessimistic, like angry, space.
And it's, it's not agood place to be, right?
You're missing out, you'remissing the mark because at the
heart of it, we all have this.
Pure, unconditional love within usthat comes from this higher source.
And again, this is where I think thisfaith piece comes in because it helps
(09:43):
our ego, our human minds soften alittle bit like when we can surrender
and know that one, we are alwaysloved and accepted for who we are.
Like we're love and accepted, and.
We are deserving of love and we aredeserving of being happy and being
treated well, then it's easier for usto look through that lens of love and
(10:04):
then see the possibilities that, Hey,maybe these people actually care for me.
Maybe I can assume the bestout of my surroundings.
Maybe I can assume that thingsaren't the way that I'm thinking.
Maybe I can assume.
That I am loved, maybe I can assume thatthese people don't really wanna hurt me.
(10:26):
Right?
Like it's like it's flipping thisswitch and you're scrubbing out
like you're doing the work to reallychange your thinking and change your
mind to, to view things through thislove lens and to flip the script and
being able to see the possibilities.
And I had one coach a long timeago talk about flipping the script.
(10:46):
I've actually heard this frommultiple coaches and multiple
different healers about.
If you can assume the very worst,then you need to be able to also
assume the very best because both,both are possibilities, right?
Both are possibilities.
And again, whatever we focuson, whatever we're hyper focused
on and and can believe, that'swhat's gonna expand, that's what's
(11:07):
gonna come into our awareness.
So that manifesting that mindset,all of this is so tied together.
Um, and so for me, I had to reallysurrender and really scrub out
this insecurity and just let itgo and just accept that whatever
was gonna happen was gonna happen.
But I'm gonna assume thateverything's gonna be okay.
I'm gonna go into it with.
(11:28):
Assuming that I am loved, that I ama strong woman, that I am deserving
of love, I'm deserving of being lovedand treated well, and that people
aren't out to get me or to hurt me.
and getting into that space justreally helps bring you peace, right?
Like instead of living life in this kindof panic, this, paranoid place, right?
(11:52):
Like you can kind of relax and just trust.
And again, coming back to that faith andbeing able to just surrender and know
that you're taken care of no matter what.
And when we talk about surrenderingand of letting go, it's not saying
we're just like gonna twiddle our thumbsand daydream our life to be better.
That's not what that's about.
It's about, doing whateverwork you need to do.
(12:14):
Like using that magic eraser andscrubbing those insecurities out.
That's work.
It takes work to build that up andways that you can build up that
confidence and self-love with yourselfand and self-worth are affirmations.
It's journaling.
It's maybe even writing out all thenegative things and just getting it
out, like regurgitating all thesenegative thoughts and feelings you have.
Getting it out on a piece ofpaper and then maybe burning it.
(12:34):
Or tearing it up or throwing itaway, like a way to get it out.
Right.
Or I think I might have talked aboutthis before in a previous episode, but
even journaling, like the best casescenario and then focusing on that, right?
Like that becomes an affirmation, likewriting out the best case scenario,
writing out the affirmations of, Iam worthy of love and writing out
things that you're grateful for.
Like, when we get into that spaceof gratitude and all the things we
(12:56):
actually do have to be thankful for.
Like, that's a great way to flip yourmind from a negative to a positive, right?
Because you do have so manythings to be thankful for.
There's always something youcan write in that little box.
So those are big things.
And even just getting quiet, right?
Be still and know., that's a bigthing, whether you are taking a time
out for prayer or just to silenceyour mind and meditate and just have a
(13:17):
moment of just quiet time of release.
Um, the practice of yoga is areally great place for that too.
Yoga is more of a work-in than a workout.
Um, yoga is meant to focus onyour breath and movements of your
body in these different poses thatreally help you connect and it's,
it's definitely something thatis a mind body, soul experience.
It's a way to calm your mind.
(13:38):
It's a way to get into the presentmoment because so many times our
minds are running a mile a minuteand we're worried about the future.
We're worried about what happened inthe past and we're not present and in
our bodies, and yoga's a great practice.
To help you get into that space.
It's one of the only ways thatI can really, you know, quiet
my mind and it's work, right?
(13:58):
Like, even when I meditate too, that'swork because when I get quiet I al
always my mind wants to go and I haveto really work hard at focusing and
letting things go and really coming intomy body and being, you know, present
and really, doing like a body scan andactually seeing like, how am I feeling?
Like what is going on inside me?
Like what am I actually feelinglike taking those moments.
It's hard.
(14:18):
And so that's why surrenderingor, you know, letting things go.
It doesn't mean you're doing nothing.
Like you still have to do work.
Like, you still have to work on changingyour mindset and, building up your
self-confidence, your self-worth,and you can do that through some
of these things I've talked about.
I've talked about mygood friend Stef Layton.
We partnered on a few things and she'sa wonderful yoga teacher and she puts
(14:40):
out, monthly affirmations that shesends out on her email list and I'll
link her here cuz those are so great.
Like, even every month if you just geta new set of affirmations that you're
either journaling or saying to yourself,those are great ways to really just get
into a better head space of, Rubbing outthose insecurities that we have or, that
exercise of like flipping the script.
(15:00):
So even if you wanna write out the worstcase scenario that you're thinking of and
then you take that and then write out thevery best outcome that there could be too.
Cuz again, you know, , bothways are possible.
Right.
and it's just really having that faithand keeping that, positive outlook.
And , not like a toxic positivity whereyou're just head in the clouds, like
(15:21):
just not aware and not prepared but it'sabout having the confidence and the self
love to know that you'reworth the very best outcome.
And sometimes that best outcome maynot look like the, what we might have
planned or what we thought it wasgonna be, but it's always gonna be
what's best for us and our higher self.
And, I think that's important to realize.
So I'll end this week's episodehere, but I really want you guys
(15:42):
to focus on, knowing that it'sokay for things to break down.
That's how we rebuild and becomebetter and stronger and, really
taking that reflection on whatinsecurities might be clouding my
vision, where I am in a negativefear-based lens, perceiving the world.
Um, and maybe how you can shift thatinto looking through that love lens on
(16:06):
your outlook on your world, and seeinglike the hope and the possibility
instead of, everybody's out to get me.
Like saying like, oh, there'sactually people out here to love
and support me and lift me up.
Right?
Like, sometimes we get so focused onbeing hurt or the things that people
have done to hurt us, that we startto assume everybody's out to hurt us.
You know, that's whathappens is hurt people.
(16:27):
Hurt people, right?
Like it's hard to overcomethat and rise above.
But you can.
It's hard, but you can, and,and that's really the overall
message here is you can rise up.
You can overcome whatever comes your way.
You know, it's really justallowing yourself that space to,
to do that and, coming to know
your faith, that you can ask forhelp, that you can ask for support
(16:49):
and that it's there for you.
And when you boil it all down, likereally all there is is love, right?
Love is all there is.
Like, that is really the answerto, to most everything is,
um, you know, love over fear.
I'm gonna share this book with you guys.
Um, I have actually a couple copiesof it because it's freaking amazing,
but it's called A Return to Loveand it's by Maryanne Williamson,
(17:09):
and it's a phenomenal book.
It, um, oh look, it even saysPhenomenal on the cover, the
phenomenal number one bestseller.
So I have multiple copies.
This one was actually given to me froma friend when I was going through a
very dark, hard time in my life in 2015.
Um, and , I still have it and I'veboughten multiple copies for other people.
(17:31):
But, it's a great perspectiveon, a course in miracles.
And, A course, in miracles, um, ifyou've never heard of it, is a spiritual
text that is, it's long, it's amazing.
But.
If you're not ready to gothere, this is a great start.
Um, and this book's called Returnto Love, and it's really about
(17:51):
returning to that love lens, right?
Like, coming in to know that lovereally is all there is, right?
I talked about this on that episodewith, um, Erica Marie too, right?
Like love is more than it's,it's more than I love you.
It's more than the love youhave for your kids or your
friends or your spouse, whatever.
Like love is like, is God.
(18:13):
God is love.
Like, love is a powerful, action, right?
Like it's more than just afeeling, it is a healing power.
Like love is a, a power.
But.
I really wanna recommend this book.
Every time I've gone through a traumaticexperience in my life, it's the one text
(18:34):
I always come back to that really helpsgive me the foundation to stand on and,
and it really reinvigorates my faith.
And, , I hope that I cando that for you as well.
Um, So, if you have a chance to graba copy of this book, I'll link it
in the description of the podcast.
I guarantee it'll change your life orat least open your eyes to some greater
(18:55):
perspectives, , to help you get throughwhatever you go through in life, really.
So anyway.
Take responsibility in your life.
It really is up to you on how you wannalive and, um, how you wanna create
things and, I wanna acknowledge that.
Yes, sometimes life is hard.
Like, trust me, I've been there.
I have, I have struggled.
(19:15):
I have felt that pain, I have criedout, screamed and hurt and, you know,
I've done all those things, so I get it.
And, um, know that you're not alone andthat you are strong and that you can
get through this and you're not alone.
You are so not alone.
Um, you are supported and you are loved.
(19:38):
So I wanna leave you guys with thatand I'll see you guys next time.
Um, you can find me on Facebookor instagram @chelsea.Vanbuskirk
and I'll see you soon.
Peace.
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