In this episode Miranda has Mallory Kiersten. We dive deep into the topic of self-love and breaking free from people-pleasing. Mallory, a self-love and unstuck yourself coach, shares her personal journey and experiences as a recovering people pleaser. We explore the impact of parental expectations and the pressure to achieve in society, uncovering the underlying motivations behind people-pleasing behavior.
But the conversation doesn't end there. Mallory takes us on a journey into the world of pleasure and introduces the concept of the erotic blueprints. She challenges the misconception that erotic simply means sex, emphasizing that pleasure can be a way of life. Mallory breaks down the five erotic blueprints and explains how they relate to both receiving and expressing pleasure. We learn about the energetics, the individuals who find tease and anticipation as major turn-ons, and can even experience orgasm without physical touch.
Throughout the episode, Mallory and Miranda emphasize the importance of awareness and authenticity when it comes to pleasure, dispelling myths and societal norms. So, join us as we explore the fascinating world of self-love, people-pleasing, and the different ways we can experience pleasure in our lives.
Speaker Bio:
Mallory Kiersten (she/they) is here to help recovering people-pleasers reclaim their pleasure and be in their fullest expression; she guides her clients into the deepest levels of love and acceptance for themselves so they can create the juiciest, most delicious pleasure-filled lives they could ever have imagined. Mallory is a self-love and Unstuck Yourself™ coach, a certified Erotic Blueprint™ coach and Accelerated Evolution practitioner in training, certified in the Sacred Money Archetypes® framework and an emotional clearing practitioner of The Spiral modality. In all of her work, she helps to liberate her clients from their limitations so that they can reclaim all parts of themselves- particularly those parts they’ve been ashamed of or have been told are “too much.” As the founder of The Expression Academy, she is committed to helping heart-centered entrepreneurs find their voice, create content from their souls, and cultivate authentic connection with their audiences. When she’s not coaching, you can find Mallory reading, dancing, watching cartoons, and probably making silly faces at herself in the mirror.
Show Notes:
- Understanding the People-Pleaser Syndrome
- Discovering Pleasure as a Way of Life
- Exploring the Erotic Blueprints: Learn about the five erotic blueprints: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shape-shifter.
- Sexual Incompatibility vs. Different Sex Languages
- Embracing Authentic Pleasure
Reflections:
How do societal expectations and parental influence contribute to the development of people-pleasing behaviors?
In what ways can self-love and self-acceptance help individuals break free from the cycle of people pleasing?
How does the concept of pleasure extend beyond just sexual experiences?
Mallory's Information: Website: www.mallorykiersten.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/thejoygoddess
Facebook: facebook.com/mallory.kiersten.888
TikTok.com/@thejoygoddess
Joyful Possibilities Call: https://mallorykiersten.as.me/?appointmentType=41340710
Miranda's Information:
FREE Resources)
Free Human Design Chart & Video Link:
https://www.miranda-mitchell.com/free-human-design-chart-video
The 64 Prosperity Codes: How you feel most prosperous within each gate activation
Print coach.
And accelerated evolution practitioner in training certified in the sacred money archetypes framework.
And an emotional clearing practitioner of the spiral modality.
(00:49):
And all of her work, she helps to liberate her clients from their limitations so that they can reclaim all parts of themselves, particularly those parts.
They've been ashamed of, or have been told are too much.
As the founder of the expression academy, she is committed to helping heart-centered entrepreneurs find their voice, create content from their souls and cultivate authentic connection with the audience.
(01:15):
When she's not coaching, you can find Mallory reading, dancing, watching cartoons, and probably making silly faces at herself.
In the mirror.
This.
Episode is an amazing fun filled episode that you will take a lot from.
I fully enjoyed having her and we dove into some things that were really interesting and I love how she combined everything together.
(01:44):
With business and life and the voice.
And self-expression.
And pleasure and it all makes total total sense.
You'll want to listen to this a couple times, and I know you're going to want to check her out to check her website out.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
I would love your feedback.
(02:05):
So send me an email, send me an Instagram DM, or you can just write a review.
I would truly appreciate it so let's dive in Do you spend all of your time building and maintaining your business so that you achieve the success you envision? Do you feel frustrated, unfulfilled, and have a loss or disconnect from your creative flow? Are you a conscious leader that is ready for change when it comes to society's views on money, wealth, relationships, and what prosperity truly means? If so, you are in the right place.
(02:43):
Welcome to the provoking prosperity podcast.
.999I am your host, Miranda Mitchell.
.999I am a two four manage end.
Who is here to empower and equip you to step out of the box of social norms, guide you into using your voice for inspiration and impact and support you in finding what prosperity means for you so that you have the business and life that fulfills you.
(03:03):
So grab that cup of coffee, get comfy, and get ready to hear the heartwarming and heart wrenching personal stories, all things jinkies plus tangible practices that you can implement right now for your personal and business growth.
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Hello, beautiful souls.
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It is Miranda, and we are here with Mallory.
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And I'm so grateful that you are here.
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I I'm so excited to go in some key aspects of what you do and what you bring.
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It's a little bit provoking, I will say, which is always a beautiful thing.
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So would you introduce yourself and share with us anything that you want to share with us about yourself and your story Yeah, so, hi, I'm Mallory, I'm a self love and unstuck yourself coach, and I have had a really interesting journey to this point I, I myself very much am a recovering people pleaser I, you know, I was told so many times growing up, oh, you're such a good girl, you're such a good girl, and it was really infuriating.
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Affirming a lot of the things, and I, I find that there's a lot of commonalities between people that have, that identify as recovering people pleasers or recovering good boys and good girls that are out there.
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But the messaging that we often get with that is that it comes down to working hard, and I was a very high achieving Student, I wasn't necessarily a straight A student, but I was in all the extracurricular activities, I did all the music stuff, I did all the drama stuff, I I did it all.
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And at some level, you know, when you are the person who does it all, you know, you go into adulthood and you become the person that people start sort of coming to and depending upon because you're the one who has it all together.
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So, all of those things are things that I associate with people pleasing because we've done all the things to make us feel like we have it all together and make others think that we have it all together, which if anybody is telling you they have it all together, I have curiosity about that.
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WHen you mentioned when you were younger.
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And there was a spark that that kind of ignited because I feel like parents, I'm a parent, we do put a lot of expectations on children.
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Not only that, but it's like, we want our children to do good or be good so that we look good.
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It has nothing to do with them.
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So I love that you brought that up because if there's anyone like listening with children, think about the things that you actually do say as far as the expectations on your child.
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And is it truly them? Is that what they would, be doing if they weren't trying to make you happy? I tell my daughter all the time, and I know parents.
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Normal parents do not do this, but when she says something, I go, you don't have to do anything to make me happy.
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This is for you.
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You don't have to make me proud.
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I never say I'm proud of you.
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I only say, are you proud of yourself? Because it is not the person trying to prove their love or prove their value to the other person because what happens is people pleasing.
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So I, I'm so grateful that you brought that up because it starts from a very, very.
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Young age.
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You know, and I just want to put out there that, you know, it can be so well meaning because we do live in a world where, you know, those types of achievements are looked upon in their own different ways.
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If you're applying for a job, what degree do you have? How much work experience do you have? At some level we're being assessed.
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And so it can come from the most well meaning place of, I just want you to be able to thrive in.
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A world that I have no control over.
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And so, you know, that's, that's actually been so much a part of my own healing journey too, is, you know, just having so much compassion for my parents, you know, they were immigrants to this country.
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So that was very much ingrained in them that like you work hard, you have to work hard.
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So, and on top of working hard, you also have to learn another language because they both spoke Portuguese coming here and had to learn English.
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And.
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They meant well.
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They wanted me to thrive in this really big scary world that they had to work hard and they didn't know any other path.
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And it all starts with the awareness with what you just said, it is like the yes and.
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Yes, I people pleased and they expected a lot of me, but yes, I also know why.
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I know understand and I have compassion for them and I understand why so how can I take this and let go of that the conditioning that I've had with the people pleasing so that I can really find myself and come into a place that I'm happy and fulfilled and living a life that I want to live.
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So, let's go into the pleasure aspect because I know.
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You love talking about pleasure and I know I'm now you're all excited to have you dive in and give you the erotic blueprint.
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Tell us what it's about.
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I just want to hear all the stuff.
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So you just go right ahead.
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Great.
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Time for my monologue and action.
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Okay, great.
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So I stumbled upon the erotic blueprint a couple of years ago and my mentor at the time was.
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Doing this course that was a deep dive into the blueprints themselves and Essentially and through my personal work.
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I had this major aha moment of Wow pleasure gets to be a way of life and when I had that realization Because I mean the blueprints I always talk about this the erotic blueprints.
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I you know, I say the word erotic and people go be like tense up and Think that I'm just talking about sex And I'm not, I'm talking about a pleasure filled way of life.
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When I first stumbled upon the work, I was so not ready to look at my sex life.
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It's, I feel like that's really one of the most vulnerable, I feel like sex and money.
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Those tend to be the really, really vulnerable spots, but sexuality tends to be the last place people want to look.
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Because it's so vulnerable, and because there's so much programming of what it's supposed to look like, and that this is just natural, this is just what human beings do, so if you're having problems, then there must be something wrong with you.
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And nobody wants to talk about feeling like there's something wrong with them, with something so supposedly...
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Natural.
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Mm hmm.
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I talk about the erotic blueprints in terms of, they're very similar to the five love languages.
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So there's five of them.
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So there are five of them.
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Okay.
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It's so five love languages are, you know, how do you express and receive love? Mm-Hmm.
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And it's the same thing with the erotic blueprints.
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How do you receive pleasure and, and express it.
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And express it.
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Exactly.
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And.
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pEople oftentimes think sexual incompatibility is what's going on in their relationship when really, you're just speaking a different sex language.
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Like, you're just speaking a different language with each other.
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So, there are five erotic blueprints.
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The first one is the energetic.
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And their turn ons are spaciousness, tease, anticipation.
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With them, less is more.
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They can actually get overwhelmed and shut down if there's too much happening too fast.
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So if there's too much stimulation, if there's too much, they just short circuit and totally can totally shut down.
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But the cool part about this blueprint is they can actually orgasm without being touched.
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So if they're like looking at their lover across the room, The right energy sort of sent toward them or that they're receiving from their partner can just send them into orgasmic states right on the spot.
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So we're really cool.
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If you're listening and that's you, or if you're listening and that's something you'd like to achieve.
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There's people out there that they don't even need to have a partner.
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They can just enter that state and just ride the waves.
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And it's beautiful and amazing and orgasmic.
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And that's, that's awesome to know because we have these expectations of what it is supposed to be.
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So if you're not aware that this could be your type, then you may feel like something's wrong with you, or you may not be having pleasure during sex.
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Because you're just giving and giving and it's not receiving it all.
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So it really gives you the option to, to be authentic and what you truly enjoy and how you receive pleasure.
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If anybody is taking the quiz and there's, and the quiz is telling them, Oh, you're primarily an energetic blueprint, because we actually have all five.
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in us, just to stir up the pot a little bit.
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We actually have all five within us.
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They just show up differently for each one of us and these orgasmic states are not coming or whatever.
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You're not broken.
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There's nothing wrong with you.
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Most of us have to work at it in order to You know, to have that experience.
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Most of us have to work at it.
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And it's the awareness.
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The awareness, too.
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Just like with the five energy types in human design.
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It's the awareness.
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So, what are the other types? Oh, wait.
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I want to talk about energetic touch.
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Just really quickly.
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Energetic touch.
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You can play with me if you want to, just like on your hand.
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So energetics like off the body touch, and you can play with, so like the closer I get, I can feel more heat.
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Like I can feel myself touching myself without touching myself.
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And the farther I tend to pull away, it gets cooler and like more tingly.
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Those are the sensations that show up in my body.
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Energetics can also like this really light, just barely over the hairs touch.
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Oh, yes.
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Oh, yeah.
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I suspect we may have an energetic on our hands.
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Oh, yeah.
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It's not.
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It's not.
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I'm really high energetic too, and just proof, you know, you're not broken if there's something in this that isn't quite resonating is that I'm actually not a big fan of other people doing any kind of tickly touch on me.
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It gives me the heebie jeebies.
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I don't like it, but that doesn't mean I'm any less of an energetic, and it also doesn't mean that I'm broken.
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I just have a specific preference for what brings me pleasure.
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So, all right, so let's be energetic.
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Then there's the sensual blueprint.
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And sensuals are turned on by all of the senses.
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So they love having beautiful spaces.
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They love having their candles with their favorite scent burning.
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These are the type of people you can always spot essential in a restaurant when they're eating their food.
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And the second that it hits their tongue, they go.
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That's probably a pretty good sign that you are in the presence of a sensual.
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So challenges for the sensual are that they can get really in their heads.
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You know, they've created this beautiful space for intimacy.
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Now all the clothes are off and all they can think about is that there's socks and undies on the floor.
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And they can't, and then where do you think their pleasure goes? Bye bye.
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But, you know, sensuals, they have a massive capacity for pleasure, though.
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Like, as long as I can stay out of the head.
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Because it's all of the senses.
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They have all of these pathways.
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For and it's a very embodied experience for them.
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Their preferred touch or the touch that turns them on the most is this more like massagey, like not like a deep tissue, but like, because it gives them grounding and it helps them feel safe.
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And when they can reach that state of safety and they can surrender to.
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Like all of the pleasure that, you know, is available to them in any given moment.
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So it's like that surrender piece and the getting out of the head piece for them that can kind of create a little bit of challenge there.
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So that's the sensual.
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The sexual blueprint is what most of us think of as sex in this country.
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It's penetration, it's genitals, it's nudity.
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It's, you know, everything that goes on in porn.
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It's all of that and the great part about this blueprint is that they don't need a highly erotic context to experience turn on.
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They can just, okay, I'm turn on, let's go.
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It's very simple.
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It's to the point.
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That's what we're conditioned to be.
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That's actually what we're conditioned that we should be.
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Yep.
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Yep.
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Yep.
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And if this is you and you're listening to this.
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You are not broken.
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It doesn't mean that you have necessarily been conditioned this way.
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It's, it's just who you are and it's what's showing up in your body and That's great.
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It's great information to have.
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The challenge for the sexual is that because they're so like, to the point, let's go, and they're, and they have the goal of the orgasm, right? They can miss out on all of the pleasure that's actually available to them on the journey to the orgasm.
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And for them, they can feel kind of bad if orgasm doesn't happen.
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Like, somehow they failed.
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Because that, because of that conditioning.
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That's where the conditioning can really seep in and kind of mess us up when it comes to the sexual blueprint.
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The next one is the kinky blueprint.
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Don't freak out, I'm not necessarily talking about BDSM.
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iT could be that.
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But, kinky people are turned on by what's taboo for them.
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So, the example that I always use is that if you are used to having sex with the lights off all the time, having the lights on could be really, really kinky.
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Or, having sex outside of the missionary position could be really, really kinky.
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And, you know, there's...
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There's sensation things that you can play with, there's psychological power dynamic things that you could play with if you wanted to, you know, delve deeper into that.
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But I can't tell you how many women have come to me and they say, I don't understand this.
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I'm testing so high and kinky.
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My first question to them is, well, did you grow up in an environment where sex was openly talked about? And they go, no, we never talked about it.
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There you go.
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Sex itself is taboo for you.
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Oh, interesting.
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That is not my.
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My experience.
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Well, I love that.
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Your hand went up like, Hey, I'm a proud kinky right now..,
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The, you know, superpowers is that Kinky blueprints tend to be endlessly creative.
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They tend to be really, really good at consent conversations because there's so many edges being pushed.
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So they tend to be really, really detailed and really good at cultivating safe space because of the edges being pushed.
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I'll also just throw out there, in my personal life, how Kinky shows up for me is in personal development work.
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Because that's so much about pushing the edges of who I think I am in this moment.
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And then you come across this new idea and it's like, Oh, like, that's different.
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there's this push and this expansion out into a new version of me, essentially.
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So I consider personal development work in my world is a highly kinky endeavor, no matter what the subject matter is.
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Yeah.
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And I can see that because when we started to talk about this, you were like, okay, like it was that edge, right? Yes.
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Yes.
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See? Yeah.
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Hello.
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Meet my kinky blueprint.
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The challenge for kinkies is that, you know, depending on what their, if they have a fetish, if they have a kinky desire they can feel a lot of shame, depending on what that, that is.
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Touch for this blueprint are taps and slaps, that kind of thing, or maybe some, some scratching.
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And the other myth I'd like to dispel here is it doesn't need to be at a specific intensity for you to enjoy kinky touch.
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What I just did just now, very, very pleasurable to me, and it still constitutes kinky touch.
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And a very light scratch here, or even like scratches on your head, like that just feels really good.
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It doesn't have to be at a specific intensity, it just has to bring you pleasure.
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Alright, the last one is the shapeshifter.
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So if you saw yourself in all of these, this might be you.
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Because shapeshifters are fluent in all of blueprints.
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And because of that, they have a huge capacity for pleasure.
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And it's not that they're turned on by all of the things.
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It's that they actually need all of the things embedded in in the other blueprints because otherwise they're left starving, essentially, or bored or bored.
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Exactly.
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So.
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Shapeshifters make really intuitive lovers because they can play in all of the blueprints, and oh, I'm noticing that my, you know, partner is primarily essential, so they can kind of play to that.
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The challenge for them is that if their partner, whoever they're engaging with is primarily a singular blueprint, they can shapeshift or resort, resort to people pleasing in the bedroom in order to please their partner.
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Shapeshifters can go for hours.
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It'll be like hour three.
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And they're like, wait a minute, are we done? Like, we just got started, right? Because they love it all.
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They love it all.
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So you know, so touch for them could be anything.
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Some, a mix of all of the different things.
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One hand is scratching, the other is doing like, off the body touch of some sort, and, or one hand could be massaging, or, I mean, it could be anything.
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It could be anything.
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Anything that we talked about in any of the other blueprints.
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So when you do the, this blueprint, who do you work with and what are one or two of their, the things that are struggling with? What do you truly support with when you incorporate the blueprint or maybe you incorporate everything that you do together? I'm not sure if you do, you can explain that too.
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Yeah.
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So I take a blueprint.
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Approach to everything that I do while the client may not have hired me specifically for erotic blueprints There's a lot of body language that I can kind of read into them And so I kind of take what I think their blueprint might be into account when I'm assigning them homework and stuff The tendency for people to come to me are people who have Just woken up one day and they're like I but I checked all the boxes.
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I did everything everybody told me That I was supposed to do to be happy.
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I have my career I have my partner, I have this house, I have these, my 2.
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5 kids and my picket fence, and my nice car, and I am unfulfilled.
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Like, I am bored out of my mind, this is not the life that I was told I was gonna have.
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And it's like they reach that breaking point of, where's my life in all of this? A lot of the people that come to me might not identify as people pleasers when we start, but they realize, oh my gosh, just this act of I checked all the boxes and did everything that you told me to, that was people pleasing in its own way.
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And yeah, so then it becomes, okay, well let's find out what brings you pleasure and let's sprinkle that stuff all over your life now.
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And I, when I was looking at your form, you have, you have the Expression Academy.
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Is that what it's called? Yes.
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Expression.
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I wanted to bring that up because.
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Through my own work of my doing all my stuff.
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I have realized that there's been a lot of suppression of my throat and my voice and that it is people policing as well because they don't want to hurt their feelings and all that good stuff.
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So how do you work with people as far as that their expression and do you combine.
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The the erotic blueprint with that as well, like, because I feel like that might be really powerful to have to go into some of the things that's been keeping them stuck and then going to the erotic blueprint and then being able to express that out like unapologetically.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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So the Expression Academy I originated because I had a need for folks who are just starting out who are a little bit lost.
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They had a space to, to come in to start figuring out social media marketing for their business.
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It has evolved into, I mean, when you're an entrepreneur and you're a solopreneur, you are your business.
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So, it's evolved into something where, yes, we're talking a lot about social media marketing, we're talking a lot about business, but we also talk a lot about all of the stuff around it that's not business related, but is business related because it's us.
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And everybody that's in there is familiar with the erotic blueprints.
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So when I say something like, oh, look at your kinky showing up right now.
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They know exactly what I'm talking about and you know, it's another form of kind of communication with that.
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All of the work that I do, I specify specifically self love coach because when we can enter that deepest love for ourselves, it's that much easier for us to be expressive about that version of ourselves that we love the most.
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And put that out into the world.
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So, all of this, everything that I do, is literally, I never want to confuse people with all of the certifications, because it really all spirals down into, it's this.
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It's this self love piece.
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The truest version of you? You have so much initiating and starting things.
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In your chart and shocking, and that's what you're doing here with all of the offerings when you combine it and you do the social media, the president, the who you are, the, you know, the blueprint, all of it is all about starting the process of putting yourself out there in your true expression and understanding yourself.
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I wanted to just tie that in because you are doing exactly what you're here to do.
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So I wanted to preface that because I know when we talk in the next podcast on your chart, there were some things that came up there.
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So you truly are helping people learn how to start the process.
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of being who they are authentically and expressing it and all the things that you do.
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Absolutely.
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One trillion percent.
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Yeah.
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So you're in alignment with everything.
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Yay, I've loved this conversation.
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I thank you so much for going into the five types.
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I love that.
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It was really interesting and fun to see.
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Okay.
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I have some of this and some of that and more of that.
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So all of all of your information will be.
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In the show notes.
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So for those of you that want to go into this, definitely look her up, reach out, go find her website, do all the things.
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Okay.
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Cause I feel like a lot of our healing process is looked at as heavy and it's hard.
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Just like you said before, it's hard.
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Everything has to be hard, but I found this with human design and I'm feeling this with the erotic blueprint too.
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It doesn't always have to be heavy and hard for you to learn something and take things away.
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Like you have to have fun.
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You have to have pleasure while you're doing it.
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So I love that you're bringing that in do you have anything that you want to say to, anyone who's listening any last tidbits of wisdom or insight coming? You are a manifester.
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Yeah just, even when it doesn't make sense, follow the threads of pleasure.
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If there's something calling to you, if there's something speaking to you, follow the threads of pleasure.
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Because it'll bring you farther than not, I guess is the best way of saying that.
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And I want to add too, if you don't know what that pleasure is, Definitely reach out to her.
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Yes..
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Well, thank you so much for being here.
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I appreciate you.
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Thank you for sharing with us.
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Thank you for being so fun, so open, so vulnerable, so transparent, all the things.
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I loved it.
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Nothing with gratitude for you.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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This was a lot of fun.
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My hope is that you walked away with something today that has opened your mind, your heart, or both listening to new perspectives, not only help you grow and expand, but it helps humanity as a whole.
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So if you have someone that you feel would benefit from this podcast and you feel that you want to share.
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Please do.
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Also would love to connect with you on Instagram.
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So please follow me at Miranda J.
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Mitchell.
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One last thing, if this episode left you with any ahas and insights, take 30 seconds of your time and leave a review on Apple Podcasts.
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This is the only way I know you are loving the content and connection in this space.
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And if you want to know more or wondering how we can work together, please go to Miranda Mitchell.
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com.
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Click on the contact in the menu and send me a message.
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Sending you all love.
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Till next time.