Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica Tartaro

Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica Tartaro

Think of these mini podcasts like voice memos reaching out to you from a friend through the isolation. Except better, because they include tools for growing intimacy between yourself and those you care about. Note: podcasts come out Monday and each week there is an assignment for you to practice! Be sure to tune in, engage the practice and leave me a note about what you learned! Each assignment will build on the previous week‘s podcast. Dr. Jessica Tartaro (she/her) is a cis-gendered, able bodied, second generation Sicilian Jewish Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator who brings to her teaching nearly 20 years of experience in the healing arts. Through her one-of-a-kind workshops and coaching, Jessica powerfully weaves together the influences of Authentic Relating, positive psychology, psycho-education, trauma-sensitivity, mindful embodiment and conscious intimacy. Plus, she loves to play. Former Fulbright scholar, Jessica has founded communities across the country dedicated to healing the collective experience of belonging through group resilience, emotional intelligence and body wisdom. On the Olympic Peninsula of Washington where she lives and loves, Jessica is exploring the integration of racial justice with conscious relating and embodiment. To stay current on her evolving offerings and inquire about her private coaching and public speaking, go to www.DrJessicaTartaro.com.


June 11, 2022 2 mins

When conflict takes over your relationships, most people default to silence. But silence wounds our relationships. When you use this tool, you won’t have to pay the price of silence between you and your loved ones again.

1:45 I’ve been seeing a lot of this in my private practice 1:58 Intimacy will show us the state of our hearts 2:24 Relationship challenges like a symptom 2:50 This can keep us in love for a lifetime 3:20 The set u...

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Reflective listening is deceptively simple. Anyone can practice it. And it has the potential to help us “catch up” when overwhelming events can be too much to digest on our own.  

 1:30 Emotionally metabolize events that are too big

2:15 Listening for dummies (not really)

2:35 A reflective listening example

3:04 It’s okay to be skeptical

3:40 It just works - here’s why

3:57 We hear through the filters over our ears

4:30 The costs o...

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When the going gets tough in relationship, sometimes you need more than words to reconnect you - you need bodies. In this episode "teaser", I introduce why sex as a practice can save and sustain your connection over the long term.  Check out the full show on Patreon.com/DrTararoIntimacyCoaching.

00:48 The door is closed and I’m going to share more candidly from here

1:08 The healing role of lovemaking to reconnect you

1:17 My husba...

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Having things unsaid in a relationship will clog the pipes of your connection.  In this episode, I explain that it’s never too late to get vulnerable and bring the flow back.  

 00:49 Big announcement about “Under 10”

1:39 Where to find me on Patreon going forward

2:10 What “getting stuck” means

2:43 You know you’ve gotten stuck when these things are happening

3:23 Poop metaphor (skip ahead as needed)

4:20 This is what unclogs the ...

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“Just moving on '' after the worst of the pandemic poses major risks to our quality of life and capacity to connect.  When you have the courage to slow down and honor what you just went through, you can retrieve and re-integrate the parts of you that got “stuck” in the stressors of the last two years.

1:15 Tempting to just put the stressors of the last two years behind us

2:00 We have all been affected

2:10 The first time I took my...

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In this week’s episode, I delve into the importance of a self-pleasure practice and specific steps you can take to create or deepen your practice.  Whether you’ve been pleasuring yourself for a lifetime or have never felt ready – until now – I’m grateful you’re along for this exploration.

1:56 Yes, masturbation can be a practice

2:10 What happens to our psychology when we hide or don’t share something

3:06 Our attention changes the...

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Most people feel some shame about masturbation.  Yet self-pleasuring is a powerful way to know what your body wants. In this episode, I tell the story of how I met the Grandmother of Masturbation and invite you to reflect on your earliest messages about your body’s pleasure.

1:01 Exploring your body shows you what feels good and what doesn’t

1:23 I dedicate this episode to Betty Dodson, the Grandmother of Masturbation

1:57 The stor...

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In the moments when your feelings are bigger than you can handle, it’s important to have options. In this show, I share three “go to” principles to practice both when you most need it and especially in the times when you don’t.

1:35 No one-size-fits-all solution

2:13 You have to notice where you are in order to change it

2:55 Tracking in low stakes moments

3:36 I got lost and here’s what I found

4:57 The first principle

5:15 The se...

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When we only show our outsides to each other, we can feel alone. In this episode, I show you my insides and give you permission to do the same and to feel how connected we truly are.

 1:05 There’s one main problem with being f*cked up

1:33 What if we had that social permission slip?

2:00 My intimacy coaching program gave us permission

2:55 I make an admission

4:02 When people we think have it together admit that they don’t

4:55 The...

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Though it may seem simple, opening with gratitude when what you want in love touches you can shake you to your core.  In this episode, I explain why and offer you practices for growing this capacity.

 1:21 Caveat: you may not like this story

1:40 Something very delicious in my life

2:33 What do you notice?

2:52 The first principle – the ability to joy in another’s joy

3:50 Can you tap some of this as if it was yours?

4:00 It will t...

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When you start to get what you want in love, a whole new challenge arises – the opportunity to learn to live life at a higher voltage.  In this episode, I offer you practices for expanding gradually so you can receive what you want without getting in your own way.

 1:15 My friend Dina and her new, hot and heavy relationship

2:07 There’s a catch.

3:23 Watch out for getting what you want!

3:44 The panic attacks I had when I first sta...

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You can spend your life focusing on what you don't want and criticizing the people who want to help you. Or you can get oh-so-turned on about the best two minutes of your life.  You decide. 

1:40 The negativity bias saves us time and again

3:00 But it undermines us in love

3:40 Quote by Dr. Rick Hansen to help understand this sticky phenomenon

4:28 Consider this the “off” switch for the negativity bias

5:42 Imagine this scenario of...

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Without knowing what you want, you will have a very hard time getting it. In this episode, I explore how to clear the channel between you and the voice of what you want so that you can hear the animal of your desire.

1:05 In order to ask for it, you have to have a clue about what you want                 

2:55 Your desires may be muted under messages about what you “should” want

3:10 Think of your desire like an animal

3:43 Her app...

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In this episode, I attempt to normalize why asking for what you need whether big or small can feel scary when you think it might rock the boat of your intimate relationship.

 1:30 Dr. Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability

1:50 In order for love to get in, we have to get uncomfortable

2:54 The high stakes of intimate partnership

3:43 You have let them believe something is true when it’s not

3:50 Examples of untold truths

4:35 Wh...

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In this episode, I introduce two principles for growing community that I have learned from my years of starting groups. In this era of prolonged social isolation, it’s revolutionary to still find ways to gather. I invite you to get your hands dirty with me and try.

1:21 My parents first showed me how to grow community

2:25 Community is not incidental to our lives – it is our lives.

2:58 We create community in order to learn and add...

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Individual therapy is important. But it will never alone fill the needs that community so powerfully meets. We need the village more than ever. In this episode I explain how being a part of a healthy community, in addition to doing your personal work, is key for activating our blueprint for health.

1:05 I recently burned myself - the scar is ugly

2:00 How engaging in personal work can feel overwhelming

2:48 This conviction keeps me...

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Most people never learned why talking matters in our love making. In this episode, I explain how words in bed are the road signs orienting you for the journey and teach you three different forms of communication you can use to connect to your partner during your sex.

1:55 The majority of people learned about sex this way

3:05 Sex without words is not how real sex looks

4:03 Talking to one another in bed serves an essential purpose


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Everyone gets triggered.  What makes the difference between constant breakdown and healthy relating is what you tell yourself and how you mend.  In this episode, I invite you to bring compassion to your triggers so you can learn from and heal these moments.

1:30 The pitfall of resolutions

2:24 How we fall prey to the shame monster

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In Episode #50, I share with you a secret about my sex life and reveal a lesson that I’ve been teaching you all along throughout all my previous forty-nine episodes, though you may not have realized it was actually about sex.

1:38 Climax in movies or literature

2:38 The “plotline” of our sexual experience

3:15 Our bodies don’t always follow the script

3:30 The challenge of not summiting the mountain

4:15 Most people have this measu...

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Unless you have the training, it can be easy to talk at people rather than learning how to talk to them, leaving you lonely and disconnected.  In this episode, I introduce you step-by-step to the simple, life changing practice of “tracking impact” and creating rich connection in conversation.

 1:21 My client told me that our sessions were different

2:04 “Tracking impact” is the practice that shifts talking at to talking to someone


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