June 13, 2025 • 20 mins
What separates great leaders from average ones? It’s not strategy—it’s character. In this episode of Tim Stating the Obvious, we explore why self-leadership is the foundation of effective leadership and how building integrity, consistency, and personal values creates lasting influence.
You’ll learn how to define your core leadership values, build habits that strengthen ethical decision-making, and reflect daily to ensure your actions align with your mission. If you're looking to grow as a purpose-driven leader, this episode delivers practical tools and mindset shifts that will help you lead yourself—and others—with clarity and conviction.
Whether you're an executive, new manager, or emerging team leader, this conversation will help you move beyond leadership performance and into character-based leadership transformation.
Connect with Tim:
Website: timstatingtheobvious.com
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Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHfDcITKUdniO8R3RP0lvdw
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Tiktok: @timstatingtheobvious
#leadershipskills #LeadershipDevelopment #howtolead #ethicalleadership #corevalues #selfawareness #personalgrowth #beknowdo
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tim Staton (00:00):
Hey, and welcome to another episode.
In today's episode, we're going to be unpacking the essential, yet often overlooked skill that
helps you lead better, live better, and show up better.
Today's episode is about being.
Because the truth is you can't lead anyone else until you've learned to lead yourself.
(00:20):
So let's go ahead and get into it.
This is Tim Staton with Tim stating the obvious.
What is this podcast about? It's simple.
You are entitled to great leadership.
Everywhere you go, whether it's a church, whether it's to work, whether it's at your house,
you are entitled to great leadership.
And so in this podcast, we take leadership principles and theories and turn them into everyday, relatable and usable advice.
Disclaimer (00:47):
And a quick disclaimer. This show, process or service by trademark, trademark, manufacturer,
otherwise does not necessarily constitute an apply the endorsement of anyone that I employed
by or favors in the representation.
The views are expressed here in my show are my own expressed, and do not necessarily state or
reflect those of any employer.
Tim Staton (00:58):
Oftentimes when we talk about leadership training and we talk about developing leaders, most
of it starts with what you should do, like strategies, systems, communication frameworks.
But what if the leader actually starts with who you are, which is, I think, probably the most critical skill to understand.
(01:19):
And you need to know who you are as a person, and you need to focus on being the person that you need to be.
And this is something that I work on every single day because I have my downfalls, right? Everybody has their issues.
Everybody has their weak points or trigger points.
Everybody has the things that kind of get them riled up and makes them stumble and fall.
But if you don't know what those are ahead of time, then how can you prepare for them?
(01:44):
How can you be better for everybody else if you don't understand yourself first?
And so that's why I like the Army's leadership framework. Be no do.
And we're going to talk about this over a period of time, but it begins with being.
And that's not by accident, because being is foundational.
It's about character, integrity, and your values.
(02:07):
This is the stuff that no one sees in the boardroom or in the office, but when you show up and
you walk into the room, everybody feels it.
It's that intuitive feeling that people get about somebody.
And this is what I mean by this.
Have you ever watched somebody from a distance, let's say any leader, just kind of picture them
in your head and you go, you know what?
That person is a high performer, getting stuff done they're very charismatic.
(02:31):
You know, I think I would love to work for that person.
And then you go to work for that person and you start to notice things about them that aren't quite right.
Like they're different in the public eye than they are behind closed doors, or they're different
in a small group setting versus a large group setting.
They're often influenced by politics and greed and selfish ambition.
(02:54):
And they get really taken up by how can I succeed versus how can I make everybody else around me succeed?
You know, just picture that in your mind.
Have you ever encountered somebody like that? I know I have.
But if you take someone like Jensen Huang, the CEO of Nvidia, his leadership during the AI boom
(03:15):
isn't about technical know how.
It's about humility and clarity of purpose.
His being that inspires his team to push the boundaries.
So I wrote a book called Life skills you didn't know you needed.
And we talk about this, too.
We talk about faith, desire, self awareness.
And these aren't fluff because they make up who you are.
And they are internal roots that allow our external roots to grow. So what is character?
(03:41):
It's the sum of your values, principles, and moral backbone.
How you act when the spotlight is off of you, when the stakes are high and when no one is watching.
Character is your internal compass.
It keeps you grounded, guiding you to lead ethically and resist the corruption, even when the
world tempts you to cut corners, which is quite often nowadays.
(04:04):
Everybody's looking to get somewhere faster, quicker, and sometimes it's not necessarily the
most ethical way to do it. So.
But why does character matter?
Because it's the foundation of trust.
Without it, your leadership is a house of cards, pretty much impressive until it collapses.
And that's kind of what we talked about earlier.
If you look at Angela Merkel, the former German chancellor during the European debt crisis,
(04:28):
she made tough principal decisions even when they were unpopular in Germany.
Her character, rooted in consistency and integrity, earned her global respect, proving that ethical leadership outlasts expediency.
Building character isn't a one and done deal. It's a daily practice.
So we've got to figure out how can we forge our compass to stay true north?
(04:54):
And we understand where we're going when everything else around us is in turmoil.
What are the things that guide us moving forward in the direction of truth and direction of
integrity, keeping ourselves who we say we're going to be grounded and the things that we say
we're going to be grounded in.
And here's a couple of ways of how we can do that.
(05:15):
The first thing you need to do is you need to define your core values.
Write down what you stand for.
Do you stand for honesty, fairness, service? These aren't just words.
They are your non negotiables.
So Satya Nadella, the Microsoft CEO, redefined the company's culture around empathy and growth.
His clear values transformed Microsoft from a cutthroat tech giant into a collaborative powerhouse.
(05:40):
If you don't know what your core values are as a person, then you're not going to know where you stand, right?
And I'm going to quote Nito Kubain who says all the time, stand for something or fall for everything.
You've got to understand your internal moral compass and where you get your values from.
And if you don't understand that, then you're going to get your values from whoever puts them inside of you.
(06:05):
So get your values down.
And then if you're in charge of an organization, nail down your organization's core values and
ensure that everybody lives up to it.
And I've talked about in other episodes before that you can only fake the funk so far, so much.
And then eventually you're going to get found out and you're going to get like forced out or
you're going to want to quit and leave that environment because it doesn't fit you, right?
(06:26):
So once you define your core values, I want you to think about how you can test yourself in small moments.
And this happens quicker than you think and more often than you think.
Character is built in the little choices, you know, returning the extra change, owning up to
a mistake or listening when you'd rather talk.
(06:46):
You know, Oprah Winfrey, she had her self awareness honed through years of reflecting on small
interactions and lets her lead with authenticity and resonates globally with people.
So when we look at ourselves and we test ourselves in small moments, and it happens every day,
someone gives you back too much change, do you pocket it or do you like, hey, look, you gave you too much. Here it is.
(07:09):
Or let's say, you know, the shopping carts, you know, you heard me talk about it.
You take your shopping cart to the car, you unload everything, your groceries, the things you
bought at the store, you put in your car, do you leave it there or do you put it back to the cart return?
Or even harder yet, do you take it back to the store where all the other carts are?
If you're in the store, you know, you take something off the shelf, do you put it back where
(07:30):
you found it or do you Put it just wherever you want because the whole world revolves around you, right?
So you gotta test yourself in these small moments.
It's the small choices you make that add up over time.
And if you ever look at anybody where you're like, who had like a major downfall of a character
lapse of whatever it is, it's not a one time deal.
(07:50):
There were small choices that were made over a long period of time that led up to that bigger
lapse of judgment and they didn't get held accountable for it and it was let slidden and it
happened and it was let go and they didn't hold themselves accountable and nobody else held
them accountable for it until it became these multitude, this mound of smaller choices that
(08:11):
built up into a bigger choices who made them into the person they were until they couldn't hold
it anymore and tripped and fell and exposed themselves.
So focus on being your core values.
Test yourself in the small moments.
Am I going to hold to my core values which can be unpopular and can cost you at some or are
you going to seek accountability?
(08:31):
Which is my next point.
You need to surround yourself with people who can call you out on things with love.
And what I mean by that, it's okay to tell somebody that they're wrong.
When they're wrong, it's okay to tell somebody like, hey, that's not a really good choice.
Hey, that's not really like ethical for you to do that.
You should probably rethink that.
It's completely okay to do that.
And if you're not surrounding yourself with folks like that, then you're going to get yourself in trouble.
(08:53):
Ethical leaders don't do it alone.
You know, you have to seek out people who are going to constantly go up against you and not
just give you opposition for the sake of opposition.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about if you're going to make a decision and you're questioning that internally
like, ah, this could be a good choice, this could not be a good choice.
(09:13):
Here's the benefits, here's the cons.
You know, give it to an accountability partner, whether it's your spouse or a small group of
friends or people that you bring together and you share ideas on, you need to get accountability
outside yourself because you're only going to hold yourself accountable for so long and then you're going to fall. Right?
And honestly, nobody knows all the lies that you've told yourself but you.
(09:34):
We tell ourselves lies all the time, like, oh, I'm going to go to the gym Later, I'm going to do it tomorrow.
I'm going to eat healthier here in five minutes. And you're not. It's okay.
But you told yourself that lie and then you believed yourself, right?
So you let yourself down again.
So seek accountability outside of yourself. And it's hard.
It takes courage to face the criticism and keep you on the, the moral and straight path. Right.
(09:57):
Then you also have to act against pressure.
Character shines when it's inconvenient.
You know, you can't just say, I want to be in this position, I think I can lead. Great.
And then you haven't done the work in the quiet times, you haven't done the work in the small hours.
You haven't done the things to focus on your being, to hold yourself to your core values.
(10:20):
So that way when it really matters and you're under pressure, that you don't break. And that's character.
It's doing what's right, no matter the cost.
And I, and I challenge yourself is how many people are really willing to stand next to their
values, next to what they think is right, no matter the cost.
And I go back to the COVID vaccines on this because there were a lot of people who stood on
(10:45):
a core value of I do not want the COVID vaccine for whatever reason it was.
Whether you didn't like MRNA technology, whether you didn't like biohacking, you didn't like
the way the vaccine was made. Made.
There's a billion reasons out there of why people didn't want to take the vaccine.
Well, if you were serving in the military, you had a choice to make.
(11:05):
I get the vaccine and lose my job or I don't get the vaccine, I eventually get kicked out.
Now, I knew a plethora of people who didn't take the vaccine and who didn't get kicked out.
I knew people who did take the, didn't take the vaccine and did get kicked out.
I also know people who did take the vaccine and they were completely fine either way. It's.
If you have a core value of I am not going to do something no matter what, those things are hard.
(11:29):
Some of these people had 18, 19 year or like, let's say 15, 16 years of service, 18, 19 years
of service and we're just kicked out. Some of them retired. Right.
And sometimes we have to make those hard choices.
If you're going to lead, if you're going to lead yourself and you're going to leave others,
you have to set and stand by example.
You can't just Say, I'm only going to do things when it's right in a certain situation.
(11:52):
It's not going to cost me too much.
It's a hard thing to do.
The last thing that we need to do to focus on building our character is every night you need
to ask yourself, did my actions align with my values today? If not, that's okay.
Recalibrate, kind of go over it every single day and be like, hey, you know what? These were my values.
(12:12):
These were the things I said I was going to do and I didn't do it.
Okay, reset, recalibrate, start over again.
What worked, what didn't work, what was important to you, what wasn't important to you, why did you fold?
Kind of go over that.
And if you're not doing that every day, you're not really taking the time to really go over yourself and reflect.
Just a couple of things to think about when you're going to develop your character.
(12:36):
Character makes you incorruptible because it's not swayed by power, money or ego.
It's why characters like Nelson Mandela endured decades of imprisonment, yet emerged to lead
with forgiveness and not vengeance.
Your character is your compass and it points you towards ethical decisions when the path is murky.
(12:57):
And I'm going to tell you this, nobody is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody is flawed.
No matter how cool they are, no matter how perfect they may appear. Everybody is imperfect. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody falters. But here's the catch.
You can't be a leader if you don't know who you are.
So self awareness is the linchpin for this.
(13:20):
So in my book I say if you don't understand yourself, the good, the bad, bad and the ugly, you
won't have a baseline to grow from. So take Oprah Winfrey.
Her empire isn't just built on media savvy.
It's her raw self awareness, owning her past, her triggers, her strengths and lets her connect and lead millions.
So ask yourself, what triggers you, what motivates you and what blind spots are holding you back?
(13:44):
Great leaders own their stuff.
They don't offload it to other people.
They don't pass it down the road.
They take an honest, hard look at themselves and say, what triggers me, what motivates me?
And what blind spots are holding you back?
The other thing I'm going to ask you to do is look at what tempts you, right?
What are the temptations that you have?
And then you need to kind of pregame, if this thing comes into my life, and I know it's going to tempt me.
(14:08):
I'm going to do these things to avoid this thing, whatever it is.
You need to kind of mentally pre game that to make sure that you don't stumble on it.
It's not wrong to be tempted. Everybody gets tempted.
Like I said, everybody is a human being.
Everybody's flawed, everybody makes mistakes.
But how you handle a situation and how you react from it sets the difference between great leaders and corrupted leaders.
(14:34):
And lastly, in the book, we connect the dots between faith and action.
So belief means that you have the knowledge that something is going to happen.
And faith is believing in a future you cannot see yet.
And that requires an action stepping into it anyway, that is being in motion, right?
So even when we take a look at Colonel Chamberlain at Gettysburg, he didn't just know tactics,
(14:58):
he knew some of his men would follow even into the unknown.
So today, think of someone like, you know, a powerful educator or somebody else that you would follow.
No matter what faith in leadership looks like this, it's speaking vision when morale is low,
(15:18):
it's doing the right thing when it's not popular, trusting your people, even when the outcome is uncertain.
Those are the things that we as leaders, once we know who we are, we can speak that into action, into faith moving forward.
And so that then takes your discipline with faith and combining them to help you be the leader
(15:41):
that people want to follow.
So if you heard all of this and you're like, okay, I got what you said, Tim, I heard it, I got it.
I kind of want to do it.
I have no clue on how to implement this.
No problem, I got you.
Ask yourself these five questions every night.
Did I lead with integrity today?
And if you did, say how you did it.
If you didn't, why didn't you do it?
(16:02):
What were the circumstances that made you feel pressured not to lead with integrity?
What were the things that prevented you from doing it and be aware of it so that way you can
pre game and know how to not do it the next time.
Ask yourself, was I self aware in all my reactions to people?
That one's even harder, right?
(16:24):
We know how we want to act, but oftentimes we don't know how to react.
So were you self aware in your reactions to people?
The third question is, did I treat others with respect and dignity today?
The fourth question, did I serve something bigger than myself?
A lot of people missed this. Guess what?
A long time ago, we thought everything revolved around the earth, right?
(16:47):
The moon, the sun, the galaxy, everything revolved around the Earth.
We are not Living in those days, folks, the world doesn't revolve around you and it doesn't revolve around me.
We all serve something bigger than ourselves.
So what did you do to serve something bigger than yourself today?
And the last question I want to ask you to ask yourself is, did I act in alignment with my core values today? If you did, why? Why not? What were your pitfalls? What were your temptations?
(17:13):
What were the things that made you, that made you falter away from yourself? These are hard questions.
I do these and I think it's made me a better person.
Other people can tell you whether it has or has not.
They, they are the judge of me, right?
I can't tell you who I am.
I show up and you tell me who I am.
(17:34):
I think I know who I am, right?
Because I know my core values. I know myself.
I work on self awareness, so I know who I am.
However, you are my mirror.
So if I think I show up looking a certain way and I look in the mirror and my reflection back
isn't what I think it is, oh boy, I better, I better start working on myself some more.
Okay, so the mission for this week, work on your being.
(17:58):
Forget the to do list.
Forget the actions for a moment.
Instead write a to be list, right?
Do you want to be more consistent?
Do you want to be more present?
Do you want to be someone your team can trust?
Do you want to be the person of integrity?
Do you want to be that person of character?
(18:18):
What thing are you working on to do that?
Those daily five checklist questions can help you.
The nightly reflections can help you all focus on doing that.
But if you don't start with your core values and you don't know where you stand for, you're
gonna fall for everything, right?
So again, this, this has been weighing heavily on me over the last several weeks as I interact
(18:40):
with people and see things and talk to people and I'm hearing and I'm watching the media and I'm watching the news.
And it's really important to understand who you are and how you're going to act when things get tough.
And then how are you going to be consistent?
I would much rather have somebody take a look at me from a distance and say, man, I would really
(19:01):
like to work for that person.
And then they come work for me and then they say, man, I really don't ever want to leave this
position because I like working with that guy. He's somebody worth following.
To me, that means more than any paycheck, anything else, anywhere else I have ever been or done.
The worst thing that can happen if somebody comes up to me and goes, hey, I saw you from a distance,
(19:21):
It'd be really cool to work for you.
But I'm working for you. It's not so cool. And here's why.
That would be the biggest disgrace for myself.
So those are just my thoughts for today.
I appreciate you stopping by and checking out this episode.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
As always, thank you for stopping by and checking out this episode and listening to it.
I really hope that you enjoyed it.
Before we go, I'd like to ask a favor of you if I could.
If you could please share this this episode with one or two people who you think might like this topic.
If you haven't followed or subscribed on the platform that you're listening to and hit all the
bells and icons and all the whistles so that you know that when we post another episode, you'll
(19:57):
be alerted, please go ahead and do.
Tim Staton (19:59):
All that before you go.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
If you got some value out of this episode, please leave a review or a comment so we can help
spread the show to other people who might be interested in the topics that we've talked about
here today, but may not have found our show yet.
Again, thanks for stopping by.
Tim Staton (20:12):
I'm Tim Staton Dayton. The obvious Sam.
Hey, and welcome to another episode.
In today's episode, we're going to be unpacking the essential, yet often overlooked skill that
helps you lead better, live better, and show up better.
Today's episode is about being.
Because the truth is you can't lead anyone else until you've learned to lead yourself.
(00:20):
So let's go ahead and get into it.
This is Tim Staton with Tim stating the obvious.
What is this podcast about? It's simple.
You are entitled to great leadership.
Everywhere you go, whether it's a church, whether it's to work, whether it's at your house,
you are entitled to great leadership.
And so in this podcast, we take leadership principles and theories and turn them into everyday, relatable and usable advice.
Disclaimer (00:47):
And a quick disclaimer. This show, process or service by trademark, trademark, manufacturer,
otherwise does not necessarily constitute an apply the endorsement of anyone that I employed
by or favors in the representation.
The views are expressed here in my show are my own expressed, and do not necessarily state or
reflect those of any employer.
Tim Staton (00:58):
Oftentimes when we talk about leadership training and we talk about developing leaders, most
of it starts with what you should do, like strategies, systems, communication frameworks.
But what if the leader actually starts with who you are, which is, I think, probably the most critical skill to understand.
(01:19):
And you need to know who you are as a person, and you need to focus on being the person that you need to be.
And this is something that I work on every single day because I have my downfalls, right? Everybody has their issues.
Everybody has their weak points or trigger points.
Everybody has the things that kind of get them riled up and makes them stumble and fall.
But if you don't know what those are ahead of time, then how can you prepare for them?
(01:44):
How can you be better for everybody else if you don't understand yourself first?
And so that's why I like the Army's leadership framework. Be no do.
And we're going to talk about this over a period of time, but it begins with being.
And that's not by accident, because being is foundational.
It's about character, integrity, and your values.
(02:07):
This is the stuff that no one sees in the boardroom or in the office, but when you show up and
you walk into the room, everybody feels it.
It's that intuitive feeling that people get about somebody.
And this is what I mean by this.
Have you ever watched somebody from a distance, let's say any leader, just kind of picture them
in your head and you go, you know what?
That person is a high performer, getting stuff done they're very charismatic.
(02:31):
You know, I think I would love to work for that person.
And then you go to work for that person and you start to notice things about them that aren't quite right.
Like they're different in the public eye than they are behind closed doors, or they're different
in a small group setting versus a large group setting.
They're often influenced by politics and greed and selfish ambition.
(02:54):
And they get really taken up by how can I succeed versus how can I make everybody else around me succeed?
You know, just picture that in your mind.
Have you ever encountered somebody like that? I know I have.
But if you take someone like Jensen Huang, the CEO of Nvidia, his leadership during the AI boom
(03:15):
isn't about technical know how.
It's about humility and clarity of purpose.
His being that inspires his team to push the boundaries.
So I wrote a book called Life skills you didn't know you needed.
And we talk about this, too.
We talk about faith, desire, self awareness.
And these aren't fluff because they make up who you are.
And they are internal roots that allow our external roots to grow. So what is character?
(03:41):
It's the sum of your values, principles, and moral backbone.
How you act when the spotlight is off of you, when the stakes are high and when no one is watching.
Character is your internal compass.
It keeps you grounded, guiding you to lead ethically and resist the corruption, even when the
world tempts you to cut corners, which is quite often nowadays.
(04:04):
Everybody's looking to get somewhere faster, quicker, and sometimes it's not necessarily the
most ethical way to do it. So.
But why does character matter?
Because it's the foundation of trust.
Without it, your leadership is a house of cards, pretty much impressive until it collapses.
And that's kind of what we talked about earlier.
If you look at Angela Merkel, the former German chancellor during the European debt crisis,
(04:28):
she made tough principal decisions even when they were unpopular in Germany.
Her character, rooted in consistency and integrity, earned her global respect, proving that ethical leadership outlasts expediency.
Building character isn't a one and done deal. It's a daily practice.
So we've got to figure out how can we forge our compass to stay true north?
(04:54):
And we understand where we're going when everything else around us is in turmoil.
What are the things that guide us moving forward in the direction of truth and direction of
integrity, keeping ourselves who we say we're going to be grounded and the things that we say
we're going to be grounded in.
And here's a couple of ways of how we can do that.
(05:15):
The first thing you need to do is you need to define your core values.
Write down what you stand for.
Do you stand for honesty, fairness, service? These aren't just words.
They are your non negotiables.
So Satya Nadella, the Microsoft CEO, redefined the company's culture around empathy and growth.
His clear values transformed Microsoft from a cutthroat tech giant into a collaborative powerhouse.
(05:40):
If you don't know what your core values are as a person, then you're not going to know where you stand, right?
And I'm going to quote Nito Kubain who says all the time, stand for something or fall for everything.
You've got to understand your internal moral compass and where you get your values from.
And if you don't understand that, then you're going to get your values from whoever puts them inside of you.
(06:05):
So get your values down.
And then if you're in charge of an organization, nail down your organization's core values and
ensure that everybody lives up to it.
And I've talked about in other episodes before that you can only fake the funk so far, so much.
And then eventually you're going to get found out and you're going to get like forced out or
you're going to want to quit and leave that environment because it doesn't fit you, right?
(06:26):
So once you define your core values, I want you to think about how you can test yourself in small moments.
And this happens quicker than you think and more often than you think.
Character is built in the little choices, you know, returning the extra change, owning up to
a mistake or listening when you'd rather talk.
(06:46):
You know, Oprah Winfrey, she had her self awareness honed through years of reflecting on small
interactions and lets her lead with authenticity and resonates globally with people.
So when we look at ourselves and we test ourselves in small moments, and it happens every day,
someone gives you back too much change, do you pocket it or do you like, hey, look, you gave you too much. Here it is.
(07:09):
Or let's say, you know, the shopping carts, you know, you heard me talk about it.
You take your shopping cart to the car, you unload everything, your groceries, the things you
bought at the store, you put in your car, do you leave it there or do you put it back to the cart return?
Or even harder yet, do you take it back to the store where all the other carts are?
If you're in the store, you know, you take something off the shelf, do you put it back where
(07:30):
you found it or do you Put it just wherever you want because the whole world revolves around you, right?
So you gotta test yourself in these small moments.
It's the small choices you make that add up over time.
And if you ever look at anybody where you're like, who had like a major downfall of a character
lapse of whatever it is, it's not a one time deal.
(07:50):
There were small choices that were made over a long period of time that led up to that bigger
lapse of judgment and they didn't get held accountable for it and it was let slidden and it
happened and it was let go and they didn't hold themselves accountable and nobody else held
them accountable for it until it became these multitude, this mound of smaller choices that
(08:11):
built up into a bigger choices who made them into the person they were until they couldn't hold
it anymore and tripped and fell and exposed themselves.
So focus on being your core values.
Test yourself in the small moments.
Am I going to hold to my core values which can be unpopular and can cost you at some or are
you going to seek accountability?
(08:31):
Which is my next point.
You need to surround yourself with people who can call you out on things with love.
And what I mean by that, it's okay to tell somebody that they're wrong.
When they're wrong, it's okay to tell somebody like, hey, that's not a really good choice.
Hey, that's not really like ethical for you to do that.
You should probably rethink that.
It's completely okay to do that.
And if you're not surrounding yourself with folks like that, then you're going to get yourself in trouble.
(08:53):
Ethical leaders don't do it alone.
You know, you have to seek out people who are going to constantly go up against you and not
just give you opposition for the sake of opposition.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about if you're going to make a decision and you're questioning that internally
like, ah, this could be a good choice, this could not be a good choice.
(09:13):
Here's the benefits, here's the cons.
You know, give it to an accountability partner, whether it's your spouse or a small group of
friends or people that you bring together and you share ideas on, you need to get accountability
outside yourself because you're only going to hold yourself accountable for so long and then you're going to fall. Right?
And honestly, nobody knows all the lies that you've told yourself but you.
(09:34):
We tell ourselves lies all the time, like, oh, I'm going to go to the gym Later, I'm going to do it tomorrow.
I'm going to eat healthier here in five minutes. And you're not. It's okay.
But you told yourself that lie and then you believed yourself, right?
So you let yourself down again.
So seek accountability outside of yourself. And it's hard.
It takes courage to face the criticism and keep you on the, the moral and straight path. Right.
(09:57):
Then you also have to act against pressure.
Character shines when it's inconvenient.
You know, you can't just say, I want to be in this position, I think I can lead. Great.
And then you haven't done the work in the quiet times, you haven't done the work in the small hours.
You haven't done the things to focus on your being, to hold yourself to your core values.
(10:20):
So that way when it really matters and you're under pressure, that you don't break. And that's character.
It's doing what's right, no matter the cost.
And I, and I challenge yourself is how many people are really willing to stand next to their
values, next to what they think is right, no matter the cost.
And I go back to the COVID vaccines on this because there were a lot of people who stood on
(10:45):
a core value of I do not want the COVID vaccine for whatever reason it was.
Whether you didn't like MRNA technology, whether you didn't like biohacking, you didn't like
the way the vaccine was made. Made.
There's a billion reasons out there of why people didn't want to take the vaccine.
Well, if you were serving in the military, you had a choice to make.
(11:05):
I get the vaccine and lose my job or I don't get the vaccine, I eventually get kicked out.
Now, I knew a plethora of people who didn't take the vaccine and who didn't get kicked out.
I knew people who did take the, didn't take the vaccine and did get kicked out.
I also know people who did take the vaccine and they were completely fine either way. It's.
If you have a core value of I am not going to do something no matter what, those things are hard.
(11:29):
Some of these people had 18, 19 year or like, let's say 15, 16 years of service, 18, 19 years
of service and we're just kicked out. Some of them retired. Right.
And sometimes we have to make those hard choices.
If you're going to lead, if you're going to lead yourself and you're going to leave others,
you have to set and stand by example.
You can't just Say, I'm only going to do things when it's right in a certain situation.
(11:52):
It's not going to cost me too much.
It's a hard thing to do.
The last thing that we need to do to focus on building our character is every night you need
to ask yourself, did my actions align with my values today? If not, that's okay.
Recalibrate, kind of go over it every single day and be like, hey, you know what? These were my values.
(12:12):
These were the things I said I was going to do and I didn't do it.
Okay, reset, recalibrate, start over again.
What worked, what didn't work, what was important to you, what wasn't important to you, why did you fold?
Kind of go over that.
And if you're not doing that every day, you're not really taking the time to really go over yourself and reflect.
Just a couple of things to think about when you're going to develop your character.
(12:36):
Character makes you incorruptible because it's not swayed by power, money or ego.
It's why characters like Nelson Mandela endured decades of imprisonment, yet emerged to lead
with forgiveness and not vengeance.
Your character is your compass and it points you towards ethical decisions when the path is murky.
(12:57):
And I'm going to tell you this, nobody is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody is flawed.
No matter how cool they are, no matter how perfect they may appear. Everybody is imperfect. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody falters. But here's the catch.
You can't be a leader if you don't know who you are.
So self awareness is the linchpin for this.
(13:20):
So in my book I say if you don't understand yourself, the good, the bad, bad and the ugly, you
won't have a baseline to grow from. So take Oprah Winfrey.
Her empire isn't just built on media savvy.
It's her raw self awareness, owning her past, her triggers, her strengths and lets her connect and lead millions.
So ask yourself, what triggers you, what motivates you and what blind spots are holding you back?
(13:44):
Great leaders own their stuff.
They don't offload it to other people.
They don't pass it down the road.
They take an honest, hard look at themselves and say, what triggers me, what motivates me?
And what blind spots are holding you back?
The other thing I'm going to ask you to do is look at what tempts you, right?
What are the temptations that you have?
And then you need to kind of pregame, if this thing comes into my life, and I know it's going to tempt me.
(14:08):
I'm going to do these things to avoid this thing, whatever it is.
You need to kind of mentally pre game that to make sure that you don't stumble on it.
It's not wrong to be tempted. Everybody gets tempted.
Like I said, everybody is a human being.
Everybody's flawed, everybody makes mistakes.
But how you handle a situation and how you react from it sets the difference between great leaders and corrupted leaders.
(14:34):
And lastly, in the book, we connect the dots between faith and action.
So belief means that you have the knowledge that something is going to happen.
And faith is believing in a future you cannot see yet.
And that requires an action stepping into it anyway, that is being in motion, right?
So even when we take a look at Colonel Chamberlain at Gettysburg, he didn't just know tactics,
(14:58):
he knew some of his men would follow even into the unknown.
So today, think of someone like, you know, a powerful educator or somebody else that you would follow.
No matter what faith in leadership looks like this, it's speaking vision when morale is low,
(15:18):
it's doing the right thing when it's not popular, trusting your people, even when the outcome is uncertain.
Those are the things that we as leaders, once we know who we are, we can speak that into action, into faith moving forward.
And so that then takes your discipline with faith and combining them to help you be the leader
(15:41):
that people want to follow.
So if you heard all of this and you're like, okay, I got what you said, Tim, I heard it, I got it.
I kind of want to do it.
I have no clue on how to implement this.
No problem, I got you.
Ask yourself these five questions every night.
Did I lead with integrity today?
And if you did, say how you did it.
If you didn't, why didn't you do it?
(16:02):
What were the circumstances that made you feel pressured not to lead with integrity?
What were the things that prevented you from doing it and be aware of it so that way you can
pre game and know how to not do it the next time.
Ask yourself, was I self aware in all my reactions to people?
That one's even harder, right?
(16:24):
We know how we want to act, but oftentimes we don't know how to react.
So were you self aware in your reactions to people?
The third question is, did I treat others with respect and dignity today?
The fourth question, did I serve something bigger than myself?
A lot of people missed this. Guess what?
A long time ago, we thought everything revolved around the earth, right?
(16:47):
The moon, the sun, the galaxy, everything revolved around the Earth.
We are not Living in those days, folks, the world doesn't revolve around you and it doesn't revolve around me.
We all serve something bigger than ourselves.
So what did you do to serve something bigger than yourself today?
And the last question I want to ask you to ask yourself is, did I act in alignment with my core values today? If you did, why? Why not? What were your pitfalls? What were your temptations?
(17:13):
What were the things that made you, that made you falter away from yourself? These are hard questions.
I do these and I think it's made me a better person.
Other people can tell you whether it has or has not.
They, they are the judge of me, right?
I can't tell you who I am.
I show up and you tell me who I am.
(17:34):
I think I know who I am, right?
Because I know my core values. I know myself.
I work on self awareness, so I know who I am.
However, you are my mirror.
So if I think I show up looking a certain way and I look in the mirror and my reflection back
isn't what I think it is, oh boy, I better, I better start working on myself some more.
Okay, so the mission for this week, work on your being.
(17:58):
Forget the to do list.
Forget the actions for a moment.
Instead write a to be list, right?
Do you want to be more consistent?
Do you want to be more present?
Do you want to be someone your team can trust?
Do you want to be the person of integrity?
Do you want to be that person of character?
(18:18):
What thing are you working on to do that?
Those daily five checklist questions can help you.
The nightly reflections can help you all focus on doing that.
But if you don't start with your core values and you don't know where you stand for, you're
gonna fall for everything, right?
So again, this, this has been weighing heavily on me over the last several weeks as I interact
(18:40):
with people and see things and talk to people and I'm hearing and I'm watching the media and I'm watching the news.
And it's really important to understand who you are and how you're going to act when things get tough.
And then how are you going to be consistent?
I would much rather have somebody take a look at me from a distance and say, man, I would really
(19:01):
like to work for that person.
And then they come work for me and then they say, man, I really don't ever want to leave this
position because I like working with that guy. He's somebody worth following.
To me, that means more than any paycheck, anything else, anywhere else I have ever been or done.
The worst thing that can happen if somebody comes up to me and goes, hey, I saw you from a distance,
(19:21):
It'd be really cool to work for you.
But I'm working for you. It's not so cool. And here's why.
That would be the biggest disgrace for myself.
So those are just my thoughts for today.
I appreciate you stopping by and checking out this episode.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
As always, thank you for stopping by and checking out this episode and listening to it.
I really hope that you enjoyed it.
Before we go, I'd like to ask a favor of you if I could.
If you could please share this this episode with one or two people who you think might like this topic.
If you haven't followed or subscribed on the platform that you're listening to and hit all the
bells and icons and all the whistles so that you know that when we post another episode, you'll
(19:57):
be alerted, please go ahead and do.
Tim Staton (19:59):
All that before you go.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
If you got some value out of this episode, please leave a review or a comment so we can help
spread the show to other people who might be interested in the topics that we've talked about
here today, but may not have found our show yet.
Again, thanks for stopping by.
Tim Staton (20:12):
I'm Tim Staton Dayton. The obvious Sam.
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