August 28, 2022 • 20 mins
Uplifting, award-winning classic comedy with a smartly twist! In the premiere episode of The Smartlys, the eccentric Smartly family hits the jackpot, winning millions and promptly retiring from their whimsical life at the Renaissance fair. Their newfound wealth leads them to purchase a luxurious complex in San Diego, promising a fresh start.
However, their dream quickly becomes a battleground as scheming relatives emerge from the woodwork, each plotting to claim a share of the family's fortune. With a blend of humor, drama, and intrigue, the Smartlys must navigate their relatives' cunning plans while adjusting to their new opulent lifestyle. Would you like to also watch the show? Season 1 of this zany TV series streams free on PLEX TV!
THE SMARTLYS CAST: SEASON 1
Philesha (The Psychic Princess)
Vengalis (The Alien)
Adare Moore Smartly
Fetch Worthington Smartly
Lettie May Smartly
Thumper
Nanny and Dr. Mercedes
Abigail Smartly, Deceased?
Carrie Bella Smartly
Eric Quantum Smartly
Shelley YES Smartly
Caddy
S. Preston Smartly
Announcer and Fifty Buck$
Winky (The Stalker)
THE SMARTLYS CREW: SEASON 1
Creator/Writer
Shelley Smartly
Director/Producer
Floyd Strayer
SMARTLY SUNNY DAY
Lyrics/Melody
Shelley Smartly
Composer/Producer
Hedges Capers
Vocalists
Smartly Sunny Day Singers
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
♫ It's a Smartly sunny day in SanDiego in every single way! ♫ Ole'!
♫ It's funny, but even without any rain,
♫ our hearts are all flooded with joy!
(00:21):
♫ Joy - Joy - Joy - Joy - Joy!
The detox folks say Fetch is sufferingfrom alcoholic dementia.
That's impossible! Why?
He's too young to be senile!
Oh, it just means the drinking ismaking him see things.
Oh good! Good?
Yes, I was worried he wasseeing the aliens all by himself!
(00:44):
Anyway, I told them that we hired a
therapist, so we cantake care of him at home.
You mean a PSYCHO therapist!
Oh no. What now?!
She's a Moonie! Why? Lettie saw
her wearing a long robe and passing out
flyers at Children's Pool this morning.
Oh, it was chilly at sunrisethis morning, and she's
(01:04):
helping us find the missingmaintenance equipment.
Like? Brooms, and…
Aha! I knew it!
Knew what?
She's a moonatic!
No, I'm sure she's not!
Eric, California is fock chull of moonies,and moonatics! Well,
that is true, but…
Which is fantastic!
Because then we can have her cast a spelland make Fetch all better!
(01:26):
Come to drink about it, I'm acheap Scotsman, and that'd
be a lot faster and cheaperthan years of therapy!
Find out what she needs!
For what? To cast a spell.
Okay.
Oh, Adare's DNA came back.
It is not a match for the crime scene.
Oh, that's fantastic!
But it's not a match foranyone, anywhere, ever.
(01:50):
Eric, you're the one who wentto the wrong bank on Father's Day.
Stop joking around!
They interrogated me about his parentage.
Oh no. What did you tell them?
I told them the truth.
Oh great.
Now we're gonna be hung by the tongue!
(02:15):
How did your date with Philesha go?
Philesha gave Adare cookies!
Adare and Philesha are getting married!
Adare, are you out of your mind?!
Yes, sirree, bub!
So you don't have dibson the nanny anymore?
Fetch, Adare's gettingmarried, not buried!
Yes, but you have your hands full!
(02:35):
Adare is part seahorseand part octopus, so
Adare can grow more arms, if he needs to!
Oh brother, I need a drink.
You are powerless over alcoholand your life has become unmanageable!
What did you say? ♫ Ping pong
♫ balls pop in my head… That's so pretty!
(02:56):
Oh man, I'm hearing things, too!
♫ And the world spins round and round!
You heard that?
Yeah… it's Carrie.
No, I meant about the powerless.
♫ The man says to me,"How are we, how are we?"
♫ And my mind's lyingshattered on the ground!
(03:19):
You are powerless over alcohol,and your life has become unmanageable!
My coach says I'm getting better
every day! Of course you are!
I hope someday I'll begood enough to sing for real.
What do you mean?You are singing for real!
I mean for real, like in the movies.
(03:39):
I wish I could sing!
You can't sing?!
No, I've never had any musical talent.
Then what do you do for fun?
I'm a competitive cross stitcher!
What's cross stitch?
It's an old fashioned thing,a needlecraft, so to speak.
For Halloween, Lettieand I are going to be
(04:01):
pregnant soccer moms,with an armload of babies.
Make mental note (04:05):
Displacement is common in dysfunctional…
So can you make ourcostumes and baby dolls?
Oh, sure, I'd love to!
I'll just need to get some supplies.
How are you getting on with Fetch and the
girls? I haven't metFetch yet, but the girls
(04:26):
are fine. We werewondering if you could speed
things up by using your SPECIAL abilities.
Oh, Mister Smartly, Adare is the reallyspecial one in your family.
Thank you!
Is there anything you needto magically speed things up?
You mean like supplies? Yes! I'm going
to need needles, fabric, thread, paint.
What kind of needles? Sharp ones.
(04:47):
What kind of fabric?
The usual (04:49):
flying witches, black cats, spider webs, anything like that.
And the paint?
Let's see. I need blood red.
Maybe I can borrow some from Winky.You can't borrow real blood!
But Shelley did borrow Preston's beard.
So he has a reverse beard to trick peopleinto thinking he's gay,
when he's really a rewired straight?
(05:10):
I'm glad you're doing this.
I'm a cheap Scotsman and this is going tosave me a lot of time and money!
My mom, that old witch, always said I
should be a phlebotomist!Fee bottom, Miss?!
Phlebotomists are people who draw blood.
I've done that!
You have?!
When I was king, my favorite line was,"Off with his head, Winky!"
(05:32):
Winky, the maintenance man?
That reminds me.
Have you found anyof the missing equipment?
I saved two tourists and a burnt broom.
Maybe Shelley was right!
And I found an extrabroom in my condo, so I
thought I'd give it toWinky, if that's okay? Yes.
Tell him it's with my blessing.
(05:54):
[Knocking on door] Winky?
Who is it? Who's asking?
FBI, CIA…
AARP?!
No, it's me, the newNanny for the Smartlys.
What do you want?
Mister Smartly said I could give youmy extra broom, with his blessings.
(06:17):
Well, well, well. [Wolf whistle]
On a scale of one throughnine, I'd call you a Zen!
Why, thank you!
But Shelley, my Queen, she's an eleven!
(06:37):
How was your art class?Our neighbor Debbie said we
should make a car pool. What do you think?
Excellent idea! Yes butwhere would we put it?
What? No, where? It won't fit inside the
regular pool, will it?Oh, you don't understand!
Eric, you said it was agood idea! Plus, it would
clean the inside and theoutside at the same time!
Shelley, a car pool is where twoor more people ride together.
(06:59):
Oh, you mean, like last night!
We didn't go anywhere last night!
Oh, yes, we did!
We did?! Yes, you took me to
Pleasure Town, remember? Shhhnot here, not here! I wouldn't dream of
doing it here! This room isn't bigenough, for a car pool! Just as well,
I couldn't find my littlevitamins this morning.
I wanted to practice up forour Fantaversary tomorrow.
(07:20):
So I emptied all the littleblue pills into the coffee pot this
morning. Preston and hiscaddie came round this morning
on their way to Torrey Pines for coffee.
Frost on a turnip!
The caddie was sufferingfrom one of Preston's
hangovers, so heguzzled down all the coffee!
Oh no! He's only 16!
The caffeine will stunt his growth!
(07:43):
I doubt very muchthat that will be his biggest concern.
Too bad he's been home schooled. Why?
Otherwise, we could send him down to the
school nurse. Oh, that would make his day!
No, that was a lot of pills.
That'd make her week!
(08:03):
Folks, did you see that?
It was a hole in one,around the Rocky Mountain!
By GPA champion, Preston Smartly!
That was somewhat acceptable.
Are you kidding me?
It was a hole in oneAROUND the Rocky Mountain!
It should have gone OVER the mountain!
(08:24):
It was still a hole in one.
It still would've been better form if
it'd gone OVER the mountain!
Caddy, don't be mad!
I'll do better next time!
Promise?
Crisscross my heart!
Hope to die if you lie?
No. I want to live to a ripe old age,
and I lie all the time!
Or at least you used to,
(08:45):
before the Rewiring Surgery.
Oh, Shelley set me up withanother really hot blind date tonight!
Preston, 98.6 or no go!
Oh no. I bet she's trying to kill me
with a five-foot-six biological weapon!
She did send Eric to kill you yesterday.
Yeah. Good thing we passedout cold, before he went in
for the kill! Imagine, yourbinge drinking saved my life!
(09:07):
Alcohol is a mighty fine preservative!
That's why I still look so great at 16.
You're not 16. You're 69!
Yeah. [Opening zipper.] That reminds me.
I can't find my balls!
Oh, no worries.
No worries?!
Yeah, I'm your caddie,so I always have your balls.
[Zipper]
Goody gumdrops!
(09:28):
Why are gumdrops good?
Cuz, it's just a saying.
What kind of grown manwould say a thing like that?
One who's prohibited from saying whathe really thinks, due to FCC regulations
What's FCC?
The airwaves police!Oh, you mean air traffic controllers?
Yes, but only for blue air.
I must have wax in my ears.
Why? I haven't heard any bluewords since this show started.
(09:51):
That's it!
What? I'll have Eric invest in the
Smartly Wax Museum, preserving the
Luckiest Couple in the World, forever!
You mean like Madame Tussauds?
Yes, but with a more realistic feel.
You mean? Yup! True to lifewax figurines of Eric and Shelley.
Preston, party of two!
(10:11):
You've won a free pass at Rocky Mountain
Mini Golf!
Do we still have sometime to kill before your date
tonight? Wow, that's agreat attitude! Let's go!
And we call it the Smartly Wax Museum!
Tagline, "The LuckiestCouple in the World!"
No, absolutely not!
(10:33):
Why not?!
Have you both lost your mind?!
Yes!
You can't just dunk realpeople in wax, and then
wheel them into awalk-in freezer! Why not?!
Shelley, why are you in favor of this?
Obviously, because she wantsto be realistically immortalized.
(10:54):
Preston, stop Boy-Splaining!
Eric, I think you'd likeit. Plus, I've always heard
such interesting thingsabout it! About wax museums?!
The dipping bath is ready.
Initial here for the California
Environmental andRecycling Impact Statement.
Preston I've always really admired your
concern for legalitiesand the environment!
(11:17):
Thank you, bro!
Preston, you may dunk Eric now,but I'll have mine done at the salon.
Eric, I warned you about him.
Too bad we're in a heat wave,or I'd use my new blowtorch on ya!
The new nanny stopped byand brought me her old broom.
(11:38):
She's sure a looker, that one!
You know, it's traditionalfor men who strike it rich,
to trade in their old wife fora brand spanking new one!
Let me help. I'll just rip this wax off.
Hey, this stuff works better thanduct tape to muffle the old screams!
Oh, lookie! The flagis flying at full mast!
(12:00):
I think I'll call you John Wick.
That's why Shelley's so cheerful!
Good thing I'm not envious, or I'd use mynew Whack-A-Mole paddle on it! Whack!
Ah, remember the good old days, where I
disposed of all ofShelley's suitors for you?
You know, it's evenhotter out in the courtyard,
(12:21):
so I'll just wheel youout there to finish melting.
Hey, John Wick. Wouldn't it bewicked if I lit your fire right now?
Get it? Wicked! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(12:46):
I didn't scare you, did I?
So now we're all waxed and ready, forour anniversary tomorrow. I'm the Hairless
Wonder of La Jolla! You know Prestonmeans well, because he put a plastic
bag over your head to preserveyour hair! That's true. I should count
my blessings more. You have anawful lot to be grateful for. Such as?
We won $300 million!
(13:07):
Yeah, but now the wholefreaking family wants us dead!
Except for our little sweet baby, Adare!
Winky wants me to dump you for the nanny.
Isn't she a little young for you?
Oh, I'm so filthy rich,I can get any woman I want!
They'd only want you for your money!
So? What's wrong with that?
(13:28):
You won't have any leftwhen I get done cleaning
you out! Oh, is my merrymaid ready to clean?
Yes!
Let me go get my maid outfit!
Where's Winky?
He's at a duct tapeconference. Sticky subject! Yes.
(13:49):
They said he's the world'sleading duct tape expert!
Which They? The They in 333.
Oh, They Said?
Yes, the gender neutralSaudi prince or princess.
Oh, 222, the sink is overflowing.
Which sink?
I just said, 222.
I thought you said their name
was They Said. That's 333.
(14:11):
That Said is in 444.
Is That a Kng or a Queen?
That is very flexible, so yes,That is either a King OR a Queen.
Who said That?
You said That!
Well, in that case, who's on first?
Abbott and Costello!
Missus Smartly, come on down!
You have just won a brand newgarbage disposal unit!
(14:34):
Well, thank you, Bob.
Does it do finger food?
Yes, ma'am. And toe food!
Oh great.So tell me, which sink is it in 222?
It's the kitchen sink.Then that's an emergency!
It is? Yes, I set her up witha date with Preston tonight.
She's making dinner for him.You have to fix it now.
But I don't know anything aboutplumbing, and Winky's got all the tape!
(14:57):
I know. Preston's a golfer,so use his driver to fix it!
Preston doesn't have adriver, he has a caddie.
Even better, have his caddie fix it!
Right. Will do!
Shucks, 222 justcanceled our date tonight!
Why? It was garbled,but I think she said the first
(15:19):
two floors are flooding, plus the
underground garage. We're on second!
Didn't Eric ask you to fix her sink?
No, why?
Ah, I didn't give you the message!
It's just as well.
Every solution holds the seed of
an equal or greater problem.
I don't know how to swim!
(15:40):
See, what'd I tell you?
Seems like everyone's hada chance to meet you, except
me. Yes, well, I understandyour presence was respectfully
requested by the TeetotalersSociety of America.
That's a nice way to put it. I hear you
gracefully declined allof the treatment options.
(16:02):
I'm starting to reconsider.
Why?! I'm starting
to wonder if I'm powerless over alcohol.
That's possible, but perhaps alcohol
is the solution, not the problem. Do tell.
You might want to try talking things overwith a friend, maybe try some new drugs.
No. I don't have any friends.Or dealers, for that matter.
(16:24):
Well, you can always talk to meabout whatever is on your mind.
I might just take you up on that someday.
Meanwhile. Bottoms up.
I've been brewing up alot of trouble with the girls.
Is that a Bible?
No no no.
Um, yes, for me, in a strangeway. It's a book about aliens.
(16:47):
Oh. I'm an alien, you know.
Frost on a turnip!
I'm hoping for a green card marriage,but I haven't found a straight card, yet.
I'm straight!
But recently widowed, and inno shape to be dating again.
Don't count me out of the race.
What race?
Your race to the altar!
(17:07):
I wouldn't dream of marrying you.
Why not?
I have my eye on someone else.
I love singing!
I love seals!
I forgot to tell you, Nanny is goingto make our Halloween costumes.
I want nine babies!
(17:29):
Why?
Because I'm nine! Duh.
Alright. Then I want 14 babies!
Nanny was on my seal cam this morning.
Really? She was wearing a long black
robe and carrying an old burnt broom.
You mean like witches?!
Maybe. Daddy covered myeyes, so I didn't have a great look.
(17:49):
We need a new Spy Club!
Dibbies on the binoculars!
Okay. You be PrivateEyes, and I'll be Private Ears.
Thumper could help!
Nah. He's a grown up. He can't be trusted!
Oh right. I forgot!
Repeat after me.
Never trust a grown up!
(18:12):
Never trust a grown up! At leastAdare could still be trusted. So true!
Adare and Philesha are getting married!
Yes, I ran into her andshe talked my ear off.
How did you get it backon? I just said, "Friends,
Romans, Countrymen lendme your ears!" And they did!
Adare told Fetch Adare can grow armslike a seahorse, crossed with an octopus!
(18:33):
Adare, what'd I tell you?
Whoopsy daisy, ma!
I'm sorry, I forgot.
Shape up, or I'll have to ship you tothe Memory Repair Shop!
Adare did remember to tell FetchAdare has dibbies on the Nanny!
That's great!Extra star in your report card!
What galaxy?
A spiral one. Let's see.
(18:54):
How about Sombrero Galaxy?
Thanks, ma!
Tonight is Adare andPhilesha's second first date.
I'm so excited, I'malready knitting diapers!
For PhiDare babies?!
No silly. For me. Adaretold Fetch you're going
to send him to theChernobyl Treatment Facility.
More stars. What did he say?
(19:16):
What could he say after radioactivities?
The Nanny might also help, for a spell.
Did ma tell Philesha about Adare?
Yes, I told her you're an excellentequestrian excretia excavator,
who is untethered from theleash of societal expectations!
Wow. Pa's right!
You could sell chicken to the colonel!
(19:37):
Thank you, Sir Smartly!
Ma, does Adare havea chip on his shoulder?
No, not even a little ittybitty potato chip. Why?
Too bad. Adairs starving!
Adare, that was a crummy joke!
Adare has been court orderedto grow up. He's already potty
(19:59):
trained and getting married. Whatmore could they possibly want?!
The judge says I'll be held in contempt if
I don't tell them moreabout his parentage.
I know.
So I finally confessed.
Oh no!
That we're both…Yeah?
… over 70!
Oh, Eric, that's brilliant!
But Preston came round and said the bottomtwo floors and the garage are flooded out!
(20:24):
Thank you, Eric! For what?
Making the car pool!
Oh, don't thank me.
Okay, I'll save all my gratitude for Him.
Him Who?
Yes, the new Car Pool Boy!
Oh, stop joking around, Becky. Is that
another gap in the time-space continuum?
Maybe to you, butearthlings call it a barn door.
(20:48):
That's odd. We don't have a horse!
If we did, would you close the barn door?
Oh, no, I'm way too hot for that!
She's too hot to trot!
Let me get my chaps!
Yeehaw!
(Sing along!) Everybody now.
One, two, three, four.
(21:10):
♫ It's a Smartly sunny day in San Diego!
♫ In every single way! Ole'!
♫ It's funny but even without any rain,
♫ Our hearts are all flooded with joy!
♫ Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy!
♫ It's a Smartly sunny day in SanDiego in every single way! ♫ Ole'!
♫ It's funny, but even without any rain,
♫ our hearts are all flooded with joy!
(00:21):
♫ Joy - Joy - Joy - Joy - Joy!
The detox folks say Fetch is sufferingfrom alcoholic dementia.
That's impossible! Why?
He's too young to be senile!
Oh, it just means the drinking ismaking him see things.
Oh good! Good?
Yes, I was worried he wasseeing the aliens all by himself!
(00:44):
Anyway, I told them that we hired a
therapist, so we cantake care of him at home.
You mean a PSYCHO therapist!
Oh no. What now?!
She's a Moonie! Why? Lettie saw
her wearing a long robe and passing out
flyers at Children's Pool this morning.
Oh, it was chilly at sunrisethis morning, and she's
(01:04):
helping us find the missingmaintenance equipment.
Like? Brooms, and…
Aha! I knew it!
Knew what?
She's a moonatic!
No, I'm sure she's not!
Eric, California is fock chull of moonies,and moonatics! Well,
that is true, but…
Which is fantastic!
Because then we can have her cast a spelland make Fetch all better!
(01:26):
Come to drink about it, I'm acheap Scotsman, and that'd
be a lot faster and cheaperthan years of therapy!
Find out what she needs!
For what? To cast a spell.
Okay.
Oh, Adare's DNA came back.
It is not a match for the crime scene.
Oh, that's fantastic!
But it's not a match foranyone, anywhere, ever.
(01:50):
Eric, you're the one who wentto the wrong bank on Father's Day.
Stop joking around!
They interrogated me about his parentage.
Oh no. What did you tell them?
I told them the truth.
Oh great.
Now we're gonna be hung by the tongue!
(02:15):
How did your date with Philesha go?
Philesha gave Adare cookies!
Adare and Philesha are getting married!
Adare, are you out of your mind?!
Yes, sirree, bub!
So you don't have dibson the nanny anymore?
Fetch, Adare's gettingmarried, not buried!
Yes, but you have your hands full!
(02:35):
Adare is part seahorseand part octopus, so
Adare can grow more arms, if he needs to!
Oh brother, I need a drink.
You are powerless over alcoholand your life has become unmanageable!
What did you say? ♫ Ping pong
♫ balls pop in my head… That's so pretty!
(02:56):
Oh man, I'm hearing things, too!
♫ And the world spins round and round!
You heard that?
Yeah… it's Carrie.
No, I meant about the powerless.
♫ The man says to me,"How are we, how are we?"
♫ And my mind's lyingshattered on the ground!
(03:19):
You are powerless over alcohol,and your life has become unmanageable!
My coach says I'm getting better
every day! Of course you are!
I hope someday I'll begood enough to sing for real.
What do you mean?You are singing for real!
I mean for real, like in the movies.
(03:39):
I wish I could sing!
You can't sing?!
No, I've never had any musical talent.
Then what do you do for fun?
I'm a competitive cross stitcher!
What's cross stitch?
It's an old fashioned thing,a needlecraft, so to speak.
For Halloween, Lettieand I are going to be
(04:01):
pregnant soccer moms,with an armload of babies.
Make mental note (04:05):
Displacement is common in dysfunctional…
So can you make ourcostumes and baby dolls?
Oh, sure, I'd love to!
I'll just need to get some supplies.
How are you getting on with Fetch and the
girls? I haven't metFetch yet, but the girls
(04:26):
are fine. We werewondering if you could speed
things up by using your SPECIAL abilities.
Oh, Mister Smartly, Adare is the reallyspecial one in your family.
Thank you!
Is there anything you needto magically speed things up?
You mean like supplies? Yes! I'm going
to need needles, fabric, thread, paint.
What kind of needles? Sharp ones.
(04:47):
What kind of fabric?
The usual (04:49):
flying witches, black cats, spider webs, anything like that.
And the paint?
Let's see. I need blood red.
Maybe I can borrow some from Winky.You can't borrow real blood!
But Shelley did borrow Preston's beard.
So he has a reverse beard to trick peopleinto thinking he's gay,
when he's really a rewired straight?
(05:10):
I'm glad you're doing this.
I'm a cheap Scotsman and this is going tosave me a lot of time and money!
My mom, that old witch, always said I
should be a phlebotomist!Fee bottom, Miss?!
Phlebotomists are people who draw blood.
I've done that!
You have?!
When I was king, my favorite line was,"Off with his head, Winky!"
(05:32):
Winky, the maintenance man?
That reminds me.
Have you found anyof the missing equipment?
I saved two tourists and a burnt broom.
Maybe Shelley was right!
And I found an extrabroom in my condo, so I
thought I'd give it toWinky, if that's okay? Yes.
Tell him it's with my blessing.
(05:54):
[Knocking on door] Winky?
Who is it? Who's asking?
FBI, CIA…
AARP?!
No, it's me, the newNanny for the Smartlys.
What do you want?
Mister Smartly said I could give youmy extra broom, with his blessings.
(06:17):
Well, well, well. [Wolf whistle]
On a scale of one throughnine, I'd call you a Zen!
Why, thank you!
But Shelley, my Queen, she's an eleven!
(06:37):
How was your art class?Our neighbor Debbie said we
should make a car pool. What do you think?
Excellent idea! Yes butwhere would we put it?
What? No, where? It won't fit inside the
regular pool, will it?Oh, you don't understand!
Eric, you said it was agood idea! Plus, it would
clean the inside and theoutside at the same time!
Shelley, a car pool is where twoor more people ride together.
(06:59):
Oh, you mean, like last night!
We didn't go anywhere last night!
Oh, yes, we did!
We did?! Yes, you took me to
Pleasure Town, remember? Shhhnot here, not here! I wouldn't dream of
doing it here! This room isn't bigenough, for a car pool! Just as well,
I couldn't find my littlevitamins this morning.
I wanted to practice up forour Fantaversary tomorrow.
(07:20):
So I emptied all the littleblue pills into the coffee pot this
morning. Preston and hiscaddie came round this morning
on their way to Torrey Pines for coffee.
Frost on a turnip!
The caddie was sufferingfrom one of Preston's
hangovers, so heguzzled down all the coffee!
Oh no! He's only 16!
The caffeine will stunt his growth!
(07:43):
I doubt very muchthat that will be his biggest concern.
Too bad he's been home schooled. Why?
Otherwise, we could send him down to the
school nurse. Oh, that would make his day!
No, that was a lot of pills.
That'd make her week!
(08:03):
Folks, did you see that?
It was a hole in one,around the Rocky Mountain!
By GPA champion, Preston Smartly!
That was somewhat acceptable.
Are you kidding me?
It was a hole in oneAROUND the Rocky Mountain!
It should have gone OVER the mountain!
(08:24):
It was still a hole in one.
It still would've been better form if
it'd gone OVER the mountain!
Caddy, don't be mad!
I'll do better next time!
Promise?
Crisscross my heart!
Hope to die if you lie?
No. I want to live to a ripe old age,
and I lie all the time!
Or at least you used to,
(08:45):
before the Rewiring Surgery.
Oh, Shelley set me up withanother really hot blind date tonight!
Preston, 98.6 or no go!
Oh no. I bet she's trying to kill me
with a five-foot-six biological weapon!
She did send Eric to kill you yesterday.
Yeah. Good thing we passedout cold, before he went in
for the kill! Imagine, yourbinge drinking saved my life!
(09:07):
Alcohol is a mighty fine preservative!
That's why I still look so great at 16.
You're not 16. You're 69!
Yeah. [Opening zipper.] That reminds me.
I can't find my balls!
Oh, no worries.
No worries?!
Yeah, I'm your caddie,so I always have your balls.
[Zipper]
Goody gumdrops!
(09:28):
Why are gumdrops good?
Cuz, it's just a saying.
What kind of grown manwould say a thing like that?
One who's prohibited from saying whathe really thinks, due to FCC regulations
What's FCC?
The airwaves police!Oh, you mean air traffic controllers?
Yes, but only for blue air.
I must have wax in my ears.
Why? I haven't heard any bluewords since this show started.
(09:51):
That's it!
What? I'll have Eric invest in the
Smartly Wax Museum, preserving the
Luckiest Couple in the World, forever!
You mean like Madame Tussauds?
Yes, but with a more realistic feel.
You mean? Yup! True to lifewax figurines of Eric and Shelley.
Preston, party of two!
(10:11):
You've won a free pass at Rocky Mountain
Mini Golf!
Do we still have sometime to kill before your date
tonight? Wow, that's agreat attitude! Let's go!
And we call it the Smartly Wax Museum!
Tagline, "The LuckiestCouple in the World!"
No, absolutely not!
(10:33):
Why not?!
Have you both lost your mind?!
Yes!
You can't just dunk realpeople in wax, and then
wheel them into awalk-in freezer! Why not?!
Shelley, why are you in favor of this?
Obviously, because she wantsto be realistically immortalized.
(10:54):
Preston, stop Boy-Splaining!
Eric, I think you'd likeit. Plus, I've always heard
such interesting thingsabout it! About wax museums?!
The dipping bath is ready.
Initial here for the California
Environmental andRecycling Impact Statement.
Preston I've always really admired your
concern for legalitiesand the environment!
(11:17):
Thank you, bro!
Preston, you may dunk Eric now,but I'll have mine done at the salon.
Eric, I warned you about him.
Too bad we're in a heat wave,or I'd use my new blowtorch on ya!
The new nanny stopped byand brought me her old broom.
(11:38):
She's sure a looker, that one!
You know, it's traditionalfor men who strike it rich,
to trade in their old wife fora brand spanking new one!
Let me help. I'll just rip this wax off.
Hey, this stuff works better thanduct tape to muffle the old screams!
Oh, lookie! The flagis flying at full mast!
(12:00):
I think I'll call you John Wick.
That's why Shelley's so cheerful!
Good thing I'm not envious, or I'd use mynew Whack-A-Mole paddle on it! Whack!
Ah, remember the good old days, where I
disposed of all ofShelley's suitors for you?
You know, it's evenhotter out in the courtyard,
(12:21):
so I'll just wheel youout there to finish melting.
Hey, John Wick. Wouldn't it bewicked if I lit your fire right now?
Get it? Wicked! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(12:46):
I didn't scare you, did I?
So now we're all waxed and ready, forour anniversary tomorrow. I'm the Hairless
Wonder of La Jolla! You know Prestonmeans well, because he put a plastic
bag over your head to preserveyour hair! That's true. I should count
my blessings more. You have anawful lot to be grateful for. Such as?
We won $300 million!
(13:07):
Yeah, but now the wholefreaking family wants us dead!
Except for our little sweet baby, Adare!
Winky wants me to dump you for the nanny.
Isn't she a little young for you?
Oh, I'm so filthy rich,I can get any woman I want!
They'd only want you for your money!
So? What's wrong with that?
(13:28):
You won't have any leftwhen I get done cleaning
you out! Oh, is my merrymaid ready to clean?
Yes!
Let me go get my maid outfit!
Where's Winky?
He's at a duct tapeconference. Sticky subject! Yes.
(13:49):
They said he's the world'sleading duct tape expert!
Which They? The They in 333.
Oh, They Said?
Yes, the gender neutralSaudi prince or princess.
Oh, 222, the sink is overflowing.
Which sink?
I just said, 222.
I thought you said their name
was They Said. That's 333.
(14:11):
That Said is in 444.
Is That a Kng or a Queen?
That is very flexible, so yes,That is either a King OR a Queen.
Who said That?
You said That!
Well, in that case, who's on first?
Abbott and Costello!
Missus Smartly, come on down!
You have just won a brand newgarbage disposal unit!
(14:34):
Well, thank you, Bob.
Does it do finger food?
Yes, ma'am. And toe food!
Oh great.So tell me, which sink is it in 222?
It's the kitchen sink.Then that's an emergency!
It is? Yes, I set her up witha date with Preston tonight.
She's making dinner for him.You have to fix it now.
But I don't know anything aboutplumbing, and Winky's got all the tape!
(14:57):
I know. Preston's a golfer,so use his driver to fix it!
Preston doesn't have adriver, he has a caddie.
Even better, have his caddie fix it!
Right. Will do!
Shucks, 222 justcanceled our date tonight!
Why? It was garbled,but I think she said the first
(15:19):
two floors are flooding, plus the
underground garage. We're on second!
Didn't Eric ask you to fix her sink?
No, why?
Ah, I didn't give you the message!
It's just as well.
Every solution holds the seed of
an equal or greater problem.
I don't know how to swim!
(15:40):
See, what'd I tell you?
Seems like everyone's hada chance to meet you, except
me. Yes, well, I understandyour presence was respectfully
requested by the TeetotalersSociety of America.
That's a nice way to put it. I hear you
gracefully declined allof the treatment options.
(16:02):
I'm starting to reconsider.
Why?! I'm starting
to wonder if I'm powerless over alcohol.
That's possible, but perhaps alcohol
is the solution, not the problem. Do tell.
You might want to try talking things overwith a friend, maybe try some new drugs.
No. I don't have any friends.Or dealers, for that matter.
(16:24):
Well, you can always talk to meabout whatever is on your mind.
I might just take you up on that someday.
Meanwhile. Bottoms up.
I've been brewing up alot of trouble with the girls.
Is that a Bible?
No no no.
Um, yes, for me, in a strangeway. It's a book about aliens.
(16:47):
Oh. I'm an alien, you know.
Frost on a turnip!
I'm hoping for a green card marriage,but I haven't found a straight card, yet.
I'm straight!
But recently widowed, and inno shape to be dating again.
Don't count me out of the race.
What race?
Your race to the altar!
(17:07):
I wouldn't dream of marrying you.
Why not?
I have my eye on someone else.
I love singing!
I love seals!
I forgot to tell you, Nanny is goingto make our Halloween costumes.
I want nine babies!
(17:29):
Why?
Because I'm nine! Duh.
Alright. Then I want 14 babies!
Nanny was on my seal cam this morning.
Really? She was wearing a long black
robe and carrying an old burnt broom.
You mean like witches?!
Maybe. Daddy covered myeyes, so I didn't have a great look.
(17:49):
We need a new Spy Club!
Dibbies on the binoculars!
Okay. You be PrivateEyes, and I'll be Private Ears.
Thumper could help!
Nah. He's a grown up. He can't be trusted!
Oh right. I forgot!
Repeat after me.
Never trust a grown up!
(18:12):
Never trust a grown up! At leastAdare could still be trusted. So true!
Adare and Philesha are getting married!
Yes, I ran into her andshe talked my ear off.
How did you get it backon? I just said, "Friends,
Romans, Countrymen lendme your ears!" And they did!
Adare told Fetch Adare can grow armslike a seahorse, crossed with an octopus!
(18:33):
Adare, what'd I tell you?
Whoopsy daisy, ma!
I'm sorry, I forgot.
Shape up, or I'll have to ship you tothe Memory Repair Shop!
Adare did remember to tell FetchAdare has dibbies on the Nanny!
That's great!Extra star in your report card!
What galaxy?
A spiral one. Let's see.
(18:54):
How about Sombrero Galaxy?
Thanks, ma!
Tonight is Adare andPhilesha's second first date.
I'm so excited, I'malready knitting diapers!
For PhiDare babies?!
No silly. For me. Adaretold Fetch you're going
to send him to theChernobyl Treatment Facility.
More stars. What did he say?
(19:16):
What could he say after radioactivities?
The Nanny might also help, for a spell.
Did ma tell Philesha about Adare?
Yes, I told her you're an excellentequestrian excretia excavator,
who is untethered from theleash of societal expectations!
Wow. Pa's right!
You could sell chicken to the colonel!
(19:37):
Thank you, Sir Smartly!
Ma, does Adare havea chip on his shoulder?
No, not even a little ittybitty potato chip. Why?
Too bad. Adairs starving!
Adare, that was a crummy joke!
Adare has been court orderedto grow up. He's already potty
(19:59):
trained and getting married. Whatmore could they possibly want?!
The judge says I'll be held in contempt if
I don't tell them moreabout his parentage.
I know.
So I finally confessed.
Oh no!
That we're both…Yeah?
… over 70!
Oh, Eric, that's brilliant!
But Preston came round and said the bottomtwo floors and the garage are flooded out!
(20:24):
Thank you, Eric! For what?
Making the car pool!
Oh, don't thank me.
Okay, I'll save all my gratitude for Him.
Him Who?
Yes, the new Car Pool Boy!
Oh, stop joking around, Becky. Is that
another gap in the time-space continuum?
Maybe to you, butearthlings call it a barn door.
(20:48):
That's odd. We don't have a horse!
If we did, would you close the barn door?
Oh, no, I'm way too hot for that!
She's too hot to trot!
Let me get my chaps!
Yeehaw!
(Sing along!) Everybody now.
One, two, three, four.
(21:10):
♫ It's a Smartly sunny day in San Diego!
♫ In every single way! Ole'!
♫ It's funny but even without any rain,
♫ Our hearts are all flooded with joy!
♫ Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy!
Popular Podcasts
1. The Podium
The Podium: An NBC Olympic and Paralympic podcast. Join us for insider coverage during the intense competition at the 2024 Paris Olympic and Paralympic Games. In the run-up to the Opening Ceremony, we’ll bring you deep into the stories and events that have you know and those you'll be hard-pressed to forget.
2. In The Village
In The Village will take you into the most exclusive areas of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games to explore the daily life of athletes, complete with all the funny, mundane and unexpected things you learn off the field of play. Join Elizabeth Beisel as she sits down with Olympians each day in Paris.
3. iHeartOlympics: The Latest
Listen to the latest news from the 2024 Olympics.