132: Melissa Sonners - Microdosing Connection: Simple Steps To Entrain Your Brain On A Daily Basis - The Quantum Biology Collective Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Meredith Oke (04:59):
All right, Dr. Melissa Sonners, welcome to the
QVC podcast. I'm really looking forward to this
chat.

Melissa Sonners (05:07):
I am, too. Thank you so much for having me. I'm
so excited to take a real life, busy woman
approach to all the things that we're going to
talk about.

Yes. Because this, I think, is really needed. We
are so keen on learning all the information and
looking at all the science. And I know I won't
look at my stats and people just, like, scroll
through till there's like, the longest science
sound bite enough in the podcast. And, like, it's

(05:35):
almost like I don't want it. Maybe addiction's a
little strong, but people, I think, really want a
lot of information. And sometimes the piece
about, like, okay, what does that look like in
our lives day to day either gets skipped over or
we become super extreme about it.

Yeah, I think we're surrounded by so, so much
helpful information. We are in the age of
information. Like, you can learn about anything
on YouTube from making a sourdough to resetting
your circadian rhythm, I mean, to fixing your
car. Like, you literally learn everything. And so
it's, how do we. How do we kind of like, filter
out the information that we don't always need to

(06:18):
be focused on? How do we make it realistic for
our lives? How do we kind of chunk it down to
what's applicable to us and now and then how can
we actually fit that? How can we actually fit
that into our daily rhythm without becoming
overwhelmed and stressed about how we're doing it
when we're doing it, or the days when we're not
able to fit it in? Because that's essentially

(06:39):
taking us in the complete opposite direction of
what we're aiming for anyway. Like, those things
just make us stressed and sick and feel chaotic,
and that's not what any of us are going for. So
super excited to talk this out.

Yes. All right, so let's start out by just doing,
like, a high level version of your story.

So you are both.

You are a trained chiropractor, but you're also.
And you're also a mom, and you also hit the wall
with your own health. And so your work now is a
combination of all of those.

Yes.

I love a little bit about what happened.

Yeah, I love to say, you know, I'm trained as a
chiropractor. I'm an alignment guide and nervous
system specialist. And so for 15 years, I was
working in the practice. My main patient base was
pregnant mamas. Mamas leading up to pregnancy,
prenatal, postpartum, and through Their mama
journey. And then pediatric chiropractor.

(07:36):
Chiropractic. I'm a board certified pediatric
chiropractor. I think I'm one of like 52 in North
America. There might be more at this point, but
that really is like my specialty and my favorite.
That being said, you know, my platform is be
inspired. Mama. M a M A meaning I speak to all
the women. Like, I love the term mama for every

(07:59):
woman because I think we all nurture and take
care of loved ones, friends, family. And so I
just want to make it super clear that this
message applies to every woman out there and
actually a lot of men as well. So I was, you
know, as a chiropractor. My husband's a
chiropractor too. You saw him for a moment
helping us with tech support when he couldn't get

(08:21):
in the, in the room. We had grown our practice
together. We built our practice, we built a
family. We've got three children. They're still
pretty young. They're 14, 12 and 8 at this point.
But I was doing all the things, you know, I think
for many of us women, we look at self care as
this like to do item, as this thing that we're

(08:43):
supposed to somehow fit in. You know, I had
always heard the mantra, put your oxygen mask on
before assisting others. I don't know, have you
heard that or was that just like super prevalent
to me? Yep. And so I'm like, okay, great. How do
I do that? Where do I fit that in? Yes. Where's
this oxygen mask that's just going to like drop
down? No, I have to somehow carve out time. Well,

(09:04):
I had a full patient load of practice. We run a
very large holistic wellness center in New
Jersey. There's 30 staff members in that
building. I was managing them all. I was also
homeschooling our three children at the time.
Like, you could not put more on my plate. And I
think, you know, the way that my plate looks,
maybe the things I was specifically doing are

(09:26):
different from other women. But I think we all
have a very full plate. And so to me, it's like I
was doing what I thought I could do to take care
of myself, to put my oxygen mask on first. And it
was hard, right? Like in the long list of to do
items, where do I finally get to that? And like
if the daily rhythm, when I feel scattered and

(09:47):
chaotic and have those crazy moments, whether
it's like I was running out the door and late and
then one of our kids had a meltdown over like
their shoe being Tied wrong. Like that's, that's
when I needed the self care, right. I couldn't in
that moment go lay on a massage table or go get
the pedicure or whatever it was. So, you know, I

(10:10):
feel like I didn't do a great job of fitting it
in. But like what I was doing is I was working
out because that's what was important to me,
right? So I would get up extra early before the
day began. For me that was like 4:30am I am a
morning person, so like that's not crazy for me.
I go to bed at 9. I'm like asleep by 9. But it

(10:31):
wasn't, you know, my body was giving me signals
is like the biggest message that I want women to
hear. My body was giving me these little whispers
and signals that what I was doing was not
working. And I think like a lot of women, we have
become experts at quieting that voice. For me,
that voice was like, I'm tired, I want to sleep
in. And I would be like, hell you are. We're

(10:53):
getting up and we're working out and so I'm going
to give you a ton of coffee and we're going to go
to the gym, right? That voice would be like,
today I need slow, I need to put my feet up. And
I would quiet that voice like, nope, we're
supposed to work out because that's how we're
going to stay, you know, fit and doing all the
things and putting our oxygen mask on first. I'd

(11:14):
get to the end of the day and it's like, I just
want to snuggle with my children. No, you're
going to now go to that appointment because this
is your self care and you scheduled this thing
when you scheduled it. It sounded delightful. And
now you're like not wanting to miss out on family
time, but you had this commitment for this to do
item that's filling your cup. So like I just, I

(11:35):
felt like I was just constantly swirling, you
know, like so many of us are. And you know, I
look at stress as a bucket. I used to teach this
to my patients. Like we all have a bucket of the
stress that we can handle. And there's physical,
chemical and emotional stressors and they all
stack up as fluid in this bucket. And when your
bucket gets full, whatever that last little thing
is, it could be so small, that last drop, the

(11:57):
water will overflow. And that's when we have
major symptoms. We have symptoms all the way
leading up, but because they're kind of quiet and
under the radar and we don't listen to our bodies
the way that we're intended to. We skip over. And
so our buckets often overflow. And that's when we
finally make time or when we finally figure out
ways of what needs to work for us. Like, we.

(12:19):
It's. We wait too long. Right. And I think that's
kind of our culture. Like, we don't give space
for. Think about, as a woman, how hard it can be
if, you know, maybe you told this friend you were
going to meet her for a drink on Friday night or
whatever, and Friday night comes in, you're
exhausted. But, like, can we actually text or

(12:41):
call that friend and be like, I'm just not
feeling it. I just really want to be on my couch
right now? I think, you know, if you've spoken
out and practiced boundaries and established the
friendship circles that you deserve, you can. I
think for a lot of women, that boundary is hard.
And so we wouldn't say no unless we were like, I
am flat out laid out. I have the flu.

Yeah, I am. I had a fever.

That's it.

Yeah.

So it's like we have to wait until we're really
bad before we actually make time for ourselves.
And for me, that hit, and I was in my mid-30s. We
had a 6, a 4, and a 1 year old, and I got a
horrible form of neurological Lyme disease
coupled with mold toxicity, and that was my drop.

(13:26):
Right. And as a doctor, I know that people walk
around with lime in their blood. People walk
around with mold toxicity, and it's not great,
but their immune systems can handle it. Right. So
to me, it wasn't the tick bite, and it wasn't
necessarily the mold that threw me over. It was
all that I had let accumulate in my bucket. Does

(13:46):
that make sense to you? Like, it was just. It was
that final straw that broke the camel's back, and
it was. Yeah, yeah.

You didn't have enough inner resources to deal
with those things. Yeah, those extra things, they
just took you down.

I was just running on cortisol on beta, which,
you know, I would love to talk about some
brainwave stuff later on in, like, the. The tools
that we're going to give women from this episode.
I want them to walk away with tangible
information, but I was running my life in beta
brainwave, which just meant I wasn't slowing down
from the moment I hit the ground to the moment I
went to bed, whether it was the speed of my

(14:23):
thoughts or the speed of my actions. And so my
body didn't give me a choice. I mean, I
literally. I couldn't find my way to our office,
which was two miles from our home. I built that
office with my husband and went there almost
every day for 15 years.

Wow. And you, like, actually couldn't physically
get there, navigate your way there.

It was like, you know when you walk out of a room
and you forget what you went in the other room to
get? Yes, it was like that, but I've had that,
and I know that feeling. It was like that,
Meredith, but so much worse and so much scarier
and, like, I couldn't even remember why. Not only
why I walked within the room, but, like, what
room I was physically in. It was so bizarre. It

(15:06):
felt like someone put cobwebs all over my brain.
And so what I would do on the way to work, for
some reason, I could remember the address. I just
couldn't. Like, it's like I couldn't zoom above
and figure out how to get somewhere on a road.

Like, you couldn't, like, orient yourself?

I couldn't. In the world.

That's so scary.

So I would literally pull over and type the
address in the map, and I would get there, and I
told no one. You know, Like, I would just. I
would take some ibuprofen, and I would have some
caffeine, and I'm like, I've got people to take
care of. And I would keep pushing through, and it
just got worse and worse and worse. And, you
know, my spine started, like, blocking up. Like,
I realized at some point, like, this is systemic.

(15:46):
There's something going on. I went in to get some
tests run. It was on a Sunday. The doctor at
urgent care tried to send me away. He's like,
you're just a tired mom. I was like, no, I'm not.
Go home and rest. Go home and rest. So because
I'm in the healthcare field, I knew enough to
know, you know, I was like, I'm not leaving your

(16:07):
office unless you'll write in my chart that you
refuse to run blood work on me. And so he did,
and we got my results. And my husband's a
functional medicine practitioner. Like,
thankfully, we are armed with the resources,
information, and knowledge that I was able to get
a lot better really quickly. So I consider myself
very lucky. But the coolest thing that happened

(16:28):
in all that, because I really think our mess
becomes our message, is I realized, like, when I
got better, that I had to figure out a better way
because what I was doing, doing wasn't working
for me. I had to get better at, like, hearing
that voice at the end of the night that I'm
exhausted. I had a long day, I need to put my

(16:49):
feet up. And instead my reality was I needed to
cook dinner for our three kids and family. And so
instead of like listening to that voice and
trying to figure out somewhere in between, I
would have a glass of wine. Like, no judgment. I
still enjoy wine now and then. But like, the
intention behind the wine was an escape. I can't
fix what I need. I can't give myself what I need.

(17:10):
And so I'm going to give myself this and it's
going to make me not care. It was the intention
behind the practices that I had built in. I'm
exhausted. I don't want to get up and go to the
gym, but I'm going to go. And so I'm going to
have this huge, highly caffeinated beverage so
that I can go. I still love my coffee. But it's
like a very different intention the way that I
have it. It's not an escape from what my body's

(17:33):
telling me. And so, you know, over the last
decade, I've really, I geek out on science. I'm
very tapped in and tuned into my body. And so I
basically have like, dug doubled down on like
listening to these messages that we get. And then
I've paired it with neurology. And what I have
figured out is, you know, self care isn't. Isn't

(17:57):
this escape out of us? It doesn't have to be this
one hour routine or ritual. Self care is
connection. And when we can connect back into
like an internal anchor, when instead of escaping
from ourselves, we can escape home to ourselves
in the most chaotic moments, it changes
everything. And that's connection. And that

(18:18):
literally takes a matter of like minutes, if not
seconds. And this is how we actually take care of
ourselves as women. And so to me, this is, you
know, this is a movement that's being created. I
mean, it is time. Like we have been trying to
follow the system of self care that doesn't work
for us. And instead of looking at the system as

(18:41):
being flawed, we're thinking that there's
something wrong with us. Yeah.

Because.

Yeah.

What I'm, I'm really hearing in your story is
that you were like, I'm doing the self care
things, I'm working out, I'm going to the
appointments, I'm doing the things. And we do, we
do that. We're like, okay, these are all the
things that I was told or that I've somehow
decided in my head are the correct things to be

(19:08):
doing. So if there's a problem, it's obviously my
fault. I was not doing it hard enough or long
enough or consistently enough or whatever.
Enough. When in reality it's like, how is it
working out for you? And maybe this system you've
devised or someone else has devised and imposed
upon you, however it worked out is not the right
thing.

And Also, I think 100% what you just said. And
also, how many times do we as women compare
ourselves to another woman who's out there doing
it? Well, maybe she's doing it at, you know, for
us women that still have our cycle, you're
looking at her in ovulation and you're in luteal
phase. And like, cycle syncing is super powerful
and I love that. I'll call that a movement too.

(19:48):
Because what cycle syncing has done is instead of
us putting the shame on us, like, what's wrong
with me? It's empowering because we now have
information. I'm in my luteal phase. I'm not
going to want to go crush the gym. And it gives
you just enough of like the foundation of what's
going on to lean in and actually listen when your
body says in your luteal phase that I want to

(20:09):
sleep in. I think women now who have that
information are more empowered to be like, so I'm
gonna. Yes, this is the time that I do.

Even if people, even if we miss a sunrise.

And that's all, sometimes we.

Just need to sleep.

And that is all self inflicted. That pressure is
self inflicted, right? So like, if I sleep in,
I'm gonna miss the sunrise. And I'm now supposed
to do this whole morning routine and all these
things. Like, nobody out there is judging you.
Nobody out there cares. It's like if you're in a
huge room and everyone's dancing and we're self

(20:47):
conscious about what we look like, everybody else
is worried about themselves. No one is looking at
you. No one cares. You know, like, and I don't
mean that to be hurtful. I mean that to be like,
eff it, do what works for you. Because you're the
only one that you got and you're the only one
that cares. Right? Like, we owe it to ourselves
to get back tapped into that voice. And that's

(21:10):
part of what I love doing with women. Like, we're
constantly looking outside of us for permission
to rest, permission to pause, permission to have
boundaries. We're waiting for someone to be like,
no, no, like, take it off, I'll take care of you.
Like, you're Tired we're looking for, I feel
yucky. What can make me feel better? Let me go

(21:32):
buy the thing. Let me go have the appointment.
Let me go look on social media. Let me go scroll
my phone. Let me go find out who needs me. So I
get a dopamine hit and feel wanted, needed,
worthy, productive. So, like, what if we could
just learn, and this is what I work with women
on, and we'll talk about it in here. Like, I
really want any woman taking the time to listen

(21:54):
to this, to. To have information. But what if the
biggest thing that you did is, you know, instead
of looking to all the outside sources in those
moments you knew to came home, come home to
yourself, and just like cycle syncing does for
permission to sleep in on your luteal phase, what
if in all those moments, you could quiet all that
outside noise and simply be like, what is it that

(22:15):
I want? And hear that voice and answer that, and
it is that simple. That takes seconds. It's free.
It's accessible at any time. And the more you
start to do it, that whisper voice gets freaking
so loud and clear. And that's it. Like, I love

(22:35):
books, I love podcasts. But, like, let's stop in
the age of information, listening to everyone
else's voice and forgetting about our own,
because this is the one. Like, we have our best
teacher, our best guru, our best guide, our best
advice. It's all right here. We've just forgotten
how to go in.

Yes. And that is truly the whole point of all of
this, because I have yet to go in and check with
myself and have myself be like, you need some
blue light after dark. When we do check in with
ourselves, what we want is usually nourishing, is

(23:15):
usually connected to a larger rhythm that we're
uncovering our part in.

Yeah.

That idea of making ourselves the director or
giving ourselves the ultimate authority over our
own experience, our own existence. And I know
people who perhaps aren't there yet would really
benefit from clear direction, but somewhere along

(23:46):
the path, we have to reach this point that you're
talking about, or we will just stay in this cycle.

Yeah, I think the direction is really important
when you're new on your journey, and the
information is really important when you're new
on your journey. And for those people, I would
say, because there's a lot of information out
there. Right. You kind of expose yourself to a
variety of it and then lean into whatever one
feels like a. Like a yes in your body, like
whatever one you feel pulled to, called to.

(24:14):
That's your one. And I would focus on one, and
maybe it's one for three months, six months,
maybe it's one for the year. Because we can look
at so many things and try to incorporate them
all, and then it's too much and we're like,
scattered or stressed. And it feels like this
tool doesn't work. The tools work. I think we're
just overworking the tools. Yeah, there you go.

(24:37):
For the person who's familiar with this
information, who's maybe like, overwhelmed by it
or doing too much of it, this is so important as
a chiropractor, I will tell you this. And if you
don't believe, like, if you don't own it yet in
your body, you can have my belief until you do.
All these tools that we're all out here talking
about, whether it's red light instead of blue

(24:59):
light, or whether it's grounding in nature or
watching the sun, all that, all of these tools do
is get you back to your natural state. Yes, you
are the medicine. It's you. It's not these tools.
They are your crutch when you have forgotten. And
so the goal is. I call it alignment. The goal is

(25:20):
alignment. The goal is getting back to you. And
that's my lens as a chiropractor. But that is my.
Like, that is when you look at the neurology,
when you look at the science, like, that is what
they're doing. You're the magic. You always have
been. You've just gotten out of touch with it.
It's you. Yes.

Yes. I love that. And I just want to give
everyone a second to really feel that, because
it's so true. And, yeah, this information and
these tools bring us back to that place. But,
yeah, we have to connect inside. There's no one,

(26:04):
there's no one on Instagram who's going to tell
you what your experience is.

Right. And we could, even if you feel it's
helpful, we can even walk through some of the
tools and like, how that applies to you, going
back to you so it's tangible. Let's do it for the
people listening. Because I think to start, a lot
of women might not even know what it feels like

(26:30):
to be in alignment or to be connected. Right. And
so I would start by just touching on that. Like,
when we're in that place, our nervous system
feels calm, our heart rate feels regulated. It's
like either it's a moment or that day where
you're just like, it's flow state. I have a lot

(26:51):
going on. I can approach it from this place. I
can handle it all. And then there's those days
where you feel like you can't. Right. So here's
an example. I had my team, A lot of my team is
based in Philippines, and this morning I woke,
and there's all these messages on my phone. We
have a podcast episode going out today. There's

(27:13):
just, like, miscommunication and confusion and
so, like, it could have been full on cortisol,
scattered, stressed, blah, blah, blah. And I
definitely have those moments and days, like,
even with all that, I know, like, I am
practicing, I'm not perfecting this. But today I
felt grounded. I had taken a few minutes in the

(27:35):
morning before even peaking to do the things that
connect me internally. And we can talk about
those. But what I mean is, like, I think every
woman has had those experiences where, like,
something little happens, like, someone cuts you
off and you're not proud of how you showed up.

Yeah.

Even though you've got the namaste sticker on
your car, you're like, we've all been there. And
then there's the days where someone goes to cut
you off and you're, like, waving and like, bless
you. And I will tell you, it is not you had a
good coffee. It is not because you're having a
good hair day. It is not because your outfit.
It's not because you had amazing sex with your
husband that morning. It is because you are fully

(28:13):
connected to you. You are in alignment. And so
once we can help women understand that and we can
give them the tools and remind them how to come
back home, that's it. Like, game over. Everything
from there is easy. You're then not focused on
your to dos as your only measure of, like, how
it's going in your life. Your number one priority

(28:35):
becomes, how do I be as I go through my to dos?
And that changes everything.

Yes.

It's.

So you're reminding me. Yeah. Like, I don't know,
years ago. I won't say numbers, but years ago,
when I was going through my own early stage of
healing process and, you know, learning to
meditate and learning to pray and learning all of
these things, and I could not. I couldn't do it.

(29:04):
I just couldn't find that, you know, what you're.
What you're describing here. It was not available
to me at that time. And I came across this
meditation. And I wish I could remember who it
was, because God bless him. And it was. It was
this. It was like, for five minutes, just pretend

(29:24):
everything's okay, and I'll say, oh, oh, You.

I want to. I was listening to you on your.

Podcast and you were talking about, like, we
can't be in a state that we don't. That we don't
know. That is not. That is totally unfamiliar to
us.

Yeah.

And what that. The gift of that very simple
instruction gave me was that I was like, oh, I
actually don't know what it's like for everything
to be okay. I think that is a totally unfamiliar
state.

And I think that start out by pretending and then.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's so beautiful. I'm so glad you said
that, because I would imagine if we pulled the
women out there, I mean, I wouldn't be surprised
if 85%, 90% of women, we would have completely
lost on this concept if we didn't first talk
about, like, there needs to be that bridge or
that portal from. Here's how I'm used to feeling.
Here's my body and nervous system feel like. And
now you're telling me to, like, sit and connect

(30:19):
inside. Like, what the hell does that mean? Like,
I don't even know. So what is the bridge in the
portal to get you there? And that's where the
tools are really powerful. That's where, you
know, a book is really powerful. We can talk
about that. That was my first anchor tool. But
just some simple science, because this is really
important. There's a part of your brain called

(30:41):
your amygdala. And the amygdala is like the
security guard of our life. And so the amygdalas,
the. The security guard is basically constantly
monitoring for any threat of our survival. What's
really interesting is that it doesn't only, you
know, check off dangerous situations we could be

(31:02):
in. Like, obviously, we're not going to walk
across the street because a car is coming. Those
are the obvious ones. But what's really important
to understand is anything unfamiliar, your
amygdala will flag as dangerous. So if there's a
woman who's been living in stress and cortisol
and she goes to just skip that bridge or portal
and just sit with herself, her amygdala is going
to flag that as danger because it's unfamiliar.

(31:24):
And the way it's going to show up is she's going
to think of every reason to distract herself out
of that situation and find the familiar. And so
she will go to her to do list. She will go to the
horrible thing going on in her family. She will
go to the stressful email that she wrote that
she's trying to work so hard to get away from
it's not because she's failing. It's because her

(31:45):
amygdala is doing its job. And so a really
important way that we create that bridge and
portal is by practicing. We're not going for
perfection. This is practice again. Everything
that I know and teach, like, there are days when
I mess it up, but I'm aware of what's going on,
right? And so we practice making calm, familiar.

(32:09):
And that takes time. But because I geeked out on
the brain, I've, like, learned how to hack the
system, harmonize I like better. And, like, how
in two minutes can we do this? And are there
times throughout the day where our brain is in a
more programmable state? There are. It's morning
and evening. So when you do these things in the
morning or evening, and if you stay in theta, a

(32:32):
very programmable brain state, which we skip over
theta, the second we look at our phone or white
light, you get double effect for half your time.
And so this is where, like, these morning and
evening practices. And this is where, you know,
the light, the red light becomes super important
so that you can just hover in theta. You wake up

(32:55):
already in it. You don't have to do anything.
You're in it. Surround yourself in some red
light. Like, there are such easy ways to do this.
Like, a red light bulb on Amazon costs $8. Put
one in a lamp, light a candle. Like, you don't
need anything. I have. Hold on. It's right here.
I have this little light I got on Amazon. It's an

(33:16):
amber. It goes on my book so I can read in the
morning. But, like, I use it as a flashlight.
This is too. This is two minutes, guys. I mean,
you're walking to. Like, I sit on that part of
the couch, or there's like, a mat right below me
here. You just walk to. I call it a sit spot. You
stay in theta. You keep your light dim. You
journal. You look at a candle. Journaling was so

(33:38):
overwhelming to me. Like, it's so much better. So
I walk women through that process, too. You read
a book. A book is such a great anchor tool for
reconnection because, you know, it kind of gives
you that escape that I think many women are maybe
subconsciously craving if they wake up and go on
their phone or emails or the news or whatever.

(33:58):
But when you read a book, you're actually going
inward if you read the right books. Like, yeah, I
have this online book club for women, and we only
read transformational nonfiction. Because what
that does is if you put that book in your hand,
you're going to walk away a little bit better,
right? In a little bit better place than if you

(34:19):
woke and you were like, oh, my God, how am I
going to do it all today? Oh, my God. That thing
yesterday went horribly like. It just is a great
bridge and portal to get you to the other place.
And if that's all you do when you go into your
day, it will be a better day. And one last thing
about the books, because I love the neurology. I
don't know why my camera keeps going in and out.

(34:39):
I know, I know. Okay.

Most of our downloads are audio, so.

Yeah. So when you read a book, this is really
cool. When your eyes move across the page slowly
from left to right and then zoom in on this. It's
really important, like, AI. And then you go
quickly from right to left. So literally, the way
that your eyes move when you're reading a book,

(35:05):
it activates part of your brain. It's called the
corpus callosum. It balances your right and left
hemispheres. Our left hemisphere has certain jobs
and our right has certain jobs, and when they're
in balance, we feel better. And so even if you
read, like, a magazine or even if you read, you
know, anything in that way, in that manner, you

(35:25):
are balancing your brain and you're going to calm
your nervous system. So these are the bridges and
portals that can take us from feeling scattered,
chaotic, stressed, and that being familiar, to
allowing our amygdala, the security guard, to be
like, ooh, I do recognize calm, contentment, and
this space is safe. Because the last thing on

(35:46):
that I want to say is, you know, a lot of us,
when we're running in that stress loop, we'll
say, we don't have time. I don't have time for
myself. I don't have time to catch my breath. I
don't have time to blah, blah, blah. We often
will start to find these many pockets of time.
One minute, two minutes, whatever. But you think
about if you were, like, doing the things I would

(36:08):
love for everyone to do in those moments,
Daydream, play a fun song, like, anything, but
catch up on your TO dos. If we were to do that
without establishing that bridge and portal and
teaching our amygdala, these moments are safe.
Like, we can't access calm in those micro
moments. We pull ourselves into the familiar. We

(36:30):
pull ourselves into the to dos. And so I'm a huge
fan of what I call microdosing connection. It's,
you know, you think about if you took someone and
you're like, okay, this person will either work
out one hour, once a week, translate that to self
care. This busy woman will either do, you know,
maybe once a month, an hour massage, or we take

(36:51):
that person who's working out and we're like,
they're going to move their body for 15 to 20
minutes every single day and they're gonna do
micro doses of workouts. We take that woman
instead of the one hour massage, she microdoses
connection in two minutes twice a day. Like, that
woman will do so much better off than the woman
who escaped even to the spa for like a weekend

(37:13):
and a month. That's how we do it.

This is so interesting. That is, I think, the
best explanation I've heard of why people freak
out when they try to meditate. Like the. The
state that we are trying to enter is literally
triggering fear because it's so unfamiliar that
that makes perfect sense. So there's so many

(37:36):
people who feel, you know, like I was describing
myself back in the day, like, which it's just
like that state is just not available. So these
tools that you're giving are so important because
it's giving us the baby steps.

And I think it's to get there. Yeah. The ba. Yes.
So I always want women to have what I call
anchoring tools. Those tools are the bridge. And
then it's being armed with the information, you
know, circling back. Just like cycle syncing. I
now know there's not something wrong with me
because of how I'm feeling in this phase of my
cycle. Right. That empowering information of

(38:13):
cycle syncing does that. Well now I hope any
woman listening to this who has tried to journal
and hasn't done it right in her mind or has tried
to meditate and feels like a failure or has tried
any other thing, breath, work, whatever, you name
it, it's not you failing, it's your body. It's
miraculous. It's doing exactly what it's supposed
to do, like pat on the back. Thank you, brain and

(38:35):
nervous system, you are very healthy and
efficient. And now we're going to work together
and I'm going to retrain you. I'm going to
program my hard wiring for a new way. We're going
to carve a new path, not only in my life or not
only in the choices that I'm taking, but in doing
so, we're literally creating new neural synapses
and connections. We're retraining our brain and

(38:56):
nervous system because whatever we're looking
for, we will start to find. This is why, like
gratitude, practice is so Effective, because if
you're looking for what you're grateful for,
you're more likely to see it and appreciate it.
Right. And so as we're retraining our nervous
system to start to understand calm and familiar,

(39:16):
and all you gotta do to do that is anchor two
minutes, even once a day. I probably likely get
it in once a day. But ideally, you know, morning
and evening are anchored in this regulation.
That's all you gotta do, like you're training it.
And so what's going to happen is, throughout your
day, when real life happens, you will start to
see the opportunities to slip back into yourself

(39:38):
when you need them the most. You're doing the
work without even realizing you're doing it.

Yes, yes. And that's totally true because you're
actually sort of, you know, giving words to my
experience. And so I started doing the morning
practice that you're talking about because I
learned about circadian rhythm and early morning
light. So the first thing I do in the morning is.

(40:05):
Is to go outside or to gaze out an open window.
But because I had an anchoring practice, it was
like, then what followed has followed over time
is that has become like a very sacred, quiet time
for me. And on the mornings, you know, where.
Where I'm rushed or there's a special early thing

(40:26):
or whatever the things, and it's like, yeah,
like, I. I go outside, but it's. I'm like, oh,
I'm already planning my day or whatever. It's not
the same. Yeah, like, the light hitting my
eyeballs is the same, but that interconnection
that you're describing is not the same. And then
it does affect. It does affect the day. And I

(40:47):
have also noticed, having done this now for a few
years, that throughout the day, those moments of
connections become more spontaneous. And it's
like, okay, I'm going to do this, and then I'm
going to go to. And it's like, in between, it's
like just gonna hit the pause button. Like, yeah.
30 seconds, 2 minutes, 5 minutes. It's
transformational. It really is. I mean, these are

(41:10):
really, really good tools.

And isn't it so beautiful that, you know, you
recognize, like, life is gonna happen? There are
days where we're either not gonna be able to do
it or we're not gonna do it right. And again,
it's why I love practice. Like, I love using the
word practicing. This is a practice. Practice
gives us permission to not do it perfectly. It
gives us empathy and compassion towards ourselves
as we're learning. And then also, you Know, in

(41:34):
those days where life does happen and we don't do
it right, it's not even that we're not doing it
right. We're humans. It's like, thank you for
that reminder that this is not any longer how I
like my life to go. This is how my life used to
feel, and now I know the power of these tools.
And so this is a reminder of how important this
is. But also understanding, you know, like the

(41:56):
8020 rule, if you can even get it 80% of the
time, like, that's huge. And then one last thing
that you just touched on that's really important
is, you know, just focus on one step. So it's one
step. Like, we can see these people in the age of
social media and YouTube, like, doing these
immaculate morning routines where they're like,

(42:18):
gratitude and journaling and gargling all the
things and like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't.
I can't handle it. And we're looking at their 15
step routine. Like, it's just that one. Just do
the one step. Do the one thing. Because what
Meredith just said is, like, over time, then you

(42:40):
add on the next steps that work for you, but,
like, just do the one. I think we put so much
power in the big picture, and we lose the power
in one thing to move the needle. Think about if
all you changed was that you woke up and instead
of grabbing your phone, you went to your sit spot
and you spent two minutes without bathing

(43:01):
yourself in blue light, taking whatever action
stuff felt good, whatever action step felt best
for you, which might be drinking your coffee or
tea in peace. It might be writing in your journal
that you have no idea why you're journaling and
what this is supposed to do. And so I'm going to
list out the 10 things that I need to do today or
the five people that pissed me off yesterday.

(43:23):
Like, great, you did it. That's journaling. What
if you just did that one thing? And what if you
just did it once a day in the morning? And what
if you did it four days out of seven? Like, where
would your life be in two months from now or
three months from now? You would be in a very
different place. I could promise you. It's the
one. It's the one step.

Yes.

And it's the one step that's the most powerful.
And I think the reason that the one step feels so
hard to take is because we're looking at the
marathon. We're looking at the 15 step morning
that someone else is sharing on Instagram and if
we can stop doing that, the one step becomes way
more attainable and easy, especially if we're
doing it in community, either with our friends,
our loved ones, an online community where other

(44:05):
women are going through this together because
we're holding someone's hand. And, you know, in
those moments where you wake up and you're like,
I don't want to do it, whatever. Like, that's why
someone hires a personal trainer, because it's
accountability. Yeah. I might let myself down
right now, but I'm not going to let my friend
Melanie down. I told her we were doing this
together. And you're worth it. Like, it's so easy
and it works so well and it's so attainable and

(44:27):
you're worth it.

Yes. Yes, you are. And, yeah, I mean, it's like,
whatever you can do today, just good for you.
Yeah. And, you know, I do. I do find, like,
having sort of immersed myself, really not on
purpose. I don't even know how this happened. But
in this, like, health and wellness space, there's

(44:52):
so much healing that happens. But there's also
this idea, like someone, you know, especially
with social media and the content, constantly
needing new things to talk about, that it's
always like, oh, well, like this new thing has
popped up. Or when I'm not, okay, I'm doing this,
but I'm not doing that. And it's like, I. I love

(45:13):
your message of. Of finding your one thing,
finding the basics for you, and then following
your inner. Your inner voice and your body's
signals and letting your body be the guide.

Yeah. Because you think about that, you know,
whether it's in our. In our community, as one of
these people surrounded by this information, it's
overwhelming to us. Yeah, right. It's. It's
extremely overwhelming. And we're all trying to
do the best that we can. And for someone else,
this might show up. You know, for like, a new
mom, this might be like, am I sleep training? Am

(45:49):
I breastfeeding? Am I. There's a thousand new
parenting books to read, or someone wanting to
clean out their diet. Am I doing keto or Paleo?
Or, like, we are so inundated with information,
and when we can get back to us, like, all those
things, they're all there. And I think we still
make decisions and choices, but we are less

(46:09):
focused on the external and more on us. So this
could look like feeling ourselves get pulled into
it. I think we still do that. We can catch it
happening. Oh, my God. This person is now cold,
plunging, and weight training. And God only knows
what. Or it's cold plunge after the weights.
Well, let me see. Like, what feels right to me.

(46:32):
Yeah, cold plunge feels awesome today. Cold
plunge does not feel good today. Like, that
becomes your guide. So no matter what, new tech
toy, advice, movement, whatever comes out, like,
it doesn't matter. It's information. You can be
informed, but your life isn't dictated by all the
external noise. You can just always come back to

(46:52):
you and check with what you want in this moment,
what you need right now.

Yes. And that. And that is always available to
us. And we don't have to have read all of the
research or all of the books or taken all of the
programs. We just need to have, like, some
fundamental understandings, some fundamental
information, and then learned that we can. Our

(47:18):
bodies know.

Our bodies know. This is especially for women
listening. We're hardwired. Like, we are very
intuitive. And here's like, a good concrete
example of that. Whether you're a mother or
you're not, we literally have to read our baby's
minds the first year of their life. Like, they
can't communicate, and we're supposed to keep

(47:41):
them alive. And so we have parts of our brain
that help us do that. Like, we are so highly
intuitive. And for so long in the eons of life as
women, they were very connected with that. They
were very connected with their rhythms, with
their cycle with nature, with their inner voice

(48:02):
and guide. And like, we. I, in my strong opinion,
we are the cycle breakers of, like, the change in
women focusing on the external to getting back to
that place. Because it's so overdue, it's so
timely. I think everything has just gotten, like,
so fast and so much and so overwhelming. And I

(48:23):
think it's our role as women to, like, put the
hand back and protect our daughters or the next
generation of girls. Because I don't want this
for them. I think it's. If it's gonna keep going,
I fear for mental status of all the little girls
out there and the boys too. And so I really, you

(48:43):
know, and it's part of my why and my calling.
Like, I'm here to break that and create a
movement. And for us to do it this way, that is
so much more fun.

It is so much more fun. And you do just as much
like you.

You get it all done.

It's not like you're like, oh, I'm gonna have to
give up on that project or give up on that dream
and all the things.

If anyone's, like, listening to this and making
up stories in their head of, like, why I can do
this and they can't. Let me just tell you. I've
got three kids. I'm highly involved in their
school. I'm helping my husband run two of his
businesses. I just wrote a book with Hay House.
I'm running an online platform. I have a podcast.
And I'm not saying this to be like, look at me,
I'm cool. I'm saying this to highlight. Like, I

(49:30):
still get it all done. I work out almost every
day. I don't work out. I move my body. I do
gymnastics and acro because it's fun. I play, I
ride my bike. I meet up with my girlfriends.
Like, it's. You can do it all. But doing it all
and having it all, to me is about being it all
first. It's. Nothing changes except how you show

(49:50):
up as you're getting it all done. These things
take seconds, moments. I do them in front of my
kids because I want them to learn. I play a lot
because that's my reset. I'm a seven on the
Enneagram. I don't know if people know Enneagram,
but, like, for me, like, play is what brings me
back. So sometimes that's. A lot of times that's

(50:12):
listening to fun songs in the car with my kids
because that's what I have access to, right?
Like, how can I make this moment better? We just
had a crazy morning, and I feel spun out, and now
I'm in the car with my three beautiful children,
and I want to reset. I can't go get a massage,
but I can, like, blast Aerosmith, and we can sing
and laugh and have fun. Like, that's it. It's not

(50:35):
hard to fit in.

No. And that is it. That is it. Like, that's kind
of. I don't know if there's a secret to life.
That's probably it, right? It's like, what's
available to me in this moment to bring joy to
everybody involved, including myself. And it
doesn't have to be perfect or special cosmic
thing. It's just totally.

I had always heard, like, I don't know if this
was just in conferences I was in or if this is
common knowledge, but, like, if you watch a child
around the age of four to six, you will see their
calling. Like, you will see them. Whatever play
they're super attracted to is, like, part of what
they're here to do, right? So, like, when I look
at my kids, my first one was always, you know,

(51:19):
building in the Legos. He's got, like, Very much
of an engineer mind now at 14, my second one, I
was trying to keep from, from climbing the roof
when he was 2. Like, he is like, wanting to be a
future X gamer. My daughter, who's 8, was always
singing and like, she loves watching America's
Got Talent and like, wants to sing. Right. And so
I think, you know, they talk a lot about like,

(51:40):
play shows us what we're designed to do or be. I
will say play is the portal to our calling. So
when I look back to like what I was doing when I
was little, I was riding my bike and I was doing
gymnastics. And in getting back to that, as a 43
year old woman, like, I went back to gymnastics.

I love it.

I competed in my son's kid only competition. I've
hit the age of my life where I'm like, this is
too much fun and I see what's on the other side.
Oh my God. But play is the portal. Like in doing
those things, even for little moments throughout
the day or the week, like, I am beaming with
light and creativity and like, stuff is just

(52:22):
coming to me and through me. I just wrote this
book with Hay House. It's. I am so excited to
birth it.

Yeah, tell us about it.

Yeah, And I wrote it in like three months. Like
it came through me. And so I say all that to say
when we get back to Play, our life figures itself
out in this beautiful way because again, we're
getting back to us and we are here as human
beings. And when we can get back to our
beingness, not only will all the do's get taken

(52:51):
care of, but you have no idea like, what you're
capable of not in doing, but like the light that
you have and the connections that you can create
when you get back to you. So the book that I
wrote with Hay House, it comes out early 2026.
It's called the Connection code. And it's
literally all about all the things that we're

(53:13):
talking about. So it's like simple ways to get
back to yourself. I share a lot of enough of the
science so that people understand it. I share
some reflective exercises and prompts in each
chapter because I want women to literally be able
to implement it right away. And some other fun
stuff in there that's saved for when it comes out.

I love it. And yeah, I mean, this audience is
like very in tune with the idea of the quantum
field and quantum coherence. And what you're
describing is creating coherence and creating a
field that attracts opportunity. And it's Open to
possibility and. And to life unfolding in a way

(53:56):
that cannot when we're super contracted. Even if
we're contracted around really important things
like quantum biology and the science of healing.

Right.

If we're in that state of contraction, the
subject matter doesn't. The subject matter
doesn't matter. It's how we. How we are showing
up that matters.

A hundred percent. Yeah. I love that they're so
in tune with that because it's such a beautiful.
I mean, quantum is amazing and quantum is real.
You know, I went to a Joe Dispenza event a while
ago. I imagine you guys are familiar.

Yeah, I'm sure everyone.

Yeah. And that was him. God, I mean, he's a
chiropractor too, right? So I've got like extra
love for him. I felt like after day one, I walked
out and I'm like, it's real. Everything I have
felt my entire life has just been confirmed by
someone taking the quantum and showing me the
science behind it. And that's. That's how my

(54:56):
brain works. Right. And so, you know, for the
listeners that are very well versed in that
topic, like, this stuff is as true as that. Like,
I'm talking about inward connection and inward
voice, and the science behind it is all very
powerful. It's all very real. We have just lost
touch with it. But it's there. And I'll teach it
to you. I'll give it to you. Like, this is for

(55:16):
everybody. We all have it. We all have it. And
you know, just having the tools and awareness.
Awareness to get back. Because I think, you know,
as long as we're living this practice, we're in a
very human experience. And so we will constantly
be getting pulled out. But what's really powerful
is, you know, when you can pause enough and

(55:37):
become aware. We all know that in so many
aspects. And you can realize what's happening.
And in that process, you can make a choice,
right? This day. This day is unfolding in a crazy
way. I didn't get to stare at the sun or, you
know, whatever it was this morning. And it's
super high speed. Zoom out. Okay. What choices am

(55:57):
I making or not making that could change this?
And that's where we have the power. We have the
power and the awareness, the pause and creating
new choices for ourselves as much as what's
available in front of us. And I think that's
where, like, being well versed in tools that are
actually realistic in our lives is so powerfully
important.

Yes. Yeah. And, yeah, accessing ourselves and the
Relaxed, fun moments are, you know, just as
important as understanding all the other things.
Melissa, thank you so much for being here and
spending time. This was a really powerful message

(56:38):
and I'm really, really glad that we were able to
have this conversation and share this because I,
I love you all so much, but you get really,
really focused on the details. So I'm really glad
Melissa is here to kind of like lighten things up
a little bit.

Good. Well, thank you so much for having me. This
is my favorite thing to talk about. So, you know,
I've got tons of resources for any women that are
interested in learning more. I'm sure you'll.

So yes, share us your website. You are going to
be, Melissa is going to be speaking at Carrie
Bennett's and Oksana's Hanson's retreat, Return
to Nature, which is at the end of June 2025.
Depending when you're listening to this go. If
you're on our email list, you've got links and
then you. So you'll be there. And then your

(57:24):
website is.

Yes, I'll be there. I'm so excited for that
event. And My website is Dr. DrMelisSasoners.com
and from there they'll find I've got an active
YouTube channel and Instagram. I have an online
book club for women. That's like my favorite
project that I'm doing right now. It's not
project, it's a community and we're incorporating

(57:47):
all these things. You know, we use a book as like
our anchor tool for the month and we're reading
them together this month. We're reading Fast like
a Girl and Eat like a Girl. This is May.
Depending on when this goes out, we've got some
other ones lined up for the rest of the summer.
And then we chat, we get on a community call and
we talk about all things. The conversation
typically takes on a light life of itself. And

(58:08):
then lastly, I do like 30 day journeys and
experiences with as women. With these women,
everything that we do in those 30 days are two
minute tools and they're all with the intention
of retraining your amygdala. And so I literally
walk you through like here's day one, your action
item because I think a lot of women need, you
know, like, tell me what to do. Like tell me what

(58:28):
to do when I wake up and go sit so I don't do
this other thing. And so these journeys are all
walking through that. The one I have coming up in
the fall will probably be a self with journey
where instead of this Time isn't selfish. It's
self with. And I'm going to teach you how to get
back to being with yourself. And so it'll
probably be around like nurturing and

(58:48):
nourishment, which I think is just great for the.
For the fall. So all that will be coming out in
my emails if they want to just join. You know, my
newsletter email list on.

My website sounds fantastic. So, yes, I know a
lot of you will have resonated with this, so
please go and sign up for from Melissa's
newsletter and let the play begin.

Let the play begin. And then just in case they
see it, my Instagram handle and my podcast are
called Be Inspired Mama, just so they know that
those are the same. Same platforms, both me. I
just, I just wanted a playful term.

Sounds good. And we'll put those. We'll put those
links in the show notes, but just to have it in
your head, Be Inspired Mama on YouTube.

Okay, so. So what, Meredith, as we wrap, like,
what are you gonna do today for connection with
yourself? Like, how are you gonna weave it in?

Oh, you know, I think I'm going to take a little
pause. I have couple more. A little more zoom
time, and then I'm gonna go sit outside and just
stare at the trees.

Daydreaming and daydream.

Yeah.

So staring like that puts you in theta, which is
an amazing brain break when we're running in beta
all day. That most effective things you can do
for your brain. And if you've ever heard. I know
we're wrapping here, but one last thing, if
you've ever heard someone say, I get my best
ideas in the shower. Yes, that's theta. And so
you think about how we just don't daydream

(01:00:15):
anymore.

Meredith Oke (01:00:16):
Right.

Melissa Sonners (01:00:16):
Like if we have a moment, we're looking at our
phone, which we, a lot of us go to the phone as a
brain break, but it's overstimulating to our
nervous system. It keeps us in beta. And that's
why we don't actually ever feel. Feel like
replenished or regenerated the way that you feel
after you stare at a tree. You're literally going
into a regenerative brainwave when you do that.

(01:00:38):
And so one of the most effective things you can
do is to daydream is to stare out the car window,
is to look at the tree, is to sit in the
reception room of an office and not grab your
phone. But either people watch or grab a
magazine, it is. It will pay you back tenfold at
the end of your day. And that will mean at the

(01:00:58):
end of the day that you got everything done, but
you feel somehow, like, chilled, relaxed and
satisfied. That's how we do it. So I'm so glad
you're gonna go stare at your tree.

Yeah. Oh, and I love that, that daydreaming
aspect. Yeah, it's true. I came out of the sauna
to my husband. I'm like, I had thought. He's
like, okay, whatever I say, he's like, when is it
now?

Those hits events.

I told him, he's like, oh, you should go with the
son of Morava. That's a really good idea. Yeah.
And also, yeah, it reminded me, like, I have to
read at least one paragraph or I can't sleep,
even if I'm exhausted. It's like there's. And now
you've explained, like, what's going on with my
brain, why that is like.

Yeah. And then for women who may be. Yeah.

Not a screen.

Yes. Not a screen. And for women who, like, maybe
their brain is too fast moving for the book thing
yet. This is where some of those crutch tools are
really powerful. Like, that's where, you know,
biurnal beats. Like, if you can't even drop down
to be able to read the page without your head,
like, thinking of everything else, something like
barn obeats will start to get you to that place.

(01:02:07):
So I would do those at night until you start to
regulate and then replace it with the book.

Perfect.

So there's. It's almost like there's like phase
one, phase two, phase three. If you can go right
to the book, that's great. But for my women who
need, like, that little portal bridge crutch by
your Nobel, it's a great brain tap, is a great
system for that. I know there's a lot of things
out there.

Yeah. Because we're. Yeah. We're just so amped.

Well, it's an. We're living in a very. We're
living in a very amped world. And so we're
reacting to our environment. Again, it's because
we're. We're great, not because we're failing.
But then how can we recreate the environment in a
way that works for us? And that's. We do that on
the inside, so no matter what changes on the
outside, like, we've got this and we've got

(01:02:53):
control of this, and we know. We know now how to
work. Rather than working against this, we're
working with it. We're in alignment.

So good.

Thank you, Melissa. You're welcome. I've thought
about this all day.

All day.

Yeah.

We'll have to do it again sometime.

Yes. I'm going to go ride my bike and then hit my
next meetings. Thank you so much for having me.
And thank you, listeners, for taking the time for
yourself to digest this information. Information,
it's truly life changing. So I would love to hear
at any point, if you want to send me a message,
like what one thing are you going to do or any of
your questions or anything, I would love, love to
hear from you.

Yes.

Follow up. Love.

And listen out.

Okay. Thanks, Erin.

Thanks, everyone.

Have a great day.

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132: Melissa Sonners - Microdosing Connection: Simple Steps To Entrain Your Brain On A Daily Basis

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}132: Melissa Sonners - Microdosing Connection: Simple Steps To Entrain Your Brain On A Daily Basis