September 4, 2024 • 60 mins
In today's episode, I sit down with Jason Magee, who shares his 15-year struggle with depression and weight loss, and then takes his first dose of a weight loss drug live on air. Jason, once an extremely fit college soccer player, now faces daily challenges that take a toll on his health and self-worth. He opens up about his emotional battles and how they have fueled a cycle of binge eating and self-loathing.
Jason candidly discusses his turning point: the decision to take Wegovy, a GLP-1 inhibitor, to aid in his weight loss and mental health journey. We delve into his past, including his athletic days, his relationship with food, and the impact of depression on his life. Jason reveals the mental and physical obstacles he faces, from struggling with body image to dealing with the social stigma of obesity.
Join us as we explore Jason's journey, the struggles, and the hope that comes with taking the first step towards change. We will follow up in three to six months to see how things are progressing on his weight loss journey. This episode is a raw and honest conversation about the complexities of mental health and obesity, and the courage it takes to seek change.
⚠️ Content Warning: This episode includes a discussion of suicidal thoughts and personal struggles with depression. These topics are shared with the intent of helping others who may be experiencing similar challenges. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out for support. Help is available 24/7 through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. You are not alone.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org/
Mental Health Resources: National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): NAMI: https://www.nami.org/ Therapy Finder (Psychology Today): Find a Therapist: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
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EPISODE LINKS: - Host, Nick Standlea, IG: @NickStandlea - Guest, Jason Magee, IG: @Jasontmagee27
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
In today's episode, I sit down with Jason Magee, who shares his 15-year struggle
with depression and weight loss, and then takes his first dose of a weight loss drug live on air.
I don't love my body because this is not my body.
Once an extremely fit college soccer player, Jason now faces daily challenges
that take a toll on his health and his self-worth.
(00:21):
It's that cross-section of emotions that creates the cycle of,
oh, I hate myself, let me eat. I eat and eat and eat, not until I'm full.
I eat until I'm almost ready to throw up. And I just keep force feeding myself.
Somebody asked me, where do you see yourself in five years? I'm like,
(00:44):
I don't. But today, Jason is ready for a change.
I'm ready to not feel that way anymore. Just be able to dream again.
Join us as we explore Jason's journey, the struggles, and the hope that comes
with taking the first step towards change.
You're going to take Wegovi, the GLP-1 inhibitor.
(01:07):
You just received your first dose.
Yes, I just received my first dose and been on a weight-gaining journey,
so to speak, for the last 15 to 20 years.
Yeah. My health has gotten severely worse.
I've gotten severe health problems because of my weight specifically.
(01:28):
Yeah. Also the cigarettes and, you know, any other stuff, but mostly my weight.
Yeah. Just, it's been this long journey of kind of fighting a depression.
Yeah. So to speak, like, and that's how I've gotten there.
So I'm excited to take this first, first dose to try and find something that
(01:50):
helps me, you know, not feel hungry. Right.
And so you're going to take your first dose on air today.
Yeah. Okay. I'm going to inject myself. Okay. Right in the stomach.
Yeah. Yeah. And this is going to be an interview like I've never done before,
because we're just going to talk about how you are feeling today,
(02:11):
how you came to this point where you decided to take this drug.
And then we're going to follow up in three to six
months and see how things are going and
what's happened on the weight loss journey right
perfect how much did you
weigh in college when
you were a college athlete a soccer player no less all-american soccer player
(02:37):
that's right that's right yeah i weighed anywhere between 150 and 155 yeah was
my weight and that was me Me being fully athletic,
running six miles, seven miles a day, watching everything that I ate, working out in the gym.
(02:58):
And being younger with a stronger metabolism.
Yeah. And after I stopped playing because of injury,
a story of 95% of the college athletes out there, I still had habits that I
continued where it was working out.
(03:19):
But I didn't watch what I ate. Yeah. And then that led to a little bit of weight gain.
And then, so I'm eating horribly and fighting a lifelong, essentially depression.
Yeah. Where, when I felt bad, I ate.
Yeah. Some people don't eat when they feel bad. I ate when I feel bad.
(03:43):
And it's just, it was a, I was self-medicating with food.
And that's that's a learned behavior unfortunately my mother also.
Self-medicated with food okay for her stuff so this is all kind of learned and
(04:04):
passed on yeah well it's the obesity gene and what have you and the more the
ability to to be to gain weight in this way and how or how much do you weigh today,
today well the last doctor visit had
me at 365 pounds okay okay so so your century essentially carrying around an
(04:27):
extra 200 pound person from when you were 22 years old right absolutely yeah And that has led to,
on top of numerous physical problems,
emotionally that's the worst part. Right.
Because I know that I'm carrying this humongous person on me,
(04:53):
and it doesn't fit my frame.
And it's just very, very difficult, but I have...
Pre-diabetic and that leads to when i eat i get groggy ready to fall asleep and just a general.
Blasé-ness yeah and it's hard to be motivated for anything when it sounds like the.
(05:21):
Eating starts with the depression yeah
but then as you gain weight that adds
to the depression so you're entering into
a very negative self-reinforcing cycle
absolutely we know that some people have who
are large or bigger people love their
(05:41):
body right and that and i'm
that is this you can't you can't
dispute that at all sure um i don't
love my body right because this is not my
body right essentially right this is
not how my body is operated and that
(06:02):
leads to a lot of self-loathing yeah and
self-loathing and depression and there's a whole history of depression and where
that comes from and the self-loathing and not feeling worthy and stuff like
that and then nothing fits right yeah then it's like you look at your clothes and all of
(06:23):
your t-shirts are stretched out weirdly and you're
like oh why does that happen it's like oh because you're always tugging at
them to cover your cover your stomach so it doesn't look big and then you buy
bigger clothes right and you look even bigger yeah and you just and then it's
that cycle when you feel and then you feel bad and you eat yeah i wish i felt bad and worked out.
(06:47):
Or didn't eat, but my thing is I eat. Yeah. And it's...
It's not just an eating, it's a binge eating. Mm-hmm. What does binge eating look like for you?
Binge eating looks like to me is you get a large pizza and I eat and eat and eat, not until I'm full.
(07:09):
I eat until I'm almost ready to throw up. Uh-huh. But I don't.
And then I just let that sit in and I just keep force feeding myself.
Yeah in those moments yeah
and it's or it's with ice cream right
(07:30):
it's it's not a pie it's not half a pint
of ben and jerry's it's two pints
of ben and jerry's after the pizza
okay so it's just force feeding
myself on these moments in really short
moments and typically late at night yeah so
then i just pass out and all
(07:53):
those calories then don't have anything to
do but go to my body because i'm now not walking i'm
not doing anything not at work it's that's the binge eating part yeah that's
how i ate to feel better yeah it's by making myself feel sick i felt better
yeah yeah when you picture yourself in your mind's eye what do you see.
(08:20):
That's a tough one because at like
when i was younger playing soccer and stuff like
that professionally i see myself as awesome as that young fit young fit guy
yeah and i'm and i'm awesome yeah and i'm good at what i do and people like
being around me and stuff like that yeah When I look at myself in the mirror out of that context,
(08:46):
since I was 15, I've hated what I see.
Being really good at soccer and having that take me all over the country and
different opportunities, that made me feel great.
Or when I would go surf or something like that, that made me feel really good.
But if it's not that, then I absolutely detest who I am.
(09:12):
Yeah. And it's a weird thing because all of my, you know, you being one of my
friends and you all would say that would be crazy that I would,
should ever feel that way about myself.
And no, and nobody's, and that's comes from a history of, you know,
parental history where that was instilled, but it's just, I've never felt worthy.
(09:33):
I've never felt like I was worthy if I wasn't doing professionally or in those spaces when I'm alone.
I hate myself. Yeah.
Yeah, that's OK. There's a lot to unpack there. There's a lot to unpack there.
Let's just start one one at a time here. I think one, I would say in my mind's
(09:57):
eye, because I played soccer with you in college.
I over the in the intervening 20 years.
We have texted consistently all through that time.
Right and we see each other in person
every so often but not like back then so in
my mind's eye when i am texting with you i still see the
(10:20):
lightning fast dominating
soccer player that could could run
and run and run and and i mean that's the the guy i see
and i also see a very very
well dressed put together guy because
you really had an impeccable fashion sense
and we're really into style it is
(10:42):
interesting now that
you look so different and
and that style is not there either maybe because you
don't have those same options with the clothes you
can buy or desire right that's what
i was gonna ask yeah it's the desire because you
don't see yourself that way anymore no i mean the
(11:05):
weight for me has taken over all of that now so now i just i don't like what
i see and how i feel at all yeah at any moment and you brought up the over the
20 years we We, you know, you all are married, have kids.
Yeah. I'm the only one in our group who doesn't have that.
(11:28):
Yeah. And that's because of how I feel about myself.
Right. And thus in texting form, I can still be that.
For me, texting has allowed me to still be that person to you guys,
my friend group. and that's because being in person is.
(11:52):
It hurts. Yeah. Not because of anything that you guys would ever do.
Sure. It would never, it would never be that way. It's just that I'm,
I feel gross going in or I feel like, God, these guys have had everything in
their life is every, you know, they're all happy.
They're all successful and everything. And it's just like, Oh yeah. And it's this.
(12:17):
Yeah. And that That has led to me not seeing you guys. Right.
You know, in person. In person. Right. When we've had meetups or things like
that. It's like, oh, I had to work.
And yes, there are times when my job literally had me working,
you know, in a ridiculous fashion in TV.
Sure. But there are other times where it was like, I can't make it.
(12:39):
It's an excuse you can use.
It's an excuse. Oh, yeah. And I've always felt awful about that.
So this is actually weird. like kind of like you know
expression to you all right oh it's
it's basically because of how awful and
how I see myself wasn't I didn't fit in right it was like oh you're gonna be
(13:01):
there and you're not gonna fit in right you know I'm not fitting you're gonna
feel weird you don't feel awkward and well just so you know we do all want you
to hang out as much as possible but I also.
I'm grateful that you're expressing all of this because I think there are a
lot of people across the country and around the world that feel the same way
(13:23):
and then aren't able to express it. And this is helpful to them.
And along those lines, I mean, one thing, the reason I brought up the fashion
a little while ago is that, yeah, so I still see you as that guy on text message, as we alluded to.
But in person now you dress in
(13:45):
a way that is almost like to blend into the wall and and
want to not draw attention to yourself and
then we'll exit social occasions very quickly
you'll make an appearance so that every you know you're still in
touch and everybody knows there's still love there but then
it's just like hey i gotta go and then and then sneak out
of there and that you're you're saying is down to all
(14:08):
these feelings of feeling less than less than and
and also just physically not being
able to have the stamina to stay somewhere
and be engaged and be
personable yeah and have a
smile on my face for a certain
amount of time yeah because i need to
(14:31):
get back to because it's like self-loathing and
you're not good enough is calling
saying no come home you've you've done that you've done that for a little bit
come home now that's awkward for you right come back to being come back to where
you feel comfortable so what what does that look like when okay you're at the
(14:52):
social occasion you hear the self-loathing calling and what happens after After that.
It's. Quickly. Let's get home.
And. It's.
On the way back, it's feeling, oh, my God, I'm so glad to see all of my friends.
I love them so much. And the love that I have for this group of friends is,
(15:15):
you know, like, tremendous.
And I always think I'm so happy. Yeah. I'm so glad I just got to see them.
And I get home, and it's an hour later, and that feeling is,
God, you're a piece of shit.
Yeah. you don't have anything in your life going that's nearly as good as that and you're you're fake.
(15:43):
You're you're you're fake that's not
you you're you know you're gross you don't
fit in and then it's eat eat eat eat
eat right smoke drink right
go to put myself to sleep yeah and then
wake up and you know do it again it's it's a cycle and
(16:03):
you know and that's what
it is it's this gratefulness that i have this tremendous group
of friends who are supportive of
everybody you know like absolutely thick as
thieves yeah and very close
yeah in such a in such a different way
(16:24):
that i don't think a lot of people are with groups that they went
to college with being that thinking that
connected to one another on a daily basis
oh yeah i mean like a
daily basis about everything and everything
and we're all very connected as if we lived on the same street right i mean
(16:45):
there are 10 messages a day minimum on that thread absolutely yeah and but it's
like but then i just didn't i don't feel like i'm worthy of that at.
Level of friendship or that level of love.
I can't, it's hard to, it's not hard for me to give that love to you all,
(17:08):
but accepting it and taking it to heart, I can accept it and know it's there, but I can't believe it.
Like the receiving of it. Right. And the receiving of it to believe it.
It's, it's not there. Yeah. And it sparks that negative voice.
And, and, and part of that That is also, it's like the longstanding depression
(17:30):
and, you know, feelings of self-worth that came before the body weight.
Right. But it's just compounded. I think to myself, what excuse do I have that
I'm this, that I'm this big when everybody else has job,
family, kids, you know, if anybody should, you know, be letting themselves go,
(17:53):
so to speak, it would be the people with like families to take care of.
Where they don't have time to like you know think about it i don't have any of that so it's so.
It's like an it's a comparison that i
do in my head and then all that just leads
back to me not liking myself right right
(18:15):
well i take this all very seriously but
i smile when you say that because I go it's just
so not true look for me from my
vantage point I mean I understand where you're coming from and that you're in
this negative mental cycle and yet I really believe that this is a great first
(18:39):
step towards changing things because I know,
the good human you are, the kindness in your heart, all this love to give that
if, if you can take steps to solve some of the health problems,
I think it could be absolutely transformative,
for what's going on upstairs, which, which holds you back in these other ways
(19:01):
that you're referencing. For sure.
I mean, there may be a school of thought where people are like,
well, you have to love yourself first before you love the outside but for me
there's not this is i can't love this.
It's just not how i'm built that's not how i'm wired i
can't love this version of me
(19:24):
yeah so i need to love a version of me that actually cares about how he looks
and cares about feeling good and doesn't want to force 15,000 calories into
his body every couple days a week.
So this is a jumpstart to suppressing some of that natural appetite that now
(19:52):
I've developed because of years of feeding my body in a certain way.
This is going to help me, hopefully, to suppress some of that appetite so that
I can then, as I'm eating better, because that's the other part of it,
I can't just eat, I'm going to eat.
This is a whole catalyst for a lifestyle change in that this is going to help
(20:13):
me really say, okay, you have to change the way you eat.
You have to change what you eat. And then getting up and doing something,
working out a little bit, getting back in the ocean.
Yeah. I mean, there's the healing properties.
The ocean are, you know, countless. Yeah.
That's another, that's where if I can't be on a soccer field,
(20:36):
I need to be in the ocean to feel good.
So hopefully I can get back there because you can't go in the ocean if you're 350 pounds. Right.
It's just not safe. Yeah.
It's not safe. It's dangerous. I think one of the things that has me so excited about these drugs is.
For people that are struggling with their weight is
(20:59):
how difficult it is to break that cycle
because of all the things you're mentioning it's like okay you
want to go exercise but it's very difficult to exercise
a whole lot when you're carrying around an extra 200 pounds yes it's difficult
to break the eating cycle because your body leans hard towards homeostasis where
(21:22):
it's It's going to stay in the structure that you're in.
So it's actually going to fight back against the losing of weight.
Yeah. And it does seem, I mean, I'm really, really hoping there aren't long-term
consequences to these drugs because it's, you can short circuit that process.
Suddenly we suppress that eating.
You will naturally start to lose weight through that. You're more able to exercise
(21:46):
and then you've got a virtuous cycle going forward.
I'm also on this because I'm pretty diabetic.
Right. And this is something that people with diabetes, type two diabetes.
Have it's shown to help with type two diabetes.
Absolutely. So that's that is on top of the weight loss.
(22:07):
It is also trying to keep me from going into full type two diabetes, which I'm not there yet.
But all of the pre-symptoms I'm
I think a couple of decimal points from
being considered fully diabetic in my
blood work but yes you're absolutely right it's a cycle that needs to be broken
(22:29):
and in terms of long term side effects the risk is there but the long term side
effect to not doing this feels much more.
Permanent and catastrophic. Sure. There's a reporter that wrote,
and I'm blanking on his name right now, but I will include it in the notes for the show.
(22:53):
He wrote a book on these drugs weighing up the risks versus the benefits,
and he went through the same analysis for himself.
And he told this great story of it's Christmas Eve, and he goes to a fried chicken joint.
I believe he lived in London. and the guy at the counter says,
(23:14):
oh my goodness, I'm so glad you're here. I've got something for you in the back.
What's going on? Goes in the back, he's gone for a while, comes out and everybody
at the fried chicken place had written a card and they said,
you're our number one customer and Merry Christmas.
And he takes his card and he said, my heart absolutely broke because this wasn't
(23:35):
my number one fried chicken joint.
KFC was my number one. oh and he
realized how out of control his eating was
in that moment and then in talking to medical professionals
they said yeah okay we don't know all
the long-term consequences of this drug but we do know
the long-term consequences of carrying this much weight
(23:57):
and being diabetic yeah and it is
extremely likely that in that case those consequences
outweigh whatever we might
discover over with this drug in 10 years yeah i mean i'll
put a humorous little spin on it yeah there
are things when you are this large that
(24:18):
become difficult and you may not even
know that they become difficult recently i was
at the doctor got my checkup and then i had to give a
urine sample okay and they're like okay go into
the go into the bathroom and do
urine sample well the bathroom is not small
but it's small for me because i take up so much space i have to now figure out
(24:44):
how to negotiate my body and my angles now and in just the most blunt terms i'm peeing blind,
into this cup first of all that's first of all like understand like you know.
(25:06):
That's hard sure like you know when
we as men we look down and we see that
you know oh there it's still there just like when you're two years
old we look down and we say oh that's still there
and you know and i'm now going at this blindly and i have my sweater that i
had on in one in over my shoulder and I'm trying to negotiate this and it ends
(25:33):
up not going the way I thought.
There's the sample cup received about.
A quarter of what it should. My sweater falls down.
I'm now urinated on my cashmere sweater because I had a nice sweater on because it's a new doctor.
(25:53):
Yeah. And I've now soiled my sweater and there's urine that now I have to clean
up because it's a public bathroom.
And the worst part is, is that I let out a, oh, shit.
And the people who were
outside waiting the waiting room could hear me yeah
and i realized they could hear me
(26:15):
because i could hear them through the walls yeah and
i now get myself together and exit
that bathroom and i have
to wear my sweater a certain way and
i bring the sample and you know the doc the
nurse at the front was like okay and i
(26:35):
just realized i was like this is ridiculous i'm now
having to negotiate the basic a
basic human function is that negative self-talk running
through your head as you exit the bathroom it
was more comical to me because you know peeing
on yourself is funny i've always thought that that
(26:57):
you know when somebody else pees on themselves of like it's a hoot but i knew
in my head it was like it was funny and it was it wasn't as depressing as you
might vision based on all that i've told you now it was just this like comedy of errors.
(27:17):
Because of my body size and that
was just ridiculous the story
when i felt really bad again it was a bathroom story
yeah but i went to the movies with my nephew we he's like oh we get all this
he gets all this food he's you know young kid but it's nachos and it's popcorn
(27:39):
and it's a big soda and it's you know half of his hot dog that he doesn't eat
and it's all that stuff and And by the time the movie's over,
I've consumed at least 3,000 calories based on all of that and the big tub of popcorn.
And I go and use the bathroom and I can't get my pants buttoned.
(28:02):
After unbuttoning them, my stomach had grown.
I'd eaten too much. and that was
the inability to button my pants and then having to walk out of the theater
holding my pants with my nephew was the worst feeling i've ever had yeah kind
(28:22):
of funny because it's you know you sit there struggling i was leaning up against the bathroom wall.
Trying to get my my button button yeah yeah and then i said you know what i
don't know why i I didn't wear my sweatpants that I always wear.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Sorry for the bathroom humor. It's on your podcast. But, you know, it's just like that.
(28:45):
Those are the, like, things that when, you know, some people talk about,
you know, how happy they are.
I haven't figured out how to negotiate that kind of thing. Mm-hmm.
Like, I can't square that.
Like, having to negotiate my angles and is this bathroom big enough that's horrible
(29:08):
it's a horrible feeling but it's also like flying yeah.
Aisle seat aisle seat no
matter what has to be an aisle seat why because
then i don't make the person sitting next to me feel uncomfortable
because i've leaned into the aisle the entire
time because i know that getting on
(29:30):
a flight people are going to be like i
don't want to sit next to the fat person i don't
want to be the fat person that makes somebody uncomfortable comfortable
so i lean into the aisle the entire flight yeah and it's just it's it's those
little things that just then make you feel make me feel horrible it's horrible what other,
(29:57):
little mundane things are difficult because of the way that most people wouldn't
even think of I mean, going upstairs, going upstairs.
Now we need to make sure I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day.
Right. Which is something else that needs to be addressed.
(30:18):
Which is, you know, yeah, I had a biopsy on my lip recently.
If we cut away from me for a second there, it's because we had a little technical
difficulty and had to work around it, but such is life when you're podcasting. Yeah, yeah.
I think one of the biggest things, because I'm a communicator,
(30:39):
when I'm on the phone, my breathing, or if I'm in person, it's my breathing.
Yeah. That is the most, it's probably one of the things that it's like, it always reminds you,
just reminds me just how big and how out of shape that I am.
(31:02):
You can hear my breathing.
And I know that that is just, A, people are wondering if I'm going to have a
heart attack because it sounds that bad.
And B, people are just like, look, listening to you breathing as I'm standing
in line behind you has got to be one of the most.
(31:23):
I don't like making people uncomfortable who are just trying to enjoy something
that they're doing. Yeah.
And that's probably my biggest thing is that because I can just imagine,
you know, like you're trying to go somewhere, you're in line at Knott's Berry
Farm and you have this guy who's behind you and I'm not doing anything.
(31:49):
I'm just sweating profusely in October outside and breathing super heavily.
And my nephew is tapping my stomach
and I can just imagine how that makes people a feel a uncomfortable,
a little bit like, oh my God, you know, just a little embarrassed for me,
(32:10):
but then a little bit just uncomfortable.
Like I didn't come here to hear this dude breathing.
That doesn't make me feel uncomfortable if there's someone who's large behind
me in line somewhere and they're breathing heavily and whatever else they're going through.
But it seems to reveal how
much for you what's going
(32:32):
on internally because you're so self-conscious about
the weight and what's happening and that it's
somehow imposing on others 100 and don't
get me wrong most people are probably they couldn't
think twice about it's me projecting that
to projecting how i feel on myself onto
(32:53):
the onto these wonderful people right who you
know don't think that way but yeah it's it's just how uncomfortable i feel right
is that i think my disco my discomfort is uncomfortable for other people and
on an airplane yes one you know 100 100%,
(33:14):
but just in general in life, I don't think people,
most people think two things of it.
I'm not the only one in society who looks like this, but I'm the only, but I feel like I am.
I feel like I'm.
This just like humongous growth burden.
And I've used that word a number of times. You should probably find a different
(33:37):
word just because I don't want anybody to think that that's how I view people either.
My entire view of me is just how I view me.
Sure. But even those words you use to describe yourself have a mental impact over time.
I mean, I thought one of the best examples I've come across recently, my
(33:58):
cousin who was recently divorced has
made the decision he's not ever going to refer to
his ex-wife as his ex-wife because that implies conflict and he's only going
to refer to her as the mother of his children when he references her in conversation
because that will reorient his brain towards back towards what's really important
(34:22):
which is that they still have kids
they have to raise together, even though they're no longer a couple. Right.
And yeah, I think we got to find a better word than, than gross. Yeah.
You've got that self-talk going. Yeah, I think so.
And, you know, that's why using this as like a catalyst to trying to feel better about myself.
(34:46):
And yes, there's, there's room for therapy. And I've, I've been through that
and believe heavily in it, in the benefits that it produces for me. Yeah.
But it's just about the motivation to go.
Yeah. There's no motivation.
That's the one thing it's taken out motivation and aspiration for me.
(35:12):
And just you know wanting to
see the world and stuff like that it's that hasn't
existed for at least five years the last place i went was ecuador and i said
to myself god i gotta keep exploring this beautiful world that we have or you
(35:32):
know going down and fighting a bull yeah yeah
just having crazy experiences yeah
but this is it sounds like for all in every area of your life this is bleeding
into it and suppressing motivation and aspiration sure absolutely i mean every
single area when somebody asks me where do you see yourself in five years i'm like i don't.
(35:57):
I don't i don't see anything it's not like i see something great i don't see
something bad i just don't see anything.
And I think that that's...
That's not a good way to live. Especially because I got a niece and nephew who
I love more than, you know, life itself.
And I can't even imagine not seeing them grow up.
(36:22):
But then, yeah, I can't imagine what I'll look like. I just can't.
There's just no, like, there's no dreaming.
Right. Anymore. There's no dreaming.
I don't dream. I don't, you know. Yeah. That kind of thing. And I,
that's not how to experience life.
Right when i think i can speak for all of our friends when
(36:43):
i say this is excited you've
made this choice for yourself because we all want
you here in five years and to be not just here but the the best healthiest version
of of jason that we know yeah and is absolutely still there you're still that
person yeah and i want to be there because i want to see you guys and see your kids You know,
(37:06):
like kids going off to college soon,
you know, and kids in high school and stuff like that.
When I saw them in the, you know, last time I was in person,
they're in elementary school.
And then I just realized like, oh, my God, I haven't seen them in person in
three, four years. Like, yeah, crazy.
(37:28):
Now, earlier you mentioned that this negative cycle started back when you were 15. Yes.
And you had these intrusive negative thoughts began then. Where do you think
that came from? I know where it came from.
I don't know. It might be too heavy for, I guess we can figure it out.
(37:48):
And as a quick disclaimer, if anyone is suffering from suicidal ideation,
there is a suicide hotline.
You can text 988.
It is available 24-7 every day of the year so that anyone who is in a emergency
situation can always reach someone who will be able to help.
(38:13):
A great tool for anybody out there struggling with thoughts
about suicide i was 15 and
severely depressed but at
that point i was on olympic development soccer and
trajectory to being possible you
know college soccer player but the thing i
didn't have was my father his divorce
(38:35):
from my mother and he was inconsistent and
inconsistent in kind of like the worst way like not not
not there but inconsistent to where
like he would pop up or say he was
popping up and that was really hard for
me to deal with there was some other previous trauma that i had seen him be
abusive and stuff like that there's a form of abuse with that in that telling
(39:00):
your child that you're gonna be somewhere and then not coming or doing this
and doing the other thing and that was really hard for me to deal with.
It was to the point where I, you know.
And suicide was a thought at 15, even with everything going,
like when somebody would look at according to plan, everything was good and good.
(39:24):
But I worked through it with a therapist and came to the conclusion that I would
tell him that, you know what, I'm good.
Yeah. We don't need to do this anymore. more.
So on Christmas Eve, he came to say hi and deliver a birthday card and a little
(39:46):
knick-knack he got from the supermarket just down the street.
And I said, look, I'm good.
I don't, you don't need to be do this anymore. I'm not, don't expect it. I don't want it.
I'm okay. You can just go live your life and
i'm sure that was hard for him to hear but
it's not really about him at the moment and he
(40:09):
told me that if that's how i felt
that i should slit my wrists well that's
so that's where some people you know
traumatic incident of self-worth when
you know somebody knows and
he knew that that's how I felt because my mother
(40:30):
let him know exactly everything that
was going on with me and with with with my
sister and my mother was always trying to
get him involved and make sure that we had him in the best light but he had
this information the most delicate vulnerable information right and then used
(40:52):
it against you when you tried to set a boundary yes so that was,
that's brutal I don't know how
many people know that I have not heard that story before but yeah that was.
There's a lot that went into that it shaped a lot of who I am,
(41:13):
some good some bad but yeah so then every since then there's always been in the back of my mind,
always there's you know in times where it's fighting where I fight why did I wake up today,
I'm glad I woke up today why did I wake up today so those thoughts are more like you know,
(41:36):
I must put a warning on this about talking about that but yeah it's like that
kind of thing for me is you know it's been something that I've dealt with and
you know those feelings of I don't want to be here don't exist when I'm eating Ying.
But they exist when I, you know, but they come back and now it just,
it takes different forms.
(41:59):
The eating helps to self-soothe and suppress that stuff going on,
just like alcohol does for some people. Absolutely.
It's food and, you know, it's, it's food and it's just as destructive.
Not for the rest of society, like, you know, but just internally,
it's just as self-destructive.
(42:21):
But it's it's twofold it's self-destructive and
it's also comforting which makes
it really really hard to to get past or to like you know to figure out and maneuver
around because it's i hate myself let me eat a ton oh but i need to feel better
(42:41):
yeah so it's that it's that cross
-section of emotions that you know that you're in and that that creates the cycle of,
eating and feeling bad and and that kind of thing looking forward what do you think this drug,
(43:01):
wago v is the one we're looking at but any of these glp-1 inhibitors would can
substitute for what do you think it can possibly do for you in the future well
like we said a keep me from I'm getting full-blown diabetes,
controlling.
I have to do more, you know, discussions with my doctor and stuff like that
(43:22):
to get more information on everything that it'll do.
But I'll be seeing an endocrinologist.
Sounds good to me. And what I'm expected to do for me is to kind of just, is to be a Kickstarter.
It's not, I don't see it as a miracle. I don't want to put too much stock in
(43:46):
it like New Year's Eve, like a New Year's resolution,
because those haven't worked, you know?
I just use it as something as a just a quick, in a weird way, it's like...
It's like a little shortcut, right? Or it's like a little, just a little boost
(44:08):
to just help me start feeling just a little bit better.
Seeing a few pounds drop will be such a difference to me because all I've seen is gain.
Yeah. And I mean, I don't have a scale anywhere.
Wear and you know but to feel pounds dropping or to not even just feel a little bit less hungry,
(44:36):
to me it's just because i'm ready to
make this happen yeah i think that's
the biggest part of this is that i'm now
saying to myself yes all
the things that have gone on in the past how you feel about yourself i'm
ready to not feel that way anymore and i
think that's the most important important part of this because this
(44:58):
isn't going to make me thin it's just
going to make me give me a tool to
not be as hungry so that i can do the
other work that i need to do right it's like which is as dr paul has mentioned
is key to any of these drugs is you've got to change the what you're eating
not just the quantities you got to get healthy and then hopefully that kick
(45:21):
starts some exercise and that's that's the thing it's like you know i want to get out walking more.
And not just and i want to stop smoking cigarettes
and that's one of the big things is you know but it's like one thing at a time
there aren't a lot of people using these drugs to help quit smoking because
it suppresses any of these compulsive habits i mean using it to quit Quit gambling
(45:46):
for gambling addiction.
And it could be very helpful for that as well.
What would it mean for you, though, to lose the weight?
It's about lack of burden, but there's going to be different phases.
I'm going to have to get rid of my part of me that's been here for so long.
(46:11):
So I have to come to grips with loss. I'll have to come to grips with loss and
the emotions that come with loss and the emotions that come to,
you know, because I've become somewhat as uncomfortable as I am in my skin.
In emotionally i'm comfortable i'm there's a
comfort level to being to being this so
(46:31):
i have to deal with that and but it's about wanting
to change all of that i want to be more positive i want
to live more positively because that's the
whole thing i'm not living positively here i'm
breathing but i'm not living positively and
i don't want to sound like you know instagram gram influencer
(46:52):
weirdo but you know but but it's
just like you know there's i want to live for i
want to do stuff i miss doing stuff
as in simple terms like that
to me is you know when you don't go anywhere you
know here you go there you're at home that's it you don't go do stuff i don't
(47:12):
i don't go have a drink at a bar you know that kind of thing it's like so just
going and doing stuff and feeling
a little bit better when there's nothing instagram influencer-y about.
Just wanting to be able to live life the way that you want to live it yeah i
(47:34):
mean i still remember like back when i was younger the dreams that i had and
the things that i wanted to do so yeah Yeah, I'd like to kind of,
maybe not specifically those dreams up, but just be able to dream again, right?
Be able to aspire to something, be able to, you know, want to,
(47:55):
go after accomplishments and things of that nature. Like that's,
that to me is, that's the most important part.
And if this can jumpstart that and help and be a tool to use to help that, then I'm all for it.
Should we inject the first dose? Yeah. Okay.
Well, at least one of the side effects could be depression.
(48:26):
It's good to laugh at it you know choose your injection site so upper arm stomach,
do the dramatic stomach okay i can go upper arm but why go up on i'm gonna do
the stomach um all right for the listeners out there jason is going to inject the shot now,
(48:51):
All right, we've taken the first shot.
Yeah. You feel better already? I feel good.
You know, I had my lip scraped this morning for a biopsy, so I'm more in pain on my mouth. Okay.
But yeah, but it's good. That's, yeah.
(49:12):
It's not like a gnarly, huge needle. And so it felt like a little prick.
A tiny prick. Tiny prick. Yes. Well, here's my son. We're here.
He's in middle school now it's just one joke
after another it's gotta be this gotta be fun because
(49:35):
you're kind of remembering just how awful your humor was oh back then it's it
is so much fun but it's hilarious but it's also kind of funny it's also still
kind of funny yeah yeah yeah he He channels the same type of humor that I had at that, at that time.
All right. Well, let's, we'll do a subsequent interview and check in and just
(50:01):
see how the process is going.
And we'll just be in touch to find the right time to do that.
When something has changed.
I'll do updates and stuff like that.
I'm sure that I'll shoot a few updates. dates i'm i'm not a big selfie camera
guy but you know we'll we're gonna make we'll actually show some stuff i'll
(50:22):
step out of my comfort zone yeah maybe you'll become one maybe who knows maybe,
there there is a grimace youtube channel out there in the future i mean.
Oh it'll just be story time i'll just tell i'll tell all the stories about you
know back that have happened to me.
(50:43):
Storytime with Uncle Grimace. Now, for those of you that don't know you personally,
like I do, I just referred to you as Grimace.
Yes. Your name is Jason Magee. Yes, it is.
Can you just tell us the story of how you came to earn the nickname Grimace?
Oh, boy. So...
Freshman year at college, the soccer team had their, what we call, freshman initiation.
(51:12):
Now, we've moved on as a society from that, in that we don't do those things anymore.
Right. This was back when we did, and the initiation was essentially a party
where we would get, where the older people would, you know, teammates would get drunk.
And for us, it was always like a rebellion kind of thing because it was during
(51:35):
what the college deemed dry week.
Right. Which meant there was no alcohol on campus. Yeah.
So my roommate and great friend, Eric Dugan, who I went there to play with,
he was like, well, tonight's freshman initiation.
And, you know, I know you haven't drank that much in high school because I wasn't a big drinker at all.
(51:58):
I think i got drunk maybe once off
a champagne okay prom okay but
other than that i had never i hadn't drank or anything like
that he said no he said like trust me you know you're gonna eat something on
your stomach and me think he's dugan he's been here before he knows what he's
talking about so we go to now in claremont there's a special special burger
(52:22):
place and it's right next Next to, there's an In-N-Out,
and it's, you know, always busy, In-N-Out, classic California burner.
And, but this place that he took me was called Easy Out, and it was across the street.
Right there, I think on Foothill, a stone's throw away from possibly the seediest
(52:52):
strip club in California, Deja Vu.
Which, you know, I'm sure was run by some, you know, one percenter motorcycle club.
And he takes me easy out. Which is like the sad knockoff of In-N-Out. It's the sad knockoff.
The meat there...
(53:14):
The most questionable. It was definitely meat, but it was probably a step above dog food.
I was starving, right? And remember, at this time, we're running,
you know, I'm playing soccer just in a game or a practice, six miles a day.
Really hard, tough, tough workouts. I eat two easy-out double burgers.
(53:39):
Not double doubles, but easy-out double burgers.
Right. sketchy gross tomato and
i remember this entire thing sketchy gross
tomato you know half half
ass russian dressing with like so it
didn't have the didn't have the relish in it
it was just tomato and old mayo had to
(54:01):
be and just the nastiest stainless
bun ever and i
powered it all down and got my first
beer in me in the passenger seat and we were
off to the races now binging this
is when you know that when you're sitting there and
(54:21):
you realize that okay this is binge drinking this is a college phenomenon and
it happens and so we have the party it's on campus which is sketchy enough because
campus security and it's our team and the women's soccer team together combined.
Well, the party starts and I come into the thing just hammered.
(54:49):
Dugan and had gotten a bottle of what's Goldschlager.
So for the kids think fireball, but classier because it had gold flakes in it.
So, you know, flexible dancing, you know, give us a little credit.
We're living high, but it's, it's
cinnamon flavored liqueur it's thick
(55:12):
it's disgusting and it's only
meant to be it's only meant to be consumed by people
18 to 24 it's not it's not made for an luxury it's not made for an older palate
and that had so i came into the party and personally and i'm ready to go i don't
everybody i get along with everybody but it was still a freshman and you You
(55:36):
still had to go through your paces and do the whole thing.
And so I'm, they're just feeding, feeding us alcohol, feeding us alcohol.
I keep wanting to take more shots. I'm having a blast. Right. And, um.
Eventually, I end up in the shower, and that easy-out meal ends up next to me.
(56:00):
Yes. And I'm wearing a little of it. And the problem is that it didn't digest,
so it came back up almost whole.
And you could see that there was a burger in my recent past but also this humongous grid on my face,
(56:21):
and oh I forgot they had shaved my head.
Prior to the bathroom they had shaved my head and my eyebrow.
Which okay weird but sure and they had written and, you know,
things in marker on me, all in good fun.
Nothing at all, like, mean-spirited or anything, just good fun.
(56:44):
And my shaved head and my smile with the burger.
One of the team's leaders, Timmy Kang, fantastic man, wonderful human being in San Francisco.
He's a doctor. actor he came up
(57:05):
and he said you look like grimace with the
shaved head and the smile on my face so that
stuck and this is grimace grimace d mcdonald's purple character the yuga that
recently came out with her own shake that was absolutely disgusting of course
(57:25):
i tried it but But that was how I've been known as Grimace.
And that name has stuck in terms of everyone that we're around.
In fact, all of your wives call me Grimace. Yeah. Not Jason.
(57:45):
I have never known you as Jason because I transferred in the next year.
Right. And you were Grimace by that time.
I mean, that's how I was introduced to you. It was Grimace. And it just,
I think it comes, there's a drunken smile that I get on my face that I don't have naturally.
I'm not a big, like, grinning from ear to ear kind of person.
(58:09):
But when I drink, that's how, that's how I, so it was the grimace smile kind of thing.
And that's, that's how the name evolved. involved and it's stuck in and our
old coach even calls me grimace to this day yes,
(58:30):
shout out to bill squirts but yeah so that's that's how that name came about
there we go all right all right well i cannot wait to do an update in the near
future thank you for this this This was fantastic.
This was fun. Yeah. It's therapeutic. Yeah. I mean, that was...
(58:50):
There were a lot of stuff. It was actually really cool. Like I learned a lot
about you that I did not know. Yeah.
No, those, those, those are the, what, what you learned today that the part
about my dad was, uh, was a, you know, that's an onion.
Yeah. That's the, that's the heart of the onion that layers don't,
that I never usually talked about. Right.
(59:12):
Yeah. But it's part of, part of me. I'm glad you got to hear it.
Thank you for sharing all of it. Seriously.
Thank you. you and thank you for creating a space for
me to share that i appreciate that i really do think
that's a message that the whole thing the struggle all the issues with it and
the hope for the future like that's that's a message a lot of people need to
(59:34):
hear i mean it's just about no matter what people are going through whether
it's obesity or something else something else we all go through you something.
Hey, everybody, until next time, ask questions. Don't accept the status quo.
Music.
In today's episode, I sit down with Jason Magee, who shares his 15-year struggle
with depression and weight loss, and then takes his first dose of a weight loss drug live on air.
I don't love my body because this is not my body.
Once an extremely fit college soccer player, Jason now faces daily challenges
that take a toll on his health and his self-worth.
(00:21):
It's that cross-section of emotions that creates the cycle of,
oh, I hate myself, let me eat. I eat and eat and eat, not until I'm full.
I eat until I'm almost ready to throw up. And I just keep force feeding myself.
Somebody asked me, where do you see yourself in five years? I'm like,
(00:44):
I don't. But today, Jason is ready for a change.
I'm ready to not feel that way anymore. Just be able to dream again.
Join us as we explore Jason's journey, the struggles, and the hope that comes
with taking the first step towards change.
You're going to take Wegovi, the GLP-1 inhibitor.
(01:07):
You just received your first dose.
Yes, I just received my first dose and been on a weight-gaining journey,
so to speak, for the last 15 to 20 years.
Yeah. My health has gotten severely worse.
I've gotten severe health problems because of my weight specifically.
(01:28):
Yeah. Also the cigarettes and, you know, any other stuff, but mostly my weight.
Yeah. Just, it's been this long journey of kind of fighting a depression.
Yeah. So to speak, like, and that's how I've gotten there.
So I'm excited to take this first, first dose to try and find something that
(01:50):
helps me, you know, not feel hungry. Right.
And so you're going to take your first dose on air today.
Yeah. Okay. I'm going to inject myself. Okay. Right in the stomach.
Yeah. Yeah. And this is going to be an interview like I've never done before,
because we're just going to talk about how you are feeling today,
(02:11):
how you came to this point where you decided to take this drug.
And then we're going to follow up in three to six
months and see how things are going and
what's happened on the weight loss journey right
perfect how much did you
weigh in college when
you were a college athlete a soccer player no less all-american soccer player
(02:37):
that's right that's right yeah i weighed anywhere between 150 and 155 yeah was
my weight and that was me Me being fully athletic,
running six miles, seven miles a day, watching everything that I ate, working out in the gym.
(02:58):
And being younger with a stronger metabolism.
Yeah. And after I stopped playing because of injury,
a story of 95% of the college athletes out there, I still had habits that I
continued where it was working out.
(03:19):
But I didn't watch what I ate. Yeah. And then that led to a little bit of weight gain.
And then, so I'm eating horribly and fighting a lifelong, essentially depression.
Yeah. Where, when I felt bad, I ate.
Yeah. Some people don't eat when they feel bad. I ate when I feel bad.
(03:43):
And it's just, it was a, I was self-medicating with food.
And that's that's a learned behavior unfortunately my mother also.
Self-medicated with food okay for her stuff so this is all kind of learned and
(04:04):
passed on yeah well it's the obesity gene and what have you and the more the
ability to to be to gain weight in this way and how or how much do you weigh today,
today well the last doctor visit had
me at 365 pounds okay okay so so your century essentially carrying around an
(04:27):
extra 200 pound person from when you were 22 years old right absolutely yeah And that has led to,
on top of numerous physical problems,
emotionally that's the worst part. Right.
Because I know that I'm carrying this humongous person on me,
(04:53):
and it doesn't fit my frame.
And it's just very, very difficult, but I have...
Pre-diabetic and that leads to when i eat i get groggy ready to fall asleep and just a general.
Blasé-ness yeah and it's hard to be motivated for anything when it sounds like the.
(05:21):
Eating starts with the depression yeah
but then as you gain weight that adds
to the depression so you're entering into
a very negative self-reinforcing cycle
absolutely we know that some people have who
are large or bigger people love their
(05:41):
body right and that and i'm
that is this you can't you can't
dispute that at all sure um i don't
love my body right because this is not my
body right essentially right this is
not how my body is operated and that
(06:02):
leads to a lot of self-loathing yeah and
self-loathing and depression and there's a whole history of depression and where
that comes from and the self-loathing and not feeling worthy and stuff like
that and then nothing fits right yeah then it's like you look at your clothes and all of
(06:23):
your t-shirts are stretched out weirdly and you're
like oh why does that happen it's like oh because you're always tugging at
them to cover your cover your stomach so it doesn't look big and then you buy
bigger clothes right and you look even bigger yeah and you just and then it's
that cycle when you feel and then you feel bad and you eat yeah i wish i felt bad and worked out.
(06:47):
Or didn't eat, but my thing is I eat. Yeah. And it's...
It's not just an eating, it's a binge eating. Mm-hmm. What does binge eating look like for you?
Binge eating looks like to me is you get a large pizza and I eat and eat and eat, not until I'm full.
(07:09):
I eat until I'm almost ready to throw up. Uh-huh. But I don't.
And then I just let that sit in and I just keep force feeding myself.
Yeah in those moments yeah
and it's or it's with ice cream right
(07:30):
it's it's not a pie it's not half a pint
of ben and jerry's it's two pints
of ben and jerry's after the pizza
okay so it's just force feeding
myself on these moments in really short
moments and typically late at night yeah so
then i just pass out and all
(07:53):
those calories then don't have anything to
do but go to my body because i'm now not walking i'm
not doing anything not at work it's that's the binge eating part yeah that's
how i ate to feel better yeah it's by making myself feel sick i felt better
yeah yeah when you picture yourself in your mind's eye what do you see.
(08:20):
That's a tough one because at like
when i was younger playing soccer and stuff like
that professionally i see myself as awesome as that young fit young fit guy
yeah and i'm and i'm awesome yeah and i'm good at what i do and people like
being around me and stuff like that yeah When I look at myself in the mirror out of that context,
(08:46):
since I was 15, I've hated what I see.
Being really good at soccer and having that take me all over the country and
different opportunities, that made me feel great.
Or when I would go surf or something like that, that made me feel really good.
But if it's not that, then I absolutely detest who I am.
(09:12):
Yeah. And it's a weird thing because all of my, you know, you being one of my
friends and you all would say that would be crazy that I would,
should ever feel that way about myself.
And no, and nobody's, and that's comes from a history of, you know,
parental history where that was instilled, but it's just, I've never felt worthy.
(09:33):
I've never felt like I was worthy if I wasn't doing professionally or in those spaces when I'm alone.
I hate myself. Yeah.
Yeah, that's OK. There's a lot to unpack there. There's a lot to unpack there.
Let's just start one one at a time here. I think one, I would say in my mind's
(09:57):
eye, because I played soccer with you in college.
I over the in the intervening 20 years.
We have texted consistently all through that time.
Right and we see each other in person
every so often but not like back then so in
my mind's eye when i am texting with you i still see the
(10:20):
lightning fast dominating
soccer player that could could run
and run and run and and i mean that's the the guy i see
and i also see a very very
well dressed put together guy because
you really had an impeccable fashion sense
and we're really into style it is
(10:42):
interesting now that
you look so different and
and that style is not there either maybe because you
don't have those same options with the clothes you
can buy or desire right that's what
i was gonna ask yeah it's the desire because you
don't see yourself that way anymore no i mean the
(11:05):
weight for me has taken over all of that now so now i just i don't like what
i see and how i feel at all yeah at any moment and you brought up the over the
20 years we We, you know, you all are married, have kids.
Yeah. I'm the only one in our group who doesn't have that.
(11:28):
Yeah. And that's because of how I feel about myself.
Right. And thus in texting form, I can still be that.
For me, texting has allowed me to still be that person to you guys,
my friend group. and that's because being in person is.
(11:52):
It hurts. Yeah. Not because of anything that you guys would ever do.
Sure. It would never, it would never be that way. It's just that I'm,
I feel gross going in or I feel like, God, these guys have had everything in
their life is every, you know, they're all happy.
They're all successful and everything. And it's just like, Oh yeah. And it's this.
(12:17):
Yeah. And that That has led to me not seeing you guys. Right.
You know, in person. In person. Right. When we've had meetups or things like
that. It's like, oh, I had to work.
And yes, there are times when my job literally had me working,
you know, in a ridiculous fashion in TV.
Sure. But there are other times where it was like, I can't make it.
(12:39):
It's an excuse you can use.
It's an excuse. Oh, yeah. And I've always felt awful about that.
So this is actually weird. like kind of like you know
expression to you all right oh it's
it's basically because of how awful and
how I see myself wasn't I didn't fit in right it was like oh you're gonna be
(13:01):
there and you're not gonna fit in right you know I'm not fitting you're gonna
feel weird you don't feel awkward and well just so you know we do all want you
to hang out as much as possible but I also.
I'm grateful that you're expressing all of this because I think there are a
lot of people across the country and around the world that feel the same way
(13:23):
and then aren't able to express it. And this is helpful to them.
And along those lines, I mean, one thing, the reason I brought up the fashion
a little while ago is that, yeah, so I still see you as that guy on text message, as we alluded to.
But in person now you dress in
(13:45):
a way that is almost like to blend into the wall and and
want to not draw attention to yourself and
then we'll exit social occasions very quickly
you'll make an appearance so that every you know you're still in
touch and everybody knows there's still love there but then
it's just like hey i gotta go and then and then sneak out
of there and that you're you're saying is down to all
(14:08):
these feelings of feeling less than less than and
and also just physically not being
able to have the stamina to stay somewhere
and be engaged and be
personable yeah and have a
smile on my face for a certain
amount of time yeah because i need to
(14:31):
get back to because it's like self-loathing and
you're not good enough is calling
saying no come home you've you've done that you've done that for a little bit
come home now that's awkward for you right come back to being come back to where
you feel comfortable so what what does that look like when okay you're at the
(14:52):
social occasion you hear the self-loathing calling and what happens after After that.
It's. Quickly. Let's get home.
And. It's.
On the way back, it's feeling, oh, my God, I'm so glad to see all of my friends.
I love them so much. And the love that I have for this group of friends is,
(15:15):
you know, like, tremendous.
And I always think I'm so happy. Yeah. I'm so glad I just got to see them.
And I get home, and it's an hour later, and that feeling is,
God, you're a piece of shit.
Yeah. you don't have anything in your life going that's nearly as good as that and you're you're fake.
(15:43):
You're you're you're fake that's not
you you're you know you're gross you don't
fit in and then it's eat eat eat eat
eat right smoke drink right
go to put myself to sleep yeah and then
wake up and you know do it again it's it's a cycle and
(16:03):
you know and that's what
it is it's this gratefulness that i have this tremendous group
of friends who are supportive of
everybody you know like absolutely thick as
thieves yeah and very close
yeah in such a in such a different way
(16:24):
that i don't think a lot of people are with groups that they went
to college with being that thinking that
connected to one another on a daily basis
oh yeah i mean like a
daily basis about everything and everything
and we're all very connected as if we lived on the same street right i mean
(16:45):
there are 10 messages a day minimum on that thread absolutely yeah and but it's
like but then i just didn't i don't feel like i'm worthy of that at.
Level of friendship or that level of love.
I can't, it's hard to, it's not hard for me to give that love to you all,
(17:08):
but accepting it and taking it to heart, I can accept it and know it's there, but I can't believe it.
Like the receiving of it. Right. And the receiving of it to believe it.
It's, it's not there. Yeah. And it sparks that negative voice.
And, and, and part of that That is also, it's like the longstanding depression
(17:30):
and, you know, feelings of self-worth that came before the body weight.
Right. But it's just compounded. I think to myself, what excuse do I have that
I'm this, that I'm this big when everybody else has job,
family, kids, you know, if anybody should, you know, be letting themselves go,
(17:53):
so to speak, it would be the people with like families to take care of.
Where they don't have time to like you know think about it i don't have any of that so it's so.
It's like an it's a comparison that i
do in my head and then all that just leads
back to me not liking myself right right
(18:15):
well i take this all very seriously but
i smile when you say that because I go it's just
so not true look for me from my
vantage point I mean I understand where you're coming from and that you're in
this negative mental cycle and yet I really believe that this is a great first
(18:39):
step towards changing things because I know,
the good human you are, the kindness in your heart, all this love to give that
if, if you can take steps to solve some of the health problems,
I think it could be absolutely transformative,
for what's going on upstairs, which, which holds you back in these other ways
(19:01):
that you're referencing. For sure.
I mean, there may be a school of thought where people are like,
well, you have to love yourself first before you love the outside but for me
there's not this is i can't love this.
It's just not how i'm built that's not how i'm wired i
can't love this version of me
(19:24):
yeah so i need to love a version of me that actually cares about how he looks
and cares about feeling good and doesn't want to force 15,000 calories into
his body every couple days a week.
So this is a jumpstart to suppressing some of that natural appetite that now
(19:52):
I've developed because of years of feeding my body in a certain way.
This is going to help me, hopefully, to suppress some of that appetite so that
I can then, as I'm eating better, because that's the other part of it,
I can't just eat, I'm going to eat.
This is a whole catalyst for a lifestyle change in that this is going to help
(20:13):
me really say, okay, you have to change the way you eat.
You have to change what you eat. And then getting up and doing something,
working out a little bit, getting back in the ocean.
Yeah. I mean, there's the healing properties.
The ocean are, you know, countless. Yeah.
That's another, that's where if I can't be on a soccer field,
(20:36):
I need to be in the ocean to feel good.
So hopefully I can get back there because you can't go in the ocean if you're 350 pounds. Right.
It's just not safe. Yeah.
It's not safe. It's dangerous. I think one of the things that has me so excited about these drugs is.
For people that are struggling with their weight is
(20:59):
how difficult it is to break that cycle
because of all the things you're mentioning it's like okay you
want to go exercise but it's very difficult to exercise
a whole lot when you're carrying around an extra 200 pounds yes it's difficult
to break the eating cycle because your body leans hard towards homeostasis where
(21:22):
it's It's going to stay in the structure that you're in.
So it's actually going to fight back against the losing of weight.
Yeah. And it does seem, I mean, I'm really, really hoping there aren't long-term
consequences to these drugs because it's, you can short circuit that process.
Suddenly we suppress that eating.
You will naturally start to lose weight through that. You're more able to exercise
(21:46):
and then you've got a virtuous cycle going forward.
I'm also on this because I'm pretty diabetic.
Right. And this is something that people with diabetes, type two diabetes.
Have it's shown to help with type two diabetes.
Absolutely. So that's that is on top of the weight loss.
(22:07):
It is also trying to keep me from going into full type two diabetes, which I'm not there yet.
But all of the pre-symptoms I'm
I think a couple of decimal points from
being considered fully diabetic in my
blood work but yes you're absolutely right it's a cycle that needs to be broken
(22:29):
and in terms of long term side effects the risk is there but the long term side
effect to not doing this feels much more.
Permanent and catastrophic. Sure. There's a reporter that wrote,
and I'm blanking on his name right now, but I will include it in the notes for the show.
(22:53):
He wrote a book on these drugs weighing up the risks versus the benefits,
and he went through the same analysis for himself.
And he told this great story of it's Christmas Eve, and he goes to a fried chicken joint.
I believe he lived in London. and the guy at the counter says,
(23:14):
oh my goodness, I'm so glad you're here. I've got something for you in the back.
What's going on? Goes in the back, he's gone for a while, comes out and everybody
at the fried chicken place had written a card and they said,
you're our number one customer and Merry Christmas.
And he takes his card and he said, my heart absolutely broke because this wasn't
(23:35):
my number one fried chicken joint.
KFC was my number one. oh and he
realized how out of control his eating was
in that moment and then in talking to medical professionals
they said yeah okay we don't know all
the long-term consequences of this drug but we do know
the long-term consequences of carrying this much weight
(23:57):
and being diabetic yeah and it is
extremely likely that in that case those consequences
outweigh whatever we might
discover over with this drug in 10 years yeah i mean i'll
put a humorous little spin on it yeah there
are things when you are this large that
(24:18):
become difficult and you may not even
know that they become difficult recently i was
at the doctor got my checkup and then i had to give a
urine sample okay and they're like okay go into
the go into the bathroom and do
urine sample well the bathroom is not small
but it's small for me because i take up so much space i have to now figure out
(24:44):
how to negotiate my body and my angles now and in just the most blunt terms i'm peeing blind,
into this cup first of all that's first of all like understand like you know.
(25:06):
That's hard sure like you know when
we as men we look down and we see that
you know oh there it's still there just like when you're two years
old we look down and we say oh that's still there
and you know and i'm now going at this blindly and i have my sweater that i
had on in one in over my shoulder and I'm trying to negotiate this and it ends
(25:33):
up not going the way I thought.
There's the sample cup received about.
A quarter of what it should. My sweater falls down.
I'm now urinated on my cashmere sweater because I had a nice sweater on because it's a new doctor.
(25:53):
Yeah. And I've now soiled my sweater and there's urine that now I have to clean
up because it's a public bathroom.
And the worst part is, is that I let out a, oh, shit.
And the people who were
outside waiting the waiting room could hear me yeah
and i realized they could hear me
(26:15):
because i could hear them through the walls yeah and
i now get myself together and exit
that bathroom and i have
to wear my sweater a certain way and
i bring the sample and you know the doc the
nurse at the front was like okay and i
(26:35):
just realized i was like this is ridiculous i'm now
having to negotiate the basic a
basic human function is that negative self-talk running
through your head as you exit the bathroom it
was more comical to me because you know peeing
on yourself is funny i've always thought that that
(26:57):
you know when somebody else pees on themselves of like it's a hoot but i knew
in my head it was like it was funny and it was it wasn't as depressing as you
might vision based on all that i've told you now it was just this like comedy of errors.
(27:17):
Because of my body size and that
was just ridiculous the story
when i felt really bad again it was a bathroom story
yeah but i went to the movies with my nephew we he's like oh we get all this
he gets all this food he's you know young kid but it's nachos and it's popcorn
(27:39):
and it's a big soda and it's you know half of his hot dog that he doesn't eat
and it's all that stuff and And by the time the movie's over,
I've consumed at least 3,000 calories based on all of that and the big tub of popcorn.
And I go and use the bathroom and I can't get my pants buttoned.
(28:02):
After unbuttoning them, my stomach had grown.
I'd eaten too much. and that was
the inability to button my pants and then having to walk out of the theater
holding my pants with my nephew was the worst feeling i've ever had yeah kind
(28:22):
of funny because it's you know you sit there struggling i was leaning up against the bathroom wall.
Trying to get my my button button yeah yeah and then i said you know what i
don't know why i I didn't wear my sweatpants that I always wear.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Sorry for the bathroom humor. It's on your podcast. But, you know, it's just like that.
(28:45):
Those are the, like, things that when, you know, some people talk about,
you know, how happy they are.
I haven't figured out how to negotiate that kind of thing. Mm-hmm.
Like, I can't square that.
Like, having to negotiate my angles and is this bathroom big enough that's horrible
(29:08):
it's a horrible feeling but it's also like flying yeah.
Aisle seat aisle seat no
matter what has to be an aisle seat why because
then i don't make the person sitting next to me feel uncomfortable
because i've leaned into the aisle the entire
time because i know that getting on
(29:30):
a flight people are going to be like i
don't want to sit next to the fat person i don't
want to be the fat person that makes somebody uncomfortable comfortable
so i lean into the aisle the entire flight yeah and it's just it's it's those
little things that just then make you feel make me feel horrible it's horrible what other,
(29:57):
little mundane things are difficult because of the way that most people wouldn't
even think of I mean, going upstairs, going upstairs.
Now we need to make sure I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day.
Right. Which is something else that needs to be addressed.
(30:18):
Which is, you know, yeah, I had a biopsy on my lip recently.
If we cut away from me for a second there, it's because we had a little technical
difficulty and had to work around it, but such is life when you're podcasting. Yeah, yeah.
I think one of the biggest things, because I'm a communicator,
(30:39):
when I'm on the phone, my breathing, or if I'm in person, it's my breathing.
Yeah. That is the most, it's probably one of the things that it's like, it always reminds you,
just reminds me just how big and how out of shape that I am.
(31:02):
You can hear my breathing.
And I know that that is just, A, people are wondering if I'm going to have a
heart attack because it sounds that bad.
And B, people are just like, look, listening to you breathing as I'm standing
in line behind you has got to be one of the most.
(31:23):
I don't like making people uncomfortable who are just trying to enjoy something
that they're doing. Yeah.
And that's probably my biggest thing is that because I can just imagine,
you know, like you're trying to go somewhere, you're in line at Knott's Berry
Farm and you have this guy who's behind you and I'm not doing anything.
(31:49):
I'm just sweating profusely in October outside and breathing super heavily.
And my nephew is tapping my stomach
and I can just imagine how that makes people a feel a uncomfortable,
a little bit like, oh my God, you know, just a little embarrassed for me,
(32:10):
but then a little bit just uncomfortable.
Like I didn't come here to hear this dude breathing.
That doesn't make me feel uncomfortable if there's someone who's large behind
me in line somewhere and they're breathing heavily and whatever else they're going through.
But it seems to reveal how
much for you what's going
(32:32):
on internally because you're so self-conscious about
the weight and what's happening and that it's
somehow imposing on others 100 and don't
get me wrong most people are probably they couldn't
think twice about it's me projecting that
to projecting how i feel on myself onto
(32:53):
the onto these wonderful people right who you
know don't think that way but yeah it's it's just how uncomfortable i feel right
is that i think my disco my discomfort is uncomfortable for other people and
on an airplane yes one you know 100 100%,
(33:14):
but just in general in life, I don't think people,
most people think two things of it.
I'm not the only one in society who looks like this, but I'm the only, but I feel like I am.
I feel like I'm.
This just like humongous growth burden.
And I've used that word a number of times. You should probably find a different
(33:37):
word just because I don't want anybody to think that that's how I view people either.
My entire view of me is just how I view me.
Sure. But even those words you use to describe yourself have a mental impact over time.
I mean, I thought one of the best examples I've come across recently, my
(33:58):
cousin who was recently divorced has
made the decision he's not ever going to refer to
his ex-wife as his ex-wife because that implies conflict and he's only going
to refer to her as the mother of his children when he references her in conversation
because that will reorient his brain towards back towards what's really important
(34:22):
which is that they still have kids
they have to raise together, even though they're no longer a couple. Right.
And yeah, I think we got to find a better word than, than gross. Yeah.
You've got that self-talk going. Yeah, I think so.
And, you know, that's why using this as like a catalyst to trying to feel better about myself.
(34:46):
And yes, there's, there's room for therapy. And I've, I've been through that
and believe heavily in it, in the benefits that it produces for me. Yeah.
But it's just about the motivation to go.
Yeah. There's no motivation.
That's the one thing it's taken out motivation and aspiration for me.
(35:12):
And just you know wanting to
see the world and stuff like that it's that hasn't
existed for at least five years the last place i went was ecuador and i said
to myself god i gotta keep exploring this beautiful world that we have or you
(35:32):
know going down and fighting a bull yeah yeah
just having crazy experiences yeah
but this is it sounds like for all in every area of your life this is bleeding
into it and suppressing motivation and aspiration sure absolutely i mean every
single area when somebody asks me where do you see yourself in five years i'm like i don't.
(35:57):
I don't i don't see anything it's not like i see something great i don't see
something bad i just don't see anything.
And I think that that's...
That's not a good way to live. Especially because I got a niece and nephew who
I love more than, you know, life itself.
And I can't even imagine not seeing them grow up.
(36:22):
But then, yeah, I can't imagine what I'll look like. I just can't.
There's just no, like, there's no dreaming.
Right. Anymore. There's no dreaming.
I don't dream. I don't, you know. Yeah. That kind of thing. And I,
that's not how to experience life.
Right when i think i can speak for all of our friends when
(36:43):
i say this is excited you've
made this choice for yourself because we all want
you here in five years and to be not just here but the the best healthiest version
of of jason that we know yeah and is absolutely still there you're still that
person yeah and i want to be there because i want to see you guys and see your kids You know,
(37:06):
like kids going off to college soon,
you know, and kids in high school and stuff like that.
When I saw them in the, you know, last time I was in person,
they're in elementary school.
And then I just realized like, oh, my God, I haven't seen them in person in
three, four years. Like, yeah, crazy.
(37:28):
Now, earlier you mentioned that this negative cycle started back when you were 15. Yes.
And you had these intrusive negative thoughts began then. Where do you think
that came from? I know where it came from.
I don't know. It might be too heavy for, I guess we can figure it out.
(37:48):
And as a quick disclaimer, if anyone is suffering from suicidal ideation,
there is a suicide hotline.
You can text 988.
It is available 24-7 every day of the year so that anyone who is in a emergency
situation can always reach someone who will be able to help.
(38:13):
A great tool for anybody out there struggling with thoughts
about suicide i was 15 and
severely depressed but at
that point i was on olympic development soccer and
trajectory to being possible you
know college soccer player but the thing i
didn't have was my father his divorce
(38:35):
from my mother and he was inconsistent and
inconsistent in kind of like the worst way like not not
not there but inconsistent to where
like he would pop up or say he was
popping up and that was really hard for
me to deal with there was some other previous trauma that i had seen him be
abusive and stuff like that there's a form of abuse with that in that telling
(39:00):
your child that you're gonna be somewhere and then not coming or doing this
and doing the other thing and that was really hard for me to deal with.
It was to the point where I, you know.
And suicide was a thought at 15, even with everything going,
like when somebody would look at according to plan, everything was good and good.
(39:24):
But I worked through it with a therapist and came to the conclusion that I would
tell him that, you know what, I'm good.
Yeah. We don't need to do this anymore. more.
So on Christmas Eve, he came to say hi and deliver a birthday card and a little
(39:46):
knick-knack he got from the supermarket just down the street.
And I said, look, I'm good.
I don't, you don't need to be do this anymore. I'm not, don't expect it. I don't want it.
I'm okay. You can just go live your life and
i'm sure that was hard for him to hear but
it's not really about him at the moment and he
(40:09):
told me that if that's how i felt
that i should slit my wrists well that's
so that's where some people you know
traumatic incident of self-worth when
you know somebody knows and
he knew that that's how I felt because my mother
(40:30):
let him know exactly everything that
was going on with me and with with with my
sister and my mother was always trying to
get him involved and make sure that we had him in the best light but he had
this information the most delicate vulnerable information right and then used
(40:52):
it against you when you tried to set a boundary yes so that was,
that's brutal I don't know how
many people know that I have not heard that story before but yeah that was.
There's a lot that went into that it shaped a lot of who I am,
(41:13):
some good some bad but yeah so then every since then there's always been in the back of my mind,
always there's you know in times where it's fighting where I fight why did I wake up today,
I'm glad I woke up today why did I wake up today so those thoughts are more like you know,
(41:36):
I must put a warning on this about talking about that but yeah it's like that
kind of thing for me is you know it's been something that I've dealt with and
you know those feelings of I don't want to be here don't exist when I'm eating Ying.
But they exist when I, you know, but they come back and now it just,
it takes different forms.
(41:59):
The eating helps to self-soothe and suppress that stuff going on,
just like alcohol does for some people. Absolutely.
It's food and, you know, it's, it's food and it's just as destructive.
Not for the rest of society, like, you know, but just internally,
it's just as self-destructive.
(42:21):
But it's it's twofold it's self-destructive and
it's also comforting which makes
it really really hard to to get past or to like you know to figure out and maneuver
around because it's i hate myself let me eat a ton oh but i need to feel better
(42:41):
yeah so it's that it's that cross
-section of emotions that you know that you're in and that that creates the cycle of,
eating and feeling bad and and that kind of thing looking forward what do you think this drug,
(43:01):
wago v is the one we're looking at but any of these glp-1 inhibitors would can
substitute for what do you think it can possibly do for you in the future well
like we said a keep me from I'm getting full-blown diabetes,
controlling.
I have to do more, you know, discussions with my doctor and stuff like that
(43:22):
to get more information on everything that it'll do.
But I'll be seeing an endocrinologist.
Sounds good to me. And what I'm expected to do for me is to kind of just, is to be a Kickstarter.
It's not, I don't see it as a miracle. I don't want to put too much stock in
(43:46):
it like New Year's Eve, like a New Year's resolution,
because those haven't worked, you know?
I just use it as something as a just a quick, in a weird way, it's like...
It's like a little shortcut, right? Or it's like a little, just a little boost
(44:08):
to just help me start feeling just a little bit better.
Seeing a few pounds drop will be such a difference to me because all I've seen is gain.
Yeah. And I mean, I don't have a scale anywhere.
Wear and you know but to feel pounds dropping or to not even just feel a little bit less hungry,
(44:36):
to me it's just because i'm ready to
make this happen yeah i think that's
the biggest part of this is that i'm now
saying to myself yes all
the things that have gone on in the past how you feel about yourself i'm
ready to not feel that way anymore and i
think that's the most important important part of this because this
(44:58):
isn't going to make me thin it's just
going to make me give me a tool to
not be as hungry so that i can do the
other work that i need to do right it's like which is as dr paul has mentioned
is key to any of these drugs is you've got to change the what you're eating
not just the quantities you got to get healthy and then hopefully that kick
(45:21):
starts some exercise and that's that's the thing it's like you know i want to get out walking more.
And not just and i want to stop smoking cigarettes
and that's one of the big things is you know but it's like one thing at a time
there aren't a lot of people using these drugs to help quit smoking because
it suppresses any of these compulsive habits i mean using it to quit Quit gambling
(45:46):
for gambling addiction.
And it could be very helpful for that as well.
What would it mean for you, though, to lose the weight?
It's about lack of burden, but there's going to be different phases.
I'm going to have to get rid of my part of me that's been here for so long.
(46:11):
So I have to come to grips with loss. I'll have to come to grips with loss and
the emotions that come with loss and the emotions that come to,
you know, because I've become somewhat as uncomfortable as I am in my skin.
In emotionally i'm comfortable i'm there's a
comfort level to being to being this so
(46:31):
i have to deal with that and but it's about wanting
to change all of that i want to be more positive i want
to live more positively because that's the
whole thing i'm not living positively here i'm
breathing but i'm not living positively and
i don't want to sound like you know instagram gram influencer
(46:52):
weirdo but you know but but it's
just like you know there's i want to live for i
want to do stuff i miss doing stuff
as in simple terms like that
to me is you know when you don't go anywhere you
know here you go there you're at home that's it you don't go do stuff i don't
(47:12):
i don't go have a drink at a bar you know that kind of thing it's like so just
going and doing stuff and feeling
a little bit better when there's nothing instagram influencer-y about.
Just wanting to be able to live life the way that you want to live it yeah i
(47:34):
mean i still remember like back when i was younger the dreams that i had and
the things that i wanted to do so yeah Yeah, I'd like to kind of,
maybe not specifically those dreams up, but just be able to dream again, right?
Be able to aspire to something, be able to, you know, want to,
(47:55):
go after accomplishments and things of that nature. Like that's,
that to me is, that's the most important part.
And if this can jumpstart that and help and be a tool to use to help that, then I'm all for it.
Should we inject the first dose? Yeah. Okay.
Well, at least one of the side effects could be depression.
(48:26):
It's good to laugh at it you know choose your injection site so upper arm stomach,
do the dramatic stomach okay i can go upper arm but why go up on i'm gonna do
the stomach um all right for the listeners out there jason is going to inject the shot now,
(48:51):
All right, we've taken the first shot.
Yeah. You feel better already? I feel good.
You know, I had my lip scraped this morning for a biopsy, so I'm more in pain on my mouth. Okay.
But yeah, but it's good. That's, yeah.
(49:12):
It's not like a gnarly, huge needle. And so it felt like a little prick.
A tiny prick. Tiny prick. Yes. Well, here's my son. We're here.
He's in middle school now it's just one joke
after another it's gotta be this gotta be fun because
(49:35):
you're kind of remembering just how awful your humor was oh back then it's it
is so much fun but it's hilarious but it's also kind of funny it's also still
kind of funny yeah yeah yeah he He channels the same type of humor that I had at that, at that time.
All right. Well, let's, we'll do a subsequent interview and check in and just
(50:01):
see how the process is going.
And we'll just be in touch to find the right time to do that.
When something has changed.
I'll do updates and stuff like that.
I'm sure that I'll shoot a few updates. dates i'm i'm not a big selfie camera
guy but you know we'll we're gonna make we'll actually show some stuff i'll
(50:22):
step out of my comfort zone yeah maybe you'll become one maybe who knows maybe,
there there is a grimace youtube channel out there in the future i mean.
Oh it'll just be story time i'll just tell i'll tell all the stories about you
know back that have happened to me.
(50:43):
Storytime with Uncle Grimace. Now, for those of you that don't know you personally,
like I do, I just referred to you as Grimace.
Yes. Your name is Jason Magee. Yes, it is.
Can you just tell us the story of how you came to earn the nickname Grimace?
Oh, boy. So...
Freshman year at college, the soccer team had their, what we call, freshman initiation.
(51:12):
Now, we've moved on as a society from that, in that we don't do those things anymore.
Right. This was back when we did, and the initiation was essentially a party
where we would get, where the older people would, you know, teammates would get drunk.
And for us, it was always like a rebellion kind of thing because it was during
(51:35):
what the college deemed dry week.
Right. Which meant there was no alcohol on campus. Yeah.
So my roommate and great friend, Eric Dugan, who I went there to play with,
he was like, well, tonight's freshman initiation.
And, you know, I know you haven't drank that much in high school because I wasn't a big drinker at all.
(51:58):
I think i got drunk maybe once off
a champagne okay prom okay but
other than that i had never i hadn't drank or anything like
that he said no he said like trust me you know you're gonna eat something on
your stomach and me think he's dugan he's been here before he knows what he's
talking about so we go to now in claremont there's a special special burger
(52:22):
place and it's right next Next to, there's an In-N-Out,
and it's, you know, always busy, In-N-Out, classic California burner.
And, but this place that he took me was called Easy Out, and it was across the street.
Right there, I think on Foothill, a stone's throw away from possibly the seediest
(52:52):
strip club in California, Deja Vu.
Which, you know, I'm sure was run by some, you know, one percenter motorcycle club.
And he takes me easy out. Which is like the sad knockoff of In-N-Out. It's the sad knockoff.
The meat there...
(53:14):
The most questionable. It was definitely meat, but it was probably a step above dog food.
I was starving, right? And remember, at this time, we're running,
you know, I'm playing soccer just in a game or a practice, six miles a day.
Really hard, tough, tough workouts. I eat two easy-out double burgers.
(53:39):
Not double doubles, but easy-out double burgers.
Right. sketchy gross tomato and
i remember this entire thing sketchy gross
tomato you know half half
ass russian dressing with like so it
didn't have the didn't have the relish in it
it was just tomato and old mayo had to
(54:01):
be and just the nastiest stainless
bun ever and i
powered it all down and got my first
beer in me in the passenger seat and we were
off to the races now binging this
is when you know that when you're sitting there and
(54:21):
you realize that okay this is binge drinking this is a college phenomenon and
it happens and so we have the party it's on campus which is sketchy enough because
campus security and it's our team and the women's soccer team together combined.
Well, the party starts and I come into the thing just hammered.
(54:49):
Dugan and had gotten a bottle of what's Goldschlager.
So for the kids think fireball, but classier because it had gold flakes in it.
So, you know, flexible dancing, you know, give us a little credit.
We're living high, but it's, it's
cinnamon flavored liqueur it's thick
(55:12):
it's disgusting and it's only
meant to be it's only meant to be consumed by people
18 to 24 it's not it's not made for an luxury it's not made for an older palate
and that had so i came into the party and personally and i'm ready to go i don't
everybody i get along with everybody but it was still a freshman and you You
(55:36):
still had to go through your paces and do the whole thing.
And so I'm, they're just feeding, feeding us alcohol, feeding us alcohol.
I keep wanting to take more shots. I'm having a blast. Right. And, um.
Eventually, I end up in the shower, and that easy-out meal ends up next to me.
(56:00):
Yes. And I'm wearing a little of it. And the problem is that it didn't digest,
so it came back up almost whole.
And you could see that there was a burger in my recent past but also this humongous grid on my face,
(56:21):
and oh I forgot they had shaved my head.
Prior to the bathroom they had shaved my head and my eyebrow.
Which okay weird but sure and they had written and, you know,
things in marker on me, all in good fun.
Nothing at all, like, mean-spirited or anything, just good fun.
(56:44):
And my shaved head and my smile with the burger.
One of the team's leaders, Timmy Kang, fantastic man, wonderful human being in San Francisco.
He's a doctor. actor he came up
(57:05):
and he said you look like grimace with the
shaved head and the smile on my face so that
stuck and this is grimace grimace d mcdonald's purple character the yuga that
recently came out with her own shake that was absolutely disgusting of course
(57:25):
i tried it but But that was how I've been known as Grimace.
And that name has stuck in terms of everyone that we're around.
In fact, all of your wives call me Grimace. Yeah. Not Jason.
(57:45):
I have never known you as Jason because I transferred in the next year.
Right. And you were Grimace by that time.
I mean, that's how I was introduced to you. It was Grimace. And it just,
I think it comes, there's a drunken smile that I get on my face that I don't have naturally.
I'm not a big, like, grinning from ear to ear kind of person.
(58:09):
But when I drink, that's how, that's how I, so it was the grimace smile kind of thing.
And that's, that's how the name evolved. involved and it's stuck in and our
old coach even calls me grimace to this day yes,
(58:30):
shout out to bill squirts but yeah so that's that's how that name came about
there we go all right all right well i cannot wait to do an update in the near
future thank you for this this This was fantastic.
This was fun. Yeah. It's therapeutic. Yeah. I mean, that was...
(58:50):
There were a lot of stuff. It was actually really cool. Like I learned a lot
about you that I did not know. Yeah.
No, those, those, those are the, what, what you learned today that the part
about my dad was, uh, was a, you know, that's an onion.
Yeah. That's the, that's the heart of the onion that layers don't,
that I never usually talked about. Right.
(59:12):
Yeah. But it's part of, part of me. I'm glad you got to hear it.
Thank you for sharing all of it. Seriously.
Thank you. you and thank you for creating a space for
me to share that i appreciate that i really do think
that's a message that the whole thing the struggle all the issues with it and
the hope for the future like that's that's a message a lot of people need to
(59:34):
hear i mean it's just about no matter what people are going through whether
it's obesity or something else something else we all go through you something.
Hey, everybody, until next time, ask questions. Don't accept the status quo.
Music.
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