December 15, 2024 • 27 mins
The title honestly says it all. If you struggle to stay off your phone in general, you use social media WAY too much, or you constantly feel down after scrolling online -- this episode is for you.
We talk about:
- How we become what we consume
- How Satan uses social media to foster pride, comparison, and normalize things that are not normal
- How we can set healthy boundaries with social media
- How we can use social media to spread love and positivity instead of glorifying ourselves
This is something those of us who grew up with technology & social media ESPECIALLY need to hear. TUNE IN!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:24):
Hey, you guys, welcome back tothe wrestling with life podcast.
I'm your host.
I'm led boy.
Oh boy.
Do we have a juicy freakingtopic to talk about today?
We're still in our series on howwe are also obsessed with ourselves
and how that's making us miserable.
In the last few episodes, we'vereally dug into how we are all
(00:46):
competing with each other, how ourworld is set up for competition
supports that competition kind of.
other and how that is actually what'sleading us to feel so lonely and sad and
like we're lacking purpose and community.
And we've talked about how we canfight back against those messages.
And today, oh my gosh, uh, thisis just really a huge piece of it.
(01:11):
You guys, we, especially this,this age bucket that we're
in us, 22 to 35 year olds.
Working full time, not havingfamilies yet, we've got a lot
of time on our hands, don't we?
And we're spending a lot of thattime online, more than ever.
And this goes for video games, ifyou're playing video games online
with friends, if you're on Reddit,scrolling the internet, whatever.
(01:35):
But I want to talk about social mediaspecifically because That's at least
the expertise and the experiencethat I can speak from because I spend
way too much freaking time on socialmedia, specifically Instagram, and
I've been pulling y'all as well on myInstagram to hear about your tech habits
and your struggles with technology.
(01:57):
And today I would like to talk aboutthe results of those polls, what
we're really up against, how muchtime we're spending on tech and
why we stink at making boundaries.
I want to talk about how social mediaworks, like algorithms and how ads
work and how it really creates a falsesense of connection for us and how
we can use social media in a healthyway, how we can set boundaries, how
(02:22):
we can fight back against this andhow we can use it with a mindset of.
How can I use social media inhelping me to love other people and
helping me to spread positivity andkindness in the world, rather than
using it as a tool to boost myselfup to boost my ego to continue to
try to compete with other people?
(02:42):
So ultimately, By the end of this episode,I really hope that you feel encouraged
and empowered to think differentlyabout how you interact with and how
you use social media on a daily basis.
Sound good?
All right.
Well, let's start off with the resultsof the polls that I gave you guys.
So If you don't follow my Instagram,go give me a follow and be sure
(03:06):
to participate in any of thepolls that I'm putting out there.
So the last time I polled you guysabout social media and technology, I
was asking questions like, How muchtime do you spend How many hours a day?
Are you using socialmedia to cope with stress?
Do you feel like you usesocial media too much?
(03:27):
do you feel like Gen Z hasa problem with technology?
Okay.
How do you use social media comparedto other types of technology?
All right.
So here are the results.
I had hundreds of responses to thesepolls, by the way, and 45 percent of
the people who answered, and these arepeople who are in our age demographic,
the same bucket that I mentionedearlier, 45 percent of us cope with
(03:51):
stress using technology or social media.
75 percent of us say thatwe use tech way too much.
75 percent of us also say that Gen Z'sbiggest problem is technology use and not
being able to be in the present moment.
77 percent of us are usingtechnology three plus hours per day.
(04:15):
And of that 77%, 17 percent areusing it six or more hours per day.
And then 69 percent of us usesocial media over other apps.
So over all other apps on ourphone, that's the texting app,
that's games, that's stocks,that's our phone, our FaceTime.
(04:39):
Most of us are using social media morethan we're using those other things.
So, holy crap, I knew that our socialmedia problem was bad because I knew
mine was, and I know how my friendstalk about their social media use,
but I didn't realize how deep ofa problem it actually was for our
age bucket and this demographic.
(05:00):
And there are so many reasonswhy we are all struggling so
much with our social media use.
Number one, first and foremost,because these platforms are addictive.
They are designed to keep youin the app as long as possible.
And if you know anything about how brainchemistry works and, um, dopamine and
serotonin, um, Basically, every time thatyou watch a video on your phone that you
(05:24):
like, your brain is releasing dopamine.
You're getting a hit of dopamineevery single time you see one of those
videos that is in your feed, right?
And another thing to note aboutthese algorithms is they are really,
really, really smart, and they knowhow to keep showing you content that
you're going to engage with so theycan keep you in the platform longer.
(05:46):
Longer.
Trust me.
I know what I'm talking aboutbecause I work in marketing full
time in my nine to five job.
I work in social media specifically.
It is my job to know how these platformswork and Instagram and TikTok specifically
with their reels and their TikToks areso, so, so good at learning what you like.
(06:07):
So every time you leave a comment or alike, or you share it with someone, or
you save it, those platforms are takingnote of that and they're like, Oh,
Johnny liked this video, so I'm goingto show him another video that's just
like that because I know he'll like it.
And then they can keep youin the platform longer.
And when they can keep you in theplatform longer, they can make
(06:28):
more money off of you because theycan show you more advertisements.
And guess what?
Not a, not a shocker, not a surprise.
These ads are also going to begeared for you because of the way
that you interact with the platform.
So say that you're interacting with.
Beauty accounts a lot, makeup accounts,hair accounts, clothing accounts, right?
(06:49):
The algorithm's going to pick upon that and be like, okay, Susie
really likes American Eagle.
She's on the AmericanEagle page all the time.
I'm going to show herthis American Eagle ad.
Oh my gosh, Johnny reallyengages with these dog videos.
He must have a dog.
I'm going to show him all theseadvertisements for pet food
and the company Chewy and theyknow what you like, right?
(07:13):
So you're.
Data is not private on these platforms.
They are constantly taking note ofwhat you're engaging in, and so they
show more of that to you when you geton social media after a long day and
you're using it to just unwind and relaxand see what your friends are up to.
That mindless scrolling is not as innocentas you think it is beyond the algorithm.
(07:38):
Beyond the advertisements, socialmedia has such a potential to.
impact the way that we thinkand behave and what we think is
normal, what we think is okay.
There's this herd mentalityon social media, right?
That if the masses areendorsing behavior or.
(07:59):
thought patterns or justan overall worldview.
If the masses tend to supporta certain worldview, we're
going to believe it, right?
Or we're going to be more likely to findit normal, or condone it, or participate
in it, or buy it, or whatever, right?
That's why when you see these big trendson social media of everyone's buying
(08:21):
the Stanley Cup, or everyone's buyingbuying the next hottest trend doohickey
when we see mass support behind thingsthey're considered normal or trendy
and we want to be a part of them.
And what's really, really sneakyabout this and how I genuinely
believe that evil forces, literallySatan, literally the enemy.
(08:43):
Uses social media to capture our attentionand to normalize things that are not
normal and to throw us off base, andit's all done very, very, very sneaky.
Okay, there's such a interestingperception out there of how
evil forces and Satan work.
He's portrayed with like devilhorns and witchcraft and just
(09:08):
like obviously evil things.
But Satan is so crafty that heweaves his way into our algorithms,
into our social media feeds.
And he does this through the messageof self, which we have covered
so much in the last few videos.
you guys understand it at thispoint, so I don't have to re explain.
(09:29):
He weaves his way into themessage of self, and it is
everywhere on social media.
And our culture has largelybought into this message of
self, and it's considered normal.
We don't even bat an eye at it.
So when we see something in ourfeed that's like Focus on yourself,
make sure that you're pouring all ofyour energy into yourself, get your
(09:52):
money, grow in your career, grind.
And not only that, but also messageslike, people don't understand
you, you know, like you're justmisunderstood, like not everyone's
gonna support you, like da da da da da.
It's all these messages That areslowly, over time, programming your
mind to think it's you versus the world.
(10:14):
So then it's you competingwith everyone on social media.
It's you competing with everyone at work.
It's you even competing withyour family and your friends.
It's slowly giving you this mentalityof it's me versus everybody else.
So I got to find a way to be better,smarter, prettier, make more money,
be more successful, have a moreexciting life on social media.
(10:38):
How many of us have posted things onsocial media because we thought, Wow,
look at this cool thing that I'm doing.
I want everyone to know thatI'm doing this cool thing.
So then it's almost like a look howgreat my life is type of contest.
And I think honestly, largely, wecan all agree that is what social
media has become in so many ways.
(11:01):
Back in the day before socialmedia existed, you did not see
people going for photo shoots at arestaurant when they're at dinner.
You didn't see someone getting 17different pictures taken of them with
their cocktail And it's interestingto me that a lot of us only do
things literally for the gram.
And I'm not sitting, I'm notsaying any of this to judge
(11:22):
anybody because I have done this.
I have done this.
I have participated in it.
And I don't think it's necessarily evil,but when it becomes the obsession of
your heart to make your Instagram feedlook a certain type of way, because you
think that that's going to make you feela certain type of way, that's when it
(11:44):
gets really, really, really dangerous.
Because really slowly over time, whatyou start caring about is your image, how
other people perceive you, the externalvalidation that you get from that.
Okay, what starts out as beinginnocent sharing and maybe Even
wholesome sharing, like sharing asweet moment that you experienced with
(12:06):
family and friends over the holiday.
Like that's not a badthing to share that, right?
And it's pure intentions.
But over time, when you're hyperlyliving your life online and you're
looking for that external validation,it's no longer an innocent thing.
And I think so many of usare doing this and don't even
realize that we're doing it.
(12:27):
We're looking for externalvalidation from strangers.
And we're choosing our phones,we're choosing social media over
the people that we're at thedinner table with a lot of times.
And I've been there, again,not judging, I've been there.
And it's really slow, and it sneaksup on us out of freaking nowhere.
(12:49):
And not to mention, y'all, we knowsocial media is so fake, don't we?
We know that it's so freaking fake,especially with the introduction
of artificial intelligence, halfthe time you don't even know if
what you're seeing online is real.
There's so much misinformation out there,we've seen it in the election, like we
have seen literal elections impactedby social media and by misinformation.
(13:15):
We've seen deep fakes of celebritiesout there endorsing other candidates.
We've seen deep fakes ofcelebrities in general.
It's scary how good AI is getting.
So now more than ever, we need tobe hyper vigilant and hyper aware
that what we are seeing onlineis what someone wants us to see.
(13:35):
Okay?
When your pride is flaring up, whenyou're scrolling through social media
and you're like, Oh my God, so andso is just living their best life.
Everything looks great for them.
Remember that that person is showingyou what they want you to see.
They are showing you a lot of timesthe highlight reels of their life.
They are showing you the good moments,they are showing you the bliss, they are
(13:58):
showing you the achievement, they arenot showing you when they are on their
floor bawling their eyes out at 2am.
Some people do that, but most peoplein their right mind don't do that.
Because it's just not what socialmedia has ever been, and it's not
normally comfortable to share thosecringy, tough, sad moments, right?
I want to really encourage us goingforward to think about how we can
(14:22):
use social media in an authentic way.
Rather than getting online and sharingthe best pieces of yourself, What about
sharing something tough that you wentthrough and how you got through it?
What about sharing an inspirationalquote or a really interesting piece of
literature that you found compelling?
What if you got on and shared a littlesnippet of you encouraging other people
(14:47):
of something that you found helpfulto improve your mental health or feel
more excited about your day or thathelped you connect with other people?
What if we could use social mediainstead of flaunting what we have?
as a way to connect andencourage other people.
Because at the end of the day, we allknow that social media is not going to
(15:09):
replace human in person interaction.
You cannot replace a hug.
You cannot replace eye contact.
You cannot replace literallysomebody's presence.
With social media you can't and that'sthe issue is a lot of us have this
false sense of connection becausewe're spending all this time online
(15:31):
where we're actually interacting withother people digitally and we think it
can replace in person connection andit just can't and it and it doesn't.
And so we're left feeling lonely.
We're left feeling isolated.
We're left feeling this deeplack of purpose and connection.
And if 17 percent of us are online for sixplus hours a day, oh my gosh, of course,
(15:57):
we are missing out on that feeling.
I definitely fall into the, the bucketof like three to five hours per day
because I have to be on my phone forwork a That plays into the equation, but
trust me, there are times when I can geton Instagram and be on Instagram for two
freaking hours and not even realize it.
(16:18):
Like, you can just go down a rabbithole and not even freaking realize it.
So my encouragement to us,like, first step is awareness.
Like, the first way to solve a problem isby becoming aware that there is a problem.
So if you're hyper online.
Recognize that.
Not only that, but recognize what kindof content you are engaging with online.
(16:41):
If your feed is super sexual, if it'ssuper violent, if it's super hateful,
Those pieces of content, those messagesare shaping your behavior and what you
think about without you even realizing it.
It's not just mindlessscrolling, it's shaping you.
What you're seeing in your feedis what you become more like.
(17:02):
What you interact with, what youengage with, what you decide to
make part of your day and spendtime consuming is what you become.
I remember when I was reallystruggling a few months ago,
and I went to my therapist.
One of the first things that she saidto me is, Babe, check your consumption.
What kind of stuff are youinteracting with online?
(17:24):
And it was crazy.
I actually did a little experiment totest if what she was saying was true.
I took an audit of thecontent that I was consuming.
Number one, how much was I consuming?
And then number two, what was I consuming?
And I made an effort to replace thekind of content that I was consuming.
At the time, it was very secular.
It was very spiritual, and replaceit with faith based content.
(17:48):
As I was growing in my faith, I made ita point to To change the kind of content
that I was interacting with and consuming,I made a point to go in and unfollow
accounts that were putting messages ofself in front of me and putting messages
of not necessarily like anti God, butweren't directing me to God, and I made an
(18:09):
effort to start following more Christianbased accounts, more faith based accounts.
and it was crazy, y'all.
When I tell you that I watched myalgorithm literally shift in front of my
eyes, like I watched my algorithm go fromtrust the universe to trust in the Lord.
And then not only that, butthen I watched my peace change.
(18:31):
I watched literally, like, My yokestart to feel lighter, like my
internal world started to feel lighter.
I started to feel morepositive and encouraged.
I noticed this with myNetflix consumption too.
There was this show I waswatching called Yellow Jackets.
and.
It was very, it was like a dark, twistedshow, like very, very dark, and I remember
(18:54):
watching that and feeling anxious after,feeling like on edge, feeling just like
my senses were heightened and not ina good way, and I remember starting
to watch The Chosen series, which isalso on Netflix, which is about the
life of Jesus, And how much differentand lighter and more peaceful I felt
(19:15):
literally by changing the Netflix showthat I was watching in the evenings.
If you don't believe me, experimentyourself, start to replace the type
of content that you're seeing inyour feed with more wholesome content
or just content in general thatyou think will help you to become
the person that you want to be.
Unfollow toxic accounts, get thingsout of your feed that you think are
(19:38):
impacting you in a negative way.
Literally just try it.
Okay.
What I want to end on is just a few littlerecommendations that I have to help you
create boundaries with social media.
In general, the amount of time thatyou can decrease your screen time in
general is going to help with yoursocial media use So, rule of thumb
(19:59):
that I have when I'm using my phoneis I have to keep my phone literally
off my person and literally not in theroom with me when I am trying to focus.
Like, if I am trying to work, And myphone is sitting right next to me.
You don't even want to know the amount oftimes that I instinctively reach to grab
my phone and I don't even think about it.
(20:20):
that's how deeply I am programmed toreach for my phone and check my phone.
So when it's out of the room and whenit's not on my person, I don't even have
the option to grab it, and I'll notice Iliterally go for it and it's not there.
So the more that you can reduce thenumber of pickups that you even can
have on your phone, that's gonna helpwith you staying present and staying off
(20:42):
technology and choosing your in-personconnection over your digital ones.
Okay?
So that's the first thing.
The second thing, if you havean iPhone, go into your settings
and look at your screen time.
Okay, this will tell you how much timeyou are spending on a daily basis.
In that screen time setting, you can thengo into each app individually and set
(21:05):
limits on how much you are using that app.
I personally have a limit that Iam limited to one hour a day total
to use all of my social media apps.
So I pick Instagram, Facebook, andLinkedIn and I group them into a
little group in there and I say okaybetween these apps total I'm not
gonna spend more than one hour a dayon these You guys would be shocked
(21:29):
how quickly I blow through that hour.
Like I'm like, how is it 10 a.
m?
And I've already spent this muchtime online Like, it is bad, okay?
So try that, and make it as hard aspossible for you to access your apps.
If that means you need to take a cleansealtogether from social media because
you literally have a problem, thatmeans log out of Instagram, delete
(21:49):
it off your phone, and don't letyourself redownload it for a few days.
You might have to do that if you'readdicted if it's that bad and you
literally can't stay away get itout of sight out of mind and make
it as hard as freaking possible.
I took a break from Instagram and allmy other social media accounts for about
three weeks I did this a few monthsago, and I noticed how much my Lighter.
(22:13):
I felt when I wasn't eveninteracting with technology at all.
When I limited my interactions withother people to text messages and
phone calls, it felt so much lighterbecause I realized I wasn't going into
my interactions looking for validation.
I was looking for connection.
And I think a lot of times when we'resharing things online, we're We're
(22:35):
looking for validation, not connection.
If we're honest, right, we wantthe like, we want the comment.
We want the good on you.
We want the applause.
We're not really looking to connect.
And so instead of looking for thatin social media, look for connection
in phone calls, in FaceTimes, in textmessages, check on your friend, check
on your neighbor, check on someone thatyou haven't talked to in years and use
(22:57):
the technology that you have for good.
It's not all evil.
It's just about how we use it.
Right?
Also, unfollow accounts that youthink are toxic, I think I already
mentioned that before, but seriously,just look at anything in your feed
that is not contributing positivelyto you being the person that you
want to be, and get rid of it.
(23:18):
You can also turn off your notificationsif you go into your notification settings.
I would turn off whatever type ofnotifications that are not super
urgent and un and are unnecessary.
And I would also set downtimeand work focus time on your phone
if you have an iPhone as well.
And again, The more that you can justeliminate the number of times that your
(23:40):
phone is lighting up or that you'rereaching for your phone or that you feel
obligated to be on your phone, the better.
The more present that you can bein your day to day life and off
of technology, I promise you guys.
The more peaceful, the more connected,and the better that you're going
to feel in general about yourself.
(24:00):
Because you're not constantlyplaying the freaking comparison
game, you're not constantly motivatedto compete with other people.
And instead, you canjust be freaking present.
If you're really not sold, somethingthat I forgot to mention that I
really, really, really want you toconsider is watching this documentary
on Netflix called The Social Dilemma.
(24:23):
This documentary kind of reiteratesWhat I just said, but in a way
that is scientifically proven,psychologically backed, and literally
shows you the freaking harm thatsocial media actually can do to us.
Again, I think it's possible to have ahealthy relationship with social media,
but man, do you have to be intentional andman, do you have to set so many freaking
(24:47):
boundaries and man, do you have to chooseyour in person connection over it and
literally train your brain to do it.
Y'all, I hope that Iarticulated this well.
I hope that you don't feel discouraged,but rather you feel empowered to make
some tiny little changes with how youinteract with social media so that
you can realize how much it truly isfueling our self obsession, how much
(25:10):
it's really cutting us off from loveand community and in person connection.
And I hope that it encourages you tojust make those tiny changes and try
to just live life more presently today.
Next week we are going to dive into howthe self help world actually also fuels
our self obsession and how it takes awayfrom our peace and purpose, and that
(25:33):
will be the final episode of this series.
Thank you guys so much for tuning in.
I hope that you find this encouraging andbeneficial, and y'all, we will talk soon.
Okay?
Bye y'all.
Hey, you guys, welcome back tothe wrestling with life podcast.
I'm your host.
I'm led boy.
Oh boy.
Do we have a juicy freakingtopic to talk about today?
We're still in our series on howwe are also obsessed with ourselves
and how that's making us miserable.
In the last few episodes, we'vereally dug into how we are all
(00:46):
competing with each other, how ourworld is set up for competition
supports that competition kind of.
other and how that is actually what'sleading us to feel so lonely and sad and
like we're lacking purpose and community.
And we've talked about how we canfight back against those messages.
And today, oh my gosh, uh, thisis just really a huge piece of it.
(01:11):
You guys, we, especially this,this age bucket that we're
in us, 22 to 35 year olds.
Working full time, not havingfamilies yet, we've got a lot
of time on our hands, don't we?
And we're spending a lot of thattime online, more than ever.
And this goes for video games, ifyou're playing video games online
with friends, if you're on Reddit,scrolling the internet, whatever.
(01:35):
But I want to talk about social mediaspecifically because That's at least
the expertise and the experiencethat I can speak from because I spend
way too much freaking time on socialmedia, specifically Instagram, and
I've been pulling y'all as well on myInstagram to hear about your tech habits
and your struggles with technology.
(01:57):
And today I would like to talk aboutthe results of those polls, what
we're really up against, how muchtime we're spending on tech and
why we stink at making boundaries.
I want to talk about how social mediaworks, like algorithms and how ads
work and how it really creates a falsesense of connection for us and how
we can use social media in a healthyway, how we can set boundaries, how
(02:22):
we can fight back against this andhow we can use it with a mindset of.
How can I use social media inhelping me to love other people and
helping me to spread positivity andkindness in the world, rather than
using it as a tool to boost myselfup to boost my ego to continue to
try to compete with other people?
(02:42):
So ultimately, By the end of this episode,I really hope that you feel encouraged
and empowered to think differentlyabout how you interact with and how
you use social media on a daily basis.
Sound good?
All right.
Well, let's start off with the resultsof the polls that I gave you guys.
So If you don't follow my Instagram,go give me a follow and be sure
(03:06):
to participate in any of thepolls that I'm putting out there.
So the last time I polled you guysabout social media and technology, I
was asking questions like, How muchtime do you spend How many hours a day?
Are you using socialmedia to cope with stress?
Do you feel like you usesocial media too much?
(03:27):
do you feel like Gen Z hasa problem with technology?
Okay.
How do you use social media comparedto other types of technology?
All right.
So here are the results.
I had hundreds of responses to thesepolls, by the way, and 45 percent of
the people who answered, and these arepeople who are in our age demographic,
the same bucket that I mentionedearlier, 45 percent of us cope with
(03:51):
stress using technology or social media.
75 percent of us say thatwe use tech way too much.
75 percent of us also say that Gen Z'sbiggest problem is technology use and not
being able to be in the present moment.
77 percent of us are usingtechnology three plus hours per day.
(04:15):
And of that 77%, 17 percent areusing it six or more hours per day.
And then 69 percent of us usesocial media over other apps.
So over all other apps on ourphone, that's the texting app,
that's games, that's stocks,that's our phone, our FaceTime.
(04:39):
Most of us are using social media morethan we're using those other things.
So, holy crap, I knew that our socialmedia problem was bad because I knew
mine was, and I know how my friendstalk about their social media use,
but I didn't realize how deep ofa problem it actually was for our
age bucket and this demographic.
(05:00):
And there are so many reasonswhy we are all struggling so
much with our social media use.
Number one, first and foremost,because these platforms are addictive.
They are designed to keep youin the app as long as possible.
And if you know anything about how brainchemistry works and, um, dopamine and
serotonin, um, Basically, every time thatyou watch a video on your phone that you
(05:24):
like, your brain is releasing dopamine.
You're getting a hit of dopamineevery single time you see one of those
videos that is in your feed, right?
And another thing to note aboutthese algorithms is they are really,
really, really smart, and they knowhow to keep showing you content that
you're going to engage with so theycan keep you in the platform longer.
(05:46):
Longer.
Trust me.
I know what I'm talking aboutbecause I work in marketing full
time in my nine to five job.
I work in social media specifically.
It is my job to know how these platformswork and Instagram and TikTok specifically
with their reels and their TikToks areso, so, so good at learning what you like.
(06:07):
So every time you leave a comment or alike, or you share it with someone, or
you save it, those platforms are takingnote of that and they're like, Oh,
Johnny liked this video, so I'm goingto show him another video that's just
like that because I know he'll like it.
And then they can keep youin the platform longer.
And when they can keep you in theplatform longer, they can make
(06:28):
more money off of you because theycan show you more advertisements.
And guess what?
Not a, not a shocker, not a surprise.
These ads are also going to begeared for you because of the way
that you interact with the platform.
So say that you're interacting with.
Beauty accounts a lot, makeup accounts,hair accounts, clothing accounts, right?
(06:49):
The algorithm's going to pick upon that and be like, okay, Susie
really likes American Eagle.
She's on the AmericanEagle page all the time.
I'm going to show herthis American Eagle ad.
Oh my gosh, Johnny reallyengages with these dog videos.
He must have a dog.
I'm going to show him all theseadvertisements for pet food
and the company Chewy and theyknow what you like, right?
(07:13):
So you're.
Data is not private on these platforms.
They are constantly taking note ofwhat you're engaging in, and so they
show more of that to you when you geton social media after a long day and
you're using it to just unwind and relaxand see what your friends are up to.
That mindless scrolling is not as innocentas you think it is beyond the algorithm.
(07:38):
Beyond the advertisements, socialmedia has such a potential to.
impact the way that we thinkand behave and what we think is
normal, what we think is okay.
There's this herd mentalityon social media, right?
That if the masses areendorsing behavior or.
(07:59):
thought patterns or justan overall worldview.
If the masses tend to supporta certain worldview, we're
going to believe it, right?
Or we're going to be more likely to findit normal, or condone it, or participate
in it, or buy it, or whatever, right?
That's why when you see these big trendson social media of everyone's buying
(08:21):
the Stanley Cup, or everyone's buyingbuying the next hottest trend doohickey
when we see mass support behind thingsthey're considered normal or trendy
and we want to be a part of them.
And what's really, really sneakyabout this and how I genuinely
believe that evil forces, literallySatan, literally the enemy.
(08:43):
Uses social media to capture our attentionand to normalize things that are not
normal and to throw us off base, andit's all done very, very, very sneaky.
Okay, there's such a interestingperception out there of how
evil forces and Satan work.
He's portrayed with like devilhorns and witchcraft and just
(09:08):
like obviously evil things.
But Satan is so crafty that heweaves his way into our algorithms,
into our social media feeds.
And he does this through the messageof self, which we have covered
so much in the last few videos.
you guys understand it at thispoint, so I don't have to re explain.
(09:29):
He weaves his way into themessage of self, and it is
everywhere on social media.
And our culture has largelybought into this message of
self, and it's considered normal.
We don't even bat an eye at it.
So when we see something in ourfeed that's like Focus on yourself,
make sure that you're pouring all ofyour energy into yourself, get your
(09:52):
money, grow in your career, grind.
And not only that, but also messageslike, people don't understand
you, you know, like you're justmisunderstood, like not everyone's
gonna support you, like da da da da da.
It's all these messages That areslowly, over time, programming your
mind to think it's you versus the world.
(10:14):
So then it's you competingwith everyone on social media.
It's you competing with everyone at work.
It's you even competing withyour family and your friends.
It's slowly giving you this mentalityof it's me versus everybody else.
So I got to find a way to be better,smarter, prettier, make more money,
be more successful, have a moreexciting life on social media.
(10:38):
How many of us have posted things onsocial media because we thought, Wow,
look at this cool thing that I'm doing.
I want everyone to know thatI'm doing this cool thing.
So then it's almost like a look howgreat my life is type of contest.
And I think honestly, largely, wecan all agree that is what social
media has become in so many ways.
(11:01):
Back in the day before socialmedia existed, you did not see
people going for photo shoots at arestaurant when they're at dinner.
You didn't see someone getting 17different pictures taken of them with
their cocktail And it's interestingto me that a lot of us only do
things literally for the gram.
And I'm not sitting, I'm notsaying any of this to judge
(11:22):
anybody because I have done this.
I have done this.
I have participated in it.
And I don't think it's necessarily evil,but when it becomes the obsession of
your heart to make your Instagram feedlook a certain type of way, because you
think that that's going to make you feela certain type of way, that's when it
(11:44):
gets really, really, really dangerous.
Because really slowly over time, whatyou start caring about is your image, how
other people perceive you, the externalvalidation that you get from that.
Okay, what starts out as beinginnocent sharing and maybe Even
wholesome sharing, like sharing asweet moment that you experienced with
(12:06):
family and friends over the holiday.
Like that's not a badthing to share that, right?
And it's pure intentions.
But over time, when you're hyperlyliving your life online and you're
looking for that external validation,it's no longer an innocent thing.
And I think so many of usare doing this and don't even
realize that we're doing it.
(12:27):
We're looking for externalvalidation from strangers.
And we're choosing our phones,we're choosing social media over
the people that we're at thedinner table with a lot of times.
And I've been there, again,not judging, I've been there.
And it's really slow, and it sneaksup on us out of freaking nowhere.
(12:49):
And not to mention, y'all, we knowsocial media is so fake, don't we?
We know that it's so freaking fake,especially with the introduction
of artificial intelligence, halfthe time you don't even know if
what you're seeing online is real.
There's so much misinformation out there,we've seen it in the election, like we
have seen literal elections impactedby social media and by misinformation.
(13:15):
We've seen deep fakes of celebritiesout there endorsing other candidates.
We've seen deep fakes ofcelebrities in general.
It's scary how good AI is getting.
So now more than ever, we need tobe hyper vigilant and hyper aware
that what we are seeing onlineis what someone wants us to see.
(13:35):
Okay?
When your pride is flaring up, whenyou're scrolling through social media
and you're like, Oh my God, so andso is just living their best life.
Everything looks great for them.
Remember that that person is showingyou what they want you to see.
They are showing you a lot of timesthe highlight reels of their life.
They are showing you the good moments,they are showing you the bliss, they are
(13:58):
showing you the achievement, they arenot showing you when they are on their
floor bawling their eyes out at 2am.
Some people do that, but most peoplein their right mind don't do that.
Because it's just not what socialmedia has ever been, and it's not
normally comfortable to share thosecringy, tough, sad moments, right?
I want to really encourage us goingforward to think about how we can
(14:22):
use social media in an authentic way.
Rather than getting online and sharingthe best pieces of yourself, What about
sharing something tough that you wentthrough and how you got through it?
What about sharing an inspirationalquote or a really interesting piece of
literature that you found compelling?
What if you got on and shared a littlesnippet of you encouraging other people
(14:47):
of something that you found helpfulto improve your mental health or feel
more excited about your day or thathelped you connect with other people?
What if we could use social mediainstead of flaunting what we have?
as a way to connect andencourage other people.
Because at the end of the day, we allknow that social media is not going to
(15:09):
replace human in person interaction.
You cannot replace a hug.
You cannot replace eye contact.
You cannot replace literallysomebody's presence.
With social media you can't and that'sthe issue is a lot of us have this
false sense of connection becausewe're spending all this time online
(15:31):
where we're actually interacting withother people digitally and we think it
can replace in person connection andit just can't and it and it doesn't.
And so we're left feeling lonely.
We're left feeling isolated.
We're left feeling this deeplack of purpose and connection.
And if 17 percent of us are online for sixplus hours a day, oh my gosh, of course,
(15:57):
we are missing out on that feeling.
I definitely fall into the, the bucketof like three to five hours per day
because I have to be on my phone forwork a That plays into the equation, but
trust me, there are times when I can geton Instagram and be on Instagram for two
freaking hours and not even realize it.
(16:18):
Like, you can just go down a rabbithole and not even freaking realize it.
So my encouragement to us,like, first step is awareness.
Like, the first way to solve a problem isby becoming aware that there is a problem.
So if you're hyper online.
Recognize that.
Not only that, but recognize what kindof content you are engaging with online.
(16:41):
If your feed is super sexual, if it'ssuper violent, if it's super hateful,
Those pieces of content, those messagesare shaping your behavior and what you
think about without you even realizing it.
It's not just mindlessscrolling, it's shaping you.
What you're seeing in your feedis what you become more like.
(17:02):
What you interact with, what youengage with, what you decide to
make part of your day and spendtime consuming is what you become.
I remember when I was reallystruggling a few months ago,
and I went to my therapist.
One of the first things that she saidto me is, Babe, check your consumption.
What kind of stuff are youinteracting with online?
(17:24):
And it was crazy.
I actually did a little experiment totest if what she was saying was true.
I took an audit of thecontent that I was consuming.
Number one, how much was I consuming?
And then number two, what was I consuming?
And I made an effort to replace thekind of content that I was consuming.
At the time, it was very secular.
It was very spiritual, and replaceit with faith based content.
(17:48):
As I was growing in my faith, I made ita point to To change the kind of content
that I was interacting with and consuming,I made a point to go in and unfollow
accounts that were putting messages ofself in front of me and putting messages
of not necessarily like anti God, butweren't directing me to God, and I made an
(18:09):
effort to start following more Christianbased accounts, more faith based accounts.
and it was crazy, y'all.
When I tell you that I watched myalgorithm literally shift in front of my
eyes, like I watched my algorithm go fromtrust the universe to trust in the Lord.
And then not only that, butthen I watched my peace change.
(18:31):
I watched literally, like, My yokestart to feel lighter, like my
internal world started to feel lighter.
I started to feel morepositive and encouraged.
I noticed this with myNetflix consumption too.
There was this show I waswatching called Yellow Jackets.
and.
It was very, it was like a dark, twistedshow, like very, very dark, and I remember
(18:54):
watching that and feeling anxious after,feeling like on edge, feeling just like
my senses were heightened and not ina good way, and I remember starting
to watch The Chosen series, which isalso on Netflix, which is about the
life of Jesus, And how much differentand lighter and more peaceful I felt
(19:15):
literally by changing the Netflix showthat I was watching in the evenings.
If you don't believe me, experimentyourself, start to replace the type
of content that you're seeing inyour feed with more wholesome content
or just content in general thatyou think will help you to become
the person that you want to be.
Unfollow toxic accounts, get thingsout of your feed that you think are
(19:38):
impacting you in a negative way.
Literally just try it.
Okay.
What I want to end on is just a few littlerecommendations that I have to help you
create boundaries with social media.
In general, the amount of time thatyou can decrease your screen time in
general is going to help with yoursocial media use So, rule of thumb
(19:59):
that I have when I'm using my phoneis I have to keep my phone literally
off my person and literally not in theroom with me when I am trying to focus.
Like, if I am trying to work, And myphone is sitting right next to me.
You don't even want to know the amount oftimes that I instinctively reach to grab
my phone and I don't even think about it.
(20:20):
that's how deeply I am programmed toreach for my phone and check my phone.
So when it's out of the room and whenit's not on my person, I don't even have
the option to grab it, and I'll notice Iliterally go for it and it's not there.
So the more that you can reduce thenumber of pickups that you even can
have on your phone, that's gonna helpwith you staying present and staying off
(20:42):
technology and choosing your in-personconnection over your digital ones.
Okay?
So that's the first thing.
The second thing, if you havean iPhone, go into your settings
and look at your screen time.
Okay, this will tell you how much timeyou are spending on a daily basis.
In that screen time setting, you can thengo into each app individually and set
(21:05):
limits on how much you are using that app.
I personally have a limit that Iam limited to one hour a day total
to use all of my social media apps.
So I pick Instagram, Facebook, andLinkedIn and I group them into a
little group in there and I say okaybetween these apps total I'm not
gonna spend more than one hour a dayon these You guys would be shocked
(21:29):
how quickly I blow through that hour.
Like I'm like, how is it 10 a.
m?
And I've already spent this muchtime online Like, it is bad, okay?
So try that, and make it as hard aspossible for you to access your apps.
If that means you need to take a cleansealtogether from social media because
you literally have a problem, thatmeans log out of Instagram, delete
(21:49):
it off your phone, and don't letyourself redownload it for a few days.
You might have to do that if you'readdicted if it's that bad and you
literally can't stay away get itout of sight out of mind and make
it as hard as freaking possible.
I took a break from Instagram and allmy other social media accounts for about
three weeks I did this a few monthsago, and I noticed how much my Lighter.
(22:13):
I felt when I wasn't eveninteracting with technology at all.
When I limited my interactions withother people to text messages and
phone calls, it felt so much lighterbecause I realized I wasn't going into
my interactions looking for validation.
I was looking for connection.
And I think a lot of times when we'resharing things online, we're We're
(22:35):
looking for validation, not connection.
If we're honest, right, we wantthe like, we want the comment.
We want the good on you.
We want the applause.
We're not really looking to connect.
And so instead of looking for thatin social media, look for connection
in phone calls, in FaceTimes, in textmessages, check on your friend, check
on your neighbor, check on someone thatyou haven't talked to in years and use
(22:57):
the technology that you have for good.
It's not all evil.
It's just about how we use it.
Right?
Also, unfollow accounts that youthink are toxic, I think I already
mentioned that before, but seriously,just look at anything in your feed
that is not contributing positivelyto you being the person that you
want to be, and get rid of it.
(23:18):
You can also turn off your notificationsif you go into your notification settings.
I would turn off whatever type ofnotifications that are not super
urgent and un and are unnecessary.
And I would also set downtimeand work focus time on your phone
if you have an iPhone as well.
And again, The more that you can justeliminate the number of times that your
(23:40):
phone is lighting up or that you'rereaching for your phone or that you feel
obligated to be on your phone, the better.
The more present that you can bein your day to day life and off
of technology, I promise you guys.
The more peaceful, the more connected,and the better that you're going
to feel in general about yourself.
(24:00):
Because you're not constantlyplaying the freaking comparison
game, you're not constantly motivatedto compete with other people.
And instead, you canjust be freaking present.
If you're really not sold, somethingthat I forgot to mention that I
really, really, really want you toconsider is watching this documentary
on Netflix called The Social Dilemma.
(24:23):
This documentary kind of reiteratesWhat I just said, but in a way
that is scientifically proven,psychologically backed, and literally
shows you the freaking harm thatsocial media actually can do to us.
Again, I think it's possible to have ahealthy relationship with social media,
but man, do you have to be intentional andman, do you have to set so many freaking
(24:47):
boundaries and man, do you have to chooseyour in person connection over it and
literally train your brain to do it.
Y'all, I hope that Iarticulated this well.
I hope that you don't feel discouraged,but rather you feel empowered to make
some tiny little changes with how youinteract with social media so that
you can realize how much it truly isfueling our self obsession, how much
(25:10):
it's really cutting us off from loveand community and in person connection.
And I hope that it encourages you tojust make those tiny changes and try
to just live life more presently today.
Next week we are going to dive into howthe self help world actually also fuels
our self obsession and how it takes awayfrom our peace and purpose, and that
(25:33):
will be the final episode of this series.
Thank you guys so much for tuning in.
I hope that you find this encouraging andbeneficial, and y'all, we will talk soon.
Okay?
Bye y'all.
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